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Crybaby Lane - the "banned" Nickelodeon movie! | B-Movie Bash | #JYS3E19
119 Plays1 year ago
"A couple brothers are told a ghost story about a farmer's Siamese twins, but during a séance, they mistakenly awaken the evil twin and are forced to defend their community from being haunted."
Only aired once on Nickelodeon. There was a popular Internet rumor that said it was never shown again due to an a number of complaints from parents who found it inappropriate for a kid's network. This turned out to be completely untrue, as it was never banned, just merely forgotten. Since then, Nickelodeon shelved it and did not air it again for over 10 years. Until Internet response and a vocal cult following urged Nickelodeon to re-air it, and on October 31st, 2011, Nickelodeon obliged and later admitted they had forgotten all about the movie.
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Meet the Hosts
00:01:36
Speaker
Hello everybody. Hello. My name is Shannon. I'm Alyssa and a group of baby ferrets is called a business or a fuzzening. Fuzzening. Fuzzening. That's my information instead of a joke today. Thank you. Yeah. Well, with that, welcome back to another episode of Hashtag Judging You. But this week. It is a
00:02:02
Speaker
That's fine. That is what it
Humorous Movie Notes Exchange
00:02:05
Speaker
is. I have a ridiculous amount of notes for how short this movie was. Love that. Anyway, did you have a joke? Because I don't have it. I don't. That's good. I like your fuzzing. Thank you. Yeah, well, because Zach was talking earlier about they drove down to St. George because they were doing a transport and stuff and they were waiting for their
00:02:25
Speaker
the other person they were picking up to come back up.
Puppy Talk: Meet Minnie
00:02:27
Speaker
And they had like 45 minutes to kill before they were even like able to pick up the guy. So they just went to somewhere close, which apparently is a pet store. They just meandered around in the pet store. He said, I was like, puppies? Because you just got a puppy. I got a puppy. You're so cute. Name? Minnie.
00:02:50
Speaker
Yeah. She's totally a mini. Yeah. Mini and Milo? Mm-hmm. Don't cry. I'm gonna lose my shit. And he named her. He's so cute. Yeah. He did. That was so fun. He said she's like a mini Milo. Aww. And he was like, mini. Minnie. Yeah. That's cute. But yeah, Zach was saying that they were just meandering around. And I was like, pimp hands. And he was like, no, I'm not bringing you home a puppy anytime soon.
00:03:16
Speaker
And he was like yeah, there was like three ferrets, and I was like three and he was like yeah And I was like ferrets come in pairs though. They get depressed if they're by themselves They come in pairs so someone has to eat all three of them. Yeah basically yeah, and Zach was like well Maybe there was just three that came in the litter, and he was like oh
00:03:35
Speaker
What's a litter of ferrets called?
Fun with Ferrets: Group Names
00:03:37
Speaker
So I googled it. It's called a business or a fuzzing. I like a business. That's funny. Right. And then the whole rest of the way home, he was just like, that's so funny. Because then, you know, if you told a mom ferret, if her kids were acting up, you could say, mind your business. I like that. Yeah.
00:03:54
Speaker
Gosh, he had like three others that he came in with. I can't think of them right now. He's a punny guy. Yeah, he was being pretty punny. So anyway, there's my story. Awesome. So I'm going to be taking us back. Yes. I'm going to be taking us way back.
Crybaby Lane: Nostalgia & Plot
00:04:08
Speaker
I'm so excited. I'm going to be taking you all back to your childhood. Yes. Assuming you're our age. Yeah, probably. You're all millennials out there. Whoop, whoop, whoop.
00:04:18
Speaker
I'm gonna be taking us back to the year 2000 to a little channel called Nickelodeon.
00:04:27
Speaker
Just a little chilly. When they used to do their, like, Nick at Night, Fright, whatever they called it back then, I should probably have looked that up, but it's okay, it's fine. They had, like, a snick. Yeah, I think that's what it was. I think it was Snick, yeah. And this movie only played for, like, that month a couple of times before it was removed from TV. Re-watching it, I was like, why did they take it off?
00:04:55
Speaker
And then I kind of thought about it and I thought probably a lot of parents were upset about a couple of things in here, which as an adult, I'm just like, I watched Saw, you know, like this is nothing. But as a kid, I remember being like, huh, like.
00:05:11
Speaker
And I had one very distinct memory of this movie and I'll tell you when we get there to it, it's towards the end. But I don't remember the plot being this plot. Like it was very similar. But as I was watching the whole thing, I was like, but when does this happen? But when does this happen? Or I don't know if I was maybe making it up in my brain that this is what should happen next or like this would have been better. I think I might have to rewrite.
00:05:39
Speaker
Crybaby Lane. Okay. Crybaby Lane. Crybaby Lane. Okay. Which has a 5.2 out of 10. Okay. Not the worst. For a Nickelodeon movie. For a Nickelodeon movie. For a TV movie made for kids. I wonder if that's on its own rating scale though. Maybe. People would go a little. And I was also trying to be gentle with this movie because it was made for kids. Yeah. But there's so many things in here that I was like, that's adult. That's adult. They wrote that for adults. Nickelodeon. Yeah.
00:06:07
Speaker
And that could potentially be why parents wanted it taken down. It was a different time. Yes.
00:06:14
Speaker
All righty, so the synopsis of this movie is a couple, I copied and pasted. A couple brothers. That makes sense. Yeah, a couple brothers. That just feels good. It sounds dumb. It sounds dumb, yeah. But a couple brothers are told a ghost story about a farmer's Siamese twins. But during a seance, they mistakenly awaken the evil twin and are forced to defend their community from being haunted.
00:06:42
Speaker
What? So that's the movie. Okay. Right? Okay. Like I understand that a synopsis has to kind of tell you. I hate when it's just like, here you go. Yep. That's it. You've seen it now. You've seen it now. Yeah. Yeah. I also hate like when they do the same shit in the trailers and you're like, well, I just watched the whole movie. Yep. That was everything. Thanks for that. Yep. It was free. Yep. Where did you watch this by the way?
Crybaby Lane: Review & Critique
00:07:05
Speaker
YouTube. Okay. That's what I got. I got some funny jokes about this in here. Okay. So, we open to some spooky piano music. The camera pans up towards, I put a cabin, I meant to say like a farmhouse. Oh, okay. Anyways.
00:07:20
Speaker
Not a barn, a farmhouse. In black and white. A spooky voice says, it all happened some time ago. There was a farmer whose wife gave birth to twins, but something was terribly wrong. Due to a rare embryonic mutation, the infants joined as one flesh and came into this world freaks. I was like, okay.
00:07:44
Speaker
Jeez, okay real controversial. Yeah, I was like it wouldn't it would not pass today's No, not in the slightest in the night. There's not you the vibe check. Yeah. No. Yeah But I'm over here just like oh, yeah, they came out as freaks, but it was an embryonic mutation. Like it just that's weird. Oh
00:08:05
Speaker
like fucking nerds over here talk and then calling them freaks like i just anyway and the farmer hid them away as they grew it became clear that one was good and one was evil now it happened that one of the twins fell ill and because they shared the same liver the illness spread or quickly spread and they both perished
00:08:25
Speaker
Not wanting to expose his shame, the farmer decided to unjoin the bodies and bury only the good son in the town cemetery. Oh, they're boys? Yes. I don't know why I didn't expect them to be boys. He buried the evil son in a fellow field at the end of an old dirt road called Crybaby Lane. Hold on. If they hit them away and no one knows about them, who gives a fuck where you bury them? No one knows. Exactly. I don't know. Okay. Yeah.
00:08:54
Speaker
No one's coming to their funeral. I don't know they exist. Because legend has it anyone caught out there at night on that desolate road can hear the cries of the evil child calling for vengeance from beyond the grave. The whole time we see black and white images of like inside the farmhouse and an attic and farmland and stuff like and just yada yada and the wind's blowing and you just hear babies crying but it sounded more like they let a six-year-old
00:09:23
Speaker
Just be like, wah! Like it was not a baby crying. It definitely sounded like a child. You can't download a free audio clip of a baby crying. I'm sure someone at Nickelodeon has children. Someone has a baby. Do you want to come in here and I'll pinch the baby's leg so he can cry for a second thing? Come when he's hungry.
00:09:44
Speaker
Anyway, and the actor of that one, he's been in things. Like, you see his face and you're like, oh, I know who you are, but I don't know who you are. Like, he's just...
00:09:59
Speaker
Oh. Right? Oh. Frank, uh, Langela? Langela? I'm not sure how you pronounce his last name. Sorry, Frank. Um, he was in the 1979 Dracula. He was Dracula. So there's that. Anyway, he was just...
00:10:19
Speaker
I feel like I know who he is, but I don't know who he is, but he is on an episode of SVU. So that's probably where I remember him from. And who is he in this movie? He is Mr. Bennett. He is the mortician. So as the story ends, we see two teenage boys sitting and having
00:10:36
Speaker
coffee and I don't know if those are biscuits. I don't know. They look like cookies of some kind. Biscuits. I'm not sure. It doesn't matter. The younger one, Andrew, is a little spooked by the story and the older one, Carl, says he knows that road. It's down. And Mr. Bennett says, you don't need to go there. Don't worry about it. Don't go there. Right?
00:10:57
Speaker
But he tells them that as an undertaker, just, you know, he's like, don't go down that road. As an undertaker, I live a life of intrigue. And I was like, okay, why are we? Anyway, it's fine. Why are they talking to the undertaker in the first place? Exactly. My question. But he says he's got one foot in this world and another in the grave.
00:11:14
Speaker
He randomly tells them that the average person swallows five spiders a year in their sleep. Thanks. Yeah, just out of nowhere. He just says that and I was like, okay. Suddenly another teenage boy opens the doors and we meet his nephew and I didn't realize his name until the very end of the movie, so I just called him the nephew or nephew in my notes, but his name is Kenneth. Okay. So and he
00:11:39
Speaker
was so weird. He was so weird for no reason. Great. But he just was. But he opens the
Funeral Potatoes & Anecdotes
00:11:46
Speaker
doors and he tells his uncle that he just finished Mr. Bulman's shampoo and rinse. Oh. So. How old is he? He's like a teenager. Oh, OK. Like, yeah. Not 16. OK. 15. He could be 16, but like. Early-ish. Early teens, yeah. Or early to mid teens and stuff.
00:12:06
Speaker
he says that uh he just finished washing or shampooing and rinsing but he still needs to dry and set his hair and remount the suction tubes and stuff right and so obviously he's helping his uncle and everything you know yeah the younger teen oh sorry not the younger teen
00:12:21
Speaker
Andrew, I didn't know his name for a hot minute. So yeah, Andrew says that it's getting pretty late as he kind of looks up to the wall and he sees that Mr. Bennett has a skull or a cow skull, but it's two and they're fused together. So it's a yeah. So anyway, he thinks that they should be leaving soon and Carl calls him a worm.
00:12:44
Speaker
So and he said that he's spineless, you know, he's your don't worry about him. Mr. Bennett. He's just a worm Okay, and mr. Bennett agrees that it is late and they should go home the right off on their bike saying goodbye Well, mr. Bennett tells them to come back and visit anytime. It's dead here. He calls out before heading inside See, this is why you didn't need a joke. Yeah, so and I again I was trying to be real gentle because it's a kid's story. Uh-huh. So like
00:13:11
Speaker
I'd be like us judging Are You Afraid of the Dark? Except... Exactly. That's... Oh my gosh, though. It is top tier, so. It is top tier, but there's so many fucking hilarious things about Are You Afraid of the Dark? Like, which you can watch all the seasons off Prime. Plug. Sponsor, please!
Parenting Styles & Nightmares
00:13:29
Speaker
The boys ride through the late evening to some weird, funky, spooky music. And if you can think of weird, funky, spooky Nickelodeon music, you're thinking of the right music. While the credits are playing and stuff. And they ride through the town. There's super cute little like storefronts out front, but they're trying to make it spooky cause it's nighttime. But I'm pretty sure they just took like a black, like a dark filter over the camera. Cause the shadows, I was like, that's the sun.
00:13:57
Speaker
You shouldn't have shadows. This should be street light shadows. Yeah. But it was like, no, that's the sun. Anyway, let's see. They ride and ride until getting home where they go to bed. That's the end of that scene. Did they explain why they were hanging out with the mortician? They like spooky stories.
00:14:14
Speaker
Okay. But you learned that like halfway through the movie. Okay. They just, they like going there and listening to his spooky stories. Anyway, Andrew was having a nightmare of the spooky farmhouse with babies crying and worms crawling, like the six year old, I should say the toddler, babies crying and worms crawling through the dirt, right? With kind of like whispery sounds and stuff in the background.
00:14:33
Speaker
He wakes up startled and climbs out of bed, hurrying to his parents room to tell them that he had a nightmare. And his dad tells him, no, go sleep in your own room. And his mom for some random reason gets up coughing her head off and is like, let's go back to bed honey. And I was like, oh, is she gonna be like sick in the movie? Is that her thing? She's just like, oh guys, I'm just so sick. I can't care for you or whatever. No, she just coughs for no reason. And I was like, okay.
00:15:01
Speaker
okay i'm just fine um i gotcha sorry your face when you're like okay okay there's so many things they do in this movie that i was just like you just okay i didn't even include everything because it was just so
00:15:25
Speaker
Like later on in the movie, they're back at Mr. Bennet's and he's pissed because the people he just had a funeral for were like, well, thank you for the free food. And he was like, no, that's not free. Go back here. And then he changes them down to give him a receipt. He spent like three minutes on a scene of him being like, Hey, you need to give me your money for this. And they were like, Oh, you're my uncle's a lawyer. He'll call you and are you nickel and dining us at this kind of a thing? And he's like, yeah. Like, yes, you're paying for the food. It's a funeral. Like it's, you know,
00:15:52
Speaker
Plus it was like a fuck ton of food apparently and so he's like, yeah, no. And so he goes back and I didn't add it into the notes I should have, but like he takes him back in and it tells his nephew like, nevermind, no frills or anything, just strip him down there and stuff because I guess they put him in like the fancy suits and stuff. And so they, which I'm like, most people bring their own suits.
00:16:12
Speaker
Yeah, they're like, I want them buried in this. Yeah, it was his favorite suit. We put on one of my mom's favorite dresses and stuff. He's like, no, it was in the contract and everything. You should be aware of that. What funeral home is providing food? I don't know.
00:16:25
Speaker
That's what the ward is for. No, right? But, um, yeah, no fucking, uh, the wards are so good. If you ever have someone die come to Utah, you'll get fed for like a week and a half. So true. If you've never had funeral potatoes. Oh my God. And they're all made so many different ways and they're all good. They're all delicious. They're all good.
00:16:45
Speaker
I know. My mom usually makes them for Thanksgiving and I'm a little sad that we're not having like Thanksgiving dinner this year because I could just make it myself but they wouldn't be the same.
00:16:56
Speaker
other people's funeral potatoes are the best funeral potatoes. Yeah, I don't want mine. Exactly. Zach's mom for his grandma's funeral, made funeral potatoes, I think were the best fucking funeral potatoes of my life. And she's so sad because she can't, she just made them. She didn't like measure anything. She just put things in and stuff. And she's like, I don't know what I did different. I told her that. I was like, I don't mean to sound insensitive.
00:17:19
Speaker
But those are the best potatoes in my life. And she was like, they were so good, right? And I can't make them the same way again. She's, she's just as heartbroken as I am. Cause I was like, they were so good. They were so good. Anyway, but yeah, they made that a whole big deal. Anyway, so the mom wakes up coughing and she's like, let's just go back to bed, honey. And I don't know about you. How old are you?
00:17:42
Speaker
would Adam have to be for you to be like, no, you need to go sleep in your own bed? I mean, I do that now. Oh, you tell him now? Yeah. And he's five? Yeah. He's almost six. Yeah. Almost six. Yeah. Andrew is 12. And he goes into their bed with them? Oh, he tried to. And his dad was like, no, go back to bed. And I'm over here like,
00:18:01
Speaker
I don't even know a 12-year-old that would try that. No, that's weird. I mean, it would be a little different if it was probably the most terrifying dream of their entire life, but all he dreamed about was babies crying and worms. Yeah, that's weird. You know. Yeah, even now, like, Adam will sometimes, after Tony leaves, if he wakes up early, he'll come and, you know, lay in Tony's spot kind of thing. But that's just... Yeah, when he has a nightmare, he just calls me into the room to console him until he feels better, and then I go back to my bed. Yeah.
00:18:28
Speaker
So, apparently Zach wakes me up when I have bad dreams and I was like, how do you know I'm having bad dreams? And he goes, because you go, mmm, and frown really big. And I was like, oh, okay, okay. Good to know. Which I do realize I'll wake up sometimes and realize that my face has been like, and I'm like, I'm gonna get fucking wrinkles.
00:18:49
Speaker
Like, from frowning in my sleep. Your nightmares. Yeah, I can't even, like, I can't move the muscles right now. Like a burglar marshmallow crown, you know? Yeah, and I can't do it when I'm awake. I feel like I can only do it in my sleep. Yeah. I just, anyway. That's funny. Yes. So.
00:19:04
Speaker
Yeah, so he's 12, she puts him back to bed. And he asks if she's ever heard of crybaby Lane. And she gets mad at him saying that he needs to stop going over to Mr. Bennet's house. He's a bad influence and he just tells you scary stories the whole time. And he was like, oh mom, no, it's not that big of a deal. I just, meh, right? Just nightmares about it. Exactly, right? But she goes over and she smacks Carl awake. She smacks him on the leg, wake him up and Carl wakes up and he's like, what? And she's like, are you taking your little brother over to Mr. Bennet's house? And he's like, no. And she's like, ah,
00:19:33
Speaker
I know you're dead. You need to not do that anymore. That's all she does. She doesn't ground him. She doesn't do jack shit. She just wakes him up to say, stop taking your brother to this place and then goes away. And he turns and gives his brother the nastiest fucking look I've ever seen in my life. And I was like,
00:19:53
Speaker
Okay, like tensions are high, all right. So we go back to bed. The next morning we see the little town waking up for the day while Andrew is taking a shower, singing some crappy, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, whoa. Like he's playing a guitar, but he's an, anyway. So then we see Carl sitting on the toilet, which is the weirdest shaped bathroom in this house, I swear. It's like, it's shower, toilet, sink.
00:20:23
Speaker
And like, it's just like a hallway. No, it's just a hallway. Not even like, you could step literally, like you could put your feet into the tub from the toilet. That's how close the toilet is to the shower. It's like the tiniest bathroom. And this is their family bathroom. This is where everyone- Master. Yeah. Okay. Like- I don't think we're supposed to say that anymore. Sorry. But like, it's just-
00:20:52
Speaker
interesting it was just I don't I just was like what they couldn't find a bigger house like anyway not the point but okay just because like the camera seemed so cramped while it was like trying to film them from this angle to also not who's really standing in the tub like it was ridiculous stupid
00:21:11
Speaker
So Carl is sitting on the toilet. He's just sitting there. He's not doing anything. And he flushes it so that it causes the hot water to start blasting at Andrew. So Andrew screams, yelping in pain. He jumps out of the shower and Carl starts chewing him out for being a worm and tells it, oh, and for ratting him out and stuff, right? And he tells them that he needs to be more like the heavyweight wrestler and go for the title as he points to himself. And he says, not like,
00:21:39
Speaker
Oh gosh, he just basically called him a little bitch in so many more, like in so many more words. In Nickelodeon words. Yeah. And he just has wrestling stuff all over his room. Just, yeah. Okay. So, and Carl jumps him when he gets dressed and he jumps Andrew when he gets dressed and he wrestles him to the ground saying, hey, I don't enjoy this. I just need you to be tougher.
00:22:02
Speaker
He's just trying to toughen his brother up. Who's like maybe two years younger than him? Maybe? He was great. Yeah. Andrew calls for their mom and Carl shoves him telling him that he's a lost cause. Which I mean, you're 12. You should be wrestling back. That's all I'm saying. Andrew goes to his little hideout behind his house and he has a friend there. His name is Hal. No, it's Hall.
00:22:28
Speaker
This name's Hall. That's a weird name. That's a weird name. Who was like three years younger than him and he's just adorable little kid though. He's so cute. He's adorable. Um, so he's hanging out with a nine year old. Yeah. I guess I know like 10 year olds to hang out with my five year old. So like there's other kids in this city. I mean, I guess they mostly just show that as girls, but like, you don't mean he doesn't have friends that are girls. Anyway, he's kind of a nerd. So okay.
00:22:55
Speaker
And this kid, this adorable little kid, is standing there in a plastic breastplate, like a medieval breastplate, wielding a green plastic lightsaber, claiming, you want the ring, Baggins? Come and get it, before he just starts smacking Andrew on the head. Wow. And Andrew asks Hall if he ever feels stupid. This world is full of adventure, but they're just sitting in their hobbit hole, which is what they call a little shed. Cute. And never do anything. And like,
00:23:24
Speaker
You're 12. Yeah, what are you supposed to do? What adventures are out there? You're supposed to have fake adventures. Yeah. Imaginary adventures. I don't know where you're going and stuff. Like I just, I have no fucking clue. Hall says a couple more things. Oh, Hall says that they're preparing for the way of the return of the king. There's a lot. Yeah. A lot. There's more in it. Andrew complains that Lord of the Rings is fiction.
00:23:48
Speaker
And Hall asked who peed in his cornflakes. Yeah, for real. Andrew says, oh, I gotta go. And Hall tells him to save the sword that was broken. And Andrew's just like, sure buddy, whatever. So they shake and Andrew leaves while Hall turns and continues to smash things with his little light saber. So. So, okay. I'm so tired. I know you meant like shake hands. Oh yeah. I just pictured them like shaking.
00:24:15
Speaker
I don't know. I knew what you meant and my brain was still like, hmm. Do you ever have those like, when somebody says a specific word, you like immediately associate it with a certain action? Yeah. When people say they fled or whatever, like they're like, oh yeah, they went back to the castle, grabbed their belongings and fled into the night. The image that pops into my brain every single time is Snow White running through the forest.
00:24:44
Speaker
They're terrified. That's immediately what I think of like any time because I'll be reading a book and stuff where it's like oh yes and the ancient stories of these people and they like fled with all that they had on their back I'm immediately like the first thing I think of so
00:25:02
Speaker
Yeah, there's a few other things. I can't think of them right now, but that's the one that always comes to mind is Snow White's face. Just like so. Oh, there we go. So Andrew goes back inside his house and apologizes to Carl. He didn't rat him out. He just asked his mom, have you ever heard of crybaby? Like, yeah, which is apparently a known ish thing in town. Yeah. Ish.
00:25:25
Speaker
it's not big but like kind of like one of the little legend yeah urban legends kind of thing yeah absolutely but like i mean there's a couple that are in cedar that like i wouldn't think everybody knows you know like not everyone knows about the hunter house and stuff so like i just anyway but carl just keeps ignoring him as he's just tearing up papers and stuff and andra goes carl that's my homework
Crybaby Lane: Scene Analysis
00:25:44
Speaker
He keeps tearing it up and I was like, fuck this boy. Like smack, smack him. He needs some punishment of his own. Oh yes. And I just smack down. For real. So anyway, Andrew says that he'll make it up to him. And Carl says, okay, let's go. So they jump on their bikes and they take off to the town cemetery and says, there's nothing girls like more than to be scared out of their minds. False. I thought it was a little right. I don't like to be scared, but I love scary things.
00:26:14
Speaker
He's a tiny bit right but like and then I also thought I mean it's more like true crime but you know he's fine so anyway but I also agree I was like you don't want to be scared out of their minds like no so but they go he says all they need is a kid's grave
00:26:32
Speaker
I don't know. So Carl finds one after a bit and it says Muller on the stone. Okay. Or Mueller... Muller? I want to say. Anyway, he grabs his backpack and pulls out a Walkman ripping out... Yep.
00:26:48
Speaker
Okay. Ripping out a vine that's growing from the grave and hides the Walkman in the grass. I don't know why he had to rip the vine out of the ground because he literally like sets the Walkman down and then tries like put the vine back to cover it. So he's like tucking it? Yeah. Okay. I don't know.
00:27:04
Speaker
Which they also like hid a speaker across the way. And I was like, this is 2000. What speaker are you hiding over there? Why are this speaker? Because I was just going to ask you, does my memory serve me correct? Because like Walkmans, you have to have headphones. Not every Walkman. Some play out loud. Some play out loud. But they had a speaker, so it didn't matter. Yeah.
00:27:30
Speaker
But I was like, okay, but what cord are you putting over there? I mean, cords were really long back in the day. This is true. But are you just putting it across the whole cemetery? I don't know. I mean, he had it like a tombstone that was like, I don't know, maybe from here to like the nightstand that's on the bed over there. That's pretty far. That's pretty far. So like, yeah. That's a good 10 feet. At least. Yeah. So, but he, I just, I just didn't understand why he had to rip out the vine because he like puts it back, like sticks it back there. I was like,
00:27:57
Speaker
Okay. It's stupid. So, later that night three girls make their way to the graveyard. One complaining about why they always have to do what Carl wants to do. And the other girl, which I found out their names are like Megan and some shit, but I couldn't figure out who was who. Okay. And it didn't super matter, so. Cool. But the one's complaining that she doesn't want to do what Carl wants to do. And the other girl replies, I um,
00:28:20
Speaker
How'd she say it? Oh, she says, I get Carl and the other girl grows. You can't just get him. And she's like, I called him. And she's like, you can't just call a guy whom I supposed to get with. Oh gosh. Right. And the other girl goes, Oh, you get Andrew. And she's like, grotesque. Besides, Kathy likes Andrew as she like points to the one girl.
00:28:41
Speaker
The other, like the third has been quiet this whole time. And the other girl turns around and she's just like, grow up you two. And the first girl goes, we're older than you, Kathy. And I was like, I was never that person that when I was at that age where I was like, I'm older than you. I'm older than you. So you have to listen to me because I'm five seconds older than you. But you were also the youngest child. I guess that's true. So I feel like that probably had some kind of effect. Possibly, but I was just like,
00:29:10
Speaker
I don't have to listen to fucking anybody. You don't have to do what Carl wants to do. You can fucking leave. Bye. So, yeah. Anyway, Carl jumps out and he startles them. And Andrew's kind of right behind him. And the first girl says that she can't believe they're actually here to do a seance in the cemetery. And the second girl steps forward and she's like, I want to bring back Princess Di. Andrew rolls his eyes a little bit. She's like, who do you want to bring back, Princess Leia? Who says you're bringing back anybody? That's not how seances are for. Are you opening a portal?
00:29:40
Speaker
I appreciate the Princess Leia joke. Right? Still. Andrew rolls his eyes a little bit at that, and Carl says that they can only resurrect someone at their grave. And the other girls are like, well, what about mediums? They can do it in somebody's, like, living room. And he's like, mediums are different. I'm not a medium. Like, it makes the girls go along, right?
00:29:56
Speaker
So the group heads over to the grave the boys found earlier and Carl gives a butchered retelling of the story Mr. Bennett gave them at the beginning. The girls pester him with stupid questions like, well, what's his name? And he's like, Mueller, what's duh? You know, what's his first name? I don't know. Like he's just going off about it, you know? And he's like, oh, this happened in the fifties. And they pointed the tombstone that said that he clearly died in the sixties. And he was like, whatever, it doesn't matter. So he's just getting annoyed at them. I was getting annoyed at them.
00:30:23
Speaker
If you want a seance, just do a seance. Exactly. So he finally gets through the story, taking the girl's hands and calling forth the spirits there, or the spirit there. He starts talking in Pig Latin and stealthily turns on the Walkman that's behind him. He's sitting there just kind of going off and like, oh spirit, you can roam with us now. Ixte, ooblay, iklebay. Like just, you know. And I can't speak Pig Latin. What? I can't. I can't talk Pig Latin.
00:30:50
Speaker
I can't. Why? I've never learned it. You don't know what it is? No, I know what it is. I can't do it. Okay. You could sit here and teach me for 20 minutes the rest of this time. Okay. No idea. Anyway, okay. So suddenly screams start coming through the speakers and the girls startle before music starts playing and Carl laughs it off and the girls are like, that was so stupid, Carl. That's so dumb, right? And he picks up his walkman and turns it off and everything.
00:31:15
Speaker
And suddenly we hear babies crying, that little six-year-old again, and the girls are like, knock it off, Carl. And Carl holds up the cassette tape and they all, and run from the graveyard, right? Oh no, they look down and there's a ton of worms crawling up through the grave and they freak out and take off.
00:31:38
Speaker
That's what it was. Do they hear crying? They heard crying. They all heard crying. Yeah. The boys ride their bikes home and Carl seems genuinely shook about it for a second. Andrew asked him like, well, what was it? And Carl's like, it was just the wind, okay? Like get over it. And he's like, I've never heard the wind sound like that. And he's like, just whatever, Andrew, get inside and just, you know? So he clearly is annoyed and trying not to seem startled and stuff. And anyway, later that night we see more images of the town, thunder crashing, wind blowing, worms crawling, and a random dog lifting its head and its eyes glowing.
00:32:08
Speaker
Commercial break! Oh! And I watched three minutes of 2,000 commercials. How was it at? It was interesting. Yeah? Yeah. Did it get a little nostalgic? A little nostalgic. Were there any memorable ones? There are more linear ones. Okay, okay. I didn't super pay attention to this first commercial break because I was like, I was at work and I was doing other things. So yeah.
00:32:31
Speaker
The next day, Mr. Bennett drives to the cemetery, waking up the grave digger who was asleep in the claw of his backhoe. Okay, sure. Sleep in there. He complains about having to dig a hole for the funeral coming up in a couple of days, right? And- It's your job. Yeah.
00:32:48
Speaker
This is job cake, but Mr. Bennett asked it, and this is another thing I didn't add in the notes, but I had to rewatch the scene a couple of times, and he goes, is everything ready for the funeral on Tuesday? And he's like, what's Tuesday? And he's like, the funeral on Tuesday, did you dig the hole for the plot? And he goes,
00:33:04
Speaker
Oh no, I don't think I can get that done by Tuesday. And he's like, you just have to dig a hole. And he goes, dig a hole. I don't have to just dig a hole. And he's like, what do you mean that? What do you have to do? And he goes, well, I have to get the backhoe ready. I have to get gas for the, or I have to put gas in the backhoe. I have to get gas for the backhoe. I have to get to the store to buy gas for the backhoe. And he just gives us like ridiculous list of like, duh, things.
00:33:30
Speaker
And he's like, whatever. Did you pick the plot of where like he's going to be buried and stuff? And he was just like, yeah, but I got to get the map and the map is in my pocket. I got to get it out of my pocket to show you. And he was just like, get out of your pocket. So he pulls it out of his pocket and he starts leading him off. But Mr. Bennett senses something is off and just kind of meanders towards where the boys had had the seance, right?
00:33:54
Speaker
so they head over to the Mueller grave and that's where we find a candle and they sniff it and they're like strawberry like just like it's just a weird candle that they just what they'd lit yeah okay and um they also find the Walkman left behind as well as the cassette tape and immediately Mr. Bennett is like
00:34:12
Speaker
I know who it was, you know. Suddenly the dog from just a few minutes ago shows up barking threateningly at them and just growling and stuff, right? And the gravedigger who I saw his name was a Gary, but I don't know. So I just call him the gravedigger.
00:34:28
Speaker
was like, oh, I don't like dogs and stuff. And Mr. Bennett goes, oh, that's Mary. She's the sweetest dog ever. She doesn't bark at anyone, right? But she keeps barking at them to the point that she's foaming at the mouth. And they're like, oh, something must be seriously wrong. He's like, I know this dog. She wanders around town and everyone loves her. She's just someone's dog that everyone loves and stuff. And so the gravedigger takes off running and the dog charges him.
00:34:53
Speaker
good um which then gets him and starts like rar rar at him and stuff right but as an adult obviously she's like like playing like dogs do you know with the open mouth and they're just like yeah like it's that right to the point where they had to stop filming her and just have the camera be the dog in his face because like she clearly was just like
00:35:17
Speaker
Hi, friend. Hi, friend. You know, just being this cute little girl. But as a kid, you're like, oh, no. She's attacking him. Yeah. Well, Mr. Bennett, with a distraction, runs for his car and drives it over towards them. And the grave digger finds a stick and he throws it as a distraction, right? And Mr. Bennett opens up his passion door and says, get in, get in. So he jumps in and they drive off together.
00:35:41
Speaker
and he takes them back to his house and I didn't write these notes down because I didn't think they were that important but the gravedigger at one point says that like the graves there are just super unlucky.
00:35:52
Speaker
Like they're super unlucky and stuff. And Mr. Bennett was like, oh, why was the dog behaving like that? And the gravedigger's like, oh no, I need workers comp. Oh, and stuff, right? Just, hmm. I'm injured. It's just great. It's stupid. So at Andrew's house, he's sitting there with his phone up, talking to Kathy, asking how she was after last night. And then, ah.
00:36:19
Speaker
scribbles out the script he was writing right just right pretending you know and so he starts trying to write another one just asking you know he clearly has a little little crushy crush on Kathy and his brother walks in hearing this and mocks him calling him a girl and men don't need scripts and then puts him in a headlock. Oh wait is Andrew the one writing the script? Andrew's writing the script. Oh okay okay. Yes.
00:36:40
Speaker
And Andrew wants to know how he's supposed to apologize for raising the dead. And Carl says they didn't raise the dead. It was just the wind. Get over yourself. Whatever and stuff, right? Totally fine. When they suddenly hear a car pull up front and they look outside and they see that it's Mr. Bennett and they're like, oh, fuck.
00:36:57
Speaker
So they're peeking, trying to listen to their mom, who answers the door, who I never got her name, so she's just the mom. And she's refusing to let him speak to her sons. You're weird, he says. I don't like you. And I was like, okay. Very direct, right? She feels so very strongly about that. She was like, what do you need to talk to my boys about? And he's like, I'd really rather not tell you, because he didn't want to get the boys in trouble for sneaking out in the middle of the night.
00:37:24
Speaker
So, I mean, he's a real homie. Mr. Bennet's a homie. So like, yeah. So she's like, no, I'm not gonna let you talk to my sons unless you tell me what's up. And he says that he found something weird in the cemetery. And then the dog tried to attack the gravedigger. And the mom chews him out again being like, I don't care. I don't fucking like you. Me, me, me, me, me. And he says, listen, I know you're upset about your mother's funeral, but she just wasn't presentable.
00:37:45
Speaker
Oh. And their mother scoffs and she shoos them away and she goes back in the house. I don't know what the fuck that was about. Like maybe she really wanted an open casket and they couldn't leave it to her. What happened to grandma that she wasn't presentable. I have no idea. They'd never bring it up again. So, um, then we see.
00:38:05
Speaker
This fucking scene happens. They wrote this scene in the movie, okay? So we see the three girls from before heading out of one girl's house, and they hurry into a camper trailer in the backyard, which is, I guess, their little hangout spot, which would kind of be cool for teenagers to hang out in, genuinely. If you're living in a tiny little town where there's a whole lot to do, and you're like, oh, I don't want my parents barging in my bedroom and stuff, camper trailer would be kind of fun.
00:38:32
Speaker
when a random girl in a Girl Scout outfit shows up knocking on the door and she's like, oh hey, one of the girl's moms, I didn't know which mom it was, she was just like, are the girls here? And the mom's standing there with a baby and a bowl of cookie dough, like she's clearly in the middle of baking, like she's, you know, and she's just like glaring this girl down, right? Because the girl answers the door.
00:38:58
Speaker
And she's just like, oh, hi, so-and-so's mom is so-and-so here, you know, cookie dough is bad for the baby. Thanks. We're just fucking telling her what's up, right? So the mom was like, yeah, they're out back and they're doing some kind of, not physics, but physics homework or whatever, you know, I don't, I catch what she said. And the girl goes, no, it's sign language tonight. And she signs at her and stuff, right? And the mom's like, okay.
00:39:22
Speaker
I feel this mom to my core. I literally don't care to my core. So she's just like, okay, bye. So she goes around to the back and she looks and there's the camper trailer. The windows aren't open. The girls didn't go in and open the windows. They literally just walked in there. She's aware they're in the camper trailer, but she goes, where are they? And she sighs, but she speaks out loud at the same time. So she's clearly the little goody two shoes of the town and stuff, right?
00:39:52
Speaker
But she's like, where are they? Do you not come around enough? Is this new for you? I have no fucking clue. Is she like tutoring them? I have no idea. She then looks down because there's a bunch of worms on the ground. And seen, Andrew was arguing with his mother about not knowing how to talk to girls and it's
00:40:12
Speaker
Clearly her fault because she's been too protective of him. You wouldn't even let me go out for wrestling, he says. And his mother chews him out for, she's like, I didn't tell you you couldn't go wrestle. I just think it's ridiculous that schools are allowing children to cause violence to one another. And I'm like, bitch, that's every sport. That is every sport. Sounds baseball. But even then you're like literally using a stick to launch a projectile.
00:40:38
Speaker
other people that is being thrown at you at great speeds. Yeah. So like, even in high school, it's just violence with extra steps. Okay? So structured violence. Yep. He just loosely structured violence. So his mom chews him out and she's like, if I let you go out for wrestling, will you eat your dinner now? Huh?
00:40:57
Speaker
And Andrew's like, ah, man, man, man. Then he goes upstairs and Carl's sitting on the, on the stairs and he goes, sorry, Andrew. I kind of pissed her off earlier. And I was like, essentially that he's like, ah, she's already done with me. And I was like, you're apologizing to your mother. And I was like, we didn't see her get mad at you earlier. I mean, she could have just been mad at him for the stuff for the night before. I don't know. But he was like genuinely like, sorry, man. And Andrew didn't care. He just like stormed past him. And I was like, the book?
00:41:25
Speaker
I mean which I mean brothers can have those moments still you know like it's even brothers that fight all the time they can have those like okay sorry man like she's really pissed I'm sorry you know kind of a thing but like it was just weird I was just I don't understand anyway Andrew grabs his coat and he and Carl sneak out together they go out his window
00:41:43
Speaker
which is on the second floor. You're already in trouble. I just, what are you doing? I'm getting more. Okay. So they go outside and go to grab their bikes. When Hall shows up, asking Andrew to marry his mom so he can be his stepdad. And Andrew, of course, looks at him and says, listen, Hall, you're nine. I'm 12. Oh gosh. Like you should be hanging out with people your own age and stuff. Like he's so much cooler for having been hanging out with a nine year old. It's just whatever, shut up.
00:42:11
Speaker
So he says no to marrying his mom, but he's not gonna do that. But he says the whole like, you're nine, I'm 12. He's cooler than him for being 12. Not that I'm 12, I can't marry your mom and stuff, right? I can't hang out with you anymore, even though we were just friends yesterday. I'm too cool for you now. I'm gonna go be this bad boy now and stuff, right?
00:42:36
Speaker
And Hall is just like, my mom was right about you, you're a loser, and like walks away. So your mom wouldn't marry him anyway.
00:42:45
Speaker
this poor kid. I don't think there are other nine-year-olds in the town, so like, poor guy. That's why he's a festivaler. One kid sitting in fourth grade. Yeah, I know. Anyway, so Andrew and Carl get on their bikes and they take off down the road. And a random man is driving his, which I thought was a little weird because they left at
00:43:06
Speaker
like later evening it was almost dark and this scene is earlier and so I don't know if they did like a backup or okay anyway um a random man is driving down the road hearing the radio talking about a random fucking roving gang of girls
00:43:26
Speaker
causing vandalism around the county. As he's listening to this, two two liters of cola come smashing against his car, causing him to drive into a ditch. And he turns and he sees a fucking robin gang of giggling girls cheering and running down the road. What?
00:43:49
Speaker
They came from nowhere. 2000s are wild, man. Right? I don't know. And I'm like, if that alone was the reason why parents were like, no, take it off Nickelodeon, I could understand that. Yeah. Because you probably shouldn't have your kids, like, and they face no consequences. Yeah. None whatsoever. The dude was just like, Oh. Not like they couldn't have smashed his windshield. Yeah. Not like they couldn't have killed him for driving into a fucking ditch. Yeah. Are you kidding me? That's scary. It's way scary. Yeah.
00:44:17
Speaker
Okay. Yep. At the house, the boy's mother and father are arguing that the mother does smother Andrew. Yes. And she needs to back off a little. What is dad doing? What is dad doing? Not a whole lot of anything. I know. But like, at the same time though, I see where he's coming from. Sure. Because the mom was like, no, this, Andrew, this, Andrew, this, me, me, me. And he's 12. Yeah. And the dad is like, honey.
00:44:43
Speaker
give them space like dad also isn't doing much of anything yeah being there yeah he's not doing a whole lot of anything he was sitting there at breakfast and was just like leave me out of it like he's i don't don't fucking fight with me like yeah so anyway um but yeah i i very much agree with him because she was like oh oh i'm gonna go up there and check on andrew because he's just not talking to me right now and the dad is like
00:45:07
Speaker
Give him some space. He's 12. Give him some time. Leave him alone. Let him figure his self out.
Impact & Mischief in Crybaby Lane
00:45:14
Speaker
Down the road, the boys are riding their bikes. When Carl, out of nowhere, is just like, come on, man. You can do these things. Because they were going to go check on Kathy, is what they decided. I'm going to go check on Kathy. And he's like, what's your plan, man? And Andrew's like, I don't have a plan. And he's like, you don't have a plan, man? And he's like, no, I don't have a plan. I don't know what I'm doing and stuff. And he's like, well, that's OK. You got this.
00:45:34
Speaker
You can talk to Kathy and stuff. He's like, yeah, yeah, I can. He's like, yeah, who's the man? You're the man. And Andrew's like, yeah, I'm the man. He's like, you're the what? He's like, I'm the man. You're the what? I'm the man. And I liked seeing that because I was like, oh, cute brother things. It was cute. But then they decided to play chicken with a fucking train.
00:45:57
Speaker
He's like, oh yeah, let's see how big of a man you are kind of a thing. And Carl, obviously he has plenty of time to get across. Andrew had no hope, no hope whatsoever. So he didn't, he stops, right? He skids out, he just, yeah. He can't do it, yeah.
00:46:13
Speaker
And, uh, as Carl's standing, they're just kind of like laughing at him and Andrew's yelling at him for- Oh man, that- He could have died. Don't play chicken with trains, kids. Don't. Just don't. Don't. With trains. They can't. People are like, oh, they'll stop. No, they can't. They cannot stop. They cannot stop. No.
00:46:30
Speaker
Even if they saw you and hit their brakes, you would be plaster underneath them. They'd be plowed right over you. Plowed right over, they wouldn't be able to stop for about another mile. Yeah. Or like half mile or something like that. A long time. Yeah. Don't fuck with trains. Don't fuck with trains. And then people are like, why did you stop for this and that? Like, I can't. Yeah. And we totally cannot.
00:46:50
Speaker
So as Carl's standing there, he hears a deep voice calling his name and asks if he wants to play. And he turns and is suddenly standing in the cemetery next to the tombstone, or the one that they had their little seance at, right? And he turns and the random fucking roving gang of girls steps out from behind the tombstones all saying, hi Carl.
00:47:14
Speaker
Hi, you know, like, girlies do. And he's so confused when the girls approach and their eyes are glowing, telling him that they're gonna have, or they're just having fun, and there's someone they want him to meet.
00:47:26
Speaker
Commercial break, including a fucking ad for trouble. It's fun getting into trouble. Nice. What are you guys doing? Getting into trouble. I love that. I like that game. It's fun. So there was like a couple others, but that was the one I was most excited about. I love it. Carl has no idea where he is all of a sudden, seeing some, he's like underground, not underground. He's like in like a, like a, like a, just a.
00:47:51
Speaker
tunnel, but he's like scrunched. I don't know how to explain this area of undergroundness. He is just underground. Is it just dirt? It's just dirt, but it's like he's in a cave tunnel, but not in a cave tunnel. There's roots trying to come down. They're very clearly trying to make this seem like he's underground. Right.
00:48:17
Speaker
And I don't know, I don't know where he is. I have no idea. So we look over and you just see this dude sitting in the dark, laughing at him. He's like 17, maybe older of a kid. You can barely see his face though, as he's like, with a little bit of light behind him. So you can kind of see who he is. I'll try to get pictures for you. But this, it's the worst quality of all time, this movie. So yeah, like half the time I was like,
00:48:47
Speaker
What is that? Cause it's 2000, you know? So like, and probably recorded off of someone's TV. So like just, I mean, it had to be, it was a TV movie. Yeah. There's commercial stuff. Yeah. Yeah. Like full commercials. Like when it said full movie, I was like, yeah, full movie. What else would it be? It was the whole thing. Oh, and every time I went to commercial, there was Melissa Joan Hart sitting on her cute little, her cute little couch with, I don't know who the guy was, but she turned him into candy at one point.
00:49:12
Speaker
And then there was Salem, which is still the best name for a fucking cat. It just binks Salem. Perfect names. Perfect. Anyway, he's just sitting there laughing at him. And then, I don't know where the train passes. Andrew is singing some song to just pass the time waiting for the fucking train to go along, right?
00:49:32
Speaker
So the train passes, he grabs his bike and he rides across and sees that his brother's just sitting there on his bike waiting for him and stuff. And Andrew goes, sorry, Carl goes, Kathy's not home, but I know where she is. And Andrew's like, how do you fucking know that? But he's like, yeah, let's go. So he follows his brother because...
00:49:50
Speaker
So they ride off into the night again. Back at home, the mom storms upstairs, unable to stand that the boys went to bed angry or whatever. So she goes in and she sees that they snuck out of their room. And while she's going upstairs, the dad had been sitting there watching monster trucks.
00:50:09
Speaker
It's just loud as fuck, okay? Loud as fuck. She goes upstairs. He changes the channel to models walking down a runway. And I thought he was just flipping channels, just like, you know? And no, these girls are just walking down the runway, just walking, just walking. And they're not even wearing anything
00:50:28
Speaker
We're miscuous. It's not like a Victoria's Secret. No, it's just they're whacking down. And she starts storming back down the stairs. He changes back to the monster trucks. And I was like, and that, that alone could also be a reason why parents were like, fuck off. Yeah. Take this off the TV. Take that out. Thank you very much. So the mom comes downstairs and she's like, the boys snuck out. And he's like, and? And she's like, go find them.
00:50:54
Speaker
she tells her husband get in your car go find him and the dad gaslights the shit out of her to tell her that it's okay that their two under 16 year old children are running around their small town by themselves at night when it's cold out because it's like wintertime-ish you know like fall or whatever it's not snowing yet or anything but it's cold everyone's wearing coats and hats and scarves yeah
00:51:22
Speaker
And he's just like, no, this is fine. Which I agree, children should be allowed to go wherever the fuck they want. I absolutely agree. And if I had kids, I'd probably be more of a free reign parent. Be like, yeah, have fun, go down the street, come back when the lights turn on. I would love to be that parent if I became a parent. Because that's how my parents parented me. Not today. We can't do that anymore. No. Two reasons why. One, people are psychos. People are psychos. Absolutely.
00:51:49
Speaker
There's three reasons. Two, children are irresponsible and they don't look both ways when crossing the street. They don't pay attention to their surroundings. They don't understand stranger danger. Even though you try to drive it into their heads, they do not care. No, they weren't scared straight like we were. They were not. And three, if somebody saw your kids walking around that late at night, they'd call CPS on you. Absolutely. So like... Yep.
00:52:13
Speaker
especially if they're not wearing coats or something like that. Exactly. They were. But like, yeah, I just, yeah. So yeah. And then he goes, so yeah, I could be out there driving around all night looking for the boys.
Crybaby Lane: Twists & Backstory
00:52:25
Speaker
I could fall asleep at the wheel and crash. And he goes, and what kind of a message would that send to our boys?
00:52:31
Speaker
What? I have no idea. He just gaslights the shit out of the mom into being okay with this for an extra five minutes. Like guilt tripping her about it. Yep. Like, oh, you want me to be dead? Yeah. You, like, you want the boys to think that that's okay. That that's what I should be doing. And I was like, yes. Yeah. Yeah. No, my children should know that if they sneak out of the house, their dad will be roaming the streets. Yeah. Is it, if it's dark outside. With a fucking wooden spoon ready to beat the shit out of you for sneaking out of the house. Yeah.
00:53:00
Speaker
What if they got hit by a car? What if they got hit by a train? And you're like, they'll be home sometime. They're fine. No. No. Anyway, so the boys get to some barn that I guess Andrew has never seen before and Carl says that they're crashing a slumber party. I would never, ever have a slumber party.
00:53:26
Speaker
I don't care if that's the only place in town for us to have a secret sisterhood of the traveling pants place to have. Cause you know, in that movie, they had their above the dance studio, whatever nonsense that was, which set unrealist expectations for my friend groups, okay? Like I am livid that I did not have a room above a dance studio where my mother was also pregnant with three other mothers at the same time and gave birth like two days apart from each other.
00:53:55
Speaker
Livid. Rude. I'm upset. My whole life was ruined. Absolutely. That and fucking Princess Diaries. Oh, yeah. Her bedroom. Excuse you. Thank you for that. Thanks for ruining that for me. Yeah. The Hocus Pocus House. The Hocus Pocus House. Fuck you. Yeah. Yeah. Everything about that.
00:54:17
Speaker
So. It's fine. It's okay. Anyway, but though, after all of that, I would not be caught dead sleeping in a barn for a slumber party. No, in the cold. In the cold. No, no. So, they get inside.
00:54:34
Speaker
And Andrew can't see where he's going and Carl just says, it's over here. And Andrew slips and falls into a big ass pile of manure, like huge ass pile, right? So he's like, oh, this is gross. And Carl goes, don't worry, I have a plan, come here and stuff. And so he gets him out and he has Andrew strip to his undies and shoes. And he goes, now wait here by the space heater and I'll just run home really quick and get you a new set of clothes.
00:55:01
Speaker
What? No, I'd be writing home in that. It's disgusting, but Alyssa would be going home. I'm not standing here in the nude. No, in a barn. By a space heater. That apparently is still occupied by other cows and whatnot. Yeah. So, no, could never be me, okay? No. And now, when I tell you this scene, okay, they wrote this, they filmed this, they thought this was a scene we can have in the movie and no one will question. Professionals did. Yes. Yes.
00:55:29
Speaker
They thought, children will never question this thing happening, but they did not count on Alyssa 23 years later. No, they did not. They did not for a second think, hmm, Alyssa's gonna watch this and go, what the fuck?
00:55:44
Speaker
Okay. It's not that insane, but it is insane, okay? So he tells Andrew to go over there to stand by the space heater and he'll be back. And Andrew looks around saying, what space heater? There's no space heater. There's nothing.
00:56:00
Speaker
He's in a hallway. Okay. There's like, or like, there's a wall to his right. Okay. Like if I'm looking at you, there's a hallway to my right. Okay. A hallway or a wall? A wall. Sorry. There's a wall. Okay. There's a wall to my right and to the left are like,
00:56:16
Speaker
the like horse stalls like horse stalls but they're not it's more like open not open it's just like a like a fence is there okay and just junk there's just junk along the wall okay just a bunch of stuff along the wall okay he's in a hallway okay and there's a door behind him that is locked kind of not locked i don't know he can't get it open for a second but anyway okay
00:56:41
Speaker
Carl says, wait by the space heater and I will go home and get you some clothes. Andrew turns around and says, what space heater? Carl steps out of frame. He just backs up out of the camera frame. And the fucking random roving gang of girls shows up out of literally nowhere. They could see through the fencing, okay?
00:57:07
Speaker
They weren't hiding there. There's no hiding over here that's a wall with junk against it. They show up out of nowhere to start hurling snowballs? Balls of manure? I can't figure out what they were throwing. They were kind of whitey yellowish, not ball of manure. But it's not snowing outside.
00:57:31
Speaker
so I don't know what they were throwing at this naked boy okay okay practically naked he's in red undies that's it red undies and shoes okay and they apples maybe I don't know but like they start throwing these things at him and just laughing and giggling their heads off as he's like no what the hell oh my gosh gosh gosh and then they're gone
00:57:55
Speaker
Are they real? Yes, they're the girls. Who threw soda bottles. Who threw soda bottles. But also. Who were also Kathy and Megan and the other girl that I didn't know her name and the girl scout. The good boy girl. Okay. Did they look like them? Yes, it's them.
00:58:15
Speaker
It's them! And the glowing eyes and the... That's them. It's the glowing eyes and shit. That's them. And they show up, do this, and then disappear just as quickly. You don't hear them giggle and run away. Yeah. Nothing. No. Right? Not right. Do not like. I can't figure it out. Okay. So...
00:58:39
Speaker
Carl is also gone and Andrew starts calling out to him being like Carl what the hell you know yeah when he hears this weird
00:58:47
Speaker
huffing sound. He looks up and a bull comes around the corner and sees him in his red undies and fucking charges him. Okay, so this kid in his red undies screaming at the top of his lungs barely is able to get that door behind him open in time for him to escape. Okay.
00:59:15
Speaker
Okay. That's a fun prank. Yes. He then takes off. He bolts running, practically butt ass naked, just in his red undies and shoes through the town, right? You see him run out of the barn and he runs past the street, maybe like trips. And then you just see him running on like all fours for a second till he can get himself back up. Yeah. And he just keeps running. Okay. He leaves his bike. He leaves his clothes. He just runs. Okay. Guy. But he doesn't get home because he's,
00:59:45
Speaker
butt-ass naked right not but he comes up to this house he sees a house and there's a bunch of older men look like they're like oh we go hunting and fishing all the time you know we're the burly guys with the beards and we're having a beer and having a cigarette and whatnot and so which is probably another reason why Nickelodeon took it out but like i'm pretty sure
01:00:07
Speaker
that scene him being naked in his undies running around yeah was enough to also take it down yeah so I'm over here just like no this isn't that bad and then I have to remember this is like I was nine yeah when this movie came out yeah yikes yeah yep so he
01:00:23
Speaker
He looks over and he sees the men. They're all just having a good time sitting on the porch. Hahaha, drinking a beer and just, right? Yeah. He bolts past them. He gets into the darkness to bolt past them and runs past a clothesline that is drying clothes at night in winter.
01:00:40
Speaker
Of course. Like fall late. Thank you, plot. So he manages to grab a pair of pants and a shirt and he starts getting dressed. But when he looks over, he sees one of the men walking out, laughing still, takes his cigarette bud and tosses it onto the ground, igniting a trail of gasoline to a boat that was in the yard, catching the boat on fire. And all the men start laughing and cheering as their eyes glow.
01:01:09
Speaker
What the fuck is going on? Andrew then runs for his life to get the rest of the way to Mr. Bennett's house, who is having the funeral and that whole scene happens where I told you about them being like, oh, thanks for the phone and stuff, right? Yeah. Anyway, so he goes or like Mr. Bennett lets him inside, but he's like, I have to handle this for a second and then has that scene. Okay.
01:01:32
Speaker
Anyway, but Andrew's downstairs and he's startled by Mr. Bennett's nephew who is asleep under a sheet on an embalming table. He just sits up like, no, yeah. And he's just like, so and so, you scared me. And Bennett comes in and Andrew tells him everything that happened the night of the seance. And Mr. Bennett tells him that he didn't mention it to the two brothers earlier, but
01:01:56
Speaker
the babies from the story, there had been a mistake when they were buried. Their bodies had been switched, of course. So the bad brother is buried in the cemetery and the good brother is buried out in fuck-noseware. Right. So they rouse the spirit and everyone the spirit comes in contact with becomes evil too. Okay. Andrew is so upset by this and doesn't understand how he could know all of it. Mr. Bennett admits that he was the one that separated the bodies
01:02:26
Speaker
Okay. Yep. In the 60s? Yeah. How old is this guy? He's not that old. That's 40 years before this movie. Yeah. So like he had to have been in his early stages of being a mortician. Yeah. I mean like his 60s now.
01:02:41
Speaker
Yeah. Okay. So, I mean, he was a little bit older, but he was not that old. I don't know. I mean, I guess he was younger in 1979, but like... 1979? Well, in 1979 is when he played Dracula. Oh. And he was like a pretty good looking guy back then. So like, he would have been in his teens though, in the sixties. I think they were just like, oh, he just looks vaguely old. So of course he did it. Yeah.
01:03:07
Speaker
Sure. Anyway. And also they were, like the boys didn't know the fucking name of the kids. They didn't know the name of the family, just a farmer. Like, and they happened to find the exact grave that they're supposed to be having the seance to tell that exact story. Of course.
Andrew's Encounter with Mr. Bennett
01:03:22
Speaker
Anyway, so Andrew thinks that he's making this up and Mr. Bennett says, no, there's an evil spirit out there, but there's a good spirit as well. All they need to do is rouse the good brother and zip everybody's happy, he says. Wow. Yep. Andrew doesn't understand why he told them the story in the first place. And Mr. Bennett says that Andrew only ever comes over because he likes to hear scary stories. Yeah, you told me to. Yeah. So that's why I told you. I don't fucking know.
01:03:49
Speaker
He's like, why would you tell everybody? Like, why didn't you tell us that at the beginning and stuff? He's like, because I didn't want anyone messing with it and stuff. And he's like, why did you tell us the story in the first place? He's like, because I'm lonely. And then he wants to know how Carl woke the spirit up and Andrew explains it was all pig Latin and a joke. Suddenly, the mother comes storming into Mr. Bennet's house, drags Andrew back to the car, screaming that she's going to report Mr. Bennet and that he's a creep and a weirdo and stay away from my sons and stuff.
01:04:19
Speaker
So she's not entirely wrong. Which I think is ridiculous. She hates him and he's very nice to everybody. Like he's a very polite man. And I just like- You're like, what happened at this funeral? Yeah, that you hate him. You are so, so upset. Visceral-y. Like I just, anyway, so. Okay.
01:04:35
Speaker
So they drive away the mother saying that she already knows everything. Carl told her everything and Andrew was so confused but they make it home. Though his father is nowhere to be seen and his car is missing and the mother insists that the father went out to find Andrew's bike since he left it in the middle of nowhere. And Andrew is hella sus but finally agrees to go inside where Carl is watching TV and he gets up and he apologizes to Andrew. And Andrew is still hella sus but shakes his hands.
01:05:00
Speaker
Commercial break which we get a Barbie rock and roll radio house and guess who? Nice, I love guess who yeah, so there's this joke that's going around on on book talk Some people are getting guess who and they're taking out all the pictures, but they're putting Sarah J mass characters in instead So like a quarter thorns and roses thrown a glass I'd be fun to do with Harry Potter. It would be so fun to do with Harry Potter, right? Oh
01:05:24
Speaker
And people are making jokes about that and stuff, right? And they're like, is your character emotionally stable? And they're like, yes, so it's Syrinx, who is an animal. So like- Everybody else goes down. Everybody goes down, like is, yeah, is your character emotionally stable? Yes, it's Syrinx, like, or Fleetfoot, because she's also a dog, and like,
01:06:08
Speaker
Yeah. Yeah.
01:06:14
Speaker
and all that. So he lets Mr. Bennet in
Graveyard Superstition & Chaos
01:06:18
Speaker
and Mr. Bennet comes in and weirdly asks why the grave digger had said the graves have been bad luck. The grave digger admits that it's bad luck to cut the grass too close to the graves. And he's like, what? Why? Why is that? And the grave digger explains that, well, legend has it that every grave has a root that grows from the heart of the dead person beneath it. And if you cut the weed, you cut the soul loose.
01:06:43
Speaker
What? That, but that's stupid because then people stay dead and Mr. Bennet leaves and the grave digger goes back to getting ready for his date, which he did look pretty spiffy, I have to admit. He looked good. So not that, I mean, he's a questionably attractive man. Like he's just like,
01:07:02
Speaker
you know, but for like the 2000s I was like, look at you getting dressed up. Kind of a, you know, anyway, not the point. Mr. Bennett goes back to his house telling his nephew he's going out for a bit and he grabs his keys only to be hit on the head by Hal.
01:07:17
Speaker
with his green fucking plastic lightsaber, okay? And he turns around and he goes, the fuck, kid? Basically, you know, not like- Oh, I was like, whoa, Nickelodeon. He's like, what do you want, child? And the kid goes, I will get your rea- like give us the ring and stuff. And he just keeps attacking him and everything, you know? Fucking knocking him to the ground and just takes him out with this fucking plastic lightsaber, okay?
01:07:40
Speaker
He then yanks Mr. Bennet's gold ring off of his finger and says, my precious, and runs out the door. And I was like, this kid is my favorite part of the movie. He's so good. Anyway. That's awesome.
01:07:57
Speaker
So back at Andrew's house, he is taking a shower while Carl sneaks up to the bathroom and he runs his hand across the mirror so that you can see his glowing eyes and the reflection stuff and he says, Andrew, there's someone who wants to meet you. And he pulls up in the curtain to see that the shower is just running on his own and Andrew duped him. He took off.
01:08:19
Speaker
Okay, you know he just took off and he runs back to mr. Bennett's house having to let himself in and finding mr. Bennett on the ground his nephew comes in asking what's wrong and Andrew thinks mr. Bennett is dead and the nephew walks up and Punches mr. Bennett in the chest just punches him right in the chest and it wakes him the fuck up I mean sure I guess okay, mr. Bennett is like
01:08:47
Speaker
It's like don't do that again and yeah, oh He says oh that little dwarf stole my ring and Andrew goes he's a hobbit
01:08:59
Speaker
And Mr. Bennett just keeps going, right? So he goes, he asks Andrew if they cut any plants at the grave. And Andrew's like, no, of course not. And he goes, do you wanna think about that for a second? Like, just think. And Andrew's like, I think Carl pulled up a weed, but like some vine and whatnot. And he's like, ah, okay, this is what we have to do. And he tells Andrew, he has to go to crybaby lane, Andrew has to go to crybaby lane to find the root and cut it loose.
01:09:29
Speaker
and then passes the fuck out again, okay? And Andrew was like, how the fuck do I get there? I don't know where I'm going. I don't know where crybaby Lane is. What the fuck are you talking about? And, or his nephew picks up his keys and goes, I know where we're going.
Wild Ride: Hearse & Cornfield
01:09:45
Speaker
Oh boy. He then spends five minutes in the car trying to figure out how to turn the car on. And Andrew's like, do you know how to drive? And he's like, you see my uncle do it a million times. So this kid doesn't have it. Like he's either not old enough to have a driver's license or he has not gotten his driver's license. He does not know how to drive. Despite telling Andrew that he does have a license. But he is driving off the road for half of it. And I'm just like, listen, listen, if you put your toddler in your lap, if you put Adam in your lap and said, let's drive down the road, buddy.
01:10:14
Speaker
He could do it. He could do it. He could keep us on the road. On the road. Yeah. And this kid wasn't. Can he see or is he like? He's, I mean, like barely above it. Anyway.
01:10:26
Speaker
So he's driving and driving like a maniac, okay? And running stop signs and the police start chasing him, right? A police officer sees this and starts chasing him. And Andrew's like, we'll pull over, which, I mean, you guys are kind of time sensitive right now, but like, whatever. So...
01:10:45
Speaker
The nephew goes, I can't pull over, man. I'm going to get in trouble. He's like, why would you get in trouble? And he's like, I don't have a license, man. He's like, you said that you did. He's like, okay, well, I'm sorry. He just keeps driving, but they go to slow down because they might as well, they have to at this point, you know? When the fucking police car rams into the back of the hearse that they're driving, because that's what his uncle drives.
01:11:06
Speaker
rams into the hearse and they're like, oh no, he rams them again. They drive off into a field and they just go on this little weird speed chase for a second, okay? What? Which the cop pulls up next to him at one point and has glowing eyes and they're like, oh no and stuff. And so they crash a couple more times before the nephew drives them into like the trees and the woods and just kind of keeps driving for a second before
01:11:29
Speaker
kind of crashes the car. Anyway, Andrew gets out and looks over and they see the old farmhouse and they're like, that's gotta be the farmhouse. We made it. Even though there's like current field of corn going on next. I mean, like it's false. So like it's mostly dead stock and stuff. Right. Okay. Okay. So I don't fucking know. Anyway. Sweet.
01:11:55
Speaker
Anyway, the nephew wants to leave and Andrew insists that we have to do this. They're the only ones who can stop it. They then hear crying and Carl, oh, and Carl is calling out, laughing, saying, little brother, little brother, Andrew. And they look over and they just see Carl like walking out of the trees, just being like, little brother. It says so that you jump back in the car and Andrew drives the car then. And he just drives them into the cornfield.
01:12:23
Speaker
And this time we get to see Melissa Joan Hart again, she's just chatting, she's having a good time. Back to the show, Andrew drives the car into the cornfield before getting out and he stands on top of the car to get a sense of where he is. The nephew finds a flashlight and he gets out and he starts flashing it in Andrew's face being like, ooh, ooh, and stuff. Andrew just looks at him and he's like, stop it, stop it. I was just like, why is this not a movie? What? And that was not the time.
01:12:49
Speaker
Who decided to write that in? I honestly genuinely don't even know who wrote this movie. I want to look it up and be like, what else did you write, you fuck? Nothing else. They've never written anything else. Yeah, they probably were like, you're fired forever. So they hear crying again and Andrew climbs down and he takes the flashlight and he starts walking into the cornfield when suddenly a farmer in one of those big ass tractors, like the big green ones, starts chasing them down in this thing.
01:13:19
Speaker
and they are sprinting trying to outrun it and Andrew manages to like go like he serpentines and gets off this way and the nephew makes it back to the hearse dives inside of it and closes the door as the tractor plows into it and just fucks this up okay Andrew keeps running because what else you gonna do you know so he keeps running and uh stops in kind of like a uh
01:13:47
Speaker
I don't know. Maybe the tractor went past already. I don't know. There's just like a little bit of a flat patch. And the fucking random roving gang of girls show up and they're like, oh, hi, Andrew. Hi, Andrew. And he's like, what are you guys doing? And they're like, we're so bored. Do you want to play a game? And he's like,
01:14:07
Speaker
What? Isn't that mean? And Kathy steps forward and she's like, don't you want to kiss me, Andrew? Don't you want to kiss? And he's like, no. He's like, Kathy, I know what's happening to you and I can fix this and stuff. And she was like, you don't want to kiss me and stuff, right?
Spooky Encounters & Evil Twin
01:14:25
Speaker
And the girls are like, one of the girls says, will you have a choice, kiss or Chi Chi?
01:14:31
Speaker
And he's like, what's Chi Chi? And all the girls are like, hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee he
01:14:56
Speaker
burned into my brain, but I remember it being way scarier because I was nine, okay? I also remember it not being in a cornfield. I remember it being like by a house, but also like the cornfield sounds right, but by a house also sounds right. So I don't know which universe my brain actually exists in. I just, anyway. We already know you're a mesh of multiple, so. I am, I am, so.
01:15:21
Speaker
But she leans in to kiss him, and she gets about here, and sticks her tongue out. And a spider crawls out of her mouth onto her tongue. And Andrew, of course, is like, ooh, and jumps back. And the girls all laugh and cackle, and they said, no kiss? Guess it's Chi Chi. And he's like, what? It's Chi Chi!
01:15:41
Speaker
And this other girl who, what was her name? Erica or something like that? I have no idea. They've never shown her in this movie before until this moment, okay? And she's like a head taller than these other girls. She's a fucking Amazon compared to these other 12 year olds, right? She's maybe 14 kind of a thing. Like she's just this bigger girl that just comes stomping out of the, like, out of the corn.
01:16:06
Speaker
just charges at him and swings and Andrew ducks and he's like, oh, what are you doing, Eric? I don't remember her name and stuff, right? And she was like, oh, get up and like shoves him to the ground. And then he manages to get up. She kind of swings at him again, but he dives out of the way and like gets in between a couple of the girls and he takes off. Well, the big girl chases after him. Okay. And he outsmarts her by dropping his flashlight
01:16:29
Speaker
and she goes to the flashlight. But I'm like, if your light went from here to here, I would have thought you'd drop the flashlight. Yeah, common sense. I mean, maybe hiding, but like, I don't think so. So she goes over and she sees it and she angrily kicks the flashlight and she goes to walk forward, but Andrew's legs come out of nowhere, like clothes pinning her legs in and knocks her to the ground, okay? And in the process, knocking her unconscious. Okay.
01:16:59
Speaker
So constitution of one, this girl. All right. Okay. That happens. Is she Chi Chi? I guess. I don't know what Chi Chi means other than getting your ass kicked. I just. Okay. I don't know. Cause I was going to say if her name made sense. Yeah, but no, I don't think so.
01:17:20
Speaker
I'll have to rewatch that scene, but I don't think, I think her name was like Erica or something. I was like Emily or something like that. I think it started with an E. It was not Chi Chi. Yeah, no, I just- Okay. I have no idea. That sounds inappropriate. Yeah, I know. I was just like- Chi Chi. What's Chi Chi? Like Death by Snow Snoo? Like that snow. Some people might like that. Zach told me that's how he wants to die. Not like that, but like he wants me to like suffocate him with the girls.
01:17:50
Speaker
And I've always joked that he's gonna be like on his deathbed and they're gonna be like well Should we pull the plug and be like I got this This is an us moment. Thank you I couldn't do that if I tried no, I would I would be so I was I met physically. Oh, yeah
01:18:38
Speaker
You're like, I could never kill a husband. I'm like, well, I could try, but I wouldn't work. I'm crying, okay.
01:18:50
Speaker
You're a hoot, Shannon. Oh my gosh. Okay. So, so he takes off again looking for his flashlight because it's definitely not daytime with shadows casting over and they're just using a twilight filter. Not at all. Definitely. It's, it's nighttime and he can't see very well. And
01:19:12
Speaker
he finds the flashlight but then he starts hearing whispering and and and not a child crying but like it's like just weird noises and stuff spooky noises and he's like huh huh and he looks down to grab this the flashlight when he realizes there is a stone
01:19:28
Speaker
headstone right there like a like a tube you know okay headstone and he sees that it says molar on it right yeah which at that point why would you even mark a grave that you don't want your kid to be you know i want anyone to know about you don't want it to yeah why i don't know i just thought exactly anyway i'm not good so
01:19:50
Speaker
Anyway, he sees a vine growing across it and he goes to grab it, right? And he kind of starts to pull on it a little bit when he hears cackling and a voice saying, come to my grave, Andrew. And suddenly he's standing at the evil brother's grave marker, okay?
01:20:10
Speaker
The ground starts shaking and Andrew is sucked below the earth. No. Right? And a voice telling him, way to go, Andrew. And Andrew demands to know what he did to his brother. And in a manic voice, the evil twin responds. And genuinely, he was probably the best actor of the whole fucking movie. He's been in two things. Wow. This and something before this. So like, and that's it. That was the last thing he was in. And I can't even tell you what he looks like because it was so dark.
01:20:37
Speaker
Okay. And he says in a manic voice, we just like to play together. He's fun. And I was like, okay. He then tells Andrew to look at his collection of worms. He's like, do you want to see my collection? My collection. He's like holding up these worms and then starts eating them.
01:20:55
Speaker
just shoving him all up in his mouth, okay? And all of this is kind of a very like weird, like fucking, I don't know, drug trip. Dreamy, yeah. Dreamy, yeah, and stuff. So Andrew screams and crawls around trying to like get out of whatever dirt cave he's in when he crawls forward and realizes that he's in a coffin with a like skeleton there. Cool. And he like panics and pulls back a little bit and like falls lower. They don't entirely know.
01:21:24
Speaker
I have no idea. But the evil twin starts trying to possess Andrew, but he uses his flashlight to blind the ghost and then looks down and he sees another skeleton just laying on the ground with a big-ass weed growing out of its chest. And then you hear Mr. Bennett's voice like, oh, you need to pull the weed from the burp.
01:21:46
Speaker
So he grabs it and starts to rip it out and the ground, while he's tearing and pulling, the ground is just shaking and caving and the evil twin is, no, no! And he manages to pull the root out, right? He wakes up and it's suddenly daytime. It's not the next morning. It's like minutes later or like
01:22:05
Speaker
like he pulls it out and it's daytime. He's laying on the ground though next to the one grave marker okay and he looks down and he sees the the vine of the good brother has now bloomed with flowers
01:22:20
Speaker
Kay. Kay. Uh-huh. And Kathy emerges from the cornfield asking how she got here. Where is everyone else? I'm like, bitch, you were with them. What do you mean? Where'd they go? Like, where did they go? Where did they go, Kathy? Kathy? Chi Chi? Yeah, like I just... I don't... I'm... I have no idea. So he says, it's okay. Everything's gonna be fine now. And he picks
01:22:48
Speaker
one of the flowers from the grave and gives it to her and she goes no card and like oh you're not you know yeah and he kind of let's go and so they go off
01:23:03
Speaker
Okay, and he suddenly remembers that the nephew's been fucking run over. So they go to go find the nephew. And they get there as he is crawling out of the back of the hearse, he like knocks down the big door that swings open from the back and he crawls out and he's like, oh my gosh. And he looks up and he sees the farmer just like sitting in the tractor being like, all right.
01:23:23
Speaker
And the kid, the nephew goes, I think I chipped a tooth. And the farmer goes, I think I lost my mind. Help me out of here. So he goes up and just helps him out of the tractor, which I mean, if I knew people were possessed, I would be like, yeah. No hard feelings. Yeah, you were possessed. You can't blame that, you know, whatever. So it's fine. Yeah. So.
01:23:46
Speaker
Suddenly, so the two come running up and they're like, nephew, oh my gosh, are you okay?
Survival & Sequel Tease
01:23:51
Speaker
And the big chichi girl comes out of the field being like, where am I? And Kathy sees her and runs to her and is like, oh, big girl. And they're just like, oh, where? Where's the rest of them? I have no idea. We never see them again.
01:24:08
Speaker
They're gone, they're gone. So, as everyone is like, Andrew is looking longingly at Kathy reminiscing with this girl and the nephew talking to this farmer as if, well, everyone has everyone. Like, well, I wish I had someone to reminisce with now at this point. Go find your fucking brother. Right? So he's like, I don't know where my brother is, right? But he gets home and Andrew, or like Carl's just sitting on the porch, right? Just looking like,
01:24:39
Speaker
just you know and Andrew goes up to him and Carl says that he had a really strange dream or maybe he's insane and Andrew says no maybe you watch too much wrestling but you're okay and Carl apologizes to Andrew but he says I'm only gonna say this once and he says it like this okay I'm only gonna say this to you one time and if you tell anyone
01:25:02
Speaker
what i just say or what i what i said or that i apologize to you i'm gonna deny it and i'm gonna rip your throat out oh okay okay and they brotherly hug no apology was given
01:25:17
Speaker
This is my apology. Thanks. And I was like, okay. Very brilliantly thing to do, I guess. I know. We then hear, and that's the way it all happened, Mr. Bennett says, as we flash to him sitting in his little seating room and stuff again, telling the story to Andrew and Kathy, sitting on the couch and Andrew's got his arm around her shoulder and stuff, right? He's just like, eh, eh, now kind of an attitude and stuff, right? Are they older? No.
01:25:46
Speaker
It's like days later, maybe? I have no idea. What? Okay, and the nephew comes in holding a taxidermy dog and says, tell him about the time we accidentally started to involve a guy that wasn't all the way dead.
01:26:02
Speaker
And Mr. Bennett says that they should wait for Carl for that one. And Andrew goes, I don't think he's going to be coming by anymore. Like he's just done with scary stories, I guess, right? Too old for that. But we see Carl in the shed with Hall and Hall saying that if he wants the ring, he'll have to come and get it.
01:26:19
Speaker
And I loved this scene. I thought it was adorable. Carl's sitting there with a wrestling magazine and he drops the magazine and he says, Oh, I'll get it. And the heavyweight belt too. And they start wrestling and like, it's just like, I thought that was adorable. I was like, that's so cute. He's just hanging out with a nine year old.
01:26:38
Speaker
It reminds me of like Steve and Dustin from Stranger Things. Oh, yeah, that kind of dynamic Yeah, it was just it was so cute cuz he's got his little plastic like he's just whacking away and and and Carl's just like ah Like trying to like just anyway But the camera pans away into the ground as we hear the evil brother cackling the end you're supposed to be dead motherfucker
01:27:03
Speaker
Why do they end up creepy when there's no need? I have no idea. Okay. It's like what you're gonna grow another vine, bitch? Right? Is there gonna be a sequel? Yeah. No. There's not? There's not. No one wants it? No. What? I don't know. What? So that was that movie. Okay. An hour and 37 minutes later. Cool. So.
01:27:23
Speaker
Okay, I want like a cringyometer. Yeah. Oh my gosh. Like, okay. It was definitely not the worst movie I've ever seen. That's for sure. The acting was decent for 12 and 14 year old children, you know?
01:27:43
Speaker
It was fine, I guess. I wanted to punch the mom in the face every time she opened her mouth. I wanted to punch the dad in the face every time he opened his mouth. I just did not fully understand the family dynamic that was going on there, so that was weird. I didn't understand why they had so many adult jokes in this, like just randomly. Yeah, didn't need to be there. Nope. Didn't move the plot forward at all. Yeah. It made the dad look like an asshole. That looked like an asshole and made Mr. Bennett just look like
01:28:12
Speaker
I don't know. Like he's in everything for money, but I was like, but that is his business. Yeah. I hate when people are like, Oh, you're sending it for the money. I am. It's my business. This is my livelihood. I also want to provide a good experience for you, but I need to get paid. Yeah.
01:28:27
Speaker
Okay, what about the other ratings that we never did? Oh, gosh, yeah, no. The CGI was horrible. Even for the 2000s, it was bad. The plot was so all over the place. It was so stupid. Like, okay, they were like, hey, yeah, there's this evil brother spirit going around. And let's go get the good brother spirit to fight him. Yeah, that didn't happen. That didn't happen.
01:28:50
Speaker
When you said that Carl started being like randomly nicer and Andrew was being grumpier, I was like, oh, did the brothers like switch or something? Yeah. Yeah. Like that would have been great. You know what would have been awesome?
01:29:05
Speaker
would have been super awesome. Brotherly love saving the day, going against what happened to the twin brothers because one was evil and one was good and they could not find a compromise. Yeah, why did Carl need to be possessed? Like you have a gaggle of girls terrorizing the town. Exactly. They could have gone against their friends. Or he could have been stealing or kidnapped the little brother and it could have been about like Carl trying to go get back his little brother and appreciating his little brother for who he is and stuff.
01:29:32
Speaker
That would have been cute. That's right, a movie. I mean, Andrew learned how to be braver, which was great, but that is exactly what Carl was trying to get him to do. That's true. Being a dick about it, but that's what he was trying to do. Yeah. Meanwhile, Carl just thinks he's insane. Yeah. I'm just like.
01:29:47
Speaker
just like what was that and i was like i'm done hanging out with other people i'm gonna hang out those nine year olds who wants to go to the shire like thank you like that's cute yeah i just was like there's so much of that movie that just drove me insane and like i'm sorry we only got to see the evil twin
01:30:04
Speaker
Yeah, we couldn't see the good twist or like Carl could have been in the grave or whatever and trying and trying to pull up the route and he couldn't and the good brother just like shows up and like you just see a glimpse of him like just grab this hand and it's glowing a little wider than the brother sitting obviously in the shadow in the darkness and he helps pull or something
01:30:24
Speaker
something or like maybe Andrew, yeah, Andrew's about to be possessed and stuff. And the evil brother's like, ha ha. And the good brother puts his hand on his shoulder and he's no longer possessed. And that's what breaks him out of possession. Not his flashlight. That's so stupid. It literally could have been so many other things.
01:30:41
Speaker
Also, the whole like, I'm gonna flash and I'm here and I'm gonna do the thing and then I'm gonna flash and then I'm here and then I'm gonna flash and then I'm here. That's such a cheap way to do it. Especially when they spent 15 minutes of the show having him drive from Bennett's house to this random place just to show that a cop is also possessed. Yeah, to get to the grave randomly and then back to the other grave instead of, you didn't pull the route out.
01:31:08
Speaker
You just, you just, like, and if, okay, so the route that he pulled out in the end was supposed to be the evil brothers, right? Yeah. So what the fuck route did they pull out at the beginning? Isn't that the whole damn point? That was the whole point. I don't know. I don't know if it was like, oh, they pulled out part of the route. And so that's what freedom, but you have to- Down in the ground? Is where you have to pull out the heart or the, what? What? I don't know. Okay.
01:31:34
Speaker
I just feel like this could have gone in a totally different way that could have been so much better of a movie. Yeah. And they just wrote whatever the fuck this was. Let's see who the fuck wrote this. Yeah. I mean, honestly, though, if they had put this on an episode of Are You Afraid of the Dark, I would have been like, yeah, like, yeah, exactly. It wasn't that scary. I there's only a couple of things that I'm like, if the parents were that mad about this, maybe I could also understand the girl had a spider on the tongue and maybe kids were like, oh, I'm going to scare you and put a spider in my tongue and scare kids and stuff. And like, maybe you shouldn't do that. Yeah. Peter Lauer. That sounds familiar.
01:32:04
Speaker
He wrote for Scrubs and Brooklyn Nine-Nine. So he's a comedy writer. That makes so much more sense. Wait, Emily in Paris, Uncoupled, Young Sheldon. So he's a comedy writer. Oh, he's directed a few of these. Oh wow. He directed a few of the... Okay, he directed quite a bit actually. He wrote two episodes of the famous Jet Jackson.
01:32:28
Speaker
Do you remember that one? Yes. Yeah. Okay. Well, that was one of the writers. And then the other writer, Bob Mittenthal, and you wrote, for a lot more things, a lot of children's shows. The Loud House. He probably took the lead on this one. Yeah. The Naked Brothers Band. He wrote 10 episodes in the Naked Brothers Band. He wrote 39 episodes of Rugrats.
01:32:53
Speaker
Ugh, I'm offended. Ugh, what a travesty. Yep. He wrote 41 episodes of Ka-blam. Where was your creativity, sir? What happened? I have no idea. Okay. Anyway, so. Okay, so what would you rate it? Um, like I would, I would give it a three. Oof.
01:33:16
Speaker
Okay. Even with like the Nickelodeon scale. Yeah. The buffer. Okay. Yeah. Like as a kid, I was trying to follow the storyline as an adult. There's no way as a kid, I would have been like, yeah, all this makes sense. I feel like as a kid, you're gonna just watch it. Uh-huh. And that's it. And that's it. It's just like, I would not remember what happened at the beginning of the movie, let alone five minutes ago. Yeah. You're not connecting shit back and forth. No. No. Not at nine.
01:33:43
Speaker
not especially a throwaway line at the beginning of the movie of oh you eat five spiders in your sleep oh yeah i didn't even think about that yep see i think that's what the line was supposed to be okay didn't think about that at all yep so there you go and i'm 32 years old yeah well i appreciate your sacrifice
01:34:01
Speaker
This one was a struggle. Yeah. I've been trying to watch it for four days. Yeah. And today I was like, sit your butt down Alyssa and watch the fucking movie. You're out of time. I almost switched to the other movie. Oh really? Yeah. Wow. Cause I was like, this is actually going to be boring as fuck. And then I went and kind of looked over my notes again. I'm like, this is still boring, but I think we can make it a little fun. So well, my feet are cold. It's time to go. Yeah. So we love you. Love you. Have a great time.
01:34:32
Speaker
Thank you guys so much for listening to this week's episode. Let us know what you think by leaving a comment or sending us an email at bmoviebashpodcast at gmail.com.
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01:34:40
Speaker
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Speaker
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