Become a Creator today!Start creating today - Share your story with the world!
Start for free
00:00:00
00:00:01
Upcoming Fathers (feat. Mirak)
88 Plays2 years ago
In this series, we are digging deeper into current and potential fatherhood. We are peaking through the eyes of several different men, all in different life stages. In this episode, we are interviewing Mirak!
Recommended
Transcript
Introduction to Season Three and Today's Guest
00:00:41
Speaker
Welcome, welcome, welcome beautiful people, welcome pioneers. In case you haven't heard it recently, you are considered a beautiful person if this is your first time listening to us. And if you've been listening for a while, we consider you a pioneer and we are so glad that you are with us regardless. We are in season three through the eyes of men, upcoming fathers. And on here today, we have Mira. So happy to be here.
00:01:11
Speaker
Merak, tell us a little bit about yourself. Yeah, so my name is Merak. I own a food truck, Middle Aching Middle Eastern food called Skewer's food truck. I moved up to Spokane about 12 years ago from Southern California. My family is originally from Lebanon, but we are Armenian by ethnicity. So I take great pride in my
00:01:37
Speaker
culture in my identity, in that ethnicity, in my identity and that. Yeah. So good. All right. First question.
Desire and Readiness for Fatherhood
00:01:48
Speaker
Are you expecting a child or do you want one in the future? I am not expecting a child right now, but yeah, I have always known that I want to be a father and raise children on my own. Are you married or dating?
00:02:07
Speaker
I am not. You said I'm too busy for that. Yeah. I am. I'm married to my business. My Detroit is my Valentine's and my everything. Do you think you're ready to be a dad? I think that is a tough question. I feel like you can never really be ready until it's there.
00:02:35
Speaker
But I've had a lot of friends who have kids that I've been around and I think seeing that has helped me learn
The Responsibility of Imparting Wisdom
00:02:45
Speaker
a lot. And one of the things to learn is that you're never really ready. Yeah. So what are you ready and prepared for as it pertains to fatherhood? I think one of the things that I look forward to most
00:03:02
Speaker
to be a father is being able to impart wisdom and take everything that I've learned in this life, the hard lessons, the experiences and all that and pass it along and raise a child to be, to avoid the mistakes I made,
00:03:29
Speaker
to learn from the experiences that I've had and to just try to improve on my legacy, whatever legacy that is. What are you unprepared for? I think what I feel like I would be unprepared for is everything new, you know, not the fears,
00:03:59
Speaker
of being responsible for a child that's living and breathing and being responsible for something so precious and so innocent and so dependent. I think a lot of that is, in a sense, scary. It's a heavy responsibility. And I don't think it's something to be taken lightly. And I think, again, going back to that last question, something that you can't
00:04:29
Speaker
you can't really prepare for until the time is there and you're there and you're realizing the weight of this. I think that's what I'm prepared for. Is your dad in your life and how do you think that will affect your fatherhood?
Learning from the Absence of a Father
00:04:49
Speaker
So my father actually passed away a couple of years ago. He was
00:04:56
Speaker
an older father. He was, let me see, he was 56, I believe, when I was born. So he was, so he was a bit older. And I think that created it was an interesting dynamic. We weren't, I wouldn't say the closest. He was a little bit distant and not as active in my in my life. And
00:05:25
Speaker
I don't, I didn't learn a whole lot from him. We didn't have that close relationship using somebody that I could turn to for advice or for, um, to answer questions or to give me guidance. And, uh, he, uh, uh, he lived a very full life and I think there's a lot that I learned from just seeing, you know, he, he lived kind of.
00:05:51
Speaker
whimsically, which, which I wish I could do. But, but it also, I mean, it made for a difficult to have that relationship with them, a more serious relationship. I think I learned a lot, even just from that, like, some of the, you know, as a child growing up and in areas that he failed,
00:06:17
Speaker
as a father that I said that I could learn from and make to avoid that and realize you can learn from even that. You can even learn from poor fatherhood or absent fatherhood that at the very least you learned the lesson of what not to do or what to avoid.
00:06:47
Speaker
Could he be a father to someone else's child?
Interest in Adoption Inspired by Foster Work
00:06:50
Speaker
I think this is another one of those hard questions to answer without being on the circuit side. Yes. I could work with foster kids for a little while. And it made me really deeply kind of feel for them, their circumstances.
00:07:16
Speaker
And I would obviously be up to my wife as well, like making a decision with her eventually, wherever she is, but wanting to also adopt because working with foster kids really gave me a heart for that as well. So I think that's one of the things that I also aspire to do.
00:07:45
Speaker
Yeah, not just a biological child, but someone who... Yeah. How many kids do you want? So being Armenian, generally speaking, Armenians don't have tons of kids. However, there was a war recently in Armenia and a lot of young Armenian men died.
00:08:13
Speaker
defending the country. So there was this new like kind of push of like, okay, we need to like repopulate our rates, like we need to grow our numbers. And yeah, I mean, even in the country, like in Armenia, the government basically pays people to have more than three games right now. They've had some new lives. And so there's this new push for Armenians to like,
00:08:42
Speaker
uh to have more kids and it's and it made me wonder I don't know I don't know personally again I feel like my wife has saying that but personally I would uh at least a couple maybe a handle like I said I want to adopt a few so um so more than one or two for sure
00:09:07
Speaker
That's why I did not know that that was going on. You learn something new every day for real. How would you handle the death, miscarriage, stillbirth, sis, et cetera, of your child?
Contemplating the Loss of a Child
00:09:22
Speaker
Yeah, this is definitely a very heavy question. And I've seen some friends go through miscarriages, sudden deaths.
00:09:38
Speaker
And it's really devastating. It is really sad. And it is heartbreaking from my perspective. But if it were to happen to my own child, I think it's one of those things that's incredibly difficult to recover from. But just not knowing what that really feels like until you're there. And I think that it's hard to have
00:10:08
Speaker
empathy without realizing the weight of what the actual experience is. It's really weighty, it's really heavy. What traditions do you want to break with your kids?
Cultural Burdens and Breaking Traditions
00:10:31
Speaker
Yeah. So going back to that, within the Armenian culture, there's a lot of weight that comes from some of our history. There was the Armenian genocide 107 years ago. And my grandparents were survivors of the genocide. And their generation had
00:11:01
Speaker
just trauma from the genocide to live with. And so they raised a generation of Armenians that had a very heavy burden to kind of try to rebuild our race. I mean, their parents were just surviving the trauma. And so they had this heavy weight of rebuilding our culture. And so what my generation was kind of
00:11:31
Speaker
uh inherited what my generation inherited was this weight of a burden of uh we survived the genocide okay well we rebuilt and now it's up to you to uh keep it going yeah and to and to make you know make it all worth it you know and uh it's a very it's a very heavy burden on on my generation uh
00:11:58
Speaker
And so one of the things that, one of the traditions that I want to break, which is within that, it's a cultural issue is being proud of our culture, first of all, which is all our minions are very proud of their culture, but also understanding that whatever they do, they are valued, they are,
00:12:28
Speaker
worthy they are there to do it the best that they can and to represent their family their culture within within whatever it is that they decide to do as opposed to kind of the pressure that was put on my generation was you need to be a doctor a lawyer something you know you have to aim high and
00:12:51
Speaker
And there's a, and yeah, and yeah, so all these like have to, you have to, you have to marry an Armenian, you have to
00:13:00
Speaker
have this many kids or whatever these burdens that was put on my generation, which I understand where it's coming from. And I understand kind of the trauma that it was built out of. But at the same time, it's a tradition that also does weigh us down. And I don't want it to weigh my kids down. Yeah. What traditions do you want to start?
Creating New Traditions and Values
00:13:32
Speaker
But I mean, this is a hard question, not already being in that family setting, not already having, at the very least, the mother of my children. When I think of traditions, I think of something that reminds you of valuable lessons, something that reminds you of a valuable experience.
00:14:03
Speaker
And so building traditions, I think, rooted in what's most valuable to you and things that are most valuable to me, obviously my culture, as we can probably tell, my faith.
00:14:21
Speaker
building traditions that uplift these, celebrate these, and instill these into my kids. I think that's more important than what the tradition is itself, but more so what I want the traditions to represent or build. Yeah. What is one thing you want your child to know you for?
00:14:49
Speaker
Yeah, I think kind of going back to that last question, I want my child to remember me as being someone who was filled with faith, loved the Lord, loved my culture, was proud of the fact that I'm Armenian, proud of the fact that I am a Christian.
00:15:19
Speaker
And hopefully that I did that well, that I modeled that well, and I represented that well. Yeah. What do you want to impart in your kids the most? Keeping it along the same edge. Yeah, it's amazing, of course, that they're valued.
00:15:44
Speaker
that they matter, that they have a firm identity. I think that the most important thing is that I want my kids to feel loved and to understand that they are valued. And I think a big part of that is, first and foremost, you know, the love of the Lord that God created you in His image.
00:16:10
Speaker
It means you matter. It means your value. Even just that alone gives you so much value and purpose. And just to grow up with that peace and that comfort of knowing value and purpose. So good. What do you have to say to other upcoming fathers?
Advice for Future Fathers and Breaking Hate Cycles
00:16:40
Speaker
Good luck. To upcoming fathers, I think it's one of the things to keep in mind is that you can't be perfect. You're gonna mess up and I think what's most important is to go into it understanding that and not be
00:17:04
Speaker
prideful you know proud how to to admit it when you when you've made a mistake and just to uh part of being the best father you can be is to uh be teachable even in the process having uh having mentors or people that you can go to and uh and be willing to admit when you when you've messed up or you've made a mistake and learn from that and grow from that and
00:17:32
Speaker
And as your kids get older, be transparent with that too. Don't hide your mistakes or your failures from your kids and let them see that you're human. And I think that's, you know, I think with my father, I just wish there was more of that transparency. But it was, you know, kind of a colder relationship.
00:18:01
Speaker
And I just, I wish people would be able to have that transparent relationship with the group so that their kids understand and learn from their parents. And we're not perfect. And no one expects you to be perfect, but be humble in that. Yeah. And two bonus questions. I forgot to put them in there.
00:18:31
Speaker
What do you have to say to this generation of men and fathers? I think we're in a very interesting time. Our culture is shifting and there is a lot of tension to say the least. I think one of the biggest roles for fathers
00:19:04
Speaker
For men in general, it's to be generous and patient. Having convictions is a good thing. But understanding that everyone's not going to agree with you, and just because someone doesn't agree with you or doesn't live exactly to your standard, doesn't mean, shouldn't equate to hatred. It shouldn't equate to anger or
00:19:34
Speaker
um war or it really you know like extreme actions. I just wanted yeah I just wanted to be more transparent between between people across across disagreements and and uh and to raise your children to to know that that you you can be
00:20:04
Speaker
friends with people you disagree with and kind of like going back in with Armenians and some of the wars that we've faced, some of the hardships that we face, our enemies paint us as these barbaric people and try to brainwash their kids to hate Armenians and that's, it's really sad.
00:20:32
Speaker
that kids are grown up in that.
00:20:38
Speaker
we should break that cycle. And it's not just, I mean, that seems, you know, racism obviously is a kind of this big, big one that people are like, I'm not really racist. It doesn't have to be that big, even small things if you teach hatred for someone who doesn't agree with your politics or someone who doesn't agree with your, you know, lifestyle or with your faith or with
00:21:05
Speaker
Even from small things, you can teach your children or model your children hatred based on disapproval or disagreement. That's one thing that men have a responsibility to break. And then last question, what do you have to say to this generation of women and mothers?
Advice for Women on Respect in Relationships
00:21:34
Speaker
To this generation of women, I want to say that you are valued and you deserve better. You deserve better. And not to settle for a man that doesn't respect you, that doesn't honor you. There is, you know, there's,
00:22:04
Speaker
trauma, you know, for women, there's trauma that leads to picking poor men and it allows men to then, you know, to be sleazeballs and find a wife that they can then abuse, whether it's emotionally, physically or whatever. So if you're a woman, find someone that loves you and respects you and that's,
00:22:33
Speaker
Have a healthy view of love. And I know that's hard for some people. But don't be scared to wait and be patient because you will find someone that will honor you. And you will find someone that will respect you. And if there's any sign, run. If there's any sign of a person or of disrespect. Yeah.
Episode Conclusion and Listener Engagement
00:23:04
Speaker
Well, with that, pioneers and beautiful people, that concludes this episode. Be sure to be back for the next episode. Go to the Patreon. For those of you who didn't know, Patreon episodes come out three days before the regular episodes and they're ad-free. So for those of you who don't know, go check out the Patreon, go to the website, follow us on Instagram. And with that, you guys have a wonderful, amazing, blessed week. Take this and go change your lives, go change your communities, go change your worlds. And we say bye.
00:23:35
Speaker
So