Become a Creator today!Start creating today - Share your story with the world!
Start for free
00:00:00
00:00:01
Fathers (feat. Pastor Phineas)
91 Plays2 years ago
In this series, we are digging deeper into current and potential fatherhood. We are peaking through the eyes of several different men, all in different life stages. In this episode, we are interviewing Pastor Phineas!
Recommended
Transcript
Introduction to Season Three and Pastor Phineas
00:00:41
Speaker
Welcome, welcome, welcome, beautiful people. Welcome, pioneers. We are in season three through the eyes of men, fatherhood. And today on here, we have one of my spiritual fathers that is so near and dear to my heart. And we have on here today, Pastor Phineas. How are you, my son? Pastor Phineas, tell us a little bit about yourself. Well, Pastor Phineas, I'm super proud to be with you today.
00:01:09
Speaker
Just thanking God for the opportunity to add value to your listeners, but also just to be a part of what you're doing. It's just been exciting to see your journey and the things that you're doing, the amazing path you're taking and the influence you're creating with this podcast as a pioneer.
00:01:28
Speaker
Well, a little bit about
Pastor Phineas' Challenging Upbringing
00:01:30
Speaker
myself. Wow, it's a lot, but in a nutshell, I was born and raised in Kenya, in Africa, born 2.86 pounds premature. I grew up with chronic bronchitis and asthma throughout my childhood. I was very sickly and pretty much at the age of 14, I got diagnosed with three major illness that left me paralyzed on my left side.
00:01:55
Speaker
And it's that time that I was really just in, you know, traumatized and afraid of what the future would hold. Being raised in a family of five, we lived off of less than $2 a day. So pretty much in abject poverty. But having that moment of just being paralyzed was really a turning point in my
Life-Changing Message About Purpose
00:02:20
Speaker
life. That was one of those Eureka moments for me.
00:02:23
Speaker
Somebody gave me a message. It was called Purpose by Design. And I listened to that. It was actually a VHS tape. If I can date myself, that's how fast my business might not know what that is. Similar to DVD. And the message really was all about purpose. That we all have a purpose. How we are born or how we come to this world, we have a purpose and a destiny.
00:02:52
Speaker
And that really ignited something in me because the situations and the conditions I was going through was very similar to the person that was sharing this message. And literally that sent me in motion for the next 17 years to pursue, really find out more about purpose, what purpose is and what my purpose in life is.
00:03:17
Speaker
And I eventually discovered that my assignment was really to get to a point where I help people discover all that they were born to be. So, in essence, my assignment is to help people discover that their call for specific assignment and that that's assignment is their discovery. It's not a decision they have to make, it's a discovery.
Global Impact of Faith City Church
00:03:39
Speaker
And so I believe that we all can be more we all can go farther we all can reach higher just need to breach that person that connects us to who we were meant to be so I lead and pastor church in the Houston area.
00:03:55
Speaker
called Faith City Church. It's about 12 year old church and we're just glad to be making a difference. We've touched over 28 countries and people from all around the world from different walks of life. So that's in essence a little bit about me. Alrighty, first question.
Fatherhood Through a Divine Lens
00:04:16
Speaker
What is fatherhood?
00:04:21
Speaker
Wow, you know that question is very loaded by the way. Yeah. There is really not a definitive description of fatherhood
00:04:33
Speaker
But when I was thinking about fatherhood, because the concept has been very distorted, it's very hard to understand fatherhood in the lens of, in a skewed lens of humanity. And so for me, I could define fatherhood basically from
00:04:55
Speaker
an understanding of God and his love for us, that if we really want to grasp and get a hold of this concept, we cannot understand fatherhood outside of God because God referenced all the things that God would reference himself to. The thing he taught us is that he's a father. When we pray the Lord's praise, he says our father would in heaven.
00:05:21
Speaker
I think fatherhood in human terms is in definition is limited. But if we look at fatherhood from a divine time, its scope is unlimited. And so I would say fatherhood is really a reflection, true fatherhood is a reflection of who God is to us.
Addressing Harmful Stereotypes of Fatherhood
00:05:42
Speaker
What are some generalizations about fatherhood that need to be shut down?
00:05:49
Speaker
Well, I mean, there are plenty, but I think the stereotypes, the stereotypes that a lot of times when you look at people, they tend to categorize and label and basically put people, pigeonhole people in certain clusters, in certain groups, in certain behavior patterns.
00:06:16
Speaker
and so whether it's a deadbeat dad or all those so so those generalization those labels they limit because whenever we put a label on somebody it's based on our limited perception of
00:06:31
Speaker
And so it causes us to define them by, so if you, for instance, if somebody makes a mistake and we define them by their mistake, I think it's Albert Einstein that said that, you know, a fish will live, if you judge a fish by its ability to climb a tree,
00:06:52
Speaker
it will leave its life thinking it's a failure because that's not what its purpose is. A lot of times when we don't have an understanding of things, we tend to label and criticize what we don't understand. And so when we criticize and we label these things, we propagate stereotypes and those generalizations limit because you cannot define people by a limited scope of your understanding of them. Yes.
00:07:24
Speaker
Is fatherhood challenging and why?
Evolving Roles and Expectations in Fatherhood
00:07:27
Speaker
I think in the world today it is. I want to say it is because of the fact that
00:07:38
Speaker
most of humanity right now has defined fatherhood a certain way and there are a lot of limitations as to how people are perceiving who fathers are and so there's an expectation and that expectation limits the
00:08:01
Speaker
it actually limits performance, it limits capacity because there are certain expectations that cannot be met, you know, standards cannot be met by unrealistic standards. So what is challenging is that the roles have also shifted.
00:08:20
Speaker
When we look at today's role, the roles have shifted. It used to be like a father was basically the general provider, right? But then now when you look at the roles today, sometimes the wife or the mother
00:08:38
Speaker
brings the bacon you know so the walls have shifted so whenever there's a shifting in roles then there is a shift in perspective and there's a shift in expectation there's a shift in basically expectations and so that's why it's been challenging because now people are trying to they're trying to meet a standard
00:09:04
Speaker
that is constantly evolving, a standard that is constantly changing. And so that's why it's been, it's challenging. The other thing is also the change in advancement. There's so many dynamics that are hitting, like when you look at what I grew up under, the environments I grew up under compared to the environments that kids are growing up today, or parents are growing up kids in today.
00:09:34
Speaker
The dynamics are constantly changing and we have to get to a point where we understand the evolving dynamics and the changing dynamics.
00:09:46
Speaker
So yes, it's definitely very challenging.
Personal Experiences with Fatherhood
00:09:50
Speaker
It's challenging because also there's so many different roles that come with fatherhood. And it's been challenging to many people because one, they don't even have the time, the energy, or the wherewith, or the resources to go about in fulfilling those roles. So for instance, if you're going,
00:10:12
Speaker
if you're working on a nine to five or eight to five or you have to work 12 hour shift, that means you're going to have to forego and not be able to be there as you're required, which is going to definitely impact your presence and your contribution. And so those shifting dynamics always create challenges. Is your father in your life and how has that affected your fatherhood?
00:10:42
Speaker
Yes, yes, actually, I'm blessed. I'm blessed to have my dad in my life. Now, it wasn't always that way because growing up, he, which I currently now understand that, you know,
00:11:00
Speaker
in life, you know, there's certain roles that as you play, they come with certain consequences. And so it used to be, I felt like, oh, maybe my dad was not there. He needed to have been there more.
00:11:14
Speaker
But later on in life, I began to realize the responsibilities. You have to sacrifice. You have to give up one thing to get something else. You have to give up to go up. So there are things as a father that you would have to give up.
00:11:31
Speaker
and sacrifice so that the kids and the family can get to enjoy. So in my life, initially growing up, my dad worked a lot. He was a cab driver in the valley in the morning, come late at night. And so really did not have him around.
00:11:48
Speaker
a lot but later on in life as I took on responsibilities of fatherhood it also helped me to begin to understand and relate with him differently and so we've connected at a much deeper level in my adulthood than it was a childhood
00:12:07
Speaker
And he's been very instrumental as far as really showing me and molding that example of just strength and resilience. One thing that he's been is just a person of strength. So good. Was being a daddy your plan or was it God's plan?
Leaving a Spiritual Legacy
00:12:30
Speaker
Wow. Is that a trick question? Well, it depends if you're talking about, are you referencing to being a dad as far as having a child? Because I consider myself a dad too.
00:12:50
Speaker
spiritual daughters as well and spiritual sons. But as far as physically being a dad, I think one of my desires is to leave a spiritual legacy. And so having kids was one of my
00:13:09
Speaker
long time actually. And God has blessed me with two wonderful, beautiful kids. A daughter that's going to be 11 and a son that's going to be seven. So just excited about raising them up. Yeah, but I believe it's in the entire plan of God. I believe that God says that He knows the plans He has for us, plans for good.
00:13:35
Speaker
And so this plan, I believe it was his plan to give me this, to steward these two kids. Yeah. Have you and your spouse ever had to deal with a miscarriage or stillbirth and how did you get through that?
Supporting Through Miscarriages
00:13:51
Speaker
Well, unfortunately, by the grace of God, we've not. But I do have friends and close family members that have gone through the miscarriage, including my brother. My brother had to. He went through a miscarriage. And it's not easy for any parent. They say one of the most difficult thing is for a parent to lose a child.
00:14:19
Speaker
And so it's not an easy thing, but one of the things that helped them navigate through that was me coming alongside them, as well as just creating community and just engaging at the level of really just praying in the ministry of presence. Because sometimes people just want to know you're there and not that you're trying to fix it, because that's not something you can fix. So it's just a ministry of presence, yes.
00:14:49
Speaker
It's so good.
Building Close Relationships with Kids
00:14:50
Speaker
Do you have a good slash close relationship with your kids?
00:14:54
Speaker
I want to choose to believe so. You know, sometimes you don't know unless you hear from their perspective because you might be thinking you're a great dad, but they think that you're not, or you just are based on certain things that they, but I wanted to say I do have a close relationship. We talk in a lot and especially on the core issues of the heart. And I try to create an atmosphere where they can be themselves around me.
00:15:23
Speaker
that I'm able to align where they are and what they require, what they need. So I will say that I do have a good relationship with my kids and a close relationship. When my daughter was born, I spent the first
00:15:40
Speaker
12 days with her because her mom got sick of preeclampsia and had to be in the hospital and pretty much stayed with her and I raised my daughter all through literally through her first I think four or five years until she would be able to go to school I stayed with her same thing to my son I had some ample time because of my flexibility and schedule
00:16:08
Speaker
So yeah, so I've spent some quality time with them and we're close. What do your kids do that soften your heart?
Children's Spiritual Interests and Involvement
00:16:22
Speaker
I think it's their love for the things that God has called me to do or their love for God. It really does help me to see them, you know, like I want to be with me in the space that I've
00:16:38
Speaker
I'm called to. One of the things I say is that ministry is a difficult thing by itself, but to see the kids wanting to be and to go where I'm called to, to be, that's been a blessing. It's been very helpful to literally see them want to serve God and love God and be
00:17:01
Speaker
at the church, that's all that's going to hide because I want to do this so that they can also, I want to, God works generationally, he works relationally, but also he works relationally. And so I want my kids to get to a point where they can also serve and love God. So good.
Heart-Focused Discipline
00:17:22
Speaker
How do you deal with disobedience physically and emotionally?
00:17:36
Speaker
But I think conversation, one of the things is dialogue. I try to enforce dialogue because, you know, foolishness is bound in the heart of the child. And so sometimes helping them to see and communicate with them. And also just after every correction, reaffirming their identity by letting them know they're not up less, but we have to deal and confront the issue.
00:17:54
Speaker
Oh, so I don't know if I want to.
00:18:06
Speaker
But I think in this day and time, people are really about physically addressing correction. But biblically, the Bible says that the road of correction drives it away. So we can either get into debates about what
00:18:29
Speaker
you know, what does society want, what's acceptable, but there's also what's scripturally and what's truth. But the driving force should always be a correction that brings about the kind of correction that brings about
00:18:50
Speaker
changed behavior. True correction happens when the heart is transformed, not just behavior, outward behavior changes. So my thing when it comes to disobedience is dealing with the core of the heart issue, not just the core.
00:19:13
Speaker
Yeah, because a lot of times you can force them to do something, but if their heart is not set on hope, then you're losing battle. So, wanting for them to really have the core of why you're doing what you're doing. What are you trying to or what do you want to instill in your son?
Key Values: Kindness and Gratitude
00:19:34
Speaker
Well, one thing, not just my son, but both of my kids, my sons and daughters, one of the things I want them to learn is kindness.
00:19:45
Speaker
The world is so cruel. And there are a lot of things that people face. And sometimes we can be inhumane. And my number one thing I want my kids to learn is just kindness, to be kind to people, to love people from where they are and work with people to be who they're supposed to be. I think a lot of times we love people because they're acceptable to us or they feed our friends.
00:20:15
Speaker
But I want them to learn kindness, to learn compassion because that's the essence of humanity. It's truly just having compassion for people and loving people. The other thing that I want them to learn
00:20:28
Speaker
is just to have gratitude, you know, because we live in a generation of people who are entitled. So there's a lot of just entitlement, but
00:20:47
Speaker
I don't want my kids to be entitled. I want them to just be grateful for every little thing that they have, because every little thing that they have is a blessing from God. And so I want to choose to believe that those are two core, you know, more than anything. Of course, there's a spiritual legacy of them loving and serving God, but more than anything, character-wise, I want them to be kind and I want them to have gratitude.
00:21:18
Speaker
What are some unspoken promises, principles, characteristics, et cetera, that you want them to grasp just by watching you?
Lessons of Resilience and Courage
00:21:28
Speaker
I think one of it is, I've already said, which is kindness, but the other thing I also want them to see is resilience, is courage, is the strength to press on beyond the challenges of life. I've had a very challenging and trying time in life and so
00:21:52
Speaker
uh just the the the challenge of walking through that path has just you know it's just it's a it's it's it's been a lot and so um i just want them to see that no matter what they go through in life that they they they can make it
00:22:10
Speaker
I also want them to really have the capacity to dream, to see that they can have a dream and actualize their dreams. So I wrote a book called From Dreaming to Becoming Tennis, and it says, thanks for living the life of your dreams. And that's one of the things that I want them to know that no matter where you are, you can be more, you can go farther, you can reach higher than you ever thought possible. Yeah.
Parenting as a Sacred Responsibility
00:22:39
Speaker
How do you incorporate your walk with Christ into your parenting? So it's not one and the other. My walking with Christ is not one thing that needs to be incorporated. It's who I am. It's not like Christ is there and I'm here. I think it's just, well, number one thing, I have to be who God intends for me to be in their lives.
00:23:08
Speaker
and I'm not their friend, I'm their parent. So I need to distinguish it. Their friendship is forged, but the number one role I have is to instill character and discipline. The Bible talks about children obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right. So now the parenting,
00:23:31
Speaker
God doesn't give you kids that he didn't give you ability to steward. So if I have the ability to steward them, so it's my responsibility to steward them. So yes, I wouldn't say that it's something you actually
00:23:50
Speaker
it's who you are, so it's not something you do, you incorporate, it's actually who you are. So I think everything we do that Baba talks about that we are doing it as unto the Lord, if it's parenting, setting an example, of course you're going to fail. A lot of times it's people, I'm not about perfection, I am about progress, you know. How do we
Harmonizing Family, Ministry, and Personal Time
00:24:13
Speaker
move? Even if I don't become the best parent to them,
00:24:17
Speaker
how do I move the needle father along uh father from what I saw father from what I experienced so they can take the needle father as well you know so uh it's it's really being Christ-like and and and and and and uh getting to that point so good how do you balance work spouse ministry kids and your own personal walk with God I know you didn't ask that question
00:24:58
Speaker
It's not really balanced. I want to say it's just being where you are so that because you're not going to... The assignment for ministry is different from just a job. A job you can clock in and clock out.
00:25:17
Speaker
the assignment always is who you are and that's why I tell people you bring your family along with you in your journey and that's why a good spouse or good father will create an atmosphere where
00:25:36
Speaker
the family can come alongside the vision and be part of the vision because it's not just something you do, it's who you are. That's you're all called, you now have an assignment, so you're building around it. So one of the things that I do is I try to, and now more than anything, just as you grow, you develop and you mature in certain areas, I had a very tough time at the beginning because
00:26:06
Speaker
at the beginning, you have to really sacrifice a lot. Is there anything in business or you're running a restaurant or anything, you have to give up to go up. So you give up quite a bit at the beginning, but eventually you gotta get to a point where I begin to understand how do I create space for everything else? So it's creating emergence and space that allows you to,
00:26:33
Speaker
And then being where you are, so if I'm at work, I'm at work. If I'm at home, I need to be home. If I'm with my kids, I need to be there, not shown in between. So it's a balance here. What challenges do you have as the head of house and how do you overcome them?
Leading with Obedience and Faithfulness
00:26:55
Speaker
I think you're always wanting to know that you're leading the family in the direction that God wants you to go. And so one of the challenges is just knowing, are you in tune with what God is speaking to you for your family? Because you can't see them where you've not gone.
00:27:13
Speaker
You cannot be an example if you're not following his example, you know, so, so it's just a matter of following in and pursuing the path in submitting to the process. So the challenge is, is really knowing how do I continue to be consistent, even when I don't, you know, I'm not
00:27:33
Speaker
You're not always going to know where you're heading or where everything is going to be. You have a sense of vision, but you don't know how. And so one of the things is just to stay obedient to God, to stay faithful to the call. So you ask me how to overcome them. I just stay obedient, no matter if I understand or not. Sometimes you want to be obedient, but you can't understand. I want to be obedient no matter what.
00:28:03
Speaker
I want to be faithful in season and out of season. I want to be thankful to the Lord here. The challenges are definitely there.
00:28:18
Speaker
And they're going to be there because you're not always going to agree on everything. And you're going to disagree. You're going to look at things differently. Perspectives are always going to be different. At the end of the day, it's not so much so about a preference as it is about his purpose. When we give up our preferences and we allow the purpose,
00:28:41
Speaker
we can be able to accomplish greater because greater is he that is in us. So if we are walking towards, the scripture says that many of the plants in the Mass are, but it's the purpose of God that will stand. So if there's a purpose that God has for us, if we stay on that path, that's the purpose that's going to yield results. So no matter where you are and how you feel, sometimes you have to give up your feelings in what you want to accomplish what he desires, you know.
00:29:10
Speaker
That's a part of seeking first the kingdom and his righteousness and all this added What falls through the cracks because of whatever is happening on a daily basis what area are you slacking in?
Addressing Self-Care Needs
00:29:25
Speaker
I want to say self-care. Self-care is one of the areas that I have observed I don't do faithfully and I'm actively trying to cover our time. Actually, hopefully this year I want to take a sabbatical for a month and just take
00:29:42
Speaker
time for myself. Self-care is one of those things that you, I mean, you literally don't, you, I mean, because you're taking care of everything and everyone else, and so you find that, yeah, so another thing is trying to create a discipline to constantly
00:30:02
Speaker
spend some time to work out so that I can be a healthy state of mind, you know. Sometimes maybe getting, you know, like reflexology massage that helps me with my feet because sometimes my feet hurt a lot and flat footed. So that those kind of things, just personal time that is needed to cover the energy for where I'm trying to go. Yeah.
The Importance of Self-Awareness
00:30:30
Speaker
Do you find yourself overcompensating in any way for any reason? I want to say no, because one of the things that I've come into touch with is my identity. The reason we overcompensate
00:30:46
Speaker
We've not really dealt with our insecurities. We've not dealt with our, we're not self-aware. So when you're not self-aware, you have to do those things because you're seeking validation. I am not, I'm one person that I'm safe in my skin. I'm comfortable in who I am. I've come into terms with who I am and what I'm not.
00:31:10
Speaker
And so I don't feel the need to have to compensate because I feel that I know who I am. And so my identity is not wrapped in what I do or what I have. My identity is based on who I am, based on what Christ has done in me.
00:31:28
Speaker
Just having that assurance of knowing who you are in Christ, then you don't have to have to do so much outwardly because you're trying to conceal or hide some things about you. No, I'm an open book, what you see is what you get. So if I'm not your person, I'm just not your tribe, but I don't feel the need to. What do you do on the days you want to quit?
Purpose and Testimonials for Motivation
00:31:57
Speaker
The days I want to create, I have to reflect back on the why. If you have a compelling why, if you have a compelling why, he who has a compelling why can deal with any how.
00:32:17
Speaker
when you know why you're doing what you're doing. And this is why people like you give me a reason to keep going because I see that the investment and the time that has been poured into has not been wasted, but it's been invested in the desirable future. So now that's where we are.
00:32:42
Speaker
You're a perfect example of what keeps me going is when I see people doing what it is that we've helped them discover their purpose, their assignment in life and what they're capable of, then that keeps me going.
00:32:59
Speaker
I rely a lot on what I hear the testimonials of the people's lives looking at the results because you can't quantify success by numbers. You have to qualify by the impact in the people's lives and the impact is revealed by the results that they demonstrate on the day to day basis.
00:33:19
Speaker
So I always feel like quitting every day, but I don't quit because I have to put it in front of me why I keep doing this. But I'll be lying if I tell you I don't feel like quitting every day. I feel like sometimes I feel like I don't even know why I'm doing this. Yeah. Amen. Likewise. Yeah.
The Role of Mentors and Spiritual Leaders
00:33:44
Speaker
Go has helped support you through your journey as a father.
00:33:49
Speaker
I want to say I've submitted to a few leaders that have had a significant impact. One of them is Paul so Sammy. He's been a, you know, really model of, of a father to me being that he's fathered me into ministry, but also just walked with me through some of the issues in my personal life as I
00:34:13
Speaker
mature. Also my dad has been there especially just encouraging and praying for me and staying with me. That has been very important to just have that kind and then I also just have people like my local pastor here that encourages me and checks on me and prays for me
00:34:38
Speaker
And so, yeah, so I've had people who, and especially I think for me, most people that have been there for me, not only have been there physically, but they've modeled what life looks like in this role that I'm stepped into, they're fully unaware. So now I'm able to reference and see, man, they've done this, they went through this. So yeah, those kinds of things.
Significance of Spiritual Fathers
00:35:09
Speaker
Is a spiritual father as important as a biological or at-home father? Man, it's very important. He's a spiritual. Here's what a lot of people don't understand.
00:35:25
Speaker
Your biological father cannot be everything to you because that's the role. Their role is to help you form your identity. The role of a father is to help you develop into the person you intended to be. They give you identity. When Jesus, before Jesus ever did anything, God says, this is my beloved son in whom I'm well pleased.
00:35:53
Speaker
You hear, you hear me? So God is affirming Jesus because that's the role of a father, is bringing affirmation and identity to the child.
00:36:04
Speaker
As you have a physical father that birth to you in the natural, you need a spiritual father that can birth you in spiritual things. They can help you to develop and grow spiritually. A lot of people grow physically, but they've not developed spiritually and they stay premature because they're not willing to submit
00:36:24
Speaker
to somebody that can help them to grow. So all of a spiritual father is not to replace your earthly father, it's to to usher you into a new dynamic, into a new dimension of operating from because you're a spirit, you have a soul, you live in a body and so your physical death
00:36:43
Speaker
Joseph was able to facilitate Jesus' growth on Earth, but he did it spiritually, you know. It was like the Holy Spirit to bring about, you know, the spiritual formation in Jesus' life. So we need both. You need both a biological and a spiritual there. And for those who are
00:37:08
Speaker
blessed to have both in one, that's a blessing, but if you're not, then you need to identify somebody who you can be accountable to that can help you birth into the things that God has intended for you. Everybody doesn't have capacity to father you. Paul says we have many
00:37:30
Speaker
teachers but not many fathers and that's the thing people can teach but it takes a special person to birth you into the things of God and to mature you into the purposes of God. So good. What do you wish you were told about fatherhood beforehand?
Character and Identity in Fatherhood
00:37:49
Speaker
You know, I think the role of fatherhood is an evolving role. So it's not something that you need to walk into really like knowing all the pieces. But if there was one thing, it's just the weight of it, I think.
00:38:10
Speaker
most people underestimate and overestimate the roles of fathers but underestimate the weight of what it takes to be one. It takes a lot of character development, it takes a lot of maturity, it takes a lot of sacrificing and dying to self to really say you can call yourself a father and you
00:38:35
Speaker
you're not dying to self. You have to constantly die to self so you can give those you love what you desire for them to have. So it's really knowing the weight of it. Even spiritually, I'm learning just how to restrain myself in so many areas so that I can, when you think about the story of the prodigal son, it's called the story of the prodigal son, but it's actually the story of a loving father.
00:39:05
Speaker
Look at that, that when the sun returns, the father doesn't work on reciting what the Sunday for his identity. And that's the thing, as a father, your number one role is to help
00:39:19
Speaker
your sons whenever they fall, wherever they go, wherever they go to restore the identity. That's who God is like us. He's always wanted to restore us into the identity of who He created us to be. So as a father, accountability is not calling the children out of their mistakes. It's calling them to who God called them to be.
00:39:40
Speaker
So much of what you're doing is speaking life and potential into what otherwise is not displayed, which is what is not displaying the kind of behavior you want. So as a father, you need a lot of patience, you need a lot of strength, you need a lot of
00:39:56
Speaker
resilience and courage to navigate through those moments just to be able to and also just believing because it's a lot of believing that Paul says my little children who have traveled until Christ be formed in you. There's a formation process that takes time and you need patience to wait until that formation process comes.
00:40:20
Speaker
Sometimes it comes, sometimes it doesn't. Sometimes it's later on in the years that they finally get it, but you're still required to be consistent as a father in nurturing and birthing those things. What is one thing you wish you were told by your father?
00:40:40
Speaker
One thing I wish I was told initially growing up was just hearing him more reaffirm me more in terms of identity, in terms of just knowing what I'm capable of. I think over the years later on in life, like I come from a
00:40:58
Speaker
a cultural background, a traditional background where fathers are not as sentimental, they're not as emotional. So I didn't have, oh, I love you growing up, or we love you.
00:41:15
Speaker
you're doing well or you know I'm proud of you we didn't have that. Now I do because of the relationship performed with my dad but I think the formative years it would have been best to hear that because it just reaffirms the direction especially when you're grown with a lot of challenges it does show and reaffirm. So yeah that's one thing that
00:41:42
Speaker
I wish I could have had more growing up.
Purpose Over Societal Roles
00:41:46
Speaker
What is one thing you were told by your father that you use often?
00:41:52
Speaker
I think one thing I'm very encouraged by my dad is just he's the encouragement that he is like he just like he's always it's gonna be okay it's gonna be all right he's always and I use that because like even when I if I would call him right now on the phone the first thing he
00:42:17
Speaker
I know things are going to get hard, but I just want to know it's going to be OK. So it's always bad. It's like it's not going to kill you. Just keep going. And that has always helped me. I know that I can always count on them for encouragement. Yeah. What is one thing you want to tell other fathers?
00:42:43
Speaker
I think I want to tell others that they're not defined by their roles, that they need to find value outside of what they do because roles shift. You still are who you are. The problem with society today is that we define ourselves based upon
00:43:01
Speaker
the roles that we play. So we have to get to a point where in life we understand who we are, that we were not created to do everything. So as a father, even though you're functioning in different roles, you have to know who you are. Your identity is found in your purpose, not your role. So a true father has to learn how to define their worth based upon God's purpose, not the society's role.
00:43:30
Speaker
So the pressure of trying to meet all these expectations, you don't need to, you just need to be who God called you to be and fulfill the assignment that God has placed you here on earth. And you can say well done, good and faithful servant. The other thing is as a father,
00:43:46
Speaker
We cannot allow society to use our failures and our weaknesses to define who we are. We are not defined by faults and failures, but our passion and pursuit of God's purpose. So I think one of the things I want to tell them is that, look, you are not defined by your mistakes. A lot of times people, if it's broken homes,
00:44:10
Speaker
the mothers or the wives want to push all your dad does, your dad that, his dad did. And so that creates their forms, their identity. Our identity is secure in who God is in us. We know that we are too complex to be defined by a single moment of failure or wrong judgment or wrong decision. What do you tell your kids often?
Instilling Confidence and Purpose in Children
00:44:40
Speaker
that I love them, that I believe in them, I pray for them every morning before they leave the house, I declare who they are, I declare what they, I speak destiny over them, I bless them every morning. I want them to, the first thing they hear is affirmation, is knowing that they will have a blessed day, they are protected, they are covered, they are going to make it,
00:45:08
Speaker
And I try as best as I can to always, every morning, speak, pray over them, prophesy, decree over them before they go to school. What do you think needs to be talked about more as it pertains to fatherhood?
Fathers as Pillars of Society
00:45:26
Speaker
I think we've minimized the roles of fathers in society. And that's because we've demonized the process because the enemy wants fathers to be significant in society and fathers are actually the pillars and the core of society. So if we minimize their role, then we actually cause the society to be destabilized. I think we need to talk more about fatherhood and the roles of the role of fathers in
00:45:52
Speaker
in society and what kind of impact that they make and why they exist and what they're here for. Yeah. Do you think there's a lack of fathers and why?
00:46:09
Speaker
Yeah, because it's not been modeled. It's not been modeled. And those who are struggling to believe and accept their role because just of how diluted it's been. And that's important for us to start talking about fatherhood. And fatherhood not from malehood. You know, a lot of people see the difference between being a male and a father. A male, basically, you can sire kids, but you might not be their father, you know?
00:46:39
Speaker
the goal is not just having kids, the goal is how do we, how do we, fatherhood is basically you're a protector, you're a cultivator, you are cultivating that into, you're cultivating them into their God purpose, into their, so we have to understand, and the one thing that we think is
00:47:01
Speaker
you can grow up in a single mother's home. But I want to tell you something. There are things that only fathers can instill in their kids. And they have to instill in their mothers can instill in their kids. And so if we negate one or if we minimize one and amplify another, we basically abdicate the process and miss out on what you can benefit from both.
00:47:28
Speaker
And that's why no matter how bad things get you, you cannot deny your kids the ability to experience both because they need both. So, so good.
Generational Challenges and Resilience
00:47:40
Speaker
What is your hope for your future as a father and what is your hope for your kids? My hope is that I will really develop it to becoming not just to be to be really
00:47:54
Speaker
I wanna be not just an example, but I wanna be able to walk with people into this process of fatherhood and to really, I ask God to help me die to myself so that I can begin to live to a greater purpose, where I can model fatherhood differently, where I can be a different type of father spiritually, but also naturally,
00:48:23
Speaker
to my kids, I want to be a different type of father. I want them to really find grounding and direction and hope when they're around me that I become a reason why they're able to achieve significant things in life. When you think about people like Serena and Vanessa Williams, their father was not a tennis player, a famous tennis player.
00:48:51
Speaker
but his role in their life, grounded them to become. And that's the thing, you don't have to have been a master in fathering. If you develop capacity to, you can father your kids into their greatness. So I hope for my kids that I'm able to father them into their greatness so that they can be what they want to be.
00:49:17
Speaker
Do you think this generation of fathers have things harder or easier than you have them? Man, I don't think they.
00:49:28
Speaker
It's really it's a relative question because the fact is it's circumstantial. It's based on what are we looking in reference to because you can't have apples to apples and oranges to oranges. But what I do know is that there are values that we are losing and there is a backbone that I grew up with that I'm seeing.
00:49:49
Speaker
uh we don't have and so as a result it's creating uh um you know it's creating um we command because the fact that they're not able to go through the tough times and
00:50:06
Speaker
um and they're not able to go through these tough times and be who the I think um there was a saying that hard times create a strong man and strong men create good times and good times create weak men and weak men creates hard times and so it's an ongoing cycle so if we have had times people develop a backbone people become
00:50:31
Speaker
But when we have this good times, it creates weak men and weak men times. And I think that's where we are. We are the preppices of, you know, just tough people going back to their hard times because of the weak men and the lack of true fathering. Okay. Last two questions.
Striving Towards Betterment
00:50:52
Speaker
What do you have to say to this generation of men and fathers?
00:51:00
Speaker
It's a lot to say, but I've been saying it along as we were having this conversation. But one thing I would say is to encourage them, no matter how hard it gets, to keep pressing towards becoming a better version of themselves. I think mothers are very underestimated and uncelebrated. When you look at how mothers are celebrated on Mother's Day,
00:51:24
Speaker
ignored. The truth is the reality is the fathers have been ignored for so long. What I want to do is to use this time to say you can be everything God called you to be, that no matter who identifies or sees your role and he who sees in the secret will reward you in the open.
00:51:52
Speaker
And so it's understanding that our role doesn't become insignificant relative to the inability of those around us to identify our significance. So we are still important. We are still needed. Society needs fathers. It needs people.
00:52:10
Speaker
who are going to make a difference, who are going to let the light shine and really act and transform many people's lives. And fathers, we are there to our kids. And if we can just teach our kids that they can be all they were born to be and that they have greatness inside of them, we'll help them birth greatness.
00:52:32
Speaker
And so I also want to again echo the whole idea that you're not defined by your failures or your mistakes. God has a plan over your life and it's a plan for good. And He wants you to step into that place with greater clarity. Yeah.
Respecting the Role of Fathers
00:52:49
Speaker
And last question, what do you have to say to this generation of women and mothers?
00:52:56
Speaker
Well, I think it's gonna sound controversial, but I wanna say if we can work
00:53:04
Speaker
twice as much when identifying the strength and the importance of fathering as opposed to the weaknesses and failures in men, we can make a difference in society. I think women have amplified so much the inadequacies of men and their inabilities in their capacity as fathering that it's made them lose respect for fathering.
00:53:31
Speaker
And so when they lose respect, they're not able to receive or to give opportunity for the men to become what they're supposed to be. So I think they, I will say to this generation of women and mothers that you need to train your kids to walk in honor and respect towards
00:53:51
Speaker
Dear fathers, whether you like them or not, honor is not something we do because people deserve it. We honor people because it's incumbent upon us. We are honorable. I think creating a culture of honor where women and mothers can honor men and fathers, I think that would create an environment where even dialogue can be heard.
00:54:19
Speaker
But we go around calling people dogs and say how they're not good for nothing. And then wonder why they perform at that level, you know.
00:54:32
Speaker
Yeah, people will ascend to the level of the prescriptions you label them with. And so really get into this place of saying, look, there's more in you. I think this society of women, we're so, I think because there's so much bitterness that we don't have queens. We have beaded women and we don't have queens that understand to speak to kings.
00:55:00
Speaker
We got to get to a point where we speak into men and into fathers who are meant to be more than we speak what they're not, you know? And so calling greatness, declaring who the
00:55:14
Speaker
Like, start with your sons. If you don't believe in your husband or your significant other being that, start calling your sons into what they're supposed to be. You know, when I look at like Kanye West has just been so, people call him narcissist and so self-centered, but there is, the strength he has has come from this place of just his mother, you know,
00:55:42
Speaker
what his mother reaffirmed in him and what she said of him. So I wonder if we can start telling our sons who they are and speaking over their destiny and declaring who they are, as opposed to pronouncing what their fathers are not. I think we can start making a difference. Oh, that is so, so good.
Conclusion and Call to Action
00:56:04
Speaker
Take me to church.
00:56:08
Speaker
Oh, God, that was meaty. Oh, that was so good. Pastor, thank you so much for that. That was just, mm, mm, mm, mm. I don't even have any words. Well, it's rapid fire. You have to be answering all these questions. Babe, you got it done. We got it done. Yes, we did.
00:56:32
Speaker
Well, kind of you need some beautiful people with that. That concludes the end of this episode. If this blessed you in any way, please go share this with someone. Take this and run. Make sure that you're using this to change your life, your community, and the world. Go to the Patreon. Go to the website. Follow us on Instagram. And with that, we'll see you in the next episode. Bye, guys.
00:56:58
Speaker
so