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The Boy (Mom)s Are Back in Town
36 Plays2 months ago
Are "no boys allowed" events standard in toddlerhood? Do girls get away with more violence at the playground? Has any boy mom ever actually uttered the phrase "boys will be boys"? Rena and Paige discuss all this and more on the very first episode of BOY MOMS!
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Transcript
A Bad Day Starts with Optimism
00:00:13
Speaker
Yeah, it's happening. Okay, okay. So you said you've already had... Well, you said you've had a bad day. I've had a bad day, yeah.
00:00:25
Speaker
And it's only... It's 2.10. There's still hope. I don't you know. I feel like every day is divided into two days. So, like, my first day of today was bad.
00:00:37
Speaker
And then it was
Children's Nap Routine Challenges
00:00:38
Speaker
nap. I mean, you don't do naps anymore, so this is... No, we do. for Yeah, yeah. for For the younger child, um it's not successful every day.
00:00:50
Speaker
But we're still in that way. One of them is Chip. That's all I remember. Okay, my older child is Chip. And my younger child, wait, I thought you named the younger child.
00:01:02
Speaker
Oh, no, Charlie. Okay, Chip and Charlie. Right. charlie Chip and Charlie. Yeah, it sounds like a ah duo on, what do they call it in the 20s? The carnival actors? Oh, in the 20s, the type of theater that was popular. Vaudeville, Vaudeville. Yes, yes.
00:01:19
Speaker
They sound like a Vaudeville duo, Chip and Charlie. Yeah, Vaudeville. um Anyway, yeah, it's been a bad day.
Playground Sharing Conflicts
00:01:26
Speaker
Basically, my child, who we have yet to name, um that sounds weird, ah he's been having a lot of trouble um sharing objects with other children.
00:01:40
Speaker
Sometimes it's fine. Sometimes it's great. ah We went to the playground. Things were okay Then we took him for what's called train time at the library, and that's when it all went downhill.
00:01:54
Speaker
where he started just kind of crowding other kids and taking things from them, and it escalated, so we had to take him outside, and he was crying really loud. Then he calmed down, so I was like, okay, maybe we'll try again.
00:02:07
Speaker
You know, I wanted to give him another shot, even though I probably should have just taken him home, because if he's freaking out like that, like... It's time to go home, you know? Yes. But he's some it's happened before that he's calmed down and then had a great time for like an hour.
00:02:22
Speaker
so I was like, maybe we'll try again. He took a breath. He counted to four. He was like, let's try again. I was like, OK.
Library Visit Turns Sour
00:02:30
Speaker
And then we went inside and then he like immediately it's like freaked out trying to grab something from someone and they were like fighting over it. So I looked him up and I was taking him out.
00:02:41
Speaker
Okay, and this is what I'll say. The first time I was taking him out, there was a man in the adult section who was clearly trying to get something important done with paperwork or a book or whatever, um who looked up and glared at us while my child was crying.
00:02:59
Speaker
And I was very annoyed by that because- you didn' Why did you look at him though? You have to just never ever look at those people, right? In the adult section. now but it You have to walk through, this one' saying, the exit should be by the children's section.
00:03:14
Speaker
You shouldn't have to walk by everyone that wants quiet to take your crazy child out the door. No, it's the same at the library here. Although at least the library here, the story time area is near the exit. Yes, separate, yes.
00:03:28
Speaker
no and it's not like that at this library except for one there is a room but they don't use it for everything for kids usually they just use there's like this rug and that's it so you have to like carry your screaming child past the entire quiet section of the library he glared at me i was annoyed so i kind of pointed my child at him before i left the library which was immature, but I was annoyed. You were aiming your child? I aimed the crying towards him in retaliation. i yeah oh you were really I mean, you told me you yelled at a librarian.
00:04:04
Speaker
no, no this is that was the first time. The second time, because I gave him another chance, which I shouldn't have, because clearly i was already psycho if I did a move like that. But anyways, went inside. He
Emotional Breakdown and Public Embarrassment
00:04:17
Speaker
freaked out. I'm caring about as he's screaming at me.
00:04:21
Speaker
librarian is like, is everything OK? And I was angry because I was like, what do you think is going I was just like, he's a two year old, you know, like i And she was like, because he's being very loud. And I was like, yes, we're leaving. But I said it in a very angry way because I was clearly carrying him towards the door.
00:04:40
Speaker
yeah so there was no like, why are you even talking to me right now? We're leaving. Like, but he was too in her defense. He was extremely loud, like, like, like death, crazy cry. Like, but did she really think that you didn't know that?
00:04:57
Speaker
No, that's the thing. And then when we got outside, I'd had a headache all morning and he was he wouldn't let me put him down. He was screaming in my ear. And then I started crying and then we were all just crying because I was like, this hurts so much. My headache already really hurt. But the screaming exacerbated the headache. And I was crying.
00:05:17
Speaker
Luckily, my husband was there. So he just carried him, even though he wanted me to carry him. And then we got home. And of course, the second we get home, he was like, great, now I can play with my trains alone. do do do And he was not upset at all like and moved on immediately. you really learned a lesson from your...
00:05:35
Speaker
I just, I mean, like, what are you supposed to do at this age? Just keep them at home? I don't know. I don't know.
Isolation in Parenting Difficult Phases
00:05:41
Speaker
Also, it doesn't feel normal. When it happens, it feels like you're the only person. It just feels like you're the only person this is happening to. like In that moment, you were the chosen one, you know, but it's some other kid a different time. Yeah. Right?
00:05:56
Speaker
And he's he's having a phase right now. He's having a phase. I think it's that most kids by his age are in a thing. You know, so the activities I'm going to But there are other kids his age and they they just seem so docile to me. Even when they freak out, it doesn't seem as bad. Maybe because it's not happening to me. it's Because they're not your kids.
00:06:19
Speaker
Yeah. um Yeah, I guess so. i mean I mean, I went through this with my older child my older at this age. Yeah. At this age. And I was also and i'm very pregnant. they pregnant and it was I was crying all the time.
00:06:36
Speaker
Yeah. um And prevention and just not putting ourselves in any situations where that would happen all. What did
Preventing Conflicts and Germs at Play Sessions
00:06:47
Speaker
you do? Did you just stay home? Like, what did you do?
00:06:51
Speaker
i would avoid situations with toys, things that could be fought over as much as possible. Yes, the toys. Yeah, it's so stressful. So like, and you know, story time here, there's the story, the songs and stories, and then there's playtime.
00:07:08
Speaker
And we would just always leave before playtime, which we still do because it's just school. Yeah. Right. I thought you did that because of the germs. Yeah. Yeah. But originally, yeah, he was having trouble because when he was around this age, He was having trouble. And and then all of the other kids are much younger. So then, I mean, I know what yeah what your child looks like.
00:07:30
Speaker
He looks like a big, bad bully compared to these. Big. He's in nice beautiful. and a beautiful cherub. He's the most beautiful child in the world.
00:07:42
Speaker
but and that's why you give him so many chances. Right. yeah You fall for it. You're taken in. you know
Managing Child Behavior with Force?
00:07:50
Speaker
and he seems he seems so like mature. okay so i I think I can really speak to this because I also had like a child who could do things like count to four and like really seem like they're like, like, OK, this time it's going to be OK.
00:08:06
Speaker
And you believe in them because he's so smart, right? But- Well, and it's happened before when it has been okay. But emotional, it's like he just can't actually follow through, right? Like, because he's just not, because he's two.
00:08:20
Speaker
Right, yeah, he does not have the capability. Like, it's like, and that's, but that's where it's hard because you almost are forced into this situation where you have to use force to get them out of there.
00:08:32
Speaker
And like, it feels horrible. It feels horrible. um I don't know. Like it like affects my whole body having to like pick him up when he doesn't want to be picked up and drag him out of somewhere. Like even though I know like he needs to go. Like he obviously is having too much of a hard time with this. So I need to like rescue him from himself.
00:08:55
Speaker
But it feels horrible. Maybe it's because like we get this physical reaction from our kids crying or something. and Yeah, definitely. No, it's like the worst feeling in the world. It's It's the worst feeling. And then, yeah.
00:09:08
Speaker
And it's just been like every day there's there's stuff like this, like at some point, maybe multiple times, maybe not. And do you tell yourself like, okay, it's not going to happen this time. You wake up and you're like, today is going to be a good day.
00:09:21
Speaker
Well, how about Nita? Because it does seem like everything is going to be okay at first. Yeah, yeah you know what you mean You have this optimism and you're like, we're just going to have a fun day, you know? um We're just going to go to the playground. That's fun.
00:09:38
Speaker
It's also worse when most of the kids are a little bit younger. There's something about when kids, when they're not a baby, but they're just a little bit younger, where it's like there's just this aggression for some reason that I don't understand. Yeah, that's no. that's me So with with the older child, when he was this age and, you know, his best friend. So he would mostly be spending time with her and she is seven ish months younger than him. Yeah.
00:10:03
Speaker
ah Yeah. And then every time they hung out together, he would, you know, push her whack, you know, she would, he would get really, really mad at her very easily. And what the only nice thing about that is like, the mom was very understanding and nice about it. Yeah. Yeah.
00:10:24
Speaker
um Yeah. I mean, the parents' reaction also has a lot to do. But when they're when they're parents you don't know, I feel like it's a lot worse. So I don't, like, if you could keep them more with kids, like, that are super familiar to you.
00:10:39
Speaker
That might be easy. There's different reactions. I mean, parents reactions also annoy me when I'm like trying to tell them
Judgment from Experienced Parents
00:10:44
Speaker
something's not OK. And they're like, no, it's fine. That also bothers me. No, you can't win.
00:10:50
Speaker
You can't win with other parents. Like the only thing that really relaxes me is when they're like, he has an older sibling, so don't worry. But I'm like, oh, OK, you actually know. Yeah. love it.
00:11:04
Speaker
Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's very relaxing because when my kid was younger, i did not understand what was going on with the older kids, you know? Like, I had no concept of what it was going to be like. But yeah, it does seem like, I don't know. i be I guess I don't know a lot of girls his age, but I don't know. Do you think there's a difference?
00:11:25
Speaker
Between, your video. Like, the girl's question grabbed this much, like... oh oh Oh, you should see some of the girls. yeah the part Like three-year-old girls are really large and in charge at her playground right now. Okay, so like older.
00:11:44
Speaker
Yeah, yeah. I remember one. There was one at the playground there. with like the whatever there was one that I was like oh yeah she's a bruiser but she was like I don't know there was it didn't for some reason it just didn't come across maybe culturally it's like when it's a girl you're just like oh yeah okay oh no no the girls the girls obviously get away with way more yeah But it's hard because that our like at our park, my boys are the only boys, like ah like over the age of two.
00:12:21
Speaker
um Like my older child is obviously the only one his age. and yeah But that's because the the parents can't handle the boys and they ship them off.
00:12:35
Speaker
Right? Or they decide to have girls. they Or they, yeah, yeah, they pick they pick girls when it comes time. Yeah, yeah, that too. Which, like, I might have done so too. What did I know, you know?
00:12:48
Speaker
But I'm happy to have a boy. no and I feel like you're you're you have what you're what you're meant to have. Yeah, it's true. And we wouldn't be here today.
00:12:59
Speaker
And this podcast. What would we talk about? Well, so what's been going on? Well, you've had a bit of a day. No, I guess your husband took the kids this morning. My husband took the kids. I ran into them when I was walking around with my friend. that awkward? And they just kind of looked at me like, you're not, they were like, you're not supposed to be here was the vibe. They weren't like excited to see me. They were like, that's funny. And you are supposed to be doing something else.
00:13:29
Speaker
Right. But I got to. i found just What's been here? Any drama on the playground this week? or oh Oh, funny you should ask ask. Well, it's hard because I feel so I do think my boys are being left out because they're boys.
00:13:47
Speaker
And that wouldn't fly if it were, if they were girls. Girls. Oh, a hundred percent.
Gender Dynamics at Playgrounds
00:13:55
Speaker
Yeah. Unless, well, I guess if they'd be like, we're scared the girls are going to get hurt or something.
00:14:00
Speaker
You could be like, it's just a boy's get together because they're very physical. Maybe is the way you could get away with them. Right. Right. And if it were the choice, right. Or if the parents were given the option, like, do you really want your precious little angels getting caught up in the wrestling. And also they have like no awareness of like, like their own, like their only friends really are girls.
00:14:26
Speaker
So they don't know that they're different in any way. Like it doesn't make sense that they don't go to school or daycare, like where girls seem to go off on their own and do their girl stuff. Like that just isn't their reality because they just go to the park every day play with girls and they don't think of them as being different.
00:14:47
Speaker
um Yeah. I mean, yeah, because there's no like girls versus boys or does that come later in elementary school? I don't know. I remember I got a lot of marriage proposals in daycare.
00:14:58
Speaker
i don't know what was going on. yeah A lot of boys were asking for my hand. were You were dying for the chance to bring this up, weren't you? I had a lot of marriage proposals. I had a lot of like boys buying me presents. I don't know what was going on there. Like what parents were projecting onto us like with this weird because I was like three, know, it's weird.
00:15:22
Speaker
But I'd like boys who were like my suitors kind of thing at that age. wow. Really? you were and And you remember that? You remember being free? Yeah. I remember that. I mean, well, because I was in Dacre and then my parents took me to a different country, which shall not be named.
00:15:41
Speaker
And I, you know, everything changed and then I came back. So it was kind of a formative time for me. I learned a new language and then I came back and i felt like I was much more mature than everyone else in kindergarten because...
00:15:59
Speaker
They'd never left the country. Right. You were worldly. i was worldly. so I mean, yeah leaving the country and going to this new place. I have some memories from that because everything was suddenly different. Also, was a little traumatizing because everyone at daycare forgot who I was.
00:16:17
Speaker
they did? Yeah. When I came back, yeah, to say hi, like a year later. mean, it's a year later when they're little kids, you know. That's really sad. But i remember them because I'm the one that left, you know.
00:16:29
Speaker
Right. So. don't know. But. So you started feeling superior at a very young age. I did, yeah. At a very young age, i I saw the children giggling and playing and thought about how immature they were.
00:16:47
Speaker
Yes, I've had this complex for quite some time. I mean, my my parents being academics certainly did not help, but this contributed. Right, because you got to like bask in that, their glow, right?
00:17:03
Speaker
Right, yeah, they actually, yeah, they did the schooling to actually merit being a know-it-all. I just emulated the vibe. Like, do you feel like you taught at Harvard?
00:17:16
Speaker
Yeah, I feel like I could.
00:17:21
Speaker
and you know what? I would believe you. I would believe you. I'd be like, yeah, they're pretty I don't know. Maybe people used to get mad. Yeah. If they, if they had some quota, you needed to fill like. Some quota. Yeah. Yeah. yeah No, I'm good at speaking with conviction without any research to back it up. You, you'd think I'd be bigger online. It's like most of what's big online. Oh, you will be very soon. Very very soon. As a boy mom.
00:17:50
Speaker
Okay.
Exclusion Due to Gender and Lifestyle Choices
00:17:51
Speaker
So they're being left out. Are they at all aware that they're being left out or is it just you that's like noticing? um No, well, I mean, they they go to the park and they're like, where is everyone?
00:18:01
Speaker
And it's because they're all at this house where this party is happening for these girls. I mean, it's got to be, i don' I mean, the person organizing it, I don't know.
00:18:13
Speaker
Like, how do they feel about you? or is Is it definitely about them being boys? Who knows? Right. No, there are many, many factors. It could be me. It could be my husband.
00:18:24
Speaker
i and So wait, okay. So they didn't get invited to tea party. so are you going to have like a, ah um what's a boy equivalent of a fishing? No, you're vegan. like a Also, it might just be because we're vegan. We might not be invited to these things because we're vegan. We don't want to get a milk equivalent. It's LA. Also, we don't need that.
00:18:54
Speaker
And also we don't need any food, you know. I just want to be invited. You don't have to feed. I just want to be there. I mean, we go to like birthday parties all the time where there's not really anything we can eat.
00:19:07
Speaker
But I'm just so happy to be there. So happy. <unk> Actually, we met in an event. We met at an event that had no food for you. oh yeah, that's true. That's true. And if I hadn't looked past that, if I if I had stormed out of there, I would have I would have never met you. Right. That's right. Yeah.
00:19:30
Speaker
We wouldn't be friends if you had an even temperament.
00:19:36
Speaker
Wait, so yeah, are you going have, what's the boy equivalent of a tea party? A monster, a monster, who we're all going to go to a monster truck rally. I guess. I you were going to say monster energy.
00:19:49
Speaker
What? Monster, we're all going to drink monster energy drinks. Okay. what is so I mean, monster truck party, my child would freak the hell out if I ever took a new monster. He would like be obsessed. That would be his favorite thing we ever did. And why are you depriving him?
00:20:09
Speaker
I know we have to do it. We will. Maybe we will for his third birthday. For his second birthday, we took him on a tractor ride. That was pretty good. Okay. Then I think this is the next good obvious next step.
00:20:21
Speaker
Yeah. Next level. Yeah. When does the vehicles thing subside? Who knows? Maybe at five. Never. i i mean, my five-year-old, will still see just kind of pushing a vehicle slowly across the floor.
00:20:41
Speaker
and he played, well, he plays, he plays dash bus. So oh right for him, it's very, his, his way of playing is very literal. um And grounded, like he'll go to the park on the dash bus and then he'll come home and he'll pretend to be going to the park on a dash bus. And, you know, so he's pushing the. Well, that's good. You're reliving your experiences. Immediately. Yeah. Yeah.
00:21:10
Speaker
Yeah. Right away. in this case, it's kind of kind of a boring one, but just to him just going up the hill. Yeah. I mean, that's good. Yeah. Not to him, not boring. One, good that it's not dramatic, like our lives here in the busy, disgusting, stinky streets of Brooklyn.
00:21:29
Speaker
bless You're moving back. mean, like next week. so
00:21:36
Speaker
We'll see. a Look, if my husband can get a job, we'll be back. right now? Okay. So right now, boy moms, though, is meant to represent a boy mom from each host. Yeah.
00:21:49
Speaker
Yeah. Certainly nowhere It's kind of better for the podcast if we stay, like, because then we get both coasts in a way. But it's not. But then we can record in person.
00:22:01
Speaker
it is better. We'll see what that whatever is meant to be. i can really look in your eyes when you're talking, you know. Yeah, i know. Instead of doing this. Someone told me they saw my parenting. I forget what term she used, but I was like community-based or whatever I'm like, that I stopped my son from hitting other kids. was like, what? Community-based parenting? She's like, yeah.
00:22:29
Speaker
Something, was like, what? Why do they have to have a name everything? God. I don't know. Because she said most people are like, boys will be boys and just let them do anything. That is not true. I've never seen anyone do that. Was this a person?
00:22:48
Speaker
They're from a red state and they moved here. So maybe that was their experience in the red state. Oh, okay. I could see that. I guess. But also they're they're more like authoritarian. Yeah.
00:23:01
Speaker
Like, like how how I know that we have tourists from the Midwest that are a park or not even from the Midwest, just somewhere else. Is it like, I'll hear like a parent like yell at their kid and I'll be like, what is happening? like all policea oh no And it's just because there's like a guy visiting from Nevada or whatever with his kid. Yeah.
00:23:25
Speaker
So like they keep, they keep maybe in a way they keep their boys in line. Yeah. I mean, the nannies do that here for sure. They yell. Yeah, yeah, yeah. They talk very friendly.
00:23:35
Speaker
And I think have expectations that I'm like, that kid's not going understand. Like, it's like, like there was a boy who was crying, definitely under two, that she, he kept trying to take someone's toy. And she was like, that's not your toy. No, it's not. No, it's not. And he was like cry and crying, crying. she was like, it's not yours.
00:23:55
Speaker
Like, I can't, I mean, I respect that because that's just the truth. And like, well, and it was complicated rules, too. was like, now you can use it because that like confusing things about when people's turns were happening and stuff.
00:24:09
Speaker
But also, like, I feel like, can you really grasp ownership at that age, you think? But it was true. I mean, that's the thing. And the nannies influenced me, too, because I'm like, should I be harder on him? They're so hard on them. Like the way they talk they when they're crying, they're very like.
00:24:26
Speaker
harsh even though the kid is crying you know there's no like empathy right you're kind of like getting you're trying to like get on their level in a way right yeah well when they're the only other adults at the playground it's like you're that's what's going on you know you're all kind of like in it together don't know so you're like code switching like this is your It's hard not to feel judged if I'm like not hard enough on him when they're around. Cause like I can feel there their. judgment. Disciplines. Yeah. Their judgment.
00:25:06
Speaker
And their judgment in many ways. I mean, also, cause I can't hire them. That's like, so I'm just like useless. Like. And do they they know that? You know that you're not going to hire them.
00:25:17
Speaker
I think they know. Yeah. Yeah. Like, they're not they're not sucking up to you. Yeah. The nannies here know that I am not going to hire you. Yeah, yeah. There's one that tried the other day.
00:25:32
Speaker
was like, don't you want a an a date night? You know, i was like, we'd love a date night, but we're not. And I'm like... It's not going to happen, you know? Yeah, yeah, yeah. um But she that she was not from that playground. like So she didn't recognize me. She was like a new person I talked to. Oh, I see. I see.
00:25:51
Speaker
Yeah. And I was like, I'm sorry. Like, it's like, I know you need the money. I need the money too. you know, like we it was like two people talking to each other in the same scenario. Like, it's like, we need money, you know? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.
00:26:05
Speaker
I was like, I literally cannot help you. um No, but the other ones I'm sure know, because it's not, I saw one of them totally switch it up with a mom that clearly was like higher income. Yeah.
00:26:18
Speaker
And she's like, hi. was like, I've never heard her talk to anyone. She's never food i think she never reached that octave before with you. yeah you But they're not they're not mean. They're just like, but i don't know. One of them was sitting on the park bench and she was like, get up. Because I was next to her stroller and I was like, whoa.
00:26:36
Speaker
But it was a very crowded thing at the park. I know, She said get up? To you? Yeah. Yeah. To me, because it was the spot that was next to their stroller. Like that, you know, but i probably I admit I was like crying if that happened. I didn't cry. i have become a New Yorker in that sense where I'm like, all right, whatever. Like, i I don't know. Stuff like that.
00:27:02
Speaker
But he but so i texas wise be it would be so shocking here. Like, I feel like i would be i am like I'm more direct than most people here. so like yes i think i'm the but it also the playground gets insane in the afternoons like it's just a stressful situation it's like rush hour at the playground like the school gets out all the daycares gets out it's like it feels like at least 50 kids in like this tiny lot like playground you know so every playground is like just mayhem and they're really
00:27:38
Speaker
I don't know, but that's the one that's close to us. And I should probably stop going there in the afternoons. I think I should probably try to do it. Well, I mean, it doesn't I mean, there's drama no matter where we go. But yeah, that that that that's a little rough. That's just my own laziness in the afternoon, I think, that i don't want to walk for 20 minutes to the other playground.
00:28:02
Speaker
okay so he has he also number time in the afternoon. with With the sharing? No, has a tough time no matter what. It's tough.
00:28:13
Speaker
Okay. It's literally just bad right now. Okay, all you can do. Okay. you like What? finish Finish what you're saying. Well, i was just going to the other day,
00:28:27
Speaker
he like i stopped him from pushing this kid. And then a couple minutes later, he like picked up this red straw from the ground and ran to the kid and brained him. Like um not hard because it's a straw. It didn't hurt him. But it was like clearly premeditated and clearly like I didn't get to push him before.
00:28:48
Speaker
now now I'm going to get it done. You know, like like and I thought, you know, it's like really there's a lot. so usually it's good for about half an hour and then it takes a turn. Like it's like.
00:29:00
Speaker
And I don't know why he's eating enough. He's sleeping enough. There's some kind of regression going on, I think. This is about when I would be Googling like,
00:29:12
Speaker
Boot camp for three-year-olds, military school three-year-olds. I just look up, I'm like, is it normal? You know, or I'm like reading Reddits, these horrible Reddits where people are like, I'm starting to dislike my kid. i'm like, that's not, it's not how I feel. yeah no. But like...
00:29:34
Speaker
But I'm like, okay, but they are doing the same thing. Like there's other kids doing the same thing. i think it's just their brain grows and suddenly it's like everything, all the tools of being themselves are new again and they have to like relearn everything and it's harder every time.
00:29:51
Speaker
um but But I don't know what strategy to use. I mean, some strategies work sometimes, but like, Lord knows, feels like everything I'm doing isn't working.
00:30:04
Speaker
Or this, I mean, I think I can't fight this. It's just human development. don't know. you just, I think you mostly just have to get through this. But like for your own cortisol levels, like ah like avoiding toys, like at least, like if there is a playground with toys, just don't don't go there. Like, right?
00:30:25
Speaker
There is no playground that's safe from toys here. Really? It's crazy. Really? Yes, toys and also like like motorized children's vehicles.
00:30:37
Speaker
No, it's horrible. People have. Isn't, okay. we've been It's crazy. The playground is the toy. why do but I mean, I've been saying this. Yes, you don't need the toy. Yes.
00:30:49
Speaker
So you, why do you need, but we bring toys. You need toys now defensively because if everybody else has toys and you want them not to freak out, they need to trade a toy to swap toys. If he, if he can trade a toy and swap toys, it could be a good time. They both play with each other's toys. No matter what, you are increasing the number of toys. And by increasing the number of toys, you are increasing the opportunities for conflict. Yeah, but when other people have a toy... No, but I'm telling you, when other people have a toy and he doesn't have a toy, it's we can't stay there.
00:31:26
Speaker
We have to leave. Like, it's not... it's it He cannot divert his attention from that toy. It's over. I'm trying to remember how old my older child was when i got him into... Like, it just became...
00:31:43
Speaker
a known thing that he did not mess with any toy at the playground for a while. Like he just didn't touch him. I think when he was like three. Yeah. There'd be like two toys. Like, it's like, this is like dozens of toys. And sometimes people leave toys at the playground that they're just toys that live at the playground.
00:32:04
Speaker
Like, and there's just toys there like, and balls, like, Yeah. And yeah, the other day there were these motorized bikes. Motorized.
00:32:18
Speaker
Anyway, yeah, no, there's no there's no winning. But yeah, maybe it will just only go to the other playground for a while and see how it goes. And just being around lots of kids.
00:32:32
Speaker
Like. He's probably also just overstimulated by the number of children, right? Yeah, it might just be too many kids. I mean, this morning it was, there were like maybe eight kids at the playground.
00:32:46
Speaker
And then there were like eight or nine more kids at the library. I don't know. Wait, eight or nine kids at the train time? Yeah, it wasn't a ton.
00:32:59
Speaker
But they were playing with the trains. Like, it's the objects. Like, he just wants to grab the things from the other kids. How far are you? My toy. Mine.
00:33:09
Speaker
but Could you just go to Prospect Park and have him run around to get an idea? There's a playground on that's there's a playground that's like at the bottom. Oh, you mean just like a field? Yeah, like I'm just i'm i there are fields yeah that don't involve lots of other kids.
00:33:29
Speaker
Right. Yeah, it's like a 20 minute walk. Yeah, maybe we should go. it But then I don't see anyone all day. It's like depressing, but Yeah, we could go. We could go to the um the parade ground is what it's called.
00:33:43
Speaker
Yes, yes. I know what you're talking about.
00:33:47
Speaker
But yeah, we could go there. And when, you know, when they when he's indoors... Well, I don't know. Yeah, maybe things have just got he's just in a new phase.
00:33:58
Speaker
It really wasn't like this before. Like he'd have small conflicts. But then when I told him to share, he'd give the other kid a toy and it was fine. Like, but now all of a sudden, it's just like gotten way worse and way more separation anxiety.
00:34:12
Speaker
i don't know if you're having that with your is your kid. Is Charlie exhibiting anything similar? They're similar age. Right. he's Yeah. So he's one month older then than your child.
00:34:27
Speaker
um And there just aren't nearly as many opportunities for this kind of fun. ah Like there are toys at the playgrounds. There's a like there are scooters.
00:34:40
Speaker
There are objects. um But it's like the other kids – are the ones hitting him i over, over the object. Okay.
00:34:53
Speaker
ah But there, he also has a different personality. He's just so, well he's, he's a little angel is the thing. He's so sweet. Yeah. That's the thing. Yeah.
00:35:06
Speaker
So I think if you just, he's just a little, seveny kid maybe you'll get a, you'll get a sweet one. I mean, he's awesome. My kid's an angel, but he's like he's like an angel of destruction.
00:35:20
Speaker
Right. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And that's how, I mean, you know how my older child is. And a lot of the stuff you're doing. Yeah, he's similar to that. Yeah. It's like that. strong will. You have like get that out. Like that's like the first try first try a kid, you know, or just like. But we can't have it. I mean,
00:35:40
Speaker
But we can't. We're too. We can't afford to have another kid. and so So you're stuck. you're You're stuck with this one who, again, is one of the greatest children I've ever met. Although yeah he would probably love to have a sibling. I mean. i don't know. He's very social. yeah That's the thing. It's like he loves going up to other people. But now I have to guard.
00:36:02
Speaker
But I don't want to project this like negativity like he's going to do something bad. So I don't want to hover. But I also want to like be there if he's going to do anything. i don't know. I don't know. Yeah, Charlie really is just like a little angel. And he and he's done stuff to me when he's been frustrated. And he'll sort of he's kind of gently moved other kids away from him like sure Like at the playground. um But that's... The younger children also are like... It's different. It's different. Yeah. They're like... They're along for the ride.
00:36:40
Speaker
He's just... And he's so much... He's so much more resilient um because he's had to deal with the abuse of his older sibling. Older. Right.
00:36:52
Speaker
Yeah. That's right. They get it already at home. So it's like they've been through the other side of it. Like... ah Yeah. Yeah. It's just, it's, it's, it is. trying not to like, with yeah.
00:37:06
Speaker
But I would freak out. I would freak out about this stuff like all the time. I was on Reddit and it was so on on on Reddit. I feel like they're always like, I can't, but like, if this child hit my child at the playground and like, and then all the comments would be like, oh, oh, how could that happen? Like you, you stand up for your child. Like it's so much worse to be the hitter than,
00:37:30
Speaker
have them be the victim yes no and also reddit's find a lot of reddit is also like i don't like my kid why did i have a kid and i'm like that's not how i feel though either that or yeah they're on the side of like the kid who's been hit yeah for sure and then if you if you look i mean toys at the playground people are always like well why don't you just teach your kids to share Yes.
00:37:58
Speaker
And it's like they literally can't don't have the actual capability of doing that until they're like perfectly until they're like three and a half or four. Like, really?
00:38:09
Speaker
Yeah. Yeah. They're not like able to they can take turns. And even that it's like my kid gets really confused because he knows the rule of taking turns is like you take a turn and you give it back.
00:38:21
Speaker
But then when kids don't want to share, he's like. But that's the rule. Like we take turns, you know, so then it's all just confusing because no one's following the rules. But then other kids are like going through other stuff and they need their toys. You know, they don't want they don't always want to share their toys. And then that's hard. And yeah, anyway. OK, in summary, in summary, yeah we're both having some major some major issues related to parenting at the moment and yours is.
00:38:53
Speaker
are related to your child's frequent assaults on other children, right? And then- Yeah, meltdowns, exosults. In my my case, it's the the, not even other moms. The mom. Moms and nannies. Nannies.
00:39:15
Speaker
But as usual, men are perfect. and And boys are perfect. That's why they rule the world. That's what we're trying to get across with this podcast called Boy Moms. Boy Boss. It's Boy Moms. Boy Boss.
00:39:31
Speaker
and I say bring back the boys. If you're doing IVF, pick boy, okay? Because or else there's going to be an imbalance. Too many of you are picking girls. Let's pick some boys.
00:39:43
Speaker
Yes.