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00:00:01
Not Like the Other Boy Moms
25 Plays1 month ago
Rena and Paige discuss their past lives as Career Women, the upside of living in a small space, and the time Paige's son told her she traumatized him forever.
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Transcript
00:00:09
Speaker
All right. All right. Okay.
Relocating from Brooklyn to LA
00:00:13
Speaker
So yeah. So I said had a funny vaccine story. Oh, actually, maybe I shouldn't start. Well, no, just, was I moving?
00:00:22
Speaker
Are you moving do you have a vaccine story? if they're They're actually wrapped up into one because I'm moving back from Brooklyn to LA.
00:00:33
Speaker
Which, by the way, i don't know why. yay I'm coming back. People in Brooklyn, I posted a thread about it and people in New York are are are like pissed, but also like glad you're going. Like there's so much attitude about it.
00:00:51
Speaker
And I don't understand why. like I find it so strange. They're just like, great, don't let the door hit you on the way out, gentrifier. And I'm like, all right. Or they're like, oh, yeah, l LA people are soft. That's why they're leaving.
00:01:06
Speaker
and I'm like, what's wrong with being soft? Yeah, that's soft. I mean, soft you are,
Cultural Contrasts: Brooklyn vs. LA
00:01:11
Speaker
right? Isn't that the point? Isn't that why you're doing that? Yes, am soft and I like being soft. Like, why do you make life harder than it is?
00:01:20
Speaker
i want to make life as soft as possible because it's going to be hard anyway. But there's some kind of like, yeah, like suffering competition going on here. I don't know where people are like bitter when you leave. It's it's weird because I'm like, we're not related. Like, why do you give crap?
00:01:37
Speaker
I guess I shouldn't have posted about it, but So maybe in a way they feel, yeah, no, you were asking for trouble, but maybe they feel a kinship toward you and they feel like they can talk to you like that.
00:01:48
Speaker
Maybe, yeah, or they think I'm like someone they can bully. don't know. I don't know, but it's part of why I don't like it. It's like here, it's like you're supposed to be this like hard, up angry person. Like it's like if you're happy or you're relaxed, it's like.
00:02:07
Speaker
something with you're not being a real New Yorker or something. I don't know. It's weird. I just don't fit in and I'm happy to be soft. Yes, I can't take it and I don't want to. you
Social Norms and Kindness Across Cities
00:02:17
Speaker
Okay. When you first, when you moved there a year and what, a year and two months ago,
00:02:23
Speaker
You posted on, you posted on thread something about smiling at people um isn't acceptable in in New York. That's right.
00:02:33
Speaker
And you got, and everyone was. got mad about that Yeah. Yeah. So they'll be mad at you no matter what. They were like, don't you smile? Smiling's for crazy people here. And yet they're still like, New York's the best city in the world, but nobody's smiling. But nobody, nobody can be happy. Yeah.
00:02:50
Speaker
but You're supposed to be kind, not nice. You're supposed to like help someone with their stroller, but be be really pissed off about it when you're doing it. Yes. It's literally been my experience.
00:03:01
Speaker
People will help with the stroller and I'm like, thanks. and They're like, ah you know, they like grunt and run away. like It's hustle culture. Like, it's like, got to get to my numbers or whatever. people I guess they won't help you with the stroller, but they'll smile at you and chat with you.
00:03:21
Speaker
Yeah, exactly, which honestly I I don't want help this smaller. No, I don't like it. It's putting my child's life in their hands. You don't want to.
00:03:33
Speaker
No, I feel the same way. If if if something horrible is going to happen to my child, I want it to be my fault. hey Exactly. I want to do the time for it. No, but they have yeah this people are very happy.
00:03:48
Speaker
People have ran up to us in the rain and gave umbrellas. People have been very kind here. But just, yeah, they just also look like they hate their lives. And then for some reason, they're mad when you try to leave. i don't know.
00:04:01
Speaker
But um yeah, I like smiling at people I don't know. and I like them not thinking that means I'm mentally ill. but So I'm coming back.
00:04:15
Speaker
um And is not too much i and more people if more people do that, then there would be less of an association with only mentally ill people doing that, right? like if It's like here, it's like in l LA, if more if more people who aren't mentally ill ride the subway, then just overall, more people who aren't mentally ill would be riding the subway. i mean, you got to change things.
00:04:40
Speaker
It's true, but nobody wants to change things here. They are proud of scowling. It is like a badge of honor because it means you're like you're hustling. Like it's it's serious here. I don't know.
00:04:55
Speaker
I don't know. And I don't want to know. I i just want to relax and go to L.A. Oh, you're going to relax. Everything is going melt. Yeah. I mean, I'll have less to do, but that's fine and with me.
00:05:09
Speaker
i don't know. But, ah okay, so the story. There were, wait, can I say one more thing about New York? Yeah, yeah, yeah. There were some people from New York at our park on Saturday, and the mom did seem to be scowling the entire time.
00:05:30
Speaker
ah and the And the dad was only talking to me because I kept talking to him ah about about his child. Like I thought, you know, normal normal chatter about like, oh, what's this deal? Where do you – and, you know, what neighborhood in Brooklyn do you live in?
00:05:48
Speaker
ah To me, she was like that this mom who didn't take an interest in chatting with me. Yeah. She seemed more quintessential boy mom, like ah kind of, you know, cool, very like above it all. Like sporty?
00:06:09
Speaker
She's like, i well, and her husband kept talking about her her work and her job. You know, she's like one of those...
00:06:23
Speaker
boy moms who works all the time. she's girl boss. what works you doing Girl boss, boy mom. ah girl Girl moms always want to, the ones I read on Substack, they have to work so that their daughters can see that it's possible to have oh right an email job that pays six figures like Oh my God, what are those jobs like? I wonder if I'll let you know.
Workplace Dynamics and Job Stress
00:06:57
Speaker
To just- One day. Hope everything finds people well all the time. No, i read I read this like day in the life, day in the life of a mom who has an email job.
00:07:11
Speaker
And yet she just like woke up and was riding her Peloton and ah she like sent an email. I think she had like a Zoom- And then she had a long lunch and sent another email. That sounds nice.
00:07:31
Speaker
and But she makes us sound like, oh my God, what a day what if What a day I've had. and Well, probably the emotional weight. the marchal Maybe there's like a lot riding on those emails.
00:07:47
Speaker
Maybe she works for Lockheed Martin, you know? Oh, yeah, yeah. no She's a culture. I don't know what that means. I mean, it seems cushy, although like, yeah, I'm not a good example because like things that are slow paced at a job, really, i get more burnt out because I like I like to be like busy, you know, and then the time goes by.
00:08:12
Speaker
Okay, what kind of job are we going to find for you? Oh, yeah. Sir, you want to be a waitress. I'm just going to be a waitress. I don't know. There's not much. I could be a waitress or work in an emergency room. There's, like, not much else.
00:08:23
Speaker
I don't know. Things need to be very high stress at all times. Busy, high stakes. But then I also burn out. I mean, like, I last, like, three or four years before, like,
00:08:34
Speaker
I started, I don't know, asking too many questions at the meetings because, you know, like meetings at work, everybody wants them to just go quickly, I guess. But I'm like actually like, oh, this is interesting. Like so sometimes I'll ask questions of management about organizational things and literally everybody hates that.
00:08:54
Speaker
Because management feels threatened. And the people at my level are like, can we can you just let this meeting end? Why are you asking any questions? Like, oh, yeah. and i forget oh forget like I forget. Yeah, I always forget. And then the management has a grudge. And then eventually they find a way to get me out of there.
00:09:13
Speaker
yeah No, that's you are unemployable. I had the same. I had very similar issues in my employees. Really? Like caring about things that were above my pay grade and that were none of my business.
00:09:28
Speaker
um Yes. You're supposed to stay in line. Yes. you're nots but your um Functionality is supposed to be below hierarchy. Hierarchy is supposed to be the most important thing at work.
00:09:41
Speaker
Oh, yeah. And I didn't know that. TV writer world, for sure. no no. In any job, it's like normal people only care about hierarchy. They do not care about getting the job done at all.
00:09:55
Speaker
It's literally only about hierarchy. Like, it's bizarre. And I don't care about that at all. At all. Exactly. No, there's not a bone in my body that gives a crap about hierarchy. No.
00:10:07
Speaker
I know. No, that's why we're unemployable. Yeah. oh Do you know I had a job where the the chairs where you sat like was supposed to be your ranking? Like but your chair at the table? It was like you had to follow the hierarchy. Like there was that there was a there was a guy who sat in the wrong chair and then he came back after lunch because someone talked to him or something and then he sat in a different chair. Yeah.
00:10:36
Speaker
That's crazy. but that's Were they like different heights? Like the chairs? but the They were just closer to the most important person at the table.
00:10:48
Speaker
a That's crazy. But that's some crazy like Hollywood stuff, probably. like yeah no i mean People really do get nuts about that stuff. And I'm so so, bad at it.
00:10:59
Speaker
So that's why we're here. That's why we're here. we just We can't work. yeah ah So this will be our job.
00:11:12
Speaker
Girl, ah boy, mom, podians, join us. oh and Podians? Okay, we'll think about this. Boy momers. Boy. I mean, it could literally just be boy moms if the people who are listening are boy moms, but we want to reach. can't say B-M-S because that sounds like bowel movements. Like whatever.
00:11:37
Speaker
Mothers. Mothers. With an A and a Mothers. that no i'm Now I'm getting a U. Is that with a Yeah.
00:11:51
Speaker
Mavaz. What about M-U-V-U-H-Z or Z, I guess is what Americans say.
Parental Concerns and Child Development
00:12:00
Speaker
Mavaz. I think now's a good time for this vaccine story. Okay, so, well, it's not such an interesting story.
00:12:12
Speaker
like It's actually so funny. No, I just... We'll find a way. We'll make it interesting. Okay, yeah, we're going to make it so interesting. i I've been, like, you know, weather's been getting better in Brooklyn, and I've been, obviously, I have, like, an anxiety problem. So I've been, like, worrying about, like, am i are we making the right choice, you know, like...
00:12:33
Speaker
There are great things about Brooklyn. There are great things about Brooklyn. The weather is getting nicer, which is making me biased, you know. So we go to the playground and I'm like, this other mother comes up to me and she's like, wow, what a beautiful day. Right. And i was like, I know we're we're about to move to L.A., but now I'm like questioning it.
00:12:55
Speaker
And she was like, you're about to move to L.A. I'm about to move back to l a And I was like, what? This is like a sign that it's all meant to be. And I meant to go back to L.A. Because why would that be the first person I talked to about Right.
00:13:08
Speaker
And then she was like, I want to homeschool. And I was like, cool. My sister homeschools. She's like, yeah. And I don't want to do it here because like L.A. is more relaxed about the vaccine stuff. And I was like. Yeah.
00:13:22
Speaker
You're like, ah this was good vibes. Suddenly you're like, turn into a pile of salt. Like, like okay. Yeah, that's pretty much the old whole story. like The reality is you're just a slightly different version of you, right?
00:13:39
Speaker
You know, you're just off just – A few degrees. Just a little off because she was like, oh, LA is such a vibe. I was like, I know. But then, of course, my husband comes in and he's like, oh, they're moving back to LA. We should exchange info. And I was like, yeah.
00:13:54
Speaker
Like, and then I had no choice, you know. So you did it. You exchanged information. I did it. I mean, obviously, we're both moving back to LA. So we're not going contact each other because and that's something reliable about LA too. Like,
00:14:10
Speaker
if If two people, if you're like being friendly and you both don't actually want to hang out, like you'll both actually not hang out with each other. You know, she's not going to text me. I mean, that's what you tried to do with me.
00:14:23
Speaker
But I was relentless. No, that's not true. No. I mean, and it's cool that you saw it that way. That's how ah you mean that's how you stay up here.
00:14:38
Speaker
I guess so. I think I also just have lack of social awareness sometimes. Like, I definitely did not think you wanted to be friends after we hung out. I was like, she did not like me. Like, you know, so we had the long. Not when we hang out. I like how I just made the story about me. like walking down but We had the long walk, right?
00:14:57
Speaker
Where you had like nine panicking.
00:15:01
Speaker
Yeah, I had a bunch of panic attacks. And you're like, you left your child at that age? And like, oh, God, she hates me. and I was like, it's true. I shouldn't. But it it was my first time having a kid. You know, i was like, maybe he'll be fine. He sleeps for three hours at a time, you know.
00:15:18
Speaker
But um so i was like, she doesn't want to hang out with me. and then and then what? I just bumped into you on the street after that. Right. And I said, remember what I said? You said, where have you been? You've been avoiding me or something like that. That's how I initiate every conversation. Yeah, lines.
00:15:41
Speaker
Where have you been? I mean, it what it's a good it's a good pickup line. Like in the world of like moms that are looking for friends, like that's a good – Well, I mean like it makes it seem for all people to know.
00:15:53
Speaker
Yeah, yeah. No, but i yeah like that's a good way to like weed people out. Like that's how I was with Mike the first time I met him. And ah he understood that that was what I was doing.
00:16:07
Speaker
But I just I don't know how to not be like that if I like the person, like act overly familiar with them. Can you share more about your first meeting? i don't think I know anything about it.
00:16:19
Speaker
The first time I met Mike? Yeah. ah Well, it was it was just it was a Bumble date. we just We met on Bumble and we met for the first time at Good Luck Bar. Do you remember Good Luck Bar?
00:16:35
Speaker
Of course I remember Good Luck Bar. Do you met at Good Luck Bar and then you like knew right away that you guys were – that was it? or like Yeah, that was – at least for me, that was my only Bumble date.
00:16:47
Speaker
I like hit – he was running late, so I went to the bathroom because I'm like, I don't want to be waiting for him. he needs to be waiting for me. So then I – and then I like came up behind him and sat down ah in a very casual way.
00:17:01
Speaker
You know, I was very – seemed very cool for the first few days you know you came up behind him yeah like i came up okay so he's he he's here and i was just kind of like so yeah oh that's very casual and cool the way you did that oh yeah yeah i'm scared see that's how that's how my children came to be
00:17:33
Speaker
oh Just that, just those great social skills. thank you Unless there's money involved. If there's money involved, they're terrible social skills, but ah otherwise, otherwise great.
00:17:50
Speaker
What do you mean? They don't realize they have to pay for things? Like it like in like work environments. Oh, yeah. My social skills are Well, socializing at work, I mean, had it are you I don't even know if you're supposed to do that, but it's the only way I can ah pass the time. people i think people disliked that about me as well, that I would act like everyone was my friend at work.
00:18:18
Speaker
Yeah. I think that bothered people. I've had mixed experiences with like one one work environment, you were like not supposed to like say hi when you walked. Like you weren't supposed to say good morning and gather around the water cooler.
00:18:35
Speaker
You were just supposed to be a robot. Yes. No, you're, that's crazy oh you were, you were not, you could not show any signs of humanity because that would make them feel bad. Yeah.
00:18:50
Speaker
I guess for being less human.
00:18:58
Speaker
So we had some, we had some issues with our audio and we lost a lot of the episode that we were recording.
00:19:09
Speaker
um so we're trying, we're trying again, So has anything happened since ah our first? Oh, well, I wanted to update from the last episode, actually, because I was talking a lot about how my child was going through this phase of ah being difficult with other kids. And things have actually improved a lot. So I think it was just i like a couple of weeks of whatever was going on.
00:19:33
Speaker
I mean, he still doesn't want to share toys. I mean, I think it's just going to be that way for a long time. But he is... His attitude has shifted a bit.
00:19:46
Speaker
Right now, he's actually, what he's been doing is he's really into kissing. I mean, he's not like kissing kids directly, except one time there was, okay, at the story time, a nanny put a baby on the ground, like just for a second. And he got to the baby before I could get to him and gave the baby a little kiss on the cheek, in which I'm like, oh my God, that's like bad.
00:20:09
Speaker
um How did the nanny react to that? She just picked the baby up. Like I grabbed him. I was like, we can't do that. You know, you can't just kiss a random baby. um But I mean, to be fair, no one was guarding her.
00:20:25
Speaker
But oh, yeah, that baby was begging to be kissed. No, he um he just, when kids cry, like, he's been going up to them being like, are you okay? I'm wanting to give them a kiss. Like, he just doesn't, he doesn't actually kiss them. He just goes, muah, from nearby, you know, because I'm always like, give them space, you know.
00:20:45
Speaker
um And I think it's just because when he gets hurt, I give him a kiss to make him feel better. So to him, it's like a logical thing if someone's sad. Except one time one kid was crying and he was like,
00:20:58
Speaker
I'm going to get you a sip of water. it awesome but the The only thing I changed was I wanted to stop like hovering. I felt like I was like hovering and projecting negativity, like just like waiting for the bad thing to happen.
00:21:13
Speaker
and always like being over him whenever you went near any kid. And now I've just been trying to like pull back and just like witness what's actually happening and only get closer if I think there's a need. And sometimes I don't get there in time, but like but sometimes he's not going to do the bad thing I think he is. So it's like I don't want to be right over him projecting this negativity when like it might be a positive interaction or Whatever kind of thing it's going be. Yeah, There probably is some self-fulfilling prophecy aspect there. Like, he's – Yeah. Like, your energy is affecting him and making him anxious. It's anxious. And I'm also saying, like, I always – I just talk a lot. I'm just like, don't, da, da, da. You know, it's like, you don't need that over your shoulder at the playground, you know. No, he's trying to have a good time. He's trying to relax with his buddies.
00:22:05
Speaker
No, exactly. So I think that's helped, even though I still am projecting negativity, but I'm doing it from further away. Yeah. i'm Yeah. saying it Out loud. Yeah. I'm just trying to like keep my bad energy to myself and not have it be his problem right now. Like, I guess you can share it with the people you're chatting with.
00:22:27
Speaker
Just like, you know, this. Yeah. Are you doing that? Am I doing that? Are you are you chasting are you chatting with the other with the other parents and im putting all your... I think I said I'm trying not to project to negativity.
00:22:43
Speaker
But sometimes when I overshare here, I just met with like a blank look of like, of like yeah. like I don't know. Just the person did not want that much. you have nothing to lose. You are leaving.
00:22:57
Speaker
You need to burn every bridge. No, but wait, wait. I really like something we said on the podcast we get that we that didn't work out. Can we somehow try to recreate it That's why we can't.
00:23:11
Speaker
We can never, never do that. No, when we talk about the incel thing, how did that come about? We were like, our sons could never be incels because you can't have basements in California. our...
00:23:26
Speaker
living environments are simply too small. Like we don't have to worry about them like becoming school shooters because they don't have yeah the basement to go down to, to concoct their evil plan.
00:23:38
Speaker
Right. Exactly. They can't isolate. If they're going to murder, they're going to do it as a family. Like if they're going plan a murder, they're going we're going to be involved. We're going be planning it with them as a family. They aren't even going to get to that point because they,
00:23:55
Speaker
They don't have the basement, right? Yeah, there's nowhere to concoct the plan. And I think we should what real we should be using this. You know, like when you have friends say, i i need to i can't afford to buy a house in l L.A. or New York, so I need to move to the suburbs where I can afford to buy a house.
00:24:15
Speaker
But if if they do that, they're their kid's going to murder people. Right, because they'll have a basement. Right. They're either going to murder people or they'll have those makeout parties in the basement. Okay, well, that's fine.
00:24:28
Speaker
That I'm okay with.
Therapy, Health, and Personal Growth
00:24:31
Speaker
Because I want grandchildren. you down with snacks? Okay. Oh, yeah. No, i want I want grandchildren when I'm like in my, let's be realistic here, 50s.
00:24:44
Speaker
Wow. Late 40s, 50s. Are you going to send them on like- those like weekends, like USY or what is it, Young Judea? I don't know There's like these weekends for Jewish kids where they all hook up. like ah no No, no, Again, everything is under our roof. I see, i see, i see. You'll host one. Right, right. But it is hard because we don't we don't ah we don't have the basement for the makeout parties.
00:25:10
Speaker
Right. So I don't know where they're going to go. Who knows? Okay, hope our kids all end up happy. it's so long until we know.
00:25:22
Speaker
you freak out about that all the time? No, I never think about the future with him. Not really. really hard to. Like, do you not think about the future because you don't want to or because you just don't have the space in your head?
00:25:35
Speaker
I cannot conceptualize. Like he just looks like a stretched out version of his baby self when I picture I'm older. Like it's like I'm not, I'm not. Sometimes I'm like, well, he looked like Robert Redford. Like it's like the closest I've come to thinking of what his face would look like when he's older.
00:25:52
Speaker
But like, cause sometimes, you know, like every once in a while they'll flash a look at you where you're like, oh, you almost look like an adult face for like just a flash of a second. Right. So yeah, just in those moments I'm like, oh, you know, but no, i um no, I just have no idea. Like 40, a 40 year old man. Imagine your child.
00:26:15
Speaker
I mean, I'll be dead. Probably. No, you won't. No. Close. I'll be close to dead. I'll be 79. not close dead. like being very Very insulting grandpa, you know? in And you have- you've had long living relatives so True, but I've also had short living. I mean, like I it depends. i mean, probably a lot of it depends on the next 20 years.
00:26:49
Speaker
What I do, ah you know, like if i if I keep the keep up the strength training or. Well, we're going to we're going to be walking up the prospect stairs together. So I love that walk. Yeah, that's going to be great. The problem is that I spent my early years truly destroying my body like.
00:27:10
Speaker
No, you can make up for it. correct I think middle age is most important. Okay. Okay. So we'll see. I mean, i I do have this trick right now that where like I just pretend like I'm 22 and then like my energy comes back, you know, because I just remember how much energy I had when I was 22. And I'm like, what if I'm just 22 and I have that energy?
00:27:32
Speaker
And then like for about 10 minutes, I have energy and then I have to like remember that I'm 22 again. Yeah. Interesting. What were you doing when you were 22 that required so much energy?
00:27:47
Speaker
Drugs. No, don't know. I was like- How much energy do you need to do drugs? Well, drinking. It's more the drinking. like You're like up all night. Yeah.
00:27:58
Speaker
yeah yeah and like You don't sleep a lot, and then you're up all day, and then you're up all night again. and like I think there's something where like knowing my age- makes me more tired. I'm just like, I'm 40 or 41. However, honestly, I'm not sure. I think I'm i'm pretty sure I'm 41. You're Yeah, you are.
00:28:21
Speaker
forty hearing I'm turning 42, which is like kind of a lucky number um because of hitchhiker's guide to the galaxy or whatever. But ah but just like knowing that kind of makes you more tired because you have like this concept of how you should feel at that age, you know, so you have to like mentally detach from the number.
00:28:45
Speaker
Maybe you just shouldn't think about just don't think about this at all. yeah Well, I have a very thinky mind. I'm not sure I can stop it.
00:28:58
Speaker
Oh, we got to. i know. I'm going to send you some books. You know, let's get you out of your head a bit more. Well, I do. I need to go back into therapy. I'm definitely going to be figuring that out, which I'm sure I'll discuss it on this podcast.
00:29:10
Speaker
Are you in therapy? Have you ever been in therapy? Not in a while. I was in therapy when we were rear-ended when my older child was in the car.
00:29:22
Speaker
yeah. Cause it really, really freaked me out and I had trouble being in the car after that. Um, scary, but, and it really, I, I'd been in therapy before that too. Like I was in therapy when I was eight, probably. Uh, so I'm kind of an old hat at therapy, but when you have like a specific event to discuss, like that needs to be worked through,
00:29:48
Speaker
Therapy is like amazing because, and you know, there's like there's a goal. And I feel like the therapist really feels confident in their ability to like get you there. Yeah. So it really it really worked.
00:30:02
Speaker
But any therapy before that did not. was horrible. ha Well, a lot of it depends on the therapist, but it's true. General talk therapy, it seems like it's just like, what are we even doing? Like, I just come here and talk for an hour.
00:30:18
Speaker
And then what? like And they don't they need to keep you keep you in the chair, right? right like So they can't be that. my therapist graduated me? I mean, like she was like, I think we're good here.
00:30:31
Speaker
But she also had just gone through a huge trauma. Yeah. Um, so I think she was like, maybe going to take a, take a break from working anyway. That was so weird.
00:30:44
Speaker
Cause I started therapy with her, like just being like obsessed with death and just being like, death is real. Death is everywhere. Like everything dies, blah, blah, blah. And then i kind of, I don't know. I mean, I talked to her for two years once a week and then, and then her husband got hit by a bus and died.
00:31:05
Speaker
God. And then she was like parroting back to me stuff that I had said, like our first session. Like oh it was crazy. Yeah. I was like, oh, so full circle, kind of poetic, but.
00:31:18
Speaker
it would well You know, helps her. Well, maybe at that point you were in the position to help her or had she not. Yeah. I mean.
00:31:30
Speaker
Yeah, maybe she, she, she definitely said there's one thing that really stuck with me from her that has been helpful, which is just about like, that some people just have emotional limitations and like, just, that's just the best they could do. And it doesn't mean that they don't love you. They just can't give more than that.
00:31:53
Speaker
Like that's their limit, you know? Yeah. um No, I think therapy is all the reasons your mother sucks, right? Like therapy is just about your mother did you wrong and this is all her fault.
00:32:11
Speaker
And it's just like the mother trashing extravaganza, which was great for me when I was in therapy. not Not for the car accident. They didn't do that.
00:32:23
Speaker
and They didn't blame their mom. Yeah. But I wouldn't have been surprised because it seems like that's what they always do. and then, and then. What? Do you think at one point the therapist was like, how can I blame her mom for this? Oh yeah. No, she probably tried and was just like, I don't think it's going to work for this one to try something else because they, that's, that's what they do. But it kind of, it can make you feel powerless because it's like, all right, if everything's my mother's fault, then like, well, what do I do now?
00:32:55
Speaker
You know? Well, i think that's
Millennial Parenting Anxieties
00:32:58
Speaker
kind of messed me up about being a mother. because And someone said on TikTok, and I kind of agree that that's going to be like the millennial that like trend is like we're we're too worried about messing up our kids like so because we don't want because we know how much we talked about our moms in therapy or whatever um and we like don't want to be that you know right right but in doing so in trying to prevent it we will be it because we'll be so we'll be like overly and like not just relaxed and being our truthful selves like
00:33:36
Speaker
Right, that will mess them up in in other ways. I mean. Yeah, yeah we'll we'll do things no matter what that traumatize them.
00:33:47
Speaker
But it's also, i don't want to make anybody feel bad. So it's the worst thing to me about motherhood is that there's no escaping making my kid feel bad.
00:33:57
Speaker
Yep. No, and that gets so much harder as they get older. Yeah. It's really, it's really like with my older child, it's like pretty much like if I'm ever bothered by anything, it's like that, like worrying that I said something did something.
00:34:19
Speaker
um The other day I made, okay, like I made a face at it. I was like mad. I was mad about something. And I think I looked at him like,
00:34:33
Speaker
And he would he said later, because he knows how to get me, he was like, I'm going to think about that face you made when I'm a grown up. No. And I kind of, I am i was kind of like, you you just know that that's the thing to say to like make me really sad. so like, I know that's why you're saying it. Like, I don't think you really believe that.
00:34:55
Speaker
And then I like smile and he's like, okay, now I'm going to just think about that smile. I'm like, oh, is that easy? You can just change it like that. That's such a him thing to say.
00:35:06
Speaker
um I know. That's so his personality.
00:35:12
Speaker
And it's only going to get ready worse. I mean, i' worse isn't even the right word because, you know, we're having fun too, but like. that sort of thing. He's only going to get smarter and like more manipulative.
00:35:28
Speaker
And he's me. Like he's, i can he's just me.
00:35:33
Speaker
but i Like he's me. Like I thought by not having a daughter, I could avoid that, but. The cruelty. Yeah. Like, no, he, cause he has like the perceptiveness of a woman, you know, like he's very in tune with people's. He's emotionally aware. Yeah. And I think as he gets older, that's going to get trickier.
00:36:00
Speaker
Do you think society is going to beat that out of him? Because he's a bull boy. I don't think, I don't think they can. They're going to try. okay but He's going to stay strong.
00:36:12
Speaker
He's already so on the on the outskirts, not going to school. He's already, the foundation is set, you know, He's a special kid.
00:36:27
Speaker
i mean, my kid hasn't really been mean. He's not at that age yet where he like really can be. But I do worry, i don't know, anytime we're upset, he's like, no, no, no, no. Like, he does try to like control our feelings if we're in a bad place. Like, ah yeah, very familiar. I guess feel all better. I know it's not good.
00:36:47
Speaker
and That's why that's was initially why I was like, I need to go to therapy because. I'm worried about role reversal that he like feels like he needs to take care of us, you know? Yeah. so I got to nip that in the back. I keep being like, you don't need to worry about me. Like, but saying that and then showing it is probably two different things.
00:37:08
Speaker
Right. Cause it's so hard. Even if you say like, okay, I'm not going to let that happen again, you know, in the moment. Uh, I mean, we're human. You know, I just have feelings like I get, a no i get i don't know, upset sometimes, I guess. like But I think that's normal. Or it's like, i don't know. i'm not I'm unsure about like showing a range of feelings. i think it's okay.
00:37:36
Speaker
As long as it's not directed like at them unnecessarily. Like. But I don't know because my parents were boomers and didn't – I saw my mom cry once and it was because her mom died. Like, yeah that's it.
00:37:52
Speaker
No, they did not express emotions. um But I think – I do think like, yeah, they like maybe you shouldn't take things too far. But I think it expressing a range of emotions around your child and them knowing how you feel is overall – good because what I feel like is the trendier thing now is to be the the the gentle parenting thing of being like having the sing song voice and say like are you feeling frustrated like I don't even know the right things you're supposed to say but like I feel like your kid knows that you're being fake and that causes a lot of chaos in their brain and they feel like like unknown like they feel like you don't
00:38:42
Speaker
know them and they don't know you it just is building a wall that that makes sense i also i i worry too because like i studied acting at a young age for a long time so it's like i go into acting easily i mean and for me that's just like manipulating my own feelings like Because I can make myself go into like a calm mode.
Identity and Acting Experiences
00:39:12
Speaker
Is that me? I mean, it it totally not made me have like, yes, I don't know. Because it's like I had an identity crisis after studying acting for so long. Because I was like, these were the years I was supposed to figure out who I was. And I spent them playing other people. like And now I don't know what's real anymore. like All right. no And I still honestly don't.
00:39:34
Speaker
No, you know who you are. I don't buy any of this. Interesting. Yeah, i feel like you know exactly who you are. And maybe I'm just saying that because we need to wrap this up.
00:39:44
Speaker
So I want to be like, yeah, yeah, yeah, everything's fine. You know who you are. Yeah, yeah I think you're right. And I'm also not just saying that because we have to wrap this up. Great.
00:39:59
Speaker
We'll see.