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Grim Woods | B-MOVIE BASH | #JY S3E25
75 Plays1 year ago
Ya'll, we've found it. The worst of the worst. The bottom of the barrell. Quite possibly the absolute worst movie we've ever reviewed. There's just so much to unpack, and don't worry, we included audio clips right from the movie so you can experience it first hand. Please enjoy our retelling of "Grim Woods."
"Ignoring all signs and warnings, four counselors at a remote summer camp tell campfire stories to each other from an ancient book of evil that come to life to haunt them one by one."
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Transcript
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00:01:33
Speaker
Hello, everybody. Hello. My name is Shannon. I'm Alyssa. Welcome back to another episode of Hashtag Judging You. But this week, it's a movie bash. It's the worst of the worst. Oh my gosh, guys. But anyway, before we get into that, we did want to present you with a few jokes because we were gone last week. You had a fun one. You want to go with yours? This one's stupid. How did the two cats end their fight?
00:02:00
Speaker
I don't know. They hissed and made up. What did the custodian say when he jumped out of the closet? Supplies!
00:02:32
Speaker
That was actually really funny. What do racers eat before they compete? I don't know. Nothing. They fast. I don't know what you did with your eyebrows but that was great.
Humor Break with Shannon & Alyssa
00:02:50
Speaker
What do you call a belt made of watches?
00:02:54
Speaker
belt made of watches. Yeah of course. Oh I don't know. A waste of time. Okay we should get into this because it's gonna take a while. A while. A while. Why are you saying it like that? Ryan you're being weird. Saying what? Which way?
00:03:18
Speaker
Okay, guys are you all ready for a you're not dude. You're not ready. You're not ready at all. You're not ready for this. Which is okay because like I watched like the like I watched half of the trailer and I thought okay this will be bad like this won't be the trailer made it seem like it was a Completely different movie.
Exploring 'Grim Woods' Movie
00:03:39
Speaker
Yeah a Completely different movie. I think we both thought this was gonna go a different way. Absolutely then it did I
00:03:45
Speaker
I did not know what I was expecting and it was not this. I'm genuinely happy you told me that it was what it was. Cause I straight up would have had a fucking aneurysm. So, yeah. So we split this movie. I watched the first half, the first good show. Yeah, most of it actually. Alyssa finished it up. So I'm very excited to see how this shit show ends. Because whole, you guys,
00:04:14
Speaker
Ohhh!
00:04:16
Speaker
There are no words, but we're gonna try. So the 2B movie that we reviewed this week is called Grim Woods, unless you're on IMDB and then it's called The Book of Nightmares for reasons. I'm 99.9% sure it was filmed in Canada, so I don't know if that's a difference. I think The Book of Nightmares would have been a way better story than Grim Woods. Grim Woods is stupid as shit. It's so stupid. Because it has nothing to do with anything. No. Other than the fact that they're in the woods. Yeah, they're just in the woods. Yeah, that's it.
00:04:46
Speaker
Yeah, I don't know. To introduce this for you, it has a 2.2 rating on IMDb and that's fucking generous. We'll get into that later, but oh my god. I think they saw this, or I think people reviewing this movie thought it was a passion project. There's only like seven reviews too. Yeah, that doesn't help.
00:05:12
Speaker
They were being so generous! Oh my gosh, I think it was probably their friends. Probably. This movie sucked, but... It was them making different accounts to put you on there. Yeah. There was also like a fuck ton of people. And this was in there? I mean kinda, yeah. Like, cause each thing is... Each story is different people, yeah. Okay.
00:05:30
Speaker
Um, so I watched, like I said, I watched the first half of the movie and like I watched it on my own day and then I told Alyssa where to start. So she watched it on a different day. And so the whole time I was watching it, I was sending her like cryptic, because I didn't want to give anything away, but I was giving her, sending her messages and videos of like my stunned silence and like, oh my God, this movie is so bad. And she was like, okay, sure. And then when she watched it, she was like, I'm so fucking sorry.
00:06:00
Speaker
Sorry. It's terrible. We should include some of these on the TikTok or whatever. I'm going to pull up your video real quick. Oh, yes. I'm excited. It made me laugh so hard. And this was Alyssa like eight minutes into watching her part. Okay, okay, okay. Here is Alyssa's reaction. What are we watching? What are we watching?
00:06:27
Speaker
That's not the one I thought it was gonna be so funny. Okay, we're ready to go, we're ready to go, we're ready to go. Oh, here it is. Shannon, I'm sorry. I'm so sorry I suggested this movie. I'm so sorry that you watched 53 minutes and 20 seconds of this movie. I have only watched eight minutes of this movie.
00:06:53
Speaker
I'm sorry and then after that she said I told you and I said message after message I said Shannon Shannon how can this be this bad Shannon yep
00:07:07
Speaker
and it is it is and the worst part is like when i was reading back over my notes when you're just looking at the storyline yeah it's not that bad but watching the damn thing yeah is so bad so bad we i genuinely think you need to add
00:07:24
Speaker
clips if we can. I don't know how. I don't know. But we need to record some kind of clips. Yeah. And post them on on tape. Like I'm getting the heaps thinking about it. It's so terrible. I can't get out of my head in my part. The girl runs forward but she's clearly like waiting for them to say action. Uh-huh. And then she runs forward and she skids and like onto the ground and is like but we'll get there, we'll get there, we'll get there. Anyway, I just, you guys, no, okay, no, okay, no, okay.
00:07:53
Speaker
If you're ever gonna watch any of these movies, it's gonna be this one. You have to. You have to go to 2B. You won't understand otherwise. You will not understand the pain, the suffering. Literally one of the worst movies we have ever done here, ever. Yeah, I straight up was talking about how it was like, you remember how doll face was bad? You remember how doll face was real bad? This one might be worse. It might be. It might be. The acting. Oh yeah.
00:08:20
Speaker
Trojos. My five-year-old could make a better movie than this. Oh, yeah. An act in every character. We could do it, Shannon. I know. We could do it. We could write a movie. We could write a movie, Shannon. We could produce and film a movie ourselves. A movie, yep. And be better than this. Oh, yeah. We have two husbands that will help. Yeah. Like some friends along the way. Yeah.
Grim Woods Plot & Storytelling
00:08:40
Speaker
Anyway, we should get into it. Okay. Okay. So the synopsis is, ignoring all signs and warnings, four counselors at a remote summer camp tell campfire stories to each other from an ancient book of evil that comes to life to haunt them one by one.
00:08:56
Speaker
No? It doesn't, that doesn't happen, right? Not exactly. Okay. We'll get there. Okay. Okay. That's what I thought. I'm interested. Okay, so. Onto them one by one. They didn't even fucking watch this movie. No.
00:09:13
Speaker
Whoever wrote that synopsis. Yeah, they just made that up. Yeah, they made that up. They went camp counselors evil book. Here you go. Yeah, like maybe it was AI. Okay, so big sign number one that this was gonna be a terrible movie is that it is made by Wild Eye Releasing and I sent Alyssa a screenshot of that and I was like, oh god, here we go. Might as well be Black Cat Entertainment. Seriously, or Uncork. Uncork, yeah. Same deal.
00:09:41
Speaker
Black Cat, comment below if you know what Black Cat is from. Oh, the OGs. Yeah. Yes. OGs. I might know Black Cat Entertainment. Is it Black Cat? Yeah, yeah.
00:09:59
Speaker
That one was pretty bad, too. It was really bad. That one was pretty bad. We haven't reshared any of that one anywhere. I don't even know if we could share any of that on TikTok. No, probably not. Probably not. No. Okay. I knew that Wildeye looked familiar, so I was looking through some of their movies, and I feel like there's more that we've seen that they didn't have on there, but anyway, they made Jurassic Shark.
00:10:25
Speaker
Yeah. And also, Velocipaster. Okay, yep. That one was on purpose bad. This one doesn't feel on purpose bad. No, it was not on purpose bad. It did not seem that way at all. Maybe, I mean, they may have been trying to be a little funny with it. A little hokey, but like... Not like a... What's it called? It's not like a mockumentary. Yeah, exactly. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. So.
00:10:50
Speaker
it wasn't how shark you know exactly yeah so yeah this felt like they were trying and it just didn't work out at all so we have some opening credits these go on for two and a half minutes oh my gosh yes
00:11:06
Speaker
Which is so ridiculous because people are like, it's only two and a half minutes, but I'm like, it's forever. It's forever. There's a scene later on that's six seconds long. Forever. It's forever. Yeah. Anyway. Okay. But it shows all the names along with a bunch of like creepy pictures. Like pretty much they just found every free creepy clip art they could find and put it into this thing. But it's like supposed to be like an old timey like slideshow projector kind of thing, right?
00:11:35
Speaker
but we finally opened to a radio DJ who's sitting in their booth and it's like the camp specific DJ radio station I guess and she's like this is Rockin Roxy coming at you live today
00:11:54
Speaker
and she says that like this is the last day of summer camp and how it's been a great year and the weather is great so you need to get outside and enjoy your last day here blah blah blah and there's like aerial shots of the whole camp which I wonder where they filmed this because like it looked pretty legit like there were cabins and they must have found a camp I guess and she's like all right see everybody next year signing off this is rockin
Camp Counselors' Mysterious Night
00:12:16
Speaker
racy
00:12:16
Speaker
Um, and then we see this young man. Radio rebel. It's better than rock and rock. It's a Disney. Radio rebel? Yeah. It's a what's-her-face with the teeth. Demi Lovato? Yeah. Oh. Yeah.
00:12:32
Speaker
She had all these notes that I'm talking about. I got you. She does have the teeth. She does have the teeth. It's so sad that she was crapped out of her mind for like all of her. All of it. All of it, so. Yeah. Yeah. But you go back and you go, yup. Uh-huh. Yeah. Yeah, she was. Anyway. Yeah.
00:12:51
Speaker
So we see a young man named Dwayne laying on a bed in his cabin and he's just kind of like listening to music on the radio and a camp counselor named Frank comes in and asks him how he's doing and Dwayne is pretty kind of closed off and like doesn't seem to want to talk to Frank.
00:13:07
Speaker
And Frank is like, come on, you know, you can open up to me. I'm your buddy. I'm Frankie. I'm so cool. We're so great. Yeah. The biggest fucking nerd in existence. Yeah. I was like, that's the most outgoing your personality is for the rest of the movie. Like the rest of the time he's this awkward fucking weirdo. Yeah. And he was like, yeah, we're totally cool, man. Like, come on, I'm your camp counselor. Which like, maybe that's why he does that job. I guess. But yeah, the rest of the time he's just a dweeb. Yep. So.
00:13:34
Speaker
Anyway, I could not be a camp counselor. I don't fucking know. I feel like you could. If there was an occasional murder, then yes, so... I'm sorry. You were on one too. I got some energy! Okay, so yeah, he's acting kind of closed off and Frank is like, I'm your buddy, I'm your pal. You're buddy and a pal.
00:14:02
Speaker
No, you were like this before you even started drinking
00:14:09
Speaker
Anyway, Dwayne says that he hasn't made any friends at camp this year and he's just kind of feeling a little bit sad about it. And Frank is like, what do you mean you haven't made any friends? That's my other thing too is I would, I'm so glad. I never actually had to go to one of these like summer camps where you're literally gone for the two fucking months of summer or whatever. No, cause Alyssa wouldn't have any friends because I'm weird. No, you'd have friends. I'd have friends, but they'd make fun of me afterwards. I guarantee you like random fucking people. Yeah. Yeah. They'd make fun of me.
00:14:37
Speaker
So my own friends made fun of me growing up. So yeah, I'm tough now. Okay, my bad. Okay, so he says he hasn't made any friends and Frankie's like, what? I saw you talking to us a bunch of guys like half an hour ago. Like, I know this is better than you're making it out to be, right? And he's like, okay, well, why don't we go out and just enjoy the last day we have together and you know, make the most of it. And Dwayne agrees. Do they spend time together? No, they don't.
00:15:06
Speaker
So we now see the coastline of the lake where someone is walking along the shore. Yeah.
00:15:15
Speaker
coastline the shoreline okay yeah the edge like a coastline is like yeah okay is it anyway i'm sorry i'll shut up i have a lot to say let me say it i have seven pages of notes sorry okay go ahead sorry okay so we see the shoreline of the lake where someone is walking along and they find this very large ugly awful book hey why is it so big i don't know why is it so big i don't know it's fine
00:15:43
Speaker
okay but it's sitting there bobbing on the shoreline right and this girl named Stacy picks it up and she pulls it out of the water and it does not look wet at all which makes sense kind of later but it looks completely untouched and she just walks away with it
00:16:00
Speaker
And then we see a few campers who are out playing soccer on the grass when a female counselor that I later learned is named Natalie, who's wearing the worst fucking wig. Is it the Burnett? Yes. Oh, okay. I didn't know her name for the entire fucking heart of mine. Natalie.
00:16:16
Speaker
What? There's so- did you have bad wigs other than hers? I had like four bad wigs. I don't think anyone wore a wig in mine. Oh my god. They were all like- I thought her hair was a wig, but I wasn't entirely sure because I only got like kind of views of her so like we'll get to my- okay. Yeah.
00:16:36
Speaker
so why did she even have to wear a wig i don't know that's the thing to me is i'm like why did you spend money on a wig that's why part of me is like is this supposed to be funny yeah but like no no no no but we meet natalie and she tells them that it's time for lunch end of that scene we never see those girls again okay we're just introducing natalie i guess yeah
00:16:57
Speaker
I said but that was completely pointless because now we see two more counselors. One of them is named Mike and he is like just working, he's like putting some stuff away in storage or whatever and a girl counselor who I did not know her name for the first like 25 minutes, Jodi.
00:17:14
Speaker
she comes up behind him and she scares him and she like immediately just kind of comes up to him and is all flirty and starts trying to kiss him and stuff and he's like i'm working like doing what i'm supposed to be doing we shouldn't be doing that here what if someone sees us and she's like no one's gonna see us it's fine and they hear a twig snap and so they're like okay who's there
00:17:35
Speaker
and Stacey, the girl with the book, is behind a tree. And so she kind of like steps out and they see the book and Mike is like, let me see that. And so he takes it away from her and he kind of flips through it. And they don't ever show us the pages, but I'm like 99% certain they're blank. Yeah, they gotta be. Yeah.
00:17:53
Speaker
Like I'm pretty sure they found this cool looking like, I mean, not cool, but like this coolish looking journal that they were like, Hey, I saw this at a pawn shop. Let's use it as a prop guys. And also it looks like they like made it themselves. I only got a brief glance of what it actually looks like. So if you, with your book binding hobby right now, if you saw the atrocity that is the front cover of this book, like the inside, I just saw that it was a little bit wrapped with something like that's it inside.
00:18:23
Speaker
It's bad. You have been doing an amazing job since book one. Thank you. Way better than anything they have done in this book. It was better. I have to go back and watch it. I want to go back and watch the rest but I was wanting to wait until. Yes. Yeah. Of course. So. That's the whole point. Of course. But anyway he looks through this book and immediately like he just kind of like flips for one second like point two seconds and both he and Jodie are like
00:18:54
Speaker
Like, just taking them back by what is in this book. And he tells Stacy that she can't have it back and that it's completely inappropriate and that she should not have this. And she should not have it, but no. And she's like, why? It's my book. I found it. And he's like, no, you're not having this. And Jodi walks her to her cabin and then Mike walks off in the other direction.
00:19:16
Speaker
And again, all of this acting, I can't even explain to you how bad it is. Like I'm just brushing over it all. It's so bad. It's so bad. So Frank walks up to this area and sees Natalie sitting against a fence smoking a cigarette. And he sits down next to her and asks if he can have one too. And she was like, oh, I didn't know you smoked. And he's like, oh, yeah, I used to smoke all the time. And then immediately it starts like coughing and gagging on it, of course.
00:19:45
Speaker
and then Mike walks up to them and he's like hey guys look what I've got and then proceeds to not show them anything about the book he's just like holding it in his arms and they're like oh okay
00:19:59
Speaker
and he's like okay well meet me by the fire tonight because after the kids go to bed we're gonna have some light reading to do and then frank asks natalie if she wants to go do that and she's like yeah it sounds fun he's like yeah it totally sounds fun we should both do it together and then frank gets up and follows mike and he's like whoa where'd you get that book and then the scene ends and they never talk about it they don't show that that's it okay yep
00:20:24
Speaker
So now we see the full moon because it's nighttime now. And Natalie and Jodi are walking down to the campfire and they're kind of chatting about the book and about the stories and stuff. And Jodi asks Natalie like, so what about Frank? And she's like, what about Frank?
00:20:43
Speaker
And Jodi is like, oh, he is so obviously in love with you. Like desperately wants you to have his babies in love with you. And Natalie's like, that's a little much, but okay. And she was, or Jodi was like, besides me and Mike need couple friends, so you guys should totally like hook up. And Natalie's like, oh, you guys are like officially a couple now? And Jodi's like, well, he'll come around to it.
00:21:07
Speaker
Okay. So no. So no. And then Natalie responds, okay you tall freakazoid. Just like that. Okay, okay. You tall freakazoid. She's not even that tall.
00:21:17
Speaker
I mean she's taller than Natalie. I guess. So I don't know. Like she's just average height I think. Like yeah. Okay. I don't know. Also Mike is tall though so maybe it just appears that way but also this entire scene both of them are miked differently separately so one of them fans like they're talking like super close to the mic the whole time and then the other one is like distant echoey far off like you can barely hear them.
00:21:44
Speaker
Yeah, they have you so much. I don't understand why. They only have the singular microphone, I swear. And it wasn't a boom mic either. Don't have the wigs, buddies. Put it somewhere else. Put it somewhere else. Use that budget. Yeah. And I swear they probably filmed all of this in like two days. Oh, 100%. 100%.
00:22:03
Speaker
So we now see the campfire where Mike and Frank are waiting for the girls to get there and unfortunately Frank is playing the guitar. And it's bad. See? Uh-huh. And they're singing. He's like, this is the story about two camp counselors at Elmwood. And then Mike is like, Elmwood. And then they just keep going on. Is it better than the Mary song?
00:22:29
Speaker
No, the Lizzie Borden song, sorry. The Lizzie, I was thinking Bloody Mary. It's probably on the same level. Yeah. I'll have to go listen. I haven't listened to the Lizzie Borden song in a hot minute. I mean, good. So yeah. Yeah, but I mean, they were, it seemed like they were being funny about it. I mean, I guess they were in Lizzie Borden too. They were...
00:22:50
Speaker
She was trying to be funny, but like but also trying to be good. Yeah, it's okay Anyway, I'm gonna have to go look it up now. Yeah, so but I said, thank God the girls show up and Jodi tells Natalie to go sit over next to Frank on this little bench and Frank looks deeply Wildly uncomfortable at this like he wasn't even just like oh, yeah, like comes in by me. He was like
00:23:15
Speaker
There's a girl! I was like, are you gay? Or just incredibly awkward? Because it was weird. Anyway, Mike tells them that the reason they're here is because of this book of nightmares.
00:23:30
Speaker
and how it's filled with freaky shit like murderers and witches and child abductions and he asks who wants to read first and Jodi says that he should go first because this is your night I don't know what that means and then Mike is like if you insist and he just flips open to a random page which is of course the beginning of a story of a story yeah and um they all still look completely blank were they all like
00:23:58
Speaker
okay here's my story yes okay
Babysitter's Horror Tale Begins
00:24:00
Speaker
here's my story yes in the middle of the book yes but he he flips it open and he's like this looks good just like immediately and he says it's called the clown
00:24:11
Speaker
So we now see, so if you hadn't caught on, all of the stories that they read are the entirety of the movie. Yes. So here we go. All I'm saying, oh, you know what? The acting in, uh, fucking, um, I can't think of what it is now. The Midnight Society. Are you afraid of the dark? Oh yeah, yeah. Are you afraid the dark has better acting than this movie? Yes.
00:24:31
Speaker
A fourth grade play would be better than shit. Oh yeah! It's a hot mess. Like I didn't even accurately describe but it's bad. So we now see a giant beautiful farmhouse in the middle of like a sprawling field and this teenage girl, a babysitter named Riley, is walking up to the door and the dad meets her at the door and he hollers upstairs for his wife to get ready to go.
00:24:53
Speaker
and then he welcomes Riley inside and we see that there's like boxes all over the living room and she's like oh how did your move go and he was like oh it's been pretty good but like once we get furniture in here it'll be a lot better and um the wife comes downstairs and he's like what took you so long and she's like i was just saying goodbye to our son and then um she asks Riley if she's ready for her big night of responsibilities that's weird i was like that
00:25:18
Speaker
yep yeah weird so i am here yep so that's pretty much what she says yep and she says as always hey Riley she looks like a crack addict so luckily okay what's been going on that's my question once we get the furniture here the kids are loving
00:25:52
Speaker
This one makes me think that they were speaking English and it's a voiceover.
00:26:01
Speaker
and he tells her that they just installed a new app that lets her monitor the kids right from the living room so it's like a whole security tv situation because they've been having some troubles so he starts to lead her away to show her this app situation and the mom goes out to wait in the car and we see that there are just multiple cameras set up around the house and he tells her to keep a set to
00:26:25
Speaker
Keep an eye on their son Eric because he had another episode last week And he thanks Riley again and says that she's doing him a huge favor because he's in some hot water with the missus right now Okay, don't tell him he shit right don't like the whole time like he's a Little friendly with her and like I could see where it might be a little like misconstrued But he just seemed like a nice guy. I but don't tell me shit. I
00:26:50
Speaker
Oh yeah. Don't tell me your relationship. No, I don't want to. I don't need to know it. I think you're going on a date and that's fine, that's enough. That's fine, yeah. Outside the mom is waiting in the car and a neighbor named Jim walks up and knocks on the window and freaks her out and he's like don't you worry I'll keep an eye on the house tonight and that they deserve a night out after all they've been through.
00:27:08
Speaker
okay okay okay and she's just kind of like thanks and he walks off and the mom is like looking around super anxious like she looks so uncomfortable and so she honks the horn a few times for the dad to come outside to the car but inside the dad is showing Riley some
00:27:27
Speaker
art quote-unquote that the daughter had made and calls her their little Picasso and that it's going to be worth a bunch of money one day and it is a picture of a little girl who is the daughter with a creepy-ass clown standing next to her with his arm around her shoulders
00:27:45
Speaker
and three people in the background dead with blood all over the place and it's very obviously the mom, the dad, and her brother. Anyway he reminds Riley that once the daughter is done with her movie she really needs to go to bed and she can't listen to any of her excuses and Riley's like I know rules are rules and then she immediately says hey do you have any salt and vinegar chips? And he says ha do we have any cella vinegar?
00:28:12
Speaker
like okay french canadian why what and he opens a cupboard that's full of bags of salt and vinegar chips it's like canada grown sell a vinegar
00:28:32
Speaker
It was weird. I don't know. It was like the actors were trying to act like humans act, but they couldn't. They were like talking over each other and like
00:28:44
Speaker
right it's like they were skipping their line it was like they were starting their line before the other person even finished their gd sentence and i was like stop take two yeah we don't need this to be a one shot like they only did that a couple of times of mine but i was like oh my gosh yeah no they had to have only filmed this in a week like and they were like we're pressed for time guys like
00:29:03
Speaker
Yeah, at one point I told Alyssa that it seemed like it was written and acted by aliens who don't know how humans work. Yeah. Like they did zero research on what humans act like. Alien Nicole acted more normal than these people did. Yes.
00:29:17
Speaker
Shout out to OG's who know Alien Nicole. Anyway, Canada. Salt and vinegar chips. Yes. I don't know. So we see this, we have like a first person camera view coming down the stairs slowly, right? And the floors are like creaking. It's supposed to be super spooky.
00:29:37
Speaker
the dad finally goes outside and the wife is like um she just yells at him for making her wait for 20 minutes in the car he's like i didn't tell you to come sit in the fucking car but okay he doesn't say fucking but anyway um she's like i hope you know what you're doing he should have he should have he was not that kind of guy but it doesn't matter
00:29:56
Speaker
she was like I really hope you know what you're doing and he says that he's thought about everything and the cops are even watching the neighborhood so everything's gonna be fine and then they as they pull away a cop like rounds the corner into the neighborhood okay they just have cops watching the neighborhood or like this particular okay for reasons uh-huh okay yeah
00:30:16
Speaker
Just for funsies. So yes we go back to the first person camera view coming down the stairs but we are now like the daughter so the daughter's coming down the stairs and she scares Riley who scolds her and is like when that movie is over you really need to go to bed and then Brittany the daughter says that Riley just got there can't we stay up a little bit longer like I want to hang out with you and Riley says that she can't stay up too late or else she'll turn into a pumpkin
00:30:44
Speaker
And she like chases her up the stairs like... And then they go into Brittany's room and we see that she has this giant like four post bed. And from each of the posts are Barbies and baby dolls hanging from their neck. Oh twine. Yeah. And then her windows are covered with garbage bags. Black garbage bags. Okay. She's like nine. Okay. Uh-huh.
00:31:11
Speaker
so Riley asks what all the weird shit is about and Brittany doesn't really say anything and Brittany asks if Riley wants to watch the movie with her but she says that she has a paper due tomorrow that she really needs to work on and then Riley turns and sees this really
00:31:27
Speaker
large clown doll in her closet sitting on a chair and she's like the fuck is that and Brittany says that that's her friend freak show and that he protects her at night and tucks her in and tells her stories and Riley calls it creepy before walking out of the room and heading downstairs.
00:31:47
Speaker
okay so she goes down into the living room and she changes from the security camera view to the tv and watches a movie and she texts her boyfriend that the kids are now in bed so he can come over if he wants no he can't she has a fucking paper to write yeah and it's someone else's house but she does and then upstairs britney hears a noise and never in my life thought of inviting somebody over when i was babysitting no never in my life no no
00:32:15
Speaker
seems very inappropriate. Oh! Like you can't pay attention to the kids at all. Like you just... I would not approve of that as a parent. No! Some random person coming into my house. So upstairs Brittany hears a noise and she goes to check her closet but freak show isn't sitting there anymore. Ah! We're all shocked. Yes. Who'd have thought the creepy human-sized clown... Who'd have felt it? I was surprised.
00:32:41
Speaker
And then it goes dancers again where Riley calls her boyfriend and she's like, hey, are you coming over still? And this is the conversation that happens word for word. He says, what's the rush? You miss me? She goes, no, actually there isn't a single part of me that misses you, not even a little. What's taking you so long?
00:33:02
Speaker
Yep, okay. And then he's like, I'm waiting for my mom to go to bed. She's still awake. I can't come over yet. And then she says, oh, you rebel. Well, hurry, Obi-Wan Kenobi. You're my only. As someone walks behind her and blocks the light and she gets scared.
00:33:22
Speaker
Hello? Hey, still coming over? What? What's the rush? You miss me? No, actually, there's not a single part of me that misses you. Not- What's taking you so long? Oh, you rebel. You're my only- What?
00:33:45
Speaker
So, um, so she sees that out of the corner of her eye and she kind of gets quiet and like gasps and whatever. And so he's like, what's going on? Yeah. And so she's like, Oh, Brittany just has this freaky clown doll and now she's trying to scare me with it. And the boyfriend immediately asks what the clown's name is. Cause that's my reaction. Yeah.
00:34:05
Speaker
What's its name? No, I guarantee you if I ever went to go babysit and I walk in the house and I see they have a giant person-sized clown doll. No. Excuse me. Sorry. I have to stab that thing really quick. I'm gonna leave. Yeah. That's what I would say. Sorry. Yeah. Has that thing been exercised recently in the last like- You have holy water on hand? Yeah. Because no. No. Where's your gun? Thank you. Yeah. Go to bed, kids. Stop being me! I can't just be-
00:34:33
Speaker
Just waiting. Fucking move, bitch! Like, let's go! Yeah. So yeah, she tells him that its name is Freakshow. And he's like, that's a lame name. You have a lame name. Bobby. I literally think it's Bobby. Actually, I think it's Bobby. They only say it once at the very end. But I think it is. And she tells him, just get over here or I'll hate you for life. And then she hangs up.
00:34:57
Speaker
Oh my gosh, you're a toxic girlfriend. She's weird. I don't like it. You're so weird. So Riley goes upstairs to check on Brittany who's walking around looking for a freak show and she says that he left her room before tucking her into bed and it's weird and she doesn't know where he is. And Riley's like, it's not funny anymore. Like it's time for bed. Stop playing this prank. And Brittany's like, I'm not playing a prank. He's playing hide and seek and you're it. And then she runs down the stairs and goes, hahaha.
00:35:25
Speaker
This little child. And then she's like, I'm not going to bed until I find him. And so Riley follows her into the room and she goes to like put Brittany back into her bed. And Brittany stands up on her bed and starts jumping and says like, what does she say? Not until freak show or like, I have to find freak show. She's like chanting this over and over again as she jumps on the bed.
00:35:53
Speaker
then her brother Eric walks into the room and he had been asleep this whole time but he's like what the heck is going on and Riley asks why like what he's doing in here and he's like I heard yelling I heard voices like what's going on and Riley gets extra pissed and he's like Brittany you need to stop playing games you woke up your brother this is stupid like everybody needs to go to bed knock it off. How old is Eric?
00:36:15
Speaker
i don't he looked kind of the same age like yeah somewhere around there irish twins yeah who neither of these children looked like they belonged to either of those parents but that's not the point but she tells them off and says that she's gonna call their dad okay so she takes eric back to his bed and he's like riley is the boogie man here and she's like no there's no such thing as the boogie man and so she walks downstairs and she sees freak show who is now sitting in the living room yeah yeah yeah
00:36:45
Speaker
yeah so she slowly walks out to him with her hand like out stretching and she gets closer and closer and then she goes and just squeezes his nose
00:36:58
Speaker
I don't know. It was weird, but she booped us a little. Gave a little honky-honk. So now we see the dad who was sitting in a restaurant and Riley calls him and he's like, he answers and he goes, hi Riley. Oh my god, what seems to be the matter? And she's like, she, it's a joke obviously, but her response is, ha, anyways.
00:37:25
Speaker
So yeah, so she's like, sorry to interrupt your night out. And he's like, oh, that's okay. My wife bumped into these other people. So I've just been sitting here by myself for a while. And she tells him that Brittany has been acting really weird and she doesn't normally act this way with Riley and that she said something about her clown friend. And he starts to freak out and tells her to go upstairs to get the kids to go to the neighbor's house and they'll be home like right away. So just as she hangs up the phone, the doorbell rings. That reminds me of amusement.
00:37:54
Speaker
her amusement yes yeah yeah the doorbell rings and she screams and freaks out but then she realizes it's her boyfriend so she goes to answer it and she immediately tells him that they need to leave and get the kids out and he was like i just got here what are you talking about and she was like no we need to leave and he's like you've been talking this guy's pool up all week
00:38:14
Speaker
Like, you're in Canada on a farm. Yeah. What fucking pool are you talking about? No, I don't think so. Is it a blow-up pool in the backyard, son? Maybe. Like, do any Canadians own a pool? I don't think so. They have ice skating rinks is what they have. Yes, they do.
00:38:29
Speaker
She tells him to go get Brittany. She'll wake up Eric and then he's like, yeah, well watch out for killer clowns while you do that Funny and they all head downstairs after getting the kids and like they're coming down the stairs and through the window That's like right in front of them. They see freak show outside with an axe. Oh my gosh. Yes
00:38:49
Speaker
So they run through the house and all of them go into this empty side room, okay, and it's empty because they just moved in. So they all go into this room and then Riley for no fucking reason whatsoever leaves the room and goes back out into like the area where she was watching the show and she hears something and she sees that freak show is coming.
00:39:14
Speaker
And so she turns back to her boyfriend and he tells her to run and shuts the door. Uh-huh. He sure does. So she hides behind this little like wet bar area. It's not like he was like coming at them so he had to be like, run Riley and slam the door shut. I'll protect the kids bam. Like. Nope.
00:39:32
Speaker
He was like over there. Okay. Yeah. So she hides behind this little wet bar area and we see freak shows like walking through the house just laughing maniacally the whole time. Like it's like a laugh on loop. Like it's not even the person. Yeah. You watched the movie? Wow. That's just my clown laugh. I do like it. That's pretty much it.
00:39:54
Speaker
But from her little hiding spot, she calls 911 and says that someone's in the house trying to kill them and that they're at the whatever house, whatever the kid's names are. And then in the room, the boyfriend is kind of like standing there with the kids and Eric is really scared. And he is like, I'm freaking out. And Eric, a boyfriend, Bobby, I guess, I don't remember, is like, don't worry, there's no way he can get in here. And then Freak Show immediately starts chopping down the door with a fucking ax.
00:40:22
Speaker
And it's like not a solid door at all. It's like, you know, yeah, whatever, like every other door in the world is made of now. Yeah. Yeah. So he starts hacking down the door and the boyfriend sees the window that's at the very top of the wall because they're in the basement and he points it out and he's like, oh, look, a window. And Brittany says, I can fit through there. I've done it before. How long have you lived here? Yeah. What the fuck? Unless you met other random windows, but I was just like,
00:40:49
Speaker
Okay. Okay. So Freak Show reaches through the hole that he has created and opens the door just as Brittany and Eric are getting through the window and he attacks the boyfriend and he yells at them to run. Good boyfriend. And so they do. Kind of. He protected the kids. Good to kids, not to girlfriend, but you know. So Bobby dies. Yes, so she's still hidden in her little cubby hole and she's like watching him get killed.
00:41:15
Speaker
But she doesn't, like, she's watching and she doesn't do anything to help. He's just getting, like, hatcheted and she doesn't care at all. Well, she cares, but she doesn't do anything. And then the dad gets home and he runs in the house and he starts calling out for Riley and looking all over the place. And then he goes into that side room where he finds Bobby. And it doesn't look like he's chopped up at all. He just has some, like, blood on his face vaguely. And the dad is like, oh no, you!
00:41:45
Speaker
You're dead. I don't know who you are. I'm just kind of like, oh no. This is the dead person in my house. I'd probably be like, what the fuck? Who are you? Sorry, you're dead. So you're telling me that the parents got home before the police did?
00:42:01
Speaker
The parents weren't like calling the police on the way. Would you just give me a second? Okay, sorry, okay, sorry. Just give me a second. Sorry. And then as the dad is looking like at the boyfriend, the freak show, the freak show, the freak show, freak show comes up behind him and the dad turns around and he just gets like stabbed multiple times in the gut.
00:42:19
Speaker
And Riley is still just watching all of this happen. And then we see the kids who have made it to the neighbor's house where the mom is waiting for them. And Eric tells the mom that the boogeyman came to their house last night. Last night? What do you mean? I don't know. Right fucking now. Bitch, he's in there. Right now. Unless he's not the boogeyman. I don't know, but he said last night. And the neighbor Jim says that the police are on their way.
00:42:45
Speaker
And the mom is like, I just knew that this was going to happen again. I knew that psycho was going to come back and she starts freaking out. I don't know. And then Jim is like, you know, the cops can handle it. He has nowhere left to hide. Like they're going to get him. Don't worry about it. So the cop pulls up to the house and he heads inside and he starts checking around with his gun drawn. And he comes to the room where Riley is hiding behind the bar still like a little bitch, not doing anything.
00:43:09
Speaker
and he starts walking slowly through the room and freak show comes out and starts walking up to the cop and he slowly puts his hands up freak show does and the cop is like you fucking idiot and he says that this one's really gonna cost him extra and freak show takes off his mask and we see this guy okay and Riley is watching all this and the cop radios dispatch and says they have two bodies um and that there's no sign of the suspect
00:43:36
Speaker
and she's like copy that okay and so he goes to leave two bodies the boyfriend and the dad oh right dad yes yes so there are two bodies yes but no sign of the suspect so riley goes into the room and sees the dad and the boyfriend and she's just kind of like freaking out and like she goes up to the data first and then she's like oh
00:43:55
Speaker
off my boyfriend. You're both dead. Oh no. And then over at the neighbor's house, two police officers walk up and one of them is the one that was wearing the freak show outfit. And they say that they need to speak to Lori, the mom. And he's like, we need to speak to Lori Woodward. And she goes, this is she.
00:44:15
Speaker
You're not on the phone. I don't know, it was just very awkward. And he says that they found two dead bodies and she's like, oh no, my husband, whatever his name is. And he says there's no sign of the babysitter. They just have those two dead bodies.
00:44:30
Speaker
And he asks if she can come down to the station because they have a few questions about Riley. And she's like, do you think Riley was involved in some way? Like, what do you mean by that? And he's like, well, we found a note in lipstick in the house that says, now nothing and no one can get in our way. You killed him. Like, if you're thinking that Riley... He's dead. What? No? That makes no sense to me. Yeah, as like a... Yeah, it was me, the babysitter.
00:45:00
Speaker
what i don't know but yeah she's like no it couldn't be no there's no way but she goes with them and they like get her in the cop car in the back and they start to pull away as riley runs up and is screaming like don't go with them the cop is a killer like he's not an actual cop and this is the best acting of the whole damn movie it's her just screaming her head off
00:45:24
Speaker
and the mom I guess hears this because she's like chasing down the car and it was one of those things where it was like she was waiting to call action because she waits a second and then is like
00:45:34
Speaker
and just start screaming and like trying to get out of the car and the cops are just like laughing at each other like haha we won I guess and they got away with it got away with what I know they just pull away into the darkness I don't know so back in the campsite Frank stands up and says that this is wrong and they need to be done this book is stupid everything's stupid it's just stupid yeah and Mike is like what are you talking about this is the best thing that's ever happened to us
00:46:01
Speaker
You have a sad life, right? Right. Mike. Mike. Freaking weirdo. And Jodie tells him to sit down so they can read the next story. They're just having some fun, right? And Frank is like, Natalie, are you having fun? And she was like, kind of. Yeah, it's spooky. That's weird. But yeah. And Jodie tells, she's like, okay, sit down for real. Like Natalie will protect you. And it's just like mocking him about it. And so he takes the book from Mike and chucks it in the fire. Okay.
00:46:28
Speaker
but it does nothing so okay yeah that's okay so yeah can't get waterlogged can't get burned makes sense okay evil fucking book got it exactly yeah and mike is like what the fuck dude uh but they all kind of pause as like it hits the fire and they hear this like ghostly crackly whispering sound coming from the book okay they're all like what and so jodi this is what i learned that her name is jodi okay it's far in
00:46:56
Speaker
Jodi uses a stick to get the book out of the fire and immediately just grabs it and Mike is like what the hell are you doing and she's like no it's not hot like there it's not burnt it's not anything and he's like that's fucking weird. So Mike takes it back and he's like they really knew how to make these back in the day.
00:47:12
Speaker
like oh yeah these fire resistant flame retardant books yeah of course so anyway so Jodi takes the book and says that it's her turn to read and she finds a story called the gypsy's curse okay
00:47:27
Speaker
There's like four stories. I have two. Oh yeah okay I have one. Okay yeah there's three. So we now see a carnival full of people and I immediately was like did they just wait for the traveling carnival to come around to film this or I don't know but we see this couple that's kind of going around riding all the rides and doing all the games and whatever.
00:47:47
Speaker
And eventually we find out that their names are Kyle and Lindsay, but not until ridiculously far. Mine too! Which like, I'm so glad they weren't like, well Kyle, you know, but say their name at some point. So sooner than that. About 40 minutes into the friggin movie. Like, it would not be that hard for him to be like, hey, let's go on the Ferris wheel. Kyle, I don't know if I want to go on Lindsay, Lindsay, Lindsay, come on, let's go!
00:48:13
Speaker
Also her name was spelled L-Y-N-D-S-Y. Yeah, I don't like that. So they, you know, they go around doing all the things. And again, I think she's wearing a wig, but this one looked better than the last one. But it was swoopy emo bang hair. And also like I bleached parts of the underneath of my hair because I'm a Christina Perry wannabe bullshit bitch. That's what this looked like.
00:48:41
Speaker
all right so the boyfriend is like well it looks like we've done pretty much everything here at least once if not twice like is it time to go home and she was like well we haven't done everything we need to have our fortunes told so i know that if you're like the one for me or not he's like that's stupid and she's like no that's not stupid we need to do it
00:48:59
Speaker
So they go to this alley where this tent is set up, where you can get your fortunes told by Olga the Oracle. Okay. And they go up to it and there is like a security guard man standing outside the door, the tent. And it was so weird, they like kind of like run over like they're like happy-go-lucky, you know, and then they just like start to kiss in front, like playfully like in front of the tent. And the security guy is like,
00:49:28
Speaker
Excuse me, what are you doing? He kind of clears his throat and the girlfriend is like oh we want two fortunes told please and the man says that only one may enter but he has like a russian-y type accent or like you know a gypsy accent and so she's kind of like wait what did you say and so Kyle confirms he's like did you say that only one person can go in at a time and the man says is correct and Kyle turns to Lindsay and he's like is correct
00:49:57
Speaker
In front of this guy, I was like, asshole. No, that's one of people's accents in front of them. It was weird. So they decided to have her go first. So the boyfriend's like, yeah, I'll just hang out out here with Lurch. In front of him? Yes. And he was very tall, but anyway, so he's just like waiting out there and he's like, got any hobbies? Any hobbies? So he's got any hobbies? Play basketball?
00:50:24
Speaker
This racist son of a bitch. Anyway, so she goes in and there's an older woman who is standing there in like a fortune teller headpiece with a veil off the back holding a black cat. Okay. And tells her to sit down at the table. She also has an accent and she offers her some tea, which I, no. No. No, thank you. I'm not drinking it. I don't want tea, but also, yeah. Yeah. No. Yeah.
00:50:47
Speaker
and Olga tells or asks if the man outside is her boyfriend and uh i was like you should know that i feel like and the girlfriend's like oh yeah that's my boyfriend Kyle that's when i learned his name and i was like a fucking course his name is Kyle right no offense Kyle's out there
00:51:04
Speaker
And then Olga, like she's like, oh yeah, that's my boyfriend Kyle. And Olga goes, no need. Olga sees all. Do you bitch? Do you? Cause you didn't, but whatever. So she sits down and she hasn't even really done anything yet. And Lindsay's just sitting there and she's like, this is fun. Thank you. Just like that.
00:51:24
Speaker
and she asks how all of this works and starts asking a bunch of questions about her future and if she's gonna be with Kyle and if she's gonna be a lawyer and blah blah blah and she uncovers the crystal ball and Olga's like the boy you brought today is a good man and he loves you a lot but I see iron wings in the sky and she's like oh yeah I'm planning on leaving for college and she's like if you leave he will not love you anymore
00:51:46
Speaker
and like your relationship will crumble basically okay and he doesn't want her to go and she's like yeah i know that he doesn't want me to leave town like he keeps showing me colleges in town so that i won't leave him and stuff and Olga sees that er says that she doesn't like what she sees and that there's a cloud of darkness and despair and pain in her future and she is cursed for a life of despair and darkness and there's no way to avoid it okay
00:52:11
Speaker
And Lindsay's like, this is not what I wanted. I wanted a good fortune from you. Yeah, that's not always how that works though. Right. And Olga says that we don't have a decision in our future, to which Lindsay stands up and says, fuck you Olga, and walks out.
Lindsay's Ominous Fortune
00:52:28
Speaker
So she goes out. And Kyle is like, okay, how'd it go? And she is like, I just want to go home. I don't want to talk about it. And he's like, okay, it was supposed to be like fun for you. She's like, no, I don't want to talk about it. And so he drops her out at home and she goes into her room. And again, this doesn't matter, but she goes into her own bedroom and when she closes the door, there is a tie rack across the back of the door that's covered in ties, like dozens of ties in this young, supposed to be teenage woman's,
00:52:56
Speaker
bedroom okay so she falls asleep and she has a dream about visiting Olga again but Olga isn't in the tent and Lindsay walks toward the crystal ball when suddenly something from behind her scares her and so she turns around to see what it is and it's like I think a bloody version of herself that says don't
00:53:14
Speaker
and then she wakes up and then she wakes up again in the morning and it goes into the bathroom and she's kind of like getting ready and stuff when she notices a small sore on her neck that looks pretty nasty they didn't do a great job but it's supposed to look nasty okay and all she does is like cover it up with her hair and go about her day
00:53:31
Speaker
You know, in a band-aid, doctor. No? Okay. So she goes to school and she goes into the auditorium where a bunch of students who literally were like 30 year olds, like they didn't try to hide it. It was like Greece, like they were not teenagers at all. Which is so funny because when I was a teenager watching Greece, I was like, yeah, these teenagers. Right? And now you watch it and you're like, oh my gosh. You're still older than me. Yeah.
00:54:00
Speaker
Oh also we just now learn that her name is Lindsay because the teacher calls on her. Okay. Yeah. So the teacher asks her to do her presentation next and she starts talking about homelessness in their city but the entire time she's talking we just get like really close-up shots of like students eyes as they watch her do the presentation.
00:54:18
Speaker
It's like this student and this student and her eyes and this student and this student and her eyes and you can tell she's kind of getting like nervous and she starts running her hands through her hair and she pulls out like a glob of her hair and so she's like I need to be excused. Thank you.
00:54:34
Speaker
and she runs out and heads immediately to Olga's tent or where it was the day before but it's an empty lot now and there's a bunch of construction guys like taking down all of the like actual structural stuff of the rides and this is the scene that i tried to send you okay
00:54:52
Speaker
So I'm going to explain it first and then I'll show it to you. So she goes out and this man with an awful wig for no fucking reason, she goes up to him and he's like, or she says like, you know, where, where is Olga the Oracle or something? And he goes, it's private property. You can't be here. Just like that. You'll see.
00:55:14
Speaker
And she's like, I'm just trying to find Olga. And he says, the show was last night, sister. But he like, she had started to talk and then he interrupts her and it's awkward. And he's like, you really can't be here. And so she gets in her car and she looks in the mirror and sees that the sore is getting bigger. She's like growing. She's just got herpes for no reason or whatever. But let me just play for you this gem. I'm excited and scared. I struggled day in and day out to make ends meet.
00:55:45
Speaker
Hey! You can't be here. What?
00:55:49
Speaker
Private property. Where's Olga the Oracle? Show us last night. Yeah, I know. Sister. I know, but I really need to get- You really can't be here. Why is he wearing that wig? I don't know. That's all. Aim or sometime today. Today? Sometime today, eh? Yeah. Totally. Let's get a move on, Mary. Yeah. Yeah. Sister. Sister.
00:56:17
Speaker
You really can't be here. Okay. I just thought it was so weird. I should have recorded... Oh, since you have vid on your phone, I'll find you my scene. Okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay. So she sees that the sore is getting bigger.
00:56:38
Speaker
She goes home and lays on her couch instead of going to the emergency room. Uh-huh. But I digress. I mean she's a high schooler but still. I would still. But still. Where's your mom? Right? Anybody. Yep. An adult. So she's chilling at home and she is starting to look kind of like really pale and like she has bags under her eyes and stuff.
00:56:57
Speaker
And Kyle shows up at the house and starts banging on the door demanding that she let him in. He's like, I know you're in there. Let me in. What are you doing? And so she goes in to let him in and he asks what's going on and she just kind of stays silent. And he's like, you're not texting me back. You're not answering my calls. Like what is going on? And so he just kind of like starts hugging her and he's like, whatever's going on, like we can figure it out. We can work through this. I don't know what it is.
00:57:22
Speaker
And she just kind of like glomps onto him and starts making out with him. And he's like, I didn't come here for that. What are you doing? But then he's a boy. So he's like, okay. And so they start kissing and he turns her around and starts like kissing her neck and then gets to the giant open sore that is on her neck. But instead of being like, what the fuck? You know, like, are you hurt? Yeah. Let's get you to the hospital. He says, what happened to you? You're just different.
00:57:54
Speaker
What? What? Not the fact that I'm becoming a fucking zombie. Wait, wait. It's different. It's different. Have you never seen a wound before? 20 leaves. Okay. Yeah. So she goes into the bathroom and she takes off a robe that she is now wearing. And this is where we get full frontal boobage. Of a teenager? Yes. Of a supposed teenager?
00:58:19
Speaker
Tada! I know! And so when Kyle was there, I don't know what the timeline is, do we ever? No. But right here specifically, when Kyle was there, it was just like, it was a good chunk of her neck. Uh-huh. But it looked like it was just right here. Uh-huh. Now that she's looking at herself in the mirror, it goes clear down over her chest and down like to her ribcage. Okay. It's just like the whole left side of her body. So just threading like crazy? Okay.
00:58:43
Speaker
And she just sits there staring at her boobs in the mirror for a while and looking at her grossness. And then later she's sitting on the couch watching a movie, but the movie cuts to a commercial of a real estate agent who's just like, do you need a home? I'll buy you a home and we'll get it done, right? As real estate agents.
00:59:05
Speaker
and Lindsay perks right up and at first I did not understand why because I didn't recognize this woman I was like why is she so interested in realty oh but it's Olga it's Olga okay and so she makes the connection so she goes to the realty office and she apparently told the receptionist that she's looking to buy because that's what the receptionist tells Olga who has a different name in her life
00:59:27
Speaker
And so she comes out to greet Lindsay and Lindsay is like sitting with her head down with her hood on and her face is completely wrapped in bandages. Okay. And so Olga is like, you want to buy a home? Hello? Nice to meet you. Do you want to come in my office? You want to buy a home?
00:59:46
Speaker
and Lindsay just doesn't say anything so she's like okay okay come on in my office i guess so um they kind of sit down and she's like so what are you interested in buying like just going into her whole whole spiel and Lindsay asks Olga what she did to her
01:00:04
Speaker
And Olga's like, what are you talking about? I didn't know you didn't drink the tea. Right. No, she does drink the tea. Oh, she did? She does. I wouldn't have. She did. Okay. Okay. That's what, I was just immediately what I would have thought. I didn't think about that at all, but that's smart. Would have been like, the fuck did you give me, bitch? But yeah, she's like, what did you do to me? And Olga's like,
01:00:22
Speaker
What are you talking about? I don't know what you're... And she's talking regular. She doesn't have an accent. But Lindsay starts to unwrap her bandages and take off her hood. And she's like, I came to see you a few weeks ago. So it's been weeks at this point, I guess. And that she told her a bad fortune.
01:00:39
Speaker
And Olga is like, I don't know what you're talking about. I didn't do anything to you, but I think you need to leave. And Lindsay starts like showing her her face and she's like, you did this to me. And Olga is like, it's all just an act. Like it's just a gig that I do. I don't look into crystal ball. Like I didn't do anything to you. I don't know what happened. But she demands that Olga fix this.
01:01:02
Speaker
and do something, right? And so she's like, okay, I will do it as long as you promise to leave after. So she brings out the crystal ball and some candles and she has her little veil and Olga's like, I have no idea if this is actually gonna work, but sure, we'll try. And Lindsay's like, can you do the accent again?
01:01:25
Speaker
So Olga says that she was doomed to a life of that Lindsay was doomed to a life of despair But now she washes her of that curse and asks that it be passed on to her instead Yeah, okay
01:01:40
Speaker
So Olga puts a mirror in front of Lindsay and tells her to open her eyes only when she tells her to. And she goes back behind her and starts unwrapping Lindsay's face and all of it is gone. Okay. Yeah, so she must have a touch of the something. Uh-huh. And Lindsay obviously is very excited and she thanks her and leaves.
01:01:59
Speaker
At the end of the workday Olga starts to leave the office and she says goodbye to her receptionist and later he locks up and leaves to go home. It takes two minutes for him to lock up the office and walk to his car and drive in the rain and sing along to the radio and like it was forever. Oh my gosh. But he finally gets home and he's sitting in front of the tv and he kind of like loosens his tie and then he realized that his neck is hurting him. Okay. So he goes into his bathroom
01:02:28
Speaker
and sees this giant festering sword. The end of that story. Okay. So back of the campfire, Jodi asks Frank if he's okay. And he says that he needs to take a piss, but he doesn't want to go alone. And they all start laughing at him and he's like, fuck off and shut up. And so he goes out with the lantern and he starts to pee, but something startles him. And so he like turns and pees directly onto the lantern and tries to wipe it off with some leaves. And Jodi comes up from behind and like scares him and he's like, the fuck are you doing?
01:02:57
Speaker
Yeah, why are you trying to see my dick bitch? She's like, so what about Natalie? And he was like, nothing's happening with problem with Natalie. That's the problem. And she tells him to stop being such a little bitch and maybe something would happen. And he's like, this whole thing is stupid. And he doesn't like this evil book full of like human blood and creepy secrets and curses and stuff. And it's all fucking stupid. And he's like, fuck you, fuck everything. I'm leaving. And then Jodi says that, oh, that's too bad because Natalie mentioned that she might want to hook up with you.
01:03:27
Speaker
tonight and then it immediately cuts to him holding the book like the next story is called sirens call yep yeah that's where I started and it says this one's called sirens calls is the nerdiest fucker I've ever seen
01:03:42
Speaker
Yep. Okay. So the scene changes to a mountain, someone's hand playing in the water, a girl coming through her hair, she sits in the water, right? A big old puppy dog. It just keeps like flashing the different scenes and stuff, right? And a big old cute old puppy dog resting next to an old man while he's sitting in what I think is supposed to be like a hostel lobby.
Hostel Tales & Viking Lore
01:04:05
Speaker
But it's just like these big windows, a door,
01:04:08
Speaker
kind of a seating-ish area. Over to one side with a fireplace, but he's just sitting at this table. There's nothing there on the table other than this book. I thought he was reading, but it looks like it's a sign-in book, right? He's just sitting there, and this woman walks in. You see her in the distance. You don't see what she has in her hands, but you see she's holding something. She's got her hand up like she's holding something. So you watch her walk from the distance, just up,
01:04:36
Speaker
to the door she walks in holding this basket okay and he says Astrid what have we here but he's saying all this and I want to say Swedish or it's whatever they speak in Norway Norwegian yeah sorry but I don't know not Norway the Netherlands
01:04:57
Speaker
to do. That sounds fake. Yeah. So, but he's like, Astrid, what have you here? You know, kind of a thing. Swedish. And she says, I don't know. I found them at your door.
01:05:09
Speaker
No, he didn't, bitch. You were carrying the fucking basket, not the point, okay? Anyway. It is the point, though. It is the point, though, right? He starts to caress these flowers as he's just like, oh, beautiful. And she says in the weirdest voice, I think that, but she says it in the finish or whatever, right? But she's getting kind of to the that and just, like, I'll show it to you. But anyway, not the point.
01:05:42
Speaker
Okay, okay. That sounds like a fake ass language. Yeah, like that's why I'm telling, I didn't know what it was. I don't know if that's real. When suddenly the door opens and three people with luggage walk in. So I was like, oh, okay, this is a hostel. Like that's, I was like, okay. And he stands up and he greets them, but the dark haired man who I didn't find out later, his name is, until way later, his name is Jason, okay.
01:06:08
Speaker
starts, uh, no Sprechen de Netherlands, you know? And the older man goes, oh, okay. Well, welcome. And they're like, oh, we're looking for a room. And he's like, well, I have rooms, come sit. And so they come over and there's this guy, or there's Jason, there's Austin, and then there's Sam, right? And this girl, um, and she's just like on her phone, just facing her phone. And the other guys just kind of fucking around, just bopping and stuff in the background.
01:06:35
Speaker
And he's like, yeah, we're looking for a room. And he's like, oh, um, oh, the lady from before, the lady that walked in, Kate, she just like kind of says something to him, but we didn't see what, there was no subtitles. I'm just assuming she was saying, okay, I'll buy, you know. And she just like stares them down as she walks out, just...
01:06:53
Speaker
Okay. And I was like, what the fuck do you want? Anyway, so they ignore her and the old man tells them that he has a double room available with two bunk beds and they said, that's great. There was a bunk bed and another bed. Okay. And they said, yeah, that's great. Sounds good. And he's like, the other guy Austin was like, oh, are there any pubs nearby? And he goes, yeah, there's one actually right next door. It's great.
01:07:17
Speaker
I don't remember what he called it, but he called it something in Swedish or Finnish or whatever. And then he says what the name is in English, but I didn't catch it. And they all kind of laughed because it was silly. But yeah, he's like, so what are you guys doing here? He was like, where are you guys from? And the girl goes Michigan. And the other guy's like, she speaks.
01:07:37
Speaker
I was like, shut up, dude. But I guess he's annoyed because she's been on her phone this entire trip, okay? So they chat for a minute about how they're hitchhiking to Amsterdam, but their ride doesn't leave till the next morning. They chat for way too long about this, I have to say. Okay, so he just gets them to sign their names down and then is like, whoop, here's your key. Let me lead you to your room.
01:07:56
Speaker
No paying, nothing, which I mean like I know in a lot of movies they don't do that like people just walk them they're like I have a room they're like here's your key on the second floor like which is fine because you don't want to be like okay perfect I need a credit card and a picture ID it takes like two minutes to do that shit nobody wants to do that nobody wants to film that so it's fine but yeah but all they did was write their names down on a piece of paper in a book like that so just like
01:08:19
Speaker
Okay, okay. They're really trusting over there. Yeah, so Okay, so they get to their room and they're just kind of laying there. They're just laying there on the beds and stuff, right? And Austin gets up and he's like, come on guys, let's go. Let's go do something and they're like, what do you want us to do, man? This is a tiny town. There's nothing here. There's a pub next door. He's like, yeah, let's go explore it at least. Let's go walk around and we don't have anything to do until our ride tomorrow. Like, and I'm like, yeah, it's true. Like if it's a small enough town, you can wander around and do shit.
01:08:49
Speaker
go do shit anyway but um sam is still texting and stuff so he gets mad and he takes her phone and he chucks it out the window no right okay and he was like he's sick of her texting someone named devin right and they're supposed to be single on this trip whatever that means and i was like like are you guys going around hoping to get laid while hanging out with your friends that's weird as fuck man maybe they all got dumped and so they were like this is our
01:09:14
Speaker
I guess but like she's not so I also probably wouldn't be okay with my girlfriend going to Europe with two guys like that's just bizarre so they argue a little more they argue for way too long about how they're supposed to be enjoying Europe together and Jason is like they have been we've been going to castles and ruins and he said a couple other things and he's like we've tasted beer in this place and wine in this place and stuff right
01:09:39
Speaker
And Austin yells that he just wants a banger of a story, but I couldn't understand that. I heard, I had to go back and listen a couple of times cause I thought he was saying, I just want to tell a banging, like, like I'm a bang, like, but I couldn't understand what he was saying because the audio was so bad. And it took me forever to be like a banger of a story. Okay. Banger of a story. Like I watched that scene like four times. Anyway.
01:10:05
Speaker
Maybe it was just me, but yeah. He's like, I just want to tell them a banger of a story and stuff, right? Anyway, they argue a little bit more, but then Jason's like, you guys, yeah, let's just get out of this room. And I'm like, they seem to have been traveling around, if they're going to castles and ruins and they're hitchhiking, they've been traveling for at least a month.
01:10:21
Speaker
Like I would get sick of my friends. I love you. I can't spend a month backpacking around Europe with maybe with you, but like not with like my, you know, if I'm, I'm constantly sleeping in the same room as you guys, that's all we're ever doing is together. Because if we're not together, we're going to all fucking get kidnapped and die.
01:10:39
Speaker
Yeah, anyway, they're like, yeah, let's get out of here. So they decided to go down to the lobby, okay? And they're looking around and Jason's looking at this weird white wolf head mounted to the wall. It's just like this. I saw a picture of that on the IMDb. Yes. Yeah. And the girl goes to the fireplace mantle and she's seeing some like decorative, fancy decorative jars and stuff, right? And they're, I mean, they're antique looking, you know, they're like the ribbed sides and stuff with the decorative lids and everything. And she can see something inside.
01:11:09
Speaker
but she can't tell what it is, so she opens the jar to reach in, okay, and the innkeeper grabs her hand, same as me, slap, bam, spitch, back, don't touch my stuff, right?
01:11:24
Speaker
So, he says, it's very rude to touch another person's room set. And I guess it's just, you know, the decorations and stuff. That's why it's behind glass, to see and not touch. I'm like, yeah, that's right. Yeah. Yeah. And she goes, I didn't know. How do you not know? I was like, bitch, you're an adult. Yes, you do know. Are you not brought up with common decency or what? I didn't know not to touch you. Like, are you kidding me? Fuck off.
01:11:49
Speaker
Okay, anyway so he smiles and says it's all right and then they're like hey can you show us the pub and he's like yeah. So he takes them over and even offers to get them a round of ale. I was like this is hospitable. Yeah. Anyway another American couple spots them and asks if they can all sit together but you can barely hear anything they're saying over the Irish jig that's playing in the background. The
01:12:13
Speaker
Anyway, so they all chat for a second saying that the three of them just graduated from college and the innkeeper turns handing the girl a glass and he says, ah, let's see, Sam, as he gives the girl her drink, right? And Jason, and he's like, ah, yeah, thank you. And then he turns and goes, Texas, no, Austin. And I was like, ah.
01:12:35
Speaker
That's funny. That's funny. And they all grin at him and they're like, right? And he pulls out Sam's phone saying he heard it ringing outside and he doesn't know who Baby Cakes is, but he fears that he is dying without you. And I was like, this guy is the best actor of the whole fucking movie. I can confirm it. I haven't even seen it. Yeah. He's like, I mean, he's sitting there with his cute little accent and stuff and he's saying things and I was like, you know, like I was genuinely smiling at this guy. I was like, he's cute.
01:13:04
Speaker
So yeah, well Austin gets annoyed and he steals Sam's drink, telling her that she's not man enough to drink this. And she's like, I don't need to be man enough to drink this. And he says, this is Viking brew. And how dare she insult the ancestors. Fuck you, sir. Well, the other American lady goes, whoa, Viking. Oh, that sounds like, oh, so romantic.
01:13:27
Speaker
Like she's having a brain aneurysm as she's talking. Okay. I will show you that scene. Okay. Okay. And Austin goes, what? And I was like, yeah, that's the right audience. Thank you. And the other American man says that Sigurd was telling them some old legends before they got here. And I guess Sigurd is the innkeeper. So, yep. And anyway, he was like, yes, he was telling them Viking stories and love stories. And Austin says, he gets enough love talk from Sam and he wants something scary and violent.
01:13:56
Speaker
Okay! Oh my gosh, right? And he wants to know if there's some cool Viking ghosts laying around town. And Sigurd says, no, their ancestors rest in Valhalla. Yeah, they do. But there is a rule in town. They do not ever go into the Ompstell, or Ompstella, which is the forest around. So anyway, if you do, you'll never return. So you want them to go into the forest?
01:14:23
Speaker
That there are, and he says, some say there are dark dwarves, or the children of Baba Yaga, or the daughters of the goddess Hel. But everyone agrees something lives in the forest and it's out to kill. And the innkeep thinks that they're Lorelai's, which means murmuring rocks. Okay. Beautiful women who lure people to the river with their beautiful voices and drown them. Never heard of river sirens before, but okay. I know.
01:14:49
Speaker
uh but they ask why and he says why do birds sing or snakes bite it's in their nature and they all scoff at him a little and he asks that they really believe oh and they if he really believes that there's women in the woods trying to kill people and the in keep says why do you think we're all here right now there's strength in numbers like well that's like still sunny out and stuff right and uh the camera focuses on austin weirdly first he's like yeah
01:15:13
Speaker
Yeah, for six seconds. He's all excited, okay? Okay? One for alligator, two for alligator, three for alligator, four for alligator, five for alligator, six for alligator. That is how long. I timed it. I pulled out my stopwatch, okay? I'm just feeling, yeah, yeah, yeah. He was like, yeah, yeah.
01:15:32
Speaker
Okay. So later that night, they're laying in their beds with the ugliest pink blankets in history. And Austin suddenly wakes up and he starts beating the shit out of Sam with a pillow. And he's demanding that they go into the forest right now. Okay. Okay. And they're like, no, dude, we're not going to go into the fucking forest. It's 3 AM. What the fuck are you talking about? Right. And he goes, listen, if you do this right now, I won't ask for another adventure, uh, on the trip. And he'll tell them how he landed Eric Spinner and
01:15:59
Speaker
Okay. They're like okay and they go after him. I don't know what that means. Nope. I have no idea. I never learn. I'm like are you gay? Yeah. Is that what we're talking about? Who is Eric? You landed Eric Spitter? Is that a thing? Is that a person? Is he hot? I don't know. I just anyway okay. I was like no wonder why he's jealous of Sam because Sam's got the cute guy named Devin. Yeah.
01:16:22
Speaker
Or it could be girl, I don't know, it could be girl. So they agree and they head out in the woods and Sam, they're out in the woods finally. Sam's complaining about how far they've already walked, but Austin is saying he needs to prove the Lorelizer real. And Sam looks at her phone saying that it's a few minutes off from Jason's. She's like, man, we've been walking for like, look, it's already almost a 330. And he's like, no, it's already 330. Like look at, and it's like 10 minutes off. And she's like, oh, that asshat really did break my phone.
01:16:50
Speaker
Okay, not that it matters. So they hear a twig snap and a woman comes running into view, skidding on her knees before them, right? Yes. Austin screams his fucking head off and jumps behind Sam. Okay. But it was like, as he steps behind.
01:17:07
Speaker
Just please go watch it,
Supernatural Encounter in the Forest
01:17:09
Speaker
please. Don't worry, pull it off. So, um, like, you can watch it later, but, um. That's not fun. But, I mean, you can in a bit, but yeah, so. Anyway, Jason quickly tells her that they're not going to hurt her, okay? And she says, in some of the worst acting I have ever seen in my entire life. Okay. She starts speaking her line before Jason does for a second, right? Yes.
01:17:30
Speaker
And she says, I thought you were one of them, the evil that lingers in El Deon or whatever it's called, right? And Austin gets excited and she explains that she did, or he's like, oh, did you see the Lorelai's? She goes, I didn't see them, but I heard them. They must have stopped chasing me when I got on the path. Are you okay? I thought you were one of them. One of who? The evil that lingers in Aunt Daldin. You mean the Lorelai? You saw them?
01:17:59
Speaker
I heard them. I heard something. It's true. I don't know what the hell they were when they were chasing me. Then where are they? They must have stopped when I got on the path. That's literally how everyone talks the entire time. It's so bad, right? It's like they're literally reading from a script like right in front of them. Okay? Yes.
01:18:18
Speaker
And they say, oh, they say that she should stick with them, right? Because it's safer in numbers, right? And Jason says that they should head back to town. And Austin yelling, fuck that. He's going to get his fucking story and takes off. And then Austin's like, come on, guys. We can't just let him wander around the woods by himself. And they're like, okay, so I go out for him, right?
01:18:38
Speaker
A bit later, Sam is so annoyed, she decides to go back on her own. And Jason's like, no, you can't go back. What are you talking about? Like it's in step. And she's like, I'll be fine. There's no lore lies in the woods. He's like, but there's wild animals still. We're in the forest. And she goes, when have we seen wild animals? He's like, we haven't seen them yet, but what the fuck ever? And she's like, I'll be fine. And she goes,
01:19:00
Speaker
She tells him that he could hit on his new, or she'll go talk to her boyfriend and he can talk to his new girlfriend. Okay, this random woman, right? And so they do a little secret handshake and she leaves. And if Sam's walking through the trees, she's staring at her phone, like super close to her face, like she's trying to get a signal or like lift it up high, but she's like right in front of her face the whole time, okay?
01:19:23
Speaker
And she gets startled by a girl in a white dress walking past. And it's that picture I sent you of that girl. But this thing is like around her boobies. Like just like it's weird fucking dress. And wide open in the back. Like they're supposed to be. Like you couldn't zip it up. Yeah. You bought it at the thrift store and it was too small. It was too small. Oh well. Yep. And she continues, like she's walking a little bit and Sam was like, oh, I'm sorry. I didn't see you. Are you okay?
01:19:52
Speaker
Is everything all right? Because this girl very much looks like she's like in a daze and stuff, right? She's like, hello, are you all right? And the girl turns and looks back at her and then turns and keeps walking into the woods, okay? Sam drops her phone on the ground, says, I shouldn't be doing this, but follows this girl as she starts taking off her dress, okay? Not Sam, just the girl, okay? The naked chick.
01:20:16
Speaker
then throws herself at Sam and like starts kissing her and Sam is a little stronger for a second and then goes full throttle, groping, kissing. I thought this was gonna turn into a porno. Wow. I was like, I'm watching this at work. Yeah. Oh my gosh. Like I was like, oh, like there's full grabbing, grabbing of the movies and stuff. I was like, ah! Like, wow. Not just like kind of like, it was like, ugh.
01:20:45
Speaker
in your voice there was something when you're like i don't know if i should be the one watching this i was like
01:20:52
Speaker
What am I saying? Sorry. But I was like, oh my gosh, right? Okay. But as they're making out, Sam starts coughing, okay? And little dribbles of water start coming out of her mouth. But the girl, the naked girl keeps grabbing her face and pulling her back in to kiss more. And keeps doing it, keeps kissing her over and over again. And Sam has to keep pulling away to cough as she's just coughing up mouthfuls of water, right? And then she falls to the ground
01:21:19
Speaker
dead? I don't know if she's like dead dead or whatever but the naked chick leans over her and it's like too dark to see what's going on but I saw full everything yeah I saw all of it all of it I saw butt I saw badge I saw but I mean I didn't see like spread legs so that was okay but like
01:21:37
Speaker
I saw B. It's whatever. Okay. So Jason is walking along through the woods a little bit later as he asks the girl, he's like, so what's your name? And she says Hal Dora. And he's like, Hal Dora, that's a really interesting name. She's like, um, yeah, my family's from the Netherlands. And he was like, yeah, you don't have an accent. She's like, no, not me.
01:21:58
Speaker
Probably because they just couldn't get a girl with an accent. I don't know if I can know. Anyway, so as they're walking, Austin up ahead finds Sam's cell phone. I don't know how she was walking back. I guess they're just walking in circles maybe. I don't know. And they rush forward and they start yelling out for Sam, but Haldora tells him, no, it's a trap. They're trying to lure them off the path.
01:22:18
Speaker
Right? And, uh, Haldorra says they need to split up, that she and Jason will head back towards town to try to find Sam on the path. Nope. But Austin needs to go forward to see if Sam is just messing with them. And Austin yells, Yes, sir! Oh, Capitan! And sprints the fuck off. Oh, okay. Like.
01:22:38
Speaker
Like when you hand something to like a five-year-old or something like this is your mission like a chubby little five-year-old and they're just like Like yeah, that's him. Imagine a chubby little five-year-old. You hand them something they're not supposed to have or they take something They're not supposed to have and they fucking book it
01:22:54
Speaker
That's this. That's this. But he's like screaming that at the top of his lungs. Anyway, K. Austin finds a river and he sees another girl just like sitting in a white dress just like staring at him. But I realized from art because like they then show Austin's point of view and she's the fuck over there. I don't know how he saw her in the dark. Okay. Like, okay. And she just kind of starts like
01:23:15
Speaker
raising her hands and being like, come, come to me. Okay. There's no singing whatsoever. There's no luring people with their beautiful voices. There's none of that shit. Okay. There's, there's no singing, right? Austin, however, decides, fuck yes, strips naked, jumps into the water. Okay. And then I guess this is where the sound comes in. Cause like the second he hits the water,
01:23:41
Speaker
There's some weird ringing, ridiculously loud ringing going on. And he starts screaming, grabbing his head, bleeding from his eyes. As he just screams in pain as he sinks into the water and dies.
01:23:55
Speaker
So Jason and Haldora keep walking when suddenly she starts walking off in one direction, just walking. And he's like, well, Haldora, where are you going? So he follows after her and she takes him to a hot spring only to start kissing him, okay? She just turns, starts macking face. She's also wearing jeans and a blouse. Like she's not dressed like these other girls in the slightest, okay? She's looking like a person, okay? We all knew she wasn't a person. Right? She goes, I warned you of the evil.
01:24:23
Speaker
As the other two women come out of the woods and they start to undress him and I say, why the fuck am I watching this? And they all get into the water, as Haldora says in the most monotone voice, forget your friends, will you stay with me? And he replies, whatever, and falls into the water with her.
01:24:46
Speaker
What is going on? Okay, a little bit later, the innkeep fucking walks out of the trees, okay, as he's curling his mustache. Like he's like, he's full on curling his mustache. And he approaches the girls and they're all just kind of swimming naked in the water and stuff, okay. And he asks if they enjoyed their sacrifices. And Haldora replies, yes, we always do under your care, Sigurd. Inga and Katla, we're very happy. We'd like to give you another gift.
01:25:16
Speaker
perhaps something to go in your rooms." And he replies that he needs no gifts. And she says, not even the flowers we bring you, as he's like holding one of the flowers from the earlier. So the girl from the beginning was a siren? I don't think so. She said the basket was by the door, so I think they just-
01:25:31
Speaker
How beautiful flowers. Okay. And he says, just the flowers and stuff. Like, he tells her that he will bring her another set of Americans for the sacrifice tomorrow night, right? And she tells him to go then, the more they eat, the more I get to see you. Okay. And he says anything for them and the girls swim off. Okay. Back at the campfire, the group all think it was a good story. They were like, ah, that was a good one. Probably the best one of the...
01:26:01
Speaker
Yeah, yeah. Okay, sorry. Anyway, so the blonde girl, because I didn't know her name, says that she's gonna get more firewood and Michael's gonna join her, so she grabs his hand and stuff. And the brunette girl, who I now know is Natalie, asks if they want to read one more before the others get back. And she says this one's called Summer Camp.
01:26:20
Speaker
And he's like, no, I don't wanna read that one. And she's like, Frank, sorry, she's talking to Frank. And she's like, come on, it'll be fun. And she starts reading four summer camp counselors out in the woods, reading from the book that ruins childhoods. They're lost out there, lost and exposed. Where they'll end up tonight, God only knows. And we see, like, as she's taught, is her voiceover, as we see the blonde girl and the other dude, like, they're,
01:26:47
Speaker
kissing so hard like i was worried for their teeth yes i was genuinely worried for their teeth okay the voice continues or natalie continues they better start running she's coming for blood in flurry of crimson the forest will flood
01:27:04
Speaker
Suddenly, they hear a girl scream and they leap up. They're like, oh, that sounded like Jodi. And they go running into the woods as they see the blonde girl like come stumbling towards them and she's bleeding from her neck. And Frank is like, oh my gosh. And they grab her and you see that her like throat's been slashed. And they're like, oh my gosh, no. And Frank's like, it's gonna be okay. It's gonna be okay. And they hear this demonic voice.
01:27:28
Speaker
that sounds like a child speaking and a broken McDonald's drive-thru speaker, okay? Like we're supposed to be like that deep dark demonic voice and stuff, but it sounded like a broken speaker while a child was also speaking and stuff. So it sounded like they took her voice and then played it again with a warp and stuff. But I was like, she kind of sounds like a demonic Julia child. Like anyway.
01:27:52
Speaker
okay and it says it's not okay frank and some girl stacy walks out of the woods okay and she's holding a um canoe or okay okay and they're like where's mike blah blah blah and she holds up these two just like ping pong balls and
01:28:09
Speaker
Are they eyeballs? They're like a little bloody and she's like, Mike's happy to see you. And they're like, oh Stacey. And she says that book was mine. They should have let her keep it, right? Okay. And the brunette girl asks, did she do this? And Stacey replies, come on. You've read the stories. You're all having so much fun.
01:28:32
Speaker
Frank says, this is fucked. This is so fucked, right? And she replies, so like this little girl was so good. She's like, thank you for your eloquence. Very perceptive of you. And the brunette says, this was all just good fun. And the little girl goes, well, I didn't realize it was all good fun. Well, you're good to go then. Sorry about your friends and all the killing. And Frank says, are you serious? And she replies, fuck no, Frank.
01:28:59
Speaker
Which I want to say to everyone for now. Fuck no, Frank. It was so good. I fucking died. It was amazing. I laughed so hard at that, right? You can go. You're free. And she says, unfortunately, we're going to have to kill you too. And Frank and the brunette girl just like book it. But the girl chases after him and they run for a little while and they go, oh, I think we lost her as she just walks in front of them.
01:29:24
Speaker
Okay. His magic's her way. Yep. She's just holding this rowing and she like, nah, and hits them. And I just, it shows her point of view as she just keeps like whacking at the camera and stuff, right? So the next morning, some dude, old man, okay? Old man, okay? Is looking for his son.
01:29:43
Speaker
and is talking to some counselor. Maybe it's Duane. Maybe. I didn't hear a name. Okay. Yeah, maybe he said Duane. I'm not sure. Okay. But he's like, I'm looking for my son. And the one, just this random other dude counselor, okay, this guy. Okay. Saying that his son's been here for three weeks and the counselor's like, I don't know who your kid is. Like, it's a big camp. I don't know. I don't know where your kid is. Like, I don't even know if he's here. And he's like, what do you mean he's not here? Okay. And they're arguing for a little bit. Okay. And an older woman, like,
01:30:11
Speaker
Sixties, okay. Oh, white hair, okay. Walks up to the same counselor and she says, oh, I'm looking for my daughter Stacy Smith. And I was like, your daughter?
01:30:21
Speaker
You mean your granddaughter? Yeah, whatever, okay. And he's like, oh yeah, she's over there in this cabin. And the guy's like, ah, you know what cabin she's in. And so the lady walks off. She's now walking with some other lady and they're talking about how there's a search party for all the missing people. And I don't know if they had to like, they were like missing all these adult or these people now. So they then had to call the parents to tell them to go and get their kids or because it's the next day where they're supposed to be picking up their kids.
01:30:49
Speaker
but all of these parents are going up to the counselor being like, where are my kids? Like, when it's the counselor's like, I don't know. I have no idea. I have no idea. Cause there was no one else there, right? Anyway, I guess she finds Stacy because Stacy's just getting into her car later, right? And happily pulls out the red book and her mom's like, what's that? And she says, it's just a book mom as the mom starts to drive away. The end.
01:31:19
Speaker
okay this i will watch doll face again yeah i'm gonna go watch doll face again yeah hold it close yeah hold the deer oh my gosh i'm i'm telling you guys this i you can't you
01:31:34
Speaker
I can't. We can't fully explain what is happening here, okay? You've heard a couple clips, but like, oh my god, you cannot understand until you sit down and watch this fuckery. It is so bad. It's so bad. I don't know how much more we can shit on this movie. You just have to see it to believe it. You have to see it. You genuinely have to see it. It's so bad. Everything you just heard, the whole thing is like that.
01:31:58
Speaker
It's really the audio and the writing and the acting and the filming and everything about it. Yep It could have been okay. Yeah, it was it wasn't it wasn't it wasn't like I can even I can even get like Badish acting I can give a pass ish for if the story is pretty good Yeah, but like it wasn't no my story was the most energy no offense. I was like it was it was
01:32:27
Speaker
It was and like none of them had a real ending. It was kind of like drop off. Yep Fade to black anyway point
Final Thoughts on 'Grim Woods'
01:32:35
Speaker
two is generous. That's all I have to say. So if you watch it, please let us know it's on to be it's free Yeah, if you need to have a cringe night put get a lot of popcorn. Oh, yeah, and some cookies or so good like it's
01:32:47
Speaker
Oh, I'm getting bespoke. Anyway, anyway, we gotta go. We love you guys. Have a great time. Have a great time. Thank you guys for listening to this week's episode. Let us know what you think by commenting on Instagram and TikTok or emailing us at bmovie bash podcast at gmail.com. You can listen to our episodes on all of your favorite podcast platforms, including Spotify, Apple podcasts, Amazon music, and so many more. If you want to support the podcast, you can find our coffee donation link in the episode description.
01:33:17
Speaker
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