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"I Was an Evil Demon Baby"
30 Plays17 days ago
Rena and Paige discuss popular Disney movies, the recent onslaught of Amber alerts in LA, and what it means to be a "lava monster" parent.
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Transcript
Parenting Post-Pandemic: Challenges and Humor
00:00:11
Speaker
Welcome back. We're together now. We don't remember how to interact with real human beings. It's super different. But there won't be a lag anymore. um Okay, what are some boy mom stuff? that um Well, I told you before, my my son was very sad that he couldn't eat soap this morning. So that was a tragedy in our house. He also really wanted to play with cheese.
00:00:40
Speaker
um And whenever my husband would throw away the cheese, he would say, you're throwing away my toys. And we were like, cheese isn't toys. Cheese isn't toys. I mean, cheese is a toy to me. It was a toy to him.
00:00:53
Speaker
I mean, so eventually i I mean, I was like, fine, play with the cheese. But my husband was still mad about it. so Oh, you let him do it? Wait, you told him wait you told him no.
00:01:03
Speaker
i never I never said no. Oh, you just stayed quiet. I would stay quiet. And then my husband left the room. And then I was like, just play with this. I just didn't want him to play with the cheese in the
Teaching Kids About Food and Play
00:01:14
Speaker
garbage. So I was like, there's cheese on your plate. Just oh play with that play with that cheese. But then my husband came back in the room and was like, stop playing with cheese. we definitely sent some mixed messages today. Oh, see. Yeah.
00:01:26
Speaker
But then it's like if he's not there to witness the logic of why I'm letting him play with the cheese. See, playing with food, it doesn't bother me right now that much. Is that bad?
00:01:38
Speaker
Well, the boundaries you're setting now are unclear are going to more they affect. like like you they don't bother Those things don't bother you now.
00:01:49
Speaker
but But they will when he's older. When he's at a job interview and having a conversation with a cracker. That's going to be bad. So sign up is that you have to be firmer earlier. i mean, there is the value of like, it's food. you shouldn't waste food. Food is valuable. People worked really hard to get the food all the way to your plate.
00:02:07
Speaker
Oh, yeah. Mike had a whole thing about Gaza with my kids. like be kid about what they yeah yeah what did he say uh my kid didn't respond but i think a seed was definitely planted and he's teaching his ways i see a plant that's native to the middle east he uh never waste food again really yeah he hasn't since well what was the speech i have to replicate it There are, you know, the the classic, there are children starving and they would do anything to have your food.
00:02:44
Speaker
so you shouldn't, you shouldn't waste it But do you think, i mean, at two and a half, I doubt a kid could grasp the severity of what starving even means. I mean.
00:02:55
Speaker
Right. At this point, it might have the opposite effect. Although he does, when kids cry, sometimes he tries to give them something to drink sometimes. Because that's what you do. Yeah. At this point, it's just modeling is the most important thing. Yeah.
00:03:08
Speaker
Well, so what do you need to... I have to stop playing with my food and playing with your cheese. But sometimes, you know, when the food beckons, it looks... When the food looks particularly... texture is... Toy-ish. So tantalizing.
00:03:21
Speaker
ah I gotta say, when I came in here... yeah Rina and her family were having a nice family breakfast. It looked a little fake, a little performative. Like they knew I was coming. And so if the father and son were sitting at the breakfast table
Nostalgia in Movies: Frozen, Wizard of Oz, and More
00:03:38
Speaker
together. And I was sitting separately as a woman should.
00:03:42
Speaker
In the kitchen, never leaving. yes yeah Yeah. Your husband had his his newspaper. School going all right there, too.
00:03:56
Speaker
but Well, you didn't see the chaos before. That's the thing. You came exactly at the perfect moment because there was a lot of like getting the food ready and distracting my kid from, you know, interfering with hot with like the stove before that.
00:04:12
Speaker
So you came right when the food was ready and everybody was calm. But that that's because you rose to the occasion. like you it Having people around is good because then you're forced to get it together. Right, right, right. Yeah. ah Are you saying you can't be a good person behind closed doors? and you got You got to always, we're meant to be around other people.
00:04:33
Speaker
But then why do I always want to hide and be alone? Because you want to be bad. You want to be bad and watch Dawson's Creek. like a Frozen. You want to just watch Frozen and all day with your son. Look, he likes Frozen. It's a good, i had never seen Frozen before. It's not a good movie. The story any Well, the story is a bit, it it feels very invent-y. Like they're reaching for a lot of plot elements. Like just everybody has a sidekick. There's a lot going on in Frozen.
00:05:06
Speaker
Do I have bad breath? I might have. am a brush monkey. No, you smell like... and Roses? men Men's aftershave in some way. maybe it's a type of soap.
00:05:19
Speaker
This is clean. This is a clean shirt. Men's aftershave? it because I kissed my husband goodbye? I think he he loaded it. He really he like piled it piled it on his face. Before he left. Well, he needs confidence. That's how you get confidence as a man. Gillette says so. And you guys made out right before he left. In front of me We turned on the music from Dirty Dancing. I'm just kidding.
00:05:45
Speaker
Meanwhile, your son and I stare at you, your jaws agape. child, this is how we made you ah But no, Frozen's, mean, look, I got into the song. I think that moment. Let it go. Let it go. It's a very powerful moment. I've never not gotten chills listening to Let It Go. See, I'm thinking about it. Do you need to come out of the closet, bitch? I am. It's just so intense.
00:06:11
Speaker
I didn't, I've never been that into that song, honestly, until I saw where it You need the context. Yeah, need the context. I never knew the context because it was after my time. And why would I sit and watch Frozen otherwise? mean, I like that it's about sisters. The animation is a little bit...
00:06:28
Speaker
After watching Aladdin the previous week, which is a work of art. There's no comparison. No. Because by by the time of Frozen, all just like the big eyes. Yeah, the big eyes. Although that that ice castle is gorgeous. Yeah, sure. do. I appreciate all the different shades of blue-green for ice.
00:06:46
Speaker
I liked all the colors. But yeah, the face not the best. No, but the song was good. And I like singing it. And my neighbors are probably really annoyed with the amount of times that I've sung it in the last week.
00:06:59
Speaker
They would expect it from the child, but not from... Yeah, from an adult. I mean, in this neighborhood, this is like where Disney started. Wait, I wanted to say something... About Frozen? About Frozen. Well, just... we We know how you felt about Frozen. Yeah. But how did your son feel about Frozen? Yeah.
00:07:18
Speaker
um I mean, obviously he loves the comic relief characters, you know, Olaf and the animals. I mean, loves the reindeer. um How did he feel? He's just always following the plot.
00:07:31
Speaker
He loves the moment where she gets ah unfrozen at the end. I mean, spoiler alert. But when Anna turns back from ice into purple again, he's always like, she's purple again. She's okay. Okay. That's good. Yeah. He loves that part.
00:07:46
Speaker
He's like, he's like, these's yeah, he's grasping like when they're okay, when they're not okay, they're going to go up the mountain. like he's following like elements of story. Probably not the entire story. Moment by moment. There's like things that he's, and he's saying to you know, we're like having a little conversations about it.
00:08:02
Speaker
um They're trying to climb the mountain. And then he starts like climbing. Basically, I've started put because we don't have a little climbing gym at home. So I just put my legs from the couch to the table and he climbs that and says, I'm climbing the mountain. Oh, so he's like acting out frozen. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's really cute. with it That's to me, the best thing about kids watching movies is when they like. when they want to make up a game after like the Wizard that's like wizard of Oz with my kids. What are they? playing with Melting? You've seen it at the park, right? Because there's another kid at the park who really loves the Wizard of Oz. Oh, really? used to love it. They kind of, they watched it to keep up with her the way adults do. Like you want to be part of the conversation. Right, right. The latest show. Yeah. So for... Wizard of Oz. Very timely. Kids around here, that's the Wizard of Oz. Yeah, yeah. I mean, great movie. Cool. I mean, it's a classic, like, back in the day when all the kids' stories were like, they don't have real parents. They live with these other people. like Yeah, yeah. Just with the ultimate.
00:09:03
Speaker
I guess it's post-Dust Bowl or what happened to her parents? I don't know. They're in Kansas. I mean, maybe Dust Bowl. Yeah, I don't remember. the I don't think they put it in there.
00:09:15
Speaker
Well, there okay, did you know that the climax of the movie, when the Wicked Witch... of the West melts. yeah It's just like she gets splashed with water yeah for like a second.
00:09:27
Speaker
Yeah, and then she melts. And that's it. That's all they ever had to do to her. I was i was like, you couldn't have figured this out earlier? Well, but it's like a metaphor where it's like fear makes itself out to seem insurmountable. But really all it takes is like a moment of processing and then you're like, you can move through fear. Wow.
00:09:47
Speaker
It's just all, everything is one tiny moment. Actually, I have a really nice version of the original book if you want to read it to your oldest. Oh, you was saving it for, yeah. Because i was I was looking on eBay for first editions that cost $30,000. It's definitely not a first edition. It's one of those like remakes, but it's very pretty. But is it a remake? Because yeah, there yeah are some beautiful illustrations. Yeah, it's beautiful illustrations. And i I really, I bought it, I might have even bought it before I had kids. But I was just like, either I'll send this to my nieces and nephew or...
00:10:17
Speaker
was un borrow it Yeah, you could borrow it. I really like how they say like that that it rains popcorn and Oz. That's when I was like, I'm buying this book. No, no, it rains popcorn.
00:10:27
Speaker
No, it snows popcorn and rains lemonade or something like that. That really got you. Yeah, that really got me. i was like, that's very surreal. And I've never read the original. So someday.
00:10:40
Speaker
think about that but yeah what i noticed about aladdin total side note as a boy note is that it's like the ultimate male fantasy because he basically just brings his vehicle the the magic rug magic carpet yeah takes her for a ride yeah and then she's in love she's in love because of the vehicle like that's how mike's parents met he took her for a ride yeah in a in a cool car yeah and that's oh my god together that's like their dream and it's like don't you dare close your eyes and she's like wow the world looks so different in this vehicle right it's a magic heart yeah that's and it it probably comes as no surprise then that's like mike's favorite movie from when he was a kid he knows every word to every song in that movie wow because that's his parents love story i bet i bet that's why you know what kind of knew that car that his parents have no idea mike mike would know okay um
00:11:35
Speaker
Because his his dad is a real car Car
Environmental Impact of Parenting: Debate and Perspectives
00:11:37
Speaker
guy? Oh, but his dad and my husband should hang out. They would have a lot to talk about. Trapped in the car world forever.
00:11:48
Speaker
But yeah. No, I wanted to talk about, right, parents. Are people that say that having a kid is bad for the environment. Right, yeah. So wait, where... How did you encounter people who say having kids is bad for the environment? Did have a recent? No, always encounter it wherever I encounter things that annoy you, which is, of course, threads.
00:12:09
Speaker
Oh, see, I can't even log it. I was hoping it was Reddit. I mean, there's obviously a lot that Reddit would be way more interesting. No, it was just threads. and Probably written by AI, but but like a lot of people commenting, you know. Okay.
00:12:21
Speaker
But it just makes no logical sense. Like, if you know anything about climate change, you know it's not about individuals, but about corporations. You listening, corporations? Well, because it's not, I feel like people want it to be like Jesus. Like, you know, they're like, you want to have that much power. Yeah, they you want to say like, we all nailed him to the cross, but we didn't. We actually didn't. It's just like a few psychopaths.
00:12:45
Speaker
who just have decided that it's okay to put profit above all else because that's the rule about corporations or whatever. Also, I saw a TikTok where they're like, we don't want to have kids. It's bad for the environment. And they're like, well, what are you going to do? And they're like, well, we're thinking of travel instead.
00:13:02
Speaker
oh That's literally so bad for the environment. Yeah, getting on plane. No. So it's like you can't use that excuse. No, Mike says these people are in a death war.
00:13:13
Speaker
The people who say it. Well, it's an extinction. of it feels like an extinction event. They just say like, we just shouldn't exist anymore. I mean, I told you, I've been trying to look like who would be interested in listening to our podcast of my friends online, like my, my like, can like Instagram follow. I follow them. They follow me. And not like 90% of the people I know that are my age are not having kids.
00:13:36
Speaker
And do you think. But that's probably because I do comedy. Nobody. Yeah. but i'm not happy That's like not normal people. No, I didn't have any friends here with kids. I still don't have other than like, like none of my friends from before I became a mom. Yeah. Have kids. Have decided to have kids. What do you think would would like push them over the edge to do it? I think a lot. of well a lot of it is just finding the right person. Yeah. Yeah.
00:14:01
Speaker
like That seems to be the biggest problem. and then So then you can justify, oh I'm choosing. I'm choosing to not have kids because of the environment. But really, you can't find a boyfriend. yeah i think what if What if they're married to the earth, Paige? Then that's... They get into horticulture. Flower babies. I mean, and it's obviously okay to not have kids. And some people shouldn't have kids.
00:14:29
Speaker
Yeah, I think it's perfectly fine. You can have a very fulfilling, wonderful life without having kids. And that's better than like having kids and no never seeing them. Yeah. I never understand that.
00:14:40
Speaker
Well, do you think, do you, do you think people, I mean, i know there are reddits about this, that people have kids and honest to God regret it. Like. I don't, I definitely don't know anyone personally. Well, they wouldn't admit it. i mean, who would say that out loud in a social setting? Like.
00:14:57
Speaker
And maybe, I think we also don't, we don't know anyone with kids old enough. Right. To regret it. Like their kid hasn't like stabbed them. Gone to jail. Yeah. so Right. Like probably Rob Reiner. Nevermind. But he can't. Too soon. Yeah. No. Right. Yeah.
00:15:13
Speaker
No. And I don't even think he did. I think he still loved his kid despite everything. Like. I'm sure he would say it was so worth it. And he had two other kids. Yeah. That's the thing is like, I feel like people write that stuff on Reddit in a moment of regret, but it doesn't, I'm not just convinced that it sustains that they just regret it for the rest of their lives. No, it's just, it's so, it's so hard to imagine getting to that place. Like what would it take?
00:15:37
Speaker
I mean, it it would take like, like some, I don't know, like really not having an emotional connection with your kid, I guess. And how does that, how does that even happen? maybe some kind of internal physical imbalance i mean person who i follow like the only parenting person why i follow who's kind of controversial i think she would say it would have to do with your own mother like oh yeah well those issues come up was with you when yeah you were a baby
00:16:12
Speaker
Yeah. Which people are always like, oh, but they don't remember. the body keeps the score. The nervous system knows. No, I know, but because you need the time and space to confront that. Because I know, because like, I definitely in my body still feel like I'm supposed to just feel of rage at certain things that don't merit it. Like, that comes up a lot from where i have to be like, oh, this is just how I was dealt with when I was like that. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But you need the time and space to like,
00:16:40
Speaker
be able to recognize that. Otherwise you're just goingnna be plagued by it and never actually be able to reflect. Like, right. Yeah. So those moments will come up and then you have to have the self-awareness or just the intention of not being that way.
00:16:59
Speaker
Like, or I mean, i some people think it was good for them. So they're just going to perpetuate it. I'm assuming if they're like, Oh, the, like, that's what made me disciplined or I don't know. I can't relate to this at all. so that Yeah. Yeah. No, I think that's like the, like, I'm tough on my kids.
00:17:18
Speaker
I don't know. I don't know. But I can imagine some people maybe like self-identify with, i don't want to say the abuser, but like for their own ego, they had to identify with the one that was hard on them and then justify it.
00:17:32
Speaker
So they'd be like on board. Right. And the, like the love, they have for the parent. This is so hard to picture because so many people are like going no contact with their parents and like turning against their parents. Oh yeah.
00:17:46
Speaker
But like, yeah, I feel like in a normal, well-adjusted person, you do have to let the love of the parent, uh, that is more important than what they did to you when you were baby. Yeah.
00:18:01
Speaker
Or a kid, a young kid. i mean, I feel like the people going no contact is because the parent is like ongoing with their, but like the way they're behaving with the person. It's like a narcissistic parents with no boundaries, like doesn't respect any boundaries. I'm like, I mean, it's a personal choice. I i don't know via that I could ever go no contact.
00:18:22
Speaker
I don't think so. I mean, we're not allowed to. Judaism does not allow you to go no contact. I don't think I would. Yeah, no. Yeah, it's true. Yeah, but Judaism, I mean, old school Judaism also says you can stone your kids to die, but they don't obey you. That's your kid. You brought him into school? The teenager. Yeah, yeah. No, I just, I read an Amber Alert the other day. There's been a lot of, No, that was all over threads, too, that there's been too many Amber Alerts. So the first one, it was like, the suspect was the mom, and then a three-year-old child
00:18:59
Speaker
was taken by the mom. And I was just
Parental Fears and Safety Concerns
00:19:02
Speaker
like, that's her kid, man. She's got to do what she's got to do. Yeah. I mean, yeah. She just probably doesn't have custody or whatever. I mean, that's always the first suspect is the parent.
00:19:12
Speaker
Well, I was scared because I took a terrifying Uber ride on my birthday. did? Yes, I did. no i know. Are you still processing? No, I thought about it because of the Amber Alert because this guy, I couldn't tell because, you know, sometimes in a taxi or an Uber, they it seems like they're inventing a sob story to get a big tip.
00:19:32
Speaker
like I take Uber so rarely, but I can picture it. Sometimes they tell a story that's like, I'm down on my luck. I think hoping to, because I can't imagine these stories are always true. But this guy, like it took a very dark turn. like First, he was saying how he always had to work for his dad's gardening company, but his dad never paid him.
00:19:55
Speaker
Then and there was some stuff about his brother. Some of it didn't stick with me. I think I blocked it out. But he said, like, he's no contact with his parents now because of that. And so he does gardening. That's his business. He does Uber for his social life. Oh, yeah, of course. He does not talk to real people. This is his whole social life is Uber at night on the weekends in L.A.,
00:20:19
Speaker
And then he started then after a long time of only talking about that, he said that we started talking about drinking a bit. He was like, I was court ordered to go to a a I was like, okay, good. Yeah. And he's like, I don't think I need that.
00:20:33
Speaker
But I met this woman. We dated for a while. she what She blocked me. And then I saw that she was pregnant. And I was like, what? Whoa. It's a huge left turn after like maybe 25 minutes of not mentioning it.
00:20:50
Speaker
And then, and I'm also like, I just want to get, I'm like going to a birthday dinner. Like don't, I just really don't want to be talking about this. And is this his, like, is that his socializing? Just telling the same story over and over again to every person? I think he's trying to get, he was trying to get me on his side. He was like, her kid didn't like me for some reason. i was like, okay. Like to me, that's like,
00:21:14
Speaker
did you abuse that kid? Like what happened? And, and she's like, and then she blocked me and then, and she's having the kid and she won't let me see the kid. And, and I was like, and what did you, why do you think that is? He's like, I don't know.
00:21:26
Speaker
I have no idea. And it's like, there's gotta be some kind of reason. There's something you're not saying. And he's like, I'm going to sue her and I'm going to get custody. And I think he thought this was like his sob story to get oh no better. I don't know if it was. And I was like, I'm not on your side in this scenario at all. Like I would not like this. There's no way I would have her child taken. Absolutely not. But then I saw an Amber alert and I was like, is that, was that my Uber driver? I know. So it's like she said she was around three years old. that He kind of looked like that. I don't know. Like only saw him from behind.
00:22:02
Speaker
So he he called the cops and said. No, I think he went and took the kid. Like, it's like, that's what it looked like on the Amber Alert. I'm like, did he just go and take the kid? I like the one that was like a movie from the 90s. Where the mom takes the kid. No, it was well it was a three-month-old baby. that We were joking about this. Yeah. There's a three-month-old baby who was taken. And I got really freaked out. and That's And my older child is always like, what is that? What is that? What happened? What happened? Because it just goes off over and over again. Yeah. And that one, I like didn't i didn't want to tell him.
00:22:36
Speaker
uh because it three-month-old baby it was so scary but then i checked i followed up and it was just a guy stole a car didn't realize that there was a baby in it and then he left the car with the air conditioning on the baby was totally fine oh thank god yeah that's like a what's the one haven't seen oh um they accidentally kidnapped the baby i think about the one with nicholas cage No, that's a different kidnapping movie. There's a lot of kidnapping movies. That's a good movie, though. It's like, oh, it's named after a state like Idaho. No.
00:23:09
Speaker
Raising Arizona? Yeah, there it is. Yeah. that what that movie is about? Is that? i know there's a kidnapping. But I don't know if that's, is it? I don't know which one is a car where they stole and they didn't realize there was a kid in it.
00:23:21
Speaker
If you're listening, leave a comment. Yeah, write in write in a ah real letter. Now that you know our location. ah Just drop by. Just drop by. We'll talk in person. Yeah.
00:23:34
Speaker
Meet us at the playground.
00:23:37
Speaker
Yeah. So. i don't know. I mean, have you ever thought about like tracking your kids? We had a tracker on my older child. Yeah. You did? On his shoe. Oh. Until the shoes didn't fit him anymore. So you can sew it into the mix.
00:23:58
Speaker
Was it like ah an air tag? Yeah. Okay. That was when we first started taking him to his like musical theater classes. And he was like away from us. Yeah. For the first time by himself. And then you were scared. So I think that made us feel better because it was three hours away.
00:24:17
Speaker
It was three hours a day for a week. You didn't just wait outside in the car? I still was next door. okay I went, I would just go, i would stay nearby. Okay.
00:24:30
Speaker
Yeah, I mean, I've definitely morbidly thought, I mean, this is a little different, but I've morbidly thought about how it's good that we live near the elementary school. If there's a school shooter, we could just run in. And yeah. And stocking shoot kill the shooter. Yeah. Yeah. But I'm like, I literally have zero skills to do that.
00:24:45
Speaker
I've asked my husband multiple times, like multiple times, what's the best way to disarm? Yeah. And he's told me and I block it out every time. So you just, don the information never actually stays. We're not supposed to be doing that. We're not. we're Mothers can't do that. But, but I thought they said hector we're supposed to be able to like lift a ah car. Yeah.
00:25:04
Speaker
Right? I don't think we can't. if if I think. and You think that's a lie Where did that come from? The lifting car thing. I mean, if it's over my child's, I don't know. No, because the, the yeah.
00:25:18
Speaker
Women are supposed to be more in tune with their child and the cues of their baby. And men are supposed to be aware of outside noises and like wake up if they hear a sound.
00:25:30
Speaker
Oh. And like, take their gun and go go kill the sound kill coyote shoot the raccoon yeah I mean do I notice yeah I only notice the outside sounds yeah if my husband's not around then I start noticing right because you're I'm assuming that he will yeah but he doesn't have great hearing so I know that's probably shouldn't my husband sleeps very deeply yeah yeah same but I do bug him I'm like you go check if something's happening
00:26:02
Speaker
Although he has said if we both saw a snake, he would run he wouldn't rescue me from a snake because he's scared of snakes. And I was like, yes, you will. I'm also scared of snakes. I think he'll rise to the occasion.
00:26:14
Speaker
If it actually happens. He i don't know. Otherwise, I guess the snake. There are a lot of snakes at that park. The one, the playground? There's been one on the playground.
00:26:28
Speaker
Don't tell me that. I won't tell him that. i mean they We saw those little other animals that pop up. One of them popped up. Oh, the gophers. Yeah, the gophers. They're so very so cute Yeah, my kid loved the gopher.
00:26:40
Speaker
He kept wanting to get really close. He stayed up for a while. Yeah, no, the kids the kids love the gophers. But where are the snakes? Because I thought those holes were from the snakes. i was actually relieved that the holes were from the gophers. I'm sure the snakes like to use them. Do you think the snakes eat the gophers?
00:26:56
Speaker
Are they... oh What do snakes eat? Gophers. Gophers. Mothers. No, not mothers. That's exactly the answer I didn't want to hear.
00:27:10
Speaker
it Well, whatever. As long as it's me and not my child. Yeah, he lives, you live on through. That's what my dad, my dad always said that. Right. I'm like, is it true What you mean, is it true? Yeah.
Childhood Movies and Celebrity Crushes: A Nostalgic Dive
00:27:25
Speaker
Your dad is in I mean, his DNA. And But he's dead. But he's in you. Like Simba. Exactly. Now, when do we show our kids The Lion King? That movie really got in my hands. that's... I mean, that's... I tried a little bit in the dark of winter, and I was like, there's too many things I need to pass forward here. No, that's not the time watch that. It's too sad, yeah. But I love... I was obsessed with The Lion King.
00:27:52
Speaker
I don't remember what I... I must have been like eight or something. No, I was very... was also Jonathan Taylor Thomas was definitely part of it. Like, that he was doing The Voice.
00:28:03
Speaker
Oh, right. You're the age. Yeah. I'm the JTT age. JTT age, yeah. My sister got VHS of Lion King for her, like, sweet 16. Somebody gave her as a present. Then it pretty much became mine because I was a better age word. Yeah, if I got that when I was 16...
00:28:21
Speaker
and would have I guess I would have been like, what do you think, I'm a baby but it was But at the time, it was a sensation. like it wasn't how much high school It wasn't really just for kids, I feel like, Lion King at the time. Or it felt that way. Because it was like winning awards.
00:28:36
Speaker
The song was a big hit with Elton John. Yeah, it was a very it was so respected... it was like I mean, movies were much more cheesy and schmaltzy back then. I mean, Titanic was huge. like it was just like it was just a schmaltzy time.
00:28:50
Speaker
But in a way, I mean... Shakespeare in Love? More so than now. Have you tried to watch Shakespeare in Love again? I don't think I've ever seen movies that were R-rated in the 90s. I haven't seen most of them because I couldn't watch them then.
00:29:04
Speaker
So you had a strict as thing of what you could watch. What do you mean? with your parents like I watched everything ever all the time. um i just didn't want i mean I just wanted to watch Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. That's what I watched. Mary-Kate and Ashley movies and like Zeus and Roxanne.
00:29:20
Speaker
I don't know who those people are. It's a dog and a dolphin become friends. Oh, Hence why you're a vegan. And yeah, Babe. Maybe that's it. Oh, Babe. Babe was cute.
00:29:31
Speaker
Well, I loved also the book Charlotte's Web. What's it? No, I watched like the scary, watched like rat the Rats of NIMH or whatever, the Secrets of NIMH.
00:29:43
Speaker
And all dogs go to heaven. Like I watched all the dark stuff, Return to Oz. Oh, yeah. That's a freaking out. But I also watched – I was the youngest of three, so I would watch whatever everybody else was watching. Yeah, yeah. that's good part. We all piled on the couch and watched the Cosby show together. No, I had – my mom was very – ah like Die Hard's her favorite movie like she just wanted to watch like action movies what does she like i've done and I and so I was the only one in my because I had a brother and my dad and my mom and I was the only one who wanted to watch like so you had a testosterone house like see I had my sister so we would rent all like Dirty Dancing Sixteen Candles see I'm so jealous of that like all the like girly oh yeah she was all and I watched them like way too young too
00:30:32
Speaker
Um, but i maybe not too young. i don't know. Were you into Greece? Um, american I mean, I knew the songs. You didn't have like an obsession with Greece. I didn't have an obsession with Greece. i had an obsession with Greece and Titanic.
00:30:48
Speaker
I had an obsession with, um, uh, what's his name and pump up the volume and Heather's. Oh, that guy. I know you're talking about. I liked him. Yeah. And then younger would have been Jonathan Taylor Thomas and like all that whole cohort of like, like me and my friend would buy those magazines. What about, what about Leonardo DiCaprio?
00:31:12
Speaker
Yes, for sure. Oh yeah. I went to see Romeo and Juliet seven times in theaters. There was a movie theater that was $2 and 50 cents downtown. I would just keep going. kept going leon oh for sure i was upset and also claire dave i loved from my so-called life and so yeah i would just i love that scene with the fish you know i was obsessed i had the soundtrack i listened to the soundtrack all the time also liked hanson i did that oh i loved i see i loved yes i would listen to hanson that was my like entrance into pop culture it was okay okay yeah i loved taylor
00:31:50
Speaker
Was that the lead, the cute guy? The middle, yeah, had the middle brother. no i liked the front man. I think that was, was that not Taylor? Yeah, I think, I don't know. or Taylor sounds like the cute boy. mean, Zach, Zach was like so young.
00:32:04
Speaker
Oh yeah, no, not Zach was too little. And Isaac was the oldest. Right, okay, so Taylor. Yeah, no, because Isaac, he was the one who probably could actually play music well. think they were all I love that. At least they play their own instruments. When I love the songs. used to dance around that song, Madeline. It was right before the hormonal drop, you know, like I was like feeling good. And then, and then, yeah, Smashing Pumpkins, Tori Amos, Radiohead. And then it descended all the way to Nine Inch Nails. And then I kind of like came out of the haze. You but you had to get to the bottom. yeah Nine Inch Nails was definitely in my like bottom in terms of depressing music as a teenager.
00:32:42
Speaker
Yeah.
00:32:45
Speaker
See, I listened to like the Hairspray soundtrack. High School Musical. Like I didn't, I never listened to, I mean, I listened to music from the OC. Okay. then There's some sad stuff.
00:32:57
Speaker
That scene, i mean, with the shooting, the one they made the fun of on SNL. Yeah, yeah, yeah. No, that scene was great. It's Or the one where she throws the deck chairs at the pool.
00:33:10
Speaker
Oh, yeah. also great. That's an incredible thing. I love Misha Barton. I'll be a Misha Barton apologist forever. Oh, for sure. Yeah. They really screwed her. No, they did. i think they like, I think it like got in my head too.
00:33:22
Speaker
Like. i'm like, why did she dess desert? Why did they kill her? Yeah. What does that say about struggling teen girls? Well, and what did they think was going to happen? She was the lead character on the show. and it was No, it was because television without pity ruined TV because the creator would read the recaps and read what they would say about Misha Barton and be like, well, not like this isn't a respectable show because of Misha Barton.
00:33:49
Speaker
So they, so he killed her off. but Why wasn't it a respectable show? Because people just talked about her being a terrible actor, which I don't, I don't agree with actually. No, I thought she was fine. Yeah. She's definitely on the same level as what's her name in Gossip Girl. Sorry.
00:34:05
Speaker
What's her name? I think she's better. I think she's much more interesting than Blake Lively. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But like certainly not worse. Yeah, no. And nobody ever talked crap about Blake Lively on Gossip Girl. Now they do, of course. But yeah.
00:34:17
Speaker
Okay. No more TV talk. Well, is there something you want to do? The story from this week of boy mom hood. Do I have a story? Okay. Wait a
00:34:29
Speaker
i felt like i dealt with some boy mom specific issues okay because my children, but like more so my older child, but both of them did not really get a good chance to get their energy out that day.
00:34:46
Speaker
And it became a real problem. It's all stored up and then it's like supernova. Yeah. Kids need to do that. I mean, so I took them to the gentle barn and they just kept charging at the animals. And I feel bad being person being always like stop running. And but there you can't be charging at the animals. Yeah. They're going to take it as a sign of aggression. Yeah. yeah So, you know, like I had to keep them in line and they were, and they were, they were great there. They were fine.
00:35:12
Speaker
But then they were like in the car for half the day. And then we had a play date in the late afternoon. Okay. And at that point, and then it was, since I needed, i needed to chill.
Parenting Energy Levels and Coping Strategies
00:35:24
Speaker
So we went to our friend's house and it was just very obvious that my children did not get enough energy out. They needed to run around. And then you were tired from yeah going all the way the gentle barn and back. Yeah.
00:35:40
Speaker
So I hadn't wanted to like be running around and chasing after them. But was there room at this play date for them to just run? Well, we did at the end. Like we did chill for a bit. And then when it became clear that they the kids simply couldn't take it anymore. Yeah. Being inside.
00:35:54
Speaker
Then we went outside and they just like ran up and down the driveway over and over and over and over again. That's what they needed. that was great. Yeah. But It's hard, you know, to be when you're a lazy boy mom.
00:36:07
Speaker
Like me. Yeah. What if if if you simply don't have the energy? I mean, I i just drink an entire pot of coffee and hope for the best. It's not good. It's not healthy to drink whole pot. It can't be good for me.
00:36:23
Speaker
But if it's the only way keep up. But say I got to match his energy sometimes, you know, like, and he needs to go places. Sometimes I give up. There are some days where I'm like, I'm just not a good parent to today.
00:36:35
Speaker
And I just kind of let myself off the hook. Which I think is better than neurotically being like, I'm not going to do it, but I feel bad about it all day. Like, right. If you're just like complaining all day and like, I'm like, I'm doing it when I feel bad about myself, but I can't take him outside. You know? So I'm just like, I'm just not going to be up to my standards as a mom today. And well we're just going to go with that.
00:36:58
Speaker
And so what does that mean you do? Stay home. Like if I'm like, i don't want to go anywhere. But then does he go insane? Yeah. Does your kid go insane? and He goes to bed later. Like usually once his dad comes home, then he's like, it's like, I'm basically screwing my partner when I do that.
00:37:14
Speaker
Like I'm like, going have to. saving it all for him. Yeah, for dad and dad energy. And then when he's tired after work, he's going have to deal with like that all that stored up energy. But sometimes he can take him when he gets home and they go out and like do stuff. Or they're playing with cars in their room. And honestly, I think my husband has fun playing with the cars.
00:37:34
Speaker
Oh, yeah. I noticed this yesterday. was like, are you buying these cars yeah for you? or So, I mean, it's not always the end of the world, but it is definitely like I'm screwing you.
00:37:48
Speaker
I keep him alive. I make him food. He plays with toys. And you're giving him love. Love and presence. Connection. And that's what is with the mom's supposed to do. And it can be very snuggly, but I'm like, I know it's going to be bad later. Like, there's definitely like a karmic punishment coming at the end of the day where it's like, he's not going to go to bed till like 9.30. Yeah. Because he didn't get because he chilled all day. Yeah. Yeah.
00:38:16
Speaker
I guess that is ideal. The situation, like, today where Mike is taking the kids to the park. Yeah. And he'll get all their energy out. Yeah. That's the best. And then when they're brought back to me and Mike goes to work, they're all, like, worn out. perfect. And then we'll go, you know.
00:38:29
Speaker
Yeah. I am looking forward to going to the park later. Yeah. To socialize. Okay. To see other adults. But i have I'll have the energy to do it because... Because, yeah, the morning can really suck it out of you. Yeah, it's a lot. It's a lot. and i do love There's nothing like the morning part.
00:38:44
Speaker
But yeah when I'm with Mike working until 9 o'clock, it definitely is better for me. At night? it takes them in the morning. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I can, like, build up.
00:38:55
Speaker
You know, I can miss them. You can reset your nervous system. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Right, excited. Yeah. It is nice to be excited. Also, I find, like, with the dads, like, they get more energy out. Like, he is way more exhausted.
00:39:08
Speaker
After being with my husband, then going to the program. Yeah. Your husband's really good at doing, he's a lava monster. Yeah. Yeah. He's very, can you want to explain to the listeners? So a lava monster, which could be male or female. Yeah.
00:39:21
Speaker
Is like a weekend parent, like a parent. Have we not talked about this? Like someone who i don't think so. yeah I guess a normal person who works all week and then on the weekends, that's their only time with their child. So they play really, really hard. Yeah.
00:39:36
Speaker
Because they have, you know, they're like, this is it. This is my time. We're playing. I gotta, I gotta make every moment count. And so that can be good because then they'll do that with the other kids too. Yeah, they'll like he'll like corral all the kids on the playground and like run around with everyone. Right, and that's being a lava monster. yeah Now, I think because...
00:39:58
Speaker
Like, I wonder what – because sometimes I get annoyed with dads who have this energy. Oh, yeah. Where I'm just, like, you're laying it on too thick. Does feel too desperate? Yeah. Well, I guess at its core, it it reminds you that some people don't get to see their kids enough. So it's, like, there's this sadness. Right. There's a sadness behind it. Yeah, exactly. tinge that, like, you don't want to feel.
00:40:16
Speaker
But no, ive I think my husband, honestly, like he's just like that. Yeah. No, he has. And he's young. Like, yeah, yeah he's younger than me. yeah He's got more energy than me. He's young as in he's my age. He's Paige's young, sprightly age. And but he's also just like that. He's like that with adults, too. He's a very social person. Like, so he likes to he likes being in groups.
00:40:38
Speaker
He always wants us to go on double dates and Like he's like, he's like, ooh, now we can do like a a trip with them. like He's like already trying to figure out how to all grow as a group. He just loves groups and I love solitude and, you know, opposites attract. So there you go. You know what I like?
00:40:55
Speaker
I like interacting with two other people. And so for me, I like interacting with you and your husband yeah or with a friend and their husband, a friend their boyfriend. Or i like me and Mike and one other person. okay Okay. I like a three person dynamic for me that feels the most comfortable or just stay like at the park. I like standing around talking to two people.
00:41:16
Speaker
Yeah, that's the best. Well, three is the magic number. i mean, makes sense to me. i mean, especially in comedy. But then it makes it so double dates. Yeah. are actually not ideal. No, because you end up being two on two.
00:41:28
Speaker
Yeah. And like, so you know, the the girls can have their conversation. The boys can have their conversation. women and men end up like separated. like combo. Although sometimes all four of us talk and that's nice.
00:41:41
Speaker
When it's like the four of us in one conversation. Yeah, that's true. That's not so bad. Although maybe. I feel like I don't talk as much. But maybe it becomes three sometimes. Yeah. So it's like maybe either I fade away or you fade away. Yeah. And then there's three. There's only room for three.
00:41:55
Speaker
Yeah, three is the magic number, Paige. All right, so I'll send Dean to hang out with you two, and then yeah you can come out and hang out with me. and And then we'll never all be together, which we haven't been lately because of...
00:42:07
Speaker
Our schedule is not aligning. Like the four of us. When are we going do our trip? don't know. Where are going? I don't know. Maybe next time my husband's in the same jobs. money. great We'll just all camp out at each other's respective homes and call it a vacation. We'll like put up themed decorations and pretend like we went somewhere.
00:42:28
Speaker
Oh, okay. I mean, we live in paradise. So do we really need to go anywhere? Yeah, I know. Where would we go? People come here. Yeah. I mean, where they should look at this background. If you're listening, just imagine trees and a white sky.
00:42:46
Speaker
that the sun beautiful So my older child is most likely going to start school. Yeah. in not even the fall. Now it's August.
00:42:59
Speaker
And I worry about what we were talking about in terms of getting energy out.
School Schedules and the Need for Play
00:43:03
Speaker
Right. How is he going to do that? when they have so little time. Do they really not? They don't have recess? They have a 20-minute recess, but I think it's actually like also a snack time. Right. That's too many things at once. They're eating a snack, and then they're supposed to go run around.
00:43:26
Speaker
And then they have lunch. they have twenty is is in theory, lunch, recess. okay But I don't know.
00:43:36
Speaker
to me, that's a very short amount of time. and like there It is. So then they only have 20 minutes to eat. And if they take longer, then it's cutting into their running around time. It's also strange because you'd think they'd want a long recess.
00:43:50
Speaker
make everything easier. Oh, yeah. And the teachers knew that. I remember that from the tour. I was, like, double-checking with the teacher, the kindergarten teacher. Yeah. I was like, so they only get a 20-minute recess? And she said, it's not enough. Yeah. like this dark one. She knows. Well, so maybe that's the next – is that the next thing we should put for? yeah. It's like longer recess. Going to the board. Yeah. Homework. They need an hour with the eating and the running around.
00:44:15
Speaker
Oh, yeah. At least. Okay. When I was in elementary school – My kindergarten was different because I went to half-day kindergarten. But at least when I started at an elementary school, yeah we had morning recess, lunch, and recess. Yes. And then another afternoon recen recess. Yeah, there were three recesses, yeah.
00:44:34
Speaker
I think there were only 15 minutes in the morning afternoon ones. But even that... Still, it helps. I guess they're like, oh, the transition, so maybe that... why don't they listen to the teachers? Like, the teachers know it's not enough. Who is making these choices and why? No, because they... Because...
00:44:49
Speaker
you know academics teaching it's instruction time all they care about is instruction time it's administration yeah yeah it's bloated and mean bloated administrations are ruining this country oh yeah they're ruining this every they're ruining the whole continent maybe the whole world no caught i mean the colleges my god yeah it's so bad But this is what they're all told to do. So they they suck it up and do it. And then the kids, I imagine, are terrors. And then that's why they want to put them on iPads. I mean, they must come home and freak out. Yeah, yeah, no, that's huge. So like I'm already like gearing up, like, okay, I could immediately take them i'm gonna take them to the park like right after school. But getting there. To get it out.
00:45:31
Speaker
But then you have to deal with the transition of going there. I'm also like, well, maybe, because sometimes like my older child and I go on like a morning walk, just me and him. Yeah. And we're like going upstairs. We're getting a lot of exercise. Before school. Imagine, school starts so early. Time is eight. or Eight. You have to get there at seven. When am i like and Then he'll have to go the store we'd have to go to sleep at six like the night before. To get enough sleep. like I'm worried about him yeah getting enough sleep. I mean, he currently wakes up at, I think, the time he would need to wake up to go to school like seven or like six like in the six o'clock hour okay well so that's enough time to go for a walk i but then I have to be up you have to be up yeah sometimes I like to sleep in yeah and then and then so and then if I want to get extra sleep then I'm not gonna see him in the morning at all which I can't fathom no that's hard yeah i love waking up with my kid it's like the best thing
00:46:30
Speaker
So I was like, you have eyes. And I'm like, yes. Is it a new day? yes it is. the cutest little questions. Yeah. see if you're He doesn't wake up having milky.
00:46:43
Speaker
No, sometimes I'm trying to stop. I procrastinate. Sometimes I say yes. And then I don't do it. And he forgets. Okay. Or I say, do you want water? And he's like, okay.
00:46:55
Speaker
Cause I'm trying to wean. It's just, it's a long ass. in the morning, my younger child, like what you're describing sounds so cute. It's so cute. But my younger child, you know, he sits up, he gets milky immediately. But then it is so hard to get him to unlatch. I stop. I stop and I say we're taking a break.
00:47:14
Speaker
Like if if we're doing milky and I'm like, I can't take this anymore. I'm like, we're done. I cut him off. See, he'll just... Sometimes he freaks out. Yeah. Sometimes he freaks out, but I'm like, I i just, I have to start.
00:47:25
Speaker
I can't. Like, I physically need some boundaries. Like, I'm so sick of doing milky. I want it to end. I know. See, I never want it to end. It's really useful. It's really useful for sleep.
00:47:36
Speaker
I don't want it to end for naps. Oh, yeah. Because he would never nap. No, he would never nap.
00:47:42
Speaker
I don't know. But i will I will be devastated when I wean, so. Really? I know. One, it does things to your hormones. Yes. And I'm still doing it. I'm doing it so much that it would be a huge change. Well, you'd have to just slow. Wean very slow. Yeah. that's what I'm weaning very slow. I stopped giving of any during the day other than nap time while ago.
00:48:02
Speaker
Like no extra. Yeah, that's pretty good. Yeah. I don't know. Are you just going to keep going until? I mean, at least three. But I would, you know, it would be nice to just do it.
00:48:15
Speaker
How do you stop? You just have to start saying no. Like, is there another way to stop? i hear I hear of these kids who just don't want it anymore. And I'm like, who are these kids? that seems Is that real?
00:48:27
Speaker
Maybe it is. They've grown up. I mean, he rejected a pacifier really fast. Because it wasn't milky. think so, yeah. In like three weeks or something, he was like, screw this.
00:48:41
Speaker
Yeah. But I never thought I would co-sleep. We just, we gave up. We tried even, we' were like, maybe we'll sleep train. And we just both couldn't do it. Sleep train? We tried one time. it lasted 10 seconds. Okay. Because our doctor was trying to convince us. Oh, yeah.
Emotional Aspects of Parenting: Breastfeeding and Regulation
00:48:59
Speaker
Doctors always. She had a kid around the same age. And she was like, I'm sleeping through the night. You know, we did it, you know.
00:49:05
Speaker
She's like, I waited until one year. I wish I had done it sooner. We're like, okay. She's like, here's the sleep consultant. First of all, these sleep consultants, the whole sleep industry. Such a racket. it's They're just fraying on these vulnerable parents. It's all like rich neurotic yuppies who- We'll who just pay to make any problem go away. No, we're really werere just paying for someone to be like, it's okay to leave him in a room crying.
00:49:31
Speaker
Right, you just want to hear that. It's just not something that I have the capability. I'm not capable. It's my shortcoming. I can't. I couldn't do it. We both couldn't do it. But he also cried like we were killing him. He freaked out. It's 10 seconds and we're like, I can't do this. I can't imagine. No, no, no.
00:49:51
Speaker
No, it's bad. Yeah. But he seemed angry. And I think some kids maybe would do better with it than others. i think because Yeah. Because some are more... Personalities. Yeah, are more sensitive.
00:50:03
Speaker
Right. That is a thing. that Yeah, some kids... I mean, I remember at the library once a mom said, i just sit there and make eye talk eye contact with my kid in the crib and then she falls asleep.
00:50:14
Speaker
And I was like, is this real? her My sister said maybe she was just saying it to feel superior. I was like, that's psycho. Why would somebody lie like that?
00:50:24
Speaker
But I guess I know. Maybe she did it like, maybe she did it like literally that previous night. Yeah, maybe. She's like, all I have to do is make eye contact and my kid goes to sleep. I don't know.
00:50:36
Speaker
Did you try it? No, I was using the breast friend, you know, like, but that was fine. I mean, those are the best days. You just put them on the breast. The only problem was peeing. You could never, you'd have to like bring the breast friend to pee.
00:50:49
Speaker
But I would just sit and like watch TV while he slept on silence. Yeah. Oh, I love my old nursing pillow. That was the best. Yeah. Just carrying him. Also wearing him was great. I mean, everything seems great in retrospect. At the time, it all seemed very burdensome in some ways. But now I'm like, oh, that was so easy. But I always knew toddler would be the hardest. I mean, I've been like mentally preparing for it since I was pregnant.
00:51:12
Speaker
So I was like, this is going mess me up. But I'm glad it doesn't. I feel like it helped a lot to prepare. to but oh yeah To know in advance that it would be really hard. Yeah, to be like, I know this is going to be my weak spot because I'm bad at emotional regulation, naturally. yeah So I better start working on taking a breath or whatever. You're going to tell him to do it? Yeah, yeah yeah I'm modeling. well i just I know I didn't want to scare him that way. I didn't want to be i mean, and I still freak out sometimes. yeah It's impossible not to.
00:51:42
Speaker
i think it's impossible. but But like it's definitely less than it would have been if I just... let myself go unchecked. Right, without thinking about it. reacting blindly. Yeah. It is really hard.
00:51:55
Speaker
It's also surprising, it's just surprising when it comes up and your instinct is rage. I'm like, where is this coming from? Why do I feel this way? Right, and there's gotta to be a reason, but but I guess it's it's our like your own experience as a toddler. It must be.
00:52:11
Speaker
i don't know. I mean, I did i did go to daycare. i don't think they got mad at me. It must have been at home. Well, also my parents were younger. I mean, or maybe not than you. By the time they got to you. No, and me My mom was older than you.
00:52:25
Speaker
Yeah. I don't know. Interesting. Or maybe exactly your age. Maybe had something to do with you. Yeah. Like your body. I was like an evil demon baby. I was just annoying.
00:52:37
Speaker
You know, like, yeah, it was very chatty. I don't know. We don't have any answers.