Become a Creator today!Start creating today - Share your story with the world!
Start for free
00:00:00
00:00:01
Upcoming Fathers (feat. Joshua)
91 Plays2 years ago
In this series, we are digging deeper into current and potential fatherhood. We are peaking through the eyes of several different men, all in different life stages. In this episode, we are interviewing Joshua!
Recommended
Transcript
Theme Introduction
00:00:41
Speaker
Welcome, welcome, welcome beautiful people, welcome pioneers. We are finally in season three through the eyes of men, upcoming fathers, talking to men who don't have kids but want them. And today we have on here Josh. So Josh, tell us a little bit about yourself.
00:00:57
Speaker
Yeah, so I'm a dude from Washington. I'm 26 and I didn't think I would get to this age. Honestly, didn't think so. Yeah, I know.
Meet Josh: Background and Aspirations
00:01:09
Speaker
And I am currently dating and man, I've been in ministry off and on for the past decade and I'm a big music lover and a big movie guy. But most of all, I enjoy people and I enjoy the relationships in my life quite a bit.
00:01:27
Speaker
Alrighty, first question. Are you expecting a child to do you want one in the future?
00:01:31
Speaker
Oh, I'm not expecting a child. I think that'd be off character. I think we'd have like a different podcast going at this point. Although, no, I do want kids in the future. At what point? I mean, it's kind of hard to tell right now because financially it's kind of tough. But I do want kids because I think that breaking generational curses is a big deal. I kind of want to commit to that with my kids.
00:02:00
Speaker
Do you think you're ready to be a dad? Right now? You know, I think, oh, that's a good question. There's a kind of a dichotomous answer because on one hand, yeah, but on the other hand, no. When I say yes, it's because yes, I physically could and I could make it work and it could actually even push me to be a better man right now. And would I be able to have the same lifestyle that I'm living now? Probably not. But I mean, that's a sacrifice you make.
00:02:30
Speaker
Um, no, if I want to put it off, like, yeah, I could have a better lifestyle that I could support my kids in and like have this, you know, ideal, you know, American dream situation. But, um, so if I want to have kids now, it'd be harder, but could be worthwhile. If I want to have kids later, it may be a little bit easier, but who knows? Maybe,
Fatherhood Readiness and Influence
00:02:51
Speaker
maybe, maybe either one is a good idea. Yeah. So in what way are you ready and prepared for as it pertains to fatherhood?
00:03:01
Speaker
What way am I ready and prepared for? I think in one way I'm ready is I think I can handle the responsibility of it. And I've raised a dog from a baby to now an adult. So I feel like I've got a handle on like, okay, my frustrations and like, how do I handle like just my anger and stuff in discipline? But I think I'm ready in the fact that I know the responsibility. I think it could handle it. Not ready.
00:03:30
Speaker
I think just financially I might want to be in a better spot. But again, that's just a want, not necessarily a need. Yeah. Is your dad in your life and how do you think that will affect your fatherhood? So how's my dad in real life and how would that affect my kids? Is your dad in your life and how do you think that will affect your fatherhood? He is. I've had to kind of unlearn a lot of how my father's done his
00:03:59
Speaker
Parenting because he got married in a very like weird way like he had his first kid when he was in college but like they ended up actually aborting the kid and They got married after that and it was just kind of a weird situation. He had to finish college like get a job and it was just so they had to figure it out along the way and That's definitely not how I want to do it. Yeah, and I think that
00:04:29
Speaker
For me personally, I want to have
Family Planning and Challenges
00:04:32
Speaker
wrestled a lot with my character first so that I know what things to look out for as I'm raising my kid, whether it's anger issues or whether it's how do I handle really hard times and how do I model that.
00:04:49
Speaker
that ideal in front of my child in a way that they can model after because I had to kind of figure out what the ideal father figure was way after growing up. But mentors are important. Could you be a father to someone else's child? I think yeah. Yeah. I think every man of God should have that ability.
00:05:18
Speaker
Some fathers are, or like some young people simply being like the embodiment of Christ in their life can be an incredibly useful thing. Um, oftentimes we think of being a father is like, we're like really old and stuff. The reality is like kids who are like 10, 12, 13, and somebody who's in their twenties, like,
00:05:42
Speaker
They could be their dad, I guess, in a way. But yeah, I think you can just model, be there for them and pour into their life and just be a genuine friend to them. And I think that could fill that fatherly void that they might have in their life. How many kids do you want?
00:06:05
Speaker
Oh, geez. I think it would depend on how much my wife wants to. I don't know if I can answer that fully. I think three is a good one, like three or four. Yeah. Anything more than any is too much. Oh, that's funny. No, I think maybe three or four. Yeah.
00:06:23
Speaker
Yeah, have a little tribe going, you know. I have a friend of mine, he's the same one. I think he said he wanted a football team and I was like, oh my God, no, why are we friends? I think it'd be hard. I didn't even want to be married, really, just because of the way my parents' situation worked out. But over time, I'm like, I really don't want to be alone when they die, you know? And it would be really great to just be me.
00:06:47
Speaker
I mean, the gallon dating right now, she's said that she doesn't want kids immediately. And I'm like, neither do I. But later down the road, you know, it'd be great to just be us. But at the same time, it's like, your parents are going to die. Your grandparents are going to die. And all that's going to be less is just your family. Yeah. Yeah. Wow. How would you handle the death, miscarriage, stillbirths, et cetera, of your child?
00:07:16
Speaker
Wow. I think that that is an excellent question because there are people in my life that have dealt with that.
00:07:25
Speaker
I think as a, I think it would trouble me, but I think I would be able to handle it. I think it'd be a way bigger deal for my, for my wife simply because like this is something that's happening to her. And I'm like, I can't empathize with it. I can like bear with her emotions in it. Um, it would be, it would suck for sure. How would I deal with it? I would definitely need to, you know, talk with one of my mentors. Somebody who's really close with me and just have them share that burden. Um, and.
00:07:56
Speaker
just to wait it out. Time really does make a big difference, I think, in trauma.
00:08:06
Speaker
Ooh, I want to break the terrible food cycle, or like fit my family. Sorry, I know this isn't like a tradition, but like my family like historically sucks at making food. That was like terrible food, what is that? So my family like has always been like mashed potatoes, corn and chicken. And I'm like, I love those things.
00:08:27
Speaker
But there are other things in the world that we can eat. I want to be a place where we're super hospitable. I want it to be a tradition where our home is known as being a place people can just come to because I think that later down the road, I talked to my gal about this that I would like to do.
00:08:47
Speaker
adoption of foster kids and stuff and like have property where that could happen. And just have it be a place people could come to. I think that'd be a cool tradition to have. Courtney said the exact same thing. She was like, she had a dream and she had a massive house in every room. There was a kid. I was like, oh my God, no. I would love it. One of my favorite books is actually called The Secret Life of Bees. And it's a coming of age story for women.
00:09:10
Speaker
Very backwards, I know, but it's one of my favorites because this white girl runs away from her home and she ends up living with three black women in the South during like a really horrible time and they owned bees on the farm.
00:09:26
Speaker
one of my favorite settings in any book. And these three women take her in and she just, and the house is almost like a place people can just come to, like a safe haven that's all in this like turmoil. And I've
Parenting Philosophy and Techniques
00:09:41
Speaker
always thought that I would love to do something like that, you know? Should be to say space and place for people. What traditions do you want to start? Oh yeah.
00:09:55
Speaker
I did think about this. It's hard though. I don't think I have a straight answer for it because I haven't given too much thought to like which missions I want to start. You can even lump in generational wealth, prosperity, friendships, etc. that you want to start. Okay. Yeah, I think that I want to have
00:10:21
Speaker
Man, this is really a hard question. I didn't know how to answer this. What did you say? What would you say? I would say curiosity, a healthy dose of curiosity. I feel like we've gotten too curious in the wrong way and no one has a healthy curiosity. And what I mean by that is,
00:10:43
Speaker
Everyone's so curious, huh? What if I go do this and when I go do that, but no one's filtering it through the lens of okay Just because I'm curious about this is this right or wrong, right? And then you see why you have people questioning their genders and program Pro pronouns and a bunch of like literally everything because no one has healthy curiosity So for me, I feel like I would cultivate healthy care healthy curiosity. It's like Steve Jobs Bill Gates and it like they had curiosity. They saw a problem. They're like, okay
00:11:12
Speaker
I think maybe, maybe I could fix this. So for me, it would definitely be a healthy dose of curiosity of, okay, let me wonder about this. Let me dream. Let me adventure, but let me pull it back and filter through the lenses of Christ. Is this right or wrong? That is fantastic. I'll jump off of that and I'll actually kind of integrate that a little bit. I would probably cultivate an environment of thinking, you know, allow them, you know, give them the tools they need in order to like,
00:11:41
Speaker
give them a foundation, but then also challenge and be like, what are you thinking? Let's go through this. Because kids, there is that parent dynamic where there's the authority and there's the child, but at the same time, I want to train them to be people who can go out into the world on their own. In the environment of the house, I want to be able to have them come to me and challenge things.
00:12:09
Speaker
be able to push back and make that okay. And even if they're messing up, be like, this is a place you can come to and we can talk about it. Yeah. Um, I just, I recently had an interview and that was like that. Um, cause one of my complaints with Sherry's is there, it's not an environment to where as employees or as those not in management, we could go to them and be like, Hey, this isn't working right. I think maybe we should do it like this. Like it wasn't an environment like that. And an interview I had,
00:12:38
Speaker
That's the main thing he said. He said, if you see something, say something. He was like, I can't be the one to think of it all. Maybe you have a process or maybe you want to do something that if we can do it, then you should tell us because maybe we should. And so I was like, that is, that's dope. And I think it'd be good, not all parents, because like I said, all kids are different, but to have an environment like that to where they can come and be like,
00:13:02
Speaker
hey yeah no i don't like what you said or how you said it and then as the parent you guys both be on that understanding to be like okay yeah so let's talk about it like i feel like
00:13:11
Speaker
I don't know, me growing up, I feel like the older I got, the more my parents kind of gave me that voice, but I feel like when I was younger it's like, because I'm the adult and because I said so, and I'm like, okay, but that doesn't work with me at all. And today it seems like we've got, you're absolutely right. Like that's such an odd dynamic because you often are left with more questions than you are answers, and that can be terrible for a child. Yeah.
00:13:34
Speaker
We kind of swung in a really in the opposite direction culture where like the kids now have the authority and they're taking control yeah and it's like so on one hand there is that dynamic where the parent says something but they say I have but it give you like more explanation to it's like I said this because yeah there are things that you don't know.
00:13:54
Speaker
that I do.
Faith and Identity in Parenting
00:13:55
Speaker
One day you'll get it, and I know that that doesn't make sense now, but we'll explain it one day when you can understand it. Yeah, exactly. And kids do need to be okay with not knowing. Like, how many times do we have to be okay with it? Our boss does something and like says something to us and makes us do something. Like, why are you making me do this? I mean, like, even just following Christ, like, he tells you to walk, but gives you no direction. And I'm like, what do you mean?
00:14:22
Speaker
explain yourself man right god does that to us all the time he's like yeah because i said so dude like come on how why is this hard next step just keep going
00:14:39
Speaker
Did you ever read that book? It's a kid's book called The Mole, The Fox, and the, there's one other, but anyways, in that book, he says, the narrator says, I think it's the elephant. The elephant says,
00:14:57
Speaker
tells the kid because the kid's asking, like, where do I go? He's like, I can't see you through the fog. And he says, like, can you see your next step? And he said, yeah. And he goes, then take that. And I don't know. I thought that was interesting. Yeah, that is so true. Definition of faith. What is one thing you want your kid to know you for?
00:15:20
Speaker
I would like them to know me for being somebody who's genuine primarily, but genuine in not just my faith, but also just someone who did everything they could for the people that were in my life. The other thing that I realized though recently is that when we try to curate a perspective on
00:15:48
Speaker
Like we want other people to know us for something is we tend to like create this, like, for example, like some people are like, I want to be a writer, right? Maybe like, so that's my whole identity. I want to do that. And people didn't know me for that. And then the problem is, is that we end up becoming extremely depressed and like discontent when we're not achieving our arbitrary like identity goal. Yeah. And.
00:16:13
Speaker
It is so hard because God has called us to have our identity in Him. And the problem is that our identity fluctuates so much throughout life that to be any one thing is nearly impossible because we play so many different roles through life. So I think primarily I would like them to know me as somebody who loved them. And I'd be okay with that because as long as that's handled, anything else I'm okay with.
00:16:39
Speaker
You know, it's funny, um, I was thinking about this last night because, well, not last night, I wasn't thinking about dreaming about it, but, um, the dream was, um, they asked me, how did I handle doing and being all of these things and still being a Christian? I'm like,
00:16:56
Speaker
Well, I put those lenses on first and then before I make a move or decision, then I put the lenses of Christianity over it. So if I'm a writer or a publicist, podcaster, wife, mother, I put those lenses on first because those are the ones that I'm trying to see out of. But before I make a move or decision, I put the lenses of Christianity over it. Okay. Through this, is this what I want to do? Does this align with what he has allowed me to do or what he said is okay or what he says right or wrong?
00:17:24
Speaker
That's an interesting one. What you said just then when you said what he has allowed me to do, like that's, that's, I don't think that's serious. So we, we say like that God is like Lord and master, but I don't think we really truly mean it. Cause it's like as Lord and master, if a King tells you not to do something like physical real King, you're not going to do it because you know it's treason. You're going against what he says.
00:17:48
Speaker
So if we call him the King of Kings, Lord of Lord, we call him master. He's going to allow us, he gives us free will so he doesn't, so he's not a tyrant and he knows that whatever we do within him is a choice on our end. But at the same time,
00:18:02
Speaker
Once again, his title is King of Kings, the Lord of Lords. So there are certain things that he doesn't want us to do or certain things that he literally will not allow us to do because he knows that that's not good for us. Because as we've seen, too much free will is a hot mess. Absolutely. So there are certain things that he just will not allow. And I think for us, we see that as he's bad or we see that as he doesn't care, but that's not the case. He's not allowing it because it would
00:18:27
Speaker
just open up a box that we're not ready to handle for. You're absolutely correct about that. How much of what you're doing today would you be able to handle 10 years ago? Or even the consequences of what you've done. And God sees infinitely further than we do.
00:18:46
Speaker
And I just got to jump off at that point because we in our culture have because we are such a like a freedom-based culture I was gonna write my psychology thesis on this in the title that was called this submission freedom complex or dichotomy Where like the more we submit to God the more free we are yeah because in this paradox of choice that we have we often feel like we don't have choice because
00:19:12
Speaker
It's this paralysis of analysis we get into. And as we submit to the Lord and we're obedient and where we're at, he's like, okay, you were obedient. That was awesome. So let's move on to the next thing, right? It's that classic.
00:19:25
Speaker
Faithful and small things. But it's not just for his sake. Could you move on to a bigger thing if you knew that over here you couldn't handle that? I don't trust myself to do certain things simply because of that. You know you can't handle it. Yes, exactly. Anyone I know is funny because in my dream that's something I always said.
00:19:45
Speaker
People always think that he's hiring, or that he's evil, or that he's demanding, or that he's bossy. He's not. He just sees 300 million generations in the future, and he knows that if you make this one decision, it will affect all of them. So it's like, he just has foresight that we don't have, and going back to the economy of parents. That's how it is, exactly. But I feel like we were watching, well, I was, was I? Were we watching? I think we were watching the pictures.
00:20:16
Speaker
Yeah, okay. Well, my friends and I were going through the MCU and starting from the beginning. Oh, wow. So either we were on Avengers or I watched Avengers on my own. I can't really remember, but I remember when.
00:20:32
Speaker
Loki was
Role Fulfillment in Society
00:20:33
Speaker
like they need to be ruled. I think about that all the time. I immediately agreed. I was like, I don't like how you're ruling, but that is so true because we see it every day when we're presented with so many choices. We don't make a choice. We just sit on our, we just sit on our hands. Yeah. And we're just like, okay, there's just too much. Right. But when we, we don't have that and we just do what we're told because God knows what's best for us and not what we think is best for us. Like you said, it's the freedom. It's the freedom. So,
00:21:00
Speaker
It's just, I don't know. So submitting to him. Yes. And it's so weird because Loki in that scene, he looks like a shepherd. Yes, literally. Why? Because he's he's obviously the bad guy in this situation. But like every time I see it, I'm like, I kind of agree. Yeah, exactly. Every time I see it, too, I think the same things. Because for me, I'm like, if I don't think the same thing, that means I'm not really willing to be submitted to God in
00:21:27
Speaker
then why would I call myself a Christian? Why would I say I'm a child of his? Why would I say I'm a follower if I'm not really willing to submit to him? That makes no sense. And then that also correlates to why the world is the way it is. No one respects authority anymore. And that's part of the reason why it's hard for a lot of people to come to Christianity because he is end all, be all. So if he is the authority in your life, you have to go to him and ask for everything.
00:21:52
Speaker
and you can do that with your boss but you can't do that with God or you can't do that with your boss makes sense why you can't do it with God you can't do it with your husband makes sense why you can't do it with God can't do it with your dad don't respect your dad makes sense why got the father you have a problem with him like
00:22:10
Speaker
It's just throwing way too much out there. That's amazing. This is literally what I was dreaming last night. This was my entire dream last night. I'm like, you wonder why people have a problem with Christianity and with God? Because we have just lost the ability to submit to authority. Your boss says something, you feel the need to complain and complain out loud, complain to them, go to them. Or you're just disgruntled, but it's like we said, they just have foresight, you don't. But because we no longer respect authority,
00:22:39
Speaker
it's like you see why everything the way we want to be in that position but we're unwilling to submit my password texas oh my god i learned so much from that man one of the things there is so much that i will and forever take from him but one of the things that he told me that i try extremely hard to embody said
00:23:02
Speaker
Be the person you want to see in your life. That's what he would always say. So he was like, if you want a husband that prays or that does this and that, you be willing to do it first. If you want to be a boss, then what kind of boss do you want to be? Now you go and try to embody that and not like be egotistical and not trying to make yourself more.
00:23:21
Speaker
but basis where you're at. How do you be that leader that you want to see? So that for me, I try really hard to embody that, but we don't think like that anymore. We're not thinking, okay, something else he said that goes along with this. He said, how you treat the authority figures in your life. Is it a direct or reposition?
00:23:38
Speaker
direct representation how you would treat God if he was physically here because he places them in your life to lead and shepherd you physically not even like because that's their role as a leader and then you wonder why you have men who are walking around with no power because we've taken them out of the authority that God has placed them in
00:23:56
Speaker
The structure of marriage, man is first. And we think that as women, we're inferior. No, we're still equal, but the authority and the power was given to the man for a reason.
00:24:12
Speaker
Gosh, this was my dream last night and it was just frustrating me. That's wild because everything you said there, gosh, we could unpack that for hours. Literally. But it makes sense as to why the world is falling the way it is. Because A, dad is either not at home or he is at home, but he doesn't have the power that he's supposed to.
00:24:34
Speaker
So when you don't see the man having the power that he's supposed to, A, it directly correlates with how you see God. And that's speaking from experience. It directly correlates with how you see God. But B, it also correlates your ability to properly submit.
00:24:52
Speaker
because dad is the first person that you submit to. If he says something, you do it. And of course, as children, we're going to be disobedient, but that's the structure of the family. That's how it was originally made to be. Yeah. And if he's a tyrant, you're going to view God as a tyrant. Exactly. Literally. And if he's not there, no wonder why you don't trust God, because that wasn't there. God's not going to be there. If I ask that for something.
00:25:11
Speaker
And once again, speaking from experience, because even though my dad is in my life, he wasn't physically in the house. So not seeing him there, and even sometimes I would ask him for things, and he just wouldn't have it. And at the time, I didn't know his situation, but to me, it's like, okay, you didn't have it. And I didn't know till later on, till now, that I've been doing that to God. And it was like, because he wasn't there, because he didn't have it, I'm not gonna ask you, because you're just gonna say no, and you're just gonna let him down. And it's like, we're not thinking like that, and you wonder why.
00:25:44
Speaker
We need that we need that and we not just need him but we all we all need to just find our place and get in it like Genuinely as women as mother and father everyone just needs to step in theater into the authority that God gave them Stop trying to put yourself over people. Can we just stop please? That primarily is like
00:26:02
Speaker
that right there is such a good point because we are so badly trying to become like we're trying to put people in CEO positions and it's like yeah like why aren't like more of you guys in like name the group or whatever the you know the the sexual group or the racial group or the gender group or whatever it's like we're trying to elevate everybody with these power positions it's like do you like do you realize that
00:26:32
Speaker
that the person who is handing you your coffee is just as important to the infrastructure of our country as the person who's running this Fortune 500. And what's to say that the guy running the Fortune 500 has a better quality of life than you would over here being a nurse or whatever it is. But it also is like we're lacking and we're missing people because no one's getting in their place.
00:26:56
Speaker
Yeah, so and you wonder why like in some areas there's a deficit in others There's a surplus because everyone wants to this looks good. This feels good. This is making more money. Let me go over here But okay, that's not your place, right? You where you are going to function the best not just in society, but just as a go globally
00:27:18
Speaker
just kingdom wise it's great it is weird how accurate sometimes like do you did you ever watch those like like teen dystopia movies yes like divergent or whatever they're microcosms of the big like society because in those movies you can you can actually have a grasp on how societies function right you have these scientists or you have these warriors or you have these and everyone does their part yeah
00:27:41
Speaker
When does the society break down every when someone stops when someone stops doing what they're supposed to be doing and it's like Obviously there was there was a there was a evil scheme behind the whole situation But in an actual society that happens it begins to break down when people do what they want exactly it's like
00:28:02
Speaker
Well, I mean, the consequences are, you know, detrimental and generational. And it's like, I don't think we think about that. We want to have kids and we want to procreate and we want to leave legacies, but we're not paying attention to what we do. Like what we do on a daily basis directly affects that. So whatever legacy you leave or you you're trying to build, you could also be simultaneously breaking it.
00:28:29
Speaker
like why are we not thinking like this why can't everyone just get in your spot get in your lane and calm down like just because you're not over here where you think is more power like no that's not how that works like you cannot you physically cannot if you go to a grocery store you cannot have a bagger trying to be
00:28:47
Speaker
the person who's um checking out you can't have the person who's checking out trying to also be on the floor all at the same time everyone needs to get in their spot like you if you just break down a business once everyone is in their position the day were weren't smoothly but if everyone is trying to be everyone else's every it's just chaos because there's no order calling sick they just leave entirely
00:29:11
Speaker
I mean every just get in your spot. Jesus. I knew this guy's name was Sam and he was in nursing school last night. And he was in this was like at the height of the like the the world traveling like hype that was going on between 2016 and 2020. Yeah, you remember this 2018 I feel like was like the yeah, everybody just wanted to go everyone was trying to travel and he and he and I were talking and he said that
00:29:38
Speaker
You know, Josh, you should you should continue doing you're doing because like we can't have everybody wanting to be do that. Like, I mean, but not also the way that kingdom is structured. If Abraham wouldn't have been and done with God told him to be and do you wouldn't get Isaac. If Isaac hadn't done and been with God told him to be and do you wouldn't get Jacob, you didn't get Jacob, you wouldn't have the Israelites because Jacob becomes Israel who becomes the Israelites like
00:30:05
Speaker
but people were not thinking like that you have to do and be what he's called you to be because there is it's literally like a clock you are the missing piece that is keeping this from running yeah but if you're over here trying to be more important or less important than you think you are like
00:30:21
Speaker
No. You're as important as you are in the position that you're in. Exactly. And like how well you do that. Joseph is the prime example. It's like wherever he was at and it didn't matter if it was prison or cleaning floors. He did it in excellence. He did it as best as he could. And was there injustice? Yes. Absolutely. Absolutely. Does that mean that you don't continue to do what you're supposed to?
00:30:44
Speaker
No,
Faith Journey and Personal Growth
00:30:45
Speaker
because at the end of the day, it's because of our near side of this with serving people that we don't realize that God is the person that we're serving in the midst of this. But you want to know going on to that, because this story was also in the dream. If Joseph hadn't have done in bed once again what God told him to do and be,
00:31:01
Speaker
the children of Israel would not have gone into Egypt, which causes them to go into slavery, which causes Moses to be born, which causes Moses to lead them out of slavery, causes 40 years of wandering, which causes them to get to the promised land. Exactly. But, Pinnacle, it hinges on Joseph, because if you hadn't done it, if you hadn't been obedient and been in his spot in his place, they wouldn't have even been in Egypt anyway. And how much of the Bible would have been not there? Right, absolutely.
00:31:26
Speaker
I don't think we're thinking about that because like you said, we have such nearsightedness, but if you would just get in your spot, you would see that not only does that affect you and your life and your world, but all these other people who now can and or want to get in their spot will because you're in yours.
00:31:44
Speaker
My pastor in Texas he would say that all the freaking time he said who are you holding in captivity because of your disobedience and that sticks with me like he I think he told me that in like 2017 um he did he did elaborate on that but I can't remember exactly what he said but to me it sticks with me and the whole gist of it was if you were not being obedient to God and you were not doing what he says or going where then you're holding someone else up and
00:32:10
Speaker
Because God doesn't get off the throne to bless people. He uses us to bless people. Oh, wow. And that sticks with me every day. I'm like, when I'm not doing and being and going where he told me to, then who else am I hurting? Because somebody else's blessing, somebody else's miracle is dependent upon me. And likewise, my blessing, my miracle is dependent on someone else. And God will give them the resources, the funds, or whatever. He would even orchestrate the meeting and the encounter. You know, and it's that obedience, too.
00:32:39
Speaker
There are two examples of something that happened in the last couple of weeks that are wild and I need to explain them. I tied regularly, but I've been really relaxed about it. I didn't look at my paychecks and just go like, what's actually 10% and then what can I add on top? I didn't do that. I was just like, okay, that's the amount I'll give and then bam. Literally, the day I decided, okay, no, I'm gonna actually just take the 10% and then add on 10 after that.
00:33:09
Speaker
The day after that, I literally felt like 30 pounds on my soul was just lifted. And I went into work the next day and I was like, why do I feel tired? Or like, why do I have this energy? Because for like a year, I felt like I've just been heavy. But I was like, you know, I'm going to be obedient. I'm just going to do this. And then the other thing I did, I was like, you know what?
00:33:34
Speaker
I don't want
00:33:57
Speaker
give these things so that I can be obedient and then I'll just, you know, and then like immediately there were differences and I was like, this is crazy. But that, and I feel like for me, cause I was telling one of my teachers because I wanted him to be a part of this because when I was in school, like, cause I, so Courtney says something that like, it broke my mind. So when I was interviewing her, she, someone asked her, who do you see doing marriage well?
00:34:23
Speaker
and not only doing it well with each other, but walking in purpose together as a married couple. And I thought I was like, oh my God. I was like, I don't think I've seen that. I can clearly point out relationships that they're doing it well, but walking in purpose as a couple, as a family, I can't personally, I don't think I can point anybody out. In my life, in my son, I don't think I can
00:34:49
Speaker
point anybody out that's exactly and that made me think I was like so who who do I see as a father that's doing fatherhood well so I had a teacher when I was in high school man of God and he just he reminded me of my dad if my dad had been in church when I was younger and like actually living the life so I asked him and I was um I asked him to join this and um
00:35:12
Speaker
When he joined this, uh, we were talking in like, after we were talking, catching up and immediately after he, he just remember who you are. Like you were a child of God, remember faith without works. And they're like immediately. And it was like, for in that moment, I was like, okay, God, like this, this is what I needed. Like you've shown me, like you said, the obedience. I was like, I feel like I'm finally where I'm supposed to be. Like I'm getting in my groove. Like, even though I didn't know that this is like part of what he was telling me to do.
00:35:41
Speaker
this mantle of just getting to sit and talk to people and listen to people. I can't tell you how light and how free I freaking feel. It's one thing to be happy. I've been happy and excited about things, but I feel like for the first time in a really, really long time, not only do I have joy, but my soul is excited. I don't think I've ever experienced that, but it was just like you said, just listening.
00:36:08
Speaker
and doing, I couldn't even freaking sleep last night because he was downloading so much stuff into my mind. And it was like, it was only, it literally, but it was so amazing. Cause then I was like, cause my, and once again, in my small mind, I was like, okay, we'll do a fatherhood one and I'll just reuse all the audio that I already had and just add a couple of guys who are upcoming fathers. But the download he gave me, he was like, why do you stop? Just keep asking all the dads in your life, get as many as you can. Because if you know, and if that's where your heart's at,
00:36:37
Speaker
why won't you talk about it for a little longer why won't you be a little louder about it so when i say he just kept like he was like ask this person ask that person ask this person even if they say no just ask and then immediately that's when the teacher that i was talking about i couldn't sleep and i was looking so i was like okay let me go to the school's website see if i can get his email i was like no it's not there it was like does he have a linkedin does he have a facebook does he have an instagram it's like no it's like oh wait i remember when i was in school i emailed him once so i had his email and i emailed him
00:37:03
Speaker
and then he was like yeah sure i'll do it and i was like god like yeah the obedience of just listening and just just getting in my lane like to think to because even to hear my aunt or my mom just a bunch of people not just one but a bunch of people able and willing to be vulnerable like
00:37:23
Speaker
I didn't even realize I was telling Marissa this I didn't even realize that I felt like I didn't have a voice and I didn't have a safe space. So kind of like you were saying, I feel like I'm trying to create that and I feel like I actually have the means in the way, because I've never had to ask anyone to be vulnerable.
00:37:40
Speaker
everyone's just free and opening up and i'm like this is what i want people to just just talk like show your heart because we need more of that everyone is either pretending to be broken or not showing you that they're broken at all and it's like we're the people who are really willing to be true and vulnerable like no i'm suffering like i and i need help and i don't know how to get it and also like i know there are other people out there
00:38:04
Speaker
But I haven't heard anybody else in my circle that's dealing with what I'm dealing with. So I feel like for me, once I started to listen and just, okay, I'm gonna just do this. Okay, let me go do that. Let me go do that. Then he was just like, okay, there you go. Okay, there you go. There you go. I'm like, why can't you tell me this like two years ago when I started the podcast? We could have been further along in our life.
Preparing Children for the Future
00:38:26
Speaker
But anyway, complete tangent. Complete tangent. But where were we?
00:38:35
Speaker
What do you want to impart in your kids the most? Well, primarily I want them to know what truth is. Yeah. Because as time goes on, we are getting in a more... Convolute. Convolute, confusing time. So they need to know what truth is and they need to know how to think and how to...
00:38:58
Speaker
challenge the status quo and I want them to be courageous and not be afraid to lose their lives in the face of what's going on. What do you have to say to other upcoming fathers? It's okay to feel nervous and to feel afraid of being one because it is extraordinarily frightening. It's a mantle.
00:39:23
Speaker
but also be as wholeheartedly committed to where you're at in life because the development and the time you're spending now in your singleness or your dating phase or whatever is is groundwork because if you build a house or on like shaky
00:39:44
Speaker
ground, it's going to tumble. So just get a mentor, practically speaking, get a mentor, get people you can talk to, really identify what things in your life that you know that you're messing up and tackle them with as much ruthlessness as you can. There's an old phrase, and I can't remember who said it, but they said that the ruthlessness of sin requires ruthlessness with sin.
00:40:09
Speaker
So if you know that there's sin, just get a handle on it. And then finally, be as truthful as you can in your life with the things that you know you need to be truthful with. Because if you can tell the truth to the people in your life, then your marriage will echo that same sentiment. If your marriage echoes it, then your parenting will echo it. Absolutely. Truth, get a mentor and just commit to where you're at in your life and don't try to rush things.
00:40:39
Speaker
be where you be, everywhere you're at, be all there, primarily. Yeah, I'm bad at that. I know, me too. I'm like, I'm a dreamer, so I constantly think of it. I feel like I'm a dreamer and a visionary at the same time, because I'm a dreamer over here, like, ooh, all these fantasies and books and magic and spells, and just dreaming of all the fantastical stuff, but also visionary, because I'm like, I have a vision for this, and I want this to go there. Right. But I don't have like,
00:41:09
Speaker
A, I'm not present where I'm at, and B, I don't have a whole lot of people that can be like, okay, I need you to zoom out. I mean, that is a big deal. I need you to zoom out, like you're looking in, okay, come back. Come up for air, breathe, ground yourself, and then you can go back. What's the big picture? Yeah. Because man, I started working in the float pool at work, so I go to different departments all the time, and it has changed my life because
00:41:35
Speaker
I get hyper focused in and it clouds everything. And I'm like, I need a perspective shift. Give me the big picture. So if you feel like you're in like a, like you need a bigger, you know, get that big picture, you know, just step away from it and take a look.
00:41:51
Speaker
and you know what that's um i feel like that's changed the way i worked when i worked at canes they were the first job that cross trained me in everything and they did that with everybody so everyone could do everything so that way scheduling was a breeze because i don't have to wonder if you're capable i know you are because we've already trained you to do this
00:42:11
Speaker
That jacked the crap out of my mind in every way, because I saw that if someone wasn't doing their job in this position, and me having to know how, knowing how to do it, then it will affect this position, which affected that position, which affected this service, and just you see all the parts moving. And then it just, it really warped my mind, because then it starts to make me think, going back to what my pastor said, when I'm not functioning at my best, and or when I'm not being real or authentic,
00:42:38
Speaker
who am I affecting? Because I'm a part of the assembly line, so to speak. And when I didn't finish my part on the little horse, then when it goes to the next person, they can't finish their part. And before you know it, the product's unfinished. It's incomplete. I want to piggyback off of that because one of the tragedies of this phone that we have is that iPhones in particular is that they're made with slave labor over in Asia.
00:43:10
Speaker
They, each one of those people who are getting paid hardly anything, are putting together each piece just like it should. They're a specialist, yeah. So that I can have this, right? And they're not living in very good conditions, but they were faithful to make this and to make it well.
00:43:25
Speaker
And I'm like, are they less important? It's like, no. Exactly. Every human being on the planet is affected because they did this properly. Literally. And so I'm like, why won't we just get in our spot? Because I'm like, if we, the creativity, the knowledge to know how that you have somebody else's needs, but you don't even know who that somebody is because you won't even step on your platform. You're over here in somebody else's platform. Oh, I want to do this.
00:43:52
Speaker
Not saying you can't do that, but is that where you're most effective? Exactly. Is that where you're most effective? Is that where you should be? I'm embarrassed to say this. I had this experience last summer when I got back from Texas. I was working with my friend from high school. He owns a roofing company. He wanted me to come on to do sales, but before I did that for him, I actually went up on the roof and was roofing with him.
00:44:22
Speaker
It was backbreaking work. It was backbreaking. And afterwards, so his brother ended up committing suicide while we were working on a job. And it hit him hard. It really did. It hit me hard, too. But he...
00:44:38
Speaker
was telling me, he's like, at the end of it, he's like, Josh, I wish you, because he and I ended up getting into an argument. And we ended up parting ways. He's like, I wish you could have waited like a day more because I was trying, because you were in a square peg when I was trying to put you in a circle. It's like, you were in the wrong position and I was trying to get you over here. And I'm like, yeah, I get that, I understand. And so God knows where we're best at. Even if we're working at a position doing shingles,
00:45:07
Speaker
where we're not the most effective. God's like, I wish you could have waited like a day. Just wait a little longer. Just wait on me because I've got, I know that you're most effective over here, but there's a little bit of character development. Yes. Yes. I told my mom that I feel I said in, I think it was earlier this year and maybe the end of last year, I was like, I feel like God is stretching my faith because the faith I have now will not sustain me for where he's taking me, where he's taking me. I have no clue.
00:45:35
Speaker
But the faith that I have, he is stretching and I feel like I'm breaking. Like I don't feel like I'm growing. I feel like I'm breaking and I feel.
00:45:46
Speaker
From the start of this year till now, the breaking was my control. Because when I say I have literally, from January 1st till right now, I've been eating out of hand with God, like every, when you talking about daily bread? I mean, like daily bread, I have literally every single day when I, no, no, absolutely no know how, I don't know when, I don't know where, I don't know how. And every day he's provided, he's just come through left and right.
00:46:13
Speaker
And I don't know how that is going to change or affect what's to come.
00:46:19
Speaker
But I know that if I hadn't a lot if I hadn't have done and been like what happened the end of last year Like it just it changed Like I felt my mind broke in a good way I keep saying that but I feel like my mind I feel like it's like a onion and like I just keep pulling back layers Like I feel like my mind constantly breaks all the time. I just that's my analogy Yeah, literally. It's like it's just breaking the top soil like so we can get to further ground but um it broke my mind because
00:46:48
Speaker
From what from what happened, you know, and if I'm being honest, you're the only one who knows like literally nobody else knows and I'm right now not comfortable telling anybody else. But what happened the end of last year prepped and primed me literally for the beginning of this year till now.
00:47:06
Speaker
when I say daily like I cannot do anything like I'm over here worrying and he's like okay I've already got the provision are you just gonna ask like there's literally that's been a daily thing he's like it's like it's like um it's like you're going to your boss and it's payday and you're complaining because you haven't gotten your check because it's 12 pm and you're used to your check being at your house at 8am but your boss called you in and was like okay I want to talk to you
00:47:31
Speaker
And you're complaining because you're like, okay, I haven't gotten my check. I haven't seen it. But it's literally right behind your boss in his hand. He's just waiting for you to calmly and respectfully ask for it. And I'm like, and that's what God has been teaching me. He's like daily bread. Like it's daily for a reason. Like, why are you worrying about what tomorrow? Like, what if you don't wake up tomorrow? Like chill out and breathe. I got you. And just watching it.
00:47:54
Speaker
every day. Talk about steps are ordered. I say every day because it's even going back to going back to the whole Children of Israel and their whole story. It's friends that I met like when I first got here, I now have to use and rely on now like just building the relationship and didn't even know when you're talking about a reason a season or a lifetime like didn't even know like I'm just like oh they're just my friends like it's just that's just it like
00:48:17
Speaker
Not even thinking that, no, they're your friends for a reason. They have purpose in your life, but we don't associate that with people in things or places, but we're holding another storm. Hopefully not, because we don't want to be looking at it. Well, not using people, but I'm saying, but still, we don't even...
00:48:33
Speaker
think that they have yeah exactly that he's positioned them in your life for this reason and not saying like a specific reason but he has positioned them in your life because later on down the line he knows that you're going to need absolutely and just watching that and it's like he is taking my faith to a whole new level because when I say I don't know how I don't know when and I don't know where like it has literally just been like move I was like
00:48:58
Speaker
I don't know where but okay like it's just it's been oh my gosh it's been so freaking crazy but the joy that my soul has is just
00:49:10
Speaker
Completely off topic like we have no actually it's actually like bring it back around It's a very on topic because God's God Jesus says in the in the Gospels he says, you know You you fathers who know how to give good gifts how much more your father father in heaven is perfect. So it's like
Societal Roles and Interconnectedness
00:49:29
Speaker
you
00:49:31
Speaker
ask him for a gift and he'll give it in a more perfect way, you know? And recently I've just been trying to pray, being grateful for what he's given me because I heard a sermon
00:49:47
Speaker
And he was saying that Imagine if somebody comes up to you and they all they do is say hey I want this I want this I want this I want this and the entire time you give them those things Yeah, all they do is come back to say I want this and I want this and I want this how tiresome Yeah, right. We don't do that to the people in our lives. Why are we doing that to God? I don't know. It's a gratefulness. I think is a deal like he wants us content. Yeah Pastor explained in a different way and he was like
00:50:18
Speaker
What if you were only given the things that you thanked him for? And I was like, oh, Lord.
00:50:26
Speaker
I was like, my life would look drastically different. Because it makes you think of the people, it makes you think of the jobs, the cars, the clothes, the food. It makes you think of all the little things that you don't even think, it would make you, you would start thanking God for the sun and for atmosphere. Absolutely, the life you've given me. Literally, you would thank him for every little thing. And that jacked me, because I was like, oh, Lord, Jesus, I'm so glad you're not petty like me.
00:50:54
Speaker
That'd be a little rough, because I can't even imagine. Because he knows what we want before we even bring it to him. Oh, not even just once. Going back to practically and physically. If I forgot to thank him for any aspect of the ecosystem that provides me food, that provides me clothing, that provides me with a job, then that means I wouldn't have those things. But because he is all sufficient and all-knowing,
00:51:18
Speaker
He knows that I'm not going to think about those, the details and the intricacies that he's planned out for this world. So he's just a good father who gives it anyway. But it's scary to think that if I wasn't thankful for those things, but it goes once again, goes back to your place. If you mistake someone and you think that they're lower inferior, that they're not valuable where they're at, then where in the machine is it going to cause backups later on?
00:51:44
Speaker
Because that's the way it got planned it like if you look the sun feeds the grass grass these rabbits so on and so forth like We learned this in school like we've learned literally about ecosystems in school And that is the way that God functions when you're not in your place somewhere in the ecosystem something's getting affected
00:52:01
Speaker
like everything is affected yes because everything is everything is related we don't think about that like i feel like that's why i like stories like the show like heroes or like the mcu because you directly see character and incidences that connect to the next thing and that is how life is but we're so micro and we're so in ourselves and in our own worlds that we're not seeing macro
00:52:26
Speaker
you are still having an effect on the things and the people around you. Absolutely. The consequences are not just consequences for you. Sometimes they're consequences for other people.
00:52:36
Speaker
Yeah. And maybe you're not supposed to reap the benefits. Exactly. Once again, going back to Abraham, God did give him descendants numerous as stars, but he never lived to see it. Yeah. He got, he got, he got the promise. He just never lived to see it. But we're all about wanting to have everything now. And it's easier than ever in some ways. Yeah. Yeah.
00:53:01
Speaker
Like, the thing that I don't like about social media primarily is that we have an entire generation of people who are relying on their future on an algorithm that changes all the time. And it's like, do you really think that that is the kind of life that you want? It's like, you're not going to find your meaning and you're also not going to find, like at the end of that road,
00:53:24
Speaker
It's empty. It is empty. It's like, well, it's better being rich and empty than poor and empty. It's like, that is not true. That is not true.
00:53:32
Speaker
Because isn't that what they said about Robin Williams is that when he committed suicide that no one could tell, like no one could see that he was depressed or that he was feeling that low. But yet he's out here making everyone else laugh and making everyone else happy, but no one saw how empty and depleted he was. So it's
Fatherhood and Male Growth
00:53:51
Speaker
like just what you see isn't always the case.
00:53:55
Speaker
I think Taylor Swift describes when she became famous that people who experience that kind of fame, it's almost like their maturity immediately stops. Yeah, I've seen the interview you're talking about. Yeah, you have. Yeah, she said that.
00:54:09
Speaker
So she is in a perpetual state of being 13 her entire life. And it's like, God has something so much more for you than to be stuck there. Yeah. Yeah. But that kind of goes back to dads because
00:54:27
Speaker
Seeing men who don't have their father in their lives, they're a perpetual little boy. And not like they're trying to be immature, but because dad wasn't there to say that I'm proud, to say that I love you, to say that I care, to raise you up to be a good man that is beneficial to a society.
00:54:46
Speaker
like you're all you're this little boy and you don't even realize it but you're you still have this like little boy mentality in state so some of the decisions you do they're immature and they don't make sense but if you look at it through the lenses of a child that it makes total sense like
00:55:09
Speaker
Okay, last two questions. What do you have to say to this generation of men and fathers? First men.
00:55:37
Speaker
We need to be willing to take stands for issues that may cost us a lot. And we need to be willing to do those things because society right now is becoming so evil that it is going to cost us to do the right thing. So mentally prepare yourself for that. And also,
00:56:02
Speaker
not being ready is everybody's same experience. So if you're going to be a father, not being ready is okay. Yeah. You'll be ready when you get there. God gives you what you need when you need it. Amen. So just rest in that fact. So yeah, that's what I'm saying. And last question. What do you have to say to this generation of women and mothers? Wow. Yeah. Please be patient with us. We,
00:56:32
Speaker
Unfortunately, there's a generation of young men and young men who are not fulfilling the role that we would like to. Yeah. If you would let us be the men that we would like to be for you, that would be awesome. And just be patient with us in the process because we're still growing. Yeah. And also I would piggyback on that to say to also let them know that they have that role and that they have that authority because I feel like
00:57:01
Speaker
more and more men don't even realize that they do like they should be leaders and that they're wanted as leaders so yeah definitely all right pioneers and beautiful people with that that concludes this episode josh thank you so much it has been dope um and guys you go check out the website the patreon all the good things make sure to like follow share and you guys have a wonderful amazing week day and we will see you the next one bye
00:57:33
Speaker
So.