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Ep. 154 – Great American Family: Hallmark Channel, but Twice as White & Half as Gay
559 Plays2 years ago
Do you ever feel like the Hallmark Channel has abandoned traditional values? Are your children only allowed to watch a 40 year old VHS recording of “The Secret Garden” because the Disney Channel is nothing but smut?? Are you absolutely dying to watch an off-brand Reese Witherspoon-circa-2001-esque rom-com without having to stomach seeing an interracial couple or two men making prolonged eye contact??? Well, I hope you’re wearing suspenders, because I’ve got something that’s gonna bust your buttons, brother! Candace Cameron Bure’s Great American Family Channel is here, and it’s about to put the Christ back in Christmas with 20 brand new holiday movies that are sure to bring your family together (so long as none of them are trans)! Join us as we take a look at a handful of these upcoming titles, and get those good, clean holiday juices flowing!
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Transcript
00:00:01
Speaker
The moon is right. Spirit's up. All right. We're here tonight. Oh, that's enough. Holy cow. That was fun.
Kickoff and Catching Up
00:00:31
Speaker
Hello and welcome to Grown Up Christian. I'm Casey and I'm Sam. We both went for the start. It's fine. Dude, it's been forever since or it feels like it's been a long time since we've gotten to actually record something. So I know every time we every time we have like a little even a one little break because we had you did an intro with Jesse.
00:00:59
Speaker
not too long ago and then sometimes we'll do our intros to solo episodes a little far in advance um or we'll do our solo episodes a little far in advance and then i did andrew schwab's intro by myself which turned out sorry my light's falling down hold on my lighting's all fucked up now apologies to the listeners
00:01:26
Speaker
He's like sitting directly under the hot lamp like a bearded dragon. Yeah, I feel like a fucking lizard right now. It still sucks.
Solo Intro Experience
00:01:36
Speaker
All right, we're back at it. And yeah, it was dude, I hadn't done a solo intro or anything like that. And last time I did one, it was like, boom, boom, real quick, like cut to the chase. But I tried to go. There's a couple of things that I was like, well, I'll see what happens if I talk about it.
00:01:54
Speaker
I think I went about 20 minutes, which felt narcissistic. I don't think I've monologue that long at any point in my entire life. It kind of reminds me of, you know, it reminded me of God damn, this is kind of embarrassing. So when did you remember teen was a teen quest? Is that what it was called at Liberty when we were there?
00:02:13
Speaker
Teen quest? Why do I want to call it teen quest? It can't be teen quest. That's too stupid. Youth quest. Youth quest. Teen quest. You're like a pervert youth pastor who's just conquesting through youth groups is what it sounds like.
00:02:33
Speaker
Uh, no youth quest, uh, was a, it was kind of like in the vein of like shitty Christian improv. Honestly, there were people on it who were really funny. Youth quest came to my youth pastor graduated from Liberty. So youth quest came to my church and I was like, Oh, this shit's cool. It's just like a ministry team. They go to youth groups, say, do like whose line is it anyway type improv.
Youth Quest Reflections
00:03:00
Speaker
And, you know, you think it's funny and cool at the time, but I I wanted to do that when I got to Liberty and I actually tried out for it. And they were like prompts like it was like, OK, here's your topic monologue on this. And then it was like you just kind of go back and forth with somebody else. And some of them were just like straight monologues where you had to like go for several minutes on a topic. And they were recording these and then
00:03:30
Speaker
Posting them somewhere or no. No, they were like, yeah, I was tryouts. So it was like in one of the One of the I don't know I wherever they did the tryouts one of the classrooms there I yeah, I was like so I I just remember that awkward feeling of just like speaking out loosely on a topic and surprisingly, that's where my memory and
00:03:54
Speaker
mind brought me back to after recording last week was like I remember monologuing back when I tried out for youth quest and I am so glad I did not make it that would have sucked now I did have friends that were on it and that's fine like it was it honestly when you're in that bubble it was a pretty cool thing and you traveled almost every weekend you just go to different places across the country and it
00:04:20
Speaker
It probably would have been cool if I had made it, but you were gone almost every single weekend. And sometimes like you would be gone for long weekends and you still had to get all your homework done. You know what you probably would have made it on is if you would have done that like master's commission, interpretive dance thing.
00:04:38
Speaker
yeah that would have been helpful if I could have pulled that one out of my back pocket. I want to say I'm trying to remember what the prompt I had was to monologue on. I want to say it had to do with a kid who's struggling because their parents just got divorced or something something like that and I just they're like now just go and go and you're like
00:05:03
Speaker
Oh, okay, here we go. It's a heavy topic that you knew nothing about. I'll be honest though, whatever the topic was, I could be wrong on what it was, but it was something in that vein of a teenager struggling through a circumstance that they're subjected to, not necessarily something they brought upon themselves. Granted, maybe they brought it on themselves. Some kids suck so bad their parents get divorced.
00:05:31
Speaker
Yeah, that's a storyline that doesn't play out on Disney Channel movies very often, but it's definitely happened in real life. I have to tell kids all the time, hey, it's not your fault. Yeah, I gotta tell kids all the time it's not their fault. Even when you know it is. Yeah, both your parents love you. It's not your fault, you're only six. Turns out six-year-olds can suck pretty bad. You literally leave the love of your life just to get away from your awful kid.
00:06:00
Speaker
Yeah, you just like emancipate your family. I guess that's what the kid would do.
Balancing Life and Responsibilities
00:06:05
Speaker
It's not real emancipation. You just disappear. You're like, by the way, I have actually I have a secret family and I'm moving in with that family. Dude, I feel like my voice still sounds fucked up from the other week.
00:06:22
Speaker
got better. And then last night, yesterday, I woke up feeling shitty, which is all right. No, Saturday, Saturday, I woke up feeling shitty. It started coming on Friday night. And I was going to go to a show on Friday.
00:06:38
Speaker
because Belmont was playing in my area. They really enjoyed their newest album, really wanted to go to this show, but they're co-headlining with Can't Swim. And Can't Swim used to be good and they turned into one of the worst bands of all time on their newest album. It's like laughably bad. It's so shitty. It's hard to believe.
00:07:02
Speaker
People who have put out a few full-length albums and have matured musically decided to put out what they just put out. It's awful. This might be ruining, I don't think anyone in Can't Swim grew up Christian but probably won't bother reaching out to them at this point.
00:07:20
Speaker
Uh, and it's a co-headline tour. I didn't know any of the openers and I was going to go with my buddy Jesse, but he had been traveling all week. So he bound, he backed out and I'm like, I don't want to go by myself to go to a show, like to see one band. That's not going to play till 10 o'clock only to like on at the same time. I'm not feeling well.
00:07:39
Speaker
And Saturday morning I was waking up, I had to take my M tells. That's like a Massachusetts test for that you have to pass in order to get your licensure to teach in a school. Um, I'm not technically a teacher, but kind of, and I'm under a teacher contract. So, uh, I do have to pass the reading and comprehension M tells.
00:08:04
Speaker
It's just a breathalyzer. That would make more sense. Honestly, a drug test would make more sense than this test. So it's a four and a half hour exam and I woke up Saturday morning feeling shitty, which wasn't great. You don't want to walk into that already not
Exam Stress and Self-Doubt
00:08:23
Speaker
feeling well. Woke up with a splitting headache, just like
00:08:26
Speaker
Down a bunch of dake will and was trying to like get myself amped to go I'm glad I didn't so I'm really glad I didn't go out Friday night because it's like It's worth staying in just to get a good night's rest Before you take a big exam like that, right? You don't want to be out late drinking get home feel like shit the next morning. So I take this God I think it was I swear to God it was like it had to have been 82 degrees in that room and
00:08:54
Speaker
It was the hottest room I've ever been in to take a test. I was actively uncomfortable the whole time. And you read a lot. It's a lot again, it's reading and comprehension. So you're literally like reading paragraphs and then answering questions on those paragraphs. And then it's like,
00:09:13
Speaker
read a paragraph and each sentence is numbered and then they ask you a bunch of questions like, which sentence has a spelling error? What would make the paragraph make more sense? And it would be like flip-flop sentence three and four, put sentence five in front of sentence one. And it was just, it's all stuff like that. And it ends with there's two errors in this sentence, retype the sentence correctly.
00:09:39
Speaker
And then you have a you have to read several paragraphs into a hundred and fifty hundred to a hundred and fifty word summary of the. The paragraphs of the article whatever you read and then then they give you two prompts which is like a.
00:09:56
Speaker
The one I had was a paragraph on why elementary school students should be allowed to use calculators. And then there was a right below in a paragraph on why elementary school students should not be allowed to use calculators. And you have to write three to 600 words, uh, making an argument for one of those. This sounds awful. No, it was fucking terrible. All of this to make sure that you can properly like assess a fifth graders book report when he reads like,
00:10:25
Speaker
jake paul's autobiography dude it's so it's so dumb like i have a. I have a four point oh and my master's program and. This this is essentially dependent i might pass or fail is pretty dependent on weather on just me not having access to spell check.
00:10:47
Speaker
And that pisses me off because I'm, I suck at spelling and they don't, you don't, you don't use spell check. So it's like, I miss type things by accident and rereading your own work is really, you know, how about for that? That's a constant, constant, like a cereal box, like decoder rings to read some sentences.
00:11:12
Speaker
I never know exactly what you're saying, but I do get the spirit of what you're trying to say most of the time. That's all that matters to me, and I've given up on even trying at this point, but I spell stuff incorrectly a lot, and when I go back, I'll reread it and then hit me like, that looks right, and then I hit send, and you guys are like, what the fuck are you talking about?
00:11:33
Speaker
So I don't catch my own mistakes. Well, I know one of the strategies to do that is you read your work backwards So I do I wrote this out. I reread it forwards About five or six times just to make sure I had it right
00:11:46
Speaker
just content wise. And then I read it backwards going word by word until I got to the beginning again. And it's like, but some of the, some of the ones where you read like the paragraphs or the sentences, it's like, uh, you read a paragraph and all the sentences are numbered. It's like, which sentence has a spelling error. And I read like, it's like, it's, it's multiple choice of four. And I'm like, I go, I read the four sentences and I'm like, I have no fucking clue.
00:12:13
Speaker
why because this doesn't matter this actually does not matter at all in a world in the world we live in where you can just
00:12:24
Speaker
Google it. You can Google it. Who gives a fuck? Like one of the ones I got stuck on was like, which sentence has, uh, is missing a capital letter. And it was, I was looking back and forth and you get in your own head about it too. When you're looking at multiple choice shit, you get in your own head so much that you, you forget things you definitely know for certain. And it was like one sentence had like queen so-and-so.
00:12:54
Speaker
and Queen wasn't capitalized. And I'm like, do you capitalize Queen when it comes before her name? That's something I knew. As soon as I left the building, I go, yes, you absolutely capitalize Queen. As soon as I left the building, I fucking knew the answer to that. But then there was another one that was like, a quote began and the quote didn't have a capital letter. And I'm like, do you start all quotes with capitals? And I'm just like, really in my head about it,
00:13:20
Speaker
I ended up Google, I knew I went back, I did pick the right answer, but I had selected the wrong one originally. I went back, picked the right one. As soon as I left, I Googled it and I know I picked the right thing, but I'm like, you just get so much in your own head about it that you forget what you actually know and you feel like you're constantly being tricked. My spelling sucks and I rely heavily on spell check and it
00:13:47
Speaker
It works. Like, I mean, I have you don't have you just don't need to know that. And spelling is kind of just a dumb thing anyway. Right. Like I get I get the concept of like the rules and syntax and shit like that. Because you're you're you're living somewhat efficiently without it doesn't mean that.
00:14:05
Speaker
it's totally useless unless you're like in marketing and your job is to just edit shit it's pretty useless and I can tell you it's useless at least for me because it's had zero impact on my life not knowing how to do it good because we have we have the technology to fix it I don't need to I just don't need to
00:14:32
Speaker
I get red squiggly lines that do that for me now. Why am I going to waste my time learning all the grammar rules so I can pass an outdated exam? We'll see. I won't find out for several weeks if I pass it, but like words, words are really just like idea every, it's just like, they're all constructs to communicate ideas, like
00:14:56
Speaker
If you know what I'm saying, academically, I get it that it matters. But it doesn't matter if I if without spell check, I occasionally misspell something that shouldn't disqualify me from like being a school counselor because I'm not grading papers. I not.
00:15:17
Speaker
really writing much of anything for work. I don't know. It's a very goofy test to, for my role to say like, they just want it. They just want to be like, well, you have to take a standardized test to be able to do anything to do it. We can't just like let you work in this. How crazy is this dude? I mean, cops don't have to take these dumb tests.
00:15:40
Speaker
You feel it's more important that cops know how to spell. I mean, I feel like it's important to know that cops aren't like bottom of the barrel dumb. And so far, they're not like they're not changing my mind that that's like entry level acceptability is bottom of the barrel. Oh, man. Well, I'm glad you made it through.
00:16:02
Speaker
Yeah, you've had an interesting week. You've been traveling a lot. You stay in the shit ass hotel that I want to hear about. Oh, yeah.
Death Valley Adventures
00:16:09
Speaker
So I had a work thing in Las Vegas this week. And so we decided to fly out a little early. And so we flew from Wichita to Fresno and rented a car and spent the first couple of days like in California.
00:16:27
Speaker
just hit national parks and stuff. I went to Sequoia National Park where I saw big trees and horrible children. Dude, like, so as a general rule, like national parks just keep getting more and more full of people. It seems like, like we got into them over the wrong time. Yeah. And like those ones are close to major cities. So they're pretty busy even when it's like off season or whatever. So we go to Sequoia National Park and.
00:16:58
Speaker
Anyway, as a general rule, anywhere in a national park that you can drive and park next to is going to suck. It probably is amazing, whatever's there, the main attraction, but it's going to be significantly degraded because of how many mouth breathers are there looking at it with you. And maybe I'm in that group. I don't know.
00:17:21
Speaker
But so we get to this. There's a couple of different stops that are along the way that you can stop and look at. We we kind of like got off the trail and hiked around in the back woods, you know, just looking at some of the big, like unnamed sequoia trees. They're huge, unbelievably huge. Yeah. Like I thought I didn't really know what the difference was between sequoias and redwoods was. But like sequoias are
00:17:51
Speaker
Like much bigger, much bulkier. So they're a lot like wider in the trunk and stuff in the, in the redwoods are really taller. I thought redwoods were like the biggest. I didn't realize. Okay. There's apparently one like somewhere out there that's like 300 plus feet. I think that's wild. I feel like, um.
00:18:15
Speaker
When it comes to the height of the tree, like all trees just end up being tall. And when you're dealing with like 200 versus 300 feet, you're just looking up and seeing a massive tree and there's a canopy. So you're like, it's a little bit harder to necessarily gauge, but I feel like that's what would be the most impressive. Cause I've ever seen like pictures of like.
00:18:35
Speaker
Uh, it was like a road carved through, like you would drive under the redwood with the bottom of it. Yeah. Like tunnel cut through the tree. Yeah. And that's sick. But so I always had this impression that redwoods were just the biggest all around, but so I didn't realize that Sequoia is a dominated redwoods on the girth game. Yeah, they are girthy boys. Girthy boys.
00:18:59
Speaker
The biggest one there is called, uh, general Sherman. Definitely someone named their cock general Sherman. It's gotta be right there. So you drive up and you're headed in that direction. You get up there and there's like a multi multi-level parking lot kind of stretched across the hill. So instantly you're like, Oh, great.
00:19:27
Speaker
So we start walking in and it's swarmed. I mean, there's so many people there and it's not even like peak season, you know, but tons of kids running around and they're just screaming, screaming at each other, screaming, screaming. So you got to hike down this area, which is just like a big long pathway that goes way downhill to the tree. And it's in, I mean, it's unbelievably big.
00:19:52
Speaker
It's 36 and a half feet in diameter. This tree is, it's like 110 feet in circumference around the outside of it. That's incredible. 275 feet tall or something like that. It's a huge tree. Like the biggest branches. You know, there's anything that told you about how old they are before they get that big. Yeah. I can't remember what the, what the age was, but they're hundreds of years old. I mean, they're, they're very old.
00:20:23
Speaker
Then you can go up, like if you go up into the real high elevations, there's these things called bristlecone pines, which look like just a really scrubby, terrible pine tree that's all knotted and gnarled. And those ones are like some of the oldest living things on the planet. Really? How many of the pine cones? Did you find pine cones? The sequoia ones are not very big. Really?
00:20:46
Speaker
They're smaller than pine cones that you see around there, I bet. No way. It's kind of strange. I think it's like a mass game where they just throw a billion pine cones at the ground and they have to have heat in order to open. So they open after a forest fire. Which is insane that they last... It's cool because they last that long, they live basically forever, but they barely repopulate. So they have to live forever in order to
00:21:17
Speaker
outlast their repopulation game, I guess. Pretty much. Because anything that falls, any seed that comes out of one of those cones has to find a spot with sunlight, which is really restricted. They're like that 70-year-old man that finds that woman in their 20s and they just pump them full of babies. They find their own little Anna Nicole Smith and she replaces their heart medication with red hots.
00:21:43
Speaker
Just in time right at the very end of their life. They like blast out about five babies will grow up without a father. It's a beautiful evolutionary process. I'll tell you what these old celebrities that are still having kids at like 70 something. Yeah, it's fucked up. It's disgusting. Stop it. Nobody wants your lumpy headed tadpoles swimming around.
00:22:07
Speaker
It's funny. I just follow logs out here, bro. They just fucking like their kids just get famous for being famous people's kids. And I'm tired of that bullshit. Like I just saw like some article on Facebook about, I don't know, I guess.
00:22:23
Speaker
Jay, one of Jay Z and Beyonce's kids performed with Beyonce recently and you're like, that kid doesn't have to be good at anything. They just get, they just born into the right fuck. I guess that's how life's always been, but it's just annoying with a list in the limelight celebrities just.
00:22:40
Speaker
Be born to a rich CEO and get your bag the way most worthless white children do. And I just think it's annoying, like thinking of all these celebrities who have had kids and they name their kids weird shit and they're just like, now they're famous because, and they act now. They act, they're good at acting, I guess. Young Robitussum is going to film school. Yeah, it's for that. Great. His script's getting red for sure.
00:23:09
Speaker
So we did the Sequoia thing, spent the whole time like wishing this 10 foot branch would like fall off and just smash like eight families. That awesome homeschooled family with 12 children running around. Oh, dude, they are out of control. Like, I don't, I don't dislike marks. I don't know if that's what was there or what. I mean, there was there was some of those there for sure.
00:23:36
Speaker
But like the ones that bother me are like the kid that's like obviously just purposely throwing a fit like they can't even it's so contrived like the fit that they're throwing that they can't muster tears or a good cry sound. So like there's this little girl freaking out and then she would like take a break for like five to 10 seconds and then be like
00:24:02
Speaker
And it's like her parents are like begging her to stop and oh, terrible. That's the worst when you watch parents just like bow to the whims of their children when they're like begging, just stop. Okay. Look, you can have a treat later. What do you need? Do you want juice? You want juice? You want crackers? You want crackers? Oh, we can get you a burger. We can get you a burger later. Let's walk up the hill.
00:24:27
Speaker
Just terrible. These parents fail at basic behaviorism. They just don't get it. They're like, I don't understand why this kid's like this. Every time they don't get what they want, they scream and cry until I give it to them, which I always do. And then they do it again later, even though they got what they wanted. It's shocking that my kids are awful. You don't negotiate with terrorists. You just kill 7,000 civilians. Yeah, exactly.
00:24:54
Speaker
We're watching that workout super well right now. So we did that the next day we like went to, uh, just went kind of off grid to like this Lake up in the Hills, which was really cool. Big stream running into it. So he's hiked around this Lake, which was awesome. Kind of Prairie Hills area, lots of flowers and stuff. And then did you allow any of the fish in that Lake to eat your semen?
00:25:20
Speaker
I did not. No. It wasn't the most romantic atmosphere because so many people had taken dumps on the stream. Are you for real? Yeah, dude, everywhere you went, there was piles of dirty toilet paper. People were fishing down there and then just took a dump in the rocks and threw toilet paper on the ground. It's insane.
00:25:46
Speaker
But so then we went out of there and we drove through, uh, so I had booked us a place in death Valley, which, you know, how that hurricane came through California, like in August.
00:25:58
Speaker
It was a big story and then it went by and nobody talked about it anymore. Other people died some other place and we forgot all about it. It's hard to keep track. The vicious cycle of the news. Oh no, you got rain in the most forest fire prone area. That's terrible. 7,000 people are dead over here. When that hurricane came through,
00:26:22
Speaker
it dumped a ton of rain in the surrounding hills. And like Death Valley, it's a valley, right? So there's this huge lake at the bottom. Well, okay, that's not correct. Normally, there's not a huge lake there. It's extremely dry. It's like the most barren, lifeless place I've ever been. It's unbelievable how remote it is. Like deserty, where it's just like, it looks like a desert. There's barely plants. Like it's just scorched rocks and dirt.
00:26:52
Speaker
And the floodplain for this area or the drainage area that drains down into this area called Badwater Basin that's at the bottom of Death Valley, it's like 280 some feet below sea level, right? It's 9,000 square miles that drain into that basin. It's like the size of New Hampshire. Any rain that falls in that area eventually ends up in the bottom of Badwater Basin.
00:27:18
Speaker
And so all this rain falls and they had like torrential flooding. It wiped out like all the roads, like almost all the roads were closed. So we get down in there and there's, dude, there's no signal for a long time. I mean, it is way out in the middle of nowhere. There's nothing around. Like I said, there's barely any plants and no wildlife. It's a weird place. It's like going to Mars. And we, so there's a town.
00:27:48
Speaker
midway through down in the bottom that uh, I can't remember what it is, Furnace Creek. So we take off down through there. We drove for like four hours through nothing to get to Furnace Creek and there is nothing around, right? Like the nearest place is like 70 miles in any direction. So what's there is what you got. There's nothing else. So we get to this place and I had booked us a hotel room there. Like get to the front desk.
00:28:18
Speaker
And the lady's like, okay, well, yeah. Um, these are the two areas that are open in the park right now. And I'm like, what, why is that? She's like, well, we had all this flooding, like the main highway that we drove in on opened like four days before we, we came. I had no idea. Wow. But, uh, so this, this place was not cheap, but it looked really cool online, right? It's kind of like this old fifties, forties.
00:28:48
Speaker
uh, vacation resort area. They have a golf course and stuff, big restaurant and things. I mean, it looked really cool. And the area you've just described as a desert, they have a golf course. Yeah. The entire golf course is just one big sand trap.
00:29:06
Speaker
I don't know, it must be. There's no way there's an abundance of grass anywhere out there. It's like that mini golf turf shit. Snow flex. The place looked really cool. Before we check in, we're starving and it's getting late.
00:29:27
Speaker
We're like, okay, well, there's a restaurant. Let's go to the restaurant and we'll have some dinner, right? It's the only thing around. There's nowhere else. So we get into this restaurant and it's just like a little country bar and grill type thing.
00:29:44
Speaker
Um, yeah, you sent me, you texted me a picture of the menu for this place in Jesus Christ. It's so expensive. It's like nothing. It's like going to like, it's like a going to like an off brand Longhorn, you know, and I just, I got a picture of the menu here. So like, uh, chips and salsa is 10 bucks. Uh, chicken wings, one pound is $26.
00:30:12
Speaker
half chicken mole, $43, salmon, $56. So we sit down to eat dinner and I'm like,
00:30:19
Speaker
Oh my God, this is crazy. So we just split some stuff and we leave the restaurant. I'm like, geez, this place must be more upscale than I thought it was. That's pretty nuts that they charge that much for things. So we go get checked in and stuff. The main clubhouse thing where you check in is really pretty log cabin. It's obviously been redone very recently.
00:30:45
Speaker
She's like, okay, well, you're back in, uh, in this area, pictures you must've seen online, right? Like the front area that they redone. We're like, that looks cool. Well, and they had like the hotel is split into two. There's like two spots. So ones across the road, what I thought I had reserved was these little villas, which is like a little mini house with half kitchen and a separate bedroom and stuff. It's like the section for the pores. And then the section for the regulars on the other side of the road.
00:31:15
Speaker
Exactly. Yeah. It's like a lot lizard section where like they just prostitutes, take rich businessmen into those sites. And then like the families who have means go to the other side of the road. I get it. Right. The kind of place that I like to stay. Right. I thought I had got it was like a little pricey for what I wanted for what we were going to because, you know, I was like, well, we're not going to spend any time at the hotel, but
00:31:42
Speaker
You know, it's close. It's right there, right? So I was like, Oh, okay. 200 bucks a night. Like that's fine. I'll do that. So they give us our keys and she writes on the map where we're supposed to go and stuff. We get back in there and it's a map. It's a college dorm. Like it's a, it's a college dorm from like the forties.
00:32:05
Speaker
And it's it's dark like everything's like designated dark sky, you know, so like there's not a lot of light pollution so you can see the stars and stuff, which is cool, right? But it's first off, it's hard to find. Second off, we get back to the dorm. And right sitting out front, there's two big grody looking plastic bins full of like soil linens, blankets and pillows and stuff that are like
00:32:35
Speaker
It's, it's weird. You're like, what are, what are these doing here? They were, yeah, they were like, they had been out in the elements and you're like, why are these here? Are they like remodeling or what? No, there's just like soil linens, like laying out in the street, basically. It looks like if you threw a rock at him, they'd shatter like stained glass. Yeah.
00:32:58
Speaker
It's like nothing out here is wet. How are these blankets wet and moldy? Is it wet or is it just that sticky sheen? Well, I didn't sniff them or anything, but somewhere in between the two, I'm sure. So we go up in there and it's really dark in the hallways and stuff, and there's all these dudes standing around.
00:33:22
Speaker
And I'm like smoking cigarettes and gambling with little basically with little green visors that you can see through. Well, like I figured out later that like with all the roads closed and stuff like these, they're basically using this hotel as like a dormitory for the road, you know, the highway workers. So there's like, OK, dude, stay in four to a room all throughout there and then us. And we get in there and this it's like
00:33:48
Speaker
Dude, it's like an airport super eight. Like everything's broken. The ceiling fans got a blade busted off of it. The light fixtures are like hanging from the ceiling. The there was no hot water at all. The ceiling fans have been replaced. The blades and the ceiling fans have been replaced with dildos. Just just just a plank.
00:34:16
Speaker
But, and there's, my pores are just screwed into it. And like, I'm not exaggerating.
Nightmare Hotel Stay
00:34:22
Speaker
There was no hot water in this building. No way. It was done. It wasn't like, Oh, it's overtaxed. And so there's not some right now. Like I tried several different times to like take a shower and there is no hot water. It's totally cool. It's so like, and everything's dirty and stuff. And you're like,
00:34:41
Speaker
this is not what you know if this was like a hey we're staying here for a night it's 50 bucks like we'll we'll deal with it right that's fine but it's it's not bucks a night you know and there's nowhere to go because you're stuck in the middle of nowhere that's why it's 200 bucks a night they just they know you're fucked once you're there
00:35:02
Speaker
Yeah, pretty much. And expensive meals. I'm like, if you're like, if it's all like highway workers, construction overnight people, it's, and that's the only place and they're just staying there. That's probably like,
00:35:17
Speaker
Oh, let's just quadruple the price of what this is actually worth because we know that the state's paying for it on a card. Oh, yeah. They're probably making a killing right now. It sucked so bad. And so we had booked it for two nights and it was so bad that we just packed up and left the next morning, just thought, well, we'll go to the park today and then we'll go stay someplace else.
00:35:42
Speaker
So yeah, that wasn't good. It was a bad experience. I have yet to write a bad review. I don't really write bad reviews for anything. You have to for this point. You sent me pictures of the cum stained furniture.
00:35:59
Speaker
just like a big crusty white stain on the front of like the little chair in there yeah what I say to you something about it look it because it underneath you took the cushion off and underneath it it was like bleached white and it just
00:36:15
Speaker
it looked like someone just i think i said it looked like so important a bunch of lion bleach on there to clean out the blood stains it's like pretty like acid wash like chemical burn look to it where it's like what were they why does it look like that like that's not
00:36:31
Speaker
That doesn't just happen. That was a very intentional cleaning that was done and it might have been where someone might have been murdered in that chair. Yeah, it's fumigation stains. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like somebody with a diaper fetish, that's where they popped right there.
00:36:50
Speaker
everything poured out. That type of fetish. Dude, what was crazy though is like, so the next day we, we hit some stuff in the park before we went, we went down into the Badwater basin, which like I said, I don't think there's usually a lot of water there, but there's a huge lake in there right now, this big salt lake, right? So you walk out onto the salt flats and it's, you know, everything's just like,
00:37:14
Speaker
bleach white and reflect it. It's pretty cool, but it's such a- Does it look like snow, kind of? Like that kind of- Almost, yeah. I feel like, obviously I haven't, I'm not well traveled, so I haven't seen anything like that in person, but I feel like I've seen pictures of similar things where it's just like, it has like a snow look and it's kind of hard to tell if you're not sure of where the picture is taken. Yeah, it's kind of like that sort of thing.
00:37:44
Speaker
So what's crazy is like you look on the website and they're like, okay, we have, you know, it lists out like all the animals that they have within the park. And obviously there's a lot of elevation change. So some stuff lives up high, I'm sure, but you're driving around in there and you're like, I don't see how this could support any life at all. I mean, it's the most desolate place. There's not even any birds. I mean, it's just empty. It's literally like the surface of Mars.
00:38:13
Speaker
And so we're walking out onto the salt flat looking around and stuff and there's a bunch of people there and everything. And I noticed there was like something heaped up like on the side of the path way out towards the water on this like salt flat. It was just more human shit and toilet paper. I'm sure that was out there too. But you're walking over and I like I could tell it was something dead. So I like
00:38:41
Speaker
kneeled down and I was kind of looking at it and stuff. You do have a radar for dead things in the middle of nowhere. That's fair. I do seem to find a lot of dead things, but it was a duck. A duck? Yeah, it was like a little teal. A mallard? It had been shred. No, it was a teal. It was kind of like a little smaller one.
00:39:05
Speaker
It's just out in the middle of nowhere. There's nothing around. There's no food sources. I mean, there's nothing. And then there's just this duck that's shredded and then a pile of coyote crap like next to it. And you just look at around and you're like, where did it come from? And where did it go? How does it live here? Like it's, it's just crazy to think that stuff survives out there. Yeah. I wouldn't say it's anywhere.
00:39:32
Speaker
I think there's some, one of the weird things is there's this place called like devil's hole. Well, you said the water was salt water though. Oh yeah. Like extremely salty. So it's not like anything's going to drink. It's not like a water supply that would bring any animals in. They obviously can't drink it. That's so interesting. Yeah. Like there was a lot of like grasshoppers for some reason.
00:39:55
Speaker
Like how laying around and and it's like anything that touches that water just Salt crystallizes around it and it dies. So like even this duck carcass was just had crystallized salt all over the outside of it. Wow very weird but Yeah, there's this place in the park you couldn't get to because of the the road closures and stuff but it's called devil's hole and it's like this
00:40:19
Speaker
weird spring in the middle of this rock patch. And it's like crystal clear water because it's filtered, you know, through all these layers of rock and stuff. And they don't know how deep it is. It's just like this, like, almost completely transparent blue water that goes down into the dark abyss forever. Really? No, no clue how old it is. There's these like, endangered, there's these things called a pupfish.
00:40:48
Speaker
And it's a specific species. It's like the devil's hole pupfish. It's the only place they live and they're found there nowhere else. So it's so strange. That's honestly really thick. Well, and it's like something to do with this place is like, it's reactive to like seismic activity. So they had videos in the get in the visitor center of like, uh, there was an earthquake somewhere out into this in the Pacific.
00:41:18
Speaker
And they have cameras trained on the outside of this water hole, you know, and like, I mean, I don't know how many thousands of miles away it was, but all of a sudden, like this thing just starts sloshing. And it's like huge waves in this like rock crevice for no apparent reason. And it's because there's some earthquakes somewhere else on the planet.
00:41:42
Speaker
So it's like in like fissures open up. It's like for an ant for species to just like exist in that one small place and nowhere else in the world, it feels like. Well, I guess it's interesting because like evolutionary, like evolutionarily, it's like nothing has gone in or out of that area in so long that they've just like independently evolved, I guess. Yeah, they've just specialized.
00:42:13
Speaker
They're like a real pretty blue color, too. Or the earth just cracked open. And that was like, you know, ancient aliens kind of shit. Right. It's just from the before times, I guess. I thought you were going to say that's where the floodwaters left them when it receded. Yeah. It's not my favorite national park by any means, but like it's definitely something worth seeing. I feel like that one and five
00:42:42
Speaker
Petrified forest are two that like I'm probably not gonna like bend over backwards to go back to But you should go see them at some point if you like that kind of stuff very interesting That's what's cool about where you are. I feel like you are in much closer Proxima. Well, you did fly in but I feel like at least like being on the East Coast anything that's not on the East Coast is like a big trip like your equal distance from like
00:43:11
Speaker
the west and east coast, maybe not equal distance actually, but still. It's a good like central base. Like who cares about all the way in the west. Like if you're talking like Midwest, like there's a lot out there, you go a bit west. It's like you, there's a, things are a little bit more accessible for reasonable flight times than, or even drive time. Like you could, you could kind of map it out. So you're not driving an excessive amount of time.
00:43:39
Speaker
to reach different destinations, but. Yeah, it is cool, especially moving here, like later on in life, like, you know, we like to road trip and it's like all of a sudden there's all these places we've never been that are like driving distance, you know. Yeah. It's pretty cool. Well, maybe one of these days you're you'll make it out to New England, you fucking loser.
00:44:02
Speaker
You guys got any rocks there? Plenty. Dude, we have a we have a mountain with dinosaur, dinosaur footprints on it. You can check that shit out. That's probably evolution is propaganda. I'm probably a couple of hours from it and I've still never seen it, but I do want to take my kids because I mean, I want to see dinosaur footprints and rock. I feel like my kids like dinosaurs or every kid likes dinosaur here. So.
00:44:29
Speaker
I don't know. I don't you do cool shit. You like see what's around and you you do stuff. I don't it doesn't even cross my mind to to make day trips. I guess that's what happens after you have children. You're just like every you don't think ahead that much. You're like, oh shit, it's Saturday. What should we do? Let's go to the playground. You don't like playing a whole trip around it. Yeah, it's just the two of you. That's for sure. Yeah.
00:44:56
Speaker
Well, so you got you told me you have a what is this list of movies you told me about?
Candace Cameron Bure's Career Move
00:45:06
Speaker
I Facebook, I don't know what's happening with my Facebook, to be honest. It's mostly just like I every ad I get like Facebook right now thinks I am heavily invested into what Britney Spears has said about Justin Timberlake in her recent memoir or
00:45:24
Speaker
what Bam Marjair is up to like all shit I've never looked up in my entire life. But Facebook is always like, I think Facebook bases what you're interested in on how long you stop and look at something promoted. And I'm a sucker for bullshit. So it's like, if I'm scrolling through it, and I see something that's like Britney Spears said I'm like, Oh, interesting.
00:45:52
Speaker
But I'm not seeking that out. But then what happens is I stop on it for too long. And then the Facebook goes, oh, you love this. Let me give you more of it. TikTok was doing that to me as well. Actually, Facebook as well. It's all fucking in. It's a conspiracy, really. But Facebook also thought that I was obsessed with Eminem. All I got was like Eminem and Dr. Dre shit for like three months until it moved on to like what Britney's up to. And look.
00:46:22
Speaker
So that might be because Facebook and Instagram are basically the same. And I follow Britney on Instagram and I do spend a little bit more time on Britney's posts where, you know, you might see your ass cheeks. I might spend a little more time on those than I do on like other posts that are promoted. Uh, so I get it. I get like the algorithm isn't entirely wrong when you see Britney dancing.
00:46:50
Speaker
in a bathing suit. You're like with knives with knives. You're like, yeah, of course I'm going to fucking watch this. You see her on the beach covering your boobs with her ass cheeks facing you. You're like, you don't not you don't continue the same consistent scroll speed. You might scroll back a bit and you go, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. What was that? Because your brain knows when you see ass cheeks before your eyes do. So you're just like, oh, let me go back real quick. Oh, yeah.
00:47:17
Speaker
I've been wanting to see those since I was 11. So mission accomplished. I saw Brittany's ass cheeks and that was nice. So whatever. I mean, either way, I, I went down a little bit of a rabbit hole, but, uh, the internet, uh, particularly Facebook also thought I had an interest in maybe what Candace Cameron Burr is up to. Now, for those who don't know Candace Cameron Burr, um,
00:47:45
Speaker
was DJ Tanner on Full House, the sister of Kirk Cameron. Okay, okay.
00:47:54
Speaker
Sister of Kurt Cameron, DJ, DJ, fuck, sorry. Candace, you know, she got saved, became a born again Christian. She was like 12. That was mostly thanks to her brother becoming radicalized on the set of Growing Pains. And somehow, I don't know, that's pretty incredible. Who couldn't have abandoned that? The legacy is unbelievable. It's hard to put that into words, really. But
00:48:23
Speaker
Candice, I feel like is it so I've actually I've I've been I've reached out to her publicist several times to try to get her on the podcast. I don't know if they've floated it her way. But maybe they're just on D and they just shut it down as soon as they kind of got an idea of what we're about.
00:48:45
Speaker
Either way, I've been turned down three times now. I've reached I usually go for three before I just give up. I was turned down three times. Either her or her publicists, either she's not interested in talking to us or her publicists just don't think it's the right lane for her, which which it's not. It's not. But
00:49:08
Speaker
Also, it would be sick because it would be like we had two for Christ on and we were kind. I mean, we're kind people. We might throw some shade when we're just talking amongst ourselves, but I'm not going to look someone in the eyes and be a piece of shit. And I don't even have a bone to pick with Candace. Candace is fine. She's not in the public. She's not under public scrutiny because she said some boneheaded bullshit. Candace is just doing her thing.
00:49:37
Speaker
not making waves, but she, Candice had like a partnership of some sort with Hallmark for a while. And then she recently left Hallmark to work for, to start a new, or she was starting or participating in like a
Christmas Movies Lineup
00:50:00
Speaker
new media company.
00:50:02
Speaker
I'm trying to remember the name of it. I'm pulling it up as we speak because I wasn't prepared. This is like a blatantly Christian sort of media company. Is that what it is?
00:50:14
Speaker
Yeah, that's really what it is. My bad. This is me being an absolute child right now, trying to sift through my multiple open tabs on my Google Chrome. All right, so now she's working for, she reveals, it's a great American family
00:50:35
Speaker
media company is what she's working for. So God, it's called Great American Family. Yeah. So, you know, already like what the deal is with it. Essentially, like.
00:50:50
Speaker
Whatever any whatever she says, it's all dog whistle for I stopped wanting to participate in Hallmark Hallmark kind of shifted away from her traditional values, which essentially is Hallmark put out a couple of movie with queer relationships and she wasn't cool with that. Oh, man. Right. How dare they?
00:51:12
Speaker
Yeah, how dare they? So she moved to Great American. She moved to the Great American Family Company Media Broadcasting, whatever the fuck. And they're going hard in the paint, dude. They they announced their Christmas movie lineup. And look, I know we're just rolling into Halloween. This episode will actually come out on Halloween, but we're skipping the Halloween talk because this is America and Christmas started last month. OK.
00:51:41
Speaker
I know I see all the decorations and stuff already and just. Oh, boy, they're prepared to hear all I want for Christmas is you 300 times in the next like 90 days. Yeah, yeah, it's going to be the next few months is not great. I am so fucking thankful last November is when I got out of retail and moved into working at a school. And holy dude, if anything makes you just hate.
00:52:07
Speaker
the capitalist society you live in. It's working at corporate retail where all that Christmas is never over. It's January 1st, you start placing orders for Q4 next year. Like you just are already in it. Everything's Q4, Q4, Q4, Q4. It makes you want to just blow your fucking brains out. It's absolutely a nightmare to be a part of.
00:52:31
Speaker
And we know that. The media companies work the same way because on October 13th. They announced a record breaking movie lineup, a 20 movie, a 20 Christmas movie lineup for the holiday season, which is volume equates to quality. Yeah. OK.
00:52:56
Speaker
So manage to avoid subscribing to their website. Yeah. All right. So there'll be a little bit of an edit in here. I'll see how Casey cleans that up. But I was doing this on my phone and I got a cool notification as I was about to get into all of the fun movies that they have planned.
00:53:16
Speaker
for the year uh and it prompted me to pay to subscribe because i have already enjoyed this is uh slightly embarrassing i already enjoyed so many christianheadlines.com articles
00:53:33
Speaker
Even just looking at, I'm on this website and they have all like the paid, like all the most popular shit on the side. It's like tragedy strikes. Oh, well, that's actually a tragedy. That's just regular news. Sorry. And it's, uh, five things you should know about new house speaker, Mike Johnson. It's like, unless the list is he's a cunt, he's a cunt, he's a cunt over and over again, then I don't really know that there's much to talk about. Yeah. Like a list of his previous like assault charges.
00:54:00
Speaker
Here we go. Literally speechless John Skillet's John Cooper addresses musicians dressed in drag at Dove Awards, which is kind of funny because it says musicians dressed in drag when actually there was only one musician dressed in drag and that was Flamy Grant and the other musician was Derrick Webb and he wasn't dressed in drag. He was just wearing a dress.
00:54:22
Speaker
which I get why that would bother John Cooper so much. But it's also kind of a troll move and John Cooper is the king of troll. So for him to make such a big deal about something that he has a problem with, thus amplifying it significantly, shows that he's just as stupid as everybody else on the internet and he has no actual intent
00:54:43
Speaker
making any change you just like speaking to his base and riling people up for a fucking paycheck so fuck you John Cooper much alright so anyway Candace Cameron Burr we're back on her I found a little bit more while we were
00:55:02
Speaker
trying to fix our problem here about great American media. It's actually kind of some interesting shit. Actually, I just pulled up Wikipedia to get the most succinct information about it. But April 2020, this is a new company. April 2022 was announced that Burr would take an executive role at GAC media, GAC, GAC, which is not great American media. That would be GAM. So I'm not sure what GAC is, but when I look it up, it says GAC, DBA,
00:55:33
Speaker
Great American Media, DBA doing business ads. A company led by former Hallmark Channel head Bill Abbott. So Bill Abbott left Hallmark to start Great American Media, not obviously amid some controversy because a lot of it has to do with, like I already said.
00:55:53
Speaker
Hallmarks trend towards the quote-unquote progressive themes Obviously, that's mostly just LGBTQ shit because what else is Hallmark doing that's progressive nothing They're playing Gilmore girl reruns and he was like not in my house. I
00:56:11
Speaker
Yeah, yeah, I mean, look, I'm not a hallmark aficionado, but I would be willing to bet that at least 95% of their their couples are, you know, late 20s, early 30s, post divorce, definitely white, like we know what they're doing.
00:56:33
Speaker
Now there was some response, like there was some criticism over, she got some criticism regarding her comments about quote unquote traditional marriage by some celebrities like Hillary Burton, who was
00:56:50
Speaker
I actually didn't realize that she was on TRL for a bit, but she's mostly most well known for being on One Tree Hill. I think it was Peyton. And shockingly, JoJo Siwa, who I've only learned about since I started working in elementary school. But she's not who any of those people are. JoJo Siwa's a YouTuber.
00:57:10
Speaker
which means she's off my radar and I don't care. Now of Burr's implication that great American media production would never depict same-sex couples, Abbott, the guy who started it, who left Hallmark, stated to the Wall Street Journal that, quote, it's certainly the year 2022, so we're aware of the trends.
00:57:32
Speaker
There's no white board that says yes, this or no will never go there. So that's his easy way out of just not actually answering the question and not stating what his actual problem with.
00:57:45
Speaker
Hallmark is, but it's pretty clear. And I think what'll make that clear is that out of 20 fucking great American media films, I'm sure none of them will depict same sex couples, which whatever. I mean, look, I get that representation matters, but I don't really want any of my life represented on Hallmark or great American media.
00:58:11
Speaker
Yeah, I'm sure they'll do a good job with it.
00:58:26
Speaker
Here we go. I want to just go through this list. Uh, we don't have to hit all 20, but maybe we will because look, it's, we're not getting too in depth here. I think the fun thing is looking at the similarities and differences. Uh, and I think that the similarities column will be stacked and the differences column will have almost nothing in it at all as far as tally marks go.
00:58:45
Speaker
But it's so funny just reading some of the, the, the, uh, the film titles here. So the first, here we go. Starting with destined to Christmas once more will appear on great American family on October 14th. So we already missed the premiere, uh, and we are well into the Christmas season as far as great American media company is concerned.
00:59:10
Speaker
And it's telling the story of a man who is plotting a Christmas proposal to his girlfriend. That's it. That's it. It's just, it's just him making plans to like bury a ring in her, like flan. Her fruit cake bird. Can they get on the kiss cam at the Dodgers game or something like that?
00:59:36
Speaker
Yeah. What could possibly be the most interesting way that he might propose? He's just he gets her puppy and he shoves the ring up the puppy's asshole. So when it takes a shit in her house 30 seconds after she saves it from suffocating to death in a box wrapped in plastic. Yeah, she is in love with her. So in this scenario, you feel that the ring comes out like like around the turd.
01:00:06
Speaker
like a fake thing, like a little brown thing. Exactly. Perfect. But that- There's a major thing compromising that. Whatever the puppy ate last, like a sock. Yeah, a battery. It comes out wrapped around a battery. It literally like poops out. It does one of those sock dumps where you have to kind of like pull it out. Yeah. And then she's got it. There's a ring tied to the end.
01:00:35
Speaker
You know, when dogs eat, like my dogs eat, uh, probably a lot of cat hair and you've definitely found like hairs poking out the end of an animal's butthole where you're like, just kind of keep pulling that string as it, as it comes out and just eventually to the end of it. I think that would be pretty, that's cute and unique, somewhat dangerous for the puppy, but like you got to take risks in life.
01:01:02
Speaker
I think the major thing compromising that plan is how often puppies have diarrhea. It may just be like your Kay's diamond laying in a puddle of brown. As the puddle spreads, the ring gets exposed. It's beautiful, really. How about what if
01:01:29
Speaker
Because I'm thinking of the theme here. What if he proactively writes, will you marry me, Courtney, under the base of a Confederate statue that college kids are about to topple? And she sees it on the news and she's like, oh my God. I don't think so. That's when he was aware of the liberal propaganda protest that was going to go on. He was like, I know exactly what I need to do.
01:01:59
Speaker
He knew where those news cameras are gonna be real quick. So I guess this is all part of like a 24 hour a day Christmas program. Like this is how you know it's a new programming, a new network. It says this 20 movie lineup is part of a 24 hour day Christmas programming beginning October 13th.
01:02:24
Speaker
That means nonstop 24 hours a day. They're just going to play the same fucking movies over and over and over again. What? What other? Well, maybe it'd be interesting after this to to look and see like what other shows they've actually licensed. Yeah, you have to have like bought like three seasons of Dr. Quinn, Medicine Woman or something like that to fill in the gaps. Or is it just going to be like Thighmaster commercials?
01:02:50
Speaker
Well, there's one way to find out and that would be texting Christmas all caps to 1-877-999-1225 to find your hashtag great American family viewing options. So if you're curious, you can start there.
01:03:08
Speaker
All right. Give me the number again. All right. So, all right. Destin two. That's the one I just said, right? Uh, scrolling back up. Yeah. Destin two Christmas once more. What am I supposed to text? What am I supposed to see? What number am I texting to? Are you doing it right now? Yeah.
01:03:27
Speaker
perfect text Christmas to 1-877-999-1225. That was in a post by Candace Cameron Burr where she's dressed up in Christmas attire in front of a Christmas tree with excessively large
01:03:49
Speaker
Christmas ornaments on it. That's peculiar. Um, okay. I have to add a better way. I wish my audio for my computer was being pumped into the, uh, the broadcast here because that would be fun to just listen to that together, but we can't. So, all right, after destined to Christmas once more,
01:04:13
Speaker
We have Twas the text before Christmas. An unexpected text message sent to the wrong number sets into motion a Christmas tradition with a new family over three separate years. October 21st, we missed it 8 p.m. Eastern time. So the person texts the wrong person something which sets into motion a Christmas tradition with another family.
01:04:43
Speaker
A real sexy wrong number hudis kind of scenario. Kind of an Anthony Weiner sort of situation. Yeah, and if Anthony Weiner was like, oops, I didn't realize I sent this my mistake. Peep my ulog, bro. If Anthony Weiner was like, oops, wrong number, meant to send this picture of my wiener to my wife.
01:05:05
Speaker
then it would be exactly that. It would be the same thing. I wish that was the text before Christmas started with a dick pic and yeah, merit Patterson and Trevor and unexpected text message sent to the wrong person. Patterson. Yeah. So Trevor or, uh, I don't know, whatever the man is in this is the one that sent the text. Uh, so I think, I mean, it's particularly wholesome that Candace Cameron Burr would be part of a film that, you know,
01:05:35
Speaker
She needs a wholesome. What's the text? Merry Christmas. I love you. I mean, it's got to be something real simple, but if it was real life, it would be like it would be a picture of a dick with a bow on top of it, you know? Yeah, I mean, and maybe he's a youth pastor. He thinks he's sending it to someone who left the youth group like two years ago.
01:05:59
Speaker
Or, uh, he's sending it to his wife, Marie, but also there's a youth group student named Marie and he didn't differentiate properly in his contacts list. And, uh, well, the wrong Marie, Marie, I need you. I want to deck your halls, something like that.
01:06:17
Speaker
I got a present for you to open. Okay. I got some text back here. Oh, nice. So I had to opt in. It says, get 100 messages a month of GAF channel.
01:06:32
Speaker
So I have to remember how to opt out of this at some point here very soon. Actually, this doesn't tell you for
Critiquing Christmas Plots
01:06:40
Speaker
your interest in high quality movies. Just respond with your zip code to find out how to watch great American family in your area. Responding security number, phone number, driver's license number. Yeah. And it's on all of the, uh, you know, all of the normal like dish network and direct TV.
01:07:01
Speaker
What is Fubo? You're right. Fubo? Free with any donation to the Heritage Foundation. Fubo F-U-B-O? Yeah, I don't know what that is. And then there's Philo. P-H-I-L-O. I don't know. And Friendly TV. No one's ever heard of this crap.
01:07:28
Speaker
It's like net nanny streaming service. Oh my God. All right. Well, the next one bring bringing Christmas home starring Jill Wagner and Paul green. I like how it tells you who they're starring. Like it matters to fucking anyone. As if it's not the first movie that they've ever been in. Right. If it wasn't the start and end of their movie career. Yeah. They just got inducted into sag and they're like, we're real actors now.
01:07:57
Speaker
Uh, a profession, a professor, a professor of military history teams with an antique store owner to track down the original owner of a historic world war two uniform and the love letters left in its pockets. Oh dude, they love jerking off the world war two. Yeah. World war two sexy dude. I like a sexy world war two.
01:08:25
Speaker
Don't look at my searches. You'll find a lot of sexy World War II searches. He's like, I miss you, honey. I can't get the blood off my hands. Actually, my sexy World War II searches, it's just the wives of deployed soldiers cheating on their husbands. Unit 743, no filter.
01:08:54
Speaker
All right. All right. Next one, journey, journey to Christmas, journey to the center of Christmas. No, it's just journey to Christmas, uh, starring Ash sigh and Joey Hayworth while on a charity press tour, a model sigh. I don't know if I'm saying that right. T S a I that's the only way my American brain knows how to pronounce that. Uh,
01:09:19
Speaker
Well, at a charity press tour, a model ends up stranded by the weather at the family home of the driver she hired to assist her for the week. So it's kind of like Uber, a Christmas story. Yeah, it's like a lamer version of that Jonathan Taylor Thomas one where he gets stuck glued into a Santa suit.
01:09:47
Speaker
Oh, I forgot about that. It's what's it's like the second half of Home Alone where mom can't get home to Kevin because the weather is too bad. So she drives. She hires a truck of fucking brass instrument players to bring her home and then falls in love with John Candy and fucks his brains out in front of all the other instrumentalists.
01:10:11
Speaker
instead of showing that, like, a young kid giving head trauma to a couple of, like, poor dudes. It's actually the better story. It's heartwarming. All right. Amado's on a charity press tour. Yeah. When is that scenario ever played out in real life?
01:10:38
Speaker
What's the charity that this woman's, what's a charity press tour? What's her charity? She's raising money for Kyle Rittenhouse's legal defense. I was going to say it's just to mean TV dinners to poor families, but...
01:11:00
Speaker
If you donate $400, I'll eat a knuckle sandwich from Steven Crowder. She stands her ground under the mistletoe.
01:11:25
Speaker
This is a fun game actually alright the next one a dash of Christmas Starring oh we got a Broadway actor on this on this one starring Broadway's Laura Osnes and Christopher Russell a marketing a marketing exec
01:11:48
Speaker
which is Laura, must learn a recipe to get her dream job and ends up entered in a holiday bake-off with a dream baker. Christopher Russell. What the fuck? She has to learn a recipe in order to get her dream job and somehow ends up in a baking contest with a dreamy baker
01:12:18
Speaker
That's the joke. I mean, that plot is the actual joke. A marketing exec must learn a recipe to get her dream job.
01:12:27
Speaker
her dream job is a baker, I guess, and ends up entered in a holiday bake off with a dream baker. So she ends up in a bake off with someone that she finds sexually appealing and she's into and love buds from there. But they have to compete. And that's challenging because she wants to win and he wants to win. But they also want to be bakers. They want to party. These are his eggnog.
01:12:58
Speaker
B's her eggnog. I don't know what that means, Casey, but. Oh, Cardi B apparently used to, uh, drug dudes when she was a stripper and then steal their money. Oh, nice. I didn't know she had a, her start was, uh, stripping. Apparently so. Cool. Well, that sounds insane. I mean, I wonder if she re if she learns that she's been too career focused.
01:13:25
Speaker
and that she's not really enjoying the true spirit of Christmas, which is to- Right, which I understand. I mean, I get it. The corporate grind's bullshit. She just wants to mix ingredients into a bowl and throw it in the oven for the rest of her life. And I think that's admirable. Wait a second. What is the name of her male counterpart? I want to see if this baker's a honk. Christopher Russell.
01:13:53
Speaker
Christopher Russell. Yeah. Is he bae? Ah, he's a pretty dreamy baker.
01:14:00
Speaker
Let me see it. Yeah. Like, uh, he has like movie guy hair. Oh, that means it's like, um, yeah, I, you know, with the movies to see the mid length, it goes backwards. It's like a mid length on the sides, just barely goes over the ears, but mostly behind them. And it's like a full comb back. Yeah. Like trust fund brat lacrosse hair. Yeah.
01:14:25
Speaker
Which I would love to have. I'm not. I'm not trying to be a douche. Oh, my God. There's one with that shirt on. He is a hunk. Wow. Look at him go. Is that CGI? Holy shit. Look at that eight pack. Fuck. My boy Christopher looks like sex on a stick out here. Oh, his eight pack is symmetrically angled to drip all that come into his come gutters. All of it.
01:14:57
Speaker
He looks like corn on the cob. All right. Next one, our Christmas wedding. Star Holly DeVoe and Drew Sealy. Oh my God. Christmas and a wedding. Yeah. This is a sequel in the sequel.
01:15:22
Speaker
What's the first one? I don't know. In the sequel, roles reverse as Nicole's boss plans newly engaged Nicole and Michael's wedding in two weeks at Christmas. So Nicole and Michael are getting married and for some reason her boss is planning the wedding in two weeks. Her boss is doing that for her. Who is like the main part of this story? Is this following the boss?
01:15:49
Speaker
It's hard to know. Uh, the boss is probably, I'm going to guess the boss is an elderly figure, maybe like a father figure to Nicole, uh, in that he's going to walk her down the aisle at the end. That's my guess. I'm going to Google this because I think that's probably what happens. And that's going to, that purveyors, uh, I should, I can't Google it. It premieres November 5th.
01:16:13
Speaker
Uh, so y'all can watch it in real time. Christmas and a wedding. They had to release that one a little later. Yeah. Yeah. You can't do that one. You don't want their audience to climax early. I wonder if her boss, uh, in his haste or her haste to plan this extravagant wedding loses sight of the real meaning of Christmas and maybe finds a little love of our own along the way.
01:16:42
Speaker
I would argue that if you're planning a wedding on Christmas, you've lost sight of the true meaning of Christmas. Hey, how do we make this holiday all about us?
01:16:53
Speaker
How do we ruin everyone else's Christmas? Oh you have a family and you like to give your children gifts? We're gonna fuck that up for you and we're gonna make you show up to our shit because you feel bad saying that you won't be there when we send out an RSVP that says
01:17:14
Speaker
If it's in two weeks, the RSVPs are going to go out and be like, can you attend our wedding next week? And everyone's going to be like, well, we don't technically have anything going on on Christmas. We were just going to enjoy our family and let our children open gifts, but I guess we can ruin it for them and show up and spend more money.
01:17:31
Speaker
to give you a gift that you don't need because you already probably have it all. I'm guessing if it's this, if it's a hallmark type, they're all doing pretty well in their careers and they're really upset that everything that, you know, they're upset that everything's worked out so perfectly for them except their wedding and they need to do that in two weeks to inconvenience everybody else. That sounds about right. That would be, uh, I would be very upset if I was obligated to attend a wedding.
01:18:01
Speaker
on Christmas. That's maybe the only thing worse than having to eat turkey at your grandma's house. That dry as overcooked turkey. Turkey is cooked right. If Turkey's cooked right, it's good. We have a tendency in America to overcook our poultry. I don't know that I've had good turkey. I think really he's I kind of generally think that Turkey is like a terrible bird. I
01:18:29
Speaker
I think I don't enjoy white meat on a turkey, especially when it's just like cooked in the oven because the turkey breast gets like that just gets all the heat. It gets dried out real quick. But you might as well it like it's so dry, you might as well eat silica packets. Maybe but didn't. Was it the it's I forget what it is. I just learned this recently. But like even for chicken, the internal temp for chicken
01:18:59
Speaker
is a lot higher in the U.S. than it is in in Europe. And I want to say the same for other poultry like turkey. It's like like, you know, like ducky. I don't know. I don't really know the difference because like doc, you can be like, look like you want this rare. Yeah, you can cook that shit rare. If if chicken is undercooked, it's fucking.
01:19:25
Speaker
Awful. Dangerous.
01:19:33
Speaker
With the meats that you can cook medium or rare, it's because the bacteria will only present on the outside and cooking it cooks that off. But with poultry or I should say chicken, if the chicken itself has salmonella bacteria, the internal temp needs to hit a certain temperature so that you won't get salmonella because it's not on the outside, it's throughout.
01:20:00
Speaker
Um, but again, Europe, they've lowered that. Uh, it's like with pork, they recently, not too long ago, lower the internal temperature needed for pork. And that I think has to do with maybe the way they cure it either way.
01:20:14
Speaker
A lot of goes into it. I think we've gone down a rabbit hole that's totally independent of our great American family, whatever the fuck Christmas would be like. We've only gone through seven, dude. I don't know. We're not going to go through 20 of these. We're not going to hit all 20, but let's go through a couple more. Let's hit 10.
01:20:37
Speaker
Like, uh, just glancing at a list of traditional Victorian Christmas dishes. Oh. And there's, most of these are weird. You want to hear a couple? Is it the Turkey with those like little, uh, it looks like they have, oh, it's like those leggings when the turkey. Little chef's hat on the feet. Little chef's hat on the feet. Yeah. That's so hot, dude. There's some of that. Yeah. There's okay. Uh, traditional Victorian Turkey. Mm.
01:21:08
Speaker
Pigeon pie. Uh, no, you killed pheasant recently, right? You tried pheasant dove. Yeah. That might be good. It was delicious. Yeah. With a little chin chewy or chimichurri. However you say it was very good. Um, uh, calf's head, calf's head, like baby cow. Yep.
01:21:34
Speaker
Okay. And this is just an illustration, but it is a literal, like, calf's head on a platter. That's fucked up. That's absolutely fucked up. Calf's heart is another thing on here. Calf's tongue is an animal. Damn, dude. Calfs don't farewell at Christmas. No. If you're a baby cow, it's like being a baby around the time that Jesus was born when Pharaoh had a bunch of him murdered.
01:22:04
Speaker
Don't believe in me at that time. A lot of random cow parts. All right. What's next on the list? All right. Oh, holy fuck, dude. The next one, you're going to know this name. And if you don't, I have some choice words for you. Oh, man. Another home. The blessing. The blessing. Christmas blessing starring Lori Laughlin. I know the name. What is Lori Laughlin from?
01:22:30
Speaker
I'll give you a hint. She may or may not have paid her, uh, paid her children's way unethically into a prestigious college. Oh, she's a full house. Yeah. So they're, they're teaming up. They're back at it. God damn.
01:22:50
Speaker
I needed that duo again. I didn't realize I needed it until I read it. Uh, a Christmas blessing story, Lori Laughlin, James Tupper, and Jesse hutch, a TV chef. Lori Laughlin is divinely inspired to take over her late aunt's charity with help from a new friend hutch and handsome business associate next door Tupper. What do you suppose the charity is for?
01:23:20
Speaker
Ooh, okay. TV chef is divinely inspired to take over her late aunt. It's a late aunt, so it's an aunt. We know how old Lori Loughlin is. She's an older lady. Still, I'm not throwing shade. She is very attractive, but she's on the older side of things, and her aunt would be much older.
01:23:43
Speaker
She probably died of old age. So what would an old age aunt have a charity for? Some sort of like.
01:23:53
Speaker
preservation fund for plantations. For plantations. Well, I'm going to guess that this movie takes place in New York because if it's a Hallmark movie, it seems to have to. It's either New York or just like the Midwest, but it's someone from New York revisiting their old home in the Midwest. They raise money to buy migrants plane tickets to Texas.
01:24:21
Speaker
Hmm or Florida so they can be relocated to Martha's Vineyard. It might be a Toys for Tots kind of situation. Like how do we provide toys for the children on Christmas? It's a Christmas blessing. So it's got to be Christmas related. I'm guessing that it's related to getting a lot of these resolve around like where upper middle class America or
01:24:46
Speaker
what we would call upper middle, the people making these films are like, let's make a movie about middle-class America, not realizing how fucked the economy is. So like everyone watching it is like, wow, they're wealthy. But my guess is it's like upper middle-class Americans caring about poor people once a year is usually what I think would be the type of charity that would be appropriate for a great American family Christmas film.
01:25:16
Speaker
Yeah, like giving trivial, like action figures to kids who live on one meal a day. Giving turkeys to tiny Tim's situations. Ships of like a freeze dried Canadian goose carcass. It's like disc. It's like they don't have turkeys, but they hired Midwest puds like you to
01:25:43
Speaker
kill a bunch of pheasants or whatever the fuck you just said you caught. Well, it sounds like a worthy cause to me. Yeah, I mean, and it keeps you paid, you know, it keeps it helps. God bless you, Laurie.
Nostalgia for Old Movies
01:25:55
Speaker
I would legit watch a great American family movie with Laurie Laughlin. All right. Next one, we're going to do two more and then we're going to call it. Maybe we'll do the next 10 on our next episode because I'm actually enjoying this. If you're not, well, then I guess you can, you know,
01:26:13
Speaker
skip this part after our banter in two weeks, but I am interested in going through the rest of this list. But next is Santa Maybe. I like the play. Oh, I like the play on words here. It's a play on the worst Christmas song ever made. Oh, God. The only Christmas song more annoying than Little Drummer Boy. I feel like all Christmas songs are tied for the worst Christmas songs ever made.
01:26:41
Speaker
You know what all I want for Christmas is for Mariah Carey to get whatever RFK Junior has. Cheryl, where's the goose? Sounds like the grandpa from Christmas vacation. The guy I imitated earlier. The blessing! It's like the funniest thing you'd ever saw when you were a kid.
01:27:11
Speaker
Oh, God. That movie fucking rules, dude. I watch it every year. You know what I just watched? Not quite a Christmas movie, but I watched it relentlessly when I was a child was Rocket Man, that Harlan Williams movie where they go to work. I loved that movie. Holy shit, dude. I loved it, too. And I just watched it with my kids the other night. And one, it holds up, which was no kidding. I expected it to not. And here's why it's
01:27:41
Speaker
A lot of kids movies now like overdue silly like silly goes too far to being annoying. But it is like the right amount of silly where you feel like him inflating his space suit with farts was tasteful. It is like the most almost too far silly part about it. But my kids loved it. They when they realized what was going on, they were just they thought it was so funny.
01:28:10
Speaker
But the very beginning, dude, when he's driving up to NASA to go to work and he's in his little orange like be like little Volkswagen bug or whatever the fuck it is and he pulls into this tiny parking spot. He's too close to all the cars and he opens the driver's side door.
01:28:26
Speaker
He's got six inches between them on each car and just smashes his door into each car on the left. I can picture that scene in my mind. He smashes his door on the car to the right, but he's got no top on his car, so when he can't get out, he just like hops over and jumps out the car. I was like, holy shit, this is so funny. That wasn't me stuff. I remember repeating as a kid because it's funny when you're like under 10 or under 12, whatever.
01:28:54
Speaker
And you, that stuff is like hokey. You're like, wasn't me, huh? It's like, what, that's not that funny anymore. But there's a lot of silly shit in that movie that actually holds up. Uh, I, I laughed a lot watching that. I mean, I haven't seen it at le, over 20 years, you know? Um, so anyway, the scene that I remember the most is when like his.
01:29:18
Speaker
The monkey takes his hibernation chamber and so he's awake for nine months. That part's actually super fucking funny, the way he passes the time and shit. Or the part where he's preparing when they're testing him to see if he could cut it to go to space and they have to put him and the other guy as a competition in the isolation chambers. And they're right next to each other and he keeps singing John Jacob Jingleheimer Schmidt.
01:29:46
Speaker
And he's doing it quiet. And then there's like that scene where he just keeps cutting him going. The guy in the art isolation chamber jumps up and he's screaming and it just over and over again cuts to him screaming. John Jacob single. And then the guy screaming and back and forth, back and forth. And then
01:30:07
Speaker
And then they end the 24 hour isolation and they open that guy's door, his neighbors, and he's like, get his fingers in his ears. I was like making sounds. He's losing his goddamn mind. Somebody stole my pants. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. He's like supposed to be naked in there. And then they open Harlan Williams. He's got to his socks on his hand and he's like, could you guys give me a few more minutes? I just started the third act. It's funny that.
01:30:37
Speaker
You should, dude. It actually does hold up to it. I think if I watched it alone, I wouldn't have appreciated the same, but watching it with my kids definitely was like, oh, fuck. There's some good shit in here that's not just pandering to kids under 10. I should watch that. I got to definitely be on like an edible or something like that when I watch it. Oh, for sure. April will hate it.
01:31:04
Speaker
Oh, yeah, I don't know. She's never seen it, I'm sure. Yeah, it's I think a lot of it being good still is reliving childhood memories for sure. So I would love to watch that one and don't Dunston checks in. Oh, fuck. And so that one probably doesn't hold up. Cop and a half, I'm sure, holds up.
01:31:26
Speaker
I don't what is that the name? That was it was like it was like a little black kid and Burt Reynolds.
01:31:37
Speaker
And he witnesses a murder, so he uses it to force Burt Reynolds to let him ride with him for a week or
Parisian Christmas Critique
01:31:44
Speaker
something like that. Oh, my God. I never saw that or heard of it. Oh, it's so good. Dude, let's save these. I need to plan another trip out your way. And we should just sit and watch those three movies.
01:32:01
Speaker
That would be so much fun. I'm going to roll through these next two. We can discuss as we need to, but let's do these last two and then call it. We'll get through 10. And if we want to revisit the next 10 on our next step, we shall because we can do whatever we want because we're doing this for fun and it's our podcast. So say it. Wait, did I say Santa maybe? Did I get into that one already? Yep. Oh yeah. Perfect Christmas. All right. All right.
01:32:28
Speaker
Oh, so we got one left, actually, a pair. Oh, you got to do. God, you got to have Paris. You need France involved in some of these. What's more romantic than pair gay Paris, as they call it. Right. How they call it? They call it gay.
01:32:47
Speaker
gay peri yeah you never heard that uh all right a paris christmas waltz what a dumb title all right this one stars gen lily another no-name actress and matthew morrison uh sorry i don't think you're supposed to say actress and actor anymore i just fuck that up sometimes and i apologize for former myself as a progressive human but i have my shortcomings okay
01:33:14
Speaker
You say Andrew Morrison? No. Matthew. Starring Jen Lilly, actor Jen Lilly and actor Matthew Morrison. A novice dancer, Lilly, of course, pairs with a professional. Okay, before we even read more, what's have a movie where the novice dancer is the man and the professional is the woman?
01:33:39
Speaker
I don't. Why is it? This is so Hallmark, right? Flip the switch, baby. So she's the novice and he's the professional. I would like to see those roles reverse. He's nothing. He's not as handsome as the last guy. He's kind of a tool. Well, all right. A novice dancer, Lily, pairs with a professional Morrison to enter a renowned dance competition. Dot, dot, dot.
01:34:07
Speaker
In Paris! Exclamation mark. I like how excited they are in just this two sentence blurb to announce that this one's actually in Paris and not fucking New York. Oh, man, please let it be Paris, Texas. Oh, this is a sequel to the next story in the Christmas Waltz universe. Oh, dude, they start a universe. Dang, a whole cinematic like Christmas verse or reality here.
01:34:34
Speaker
a great American family verse. So this, wait, so what's, what is the name? What is the theme of the multiverse here? The next story in the Christmas Waltz universe, the highest rated Christmas rom-com of 2020.
01:34:51
Speaker
Oh, that's it. That's just extra five years ago or whatever. So a novice dancer pairs with professional to answer to enter a renowned dance competition in Paris. This is the next story in the Christmas Waltz universe, the highest rated Christmas rom com of 2020. Now, I'm curious though, if this was the next
01:35:14
Speaker
story in the christmas waltz universe i'm guessing one of these is a returning actor and it can't be jen lily because she's a novice dancer it could be matthew morrison but my guess is if matthew morrison is a professional he either woo another lady
01:35:31
Speaker
he either just wooed the woman in the first and that didn't work out and now he's on his second and he's establishing a pattern of predatory behavior or Morrison was the novice in the first film and became a professional over the past five years and is now entering the renowned dance competition with a new person
01:35:53
Speaker
And Morrison is for the first time engaging sexually with, well, they probably don't have sex in this because that's not, that doesn't line up with Christian family values, but he's engaging romantically with a student, which, you know,
01:36:09
Speaker
I for christians as long as you don't engage sexually there's no ethical lines crossed when you just have to wait for the eighteen to roll around or for her to become a professional to that's the that's the caveat.
01:36:24
Speaker
if she's 18 but she's a student you just wait for her to or it's like there is it therapy law was it uh if you're someone's counselor or therapist you're supposed to wait like a i think it's a year and a half after they're no longer after you're no longer their therapist to be able to engage in a relationship i think is what i'm sure that most therapists that cross that line
01:36:51
Speaker
Have the decency to respect that year boundary. Oh, yeah. So what would he have to do? What would have to happen if, okay, let's say that in the first Christmas Waltz movie, I mean, it was one of the love interests, right? And now there's this new girl coming out of the scene. So something awful had to happen to the previous girl.
01:37:13
Speaker
And it can't be that she died of COVID because COVID is not real at Great American Family. The Christmas Waltz was also a song by Frank Sinatra. Interesting. The prior love interest was on like Malaysian flight 99 or something and sank into the sea. So not only are they doing romantic dancing, but he's healing from the loss of his first love.
01:37:39
Speaker
Thanks to novice dance student, uh, what's her name? Kelly flock of seagulls, walk a flock of plan, Christmas waltz, Christmas movie, dude, dude, anything that they get for this being, okay, dude, what the fuck for this being quote unquote the highest quote unquote highest rated Christmas rom com of 2020. It doesn't even have a Wikipedia. So
01:38:09
Speaker
That's fine. What is that based on? Christmas Waltz. There's a Mad Men episode. It's the 10th episode. That's it, dude. It's not a good movie. When you search it, it just brings you to searches on Wikipedia and it breaks it down by film and TV, which is just Christmas Waltz.
Writing and Credibility
01:38:33
Speaker
The Mad Men season five episode. Oh, here I got it. What?
01:38:38
Speaker
I found it. I typed in here. Maybe it was what you searched because I typed in a Christmas Waltz movie. Maybe you just didn't think to word it that way. I said the Christmas Waltz movie. I guess it needed a different article. Okay. Let's see.
01:38:56
Speaker
On Wikipedia, dude? You found it on Wikipedia. No, it's on IMDB. Yeah, IMDB. Of course it's on IMDB, but that's not going to give us enough. Well, I want to see what the synopsis is. All right, all right, all right. OK, it says, Avery, a Manhattan contract lawyer, has long dreamed of a fantasy Christmas wedding, something that her fiance, David, has obliged despite their respective extremely busy work schedules. She also dreams of having an elegant first dance.
01:39:24
Speaker
Ballroom which should either her or David know how to do As such especially as she is the type of person that who needs to do things well or not do them at all This is a lot of preamble. That's a lot of- She wants to sign them up for a couple of Waltz lessons
01:39:42
Speaker
When with just over three weeks until the wedding, David makes a unilateral decision that she sees as that she sees as placing his career over her, Avery responds by breaking up with him. Remembering back to her childhood when she did take a few dance classes with she with she further reminded by her parents. This is this is like
01:40:05
Speaker
Whoever wrote this synopsis didn't pass their like mherps or whatever it was. Their entry level social media manager wrote this.
01:40:21
Speaker
Remembering back to her childhood when she did take a few dance classes with she further reminded by her parents that they pulled her from those classes and focus on activities at which she had greater aptitude.
01:40:36
Speaker
What the fuck? This is all one sentence. Avery ultimately decided to keep the 10 Waltz lessons up for which she signed her and David. She now going in solo under the tutelage of the... Oh, still under the same sentence. The tutelage of the dance school's odor, Roman. Good God, that was the longest sentence in history.
01:41:05
Speaker
Actually, some of the problems for my M tells where it would give you like a big paragraph and one of the questions would be like, which sentence could be should be revised for clarity? And holy fuck. That's the one I would underline it, but I don't know if I have enough ink in my pen.
01:41:26
Speaker
Unbelievable. So wait, so my question is, is Matthew Morrison, the guy who sucks at dancing? Because Matthew Morrison is the professional in a Paris Christmas waltz. And Jen Lilly is the novice. So Matthew Morrison is wooing Jen Lilly. No, this is Jeremy Gil, Gilbot.
01:41:50
Speaker
is David. It's a sense that it's a sequel in the sense that they took the original name of the movie, rehashed the entire plot, but set it in Paris and just put the word Paris in the title. Yeah, they do dance. Cool. That's the connecting point. Well, Kemp is Roman. And he's a he's kind of a rough looking fella. He's got kind of a shabbiness about him, but he's good at ballroom, apparently.
01:42:22
Speaker
Despite the disaster of her first lesson leading to thoughts of quitting, she, with Roman's help, perseveres in part due to the two of them being tied together in a personal sense out of circumstance. In the process, the two make a human connection as Avery flourishes as a waltzer and changes as a person.
01:42:45
Speaker
As a romance between the two seems a plausibility, that possibility is threatened as David reenters her life asking for her forgiveness in wanting their marriage plans to get back on track. Wow, that was tough. That was a tough read. So he makes a move that she feels is putting his career above her.
01:43:07
Speaker
So she breaks up with him at the last second, three weeks before their wedding and decides to keep doing the ballroom dancing lessons in spite of the fact that they broke it off. And then she, she steady ballroom grinds on Roman and they get the, the, their two crotches together make sparks, make sparks.
Podcast Reflections
01:43:30
Speaker
And David smells the smoke and he's like, uh-uh.
01:43:33
Speaker
Well, this is, uh, dude, this is a lot. Uh, I really enjoyed it. Uh, I'm actually screenshot because I don't want to run into the problem again, where we, uh, I can't look at this article because I already looked at too many, uh, or looked at headlines.com next time. So I've already started, uh, screenshotting them. So that will be good.
01:44:00
Speaker
Next time we can check on how many of my 100 texts a month I got from a great American family. Dude, I can't wait to see how many texts you've gotten. I'm making a commitment right now to not unsubscribe until we record again, and then I'm sure I will be ready.
01:44:22
Speaker
Well, I'm interested to see their, I mean, they're clearly committed to pumping out lots of garbage in a short period of time. So I hope that translates into text messages as well. Yep. I think it probably will. Well, that was fun, fella. Good talking to you. Yeah, this is nice. It feels nice to be reunited again. It does. Feels like the first time. Oh.
01:44:50
Speaker
Another thing that happened this week is I did karaoke for the first time. Jesus, you're brave. Yeah. I sang a Toby Keith song.
01:45:01
Speaker
Hell yeah. The only karaoke I will ever do when I finally commit to doing it is something by Creed. I have this real and serious intent on doing Creed karaoke at some point. I'd like to do a duo with my buddy Jesse. That would take some of the fear away. I think a real Creed karaoke duo would just fucking rule.
01:45:31
Speaker
That's what will get me into it at the right time, with the right audience, with the right friend. But respect, man, I would. That's scary, dude, getting up there and belting out them tunes.
Karaoke and Community Engagement
01:45:43
Speaker
Scary shit, especially. It was very nerve wracking. I think I can do butt rock better than I could do anything else. And that's why I have a commitment to that. But really hitting. I think that would go well. Yarling is probably all I can do. I don't think.
01:46:01
Speaker
I could hit any other notes effectively. I could probably rock a Puddle of Mud song. There's a video of me on the internet somewhere yelling, can you take it all away? Whatever. I forget what's that Puddle of Mud song.
01:46:24
Speaker
Yeah, there's a video of me that exists on the internet somewhere singing that one real loud. So I don't know, just that bullshit era rock. That's my lane for my entry into karaoke. I think that would go over well. That was in the cut for what was popular when people picked him. Yeah. What does not work is R&B because nobody can sing R&B. No, you have to actually be a good singer. Like karaoke is all about picking the right song for
01:46:54
Speaker
being a bad singer. That's karaoke. Yeah.
01:46:58
Speaker
Yeah, well that was fun Well, uh, if you like the show leave us a review wherever you listen to it It's very helpful and it helps us uh creep up the charts and we like creep it and if you want to Get in on the conversation if you got stories you want to tell if you got links you want to send us if you just want to rant without names about uh, your family members who think that
01:47:25
Speaker
rushes destroying bioweapons plants. And they're actually, you know, the good guy in the Ukraine war, you can join our discord and you can tell those stories there and they stay there. And nobody knows that, uh, you know, your, your uncle thinks the earth is flat. Link to that in our Instagram, uh, profile, we got our link tree up there. So come on in.
01:47:54
Speaker
And yeah, until next time. The water's fine. Lots of leeches, but we're good at sucking those off. We'll, we'll, I'm not going to. You pull them off and then you suck the blood out. What do you do with leeches? I don't know. You put them on your wound and they eat the dead skin. Maybe. Maybe. I don't know. Lots of, there's a lot of uses for leeches, leeches.
01:48:25
Speaker
Anyway, I'm more of a tiny fish guy as we've established. Thank you for listening and we will see you next time.