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Love Is Blind 3 - PT 2: Should You Tell Your Partner If You Find Someone Else Attractive?
24 Plays3 years ago
We dissect Cole and Bartise's thoughtless comments on attractiveness and how to handle it.
PLUS Raven's flawless FDS technique, Matt's rage, Zanab's tangerine insecurity
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Transcript
Introduction and Lilith's Absence
00:00:06
Speaker
What's up, queens?
00:00:07
Speaker
Welcome to the Female Dating Strategy Podcast, the meanest female only podcast on the internet.
00:00:11
Speaker
I'm Ro.
00:00:12
Speaker
And I'm Savannah.
00:00:14
Speaker
Oh, I'm still, we're still a duo this week because Lilith is still not back yet.
00:00:19
Speaker
Yes.
00:00:20
Speaker
So people who are inquiring, she actually got injured.
00:00:23
Speaker
So we were not completely sure when she's coming back.
00:00:27
Speaker
She needed to just take some time off.
00:00:29
Speaker
So we thought, so a couple of secrets of the FDS podcast.
00:00:32
Speaker
Sometimes we record these episodes back to back.
00:00:34
Speaker
So she hasn't been out as long as it's going to sound.
00:00:39
Speaker
Because we did a lot of these episodes in succession.
00:00:41
Speaker
Yeah, nothing nefarious is happening.
00:00:43
Speaker
She wasn't kicked out of the pod.
00:00:44
Speaker
She hasn't left the podcast.
00:00:46
Speaker
It's just she needed some time out.
00:00:48
Speaker
But we do really miss her.
00:00:49
Speaker
We miss our buttercup, our left eye to our trio.
00:00:53
Speaker
Yeah, our buttercup to our bubbles and blossom.
00:00:56
Speaker
Yeah, our left eye to our chili and tea balls.
Analyzing SK and Raven's Relationship
00:01:00
Speaker
Yeah.
00:01:01
Speaker
we do miss her so yeah that's where we're at with lily so yes so we'll just we're waiting on her whenever she's feeling better enough to come back to the pod so yeah godspeed sis let's get into the drama is love blind ro is it blind oh i think it can be if you ask the right questions
00:01:26
Speaker
What's that old like Oracle?
00:01:27
Speaker
You ask not the right questions, right?
00:01:31
Speaker
I feel like the people that connected in the pod and then had some successful relationships outside of it, like SK and Raven, which we'll start with, they formed a real emotional connection based on real things versus like everyone else seemed like they projected an image of a person or projected themselves to be something they're not completely.
00:01:51
Speaker
Yeah.
00:01:52
Speaker
And what I liked about SK and Raven is that they were happy to go with the slow burn of things, whereas everybody was like, we have this connection.
00:01:59
Speaker
We're so perfect.
00:02:01
Speaker
We're like, match.
00:02:02
Speaker
But they were just happy to just allow the connection to develop organically.
00:02:06
Speaker
And it was really...
00:02:07
Speaker
Almost like seeing their redemption arc, they sort of went from like the loser couple of the show to being like the show's biggest success story because they did it in their own way, even when other couples are ragging on them for not having sex or for not being outwardly intimate all the time.
00:02:21
Speaker
But it's because they were just getting to know each other and they were taking their time as well.
00:02:25
Speaker
So I think there's a huge lesson to be learned there.
00:02:27
Speaker
Yeah, they both seem like introverts to me, right?
00:02:29
Speaker
Like they just seemed like it took them longer to warm up to each other and it's not as easy for them to be like as outwardly expressive or immediately emotionally attached like some of the other contestants were.
00:02:41
Speaker
Yeah.
00:02:42
Speaker
I mean,
00:02:42
Speaker
can I just say that they tried to make the fact that Raven wasn't Nigerian into this like massive plot point when any Nigerian couple I'll just say though like as my parents are Nigerian I'm Yoruba but any Nigerian knows that if their child if they marry somebody who's not from the culture they're not going to be a Nigerian wife so when they were asking are you gonna be a Nigerian wife it's like well no because you're not Nigerian they wouldn't expect you to do that like they know she's American and
00:03:09
Speaker
I'm not gonna lie, that entire conversation.
00:03:11
Speaker
So there's a conversation with Raven had with the dressmaker, the wedding dressmaker, and then a quote family friend and then SK's mom.
00:03:19
Speaker
And that entire conversation like knee jerk pissed me off because like, first of all, the family friend was like extra messy.
00:03:24
Speaker
I felt like she came out with that expectation.
00:03:27
Speaker
Like you need to cook for him.
00:03:29
Speaker
And like, you have to like conduct yourself in a certain way and like pamper your man.
00:03:32
Speaker
And I was like, who is this Pink Misha?
00:03:34
Speaker
Like berating Raven for like one, not being Nigerian enough, but like really, really invested in like policing how she should be as a wife.
00:03:41
Speaker
It was just for drama purposes, because even like SK's mom, she wasn't saying anything like that.
00:03:48
Speaker
And they, you know, Nigerians, they're not stupid.
00:03:51
Speaker
Like they know if you're going to marry somebody like Raven, who is American, grew up in a white family, she
00:03:56
Speaker
She's not going to be cooking rice and stew all the time.
00:03:58
Speaker
They know that.
00:03:59
Speaker
They're not stupid.
00:04:00
Speaker
They just tried to make it a plot point when it wasn't real.
00:04:03
Speaker
I can see why they went down that route because if you're not familiar with Nigerian culture, you'll think, yeah, they're really culturally incompatible.
00:04:08
Speaker
But the reality is it's not a thing.
00:04:11
Speaker
Okay.
00:04:12
Speaker
So it was a drama thing.
00:04:13
Speaker
It was 100% like a drama thing because they know that Raven is not going to be a Nigerian wife because she's not Nigerian.
00:04:20
Speaker
Because what made me nervous, and I know I mentioned this in the first half of this episode series, was that marrying into another culture, I would be so afraid of like the women ganging up on you and like henpecking you like that.
00:04:31
Speaker
And like your husband not standing up for you and saying, yo, I married an American.
00:04:36
Speaker
Because as soon as like somebody started in on me about how me not being Nigerian enough, like as long as like if it felt serious and not like they're just trying to be funny, like, oh, your Amala is trash or something like that.
00:04:45
Speaker
If I tried to make it.
00:04:46
Speaker
Like, I probably laughed that off, but like the whole conversation of like trying to police the relationship to do things specifically the way of their culture when like you're really trying to merge your two cultures.
00:04:56
Speaker
I feel like that would make me feel like attacked, you know?
00:05:00
Speaker
So, but maybe it was just like you said, drama for the purposes of the show.
00:05:04
Speaker
It was a drama thing because I really loved SK's mom.
00:05:07
Speaker
Like she's so... Yeah.
00:05:08
Speaker
Oh my God.
00:05:09
Speaker
She was the MVP of the season.
00:05:10
Speaker
Let's just keep it real.
00:05:11
Speaker
She was so cute.
00:05:13
Speaker
I was like, oh my gosh.
00:05:15
Speaker
And I really liked SK.
00:05:17
Speaker
He really, really grew on me.
00:05:18
Speaker
I wasn't too sure of him at first.
00:05:20
Speaker
I'm not sure if he got the best edit.
00:05:21
Speaker
And I don't think, I think even SK said that actually the whole thing about him going to Berkeley, him and Raven had discussed it.
00:05:28
Speaker
at length in the pods, but they never showed that.
00:05:30
Speaker
And again, I just think they just used that as a drama point because SK and Raven didn't really have any drama.
00:05:35
Speaker
Like they just seemed like two people who connected emotionally in the pods and were happy to take it slow.
00:05:40
Speaker
But they used the Berkeley thing and the fact that Raven was in Nigeria as a way to almost create artificial drama.
00:05:46
Speaker
That's why their story felt a bit stilted.
00:05:49
Speaker
But even SK said that they spoke about it at length in the pod.
00:05:52
Speaker
So Raven knew before she agreed to marry him that he had a full ride to Berkeley, but they never showed that.
00:05:58
Speaker
bit and so they didn't get a fair edit at all yeah and they're still dating oh so happy yeah so spoiler alert sk says you said no at the altar and all of them are claiming that they didn't know what they were going to say till they're standing up at the altar that very moment which makes me i don't believe that
00:06:13
Speaker
I don't believe that there's probably some contractual incentive to going through with the entire rigmarole.
00:06:19
Speaker
And I don't know.
00:06:20
Speaker
And because the thing is, too, is like, how does production know who's going to be blindsided?
00:06:24
Speaker
Right.
00:06:25
Speaker
Because like they must have to tell production at some point prior to them getting up to the stage, because otherwise, like, how would they know how to edit it?
00:06:32
Speaker
Because like, basically, the production has to choose which person's going to be blindsided at the altar, because that's going to be based on like, who says I do first.
00:06:39
Speaker
So yeah, but yeah, they are still dating.
00:06:41
Speaker
And like when you watch like unfurling of their relationship, because I rewatched like parts of the first half of the series, there's a part where they had really, really good communication because like Raven was saying that like, there's like a block between them.
00:06:53
Speaker
And then SK responded to her and said like, okay,
00:06:57
Speaker
I can feel that block between us and I'm interested in going slowly and making sure we're both comfortable, like basically affirming her aspirations to take it slow.
00:07:06
Speaker
And then they actually really get to know each other.
00:07:08
Speaker
And so it's like, they acknowledge that things were a little awkward and then they talk through it.
00:07:11
Speaker
And then like, eventually you could see like, they're slowly melting the ice between each other as they got to know each other.
00:07:17
Speaker
And then, you know, fireworks, right?
00:07:19
Speaker
Like they fully fell in love.
00:07:20
Speaker
So I appreciate like that kind of healthy communication being shown on the show.
00:07:24
Speaker
Someone who loves you and wants to be with you will respect your boundaries.
00:07:27
Speaker
Because SK was really, really respectful of Raven's boundaries.
00:07:31
Speaker
And vice versa.
00:07:32
Speaker
And I do think out of everyone on the show, they were the couple that really personified that love is blind.
00:07:39
Speaker
Because I don't think that Raven would have gone for someone like SK had she seen him before.
00:07:45
Speaker
But she, even Raven said, this is about love is blind.
00:07:48
Speaker
The physical isn't important.
00:07:50
Speaker
So I think they were truly committed to the experiment, which I respect
Critique of Bartice's Behavior and Relationships
00:07:55
Speaker
as well.
00:07:55
Speaker
And I love the way SK called out Bartice for like sharing how he hadn't slept with Raven, like with Nancy.
00:08:02
Speaker
Yes, this is at the reunion.
00:08:04
Speaker
Yes, at the reunion where basically SK
00:08:07
Speaker
SK basically called Bartice out for saying that it's really inappropriate that you went and told your fiance that I hadn't had sex with Raven after I confided in you.
00:08:15
Speaker
He was like, bros, like we did that.
00:08:17
Speaker
I did it as a bro.
00:08:18
Speaker
I didn't expect you to then go and say it the way you did to Nancy.
00:08:22
Speaker
And I really liked the way that he basically called Bartice out to the point where Bartice, he always has, he's always able to bullshit his way out of it.
00:08:29
Speaker
Even he just had to say, yeah, I'm sorry.
00:08:30
Speaker
Like, because he just looked so bad.
00:08:33
Speaker
And the way SK did it, I was like, that's actually a really shitty thing to do to someone.
00:08:37
Speaker
Yeah.
00:08:37
Speaker
And not even just that, like, clearly trying to flirt with Raven and everything, calling her a smoke show.
00:08:41
Speaker
Yeah.
00:08:42
Speaker
So he made Bartise look bad.
00:08:45
Speaker
He did.
00:08:45
Speaker
Like, SK straight up told him, like, you couldn't handle a bad bitch like I got.
00:08:49
Speaker
Like, he said that in so many words, like, in the classiest way possible.
00:08:53
Speaker
So...
00:08:55
Speaker
Yeah, I'm definitely rooting for SK and Raven.
00:08:58
Speaker
And like, yeah, SK's mom is just, oh, she's amazing.
00:09:02
Speaker
You know, I don't like to get so emotionally invested, but I feel like at first I was like, I was really sad that SK said no.
00:09:09
Speaker
But then like when SK's mom came and hugged Raven, like that's when I actually started crying a little bit.
00:09:13
Speaker
I'm like, oh my God, you can see she was upset.
00:09:16
Speaker
And like, I feel like her being upset because she was like so kind and warm.
00:09:19
Speaker
She's a good woman.
00:09:21
Speaker
I mean, considering she's like probably wife number three or four, she's a good, she's a good egg.
00:09:26
Speaker
Yeah.
00:09:26
Speaker
I just wish SK and Raven all the, I don't really have any T on them because I just really, and I'm really glad, like, did you see like Raven's online redemption arc where she was seen as the bitch for wanting, you know, him to pay half of her rent, but then she ended up with the best relationship.
00:09:42
Speaker
Yeah.
00:09:42
Speaker
And he is paying some of her bills.
00:09:43
Speaker
Like, I think she straight up was bragging about that on TikTok.
00:09:45
Speaker
So I feel like she did everything the correct FDS way.
00:09:50
Speaker
Oh, 100%.
00:09:50
Speaker
And I think SK, he would do it to make her happy because he even said like he's invested in getting to know her the Raven way.
00:09:58
Speaker
Like he would do it to make her happy.
00:10:00
Speaker
So all these like pick me saying she's being unreasonable.
00:10:03
Speaker
It's like it's not unreasonable if the guy actually likes you.
00:10:06
Speaker
Right, exactly.
00:10:08
Speaker
like policing women's standards down.
00:10:10
Speaker
You're not asking for too much if he likes you.
00:10:13
Speaker
It's not asking for a lot at all.
00:10:15
Speaker
Yeah, so she got everything I think was reasonable to get.
00:10:18
Speaker
And, you know, I respect the decision that they didn't get married right away, but they're still, they're doing their slow burn thing that seems like totally appropriate for them, you know?
00:10:25
Speaker
So hopefully everything works out for them.
00:10:27
Speaker
Alexa and Brennan.
00:10:29
Speaker
Initially, I was really excited about these two, but as the seasons went on, I was a bit like, nah, I'm not.
00:10:37
Speaker
Ugh.
00:10:37
Speaker
What gave you the ick?
00:10:38
Speaker
Because I still like them, but I just got the impression.
00:10:42
Speaker
I mean, I don't know.
00:10:43
Speaker
Brendan just seems like he's all in and I can see them working.
00:10:46
Speaker
Like, it seems like they kind of intuitively understand each other and have similar values.
00:10:51
Speaker
I just, I mean, obviously, disclaim on anything we say, obviously, a reality TV is edited and all that jazz.
00:10:57
Speaker
But I don't really like the way Alexa was like, oh, we're the best couple here.
00:11:00
Speaker
Because it's like, by what metric?
00:11:02
Speaker
By whose standards?
00:11:03
Speaker
I mean, yeah, you have obvious standards like Matt and Colleen and obvious car crashes.
00:11:09
Speaker
But it's just like, I don't know.
00:11:11
Speaker
I just sort of felt like even if the experiment was supposed, was actually going the way it was intended to, it's not meant to be a competition.
00:11:19
Speaker
It's about each couple finding their own path.
00:11:22
Speaker
Like just because you and Brennan are all over each other visibly, that doesn't necessarily mean that it's the best relationship.
00:11:28
Speaker
And I just found like when I met their families, when they were meeting each other's families, again, I just didn't see that.
00:11:34
Speaker
The commonality.
00:11:35
Speaker
Yeah, I'm still not entirely sure why they chose each other, if I'm being brutally honest.
00:11:40
Speaker
That's just me personally.
00:11:41
Speaker
Personally, though.
00:11:43
Speaker
Watching it, because I did try to watch it again and pick out little things.
00:11:46
Speaker
It seemed like a lot of it had to do with both of them having like a very deep emotional commitment to their family.
00:11:53
Speaker
And like liking similar things.
00:11:55
Speaker
And then, oh, in the reunion, Alexa talks about a story about, she was saying that basically she got a sign from her grandmother because she was going to leave the pods.
00:12:03
Speaker
And then like she got a sign for her grandmother's stay one more day.
00:12:05
Speaker
And then like, that's, I think when she ended up talking to Brennan.
00:12:08
Speaker
and connecting with him.
00:12:09
Speaker
I feel like for whatever it is, like they definitely seem like they're actually both really emotionally invested in it.
00:12:16
Speaker
And it does seem genuine.
00:12:17
Speaker
I think they're both actually like genuinely physically attracted to each other.
00:12:20
Speaker
It sounds like any sexual issues they had, they worked out and are actually having really good sex.
00:12:24
Speaker
It seems like Brennan was able to hold his own a little bit and like Alexa's kind of antagonistic friend group and with her dad.
00:12:31
Speaker
Her dad was a little aggressive with the dives and whatnot and the contract.
00:12:36
Speaker
That's part of the boss and talk about.
00:12:39
Speaker
Okay, what made me extra mad about her dad?
00:12:41
Speaker
Papa Alphea.
00:12:44
Speaker
Listen, I don't know.
00:12:46
Speaker
I was irrationally angry at her dad smacking gum down the aisle.
00:12:50
Speaker
Like when he walked Alexa down the aisle, he had his mouth like wide open, gagging on like some double bubble or whatever.
00:12:56
Speaker
That was so fucked up.
00:13:00
Speaker
Like what the fuck?
00:13:01
Speaker
It just felt so tacky to me.
00:13:03
Speaker
I don't know.
00:13:03
Speaker
They seem like nouveau riche.
00:13:05
Speaker
So, okay.
00:13:06
Speaker
I don't know if I should spill this tea, but like there are some people on the love is blind subreddit who dug up the, did some sleuthing.
00:13:12
Speaker
And apparently like Alexa's dad has an arrest record of some white collar crime arrest records and like simple, but it sounds like fighting like battery assault records.
00:13:22
Speaker
So I don't know what to make of that.
00:13:25
Speaker
So it seems like her family is like gets wild.
00:13:28
Speaker
And I think she tried to impress that upon Brennan.
00:13:30
Speaker
But Brennan is also a guy that says he doesn't come from much.
00:13:34
Speaker
I mean, you could see them kind of emotionally connecting at some point.
00:13:37
Speaker
So I don't know.
00:13:38
Speaker
Personally, I feel like Brennan's all in.
00:13:40
Speaker
And if something happens, it's probably Alexa getting bored.
00:13:43
Speaker
Next couple.
00:13:44
Speaker
We're dipping into messy now.
00:13:45
Speaker
We're going to get messy.
00:13:47
Speaker
Now we're into messy.
00:13:48
Speaker
Everybody and their mama is apparently DMing Colleen, like sending her domestic violence helpline numbers.
00:13:58
Speaker
First of all, like the multiple fights about the situation between Colleen and Cole.
00:14:04
Speaker
Matt, like obviously in the first half of the series, like exploding her about that.
00:14:08
Speaker
And then later he explodes in her again because allegedly she took a taxi after a night out and didn't come straight home.
00:14:14
Speaker
And he felt like she should have came straight home and I'm not trying to get played.
00:14:17
Speaker
And, you know, like he's going off, right?
00:14:19
Speaker
I'm not trying to get played.
00:14:20
Speaker
You know what I'm saying?
00:14:21
Speaker
You know, yeah.
00:14:24
Speaker
And so I wanted to point out some really, really like huge, huge, huge red flags that were present even before the wedding.
00:14:32
Speaker
And then at the reunion, everybody was like rightfully seeing, everybody was commenting on like Colleen's like defeated body language, the fact that they don't live together.
00:14:40
Speaker
Just how afraid she looked when they replayed the pool clip.
00:14:44
Speaker
Like she genuinely looks like scared as in this guy's going to just fly off the handle.
00:14:49
Speaker
And I want to point out that his friends talked about this.
00:14:52
Speaker
Like, this is like, this is why I love covering this show is because it gives us a lot.
00:14:56
Speaker
It gives us like some real world examples to show and explain to our listeners about like how to spot these little red flags as well as like the tells around the situation.
00:15:06
Speaker
One of the biggest tells to me is when his friends break code to talk about things.
00:15:11
Speaker
like something serious about him, like his temper.
00:15:14
Speaker
When you saw the conversation that happened between Colleen, Matt's friends and Matt, straight up Matt's friends were like, he yells and he's known as to date Matt.
00:15:23
Speaker
And he hasn't been in such a serious relationship since his first wife left him.
00:15:28
Speaker
And like, they basically over and over said that, like impressed upon her.
00:15:31
Speaker
And you could see on their face that they're trying to kind of tell her, like, he's not really ready for all this.
00:15:37
Speaker
Yeah.
00:15:38
Speaker
And I sort of like the way Matt tried to spin it as if like him not being in a relationship since his ex left him was by choice.
00:15:46
Speaker
I don't think it was by choice.
00:15:48
Speaker
I think he ran them off.
00:15:49
Speaker
A hundred percent.
00:15:50
Speaker
Absolutely.
00:15:52
Speaker
I think his energy is so aggressive.
00:15:54
Speaker
It's so aggressive and so intense.
00:15:56
Speaker
He seems like the kind of guy, when you first meet him, he comes across as really romantic because he's so full on.
00:16:02
Speaker
But what he's actually trying to do is he's trying to monopolise your time and trying to make you only think about him.
00:16:09
Speaker
We see this with Colleen as well.
00:16:11
Speaker
The minute he got her in quotation marks, he then started trying to get her to rehearse what she would say if another guy looked at her in a club and stuff like that.
00:16:20
Speaker
It's just, he just gave off.
00:16:21
Speaker
And I'm just so annoyed that we'll get to the reunion in more detail, but how he just got a pass for all of his blow ups.
00:16:27
Speaker
And even in the reunion, he was alluding to the fact that they argue like daily.
00:16:33
Speaker
And it's like, ladies, it's not normal to be having daily arguments with your partner.
00:16:38
Speaker
That's not normal.
00:16:40
Speaker
You can disagree, you can have back and forth, but to have like an argument on a regular, it's not normal.
00:16:46
Speaker
Yeah, he seems very, very controlling.
00:16:48
Speaker
The little conversation he had with Zeneb, like they honestly point blank.
00:16:51
Speaker
Yeah, but they just hyped each other up.
00:16:55
Speaker
Yeah, like where they just hyped each other up.
00:16:57
Speaker
Zeneb has like a passive aggressive way of dealing with her insecurities and then Matt just like completely explodes in the moment.
00:17:03
Speaker
He bloats up, yeah.
00:17:05
Speaker
Yeah.
00:17:06
Speaker
So those are maladaptive and unhealthy coping mechanisms for those emotions.
00:17:11
Speaker
And so I think with Colleen and then, and actually fast forwarding to right before the wedding, Matt's friend and like point blank says to Matt, I don't think you're ready for this.
00:17:19
Speaker
Like right before he's ready to walk down the aisle to go towards the altar.
00:17:23
Speaker
So I feel like if a man's friend says anything to that effect about his temper, about him not probably not being ready to date, I
00:17:31
Speaker
Remember, men aren't necessarily as emotive as women are when they're telling stories.
00:17:35
Speaker
So if they break coat and they drop little hints, red alert, red alert abort mission, because it's always way more serious than even his friends will even allude to, right?
00:17:45
Speaker
It's so unusual for guys to do that.
00:17:47
Speaker
So if they are doing that, they are highly concerned, right?
00:17:51
Speaker
So I just wanted to point that out.
00:17:53
Speaker
Cause like when I watched it back, yeah, there's little hints around the way that his friends are super uneasy of what's happening and not like just in a, okay, this is unusual, but we're happy for you, buddy.
00:18:03
Speaker
But like straight up, like they think he's going to probably sabotage this relationship because he's clearly got unhealthy habits.
00:18:09
Speaker
Yeah.
00:18:10
Speaker
And perhaps not treat Colleen all that well.
00:18:12
Speaker
They're just both like oil and water in a way that, you know, like Zainab and Cole are just,
00:18:19
Speaker
are not suited and almost a very unhealthy way.
00:18:22
Speaker
Colleen and Matt are well suited in quotation marks because she's a people pleaser and he likes to be able to use that to control her.
00:18:31
Speaker
And she straight up says like, it's so wild.
00:18:33
Speaker
Like this is kind of sad, but in like the third or fourth episode when Matt has the first blow up, she says like, so if I'm a people pleaser, I want to make this work.
00:18:41
Speaker
And I'm like, oh no.
00:18:43
Speaker
no, no, no, no.
00:18:45
Speaker
Yeah.
00:18:45
Speaker
It's just really, really sad.
00:18:47
Speaker
And you could tell even before that, that she was way too emotionally invested because she was like crying after Brennan and Cole originally passed on her as far as engagements.
00:18:55
Speaker
And she was like crushed by this.
00:18:56
Speaker
So like, this is a person that doesn't have like as much self-worth as they need.
00:19:01
Speaker
And so someone like Matt is just running, rushed out all over her boundaries and he's controlling and she doesn't have the self esteem to like set her boundaries.
00:19:09
Speaker
No, to leave that situation.
00:19:11
Speaker
So
00:19:11
Speaker
We're all collectively scared for her.
00:19:13
Speaker
Hopefully.
00:19:14
Speaker
I'm going to wish for the best.
00:19:15
Speaker
Let's put it that way.
00:19:16
Speaker
So, uh, who's next on the docket?
00:19:21
Speaker
Nancy and Bartiz.
00:19:23
Speaker
Okay.
00:19:25
Speaker
I have to say, I love Nancy's brother, Steve.
00:19:29
Speaker
I love him so much.
00:19:30
Speaker
So Steve, like the one he was like, he's a punk.
00:19:33
Speaker
Yeah.
00:19:34
Speaker
He's like, wasting our motherfucking time.
00:19:37
Speaker
You brought us out here wasting our motherfucking time.
00:19:39
Speaker
Yeah.
00:19:41
Speaker
And he was like, he's a punk.
00:19:42
Speaker
I was like, wow.
00:19:43
Speaker
I'm not gonna lie.
00:19:45
Speaker
Like, okay.
00:19:45
Speaker
So there's so much to unpack about their relationship in particular.
00:19:49
Speaker
So I, again, trying to watch it again to get like the clues of like where everything got derailed.
00:19:55
Speaker
It's when he saw Raven basically.
00:19:57
Speaker
Okay, I thought that at first.
00:19:58
Speaker
And then when I watched it again, actually, I'll put this question to the FDS class of 2022.
00:20:03
Speaker
What do you guys think?
00:20:04
Speaker
So there's two opinions like of how to handle this, like there are going to be other people that you find attractive outside of your relationship, any given room in you're in there may or may not be people who are far more attractive than you, or your partner considers them far more attractive to you.
00:20:20
Speaker
Do you prefer your partner to be honest about that?
00:20:23
Speaker
Or do you prefer them to like say things like, you're the only girl for me, the only girl in the world?
00:20:28
Speaker
Because what happened was, is like Bartice and Cole, both of them said like an honest thing about how they felt, but then also like recommitted to the relationships they had.
00:20:38
Speaker
But it seems like the women both really held on to that, like them being honest about that and internalized it like severely.
00:20:45
Speaker
And then kind of like, it ended up being a bigger thing,
00:20:48
Speaker
Which I'm going to tell you, like, in the past, if any guys ever said that to me, I've just, like, kicked it back to... Like, let me tell you how I've handled guys like Bartiz.
00:20:55
Speaker
Which is good.
00:20:56
Speaker
I tend to just give it right back to him.
00:20:58
Speaker
Like, I might have just said, you know, like, maybe... He didn't really, like, rank them the way that, like, Cole did.
00:21:03
Speaker
Like, 9 out of 10, 10 out of 10 or whatever.
00:21:04
Speaker
But I also think Cole might have been sarcastic.
00:21:06
Speaker
But he said something like, oh, Raven's a smoke show.
00:21:08
Speaker
I probably would have just, like...
00:21:10
Speaker
reference somebody else I think is really hot and like made fun of his dumb little earring and then gone about my business right like it wouldn't have like phased me emotionally the way it seemed like it really made Nancy feel diminished you know what I mean here's the thing though about more so Bartiste but Cole as well will toss him in there because he did a similar thing
00:21:28
Speaker
about these men being honest in this regard is that I feel like they use it as a manipulation tactic because let's say for example, Bartice told Nancy Raven's a smoke show and she reacted badly.
00:21:41
Speaker
He would then interpret that as you don't want me to be honest with you.
00:21:44
Speaker
When actually if he truly believed that and I believe he did believe that Raven was better looking, he should have just ended the relationship.
00:21:52
Speaker
So yeah, the thing about that is like, okay, so, and this is my blind spot because I've been roasted by people because of my like views on like fem cells.
00:21:59
Speaker
And like, apparently I don't understand what it's like to like, not to be like so insecure about your looks that it affects your ability to have any self-esteem.
00:22:08
Speaker
Like, I didn't take that as like, I don't think it's a problem if a guy doesn't think you're the most beautiful woman he's ever seen, because quite frankly, he's never going to be the most attractive man you've ever seen, probably.
00:22:19
Speaker
Right?
00:22:20
Speaker
Like, you know what I mean?
00:22:22
Speaker
No, but it was the way that Bartice was saying it was very inappropriate, though.
00:22:26
Speaker
Really inappropriate.
00:22:27
Speaker
It's one thing to be like, oh, hey, that woman's hot and keep it moving.
00:22:31
Speaker
But he kept referencing, you know, Ravens.
00:22:34
Speaker
He kept
00:22:34
Speaker
like that conversation I watched with my sister and her husband and even they felt very uncomfortable like watching it because it's not appropriate to be saying, oh, she's a smoke show.
00:22:45
Speaker
She was wearing a tight dress.
00:22:46
Speaker
We'd look so good together.
00:22:47
Speaker
That was inappropriate.
00:22:49
Speaker
Yeah.
00:22:49
Speaker
That shit was whack.
00:22:50
Speaker
I was talking about the stuff you said to Matt, to Nancy, like the shit.
00:22:52
Speaker
Okay.
00:22:52
Speaker
So that shit, that's the stuff that made him a villain.
00:22:55
Speaker
That's the one that made people like actively dislike him and say like, oh, well, if people saw us in a bar, people would come up to us and everything.
00:23:01
Speaker
Cause it meant to,
00:23:02
Speaker
absolutely like made it seem like he was putting himself in like Raven's league, perhaps prematurely.
00:23:08
Speaker
But I mean, he's not an unattractive man.
00:23:10
Speaker
Like I could see that being true for him, but it was a little bit weird to see someone who values that like out loud, right?
00:23:17
Speaker
Because it's just seems like objectively shallow, right?
00:23:20
Speaker
Like if you objectively value the wow factor and like, I want to go into a room and have everybody, all the eyes on me, like that comes, is narcissistic, quite frankly.
00:23:30
Speaker
It comes across to people like,
00:23:32
Speaker
very immature and that like you're very much about like the image and like feeding your ego in that respect.
00:23:37
Speaker
But the second conversation with Nancy, like I said, I maybe split opinions about like how do you handle or talk to your partner if you find someone else like attractive, right?
00:23:46
Speaker
You just like never met.
00:23:47
Speaker
mention it?
00:23:48
Speaker
Do you just like be honest?
00:23:50
Speaker
Like think when it was over the course of conversation of them talking about like how they felt about like the other people they were talking to in the pods, right?
00:23:58
Speaker
And S and like, what's her name?
00:23:59
Speaker
Nancy straight up said, like, I'm glad I chose you.
00:24:01
Speaker
Like I wasn't interested in SK because SK was originally on one of her
00:24:05
Speaker
rotations and then like, and then Bartiz goes in, he's like, well, Raven's a smoke show, but I connected more emotionally to you.
00:24:11
Speaker
Right.
00:24:11
Speaker
So it seems to me that even though he was like, obviously very physically attracted to Raven, like he kind of doubled down that he was still more emotionally attracted to Nancy.
00:24:20
Speaker
Right.
00:24:20
Speaker
Like that he was more interested in her as like a whole person.
00:24:24
Speaker
So that's why when I listened to it, when I watched it like back, the shit that made him a villain was really like super egotistical shit.
00:24:30
Speaker
But like, how do you communicate?
00:24:31
Speaker
Like, do you think it's bad to communicate to your partner if you find anybody else like attractive?
00:24:36
Speaker
Because like those are the things that both the women were the most mad at.
00:24:39
Speaker
I don't think it's bad, but the way Cole and Baptiste did it was inappropriate.
00:24:43
Speaker
So there's another part like where later Nancy asked Bartice like, oh, you know, when I started to hang out with Raven, her personality is way more reserved, way more quiet or like, I don't know exactly what she says, but she makes the comment that like Raven's personality is the opposite of hers.
00:24:56
Speaker
And you can tell that like Raven and Nancy, even prior to them both kind of going for Bartice in the pods, that their personalities did not mesh well at all.
00:25:04
Speaker
In fact, they had kind of
00:25:05
Speaker
not like nasty things to say about each other, but it was kind of clear that they weren't.
00:25:08
Speaker
They wouldn't be friends.
00:25:10
Speaker
Into each other.
00:25:11
Speaker
They wouldn't be friends.
00:25:12
Speaker
So Nancy asked Bartiz, I'm really surprised that you connected emotionally with Raven considering like she's very, very different from me.
00:25:20
Speaker
And then Bartiz tells her like, he's like,
00:25:22
Speaker
you know, when I was talking to Raven, I broke things off with her because I kept thinking about you, that I'm much more connected with your energy.
00:25:29
Speaker
And with like Raven, it felt like a struggle.
00:25:31
Speaker
With your energy, it felt like we built on each other, that like they matched personality-wise and that he went on based on his gut instinct, right?
00:25:38
Speaker
And then like even Raven admitted like when she mutually broke up with Bartise that like she liked SK more because SK was chiller.
00:25:45
Speaker
He was more her speed, that like she wasn't going to stand around and like feed Bartise's ego all day.
00:25:50
Speaker
Bartise clearly
00:25:51
Speaker
needs.
00:25:51
Speaker
Whereas like Nancy's more friendly and like doesn't mind boosting her man a little bit, et cetera.
00:25:56
Speaker
So like Bartiz in that moment, like validated why he chose Nancy over Raven and was seemed to be like all in on that, even though he was like clearly attracted to Raven.
00:26:06
Speaker
When I watched the whole series again, it's kind of tough because it was like they released the first half and then the second half.
00:26:10
Speaker
So it seems a bit disjointed, but like watching the series again, it seems like he got the ick like sometime after, sometime after like Nancy met Bartiz's parents.
00:26:20
Speaker
So I actually feel like the deal breaker actually happened after.
00:26:23
Speaker
Do you know what?
00:26:23
Speaker
I think Nancy was always a consolation prize for Bartiz because even in the pods, when he rejected in quotation marks Raven, I don't think he wanted it to be over, but Raven was just like, yep, I agree.
00:26:36
Speaker
He wasn't expecting that.
00:26:37
Speaker
I just think she was always, and then when he saw Raven in person, that was just a nail in the coffin.
00:26:43
Speaker
And then everything else, the abortion, stuff like that, that was just an out, a way out for him.
00:26:48
Speaker
I'm going to take a different opinion only because I think that the real out, like, I think he was probably going to try and the real out is like he got the ick somewhere after the conversation.
00:26:58
Speaker
Somewhere in between their very real conversations about abortion, either the one before they met their parents, either him meeting her parents and her family and then him meeting his family.
00:27:09
Speaker
Like Bartice makes the comment, like his sister's not sold on Nancy.
00:27:12
Speaker
So maybe his parents made a commentary on her that like maybe put him off her, etc.
00:27:18
Speaker
And then also, yeah, like she doesn't fit like his now like inflated egos.
00:27:22
Speaker
Like maybe his inflated ego of the image that he wanted for himself is
00:27:26
Speaker
Like she wasn't Raven.
00:27:27
Speaker
So then like that part of his ego wasn't going to be satisfied.
00:27:30
Speaker
But I didn't get the impression that it was totally just that.
00:27:34
Speaker
That I think it actually was later that it like completely imploded.
00:27:37
Speaker
But okay.
00:27:39
Speaker
Watching the post-show interviews, because a lot of people were making fun of Nancy and like calling her pick me and saying like why after Barty said he wasn't like attracted to, which he doesn't say, by the way.
00:27:47
Speaker
I'm trying to figure out like when he says like straight up,
00:27:49
Speaker
not attracted to it seemed like the time he said he wasn't attracted to her was like after like he got the ick and didn't want to have sex as much because he felt like something wasn't working with them emotionally I think it's more like you didn't have to say it explicitly like it was obvious
00:28:05
Speaker
So to me, when I watched it again, it wasn't obvious until after like they started meeting the folks and shit.
00:28:10
Speaker
Like it seemed like they were actually still physically intimate and everything and like all over each other.
00:28:15
Speaker
And then, then Nancy makes the point that like, he's not kissing me on the forehead anymore.
00:28:19
Speaker
Like he at some point stops all the affection.
00:28:21
Speaker
So like what happened between them being in Malibu, them being in the apartments and then them meeting her folks and having that conversation abortion and him meeting her folks that completely dead at that situation.
00:28:33
Speaker
Yeah.
00:28:33
Speaker
I think for me it was obvious when I saw the way he spoke about Raven and how his eyes basically lit up when talking about her physically and just how he never looked that way when speaking about Nancy and that he always had to say, had this like long convoluted speech about why he chose Nancy, sort of talking a lot but not really saying anything and
00:28:54
Speaker
I think her brothers even picked up on that as well.
00:28:56
Speaker
It's like when he went to go and see her family and I think it was like Steve when they asked him, okay, why are you my sister?
00:29:04
Speaker
And Bartiz gave his usual long-winded answer.
00:29:06
Speaker
That's not really, doesn't have much substance.
00:29:08
Speaker
And even like Steve was like, you've not really said anything though.
00:29:11
Speaker
Yeah.
00:29:12
Speaker
Yeah.
00:29:12
Speaker
So, Bartiz is one of those people, like, he goes on these, like, long, like, when he's not that passionate about something, or if he doesn't know something, he'll go on this really long, convoluted way to try and mask the fact that he's not saying anything of substance.
00:29:26
Speaker
So, when I listened to it back, like, I actually think he was, he just has, like, a really, like, aggressive, I don't say aggressive, but, like, consulting-y type of way.
00:29:34
Speaker
of speaking.
00:29:35
Speaker
Like his brother asked him like, okay, would you love her?
00:29:38
Speaker
She was 400 pounds.
00:29:39
Speaker
And he said something like, well, I'm not going to pretend that physical attraction isn't important.
00:29:42
Speaker
So I feel like he was honest with everybody when I watched it.
00:29:45
Speaker
But I do think he may not have been honest about like what was giving him the ick with Nancy.
00:29:50
Speaker
And before he says like, sometimes my relationships just fizzle out and I don't know why.
00:29:54
Speaker
Right.
00:29:55
Speaker
So I think he just gets the ick at some point.
00:29:57
Speaker
And or he's a guy that just likes the chase.
00:29:59
Speaker
And Nancy wasn't enough of like,
00:30:00
Speaker
I feel like if that entire situation would have gone differently, if Nancy wasn't acting so insecure of a raven and just like settle into her bad bitchness, you know what I mean?
00:30:10
Speaker
It didn't really start to be fair.
00:30:12
Speaker
It didn't really start with them.
00:30:13
Speaker
Yeah.
00:30:13
Speaker
Cause they started in pods, I guess, but it was like, they were all like 100% going pedaling the metal.
00:30:19
Speaker
And then at some point the reality hits the,
00:30:22
Speaker
him of like what it's going to take to be in a relationship.
00:30:24
Speaker
And then that reality is like too overwhelming for him to actually like continue whatever attraction he had to Nancy before.
00:30:32
Speaker
It's weird because at the beginning, he's like, they're both Cole and Bartiz.
00:30:35
Speaker
All they talk about in the beginning is like how attracted they are to their partners.
00:30:39
Speaker
And at some point that changes.
00:30:41
Speaker
But I don't know if it was like directly the result of seeing the other women the way that I think it's people are like pushing for it.
00:30:47
Speaker
But anyways, okay.
00:30:48
Speaker
So the other piece of tea that was, that came out in the post show interviews, and this came both from Nancy and Bartice's mouth.
00:30:53
Speaker
This was confirmed that Nancy said that she told Bartice like two weeks before the scheduled waiting date that she was going to say no.
00:31:00
Speaker
And then Bartice decided for whatever reason that he felt like, you know what?
00:31:05
Speaker
I want to fall back in love with that girl in the pods and I'm going to try extra hard to fall back in love with her and show that she can love me.
00:31:12
Speaker
And that's when he started doing like the forever bracelet, et cetera, like really, really future faking.
00:31:16
Speaker
So Nancy says like straight up, like the reason why I said yes at the altar is because I told him I was going to say no.
00:31:21
Speaker
And then for the last two weeks, he was talking about all the things we were going to do.
00:31:25
Speaker
Like we were actually planning for our life post show.
00:31:30
Speaker
He said he wanted to like recommit to this relationship.
00:31:33
Speaker
And then he sent her that shot right before the wedding that says, let's do the damn thing.
00:31:37
Speaker
And Bartiz even admitted, he's like, you know, I feel like in hindsight, I can see how me sending her that shot, like misconstrued my intentions.
00:31:43
Speaker
Now here's a mystery question to me.
00:31:45
Speaker
Why did he like decide to like recommit to this relationship two weeks after Nancy already was pretty much done?
00:31:51
Speaker
Was it a production decision?
00:31:52
Speaker
Was it like, I need to manipulate the situation so I don't look like a bad guy.
00:31:56
Speaker
I don't want to be embarrassed and turned down by the altar.
00:31:59
Speaker
Because the other T is that Bartiz and apparently Shane from season two are going to be on some Netflix spinoff dating show.
00:32:04
Speaker
So it could be as much of a like,
00:32:06
Speaker
production decision as well as his decision or like a collective set of factors.
00:32:10
Speaker
It's like, it's in my best interest to string this along all the way to the altar and blindside Nancy.
00:32:15
Speaker
So Nancy in the reunion said very clearly, she's like, love is blindsided.
00:32:19
Speaker
Like I thought Bartiz was going to say yes, based on all these additional factors that happened after I already gave him an out and told him I was going to say no.
00:32:27
Speaker
So Bartiz like basically future faked, blindsided,
00:32:30
Speaker
laid it on thick, love-bombed her for the last two weeks, and then hyped her up, and then kind of dragged her down at the altar, which is probably like what her family was reacting to too.
00:32:39
Speaker
So the question is why?
00:32:41
Speaker
Like it was kind of a crappy thing to do.
00:32:43
Speaker
And I'm like, it could be equally his parts of like trying to change the narrative so he looks good or a production decision pushing him that way.
00:32:50
Speaker
And that's like the big question mark to me that I wish there was enough tea to get answered.
00:32:54
Speaker
But yeah, yeah.
00:32:55
Speaker
I feel like if the guy gets the ick, like the way that Bartice got, I think it's over.
00:33:00
Speaker
And I think Nancy already knew it, but didn't.
00:33:02
Speaker
And like tried to end it.
00:33:03
Speaker
And then for whatever reason, it didn't.
00:33:05
Speaker
They didn't.
00:33:06
Speaker
And it seemed like it was mostly because of Bartice trying to like paint this fairy tale for Nancy that he didn't intend on delivering.
00:33:12
Speaker
And he says he didn't know if he was going to say yes till he was up to the altar.
00:33:14
Speaker
But that's what they're all saying.
00:33:15
Speaker
And we think that's all bullshit.
00:33:17
Speaker
So...
00:33:17
Speaker
I think that's bollocks.
00:33:19
Speaker
Yes.
00:33:19
Speaker
Okay.
00:33:19
Speaker
So that's that portion.
00:33:20
Speaker
But let us know about like how you handle conversations with your significant other if you ever feel... Because I don't like to be lied to.
00:33:27
Speaker
I don't want a guy to say to me like, you're the most beautiful girl in the world.
00:33:29
Speaker
And I think it's bullshit.
00:33:30
Speaker
Like I won't actually... I won't like believe it.
00:33:32
Speaker
You know what I mean?
00:33:33
Speaker
I don't know.
00:33:33
Speaker
I probably would have just had that conversation.
00:33:35
Speaker
And I think I'm like kind of... Now you can see why I end up dating guys like Bartiz.
00:33:39
Speaker
I'm a little like bit logical in that way.
00:33:41
Speaker
Like I wouldn't have been as like offended as the women as clearly were.
00:33:45
Speaker
I'm like, yeah, she's pretty.
00:33:46
Speaker
It's just the way, if I look at the way, like, my sister and her husband and my parents talk about other attractive people, they do notice people who are attractive, but they're not, like, salivating like Bartice was or constantly going on about it.
00:33:59
Speaker
Yeah, he was definitely, like, his body language during the meet and greet was, like, very attentive to her.
00:34:07
Speaker
And what Nancy said during the reunion, I thought was very...
00:34:09
Speaker
on point where she says like, it seems like the guys, they still after the pods wanted to go entertain or talk to the women that they turned down.
00:34:17
Speaker
But all the women thought after they got engaged, we're engaged.
00:34:21
Speaker
Don't talk to those other guys.
00:34:22
Speaker
It seemed like what happened was like Bartiz and Cole like wanted that closure and the women got highly offended by
00:34:30
Speaker
And also like them talking about like the physical attributes of it being different than they expected.
00:34:34
Speaker
The women got highly offended, which I think is fine.
00:34:36
Speaker
This is not a right or wrong answer.
00:34:38
Speaker
I'm just looking at it like I would prefer somebody just tell me the truth up front.
00:34:42
Speaker
Like I don't want anybody to tell me like, you're the most beautiful thing I've ever seen.
00:34:44
Speaker
Like if it's not like genuine.
00:34:46
Speaker
But it's also about just having that emotional intelligence as well.
00:34:50
Speaker
Like being honest is also about tact as well.
00:34:54
Speaker
Like, and I'm sure my parents will tell me all the time, you don't have to say everything that comes into your head.
00:35:00
Speaker
Like you actually don't to your partner, especially if you know, and you know, Bartice and Cole, especially, they would have known that saying that is going to bring about some sort of reaction in their partner.
00:35:11
Speaker
And I've sort of don't like this whole, especially male honesty.
00:35:14
Speaker
Like it's, I feel like in, in this case, it almost gives them a pass to be saying stuff that's actually quite hurtful because you can say something that is honest, but it can still be hurtful.
00:35:24
Speaker
But sometimes what men do is they will act like you're being unreasonable, you know, for reacting badly to something that they said because they were honest in quotation marks.
00:35:33
Speaker
And it's actually what they've said is also quite hurtful.
00:35:36
Speaker
Yeah.
00:35:37
Speaker
Okay.
00:35:37
Speaker
So I guess this is the split in the fan base of like, whether or not you think Cole and Bartiz were intentionally trying to be hurtful.
Zanub and Cole's Relationship Issues
00:35:44
Speaker
I think they just have diarrhea of the fucking mouth and just don't.
00:35:48
Speaker
I don't think they were being intentionally hurtful.
00:35:50
Speaker
But again, this is where I think that age might come into it.
00:35:53
Speaker
And this is where emotional maturity comes into it as well.
00:35:56
Speaker
Like you can be honest, but you also need to have diplomacy intact as well.
00:36:01
Speaker
And they just didn't have it.
00:36:03
Speaker
Yeah.
00:36:04
Speaker
Fair point.
00:36:05
Speaker
So who is next up on the docket?
00:36:08
Speaker
Xenob and Cole.
00:36:09
Speaker
Yeah.
00:36:10
Speaker
Xenob and Cole, the last...
00:36:12
Speaker
Messy ass relationships to go in.
00:36:14
Speaker
I'm just gonna... I hate to defend Cole because he's a scrote in his own right, but I don't think it was fair that he was made the villain of the reunion program because he was immature, silly, inconsiderate, but he wasn't the worst guy on there.
00:36:30
Speaker
And I think that his biggest problem was that him and Zainab were just not compatible.
00:36:35
Speaker
Like they were, I think if he'd been with anybody else, it might've had a better outcome, but they were just two people who were just wholly unsuited to each other.
00:36:45
Speaker
And their relationship turned really toxic as a result.
00:36:48
Speaker
Okay.
00:36:49
Speaker
Once again, this is what communication issues.
00:36:51
Speaker
This is the communication issues I noticed watching Cole and Zaneb, watching it back and then understanding how the entire thing ended up.
00:36:57
Speaker
So at the beginning, there are so many times where Zaneb like talks down on her.
00:37:02
Speaker
This is way before they meet Colleen, right?
00:37:04
Speaker
Zaneb talks about she doesn't look cute on her lashes.
00:37:08
Speaker
She has to wear a mouth guard bed.
00:37:10
Speaker
She basically keeps fishing for compliments like, oh, I look like a scary monster about my makeup on, etc, etc.
00:37:16
Speaker
And Cole like either completely ignores her or kind of teases her about it.
00:37:20
Speaker
And it seems like that feedback instead of him like, or sometimes he does tell her she's beautiful, but other times he like either like ignores it or like teases her a little bit.
00:37:28
Speaker
It's like she's constantly fishing and putting these like little insecurities out there.
00:37:32
Speaker
And then like he's not catching all of them and just kind of like trying to have to talk to her.
00:37:36
Speaker
and like push past her insecurities.
00:37:38
Speaker
Like there's a scene that I thought was pretty much a summation of their relationship where they're in the pool and it's like the first night they've been together.
00:37:44
Speaker
And like within like a minute or two, Xanob's like, I don't like myself without my eyebrows.
00:37:50
Speaker
And like, she's talking about like all these physical attributes she doesn't like about herself.
00:37:54
Speaker
And then Cole's like, I'm actually bored of this conversation.
00:37:57
Speaker
Can we talk about, and he starts talking about like gorillas or some shit.
00:38:00
Speaker
like something totally unrelated, right?
00:38:03
Speaker
Because like all she wanted to talk about constantly was like the thing she was insecure about.
00:38:07
Speaker
And then they get into the hotel room and it's the same thing over and over.
00:38:11
Speaker
And then she's like, I'm gonna look like a totally different person without my makeup.
00:38:13
Speaker
And then like Cole looks at her and it seems like a joke.
00:38:17
Speaker
He's like, yeah, you look totally different.
00:38:18
Speaker
And she's like, are you sure?
00:38:19
Speaker
Do you still like me?
00:38:20
Speaker
And he first, he's like, yeah.
00:38:21
Speaker
He's like, I like your little freckles and everything.
00:38:23
Speaker
And then she's like, oh, I thought you wouldn't like my eyebrows aren't dark, et cetera.
00:38:27
Speaker
And then he's like, oh, you look like a scary monster.
00:38:29
Speaker
Right.
00:38:29
Speaker
Just kind of like joking.
00:38:31
Speaker
So it looks like from the beginning, she creates this like self-reinforcing loop of like constantly announcing the things she's insecure about.
00:38:38
Speaker
And Cole only like catches like a third of it.
00:38:40
Speaker
Right.
00:38:41
Speaker
To like reassure.
00:38:41
Speaker
And the other times he's either like dismissive or ignoring her.
00:38:44
Speaker
And so it feels like she's kind of like,
00:38:46
Speaker
She's like building all these like ways that he's not responding properly to then like get mad at him later.
00:38:51
Speaker
And then immediately the day after they have sex, like she's acting like mad weird and like standoffish to him.
00:38:56
Speaker
And he's like, he started asking her like, what's wrong?
00:38:59
Speaker
And she's like, well, he didn't cuddle with me, like bring me breakfast in bed, et cetera.
00:39:02
Speaker
And Cole was just like, well, I thought she just wanted to sleep.
00:39:05
Speaker
And I just got up, you know,
00:39:06
Speaker
to take a shower.
00:39:07
Speaker
She didn't get up yet.
00:39:07
Speaker
So I just let her sleep.
00:39:08
Speaker
And like, that's something that would have been like immediately solved if like Zanub had just said like, Oh, come back to bed or like, why'd you leave bed?
00:39:15
Speaker
But instead she like immediately goes into like punishment mode with him, giving him the silent treatment, being kind of like nitpicky with him and standoffish about the
00:39:22
Speaker
towels and shit.
00:39:23
Speaker
To me with her, she has so many insecurities that she self-sabotages.
00:39:27
Speaker
Like you can watch her self-sabotaging that relationship in real time.
00:39:32
Speaker
She's over communicating her insecurities, quite frankly.
00:39:34
Speaker
She brings them up way too much.
00:39:36
Speaker
And then like when Cole does something she doesn't like, she doesn't like address that thing, but then like explodes about some other thing.
00:39:43
Speaker
And that's when I think he started calling her like passive aggressive because like he doesn't know why she's fucking mad.
00:39:48
Speaker
And you can see in their interaction that he's completely and totally clueless, right?
00:39:52
Speaker
He just knows that like she randomly gets mad at him sometimes.
00:39:55
Speaker
And he's like, I don't understand what we're arguing about.
00:39:59
Speaker
Yeah.
00:40:00
Speaker
And I just...
00:40:02
Speaker
And like the cutie scene, I'm glad they cut that in at the end because it didn't go down the ways she said that it went down.
00:40:11
Speaker
So at the reunion, Zainab said that Cole basically almost that she resorted to not eating during the course of their relationship.
00:40:21
Speaker
So she'd have like a banana and peanut butter because Cole brought out those insecurities and was controlling what she ate.
00:40:27
Speaker
And she referenced a particular scene where she was about to eat two cuties, which are two tangerines or something like that.
00:40:35
Speaker
And Cole comes up to her and says, are you going to eat both of that or something like that?
00:40:39
Speaker
But you need to watch your appetite because they were going for dinner later on in the day.
00:40:43
Speaker
So that's a story that was told by Zainab at the reunion.
00:40:47
Speaker
But when you watch the clip, you then hear Cole expressing concern that all she's eaten that day is a banana.
00:40:54
Speaker
And Cole says, but I offered you my poke bowl and you said no.
00:40:57
Speaker
And Zainab said, well, yeah, that's because we had it last night.
00:41:00
Speaker
So she tried to make out that basically he was controlling, you know, trying to get her to eat basically nothing.
00:41:05
Speaker
When if you watch the scene, it didn't go down like that.
00:41:08
Speaker
I genuinely believe that Cole was joking, but again, he lacks that emotional intelligence to realize that actually he might be flying quite close to the wire and not to joke about how much she's eating if she's not eating enough already, if you see what I mean.
00:41:22
Speaker
Yeah.
00:41:23
Speaker
So again, post-show interviews, Zainab basically accused him of inducing an eating disorder in her and all this kind of stuff.
00:41:29
Speaker
And then even at the altar scene where she dumps him, I feel like she had a lot of valid points, but then it's like she's like, you have completely destroyed my self-confidence.
00:41:38
Speaker
And I'm like, girl, it is called self-esteem.
00:41:40
Speaker
Esteem of your motherfucking self.
00:41:42
Speaker
I'm going straight Cat Williams on this one.
00:41:44
Speaker
A man cannot destroy you in fucking six weeks, right?
00:41:47
Speaker
Like there's, that was the time where I was like, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
00:41:50
Speaker
Like she took every little thing that Cole said, totally internalized it and then exploded on him, right?
00:41:57
Speaker
And I kind of felt like that, first of all, very maladaptive way to deal with it.
00:42:01
Speaker
But at the same time, like...
00:42:02
Speaker
He did do some things that were very insensitive, but the way that she handled them sabotaged everything.
00:42:08
Speaker
And it actually did seem like Cole, every single step of the way, was trying to reaffirm that he was in love with her and still wanted to marry her.
00:42:15
Speaker
And what was interesting about it was like, even things that were about him, she like extremely internalized.
00:42:21
Speaker
And her stepmother mentioned that, like when they were having the conversation and
00:42:25
Speaker
at the stepmom's house about why Cole's parents didn't want to be involved in the love is blind, like didn't want to come and like have be interviewed, et cetera.
00:42:32
Speaker
He was talking about like, I come from a super Christian family.
00:42:35
Speaker
They have a very rigid way of doing things.
00:42:37
Speaker
I'm very disappointed in them.
00:42:38
Speaker
And he's like, he's revealing that like he's emotionally affected by the fact that his family is not backing him up on his choices here.
00:42:43
Speaker
And then like the stepmom's like,
00:42:45
Speaker
you know, Zainab will see that and be like, oh, they don't like me because of my race.
00:42:48
Speaker
And they don't like me because I'm too fat or they don't like me because of this.
00:42:51
Speaker
And then like, she's like, oh, she'll go on a tangent.
00:42:53
Speaker
She'll go down that road.
00:42:53
Speaker
And like whole, the entire time says, it's not you, it's my family and my relationship.
00:43:00
Speaker
But like Zainab internalizes everything and then like gets mad at him.
00:43:05
Speaker
And so he's confused because he doesn't even know that him just expressing what he's saying is like, is triggering her as much as it is, right?
00:43:12
Speaker
So-
00:43:13
Speaker
It's hard to talk about that because I feel now she's like the villain, the posto villain, because she completely blew that situation out of the water.
00:43:21
Speaker
I have no doubt that like in her mind, because she's so insecure, all of those little things like accumulated to the point where like it's like worse and worse in her head every time she tells it.
00:43:31
Speaker
And you could see like her and Matt when they had that little like powwow where they were like, this happened when she talked to Cole.
00:43:36
Speaker
And this happened when he talked to Colleen.
00:43:38
Speaker
They like escalated into this like big ball of frenzy of explosive anger.
00:43:43
Speaker
That's the way they've been handling that.
00:43:45
Speaker
And like, that's, that's just like, yeah, it made them seem like a villain because it seemed like, like the way that she unloaded on Cole was like excessive force, right?
00:43:55
Speaker
To the point where people started to feel sympathetic for Cole because he looked clearly crushed that like, first of all, she told him no.
00:44:00
Speaker
And then the post show, like he was really, really confused why she doesn't even like him, you know?
00:44:05
Speaker
Yeah, I mean, I think going back to what you said earlier, I think a man can, if you're stuck with the wrong sort of guy, they can absolutely level you in six weeks.
00:44:15
Speaker
But I think with that speech, it gave the impression that all her insecurities started with Cole and they were there at the very beginning of their relationship.
00:44:23
Speaker
And this is why I say they were just completely unsuited to each other.
00:44:27
Speaker
They just brought out the worst in each other in the worst possible way.
00:44:31
Speaker
Yeah, he needs to grow.
00:44:32
Speaker
I mean, he is like six years younger than her.
00:44:33
Speaker
So it's not that like he's so many stroke characteristics.
00:44:36
Speaker
He's not clean.
00:44:37
Speaker
He doesn't cook that well.
00:44:40
Speaker
He said he has diarrhea in the mouth.
00:44:42
Speaker
He clearly doesn't have his like emotional development put together yet.
00:44:46
Speaker
All those things are things he definitely needs to take care of to be a much better partner.
00:44:49
Speaker
So I don't think anybody's like arguing that Cole is
00:44:53
Speaker
was some kind of great catch or anything at the time.
00:44:56
Speaker
But I feel like the way that she made him the source of all of her problems is like a very maladaptive way to cope with your insecurity.
00:45:05
Speaker
So I think that's why everyone's kind of reacting poorly to the cutie scene with her in it.
00:45:10
Speaker
Like you can't really be like, you quite literally made me starve myself.
00:45:13
Speaker
And then there's a video of him like offering you a poke bowl.
00:45:16
Speaker
And being like, why aren't you eating?
00:45:17
Speaker
You know, and then the comments about her being bipolar, that was also, again, bad way to describe what was happening and bad emotional intelligence.
00:45:24
Speaker
I think he was trying to figure out like why she was what she was getting triggered by.
00:45:28
Speaker
Because again, when you watch it, she's constantly getting triggered.
00:45:31
Speaker
And he's very confused about like what he's doing that's making her go off like that because it doesn't make sense to him.
00:45:37
Speaker
Right.
00:45:38
Speaker
Because he's like, I love you.
00:45:39
Speaker
I'm committed to you.
00:45:40
Speaker
He's like, and even says they're like, yeah, I find Colleen attractive.
00:45:43
Speaker
But like, as far as our personalities go, they don't mesh.
00:45:46
Speaker
So like, even after he talked about it, he was like, he didn't see a future with Colleen.
00:45:49
Speaker
And he reaffirms like multiple times that he sees a future with Zeneb.
00:45:53
Speaker
Like he's all in on Zeneb.
00:45:54
Speaker
He's willing to fight with his parents over her.
00:45:57
Speaker
He visited her folks.
00:45:58
Speaker
They're planning the future.
00:45:58
Speaker
So it did seem like Cole was going to say yes at the altar and was kind of blindsided by once again, which I think is probably a production decision.
00:46:07
Speaker
for Zeneb to withhold that she was going to dump coal at the altar, right?
00:46:10
Speaker
So I don't know.
00:46:12
Speaker
It sucks because Nick and Vanessa are such terrible hosts that they don't ask these very basic questions.
00:46:17
Speaker
They're awful.
00:46:18
Speaker
She just seemed like she had such... Once she was triggered, all she did was display contempt for him all the time.
00:46:24
Speaker
And then that contempt absolutely exploded at the wedding and then at the reunion.
00:46:28
Speaker
She's like, I still love him, but...
00:46:30
Speaker
this, this, and this, and this, and this.
00:46:31
Speaker
And I'm like, I don't think you like him.
00:46:33
Speaker
I feel like for whatever reason, desperate for his approval.
00:46:35
Speaker
And ironically, he seems like actually kind of desperate for your approval too.
00:46:39
Speaker
Cause he keeps trying despite the fact like you're constantly making fun of like literally everything he does.
00:46:45
Speaker
And for whatever reason, again, I don't know if it was a production thing.
00:46:48
Speaker
Like she basically decided that she hates his guts and I don't know, went into the dramatics and then
00:46:54
Speaker
I mean, I don't know.
00:46:55
Speaker
Then there's this story about the like him making out with some of the girl and we don't know if that's true or not or like what happened.
00:47:00
Speaker
I'm going to give her the benefit of the doubt that maybe that's true.
00:47:02
Speaker
But like Cole's flat out denying that's true.
00:47:04
Speaker
But then again, it's like it's you've seen her just like make huge mountains out of nothing, like big nothing burgers that a lot of people are like, I bet it was not what you're saying completely.
00:47:15
Speaker
So anyways, that's not an attack on Xanob.
00:47:17
Speaker
It's just like, if you're watching someone self-sabotage in real time because of their insecurities, watch Xanob.
00:47:21
Speaker
Because that was like, that was brutal to watch.
00:47:24
Speaker
That's the time where you have to work on yourself to be like a quote, high value woman.
00:47:27
Speaker
But like, put yourself in a place where you have comfortable self-esteem so that you're not exploding on the people who are actually trying, even if they're not perfect, you know?
00:47:36
Speaker
And I think she should have stayed with Cole because like I said, filthy, low emotional intelligence.
00:47:41
Speaker
Like
00:47:41
Speaker
all those things are true about him she definitely should have dumped his ass and i think he definitely deserved part of the roast she gave him but like the eating disorder and all this other shit i was like this is like he's such a garden variety white dude like why are you giving him this much power you know what i mean like she gave him that power yeah this is the thing especially after i've seen that toilet i'd have been like anything you say is just not i
00:48:05
Speaker
fucking flies in his toilet i would have been like anything you say is just not even worth well i would have like bailed at that moment but if i continued anything you say is just yeah yeah bro has flies in his toilet like what are you doing you know what i mean like and this is the thing this is part of it as well and i feel like it's unfortunate that so many women almost fall into this idea of just giving the opinions of men way too much weight
00:48:31
Speaker
assigning way too much worth to the average Scroats opinion when even to some degree, even they know they ain't shit.
00:48:39
Speaker
So why should you think that what they're saying is gospel just because they're saying it?
00:48:43
Speaker
I feel like if she had dumped him and just said, this isn't good enough for me, he wouldn't have liked it.
00:48:48
Speaker
But I think it seemed like what emotionally destroyed him was her saying that you destroyed me.
00:48:52
Speaker
Right.
00:48:52
Speaker
Like, that's the thing that seemed like that was the thing that had him crying at the end.
00:48:56
Speaker
Like he felt and he, you know, apologized a bunch of times.
00:48:59
Speaker
I think he felt like because it did seem like he actually did fall in love with her.
Reality Show Production Influences and Closing Remarks
00:49:03
Speaker
And then like he feels really bad that like for whatever reason he made her feel like that.
00:49:08
Speaker
So I don't think he's a sociopath trying to control like what she was eating.
00:49:11
Speaker
You know what I mean?
00:49:12
Speaker
Like that's, he's crying over that either.
00:49:14
Speaker
So they just left me with the ick.
00:49:16
Speaker
And I feel like it's almost entirely Nick and Vanessa's fault for being terrible hosts and not being able to reign in, reign in like that ambush of Cole.
00:49:23
Speaker
Yeah.
00:49:24
Speaker
Especially when there were more deserving, like especially when Bartiz and Matt were sitting there.
00:49:29
Speaker
When Bartiz and Matt were sitting right there.
00:49:31
Speaker
But also I think that's why Bartiz kept quiet because he didn't want the aim to turn on him.
00:49:37
Speaker
Well, Raven said that like they did roast Bartiz, but none of it was used.
00:49:41
Speaker
And once again, I think that's a production decision because Bartiz is going to be in on another show.
00:49:47
Speaker
So that's what I'm saying.
00:49:47
Speaker
I feel they basically gave Shane a good edit in the after the altar thing too, after he was like, basically everybody was asking if he was on drugs half the season because they're going to use them again on another show.
00:49:57
Speaker
So I think that's why I'm like big question mark about like Bartiz's motives and what happened between him and Nancy, because
00:50:05
Speaker
I think a lot of that was probably influenced by production and they can't talk about it.
00:50:10
Speaker
But I feel like that was heavier than the other seasons.
00:50:13
Speaker
Doesn't it feel that way?
00:50:14
Speaker
I just think the people were more dysfunctional this season.
00:50:16
Speaker
And the pairings were just more dysfunctional.
00:50:23
Speaker
Maybe it was just like the contestants themselves were like high emotional.
00:50:26
Speaker
Like their emotions were really, really high compared to last season and the season before.
00:50:31
Speaker
Everybody reacted poorly to everything that was going on.
00:50:36
Speaker
It's just high drama to the max.
00:50:39
Speaker
So yeah, I think that's all I wanted to say about these couples.
00:50:44
Speaker
So let us know what you think.
00:50:46
Speaker
Yeah, especially about like how to have conversations about attractiveness.
00:50:49
Speaker
Because like, I definitely hear what you guys are saying about that.
00:50:51
Speaker
But I'm telling you, like, I would have just said some shit back.
00:50:53
Speaker
But that's just it just wouldn't have fazed me as much because I don't feel like I don't feel crushed if a guy is not like gushing over the way I look constantly.
00:51:00
Speaker
It doesn't like emotionally affect me either way.
00:51:03
Speaker
Yeah.
00:51:03
Speaker
And I think that's fine.
00:51:04
Speaker
Everyone has their boundaries, but it's just, if you know you're with a woman who it would hurt if you said that, then that's where your emotional intelligence and tact comes in.
00:51:14
Speaker
Yeah.
00:51:14
Speaker
True that.
00:51:15
Speaker
Okay.
00:51:15
Speaker
Check us out.
00:51:16
Speaker
Talk about this episode on the female dating strategy.com forward slash forum.
00:51:21
Speaker
Also check out our weekly bonus content on patreon.com forward slash the female dating strategy.
00:51:28
Speaker
Roast is groat.
00:51:29
Speaker
Thanksgiving grosses next week.
00:51:30
Speaker
Kind of excited about that one.
00:51:32
Speaker
And check us out on Twitter at fem.strat and our Instagram at underscore the female dating strategy.
00:51:38
Speaker
Thanks for listening, queens.
00:51:39
Speaker
And for all you scrotes out there, I'm not trying to get played.
00:51:42
Speaker
See you next week.
00:51:47
Speaker
Die mad.