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Making Friends as an Adult
901 Plays7 days ago
In this episode, Megan and the crew dive into the challenges and joys of making friends as an adult. But first, they take a nostalgic trip back to the '90s, reminiscing about the iconic fashion brands of their youth. Next, it's time for Mom Fails, where Megan confesses to leaving her daughters’ clothes in a hotel closet and Charlotte admits to her son's questionable shower habits. Then, the main topic: Adult Friendships. Making friends as an adult is tough—everyone’s busy, tired, and juggling responsibilities. The hosts discuss the challenges of meeting new friends, whether through parenting, work, or community groups. To wrap things up, the hosts share their Pits & Peaks of the week, from garage victories and unexpected travel anxiety to finally getting a quiet morning alone.
Social Tip of the Week: Add one extra sentence about yourself in conversations—it might just spark a new friendship!
🎧 Tune in for laughs, relatable moments, and some solid advice on finding your people in adulthood!
The key topics discussed in Episode 7: Making Friends as an Adult include:
- Nostalgia & 90s Fashion
- Mom Fails – Funny parenting mishaps, including forgotten clothes on a trip and kids resisting showers.
- Challenges of Adult Friendships – How making friends gets harder with age due to time constraints, responsibilities, and social dynamics.
- Tips for Making New Friends as an Adult
Pits & Peaks – Personal highs and lows of the week, from stressful moments to small victories.
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Transcript
Introduction of the Hosts
00:00:00
Speaker
Do you look like you're at like a workspace? I am. It's Brandon's workspace. But like not in your home, like in one of those shared. Oh, because it's such a little room. It's so cute. Yeah.
00:00:11
Speaker
Like a library. or How big is that room? It's it's pretty small. I mean, like these are my arms almost. These are my arms touching the wall. OK. And we're at volume. We're all good.
00:00:22
Speaker
Yeah. Am I OK? Let's do it. Yeah. Ready. Ready, set, go. Welcome to Just For Moms. I'm Charlotte. I'm Caitlin. I'm Megan. And I'm Callie. We are regular moms talking about regular stuff like aging, parenthood, work-life balance, and figuring out what's for dinner.
00:00:41
Speaker
Again, no-judgment zone to talk, laugh, and maybe cry about all the things women think about on a daily basis. things i'll plan
00:00:54
Speaker
Hello, look at these beautiful faces, and I love your smile. Yes. okay I was going to say good morning, but it's not really morning. I wish we could do the Brady Bunch thing where you like look up. Oh, yeah. Where you like pop and Megan here. Oh, yeah. but Someday we should. But that wouldn't work because somebody's off like i'm in the side.
00:01:12
Speaker
No, but when I edit us together. Oh, okay. Yeah, that'd be fun. All right.
Nostalgic Fashion Brands
00:01:17
Speaker
So I wanted to ask you girls, clothing brands that you wore back in the day that this generation has never heard of because there are a lot and I'm showing my age here, but I feel like it's fun to talk about it. So for me, my one of my faves was Juicy, Juicy Couture. It is, there are like, I feel like there's been a different type of Juicy out there now, but
00:01:44
Speaker
The old Juicy is like the one original. And then the other one I loved, Limited Too. Is Limited Too gone? I feel like they changed the name to Justice, yeah right? they're Justice now. Wait, that's the same thing?
00:01:59
Speaker
Yes. I mean, I didn't know really either of them. you're I know. My mind is... I did know um on your list, Megan, I knew Juicy. i never had Juicy before.
00:02:12
Speaker
But i I'm familiar with that. But all the others were, I think I'm showing my age maybe. I mean, it's a difference of like five years, but that makes a huge difference in the retail world. Yes. Yes. And I remember all the boys wore Sean John and some of the girls too.
00:02:26
Speaker
i had a lot of friends that wore that brand. And then Delia's. We had a Delia's in one of our malls and the mag and then you'd get the magazine in the mail. Callie, were you too young for all of this? No, oh I have no idea what Sean John is, but that could have been just because I didn't, I didn't wear cool clothes. But I do remember Delia's.
00:02:43
Speaker
And I remember getting the magazine and it was so exciting. And then I remember when they finally opened like an actual store at our mall. And I thought it was like the coolest thing ever. Yeah, like I remember when Banana Republic was actually like safari-esque.
00:02:58
Speaker
Like you would go in and the whole thing would be set up. Like, i don't know. Remember the bags? I remember saving all the bags because it had all the animals on it. I don't know this. We had a gap in a Banana Republic next door to each other in our little town.
00:03:13
Speaker
And- I don't think I realized that they're all the same company. Like that sort of blew my mind when I got that piece of hot intel, but I would walk in just hopeful for anything. And it was not in my price point.
00:03:26
Speaker
So I would walk through and I don't think I ever, and think I got a coat once from Banana Republic, but it was definitely a Christmas present from my parents. Well, I was just thinking about Contempo Casuals. Did you ever go there?
00:03:37
Speaker
Yes. Isn't that for old ladies? it was, they sold Delia's stuff. It was at the mall. My sister-in-law worked there and they sold like like all the cool stuff.
00:03:49
Speaker
It was called Contempo. I miss mall culture. i just, that was so great. What a great time to be alive. I know. What
90s Mall Culture
00:03:56
Speaker
was that? What is the ah Stranger Things? Have you guys watched that? Oh yeah.
00:04:00
Speaker
That was a nice mall reboot. yeah Yes. There's a girl on TikTok and she's dedicated to like ninety eighty s mall culture and she, right? Have you seen her? And she wears 90s clothes. She, but there's also...
00:04:18
Speaker
I see. There's also some malls that are preserved. So she'll like go find them and do photo shoots in them and stuff. I need to look her up because she's fun. The only brand that came up for me, and then we can move on. We can make an episode of this.
00:04:31
Speaker
But Benetton for me was like the be all and the end all. I feel like I've talked about it because when I look back at my youth, it was like a sense memory of how desperately I wanted that goddamn rugby shirt.
00:04:42
Speaker
And I never got it because I want to say it was like... It was like 98, I feel like. I mean, it's this, my, my kids akin to like going into what is it like Lululemon and realizing that leggings are $140 and you can get them on Amazon for 25.
00:04:59
Speaker
My parents were like, no, it's just not happening. So the only thing I had from Benetton was like a t-shirt. And then I got some scarves at some point, but that's when I could buy my own stuff. but I never got the rugby shirt. Did you ever, I have to ask this one, French Connection and the shirts would say like F-C-U-K, so not the bad word, and then something next to it.
00:05:21
Speaker
So like F-C-U-K boys or something like that. Yeah. yeah I remember the controversy going over my head.
00:05:32
Speaker
We had a French connection nearest when I lived in the city. And I, I remember it seeming very chic. Like they must have rebranded from that t-shirt. your Yeah. Like when, um, in 2003, when, right before I went on the cruise where I met my husband, i got a shirt in the city from that store and it said, lucky FC UK.
00:05:53
Speaker
And I just thought I was so cool wearing it on the plane. And that's how I met Brandon. One more chat about the 90s and then we'll move on.
00:06:04
Speaker
Do you girls remember clearly Canadian drinks? They are bringing them back. Yeah. i got i got a press package from them a couple months ago. Yeah. they're as They come in cans now.
00:06:17
Speaker
What is it? Clearly Canadian. Remember they were like the plastic bottles. It was sparkling seltzer when we were younger. No. I remember New York seltzer because it came in just an array of flavors, but I don't have- Wait, but you didn't grow up in Connecticut.
00:06:32
Speaker
Did not. That's probably why. Maybe it was a Connecticut thing. I don't remember them, but I'm bad with names. Maybe if I like saw a picture, I might Google a picture later. Had fruit in the middle and like every sandwich shop you went to or deli, it was like the thing- The bottles kind of Clearly Canadian.
00:06:48
Speaker
Mm-hmm. Yeah. It's fast. I mean, zero bells, but I mean. Okay. All right. Anyways, moving on from the 90s.
00:06:57
Speaker
Okay. Mom fails. If we have any, I'll go first. We were just – I feel like I have one every day, but this one sticks out. We were just traveling, visiting my brother in Michigan for two hockey games, and one of the nights we had to stay in a hotel, and I left – Gianna's jeans hanging in the closet and Ava's pajamas in the closet.
00:07:21
Speaker
I remember, you know, when you go to leave, you're like, okay, let's do one more check. You look under the beds, open the drawers. I don't know why I didn't think to check the closet doors. And then last night we were unpacking and I'm like, Gianna, where are those jeans? yeah I have to stain spray them. You got green ink all over them. And she was like, I don't have a mom. And then I was like, I hung them up in the closet.
00:07:44
Speaker
And I left them there. So last night I called the hotel. They did find the two items, surprisingly, shocked. And I just have to pay the shipping fee. So that's my mom fail. I mean, I'm going to pull a little bit of a Travis Kelsey. Why didn't Gianna get Gianna's jeans?
00:07:58
Speaker
You know what, Charlotte? I have to say, being around you, you make me feel like I need to tell my kids to do more things on their own. And I love that. I really do. i do. ah You're right. You're 100% right.
00:08:11
Speaker
And Eva should have got her pajamas, but, you know, I spoil these girls and i should be more like, Charlotte, get your own stuff. it's your being They need to be responsible. You're 100% right.
00:08:22
Speaker
So thank you.
00:08:24
Speaker
Yeah, they should pay for the shipping back. Make them drop out their piggy bank. Ooh, level up. And write a thank you note. And write thank you note. And there we go. Any other any other mom fails? since yeah mine so Mine's short.
00:08:41
Speaker
I sent my kids to school, like got in the car, drove to school when it was a snow day. Did I share this already? It was a snow day. You shared it privately. Oh, yeah. So have this recurring theme of sending my kids to school when there's not school. I'm obviously just so excited for them to go school. My recurring theme is just that like wheels are off when it comes to kind of basic human hygiene, especially with the youngest child, because he's learned that he can, we'll say, go shower tonight. And he'll be like, okay.
00:09:14
Speaker
And he knows that we're just going to forget to follow up. There was a point And we got back from we're recording this the week after the Super Bowl. So, you know, the Super Bowl was Sunday night. Right.
00:09:25
Speaker
I think there was a snow day on Thursday. I believe we forced him to shower on Thursday and like watched him walk in and like smelled him when he came out and confirmed that he had showered.
00:09:36
Speaker
He came back from the Super Bowl and it was too late to force him to shower. He was not smelling good. And i don't think he got in a shower until maybe Monday because you just will say, go do it. And he doesn't do it.
00:09:48
Speaker
So we've lost the thread on the youngest in particular. So if he smells, it's not on me. I mean, that's you tried that's a battle I have in my house with, I'm not going to name names, but I'm like, come on, your hair is very greasy and gross looking and they think dry shampoo helps and it doesn't.
00:10:07
Speaker
at all But it's also like I looked at him yesterday very honestly and I said, you really smell. Does that bother you? Like, do you mind that you are walking through the world smelly? And he's like, he starts to be like, I don't smell. And I was like, because you're just like walking around like pig pen in your own. You don't know what's happening.
00:10:24
Speaker
They don't. I mean, none of them care. if someone had told me I smelled, would have been scrubbing. I mean, maybe not when I was 12, but. I always smell their hair, Caitlin. I do that. I go. Yeah. And then I'm like, you need to shower. I did last night. Go again.
00:10:39
Speaker
no I'll tell them they smell like, I remember when I taught first grade, third graders didn't really smell. My first graders stunk. Like, dirty hair, dirty skin. just And probably teeth. Yeah. They don't brush their teeth. And I'm not blaming any other parents because kids lie.
00:10:58
Speaker
They tell you. Yeah. We have those kids now. Yeah, now they're mine. My four year old, my four year old is is like struggle to get her dressed in the morning. And the other day, Michael's like, when do they just get dressed on their own? And I was like, Michael, never.
00:11:10
Speaker
and We're for our whole lives gonna have to tell them to get in the shower, brush your teeth. Like he doesn't under he like, he was like, it's got to be a time where that stops. I'm like forever until they move out. And then we just don't have to worry about it anymore.
00:11:22
Speaker
We will always have to tell them to take a shower and brush their teeth. Although and in Charlotte's house, I bet they all do it without being told. I have a couple that have reached that internalized state of hygiene.
00:11:34
Speaker
But no, with all the others, I have to point out, looking a little greasy. let's Let's roll it in. Okay. Everyone's shared their mom fails. Moving on. Yes.
Challenges of Adult Friendships
00:11:43
Speaker
Okay. So this week's topic is making friends as an adult.
00:11:48
Speaker
And I know personally this can be hard. And I wanted to start off with a quote that Callie shared that I thought was very fun. That's exciting. Adult friendships are hard because everyone is really tired.
00:12:04
Speaker
So true, though. It is. I know. Why are we always tired? um I always ask my my parents, I'm like, does that feeling ever go away? They're like, no, it just gets worse.
00:12:15
Speaker
Hmm. I'm reading Water for Elephants. I'm slightly taking tangent. I apologize. But I'm reading Water for Elephants. And the very like first chapter is this guy like remincing reminiscing back. And he says, I'm 90 years old, or maybe I'm 93. I can't remember. And then he's like, at some point when you're 30, you just start forgetting things. And you're just like ah you know like you don't remember anything. And I was like, ah, yes. i just Anyways, it's a good first chapter. It's a good book. Is it? Oh, good. I just started. It's really, really good.
00:12:43
Speaker
I have a question for all of you because I wonder if this changes what like our tone. How many of you have a posse of friends that you've sort of had your whole life?
00:12:53
Speaker
And like you go and girls weekends and that kind of thing? Yes. Not so, like a high school, a high school group of girls. And college. The high school group started when I was a freshman. does that Is that what you mean? Or like younger than that?
00:13:08
Speaker
Yeah. yeah Because I don't have – I have friends from all chapters of my life, but there was never a point when – it was like one cohesive posse. Like I've never, i don't have like a recurring girls trip.
00:13:22
Speaker
No. Like I've been on trips with friends, but I don't have that. And i I was thinking of my answer to this and I'm wondering if that dynamic shapes how you approach friendships. Like when I got married and I had to pick the women to be in my bridal party, it was wonderful, but none of these people had ever met each other. I mean, they couldn't have been a more disparate group of humans and it was wonderful to get them all together in one room But I do, I just wonder, I don't know, my my friends are all very, they're all kind of one off. I feel like I'm the same way, Charlotte.
00:13:54
Speaker
I have friends that I've been friends with since I was a little. But we're not and and I could probably text a bunch of people I went to high school with right now and hang out with them. Like, but I'm not, it's not an everyday thing. And all of my friends are from little different pockets of different chapters in my life or I met them in different places and I do like to bring them together because it is fun to see the others like all interact but you've lived in different places and I have as well so maybe that you know I've traveled to so many different states and made friends all over the place so that's part of it but I don't just have one gang what about you Callie
00:14:34
Speaker
No, I have a couple of friends that I met like in grade school slash into high school that I'm still friends with, but not, I mean, not all of them. And then no, I mean, by the time, but also by the time I was 18, my husband and I were living together.
00:14:50
Speaker
I feel like I also sort of like never did that like college. I never lived in a college dorm. I never really like did that sort of thing either. So that was always a weird dynamic making friends too, because I did make some friends,
00:15:03
Speaker
single, you know, when I was in a lot of them were also single. So then it was this weird, like I had these friends that weren't in a relationship, but I was in a very committed relationship. And that was always sort of weird. So I feel like making friends after high school for me has always sort of been sort of strange that way. Because there is like, when you make friends as a mom, there's this whole layer of like, are kids the same age? Do we parent the same way?
00:15:26
Speaker
But even if you take out the kid part, if you're in a relationship or not in a relationship, there's like that whole weird level. And then like, Are we going to hang out with with our husbands? If we're hanging out with our husbands, do they get along? And know it's like a whole nother strange dynamic.
00:15:41
Speaker
Yes. I know for for me personally, like Charlotte, to back to what you were saying, I have my high school friends, my college friends. Then I have work friends, my first job right out of college.
00:15:54
Speaker
And that was the hard part where I felt like, okay, now what do I do? Like I'm in a work environment and these people are almost like family And I'm going to be there every day. So I made so many work friends at my first job at Commuto Group. That was for five years. I had those work friends. Now I have mom friends.
00:16:15
Speaker
So it's like you have different types of friends. And it can be tricky juggling all the friendships too, where I feel like you feel like maybe you lose, like my high school friends, I probably see as a group maybe once or twice a year.
00:16:32
Speaker
But when we get together, it's like we're we're oh we're we're almost together and we have a group chat on my phone. We text a lot. But it's nothing it's like nothing's ever changed, which I love that, you know, friendship that my high school friends, I just feel like those are my girls for life. And i also read a quote as well saying that if you've been friends with someone for over 10 years – and I don't know if you girls agree with this, that that friendship will be a lifelong friendship.
00:17:05
Speaker
Yeah, I think that if you stay in touch with someone that long, that it's, you know, you you could probably call them up after a couple years and still talk to them. and i Something I've learned in the last couple of years is that it's okay if a friendship ends.
00:17:22
Speaker
I think that's been the hardest thing about making friends as an adult is that Friendships don't always last forever, and that's okay. That you'll make friends through different seasons of your life, and friendships come and go, and you can be sad about it and literally mourn that it's over, or you just kind of let it fly away in the wind. go ahead, Charlotte.
00:17:45
Speaker
Well, i it's when I think of friendship, as I get older, I think I've... Learn to value and look for friendships in a different way. Like when I was younger, don't know if I took it for granted or I was much more interested in like finding a boyfriend or I mean, I think I grew up in an era where having a boyfriend was much more.
00:18:06
Speaker
Uh, For me, it felt like it had more cachet. And so that was something that I was like, for my own self-esteem, I sort of needed that boyfriend.
00:18:16
Speaker
And so I think I focused on that more than girlfriends because the girlfriends just kind of were. And as I moved through high school and college, I i think I was still maybe more preoccupied on finding a boyfriend than I was and really nurturing those female friendships.
00:18:35
Speaker
And then I played sports. And so I was with women every day, but they weren't necessarily my people. And then as I've gotten older, I've had to kind of navigate that thing that happens where you have your old friends that you may not have seen for, in some situations, years for me. But I know that if we were ever to you know, cross paths in the same city, or if I were to pick up the phone in tears and call them, it would be like no time had passed. And I, I, I don't know if it's taking it for granted or just trusting that they're going to be there. So I sort of have that category of friends, but then i have this funny category of friends where it's often the moms that you see every day the bus stop or your friends or friends with them. And so in some regards you see them,
00:19:18
Speaker
way more than any of these other people. And there's that moment of like, wait a minute, we've just, our whole relationship is sort of just the minutia of like, what time is the class party? And are you going to drive to basketball? And then you reach a point of like, huh, do I want to level up?
00:19:33
Speaker
and like cross the line and invite them for a drink or have them over. So that for me has been sort of this funny tap dance that has happened since I left New York City and started having a family and live here with my husband is that has been the tricky thing for me is, you know, all of us meet people every day, but like at what point do they, you kind of move them into the friendship bucket? You're not casually friending anymore. You're like, you're exclusively fundinging friending. It's friending verb. Right. like Like when you're dating.
00:20:03
Speaker
And I think we talked about this because we did bring up this topic in the old podcast and we really liked it. So we wanted to bring it up again here.
Integrating into New Communities
00:20:11
Speaker
The idea of ways that you can meet friends just logistically. For me, when I first moved from New York City to the suburbs, we just naturally fell in with a group of people that were related to my husband. And so that was sort of my default friend group. And it took me a while to kind of move through that and realize like, I like them, but that person isn't going to be my bestie or, you know, so on and so forth.
00:20:33
Speaker
I feel like, Callie, you had, weren't you talking a lot about like newbie groups and things that you had tapped into when we recorded about this the first time? Yeah. So in the town that um I used to live in there was a newcomers group when we moved in, which was really cool because at the time, think my I only had one and he was like eight months old or something. And so it was just a really great way to get to know the community. And it was it.
00:20:58
Speaker
I mean, it was all the newcomers group in the town where I lived um was only women. So it was like almost all moms. It was open to all ages. So we did have some people who were older and it just moved in, which was kind of cool because it was like it could be any woman who had moved to the town.
00:21:13
Speaker
But it was just a nice way to get to know some people so that when you were in the grocery store, you would see a face that was really familiar. Like, I think the most interesting thing. that I've come to notice about friendships as I navigate motherhood with friendships is that there can be different kinds of friends.
00:21:30
Speaker
I feel like prior to motherhood, like you said, Charlotte, it's like your besties. Like when you make a friend, it's like that you're going to go on trips together and you're going to go out and you're going to see each other at at dinners. And you know what I mean?
00:21:41
Speaker
And I've noticed that in motherhood, like I'm content having some people that are just acquaintances and I have their cell phone number. And these are people that I have and could call if I needed something. There was, you know, there's been, ah we had power outages for like over a week when I lived at the old house and I had people that I had literally never gone out with ever, but like I could call them and be like, I need ice or, you know, so those people that are sort of there for you.
00:22:07
Speaker
So I've navigating that, I think is interesting too, that there's, you kind of feel like this needs to be my best friend. And we should we haven't talked in a month. Like, are are we not friends anymore? But they're kind of just, you can kind of get these acquaintances. So anyways, that was a a tangent. But it was nice to get to know people in my community.
00:22:23
Speaker
Didn't necessarily have to be somebody that I jived with so well and was best friends. But if I ran into them at library, it's just nice to see familiar faces when you're out and about like in your community. And I really liked that.
00:22:34
Speaker
I don't know how many towns have that. I think Megan, you said your town does. i feel like more towns should, but I feel like finding a way to do that, especially when you move somewhere new, or if you are a new mom, just so you have familiar faces when you're out about, and think makes a big difference.
00:22:49
Speaker
Did you look for it or was it like you moved in and there was an envelope on your door that said, welcome, join us at our next meeting type of thing? I can't remember. So I knew that it existed because i actually knew a girl through the grapevine that I'd gone to high school with who lived in that town.
00:23:05
Speaker
And I hadn't talked to her in forever, but via social media, I just knew that she lived in this town. And so I had messaged her and she's like, if you move here, like come to the newcomers group. But she wasn't the first I remember people brought it up multiple times. I think like probably at library hour with my son, somebody mentioned it like it it was a word of mouth thing, like people would have been and then then I was the same time. Anytime I met somebody, i was like, make sure you join the newcomers group because it was really nice.
00:23:29
Speaker
Yes. We had that, Charlotte. When we moved into our home here in New Canaan, there was an envelope and it said join newcomers and it had like the list of events. So I did join it and you can be a member. I feel like it was for like for your first five years here and then you get kind of kicked out. But it was a great way to meet people. And a few more thoughts on making new friends as an adult. I would say go out of your way to do things that you wouldn't normally joe I know I would, they have, you know, there's book clubs, newcomers, sports leagues, events, workout classes, parenting group, church.
00:24:10
Speaker
ah You can be be social friendly, smile and start conversations. So there's some tips. Hopefully, just like that. Yeah. yeah That's so simple. Thanks, Megan. Yeah.
00:24:21
Speaker
But I do have to say, you know, even when school starts and you you're new, like when you move from a town a new town and you're looking to make adult friends, the coffee dates,
00:24:37
Speaker
the, you know, the meet and greets that they do, I would force myself to go to those, even though I wasn't really into them ever before. But I was like, i have to meet people. i have to know who my kids are going to school with, the parents. So for me, that was one way i would just, you know, have to be extra social to make those connections and friends.
00:24:58
Speaker
Yeah, it's it is not part of my DNA. I was thinking about when I left, I was a teacher in Washington, D.C., and so my teaching community, those were my besties. And then when I moved to New York City, I lived with someone that I knew from college, but i you know he was not my bestie.
00:25:14
Speaker
And i didn't really meet any friends in New York. I guess I did end up meeting one, but I wasn't looking to meet friends. like It wouldn't have even occurred to me to go seek out I don't know, anything, book groups or whatever.
00:25:28
Speaker
And then when we moved to the suburbs, I think because I had kids, I sort of had to force myself to be social just because it's a necessity. But I don't know if I were to relocate now, I don't think I'd be great at it. I mean, I guess I'm old enough and I have wherewithal to know that you do have to force yourself, but like my daughter's book,
00:25:49
Speaker
best friend is a best friend because when they moved east from California, the mom basically called almost everyone in the directory and was like, can we come over and meet? And I remember at first I'm like, whoa.
00:26:02
Speaker
And she's now one of my bestest friends, but you know, you just had, she had to be so like proactive about being social and she knows more people than I do now because she did that. So I wonder if it's, what is the expression where you like just going, you force yourself to do the thing and then eventually it becomes part of who you are. Yeah, I know what you're saying. We had just moved to Georgia. I knew absolutely no one.
00:26:26
Speaker
and knew my in-laws, that was it. And I had, I had Annabelle, my oldest, and my mother-in-law kept telling me that Her friend from work's boss's daughter lived in the same town and we should hang out. And I'm like, no, no, it's not like that. Plus social media wasn't really what it is now. So you couldn't even like stalk.
00:26:45
Speaker
I couldn't go and find this girl and see what she was like. And long story short, about three or four months after I had Annabelle, I was really lonely and just felt like every single day was the same. I'm home alone with my daughter and i have nobody to talk to.
00:27:02
Speaker
I missed my family in Connecticut. I had, you know, in-laws there. And my mother-in-law was like, again, you should go to this breastfeeding group with my so-and-so's daughter. And I was like, fine. And so I connect with her. We met in the parking lot. And that was all she wrote. I made all of these mom friends who had children the same age as mine and this really great community that I wouldn't have had had I not just finally went out there and done it.
00:27:28
Speaker
And then you also have, you know, it's not to say that it's always a success because you could go to these friends groups and find out that you're don't you don't have anything in common, but at least, you know, be proud of yourself that you got out of your comfort zone. My dad used to say sometimes knowing what you don't like is just as valuable as knowing what you do.
00:27:48
Speaker
And I feel like the one through line that we're all sort of saying is that you do have to just like force yourself to maybe step out of your comfort zone. And whether it's a potluck dinner club or a book club or a going to a lecture at the local library.
00:28:01
Speaker
I feel like if your eyes are open to it, there probably are a lot of community opportunities that you might, I don't know, you might be sitting next to someone great. You might not. So when we moved to the town that we live in now, we've been here, i don't know what, six months, nine months. I don't know. I've lost all track of time, but I was definitely far more intentional when I moved here.
00:28:19
Speaker
about being like, okay, I need to find my place in the community a little bit. And it's not that I have a full foothold because then I had a baby a few months later, but I was much more aware of like when people were out in the street, like stopping and talking to people. Like when I saw somebody walking by my house with a child, like waving them down, being like, hey, I'm, I mean, like I literally have phone numbers in my phone because I did this, you know? yeah And I had some people do the same thing. I mean, don't know if this is a tip, but when we moved in, I got,
00:28:48
Speaker
probably like two letters, at least two or three letters in our mailbox of just somebody like, hey, we live on whatever, like we know that you moved in with kids, just sort of like, here's my phone number, these are my kids ages.
00:28:59
Speaker
And I like made sure I text them right away. And just like, here's my info, like, you know, we're about to have a baby, but like, now we have each other and we can connect and like we exchange Christmas cards. So it is a little bit going out of your comfort zone, like that can be sort of uncomfortable.
00:29:12
Speaker
But it's just nice to know the people in your community. And I want to share this tip. i was telling you guys, I listened to this podcast recently with this guy who's like a conversation expert. and He's like spent his whole career learning about like charisma and conversation. And he gave this one tip that I thought was so good.
Building New Friendships
00:29:27
Speaker
And he said, whenever you're in a social situation, always just think about adding one more sentence.
00:29:32
Speaker
And so i can think about so many times you're at school drop off and you're just like having that like little conversation with the other mom or whatever. you know, you're in the at the library and you're kind of hitting it out with another mom. But, and he sort of was just like, just, just add in one more sentence, something about you. Some, you know, we always just talk about the weather. We're talking about our kids.
00:29:51
Speaker
He said, think of one more sentence, whether it's something about you or something about where you live or something about your kids, just something that could be a conversation starter. And I thought that was a really nice way to think about it. Cause I feel like as moms, we're constantly in positions where we're around people, but that,
00:30:07
Speaker
that sort of breaking down the barrier of actually like making friends with somebody can feel sort of weird. Anyways, it was a really interesting podcast episode. We'll link it. Do we have show notes? Is that a thing? But it was very interesting how he sort of talked about all these sort of ways that you can talk to people and sort of do it in ways that leave it open to more conversation as opposed to like the basic small talk that we, everybody hates.
00:30:31
Speaker
I also, i try to get out of my own head because there has never been a time in my life when someone has come up to me with an open smile and said, hi, it's nice to meet you. My name is Barb.
00:30:42
Speaker
I love your shirt and you know, i can make chili. Yeah. Like, there's really nothing you could say that wouldn't make me want to sit and hang. And so I try to like, if I'm at a conference or a party, I do try to just sort of go heads on. and And I always think about too, we've all been in situations where the other person was someone to come up to us and sort of like say something. And and so I'm, I always am thinking like, how can I be that person to somebody else?
00:31:07
Speaker
Yes. Yes. Agreed, Callie. I try to like, even though I'm like, I don't want to do this, I'll go up and like, hi, I'm Megan. So nice to meet you. Another point I wanted to make as well is i with making friends as an adult at age 42, I feel like Charlotte brought this up before. I am definitely more...
00:31:27
Speaker
cautious. I will be kind and meet everyone that everyone at the potluck dinner, but the ones that I bring in super close and tight, i feel like as I've been getting older, i definitely am a little more, the word picky about- Guarded a little more. yeah Yes, exactly. It's healthy. i mean it's healthy I feel like if you, I'm someone who've always, I always walk around and show all my cards and I give all my secrets and my stories away initially.
00:31:57
Speaker
And the number of times I've been hurt because I did that. And like, I misread a relationship that I had formed with somebody. So now sometimes I worry I'm, too guarded.
00:32:07
Speaker
It's just not a good fit. I just, I have a different rubric. You know, when I was younger, it was like, who's going to be fun and go out to the bar or like who's sporty or, and now it's, I don't know who has, is a little more outspoken and who feels this way about certain topics and who I have different qualifiers, I guess.
00:32:26
Speaker
Yes. Love that. What about you, Callie? Are you the same way? Being guarded, you mean about who yeah, I don't, I feel like Going back to what I said before, like I've got a few very good close friends that like I'm not looking to fill that position currently. So I mean, honestly, the the the people that I'm looking for in my life right now that I'm trying to fill in are just those like the community people around me.
00:32:49
Speaker
And so those are never people i' I'm pretty I think I've always been pretty good about or maybe I do it too much where I don't let people in enough. And I'm just like, I'm good with you just being an acquaintance. And this is just how we were. So I don't know. And I also feel like social media has making us.
00:33:04
Speaker
has a way of making us feel even worse about making new friends. Because I know for me, when we first moved to the new town we're in now, I would go on and see all these like people out and about and having like the best time. And I'm like,
00:33:20
Speaker
Oh, I didn't get invited to that. It's okay, though. But it made me feel like kind of not the greatest inside. So I feel like it might seem perfect that everyone's out and about with their best friends and having a great time. But a lot of my friends now don't aren't social media people.
00:33:37
Speaker
I mean, they go and watch stuff, but they're not sharing every single bit on stories. And so I don't know if they're hanging out without me, basically, is what I'm saying. Yeah. No, I love that though. I mean, our jobs and doing what we do, I love to be around people that are into social media and just be real and put my phone away, you know, and that's like a nice thing to do where I don't have to tag and post where I am and this is what I'm eating. I just feel like it's cool just to go and sit with people that don't like to go on social media.
00:34:09
Speaker
It's kind of a breath of fresh air. Yeah. I mean, it goes both ways and I know we need to move on because I do, I don't know. I think sometimes when you're feeling really excited and like loving a group of people, it is nice to share it. And I just have to tell myself they're not posting it to me.
00:34:25
Speaker
Like if I'm not there, it's, they're not like, let's post it. So Charlotte sees she wasn't, know what I mean? That's my brain is telling me that my brain is like, wait a minute, I feel really left out, but they're just a group of people that are having fun. And i feel for these kids because man, as like middle-aged women,
00:34:41
Speaker
those social moments are tricky for all of us. So as a 13 year old, I don't know what I would have done with it, but I you i take your point. I do agree with you, Megan, that it's not like it's not always what it seems. Correct. Yes.
Personal Highs and Lows
00:34:54
Speaker
Okay. Moving on to pits and peaks. Caitlin, would you like to go first? mean, mine's just a pit. January kind of had some crappy news and then this week was just some crappy news.
00:35:07
Speaker
So I don't want to be like I'm in this pit because i'm I'm working very hard to not be in a pit, to remember that like bad things happen, but that doesn't define your entire life.
00:35:18
Speaker
And it doesn't mean another bad thing's going to happen tomorrow. So I'm trying to be very positive. You're allowed. Yeah. Charlotte, um I have a peek. And again, this is a couple weeks late when you're listening to it. Guys, I got our car into the garage.
00:35:33
Speaker
Oh, that is, that's a good thing. Now, why? Because we had snow coming. So can I do or use anything in the garage? No, because things are like piled up and blocking what I need. But to back that car into the garage just once, that just was a real high.
00:35:49
Speaker
can i just ah Can I just ask, how many of you park your cars in the garage? Me? every Like every day you park in the garage? Yeah, but there's only space for my car. No, but no nothing else.
00:36:00
Speaker
So do you have a two car garage and half of the garage is like the second car part is filled with stuff or do you have nothing in your garage? Me? Oh, no, there's tons of shit in my garage. It technically can fit two cars, but it's it's it's a one car garage.
00:36:16
Speaker
Yes. yeah I just feel like our general, what about you, Megan? Do you park in your garage? I do not because we have so much shit in our garage too, but I'm just picturing that movie. It's going to drive me nuts where he's on a cart and he's going back and forth. Austin Powers.
00:36:32
Speaker
Yes. If I tried to get into my garage right now, that would be me. Cause number one, I'm not a good driver. Number two, our driveway is not big enough. Number three, there's stuff everywhere. So I just stay outside, but I don't like it.
00:36:43
Speaker
But yes, I could Kelly. I should make, I can't make one of the kids do it, Charlotte. I should make the husband do it. yeah I just feel like, well, I just feel like it's a generational thing because almost all of my friends that are like our age, most of them are not parking in the driveway.
00:36:58
Speaker
And my mom always brings it up. Like she thinks it's so weird. We don't currently, so the whole reason that like this comes up when we bought the house we have right now, it has no garage. And we're like, that's fine. Someday we'll add a garage. Like we don't, we weren't parking in the old garage, but like it blew my mom's and my, my father-in-law's like mind that we would even think to buy a house without a garage because I feel like Boomers all park park in their garage. Like that is what they, I don't know. I just feel like it's a very weird, like it's a generation gap thing. I grew up in a farmhouse. We didn't have a garage.
00:37:28
Speaker
So the first time I ever had a garage, I thought it was like a luxury. And my husband's like, no, everyone has garages except you just. That's just where you put your stuff. For me, a garage is like a shed. It's just where put it. Yeah, it is. Yeah,
00:37:42
Speaker
No, my parents are the same way about the garage, Callie. It's a generation thing. I have like a pit that kind of turned into a peak, if that works for you. We'll allow it. So I was very anxious about traveling on an airplane recently, just to all the news going on, and it ended up being fine. and i everything I'm here. i'm present.
00:38:05
Speaker
So it turned into a peak.
00:38:09
Speaker
She made it. Like everyone was like clapping when we landed, including these. I was like, yeah, we're fine. But yeah, I just need to stop watching the news. I think. What's up with you, Callie? I have a peek. I have a peek. So I've had, it's been a rough two weeks just,
00:38:24
Speaker
sicknesses And sleep trained my baby. And then I was sick. It was just a lot. And then, like, my older kids, for some reason, kept waking up really early, which is unlike them. So this morning, for the first time in a long time, everybody in my house slept past 630.
00:38:38
Speaker
And it was just – Wow. Because you guys know that I'm a morning person. I wake up. That is my time. So like yesterday, I mean, I was like a grouch yesterday and I was saying to Michael, i was like, I think I just like, I haven't had a morning where like I can get, that's when I get stuff done. i take it off my, so it's just been like piling up and I've been like pretty chill about it. because I'm like, I know this isn't going to last forever. Like I've done this thing, like no big deal. But eventually like it starts to bubble over and you're like, oh my God.
00:39:02
Speaker
And I still have a bunch to do, but it just felt really like, okay. It was, it felt nice. Yeah. What time is your alarm set for every morning, Callie? Right now it's five.
Closing and Call for Reviews
00:39:12
Speaker
So thanks for tuning in to our episode here. And wherever you're listening to Just for Moms, please leave us a five-star review. Just a little five stars, no pressure or anything. Four, whatever. i mean, yeah. 4.9. not a two because we don't understand the point of a two.
00:39:31
Speaker
Right? Yeah. If you don't like it, just leave the one. Or just step away from your keyboard. Don't do anything. Or don't listen. Nobody forced me to listen to our voices. Yeah. But thank you for tuning in. Just for moms, Megan, Callie, Caitlin, Charlotte.
00:39:47
Speaker
Bye for now. Bye for now. Somewhere there's going like worst people ever asking for a review.