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00:00:01
Rose Plate Special: Golden Bachelorette Joan - Weeks 2 & 3
17 Plays1 month ago
You get a double-dose of us, but also basically half of Sammi because her camera kept freezing, so that counts for something, right? On this week's episode, we talk about Kim's amazing song, Charles being the internet's boyfriend, and all the men making us cry about every 10 minutes or so. Have we turned the corner on Guy? We think so!! Hear our predictions at the end and stories throughout - Helen Keller, tae kwon do, walking for cheese - we really covered it all, as always.
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Transcript
Podcast Introduction and Format
00:00:17
Speaker
Hello. Oh, hello. I'm Sammy. And I'm Steve. And you're listening to Rose Plate Special. The most dramatic Sammy's camera is Freezing-ist. Kim writes a song-ing-ist. Prayer for Joning-ist recap podcast of the Golden Bachelorette ever.
00:00:37
Speaker
Ever. We're men of the mansion and we're little mansion men. Who wants to sing a song with me? I'm Kim. No, I'm not Captain Lee from Below Deck. What are you saying? Why doesn't anyone want to sing a song with me? I'm 90 years old. This is all I have.
00:00:54
Speaker
Sorry. Wow. That was emotional. Yeah, it was. um Yeah. So anyway, this is going to be a messy episode. We're going to try to fit two episodes in one. I ah was sick if you can't tell. I mean, if you're just hearing this for the first time, this is the first episode, you're like, Sam, you sound totally normal. I don't know what you're talking about.
00:01:11
Speaker
Um, but yeah, I was sick, uh, just like a regular run of the mill. People get colds. Did you know that? Like yeah people still get colds. I've gotten like two in the last month and a half, which I don't think is fair because it's still like 80
Brat Summer Tribute
00:01:24
Speaker
degrees out most of the time. And that's just, it doesn't make sense to me, but it's okay if it's messy. This, this is our tribute to, uh, to brat summer. We're fun. We're flirty. We're a little bit messy. It's okay. It's fine.
00:01:34
Speaker
Yeah, hopefully I freeze on a frame where I look nice because otherwise I'll be sad. But um yeah, my camera is just like freezing at random times. I ah both of my computers are kind of funky and so am I. So I don't know. It's great there. You know, I would say, you know, people say like, oh, a white girl with a nose ring should tell me what the planets are doing. But like I'm a white girl with a nose ring and I don't know. So I need another white girl with a nose ring to tell me what's happening.
00:02:01
Speaker
Yeah, i I don't know either. and And sometimes I come up to it. This is like the scariest thing that can happen to any man in the world. It's when you meet a woman for the first time and then she immediately asked you what time you were born and you're like, oh, I know where this conversation is going. Yeah. Wait, do you know your big three? I i don't. Someone I mean, I've been told this multiple times, but like I don't retain that information. I'm i'm a Sagittarius. I share a birthday with Britney Spears and I was born at like nine oh six a.m. So you tell me I don't know what I am. Oh my gosh. Our fans are going to be typing this in. Yeah. and They're going to be like, oh, that makes so much sense for Steve. He's such a Sagittarius with a nine oh six a.m. birthday. Yeah, totally. Yeah. Yeah. That's my moon. What's what's rising, guys? Let me know. Yeah. put In the comments.
00:02:52
Speaker
I just know that I'm a well, I know that I'm a tourist son and ah Leo rising and a Pisces moon, which makes good annoying. Yeah, you're you're a bull with a fish moon. Everybody knows that. Yeah, I'm stubborn and people think I'm more outgoing than I am, but I just want to ah sit at home and be sad and write poems. So I really relate to Kim.
00:03:17
Speaker
That makes sense. Yeah. I mean, all all this makes sense to me. So this is. Yeah, I was like, as soon as I found that out, I was like, oh, yeah, like the outward me is outgoing, but the inside me is just like sad and cozy. OK, yeah, that's like me anyway. So my camera keeps freezing, but um we're going to do this anyway.
Charity Walk Storytime
00:03:35
Speaker
And yeah, we we just, and sorry that we didn't have an episode last week, but um I was busy walking 50 miles and raising thousands of dollars for people living with MS. So ah if you don't like that, you can just stop listening to our podcast. Thank you. ah but I walked 50 miles because I missed the bus and I had somewhere to be. and I actually, you know, the funny thing is, okay, I hit the finish line. This is a true story. Okay.
00:04:03
Speaker
I hit the finish line and then I walked. I kept going and walked down the street to my favorite place in Door County to get goat cheese curds. And I walked in the door with my metal on like full gear metal on. And I said and I walked up to the like counter and I said to the guy, I walked 50 miles for this cheese.
00:04:28
Speaker
The full dad heard me. too I'm ready. And he and luckily he knew what I was talking about. So I like didn't seem like I was the weirdest person in the world. yeah And he's like, oh, you're doing that. I'm walking. I was like, yeah. And he goes, um he goes, yeah. ah I heard you guys were all over the place. I said, yeah, we were. And I said, but this had to be my last stop. And he said, you earn those cheese curds. You you buy those cheese curds. And I was like, I agree. Could have gotten them. forget But OK.
00:04:55
Speaker
um just kidding ah So yeah, so I was really busy and then um I actually kind of got the lucky um Sick stick out of some of my walk mates. So I'm thankful and Now we're here and I might have to do another double episode in a couple weeks But you know, listen, that just means you get to like, you know get a condensed version of us and But it's interesting because like the Golden Bachelorette is two hours instead of the Golden Bachelor being one hour. So we have like way more content, but they do stretch it out. It feels like old episodes of The Bachelor. It does. Doesn't it? Well, I mean, for multiple reasons, because one, they stretch it out. Two, it's it's a lot more wholesome. And three, genuinely.
00:05:39
Speaker
None of the men understand the show or what's going on. Like everything has to be explained. It's it's not like, you know, every other season of The Bachelor, The Bachelorette where someone is just like, what? Why is it like this? We're like, hey, dummy, why haven't you been watching yeah you watch the show? No, genuinely, it's like these men got signed up by their kids and they're like, um I'm just here to meet a lady. I don't know how TV works with.
00:06:02
Speaker
Yeah, they're just like, I don't know. Well, and most of them got signed up by their daughters, which is why they're good. Yeah. um And that's why we have good men on the show. This is a very wholesome bunch for the most part. I'm enjoying, which is funny, too, because I was I was so leery of these men you know instantly because I'm like, oh, God, their politics. ah Every man I've met over 60. But they seem they seem nice.
00:06:23
Speaker
They're really lovely. Yeah. So um before we get into it, we'll kind of go through episodes two and three um somewhat in order or we'll try. ah But one of my friends texted me a news story and he goes, is this true? And I was like, yes. And it was like, ah Charles doesn't know that he's become the Internet's boyfriend. And I was like, yeah, that's true. And he's like, so so everybody loves him. I said,
00:06:49
Speaker
Yeah, he's so lovely. Like, it's really hard not to love him. And and then I said, you know, when he walked in, he noticed the like, like, crusade, like, you know, pots and stuff and was like, are these real? And and he goes, oh, that's so relatable. And I said, for real. And then we started talking about those pots and I didn't know that they had a peach color. And so now I need to buy one. um Actually, I want All of it because it's so cute. But yeah, I'm like, no, I very much relate and he's so sweet. But I just think it's funny that like, yeah, he has no idea how popular he is and that he's the Internet's boyfriend. So, you yeah, we Stan Charles on this podcast. I'm speaking for you because I know that you also stand. Yeah, I like how can you not like it?
00:07:37
Speaker
I mean, I don't I don't like his nickname, but that's about it. That's that's all. You don't like his nickname? Yeah, it's it doesn't work for me, but that's OK. What's his nickname? ah Well, oh, no, wait not no, Charles. Charles
Names and Nicknames Discussion
00:07:48
Speaker
King is fine. I'm i'm i'm more concerned about Charles as in chalk. I don't like chalk. Oh, no, no, Charles. Yeah, no, Charles. Charles Good. He is the Internet's boyfriend.
00:07:59
Speaker
Chuck, also a fine person, but like, and why not Chuck? Why is it CHOK? Yeah. What was it? Was that your stomach? What was that? No, that was like a vehicle outside. I feel nothing ever gets picked up on this mic and I could tell it got picked up. Oh my God. What kind of street racing do you have in your little suburban alcove? Some rowdy teen, some rowdy teen. It's like a cul-de-sac. I mean, it's like, hello.
00:08:21
Speaker
Wow. Anyway, so sorry about that. Wow. This is all kinds of broken today. It's OK. No, no, no. Yeah. Chuck, I don't know if that's a real name or not. um I mean, that's what people call it. C.K., you know, is because we can only have one Charles and he's in charge and he's already told us. And that's why we love. charles Yes, anyway exactly. Some very wholesome man. We love him.
00:08:43
Speaker
Yeah, he's so sweet. So but I'm sad that Jack left after episode two because I was really looking for a cook up. I was so so I mean, I knew he wasn't going to stick around that long, but I thought maybe more than two weeks. Yeah. Just just like a little bit longer. Like just just keep him around. Like he's the personality hire of this. Yes. He's in now like just so sad. I was like, he's my guy. How can you fire him from the show so fast? But he was like, check out that pergola. Oh, my God. You know,
00:09:09
Speaker
and
Health Issues in the Mansion
00:09:10
Speaker
then uh yeah and then dad core too like they're just like oh yeah i like the ah construction if you look at the joist here you could tell it's real craftsmanship yeah well and then they're like ah and they did this on the golden bachelor too where they were like talking about the bunk beds and they were like you know I don't even expect us to go up there. That's interesting. um And Gary's like, with my knees, I can't do the upper, you know? And and guys like, I pee three to five times a night. Oh, nobody's sleeping in this house. They're all going crazy because... which Yeah, they cover in episode three, which we can maybe go back and forth a little bit. Yeah. Makes complete sense because when they were trying to sort this out in episode two and they're talking about like, okay, who goes in this bunk, who goes in this bunk, whatever. And it's like, I got bad knees. I got to do this and blah, blah, blah. and
00:09:57
Speaker
just all this different stuff. And then they're talking about like how they have to get up and pee. It's like, yeah, if you're an old guy, like literally all you do is pee like every 45 minutes. So ah this is this is problematic. No one's sleeping. Everybody has sleep apnea and tiny little bladders the size of acorns and no one's sleeping. I personally given where they are geographically, I think it would make sense if I'm in Malibu. I'm just saying, screw it. I'm going to go sleep outside on one of those beautiful like couches they have by the pool and just hang out like. Yeah. At that point, what what are you going to do? Come on. Yeah, I mean, I lived in a sorority house and I think that's like the closest thing you could have to like the bachelor mansion because it was literally a mansion, you know, and um I always slept in the basement.
00:10:48
Speaker
I had a room, but I just slept in the basement, um, on the, um, leather couches cause it was really comfortable and nobody was down there and they always said it was haunted, but I never saw anything. no Um, like, cause you know, I don't know if ghosts are real, just like, look at this transition before, before the podcast, you told me.
00:11:06
Speaker
that that some Gen Zers don't think Helen Keller is real. this This is huge, because I literally, like I logged on i'm like Sammy, three things. One, how are you feeling? Two, here's my schedule for the next week. Three, I was talking to the youth and I'm deeply concerned. Why is it that if you're like under the age of 25, you are just convinced that Helen Keller is not real?
00:11:33
Speaker
It was so shocking. I took off. Um, yeah, it's really weird. Um, so then I was like, where's my book? I got to grab it off the shelf. Cause okay. Listen, Jen's ears. If you're, if you're listening to this or watching this, um, you can't see it if you're listening, I guess, but if you're watching, you can see this book is called lies. My teacher told me, Oh, now I froze again. So I'll hold it for extra long time. Uh, lies. My teacher told me.
00:11:58
Speaker
I think it's the well, I don't know if it's the first chapter. It's either the first chapter or the second chapter where he literally talks about Helen Keller. um Yeah, I think it's chapter one um and he talks about how Helen Keller was like a socialist. And so um and she was like super outspoken, like very political, very outspoken, because it's like you kind of like don't know a lot about her until she like, you know.
00:12:21
Speaker
Like it's like she learned how to communicate and then ceased to exist it kind of a thing. um But actually she became very politically outspoken. And then so people started to be like, oh, she's being coerced or she's not that smart or like her abilities aren't that good and whatever. And it's really messed up to to learn about like the kind of like revisionist
Misconceptions About Helen Keller
00:12:40
Speaker
history they were doing, like while she was still alive. um So I would highly recommend reading this. But yeah, not only is she real,
00:12:48
Speaker
ah The real Helen Keller has been like so suppressed ah by historical documentation. So read a book. But it's weird because it's like even even though like you learn about her as this like, I don't know, just like a completely truncated version of like who she actually was on the point of caricature, especially because like you you read an excerpt from like the book.
00:13:12
Speaker
about her, the miracle worker, the seventh grade. Yeah. And then after that, they just show you the movie and like that's just burned into your brain because it's I even did I did the whole bit. It was just like, Helen, it's water. It has a name. She like won an Oscar for that. Well, yeah. and And that's what you like. You you learn this. And then now kids are like, OK, we're still doing this in school, but they're like, no, doesn't make sense. And like literally their whole argument is like so she couldn't see.
00:13:42
Speaker
and she couldn't hear. And so how do you do anything? I'm like, I don't know, but she did it. I don't know what to tell you. It's a real person. Other people exist with the same situation today. That's not a thing that doesn't happen. Seems like too much going on at once. You could have one of those things or the other. Ergo, I have decided it's not real. They're like, we're going to use our little conspiracy theory to be the most ableist.
00:14:14
Speaker
um but anyway so yeah that's so messed up I can't like that's not cute and funny but anyway you should read up on the real history and the real information on Helen Keller because it's fascinating and she really was I mean it's like as soon as she was able to like be outspoken and communicate and connect with the outside world and say Hey, oh, these are the things that are coming from my brain of my own volition. Then people started to be like, oh, she's not capable of this. So obviously someone is like feeding her this information or coercing or or whatever. Like it's so invalidating. And she was obviously like ah extremely capable of complex thought because that was not.
00:14:59
Speaker
Broken and definitely real a very real is a real person who lived and was very smart and then um Yeah, became the victim of like smear campaigns and stuff really interesting So so I just just remember this kids like she went from zero to Karl Marx in 60 seconds So you can too like it get radicalized Oh, my God. There is. OK, anyway, I was like, oh, this tick tock. I saw it. No, it's like, let's just keep going. We got it. We got it. We got our Sammy drops dead from a fever. No, I don't have a fever anywhere, probably. um I got a fever and it's a fever from anyone over the age of 60 named Charles, whether you're Charles Ling, Charles King or a chock full of Charles Chappie Chapel. What is his name? Something I don't know. I don't know. I didn't even know Chock was short for Charles.
00:15:49
Speaker
Yeah, it is. Yeah, I think it's it's chapel. Chapel chalk. OK, sure. um So but Charles in charge says I'm the most fit person, and so I'll sleep on top of the bunk bed. I love that for him. And then Pascal is like super horrified at the closet. He's like, this is not and enough. And also I sleep naked. He is so aggressively French. Pascal is such a vibe, such a vibe. I actually saw I found his daughter on TikTok.
00:16:19
Speaker
um Oh, this was awkward. This was weird and fun. So she goes, my dad, this was like at the beginning of September. She's like, my dad is going to be on the Golden Bachelorette and I can't wait to he went to ah see him. and And now I can like, you know, tell you about it because like the first trailer came out or whatever. And so she played it in the background and she's like, That's my dad. And I was like, well, that's like an exciting good dad to have on the Golden Bachelor. Like I would be proud to. um But then someone in the comments was like, Oh, my God, Gil's my dad. I can't wait to watch him. And I was like, Oh, so awkward. And then all the comments were like obliterating this kid. Like, ah how does it feel to have a terrible dad? I have a dad who sucks.
00:17:00
Speaker
Also, it's like, how do you even respond to that? It's like, not good. I yeah i don't know. How does it feel to have a criminal dad? But anyway, so ah first date. Oh, um wait, what? Oh, first date. OK, card Gary, Bob, Jonathan, Charles, l Mark, Jordan, Guy and Keith. I'll go to the other room and they find out um that there's a question from Joan and it's will you go to prom with me? And they are all suited up. And of course,
00:17:30
Speaker
God we're all the greatest hits Taylor Dane comes out. Oh my god Taylor Dane and all I can I honestly Okay, is there is there one thing you associate with Taylor Dane because I need to know if we're on the same wavelength ah Her performance at Mar-a-Lago two years ago. Oh, that's a good one. That's a good one ah No, I think it's just like it's like mall music from the 80s like it's just side ponytail the soundtrack and I think of one thing and one thing only and that's Tig Notaro's routine about Taylor Dane. Oh, yeah. the yeah and The whole like party thing. Yes. Yes. Yeah. And it's just like she like ran into her in a bunch of places. And so I was like, that's all I ever think about is that Taylor Dane routine. Anyway, um but it was cute. They did have fun at prom and it made me want to cry, especially because Jonathan had never been to prom before. Adorable. So cute. um
00:18:21
Speaker
And it yeah, it was like, it was sad. Like, oh, I don't know. I feel like Jonathan's really like healing his inner child ah during this whole ah season. and It's very sweet. There's a lot of like male healing and crying. Yes. All these guys, like, like not toxic. It's so sweet. They're good dudes. But also if you're a dude in your 60s right now, like, one, I don't think you have a lot of like,
00:18:43
Speaker
positive male friendships. And also, I don't think you get to cry a lot. So all these guys are doing are broing down and crying and hugging. It's so cute. It's like the best thing ever. Yeah, it's great. It's great. Yeah, Mark spikes the punch. um Oh, the photos on the wall were really cute. Like that was really nice.
00:19:04
Speaker
yeah so Jordan has gone on a date with Taylor Dane before, is that correct? what yeah Just casually dropping that? Yeah, I'm on a date with Taylor. What? Five years ago, yeah. yeah Jordan is still awkward, but like it's working for him. He's still an awkward person. No, that's the thing. it's just like I see him and I'm like, I like you, I think you're great, but also like your your energy and the way you carry yourself, I understand why there wasn't a date number two with Taylor Dane, I'm sorry. like yeah like You're good, dude. I understand this is weird. And I'm not saying, like if I was on the show, I would also be weird. yeah I could be on the show now and I'd still be like, my knees hurt. Can I have the bottom bunk? yeah So I get it.
00:19:45
Speaker
bro But like you got to just deep breath, Jordan. You're doing great. Come on. Yeah. Yeah. um Yeah. So, yeah, Jonathan, yeah, his date decided not to go. He went to a small Catholic school. So this was like his chance to like um go to prom. There are also a lot of emotional moments with like the you know, like I said, like the widow widower club. um This was really sweet. um Charles goes today is the first happiest day with me since my wife passed away.
00:20:15
Speaker
He makes me cry every 15 minutes. That's that's it. is like Everybody is just constantly crying every single time Charles is on screen because he just does something absolutely precious. like You just want to like squeeze him.
One-on-One Date Excitement
00:20:27
Speaker
Yeah, it's so cute. And then, oh, and then so Chalk gets the one on one while they're at the group date and they're like, meet me at the Happiest Place Center. Then I'm like, so Disneyland, I guess, because they're in California and not Disney World. um And then, of course, um Jonathan gets the group date rose and gets named prom king because I mean, come on. Yeah, how do you know? And then I found out Taylor Dayne had a second song because I literally only know Taylor.
00:20:57
Speaker
I don't know the other one. So I was like, I was like, this is okay. She has a really good impression. I kind of thought that like Taylor Dane was in the room with you for a second. Thank you. Yeah. Well, the camera froze so What's that one song that I sing all the time that I'm like totally blanking on? It was one of his, um ah you know, Faith Plus One songs. Oh, yeah. um Why am I forgetting it right now? Anyway, I'll sing it later.
00:21:32
Speaker
um
00:21:35
Speaker
Oh, oh, yeah. I may be born again, but I wasn't born again yesterday. That's good. That's one of my favorite. it i I think about that um all the time. Yeah. like And it's it's it's a good lesson. It's a week because that's one of those things that has stuck with me for literally decades, where it's like every time you hear a contemporary Christian song, you're like,
00:22:00
Speaker
Oh, it's just a regular love song, but you're talking about Jesus instead of like passionately kissing a lady or something. like tre lyn jesus baby
00:22:10
Speaker
That's one of my favorite episodes. It was so spot on for someone who grew up with like DC talk and stuff. Oh, yeah. And like ah audio adrenaline or whatever. I'm like, oh, it's so true. So true. um All that hot, ah you know, young, hip, Christian music, you know, listen to anyway. OK, so, OK, Disneyland, ya yeah, yeah, yeah.
00:22:35
Speaker
And then, okay, this was funny. So they go to Disneyland, and then at some point, I don't remember exactly what happened, but Chalk said something about Tahoe, and then he goes, you know, like Lake Tahoe. Like, it was confusing, and I thought that was really funny. Not the ah large gas-guzzling SUV, you know, I mean, the body of water. I just, I was just kind of like, is that your way of saying, I have enough money to go to Lake Tahoe? I don't know. just This is another thing with these guys, too, is like, and a lot of them have been very candid about this, where they're like, I haven't been on a date in years, or I haven't been on a date since my wife died, or Whatever. And Chalk is just embodying this nervous energy. Yeah. Because every single interaction he has, it's like you you have not spent solo time with a woman in a public place in a very long time is what I'm getting from this. And it's OK. It's wholesome. But yeah, again, it's like everybody take a breath, please. like I know you really like didn't want to like Chalk at the beginning, but I really don't see I mean, outside of his like name being I mean, listen, I'm married to someone who is like
00:23:35
Speaker
Nickname is the name. Everyone knows him as and it's like, you know, short for butt. So I really can't say anything about it. Yeah. You're your husband, Mr. Ass. Yeah. Yeah. Well, you know, wait, I never told the story. No. Well, because he was born and his dad said something like, look at that. Took us. And then that's why they call him. That's why they call him. I thought his name was just like Tucker. And then you called him Tuck. No, his name is Christopher. What? Yeah. That's why I call him Chris.
00:24:03
Speaker
Oh my God. At home, I'll be like Chris or, or, um, his name is, uh, well, cause he used to work at a place called, well, I know I shouldn't say it. I won't say it. I'm not going to dox him. Um, wait, wait, when you get mad at him, do you call him by his full name or are you like, took us. Um, I usually say tuck when I'm mad, but I will refer to him as tuck to other people. Cause everybody else doesn't miss tuck. But if I say it at home, he's like, Oh, you're mad at me. Cause you didn't say Chris.
00:24:28
Speaker
Wow. Because I'll go Chris or I'll go Christian, which is not his name. Not his name at all. Christopher. I don't really say Christopher. I'll say Chris or Christian. But yeah, no, his name is a nickname. roll So what I am saying is I really can't get down on chalk for that. But um but yeah, I mean, I feel like this date went really well. um And um oh, my God, it was cute. they Of course, they got a churro.
00:24:54
Speaker
And they got that blue drink. And then they talked to R2-D2, which is my dream. I do want to go do that. And I i just want to hang out with the droids for pretty much an entire day. And yeah I could hang out with R2-D2 for about three hours. and Well, they got to see all the Star Wars stuff without like getting tickets three days in advance while waiting in the digital line and then just being like wall to wall people crammed in there waiting hours to touch a lightsaber and drink some blue milk or whatever.
00:25:22
Speaker
Yeah, that's my dream. Yeah, that sounds so good. Also, like you say, did have um Star Wars stuff. Yeah. And my friend didn't know that. And I was like, yeah, they had a tattooing, um, like, uh, Dutch oven or whatever. And it was really fancy. And they only like auctioned or like, they did like a raffle for two of them. And I, who knows? Lucky bastards have those. Um, anyway, but Joan is like, Oh, you know, she was saying something like, Oh, she goes, I just don't feel safe anymore. When I put my head on the pillow and like, she gets really vulnerable with him. She's like really sad.
00:25:58
Speaker
Um, but he's very sweet. He gets the rose. Um, and then, um, at night she's in like a Cinderella dress, you know? Um, and I was like, that's a Cinderella dress. And then they start playing a dream as a wish your heart makes. so And then there's fireworks. And I was like, yeah. Um, so that was really
Fixing Things in the Mansion
00:26:14
Speaker
cute. And then we go back to the men and I'm just trying to speed through this and they're fixing the garbage disposal.
00:26:19
Speaker
and um question really The dads, they're like literally going around the house like just finding things to fix. Yeah, they're like, well, someone's got to fix this garbage disposal. We can't live like this. We got we got to do something about it. Just like checking the seals on the windows and shit. Just real dad. or This is an up to code. Then there's a talent show and like all the type A men are like really excited.
00:26:43
Speaker
And then we've got Lonnie Love judging. And OK, this is really sweet. So Greg is like super worried about it. And he's like, OK, he's so corny. He starts off and he's like, does this USA chant? And then he's like, you know what that stands for? Untreated sleep apnea. And I was like, that's pretty funny. I'll take it. That's a good joke. um Oh, and then CK breaks the board. And that's like the perfect time for me to bring up. yes No.
00:27:12
Speaker
Well, it just gives me flashbacks because I worked at a Taekwondo studio for two weeks and Did I tell you about this? I know you were just like one dose studio. Do you have like do you have like like oh my god?
00:27:24
Speaker
Plock breaking PTSD. What happens? Yes, yes. Did they make you punch a board on your first day? No, but OK, so this is what happens. Here's the racket. Stay away from those Taekwondo studios unless they're like the real deal. OK, most of them are like multilevel marketing schemes. um So basically this person um that I interviewed with, she was like, she was like, first of all, like, oh, you can wear leggings all every day. Isn't that fun? You know, and then I would come in and like bright leggings that you go, well, not those leggings. And I'm like, ah She's like, you gotta wear like black or gray. And I'm like, yeah. But all I have are these colorful ones. And she's like, I'm going to get new leggings. And then she's like, oh, you got to take all those piercings out. And I'm like, well, I'm not going to be like at the Taekwondo studio. What is it be like fighting people we' in a funeral parlor? Come on. Yeah. And then she was like, you know, and then it was like all that, like, you know, all the.
00:28:15
Speaker
calling everyone sir and ma'am and shit like that really is hard for me and like mrs and mr and all that you know like whatever um which is like fine it's just not my i realize that i don't like authority that much um so that was very hard for me um but here's the racket okay so this is what happens as they drop off these like boxes at businesses Um, and you didn't hear this from me. This is all a legend. No, um, they say Quando doesn't want you to know this. It's true. I'm for real right now. Okay. So they drop off these boxes at like businesses and it'll be like enter to win a free birthday party or whatever, or like a free lesson or something like that. Here's the trick. Everyone wins.
00:29:01
Speaker
it is not an enter to win a free thing what everyone wins okay and so what you win is you come in and they do a little lesson like a 20-minute lesson and then um and then they'll be like so it's either like a party or it's usually like a party or like a free lesson or whatever and party you could like bring a handful of people But then what they do is they they go in for the kill and they do like the hard sell of like, you know, oh, it builds confidence and, you know, conditioning and respect and they'll do better in school and like it's such a good activity and like, um, and don't you want your child to have a strong foundation and be set up for success? Well, you should probably enroll them. And so then they'll like get you to like enroll in classes. So like everybody wins so that they come through the door and then it's harder for them to say no when you try to sell them a class. like Um,
00:29:51
Speaker
And then when they're in, it's like, you know, then they make friends there. It's hard to, you know, it's like a lot of money for all the like equipment and the belts and all that stuff. Like the cut co of the martial arts world. is Yes. Yeah. And then like we would. And so like I was hired as like a marketing person and I was like, great, cool. So like I'll post on social media about the classes and the events and whatever. And then they're like, we want you to be making like a million cold calls a day. So basically we would go to um like grocery stores and stuff and we would have kids break a board there.
00:30:21
Speaker
Like we'd be like, do you wanna break a board? I'm gonna teach you how to break a board. And so they come in and we'd hold a board for them and like they would break the board. Like it is not hard to break a board. What I'm telling you is it's not hard to break a board. I'm not saying CK's board might've been harder, but these boards were extremely easy to break. CK's was solid mahogany. Yeah, because obviously he's a fit guy. That's why he showed us that he doesn't need any assistive aids, okay? um But anyway,
00:30:50
Speaker
So, but these are like extremely, they're like balsa wood, you know, like super easy boards to break. And basically it just has to do with like where the position is and the amount of force. So like any kid can really do it. yeah So you just, so you build up their confidence, you get them excited. They're at the grocery store with their parents. They don't want to be there. This is a fun, exciting thing for them to do when they leave the grocery store. Um, before they break the board, you have them put like their name and number and email on this thing, you know, whatever.
00:31:16
Speaker
And then my job was I had to call all of these poor parents and like ask them to come in. Hey, you want a free lesson. Do you want to, you know, you want to break more boards? Yeah, it's the same thing. Oh my God. And then they'd be like, you get these lists, you don't hear from them. Call through it again. And I would, I would have to sit in this like supply closet and make these phone calls. And I was like,
00:31:38
Speaker
I told and they were like they're like this job is gonna be like very little if no sales yeah the that that was bullshit um and then I and then I got strep throat and I was like relieved because I didn't have to go to work um and that's when I realized I had to quit anyway um so that's what I think of when I see CK uh breaking board love that Um, and then he punches Greg in the stomach, uh, which was funny.
Poolside Shenanigans
00:32:02
Speaker
he He was too forceful. That's the thing. He was, he was more forceful than it was required to break the board so much so that he punched Greg in the stomach.
00:32:10
Speaker
And then we've got Christopher doing yo-yos and there was some juggling and then Jack could have sang but then he decided to do a puppet show. Which is what yeah, I thought I thought he was gonna sing. I mean, that's his thing. like and he like like No, I got other things. I got other things. I got one more thing. I know it's like that. There's a clip of me from the last episode. where I'm like, I got two things. He's like, I got a secret third thing and I just discovered it. I took off my socks one day and I was like, ah, I'm like that that lamb chop lady. I love Sherry Lewis I was obsessed with lamb chop and I love Sherry Lewis and I when I got older I started to watch like young Sherry Lewis stuff and I was like Oh, this was kind of and um any you a Would your name be young Sherry Lewis? Why?
00:32:54
Speaker
It just sounds like a good rapper name. I don't know. OK, sure. I don't think anyone's taken that one yet. You better write that down. Yeah, I think going here he needs to be a little bit curlier. That's OK. I'll get a perm. So then you got lamb chop vibes. You can pull it off. Oh, my God. That's like the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me. Lamb chop is such a bitch and I love her. Lamb chop is like all attitude. And I love that. greggo I was like, wow.
00:33:22
Speaker
I wish I could get away with that all day long. um Anyway, that's so kind of you to say that I have lamb chop pie. You have no idea how nice, that was like almost as nice as Tuck telling me, you know, I think you could do voiceover for cartoons before he like really knew anything about me. I was like, what is house wow, that's, wow I'm marrying this man. And then I did. That's what happened. um Okay, and then yeah, Pascal cuts hair in record time.
00:33:50
Speaker
And then he like spins and stuff on his hand and whatever. And then Pascal's entire talent is this is my job. Look at me do it. Yeah. He's just like, look at how good I am at my job. And that's why I can afford all my designer things. Now, some of Pascal's talents don't include ah doing laundry, basic cooking. No. Yeah. We learned that in episode three that. Yeah. But, you know, honestly, again, a vibe. ah If you have built up that level of success and you want to pay other people to do something you don't like doing. OK, fine. i I think it's amazing. Yeah. i I respect a man who is just like, I don't know how to do things, but I have a lot of money. How do how do I do it? I don't know. That's that's what I do. But here's the thing. I actually do think he's like a good dude. So like, you know, whatever yeah for him. And he's got like a nice origin story, which we'll talk about in a little bit. yeah um
00:34:41
Speaker
Yeah. Oh, and then, yeah, so ah Kim, Captain Lee sings, and then that's like good foreshadowing for episode three. And Dan wins um because he makes light of his tremor. And he was just kind of like, well, yeah, if I've got this already, like I might as well like do like a ribbon dancing show.
00:35:00
Speaker
It was honestly like so sweet. um it was It was really good. I thought he was going to do more too. I thought I was like, oh, the ribbon dance, that's so good. Then yeah I was like, oh, we got to get him some maracas. There's all kinds of things. yeah Just the ribbon dance alone was beautiful. It was good. Yeah, it was good. And he was just and and he was vulnerable with Joan and was like, you know Um, you know, I've gotten more sensitive, but I also find things funnier and I appreciate things more deeply. And then, and, uh, Joan's like, Oh, I just feel really comfortable in Dan's arms. And I was like, good job, Dan. Um, then we get the next dad moment where the men, uh, have a pat barbecue on the pool deck. Um, and they're like,
00:35:39
Speaker
All they all have the the right idea of how to do everything. Oh, my God. This is how you shut corn. And this is how you make a burger. And this is how I'm the grill master. This is the most dad shit of all time. And and it it doesn't even matter. Like, even if you don't have kids, I think you hit 60 years old and this is just what you do. Like ah Susan's uncle, they had like this big barbecue or something with ah like the family was all over. There's probably like 50 people there.
00:36:10
Speaker
And, you know, he's he's getting a little bit older and it was his house and I was trying to help out. So her aunt was like, Steve, but can you grill the burgers and the broth? And I said, yeah, yeah, yeah, no problem. So I'm doing it and I'm like, yeah, don't don't worry about it, Tom, I got this, whatever. And he's just, I'm literally like there, like like flipping burgers, just doing my thing. And he's standing three feet away from me with a beer in his hand, just be like,
00:36:38
Speaker
you gonna Are you going to do this? Oh my God. Are you going to do that? I'm like. I'm going to actually kill you. That's what I'm going to do. Get away from me right now. like it's Like, yes, I would love to help. But it's like, great. So while you do this tiny wrist motion, I'm going to tell you everything I would be doing if I was doing the tiny wrist motion. It's lovely. It's like, so maybe you should be doing it then. But yeah, like, yeah, Jack's like, you know, the thing is, when you're grilling a burger, you don't ever pat it down, you know. And Christopher's like, listen, I like barbecue sauce on my burgers.
00:37:10
Speaker
OK, this is what I'm doing and you do what you're doing. um Yeah. um And then I was like, what's my note? I wrote that Jack has an illegitimate child somewhere because um but because he was like, I got three kids. I mean, oh, my God, I got two kids. I got three get grandkids. I was like, is that a slipjack? You never know.
00:37:34
Speaker
from your assorted catering days, like what's going on. You never know. Yeah. And then, okay. And my favorite thing is, you know, we know that Jack is just here for the zipline. And when we say the zipline, it's the cannonballs. He's just here for the cannonball. Just let him live. He truly is. I really wish he could have stayed there longer. Everybody is talking about we need Golden Paradise. If we don't have Golden Paradise,
00:37:59
Speaker
Oh, yeah. Yeah. Like Jack was made for Golden Paradise. Oh, my God. He needs he needs to be go. He's already comparing the mansion with places he's been in Mexico. I mean, oh, what do you need? This man needs i guarantee like right now, like if I could have one conversation with Jack right now, it'd be like, what's your favorite all inclusive in Mexico? Oh, he's got you.
00:38:20
Speaker
He's got a list. He's got a tier. He's got a top five. He's got a top five for sure. He's like, well, you know, when you got time and, you know, I do like a cruise. I like it, but it's got to be done well. And I got to say, let me tell you, if you go down to Cabo and you stay at the sandals, they got the best frozen daiquiris. Yeah.
00:38:39
Speaker
Oh, I've only been to one all inclusive in my life. And I think that was enough. um And then I was around another one. and And my friend thinks someone thought that I had escaped. I can't handle the pressure of an all inclusive. If I went to an inclusive, I'd be like, I need to make sure that I'm getting my money's worth and then some because every single drink and food item that I consume,
00:39:03
Speaker
is it's shaving money off the price. So in order to maximize value, I'd be like, okay, I need to be blind drunk and vomiting from eating too many nachos at some point. That's what I need to do. Yeah, it's unhealthy for me. I couldn't do that. That's girl math. Anyway, so and then yeah, Pascal is like, look at all the designer goods in my closet. He like showed Joan around and he's like, those are all my designer items. So, you know, and then okay, and then this is weird. We still get a gill clip. And then I was like, well, hopefully we don't see him after episode two. And that didn't happen. We see him in episode three as well.
00:39:40
Speaker
um But he talks about his wife dying in 2019. Then we get another cannonball from Jack. I just love Jack so much. I really miss him already. I don't look like two or three on camera. You know that there was like tack on at least two more zeros onto the number of cannonballs. Probably did.
00:39:56
Speaker
I'm so endeared to Jack. um And then, oh, oh, Gary got like a sweet picture from Joan. Was it like a picture of his younger younger self from prom or something? Yeah. Yeah. OK, I missed ah the exactly what it was. And then ah Mark comes out with the German Riz and he starts. ah See, I know I know young people terms. so
00:40:19
Speaker
Oh, God. And i'm I'm with it. Yeah, I have. Hey kids, you know who had the Rizz? Helen Keller, a real person. She was. Yeah, no cap. She was great. The miracle Rizzler. The miracle Rizzler.
00:40:43
Speaker
I'm going to go walk off a cliff. Helen Keller was the OG Rizzler market. That would start a new thing. That would be good. um And then, OK. Sorry, I couldn't even mute. I was just losing it. um So OK, so who went home? So Jack went home, Christopher, Michael, Bob. um Oh, and we should talk about the the way we're lesbians before we close this ever episode.
00:41:13
Speaker
Um, but yeah, the Jack Christopher girl friendship was really cute. And then Jack goes, it's been a slice, like a slice of pie. Like it was good.
00:41:24
Speaker
Oh, we're just so amazing. Yeah. So Chicago, Christopher. Yeah. It was so sweet. Like, yeah. He's like, I got my techniques and you got yours.
00:41:36
Speaker
And that's fine. And we we make it work. And so, yeah, I want to see Jack and Christopher and I want to see Charles and who else? I don't know with food stuff, but at least those three doing like food things together. It's so cute. And then, yeah, Charles K.
00:41:55
Speaker
Got demoed. Oh, I said he got demoted to a nickname CK because Charles is in charge too many Charles's Yeah, and then Jack at the end sings again, which I'm like, okay Yeah, you hit it in that the talent show and then we get a preview that Pascal goes on a shopping date in episode three But yeah So like, OK, I have like a personal thing against Bob just because I'm leery of chiropractors, but that's nothing against Bob. Maybe he's great. And I will say I did. I almost sent you the video that you sent me about the way we're lesbians. I know as soon as I saw it was like i saw it and then I was going to send it to you and then I didn't. I might have sent it to our account, so we might have reposted it on our account.
00:42:35
Speaker
And then you sent it to me and I was like, oh, that's so funny. Cause that was like when I was going to send to you. I do think that's very cute. And that's something that is melting my cold heart against Bob. That's really sweet. Like, um, that, that it's just like, it's this genuine thing that's like grown over time and they like do so much stuff together. And there's so many, I know that Thanksgiving picture. It's like every, I thought maybe it would be like four or five, but it was like, like, yeah, like a team's worth.
00:43:05
Speaker
Yeah, every every single like gay and non-binary woman in Marina del Rey was just like crammed into his living room. It was incredible. He's like, this is the home of Wayward Lesbians. And he wasn't kidding. so New reality show, Bob's home for Wayward Lesbians.
00:43:22
Speaker
Honestly, it's like pretty good. um Yeah. So ah go check out our TikTok. It's probably reposted over there if you didn't see it. um So, OK, episode three, we start with Joan crying and then we instantly go back in time to the start of a new day with the sleeping men in the house
Gazers vs. Grazers in the Mansion
00:43:39
Speaker
um because they're not getting sleep. And and here's the thing. We start the day, first of all, talking about gazers and grazers.
00:43:47
Speaker
Some guys cook, some guys clean, some guys eat. And Pascal is like, I don't cook, I don't clean. I simply exist that I am fabulous. I am so aggressively fetch. All I can do is lay down and sigh.
00:44:06
Speaker
Yes, sorry. Yeah, but he gets all his cooking and cleaning done for him. It's amazing. He's so good at working a room. um And then, oh, why what happened here? There was a there was a reaction that is so dad. What was that about?
00:44:26
Speaker
I said, these reactions are so dad and all the dads are going, o oh, oh, and Jesse came in and he was like announcing stuff and everybody went, oh, and then Pascal gets the first one on one day. And she's like, Jones, like, I want to see his heart. And then she's like, but he's still going to get the shopping date. And I was like, yeah, basically, he gets i love exactly the shopping date, but it's basically the shopping date.
00:44:47
Speaker
yeah This is so great because like immediately they walk out. There's this like beautiful sports car because, you know, it's a bachelor. And he's like, oh, do you like to drive because I like to drive? And she's like, I'm driving. And he's like, OK.
00:45:01
Speaker
Well, yeah, so i there was there was a conversation online about that. And it sounds like what happens is because they only have like they can't fill out like a car like insurance policy for everybody on the show. So it's just like that's why The Bachelorette and the Golden Bachelorette are like the ones who drive and you know all that stuff. So it's like it's like they're driving, they're in charge, you know, whatever. Yeah. So that's more and stuff here, too. Yeah. And this is great. Like this is the difference between a show like the Golden Bachelorette where you have all these guys that just don't know how anything works. Yeah. um If this was the regular Bachelorette, they would go out, they would do their thing, they would leave. Here it's like all the guys follow them out and they're like, bye, have fun. It's ah so sad. Bring her home on time. Don't be late.
00:45:51
Speaker
It's totally adorable. Yeah, they go to Vegas. It's so cute They're like going shopping getting outfits and my favorite part is Pascal goes it's like pretty woman and I'm Julia robert ah yeah you are pesal It's so cute like I like he wants to go into a store and be like big mistake huge 100% so cut um and like so adorable anyway meanwhile while they're there um charles and gary are on a side quest and they're buying melatonin earplugs and all kinds of sleepy stuff for the men at the house at the most bespoke liquor store i have ever seen in my entire what they got like like linen lined picnic baskets were they were they at arowan or something i have no idea i mean the mansion is in malibu so i don't
00:46:39
Speaker
I get no clue, but it's one of these days I'm gonna go to Carolina and spend five hundred dollars on groceries and feel fine about it I feel like you've only put three things in your cart is that yeah, but I'll be like well that was I'll never get one smoothie a jug of water and Some some water three walnuts. Yeah Three walnuts, but I'm under dollars ma'am Yeah. And I'll be like, what a rush. That's great. Fucking coolest thing I've ever done in my life. Um, and then of course, okay. All right. Before we talk about Wayne Newton, um, have you seen the videos of Frankie Valley going? Oh yeah. Frankie Valley. just Can you do the Frankie Valley? And then in the background, it's just like, Greece is the word. He's just like,
00:47:27
Speaker
Yeah, you see his bottom lip moving just a little bit like. I like he looks like an I feel really bad, but like, and but then like these, he needs to take a break.
00:47:41
Speaker
it's it's It's elder abuse. I mean, like who does he owe money to? yeah i'm like i'm like At least Wayne Newton is still lucid. You know what I mean? like yeah no listen this is great this is i mean oh god He's legitimately years old. There's no way it's healthy for him. And then there's a post on the Frankie Valley Instagram, which I'm sure 90 year old Frankie Valley, of course, updates himself. It was just like, hey guys, I'm okay. He's on the Graham.
00:48:06
Speaker
Yeah, he's like 90 and never felt better. Like yeah Frankie Valley's just over here having a great time. We're posting on his behalf. But this whole thing is just like, dude, like was the year like 1955 and like a bunch of dudes in leather jackets with like greaseback hair were like, hey, Frankie, you owe us big cash. And if you don't, we're going to make you work in Vegas until your bones turn to dust. That's what it's like. It's like, yeah, it is the most hostage situation shit I have ever seen.
00:48:35
Speaker
it's really sad it's really sad i mean if he's enjoying it okay but i don't i don't know if he is i don't know if he knows he's there i want to be like blink twice if you need help but he doesn't blink it's it's very strange it's really sad i mean that's like you know like listen we're talking about the the golden bachelorette Everybody's got their faculties, you know, but it's like, yeah, at some point you got to have a limit and you just kind of say, this is not working anymore. We got to just, we got to just like pack it in. Oh, that's a fun freeze frame when we go. Uh, anyway, so, um, but yeah, at least I just, I, in my notes, I said, well, thank goodness it was Wayne Newton and not animatronic Frankie Valley. Um, Wayne Newton is one of my go to karaoke, uh, choices.
00:49:23
Speaker
Wow. What's your particular song? um I sing. I like Remember When and and of course Don Cachane. And there's a third one that I've sang before and I'm trying to remember what one it is. I mean, it's not like he's got a ton of like really well known songs. But who um we got to polish your act. We're going to take you down to Branson, Missouri and make you a star. I'm a little too raspy for that. Like right now, I could do you know Patsy Cline, no problem. But Wayne Newton couldn't come weights. You could probably.
00:49:51
Speaker
Yeah, yeah, I've never really done that, so. But yeah. Not at the Tom Waits level, don't worry. No, not. Well, most of the time. If you came on the podcast, you're like, hello, Steve, let's talk about the golden bachelorette. I'd be like, OK, maybe we shouldn't.
00:50:06
Speaker
But yeah, he's he's got a he's got a good voice for like like a soprano or a mezzo soprano, which makes it fun to sing for ladies. Anyway, that's just that's nice that's that's just a thing. Anyway, um yeah, so okay, then we then Charles made me cry again. um So charles we go back to the house and Charles is asking Guy about his wife when she fell and like the blood in her mouth. oh my god And like,
00:50:31
Speaker
And I know you didn't want to like guy either. I know have to say there the the people editing the show are listening to the podcast and they're there. They're just glomming on to every criticism that I have. And they're like, no, we can't wait to make Steve look like a fool. And you have you have officially made me look like a fool succeeded between this episode like like these two episodes that we're covering guy just transforms into the most wonderful wholesome man.
00:50:59
Speaker
Like between the Charles stuff and then the stuff with Kim where he's the only one singing with him. I'm just like, you angel man. I love you. I'm sorry. I called you sleazy. Yeah, he's so sweet. Like you're so mean for calling him sleazy. No, he did kind of seem sleazy, but he's not. He's like, look at him. He's too. handsome such a sweet eye and he's so sweet He gets naked on the show, too.
00:51:21
Speaker
Oh yeah. Tomorrow or next week. I mean, tomorrow tomorrow it's going to happen tomorrow on a special, a very special yeah Saturday night. He's probably naked right now. We don't know. Yeah. Saturday night. It's magic might with guy. Yeah. It's going to be amazing. That's how he talks now. Apparently. so Anyway. Yeah. So, so he's so sweet and he's sitting with Charles and he's like so patient, like good bedside manner, by the way. Um, well, if you hear Walter, he's really upset with me being in here. So bad.
00:51:52
Speaker
Um, temperament. Anyway, so, uh, so he's talking to Charles and he's like, well, yeah, she she probably like bit her tongue when she fell. And he's like, Oh, and he like never had an answer about that. And it's been like playing him for like six years for years. I was like, Oh my God. It's like, that's so
Comforting Charles
00:52:09
Speaker
sad. Yeah. oh my god Charles you angel. And he's like, I'm so glad I finally have an answer for that. And I just felt like it was always my fault and whatever. Now I do think, I understand. I will say, I don't know if I would make the same advice that guy made. Cause it was kind of like, you gotta move on.
00:52:25
Speaker
Which like, it's been six years. Like I get it, but also like, I don't think you can tell anybody that exactly. That's that's a hard one. Yeah. I was, I was kind of like 50 50 on that advice, but I do think like he's got to stop blaming himself because yeah you know, there's nothing, there's nothing that he could have done and there's nothing, there's nothing that he can change. And those kinds of things are like,
00:52:45
Speaker
you know, freak accidents and they're mostly unknowable. Well, and that's the sentiment behind what Guy was saying when he was like, oh, you got to let go of this stuff. It means like at least I took it as don't you you can't just beat yourself up over this and torture yourself. You know, like all this stuff is out of your hands and unknowable and you did everything you could and you were great. And just like you you can't constantly be like what if and and criticize yourself because you go crazy because there's no answers. You just drive yourself nuts. You can't do that.
00:53:16
Speaker
Yeah, yeah, exactly. Yeah, it's so it was so sweet. Anyway, it was like really, really nice. um Walter's driving me right nuts right now. Anyway, full disclosure. We love you, Walter. If he barks in the background, I'm so sorry. He will go downstairs in a minute. Also bark twice if you love guy now.
00:53:32
Speaker
He's like, I do. Um, so anyway, okay. Then, um, okay. So then we're still out on the date. Um, yeah, Joan is our coding queen. I just love that she actually mentioned it on the show. Cause if you'll remember, I mentioned it last week or two weeks ago, whenever we did that episode, how, um, Joan, uh, got her degree in computer science. yeah She is our coding queen and she's like, yeah, I was like, they did a bunch of coding. And then I'm like,
00:53:56
Speaker
You're like so nonchalant about being a woman in STEM, okay? You're a woman in STEM, you should own it. Amazing. That one's good as hell Joan to learn to code because she already did. Yeah, I already did. So what's your next advice? Like Bitcoin? Okay, whatever. Anyway, she's like, I'm doing something to actually make this ball. I'm like, what are the two pieces of advice people have?
00:54:16
Speaker
Oh, you got to learn to code and like and like, oh, and you got to like sell a course and then you got to like, you know, do Bitcoin. And it's like one of those things is smart. The other two, yeah not so much.
Celebrating Women in STEM
00:54:28
Speaker
um I've been coding a lot in class lately and i my background in coding has really been helping because.
00:54:35
Speaker
I'm building stuff in R. OK, so you can't say anything to me. So I can't do any of that shit. Anyway, it's it's you know, it's like a statistical software for pirates. So pretty cool. R. So I have a liberal arts degree and I'm a personality hire, so I know it's like surprise. I'm really good at math. People are like, wait, what? And I'm like, yeah, I don't just wear glasses.
00:55:03
Speaker
I live them. I use them. So Pascal is so sweet. His origin story is really inspirational, you know, and I just I don't know. I it's sweet. Pascal is very much like, you know, I come from humble beginnings and I came over here and I wanted to make something myself. And I just looked in the mirror every day and I like didn't know a lot of English and I'm like, you're going to make it and you're going to make something for yourself and you're going to do it and you can do it and you're good and you're, you know, and then he's like, and then I did it. And I do think despite like him being like, you know, I like the finer things in life or whatever, it does seem like he appreciates like his life and like everything that he has and you know, it doesn't take it for granted. And I think that's really sweet. Um, so even though, cause I was like, so you're trying to see the heart of him on like a, like a materialistic shopping day, like,
00:55:50
Speaker
do you really think it's gonna happen it but it actually did and like it was really i don't know i i really like his story i would love to learn more about him and so just so cute i don't know good for good for him i want everybody on the show to be my dad even pascal i'll teach you how to do laundry pascal it's easy you just put it all in the washing machine i mean if he's your dad you get like good haircuts for you know i know that's amazing Amazing, right? Yeah, that's worth it. I like I would do a lot of chores for somebody who ah cut my hair, dyed it and like, to that's like, that's one of my biggest expenses. I think most people would like puke if they learned how much I spent on my hair. It's really terrible. ah I can't even say it. and It's bad. Okay, she's got a mortgage on her hair, folks.
00:56:37
Speaker
Think about, yeah, think about what you think is like a high amount of money to spend in like a one-year appointment and probably like double or triple it, and that's probably what I spend. Anyway, so yeah put your votes in in the comments of our YouTube video. um So Jonathan is nervous about this one-on-one. This is interesting. So Jonathan gets a one-on-one, right? Instead of being excited about it, he's nervous about it.
00:57:00
Speaker
Because he's like, that's too much focus on me.
Date Jitters
00:57:03
Speaker
Yeah. Because again, Jonathan has deep lore. Did I tell you? he has Oh, yeah, we talked about. Yeah. Yeah. And i yeah this is another example of story how these men differ from anyone else's on the show. Like normally it's hyper competitive and they're like, yeah, I got the one I want. o And here it's just like, oh, no, I'm going to cry. I wanted the group date. It's too much pressure. There's a 50 50 shot technically that I will go home. So it doesn't work that way. You're good. Yeah.
00:57:30
Speaker
It's so sweet. Like he's so nervous. He's like, it can be a double edged sword because you could, you could be staying or you could be going. And I'm like, I think you're probably going to be totally fine. Like I wasn't worried about it, but then I got worried. I got one because it's a horse date.
00:57:47
Speaker
yeah And historically, you want, you want, word yeah, it's, there's never a good horse state. Like the best you can hope for coming out of a horse state is you don't get sent home or that the other person, yeah, it ends in a hot tub or yeah the other person doesn't have a breakdown. Cause the horse state, the problem is, is one, none of these people know how to ride horses. Okay. Right. Even if they do, it's like one person does, the other person doesn't, it feels weird. And then You're not actually doing an activity. You're just trotting along. So all you have is each other and like whatever awkward conversation you have. it's It's a very like there's no buffer between you and the other person. It's very raw. Plus you're like trying to be like, so what do you what do you like? What are your hobbies while you're like trying to not fall off of a giant animal? Yeah, it's the worst. You never want a horse that you want shopping or you want trauma bonding. You don't want a horse.
00:58:42
Speaker
yeah yeah
00:58:45
Speaker
Uh, that's good advice for life in general. Yeah. I'm afraid of horses. So I didn't even have like a bad thing happen. Like Joan had like a horse thrower off or whatever, or she fell off one or something. I mean, um think think about like just, just horses, just divorce in this whole situation. Just what what is a horse? I'll tell you what a horse is. It's like a 1200 pound animal that can shit in the street. Nobody can tell it different. That's horrifying to me. I don't want to get on that. Yeah. I can't do it. No, I get it. Yeah. It scares me. I don't.
00:59:15
Speaker
I believe in on a couple horses and it wasn't like a very good experience. So I don't need to do that again. No horse girl here. Go ahead. No, i I've never been a horse girl. I'm sure that shocks you that I'm not a horse girl. Pascal says lee-wee to the rose. And then ah so then we have that's what he said.
00:59:36
Speaker
And then we have a like literally, ah we have a group date. ah Okay, Keith is like, I am built for this date. It's kickball. Like this is my date. um But then they're like, but don't worry, because this date is sponsored by Quaker Oats. And then who was it who was just like, I love Quaker Oats. That was Keith again.
00:59:56
Speaker
He was just like, I love Quaker Oats. Yum. But he said yum at the end. It was so weird. It was really good. And then Greg's like, oh, well, I can get off the ground. So that makes me more well equipped for this part. And then Gary does a very nice kick. His leg went really high.
Athletic Group Date
01:00:19
Speaker
I was like, whoa.
01:00:21
Speaker
It's very surprised with Gary's athleticism. I thought it was great. Yeah. Yeah. Like hit he's got like twinkle toes, like, you know, and he was just like, yeah, anyway, that was really good. um Joan goes, I'm a quickie on the field. Wait, maybe I shouldn't say that. And I was like, too late. ah And then they're like, OK, we are going to do it where the winners can hang out and the losers go home. So we are doing that. So just so you know. ah And then we see like Gil briefly and then um she calls him impressive. And I'm like, get him off my TV. Get him off my TV.
01:00:51
Speaker
e Um, and then, okay, then Jesse's like announcing and he's like eating and he's like, what a great way to start. the Now, listen, I love oatmeal. Okay. Do I have quick roads in my pantry? Maybe. Who buys that shit? Unless you're making it like oatmeal cookies. Like who's just buys like the big, like I do use it for cooking though. Right? Like you bake stuff with, you're not just like scarfing le or oat oatmeal.
01:01:19
Speaker
I eat oatmeal too, but in the packets, you buy the, you buy the jug, the oats, jug. You can't spend five minutes making real oatmeal. You got to buy them in packets. It's a measurement. It's a measurement issue. Also a half a cup, a half a cup of oats, a cup of water, and it takes five minutes. And then you can customize it however you want.
01:01:41
Speaker
i got I gotta to get, i well, okay, listen, lady. Oh my God. I gotta to send you i gotta to send you some pictures of my morning oatmeal. I gotta eat the special boy gluten-free oatmeal. You don't want me to drop dead over here, do you? i can glu by the g yeah Oh, gluten-free. it's our gluten-free. Here's here's the problem though. Here's the problem. There's a problem. This is true You have to buy you you don't have to buy I have to buy the special ones only because ah Due to the joys of American food manufacturing the process in which they create like like oatmeal is yeah i like bob But you can buy like Bob's redmill
01:02:15
Speaker
Yeah, but it doesn't come with a jug. That's what I'm saying. I can't buy Quaker Oats. That'll fuck me up because there's all kinds of stuff. But you can buy old fashioned oats. You don't have to buy the quick oats. You don't have to do all that shit. You don't have to buy the little packets. OK, you can buy real gluten free oats from a safe factory and be OK. I promise.
01:02:35
Speaker
I could, but I but i like i like when it comes in a packet and I dump it in the bowl and then I put the water in the packet up to the line and then I dump it in the bowl and then it just goes in the microwave. Wow. It's simple. And it takes two minutes less than making it on the stove. I don't have big Quaker trying to contaminate me with the with horrible glue. I'm going to send you a picture of my beautiful morning oatmeal. I don't know. Those Quakers, are they're they're coming for me. They're putting all kinds of stuff in there. I'm telling you, now I'm starting to propaganda. There's there's bugs and sticks and gluten all over them. Oh, my gosh. You're going to be fine. You're going to be fine. um um But I'm going to eat a ah I don't know what's what's a bug that
Oatmeal and Moral Fiber
01:03:16
Speaker
would be in. Oh, it's I don't know. I don't know. probably think They can also exist in the little packets. They could. It's possible. Do you know how many flies are like acceptable in a jar of peanut butter? Anyway, um just ground up in there anyway. So ah protein.
01:03:34
Speaker
We're we're we're having a spat over oatmeal. It's fine. Samuel is big Quaker. No, I don't own any Quaker oats, but I do have I do have. Like tubes of steel, steel cut, steel cut in the tube. I do have steel cut. I do have old fashioned and I I probably have. About I don't know. ah lot I have many, many ounces, dozens of ounces.
01:04:03
Speaker
of oats in my pantry at this very moment. um You have a high fiber intake. Yes, my business is called needs more fiber, if you forgot. ah Anyway, so.
01:04:16
Speaker
Not referring to yourself.
01:04:20
Speaker
You know, we all need more fiber all the time, including moral fiber, which is what this show teaches us. And transition yeah,
Appreciating Life's Moments
01:04:29
Speaker
thank you. ah The Blue Team wins. Charles makes us cry again. Stop it, Charles. I'm all out of tears. And he's like, you know, he's like talking about his I think this is when he Explained to Joan that like guy explained to him this stuff. I think that's why it was i every is precious Like even play I did kickball for the first time and it was beautiful. Wasn't it beautiful? It's like yes loves life and it's so Wonderful, and I'm so glad and I think his wife would be really proud.
01:05:02
Speaker
Charles is the definition of racing to be here. And I swear to God, like every single person watching this show is going to rip their TV off the I wall the moment he gets eliminated. Yes. Yeah. It's not going to be good. I think he has a very strong chance of being the Golden Bachelor. I'm just saying he's really popular. He is really popular. I just don't. I does. Does he have the Riz, though? I don't know if he has. I've been wrong. There are people that we thought didn't have the Riz and then they get into the lead and then they like
01:05:31
Speaker
I feel like his personality has already come out and I and I think it would come out even more. And we're like, listen, Charles for Golden Bachelor. That's all I'm saying.
A Sincere Gesture
01:05:40
Speaker
OK, Joan is upset because her mom is ah sick. She was doing well by by the end of the episode. Spoiler alert, she was better. So that's good. But Gary's like, I'm going to pray on it. And I believe in the power of prayer. Oh, Gary shows up. And then he's like, and then he's like, I know.
01:05:57
Speaker
Gary, like, oh, on this season. On this. number Yes. Yes. He like wrote a prayer. Yeah. Not not old Gary. New Gary. New Gary. Yeah. Yeah. um And he's like, yeah, I believe in the power of prayer and all this stuff. And she's like, that's what sweet. He's like, I want to give you my prayers and whatever. And I'm like, like, that's not necessarily my thing, but it's like really cute, though. It's a good sentiment. Yeah, sure. It's super sweet. It's super sweet. And then Gil comes on my screen and I'm like, oh, and then I just wrote, fuck him, fuck him, fuck him a million times in my notes. So that's all I said. But I understand.
01:06:26
Speaker
kind of why because it was like he got the group date rose but like they could have also just cut out that someone got a group date rose at all. I don't think they were creative enough with their editing. That's what I would
Fraternity Traditions
01:06:36
Speaker
say. um Then the guys afterwards get massages from Joan because they're too old to be doing all this kickball stuff. It's true. um And Jonathan doesn't get a massage because he's doing this one on one date. And um I'm obsessed with his shirt on this date. And I kept trying to make Tuck look at it. I was like, look at the shirt. Look at the shirt. It's such a good shirt. You see it's got flowers all over. It's so cute. I love his shirt.
01:07:00
Speaker
um Yeah, Joan is scared of the horse. Me too. And then meanwhile, at the house, Captain Lee, I mean, Kim is trying to write a song. And he's like, so mandatory fun. It's amazing. And again, okay, this is like, I'm like, I know exactly I mean, first of all, I'm sure these are similar to songs like he probably sang. Like in his. This is some like real like white Christmas Bing Crosby shit. Like, well, this is like, well, to me, like I'm like, this is probably some like military, like Navy type of stuff. But then also it sounds like all of the like fraternity songs I've ever heard.
01:07:35
Speaker
Like when i was in a sorority we we did this um what was it called is basically like a road that was like this thing where. Guys would come to our house this is so weird guys would come to our house what is that called and they would sing to us and then they would give us roses.
01:07:53
Speaker
So it's just the show? is that Yes. So so it was like and it was like they as but and it was particularly for like the new people in the house like the new girls in the house like who had been recruited that year would get sung to by like the new men in the fraternity and then they would have roses and they were like assigned to us basically and they would like give us a rose.
01:08:17
Speaker
I don't want anyone to ever sing to me. I can't even imagine. Well, but the song sounded like this stuff, you know, because it's or, you know, it's kind of like, you know, like barbershop quartetty or, you know, you know, it's like that military cadence to it because every song is just like. da da but da da Right. Yeah. So it's either like it's either like that or it's like like Lighter Rose, like in, you know, Music Man, you know, yeah it like it was it was one or the two that would get sung, you know, to us.
01:08:47
Speaker
And then they always had like kind of a subversive song that they would also sing. And then we would sing back. So we had like a sweet song. And then we had one that was like, you know, about like getting drunk and you know, doing um untoward things. LSD. If someone's just like, people are gonna sing to you and then you have to sing back to them.
01:09:11
Speaker
Yeah, it was just mostly about, it was mostly about, um, yeah, lewd acts and, uh, excessive drinking. Good songs. Good. But that was like, but it was like such a weird old tradition, but like we all did it because we were like, it's kind of fun and we got to learn songs and we had like little.
01:09:28
Speaker
hand choreography and you know shit like that. we were like the show there was you know And there was like one where you know you just kind of sway back and forth like those or whatever. I was like all that shit. So I totally understood what Kim was trying to do. And I agree with him that like it would sound really good if like multiple men did it. And if some of them knew how to harmonize, it would sound really sweet.
01:09:51
Speaker
And so I totally saw his vision and understood it. And so many of the men were like, fuck this, I'm not doing it. And it made me so sad for him. Gary's like, bro, this is it's so good. First of all, it's so good. But so listen, listen, listen. just like it's It's like your song. we we could Can we could never like this is your shit man you do that like I don't want to steal your thunder it was amazing Gary was like trying to PR the situation yeah but then ki was like so sweet he's like he's like well Beethoven for real music
01:10:27
Speaker
for a symphony. Okay. It would sound like crap if it was just Beethoven playing it. And I'm like, no one should tell him about Beethoven's piano pieces. Yeah, I was going to say, I think he's actually got some. He actually did. Perhaps, Kim, you haven't heard me bang out Ode to Joy on a Casio keyboard. You don't know if you release, and you're telling me you don't know if you release.
01:10:49
Speaker
anyway So, ah yeah, I just thought that was like really funny. um But I totally felt this pain and and I totally saw the vision. I'm sorry, Kim, that they didn't like it. It's like a fraternity song. I totally get it. OK, then we go back to Jonathan State and he um talks about this, like the imagery of like the turtle coming to mind, like part of his.
01:11:13
Speaker
ah like the Native American side of himself and how he feels like he has a tendency to hide and protect himself. And like I said, he's got lore and he's deep, okay? That's Jonathan. um And Joan is like, listen, from here on out, you are good enough. And I don't want you to tell yourself short and think you're not good enough. And I just don't know who did a number on him to make him think that he wasn't enough. This guy is like like really questioning himself all the time.
01:11:42
Speaker
Well, because he he had the surprise divorce, too. Yes. It was just like, oh, I woke up one day and my wife was just like, so I was thinking we should get
Blindsided by Divorce
01:11:51
Speaker
divorced. And he was like, whoa ah she was like yeah. And she's like, I haven't been happy. And he's like, oh, oh, OK. um And then and he said it was like really triggering to like um zip up his suitcase. And it just made him think about like his divorce. like That's hard, man. That's heavy. Also, I can't even imagine that. Like to be completely blindsided because ah he he doesn't seem like a dumb guy at all. But like just be like, like literally, I had no earthly idea. Like the fact that that wasn't communicated him in any meaningful way until it was surprise. I'm leaving like that. Yeah. How are they? Yeah. Like what? Yeah. What happened there? I don't know. I mean, from what I understand from, you know, friends who have experienced this,
01:12:40
Speaker
Like, even if they're kind of taken aback, they're like, upon reflection. Yeah, I could see sense. Yeah. It's never like completely like, whoa, where did that get like? Everything was it was fine and then it just wasn't. yeah Yeah. Yeah, I don't know. Yeah. Who knows what happened there? But that's very sad. Yeah. ah And of course he gets the rose. I don't know. And then um and then he's like, oh, I feel that soul connection with Joan and I'm like, oh,
01:13:07
Speaker
Ooh, this is a big thing. Um, and, uh, and then Joan starts to get kind of upset and she's like, you know, John has been such a big part of my life and like, I'm trying to hold it together. But she saw like the Hawks at the date and that was like, you know, her kids always thought Hawks like my, her dad was around and stuff. And so.
01:13:29
Speaker
she got emotional. And then like the next day, she's like, I guess it's like cocktail party time.
Readiness for Love?
01:13:36
Speaker
I don't really know know if they called it that though. And, um and she's like, I just have to be honest with the men. I just have to like be open with them and tell them like,
01:13:45
Speaker
how I'm feeling about this." And she was just like, listen, I don't know if I'm ever going to be 100% ready for a love. like Maybe I'll only ever be 90% or 80%. And like if that's not enough for you, like I'm really sorry. like I think that's all I can promise. And like every man is like, yeah, that makes perfect sense.
01:14:07
Speaker
yeah No one was like, ah that's a red flag. and they like again yeah I feel like i'm I'm just like in bizarro world with this show, right? yeah Because yeah, I mean, this is this is the essence of the show in that moment, which is like, Joan is going through it and she loved her husband and even if you are, you know, she's like still like mourning that even if she's not like,
01:14:32
Speaker
you know completely in it you're you're still never completely past it either but all these guys because you get to a certain age and this is just life whether it's divorce or or death or whatever they've all experienced some sort of loss and so they are they have so much empathy for a situation and she has empathy for their situations can you imagine.
01:14:54
Speaker
for even a fraction of a second. If we were watching regular ass Bachelorette. Right. And this conversation occurred. How many men would storm out and be like, but but but but but or how many people would be like if if ah if somebody said that? like Well, I don't think that she's here for the right reasons, because like, yeah, they'd be like, it has to be 100 percent. I won't accept anything less. It's like won't accept anything less than a proposal with extreme maximum love.
01:15:22
Speaker
Yeah, it's like, yeah, all the men are like, that's totally realistic. And it makes sense. And like, yeah why would you pressure yourself to do more than that? And then, you know, like, Chalk was like, um he was really sweet. And he was like talking about his mom having C4 cancer and all that stuff. And oh my god. And, um you know, and he was just kind of like, and listen, if there's like anything you ever wanted, to like anything, you want to talk about anything.
01:15:47
Speaker
I'm here for you. like You don't have to be perfect. You don't have to have it all together. You don't have to have it figured out. yeah like And you do you don't have to rush yourself. It's fine. And she was like, oh, chalk's a fixer the way that like John was a fixer. And like that's really, so and that to me. And I started crying right then and there. um And then Gary's like, I wrote a prayer for you. And she's like, well, um my mom's better. So like thank you for caring and you know doing that yesterday and whatever. And then Charles.
Bonding Over Loss
01:16:14
Speaker
had yeah Charles comes in and he shares a picture of his wife with Joan. Oh my God. I was like, again, it's like this show. Can you imagine like, you're like, Hey, you, your potential wife slash current girlfriend that I'm dating with 30 other guys. Here's a picture of my, of my wife. It's like, what? Yeah.
01:16:36
Speaker
This is only just in the show. Yeah. Yeah. It's so sweet. And she's like, you look so happy together. And he's like, we were. And she's like, this is so beautiful that you were sharing it with me. And he's like, he's like, I just feel like Joan and I have so much in common because we've you know been through this same kind of heartbreak. And I just feel like she really understands. And I'm like, oh, my God. And he's like, when you're ready, don't pressure yourself. Just let your heart just decide. And I got chills. I was like, it's also it's not my fever coming back. I have literal chills.
01:17:05
Speaker
Wow.
Matchmaking Missteps
01:17:06
Speaker
But then it all comes crashing down because of the wrong Gary shows. Because old Gary comes back and I'm like, and I'm like, OK, it's me, Gary. When was this in the timeline? That's what I was thinking. OK, that's what I was thinking. I was like, oh, divorceemic divorce pants is here to.
01:17:23
Speaker
The time was going through my journey, which was definitely positive and good, where I totally found true love with Teresa, the love of my life. It's like, the fuck you did, you guys were divorced in 30 seconds, because it was obvious you would be, because of how that entire show played out, where you were like, I'm going to pick you, were different come live in the middle of nowhere, Indiana with me, even though you have strong ties to your family and children in New Jersey.
01:17:50
Speaker
Yeah, it's just like, yeah, that was wild to me. It's like, I didn't pick anyone in the Midwest or like someone who would be willing to move. Like Gary, this cartoon ass voice. I can't, I'm over him. I can't. Yeah. I was just like, yeah. I was like, when is it? Okay. So here, okay. Here's my wild theory. He's freshly divorced and he's shooting a shot with Joan. all that's then too Yes. Yes. Thank you. And then it gets, and then it gets reframed because he goes, Oh, have you considered the possibility that your guy is not here? And I was like,
01:18:18
Speaker
Is that your way of saying, but I'm right here, Joan? Or perhaps your guy has just arrived. Like, I was just like, what kind of a question is that? and know That's like the weirdest question.
01:18:33
Speaker
I think I've ever heard anybody ask on the show ever. yeah He's just like, have you considered the possibility that your guy is not here? It's like, that's the opposite question of every other question that gets asked on the show. It's always like, do you think your guy is in this room? Do you see your future husband in this room? And reframes it in screwball mode that I i don't like it. Yeah, he's like, is your guy not here? Or maybe yeah maybe he's right in front of you. and i like back like go back to like when we were just seeing previews of the original go Golden Bachelor and everybody Gary
Gary's Popularity Drops
01:19:05
Speaker
fever. Have you ever seen someone stock plummet faster? but I mean, it's like literally milkshake ducts real fast.
01:19:13
Speaker
Oh yeah, real fast. It's just like the more you get exposed to him, the less you like him. it's It's the Ron DeSantis effect where like everybody thought he was this like, oh, he's a no brainer. Like he's going to be the next ah Republican president. Like it's easy. It's a cakewalk for him. But literally the more people saw him, like the more he campaigned, the more he was in front of human beings, they were like, oh, this guy is horrible.
01:19:39
Speaker
Yeah, you're like, oh, he's like, please clap times 20. Yeah, totally. Yeah. Like he got married at Disney. OK, that's all I need to know. Yeah, that's all you need to know.
01:19:50
Speaker
Um, anyway, but here's my favorite part about this whole thing with, uh, with Joan and, uh, Gary is like, she's like, you know, she's like, she friend zoned him so hard in the conventional. She's like, I just needed a friend right now. You know, we're such good friends and it's so great that he was here to just be a friend to me. Like she said friend so many times in like yeah it was millisecond. And I was like, we get a Joan, we listen, Joan, we are writing with you. Okay. We think you're amazing. Whatever I think of, Gary, I just think of pure platonic neutrality. Like, Joan, your sock isn't going to drop. Don't worry. I don't think there's anything that Joan can do that would make someone like hate her. Like there's no Joan expose coming out. So i unless she literally like like cold cocks Charles in the face. like
01:20:38
Speaker
Yeah, how could you do that to the internet's boyfriend? Hey, Charles, your shoes are untied, bam! Yeah, be like, wait a minute, okay, everyone cancel
Musical Moments
01:20:47
Speaker
Joan. um But yeah, so that- That'd be dope, I'd let her do it.
01:20:51
Speaker
So then we get to a Guy and Kim singing this song. Oh my God. It's so cute. they He was really like, he really gave it his all too, which is like really sweet. He did. Joan liked it. Like she got kind of choked up. She's like, I can't believe you wrote that song for me. mass But the other guys are kicking themselves. Yeah.
01:21:10
Speaker
Yeah, because all those guys are over there looking like Schmoes. Because the thing is, he's like, if Kim does the song by himself and everybody else is standing off to the side, it's fine. But because yeah Guy is the only guy and he's helping Kim out, like yeah it just it makes him look great. yeah It makes Kim happy. it As an audience, we're like, we love Guy now. yeah and I immediately felt intense shame just completely wash over me.
01:21:38
Speaker
Like guys being the nicest person ever in this episode to like two, you know, two people he really needed to be nice to. Yeah. Yeah. this This is my entire life. It's like welcome to Rose Play special where Steve makes bitchy snap judgments about people he doesn't know at all, but sees for 10 minutes on TV and then immediately feels immense regret for his initial, ah you know, just how I see him. Yeah, it's bad. terrible And then and then even his like schlocky thing to like write a prescription for bubble baths like didn't look that bad. Because like, because he sang with Kim. So that was good. yeah He gets to stay. So like he gets the first rose and then ah Dan, Gary, ah Jordan, and then we get a lot of like chalk and Keith like monologuing and being nervous even though like they're both
01:22:23
Speaker
obviously gonna make it. um Chalk, Charles L. ah Well, you know, Charles in charge. ah Keith, ah Mark. And so that means, yeah, Kim, CK, and Greg are all going home, which feel 100% predictable. I wasn't surprised by anybody going home this week.
01:22:43
Speaker
and But then this was cute. Kim at the end goes, I would like to be your friend. If you would yeah if you would take this friendly transaction, I would like to be friends with you.
Golden Bachelor Spin-Off
01:22:52
Speaker
And then he gives her a smooch because like boomers are kind of weird. Yeah, boomers love a smooch. Yeah, I'm like, why? It's so strange. But then- Real kiss your dad on the mouth energy. Yeah, yeah yeah it's like, ugh.
01:23:05
Speaker
And then, yeah, and then it's like stripped-tee seniors. Oh, yeah. We're going to see some nude dudes next week. And then we're going to see Chuck lose it, which is interesting. So that was kind of a twist I didn't expect. I know. Finally something a little less wholesome on this show. I want some elderly men in Speedos. I want an angry grandpa. I don't know. I mean, do you have any predictions for the coming weeks? Because I only have one.
01:23:30
Speaker
And it's kind of a big swing. I think Guy is gonna continue to do well, ultimately will not win, but I firmly believe in my heart of hearts that Guy will be the next Golden Bachelor. Whoa, that's bold. That's really bold. yeah He's got the look, he could do it. That's the thing, he is he is far and away, I think, the most including classically handsome. Who do you think is going on all the way, like Jonathan?
01:23:57
Speaker
o Yeah, Jonathan is a strong contender, although like he's got he's got the heart and the love, but like I don't see I feel like Joe needs a slightly bigger personality. Yeah.
01:24:09
Speaker
And I don't like know where that's come from, badly, which is why I still think Keith is a really strong contender. Yes. i agree You know, I know we're both like not that into Mark, but I think she is into Mark. ah And I think Dan could have a higher profile.
01:24:30
Speaker
Yeah, yeah, I agree. I think Dan could really go somewhere. I think those are kind of like my front runners, because I don't think Gary staying around forever. But he's really sweet. Like I yeah, I don't think Charles is, you know, there's not like that. chemistry there, but he's just such a sweet guy. I understand why you would want to keep someone around like that who's so sweet. We see that she goes on a date with Guy and she sees, who else does she go on a date with? We saw like a preview of another date, Jordan maybe, I think, which makes sense because he hasn't gotten one yet. But I think Dan
01:25:08
Speaker
Dan is like really solid. We don't see a lot of him, but I don't think that means that he couldn't make it. And he seems like a good fit for her, but like Keith definitely gives kind of like, yeah, like big dad energy that she likes. And then she talks about chock me fixer. So, if but he leaves, I think that does kind of shake things up and leave room open. um Yeah, I don't think Guy is her, I don't think Guy is her guy.
01:25:35
Speaker
Like, so him being the Golden Bachelor makes sense. I think it depends on like what direction they want to go for Golden Bachelor. And my biggest takeaway from all this so far is like, there's, there's so many solid dudes here. Like everybody's solid. Yeah. There's not really a like a bad choice. Well, unless you're really good to, I just don't know. What'd you say?
01:25:54
Speaker
So unless your name's Gil Ramirez. Yeah. Get Gil off my TV. Yeah. Pascal is here for a good time. Not a long time. That's my thing with him. Like I don't see, he doesn't seem like a closer to me and that's fine. Uh, Pascal is really cool. Like ah we need golden paradise because Pascal's perfect for golden paradise. So is Jack. You know, like there's so many of these guys that I'm like, I just want to watch and hang out on a beach.
01:26:19
Speaker
Yeah, exactly. That would be such a delight. And with the women who are on the Golden Bachelor, they're so fun. Oh my God, it'd be amazing. ah Dream come true. like We need Golden Paradise. There's so many TikTok comments. People are like, you need to give us Golden Paradise. like do and yeah just like yeah my what do What do old people love more than just like going on a beach? like They love it. That's what they live for. But i think you could do i mean I think you could do Golden Paradise, but it's a cruise.
01:26:48
Speaker
ah like There you go. It's so perfect. They have to do it. It really does. And that's like a little less risky, you know what I mean?
Seniors in Paradise
01:26:58
Speaker
like If they're not out on the elements the whole time, sorry, I'm like starting to hit my limit with the computer. I'm sorry. I'm turning into a pumpkin. um But if they yeah like you know if they're exposed to the elements all the time, because like the thing about ah Bachelor in Paradise, we'll talk we'll talk about this and then and then we'll close.
01:27:18
Speaker
Um, the thing about bachelor in paradise is that, you know, it's like, we know that they're in like extreme conditions. It's like a lot of heat. They're all dehydrated. They're not pooping. Like, you know, it's, can you imagine, it'll be a nightmare for these seniors. Like they're not going to like it. And like the sleeping situation is even worse. Like it's yeah like oh it's very sketchy out there. But if they were on a cruise ship and they all had like their own rooms and stuff. Yeah, it'd be great. Oh my gosh. And like, and like,
01:27:47
Speaker
The party areas and stuff. I think oh my god. Yeah, I mean you could do kind of like a bigger below deck But you're focused more on the guests then I don't know. Yeah, I could lot of potential here There's a lot of potential so if you haven't started doing a golden paradise bachelor producers You can take that idea for free cuz I don't care cuz I just want to see it I don't need any credit. Okay, it needs to be a cruise Hashtag golden love boat. Let's go. Yes. Oh Oh my God. thats it Like, I mean, it's like they take their best ideas and they just stop doing them. They're like, would you like to watch winter games and have it be one of your favorite things ever? And then we never do it again. And you get to watch like a bunch of bachelor contestants learn how to like figure skate and then we'll never do it again. And I'm like, but I loved that.
Reminiscing Bachelor Spin-Offs
01:28:32
Speaker
That was like, and they're like, and we're bringing America and Canada together and also Japan randomly.
01:28:37
Speaker
and like France, la like all the other countries didn't Australia also wasn't there some Australians on there or New Zealanders or something. Yeah, there was like, it was like the coolest thing I've ever seen an international bachelor show. And they all had to like, show a certain level of athleticism. And then And there were like, not really a lot of rules. Like, oh, yeah, just bring that back. Like bring back, like bachelor pad was kind of like, whatever bachelor in paradise is much better, but like you have thought outside the box before. So just like do it again. That's all I'm saying. I agree. I agree. Let's continue to innovate bachelor franchise. If only for our sanity. Yeah. We need to shake it up. We need some interesting stuff. Yeah. I need to be wrong about different things instead of the same things all the time.
01:29:23
Speaker
Yeah, obviously, because it's getting embarrassing. um But anyway. Anyway, um well, tune in ah next week yeah when I will hopefully sound better than this. And ah your homework is to read about Helen Keller and about how she was totally a real person. What the hell is wrong with you?
01:29:42
Speaker
and um place place your bets for who's going to be the internet's boyfriend next. Until then, take care of yourselves and make sure you get some candy for those trick-or-treaters because they're going to be here before you know it. ah Don't do needle drugs or don't don't put needles in your candy. Remember that's the thing? They're like, I'll check your candy. You definitely talked about this
01:30:23
Speaker
the mansion men