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The Old Boy Moms Who Lived in a Shoe
15 Plays8 days ago
Rena and Paige discuss some new and improved nursery rhymes, Rena's encounter at a Cool Parent Park, and Paige's failure to follow her #1 playground rule.
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Transcript
Introduction: Favorite TV Shows & Haters
00:00:10
Speaker
So Paige. Welcome back to Boy Moms. We're doing great. On this very special episode, we are going to talk exclusively about all of our favorite TV shows When we were growing up. but Have you guys heard enough about that?
00:00:30
Speaker
ah That's a direct comment to one of our many haters. Oh, yes. We have a lot of them. We have mostly just haters. and To be fair, he is also a fan. I'm going to get a a phone call immediately if I only say that this person is a hater.
00:00:46
Speaker
Oh, yeah. He's also a fan. Some of your biggest fans can also be some of your biggest haters. If you've ever been exposed to fame the way we have. You'll know. and hate comes from love. You can't hate if you don't love. totally. Yeah.
Redefining Nursery Rhymes
00:01:01
Speaker
Paige is excited about this book. Today I brought a book. Okay. It's called Father father Gander's mostly arrive Nurse So i got i got this book on an accident ah at the library I thought it was just a book of nursery rhymes. I just saw nursery rhymes and I just started flipping through it.
00:01:23
Speaker
It looks like it's just going to be nursery rhymes. Paige hasn't told me anything about this book. So so it if you take a closer look at it, which doesn't take much, honestly. oh yeah This book came out in, I think, 1985. 1985. it was ahead of its time because it done an award it is advertised as a non-racist, non-violent, non-sexist Book of nursery rhymes. Mother Goose nursery rhymes rewritten.
00:01:51
Speaker
Positive rhymes for kids. Of all kinds. So I just thought I would read some. Okay. Just to uplift the people. I'd like to know what kinds of kids we're talking about here.
00:02:03
Speaker
Paige stole it from the library. I checked it out. She checked it out. Okay. I'm going to bring it back. skipping over the forward? Okay. Yeah. I mean, I just want to go. want to know what the backstory is. Maybe after.
00:02:17
Speaker
Okay, so we'll we'll just do, let's start with one that everybody knows. Okay. Okay. This is called Jack and Jill Be Nimble. Jack be nimble. Jack be quick.
00:02:29
Speaker
Jack jump over the candlestick. Jill be nimble. Jump it too. If Jack can do it, so can you. Okay. Are you feeling inspired? I like it, yeah. I mean, there's, and there's simply nothing wrong with that. We can jump too.
00:02:44
Speaker
Which we already knew. Maybe I should rhyme all the time. Okay, I'm trying to find. Little maid, little lad. What's that? Little maid, pretty maid. Where goest thou?
00:02:56
Speaker
Down in the meadow. Oh, go, go, go. No, keep going. You're doing great. To milk my cow, shall I go with thee? no not now. When I send for thee, then come thou. Okay, this sounds like they didn't change a thing. Little lad, handsome lad, goest thou to? to also milk the cow.
00:03:14
Speaker
I'm off to the touch pasture, my own work to do. Shall I go? Okay. What? Okay. So boys and girls up both milk cows? I don't know what the other one is like. They keep adding. They're just adding. if it's about a silly girl, they add a silly boy.
00:03:30
Speaker
if it's about like a strong boy, add a strong girl. okay Just to make They can all do it. Exactly. Hold on. There's one I really got to do. Okay.
00:03:44
Speaker
I notice there
Parenting Philosophies & Child Behavior
00:03:45
Speaker
isn't one about being president in here. I mean, don't go crazy. ah
00:03:56
Speaker
The illustrations are pretty. No, I like they're very comforting. Oh, okay. I like this one. Okay. Mr. And Ms. Pumpkin Eater. Hmm.
00:04:09
Speaker
Peter, Peter, pumpkin eater, had a wife and wished to keep her. Treated her with fair respect. She stayed with him and hugged his neck. Okay. Do you know the original version of that?
00:04:21
Speaker
What, does he beat her? but Peter, Peter, Peter? I gotta look it up because mike Mike was like, oh yeah, everybody knows it. What? But this one didn't... i don't know that one. Yeah. But i don't know almost any of these, to be honest.
00:04:33
Speaker
They didn't either? Jack and Jill went up the hill to fetch a pail of water. that's ah a jo Jack fell down... And Jill came tumbling. I mean, it seemed like they were both carrying the pail. She came tumbling after? Oh, because she's behind him?
00:04:46
Speaker
That's sexist? Yeah, I don't know. I mean, they're both carrying the pail to fetch water. That actually seems totally fine. I don't know.
00:04:58
Speaker
What do you see in there? Peter, Peter, pumpkin eater, had a wife but couldn't keep her. He put her in a pumpkin shell, and there he kept her very well. Oof. Peter, Peter, pumpkin eater had another and didn't love her.
00:05:13
Speaker
Peter learned to read and spell. And then he loved her very well. Because he could read and spell? Because he was illiterate. He wasn't nice to his wife. Is there research to back this up? Is and the more educated someone is, the less they're going to be abusive to their partner? Is that... that Is that...
00:05:35
Speaker
they'll be They'll just be abusive in like sneakier ways. Also, he had one that he put in a pumpkin. wow What happened to her? but Are we just trying to get kids to learn to read and spell with this? Is this the motivation?
00:05:48
Speaker
And what's the shelf life of a pumpkin shell? Like, aren't wild animals going to come and start biting it Maybe that's how it ended for for the first one. For her.
00:05:59
Speaker
Yeah. Okay, this says that Peter got his GED.
00:06:05
Speaker
His GED. Yeah. Because it's like you can't just learn to. You can just go to school. like they They suspect that he got his GED. Okay.
00:06:15
Speaker
It's very specific. I mean, today geed don't we learn to read and spell in like first grade? GED is a high school degree, is it not?
00:06:27
Speaker
Peter's puffed up attitude was a sign of his inferiority, not his adequacy. Okay. No, this actually makes sense because it probably made him insecure and that's why he was abusive.
00:06:39
Speaker
Oh, right. He just needed confidence. Yeah. Men just need confidence to not abuse women. That's true. That's how you're always saying hope you're building up your You're always saying. I mean, he's totally full of himself.
00:06:50
Speaker
Yeah. Your son? Yeah. He's always so walking around talking about how he's big and strong. That's true. I came in. He wasn't wearing a shirt. He didn't care. He seemed proud of that belly.
00:07:02
Speaker
Yeah, he likes his belly. Who wouldn't? And then i tried to hold him so that you and your husband could do some things. By which I mean get batteries. he wouldn't let me. Maybe it's like a cat. You have to like let him come to you.
00:07:22
Speaker
i do feel like when yeah when i first when we first reunited, he seemed very to gave you a hu enthusiastic But now he's over. I think the novelty is going off. The novelty. Yeah, maybe.
00:07:36
Speaker
I don't know. he's He's hit or miss with the physical hugs and stuff. like Why are my kids so... My kids are like very physically affectionate with other... Other people?
00:07:47
Speaker
Like, not strangers, but other adults they know that much. I don't know that much. They hug you. You stand back and you hold your hands in the air and you say, get off of me. But they do hug you. You beat them with a stick every time they reach for you. I mean, they're very cute, but I don't really initiate. But I'm also weird with... Is it weird that I do that with people's kids? No, I think it's fine. I mean, it's your comfort. I think it's weird that I don't.
00:08:18
Speaker
I think it's weird you don't. I think it's weird, but I have, i have like, what is it? Avoidant attachment where I don't even, I barely, when I saw you for the first time, you were like, I gave you a side hug. You were like a side hug. Oh yeah. And I was like, well, that was when you moved back. Yeah.
00:08:35
Speaker
And I was like, okay, i guess a real hug. But some may say, i some might say that I require too much affection. Paige, no, nobody says that. Don't, don't, don't let that be talking. here we go with
Body Image & Self-Esteem
00:08:49
Speaker
the crying on the podcast okay tell me more are you maybe maybe you're trying to fill some kind of let's read those comments okay they all talk about what they say about my small head but we can all tell the page wasn't loved to enough my small head are you crazy i've never thought that about you but now i it's all you can see
00:09:12
Speaker
I have a very small head. I have a huge head. but you know But why do I, like Mike has a huge head. He does? Yes. See, I don't know his head size. It's all you're going to see from really here on but your head doesn't look particularly small. No, I have a small head. You have a small face. It's all to scale. Everything's to scale.
00:09:32
Speaker
I think I have big, broad shoulders. Paige. No, this isn't about – our hater is not going to like this. It's athletic. We're allowed to talk about boy moms. Okay. So we can only talk about my shoulders as it relates to being a boy mom. Well, do you think – Has it made your kids more athletic? Are they going to go into football? No, they have no athletic ability at all. They climb well. They just don't get back down overnight.
00:09:54
Speaker
Oh,
Parenting Challenges in Public Spaces
00:09:55
Speaker
you should have seen what happened to poor sweet little young child. No. Yesterday, he fell for the ropes. No. I couldn't... I mean, I'm going to choose to blame everyone else who was at the park, who was watching and didn't help me at all. Oh, no.
00:10:12
Speaker
But he he just... He was way, he was so proud of himself. He got way up to the very top. Yeah. He's like above the top of the ropes. Whoa. And I was just like, I think the only way he's going to come down is by falling because i can't, I couldn't figure out how to get him down. Like I, so eventually I was like, okay, I'm just going to climb up there and and I'm going like reach for him with one hand um he would But I also knew if he fell, it wasn't going to be that big of a deal. Right. It's ah it's a boingy floor. He didn't go splat.
00:10:45
Speaker
well he had He hit the ropes on the way down. and oh God. And then went splat. but So he was he was scared. Because it was a long way to fall. Yes, that's really hard. So he he was pretty freaked out. I would have been terrified. tear of my heart My heart was racing. Nobody got up to help you?
00:11:03
Speaker
um yeah just I mean, after after they fell, i i was just hugging him. Were they having a very engrossing conversation on the bench? No, no, no. They were just sitting there like, oh, Paige trying to help her child.
00:11:20
Speaker
Anyway. I think at that point he had already fallen and I was comforting him and I guess they couldn't do it. Are you bad at asking for help? Because I'm bad. Like my pride gets in the way.
00:11:31
Speaker
Yeah, i not I'm not normally bad at asking for help. But i don't know. But maybe you think you don't need it sometimes. I thought I think i thought i wanted to prove. like I think maybe part of me felt bad that I let him go all the way up there. So you're like, I did this, so I need to fix it. what sam Okay.
00:11:53
Speaker
I forgot what we were talking about. Uh-oh. Well, do we have anything else we want to say about this book? About the nursery rhymes? I mean, what do you think about updating? i mean, nursery rhymes are weird, and I don't know the point of them, honestly. It's just for syncopation and learning words. like Yeah, no, nursery rhymes are great.
00:12:12
Speaker
I know the old woman in the shoe, but I forget the story. Is that in there? I'm sure it is. is it Is it an old man and a in a high-heeled shoe that goes to work? Yeah.
00:12:27
Speaker
Okay. You ready? Yeah. The old couple who lived in a shoe. but Now they're not ah it's not an alone person? Okay. There was an old couple who lived in a shoe. They had so many children, they didn't know what to do.
00:12:39
Speaker
So they gave them some broth and some good whole wheat bread and kissed them all sweetly and sent them to bed. There's only one issue I don't understand. If they didn't want so many, why didn't they plan? Ooh.
00:12:55
Speaker
But who is has... This is so 80s feminism. like But I find it actually that's really sexist because the person who's stuck with the planning is the woman.
00:13:06
Speaker
Well, they said they. Yeah, why didn't they plan? But she's the one who would have to go get birth control or whatever, like, ultimately. i mean, he could he could just pull out.
00:13:18
Speaker
I mean, that's what we do. Did. Didn't do. Yeah. It works. Yeah. I forgot the camera was here. Good. That's good. That's what you should be. I feel like I'm chatting with an old friend. We're just hanging out. Very close to each other. Okay, wait. I did. Wait. I tried to collect some boy mom stories specifically for the podcast. So we took the bus to the playground. Oh, this is Saturday. Saturday. Yes. Busy day on the playground.
00:13:45
Speaker
Just you and your child. Just me and my child. okay No husband. Husband had the car. Took the bus in LA, which as you know, not a lot of people do. or Yeah, it's great. Yeah. And it goes right there. was good.
00:13:59
Speaker
um And we went. there was It was very busy Saturday with lots of kids and parents. you know Weekend parents. As you call them, weekend parents. Lava monstery. I don't know. But i there how lava monstery. I feel like those parents aren't very lava monstery because they're too cool. They're like. They're too cool. Yeah. Standing with their arms folded. No, I had a weird class moment where like on the bus I felt like everyone was like, you're you shouldn't be on the bus because you're like.
00:14:25
Speaker
You look like you're a mom. You're like a white mom with her kid. Like, was like, kind of like, what are you doing? And then I got to the playground. Like, I felt too upper class for the bus and i too lower class for that playground because I was like wearing leggings and not linen pants or whatever. Caught in the middle. Yeah.
00:14:40
Speaker
Yeah, caught the co in between the ever disappearing security or the class.
Navigating Social Codes Among Parents
00:14:45
Speaker
Yeah. Here we are. We are in the middle class. We are the only people in the middle class. It's just me and Paige. It does feel like that in LA. Like you're the only other person I know who has a kid and like doesn't really have any money. Struggles. Yeah.
00:14:59
Speaker
yeah although I did kind of code switch like I asked one of the moms uh if her shoes were Rothy's and like her told her demeanor completely changed because I knew what Rothy's were oh you're you can talk about how they're machine she was like no I actually i got this other brand that's even better than Rothy's and she told me to look it up and then I would i wrote it down somewhere I don't remember She was like, they might be more expensive than Rothy's. They're not. But underneath that, she was like, but you look like you could afford. Right, something. But she said she had them for five years and they looked new. Oh, that's great. So I was like, oh, maybe I will get those shoes. Like, I don't know. But yeah, so she, her kid had a lot of toys, lots of cars. And I feel like I said something where I thought I was saying the right thing. And then I was like, this might have come off really passive aggressive parent because like,
00:15:52
Speaker
they let my kid play with one of the cars yeah and then the boy didn't want to share the other cars. So I said out loud, like, no, he doesn't want to share those cars. you You just get this car.
00:16:03
Speaker
But I feel like she took it as me being like, he doesn't want to share those cars. Like, it was just not how I meant it. I was trying to maintain that other kid's boundary that like, sometimes there's things you don't want to share and he is sharing one of them, you know, but then I was like, oh no, I've like,
00:16:19
Speaker
How does she react to you saying that? I just think she was worried that, I don't know, there was just like weird things where I was like, this doesn't have to be, this feels more stressful than it should.
00:16:31
Speaker
Well, so many people here do do the thing where they're saying something to their kid, but they're really saying it. To the parent, yeah. And I realized, I was like, oh no, I really was saying that to my kid, but I was saying it in this voice when I'm trying to be clear to my kid that also sounds booming and like I'm sending a message to other people around me, but I didn't mean it that way. It's just...
00:16:52
Speaker
whatever i'm gonna give you some notes okay some line read like a line reading oh okay wait like as an actor i'm not ready for this the mother of a really good actor oh i feel qualified for this yeah um just have
Friendship Dynamics
00:17:08
Speaker
to say it more casually like that just play with that one you did that's the one he's sharing with you right you just have to say say it so tossed off That it doesn't, it's obvious that it's not like a passive aggressive thing. Oh, yeah, yeah, okay. You have to toss it. Just play with that one. Yeah. He doesn't want to share those. She's just straight. No, I still sound bad. You have the Karen in you that maybe makes hard. sound Karen-y and I also cut my hair, so I look Karen-y. I look more Karen-y now. I mean, it's not so A-line, but like, you know, it's like a step. You know, if I go Bixie, it's going to be full Karen. Yeah, you're on a slippery slope. I'm on a path of Karen blossoming. Plus, obviously, the perimenopause is not helping my case with the occasional bouts of rage.
00:17:53
Speaker
But I'm going to go on hormones, I think. I don't know. We'll see. Someday. ASAP. I mean, i don't know. When our new healthcare care whatever kicks in, probably.
00:18:06
Speaker
Why, you don't think I need it? No. I think the perimenopause thing... but I mean, we can blame anything. I just read that the number one symptom of perimenopause is anxiety. getting older.
00:18:20
Speaker
Well, don't I seem anxious, Paige? Well, you were before, right? um I don't know. i don't remember anything from the before times. Like before you had a child? Oh, no. i'm I would say it's hard to say because my husband got way more anxious after we had a kid.
00:18:35
Speaker
Oh. So it's like, he used to be the one who would be like, everything's fine. you know, like he would be the one chilling me out. But now we're both. And you're like out anxious in each other. Yeah. So it's just, it's like a never ending. Yeah. Yeah. You watch us just be insane. Yeah. ah We like, are you watching? They like go into another room and then they're like, who's watching our kid? Who's watching our kid? I'm like, he's in another room in your house. What do you mean? What do you mean? We're scared.
00:19:03
Speaker
What is gars he going to do? Yeah, he had posted. mean, I let my kid fall from a very dangerous way. That's true. I would have been terrified. I would have been like, you can't go. you i don't know what I would have done. i don't know what I would have done. i would have been so scared.
00:19:16
Speaker
You would have like told. i mean, if I'd been there. and I guess if you had been at the park yesterday. Maybe I would have been there. I probably would have recruited you. musted oh so with me, you feel comfortable asking for help.
00:19:28
Speaker
Yeah, maybe that's it. Well, it's different. What's different there? That I am closer to you than the other people. Oh, I made her say it. You're my best friend in the whole world. I made her say it.
00:19:43
Speaker
Now we're going to have to get necklaces, Paige. like did Maybe my locket will just be two pictures of you. Is it pictures of your kids? Yeah. Wow. That's so cute. Yeah. I'll be able to see them.
00:19:57
Speaker
it's like it Look at what happened to the one on the right or and the one on the left. Oh my god Wait, which one is is the right one? The older one? Yeah. Okay. That's good. You recognize. Yeah. I mean, obviously the left. i can Yeah. Maybe it should just be, maybe it should just be you and me.
00:20:12
Speaker
babies.
00:20:15
Speaker
Oh, maybe that should be our poster for the podcast. Oh, that's a classic thing. Yeah. i feel like that's a good, that's a good idea in a way. Moving I can't say what you're saying.
00:20:27
Speaker
Wait, so what else what else from the... From the playground? Yeah. I mean, that was pretty good. The one across from the puppet theater, right? Yeah, yeah, yeah. I mean, the two parents knew each other because their kids went to school together.
00:20:39
Speaker
But my kid was playing with them. So I felt like I had no choice. It's like sometimes your kids, you've like no choice but to interact with these other parents who are like clearly on a play date with each other. Yeah, hear like that can be true. Well, I'm here
Neighborhood Changes & Class Differences
00:20:51
Speaker
sorry too. but Sorry, I'm interrupting. Sorry, my kid loves your children. Do you love them or their toys?
00:21:00
Speaker
I don't think there's much of a difference right now. I mean, they talked about the toys. i mean, you talked to the boy about the toys, which, you know, had references to movies that I won't talk about.
00:21:14
Speaker
Were you wearing that shirt? This shirt? Yeah. No. Because that's a good yuppie shirt. I know. I was not wearing good yuppie clothes. Because I didn't, I don't know. i i i think maybe we were down to like last clothes laundry wise. Yeah.
00:21:27
Speaker
So i was like, I've just got to wear leggings and whatever t-shirt I can find. and But it's in your blood. Like, no matter what, you can you can pass. like can code switch. Because you have, like, you went to private school. Semi-private. And you have...
00:21:45
Speaker
but and you have Yeah. I can code switch. Your dad has a Wikipedia. Can we say that? Oh, can I say that? mean, it's the coolest thing about wikipedia article so like It's my biggest credit. But the Wikipedia doesn't mention me.
00:21:59
Speaker
I mean, it says he has to be kids. Yeah. yes That's you. Yeah. but You need your name linked to your own Wikipedia. It would be cool. But he didn't, you know, you need someone else to make a Wikipedia of you.
00:22:11
Speaker
Do you know who made his? Yeah, it's one of his students. That's nice. It was nice. I know. It was really sweet. He's had some really sweet students over the years. One year, someone gave him an alabaster apple. Like, you know, you give your teacher an apple. wow. I know. He was beloved.
00:22:27
Speaker
He was. He was. Yeah. He did a lot of interesting research. But that's that's in you, you know. he Right. He lives on through me.
00:22:38
Speaker
but that But also that makes you... Oh, because of the Wikipedia. yeah Oh, I'm high status. Not in Hollywood, but you know if I ever want to get into the academic circles, I could probably bullshit my way in But I shan't. You speak the language. I can pretend. I can pretend. Yeah, but that's the code switching. yeah But it's different. Yeah, LA.
00:23:02
Speaker
People were a lot more pared down. But maybe I was in a different neighborhood in Brooklyn. But it was way more chill in terms of like status stuff. In Brooklyn. Yeah, it felt like people less. Well, you lived in like a normal, your exact neighborhood.
00:23:19
Speaker
Yeah, was a normal neighborhood. Or it felt middle class. But there was a mix. like But yeah, it felt middle class to me. More so than this one. I mean.
00:23:30
Speaker
And then you were so, I mean, you would get these comments on threads about how you were gentrifying neighborhood. Oh yeah, Brooklyn, yeah. But you don't have money. doing I think it's just, I mean, i was I really worked to try to be respectful of the community that was there and not, you know, I don't know. Yeah. I think it's just a general feeling of people watching their neighborhoods change as they grow up. I mean, i did the hairdresser that you recommended to me said was like, Los Feliz used to be like the hood when he was growing up. Cause he grew up in Atwater Yeah. area
00:24:05
Speaker
And some people still see it that way. Like older boomers in LA who live on the West side. Right. Do see those feelers as the It's so weird though. Cause there's all these mansions like, right.
00:24:17
Speaker
Were those always there? i mean, what's great. And so there are people who think it's the hood and there are people who think it's really fancy. Right. Yeah. But it's actually, truly, it is in the middle because there are the mansions that have always been. Yeah, Griffith Park, there always been. But then there's apartment buildings. But then, you know, we live on streets that have a combination of apartment buildings. Right. And it's that similar to my neighborhood in Brooklyn where there were these beautiful Victorian houses.
00:24:43
Speaker
Yeah. But the people I interacted with lived in the apartment buildings. And thanks to, like, protections for renters, like, you do You have people who might live in these beautiful buildings, but they've been there forever.
00:24:58
Speaker
i mean, New York had less protections than L.A. That's true. We do have more. Yeah, it's better here in a lot of ways. And for employees, too. It's better. California is actually it's weird because like New York elected Mom Donnie, but like California is actually a more socialist than New York.
00:25:13
Speaker
I guess it's right. Like they've found ways to make it to sneak in. Yes. It's neat. Yeah. Yeah. Right after. um Yeah, because Newsom did a bunch of stuff. Yeah.
Motherhood & Identity
00:25:25
Speaker
I mean, I liked Newsom. Oh, God. Okay. Did you get his book? Did you read his book? You hate all the middle of the road people. I don't mind them. No, I definitely, I'm not that kind of fan. Like, I won't do homework if I'm a fan of someone.
00:25:40
Speaker
I did. what I watched his appearance on the Adam Friedman show. Oh, whoa. Okay. You've done more than me. I like him from from afar as a concept. Okay. Yeah. um But I did, I came up with a metaphor for matrescence. You know what matrescence is, obviously.
00:25:57
Speaker
The process of becoming a mom. um I don't know. Do you feel like a different person since having kids? no Not all. You feel exactly the same. I don't feel any different. That's crazy.
00:26:09
Speaker
like people I hear about people losing their identities. Yes, that's how I feel. I don't feel that at all. Okay, I feel like I was cloned and I'm the clone. That's how i feel.
00:26:20
Speaker
I'm not that person at all anymore. Like I have, I was like injected with all the memories. I have the same DNA. But I don't feel like the same person anymore at all. See, and i didn't I didn't know you before.
00:26:33
Speaker
yes you didn't know. Do you think your friends would say you were different? I mean, I have a friend who said she likes me better now. Okay, promising. That was good. and Yeah. I think I actually calmed down more.
00:26:46
Speaker
I was maybe more anxious before, potentially. But I also... Yeah. I had a lot more time to think. Yeah, that's the thing. Yeah. That's actually why I had a kid the first place. To stop thinking? to stop thinking about myself all the time. It was just about about changing your habits. Like...
00:27:04
Speaker
ah Oh, to think about someone else. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. You're meant, people shouldn't be thinking about themselves all the time. Right. But we're expected to do so much maintenance. What do you mean?
00:27:15
Speaker
um Like grow emotionally and take care of your body and like eat the right things, like all these things that you're supposed to like think about. But if you, if you're thinking about other people instead, that stuff will fall into place. Does it? I think so.
00:27:28
Speaker
I think this, I think the secret to being emotionally healthy is I mean, what you said to help me, yeah, what you said to help me was meditating, which isn't exactly thinking about yourself. What do you do when you meditate? Okay, I have this one YouTube that I play. It's called Tibetan Healing Sounds. So it's like, bing, bong, like all these like little bingy diggies.
00:27:51
Speaker
And then I do, um it's called the St. Francis Prayer. it's but It's actually very not Jewish what I do for meditating.
Mindfulness & Emotional Well-being
00:27:58
Speaker
But it's ah it's it's a lot of like what you said, where you focus on um like, for what is it? If you forgive, then you'll be forgiven. Like, it's like, could I quote the St. Francis prayer? yeah there's ah There's a Jewish prayer.
00:28:14
Speaker
I don't know. You're supposed to say before you go to bed. Like, shma I forgive everyone for the ways they want me. Like you're saying. Oh, yeah. To Hashem, to forgive. To forgive.
00:28:27
Speaker
Everyone who's wronged you that day. Okay, I like that. This one's more, it's like focus on ah comfort comforting rather than being comforted, like stuff like that. Love rather than being loved.
00:28:39
Speaker
That's good. Yeah, it's good. It's a really good, it gets me out of my. Yeah, that's great. And then there's another one about like turning yourself over to, I guess, your concept of God. But like i that word's triggering to some people. And then, um and then I just, um well, i do this thing to let go of resentments.
00:28:59
Speaker
so since So it's a little complicated, but it's like I write down ah what whatever resentments I have and then like what fear is underneath and then like pray to have them be removed.
00:29:10
Speaker
And then i just try to listen to the bing bong bong. You do this every night? No, I used to be able to do it every day. Now I have zero zero. you know Like I don't do it anymore. i need to do it. This is what I need to do. Yeah.
00:29:24
Speaker
But it's like it's very hard to find the time and space. yeah So I haven't. I used to do it every morning. That's quite what you're describing. i mean, how long would it actually be? 20 minutes. Okay. It was amazing. I would just drink my coffee and and do that. And then I'd be great for the day. Like, wow. It was incredible. I really miss it. But it's like, I can't, like, there's just too much chaos for staying in the morning. Like,
00:29:47
Speaker
We're all trying to like figure out what's next. like Yeah, and to ask to ask your husband to deal with child while you take 20 minutes. Well, to stop him from interrupting. It's like impossible to stop him from interrupting unless you take him out of the house. like yeah You'd have to take him out of the house, which maybe one day we'll graduate to being able to do that kind of routine in the morning, but it's just so unpredictable right now. like Too much chaos. Yeah.
00:30:15
Speaker
Yeah. So it's not the time to be. To be meditating. Yeah. So that's, but that's the problem is like these, these negative feelings can build up, you know, and then I don't have any time to like release. Well, what about, what about at the end, like before you go to bed?
00:30:30
Speaker
Well, see, that then that's when I'm like in an unhealthy place. Like, I'm just like, I just want to like, watch TV and not think about it. Like I just need to like check out of my body. like But maybe this is what you should be. But the coffee, I mean, I think I underplayed how big a role the coffee had. Like, ok you know, because by the end you're caffeinated and meditated.
00:30:52
Speaker
Now what other boy mom, do you have about other, sometimes on the playground I'll hear people say stuff and I'm like, I i would i would have said that. I have zero original thoughts in the world.
00:31:05
Speaker
Oh, really? Yeah. Like I hear the other parents. I don't remember what specifically they said, but I was like, I was planning on talking about that with someone. And then I heard someone else say it and i was like, nothing, like I have nothing new to say.
00:31:20
Speaker
We're all going through exactly the same thing. I'm dying to know what it was. I don't remember what it was. It's just so hard to drink a cup of coffee while it's still hot. ah Do you find having kids has changed your marriage
Marriage & Parenting Balance
00:31:33
Speaker
at all? Like,
00:31:35
Speaker
I guess two kids. That's pretty intense. Yeah, two. And there's a huge, huge, huge difference between one and two. I'm sure. In terms of like how much... Because of the mental space it takes up. I mean, I see it more and more and now when I hang out with people with two kids. I'm like, oh, but I have it a lot easier. Oh, yeah. And I'm glad you appreciate that.
00:31:54
Speaker
I do. I mean, it's still very hard for me, which is probably why I shouldn't have two. But like, i yeah, I do. I do. Afterwards, I'm like, ah, it's like very calm with one sometimes.
00:32:07
Speaker
but No, it's so much easier at one kid. It's crazy. Yeah. Because whenever I'm just with one kid, I'm like, whoa. Yeah. Wow. I could do this. well And then either kid too. It doesn't it doesn't even matter. Well, now that there' he's talking and walking, it's like the challenges go way down. I mean. Yeah. Yeah. that's But then they become different. By different challenges. hey So what? Your marriage deteriorated after the second one? is All over. You just more things you need to be on the same page about. Yeah. And less time to discuss that. Yeah. yeah
00:32:40
Speaker
Yeah. Like I think about I hear about people like other parents we know, like just going out with their spouses.
00:32:50
Speaker
How they do that? They have someone else watch the kids. Because they have money. Oh, they pay a base. I'm like, that is a privilege that you don't really think about that you just like. But we can swap. Yeah, we do that. We we have to start doing that.
00:33:02
Speaker
Yeah, we should talk about this. yeah Off air. um
00:33:09
Speaker
But do you ever, we fight sometimes in front of him and I'm like, we have to change that. um well who gets the first punch of fighting but who starts it I mean my husband's pretty quick you know I mean we do this thing to diffuse when we're fighting where we're just like we're fighting like let's just say that and then it's like kind of a little more chill like you know at least acknowledging what's happening like um But I feel bad, but I'm like, we don't have any other time to fight. Like we have to fight about this right now because that's only way.
00:33:44
Speaker
Otherwise, what I don't want is like tense, quiet air because that's what my parents had. Oh, yeah. And that's like you cut it with a knife. I'm like, I just hate that. I'd rather where you I'd rather fighting. Yeah. Because if there's tension, there's tension. Like, what are you going do? You know?
00:33:59
Speaker
How do you not fight in front of your kids? Because everyone's like, don't you shouldn't. yeah But then what is the alternative? What are you going get him out you're just gonna pretend like everything's fine? That's a thing.
00:34:10
Speaker
People will say that. But, yeah, people with money don't have... as many problems and things you don't think no they fight they come on they they still have i'm sure they do but i think it helps because they just have a baseline of like not having stress right whereas we just like always stress isn't it weird to look at you look at them and they're like oh they just look so like laundered fresh and like they got they did pilates that morning like
00:34:42
Speaker
it's incredible i know they have that so that foundation is there we don't have that solid foundation i don't know and they have like a distance though sometimes because of that you don't think a distance from from their spouse sometimes like Or there's this focus on work and separate lives and then... Yeah, yeah,
Parenting Strategies & Emotional Regulation
00:35:06
Speaker
that's true. We're kind of thrown together. Right. Yeah, we're struggling, but like we're always next to each other. Right, right. You're in it together. Yeah. it's
00:35:16
Speaker
You probably have to go, don't you? If you want. Okay, you're watching. I do want to own up to something I did o a couple of days ago. This is juicy. What's going on? I mean, you were there for the whole thing. Okay. But I sort of broke the no toys at the playground rule. Oh, yeah. And then your child, it was so funny. the way that your child immediately just like.
00:35:41
Speaker
Wanted the toy. Yeah. Like it wasn't. So I had, i didn't even bring, we hadn't used that bag in a while. yeah And the walkie talkies were in that tote bag. And whenever Mike takes the kids to the park, they like to mess around with the walkie talkies. So I don't really think much of it.
00:35:57
Speaker
And then one of the kids at the playground was really sad, like really, really sad and just couldn't come out of it. So, and I normally have a bag that has a bunch of stickers in it. So I would normally give him some stickers. Yeah. But instead i gave him a walkie talkie. Right. And then I gave the other walkie talkie to another sweet, innocent little toddler. And then I had them like talking to each other in the walking talk. cute So cute. Yeah. And they were so happy. And it's like, I, I fixed it.
00:36:26
Speaker
Everything was great. Yeah. And then your child is like, he life larger he's larger than those two children. And he's immediately like, I want that. yeah I want it now. Yeah. He says that. And then it was over.
00:36:43
Speaker
And then I had to take them. Yeah, you take it. And then he was like, I never got a turn. And I was like, yeah, I know. But it's time to say goodbye. he can't. Yeah. You can't do it. And so that's why. Sometimes people don't want to give you a turn. Imagine when I said that all snorting. And uh-huh.
00:36:59
Speaker
Paige doesn't like you. Paige doesn't want to give you turn. She doesn't like you. but he's Because you don't give her enough hugs, okay? Yeah. So I put them away. And then, but then I had to have another thing because then they got sad, but I put them away. so I pulled out a bag of pumpkin seeds and then I spent the next 10 minutes feeding feeding them pumpkin seeds. Like I was the pigeon lady at Washington Square Park. Maybe you should have just let them be sad.
00:37:25
Speaker
No, I can't. can't do that. know. I know. I gotta. But sometimes you can just, if a kid is sad, you don't need to just, you can just hold it and be like, it's okay. I like give them a hug for being sad. No, I need to give them something. Okay.
00:37:38
Speaker
That's the thing. That's the only thing that works. Love language. Gifts. Okay. Nothing but gifts. They taught this song at the library actually in Brooklyn that was just like, you can be sad for as long as you want.
00:37:53
Speaker
As long as you want? That's too long. That is too long. 15 minutes, even that's pushing. I mean, does it ever go on that long? year i mean i I've been sad for years, but it was just ah it was a magnesium deficiency.
00:38:12
Speaker
I wish someone had told me. Were you ever sad for years? No. No, I've never had a magnesium. Nothing's ever been wrong with Paige. It's perfect. You don't feel any different being a mom? I don't. You literally don't feel different. I mean, I'm amazed.
00:38:29
Speaker
the The friend who hates when we talk about TV shows yeah on the on the podcast, he and I have talked about this. And he thinks it's because I don't code switch when I'm with my kids. But I don't really know if you do either.
00:38:44
Speaker
i yeah I mean, I have i only have one kid who's younger. So it's, I mean, i talk in a baby voice sim sometimes. It probably irritates the crap out of people. But that is so may so, the idea is then that you're assuming a different identity when you're, when you're doing the baby voice. I mean, no, cause I did that with dogs before. I think that's just what cuteness does to me. I'm just like, we yeah do you talk do you talk to your husband? like Um, no,
00:39:13
Speaker
and Maybe a long time ago I did. When I wanted... There was a time before we had a kid where I was like, we need to get a puppy. And then I got pregnant. So, I mean, i clearly I was craving something.
00:39:24
Speaker
But no, it doesn't feel... But it's hard to track because my dad died at exactly the same time. so I'm like, was it my dad dying or was it having a kid? Oh, that... My change. That's upended your... My identity. yeah Like, it's like both of those would change you. so it's like...
00:39:41
Speaker
yeah They're just interwoven. Yeah, I don't know. I mean, I also had, you know, I had a C-section, like, i was, like, cut open. Like, that that also felt very... um It felt like I had like been in some kind of, not a war, but something that happens during a war where you're like severe, like cut out, you know, like someone had taken a sword to my belly or something. Like, I don't know. So ah it's hard to say which traumatic events changed me, but I didn't feel sad. Like I didn't go into a deep depression, but there's something going on still.
00:40:20
Speaker
Yeah, there's something with the identity shift for sure. like Well, whatever it is, it's working for you. oh don't Don't change. okay yeah you only know You have a friend who says you're better now. Yeah, I'm more grounded. I mean, I've learned, I've definitely worked on emotional regulation a lot and that's helped, I think, my personality.
00:40:41
Speaker
I do still talk about myself too much, but yeah well, I don't know what to say about that. i guess I just, you know. what's What's great is I can, you can edit your personality.
00:40:53
Speaker
and But not in real life. At least i have I have the podcast. Right. Yeah. You just have to stop hanging with me. People can be like, what what do you mean she talks about herself too much? yeah You should edit me more. Okay. I don't know.
00:41:09
Speaker
Is that all? you have anything else? Do you have anything else? No, I just want to hear what you want to say. I'll say off air. Second!