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The Reality of Keeping Kids Entertained at Home: Finding the Balance Between Structured Play and Free Time
922 Plays9 days ago
In this episode, Kallie and the crew dive into the reality of keeping kids entertained at home—balancing structured activities with the power of free play. They unpack the societal pressures of modern parenting, the importance of boredom in fostering creativity, and the role of parents as guides rather than constant playmates.
Special guest Abby, aka Gal Practical, joins to share her go-to low-prep activities and expert tips as an occupational therapist. From scavenger hunts to dance breaks, from mud pies to stopwatch challenges, this episode is packed with real-life parenting hacks and hilarious moments. Plus, the team wraps up with their "Pits and Peaks" of the week—because, let’s be honest, no parenting week is complete without a few fails and wins!
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Transcript
Humorous UPS Story and Podcast Introduction
00:00:01
Speaker
It's funny. I had one woman in my comments and she was like, my husband works for UPS. He processes a lot of those. Yeah. How do they know it's poop?
00:00:13
Speaker
I mean, it says Kologuard on the box somewhere. And I also think you've handled one like, you know what it is. You know what it is. So I like God bless these shit No, you don't have to. And But it was funny that she was like, oh, yeah, he he sees a lot of them.
00:00:30
Speaker
lot of poop in a box. lot of poop in a box. All right, are we ready? it. Welcome to Just for Moms. I'm Charlotte. I'm Caitlin. I'm Megan. And I'm Callie. We are regular moms talking about regular stuff like aging, parenthood, work-life balance, and figuring out what's for dinner.
00:00:48
Speaker
Again, no-judgment zone to talk, laugh, and maybe cry about all the things women think about on a daily basis.
Episode Start and Addressing Adults
00:00:55
Speaker
All right, everyone, welcome back to Just for Moms episode 12 with Megan, Charlotte, Caitlin, and Callie.
00:01:05
Speaker
Still every time. Just worried. I'm going to throw some random name in there that doesn't belong. And Jane. And yeah Jessica. I don't know why. um i have a question. This came up yesterday when I was talking with my six-year-old because we were talking about the neighbor and I said the neighbor's name. I was just like, pretend his name was Ben.
00:01:24
Speaker
And then I said to my son, I was like, but if you were going to talk to him, you would call him Mr. Smith. We'll say Mr. Smith. And I realized that like my kids have not really gotten to the age yet where like we have kids that are like coming over and hanging out. Like I think if any one of their friends have ever talked to me, I'm just like Miles' mom.
00:01:40
Speaker
So I'm curious, what do your, cause you guys have some older kids. What do your kids' friends call you? Is like Mrs. Brancifore, is that still what we're doing? i don't like being called Mrs. Shanella. I feel like that's my mother-in-law.
00:01:53
Speaker
I want to be Megan. I, makes me feel old. I was brought up where you do say mrs Smith, Mrs. Shanela, but I don't really...
00:02:07
Speaker
I don't tell my kids to do that. I did a few years ago when we did Catholic school. We went to Catholic school for both my girls for about three, maybe four years.
00:02:19
Speaker
And obviously in the Catholic school, they teach you that. And that's how you speak to everyone. Like we would leave the school every day and then go to the playground and every, it was always like Mr. And Mrs. And Mr. And Mrs. And so proper. And it was great.
00:02:34
Speaker
yeah, i I don't tell my kids to do it. I feel like other moms do it and I'm like, wow, that's great. I wish – maybe I should do it.
00:02:46
Speaker
It's proper. I always forget. And I'm also – another point i want to make is I'm not good with names. Not only first names do I forget now when I'm getting older, but also last names. So you'll be lucky if I know your name just to be like, Nico, say thanks to Martha.
00:03:04
Speaker
you know, and it's yeah a mom. so And Martha's mom. Yeah. That's my take on it. Yeah. What about you, Charlotte? We're Mr. and Mrs. When they were little that we weren't like, that's how you can date our friends. So friends that we were friends with almost first our first name friends.
00:03:22
Speaker
And then when we started having kids, friends that we met since our kids were talking are Mr. and Mrs. We have a handful of friends that are like, do not call me Mr. and Mrs. And so that obviously we're first name with all of them.
00:03:36
Speaker
But the default for us is always Mr. and Mrs. And even for people where I don't know their last name, and maybe this is when I was a counselor, but i was Miss Charlotte for a lot of the kids. So even if there's a grown up and I don't know their last name, I will still put Mr. or a Miss in front of it just as a sign of respect and hierarchy. Yes.
00:03:59
Speaker
Yes. What about your kids, Caitlin? I'm pretty much in the same. Well, I guess I'm i'm split. i feel like a lot of friends that we have, they introduced themselves by their first name to my children. So that's what they call them.
00:04:11
Speaker
And I would add on a miss or a missed it miss or mister. And I got that from living in the South, actually, because everybody was Miss Dawn, Mr. Rob.
00:04:24
Speaker
And when I moved home, I would introduce my kids and to even friends that I've had since I was young. This is Miss Tina and this is Miss Melissa. But I feel like we don't have anybody new.
00:04:39
Speaker
Whenever we have someone new coming in, it's Mr. or Mrs. and their last name or so-and-so's mom or dad. And I always tell my children, if you meet someone and it's an adult and you need to refer to them, it's Mr. or Miss. And if you don't know their last name, then it's their first name.
00:04:51
Speaker
Yeah. I guess that's a good, yeah, that's a good default is to go, because my kids have been at a school where the teachers are their first name, but with a Mr. and or Mr. in front.
00:05:01
Speaker
But yeah, I mean, that was like a tricky one, because I i said to him, I said, you know, well, you you would call him Mr. Smith, unless he told you, you know, it's okay to call me Ben. I love that I've just made up this imaginary neighbor named Ben Smith. But yeah.
00:05:14
Speaker
But yeah, I didn't really think about the other part where it's like, what if I didn't even know this adult's last name? But I like that idea of just saying, you know, that's Miss Martha. And then I guess just leave it in that adult's hands too. Like, Megan, do you, if your child's friend says Miss Chanel, are you like, no, no, call me Megan? Yeah.
00:05:32
Speaker
You do. Yeah. I do. I mean, that's fine. And what do you tell your kids to do? Do you tell them to say Mr. and Mrs.? Or it just doesn't really come up? When it does come up, I do say Mr. and Mrs. If I know the name again, sometimes i don feel like I don't know what it is now that I'm getting older with all name stuff. Like,
00:05:50
Speaker
Too much to remember. yeah, but I think it was because the way I was brought up, Mr. and Mrs. or Miss, like when you go to dance class, it's Miss Melissa.
Parenting Mishaps and Challenges
00:05:58
Speaker
All right, let's move on to mom fails, which is a time that we just sort of share, you know, the fails that we, I mean, we're having them all of the time, but when we can remember, i think charlie your fake Charlotte, you have one today.
00:06:10
Speaker
i I say it every week, so I'm not going to say it again. That your children just are smelling. Got it. Caitlin, do you have one this week for us? Yeah, I was doing really good. i was inspired by this, my child not watching TV in the mornings.
00:06:26
Speaker
Callie inspired me and last week was amazing. And then we just had the time change and my toddler woke up and wanted to watch TV yesterday morning. And I was like, okay, cause she was being kind of mean.
00:06:39
Speaker
And then, so today she woke up and wanted to watch TV again. And I was like, okay, cause she was being mean again. and so I was like, I was making progress. I was watching her play.
00:06:50
Speaker
Like she was just going and doing new things because there was no TV on. So now I just have to hide the remote. She can't turn it on. She figured out to turn it on too. Well, i I mean, I can make you feel better. We talked about,
00:07:03
Speaker
ah devices I don't know, two, three episodes ago. And I fear we've reached the stage with devices where my kids know more about them than I do, because my kids have learned that if they, so all of the devices are shut down and they can't access apps unless they are off of our Wi-Fi.
00:07:22
Speaker
Like if they're just, if they shut down the Wi-Fi, they can get into some of them somehow. And so that has, like when it's a little too quiet, i know whose room to look at.
00:07:35
Speaker
And lo and behold, not reading on their Kindle or whatever. Sneaky. Sneaky. I had got a mom i had to fail. Yeah.
00:07:47
Speaker
the socks you know there's always mismatched socks and my oldest is into the aloe socks do you know expensive those silly i don't know i mean what are they i buy my socks from walmart i could care less but she's got aloe in them what Aloe socks. It's a brand. Oh, a brand. Yeah. I thought the same thing you did, Callie. And I was like, you need to get off TikTok, Megan, and like stop.
00:08:11
Speaker
No. So she's into these aloe socks and I lost one and it was like a huge, she comes busting in my room at like 11 PM. Where's my aloe socks? I got to wear them tomorrow. And I'm like, I only found one. I don't know. Give it a few days. Hopefully it'll turn up.
00:08:25
Speaker
Turns out it was like behind the wash, so it was a fail kind of, but it's like the mismatched socks. It's always like a fail, and I don't understand where they go, who has them, why are they not together.
00:08:39
Speaker
annoying. Sounds like someone needs to do better with her socks when she puts them into the laundry and her being your child. Yeah. Get her one of those little mesh bags. You know what I said to her Because I've been around you so much and I love it.
00:08:51
Speaker
Do your own laundry. Yes. What'd she say back? I don't have time. Yes, you do. So then you have no clean socks. yeah Yeah. That's a new problem, babe.
00:09:03
Speaker
Yeah. Not my problem. No, you're really brushing off on me, Charlotte, because i do I say it all the time now for the past month. Anyone who complains, bitches, about the laundry, I'm like, do your own laundry, leave me alone, and then it gets quiet because- They don't want to do it. So just not if it's not done to your standards and your time, it's coming.
00:09:25
Speaker
Just give it a few. invite you. I invite you to explore the laundry room on your own, dear child. Yeah. That's fun in there. like it. All right. have a mom fail before we move on. I have a, one of my children is a like their love languages is physical touch.
00:09:41
Speaker
Just loves to be touching, ah stroking, ah like just so much. And I am not that person. i get very physically touched out, which already is happening because I have four children, age six and under. I'm always touched all the time.
00:09:56
Speaker
And I, you know, try to hold it together. i love that this child loves, I mean, why would I ever dampen that? wanting to love on somebody but like sometimes it makes like I get very touched out by it just not my fit I don't even like massages like I don't like to really be touched anyways so I feel you know um I feel like a lot of my mom fails are just like things I'm feeling guilty about but I do feel guilty about this child that I'm in it like literally I'm like sometimes I'm like can you ask me that while not touching yes yeah I think I know who it is I know we have a rule where we don't want to always mention names yes but
00:10:31
Speaker
I think I know who it Yeah, giving this child privacy. Yeah, exactly. All right. OK. Well, if we don't have any more mom fails, we're going to move in to the topic today. And we're talking about keeping our kids entertained at home.
Parenting Styles and Unstructured Play
00:10:45
Speaker
And essentially, i feel like a lot of it, it just like kind of becomes this like one more thing that we have to do. But I did do a little research. I wanted to find some stats because I always think it's interesting when we like start off our topics with some like interesting research or whatever.
00:10:59
Speaker
And the one that i found was really interesting was they said that parents today, so this was like in 2012, like it was most recent, spend almost double the amount of time as parents in 1965 caring for their children.
00:11:13
Speaker
So this one's just activities, but it was like the amount of time that we actually spend in the care tasks of children. Which is crazy because we're all so guilty. We're like, we're not with our kids enough. Yes, exactly. And so I was like, well, why is this? And also like most, a lot of us are working when a lot of moms were not working back then.
00:11:30
Speaker
And the number one reason I could find was mostly just like societal pressure basically is like that we can't. feel like we need to be with our children more, whether it's that we're on social media and we see parents doing all of these like fun activities and going out. And so we feel like we have to be doing this.
00:11:44
Speaker
And then I found this term that I had never heard of. I don't know if you guys have. Have you ever heard of intensive parenting? No. No. No, apparently, so I'm going to read it it. says it's a modern parenting ideology that emphasizes high levels of involvement in structured enrichment activities for children, characterized by the belief that parents should actively shape their child's development through constant supervision, scheduled educational and extracurricular activities, and deep emotional support. No, what is that bullshit when they're babies and you're all, sorry, if you do this, I support you and your choices.
00:12:17
Speaker
yeah What is it when you never leave your child? What is that called? It's like attachment parenting. Yeah. Yeah. yeah yeah Sorry. If you do this, I guess I lost a listener for us. I'm sorry, guys. No. Yeah. Well, wait like you said, if that's how they want to do it, it's not how you chose to do it.
00:12:31
Speaker
But I just thought that that was really, i mean, when I read about it, I was like, I don't feel like I don't know anyone like this. But then as I thought about it, and like, I do. I do know the parents that feel the pressure, even if they're not doing this, that they feel the pressure of like, well, I need to put my child in dance and in gymnastics and we need to be making decisions. an activity because there's some, it's national toast day. So we have to make toast.
00:12:51
Speaker
And I do think that it is like the societal pressure. And I do think that's maybe why the stress of activities with kids becomes more of a stress as opposed to just like doing activities in our day to day life.
00:13:03
Speaker
But I don't know. I just found that one really interesting, but I'm going to throw it back at you guys. I'll i'll pick one of you guys to start Charlotte, if you want to start with just like, I don't know what you think about that and then how it's sort of what yeah Obviously it was different than how you handle activities with your kids. Yeah. Listen,
00:13:20
Speaker
I don't know if this is just my background having been in a classroom or if it's that I grew up with these old school parents. I really firmly, truly with every fiber of my being think that it's very important for children to learn autonomy and independence and how to entertain themselves.
00:13:38
Speaker
That doesn't mean that I don't play with them, but I am not their best friend. I am not their playmate. That is something for them to learn to do. I happen to have a number of children so that I may be naive in, you know, they just, they do have people to play with.
00:13:54
Speaker
And I certainly set them up for success. So I tried to create opportunities and buy toys. And I did teach them the art of play and independence. And I would think aloud and I tried to model it, but i i just think that every time we swoop in to do things on behalf of our children, and that includes like very structured adult centered play, we are depriving them of not only the opportunity to learn how to do something for themselves, but we are also depriving them of the pride and the fun and the satisfaction and the,
00:14:29
Speaker
joy of just stumbling into something that you love. And that's sort of where I come down with, you know every time I feel like a grownup is overstepping, that's where it is for me is that that child has now been deprived of an opportunity to learn and overcome and feel pride. And that is a bummer to me. So that's how I feel.
00:14:51
Speaker
Caitlin. I mean, I have the same, same sentiments as Charlotte. I think that when I had my first born, She was like two, almost, she was close to three when I had my second and she had been in daycare and i was suddenly home with a second one. I felt like I had to do things with her more and she wanted to play with her baby sister who was a blob on the floor. There was nothing she could do. So I would maybe do some arts and crafts and things like that, but nothing over the top.
00:15:19
Speaker
And we would go out and play with friends, but I really just wanted her to learn how to play by herself so I could do something other than just sit and stare at her and her sister and I wanted to be able to go in the kitchen or run to the bathroom.
00:15:32
Speaker
And i kind of forced them to play together. i I think I would, you know, just set them down and be like, you do your own thing. And what I've seen over the years, and they're eight and 11 now, it's just the incredible stuff that they come up with, like just insane. i will share a picture of this. They made a plane out of boxes. Once I didn't do anything.
00:15:55
Speaker
I just said, here are some boxes and go. And this is when they were probably I don't know, maybe like five and eight or something. But um what I've learned is now I have a third and she's five years and eight years younger than her sisters.
00:16:10
Speaker
She just wants to be around me all the time, which is fine, but she wants me to play with her all the time. And I feel bad because I don't want to play with her all the time because I want her to play by herself. I want to see her take little figurines and put them in a house. I want to see what she can come up with on her own.
00:16:28
Speaker
And i do feel a little bit of pressure from social media when I see other people doing things with their little, their little toddlers all the time. And I do know some moms who are those moms that make toast on national toast day and kudos to them, but I don't want her to rely on me for coming up with things that her own brain should, if if that makes sense.
00:16:52
Speaker
You know, I want her to use her imagination, be creative, figure things out for herself. If something doesn't fit, if she can't get it a little diaper on her dolly, then just try it out yourself. It doesn't have to be perfect. And, you know, find out there's a cause and effect all in safe, you know, space. But I don't, I don't want to play all day long.
00:17:14
Speaker
I've never been the parent that plays. My husband plays. He plays games, he plays sports, and I'll just watch them from afar. I feel like I play. i don't have patience to play a long time, but I attempt it through the years and three children.
00:17:30
Speaker
Now with Nico being my last, I definitely feel like I play more than with him that I've played with the girls just because i have maybe that feeling like, you know, he's my baby. He's my last. I'll go in the yard. Like yesterday we went and played horse.
00:17:45
Speaker
We read books, but I don't feel like I probably play enough with them. Board games, Again, I feel like it's probably my patience, but I feel like kids need to learn to play also on their own and do things in the house. Like, for example, my middle daughter, Gianna, she's 12.
00:18:05
Speaker
She is into making beads and she had me order, and I consider this playing, even though it's being creative. It's creative play.
00:18:16
Speaker
a It puts like holes into like shells and she makes jewelry out of it. So she was making necklaces and then inklets and all these things. And cause it's winter time, we're transitioning to spring.
00:18:31
Speaker
I feel like there's only so many things you can play with, but she's taken upon herself where it's like, Hey mom, can you order this for me? Like I, she did see it on social media and I will sit there and try to play and do one with her. I'll probably only do one.
00:18:46
Speaker
and My attention span So again, i i play to a certain extent, time period, and then I feel like dad does more playing probably with the sports like you, Caitlin.
00:19:00
Speaker
So that's kind of how it is. Yeah, I just, same with reading. Like Nico, well can we read a chapter? Sure. I'll read like one or two and then I'm like, okay, put the bookmark in. like Like I somewhat, and like I do enjoy reading with him, but it's now I got to like fold laundry and clean the house. So it's like,
00:19:17
Speaker
you know, you get that guilt of there's things have to be done in the house, but then you need to play too as a society. Like we were saying the stress of moms playing. So it's like an all over the place.
00:19:28
Speaker
But when did that happen? Callie, did you see that? Well, no, but did you, when you were reading all of these statistics, is there, do they have a timeline of when the shift happened? Because we've talked about this before. I feel like in one another episode, I think we were saying when we were younger, we don't remember our parents really being very much into what we were doing.
00:19:48
Speaker
well I mean, ah there has to be a reason for this shift. And it's not social media. don't know. I mean, i think I'm sure social, I think it started certainly before social media. I know a lot of what I read, it it did talk about the generation that was, um so our parents' generations, like the late 80s into the 90s, was when parents started to structure their kids' times a little bit more.
00:20:12
Speaker
I know one book, like I was just talking to Caitlin about it, a book that I like always tell people to read, His Last Child in the Woods. And that was, he talks about that, that that was a big shift in the 90s because parents started to get a lot more fearful because there was all this stuff on the news of just sending their kids out into the nature to play. And so they started bringing their kids in a little bit more.
00:20:32
Speaker
It became the time when there were TVs, even though there wasn't nearly as many screens, but it was a safe place that you could put your kid in front of the TV and know that they were safe. And so I do think that that was the initial shift. And then I do think that social media, I think, I bet if you looked at a graph, it sort of would do this.
00:20:48
Speaker
Because obviously I think that the societal piece came in more once we got social media. And yeah, we see these people and they're making these cute sensory bins for every holiday. And you're like, oh my God, I haven't done one of those in thousand years. And I, you know, for me, like i now that I have four kids, I feel like sometimes I'm comparing myself as a mom of four to the mom that I was when I only had two.
00:21:11
Speaker
And when I had two, I did one. more of those things. And then so sometimes I'm like, I feel guilty. The moment goes away very quickly because I see these like beautiful dynamics that my kids have. And I'm watching all, you know, the older three play some beautiful game for 45 minutes. And I'm like, this would never happen.
00:21:26
Speaker
You know, my one year old would just be bored if he didn't have these other two siblings. So there's that moment too. But I feel like that's, that's where it came in. But I, I am very much, We're very unstructured. Like I don't even, like my kids are not signed up for, we do swim because I feel like it's a safety thing, but I just want my kids.
00:21:45
Speaker
I feel like growing up, my parents did a very good job letting me have a lot of unstructured time. And I did have a decent amount of freedom to like go into the art art cabinet and like make a mess. And, you know, i I had that sort of freedom. My parents allowed me that creative freedom where I feel like maybe some parents were a lot more strict. Like you can't make a mess and you can't do that stuff.
00:22:06
Speaker
And I very much remember that as part of my childhood. And i think that it's a very important part of childhood. I think that kids need a lot of unstructured time. I think that kids need to be bored.
00:22:17
Speaker
I think that's where creativity comes from. So for me, whenever I do kind of feel guilty about it, I'm like, no, no, no. Like there is a lot of good things that are happening from them just being like going outside and figuring it out or like go into the playroom.
00:22:32
Speaker
I mean, not to say that I don't ever play with them because I do. And especially younger children, you know, my one year old or when my four year old was only three, sometimes I do have to sit down. Sometimes I need to get the play started. i find because a child, a younger child is not go to understand to just go in a playroom and be like, this is the toy that I want to play with. And now I'm going to sit over here.
00:22:50
Speaker
So sometimes it i I look at myself sometimes more as like a guide than a playmate. You know, I'll get the toy down and I'll get the toy started I'll get the play started and then I can sort of back away.
00:23:01
Speaker
But that doesn't mean that I'm not um immune to feeling bad about it sometimes or feeling like I'm not doing enough because I scroll and I see some cute little thing on social media or whatever.
00:23:14
Speaker
Well, it's also just the fundamental difference between structured and unstructured play. Those are different muscles, and I think they take up a different amount of time. I remember when I went from you know different types of schools, I worked at one school, and it was very – like every minute of the day was – the kids had to do something, and there wasn't any choice time, and there wasn't any like free period.
00:23:39
Speaker
And as a result, the behavior and the ability for those kids to sort of manage their own behaviors independently, you know, recess and lunch were off the rails because these kids hadn't learned how to sort of regulate and be independent and sort of have that time. And so for me, they serve kind of different purposes, like structured play to your point, Callie, is a great chance to sort of prime the pot and model what play looks like and do, you know, have like quality time and connect with our kids and all of that.
00:24:10
Speaker
But it's leading to the holy grail of unstructured play where the kids do have the muscles. i mean, it's not just something they're bored with. They do have to be taught how to problem solve and think creatively and look out into the woods behind the house and go, oh my gosh, there's 20 things I could do back there.
00:24:29
Speaker
That's just learning how to think that way. And that that does take some supervision and instruction. Yeah, I do think that a lot of it too is we sort of think our kids, like we're like our kids should be able to have unstructured play and they should be able to play independently. Like they should be able to just go into the backyard and play. Like, why aren't they just like every once in a while when our kids are sort of like hanging all over us, Michael's like, why don't they just like go into the playroom and play? Like they have toys, but I do, you know, they need to be sort of shown that yes they do. I think a lot of play needs to be modeled. I think, especially a lot of, if they're playing with like an actual toy, like they need, it needs to be shown. Like a lot of kids toys are not just like these open-ended things, you know, they need to be kind of shown how,
00:25:11
Speaker
to use it. And so I do think it becomes this sort of balancing act as everything is in parenthood, right? This balancing act of being in there enough that you're sort of showing that and then like stepping back when it's time to Yeah. I also think another aspect of this that, you know, back to the balance is if a child is only accustomed to structured play, then they're sort of a struck, they're accustomed to the, to the boundaries and the quote unquote rules that come with that structured play.
00:25:43
Speaker
And then it can be really scary and disconcerting to all of a sudden be like, go do whatever. So I think as parents, whether this has always been your philosophy or whether you're sort of trying to be better about unstructured play.
00:25:57
Speaker
i think it we have to have a gut check moment when it's like, this is not going to be pretty. like Things might get broken. There might be fights. There's going to be mistakes. like In order to learn how to do anything, mistakes are going to be made. And so I think that is hard for children too. like they They can't do their best creative, unstructured, imaginative play if they're also worried about like,
00:26:21
Speaker
getting their shirt messy. you know like We've got to recognize that this is, we've got to pick and choose sort of our battles and it' it's going to get messy in many ways, figuratively and literally.
00:26:35
Speaker
that You reminded me saying, I think Callie was saying, you know you kind of have to model how to play with something. So what I've noticed is that my toddler, a lot of things she does is kind of copying, she's mimicking what her sisters have done or what I have done. And You know, we have this little bluey house and I've showed her how to set it up.
00:26:55
Speaker
And this is where I struggle because it's, I do want to back off, but she doesn't want me to, you know? So it was a win for me the first time I saw her pull it out and play with it on her own. But last week, Eileen, my middle child has had these, my little ponies, like these beautiful ponies hidden up in her bedroom. Cause she didn't want Arbor to touch them. And I guess she doesn't care about them anymore. So she put them in the playroom.
00:27:17
Speaker
And I lined them all up and I said, Arbor, now you can go play the ponies, play with the ponies. And she's looking at me, what am I supposed to do with these ponies? So, so I showed her what we could do with them. And, you know, I'm like, you can even put them in a dollhouse. Look, they can lay in the bed. And so now she'll play with them. But it was just so funny because i'm like, how does she not know how to play with pony? And I'm like, well, she's never seen them because her sister had them hidden away.
00:27:41
Speaker
You know, it's even like playing outside. I think i taught my kids it was okay to make mud pies. Like I showed them, have, you know, like here, we're going to make mud pies and we're going to put all this stuff in a bucket and we're going to do whatever. And I don't care if you get dirty.
00:27:56
Speaker
And that was, that was it, you know, ne then they want to go outside and play. But before that we've moved so many times. And there was a period we were living with my parents that that wasn't really a play we were going to do at my parents' house where you're going to go in the backyard and dig a hole in your your grandfather's nice lawn.
00:28:14
Speaker
I don't care if you do that in our backyard now, but they never had that opportunity. So that's something I had to model as well. And I feel like we don't, you don't really think through those things as a parent for your first child, or even for your third, five years later that you might have to show them what to do But I do wonder, I'm bringing the shift up again, we had, there were so many stay at home moms for us, for our generation, my mom was not one of them to now those moms, like Charlotte, I know you you said your mother stayed home. What did she do while you played?
00:28:50
Speaker
Do you remember? Nothing. Yeah. Like, and now you're kind of expected if you're home with your child, well, you should be doing an activity and, you know, have you
Engaging Kids in Activities and Guest Insights
00:29:02
Speaker
the letter? I remember somebody was like, yeah what kind of preschool activities are you doing with her? I was like, nothing.
00:29:08
Speaker
I mean, I might, Do it subconsciously though, because that's the teacher in me. i might start playing school with her, but- um not. I didn't think that was my purpose here.
00:29:18
Speaker
Yeah. But I also think it depends on personalities too. Like thinking to your dynamic with Arbor, she's essentially growing up a little bit with that only child dynamic because everyone's at school every day. And so she's used to looking to you for everything. And you, she knows that you have the bandwidth. So she's seeing these ponies and she's like, okay, mom said go play with them. There's a right answer.
00:29:40
Speaker
So I'm going to look to mom to be that right answer. And so I think sometimes kids also need a nudge to be like, No, no, there's not an answer to this. Like playing with these ponies could be like, go and take a bath with them, short them by color, you know, see if you can stack them all up. Like there isn't, I'm not looking for the one way to play. And I think sometimes kids are, if they're more deferential or a little less secure, they're,
00:30:04
Speaker
then they are going to look to the grownup or the big kids and be like, how do I do this? And so I think part of it is unwinding that to get to the place of what do you think? Like, what would be fun to do with these?
00:30:15
Speaker
and And that's the answer when you have to be ready for like, I'm going to cut all their tails. It's like, okay, like, am I comfortable with that? Maybe. i yeah Like you have, that's when it gets sort of messy. Yeah. I feel like based on my experience with all three,
00:30:28
Speaker
you We definitely all get that. I'm bored. Right. And it's like, I feel like I have to set the activity up even now for all of their ages and be like, okay, here's what you can do.
00:30:41
Speaker
Now figure it out. And even I remember Nico a few years ago, we got him like the Hot Wheel car spinner thing. Right. And you one day he was like, I'm bored. So I taught him how to use it and I probably had some chores to do.
00:30:54
Speaker
And I noticed him playing and also like making, you know, they're so cute when they make voices and sounds and have them talk to each other. But if I got too close to him, yeah yeah it was like, ma, go away. So I would have to be in the other room.
00:31:07
Speaker
And I just thought it was so cute. And any time, like, the girls would come home or whatever, he wouldn't do it because he was, like, embarrassed. But it's – they need to do that because I remember doing that as a kid, like, making different names for them. And I feel like he we have – I'm looking at the Hot Wheels thing over here. We've outgrown it. I don't think he's touched it in a year. But I do remember for a solid year, he would spin them and they would have names.
00:31:28
Speaker
And another thing in our house, too, is I feel like we play somewhat outside of the house if it's to go to the park or – you know, a jump gym or a pottery studio. I feel like that still is playing, even though it's outside of the house. Maybe it's, some won't consider it, you know.
00:31:48
Speaker
It's structured. It's different. It's, yeah yeah. So I feel like we have all different, like this, like you were saying, Caitlin, like what activities are you doing at home? I'm not a teacher. i now I don't have teacher experience. That's for when they go to school. I feel like I'll try to, you know, Nika will come home and show interest in you know adding and subtracting. So I'll go and print outs to act like a teacher, but I don't i don't know. you know i just feel like anything sometimes to get them off their screens or on YouTube, one of my kids went through, they were into drawing and it goes step-by-step of how to draw things. So I felt like that was, I remember going through that with a few of them too. So I feel like, again, sometimes I know mine all, you just kind of had to sit there show them and then step back.
00:32:35
Speaker
Yes. Yeah. And I think sometimes, especially when they're really little, sometimes the hardest is like once they are actively engaged, like just don't, don't like, don't get in there. Don't tell them they're doing great. Don't be like, I love what you built. Like you just are invisible in that situation because you'll break their concentration. And then you're like, you're going to lose,
00:32:55
Speaker
What you had. I'm going to I want to move on to I have like a round robin question I want ask you guys, but I want to share one little hack I do, especially when you have the littler ones that are like, I want you to play with me. I forget where I heard this from, but there was somebody once who was like, I actively make sure that my children see me doing stuff around the house like they watch me cook and clean and do stuff like that. I'm not constantly there.
00:33:16
Speaker
entertainment. You know, I'm not like the cruise director here. And so I just have always taken that to heart. And so something I'll lots times do, and my kids are asking me to play, is they'll say, you know, I will come play with you, but I have to do this first. I need to make our breakfast so that we have something to eat, or I need to do our laundry so we have c clean clothes or whatever. I'll sort of tell them that.
00:33:33
Speaker
And then sometimes they don't end up needing me because I've given them this chance to go and find something without me. And if they don't, then I come. But I feel like it's a good don't know. It's a good sort of middle ground of them seeing that I'm not always going to be the one there to play with them constantly and see that, you know, I have other stuff that I have to do around the house.
00:33:50
Speaker
Yes. I'll often encourage my kids to go ask their siblings first also. Yeah. That's a good one. Okay. Okay. So yeah, I want to um do a little quick round robin, two questions i have to do with activities at home.
00:34:03
Speaker
And we are starting something new on the podcast where we're going to occasionally bring in special guests that maybe have like expert information is not the word knowledge in the field. So we're also going to be hearing answers from Abby on this. Abby is a mom of four. She's been an occupational therapist for nine years. She worked in pediatrics and adult outpatient.
00:34:20
Speaker
And she's known as galpractical on Instagram. If you don't follow her, you should because she shares a bunch of really fun kid activities, practical mom tips. I think she's just like a very fun. She's like a down to earth fun person to follow on Instagram. So I thought it'd be fun to bring her in because she just I feel like always has really good like kid activities.
00:34:37
Speaker
So the first question, we'll start with Abby's answers and then we'll do your guys' answers. The question is your kids are bouncing off the walls. Nothing is working. Everyone is going crazy. Nobody's making good choices. What's like go-to activity that you'll use, like something low prep that you can grab really fast?
00:34:59
Speaker
I feel like this question is like, it's loaded because low prep of what it used to look like for me with like one kid versus four kids is like so different. And I'm like, when I hear low prep, I am like, I need low prep, right? Like I can do it in under five minutes. I can throw it together pretty much anywhere. i don't need to spend money or more time.
00:35:18
Speaker
So I feel like for me, there's two things that I always rely on. And one that's music. I like turn on I mean, this is every day, Callie, right? Cause it's just like, my kids are always not listening, always bouncing off the wall. So we turn on, you know, the floor is lava or the freeze dance songs, or lately it's twinkle, twinkle, little fart, right? And like my kids, like they just, you know, we dance and we try to like distract away from what's happening, right?
00:35:44
Speaker
But then there's days where I'm like, I cannot stand one more sound in my house. Right. And so I feel like the one I always turn to is movement. And I know lots of parents know, like move your bodies, kids need to move their bodies, but I'm an occupational therapist by trade. And so I study movement and like all these signs of kids fighting and irritability, it's like their body's dysregulated.
00:36:04
Speaker
So how can I... bring them back home. And if I just say to my kids, go outside and play, then now i' just become a referee outside. And now there's flies in my house and I'm even more mad because everyone's still fighting.
00:36:17
Speaker
So i i do purposeful movement. And I think my biggest activity is an obstacle course because it's something I can do anywhere, anytime And I think social media has led us to believe that we need the balance beams and the stepping stones and the nugget couches. And those are great. But like you can do an obstacle course with paper plates and some couch pillows. And, you know, they run up and down the stairs. They jump over the pillows. They do 10 jumping jacks.
00:36:43
Speaker
And you know by that point, they're distracted away from why they were fighting, right? yes So that's the one we do. we do those inside, we do those outside. you know My kids jump on the trampoline and run sprints and make baskets.
00:36:54
Speaker
And yes I think the most underrated tool as a parent is a stopwatch. It is like my kids love their stopwatches. And so when we do these obstacle courses, they are like timing each other and it's this competition with each other, sometimes with themselves, but it removes my phone too. So think phone is a stopwatch, but now they can control the situation. And it's like, I love that one.
00:37:20
Speaker
So I'm going to ask Caitlin. Scavenger hunt. whether it's inside the house or outside the house. And I don't have a ready worksheet or something, but I might just make a list and it could be based on color or don't know, find me something that you could cook with. And even better if it's nice outside because outdoor scavenger hunts, I feel safe with them all around the yard. might just get out, step out of the house and stop talking to each other. And that usually works.
00:37:49
Speaker
I love that one. Megan, we play bingo lot in this house. It's a good game for all different ages, 8 to 14 and 42. So we're big bingo players. I'm not sure why, but it's just a fun game. And sometimes I make up the prizes too. I'll show like, you know, I'll put like candy and like fruit snacks or something together to make the winner feel special. And maybe I'll win.
00:38:14
Speaker
Yeah. Charlotte? um I probably have a few offers that I will make if I'm really desperate. Thankfully, those days of true desperation are a little behind me. So apologies to those of you that are in it.
00:38:26
Speaker
A board game is something that i can sometimes change the mood. I'm usually pretty comfortable with any sort of craft. So it's like, do you want to go to the craft closet and do paint, watercolor? Cooking is another thing I'm pretty comfortable letting them do. So they'll go and look through cookbooks or their Kindle and find something to make.
00:38:43
Speaker
And then the last thing that was always sort of fun is homemade Play-Doh. We usually have that on hand. And I typically just hate Play-Doh because it's just everywhere. But homemade Play-Doh, there's like a whole process that is sort of fun and magical for them.
00:38:57
Speaker
I love that one. Yeah. Yeah. Minor. I feel like a lot of mine similar from, for me. i feel like sometimes we need like an actual, like reset some, like when my kids are really hyped up, you know and then they're hyping each other up.
00:39:08
Speaker
So when I use is like, we'll do a dance party break, like before we move to something else, like just something to like, try to turn. you know, turn off the just like not listening at all that's happening. if it's later in the afternoon, and I'm fine sort of like shutting down for the day, we will like take showers and get in our pajamas.
00:39:25
Speaker
And I'll be green have a cozy dinner night. So like that one usually will work for us too. If we kind of like, and need to shift the energy that's happening. Okay, second question, and this might overlap a little bit, but your other one, so if you don't have an answer, that's fine. But the next one is, what is ah creative way that you've kept your kids entertained or you sometimes keep your kids entertained that you think...
00:39:48
Speaker
Some parents don't utilize enough. So like one that's out, like I, ah for me, I, Caitlin, I feel like the scavenger hunt one is good because you can get so creative with that. You can do a scavenger hunt walk.
00:39:59
Speaker
I've done post-it note ones where like, I'll just like capital A and lowercase and then you just like shove them around the house. In scavenger hunts, also you could just, I feel like you it's Christmas and you have a bunch of mini candy canes, like just go throw them around. And then they, I love it because then I feel like the kids can sort of recreate it.
00:40:16
Speaker
I just feel like that one has never failed me in the past.
00:40:23
Speaker
Yeah. So, I mean, I do think the obstacle course is one that i turn to So much because like high prep for me, I just like don't have the capacity for high prep. And so I feel like that's what I turn to. But honestly, like using a stopwatch, that's not, I mean, I understand that's not like super high prep, but like there are so many activities I can give my kids with that dang stopwatch, right? Like, hey, why don't you time how long it takes to run up and put your clothes in the washer? Or like, I mean, they're productive ways, right? But my kids love it. time Why don't you time how long it takes you to walk to the top of the hill and back, right?
00:40:58
Speaker
And it's just like this game changer tool in my house that they love to use.
00:41:04
Speaker
I can go off of the scavenger hunt one. We kind of just made this up recently actually. And and you you can either do it yourself or the older girls ended up taking over and do it. But we made like a treasure map of the house and and I hid something and they had to draw the map first of these important parts of the house. And then they had to go on this adventure to find it. But I did it with Arbor just she and I did it. And it was a silly little one in the playroom. And we, you know, like went over a chair and, you know, around ah the the kitchen counter and just different things like that. And ended up finding something and it takes, it took time so make the little map and go on the adventure. And it was fun and used our imagination. and i I feel like someone might not think that you could do that. I mean, you could,
00:41:56
Speaker
You could do it anywhere. You could outside. One that comes to mind, and i don't think it's really creative, but we do a lot of tic-tac-toe in the driveway at the dinner table when we go out to restaurants. And again, it's all different ages and everyone can play it as simple as it is. Sometimes that's what it is, like the simplest ones.
00:42:17
Speaker
And everyone's – or – Hangman too. i feel like Hangman's like we grew up with all these and I love that I teach my kids to play them. And again, when just recently you could do it at home or at a restaurant when they're like, I want to be on my phone. Can I have my phone? I ordered.
00:42:33
Speaker
No, i get out the, I keep in my purse paper and a pencil and we do a lot of tic-tac-toe and Hangman because feel like it gets everyone to talk because We're not going to be on our phones.
00:42:48
Speaker
I have a few that are structured versus unstructured. So unstructured, if I just want to let them go, getting them to wash the car if the weather is warm, they could do that for hours. I have a mixture for giant bubbles that is sort of fun. And so if you have the right tools on hand, they can spend a lot of time with giant bubbles.
00:43:08
Speaker
And I share that with everyone. And then... like making a fort or like floor is lava, basically trashing the house is always fun. yeah And then the two things that I will do if I know that I need to like kill time over the, I'm thinking like COVID, we would do this. So family Olympics is always fun. And it's usually a combo of like minute to win at games.
00:43:27
Speaker
And it's pretty easy to set up, but they just like the pageantry of it all. And then once a year i take my kids and we do an ice cream day And that's very much like parent driven.
00:43:39
Speaker
But the fun of it is, is you just find three or four ice cream places. We just go all around Connecticut And then you find like a park or a playscape or a hike somewhere near each of them. And it's just an easy, like low pressure way to get out with the family. So that's not exactly what you're asking, but those are, if I know I have to kill a day or so, that those are two go-tos. so ah You just made me think of one because you said during COVID, this is something that we did We made up theme nights for dinner. And so we would have like a fancy night and we all got dressed up.
00:44:14
Speaker
And then we had a pajama night. And so you could do different themed meals. You could let your kids make a menu to branch off that. My kids like to play restaurant if I'm cooking for them. One of them will make a menu and the other one's the waitress. And and they do this whole thing together. And I really like that.
00:44:31
Speaker
I love it. All right, good. So we left everyone with some good ideas for next time you're stuck and you need something. Hopefully. when you're When you're trying to find that balance between structured and unstructured.
Personal Experiences and Lifestyle Adjustments
00:44:43
Speaker
Okay, so time to move into pits and peaks, how we always end this episode, just sharing something good or something bad this week.
00:44:49
Speaker
I will start. I had a, I guess it was mostly a pit. My one-year-old took a tumble at the playground. And I don't know how he went from just the ground to the first step. But you know, like when you see, like you see blood and you're like, oh, we're bleeding. And then you get closer and you realize that like, you know, more it's more than a Band-Aid situation.
00:45:07
Speaker
So like I had all four. Luckily, i Michael was smithing me. So I had an extra pair of hands. We were at the playground that you have to walk to from our house. So we got him home and we took him to the... i' I'm one of those people like, I don't want to go to the doctor unless we have to. But I was like, we need to go to the doctor for this. And they're like, yes, it needs to be closed up.
00:45:23
Speaker
But there was a little bit of a peek because this child was the most chill child to ever have to take for any sort of situation. He didn't flinch. He didn't cry. The guy's like, it's going to burn. He's probably going to cry when the they end up using the glue when we glue it. No, I don't just stone faced the whole time.
00:45:39
Speaker
So it was a pit. It was a peek. I have a peek. It's a silly one. And by now they'll be bloomed. My bulbs are coming up guys. Oh, I love that. Me too. It's so close.
00:45:51
Speaker
I have a, I have a peak and it goes off of my mom fail in the beginning with Arbor not watching TV. So I have, I told myself that, um, back it up. I couldn't fall asleep at night and I was taking melatonin and then I was waking up with these night sweats and I thought it was my hormones, whatever.
00:46:09
Speaker
Turns out it's probably a mix of my hormones and the melatonin. It can make some people have night sweats. So I'm usually wound up at night. So I said, something has to change.
00:46:19
Speaker
Even if I'm reading, I'm still, i can't fall asleep. I don't know what's happening. Well, I kicked out the melatonin. I stopped watching any kind of screen, which I used to bring my laptop to bed with me. I cut that out. It's been two weeks now.
00:46:33
Speaker
And I either just go up with a book or just nothing. And I'm falling asleep and I'm not having night sweats. Awesome. God, just raw dogging your bedtime. yeah yeah Have you heard about those people that go on flights, like eight hour flights with nothing? They just sit there? Oh gosh. My mother-in-law at me whetherinlaw doesn't have a book, turns her phone off. I go what do you yeah She goes, I just sit.
00:46:57
Speaker
Oh, it sounds awful. no that sounds kind of nice yeah
00:47:05
Speaker
I drive in the car with no nothing. I know. I get it. Same. Yeah. Same. Okay. I have a pit. I bought the mouth tape. Okay. it's It's not working for me. I'm going to keep- What's it supposed to do? It looks too small.
00:47:21
Speaker
has this little hmm. Okay. But the other part is like, you know, don't talk a lot at night before I go to bed with Joe, but it's like- Okay, can I put it on now? Should I not put it? You know what I'm saying? So I've i've been trying it because I feel like i anything to get a good night's sleep.
00:47:38
Speaker
So I just wanted to say it's a pit right now. I don't get the hype. I had to try it. Maybe it'll turn into a peak. Everyone says to give it a little. But yeah, the hole is very small. Is it supposed to help you sleep? like yeah The only time i ever heard about it is my mom who had sleep apnea. Oh, so just even if you just are...
00:47:55
Speaker
you don't sleep. It's supposed to keep you. It's supposed to help you sleep better. Yep. And now I will throw this out there. I sleep with a night guard and a retainer, one up, one down here. Don't, whatever it is, what it is.
00:48:09
Speaker
Cause grind and this, and I'm not really liking it, but everyone, I've been reading the reviews and people that have been in the So I don't know.
00:48:21
Speaker
Some people swear by it. They're like, they like, I saw one, she like wakes up and she's like, oh, I had the best night sleep again. Thanks to my mouth tape. Wait, are those people also the ones selling the mouth tape? Probably. yeah were like Or can we just say placebo effect?
00:48:35
Speaker
Yeah, maybe. Anyways, you know me. I'll try anything and everything. I just like to try all these things. But yeah. Well, send us a picture next time you go to bed with it. Please do. Oh, sure. and it hurts when you pull it off in the morning, too. That's another bit.
00:48:47
Speaker
This sounds terrible. Yeah, it does.
00:48:52
Speaker
And it looks like a torture device. I don't like that thing. If I woke up and you were laying next to me with that on your face, uh-uh. Jump scare. Yeah.
00:49:03
Speaker
All right. All right. come mu is down It's time to end. I feel like why don't they make it with like patterns? What if they could they make it? ray They do. They have one that looks like a lip. Yeah, there's pink ones. I bought like the the the most reasonable one. Medical grade. Yeah, whatever.
00:49:17
Speaker
I figure they're all the same. It's not real. Okay. all All right. We have to stop. We have to stop now. This is a good spot, I feel like, to ask people to leave us a review because if you didn't like that, what would you like? I've started. You know?
00:49:29
Speaker
What would you like? Go get your tape, guys. Get your tape and then leave us a review. After the, before the tape, probably before the tape. Cause you're not going yeah. Cause you're not going able to like, if you want to leave us like a verbal, otherwise just put the tape on and do five stars. All right. Bye guys.
00:49:46
Speaker
Bye.