Become a Creator today!Start creating today - Share your story with the world!
Start for free
00:00:00
00:00:01
Upcoming Fathers (feat. Nik)
90 Plays2 years ago
In this series, we are digging deeper into current and potential fatherhood. We are peaking through the eyes of several different men, all in different life stages. In this episode, we are interviewing Nik!
Recommended
Transcript
Season Three Introduction
00:00:41
Speaker
Welcome, welcome, welcome, beautiful people. Welcome, pioneers. We are in season three through the eyes of men, upcoming fathers. And to just sit and get to talk to all these men about what they think fatherhood will be like when they do it, it's been really eye-opening for me. And today we have on here Nick. Hello, hello. Nick, tell us a little bit about yourself.
Nick's Background and Aspirations
00:01:05
Speaker
My name is Nick. I am a senior in undergrad. I'm about to graduate. And then after I graduate, I'm hoping to pursue a PhD in statistics. I'm going to share what I say. And my passions really are wildlife. I love nature and all sorts of organic life. And specifically, I love mountains and forests. And so I really hope to get to study forests in the future. All righty. All righty. So first question.
Desire for Fatherhood
00:01:34
Speaker
Are you expecting a child or do you want one in the future? I am not expecting currently, but I do want to have children in the future, yes. Are you married or dating? I am married. I've been married for about eight months now. Ooh, spicy. Yeah. Do you think you're ready to be a dad? That's a funny question. No, I don't think so.
00:02:00
Speaker
I have pretty close interaction with several children and I love children. I think that they're great, but they're a lot. I don't think that I'm in a position right now where I really want to be a dad yet, but I know that I want to be a dad. I think that's a really important part of being a man is to raise children. So I know that that's in my future.
00:02:29
Speaker
I'm hoping to give it a little bit of time.
Lessons from Raising a Puppy
00:02:32
Speaker
Yeah. What are you ready and prepared for as it pertains to fatherhood? So I have my dog, I have a puppy and she is turning one this year in like a month. And the reason I mentioned that is because this, I mean, my parents have had dogs before, but this has been the first
00:02:58
Speaker
being that I've really had to care for and raise and look after. And I have learned a lot. It's just as far as what it takes to think and care about something. The constant time and the constant effort that goes into
00:03:20
Speaker
creating environments and just ways of life that are best fitted to promote the thriving of said being. And the reason I'm saying it vaguely is because this is something that I've learned specifically as it applies to my dog. But these are lessons and teachings that I'm learning in
00:03:43
Speaker
that are gonna directly apply to being a father. And so I think that that's one thing that I am feeling a lot more prepared than I used to, is how to care for and promote the thriving of it being. What are you, I'm prepared, oh, go ahead, sorry. No, no, and you know, the things that I'm unprepared for is that, the constant time demand.
Influence of Nick's Father
00:04:08
Speaker
Because you don't really get a break.
00:04:12
Speaker
And with a puppy, it's kind of similar. Like you get, you get a little taste of that, but with children, like you don't, you are their parent and you don't stop being their parent for a little bit. Like sure you can have people watch them for a bit, but it never ends. And that never ending obligation is something that I don't think I'm prepared for. Is your dad in your life and how do you think that will affect your fatherhood? My dad is, and he and I have a, he and I have a great relationship.
00:04:42
Speaker
And I think that that affects my approach to fatherhood because a lot of, I'm a lot like a lot of ways, you know, like some obvious ways where it's like, I, my sense of humor is very similar to my dad's. My love of academics is very similar to my dad.
00:05:06
Speaker
but then there are some other things that you know i think i think will prepare me or have prepared me and i think will show up as as i become a father and that i think is he's always been very invested in my life and he's always been there and he's always cared and he loves he loves every single one of his children yeah and i think that's something that applies to me where i know that i'm gonna love my children yeah and i know that
Balancing Career and Fatherhood
00:05:36
Speaker
Like I'm pretty aware of the demands and what it takes to be a father. And sure, I am 100% sure that I will learn more as I actually encounter it. But I think that in watching my dad, I think I have a model of how to pursue
00:05:59
Speaker
a career and how to pursue all of these other things in life while also being a consistent father. And in conversations with him, I've learned that he has had to sacrifice a lot of things in order to prioritize others. He used to play video games. He doesn't really play video games now because he just doesn't have the time.
00:06:24
Speaker
And there's so many things with that. And I think that's something that I'm also, you know, preparing for is look towards the future and becoming a father. Yeah. Could you be a father to someone else's child?
Interest in Foster Parenting
00:06:40
Speaker
I think so. You know, I, I actually, it's a much longer story, but my wife and I are open and interested in being foster parents.
00:06:53
Speaker
yeah we we feel called to well one because my wife has has some experience with the foster system yeah and also just because it is so there's just so much need in the system that's something that we really feel called to and so to answer your question i absolutely could see myself being a father or at least a father at supportive yeah
00:07:22
Speaker
We see ourselves, I mean, we have so many goals for the future, but I could totally see us having a house where we can try and welcome people in. And who knows if they would be our children forever, or who knows if they would be in our home for a finite period of time.
00:07:42
Speaker
I certainly could see us and see the call in our lives to care for and create an environment that is welcoming and nourishing for anyone, not only our children. Yeah. How many kids do you want?
Handling Child Loss
00:08:01
Speaker
I think I want two children. I don't think that's going to happen. I think we're probably going to have more than that because it's not up to me.
00:08:11
Speaker
But my idea would be to have two children, and then we could foster on top of that. So I think two to three, definitely. How would you handle the death, miscarriage, stillbirth, sins, et cetera, of your child? I don't know. So as a preface, I
00:08:42
Speaker
I mean, I don't really have much close interaction or history with any of those. And the only experience I have with that is hearing about other people's experiences and how hard it was for them. And for me, that was something that I really couldn't relate with because it just kind of never clicked in my mind that those are
00:09:08
Speaker
Children and that's not a belief that's tied to politics. That's just something where it's like it never I never really thought of you know a Developing child is like a full Child and so it never really hit me the same but if I put myself in that shoe those shoes of Expecting to have this child and preparing our lives to welcome this child Yeah, I can totally see why that would be really difficult. Yeah, and so
00:09:38
Speaker
As far as how I would handle that, I think that's something that I would want to not just forget about. I think that's something I would want to memorialize and carry with us in our story. I don't think it would devastate me, but I really don't know. What traditions do you want to break with your kids?
Fostering Openness and Responsibility with Children
00:10:05
Speaker
I think the tradition that I want to break is not really that much of a tradition, but it's more of an experience that I didn't have that I really hope that my children can have. And this is something that I don't think is directly
00:10:20
Speaker
to blame on my parents. I think it's just a combination of my personality and then just my relationship with my parents is just the unwillingness to be open and to use my parents as a support. And I'm sure that that is not a unique experience to me, but I can just think back to
00:10:47
Speaker
when the time I was I think like nine probably till I was 18 or 19 yeah I was just so isolated and alone and life is not easy and I as anyone does I was experiencing challenges and I didn't know what to do with them and I didn't know how to process them and
00:11:09
Speaker
Myself image was all sorts of messed up. Yeah, it just just looking back I see so much pain and You know, I just I just wish that I could have felt comfortable Yeah supported and reaching out for support Because and we can't do this alone and I'm really sad that I thought that I had to do it alone
00:11:33
Speaker
yeah or didn't feel comfortable letting my parents in and so you know i'm sure that there are books on how to do this and really what i'm getting at is that it's not a simple fix and it's not something i blame my parents for yeah but that's something i really hope that my children can experience differently yeah i hope that and that's that's a challenge and that's a tough rope to lock to walk because
00:12:03
Speaker
I want to be firm in what I believe in and be firm in my desire for my children, but also not unwilling to listen. And it's something that I'm sure I'm going to struggle with and have to really wrestle through as a parent, but that is really something that I can hope, that I hope that I can change with my children.
00:12:33
Speaker
What traditions do you want to start? I think I want to start just having responsibilities around the house. And because with me, I've always been I was always raised on having chores. Yeah. And chores to me were always such a pain in the eye. And I thought it was like this unnecessary thing that I had to do.
00:13:02
Speaker
And I mean, as I've gotten older and realized it's like, you never stop having responsibilities. Yeah. And this is this tradition, this hope for my tradition is something really tied to a close passion of my wife and I's is we both love nature and our desire and our goal is to
00:13:25
Speaker
we would love to have a homestead of some sort. Yeah. A garden, have some animals, have some land. Yeah. And try to live as much as we can off of the land and the resources that we have. Yeah. And that's something that I would really love to get to involve my children in, in having responsibilities for taking care of
00:13:51
Speaker
life you know when when it comes to raising and caring for organic beings there is work and it's something that as humans that is a very close that is a significant part of our identity in god is we were put on this earth to be not only be fruitful and multiply you know like have children and stuff but also to steward the land and yeah use our intelligence and our
00:14:21
Speaker
giftings to cultivate. And that's something that I really hope to teach my children, not only teach them the importance of stewarding and cultivating the livestock in the world that we share,
00:14:40
Speaker
but also I think at the same time teaching them that responsibility is inherent to this human life and that there are things that you are responsible for and things that you have to take care of. And the, you know, I think that's a great way to teach them and try to combat the sort of, what's the word I'm thinking of?
00:15:05
Speaker
I mean, it's kind of like privileged, but the like the spoon fed. Yeah. I really, I really hope my children can. Entitlement. Yeah. Entitlement. I really hope my children can be thankful for what they have and, and yet also understand that there is work that goes into. Yeah. Okay.
00:15:25
Speaker
And so I think having responsibilities, hopefully regarding some sort of homestead and garden and livestock. But even if that doesn't happen, just having some form of responsibility. What's one thing you want your child to know you for?
Guiding Through Life's Challenges
00:15:44
Speaker
To know me for. I think I want my children
00:15:55
Speaker
to know that I care about them. I really hope that my children can rest confident in my desire to be with them and teach them. Not only loving them and trying to lead them, but I really, really hope to
00:16:24
Speaker
be a teacher and a I hope that they can look at me for guidance because I mean not only I have like the experience of someone who's gone through a bit of life you know that's just that's part of what happens but also I think that
00:16:46
Speaker
there are some things that I really want to get to teach them. And there are some things that I specifically have experienced in regards to the challenges of human life, whether it be anxiety, whether it be frustration, whether it be addiction. I have really experienced some, and I have some wisdom in some really difficult areas. And I hope to be able to teach my children
00:17:14
Speaker
and guide my children through the challenges of this life, this life infiltrated with sin and with pain and suffering everywhere. I really hope to be able to lead my children and I want them to not only see me as someone who loves them, but I really hope that they can know me as a teacher and someone who can guide them through this life.
00:17:44
Speaker
It's so good. What do you want to impart in your kids the most? A love and appreciation for the world around them.
00:17:55
Speaker
So this is closely tied with my love of all organic life. I love the world that God has made. I love creation. I think it's amazing. I think it's just utterly astounding at the most macroscopic mountainous views to the most microscopic
00:18:19
Speaker
ordering of everything and it's all so beautiful and it's incredibly diverse. And I really hope that my children can come to love God's creation as well and love their place in it. Because I love and I find so much identity and purpose in
00:18:45
Speaker
the Genesis description of the call of humanity. I referenced it earlier, I think that there is so much to be said about our identity and purpose of stewarding the world around us and using our intellect and our gifts to promote the well-being of everything around us.
00:19:06
Speaker
and especially bringing children into this world that is now starting to see on a global scale the effects of humans living for themselves and forsaking our purpose on this earth to be God's representatives and to promote the well-being of his creation. I really hope that I can instill into them a desire, not only an obligation and a
00:19:33
Speaker
a sense of purpose, but also a desire to use the gifts that we have, a desire to care for the world. And I think that that can stem out of a love for God's creation. And so I'm a big nature boy myself. And so you better believe that I'm going to raise my children in nature. And I really hope that that can
00:19:58
Speaker
can instill in them a love and sense of purpose in stewarding that creation. What do you have to say to other upcoming fathers?
Perception of Fatherhood
00:20:10
Speaker
To other upcoming fathers, that's kind of hard to say because I myself am an upcoming father. But I think that one thing I would say to myself and to others is
00:20:26
Speaker
to not, don't just look at it as a burden. Don't just look at children as this very real and extremely challenging burden that you have to care for and look after. And the rather that I would, and you know, part of me saying this is,
00:20:55
Speaker
trying to address my own fears and my own hesitations is that I would really meditate on what, why, like, cause if it's such a burden, why has every human civilization put such an important emphasis on having children? You know, that just points to something that I truly believe that there is,
00:21:24
Speaker
value in getting to raise children. That it is really important and that it can be... I'm trying to think of a word. I wouldn't say life giving, but it can be beautiful. Getting to be that intimately involved in being's life and to get to shape their identity and to get to shape their personality. I think that's something that is really beautiful and
00:21:54
Speaker
So I would recommend other fathers, myself included, to look forward to the beauty and the intimacy that comes with raising children, and not just the challenge and the burden of it. All right. And then our last two questions. What do you have to say to this generation of women and mothers?
Encouraging Boldness in Women
00:22:18
Speaker
This generation of women and mothers.
00:22:25
Speaker
I would say be bold. That is something that I really admire in my wife. And that I think, I mean, and I think that that's a value of this cultural moment is being bold. But I do think that there is some real value in being bold, in standing up for who you are, what you believe in, what you feel convicted about. And, you know, not only being bold in
00:22:56
Speaker
your identity as a mother and the importance of being a mother and what makes you called to be a mother, but also just in other aspects like your faith, other aspects like your vocation, what you've been called and what you've been gifted with. I think that being bold can really
00:23:18
Speaker
enable you to be a light if you're bold for the right reasons. I think that there is a difference between being bold and being boisterous, but I think that being bold is an absolute strength. And what do you have to say to this generation of men and fathers?
Men's Role in Children's Lives
00:23:41
Speaker
This generation of men and fathers, I mean,
00:23:48
Speaker
Really echoing a lot of what I said earlier, but just kids are important. Yeah. Taking time and sacrificing your own desires and your own time and your own whatever to
00:24:07
Speaker
promote the well-being of the next generation of children and the next generation of men and women in this world is extremely important. Not only on the global scale of you need people to be raised in loving homes in order to promote the best possible environment for the world and for all humankind.
00:24:36
Speaker
but also just if you think of on the the local scale like if you any child that you have they need attention and they need love they need connection and intimacy and commitment and I would just I would just urge all men and all fathers
00:24:55
Speaker
to sacrifice and pour that time into promoting the well-being and to go above doing just the bare minimum to really pour into their children's lives to promote and try to help their children thrive. Yeah. That was so
Episode Conclusion
00:25:18
Speaker
good. Well, pioneers and beautiful people.
00:25:20
Speaker
With that, that concludes this episode. Be sure to come back and check out the next episode. Like, follow, share, go to the Patreon, go to the website, sign up for our mailing list. Make sure you're following us on Instagram. And with that, beautiful people and pioneers, we will see you in the next episode. Bye.