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Upcoming Fathers (feat. Bobby)
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In this series, we are digging deeper into current and potential fatherhood. We are peaking through the eyes of several different men, all in different life stages. In this episode, we are interviewing Bobby!
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Transcript
Introduction to Season Three
00:00:40
Speaker
Welcome, welcome, welcome, beautiful people. Welcome, pioneers. We are in season three through the eyes of men, upcoming fathers. And I'm really excited about this. I don't know if you guys are, but it has been so good to go from women. And now we're hearing from men. And
Meet Bobby: A Future Father
00:00:56
Speaker
we're here today. We have Bobby. Hey, father. How are you? So Bobby, tell us a little bit about yourself.
00:01:06
Speaker
Yeah, so my name is Bobby. I live in Spokane. I've lived in Spokane the majority of my life. I've been married for the past two years to my wonderful wife Hope. I am in the Army, so that's what I do for work. And yeah, I'm excited to be on and talk a little bit about fatherhood with you.
00:01:34
Speaker
Alrighty, so first question. Are you expecting a child or do you want one in the future? Yeah, so not currently expecting a child, but we do plan on having kids in the near future. We actually decided to start trying a few months ago, so it's been
00:01:58
Speaker
it's been a quick change from not trying to grind but um yeah uh in the near future hopefully we're getting little babies yes eventually are you ready to be a dad yeah i think so um it definitely is taking some time um i'm almost 27
00:02:19
Speaker
Up until the past year, I don't think I was ready, but over time and talking with my wife and talking with family members and some friends that have had kids in the past year or two, I do think I'm ready to be a dad.
Preparing for Parenthood: Challenges and Influences
00:02:39
Speaker
What are you ready and prepared for as it pertains to fatherhood? Yeah, I think the whole experience, just because
00:02:48
Speaker
My hope isn't pregnant yet. It's kind of a little bit unknown. I think I'm going to be prepared for the challenges of fatherhood and being a parent. But I think a lot of it is going to be learned along the way. And then during a pregnancy leading up to the birth of our child, I think I'll learn a lot during that time.
00:03:19
Speaker
Yeah. What are you unprepared for? I think I'm much prepared for a lot of things. I think one of the biggest things I was thinking about was transitioning from my day-to-day now into the day-to-day of being a dad and having a child. I don't want to say it's kind of like having a dog, but it's like having a dog.
00:03:46
Speaker
all the time that needs you to nurture it and raise it and take care of it. So yeah, that's just the only thing that I could compare it to until we actually have a child. But yeah, I think a lot of things I'm unprepared for, but I'm a pretty quick learner. So I think along the way, I'll get more prepared. Is your dad in your life and how do you think that will affect your fatherhood?
00:04:16
Speaker
Yeah, my dad is in my life. Not as much as when I was younger, but we still see each other every now and again. And he's always been a big advocate for me growing up and becoming a man. So I think he will do a great job
00:04:41
Speaker
being a grandfather. I know he's excited for it. But yeah, I think my dad raised me in a very specific way. And I wouldn't change a thing. So I think if anything, he's going to apply those to our children. And I really do think it's going to be great. It's going to be so good. Could you be a father to someone else's child?
00:05:07
Speaker
Yeah, so up until looking over some of these questions for the interview, I don't know if I really thought about it that much, but I do think I could be a father to somebody else's child.
Family Planning: Adoption and Child Number
00:05:22
Speaker
I think that would look like the form of adoption. If that ended up being a calling on hope and eyes' hearts, and that was meant to be, then yeah, I do think so.
00:05:37
Speaker
Yeah, if something is under my care, I mean, I'm all in. So I definitely do. I don't think it matters so much about like blood relation as it does, like being there for somebody, like as they're growing up and being there for them throughout their lives. So fatherhood can be
00:06:01
Speaker
not only like, flood related, but I do think it's more so how you raise your children and being there for them. How many kids do you want? Yeah, I think the happy number is three. That's when everybody's consensus. I think what one is, one's not enough and then you have the
00:06:27
Speaker
The lone child, two, two is a good number, but I think three, everything balances out pretty well. So I would say maybe three to four, but it's really up to hope that at the end of the day, it's her body and I'm not gonna tell how many kids she needs to have. At least you're not like Courtney, she said eight. I was like, no ma'am. Yeah, she is.
00:06:53
Speaker
They're both. Oh, gosh. How would you handle the death, miscarriage, stillbirth, sis, et cetera, of your child?
Coping with Loss and Encouraging Freedom
00:07:04
Speaker
Yeah, I think obviously it would be a devastating experience. I think for me, if that happened,
00:07:17
Speaker
I would just try to be as strong as possible for hope and trying to be that pillar in our marriage and in our family. But yeah, that would be terrible.
00:07:31
Speaker
But whatever life throws at us, we'll find a way to make it work. And if that ends up being death, miscarriage, stillbirth, et cetera, we'll push on and keep going with life. So yeah, that would be devastating. But I think we would find a way through it. What traditions do you want to break with your kids? Yeah, I was looking at this a little bit.
00:08:01
Speaker
So growing up, I don't think there was a ton of traditions my family did that I wasn't a fan of. I would say one thing for me is I wouldn't want to force my kids to do something they don't necessarily want to do. So whether that's sports or extracurricular activities at school or something like that, obviously I would encourage them and maybe
00:08:31
Speaker
maybe push them that direction. But at the end of the day, I'm not going to force them to do things they don't want to do. That's one thing growing up that I thought was a little bit forced on me. I grew up playing hockey and baseball and granted I loved him and I wouldn't change anything, but it limited the opportunities for me to do other things. And it was partially due to
00:09:02
Speaker
being forced a little bit to do those things and it just ended up being an expectation. So I think that would be it for breaking. But yeah. What traditions would you like to start or continue?
Family Traditions and Values
00:09:15
Speaker
Yeah, so start or continue got me pretty excited. So yeah, when I grew up,
00:09:24
Speaker
my family would have dinner at the dining room table every night or at least a few nights a week until we grew up and got a little bit older. But that was always really special and important to me after not seeing my parents.
00:09:43
Speaker
Most of the day, whether that was school or there at work, it was nice to have the whole family together and build our relationships together. Another thing, my extended family that lived in the same town that did Sunday night dinners,
00:10:05
Speaker
so weekly dinners together where all of us came together, grand prince house. So that was really impactful to me. I'm now looking back. Other things, little things like movie nights and game nights, setting up your Christmas tree, like December 1st or after Thanksgiving, those are all things that I grew up with and I loved and I would love to continue with our kids. What is one thing you want your child to know you for?
00:10:35
Speaker
Yeah, I think for me it's always being there for them, always being an advocate for them. That is something that my dad has always done a great job with and I want to pass that on to my kids like at the end of the day.
00:10:52
Speaker
you're always a little bit self-centered I feel like until you have kids and then they become the scenario world. So we're in that season of life where that transition is gonna be happening sooner than later. So yeah, I just want them to know I'm always on their side. I'll always be there for them so that they can grow up and have kids of their own and live a wonderful life.
00:11:19
Speaker
What do you want to impart in your kids the most? Yeah, I think one big thing, again, drawing from past experiences, but work ethic. I think me growing up, not under the best financial circumstances or
00:11:43
Speaker
Just basically always having to work hard for everything that I have today. Always being kind and courteous to people, especially people you don't know. Parents of friends, always trying to be the best version of yourself. So I think those are some good characteristics I'd like to impart on my kids. Work ethic, always being
00:12:11
Speaker
being yourself and being nice and respectful. I think that's something that can get lost in the time we live in now, whether people are very self-centered and have this like entitlement. So that's just something I don't ever want my kids to feel entitled. So yeah.
Advice for Upcoming Fathers and Mothers
00:12:37
Speaker
What do you have to say to other upcoming fathers?
00:12:41
Speaker
Yeah, so I mean, as an upcoming father, I think talking to your spouse or your student or another, if you guys just do decide that you want to have kids or you are having kids and maybe it wasn't a clear decision beforehand, just go for it. If you decide you want to do it, just do it. I think there's no, there's always,
00:13:12
Speaker
a better time to do something, but there also isn't a better time to do something. So if you really want it, just start trying as soon as possible, because you're going to end up loving it. And you're going to wish you did it sooner. And then bonus questions. Yeah. All righty. What do you have to say to this generation of men and fathers? Oh.
00:13:41
Speaker
I don't know. I'm trying to think. I think it might be a little easier if I wasn't fathering. But just be the dad you wish you had. I think it can be missed.
00:14:05
Speaker
with work and everything else going on in life, like being there and being present when you have time with your kids is really important. I know that's something that I'm going to do my best with is not being halfway in, whether that's like dinner or spending time with my kids or whatnot, even as they grow up and get older. I want to be intentional about the time that I have with them because it's not forever.
00:14:35
Speaker
And then last question, what do you have to say to this generation of women and mothers? I would say support your husband the best you can. Obviously in today's day and age a lot of the gender stereotypes aren't as prevalent and that's a great thing. So I would say
00:15:04
Speaker
Don't feel like you have to do everything yourself. Talk with your spouse, talk to your significant other, come up with a plan, be there, be supportive. One thing that kind of always has stuck with me in
00:15:20
Speaker
and getting to know my wife's family, her sister and her brother-in-law, so my brother-in-law and sister-in-law. They have four kids and they prioritize their marriage over everything else.
00:15:37
Speaker
So making time to spend with your wife and not always focusing on your kids every second of the day. Just being very intentional with your spouse and your marriage because I think that can get lost once you have kids. It can kind of just
00:15:58
Speaker
You can kind of be numb to it and just forget that you love that person and you made a commitment to be with them for the rest of your life. So I think just being intentional again with your spouse. Yeah, that was good.
Closing and Future Episodes
00:16:18
Speaker
Well, pioneers and beautiful people with that, that concludes this episode. Be sure to be back and catch the next episode. And with that, we'll catch you in the next one. Bye.
00:16:28
Speaker
What traditions do you want to break with your kids? Yeah, I was looking at this a little bit. So growing up, I don't think there was a ton of traditions my family did that I wasn't a fan of. I would say one thing for me is
00:16:49
Speaker
I wouldn't want to force my kids to do something they don't necessarily want to do. So whether that's sports or extracurricular activities at school or something like that, obviously I would encourage them and maybe push them that direction. But at the end of the day, I'm not going to force them to do things they don't want to do. That's one thing growing up that I thought
00:17:18
Speaker
Um, was a little bit forced on me. Um, I grew up playing hockey and baseball and I, granted I loved them and I wouldn't change anything, but it limited the opportunities for me to do other things. And it was partially, um, due to being forced a little bit to do those things. And then it just ended up being an expectation. So I think that would be it for breaking. Um, but yeah.
00:17:47
Speaker
What traditions would you like to start or continue? Yeah, so start or continue got me pretty excited. So yeah, when I grew up,
00:17:59
Speaker
my family would have dinner at the dining room table every night or at least a few nights a week until we grew up and got a little bit older. But that was always really special and important to me after not seeing my parents.
00:18:18
Speaker
Most of the day, whether that was school or there at work, it was nice to have the whole family together and build our relationships together. Another thing, my extended family that lived in the same town, that did Sunday night dinners,
00:18:40
Speaker
so weekly dinners together where all of us came together, Grand Prince house. So that was really impactful to me. I'm now looking back. Other things, little things like movie nights and game nights, setting up your Christmas tree, like December 1st or after Thanksgiving. Those are all things that I grew up with and I loved and I would love to continue with our kids. What is one thing you want your child to know you for?
00:19:10
Speaker
Yeah, I think for me it's always being there for them, always being an advocate for them. That is something that my dad has always done a great job with and I want to pass that on to my kids like at the end of the day.
00:19:27
Speaker
you're always a little bit self-centered, I feel like, until you have kids and then they become the scenario world. So we're in that season of life where that transition is going to be happening sooner than later. So yeah, I just want them to know I'm always on their side. I'll always be there for them so that they can grow up and have kids of their own and live a wonderful life.
00:19:54
Speaker
What do you want to impart in your kids the most? Yeah, I think one big thing, again, drawing from past experiences, but work ethic, I think me growing up, not under the best financial circumstances or
00:20:19
Speaker
Just basically always having to work hard for everything that I have today. Always being kind and courteous to people, especially people you don't know. Parents of friends, always trying to be the best version of yourself. So I think those are some good characteristics I'd like to impart on my kids. Work ethic, always being
00:20:46
Speaker
being yourself and being nice and respectful. I think that's something that can get lost in the time we live in now. Whether people are very self-centered and have this like entitlement. So that's just something I don't ever want my kids to feel entitled. So yeah. What do you have to say to other upcoming fathers?
00:21:16
Speaker
Yeah, so I mean, as an upcoming father, I think talking to your spouse or your student or another, if you guys just do decide that you want to have kids or you are having kids, and maybe it wasn't a clear decision beforehand, just go for it. If you decide you want to do it, just do it. I think there's no, there's always,
00:21:47
Speaker
a better time to do something, but there also isn't a better time to do something. So if you really want it, just start trying as soon as possible, because you're going to end up loving it. And you're going to wish you did it sooner. And then bonus questions. Yeah. All righty. What do you have to say to this generation of men and fathers? Ooh.
00:22:16
Speaker
I don't know. I'm trying to think. I think it might, I think it might be a little easier if I wasn't fathering. But just, just be, be the dad you wish you had. Yeah, I think, I think it's, it can be missed.
00:22:41
Speaker
with work and everything else going on in life. Being there and being present when you have time with your kids is really important. I know that's something that I'm going to do my best with is not being halfway in, whether that's dinner or spending time with my kids or whatnot, even as they grow up and get older. I want to be intentional about the time that I have with them because it's not forever.
00:23:10
Speaker
And then last question, what do you have to say to this generation of women and mothers? I would say support your husband the best you can. Obviously in today's day and age a lot of the gender stereotypes aren't as prevalent and that's a great thing. So I would say
00:23:39
Speaker
Don't feel like you have to do everything yourself. Talk with your spouse, talk to your significant other, come up with a plan, be there, be supportive. One thing that kind of always has stuck with me in
00:23:55
Speaker
and getting to know my wife's family, her sister and her brother-in-law, so my brother-in-law and sister-in-law. They have four kids and they prioritize their marriage over everything else.
00:24:12
Speaker
So making time to spend with your wife and not always focusing on your kids every second of the day. Just being very intentional with your spouse and your marriage because I think that can get lost once you have kids. It can kind of just
00:24:34
Speaker
You can kind of be numb to it and just forget that you love that person and you made a commitment to be with them for the rest of your life. So I think just being intentional again with your spouse. Yeah, that was good. Well, pioneers and beautiful people with that, that concludes this episode. Be sure to be back and catch the next episode. And with that, we'll catch you in the next one. Bye.
00:25:06
Speaker
So,