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Where the Boy (Mom)s Are
22 Plays1 month ago
Did Rena and Paige peak in the first grade? (Yes.) Are kids allowed to climb trees anymore? (No.) Can every unsavory personality trait be blamed on perimenopause? (Of course!)
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Transcript
Introduction and Catch-Up
00:00:09
Speaker
Here we go. Okay. Here we are. We're back. What's the latest? What's going on? I don't know. I've been watching. Go ahead. you you I asked you a question and then I immediately started talking right after I asked the question. Wait, what was the? Oh, right. Well, were you going to answer the question yourself? Were you actually asking yourself the question?
00:00:30
Speaker
No, I was going to ask you a follow-up question just immediately without waiting for a response. Okay.
Childhood Challenges: Sharing and Separation Anxiety
00:00:36
Speaker
What's the follow-up question? Okay. In our first episode, you were telling us about your your child's issues with sharing.
00:00:46
Speaker
ah You know, he was he was having a lot of trouble. And then in episode two, he was cured, which was yeah quite a turnaround. And then, so what's what's the status now? I mean, I don't know. i don't know what we're going Status now. I mean, honestly, we are moving. So there has not been as much socializing because we've had to like stay home and do stuff.
00:01:10
Speaker
um He's had a lot of separation anxiety. Maybe he can sense something's changing, although this was happening before anyway. But he does not want me to go to the bathroom ever He wants me to hold it all forever and be with... I think he thinks I like go into the bathroom and then that's it.
00:01:30
Speaker
No more, mommy. You're done. it's He cries like I die and next is this He cries like like I'm being ah mauled by a bear. like It's wild.
00:01:42
Speaker
Is this happening to you at all? or Are you done with
Parenting Boundaries and Criticism
00:01:46
Speaker
it? No, we had a really rough patch. I mean, look today... ah my younger child was staring at me through the crack because i our doors are terrible. He could just see me fully in the bathroom and was like, I think a big part of it is their access to their yeah paper thing in the world is not available for a short time.
00:02:11
Speaker
But it's like we weren't even doing that. like Right, but just not even having the option on the table? It's crazy. But I say no a lot of the time when he asks now. what how does How does he respond to that?
00:02:23
Speaker
He's not happy. I mean, but sometimes he'll accept another beverage. Okay. ah Because I... um I just it's too much for me all the time. I'll do it around sleep time, you know, like but then I'm starting to like set boundaries if I'm like I because I've been getting really overstimulated and I'm like, i if I can't handle it, I'm going to I'm just have to say no. And he's going to learn, you know, no means no.
00:02:55
Speaker
it' and So yeah you're getting a lot of flack for not teaching your child boundaries, a lot of flack on TikTok. So the it ah the truth is you you are teaching that boy boundaries left and right.
00:03:09
Speaker
I am, but it's hard because – hate setting boundaries because then people get sad and mad and then i feel bad. That all rhymed. But I think you get the idea. You have to like let them be sad and just it's hard because him being sad makes me really makes me think I'm doing the wrong thing. Like no matter how much logic, how much I logically know this is okay.
00:03:40
Speaker
I you know, it feels um evil.
Emotional Conflicts in Parenting
00:03:45
Speaker
No, it feels terrible. And it's like it's like he's two and a half years old. He's not going to nothing bad will happen to him if he doesn't have Milky this time. But in the moment, it feels like the most terrible thing in the world. to tell them It's just tragedy. And it's your kid crying. And also you have the thing that would make him stop crying. Like it would be so easy.
00:04:06
Speaker
And if you say, like, there's no Milky right now, he just simply does not believe you because it's not true. Sometimes I'm like, Milky's sleeping. Does that work?
00:04:18
Speaker
No. i think he's sometimes Sometimes Milky will turn into mommy. I'll be like, I want Milky, I want Milky, I want mommy. I'm like, okay, mommy's here. And then we can just, like...
00:04:29
Speaker
snuggle And then it's fine. It can like turn or sometimes I'm like, do you want a popsicle instead or water? And he'll be like, okay, water, you know, and it's like, he was just thirsty.
00:04:41
Speaker
And Milky was right there, you know, right. But But yeah, sometimes he cries like just the saddest cry.
Children's Emotional Expression
00:04:50
Speaker
There's no there's nothing holding the crying back at this age.
00:04:56
Speaker
There's no self-consciousness. No, no. There's no repression yet, although we're working on it. Repression. Repression.
00:05:08
Speaker
i mean, that'll come. That'll come with time, right? That'll come. Yeah. But I'm not British enough to be like. Stiff upper lip, young man. no I feel like you're the opposite of a British person.
00:05:20
Speaker
I'm not very British, no. i I mean, yeah, I involuntarily smile all the time. I look insane. I just thought of that because I'm watching like a masterpiece theater show right now.
00:05:34
Speaker
It's the only thing going on with me, really, that's like any fun right now. But but but you you're leaving the house. and you're you're going You have to because of your child. You know, you guys are going out there. You're...
00:05:49
Speaker
You're hitting the streets? We do. We hit the streets. Yes.
Weekend Activities and Indoor/Outdoor Dilemma
00:05:54
Speaker
We do. It was a nice day Saturday. Yesterday it was raining all day.
00:05:59
Speaker
but mean, people go out in the rain here, but we didn't. ah So then what about you what does he do? but when When we're inside? Yeah. I mean, he plays with his toys. He's been kind of wanting low-key. Like, he wanted, like, a low-key day.
00:06:16
Speaker
we were also moving yesterday. We, like... I want and it was raining outside, so I couldn't be outside. And then it's limited options like. Because everything costs money as like an indoor activity yeah other than like the library, I guess. But he'd just be like running around.
00:06:35
Speaker
um Have you and have you encountered that librarian who? No, I've been avoiding her. No. Wait, you were have you been back to that library?
00:06:45
Speaker
i went back for story time, but she's not usually there that day. So, well, it seems like she wouldn't want to be around that many children. Right.
00:06:56
Speaker
i mean, yeah, I don't know exactly their schedule. The the librarian who does the story time is great.
Library Visits and Social Interactions
00:07:02
Speaker
Like, she's very sweet and I like her and she like makes a point of remembering his name and like.
00:07:09
Speaker
If he gets too close during story time, she's like, it's fine. You know, she's very chill and like clearly is. been I think she's like the main one there. I don't know, though. But no, I've been avoiding her. And if I did see her, I would definitely not interact.
00:07:27
Speaker
I'm not sure. I mean, unless I maybe owe her an apology, I guess I'd have to think about it, but probably not. Oh, her an apology. Maybe you are British. I mean, I'm Canadian, so it's like British light.
00:07:43
Speaker
I'll tell you about a very, ah can I tell you about a very boy, mom encounter I
Park Rules and Confrontations
00:07:48
Speaker
had? Yes, that's, yeah, I'm trying to get to you because I hate me, please. yeah Oh, sure. um we went We were at the park.
00:08:00
Speaker
This is a few days ago. um I was waiting at the dash stop with my children, waiting for the bus, as we always do. And my older child was climbing one of the trees at the dash stop, as he always does.
00:08:15
Speaker
And i was I was chatting with a dad who was also taking his his son on the dash bus to go home. And all of a sudden, i hear a man yelling, can you make him get off that tree?
00:08:30
Speaker
And what there was a man across the street who was his job that day was to be a cop preventing people from entering film shoot.
00:08:42
Speaker
You're filming something a nearby street. So he he was, you know, redirecting people or whatever. And he saw my child in this tree. He didn't make it very high up there because he's five hi and yelled at us.
00:09:01
Speaker
yell What? That doesn't feel like it's in his purview at all. Well, we found so we were unsure for a while. so Mike went back to yell at him.
00:09:17
Speaker
He did? Of course. this is This is his favorite. Confrontation is his favorite thing in the world. So let's get in the in the moment, i was and I was kind of far away from the child in the tree.
00:09:30
Speaker
aye You know, because I'm so negligent. I'm like, he's done this a million times. he do it But he probably saw that and was like, oh, my God, that mother is not paying attention to a child.
00:09:41
Speaker
um And so I yelled after it he yelled at me. i yelled to him, the the child. I said children aren't allowed to climb trees anymore. ah And he and he got down. But then he had a huge meltdown, pretty short one, but he freaked out because i think something like complicated happens in his head where he understands that what he's being told to do is unfair because I'm making it clear that I think it's unfair.
Justice and Fairness in Children
00:10:11
Speaker
And he really does not respond Yeah. I mean, when a rule has been consistently one way, it distressing if it changes.
00:10:22
Speaker
I mean, he's a very he's very much into justice and fairness and like, well, so why didn't you just yell back at this guy? no Right. I should I should have. But I didn't you know, I don't know what all the rules are.
00:10:35
Speaker
In the park. Yeah. Yeah. I was like, is there a rule at this park? Like, but we've encountered so many park rangers. I've seen, like, people have seen us there. In world would a park have a rule where you can't climb a tree? That seems crazy to me. No. What what else should we be doing?
00:10:54
Speaker
what and when it's worked And if it's for a shoot, it's all bull. They can't enforce anything almost. They're just there to intimidate people to get the shot. Like it's like they can't actually tell you to do anything. It's public. It's a public park. Yeah. yeah And I know. And people.
00:11:11
Speaker
yeah I definitely like do not listen to those people. Like this is our city that we live in. Like it's not with your film set. I do not observe the the gods of Hollywood.
00:11:22
Speaker
No. But so this this guy did turn out to work for the park. You know, he was just his job that day. You know, I think they just paid him to make sure people didn't go up that hill. Climb trees.
00:11:36
Speaker
And apparently climb trees. And so when Mike drove up there to confront this man, um his the main thing he wanted to know was whether or not he was working for the film shoot or whether he if he worked for the park.
00:11:51
Speaker
yeah that was your buds yeah Yeah, he Yeah. I was too far away to see, but he could see on his the the vest, the high-vis vest he was wearing that it said like l LA Parks. So he was like, okay. But then he still was like, I heard you yelled at my wife and you made my child cry.
00:12:10
Speaker
ah and and the man said, you was going to fall out of the tree. And there is absolutely no way he was going to fall out of the tree. Like he
Tree Climbing Debate: Safety vs. Freedom
00:12:19
Speaker
didn't, I didn't know what, I didn't know what he was going to say. Like, was he going to say that the tree is very fragile and we we don't want the tree in our precious park to be crying? He just simply thought I was negligent mother and this clumsy kid was just going to go. I'm like, if he, if he fell out of the tree from that height, he would have been completely fine.
00:12:41
Speaker
And he would have cried a lot less than when he did, when he told him. to get out of the tree. Oh, I hate that. And I'm like, what else? All I want him to do is climb trees. Yeah. That's he should be doing is just climbing trees all the time. Yeah, it engages your core, work on your balance, connect with nature.
00:13:03
Speaker
i mean best friend of the trees. fox You know, he can get some some, enjoy some alone time up there and yeah, take in the view. i mean,
00:13:14
Speaker
He can take a close look at the tree and the flowers. But apparently not. when Yeah, he must have been bored and angry, which makes sense for that job.
00:13:28
Speaker
I mean, he was at the time he was talking to a woman who I think also worked andt worked for the shoot. So maybe he was maybe he was showing off for her.
00:13:41
Speaker
oh like trying to pull rank. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I can tell you. Yeah, no, I'm going to yell at this five-year-old. She was like, would be a great father. um you remind me of my father.
00:13:59
Speaker
Um, so I, I guess that's what was going on, but also he was just, yeah, he was just bored. um I'm glad Mike went back and gave him a talking to.
00:14:10
Speaker
Yeah.
Customer Service Challenges
00:14:11
Speaker
Yeah. Yeah. This is what can always count on him to do that. I like that. Yeah, I do. I mean, I count on my husband to do kind of the opposite where it's like, can you talk to this person? i You're going to be nicer than I would be.
00:14:24
Speaker
Oh, so yeah. He's the nicer one. He he's done a lot of customer service, so he can kind of be like. um Put on that customers like when he calls customer service lines, it's like two customer service people talking to each other, theyre like just like I'm doing great. And how are you today? Like, yeah, it's horrible. They're trying to out they're out passive aggressivating each other.
00:14:51
Speaker
Yes, it's insane. But he's so good at it. That's a gift. That really is a gift. Because if i if I'm scared to have an interaction with a customer service person or someone who works in a doctor's office or whatever, and I let Mike take over, it always he's always yelling like within 10 seconds.
00:15:10
Speaker
Yeah, see, that's how i I would yell or cry or God knows what I would do. I mean, I've gotten better, i think, from having a toddler, actually, um ah just being like, all right, what?
00:15:23
Speaker
Like, I guess I get in the mentality of like me and this customer service person are so going to solve this together. it's like, tell me, tell me, what are we doing here? Like, just use a lot of we language, you know?
00:15:37
Speaker
interesting. It still never works, but. I try.
00:15:44
Speaker
um i I do feel like customer service people have gotten like meaner, right? Do you think so? In the past few years? mean, I think I've also gotten meaner. So it's like...
00:16:00
Speaker
is ah Is it just everyone? I sure haven't. No, no. i But I haven't. So there's something wrong with them. But I think i think those jobs have just gotten worse.
00:16:11
Speaker
Maybe. Maybe the jobs are worse. I feel like more of them more of them are working from home. So it's like... I feel like, know. Oh, yeah. Like, if i were working from home, I'd be like, just let me chill in my home. Why do I have to take this home right now? why are you bothering me in my house? Like, I'm lying in bed. I'm watching whatever that thing you're talking about is, like, and- The foresight saga. You're watching the foresight saga, and they cannot be interrupted. But also, there's just no one, there's no one around to hold them accountable,
00:16:46
Speaker
you know Like that's why we're supposed to always be around other people. Like that's when I read when i think I'm getting too worked up in our house, I'm like, oh no, we need to be around people so that I don't say anything that I shouldn't say, you know?
00:17:03
Speaker
Yeah,
Hormonal Changes and Emotional Interactions
00:17:04
Speaker
I guess. Although I've been psycho in front of people before. I mean, clearly. That's true. yeah very sorry so And i've been a little had to I'm also i'm getting to a place hormonally where all bets are off, depending on the chemicals. I i need to probably get on HRT soon.
00:17:23
Speaker
wait so what does that mean? You can blame perimenopause for everything? is that Yes. No, you get sudden bouts of rage. Yeah. Just rage.
00:17:35
Speaker
I mean, maybe that's just from hearing menopause. Yes, you can. I mean, everybody's symptoms are different, but I get sudden. I don't think I would have been. I don't know. You know, maybe I was all maybe mother had just brought out the psycho inside. Well, that's because I have it, too, but I always thought it was like postpartum, you know, and we're typically so there's still stuff happening hormonally because of our extended breastfeeding.
00:18:02
Speaker
Right. That's true. And then, ah you know, you still periods. So you still have the hormones from. I do. Yeah, i'm on the i'm I'm on what we call the dark side right now.
00:18:14
Speaker
Oh, luteal phase, huh? It's bad. Yeah, you can kind of tell by my face sometimes. I mean, I can anyway. I can tell right there I'm uglier on the luteal phase. Because you're not, well, you're not, you're not ovulating. So.
00:18:30
Speaker
and Yeah. i look more like just a potato, like, i don't know, like puffier. My husband knows because I'll always be like, um, asking him insecure questions when I'm on the dark side.
00:18:47
Speaker
And how does, how does he deal with that? He's like, you're on the dark side. We have to remember. Like we both try to like remind me that it's like, this isn't real. You're wearing like sadness tinted glasses right now yeah where everything looks darker.
00:19:03
Speaker
um But it's like half my life is it's two good weeks and two bad weeks. Like that's my cycle. It's too long. It's it gets worse the second week. This is the better half of the bad half.
00:19:17
Speaker
It's the first week. Right. Dark side. Oh, I see. Right after ovulation. Yes. There's like a week or a week and a half. And then there's like a dark.
00:19:28
Speaker
The last meeting before your period. Yeah. Like next podcast, I will likely be angrier at the world. Yeah. yeah We'll see how well I mask, but I'll be very careful.
00:19:44
Speaker
Try to get it out of me. Yeah. help Or be careful. Yeah.
00:19:49
Speaker
I mean, I don't think there's any defending against that. do you get Do you get PMS or you're like? um no No, it's terrible, terrible PMS. Yeah, lots of lots of rage, lots of just feeling down. But things are, I've i've been saying I'm in my luteal phase for like,
00:20:14
Speaker
a month and a half now. Cause i just, my, I'm still just not, I don't have consistent cycles.
00:20:22
Speaker
So then it just turns out like, it turns out that that's just who I am.
00:20:28
Speaker
Have an update on your identity crisis. No, no, no, it's still bad. oh and no, there's no update. There was just, you said you didn't buy any of it. And I was like, no, I stand by that. I stand by that. I don't buy it at all.
00:20:42
Speaker
I hope you're right. i I hope you're right. I don't know. You know, I do feel like my family is more connected to our history than I am.
00:20:53
Speaker
And like, I
Family History and Emotional Connections
00:20:54
Speaker
can't. But maybe I have some kind of psychological block. I don't know. but So you think like you think your brother and sister are more connected to your family history than you are? To their childhood, yeah. to like There's something that happened that like cut all that off for me, or a lot of it.
00:21:11
Speaker
like I don't know why. like i ah You don't feel connected to it. You mean like you can't remember your childhood, or you just... I remember it. I just... like truly feel like a different person like just disconnected i don't know and yeah the memories aren't as uh yeah just don't feel as connected to them as i used to i think that's just the passage of time right is it yeah yeah maybe you're right or some it seems like some people like
00:21:51
Speaker
My grandpa who remembers everything that happened to him when he was like four years old and he's 85 But I think- but i think he is just He's told the same story so many times.
00:22:02
Speaker
that Right, the story. yeah people have these stories that they keep telling from their lives. And I'm always kind of envious because – and I always, when it happens, I'm like, I don't have a story. like Yeah, yeah. No, i don't I don't remember my childhood really – So we're like I'll remember like fragments, but I don't have these like well-structured thing stories I can regale people with about my life.
00:22:33
Speaker
But maybe that in and of itself was a defense mechanism for people. I mean, your grandfather probably went through some tough eras. I mean, my grandfather used to say that the Great Depression was the fun time.
00:22:47
Speaker
Because he was a little kid and he would just like play. and And there was like zero oversight. Like kids just were wild. Could do whatever. Back in the days when boys could be boys.
00:23:03
Speaker
but Oh, I bet you ever got yelled at for climbing a tree. That's crazy. No, I think he's also the one who was like, you don't need toys. All you need is a box and a string, a piece of string. And you're good.
00:23:17
Speaker
He's so right. He was right. And then, yeah, my grandmother used to just always talk about decoration, like curtains and walls and molding and whatever visually was going on.
00:23:35
Speaker
Okay. And that was it. Nothing else. Did you feel connected to her? Well, I love her. She was my grandmother.
00:23:46
Speaker
it was very formal. She was very formal. um So there was some, there was some form of connection, but she was very emotionally reserved and she had gone through a lot. So I guess it makes sense. I mean, like they came over on a boat when she was two, you know, to Toronto and, uh,
00:24:13
Speaker
i don't know. I don't know. I mean, there was stuff in her family. There there was like some covered up trauma. like So she like so was she was like trying to keep things surface level. Yeah, keep it light. Talk about the curtains, the curtain between you and her.
00:24:32
Speaker
I mean, I think I also just I grew up in a house where I could have big feelings. And like, I don't think that was the case. or I truly don't know. i know she had a lot of brothers. She was the only girl.
00:24:44
Speaker
oh But we might have also just had very different personalities. My sister felt feels a little more connected. Well, I think that she's older. so yeah, um she's just got more time with her.
00:24:58
Speaker
Yeah, she knew her for longer. That's true. Yeah, that makes sense. I don't know. But I think that generation is just more repressed, Yeah. Yeah.
00:25:11
Speaker
yeah Well, I mean, they say or someone said probably on TikTok that it's like we're all just still recovering from Victorian era the way they would raise their kids because the rate, the mortality rate was so low that parents felt like they couldn't really get attached to their kids. So they just like cut off their feelings.
00:25:33
Speaker
Like, you know, that's one of those like children should be seen, not heard like. That type of. attitude And it's like, we've been getting warmer and warmer with our kids, but it's like, it's a progression.
00:25:46
Speaker
But we should talk, you know, there were some upsides to that as well, because you didn't get too anxious about one kid. Right. You were just like, they're just mostly going to die.
00:25:59
Speaker
And I also will probably die in childbirth. Right. The whole thing is just so dangerous. Was, i mean, I feel like I would have wanted to like join a convent or something. But then again, i was definitely i was definitely into romance. So I probably could have been swayed either which way.
00:26:20
Speaker
Oh, you never would have made it in the convent. No, i would have I would have met up with a priest in a tunnel somewhere. and Yeah, you would have found it. Yeah. It would have been a mess.
00:26:34
Speaker
Plus, I mean, I would have been Jewish, so it would have been like supremely strange. No, they would have set me up with some relative to Mary. oh yeah yeah, yeah, yeah. More More inbreeding.
00:26:49
Speaker
Yeah. Well, I prefer to say it's being bred like royalty.
00:26:56
Speaker
yeah But yeah, yeah, definitely needs some variation of genes eventually. But that's what your child is in. oh yeah. Perfect.
00:27:07
Speaker
He's got a lot of variety in there. It's good. He's, I mean, so far so good. We'll see if he survives. At least it's not Victorian era. So dark. survives?
00:27:21
Speaker
he better serve survive. if I will go insane if he does not.
Child Independence and Parental Strategies
00:27:26
Speaker
But how how have you been doing with like giving him more freedom, like walking without a stroller that you know, it's getting better because he's getting more sentient, you know, so it's like it's appropriate. He can handle it.
00:27:40
Speaker
um He probably can handle more than I allow. ah But yeah, he's been good. I mean, usually we have the stroller with us, so I just make him hold on to the stroller and we walk.
00:27:54
Speaker
Okay. um That's fine. So you have a stroller with you, but he's not in it. Well, we have it usually because like if we took the train or something or just as an option. He also sometimes wants to get in the stroller now. So that's changed.
00:28:11
Speaker
Oh, and well, maybe maybe having it yeah maybe having it not be mandatory has made it more appealing, right? Like if he doesn't have to go in it all the time.
00:28:24
Speaker
Right. It's like it's an option. now I want it. Right. Yeah, of course. It's crazy how quickly reverse psychology works. Two-year-olds are very teenage-y that way. Yeah, they are. That's only going to get worse.
00:28:39
Speaker
What about with yours? You're just not using a stroller at all, huh? No. we When did we use a stroller? If I go on a long walk in the evening... Because I want exercise and he's like not going to go to sleep for a long time.
00:28:53
Speaker
Then I'll i'll put him in a stroller and go for a walk. Oh, okay. And he's down. And he, yeah, yeah. He likes that. Oh, that's nice. Or at Disneyland.
00:29:06
Speaker
We'll bring a stroller for the nap. But otherwise, he wouldn't we don't put him in it much. But yeah, we just I don't like being tethered to things. So it's always just been better for me to not deal with a stroller. So I'm either carrying him or he's just walking.
00:29:26
Speaker
But are you carrying a bunch of stuff? You just have a bag. i have i don't bring that much stuff when we when we go. play but like Especially when we're going to the park. I mean, I'm lucky if I bring...
00:29:39
Speaker
wipes or a diaper because I'm going to a place where like everyone I've gotten very dependent on our community to provide things for me because know they'll have just our friends grand park yeah like they'll have wipes yeah no I usually I target if i if I need someone's wipes or diapers I target nannies first because I'm like alright I'm taking from someone one who is a lot more money than I do.
00:30:10
Speaker
um And then, you know, but anyone, anyone will give me wipes or a diaper. as the and and been provided. Yeah, yeah, the nannies have just Yeah, they's they're not coming from their money. So right, right, right. So yeah, what do they care?
Playground Snack Dynamics
00:30:27
Speaker
make Sunscreens, another one. So what am I even bringing to the park? Like my phone?
00:30:32
Speaker
A snack? You don't bring a snack? not a drink we haven't been bringing We haven't been bringing snacks. I honestly never wanted to start bringing snacks to the park. Like when we first started going to the park, I did not bring snacks at all. But then everyone else, it's it's sort of toy adjacent for me.
00:30:49
Speaker
So if you're a new listener to this podcast, you might not know that I am very, very opposed to toys at the playground.
00:31:00
Speaker
um And there's something with the, there's a similar thing with the snacks. So I didn't even think yeah when i first started going to bring snacks because I'm like, well, we just ate and we're going to eat when we get home. So why do I need to bring snacks for the hour and a half that we're here?
00:31:15
Speaker
But then other kids would have their snacks and And then I didn't want my kids begging them for snacks. So I just started bringing them without thinking.
00:31:28
Speaker
ah But then it just it does it does become a whole thing. or If we get to the park and they just immediately want to sit down and start eating whatever we brought, I'm just like, why did we come here? I'm like, we could have we could have done this at home. Like, you're here to interact with other kids and go play on the playground.
00:31:46
Speaker
So I just stopped bringing them I use the snack sometimes to get him out of the playground. Like, let's have a snack. Let's have the snack when we as soon as we leave.
00:31:57
Speaker
It's like a bribe. Yeah. I mean, no, they can be they can definitely be great for bribes. I mean, but for me, it's like, well, you have to go all the way home to have it. Yeah. Right, that's true. I got nothing here.
00:32:10
Speaker
So you're going to have go home for that for that snack. And then they still they still get into other kids' snacks. but And then people have different rules about when we do have something with us, yeah they have to share it if someone else wants some of it.
00:32:26
Speaker
Oh, yeah, yeah. But other parents, yeah, yeah some ah not all of the parents, like they're like only if they want to share. So it's tricky. the kid. Yeah, it's inconsistent because some people are like, this is my child's thing. If they don't want to share it, that's up to them. Whereas I am like, if you're bringing it to the park you're eating it in front of everyone and we're all friends with each other, like you got share it. Yeah, sure. Yeah.
00:32:56
Speaker
Yeah, i always i mean, I think he enjoys sharing his snack. He'll sometimes solicit people like, do you want some of that like try to give the snack to other people? And then kids are like, I don't want your snack. Disgusting and covered in saliva. Get that goldfish out of here. Handing a piece of a banana.
00:33:16
Speaker
ah Well, they've probably been taught like don't take food from strangers, which makes sense. Like, and also allergies. You know yeah you don't know. You don't know. We have a lot of that at our at our park.
00:33:28
Speaker
but that'll But that also, too, sharing snacks. I don't know. My two-year-old can have a hard time with it sometimes. um Or he he'll pick and choose which kids he's feeling generous with.
00:33:43
Speaker
Oh, well, I guess we'll see how it goes with ah with her together. So if you don't know, i mean, do the people know our our children before Rena moved away?
00:33:55
Speaker
Our two year olds were best friends. They were. Yeah. And they're going to be reunited in a couple of weeks and we're going to see what happens.
Friendships and Rivalries in Children
00:34:04
Speaker
Yeah, we'll see if they still i think it'll be Yeah.
00:34:09
Speaker
They'll probably get along. We'll see. I mean, we'll see what happens with snacks. I'm sure there'll be some tears. I mean, at this age, friendship looks a lot like enemies.
00:34:20
Speaker
Right. Yeah. yeah There can be a lot of like tears and who knows, but, but also fun. I mean, and and a deep love and admiration for each other. Like, I think, I think my child very much respects your child. The last time they were together, which was,
00:34:39
Speaker
and September of last year. ah Yeah. Your child seemed freaked out by the energy of my children. um yeah Because they can be they can be a lot.
00:34:53
Speaker
Well, he's not he doesn't have siblings, so he's he doesn't know that. And his cousin that he hangs out with is also an only child. So he's like not exposed a lot to like the sibling thing. But he will be.
00:35:06
Speaker
will be now because we're joining your family and we're going to be one big tribe. Imagine. ah mad where We're going to be hanging out a lot. I mean, i yeah. i'm mean Basically, I'll be following Paige around because i prefer someone else figure out ah what I'm doing. Yeah, i'll just tell you I'll just tell you what to do. I mean, that's how we tell me first started hanging out, too. is I was just like, you are you would be like, oh, you want to go for a walk?
00:35:36
Speaker
and Yeah. like Yeah, okay, but I need to go to the park. So I got people waiting for me at the park, so you got to get on board. Like, we all have to go. Yeah.
00:35:48
Speaker
And then that's fine because I don't want to leave the house. So I need someone else to be like, you have to get out of the house and go to this specific place at this time.
00:35:59
Speaker
And then I'll be like, I guess I have to do that. No, I will. all I'll walk over there and I will just make sure your door is always unlocked so I can just wait in.
00:36:12
Speaker
I mean, we have phones. ah We don't, but we're past. No, no. They don't look like this anymore. Like making a phone symbol with my pinky and my thumb. But clearly it I should look like I'm holding a, right?
00:36:27
Speaker
like a I will be going in there and I'm going grab a can of Diet Dr. Pepper or ah Cherry coke Zero. No, no. We're moving back to LA. It's going to be all Spindrift and La Croix moving forward. This is a Brooklyn thing.
00:36:43
Speaker
do do ah Do people in Brooklyn drink Spindrift, They do. they do But there's less shame around soda, I think. Yeah, and junk food in general here. It's like, I don't
Gender Stereotypes in Children
00:36:57
Speaker
know.
00:36:57
Speaker
Maybe it's my neighborhood. Could be. Okay, what's something we can do? are there any... ah Boy, like boy related myths that we want to dispel.
00:37:12
Speaker
Like myth. Are there? Yeah. Are there any? Do we want to like? Honestly, they're all true to me at this point. All of the myths about having a boy are true. OK, like what? ah He loves vehicles. He loves dinosaurs.
00:37:26
Speaker
He loves cars. That is a vehicle. Does he love going wheel, wheel, wheel? He loves going wheel, wheel, wheel. He loves trucks.
00:37:38
Speaker
He runs around a lot. um does What else do they say? Can he recognize that Spider-Man is an important figure even if he's never consumed any Spider-Man media ever in his life? Yeah, 100%. He has also consumed media. Although i i would say my husband also has treated Spider-Man like a religion for some reason.
00:37:59
Speaker
um And I don't understand. How He's just like Spider-Man. We learn about Spider-Man. You know, it's like it's like how people in the Midwest probably talk about Jesus. Like Spider-Man is great. You know, like ok Yeah. We love Spider-Man. Yeah. So there's a lot of definitely Spider-Man. OK, so that comes naturally for you guys. Well, it's a thing. It's like nature or nurture, but no, the vehicles thing and the dinosaur thing, that that's that's nature. That's like he 100% just naturally gravitates towards. they like it They like wheels. Yeah, they love wheels. Yeah. What is it? I don't understand. Like, because had zero inclination as a child about the wheels. No, we are women. we will never understand.
00:38:44
Speaker
I liked... I mean, he does play with baby dolls, and for a while he was into mermaids, so, I mean, there was other stuff going on. But... Yeah, I think it's more... it seems like It seems like boys do also like dolls and playing. I mean, my kids...
00:39:04
Speaker
ah nurse their kids to sleep for their nap every day. Like they have their their children and one of them is the mama and one of them is the dada.
00:39:16
Speaker
And they nurse their babies to sleep. But my kid's been doing the mama dada thing with trucks. Oh, okay. So he's like happytraculine he's as masculine as it gets.
00:39:30
Speaker
He's going to teach my boys how to be real boys. I mean, yep. Yeah. he'll tell hell He'll show them his guns and, you know, they'll all learn together how to shoot them.
00:39:46
Speaker
ah What's another boy thing? I mean, boy. One thing I hear. Okay. One thing I hear a lot is that ah girls talk earlier than boys, which I have not found to be. That has not been my experience at all. No.
00:40:01
Speaker
your Your boy was talking young. my My child's like definitely, yeah, hyper hyper verbal from very young. Like, i at least, I don't remember what age because it's all a blur. But it was he was like speaking of full sentences to a bunch of kids his age that were just like, blah, blah. Yeah, and I'm sure that was a mix of boys and girls. Like, it doesn't seem to be...
00:40:26
Speaker
No, I think, I mean, no, I don't think so. i think it has to do with how much you talk to your kids. like Yeah, I wonder. I don't know.
00:40:38
Speaker
I don't know. I guess I thought that too. But then I, you know, I see parents who talk to their kids a lot. Yeah. And then the kid doesn't talk. Yeah. So who knows? Maybe because the parent doesn't shut up.
00:40:49
Speaker
Maybe it can also. be I mean, but I don't, but he gets in there. yeah Maybe for him, it's like he has to compete with you. Yeah, he's trying to get in there. But he's very I mean, like, he's always been like going up to strangers and he'll go up to strangers and just start talking like long like paragraphs. Like I'm like, I wonder what he's telling them. yeah and they're And they're like kind of politely smiling and awkwardly being like, OK, like, why is this kid still talking to me?
00:41:20
Speaker
Yeah. Yeah. and Who knows? I mean, who knows what he's telling them? I don't know. This is in the playground. It's, I mean, like he knows he doesn't really do that, um out of the playground, but as much, but, um, usually he's just like, look at my, look at my truck. It's so cool. So it's the trucks again. Okay. yeah know but Yeah. That has not been my experience. No, I don't think so.
00:41:44
Speaker
No, I think, i I think a lot of people want to be like, well, girls are simply smarter. You get a lot of the, just like girls are smarter. So they talk. Yeah.
00:41:56
Speaker
I hate that. I mean that. Yeah. But it just doesn't. That doesn't ring true for for me and for you. and No. That's not been. I mean, girls are also very smart, but yeah, they're also very smart.
00:42:12
Speaker
I don't know. I mean, it depends on the girl. It depends on the person. Yeah. Parents are. yeah her parents are Yeah, and what they're what they natural their natural predisposition is. like And everybody has different things that they're smart about.
00:42:28
Speaker
i mean, so, like, some kid might not be that verbal, but then they'll have, like, incredible ah physical skills, you know? Yeah, definitely. that's just that gone my older child was very clumsy and...
00:42:47
Speaker
and the other as you have seen yourself and kids were much younger than him were much more coordinated than him but even and maybe they weren't talking as much but every everyone had their thing that yeah everyone had their thing exactly yeah like yeah my kid is a little bit less on the what is it gross motor skills like maybe not top of his class but then yeah he's super super verbal yeah yeah I don't know.
00:43:16
Speaker
And like plays. I mean, like he's starting to do the whole like toys having a conversation thing with each other. oh yeah. That's really, really fun to watch. It's very funny. The other day he was. play I mean, no one's going to find this funny. Maybe they will. He just had one truck say to the other one. Hi, I'm a truck.
00:43:37
Speaker
Good. It's very good. It's very literal. that At the same, they're quite literal, you know? Yes. No, I enjoy it. Yeah. It's good. Yeah. If anybody says something like, you're this, he'll be like, no, I'm, and then he says his name. But anyway, what else? I mean, order I find the stereotype that like girls can sit and listen better also is not true. Yeah. None of the myths are true.
00:44:06
Speaker
Yeah, i the the girls that I know, that doesn't that doesn't seem to be true. I could see that being true when they're a little older, oh like six or seven, maybe. Because six-year-old boys cannot stay still, but maybe six-year-old girls can't. Like three-year-old girls can't.
00:44:27
Speaker
Right. maybe i just can't fathom. Like six is like a foreign, like i you know, I have no idea. I can't picture six right now. and I'm always just like at the age. Yeah.
00:44:38
Speaker
But your oldest, your oldest isn't six yet. No, he's five. He's like a young five. Yeah. who
00:44:47
Speaker
thought I got it wrong. Yeah. And was he is, i don't know, I think that's why people are like confused by us not wanting to put him in school because he is actually really good at sitting still. He'll like sit there and read books for a long time or he'll do a puzzle for a long time.
00:45:08
Speaker
Yeah. Or he'll sit there. He'll like write. He likes to make cards for people. So he'll like write letters to people. And he's good at nice sitting there and doing that. um I think more so than maybe.
00:45:20
Speaker
other kids his age but it's always like he wants to do that i think he's not being he's not forced to sit at a desk for six hours yeah yeah so what would how would he have been so he would have been in kindergarten this year or is that next year uh he would have been in tk which is like the kindergarten for four-year-olds he would be in that now and then he's supposed to to kindergarten this year are you gonna do it Well, we're going to – okay, so tomorrow we find out. I think we find out tomorrow.
School Screen Time and Education Choices
00:45:53
Speaker
If a resolution is going to pass, ah that's going to eliminate a lot of the screens. in Oh, thank God. God, I hope it passes. Yes, in LAUSD specifically.
00:46:05
Speaker
We're going to go to like a rally. Good. to make our voices heard. um Okay. if they If they eliminate the iPads for kindergarten through second grade, which is on the table, then we might... I think that's the only way we'll send them. If they don't do that, um then I think we'll just keep them at home going to a the old Paige and Mike homeschool. School of mom. Yeah.
00:46:38
Speaker
ah School. ah Mike says the school of hard knocks. um and because it's I don't know. We've been doing we've been doing all right so far with the yeah teaching him stuff. So.
00:46:51
Speaker
we We could keep that going, but we just want him. I mean, we we do want him to be around other kids his age because the kids at the park are young. Yeah. Are definitely younger than him.
00:47:02
Speaker
I mean, you could find other homeschoolers potentially like his age. Yeah. Which I don't, i I wish I could find, if I could find other homeschoolers who also, who like homeschool for a lot of the same reasons that we do as in not just vaccine related stuff, like more. Right. Because they don't want the technology. Or religious. Yeah. Yeah.
00:47:29
Speaker
um We could find other. Yeah, if we could find some like vegan Jews who don't like screens to homeschool with, that would be ideal.
00:47:42
Speaker
I mean, maybe you could. but So the the elimination of iPads would be huge for us. But also them like watching YouTube all day, which is what they do now, it seems.
00:47:54
Speaker
What? They watch YouTube? Yes. A famous story told at the park is that the kids are walking home from our local elementary school, like singing the jingles that are in commercials, like the in the ads that play on YouTube. Because they're just watching YouTube with ads, like during school. What?
00:48:14
Speaker
That's horrible. yeah So that and that isn't laid out. and That's not in the resolution. So I don't know... if if that will will also be eliminated. I'm not sure. Well, if they get rid of the screen, wouldn't they have no way of doing it? they have these They also have these, I forgot what they're called, like a smart board. Like they have these huge boards in every classroom and they're always on.
00:48:39
Speaker
And that's how they'll you know they'll they'll turn that on if they want to give them a, I'm not sure if our school specifically does brain breaks, but you know they'll have like a brain break because they don't have PE e anymore where they all get up and they play this really overstimulating video.
00:48:53
Speaker
And they're supposed to like get their wiggles out. But I'm like, you can't. What happened to Simon Says? You know, you
School Schedules and Activities
00:48:59
Speaker
can't. Wait, they don't have recess anymore? No, they've not. I don't think they P.E. e Oh, P.E. They don't have P.E.?
00:49:06
Speaker
What? So they have. Why don't they and they have ah and And the recess is also like a few minutes because it's actually just snack time. And then they run around like crazy for like, I don't know, 10 minutes.
00:49:17
Speaker
And then they have about at lunch. And then they so they have lunch. But the lunch is 20 minutes and then the recess is 20 minutes. So i don't I also could picture the kids like not eating their food because they want to go play or yeah they take too long to eat their food and then they don't get enough time to play. And that's their only time like not sitting down in the classroom, which for that age is crazy.
00:49:46
Speaker
It ends 2 the day, right? with two three i think the hour I think it's like 8.06 to 2.36. It's a long time. Okay. Well, it's not as bad as I had it at that age.
00:49:58
Speaker
Well, you were in like more like 9 to 5 daycare, right? 8 to 4. Yeah. 8 to 4. And did you have – was that like school for the first half of the day and then you were just in like childcare or – No, that was kindergarten.
00:50:15
Speaker
Yeah. Oh, so I guess that was – yeah, that was kindergarten, yeah. Okay. It was a Jewish day school. it was all day. yeah kindergarten was all day from what i remember. I mean, except because it was a Jewish day school, we got out early on Fridays.
00:50:32
Speaker
Okay. so two So Fridays we get out 2.30, but that was like strange. Do you remember running – because it seems – Because for most schools, it used it used to be like kindergarten was half day and only recent. It's more recent that it's full day.
00:50:49
Speaker
Like, were you really like learning? Maybe I had a baby. Maybe I had a babysitter. that can't I did have a babysitter at that age that would take the bus with me. so yeah, maybe I did get out earlier.
00:51:01
Speaker
um But I think also my mom got home later from work. So. The babysitter. Yeah, I had a babysitter. i don't I don't know. Yeah, maybe we did get out earlier i kindergarten. it Because, I mean, 8 to 4 kindergarten would be... Yeah, maybe it only started in first grade, the 8 to 4.
00:51:20
Speaker
Or 8 to... Well, high school was 8 to 5. And that's not counting extracurricular activities? That's just classes? right. I was drowning. I was drowning in high school. It was 12 And I had extracurriculars and homework. Like I literally know how did it. That would start at 5 o'clock.
00:51:42
Speaker
That would start. You'd get there like, you'd like go home, eat a little bit and then like go, yeah, to, i because there wasn't a lot of room for like art stuff. So I would do like theater stuff and like drawing stuff and ah yeah, mostly theater and drawing. I'm trying to think if there were other extracurriculars that I remember.
00:52:05
Speaker
And this was just regular public school that was from eight to five. Oh, piano lessons. No, this was Jewish day school. Oh, that was, it you were the in high school too. Yeah, high school. Yeah, yeah. Eight to five until I switched out my last year.
00:52:20
Speaker
and then then it was, i mean, that was a fun time. i had no responsibilities. You went really hard in the other direction. That was like a wild change of how loosey-goosey it was. Yeah.
00:52:37
Speaker
But there are a lot of strict schools, I mean, in Montreal, because it's like there's like the French system that's crazy that some of the schools adhere to. And it's like school's no joke there. that's ah It's a lot.
00:52:50
Speaker
But I think public schools still got out at like three. Like it was definitely earlier than the school I was going to. soda And you just switched to like not burnout? Yeah. I switched out. i I mean, I had like a like a meltdown 10th grade. ah High school only goes to grade 11 in Montreal.
00:53:13
Speaker
But my parents were always upset that my grades weren't better. i think i I was like basically like a B minus student and they were like, what's wrong? ah They were like, why aren't you getting straight A's? You're smart. You know, and like they didn't really believe in ADD.
Parental Expectations and Education
00:53:30
Speaker
ah But I just like could not do the amount of work my peers were doing. um I mean, that's what is, like the willingness to do all that work. And you can be smart without...
00:53:44
Speaker
you know i try i really tried. i you know I was not capable. They would try to motivate me in many different ways. i yeah I was not capable, sadly, but everyone else in my class was doing great. I've already felt that way. you know um But I couldn't just do work I wasn't interested in ah for long hours.
00:54:12
Speaker
ah without somebody. i would have needed my parents to like sit there with me the entire time and there was no way they were going to do that. so Yeah. So, so, I mean, I muddled through and i mean, to be fair, the curriculum was really difficult. It's like, we were doing a lot of stuff that was like a year or two ahead, um, and three languages, et cetera. Like some of the classes were in French, like science was in French and, you know, stuff like that.
00:54:40
Speaker
Um, but, uh, Yeah, I just kind of had a breakdown and just wanted, I mean, socially also, I was like the only person in my class, in my grade, it felt like that like was at all artistically inclined or interested in anything creative, like.
00:54:57
Speaker
At all. see I see. So you also weren't getting that need fulfilled by your peers. had to take art at lunch. No, I took art at lunch and everybody else in the class was doing it to boost their grades.
00:55:13
Speaker
And I was doing it because I like doing art, you know, like yeah but yeah. So, and I just do something. Yeah. So I just, I left and then, and then since I had finished most of the curriculum, most of the high school curriculum, I only had like two classes I had to pass my last year of high school. was like total breeze because they didn't offer any of the advanced stuff at public school. Like, so I was just like done. I was done with math. I was done with science. I was done with French. Like I was like, I only had to pass English and gym and that was it.
00:55:44
Speaker
So how do you think you, having gone through that, how do you think you're going to be with your child when it comes to... ah we've discussed it a lot. Yeah, no, we're just not going to... Like, it's like whatever whatever he does with the grades, it's totally up to him.
00:55:59
Speaker
Right. And if he if he needs support, we'll give him support, but it's like... Right. Or there's something he's interested in It's like... Yeah, then we'll support that. You know, like I was...
00:56:12
Speaker
I was really good in certain, so you know, like English and math. I was usually really good. Like, ah but, and like extracurricular if he wants, but no, we're not going to pressure, you know, but and my parents wanted me to go to some good school, I guess, or like I don't know what they imagined my life would be like, but.
00:56:34
Speaker
They wanted, they were scared. They were scared for the future. My like financial future, probably. It's like immigrant mentality. Yeah.
00:56:44
Speaker
So to them, it's just like good grades is what it takes. You got to get good grades, go to a good school, you know, and then you'll get a good job. And then you'll you'll have everything you need. Right. And that's but that's not true of our generation at all. It's also not true. Yeah. I mean, and like, and they really wanted me to get a degree because they're academics. But it's like, I got a Bachelor of Fine Arts. It's 100% useless.
00:57:08
Speaker
Which i I think that is what college should be for. It's just like. Yeah, I'm glad I got it. Like, I'm glad I read i got like some little liberal arts and like I understand certain things from the reading that I did. And some of the classes were fun. Like, I love deductive logic, but it's also really upsetting.
00:57:27
Speaker
It's really upsetting. being good at deductive logic in modern day society because 75% of people are horrible at it and literally can't comprehend that they're buying into something completely illogical or they like don't understand the argument that they're even saying. But and anyway. 75% of people. Where are you getting this statistic from?
Societal Discourse and Education Reflection
00:57:51
Speaker
From... My brain. I don't know. It's not accurate. It's an emotional statistic on my part.
00:58:02
Speaker
Uh-huh. Okay. um Yeah, ironic. i was I was waving on about logic in them. Yeah, yeah, yeah. my yeah Okay, well, our children, i mean, clearly I'm not even sending them to school yet when they're school age. Yeah.
00:58:21
Speaker
yeah But they're going to be just fine without any of this pressure. Well, how are you with the grades thing? Like, did you have a lot of pressure? great no When I was getting really good grades and, like, getting student of the month all the time, they were, like, so happy. But then when that changed – um they would suddenly make fun of those bumper stickers, you know.
00:58:46
Speaker
okay. So they were always on your side. Yeah, they were like taking my side. no my element elementary school didn't have grades. They'd write paragraphs. All right, all right. They're sweet.
00:58:58
Speaker
No, I would have. That was like a new thing. Yeah. Yeah, they I mean, they were impressed. I still remember my first grade teacher was impressed because I asked them. They were talking about weddings.
00:59:13
Speaker
For some reason in class, like Jewish weddings, and and I raised my head and asked what happens when a Jew marries a Christian. And foreshadowing. um But yeah ah but she didn't answer the question. But then she wrote home and was like, Rena, really thought outside the box. That was a really smart question.
00:59:33
Speaker
Oh, interesting. OK. What grade was this? First grade. OK. Yeah. So i remember moments of teachers being impressed with me in elementary school, but there were no grades. Yeah.
00:59:47
Speaker
But that's like better. I don't know that you wouldn't you remember that better than you'd probably remember just like getting an A on a test. For sure. And I think it would have been very disheartening when a high school starts in seventh grade in Montreal. And i think it would have been very disheartening to go from all A's to suddenly puberty And early puberty is obviously the worst.
01:00:15
Speaker
And when all the eating disorders begin um and then the grades going down, like I think it would have just been even worse to be like, I used to have it all. At least I could just be like, I've always been bad or whatever. you know right Nothing's changed in that respect.
01:00:35
Speaker
But yeah.
01:00:38
Speaker
Well, how much we'll see how our kids end up. I think, I mean, I think they're all very smart. So, but school and being
Future Paths and Academic Success
01:00:46
Speaker
smart, obviously. do I know. thanks Exactly. yeah That's why I don't, I don't know what to expect. I don't know if they're going to be good at school.
01:00:54
Speaker
Well, we don't know how much they needed anymore. Like we don't even know how relevant it's going to be. the grades. Yeah, and i ah and I'm turning into my mom now because I'm like, I don't necessarily trust these people. with like Yeah, yeah.
01:01:10
Speaker
I think ye Mike can teach them a lot that these people, you know, don't know. Yeah. I mean, my parents didn't trust them. My dad would always be like, what is this curriculum they're teaching you for like Jewish history? You know, but but they just wanted me to play the game. They're like, you got to know how to play the game. yeah, yeah. yeah play the game We're not going to be like that.
01:01:32
Speaker
No. And obviously I could not play that game.
01:01:37
Speaker
So how could I expect my child? I mean, if he wants to I'll probably be really alienated if he does amazing. I'll be like, what who are you? Oh, you think you're better than me? and Oh, i was like competitive. I just show up and I'm like, I also wrote an essay. Like, it'd so messed up. When I was in first grade, I asked my teacher what happens when a Jew carries a Christian.
01:02:02
Speaker
And she said I was extremely creative.
01:02:07
Speaker
And you, it meant so much to you that you fulfilled. You answered. Yeah, history was made on that day.