Become a Creator today!Start creating today - Share your story with the world!
Start for free
00:00:00
00:00:01
S3E29 Who?! More Than a Match: Surrogacy, Connection, & Community
65 Plays27 days ago
Summary
In this heartfelt episode, Whitney and Alyx dive into the emotional, practical, and life-changing aspects of surrogacy. Alyx shares what inspired her to become a surrogate, the importance of researching and finding the right match, and the legal and medical preparations that go into the journey. She also reflects on the powerful relationships built with her intended parents, the support she received from her family, and the emotional highs and lows leading up to delivery. With an emphasis on communication, community involvement, and trust, this conversation highlights the joy of creating families and the lasting impact surrogates have on the lives of those they help.
Takeaways
-Alyx's journey into surrogacy began after having her first daughter.
-Community support is crucial in the surrogacy process.
-Matching with intended parents should feel right, not rushed.
-Alyx's husband was initially surprised but ultimately supportive.
-Researching surrogacy led Alyx to connect with experienced surrogates.
-The matching process can be stressful but rewarding.
-It's important to listen to your gut when choosing intended parents.
-Alyx's first meeting with her intended parents was filled with excitement.
-Legal and medical steps are essential in the surrogacy journey.
-Alyx received a care package from her intended mom, showcasing their support.
-Alyx documented her surrogacy journey beautifully.
-Explaining surrogacy to children can be simple and sweet.
-The support from family and friends is crucial during surrogacy.
-Transfer Day was filled with anticipation and nerves.
-Positive pregnancy tests brought excitement and anxiety.
-Community involvement made the journey more special.
-The heartbeat confirmation was a significant milestone.
-The joy of seeing intended parents with their baby is fulfilling.
-Surrogacy can change lives in profound ways.
-Open communication is crucial for a successful surrogacy experience.
-Surrogates should follow their hearts and listen to their bodies.
-The relationship between surrogates and intended parents can become like family.
-Postpartum care and support are important for surrogates.
-Celebrating milestones with intended parents enhances the experience.
-Surrogacy is a journey filled with joy and fulfillment.
-The experience of surrogacy can inspire future journeys.
Links
Recommended
Transcript
Introduction and Guest Introduction
00:00:00
Speaker
Hi everyone. Welcome to me, you, and who? Today I'm sitting down with Alex to explore her deeply personal and emotional journey into surrogacy.
00:00:12
Speaker
From the moment she felt the call to become a surrogate to the life-changing experience of Delivery Day, Alex shares the highs, the challenges, and the everything in between.
Journey into Surrogacy: Motivations and Trust
00:00:22
Speaker
One of the biggest lessons she's learned, trust the process, but more importantly, trust yourself.
00:00:28
Speaker
Finding the right match isn't just about paperwork. It's about connection, intuition, and knowing deep down that it feels right. She'll share how she navigated the matching process, why she never felt pressured to move forward until it was truly the right fit, and how listening to her gut made all the difference.
00:00:46
Speaker
We'll also dive into the support system that carried her through the deep bonds formed with her intended parents and the pure joy of bringing a long awaited baby into the world.
00:00:57
Speaker
Whether you're considering surrogacy, supporting someone on this path, or simply curious about the beauty of family building, this episode is packed with heart, insight and inspiration.
00:01:09
Speaker
Enjoy. me you and who? Who knew it would take more than two people to have a baby in a world where infertility is no longer a taboo topic.
00:01:21
Speaker
This podcast will take you through all of the different aspects of surrogacy and egg donation through the lens of many who walk this journey in different ways.
Support Systems and Surrogacy Joy
00:01:31
Speaker
My name is Whitney Hall and I am a two time surrogate now turned surrogacy coordinator for egg donor and surrogate solutions. the very agency I used when I chose to carry for two amazing families.
00:01:45
Speaker
With this podcast, it is our goal to help guide and support you as you learn about what it takes to grow a family in an alternative way, as well as hear inspiring and beautiful stories of how this path has changed lives forever. We can't wait for you to hear about just one more way happy families are created every day.
00:02:08
Speaker
I am just so glad that you're here. I love that we kind of get to have this full circle moment, you and i um And i was there like at the very beginning, right before you got matched and now we're back here.
00:02:23
Speaker
no So so fun. um yeah I'm just so excited. Yes, I'm so excited too. Well, okay, before we get into just what was just a beautiful journey,
00:02:36
Speaker
I want to go back when like how did surrogacy even become a thing on your radar? What made you want to do that? Um, you know, I had my first daughter in 2020 and after I had her, I was like, that was a blast.
00:02:53
Speaker
like that hello I had a really good um first time delivery, but we knew we didn't just want to end with one kid. So it just, I kind of just put it back in the back of my mind and um I would talk about it every now and again. And then. The idea of being a surrogate.
00:03:15
Speaker
You just, name it you would, yeah. Okay. So it kind of came after you like had your first and you were like, yeah, I'm good at this. Yes, yes. And I, you know, i have ah I have older cousins. I have some family members that have struggled with fertility.
00:03:31
Speaker
And so when I would hear them talking about that, I'm like, well, this is like surrogacy is an option. And like, it's not an option
Inspiration and Decision to Pursue Surrogacy
00:03:39
Speaker
for everybody. And I get that. But then I would just think about it more.
00:03:42
Speaker
yeah um And then um we had our second daughter and I mean, right after she was born, I was like, okay, we're done. We're done having our own kids. I'm ready to do this. Like, let's do it.
00:03:55
Speaker
And I think it was like six months later, i was like filling out the application. I love it. Yeah. Yeah. And then everything just went perfectly.
00:04:09
Speaker
oh my gosh i love it i love it what so what did your husband i mean obviously you had kind of already been like planting these seeds with him after your first daughter what was he like what was his like his first kind of i guess response whenever you were like hi i would love to do this or really just any family member how did they feel when you were like this is happening Yeah, um him specifically, we've been there there for 10 years and he is like the most supportive person, whatever idea I come about. um He's like, all right, i don't I don't know, but you do what you want to do. I'll support you. you through um But this specifically, um he was just like,
00:04:54
Speaker
you would do that. Like you would actually do that. And I think he thought at first like, oh, it's just something she's going to talk about and then she's going to let it go. But if anybody knows me, I don't really let things go.
00:05:08
Speaker
After we had my youngest, Presley, I was like, that was even better than the first time. Like, are you okay with me doing this? He was like, yep, let's do it. So on yeah, and we built our house and I remember the day we moved in, um i came across like,
00:05:26
Speaker
something in like my work bag or something. And I was like, oh yeah, I need to get, I need to reach out to a a local Southern Illinois girl that has now done two journeys.
00:05:39
Speaker
And I was like, I want to ask her all the questions. And so, yeah, we had boxes in our house and I was reaching out like, hey, I'm ready to do this. I know you don't know me, but I know you're a friend of mine.
00:05:51
Speaker
So I want to meet for coffee and ask you all the questions. And yeah, I love it. Oh my gosh, that's amazing. Well, that kind of leads me into my next question.
Research and Community Building
00:06:02
Speaker
Like, what was that research like for you whenever you first, you know, had this thought?
00:06:08
Speaker
Because ah you you said, you like, you had your first, you were like, this is amazing. And then you were like, but I'm not done with my family. And, you know, that is definitely one of the things that we do always say, like, please make sure you're, you know, done with your family and and that kind of thing. So you would obviously kind of started the research process, but what did that look like for you?
00:06:28
Speaker
Yeah. um My best friend knows somebody that was a surrogate here. And I didn't realize how many surrogates in Southern Illinois there was.
00:06:41
Speaker
There's quite a bit. um And she was like, how about I give her your phone number? So I reached out to her. Her name's Abby. She she knows I'm gay. Shout out, Abby.
00:06:52
Speaker
Yes, I love Abby. Um, and she just was so sweet. Her and her husband and her kids came over and, um, we got, I think we ordered pizza and our kids played and, um, she like talked to me about it. And then of course it was super great for my husband to ask her husband questions as the role of like,
00:07:16
Speaker
so what's this look like as a husband? And ah we prayed together um and it was like the most like amazing moment. We went through our my profile together. my gosh.
00:07:28
Speaker
Yeah. And we just, I mean, I think they were here for like four or five hours and we all we did was talk about surrogacy. So it was, that's how I got connected with it. And then um the way the Southern Illinois surrogate like group message works,
00:07:47
Speaker
Once you're in you kind of like get thrown in this group message. And we all still, like we were just texting the other day, we all talk and get lunch sometimes, get coffee. um And yeah, that's, it snowballed into like a million friendships.
00:08:03
Speaker
And Abby and I are super close now. And we just went through my first journey and her second journey together. So um it was really great. Oh, I love that. I love oh my gosh, that's so sweet. Yeah, I, I think it's so fun because i i remember watching as a coordinator, slowly watching this kind of just sweet little group that this little community that you guys have created.
00:08:29
Speaker
Um, you know, that started with just a couple of girls who happened to figure out that they lived close by and then all of a sudden like now, I mean, I love it. You guys have this big group text like that. So amazing. And I think it really speaks to, I mean, this is a community like you, i mean, when when we say the word like Surro sister, we really need it. Like, I mean, there's,
00:08:51
Speaker
There's nobody else that really knows your experience like another surrogate. And I love that you have that community and we're able to reach out to them yeah in the beginning when you were looking at all of it.
00:09:03
Speaker
Yes. Yeah. They, i mean, I even remember meeting with you and Meg and you guys were like telling me stuff. I'm like, oh, somebody already told me this information. And like, I feel so prepared. Like I felt so prepared going into it.
00:09:17
Speaker
um But you guys as an agency, completely made it like, I couldn't imagine going with a different agency. i hear I hear things and I'm like, yeah, I'm super grateful for my agency because you guys did everything for me.
00:09:32
Speaker
Oh, thank you. Thank you. I mean,
Selecting the Right Agency and Matching Process
00:09:35
Speaker
yes, that's how, but your experience is how everyone's experience should be. And when you're working with an agency, that's exactly what it should be. And I love that you had done your research and had those girls around you and kind of had that prep. But also, exactly to your point, you know, when you are going through this process, like the agency should be telling you everything that's going on. Right, right. Because even if you think like, I bet...
00:10:03
Speaker
We'll get to that, but I bet if and when I do a second journey, I'll still like, oh, I didn't ask that question my first journey. And like you guys, i never didn't have an answer. So it was always nice. Like I could call Angela right up and she'd be like, oh, yep, it's this, this, this, and this, do this. And everything's taken care of within a couple hours.
00:10:23
Speaker
Yeah, exactly. And you need that support. Like you do, you need that support during, you know, something as big as this. So no, I love that. I love that so, so much. Well, okay, so skipping ahead just a little bit, you you and Abby did an amazing profile together. um And yes, and now you're going through the matching process, right? And now, I mean, I feel like the matching process is really whenever what is sort of this idea becomes so real, whenever you get to start looking at intended parent profiles.
00:10:57
Speaker
Yes. What was that process like for you? I would say that was like the best part, but in my situation, it was a little stressful. yeah um We matched with a family and it just didn't feel right. And that's okay. yeah um We, you know, as we got at initially we were like, yeah. And I think my brain, and this is when I want to like encourage anybody that is looking into doing this, like,
00:11:25
Speaker
don't just pick somebody because you think it'll make the process go quicker. i think that's where my brain was at. And i was like, okay, well, we have the same values on things that like a lot of people don't.
00:11:38
Speaker
So I'm just going to go with them. And then something in me was just like, this is, they deserve somebody that's fully like comfortable. And I and I wasn't i can't for a reason why, but I wasn't.
00:11:52
Speaker
So that was kind of heavy for a few days, but i felt peace at it. And I was like, the perfect family will come. And that's exactly see what happened. yeah um So then I was kind of put in like this hold up, like the standstill, because I was a little specific on what I wanted.
00:12:13
Speaker
That's OK. um But I knew that came with like not every profile is going to match with you and and that's fine. Now hindsight like I couldn't imagine doing this with like a family that we didn't see eye to eye on everything. And I feel like that's so important.
00:12:30
Speaker
um And then my intended parents. submitted their profile and the day they did matched. ah I think in the background, I don't know who it was. I think it was i think it was Meg.
00:12:44
Speaker
She kind of knew this profile was coming in and she knew where I stood with things. And she was like, I think I have something brewing. And ah I was like, okay, like whatever you say.
00:12:57
Speaker
And I remember I'm a therapist and I was in a session with a client And I looked down at my phone and um Meg had texted me and she was like, I have a profile you need to see.
00:13:11
Speaker
Well, he texted me and my husband, we had a group message and my husband wasn't in the therapy session. So he gets on and he's looking at this profile and he's texting me, say yes, they're perfect.
00:13:23
Speaker
They're amazing. And i was like, I can't right now, but I will look as soon as I can. And that night we went through everything and I, I was like, we need to get on a match meeting as soon as we can. And I think we did like three days later.
00:13:36
Speaker
oh my gosh. I love that. Well, and again, like to your point, it really does speak to you know, exactly like you said, don't match because of timeline match because you like, it feels right because this is a, this is not something that's done in like a couple of weeks. I mean, you could be doing this process for,
00:14:02
Speaker
18 months to two years. I mean, you're in it with these, you know, when when you match, you're in it. And so it really like if you have reservations or you have specifications, listen to those like those are those are important. And I think that also is what is so.
00:14:20
Speaker
What I love so much about our matching process is we do listen to that and it is it's not a pressure of like, no, but match now. But like, no, no, no, let's like let's get going like it's like, no, I Exactly.
00:14:32
Speaker
May, you know, I think I have something brewing. Just hold on a minute. Like, yeah hold on. Yeah. Yeah. And from what I've gathered, our intended parents, you know, we're they had applications with other agencies as most and and intended parents do. and they were like,
00:14:49
Speaker
We couldn't believe how like they had you ready. And I was like, yeah, I couldn't believe they had you ready for me. Like you guys had it ready. You just couldn't like officially present it until everything was done on both ends. And.
00:15:03
Speaker
um I think our matching video or whatever it is, Zoom, was like an hour and a half. And all we did was just talk and talk and talk. And um we like we were so impatient. We didn't want to wait on each other's information. And we were like, okay, like when do we get to talk on the phone? Like, please, please. Yes. And I mean, I'm not kidding. We've talked every single day since the day we matched.
00:15:30
Speaker
Oh, I love that. It's been amazing. Oh my gosh. That is so amazing. i I mean, again, like I just, I love how, you know,
00:15:43
Speaker
time feels so important, especially for intended parents. And I mean, and and eager surrogates who like, we we want to we want to do this, like we're excited. And it really does, you know, for all intents and purposes, like that little bit of wait time is just a drop in the bucket. And it really, really, really does make a difference.
00:16:00
Speaker
yeah Yeah, wait for that right match, wait till it feels good. And I love that, you know, again, also going back I love that you were listening to how you were feeling about it. And yes, it is really hard whenever you start thinking, no, this is great. And then all of a sudden you're like, oh gosh, now I have to, now have to break an attentive parent's heart, but that shouldn't be.
00:16:22
Speaker
That guilt shouldn't be why you move forward. Like you, you, everybody has to listen to your gut because that wouldn't have been a good match for anybody. If everybody was, you know, just not feeling quite right. Yeah. and if anybody knows me, I want things done yesterday.
00:16:36
Speaker
So I shocked myself. Like i'm I'm typically somebody that would have just settled with like, there's this <unk>s just few things that I know I won't be happy with, but I'm just going to do it anyway. But I knew this process from Abby and from you guys and from research that like,
00:16:58
Speaker
like you said, like this isn't just like a nine month pregnancy, like but you don't just like go one day and transfer and you're pregnant and you have this baby and then it's all done. Like that's not, maybe some people like after the baby it's done, like you don't you don't see your intended parents or talk to them much. And I know that's how some people want it.
00:17:20
Speaker
a But even through your pregnancy, like, you You're not going, you're not, it's not your pregnancy. It's not, it's your pregnancy, but it's your, there's so many more people involved. Like, you're not going to appointments and leaving.
00:17:34
Speaker
Yeah. Yeah. No, you're right. And again, to your point, not settling. Yeah. Not settling. And that no one should ever feel pressured to settle in something so important as this. Yeah.
00:17:45
Speaker
For sure. Oh, I love that. So what was it like meeting them in person
Meeting Intended Parents and Preparing for Surrogacy
00:17:51
Speaker
for the first time? You guys were so eager to exchange, you know, contact information. Now you finally get to meet each other for the first time. What was that like? That was at the medical training appointment, right?
00:18:00
Speaker
Yes. So we matched. It's crazy. We met our match meeting was November 2023. huh. Right. Yeah. November 2023. We flew in. twenty three ah huh right yeah november thirty is twenty twenty three we flew in two weeks later for medical clearance.
00:18:17
Speaker
Oh my gosh, that is like unheard of fast. Yeah. so we were all kind of a little stressed out because, you know, it was, it was the week, it was like a week and a half before Christmas. yeah And I remember like they,
00:18:31
Speaker
I think it was Angela. There's so many people that are involved, but she's texting us flights and we're like, put us on the quickest one. Like we'll be there. And that goes back to having so much support for my kiddos that everybody was like, yep, when you're when you're ready to go, like we'll watch the kids.
00:18:48
Speaker
yeah And so we went and they picked us up from the airport and they both were out of their car and like embraced us with like this huge hug. And- Later on, we talked about like, I remember walking towards my intended mom and I was like, I think I'm going to vomit. I'm so nervous.
00:19:07
Speaker
I'm so nervous. And then the second she hugged me, i was like, You're my new best friend. I love it. Yeah. And I mean, we just hit it off. We talked.
00:19:18
Speaker
They took us to dinner. Like we hung out with them the whole time. um And like they we all they had their appointments, too, while right we had ours.
00:19:28
Speaker
So um we all were like laughing because our husbands both are like, I don't want to get my blood drawn. And we're like, get over it. Oh, my gosh. Come on. So we like got to, it was never like a just, I feel alone. Like they were just so supportive. and And it was team baby.
00:19:49
Speaker
It was team baby. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And, um, talked to the doctor and by myself and um she was our our fertility doctors great.
00:20:02
Speaker
um And we I think we stayed an extra day to hang out with them. And um we met her. We met my and mom's parents um and their dog, which is also a wiener dog.
00:20:15
Speaker
um And that we just talked about like how excited we were and all the things. And it was it was awesome. We didn't want to leave. No. Oh, I love that. And I, oh my gosh, I just love, i' love that you met their parents. Like, I mean, cause you are, you're not, you're not just making, you know,
00:20:38
Speaker
of like a mom and dad, like you're making grandparents and aunts and uncles. And like, I mean, this is such a big, fun, amazing thing. And i love that they invited you into that part of their, of their family.
00:20:52
Speaker
yeah Yeah, it was. And that's what we all wanted. Um, that was something that was really important to me. um to like be involved and not necessarily meet everybody's parents, but just like have a close relationship. And I think that's what they wanted to clearly. and And so it's, yeah, it was great. And then um we got medical clearance really quick. And then of course the holidays happened. And then we had our psyche vows January 2nd, the day after New Year's. We were like, let's do it.
00:21:25
Speaker
ah And those were interesting. i I've never, never had one. So that was interesting. There you go.
00:21:36
Speaker
They're fun. For anyone who's listening, nobody freak out. They're okay. You freak out at first because they're like, wait, are they going figure out some way to think that I'm crazy? And I promise you're not. You're okay.
00:21:49
Speaker
Yeah. It's just a lot of questions. And then like, it's... it's a little like it's long so yeah the like you're talking to the therapist and they're asking you like are they're they're asking you great questions then you have to fill out that like evaluation form and that one i'm like no i think i'm crazy after filling this one out because i feel like you've asked me the same question five different ways and i don't know like because we all have got snuff in our life And I'm like, oh my gosh, I like, I can't lie. Like, obviously I can't lie.
00:22:20
Speaker
Of course, like, you know, we all have things going on and I think I had to remind myself, like, that doesn't mean I'm not qualified to do this or I'm pregnant or something. it's natural that maybe you would have like a bit of like an anxious day whenever you have like two small children. Like that's, that's very common. yeah I love it. I love it.
00:22:41
Speaker
Okay. So you had your. I mean, you guys were on the fast track. So you have like a match meeting on November 30th. All of a sudden you're going into medical clearance two weeks later. You have your site.
00:22:53
Speaker
I mean, I'm assuming during that time you've already gotten legal started or at least you're about to. picked our attorneys, I believe, but nothing further than that. Yeah. I mean, generally you want to get full clearance before you get from before you get started on on the legal part. But I mean, you were on the fast track. So when did you guys...
00:23:12
Speaker
transfer and how did you feel leading up to it? Like, I mean, all of a sudden you've got meds going on. How was all of that? Yeah. So, um, had psych in January and I remember we started legal February 1st was like the first time she called us.
00:23:32
Speaker
Um, and Sorry to my intended dad, but lawyers don't do anything quick. So that was like, it wasn't a bad experience. It was just like, okay. Well, you liked things done yesterday. So yeah, it just wasn't all you know, Alex timeline.
00:23:49
Speaker
Yeah, and my disclosure, intended mom does too. So we're calling together. her We're like, why do we agree on everything? And it's taking like, it takes the time. We love it. We love it. We're going to dot. We're going dot the size, cross those T's, make sure everything's good. Yeah, absolutely.
00:24:06
Speaker
Yeah. yeah So i'm legal went smoothly for us. And that goes back to like matching. Like we didn't have to go back and forth about anything major because we just all wanted the same things.
00:24:22
Speaker
So it was a really smooth process. And we got legal. and i think they did let i can't remember the timeline exactly the only reason i'm thinking this is because on my um memories on social media today intended parents sent me this like meal box because the next day which have been tomorrow um i had to um get uh like a hysteroscopy done oh sure prior to transfer.
00:24:56
Speaker
And so that just goes back to like how amazing they were. They sent me this meal and um we got that done. And then I think like a week after we got legal clearance, my meds were at my front door, on um which was terrifying.
00:25:14
Speaker
That box arrives. It's very daunting when you start opening it up. Yeah, I'm actually sitting where I opened it and I remember opening it. I was like, that's a lot of needles. have And I was like, all right, let's, and I had no idea what I was looking at because there's really no point of going through the medication with your coordinator or your doctor until it's in front of you. Like, right I don't know what you're talking about.
00:25:41
Speaker
So, um Yeah, I went through medications, I think that day or the next day with Angela and she was phenomenal. And then my intended mom has done IVF. So she was super great of like tips and tricks. And he sent me this care package with like a heating pad, a massage roller, oh all the, I mean, amazing things. And I got a little station set up and my four year old helped me do injections every night. Oh my gosh, I love it. I think there's a video because I mean, you did such an amazing job of like documenting like your journey. I mean, it was just beautiful. I think there's a really sweet video and she put, it was pineapple bandaid, just a little pineapple bandaid. She can do my butt every night.
00:26:30
Speaker
So sweet. Yeah. Yeah. yeah And then she would get in front of the camera and smile like, my mommy did it. And oh you she was so proud. And she really like understood what was happening. So was great.
00:26:43
Speaker
Yeah. I love that. How, I mean, just briefly taking it aside from the timeline, how was explaining that to your sweet babies? i mean, I know your littlest is just two, right?
00:26:55
Speaker
Just two. Yeah. So she, I mean, doesn't necessarily really know what's going on. Um, but your four year old, I mean, she was proud of you. How did you kind of explain all of that to her?
00:27:08
Speaker
Well, at first we didn't tell her. we were just like, we don't want to to like prepare her little heart for this if for some reason we couldn't do it. yeah So um we did not tell her until I think legal clearance.
00:27:23
Speaker
on And when I had to have that procedure. yeah um And so Abby is so sweet. She got me this book. It's called The Kangaroo Pouch. Yep.
00:27:33
Speaker
I have it. I have it. Yeah, mine's in the drawer. I'm about to give it to a friend and I'll get to that. But we read her that book and we just really explained to her because she had met our intended parents and um loved them and they facetimes her all the time they sent my girls a birthday gift um yeah they they just like we all connected so quickly and they hadn't met them in person yet but we just told her like mommy's going to carry a baby for our friends and um she was just like at first she was like
00:28:12
Speaker
So is the baby going to be at our house? And I'm like, no, he won't come home with us, but you'll get to meet him and all the things. And um she just through the process was like, OK, mommy, you have to do your shot because we have to have like you're going to you're going a baby in your belly. And she just like we really just kept her in the loop. And that was the best thing we could have done.
00:28:34
Speaker
um I think during my pregnancy, maybe she was a little confused of like, Because I think she remembers us bringing Presley, our little one,
Involving Family and Embryo Transfer Day Experience
00:28:45
Speaker
home. Sure. She's already done, like, the big sister thing. Like, she has context for what it is to, like, bring a baby home.
00:28:52
Speaker
Yeah, yeah. And she, we obviously didn't, like, we weren't making a nursery. We weren't preparing for a baby. And she just kind of was like, so the baby's not, she would ask lot, so baby's not coming home with you? I'm like, he's coming home with you. You'll get to come meet him. they did up here. But think she's not coming home.
00:29:10
Speaker
that we'll get into that, but she she just really, i do have to toot her horn. She's very smart for a four-year-old. So she just like, I mean, i would pick her up from daycare and her ah her teachers would be like, Drew told us that you're having a baby for her friends.
00:29:28
Speaker
I'm like, yeah i am and they're all like so this isn't your baby i'm like no it's amazing what you know i say trouble not trouble fun conversations our kiddos get us into yeah for sure
00:29:49
Speaker
i love it oh that's so sweet and i love that you know feel like i just i say this agnosium but i feel like we as adults we make something we can make this so complicated and our sweet little they're like they make it so easy it just is what it is and like you stick to the basics of it i love that and i love how involved she was and just how proud she was of you i mean it is is a family event that everyone is a part of i mean exactly to your point you know that you were saying previously with your husband being
00:30:22
Speaker
you know, asking, how do I support you? What do I do? I mean, and having your, your village around you babysitting kiddos while you're, you know, flying to medical screening. Like, I mean, it's, you have to have that support through it. And it's just, and it's so ah fulfilling to see your kiddos get to be a part of it too.
00:30:38
Speaker
Yeah. And having the support too, um, my mother-in-law, um, lived like nine minutes from our intended parents. It's just it's just crazy how we connected.
00:30:50
Speaker
um And I mean, they've lived in that area. They live in Texas. I'm i'm not going to say where, but um Texas is huge. Yeah. And she got to like, I remember for transfer, she, she came to the hotel and got to meet our intended parents and like gave them a hug. And like, it was just like, we got to eat dinner with them one night and our transfer was like a vacation for sure. We went for like five days. I love it. um I love it.
00:31:20
Speaker
Yeah, even when we would go to Texas, we still like had support from family having them there. And it just was, there was so many like this is meant to be moments. So it was, that was great.
00:31:32
Speaker
I love that. Oh, I love that so, so much. Okay, so how was transfer day? How are you feeling leading up to it? I would say that's when I think everybody was the most anxious. ah I think we went two days before. So we transferred on a Thursday. I think we got in Tuesday night.
00:31:53
Speaker
um And I remember Angela sending us flights and it was like the night before transfer. And then like the first morning flight we could get out of. And we're like, can we change this? We want to hang out.
00:32:05
Speaker
I love it. So we went and we didn't take our kids, even though my mother-in-law was there. um and then we went to dinner that night. And I remember it plain as day. We were sitting sitting down, eating dinner, and it was just silent.
00:32:21
Speaker
And we all were looking at each other. and I was like, so, no, this was the day before transfer. This wasn't the night we were there. This is the date this is the night before transfer.
00:32:32
Speaker
I'm looking at everybody. I'm like, okay. So how's everybody feeling? And everyone's so nervous. Like, we're just like so excited, but so nervous. I was like, yeah, me too. And then we started talking about how we were all just staring at each other. And we're like, we always have something to talk about. But like, I think just it's normal to feel nervous like before.
00:32:53
Speaker
um But we got up, we went to breakfast and um i A lot of people don't know this. I didn't know this. But when you transfer most clinics, I've heard some don't do this, but like you can't wear a deodorant.
00:33:08
Speaker
You can't take a shower like within a certain time frame. You can't have perfume on. You can't have makeup on, scented lip gloss. And like. It's a procedure. Yeah. Yeah. We're like eating breakfast and we're like, what if this puts a scent on us?
00:33:23
Speaker
Like it was just. It was. Um, but we just, we went to breakfast and it was great. And then, um, we went to transfer and we got in the room. It was just me and the intended mom, which I hear that like, that's not common either. Usually you take your husband, but I wanted her, I wanted her to have that moment of like, yes, this can't be me doing this, but she got to be right there.
00:33:51
Speaker
um so they got me ready and she actually put me in my gown and like it was It was like our first like, you're going to see me with no clothes on moment. There we go. And then they um told me like, I think the worst part of the day was you could you have to have a really full bladder to transfer. Oh, yeah. That is the worst part. I tell everybody, I'm like, yep, you're going on the table and you're going to everything you can to not pee yourself because like yeah you're. Yes. And the doctor, my bladder was too full.
00:34:23
Speaker
And so she was like, I need you to go empty it a little bit. And i remember like I was in there, I was like, I i don't know if I could stop peeing.
00:34:32
Speaker
I need to just empty it a little bit. But do your kegels now, ladies. Yeah, I remember this moment. um They let both of our husbands come in and we were kind of just waiting.
00:34:44
Speaker
And they came in, um told us the embryo sawed perfectly, explained the embryo to me because I didn't know what I was looking at. Sure. And told us like how amazing it looked.
00:34:58
Speaker
And They leave the room and we are in silence again. And I was like, I think we should pray. I think we should take a moment to like pray. And we're standing in the circle and I just start bawling and we're praying over like my body, over the embryo and like,
00:35:16
Speaker
this journey and I get emotional like thinking about it because it was just like an amazing moment. And then we just go to this room and the intended mom went with me um because you could only have one person for transfer in the room.
00:35:31
Speaker
And I'm laying there and they're like calling for the embryo. It's a crazy experience. Like, oh yeah. oh for This embryo. um And intended mom is like, she didn't just sit down and watch. She's like holding me, like squeezing my hand and we just watched her little embryo.
00:35:50
Speaker
That's now a, two month old baby um spoiler alert um just for and i hear the doctor she goes i think that's the best transfer i've ever seen were like praise jesus like this is awesome oh that's amazing yeah yeah and you do the whole you have to lay down for quite some time and um then we left We left and we got our McDonald's
Early Pregnancy and Confirming the News
00:36:17
Speaker
French fries. Yes, yes. it Get your French fries. Absolutely.
00:36:21
Speaker
Yep. We left and we went to our hotel room and my husband and the dad sat in like, we had like a living room area of our hotel room. We sat and watched whatever sport season it was.
00:36:36
Speaker
And me and my intended mom, she sat with me for hours and was just like, cause you know, they put you on bed rest. Um, and she's like, what snacks do you want? What drinks do you want? Are you hungry? What do you need? And we just sat and talked and it was funny. Cause it was like three hours later and we were like, I wonder if like it's implanting right now. Like what's happening? Um, and, uh,
00:37:00
Speaker
It was, yeah, it was, they left and my my mother-in-law and father-in-law came and hung out with us in our hotel and my brother-in-law, which we don't get to see. um my God.
00:37:12
Speaker
Yeah. And we got to like hang out with them. And of course, all I'm thinking about is like, is this working? Is it working? like Right. It's all I can think about.
00:37:23
Speaker
um And it's crazy because that in the middle of the night that night, I started cramping really bad. And I was like, what's happening? Like, is this bad? Is this good? What's going on? um And my intended mom and I are texting and like, I'm cramping really bad. And she's like, that's good.
00:37:41
Speaker
um And she was like, that's a good sign. So um yeah, i come to find out they're almost positive that he implanted that day.
00:37:52
Speaker
and we flew back at night and that was quite the weekend. I remember being really stressed out because, you know, i couldn't, they don't want you lifting things and all the things.
00:38:05
Speaker
Well, my oldest is on like a little big cheer team. They had a huge competition in the city that we flew back into. St. Louis is what's close to us. Right. And I'm crazy and took a pregnancy test that day. Oh, no. Two after a transfer. And I'm like, no, not two days. Do not do this. I know. Don't do Don't do it.
00:38:28
Speaker
But we shared a hotel room with one of my friends. And I was like, am I crazy? Do you see something? And she was like, I oddly see something. And then I was like, no, there's no way. There's no way this is on here.
00:38:40
Speaker
um That was Saturday morning. And lo and behold, the next day I got a positive pregnancy test. Oh, my goodness. Yeah. I sent it to Angela and I'm like,
00:38:52
Speaker
This is really bizarre. Like this is three days post transfer. um And that's when the craziness started because i was like, we're paying on six left and right. We're like, yeah, uh-huh.
00:39:07
Speaker
And then rewinding. So that was, um I got a positive like Sunday, the Sunday after the transfer on Thursday, Sunday at like noon, I got a positive.
00:39:19
Speaker
And I didn't tell my intended parents. I like, yeah I want to be sure. and But it was so hard because we talked 24-7. and I remember sitting on my couch and she was texting me and she was like, so how do you feel? And I want to be like, I got a positive test.
00:39:35
Speaker
But I was just like, I'm good. I i feel pregnant. I feel good. um And again, that was a Sunday. Me and my husband are the youth leaders at our church. And we were having this grill out at it was like an end of the year because this is like April.
00:39:52
Speaker
Oh, I forgot to say that we transferred April 11th. And we're having like an end of the year school cookout. And they all know that I was gone to do this transfer and what we were doing. And it was on social media. I was very open about my journey. But um I looked at my husband, we made this TikTok with our with our team or our teen youth group.
00:40:16
Speaker
And I looked at him, i was like, I'm just ready to get home and take another pregnancy. Like, can we go now? Like, I need to be on a stick. um he convinced me not to.
00:40:27
Speaker
And so I didn't. And then the next day um i was like, okay, the only pregnancy test I have left is a digital, so we're going to do it. yeah And there's a video. It's on my YouTube. It's one of my favorites.
00:40:41
Speaker
I love it. And I remember, actually, I lied. I had one other pregnancy test and I took it and it was clearly like positive. And I took the digital and I'm like holding it up.
00:40:54
Speaker
Of course, it's taking forever. of course. and And it says yes. And then i call Angela and I'm like, can I please, please tell my intended mom? And she was like, I don't know. And I was like, it's digital. Please let me tell her. um And I just like wanted to respect everybody, but I knew my intended mom wanted to know.
00:41:15
Speaker
so ah We get in the car, I get in the car to go get my nails done. It's so crazy. I remember all this. And I'm like, I'm to FaceTime her. Angela gave me the go.
00:41:25
Speaker
Right, right, right. And I FaceTime her and she's just staring at me and I was like, are you around? And I said her husband's name. i was like, are you around him? She was like, no, is there something you need to tell me? i was like, yeah. And I held it up. And I mean, just like, I have a video, I screen recorded it.
00:41:46
Speaker
But she was just thrilled, like could not stop smiling. And and then it started like, but you know, let's see the progress on these pregnancy cards and all the things.
00:41:59
Speaker
And everything looked perfect. Our betas were great. on And then I went on vacation, freshly pregnant. I love it. And then, ah yeah, we took, they they came in for, I'm jumping ahead. I don't know if you know. Yeah. yeah Yeah. They came in for the heartbeat appointment.
00:42:20
Speaker
Actually, no, they didn't. I, because they start, okay, let me back up. My betas were really high, really, really, really high. Oh, so now everybody thinks that maybe twins.
00:42:32
Speaker
Yes. Yeah. So the IVF doctor actually called me and she was like, I've never seen betas this high and it not be twins. And I was like. Oh gosh. okay, if this is God's will, then we're doing it. Here we go. So um she, I think it was between my second and third beta or it was, we didn't have all of our betas done. and again, we, our closest city is St. Louis.
00:43:02
Speaker
Well, all the surrogates around here drive to St. Louis. Well, they opened a sister office here, like 10 minutes from my house. Oh, love it. Yeah, well... It was great. It's great. It's great.
00:43:15
Speaker
But they were trying to get all their kinks out of the way. And there was like some lab errors come to find out. But we had an ultrasound before. Like I had to go into it knowing like I'm not going see a heartbeat like this is too soon. Right. on And there was only one sack and a little fetal pole developing.
00:43:35
Speaker
And um she was like, you know, it could still be too soon to see if there's just there's twins. And I was like, Okay, so this we're still dealing with like, and so get more betas done.
00:43:49
Speaker
They're still just skyrocketing. Come to find out it was a lab error. Oh gosh. Yeah. so I go in for the heartbeat appointment. My best friend went with me and um because my husband's job is very demanding. So um he just couldn't get off or something like that.
00:44:08
Speaker
And we see heartbeat and then um I get cleared. So for people that don't know how works, you see it you're at a fertility clinic and then you're with the reproductive and chronologist. You get that heartbeat confirmation and usually you get to graduate. And now you're kind of just regular pregnant lady.
00:44:26
Speaker
Off your OB, you go. Yeah. So they came here for, i think I was like 11 weeks pregnant at this point. For that first OB appointment.
Heartbeat Appointment and Creating Memories
00:44:36
Speaker
Yes. Yeah. For my regular OB b appointment.
00:44:39
Speaker
um And they got to meet the doctor and stuff. um But they got to meet our kids. They got to meet our parents. um We took them on our golf cart around our town. love it.
00:44:53
Speaker
showed them everything, took them to lunch, showed them our church. And my kids were, my kids were on the golf cart with us and they sat on my intended parents s lap. They didn't want to sit with mom and dad. They want to sit with them. They loved them so much.
00:45:08
Speaker
And we went to that appointment and got to see him. Oh yeah. Disclosure. It was a boy. We knew that before, like before transfer and everything, but yeah,
00:45:20
Speaker
um We got to see his little heartbeat and he looked like a baby. We were like, whoa, like this is a baby. Yeah, super emotional and great.
00:45:32
Speaker
I love that. And again, I mean, it's just it's so amazing that, you know, you you guys had the relationship that you had where it's all of these little moments and, you know,
00:45:45
Speaker
middle of the night, like, no, the cramping's good. And, you know, just all of that. And the fact that, you know, they're coming up and all right, let's ride around the golf cart. And like, it is an in and out, you know, i appointment and flights and things like that. Like you guys are investing in each other and that's beautiful.
00:46:04
Speaker
So the pregnancy was amazing. You, i mean, again, just, you did such a great job documenting all of the things. And I love, um,
00:46:15
Speaker
I just, I love that they were as involved as they were. And especially even with you guys being and different states, the fact that, you know, you guys were able to still have such a close relationship and not be local to each other. speaks to you, the commitment that you guys had to investing in one another and growing the relationship. And I love that. Yeah.
00:46:35
Speaker
yeah Yeah. The pregnancy was my easiest pregnancy I've had. and love it. Yeah, it was awesome. i i'm I'm convinced this because i was a boy. was getting around for my money. I was just really sick, which I was sick with him at the beginning, but nothing that I couldn't handle. um Yeah, and so they came for that. And then so many different things. um We went on vacation with them.
00:47:01
Speaker
um I think I was... Oh, I don't remember the timeline of everything, but I know we went on vacation with them. They have a cabin somewhere. And so we went out there. They got us this adorable Airbnb, like right down from their cabin. And we did like so many fun things. We were going the whole time. It was so much fun.
00:47:25
Speaker
But the highlight of that was they got to feel him kick for the first time. um mom and dad did. So the whole trip is like, he's kicking. Come field, come field. oh Yeah.
00:47:37
Speaker
And it was yeah it was awesome. And we got to like, they finally felt comfortable, like with how far along I was to like shop for him. So we got to go shopping and get him all kinds of things. And then in that time period, we saw each other a lot around that time spot.
00:47:56
Speaker
They came in, my ah my anatomy scan was in St. Louis. um They came in for that. um And then ah with IVF, they do fetal echocardiograms.
00:48:08
Speaker
Yes, it's common um it's it's kind of common that there's a possibility with an IVF baby that there might be a heart defect. So they always do kind of an extra little just... Yeah, so they came in for that.
00:48:20
Speaker
um And so we we got to see them a lot. And then when they came in for that, they actually drove back to Southern Illinois. And my friends and my family threw them a little baby shower at my house.
00:48:33
Speaker
Oh, my goodness. That's amazing. Yeah, it was awesome. um like we did all the decorating. We did like um a little Cowboys on his way. Cause you know, they live in Texas. yeah ah My husband's friends and like um our parents, um the guys were in the backyard playing bags and we did a diaper party for him. So they have like all these diapers.
00:48:58
Speaker
It was awesome. i I just love how you just brought them into your community and everybody is just part of this. That's amazing. Yeah. I love that they allowed us to do that because that wasn't something that like on our match meeting we discussed. It was just like, hey, like we really want to do this for you. You're going to be here. Like, is this something you're okay with? And they got to meet like all of our friends during the interview.
00:49:27
Speaker
Yeah. So it was it was awesome. And then that was the last time we saw them until delivery.
Final Weeks and Delivery Experience
00:49:34
Speaker
Just because our lives were got really busy. They were preparing for a baby. Absolutely. Yeah. like Life just keeps going. and But everything on everything went smooth. Like everything up to delivery, which delivery went smooth too. But everything up to them, we just like stayed in contact.
00:49:52
Speaker
And then they came here when I was 37 weeks. Just in case. Sure. Um, cause he was, they were telling us he was a little big. Um, so, and at my 37 week appointment, I was already at a two.
00:50:07
Speaker
So they really wanted to get here. Um, and I mean, we spent, they had to work, they work from home. I had to work. So we didn't get to see, see them every day, but I mean, we spent a lot of time together. yeah Oh, I love that. I love that.
00:50:23
Speaker
What was, Just up to that point, what was maybe some of your just biggest surprises throughout the journey?
00:50:39
Speaker
I would say, like, I think going into surrogacy, you could tell yourself all you want, like, I'm, I'm not going connected. I'm not going to let this like affect me, like not in a negative way, just like, I'm not going to be upset when I have to have this baby and then not come home with me.
00:51:00
Speaker
I shocked myself that I was that way because I think our, our connection, um, I don't know if that was really loud. Somebody just dropped the mail off um our connection and seeing like how long they waited for this baby and how loved he was by not just them, but like their parents and their friends and how wanted he was by them. ah Not that like I didn't love him. Like, of course I do. Like he's he's my Sarah buddy. Like he like I love him, but I think I was so shocked of like,
00:51:37
Speaker
oh my gosh, I cannot wait for them to meet him. like it Like, as much as I wanted him to stay in and grow and be healthy, I was like, i just cannot wait until this happens. Like, I'm, and of course, at 37 weeks, I was like, I really can't wait. No, like, it's time. Like, we're uncomfortable. Like, it's like, come on, buddy, let's go. Yeah.
00:51:55
Speaker
No, but you're so right. I think one of, I feel like that's one of the most common questions, at least that I got as a surrogate was, well, aren't you going to feel sad when, you know, you have to give this baby away? And I was like, well, first of all, I'm not giving a baby away. I'm giving a baby back.
00:52:09
Speaker
um And second of all, I mean, again, to your point, you've grown this relationship with, you know, your intended parents where you are exactly that. You were just so excited to see them be parents that like, that's the joy. That's the finish line right there.
00:52:26
Speaker
Like, that's the purpose. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And I mean, like, I, ah everyone still like, because you know, I'm only eight weeks postpartum and everyone's like, so are you okay? I'm like, yeah.
00:52:44
Speaker
Yeah. If wanted to have another baby, i I wouldn't have done this. I would have had another baby. Right. um But, and like, of course I see them with him and I'm like, he's exactly where he should be.
00:52:56
Speaker
i And yeah, I think like just, the type of person I am, I think I shocked myself through the process of like how amazing it actually is to see this way of like that people don't think of to have a ah child. Like I think sometimes people think that, um,
00:53:19
Speaker
infertility ends there and that there's no other way. And, um you know, some people have different thoughts about surrogacy and that's okay. But um I think just like through the process, I saw how amazing it actually is rather than just hearing about it, like seeing how amazing it it is.
00:53:39
Speaker
Oh, absolutely. i mean, especially if you're, if your world is, you're not exposed to the idea of third party reproduction, whether it's, you know, egg donation or surrogacy.
00:53:52
Speaker
I mean, a lot of times you can kind of have a lot of these preconceived notions of what it could be. And, and even whenever you're thinking about it, theoretically, right, you're kind of like, yay, you know, yeah, I'm creating happy family.
00:54:05
Speaker
But then whenever you see it, and you see, you know, you see that mom buy that onesie for the first time, or, you know, that dad is is over there, you know, looking at like the little shoes and he even has this little smile on his face and you know, you're like, no, like those are the little moments that really it's like, no, this is making a difference, a huge difference.
00:54:31
Speaker
Yes. And like, because we were so close and also going way back, my intended mom and I um do a similar career. um So, you know, we talked,
00:54:45
Speaker
we were able to confide each other about our jobs, and which was which was awesome. So we were talking all the time. And it might not have been might have not even been about pregnancy.
00:54:56
Speaker
on But, i you know, she would FaceTime me like, we painted the nursery walls today. And like, I just remember how excited I was to do all those things and like prepare for my baby to come home. And like, it was finally their time.
00:55:16
Speaker
um And like, their story is not for me to tell, but like, they waited so long for this. And like, it was finally, like, it was their turn. And like this, I think I had to remind myself that this isn't, this isn't about me at all. Like this is a hundred percent about them getting to like have their baby and like, they get to like buy a crib and buy car seats. And like, it was just, it was so cool. Like it was so cool.
00:55:46
Speaker
I got to shop with her and that was like, Like we're standing next to each other. I like he's in my belly and you're getting the shot for him. Like it's just so cool. Well, mean, your front row seat to being like their biggest cheerleader.
00:56:00
Speaker
Yeah, it's great. Oh, I love mine too. They were my biggest cheerleader too. For sure. Oh, that's amazing. so what would you say? I mean, I feel like it's obvious, but what would you say is maybe the most memorable moment of the journey?
00:56:22
Speaker
Definitely delivery. yeah Yeah, our delivery was insanely quick, amazing, great, all of the things. I love it So we did get induced December 21st.
00:56:38
Speaker
I went in like 730 or something like that. We're back to holidays. Like we were starting with crazy holidays. Now we're back to the holidays for delivery day. I was the only person in labor that day and I was the only person that delivered.
00:56:53
Speaker
So I had full attention. It was fantastic. love it Oh my goodness. So just me and my husband went in to do paperwork, get me dressed, all the things, talk about the things I wanted.
00:57:06
Speaker
um And I had been induced with both my girls, so I knew how it went. I was super calm, like I was not nervous at all. um And then intended parents were patiently waiting in the parking lot. I'm sure it was not patient.
00:57:21
Speaker
so But they came in and walked in and like, you could just feel like all the emotions because they had his little hat laying there. Like they had it ready and they just walked in and they were looking at me and they were like, so how are you? i was like, I'm ready.
00:57:39
Speaker
Yeah. look Baby out. This better than Christmas morning. Yeah. So right before they came in, they actually checked me and I was already dialed to a five.
00:57:51
Speaker
Oh, look at you go. Yeah, but I was not contracting at all. I wasn't laboring at all. So um we're just all hanging out. They start Pitocin on me and um I hadn't had an epidural yet. So I got up and like bounced on the ball, moved a little bit and it wasn't an hour. I was like, um I think I need drugs right now.
00:58:17
Speaker
um I was like, I was hurting. And so, and like, I wasn't like in an immense amount of pain, but I knew I'd get there. So I like, let's go ahead. I know I'm getting enough girls. So let's just go ahead and do it.
00:58:31
Speaker
And so they came in. um During this time, intended parents are hanging out in the room with you while you're walking around. Okay. And like intended dad and like your hubby are kind of hanging out and it's like a big fun family affair.
00:58:44
Speaker
Yep. It was a huge party. The nurses were hanging out with us. um There was a nurse training. So, I mean, there was a ton of people. and it was It was a blast. And, um you know, we didn't really have time to do anything because it was so quick. I think I started getting my epidural at like 1130.
00:59:03
Speaker
um So, like, it things I didn't start Pitocin until probably like 930. by like was getting an epidural. Um, and I mean, you have hiccups in delivery. i had to get it. I had to get the epidural needle twice, which really sucked, but oh it's fine. wow It's okay.
00:59:22
Speaker
If that's the worst of it, I, but I did get a little sick. And so I like there for a little bit, everything was kind of like, I was just going through the motions of like, her Yeah.
00:59:33
Speaker
yeah yeah So um after my epidural, obviously I'm bedridden at that point. And ah I looked at the nurse. I was like, this worked with my daughters. Can we like do this with like the peanut ball thing? um So they turned me on my side, put me in this peanut ball and they're like, okay, we haven't eaten lunch.
00:59:52
Speaker
We're going to go eat real quick. And you know, it'll be sometime. I think I was at like a seven. And my intended mom's talking to me and I'm like, I cannot listen to you talk right now because something's happening. Like, I just feel like something's happening.
01:00:09
Speaker
And I was like, I feel really bad. These nurses are on lunch break. Like, Alex. so my intended mom looks at me and she's like, do you want to call a nurse? Like, you could tell she wants to call a nurse, but she also like, wants me to like, feel my body. She's letting you lead Sure, sure, sure. Yeah.
01:00:30
Speaker
Yeah, and dad is just like, he's so chill. Like, he he's just a chill person in the first place. um And ah he's like, just do what you're comfortable with. And I was like, how about you look?
01:00:45
Speaker
it's why I had my intended mom. You know, she's a doctor. So, like, she knows some things. And I was like, what's going on? And she looked at me. and She was like, I think you need to call the nurse.
01:00:55
Speaker
Oh. and So we call the nurse and I, my husband was so annoyed by me because I kept saying, I'm sorry. And he was like, stop telling them you're sorry. This is their job. And I'm like, okay. So I tell the nurse. Not wrong. Not wrong. Never apologize for your presence.
01:01:11
Speaker
I know. I know. And I told the nurse, I was like, I'm really sorry. i know you're trying to eat lunch. And I know you just checked me literally that like 15 minutes ago. Like this is happening 15 minutes ago.
01:01:23
Speaker
And, um you know, that the nurse training checks me and I'm looking at her face. I'm like, I'm really sorry I pulled you for lunch and I'm not dilated anymore at all. I can tell by your face.
01:01:35
Speaker
And I said, am I dilated anymore? And she was like, I'm going let her check you. i don't want to say and be wrong. And I was like, OK, so that nurse checks me and she looked at the nurse training and she was like, what do you think she's at? And she was like, well,
01:01:51
Speaker
I can't feel her cervix anymore. And she was like, yeah, because this baby's coming. Yeah. yeah Like right now. And you know, the, ah the dad and the mom didn't really expect that.
01:02:03
Speaker
And they're sitting and they looked at each other they're like, what'd she say? And I looked at her, i was like, I'm fully dilated. We're ready. We're about to have this baby. And the mom sits up and she's like,
01:02:15
Speaker
Oh, okay. Like right now, like we're having this baby right now. And I was like, yes, we are having him right now. Um, and like everybody just starts like getting ready. They push their chairs and dad stood kind of like right here. Like by your head. yeah Yeah. Yeah. He just wanted to like, he told me like, I want to respect, respect everything that's happening down there. Um,
01:02:40
Speaker
So, uh, you know, he stood back there and my doctor came in and, um, she was like, all right, are you guys ready? And it was super calm and nobody was really emotional yet.
01:02:53
Speaker
Um, but my husband, um, you know, let them have their moment. He, he stood on the side and, um, my intended mom was like, do you want me to hold your leg or do you want Bailey?
01:03:04
Speaker
Bailey's my husband. And I was like, no, you can. If that's where you want to be, you want to be right there. Like you do it. Like you do whatever you want. my husband kind of just like, we would make eye contact, like I'm okay. Like I'm doing great.
01:03:20
Speaker
And yeah, I started pushing and six minutes later, here he is. Here he is. Yeah. And I mean, everyone was just crying crying.
01:03:32
Speaker
And I just remember like, The intended mom, like she could have easily just walked away from me and like, just like attended to her baby. But she looked at me and like 10 times, like, thank you so much. Like, I love you so much. Thank you so much. And I was like, go be with your baby.
01:03:55
Speaker
so You're welcome. You go. ah And before I knew it, they were moving to another room to do like skin to skin. And I was, you know, getting taken care of all the things.
01:04:08
Speaker
And um I did get sick after. um So I just like, they got to have hours with him. And um my husband obviously stayed with me and we focused on me. And that night we got to cuddle and take pictures and we got to find out how much he weighed and ah he was so healthy and they got a room. We were backto back to back rooms.
01:04:34
Speaker
So we just got to like go in each other's rooms. And um I was, we we agreed that I would ah pump for him. So we would like, you know, take the colostrum over and all those things.
01:04:49
Speaker
And then one of my good friends is a photographer. so she came to the hospital and took pictures for them. um And she got to visit us and we got to go see him in the room. It was great.
01:05:02
Speaker
fantastic paul It's It's beautiful. I love, i mean, I, there's so much reality to this because I think you've got, you guys did, you have that beautiful moment. She gets to see baby, she's looking at you. And I mean, you're seeing her like a whole baby and be mom.
01:05:20
Speaker
And then also like you had this big, huge physical thing happen. And now like, Hey, hold on a second. Like I, I'm legitimately like ill. give me a yeah Yeah, she wasn't like overbearing in the least bit. I think she just wanted to make sure I was okay.
01:05:38
Speaker
I think like we had such a good relationship that I had no problem telling her like, I'm really sick right now. i just need minute. need minute. Yeah, I need a minute. You need a minute with with your baby. And that's what everybody did. And everybody was okay with it. And yeah, I think. I love that.
01:05:56
Speaker
I think preparing, like just communicating on like exactly how we wanted that day to look. ah So nobody was like caught off guard about anything. yeah And we knew exactly like what it would look like after he was born and like they would go to a separate room. Like that wasn't a surprise to anybody. Right, right. That's what they needed. Like, you don't want me getting all fixed up while you're trying to bond with your baby.
01:06:25
Speaker
for sure. I mean, they're having their moment, right. And, you know, and obviously, you physically have to, you know, continue with the postpartum aspect of everything. But I love, again, that the both of you, you know just everybody was so, hey you go have your moment. And then she was also like, hey, let me make sure that you get your closure. And, you know, yes all of those
01:06:51
Speaker
small, I shouldn't say small, but those important details that really make this journey and really make that relationship. It's beautiful.
01:07:02
Speaker
It's just beautiful. Yeah. It was great. a So, i mean, you are only eight weeks, so you know, it it hasn't been too long, but if you were to give any advice to any potential woman who is thinking about being a surrogate, what what would you say to them?
01:07:26
Speaker
I think just follow your heart from the very beginning. If there's something laid on your heart that you want to talk to your coordinator about, that you want to talk to your intended parents about, um like we said in the beginning, like this isn't just you're pregnant and then you're not pregnant and everything's right.
01:07:44
Speaker
um And like, listen to your body. um If your body is not ready for it, if your heart's not ready for it, that's okay. Maybe one day it will be. But um i do think it's really important that like the mindset you go into this because It's inevitable. You're carrying a baby and you're going connect with them.
01:08:04
Speaker
um But you want it to be the right connection. You don't want it to be something that makes it hard to leave. um Leaving the hospital when they left Illinois, like not one part of it was hard for me. And I'm not saying I'm not saying like it wasn't sad. It it was.
01:08:23
Speaker
i i love them. i love their I love them as a family. It's a different sad, right? It's like those are my best friends and they're leaving. Anybody's sad when their best friend leaves. Like it's a different sad, yeah. Yeah, and I think too, like if you you're going to have hard days during pregnancy, I mean as a surrogate, you've been pregnant before, so you know that's going to happen. And in my case, I would just tell my intended mom like,
01:08:47
Speaker
I'm having a really emotional day. I like I in so many ways because you still have your life like you you're still dealing with your life too. Right. And so I think just having that open communication with someone, it doesn't have to be your intended parent. It could be your your spouse. It could be a friend just to talk about like what you're going through.
01:09:11
Speaker
um And then, of course, postpartum, like I personally think in my situation, and this is why matching is so important too, um they've kept me involved and do think pumping has helped because our bodies are made to take care of a baby that we birthed.
01:09:31
Speaker
So when you don't have this baby that you're not taking care of, it's giving, I think for me, my body is responding well, my hormones are responding well, because I am doing this thing like as a motherly, like,
01:09:49
Speaker
my body my body is supposed to be doing this whether a baby came home with me or not. so Sure, that's just the science of
Postpartum Period and Farewell
01:09:56
Speaker
it, right? Like your body is just doing the thing that like it it has been created to do next whenever you've done this step.
01:10:04
Speaker
And yeah, and I mean, even as a surrogate too, pumping, you know, if that's something that, works for your situation it's kind of a great second chapter to yes you know the the journey with your intended parents it's just one more blessing to them yeah yeah for sure it's been great um everything postpartum and something that was really important to us too was our kids meeting the baby yeah um and so they got to
01:10:37
Speaker
We went home and then they went home the same day, but in the evening um to their Airbnb here in our town, which was like right by our house. um And they spent their first night with him. i i didn't have my kids at home that night because I was just resting.
01:10:54
Speaker
And then the next day we had like breakfast. They came over and We got the baby and them Christmas presents. They got our kids Christmas presents. We opened gifts. And it was so sweet. My intended mom and I talked about this a lot. She was sitting there holding the baby. intended mom was.
01:11:12
Speaker
And my four-year-old opened a present. My intended mom was like, this is from the baby. And my daughter walked up to him and was like, thank you so much for the present. And obviously this little girl was just like laying there. But it was so sweet because she thinks that like,
01:11:28
Speaker
this friend of hers yeah bought her this Christmas present. Absolutely. And it still means the world to her. And a i that day, ah they didn't stay long because they obviously have a newborn.
01:11:43
Speaker
And they went home. They went back to the Airbnb. And then it was Christmas Eve the next day. and i I remember them deciding that morning that they were going to go home.
01:11:58
Speaker
And they actually surprised their family because they didn't, they their family thought they were coming after Christmas. So they were getting on the road and um we drove, we drove to their Airbnb because I had milk for them.
01:12:14
Speaker
and me my husband went inside and we told them bye. And I felt just like so much peace of like, He gets to go home with his mom and dad and like but to meet all of his grandparents and his cousins and everybody that's so excited to meet him.
01:12:33
Speaker
um and it was, yeah, it was great. It was, they got to spend Christmas with their newborn and it was just like seeing pictures and hearing from them. It was like, this is amazing.
01:12:45
Speaker
Yeah. Oh, I love that. I love that so, so much. And I love that again, just, the relationship that you guys have had since. And, you know, it's just, it's extended family at this point.
01:12:58
Speaker
ah Yeah, for sure. Yep, we've stayed in contact. um i talked to her this morning. I love it. Yeah. And of course, when you're sending milk and stuff, you have to stay in contact, but we stay in contact just because.
01:13:12
Speaker
aye And then we are packing up and going to spend four days with them in May.
Reflecting on the Surrogacy Journey
01:13:21
Speaker
so we're going to get to see the baby, get to see their families, um do all kinds of fun stuff.
01:13:28
Speaker
You know, Southern Illinois, we don't got much here. So he's planning all kinds of stuff for us to do. The kids FaceTime um the baby and tell everybody about him.
01:13:41
Speaker
The next year old thinks every baby is him. So it's hilarious. But I love it. Yeah, it makes sense. It makes sense. Oh, I love it.
01:13:53
Speaker
I love it. I mean, it's beautiful. It's just a beautiful story of what it is to wait for that perfect match. And when you do, it can just be more than what you could ever hope or dream.
01:14:10
Speaker
No, I, I truly think like besides having my own kids, obviously like it, it it was the best experience of my life. Like, I, and when people ask me to explain it, i mean, I could do what like I did just now, like explain every detail of what happened, but like the feeling, like you just, I mean, you know, the feeling like you just can't explain it.
01:14:33
Speaker
Like. I don't know. And and i it's hard to, like, you don't want to tell, like, it's hard because you don't like want to say, like, I did this amazing thing. But like, you did. you Like, everybody that's done this, ah like, should be so proud of themselves because it's not easy. Pregnancy is not easy. ah But I think, like, the fulfillment of, like, seeing them is why you feel so proud of yourself. Like, absolutely. Well, I mean, there, there is a sense of pride that you're, but it's also exactly like what you said. It's, it's the sense of pride because you are seeing this dream become a reality.
01:15:14
Speaker
Yeah. Yeah, for sure. Yeah. Yeah. yeah I, I just am so happy for them and they love parenthood and I love that I'm not up in the middle of the night. yeah Yes, exactly.
Gratitude and Future Plans
01:15:29
Speaker
It's the best. It's the best.
01:15:33
Speaker
Oh, Alex, that's beautiful. That's beautiful. Well, I have, I mean, again, thank you so much for just telling your gorgeous story. And I just, I mean,
01:15:45
Speaker
I love that relationship and that bond that you all have. um I mean, truly, it's beautiful. it It really is. My last question to you, and it's a fun one um for anyone who knows me, they know, and I've been sipping on it this whole time. i have a very codependent relationship with my coffee.
01:16:04
Speaker
um and i always love ask the question what filled your cup today literally or figuratively what was the thing that filled your cup today talking about it um i think just like going step by step of like what i don't think i've sat down and said from the very beginning to the very end what we did two families together.
01:16:32
Speaker
And so just like sitting back and being like, wow, like what an amazing experience. What an amazing thing that's possible for, for people like, like me that fortunately doesn't struggle. And like my body is able to do this for a family that longs for a baby. And,
01:16:53
Speaker
on It makes me excited to do it again. For sure. For sure. I mean, yes, to your point, life keeps going, right? Like you go to a transfer and then you're on a cheer competition. You're, you know, your kids keep going. You've got birthday parties to plan. You've got, I mean, you're just, life keeps going and it's so hard to, i mean, it doesn't come naturally, right? To just really sit and reflect when you're in the midst of, you know, your own,
01:17:24
Speaker
parenthood and your own littles and you know, just, and all of that. And I mean, it is, it's beautiful to be able to take the time to sit back and really look at everything yeah in hindsight. Absolutely. Oh, I love that.
01:17:38
Speaker
Well, Alex, seriously, thank you so, so much for sharing your story. And I, of course, I'm definitely just selfishly very excited that you're gonna do it again.
01:17:54
Speaker
Yeah, that is that is the plan. I'm not going to say exactly when, but sooner than later. i love it. Well, we're only eight weeks, right? We're only eight weeks, and we got to let our body like do our thing. Yeah.
01:18:09
Speaker
At the hospital, I looked at her, which this has been a conversation before sure i had him. Um, and i looked at her, I was like, you ready to do it again? And she was like, are you, I said, yep, that was fantastic. That was so much fun.
01:18:22
Speaker
That was so much fun. I love it. I love it. It was. It was. love it. And I mean, if people know when I delivered, they could and I say as soon as we can, um then people can put together when it will happen. but Well, it'll happen yesterday. is you know That's the Alex timeline. Yeah. um yeah they're They're eager, and so am I. And it is refreshing that I don't have to rematch. Yeah.
01:18:50
Speaker
so Oh, I love that for you guys. Oh my gosh. Well, I'm excited to do this again when we have a sibling journey to talk about.
01:18:58
Speaker
I love it. Oh, thanks, Alex.
Engaging with the Podcast Community
01:19:02
Speaker
Thank you so much for joining us on this episode of Me, You, and Who. We appreciate your time and hope you enjoyed our discussion today.
01:19:12
Speaker
As we wrap, we would like to remind you of some of the ways that you can stay connected with us and be part of the Me, You, and Who podcast community. Firstly, if you haven't already, make sure to subscribe to our podcast on your favorite platform.
01:19:26
Speaker
Hit that subscribe button so you never miss an episode and can stay up to date with our latest content. But that's not all. We also have an exciting YouTube channel where we share some bonus content behind the scenes glimpses and video versions of our episodes.
01:19:41
Speaker
Head over to YouTube and hit that subscribe button there as well. And don't forget to click the notification bell. So you'll be the first to know when the new episodes go live and for more exclusive updates, engaging discussions, and a chance to connect with fellow listeners.
01:19:56
Speaker
Be sure to follow us on our social media accounts. You can find us on Instagram, Facebook, and TikTok at create a happy family. If you're interested in finding out more about creating a happy family, please visit us at www.createahappyfamily.com.
01:20:13
Speaker
Thank you again for being part of the Me, You & Who community. Your support means the world to us. I can't wait for you to join us next time as we continue to share stories and journeys of creating happy families.