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Laughing on a Park Bench, Thinking to Myself, Hey Isn't This Easy (When the Dads Take Over)
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Rena and Paige discuss the secret to happiness (not being alone), the secret to having a good time at the playground (can you believe it's there being no toys?), and lots of secrets in general, just listen.
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Transcript
Podcast Ambitions & Challenges
00:00:08
Speaker
Here we are. Boy moms podcast. Boy mothers. Young men mothers. We're ranked. Do you think we're in the top 1000 of parenting podcasts? Nope.
00:00:23
Speaker
What about, okay, are we in the top 10,000? I think we're in the top 10,000. Okay. I don't think 10,000 parents are as committed. Yeah. i think And I think in a couple of years, we could break 500. What?
00:00:37
Speaker
I do think so. Really? If we really stick, because most people don't stick it out. Yeah, no. is someone I got an email. Did I tell you about, I get a lot of emails about our podcast. Way more than you would think for a podcast that no one listens to. Okay.
00:00:49
Speaker
And it said... Congratulations. Most people don't make it past like two episodes, one episode of a podcast. Yeah, a lot of people. It's like you're in the top something percentile.
00:01:02
Speaker
of committed. Like people who actually follow through making multiple episodes. true. episodes Yes. no creative projects. The hardest thing about creative projects is finding people who will follow through. But all all we're doing is talking. Like writing is so much harder. No, you do a lot of editing work and so do i we We don't just talk. And let me tell you, the editing is an art. I say some some stuff. Horrible. but Last week was impossible. The cutting room floor is a swamp. The S-H-I-T. She talked. I had to remove...
00:01:31
Speaker
To the point where I think it was jarring in the last episode. I think you could really notice the edits. I mean, I liked the one edit it where it like cut to us laughing really hard. Sort of cackling about the person that you don't we like don't want exposed. I don't even know what was said. it was very salacious.
00:01:50
Speaker
There should be, when we have a paid tier. Yeah, we'll make a really expensive. We'll leave that stuff. You should save all that stuff for the expensive tier. Yeah. for like a hundred dollars. No, a thousand.
00:02:02
Speaker
Come on, a hundred? a hundred, no, a hundred is, the most I pay for a podcast is, I think I only pay five dollars. no but we'll pay an extra tier to like have an extra episode.
00:02:14
Speaker
But for the salacious stuff, that's gotta be really expensive. It's got to be really expensive because it might be illegal. Slandering everyone we know. Yeah, pretty much. Yeah. or you could just become our friend and then we'll just say all of that to you. to your face. Yeah. yeah But if they don't even know who these people are, why would they care? People care. People want to know. if don't? They want. There's a whole. Like, have your friend said, like, oh, what's the deal? No, but there is an amazing, one of my favorite podcasts called Normal Gossip, where they just talk about people you don't know, and it's gossip.
00:02:53
Speaker
But it's people that they know. No, it's stuff they've heard about people they don't know. It's literally that. It's just fun to hear stories. About anything about anything. Like secret stories about people. And you feel less guilty when it's people you don't know.
00:03:08
Speaker
And it's not people they you know either. No, they like get the stories. People like call in or like tell them stories.
Parenting Stories & Challenges
00:03:15
Speaker
Oh, I see. Do they give advice or anything or they tell stories? They have a guest that they're telling the story to. So the guest like reacts.
00:03:22
Speaker
Oh, okay. Yeah. And they tailor, they're like, which guest would go well with this story? It's very produced, but it's very good. Okay. So I do, I have some stories. Let me think. Okay. First thing. I have stuff. I've tried to bring stuff to the table, Paige. I'm professional. I didn't you yesterday.
00:03:37
Speaker
Okay, yesterday... She sent her... au pair, her husband, to take her child to the park. What did do? It was me and the dads yesterday.
00:03:48
Speaker
he said you were working on something. Oh, yeah. i was It doesn't matter. Yeah, I was trying to do some work. so She'll not be named. It was just me me and the dads, you know, as usual. but Where are the mothers? said he had a great time.
00:04:02
Speaker
He had a great time. Playing pirates. that We talked about it all before bedtime. I was a little worried that the boys were being too too piratey. They were getting really aggressive, him and the other dad were doing this. But they kept...
00:04:14
Speaker
Digging into their shirts and looking at their tattoos. So was a combination of pirate stuff and looking at their tattoos. pirates have tattoos. Yeah. So they are basically pirates. Yeah. i don't So I think they were kind of asking for it And if you have a tattoo like peeking out, you know, you want to see the Yeah, the kids. Well, yeah. Well, your youngest was looking at his tattoos too when we came over other day. No, they love them. Well, they're like little drawings. It's like a picture book. Yeah.
00:04:40
Speaker
I don't know. I don't know. We both we don't have any tattoos. We would never. i'm not interested. Yeah. I would never get a tattoo. No. Why would you never get a tattoo? I just don't. I don't want something on my body. Like, it's just, to me, I'm like, I'll carry it in my heart. I don't. Yes. I don't need to show it to feel it. No, exactly.
00:04:59
Speaker
Yeah. i also don't need everyone else to see it. Yeah. No, it's none of their business. No. Why do they need to know? And I don't need some secret tattoo. But if you got one, if you had to what would you get?
00:05:13
Speaker
wait I was just thinking about this. It'd be something, at this point, be something really, I think as my dog is getting up there. It'd be some sort of homage.
00:05:23
Speaker
so To your dog? my dog. oh guess we can't name your dog. Lilo. She's out there. She's not she's on social media. Disney will sue us. yeah Okay, so pirate, were they, they pretending to be on a boat?
00:05:38
Speaker
Micah described it to me. where i was like, which pirate were you? was like, the red pirate. It seemed like it was a good time. Yeah, no they were having fun. And there was, it was a nice It was a nice energy at the park of just dads doing dad stuff and me sort of intervening if I felt like they were being overly aggressive. I mean, it's very relaxing when the dads take over. Yeah, exactly.
00:06:01
Speaker
But I also didn't want to look like a total deadbeat. Oh, I would have no problem with that. Because i just don't people have different boundaries. Oh, yeah.
00:06:12
Speaker
I mean, it's we've reached this age has been actually really difficult for me. So I'm also like scared for the future. How so? I don't know. It's like I'm still discovering why this is happening. I think a lot of it's the weaning. i will say that.
00:06:26
Speaker
So you are weaning. I've still been very emotional be from that. Yeah, because I'm slowly cutting down because I just can't stand it anymore. Like. So I'm sure something's going on hormonally, but also it's just the he'll repeat questions over and over and over and over again.
00:06:42
Speaker
And for some reason, by like the 20th time, i mean, for some reason, I guess it would drive anybody bananas if it's like 10 hours in a row of that. But like. I just, I, I, it must have been met with rage in my house.
00:06:55
Speaker
Like, and that's why you're feeling that's, I start crying. I just start crying. So he's asking it 20 times. Like, it's like, if I say no to something, oh asking for something, I was like, why don't you just answer? No. And he'll, I'll answer the first five or six times. No, no, no, no. He's like, he'll ask me to make him food. And then it's like, is it ready yet? Is it ready it ready yet? That's so annoying.
00:07:15
Speaker
Or if he or he'll be like, I want to watch a movie and I'll say no. And then he'll ask like 20 times, you know, to I mean, he's testing. Yeah. Yeah. um But it's the amount of times that I have to keep saying no, like or like or ignore him or it's I don't even know what to do in that scenario. Like I, you know, so, yeah, there was one time where he just asked so many times that I just started crying because I just I couldn't stand the same. Like it's like someone poking you over and over and over again.
00:07:42
Speaker
like and it's like And I don't want to get aggressive with him. you know Sometimes I do. Sometimes I just get psycho because like I can't handle it anymore. And I'm weaning and I'm crazy like a little bit. And his voice is very high-pitched. It's high-pitched.
00:07:56
Speaker
It's cute. Let's just say it I like that it's high. But my kid my older kid is the same way where it's like a really high-pitched voice. Your younger one has a voice for radio. He's got a sultry – He should be doing a podcast. Okay. Yes.
00:08:09
Speaker
Yes. He's repeating the same question over and over again. mean, what do you when you feel psycho with your kids? Yeah. Like, you just yell? I mean, sometimes. I try not to let it get to that point. But obviously I have. How do you prevent it? No, and that's the only thing is like prevention, prevention, prevention. Like don't even get to a place. How though? If you've already said the boundary and you're sticking to the boundary, but they're pushing, pushing, pushing, pushing. But if you do that enough time, they won't push anymore. Yes, yes. So just be consistent. You never relent. It's also the frame of mind. It's like –
00:08:43
Speaker
It depends where in the day it is because if it's later in the day, i lose sight of him being this small child and me being the parent and things start to weirdly even out in a way that's like not good where he becomes larger to me. Like it's like he's talking me and he's the other person I've been with all day.
00:09:02
Speaker
And it's I just kind of start reacting on a house. Right. And then I start reacting like like we're on equal footing and we're not. We are not on equal footing. Like and I have to remember i have to like look at him and be like look at his cute little face and be like this is just a cute little boy who's just like. Yeah. yaing yanging Yeah. No. And that's how see the part.
00:09:23
Speaker
Because he's your only child. And that's how it was when my older child was that age where he seemed so much older yes and he was. And now, thankfully, with my younger child, he seems more like a baby because he has the younger child. comparison. Right. So treat more accordingly being baby. But do you think having the younger child makes the older one seem older to you?
00:09:45
Speaker
Yeah, and I think that can be a problem. yeah Especially when he was born, like when I had an actual baby and the older one was like your kid's age and it's hard to now remember. Like they're so young. They're still so little. They're babies. They still have a mini brain that doesn't know not to do that. No, but just never relenting.
00:10:05
Speaker
He never realized. Although I did well. Well, if so then yesterday, what i what I've been trying lately, because i do we do watch movies and stuff, but I'm trying now to put something in front of that. So I just say, like, if you clean your room, we can watch a movie, which I don't know if he's developmentally ready for that or not.
00:10:23
Speaker
But we he did it once i we and we cleaned his room. But yesterday, he just tried like every single tactic to not. Just the bargaining. There should be zero bargaining. No, no, no. But it was really funny though because you didn at first he was like, okay, I'll clean my room. Then we'll watch a movie. We went into the room and he's like, I'll be in charge. You clean. And he just stood in the doorframe with his arms crossed. Oh, no.
00:10:47
Speaker
No, that's how you know. And I was like, no, no, you have to clean. I'm not doing this. And he's like, but I don't want to clean. Basically, the whole day was him being like, I don't want to clean. Can we watch a movie? But that was fine because I had clarity in my head. And also, I wasn't alone all day. so like No, that's that's but the other thing is not being alone. Like yesterday, i was with the kids like all day. Mm-hmm.
00:11:12
Speaker
But oh was like, I was at the park hanging with your husband and other people. And then in and the afternoon, we went to someone's house. Yeah, someone's house is good. going So i was alone with them for like couple of hours total. And that's the real secret is to just be around other people. You can't be alone with your kid for that long. He also made up a word yesterday. He was like, I can't can't clean my room. And I was like, why? And he's like, it's too verbally.
00:11:39
Speaker
It is very burbly. I have always thought that. And it's too burbly to Well, burbles out of there. Too burbly and fuzzy. he' said fuzzy once too. yeah But eventually, finally, at the end of the day, he cleaned his room. He did clean. He did. And then he got to watch the 90s version of The Magic School Bus for a couple of episodes.
00:12:00
Speaker
Okay. That's what he wanted to watch all day.
00:12:05
Speaker
Yeah, if he's if if he's able to successfully get it out of you, though, he'll keep trying to find different ways. Yeah, the verbally strategy. None of the strategies work, though. And I'm just going to keep it that way because worst case scenario, he just doesn't watch TV. Like, even if he's maybe too young to connect the two things.
00:12:22
Speaker
He has to watch. I mean, no, if we're out of the house all day, there's some days where he doesn't watch at all. Like, even if we're here sometimes he just wants to play or people come over or whatever. Yeah. Yeah.
00:12:34
Speaker
But there are days there are days where he really wants to. And he also doesn't want to leave. I have a lot of trouble keeping clothes on him. I mean, you witnessed a little bit of that. But he's very good at taking shirts off.
00:12:46
Speaker
So it's hard to sustain the shirt staying on him when you get it on. Because he has to wear a shirt to leave the house. He's a man of dignity. But if he doesn't want to wear the shirt, he can take it off.
00:12:59
Speaker
but then you just put it back on. Yeah. And then he takes it off. And then it back on. And you just have to do that. just keep going. Yeah. That's annoying. How do you sustain? But I think one of my kids yesterday said they didn't want to go to the park. And I was just like, we're going.
00:13:12
Speaker
Yeah. So we went. Yeah. And then they had a time. They have fun. That's the thing. They have fun. It's the transition that's hard. It's not actually going. Yeah. But sometimes they give up. I do.
00:13:25
Speaker
But then they know then they know that they can win. I know. It's not good. They need a leader. The problem is that- Strong female. It already takes me a lot to get myself out of the house if I'm down and then if I'm getting him ready.
00:13:38
Speaker
And then if he pushes, pushes, pushes to the point of me feeling emotional, it's I have trouble overcoming that sometimes. So then up. And I don't know what to do about that. I just give up. I'm just like, I can't. Like, i'm I feel psychotic.
00:13:54
Speaker
I don't want to freak out. And I don't, I just don't have any more energy to force him. Like, it's like I forced everything until this point for three hours. And I i just, I can't go anywhere now.
00:14:06
Speaker
But that doesn't happen to you. I mean, we're always going to leave. No matter what, we're going to leave. Like, they never change a plan. We change a plan sometimes.
00:14:17
Speaker
Yeah, I would never. But I also don't like to leave the house as much as That's a thing. You don't. You kind of deep down. I already don't want want to. I
Emotional Challenges of Parenting
00:14:25
Speaker
just feel like it's better for him. You know that it's better for both of you to do it. Yes, I'm pushing, pushing. But I think that is why you're more willing to give in to not going. Yeah, because I would love to just not do anything. Like, yeah, sure. You know, that's the problem.
00:14:39
Speaker
I mean, as he gets older. Well, he's going to be. He's going to be forced to leave the house. We're going to have to learn how to that. Because I was going to say as he gets older, it becomes easier in a way because you're talking. It feels like he's also a companion in a way. Right.
00:14:56
Speaker
He's a person like it is with my older child. Yeah. Where I'm not i'm not really But won't have a younger sibling, so he'll still be a maybe a little less mature in a way.
00:15:08
Speaker
I wonder. Yeah, I wonder. We'll see what happens. Because he is, don't know, he's very verbal. Like you already can have conversations with him. He's very verbal. I mean, that's that's how it tricks me. as Yeah, so then you treat him like he's older than he is. Because he's talking like he's older than he is, but he's not. It's like I forget yeah that his brain actually like can't conceptualize a lot of things.
00:15:31
Speaker
So what did you guys get up to? Did you have any big – well, we had we came over to your place for for July. Yeah. Oh, yeah. Yes. Yes. You came over. Eventually, we gave up with that. I mean, his mic had kept freaking out, but he didn't nap that day. So we knew it was kind of a recipe for disaster going in.
00:15:48
Speaker
Yours is napping, what, every three days, you said? Every two or three days. I mean, it's good like yesterday, gave him the option. and then he slept for like 38 minutes.
00:15:59
Speaker
What's the point of that? is i was you know I'm nursing him to sleep, so right he was still he was latched for most of that time. And then i stepped out and like started making lunch, and then he woke up. But you don't mind the breastfeeding. It's not bothering you.
00:16:13
Speaker
No. Yeah. No, it does make it harder to do other things. Right. We've moved past that now. He knows. He's like, I'll just give him a little bit. I've trained him. And then I'm like, okay, one, two, three, all done. And then he just goes to sleep on his own.
00:16:28
Speaker
um Yeah, I'm really worried about the weaning process. That's why I've been. It's been, I mean, hormonally, but I've always been very sensitive to hormones. No, so am I. That's why I'm really scared. So just, you just have to know that that's what's happening. It's like with PMS. You just have to logically know that that's why you're insane right now. And yeah, your husband might have to take some days off, like, because you might be too much of a mess, like. To function. I mean, or it'll be like when you were pregnant, like, and you were just crying. Like, it'll be probably like that.
00:16:58
Speaker
I did cry a lot. Yeah. When I was pregnant. I mean, I felt, yeah, I felt completely crazy sometimes. it's It's like dips, you know, valley valleys and...
00:17:09
Speaker
Like valleys and hilltops. don't remember what the expression is. Because imagine feeling psycho and dealing with your two and a half year old stuff while pregnant. No, I would not be able to do that. That's it was. My pregnancy, I was so tired. I couldn't stop sleeping. I don't know how I would stay awake. Yeah. No, I was like, well, at least my first would take like three hour naps during the day. So then I could take a nap. Yes. And that really helped. No, I like the afternoons. people like have jobs. Yeah. Like my friends are pregnant. They'll have jobs and be pregnant and they just can't take naps. That's insane. don't know how they do it.
00:17:46
Speaker
It's insane. i mean, the amount of lack of accommodation is in is I mean, I know people talk about this all of the time everywhere, but the lack of accommodations for motherhood is insane. It's insane. No, it's just not meant to work. The way society feels. Like you literally go through, I remember feeling like an injured cow. Like, ah Afterwards with just like leaky body couldn't walk like I felt like such it's so animalistic like. But that's what we are. We're not meant to be putting on our blazers and sweating through the halls with like. I mean I didn't. C-section Yeah you didn't.
00:18:22
Speaker
I didn't, I couldn't. Like, it's like, but we've suffered financially. i mean, 100%. Like, ah but, ah but it just was not, and like I just was not capable of doing that. Like,
Children's Social Dynamics & Development
00:18:34
Speaker
i mean, I've been psycho sometimes. But, but like I said, like, I'm trying to reassure myself by saying that some parents smoke crack with their kids. And all I do is yell occasionally. Yeah, that's nothing. It's a drop in the bucket for all the time you spend with him.
00:18:49
Speaker
No, and he knows. I mean, like, I think we have a secure relationship. He doesn't freak out when I say goodbye. So, yeah, what else? So how was the rest of your 4th of July? Did you go see the fireworks?
00:19:02
Speaker
which I mean, we walked... After we put the children down, I walked out to the street and could just see fireworks. Okay. Yeah, we had like literally everywhere outside of the window. Yeah, but you don't really need to go anywhere. Our neighbor was running out without shoes on to like throw them. Cool. like No, you can always count on people in this neighborhood to crazy. like Yeah. Light some fireworks. Unfortunately, sometimes our neighbors will do it Yeah. And then we get a show right there and the kids love it.
00:19:32
Speaker
But see, but this is what was brilliant about the no nap that day. As loud as it got, he stayed asleep. oh he was just so asleep. Yeah. No, that's true. Actually was the right move in the end.
00:19:44
Speaker
Yeah. You were there for most of my 4th of July. okay. Okay. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, at one point you were like, just let him play with all the toys. And he kept away from all the toys. I felt bad. i just Yeah, I was like, let the let her child have free reign of every toy. okay but So we don't have any drama at all. im okay just Because it's hard because the problem is my older child takes your kid very seriously. Right. He respects, I am always impressed by the way he respects younger children. He sees them as like real Equals, yeah. Yeah. So that, because ah to me, I'm like, who cares if a two-year-old wants the toy, just let him have the stupid toy. Yeah, like yeah, yeah. He's a two-year-old. But like he is like, no, he's my peer. Like he can walk and talk just like me. So like, well, know we're going to figure this out. It's the same trick that happens to me. Because he talks, you know, like he's older. Right. So I think he I think that's the thing. And that's why they will get into it.
00:20:49
Speaker
I actually couldn't believe He. he interacted with a kid that was not talking at all that was his age at the playground and i they were so wildly different like the i thought that kid was a year younger because of the because he was just talking he was shy or my kid is very intimidating or something going i mean he's big for his age i guess i don't know i don't know i just thought he was kind of and your kid is intimidating he's Well, I think Brooklyn really changed him. Yeah. He has it in his bones. He had to like get in there to get on the slide, you know, with the 50 kids waiting. And now he's coming here and we're all of the little LA kids. They're like, oh, this monster. ah
00:21:34
Speaker
Oh, man. Yeah. What do you do? Do you physically overpower your kids if they won't get dressed? Like, I'm worried it gives the wrong message. But then what if you won't put it on? No, you're their you're their leader. yeah You have those to. Yeah, you're not hitting them. You're just putting their clothes on. No, but I am like forcing. No, I know. But that's part of it. No, I feel bad about that. I feel bad. It doesn't feel right. It's like forcing them in the stroller. Like I used to have to force them in the stroller. I hated that. Yeah.
00:22:01
Speaker
But if you need the thing to happen, then you gotta... go to Because that's what that's what you're supposed to do instead of like bargaining or bribing or... Or trying to make it a game or something. There shouldn't be any negotiation. right like It should just be... The only negotiation I do that makes it a little better is I let him pick which shirt he wants to wear.
00:22:22
Speaker
So I'll give him two options. He can pick one and then we put that one on. Sometimes that helps. But that's it. But that's not once he's already refused. That's before I even try, usually.
00:22:35
Speaker
Before, yeah. Yeah, if you're doing it before it's hard. Yeah, if you do it after it's hard, then he's like, oh, I can, what other options do I have? Yeah, yeah, yeah. So that's good. No, he does it with bedtime too. I'm very much like, this
School & Parenting Styles
00:22:49
Speaker
is what you're wearing because you are my doll. Yeah.
00:22:52
Speaker
And I'm very picky about the clothing that they're wearing. But they look like it's great. I mean, the fact that my five-year-old will still get in those overalls and like. It's cute. You know, because no one has ever told him that he looks like a little toddler from the 50s. Like he like. Yeah, it's cute. He hasn't been around other kids enough to know. Well, that's going to change. know. know. I What's going to happen?
00:23:18
Speaker
What do you think is going happen when he starts kindergarten? i don't it going ruin him? What do you think? What do you imagine? What's your best case scenario? That he loves being around other kids his age so much that even though they have limited playtime, it's still fun for him. Mm-hmm.
00:23:39
Speaker
And i don't, he keeps talking about teachers, you know, he loves adults. So he keeps talking and I'm like, you know, they have other kids they're going to have to be dealing with. So the teacher is not just your teacher. Yeah. My kid has problems with that too. He's younger, but. at story time and stuff, he goes up like it's an individual. He wants the attention. Like, no, no, this is a communal thing. It's a public education. You're all supposed to be receiving the same education. But he does have a sibling, so he's used to sharing adults. That's true, yeah.
00:24:08
Speaker
It's not he has zero experience. He has this little... He had his song and dance classes. yeah. Right, he's taking classes. He has like, you know, authority figures. Okay, so he knows the context well. So he's had a little bit of practice. Although that is with like move your body at the same time. Right, so that might help.
00:24:26
Speaker
And he's going sitting at a table doing worksheets. they had different parts in a play. i mean, like that's pretty advanced, I feel like. Yeah. Like that's like a lot of instruction and like, and like, Oh, it's true. It's really, I am always so impressed that teachers can how make that happen. We sang full songs for sure when I was younger than that at daycare, but we all were singing together. Yeah. I think that's the, that's the difference. That's what makes it hard. Like having your own line. is just you.
00:24:52
Speaker
That's scary. And then singing like a solo. Yeah, I don't think I did that when I was that young. oh Okay, so that's best case scenario. What's worst case scenario? That, well, I've heard about a teacher at that school who was very nitpicky and would like send emails to the parents every tiny thing. Like, ah this kid isn't talking enough or this kid is talking too much. Like, just every little behavioral Why are they doing that? I don't know, but if that's the teacher he gets...
00:25:21
Speaker
What if she writes you like a glowing email about how great he is and nothing's wrong? Then it's not going to last. Then like maybe she would do that the first time. But then I don't think it'll last. wait for the shoe to drop. Yeah.
00:25:34
Speaker
Because it's weird. Like he's a know-it-all. He's very confident. These sound like great school qualities to me. I know. But for boy and it's a certain type of person really loves him usually Thankfully, usually women are more like I think men have a lot of trouble because of his alpha energy. They're intimidated by how alpha he is. That must be it. Yeah. yeah so you know, there aren't any male teachers anymore. I guess there's a male there's a male first grade teacher.
00:26:08
Speaker
Okay. so So next year. We can see how that goes. But why do you think this teacher does that? Just to like keep the i think they think they're supposed to. like It definitely wasn't like that when we were kids. like My parents didn't get... like they We'd get a report card, but I feel like you weren't getting...
00:26:24
Speaker
a message in the portal every day well there weren't portals yeah no to me now it's like too much information there was parent teacher interview I don't need this take they send pictures I think they send pictures like preschool yeah that's really in depth for a public school I mean we're all gonna have to get off our phones with this data centers crap what there was something on the news oh my god mine was doing that for like two weeks maybe you need magnesium It usually happens when I'm stressed, but I haven't been that stressed. Everything's fine. yeah ah We're fine.
00:27:08
Speaker
to say. That'll do well on social media. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. That's a good, like, like a one-off. Yeah, yeah, yeah. There was one point where we were talking where you were like, and I was like, oh, she's doing that because it's good for the video that to be like – really like express it oh it is so ah of when you do this no i think oh the weird faces no no no that's my personality page that's you no you're obviously doing it for the video no one would have that personality unless there was a good reason my eyes switching now that's true no i have fucking weird personality um well i was gonna talk about data centers but it's not really a boy mom specific but do you have any other okay i didn't see you
00:27:50
Speaker
Wait, I saw you Monday night. We came over here because I wanted a dinner. um By the way, I got dinner Monday. I got dinner yesterday. oh you're doing good. I got one more slot to fill.
00:28:01
Speaker
o I got to figure out. Dinner. Usually playdates, though. They don't serve you. Right. Dinner. i need more playdates. You need more playdates. Yeah. I have like one friend and then you that I do playdates with and that's it.
00:28:16
Speaker
No, you have to have a nice lineup, a nice roster. But then you have to keep your place clean. But it's a good excuse to keep your place clean. I know is good. know. If you have people consistently don't keep it that messy, but it's like I clean it once or twice a week. Then I'd have to do it every day. Yeah, we usually big clean.
00:28:35
Speaker
Big clean. I know. Mike's always doing the big clean. I've been really trying. It's just so hard when you have – I can either take the kids out so they don't make a mess, but then I can't clean.
00:28:47
Speaker
Or i can keep the kids in the house and clean, but then they're creating new messes the entire time. That's what I use the movie for. oh I know. I like a mop while he watches a movie. Because then he's not creating a new mess. Yeah.
00:29:00
Speaker
Or at least. And I can focus because I hyper focus when I clean. So it's like, oh, that's another thing that's been driving me bananas is that just the interruptions. I think that's the hardest part about motherhood for me right now.
00:29:12
Speaker
Yeah. That I'll start doing something and I get interrupted and I can never actually finish any task. It's starting to make me feel crazy.
Managing Parental Time & Space
00:29:20
Speaker
um You know what it is? I feel like I'm standing there and someone just keeps throwing paint on my face. Like, and I'm just like, ah, need it to stop. I need it to stop. I need the paint to stop. And then even while I'm saying that there's like more paint being thrown on my face. Yeah. like What do you do?
00:29:37
Speaker
What do you do? You like can barely breathe through the paint. Like you just feel crazy. Yeah. So and it's like and it's hard for me to get tasks done anyways. Like I'm I'm naturally crazy when people interrupt me.
00:29:51
Speaker
Like that's why I'm like if I'm going to be on my computer, like I can't be around anybody because I go crazy. Yeah, you shouldn't. And there's something about the effect of the screen. I get I because I can feel myself if I'm like on a laptop doing something with a screen. Yes. I get extra annoyed if I'm interrupted. Yes. Yeah. That's because like your get your dopamine or what it's the work. It's not social media. No, I know. I know. But it's just anything on a laptop. yeah like Yeah. Yeah. Maybe if I wrote by hand.
00:30:17
Speaker
Yeah. Maybe we should just like get Hillary's or what do you call them here? Notebooks like and just always be writing in a notebook. Yeah, maybe we should just write by hand. And then they consider that illegitimate.
00:30:31
Speaker
But at least they would see it. I feel like seeing a parent on their laptop... working like it doesn't they can see like oh you have a fake email job like they're like you're not yeah this isn't real like if you're at least if you're cleaning like when i'm around the kids i try to just do more like physical tasks because they recognize it as
Ventura Trip Experiences
00:30:51
Speaker
work and they're less likely to interrupt but if you're like just as like sitting down and doing something like making an appointment or well i think it's just that i get crazier because i get more frustrated with computers than anything else Like, if I'm trying to do something on the computer and it's annoying me and it's not – and, like, the app or whatever I'm using is, like, not made in ah in a user-friendly way and I'm, like, there's something that, like, switches off. Like, just go crazy. The thing that makes you crazy is trying to do other things.
00:31:21
Speaker
It's trying to do anything other than hang out with your kids. giving in to just – but how are you But you have to make them food at at some point. and you know like You have to get yourself dressed. Getting myself dressed yeah takes a lot of focus that I never have. I never look okay.
00:31:38
Speaker
But like, it's like if I'm trying to just put on pants and that gets interrupted too, that's like, I can't focus on what to wear with the pants. like No, I know. And I read something like you you should get dressed before you even like see your child. That's not possible. Yeah. We're still sleeping in the same bed with our parents. Yeah. Children. He wakes up first. But in theory, i could see why that would be a good idea. Like once they're not sharing, once they're not in the bed anymore. Oh, yeah. To be like. Dressed first. Dressed.
00:32:07
Speaker
Like. Have your little second. Even have some time by yourself before they wake up or whatever. Yeah. I could see how that can make a huge difference. Yeah. But in what world is that going to happen right now? know. They wake first. Not anytime soon. Yeah. Yeah.
00:32:20
Speaker
No. No, I wait. Yeah, i always I take that time at night because then I already know he's asleep and I know he's not going to wake up. But then I don't sleep enough. This is like it's like the vicious cycle of Dawson's Creek watching or whatever I do. You got to stop watching. I know.
00:32:34
Speaker
I know. It's not even on the good seasons anymore. Are they in college now? they're They're applying. Yeah, it's over. It's over. It's not good. But I got to see. i just i Once I'm in it, I got to watch the whole thing. i just got to do it.
00:32:48
Speaker
There's no escape right now. There's also nothing else to watch, but we won't go there. Yeah, I just don't watch anything. well So what else? You have no stories of adventures? What did we do? Well, we went to Ventura.
00:33:03
Speaker
Okay, how was that? and I tell you about Ventura? No. It was amazing. oh i love Ventura. It's beautiful. it's so nice. You took the train or you drove? No, we ended up – the train didn't go to the right station, so we ended up driving there. Okay.
00:33:18
Speaker
And it wasn't that bad. It was the it was a holiday. was the Friday before 4th of July. Yeah, everybody leaves town in LA. Yeah, people don't want to be here. Yeah, so there's like no traffic on holidays. Yeah, so it's great. it wasn't a big deal going there.
00:33:31
Speaker
we went to the botanical garden. oh by the way, it was me and the two kids and the dog. Mike didn't go. He was like cleaning. Wow. So my, and my tactic, I was so scared. I was going to like leave my dog somewhere. So I just held her literally the entire day What was the, why did you want to bring the dog? Cause she's from Ventura.
00:33:51
Speaker
Okay. Memory. was found on the streets of Ventura and brought to a shelter. I was like, she's got to return to her homeland. Right. And then like all of everything's dog friendly. They're like we went we yeah We went to the botanical garden, which allows dogs on like certain days.
00:34:09
Speaker
I didn't realize it it was also like a hike. It was like the whole thing was just going uphill. Oh, God. so and i And I was holding my dog the whole time. So couldn't carry it. Yeah, and I had to make the younger one understand like I couldn't carry him. And did you? No, they did amazing. They just like went up the hill together. We went up we got up pretty high. it was very There was no shade. oh So it was very sunny. There was a nice ocean breeze and a beautiful views. Okay. Sunscreen?
00:34:32
Speaker
we We had our sunscreen on. ah And we we, yeah, we made it and it was amazing. and there was just no conflict. Everything was amazing. That was all fine. And then we went down. There's a street that's closed to cars. you just walk around. a fire truck showed up. The firefighters gave them stickers. What an idyllic day. We went to a used bookstore and I was holding the dog and I was like,
00:34:54
Speaker
I don't know. I was like, showed up at the front door of this very beautiful used bookstore. And there were, there were an old couple standing there and they were the owners.
00:35:06
Speaker
And I said to my kid, I was like, I don't know if we can bring the dog in there. Like, I don't know if we should go in there. And she has this very stern look on her face, the, the woman. And then she's like, these children are so beautiful. come on And I was like, okay. Isn't that the best when someone has a stern face and then they're very kind? Yeah. yeah so thats I think she was Polish because she's like my grandma. I was like stern but warm. Yeah. um And then i was, they had good, it wasn't just anti-racist baby books. It was legit children's books. like that were the classics? Yeah. No, I found an amazing one for a certain birthday party we have coming up.
00:35:43
Speaker
Really, yeah. Like really obscure, like beautiful first editions of like children's books from the 60s. You have to tell me the name of this bookstore. Calico Cat. that cal save it Save it for the yeah the paid tier. Yeah, Only if you... Pay $1,000. We'll give you our Ventura recommendations and all the dirt about everyone at the playground. But they were very accepting of the kids and i had great kids books.
00:36:09
Speaker
And then I complimented the book collection and they were just like, we've been doing this for 40 years. We know what we're doing. Yeah. I love compliments met with confidence. Yeah. And then we drove down to an incredible park beach, like a huge playground with an actual teeter-totter. When is the last time you saw a real teeter-totter? No helmets?
00:36:32
Speaker
they they They survived. Teeter-totter like seesaw is what we called it. Yeah. A real seesaw. which i don't have anymore no they're so fun they don't have them anymore yeah but they this is like a new park too in the it's like four years must have happened on a seesaw i know that's why they don't make it but and they must have made this one really safe you know it's a brand new i mean it did seem remember thinking well this is heavy like if it landed on someone's head yeah i mean i was being careful there was a dad helping out all of the parents in ventura really made a point to like get my name and introduce themselves. Oh, how kind. And they were all just like local Ventura parents. That's nice. What do you think the average income is this Ventura?
00:37:14
Speaker
I think was looking at – 500,000? i mean It was interesting.
00:37:22
Speaker
yeah they're probably young, like lawyers who start – a different sort of yuppie than there is here. Okay. Oh, and the way the parents were – How were they? It was just more like – Like I wasn't on edge the whole time because my kid, like he was making friends. oh like Kids would come up to me like, want to be my friend? And then you like go off and play with them. yeah And then if there was any sort of issue, the other parent would just be like, no fighting.
00:37:45
Speaker
And I was just like, oh great. Like, and they would just chill out. Like, but it wasn't like, um can you be careful with their body? Like, you know, their body thing. Does that happen to you a lot? Oh, even your kid is pulling that on me. He is. I was just like trying to comfort him. And he was like, I don't know where he got that from. What did he He was like, that's my body. And I was like, oh, Rena. Okay, we're doing that, I guess. literally don't know.
00:38:09
Speaker
where It's just seeped I mean, he was very focused on just trying to get whatever toy your kids were playing with at that time. or oh Or knocking over your oldest food. oh yeah. Which that was the second time. loves doing that. I don't know what that is. i literally i think it's like he intuitively is like, what is the thing that would upset him the most? yeah And then he goes and does it to see what happens. It's like experiment. It's like crazy experimenting. And then obviously, because that's like a crazy thing to do. It's a crazy thing. my oldest, he gets very, he's like, if something is not just, like if it's just it he's like, how could you do that to me?
00:38:46
Speaker
But it worked. I mean, so the last time we had food together, and I went up to your kid and said, don't take his food, please. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And that he didn't. I mean, we also we also put them at different tables. we like That's why prevention is truly the secret to everything. It is. But it's like, but that, but for an anxious person, that means you have to preconceive everything all the time, which is like not. Oh,
Children at Sports Events
00:39:10
Speaker
sadly, I just remembered. I think I know why yesterday was so nice at the park.
00:39:14
Speaker
Because I wasn't there. Oh. I realized. No toys. What an incredible situation. And they were just playing. They made the picture I sent you. They built a They're calling it a playground for ants.
00:39:31
Speaker
Oh, that's so cute. And they they were working together. you know, ants do play with their young, apparently. well So now they have a place to play. Yep.
00:39:42
Speaker
No, that yeah that's so that's so perfect. Yeah, no toys. Yeah, that was why it was so nice. I just kind of don't, if I know there are going be toys at a playground, I'm just not going to go. why I'm not going to the afternoon playground anymore.
00:39:55
Speaker
There's always toys there? all Yeah. What do you do in the afternoons now? i get myself invited to people's houses. I mean, you're always invited here. um What were you talking about?
00:40:07
Speaker
and and That's how we always transition. Ha ha ha. We about Ventura, the bookstore. and then the the yeah the parents there. yeah Who seemed a little more low-key.
00:40:23
Speaker
What else did you do this week? Did you do anything else fun? i went home. went to Dodgers game. Oh, yeah, Dodgers game. How did they do with the crowds? Oh, they love it. They have so much fun. Okay, okay. Like they just – want to clap whenever everyone's clapping.
00:40:38
Speaker
They're going clap and cheer. Dance. Do they try to get on that camera? like though that What's funny is they'll like react to the people they're showing on the Jumbotron. So there are kids waving and then they'll like wave. Okay, like the kids can see that. Yeah, yeah. That's And they dance and they ask for Dole Whip, which will get i like the end, like toward end. that's like a dessert? Yes. Okay, okay. um So you know how I am with, I'm like very sugar, like sugar makes kids crazy. So we wait.
00:41:09
Speaker
Until the end. Yeah. And they were up really late that night. Oh. Which I didn't. It's because we took the bus. I mean, we didn't get home until like 940. We took the bus. I guess that's because driving is probably really annoying. Yeah, leaving leaving is really hard. Yeah.
00:41:23
Speaker
It's really tough to leave that parking lot. So if you want to watch the whole game. Yeah. Yeah. So we just took the bus. Although they are long, those games. They've gotten in shorter because of they've like set up rules to make them shorter. Oh, really? now Yeah, there's a pitch clock. have to pitch within a certain number of seconds. Oh. Or you get a penalty. like you Oh, get because I remember, yeah, growing up. No, they're they they made them shorter. Okay.
00:41:48
Speaker
ah And then now, like, if it's going in extra innings, they put someone on second base. Like, you start with someone on second base. Oh, wow. they're more way more likely to score. Yeah.
00:41:59
Speaker
Oh, wow. They changed the whole game. Yeah. But not not for the postseason. Okay. It's just for the regular season, which I don't like. I don't. I love a long game. I mean, I love it. Me too. I don't want to change the rules all of a sudden. I know. Yeah. But people were complaining about the games being too long. But this game was actually pretty long.
00:42:17
Speaker
Anyway, they they got their Dole Whip. They were happy. All right. And there were lots of other kids sitting around us. So I didn't – if my kid, like, accidentally kicked someone in front of them, it didn't feel like they were that mad about it.
00:42:33
Speaker
Because there were other kids Yeah, it was just a general air of kids being Maybe they'll start having a kids section. Oh, that would be fun. They kind of – yeah, this group who was in front of us kind of created their own kids section. Like, the kids were sitting with the parents, and then they all – went down together. you think they should do that for airlines? Like have like a kids airline? Like like no, people need to be around kids.
00:42:55
Speaker
Right. People who don't have kids. Like that's just, they're my people. We must subject them. They're part of, we're part of, everyone was a kid once. But wouldn't it be maybe less stressful even for us if if the airline was like everyone on the plane is going have kids. Although no one would ever sleep, I guess. Yeah.
00:43:13
Speaker
But they could play with each other theoretically. like Yeah, because sometimes other kids can prevent your kid from sleeping. Right. Yeah. There's pros and cons. But it can be better to spread them out. Well, back in the day
Flying Anxieties & Parental Control
00:43:24
Speaker
when I used to take long flights when I was really little, there was just one movie that everybody was watching together.
00:43:31
Speaker
i think that's kind of more effective in a way. Right. A communal thing that everyone's doing. Everyone's doing. Yeah. Now everyone has their iPad. Yeah, they're all watching their own movies. You're like checking out what the guy in front of you is watching.
00:43:44
Speaker
I always cry watching movies on the plane. Yeah, there's something that happens sometimes. Yes, where you get more emotional. Because you're not meant to be. That high. No. No. We're not set up for that. We're not supposed to We're not supposed to be doing that at all.
00:43:58
Speaker
Yeah. That's what I'm telling myself because I haven't – I've gotten like scared of flying lately. Oh, really? I don't know why. i've i keep having dreams. It's much safer than driving statistically, you know. Yeah, I know. But I think it's the lack of control.
00:44:11
Speaker
Oh. Do you like being a passenger in the car? Okay. okay Yeah, I prefer driving the car. Lack of control. If we're going down, i want it I want it to be my fault. I mean, you also like being a parent. It's like you're used to having the control. Like it's like I guess it puts you in a certain modality where you're in charge.
00:44:30
Speaker
That's what's always scared me about teaching, actually. i taught one improv class and somebody came up to me very starry-eyed asking for advice afterwards and I was like, I could never do this again. yeah yeah I would start a cult and it's very... So anyone is going to email us about joining the games can help No.
00:44:50
Speaker
And.