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Upcoming Fathers (feat. Jordon)
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In this series, we are digging deeper into current and potential fatherhood. We are peaking through the eyes of several different men, all in different life stages. In this episode, we are interviewing Jordon!
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Transcript
Introduction & Personal Background
00:00:41
Speaker
Welcome, welcome, welcome, beautiful people. Welcome, pioneers. We are in season three through the eyes of men, upcoming fathers. And I'm just so blessed by this to just sit and listen to all of these guys talk about what they think fatherhood would be like for them. It has just been such a blessing to me. And on here today we have Jordan.
00:01:03
Speaker
Jordan, tell us a little bit about yourself. Yeah, my name is Jordan. I am 30 years old and I'm currently finishing up college to get my teaching degree, bachelor's and secondary education in mathematics specifically. So kind of a math nerd, kind of like all the things that most teachers slash students hate.
00:01:25
Speaker
But no, yeah, I'm just kind of a, I like to feel like I'm a pretty open understanding guy. I attend church over here in Spokane, over at Genesis, and I've met a lot of wonderful people there who definitely have changed my life both in role model ways and in just kind of maturing ways too, as I've
00:01:44
Speaker
just lived here for the last five years. Big music nerd, big game nerd, just kind of a all around jacket traits guy who likes trying new things, but also likes understanding who he is, which is basically a nerd. Just gave us your whole Instagram download. Oh, you know, drop it all right there.
Aspirations & Relationship Status
00:02:04
Speaker
Are you expecting a child or do you want one in the future? No, definitely. I do want children in the future. In a weird way, I'm not, I'm thankfully not expecting a child right now. Mainly just because there are a couple other things I do want to have done before I get ready for parenthood. Before I was being married.
00:02:24
Speaker
But also, I'm just finishing up my degree, like I said, and I want to get into a nice, stable place where I'm in my career field. I'm able to just kind of financially prepare for a lot of things, but also just kind of feel like in my place in my life right now, I'm just still learning things and growing and taking things from mentors and stuff. So while I'm not a expecting father at the moment, I'm OK with that because it's helping me prepare for when that does happen. Yeah.
00:02:54
Speaker
Are you married or dating?
00:02:56
Speaker
I am not married right now, but I am dating. I am with my wonderful girlfriend. We've been together for going on six months now and things have been wonderful. And it's been probably one of the best relationships, if not the best I've been in. And I've already just learned so much from her and learned so much just from our community around it. And it's been the first time ever that I've looked at it and be like, Oh, this is a healthy relationship. And this is what potentially a healthy marriage could look like as well.
Readiness for Fatherhood
00:03:27
Speaker
Do you think you're ready to be a dad? No, not currently. But like I said, I'm okay with that too because I think sometimes dads are not realizing that and then they jump into being fathers way before they're ready. And granted, sometimes some of those guys
00:03:49
Speaker
they get thrown into it unexpectedly and they have to learn to adapt and adapting is a good talent to have but I think there there is a certain level where you can understand when you are ready for fatherhood and realistically like I don't think you'll ever be fully ready to be a dad but like there are things that you can kind of check off for like yourself personally that shows that you've put yourself in the best possible situation to be ready to be as successful as you possibly can as a father.
00:04:19
Speaker
What are you ready and prepared for as it pertains to fatherhood? Oh, goodness.
00:04:28
Speaker
And I think I'm ready for the challenges of just raising children in the sense of understanding the toughness and the frustration that's gonna come along with it. I think some of that I can attribute to being a teacher and kind of been able to volunteer and help out at different age levels and just seeing how children are and understanding their mentalities and they know that they're still growing, still learning.
00:04:54
Speaker
the things that we convey upon normal adults as frustrating or as like rude or just like not respectful you realize as children like they're still learning these concepts and understanding that so be able to translate that to when I'm a father look at my children being like able to take that step
00:05:12
Speaker
outside of that tunnel vision and see them like you're still learning you're still gonna do these things and that's okay because this is the safe space to learn that um i think that's something i'm very blessed to have because i feel like a lot of parents not just fathers but parents in general don't recognize that or don't have that and they just kind of immediately want to start treating their children as adults and that's a really unfair expectation for them so good
00:05:41
Speaker
What are you unprepared for? I mean, a lot. Yeah, like I said, let's be honest. No one's ever really, truly ready to be a father or a mother. It's just every child is case by case. They're all different. That's one of the most wonderful things about Be the Human is we're all unique and beautifully, wonderfully made in these images that are nothing like by the person standing next to us.
00:06:06
Speaker
coming with that is the personalities and the traits that those personalities develop and so like I mean I mean like shoot I don't know when I have a game plan for how I want to raise my children and I do that perfectly and then something still happens where they're not responding to it it's like yeah how do you expect for that and you that's where that whole like having the skill and intuition to adapt is so important um
00:06:32
Speaker
and instead of turning around being frustrated with them and trying to force them into that square peg you made fun with your game plan or just giving up, like learning how to adapt and learn how to listen and to read your children and to hear from your children so you can actually attend to what they actually need and not what you think they need. It's okay.
Influences & Parenting Philosophy
00:06:51
Speaker
Is your dad in your life and how do you think that will affect your fatherhood?
00:06:55
Speaker
Yeah, nobody that definitely is my life. Thankfully, I've been blessed with having my father there from day one. And we have most certainly had our ups and downs. And we have clashed heads more than I can count. And we've had those moments where it was very frustrating to have him as a father. But on the still side, he's been there in more times than I can ever possibly imagine. And I think in both good ways and bad ways, he's taught me what to do and what not to do as a parent.
00:07:25
Speaker
Honestly, I thank him for that and I think he has definitely already had effect on me on how I will be a father, but I believe that he will also continue to affect me when I'm a father and he's a grandfather to him, especially even just seeing how he is now, my sister.
00:07:43
Speaker
sister of three years younger, she has a daughter, my niece, and so he's already kind of entered that grandpa's stage of being the grandfather in a sense. And so I, fortunately enough, have even been able to see a glimpse of how he could be as a grandfather and also gone to see, like,
00:08:00
Speaker
what not to do, what to do as a grandfather, and what I would want him to do with my children. So I've definitely been able to scope out and gauge all these skills that he's giving me and showing me, but also how I realize, oh, this is how I want other family members to be around my children. Could he be a father to someone else's child?
00:08:25
Speaker
I've definitely, I've struggled with that through years. Cause I've definitely had moments where I've said yes. And then I've had moments where I've said no. And looking back in the moments where I've said yes at those times, I think I've said yes more so because I wanted to be in a relationship and I just so badly wanted to be a father that it was more of just saying yes to anything just to kind of get in a spot where I wanted and never actually thinking about like, could I actually be a father to them? And the times I've said no are the times that like, I'm just like, I'm just not ready to be a dad.
00:08:54
Speaker
in general or I'm just like relationships are awful I don't want to be in one right now you know the lows are nice that's our sense but you know
00:09:03
Speaker
I definitely believe that if my calling was to be a father for someone else's child, or if my calling was to be with someone who had already had kids for a previous relationship, while mixed relationships can always be hard and sometimes messy, I truly believe that I'm capable of whatever I'm equipped to do or to handle on those times. So while I may initially be like,
00:09:30
Speaker
No, I don't think I could or not be. I believe that if that was my call in time, then yeah, I would have that change of heart and I would see them as my own. Yeah. How many kids do you want? I've always said I've wanted no less than two. I like the idea of having like a brother or a sister, a sibling to grow up with.
00:09:53
Speaker
Not that single kids are the worst. I have so many friends and I know who are single children, but like there's something about having that, that partner for life of like, you know, that, that, that best friend that you grew up with and who knows you in and now who you could always fall to when you may not certainly feel comfortable talking to the parents or may not have someone who can't understand you in those moments because even as parents we fail and we have
00:10:18
Speaker
like mistakes that we do and we, you know, we misread our children, having to make it like a brother or sister who, who's on the same way with you and see different sides of you. Like I think that's important. And I think it just also helps build strong societal like understanding and like how to be around other children's stuff too. So I've always said no lesson too. Um, I'd say no more than four. So like two, four in that range has always seemed like a healthy, but also decent sized family that just sounds fun and exciting.
00:10:46
Speaker
I come from kind of a small family too, so I like the idea of having bigger families anyways. Yeah.
Future Parenting Challenges & Goals
00:10:52
Speaker
How would you handle the death, miscarriage, stillbirth, sis, etc. of your child?
00:11:01
Speaker
I feel like I definitely put a lot of thought into this. And I feel like it's just something I don't know. I don't know unless I was actually there. Because I think of it from a scenario-based situation. And yeah, it's awfully awful. And I see how it's affected other friends of mine. But it's different when it actually is happening to you. And I'm not in a position for that to happen to me. So it's like, I don't think
00:11:29
Speaker
I think I would handle it well in the sense of understanding that this is something that happens in a broken world and this is something that happens in our day and age and also understand it's not just happening to us. It's happening all across the world. But I would definitely be broken by it and be just kind of
00:11:52
Speaker
grieving for it and mourning for it because it's it's not it's nothing to celebrate it's nothing to be like positive or optimistic about like you can you know you can mourn for it and and definitely like understand the severity of it but you can still handle that in a well way and i i feel like i could be there but then again you know when push comes to shove that actually happens like i honestly couldn't tell you how i would handle it once i'm there
00:12:21
Speaker
What traditions do you wanna break with your kids? The traditions of understanding that like they have to listen to their parents and that what their parents says goes and what their parents say is like, that's what they need to believe in. That's what they want to, what they have to follow. Because while I believe that parents are,
00:12:47
Speaker
great role models and setting examples when doing it in the correct ways. Sometimes that becomes more of like a, I guess one is a dictatorship or a way where like, they're more imprinting than they are guiding. And I want to I want to establish a relationship with my kids that I'm guiding them and
00:13:06
Speaker
In times when I need to push or shove, I will, but for the most part, it is an opportunity for them to develop their own independence and develop their own ability of critical thinking and choices and having their own opinions and even have a chance to debate them and just see where their reason comes from and not to be telling like, well, this is wrong with you, but to be like, okay, well, that's a great perspective. Let's formulate that and cultivate that into something that is, whether it's more accurate or something that's more sound and logical.
00:13:36
Speaker
I want them to be able to have that freedom to develop in all the ways that they are while obviously still keeping good guidelines and good structures for growing up into someone who is equipped and successful to be an adult later on life on their own. Yeah. What traditions do you want to start? Traditions I want to start are
00:14:03
Speaker
I guess in my life, while I had independence and while I had the ability to make my own choices, as a boy growing up, I never really had opportunities to really kind of embrace the more emotional side that children can have, especially for boys and men.
00:14:23
Speaker
And that wasn't always because it was like restrained upon in my family, but it wasn't ever encouraged. It was just kind of while saying it's like, it was there. And so for potentially having, you know, sons, like that's something I want to start as a tradition and even just go entirely into all my children. It's like emotions are a real thing and we need to know how to cope with them. And we need to understand that while we have emotions, so we can feel those, we have to make sure we don't dwell on those. So we have to make sure they don't, they aren't the,
00:14:53
Speaker
the guiding factors of all of our choice and options like they they can help influence them but they shouldn't be the main reason we make our choices or the reasons we do things and so I've seen too many children nowadays who if they're having a bad day or if they're feeling upset like that shuts them down like that rules them for that day and it's just like they don't know how to cope with them and they don't know how to to even just address those feelings
00:15:22
Speaker
understand how you can have control of those. You can still feel them, but you can control them. And that's something like I do want to work with my children because I want them to not be afraid of those emotions. And we have these emotions for a reason. They are, you know, they are worrying signs or they are indicators or something. But some of us just let them become the captain of the ship, let's just say. And those are the ones that
00:15:46
Speaker
essentially create the impulse of actions that we make as humans and that's I honestly don't think that's good that's not sound logical reasoning there and that's something that I want to instill in my children is that learn how to work with them and live with them but don't let them lead you. What do you want your children to know you for?
00:16:04
Speaker
I mean hopefully a loving father but I hope they would also know me for someone who gave them every opportunity to successfully be themselves and to be a father who even if I have moments where I don't agree with them or I don't see eye to eye with them that I never use as a deterrent to stop supporting them or to stop helping them still continue to achieve what they want. I just I want to be someone who
00:16:32
Speaker
It helps them see that you can see differently on opinions, but you still can cultivate and help support each other as well. Oh, so good. We can just keep talking. We can do this all day. I can do this all day. I can keep talking as well. No, right? What do you want to impart in your kids the most?
00:17:00
Speaker
I mean, I feel like it's, realistically, it's a culmination of everything. I've kind of been talking slash rambling on about is just, I want to part into the understanding that you can have different opinions. And that doesn't mean you can't work with people or be friends with people like so much of today's day and age is that if we don't see eye to eye, then we're, we're enemies where like, you're against me, you offend me, you are someone who is trying to suppress whatever it is. And in actuality, it's like some of the greatest
00:17:30
Speaker
conversation some of the greatest inventions and so many of the greatest breakthroughs in life have come from two people seeing differently on each other and challenging each other's opinions or challenging each other's beliefs or even just morality just in a sense of not so much that you're wrong but it's more just helping you better create a sound logical understanding of what you do and why you believe that you do that and and
00:17:56
Speaker
Anytime you have someone who can't handle opposition or can't handle someone not
00:18:04
Speaker
100% backing them and they immediately go into shutdown mode or defense mode because they feel like they're being attacked or they feel like they're being manipulated or abused. That just doesn't bode well for someone as a human but doesn't bode well for society as well. And the last thing I want to do is to help that by giving children into this world who also fall into that. I would rather raise children
00:18:31
Speaker
who if someone doesn't agree with them they are okay with it and hopefully in some instances they're excited because now they have a challenge in someone who's opposing their opinions and beliefs and either A, help them see a different perspective or a different viewpoint of what they originally thought or B, they're helping challenge these children to create a better stronger argument for what they are standing for.
00:18:56
Speaker
And either way, it's a win for that child because they either have learned something new or they've learned something more about themselves and they've continued to grow in that knowledge and grow in that resilience and even grow in that foundation of whatever they believe.
Advice for Future Parents
00:19:11
Speaker
What do you have to say to other upcoming fathers?
00:19:19
Speaker
Don't be afraid. That's one thing. I'm definitely, it's funny trying to think of this message because I'm not even an upcoming father yet, right? It's about how to be in the future. But if I had to speak to, if I was imagining talking to myself or talking to someone I know, yeah, don't be afraid. Hey, you're going to mess up, you're going to make mistakes, but adapt to them and understand that.
00:19:44
Speaker
it's still early on and that it's okay to make mistakes because we learn a thousand times better when we fail than when we succeed but when you do succeed like lean into that and use that knowledge but also while you are the father and while you are the parent like also be willing to listen to your children they know themselves better than you do in some instances in cases and
00:20:07
Speaker
don't just fully let them guide you, but don't fully keep your thumb up on their head, right? Like it's still a mutual relationship. Granted, you are doing most of work when they're young, but it's still a mutual relationship where you both have a say in that child's life. So be ready for those moments, but also be ready to still learn. You are the leader of the household, but you still can learn. We never stop learning as humans. And this is just another one of those facets where
00:20:37
Speaker
You have the potential to be a better father even after you become a father. So use those opportunities and be ready for all those unexpected scenarios. What do you have to say to this generation of men and fathers?
00:20:56
Speaker
A, be there for your children more. Be present. That's not in an accusatory way, but just be mindful and be present in those lives and do it in a way that
00:21:11
Speaker
shows them that you are trying to understand your children and not in a way of you trying to help because the minute you go in assuming you already have all the answers and you have all the solutions that are problems is just the minute they'll stop listening because you're not trying to understand them so be there for them learn from them understand their ways or their background or where they're at right now
00:21:37
Speaker
and then work together to find that solution. Don't fix it for them, help them, so. And then last question, what do you have to say to this generation of women and mothers?
00:21:50
Speaker
Probably, I mean, probably the same thing. Like, it comes from both sides, right? It's neither just the fathers and it's not just the mothers. It is there's a reason there's a mother and a father relationship is because where one can handle something, the other one can handle something else. Like we you both have weaknesses and strengths. So in your own way, like listen to your children and help them and
00:22:12
Speaker
Get them in the ways that are nurturing and and continue to create those atmospheres where they can cultivate themselves and grow up to be the person they were meant to be and be that guiding factor but don't be the one who.
00:22:29
Speaker
who is creating that template of who you think they should be. Bring the resources and bring the strengths and weaknesses and experiences that you carry as a mother into that relationship, but as a resource for them to discover who they're meant to be and not who you want them to be.
00:22:47
Speaker
Yeah, that is so good.
Conclusion & Call to Action
00:22:50
Speaker
Well, pioneers and beautiful people, with that, that concludes this episode. Be sure to come back for the next episode. Go to the Patreon. Go to the website. Go share. Go follow. Follow us on Instagram. And with that, you guys have a wonderful, amazing, and patchful week. I pray that you take this and go change the world. And we say bye. Bye.
00:23:18
Speaker
So,