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The Financial Costs of Raising a Child
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EPISODE 10 is here!
Spring is in the air… or at least the stink bugs are. Caitlin, Charlotte, Kallie, and Megan kick things off with springtime woes (do stink bugs even stink?!) and April Fools' Day hot takes. Then, we dive into a listener-submitted question: How much do families actually spend on childcare? We break down the real costs, the tough decisions parents make, and why this topic feels so taboo. Plus, we share our latest Mom Fails (laundry struggles, work/life balance), Peaks & Pits (new shows, outdoor adventures, baby alligators?!), and plenty of laughs along the way.
🎧 Tune in now! #ParentingPodcast #ChildcareCosts #MomLife
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Transcript
Introduction and Snack Preferences
00:00:00
Speaker
I'm not meat stick kind of person. Well, just give me a second. and I'm eating it and then we can start. of course. Do you enjoy them, Charlotte? You know what I like about them? I feel like it's like a snack that is not just like a handful of Cheez-Its, which I also enjoy. Yeah.
00:00:18
Speaker
I'm working on having like better grab and go snacks. And I even asked everyone and they were, everything was so much. I just want something that's like in a wrapper, like string cheese, this handful of peanuts. I don't want to have to like get a thing and put a dip on. Like I can't.
00:00:31
Speaker
I like to, I like to take a bite of the stick and then a Ritz cracker. I will just make an observation that you're not like making sounds of enjoyment while you eat it. Well, I'm trying to be conscious of the misophonia. What it called? Okay. Okay.
00:00:46
Speaker
so like You just don't look like you're enjoying that snack. Like if you were on mute and I was like, is this woman enjoying the snack she's eating? i would say no.
Podcast Introduction and Theme
00:00:55
Speaker
Welcome to Just For Moms. I'm Charlotte. I'm Caitlin.
00:00:58
Speaker
I'm Megan. And I'm Callie. We are regular moms talking about regular stuff like aging, parenthood, work-life balance, and figuring out what's for dinner. Again, no-judgment zone to talk, laugh, and maybe cry about all the things women think about on a daily basis. Hi. Hi. How are you?
00:01:18
Speaker
hi you Welcome to Just For Moms. This is episode 10, I believe, which is, i i mean, it might call for a little dance celebration because somehow- Yeah, somehow here we are.
Spring and Nature's Effects
00:01:35
Speaker
And when we are recording this, we're not quite there yet, but you're listening to it and it is spring.
00:01:42
Speaker
it is officially spring if you're listening to this. Wait, is that for the calendar? Because you've just blown, you cannot put that out into the world. no yeah You have to get Charlotte's face to know.
00:01:56
Speaker
You just don't say that out loud. Like I'm tempted to even cut it from the audio. there a spring on the calendar and there it is spring on the first weather? There's a reason I'm saying this.
00:02:06
Speaker
It is the first day of spring. And I feel like sometimes things happen in nature, in my home, whether I want them to or not, even if outside is still 30 degrees.
00:02:21
Speaker
there are now stink bugs in my bedroom. Nothing says spring like stink bugs. Right. Nothing says spring like whatever I'm allergic to in my basement, just waking
Spring Likes and Dislikes
00:02:30
Speaker
up. So now I'm sneezing every day.
00:02:32
Speaker
yeah And so because it might not actually feel or be anything like spring outside right now, I want to know what you don't like about spring. Because a lot of people just go into this season and celebrate and they're just so happy to come out from fall. I mean, from winter, but it's, I mean, some people, it's not the greatest time.
00:02:51
Speaker
Can we pause game and has anyone confirmed that stink bugs actually stink or is it just so every time I kill one, I'm like, they do when you kill them. Yeah. Okay. You scare them away. I don't know. I didn't know that.
00:03:03
Speaker
Squish it between a paper towel and then sniff it. Oh, you have. Yeah. to see if it I'm going to do it now just because you said it.
00:03:17
Speaker
Well, and you know, we need, we named them Jerry. So yeah, to yeah all of them. Yeah. Any, yes. Cause there's a video, you can find it online. ah my toddler last year was very scared cause they just appear all over the house and you know, they look like small dinosaurs.
00:03:33
Speaker
yeah And so I told her, Oh, that's Jerry. You know, he lives here. he's fine. He won't hurt you. And so. Let's go kill him. Let's also kill him. And he smells.
00:03:45
Speaker
Yes. Yes. Okay. So tell me what you don't like about springing. The mud. ah i mean, this year I think we're in for a really muddy cause it's already just so melty. I don't love that, but I don't know. I like i don't, I but don't get allergies. I love spring.
00:04:01
Speaker
Yeah. I like spring too, but I think the part I don't like about spring is like maybe, maybe this time of spring when it's not officially warm yet. And so when you get a cold day, because it's just like wet and gray, like 40 degrees can feel like negative three degrees. I can't figure out the science of that, but like for some reason I'm colder. Yeah.
00:04:24
Speaker
during that like transition into the warm that I am in the dead of winter. And I don't like that. We were literally just talking about this on the ride to Louise's early orchestra today. It's not that cold. I think it was 35 during the ride over. yeah Keep in mind, guys, we're recording this when it is not officially spring.
00:04:41
Speaker
And that's downright balmy. And so in my brain, I'm like, it's only 35. It's going to be so warm. We were freezing because our brain had shifted gears. I agree with you. It's a psychology that someone can study.
00:04:52
Speaker
And don't you feel like too, Callie, it's like you go to all the stores and the spring clothes are out. So you feel like you have to buy and wear the spring clothes, but it's 35 degrees out and you're freezing in the spring clothes.
00:05:05
Speaker
Yes. Yeah. Megan, do you just love spring? I like the daffodils and the tulips. Who doesn't? I don't like the mud. I feel like sometimes we get gypped where we live, where we don't even have a spring.
00:05:19
Speaker
It just skips over and goes into summer. But I do like anything getting warmer. I will disagree with that because okay when I lived in the South for 12 years, it would go from winter two to spring yes for five minutes.
00:05:37
Speaker
And then it would be 78 degrees and you'd be like, this is beautiful. And then it would be 90 the next day. So we really sometimes never got a spring. It was just like winter, a couple days of, wow, this is beautiful to disgusting.
00:05:52
Speaker
Where up here, i mean, it gets warm. I mean, the rain, I think, is probably the worst. I remember being in high school, one it just would rain every day in May.
00:06:02
Speaker
we get a lot of I feel like we get a lot of rain in the spring. And then one thing I just remember as a kid growing up, my birthday is in March. And I feel like the equator, I don't know what's changed, but I remember having my birthday party March 25th in the yard with my cousins and my friends on the swing set. And I was in like a t-shirt dress March Now,
00:06:23
Speaker
now March 25th here, it's still snowing now. Megan, your birthday was yesterday. Oh, yeah. Happy birthday. Happy birthday. Wait, weren't you the one, Megan, that went to a daffodil cutting farm last yeah year?
00:06:38
Speaker
I want to do that this year. Yeah, I like going to the tulip. I've done the tulip ones, the daffodils. Oh, you know what else, too? I like like the orchid shows, anything with like flowers. and Yeah.
00:06:49
Speaker
Yeah, I want to do that, too. That's fun. So I'm going to segue away from spring and move right into April Fool's Day because it's next
April Fool's Day Reflections
00:06:55
Speaker
week. But the reason I bring this up is because I don't particularly get excited about April Fool's Day. When I was a teacher, my students wanted me to be excited about it and I did it.
00:07:05
Speaker
And so do you guys get excited in your homes about April Fool's Day? I feel like, Megan, you probably prank your children. I feel like, yeah, I do come up with some jokes or I'll come up with a creative reel or, you know, the funny one, like when you're pregnant and you're not. Just, you know, it's April Fool's. But I don't like love April Fool's. Wait, that's not, that's an example of what not to do, right?
00:07:27
Speaker
That's not. Yeah, probably, probably don't do that. No, no, definitely. Never. Don't do that ever, Never. Well, just be to Joe. So whatever. Oh, to your spouse, maybe. Not to the kids. God, no. To no one else. To social media. No.
00:07:41
Speaker
Oh, no no no, no, no, no. Just a private joke. yeah Yeah. To a husband, i can I'll give you that. Okay. Yeah. Yeah. I feel like the kids do stuff too. mean I don't have the bandwidth for me.
00:07:54
Speaker
My kids did bring me, I want to say it landed on a Saturday or Sunday and they came up into the room with a cup of coffee one day and like the shit eating grins on their face was enough. And it was, it was just straight soy sauce, which you can't get that within three inches before you smell it. So it didn't work on me, but they were, they still to remember that time.
00:08:14
Speaker
was like, yeah, that was a good one. Kids. You got me good. Yeah. Callie, do you like jokes? No, yeah I like jokes. I hate April Fool's Day. I just think it's stupid. yeah I don't know. I don't want to spend the whole day like worrying like what is are you real? Is it real? Are you I don't know. I just don't.
00:08:30
Speaker
I don't I could I could see it being cute when the kids are a little older and they think it's funny to like, but just, yeah, I just I just it's not for me. The only thing I've seen that is sort of funny on April Fool's Day is when in the olden days of blogging, probably there's people on social media do it when someone who is like a super fancy designer will write a whole very serious post about like the lazy boy that they've just added to their living room or, you know, yeah something like that. Like that I do find to be very clever, but but there's no, that's a victimless crime.
00:09:05
Speaker
yeah I feel like April Fool's Day has like lost its glimmer too because I feel like back in the day before social media and stuff, it's like you could maybe get to lunch and not know that it's April Fool's Day yet.
00:09:17
Speaker
You know, like if you just kind of work. Nowadays, it's like everybody, like you figured it out before it's 8 a.m. And so it's like nobody can really, I don't know. Yeah, it's hard to prank. I feel like my kids did the one where they went and they got like, you know, fake poop or something, you know, like like that plastic poop stuff. And they put it in a bed and they were like, mom, look, who did that? You know, like there's like
Balancing Work and Family
00:09:39
Speaker
silly stuff or even that you could buy from the dollar store that they pranked me on. But I kind of always like, oh, the April Fool's because like, you know, so it's like you it's got to be a good, good April Fool's joke to get me. That's what I got to say.
00:09:52
Speaker
I'm looking at the origin because it is sort of a random holiday. It does seem like it's sort of worldwide, but it doesn't from my very quick scanning. It says that the disputed association between April Foolishness is in Geoffrey Chaucer's Canterbury Tales.
00:10:07
Speaker
Like that's really old. It seems crazy that that's how far back it goes, but I wanted it to be something more exciting than that. ah The Canterbury Tales are not exciting to you?
00:10:19
Speaker
I mean, maybe they were at the time, but no. I don't remember anything about April Fool's and that from my studies. So we're going segue into mom fails.
00:10:31
Speaker
And I don't have any this week, but does anybody else? I mean, i I say this, I fail every day. It's just every day There's no point in pointing it out. My mom fail is i have one child. I mean, I have many children that are going through various stages of adolescence. So at any given moment, it's a landmine that you don't know if you're stepping on.
00:10:51
Speaker
This child is going through the throes of it more than others. And she asked me to move her clothes from the washing machine to the dryer when she was at school. I did that.
00:11:03
Speaker
I did, however, forget to start the dryer. And so when she came home, i think she had a very specific outfit in mind for... i can't remember what we were going to do. But this was...
00:11:15
Speaker
akin to catastrophe and the glares that i I mean, I think she ultimately, we got it through and I think she wore like kind of damp jeans, but everything else was okay.
00:11:26
Speaker
But that was my fail. Cause I was like, I don't have to tell you, like I blew it. I just made a mistake. There's nothing we can, there's no fix right now. You're just, you're gonna have to make do with wet pants or just, I don't know, go in your room and find something else. But that was my fail.
00:11:40
Speaker
Yeah. She had that outfit in mind. too Callie, do you have any? Yeah, I'm just like, i'm I'm in a struggle zone right now with like a work-life balance thing. It's just, there's just a lot of children. There's just a lot of children. You know what i mean? It's just doctor's appointments and dentists and then just like trying to like, where am I supposed to work in that?
00:12:02
Speaker
And it's just one of those when you're like, maybe I should just not work and just stay home so I can go to all these doctor's appointments. I'm just in one of those ruts right now. You know? i'm very familiar with that.
00:12:14
Speaker
Where you kind of just, it's almost like you have no time for yourself. It's serving everyone else. And then you just want to quit all. And it's just hard because my job is not, and it's tricky because obviously my husband has a job where he has to be there, right? Like he's expected to like be there during blocks of time. And he's very aware of my work and helps as much as he can. But when there's something that comes up at a Tuesday at two, you know,
00:12:41
Speaker
It doesn't really matter. I mean, I have the job where I can leave Tuesday at two, but then it sucks because then I'm not working Tuesday at two when I was supposed to be working, you know? So it's like, it's that kind of tricky, trick tricky slope. And we've been trying to figure it out. It's, and again, it's not like he's like, you have to do it because my job's more important because it's not, it's a very equal, equal balance in our house in that way. But it just, it's part of it. It's just the job I have too.
00:13:05
Speaker
I think, you know? Well, it's also hard because like i have I wouldn't have guessed that this chapter of my life would feel more cumbersome than the chapter you're in because your stage is so exhausting because you just have to be with these kids and their attention span is 12 minutes. Yeah.
00:13:22
Speaker
If I were to look at how much time I have available, it's I feel like it's much less like the minute the school bell rings, I'm done. And there was a time when I could at least be at home, like attending to my kids, but also like checking this or that or the other.
00:13:38
Speaker
So not having a block of time is also something that I find can be sort of tricky. Like it's one thing to have two hours to get work done during the day. But with little kids, it's usually not the same two hours or continuous. And you can't record a video in five minute snippets. I mean, we can like edit a social media video yeah and do that. But it's yeah, it.
00:13:59
Speaker
The blocks of time, I think, is what's the hardest is that it's yeah, it's like I there's certain things that you can do. But there yeah, there's certain things I'm like, I need two hours to sit down and do this. I can't just pick away at it.
00:14:11
Speaker
So and it has to be interrupted like uninterrupted time. and You need time to get into it and then to get out of it. Yeah. And you talking about that. really does trickle in nicely to our topic for today's
Financial Challenges of Parenting
00:14:25
Speaker
episode. This was an audience question. it came through in one of our messages and I'm just gonna summarize what she asked, which was, would you be willing to discuss how much each of your families spend on groceries and childcare each month month? I find this to be kind of a taboo topic that for some reason,
00:14:44
Speaker
paradoxically people want to flex about their kids' programs and activities and whatever, but act humble and budget conscious at the same time. Anyways, I think this would be interesting. So I pro proposed this topic to our group and it was, we were kind of trying to figure out how to talk about it. And before we get into it, I just wanted to read some some statistics that I came across that are kind of obvious, but they're also kind of not.
00:15:09
Speaker
I think everyone knows having a child is wildly expensive, but you don't really realize how expensive it is until you're in the middle of it all. Or if something big happens in your life where suddenly you're like, wow, where did all our money go?
00:15:25
Speaker
So according to NerdWallet, nearly a third of Americans under age 60 who aren't parents say they don't plan to have kids because the overall cost of raising a child is too high.
00:15:39
Speaker
So I thought that was crazy because they said under the age of 60. And that just goes to show people don't have to be young to adopt a child, to have a child or anything like that, but that people are very conscious right now of how expensive having children is.
00:15:54
Speaker
And another statistic that was interesting that goes along with this is around one in five parents of minors who don't plan to have more kids, say, because the overall cost of raising another child is too high.
00:16:08
Speaker
I think When I was deciding to have a family, my husband just kept saying, oh, you know, it's going to be expensive. It's going be expensive. And then the baby was here and I'm like, well, it's not that bad. You know, I'm just I'm breastfeeding her and I just have to buy diapers.
00:16:24
Speaker
And at the time I had left my teaching position because we moved and it was just there's just life. I never thought anything of it. Fast forward a couple years later, and I have one child eating me out out of house and home. i have another child who's breastfeeding, but also has a dairy allergy. So we have to do all these accommodations and both of them are in diapers.
00:16:45
Speaker
And I'm not back at work because I'm not making enough money to work. And I'm like, what is what is happening? how How did I get here? how did I go from this happy little place of a newborn and she just needs diapers to two of them and they need everything and it it's wild.
00:17:02
Speaker
And so the three of you all have very different experiences and thoughts on this. And I think other moms out there like to hear other people's perspectives and kind of, you know, pull the curtain back and talk about it because it shouldn't be something that no one talks about.
00:17:21
Speaker
I'm curious how many of you, so when we started to have a family like the the finances of it for us was like college. How can we pay for college? It wasn't the 18 years prior to that. And with every child, I think my husband was more aware and anxious and nervous of, but college, but college, but college. and i I wouldn't say I was fast and loose, but i I just sort of found this place of like, we're we are very lucky and fortunate to have like live in the
00:17:58
Speaker
stage of like live in the country where we do to have the jobs that we do. And I just I was like plenty of people that don't have that level of sort of privilege or good fortune or dumb luck, whatever you want to call it, have figured out how to get their kids through college.
00:18:15
Speaker
And I just was like, I would, i can't imagine a scenario where we're looking at one child and being like, oh, I wish we didn't have Arthur because like the other kids can't go to Harvard or what, you know, I just was like, I think, I think we just have to, you have to be a little bit in the moment and like, yeah, we're real concerned about college. And i don't, you know, at this point we don't have a lot of excess each year where the run rate is a lot, but we also live in a beautiful part of the world and, you know, in this ah house that fits us. And we have, so it's it's hard to be like, there's plenty of things that we could be doing differently. If we really needed to make some significant changes, it would affect our lifestyle in a big way, but it could be done.
00:19:00
Speaker
And I guess my question is how many of you thought about the nuance of finance before you had kids, or did you sort of approach it the way we did, which is like, we'll figure it out.
00:19:11
Speaker
that that's exactly what i did okay figure it out yeah I mean we discussed it like another child is going to be another cost especially I mean we had four children quite close together so multiple kids needing daycare or child care you know
Decisions on Having Children
00:19:25
Speaker
at the same time but it wasn't for us didn't end up being a deciding factor yeah it was oh we'll figure it out we'll make the sacrifices necessary Yeah. Like I think there's a scenario when we might have three kids in college at the same time.
00:19:39
Speaker
And that's like, that's major. You figure it out, right, Charlotte? I mean, listen, call me in five years. And if I'm living in my one bedroom apartment with my family of seven, then you know our solution.
00:19:51
Speaker
Yeah. Yeah. No, I feel like in our house, you know, we got married. I wanted kids right away. Joe wanted to wait a full year. Again, he was like the more of like, do you know how much this is going to cost? That's going to cost. This is going to, and i was sort of like, we'll figure it out. It's fine. We'll, you know, we'll manage.
00:20:08
Speaker
So that, and even now today, same thing. I'm always like, oh, it's fine. We'll figure it out. And he's the numbers person. Like, do you, like, we can't do that because we need to budget for this. So I feel like we sort of level each other out in that manner. Um,
00:20:22
Speaker
He does make me put together a lot of spreadsheets with how much um extracurricular activities cost for our kids for spring, fall, winter, spring.
00:20:36
Speaker
So he knows how much that's going to cost. And then he's made me do ones, you know, when it's tax time, he'll have me do one for how much we spend on groceries and Costco just because he likes to see. So I'll do that again. He's the numbers person. I'm just doing what I'm told.
00:20:50
Speaker
I kind of do it and I'm like, oh, you know But it is important to know, like he says, like it's not just, oh. but I was just going to ask a question. and I think I know the answer, but for anyone that's listening might not know.
00:21:03
Speaker
Did all of you leave your jobs because it made more sense to stay home with your children than to pay for child care? Kind of. when When we first started having kids, I was a part-time school counselor.
00:21:17
Speaker
So I worked three days a week. and And when I first, and we lived in the city and I wanted to go back to work. So we did have a nanny for the three days that I was working. I do think my nanny made about the same amount as I did.
00:21:32
Speaker
So that was a wash. But for me, I felt like I was still home more than I was not. I really, I had just gotten a master's degree and it was really important for me to, it felt like sort of the right equation.
00:21:44
Speaker
And I was like, I'm not going to have There's going to come a point when this child will be in preschool or whatever, and then i won't have to have the nanny and I'll start making money. So for me, it was sort of like this is a short period of time when I'm going to be working and it'll be a wash, but it'll be worth it because whenever.
00:22:00
Speaker
And then that was sort of the reality until we decided to leave the city. And then when we left the city, people. that's when it didn't make sense for me to go back to work. There weren't as many opportunities for school counselors in the Connecticut schools as there were in the city schools.
00:22:17
Speaker
And i think at that point we had three babies. And so it really, that math was not going to math, but I will say that's when I started blogging and, you know, there's no social media at the time.
00:22:31
Speaker
And that, I don't know. That was definitely like a shot in the dark. It was just something to do. i think there were a few people that had evidence of this being like a job job, but it wasn't the way it is now.
00:22:43
Speaker
And, you know, the last year or so excluded, i got to the place where I was making two or three times more of what I would as a school counselor. And I always say that with the big asterisk that that's not because I was such a fantastic content creator. It was because school counselors are paid like money.
00:23:01
Speaker
half of what they should be. Same with teachers. I mean, it was more about the low salary of the education than it was about what I was making as a content creator. But that's a long-winded way of saying, this job has allowed me to stay at, to keep working and not have to pay for childcare
Childcare Choices
00:23:19
Speaker
per se. I mean, we did have babysitters and nannies when the kids were younger and I was doing this, but that was more just because I couldn't physically be in, like, there was a time when half the kids were going to preschool and half the kids were napping. And I just, you know, I think we had five under six or something. So it was, I just couldn't, I physically couldn't do it. There's just one of you. Yeah.
00:23:41
Speaker
Callie, I feel like you have a lot of experience with how much every avenue costs for, for childcare nanny and all of that, and probably can give a lot of insight into that.
00:23:56
Speaker
Yeah. all So when I had my first, I was still working. so I went back to work. I got, pathetic maternity leave. I think I had to go back when he was like 10 weeks old.
00:24:07
Speaker
And so he was in a daycare. And i wish I could remember how much we were spending on daycare. But also that was six years ago. And God knows the cost of daycare in six years is probably quadrupled, I can only imagine. um And then when my second was born, we were still in daycare.
00:24:27
Speaker
I don't even remember. They all mixed together. But eventually i was able to leave my job because I was able to do what I do now. was making more doing what I do now than what I was making at my office job. And then we knew that it would give us the flexibility that, you know, you're from home. And like I sort of said earlier, it's a double edged sword. Now I have the flexibility that I can run and pick up a kid when they're sick.
00:24:50
Speaker
um Or I get to go to, you know, I can make it to all the doctor's appointments, the dentist appointments. um But I also don't really have office hours. So it's sort of a tricky thing now. um And so, yeah, we've done everything. We've done daycare. We've had babysitters. We currently have a nanny that's three times a week, which is amazing.
00:25:06
Speaker
And it's hard. I feel like a lot of it ends up coming down to like, we're thinking about summer care right now. And I was texting you guys about this. i was like, how much do you guys pay to send your kids to summer camp for the summer? And it was this idea of like, are we sending your kids to camp for the summer? or are we just like hiring?
00:25:22
Speaker
Like the idea of hiring somebody for the summer seemed like wildly flamboyant. Flamboyant not the word I'm looking for, but you know what No, like decadent. Yeah. Yes. But then when it came out to the cost of having to take my kids to somewhere else, you know, it's so,
00:25:36
Speaker
I don't know, any way you cut it, there's definitely more affordable ways. But then, you know, sometimes the nanny thing, it it helps out because, you know, then one of my kids are home from vacation and I already have her here. And so I'm not trying to like bring in somebody else or find some like holiday, whatever.
00:25:51
Speaker
and I think what I've realized at the end of the day is there's not like some perfect recipe to it, especially, i mean, when we've added new children every time there's, you know, we're just like constantly, trying we're just constantly like spinning plates, trying to find care.
00:26:03
Speaker
And again, I have all, I mean, my six-year-old now is like, he could you know if he can't be alone in the house but like he's fine necessarily doesn't need be an adult assigned to him but i have all kids that need adults assigned to them right so it's just yeah miles has probably graduated to like a college senior or like a high school senior could play connect four with him or something yes yeah totally i mean he could just as long as like he's in the house and there's an adult like yeah he's at the age where it's like you don't really need to worry he's also just a firstborn so he's like responsible Yeah, we never, and it's, when I was thinking about my answer to this, we never considered day like the daycare versus nanny thing.
00:26:41
Speaker
Daycare, I don't remember ever being on the table. And I think it was as simple as, it was only three days a week when I needed help. I think at the time, my husband had sort of a different structure to his job and we lived in the city. And so the thought of sending my little, you know, 10 week, 12 week old newborn to a New York City daycare felt a little bit different than like going around the corner to Miss Peg's grandma daycare with seven children in her living room. um Did you look at and into nannies when he was a baby or was that too expensive given your work hours? Yeah. Yeah. It was. And also just, I mean, the, the, what I was making, i mean, I just had my office job,
00:27:25
Speaker
Still, and I was growing my business. I mean, we couldn't have afforded a nanny even if we wanted one. It was just not an option. And so some of it, you know, I can understand the being in the position of not necessarily wanting to send your child to daycare, but having to. I mean, we didn't have any other option. I had to. That's what I had to do.
00:27:42
Speaker
And I think for us, the three days was key. Like it was three days, eight to three. yeah So it was slight. I mean, we could have done daycare, but we could afford that nanny. But as I mean, but as also as somebody who now, you know, with multiple kids, it's it makes more sense for us to have the nanny that we have now. And just logistically, like the thought of having to take my kids to eight million different places. Like now I'm losing an hour of work time just to like drive people places.
00:28:05
Speaker
But yeah. but Oh my God. i totally lost where I was. Oh, ah trying to find a nanny. Even if you only need three days a week, sometimes that's hard now because they want, you know, they're looking for, for you know, they need to pay bills too. So that's another tricky thing too, where you're like, Oh, i well, I only need a few days a week, so I'll get a nanny, but you know, good luck finding one. but yeah only wants to do that Megan, did you have kids in the city?
00:28:29
Speaker
No, no. um I did not. i So before i you know, we, we had kids, Joe had said to me and i to myself, was I going to go back to the fashion world or would I stay home? And I wasn't sure. He was like, well, let's wait and see how you feel when the baby comes.
00:28:46
Speaker
So I had our first Ava and I was still working in that world. And I just decided I wanted to stay home. So Joe sat me down and we went over finances and budgets. And he said, listen, at the time we were in a townhouse, if you stay home and we're not moving into a house anytime soon. Like we're going to have to stay in this townhouse for probably two to three years and save if we're not going to have your salary. And also working in the fashion world, half my paycheck back then I was like 26, 26.
00:29:13
Speaker
went towards clothing and outfits and what I would spend on manicures and pedicures and my hair and just silly stuff because you're in your 20s. That's what I did then. So that was the deal. He was like, you know, you're not going to be going to get your hair done at the expensive place that you normally go to. You're probably going to have to go there. And every two weeks, manicure, pedicures, you're going be doing it. And so I was like, okay,
00:29:34
Speaker
And I really wanted to stay home. And I am grateful because I just didn't want to miss anything. And you have to do what you got to do for your family and what's in your family's budget. And that's what we what we all chose to do. And i don't regret it, but it was just, again, sitting down and going through the finance of what's it going to cost and we have to live within our with within our means. So that was that.
00:29:57
Speaker
So you were always home full-time. Yeah, since I've had. And then, yeah, and then i when Nico turned one, I started to get the itch. Do I go back to the fashion industry world? Or I did marketing. So like, can I do marketing for another company? There's a lot of opportunities around here where we live.
00:30:14
Speaker
And then I started my blog, which turned into content creation now. But so that was like an outlet for me to do something for myself and make a little income to pay for the kids. Did you ever work? You would stop teaching when you had kids, right, Caitlin?
00:30:29
Speaker
So I i taught... when Anna, I taught up until I was pregnant with Eileen and then Annabelle's daycare was basically, my salary as a teacher was going to pay for Annabelle and Eileen to go to daycare.
00:30:44
Speaker
So we said there's an, and my husband was commuting two hours into it every day in the morning and at night to go to work in Atlanta. And it made zero sense. Like we're, what are we doing? We're just, why am I leaving?
00:31:00
Speaker
when every cent I'm going to make is just going to pay for them to be somewhere. And he's never home anyways. And so I stayed home and, and, and then we didn't plan it really.
00:31:10
Speaker
it kind of just happened that we suddenly moved to Connecticut. And when we got here, my plan was to go teach and it took a really long time for my certification come over. Well, finally came over and it was like, Oh, I can make some money blogging. And so I'm making money blogging and I don't,
00:31:28
Speaker
what's the point of me really going to try to get a teaching job now because Annabelle's only in preschool. We're going to have to find a full-time daycare for Eileen now. And talking to everybody I knew up here, i'm like, oh my gosh, wow. Daycare is way more expensive here than it was in Georgia. And teachers aren't making that much more.
00:31:47
Speaker
So how does this make sense? And I have, I have had so many small side jobs since 2017.
00:31:57
Speaker
worked part-time for PR, I worked part-time for my town. I've done all these little things to continuously bring in money because at the end of the day, it still makes zero sense, even with Arbor, for us to put even her in daycare full-time.
00:32:13
Speaker
Because with my background, with the time that I'd be outside of the home for wherever I'm going, then we'd be paying for before and after care for the kids. it's like It never financially made sense.
00:32:25
Speaker
And to be honest, we're in this crossroads now because Arbor is three. Everyone keeps saying, why isn't she in preschool? And I said, well, I can do preschool at home with her right now. Truthfully, sending her to a preschool in the spring is really just what some hours for me to, it's going to two hours of me home alone.
00:32:43
Speaker
And I'm paying somebody when I can just be with her anyways. But come in September when she goes to school, we're like, okay, how how many hours a week is she going to go And where is she going to go? And how much is it going to cost? And what am I going to be doing while she's there? Because I feel like I need to find another job now. Like I need to do something to make money because unless I'm being paid for what I'm doing as I'm sitting here at home, I just, it's this weird feeling I have. I don't know how to describe it.
00:33:13
Speaker
It's this constant chase I've been on. So when this person asked this question, I said, I i get it. Like, everybody's navigating finances in some different way. And a lot of times I think that people might look at someone who's a quote unquote, stay at home mom.
00:33:27
Speaker
And I call myself that because I'm not stay at home mom. I'm literally waking up at four o'clock every morning to pitch articles to freelance, right? I'm sitting here doing this, hoping that like this
Career Choices and Family Influence
00:33:38
Speaker
turns into something. And I started photography business.
00:33:41
Speaker
Long story short, ah no, I never went back to teaching. I never, I want to, I never want to again. it doesn't pay enough money. And I probably, I think maybe when Arbor's in school, full-time in kindergarten, all'll I'll figure something out.
00:33:56
Speaker
I'm just not, work I can't think about it right now. Yeah, it's tricky. I was talking to my mother about this because I just listened to Ina Garten's autobiography and her story is so interesting because she she's probably a little bit younger than my folks but she definitely grew up in the age where feminism and Gloria Steinem was like just coming to fruition and so for a while she was like she said when she got married it was like um man and wife So she was like, that was just the given that it was my job. And she had, she worked out of the house, but she was like, it was just sort of the assumption that I, my role was to support my husband.
00:34:36
Speaker
And she had this secondary interest of cooking that became a passion. She has no training. And she said it was really interesting for her to sort of reframe and consider like what is it that she wants? Not what is it she wants to do for the betterment of like her marriage or to support her husband, what is it that she wants, which was a question that I don't think women had ever asked. And I was talking to my mom and I said, you know, I'm definitely a different generation than that is.
00:35:06
Speaker
But I still think that for women, it's this interesting sort of catch 22, because I think for many of us, we do want to get married or have children or both. You know, I knew that I wanted to have children. And for me, I wanted that to be as a married couple.
00:35:22
Speaker
And that did kind of dictate what jobs I got. I mean, I fell into teaching, but I certainly wasn't pursuing like the big fancy finance job that would pay for Harvard.
00:35:34
Speaker
I was doing what is going to make me happy because I know there's going to come a time when I'm going to be a mom and that's going to be like it didn't occur to me that I could have both. And my mother is it typical woman of her age where she didn't have a job. But I said, Mom, it would be so interesting to sort of see like you were always so busy and curious and kept yourself doing stuff. But you grew up in a world where it was never presented to you as what do you want to do?
00:36:01
Speaker
And she filled it in the way sounds like you're filling in, Caitlin. I'm filling it in a little bit because the job that I had last year is not the job that I have this year as far as online and content creation. So it's these sort of these big kind of proverbial, like overwhelming questions of like, what do I want to be when I grow up?
00:36:18
Speaker
I don't want to go back into the classroom. So what skills do I have? And that is, i think, really complicated. And I think it's something that really only... women who have kids can maybe relate to the way we're describing. I mean, I'm sure everyone has something like this, but it's, I don't know. I don't have any answers, but I think, you know, I'm sure we all know someone who has both parents work full-time jobs and both children are in daycare full-time.
00:36:45
Speaker
And I don't think anybody ever says that it's not a burden, the cost of childcare. And so What do you a lot of families do when this happens? You make sacrifices, you leave your job to go home and you cut back here. And there's so many different things that people can do. And that was, I think one of the other statistics that I had read was around one in six parents say they and their partner work or worked opposite shifts to avoid childcare while at the same proportion work or worked from home and cared for their children while working all to reduce childcare costs because it's so expensive.
00:37:22
Speaker
I did read that from 2022 to 2023, people were feeling more financially stable where childcare wasn't as overwhelming. But I think a lot of that has to do with the pandemic and just whatever, because i don't, again, I don't know anybody right now who's like.
00:37:42
Speaker
Maybe because everyone was home then too, right? Caitlin, like a lot of people were home working from home more, right? Yeah. yeah I also don't know anyone who's you know, family is watching their children. i mean, children have to be watched. So I don't know anyone where childcare is not a factor because of family or whatnot.
00:38:00
Speaker
Wait, what do you mean Like a grandparent watching them or a sister. Oh yeah. No, no. I know my mom, my parents say the same thing. They'll help here and there when they can. But my mom always says like, it's just too much for me. And I, she's like, I love you guys. And I'll, I'll watch them if you go to a wedding or a weekend, but I'm not like doing the full-time thing. And I respect that. I mean, they have their life too.
00:38:21
Speaker
i do I actually know there's a mom in the or a family in the neighborhood and the grandmother watches. Every day. Yeah. That's awesome. She's lovely. But my mom said as soon as I retire, I'm not babysitting.
00:38:33
Speaker
No. Nannying. Should we quickly move into groceries? that's and Yeah, I was just going to touch on that really quick. I feel like but that could be a whole entire topic to discuss because- I feel like this topic skewed more work even. i mean, work, balancing work with childcare than it did even really the cost of things.
00:38:52
Speaker
Yeah. I mean- It is what
Managing Grocery Bills
00:38:55
Speaker
it is. For us right now, our childcare costs are zero because they're old and they're out of the house and they we don't need a babysitter. I mean, I think there was a time when we were paying our sitter nanny like $20, $22 an hour. And so if you have that, she was pretty flexible with her hours. So it was sort of eight to two, but it was, yeah so it didn't, what is it? 500 bucks a week. And that was something that I could afford from my business. And it was key.
00:39:21
Speaker
Ironically, that's about what we play. Grocery bill is, I don't know. On average, it's probably $350, $400 a week, which is nutty. Things that have helped, you know, I don't go to like Whole Foods or we go Stop and Shop.
00:39:34
Speaker
I should go to Costco, but even those stores, I think you get more than you need and they don't have everything you need. Yeah. So for us, the grocery situation is I have found that meal planning and just being a little more organized with what I'm buying has helped with overage and waste. So right now, the only thing we throw out week after week seems to be like deli meat because my kids insist on buying it. And then shocker, they never eat it.
00:39:57
Speaker
And I should just not get it. But that's the week that they're... like desperate for it, but we don't, I don't know. We don't really go out to eat. We might order pizza once a week. My husband and I don't go out to eat a lot. So we're like, I don't cut coupons and have a garage filled with overstock, but I think we, that's sort of all we've been able to do to yeah deal with food.
00:40:18
Speaker
And it works and it works perfect for you. I mean, they have food. Yeah. Yeah. yeah Grocery is a hard one to pin down. like when i'm being i feel like when I'm being good about it and I'm really being strict in budgeting it, then um I can stick to the cost. But to me, what I'm trying to say is to me, groceries are one of those ones that's very easy that it can like...
00:40:38
Speaker
Yes, fall away from you. um So like I do grocery pickup twice a week. And like, I know that like my first grocery pickup of the week is always between 150 and 200. And then it's that second, whether I'm going into the store, I'm doing pickup. It's that second one that's going to mess me up.
00:40:52
Speaker
I don't I think we try to budget around 250 a week, probably for groceries, family of five. But it's that second one that can mess you up. You know what you mean? That you end up getting some extra stuff. And so I do use grocery pickup because it helps me keep like a pulse on how much I'm spending.
00:41:09
Speaker
ah we use Costco, but Costco for me is like a every six to eight weeks. And like I'm just stock. I do have an overstock that I put in the in the basement. It's like I'm just buying the stuff that my kids plow through, like peanut butter and red sauce and macaroni and cheese.
00:41:23
Speaker
And I'm going to clarify, you are a family of six, but Opal's not eating. Oh, that's right. oh you're right. We are a family six. Okay. sorry Sorry. Thank you for that clarification. you're right. No, I agree with the Costco thing too. It's like you overbuy and then you throw things out. So I feel like I go there.
00:41:43
Speaker
maybe once every two weeks and do the water, the paper towels, the toilet paper, ah few things that, like you said, you plow through. Like I even buy like sometimes like the bulk and pasta, but then I go to the grocery store and I just go to the basic grocery store, like ShopRite we have an Acme here in town and I use the coupon app and yeah, and just buy the basic stuff. And I don't go to like the specialty markets just because with just how much things cost right now, it just doesn't make sense. I mean, hopefully eventually...
00:42:13
Speaker
but it like for like how much even fruit costs at some of those specialty markets, it's crazy. And the kids, you know, they come home from school and they eat one whole carton. It's like, oh, there goes $8 blueberries. Do you have a post, Callie? I feel like you do on which things make sense to buy at a Costco. Like I feel like toilet paper is that you do. Cause some things it's like, great. You have 19 rolls of toilet paper, but it's the same cost per roll. So why bother?
00:42:36
Speaker
Okay. I'm going to go look. I've actually, mine is more geared toward Oh, no, wait, maybe I do have, I have one about dairy-free items and then I do have stuff that I buy there. But, you know, I will say the worst thing to buy at Costco for me, though, is fruit because everyone's like, it's so much cheaper there. threw out many blueberries. It goes bad faster.
00:43:02
Speaker
yeah and then I feel like I remember, too, when my kids were younger, they i was always told, don't buy diapers or wipes or formula at Costco. Yeah. Because just of the cost. I don't know.
00:43:14
Speaker
So I just didn't. I don't know. Because everyone told me not to. I don't. I feel like the tricky thing about Costco is just it's one of those if you're going in and you're buying the stuff because it's like it's a big thing, but you're not using it up. That's why. Yeah. I mean, I don't usually buy produce at Costco for the same reason.
00:43:29
Speaker
But like to me, the things that like I know I'm using them all the way up typically are worth it. Yeah. we way I went yesterday and bought a giant thing of cashews and a giant thing of dried mango and Arbor Old plow through that in a week. Right.
00:43:42
Speaker
Yeah. By herself. And it's worth every penny. Or those chickens. I like the chickens. The rotisserie chickens that are like $6. Although I did see a TikTok the other day that you're not supposed to buy those.
00:43:54
Speaker
because no Because they're bad for you and all these things. No, everything's bad for you. I was like, oh gosh, that's like my go-to when I don't feel like cooking. I just cut off chicken and make a salad. I was like, don't tell me I can't buy that $6 chicken or is it even $4.99? I don't know.
00:44:09
Speaker
Whatever it is. I think the one rotisserie chicken that you're getting a week, you're good. If you're eating seven a day, then that whatever tragedy about it might add up. but yeah I don't know. I don't get them from Costco because- I live too far away. And by the time we get home, it just smells like a carcass in my car. Yeah. You can talk more about groceries. If that's something you want to hear we love, send us a message.
Weekly Highs and Lows
00:44:31
Speaker
Topic requests are always appreciated. we are going to close out our episode with peaks. That word didn't want to come out. Peaks and pits. You know, I'd just like to say my peak for today is my new blow dryer.
00:44:46
Speaker
It's the peak of my life right now. I can sleep on my wet hair. i wake up in the morning with a rat's nest and then I use this round brush, blow dryer and my hair straight. So.
00:44:57
Speaker
It's so long when it's straight. so pretty. Are you sitting on it? Is it that long yet? I'm wearing it actually as pants. Yeah. Just flowing. Yeah. I have a peak too.
00:45:08
Speaker
There's nothing more exciting than finding a new series that you can just like mainline. And for me, that's not like Love Island too. So I've just finished two series and I, these are not new series guys. So you can put down your pencils.
00:45:19
Speaker
I just watched the diplomat with Carrie Russell. I had started it, but you have to focus like, this is not one to watch while you're like doing something. And that's my critical flaw. So I focused and I watched it and There's only like 16 episodes and I'm so discouraged. I think they're filming more whatever.
00:45:36
Speaker
And then i just started succession, which is another one that is like such old news, but that now that I'm focused and I understand what's happening, that's another one. That's great. That show is outstanding.
00:45:49
Speaker
Amazing. I mean, listen, we talked about award shows last week. I know they won every award. I get it. I just hadn't watched. So here we are. All right, Callie. I have a peak in that it's just been nice enough out that you can sort of like go for walks again and like it doesn't, you don't hate it, you know? spring.
00:46:07
Speaker
Yeah, I feel like especially because like I have a lot of time where the older two are in school and I have the one-year-old, although will he be two by the, no, he won't be two yet. i have the one-year-old and then I have the baby.
00:46:19
Speaker
And it's sort of tricky. Like it'd be easy to bundle up the one-year-old and take them out or even the newborn. But like kind of getting them both out to when it's cold is a little bit trickier. Like logistically feeding a newborn. If it's like we go to the playground, it's freezing cold. You know what mean? It's just sort of trickier. So it's nice that it's sort of getting to that time where it's like I could walk down to the playground with the one-year-old. And like if I had to take the baby out and feed her, it's not like so freezing and that I can't do that.
00:46:43
Speaker
So it was yesterday, I took them both for a walk and we brought the dog and it was just, I was like, I felt like I was defrosting. We were reminiscing about how I used to like move with these children when they were little.
00:46:57
Speaker
And we had a time when we had the double stroller, once we moved to the suburbs, we could get the side-by-side double stroller. And then one would be on my chest. There were times when one would be on my back and then one would be sitting in the front of the double stroller.
00:47:11
Speaker
And I think we had like a boogie board. Like it's, I mean, that time goes by it so much faster than your memory. so Like you need that for what, two years. But I saw a woman crossing the street with her double stroller and I had this like flashback of like, oh my God, my life used to revolve around like, mean, what you're doing, Callie, like the gear and the stuff.
00:47:29
Speaker
Yeah. Being able to like move everybody. Yeah. Places. Megan, do have a pit or a peak? I have a peak also. Look at us guys. Yeah. I recently got to hold a baby alligator.
00:47:44
Speaker
yeah I didn't say baby. It smells so good. Nevermind. Yes. A slimy baby alligator. I got to see two big ones, but I got to hold a little one and it was like really slimy.
00:47:56
Speaker
Yeah. And you liked this. I thought it was cool. Yeah. well yeah It's a peek. Yeah, I mean, it was something I had never done. Check that box, right? Was the face like taped up or did you have to hold it or were they young enough that they don't care?
00:48:09
Speaker
Young enough that it was just sort of hanging out. But I think if you gave it a few more months, you probably weren't allowed. But I guess when they're little, we were at it like an alligator farm. They're they're allowed to do that. Do you make noises?
00:48:21
Speaker
No, it wasn't really making any noises. Hmm. Alligators are weird to me because they're like, weren't they alive when like dinosaurs were alive? It's like just the dinosaurs still. And we're all just like, that's, that's fine. It's an alligator. Like, no, that is dinosaur still alive with stink bugs. Yeah. stin yeah Jerry's alligators, creepy crawlers. Yep.
00:48:44
Speaker
Well, thank you for listening. As I previously mentioned, if you have any top requests, let us know, leave us a rating, tell us you love us. Don't tell us you hate us.
00:48:55
Speaker
Have a great time. You can. We can handle it. No, but not like on a review. If you can't say anything nice, don't say anything at all. yeah Oh, yeah. Fair enough. I agree. You can DM us whatever you want, and then we'll talk about you behind your back. But don't leave a public review.
00:49:09
Speaker
Just be kind. You rewind. Jinks.