Become a Creator today!Start creating today - Share your story with the world!
Start for free
00:00:00
00:00:01
From Dream to Dad: Choosing Fatherhood Through Egg Donation & Surrogacy
48 Plays5 days ago
What if you knew you wanted to be a parent—even if it meant doing it on your own?
In this episode, Whitney sits down with Chris Pombonyo to hear his journey of becoming a single dad through egg donation and surrogacy. Chris shares the decisions, challenges, and incredible joy that shaped his path to parenthood. He also reflects on the importance of community, the value of reliable resources, and why representation for single parents matters so much.
Whether you’re considering surrogacy, curious about egg donation, or exploring single parenthood, this conversation will leave you encouraged and informed about what’s possible in family creation today.
Links
Recommended
Transcript
Journey to Single Fatherhood
00:00:00
Speaker
What if you knew you wanted to be a parent, even if it meant doing it alone? That's exactly what Chris Pambanio did. In this episode, he shares how he became a single dad through egg donation and surrogacy, from the early fears to the joy of finally holding his son.
00:00:17
Speaker
Chris opens up about navigating the process, building a strong support system, and why visibility matters for solo parents. His story is a powerful reminder that family can be created in many beautiful ways, and that being single should never stop you from saying yes to your dream of parenthood.
00:00:36
Speaker
Whether you're a hopeful parent, figuring out your next step, or someone considering becoming an egg donor or surrogate, this episode shows just how life-changing these journeys can be.
00:00:47
Speaker
Enjoy. Enjoy.
00:00:50
Speaker
Me, you, and who? Who knew it would take more than two people to have a baby?
Surrogacy Insights from Whitney Hall
00:00:56
Speaker
In a world where infertility is no longer a taboo topic, this podcast will take you through all of the different aspects of surrogacy and egg donation through the lens of many who walk this journey in different ways.
00:01:10
Speaker
My name is Whitney Hall, and I am a two-time surrogate, now turned surrogacy coordinator for egg donor and surrogate solutions. the very agency I used when I chose to carry for two amazing families.
00:01:24
Speaker
With this podcast, it is our goal to help guide and support you as you learn about what it takes to grow a family in an alternative way, as well as hear inspiring and beautiful stories of how this path has changed lives forever. We can't wait for you to hear about just one more way happy families are created every day.
00:01:49
Speaker
I'm excited that you're here and I'm just so excited to, you know, just hear more about your journey to parenthood.
Desire and Determination to be a Dad
00:01:58
Speaker
When did you even just first feel this pull to become a dad, even if it meant that you were going to do this on your own?
00:02:07
Speaker
Yeah, thanks for having me. um I always knew that I wanted to be a dad. It's kind of been a goal of mine. forever. um I'm from a big Italian family. I've always been around younger kids. My mom was and still is a preschool teacher. So like I've always been surrounded by young children, babysitting, um camp counselor. That was kind of my path. I was an elementary school teacher. I knew I wanted to be a teacher.
00:02:30
Speaker
um So I really knew that being around youth and kids was something that I was passionate about and actually good at. um So I chose that as my career. And along with that, I always knew that I wanted a family of my own.
00:02:42
Speaker
um what that would look like. I didn't know along the way and I was still figuring it out. um And then eventually after some failed relationships where we just weren't aligned on priorities and next steps on this timeline and what it looks like, I was like, you know what?
00:02:57
Speaker
I think I could do it on my own. Let's try to figure it out. So I started doing some research on what it would look like. um I've worked two or three jobs literally since I was 16, knowing that this would be a huge financial contribution um to start a family, never thinking I would do it solo. But here I am rocking it. And um everything happens for a reason because I actually am loving every second of being a single dad and getting to make all the decisions on it. Like, it has been the best, like, turn of events ever. So I'm so grateful for it.
00:03:30
Speaker
um And everything happens for a reason. So yeah Oh my gosh, that's amazing. And I love that like even at 16, you had like this forethought of like, oh no, this is like, this is a goal. This is my journey. Like I will be doing this.
00:03:43
Speaker
Oh yeah, i knew i was I knew I was saving money then. I don't know if I was saving money to have a child. I don't think I even knew what IVF for surrogacy was at 16. But I knew that i was i was, I've always been a hard worker. i always Savings has always been a huge thing for me.
00:03:57
Speaker
So once I finally got into college, graduated college, I was like, okay, the savings is now going to be to start that. Um, so yeah, cause as you know, it's not a um cheap process by any means, but, um, well worth it in the end.
00:04:10
Speaker
Yeah. Oh my gosh.
Media Interest and Independent Path
00:04:12
Speaker
That's amazing. When you, okay. So when you fly solo, you know, doing this thing. Did you, and as you started doing your research, were you, did you have anybody to look to as an example when you were kind of beginning this process?
00:04:26
Speaker
Yeah, so actually never told this story, so I'm excited. It's like a breaking news with you, Whitney, but I've never, ever told this story, I don't think. But um so rewind to like maybe at this point probably four or five years ago.
00:04:40
Speaker
um i was approached on Instagram. I had guru following um from the teacher community and things like that. I was approached by a Netflix casting producer um that wanted to serve as matchmaker for unique different circumstances with a goal of becoming a parent. So whether that was like mom or dad, exactly my response.
00:05:00
Speaker
um So at first I thought it was spam like I'm not doing this like this ridiculous, but they're like we see you with your niece and nephew we see you with all this we know you're a teacher like we would love to follow your story and the series is basically like forming relationships and finding people that have a goal of wanting to start a family, which was literally on my mind in every dating app. Like, that was always the forefront of my So the first few times I, like, ignored it completely. It was like, this is not real. Like, I'm not happening. Because they can't release, like, the name, the net. They can't release anything for it. So it's very, like, vague and just odd.
00:05:36
Speaker
Mm-hmm. So eventually they started reaching out multiple times and they were like, hey, this is just want to make sure you saw this because I was ignoring it completely. um And I eventually met with this wonderful woman um who was one of the casting producers and it escalated from there to like a second meeting, a third meeting.
00:05:52
Speaker
And I'm starting to be like, wow, this could actually like maybe be a thing where they're like, helping guide you on this patch, like, math like and this was never, like, a goal. Like, reality it's not even reality TV. It's more, like, docu-series almost of, like, sure following the human and then, like, helping along the way.
00:06:09
Speaker
But I was like, this could this could really be a thing. So I started, like, talking to my friends and family, they were, i like, immediately, no. They like... what what are you even thinking? Like, this is ridiculous. i was like, no, maybe this is like meant to be the path because I've committed so much to like work for really the past 10 years of my life. I've committed every ounce to just working and kind of doing that solo that it hasn't been on the forefront. Like dating and starting a family was not even on the forefront.
00:06:35
Speaker
um As much as I wanted it, it wasn't a, I was not putting the time into it for myself. Right. So I kind of ignored all of them and just like, let me just see where this goes. So I got all the way and now we're on like round seven or eight of meeting with different people via Zoom and I'm doing all of this and it's getting more real.
00:06:53
Speaker
um And then finally i get a call and they're like, we want to move forward with you. We want to start like filming in this. It's going to be on Netflix. This is what it's called. This is what it's following. I'm like, this is actually cool. Like, we'll pay for this. We'll pay for this. We'll pay for this. Obviously they can't pay for you to actually have a baby because that's illegal. Sure.
00:07:09
Speaker
but yeah you with yeah But they'll support you with resources along the way. And it'll be like a long-term kind of following. Is that something you're interested in? And I was like, let's let's just try. Let's just see what happens. So they literally, i sat down with like the show producer now, which like next level. And they set like dates of like, we're going to come here for follow you for here. And we'll just start your journey. And then in five years from now, it'll like,
00:07:32
Speaker
We'll put this, it's not going to be a short-term thing, but we'll do it. um So I was like fast and furious, like this is going to be what is happening. Like maybe it'll result in a relationship. Maybe it'll be a
Beginning the Surrogacy Journey
00:07:44
Speaker
single parent by the end, like of what that looks like.
00:07:46
Speaker
um And then fast forward for like two months after that. I started not hearing as much from the person who was like coordinating things and they scrubbed the show or scrapped the show so they weren't putting forward. And I took that as a sign because then I was like, everyone told me no. And I was like, defiant and doing it on my own.
00:08:04
Speaker
But I took that kind of as a sign to like, I don't need anyone to make it. I could do this on my own. So that was kind of like my real push that... yeah I was so hyped up. I was listening to podcasts. I was looking at resources, like looking into agencies because i was really in the mindset that this could be like in a fast track to starting my family.
00:08:22
Speaker
So it kind of put me in the right mindset to do the research and listen to those podcasts and learn as much as I could about the process. um And it kind of gave me the courage to like take that next step. So that was kind of the really like launch forward was that story, which I've never even told like some of my closest friends don't even know that.
00:08:38
Speaker
um But because it's such a weird thing Like it was just like a This doesn't happen kind of thing But that was really what sparked my kind of i can do this and here's how I'm going to make it happen So that was like the beginning of it Yeah. I mean, gosh, what a catalyst that, like, Netflix is your, like, big major push to move forward. Literally.
00:08:58
Speaker
Something that sounds so ridiculous and now I'm so grateful because, like, I wouldn't want any of that. Like, yeah um was I wasn't in the right mindset to be thinking of that, but I was like, this is what I want. I want a relationship. I want a kid. Like, this is...
00:09:10
Speaker
So everything happens for a reason because now looking back, I'm like, you are an idiot for even considering that. Like, do you know what, like, what that would turn into? Like, it would just be like so messy, so sloppy. Like, but it was meant to be. Everything happens for a reason. Maybe my mom prayed hard enough that it would never happen. Yeah. But um that kind of sparked it to, I can make this happen on my own. And then I kind of really dug into finding an agency and ah clinic that I loved and really starting that journey. And it was shortly after that that um I matched with my egg donor, matched with my sister. And really, like that kind of sped up the process a lot.
00:09:47
Speaker
Right, right. So prior to Netflix, like tapping on your shoulder and sliding into your DMs, what it was, you know what what were some of those hesitations at the beginning?
00:10:01
Speaker
yeah i think- it's like I think it's a great question. One, finances is always a... Sure. It's always a are you ready for it? Yeah, and even if you have as much saved up as you get, you never really know what that is going to look like.
00:10:14
Speaker
So it's always like a, well, maybe another year, maybe another two, like what that looks like. um And I think I was always... as a single dad now, I was always before looking for, okay, who's going to be the person that I formed this relationship with and we start a family together. And that was always kind of my stopping point that, okay, that relationship ended.
00:10:33
Speaker
Now I need to look for a new relationship when I was like, i can i don't need I don't need a relationship to be a dad and to kind of make that dream come true. So kind of getting past my own insecurities about what that would look like um was really the hardest like barrier before that of just what could this look like? So I don't know if you follow him, but he's the points guy, Brian Kelly. He is a single dad, single gay dad, and he had just at the same time had his son.
00:10:59
Speaker
As a single dad, very successful, and he was on a podcast. He actually used my same fertility clinic. So that's how I kind of found out about him and my same doctor. And i was like, if other people are doing this and they are like so confident in it, they're so successful, they look so happy, um i can definitely do it as well. And even...
00:11:17
Speaker
couples that go through not even just IVF and surrogacy, but having a kid in general, there's so many other layers of that and complications to that as well, that it's never going to be a perfect scenario regardless.
00:11:28
Speaker
um So I was like, I can definitely do this kind of on my own and kind of Pushed through that way.
Social Media and Education on Surrogacy
00:11:34
Speaker
But through that kind of casting process for the show, I had to meet with like a number of different like mental health counselors and do all these interviews and talk about your desire to becoming a dad. Like that was literally all we talked about. Every Zoom call was like, why do you want to be a dad?
00:11:49
Speaker
Tell us how much you want to be a dad. And then it started like feeling real, like, okay, I am so like, I'm so in this at this point that I was like, now it just has to happen sooner than later. um and that's kind of what like moved it forward.
00:12:01
Speaker
Well, it really made you, mean, right? Like it had been this desire for so long. You knew you wanted to do it. You had, like you said, you came from your big family, but it almost made you like sit and reflect and have to put all of those thoughts and feelings into actual words. It was like a, like ramped up kind of like this could happen in a year. so you need to like,
00:12:19
Speaker
figure-ish out now. Let's get it together. Exactly. Exactly. So it made me like start learning about the different, because going into it, I really didn't know much about, mean, you know the basics, but you don't know every single detail.
00:12:31
Speaker
Sure. But also I feel like that was an advantage to me, knowing that I was going to be doing it by myself. I learned so much so fast. um And there were so many people there to support along the way, because they were like,
00:12:42
Speaker
He's a single dad. I'm going to get like, there was no complication of anything. Cause it was like me and them, it was one-on-one communication throughout the way. And, um, I feel like that was a benefit to like learning so much about just the field and just fertility in general. Um, that only helps the process and make it even more enjoyable.
00:13:01
Speaker
I was going to say, what, I mean, you've already talked about like the points guide, but what were, who were some of the people or communities or resources that made a big difference for you as you were, one, diving in and really just along the way for your journey?
00:13:17
Speaker
Yeah, um so Gays with Kids, which I know you all are very familiar with. Yes. And they were a huge resource just in the beginning of information and just like learning bits and pieces through the podcast, online resources, different things like that.
00:13:30
Speaker
um But also just social media in general. There are so many... Gay couples, single couples, people have gone through IVF, surrogacy, surrogates, egg donors that share their journey that I was learning so much just from TikToks and Instagram reels of people just sharing their own kind of stories, which sometimes is even better than ah Google search or an article or oh yeah you're hear you're seeing it real, right? You're not just trying to figure out what does this even mean?
00:13:56
Speaker
They're actually telling the story throughout the journey. um So there were different people along the way that I kind of just watched Their journeys, either if they were an egg donor, they were a surrogate, or they were a couple having or a single parent.
00:14:07
Speaker
um And just learning from that and seeing who they used and using those as references to start looking for an agency, looking for a clinic, um even though I didn't know them personally, um i saw the end result and it resulted in a beautiful family. So it's like, yeah.
00:14:21
Speaker
They must be doing something right. um So that kind of was a huge social media was, I mean, there's so much positive and negative on it, but. um For sure. Hearing good stories about it. Yeah, definitely kind of sparked that.
00:14:34
Speaker
I feel like, ah gosh, this is so, this is so great because I, I say it agnosium, but I'm like, I feel like just this, this world is the like biggest club that everybody thinks they're a single member of. Because it seems like that not a ton of people you know our about it And yeah then all of a sudden, like whenever you you start talking to people or you kind of just you know just do that like beginning search, it is this whole new world of people sharing their story and you know
00:15:06
Speaker
And everyone's story is so vastly different. Like, there is not one journey that is, like, copy and paste. Like, it doesn't exist. um Because whether you have a different agency, whether you have a different clinic, whether you're surrogate, like, and there's so many different factors that make each journey, like, completely unique.
00:15:22
Speaker
um And even family building in general, like, whether you're going adoption or surrogacy, like, there's so many different factors of people starting their family that it's interesting to see what other people went through and maybe some of the challenges that they faced or just...
00:15:35
Speaker
encouraging other people to kind of take that first step. We'll get right back to the show, but I wanted to take a quick moment to speak directly to those of you dreaming of growing your family. For the past 18 years, we at Egg Donor and Surrogate Solutions have had the privilege of walking alongside hopeful parents, guiding them through egg donation and surrogacy with empathy, expertise, and personal experience.
00:16:01
Speaker
Many of us on the team have been intended parents or surrogates or egg donors ourselves. So we understand just how important this journey is. Whether you're just starting to explore your options or ready to take the next step, we're here to help.
00:16:15
Speaker
You can schedule a free 15 minute call with our team at create a happy family.com to get your questions answered and see it for the right fit for your journey. You don't have to figure this out alone.
00:16:26
Speaker
This is your invitation to learn more and take the next step toward the family you've been dreaming of. All right, let's get back to the show. I always say, beware of Dr. Google.
00:16:36
Speaker
I'm never a fan. But this is the world that we live in, and we do have these stories and and resources at our fingertips. How did you kind of navigate between like this is a really great story and being able to be like, um maybe that's a little bit misinformation-y, or maybe that's... How did you kind of navigate that?
00:16:57
Speaker
I kind of used it as just like, I mean, literally my For You page on Explore was just like surrogacy, like family. That's eventually what it turned into. So I kind of just used it to like, hear the parts of the journey and kind of like big picture and then I relied on one my incredible clinic which is San Diego Fertility Center um to really guide me in the this is the do's and don'ts and then my agency as well um to really kind of guide me in that direction and I was very honest in every call was like I want you to teach me like as much like tell me everything like I don't want no detail is like too much
00:17:30
Speaker
Because I want to be involved in the journey. And they both sides really did that. um So much so that like now people can ask questions. And I can actually like confidently talk about like follicles. I can talk like i could talk about things that I didn't even know were like a thing in the beginning.
00:17:44
Speaker
um Because I feel so confident in kind of like the just education and like guidance that they gave me along the way. Right, right. And I think that's really important. Like I can't stress this enough. The importance of building your team people.
00:17:59
Speaker
ive Yes. Of professionals that, you know, are transparent and are ethical and will answer all of your questions and no question is too big or too small. and And in the field, like everyone is still learning. Like at our families allowed events or anytime like you can get fertility, like experts in a room, people are still like asking questions of each other and I'm still learning. And someone will say something like, I didn't even know that was a thing. Like it's constantly like a learning experience, I think. And that's what's so great. I think about this community in general is that everyone is on the same page that we want to kind of help build families, help share out about building families.
00:18:34
Speaker
um That's why I started sharing the journey on Instagram because there really were not many single gay dads sharing out their journey. yeah But I know there's a lot of many single gay, either males or females that want to be parents that are not in a relationship.
00:18:50
Speaker
And since then, countless have reached out like, you've inspired me to just look into this on my own or start saving or things like that. And just... getting even if it's one person that hears your story and is like changes their perspective or inspires them to do it um i think it's worth kind of sharing that story out regardless because i think also changing people's perspective is a huge point of why i shared a lot on social media um people didn't even know the world of surrogacy or what that even means and like are so confused like so she's the mom i'm like no there is no it's like
00:19:22
Speaker
This is not a thing. Right now they're thinking about a lifetime movie. They're seeing that. Yeah, they're like, what is happening? They literally think everything is lifetime movie. They're like, well, what happens if this? I'm like, you're not understanding.
00:19:32
Speaker
And just educating people, not just in my close circle, but like in the world of this is the process and this is what could be the end result of it. um
Addressing Misconceptions and Educating Others
00:19:42
Speaker
It's just great. so Yeah. Yeah.
00:19:44
Speaker
How did you, I know you, you obviously utilized your social media platform, but how did you feel like you, I mean, or did you even feel like you had to explain your decision, you know, to others when it came to, I'm choosing, I I'm choosing to do this on my own. And, you know, and how did that go whenever you were talking to your friends and families or even strangers, you know with your social media Yeah, I think, luckily, for I know everyone's experience is different. My experience was very positive of sharing out that I'm doing this, um probably because of everyone knowing that, oh, Chris is going to be a Like, this is not a, it's not out of the blue that I wanted to be a dad. Right. um
00:20:24
Speaker
I think there's a shock level of just the learning factor that we kind of talked about already of what do what is what is this what is an egg donor? What is a circle? Like, a lot of people, especially within... kind of my family just we're not used like it's not a world that they are used to kind of the only world of IVF they know is for infertility um so knowing that this would be how I would build a family but also not knowing anything about it um was a huge factor um but everyone was super receptive obviously on social media there's people that have their own opinions and always, i just ignore them completely. I've built up a wall to them and their opinions because they don't matter. But um I've actually found it harder post having Jackson and being out in public to deal with the, of strangers because and the first question is everywhere is, oh, it's mom's day off. Where's the mom? like And I always go through this debate in my head.
00:21:17
Speaker
do I share the story with this complete stranger or do I just like play it off? But I'm like, it's so key that I just am like, nope, no mom just, and they always kind of, it depends on the situation, but no matter what, it is always a topic of conversation.
00:21:31
Speaker
um And no one really believed, like people are like, how can that happen so often? And I went to breakfast a few weeks ago with my brother, my niece and my nephew and my dad. So it was just the guys and then all the kids and then all the kids.
00:21:45
Speaker
And the waitress comes over and of course she's like, oh, dad, stay out. Where's, where's the mom? And my brother says, oh, she's at, cause that's normal. His wife is here. but bla but And then she looks at me and I'm like, nope, just me And my brother's like, does that happen all the time? I'm like,
00:22:00
Speaker
All the time. So I think the kind of anomaly of seeing a dad with a baby out, especially that Jackson's only eight months. So as an infant, like he's been on 16 flights at this point. So traveling through the airport, like you don't typically see a dad solo.
00:22:18
Speaker
folding up the do not and putting it through security with a baby in one hand and then like checking you don't typically see that so i think just for the world in general people seeing that sparks curiosity um which sometimes turns to showing their ignorance but i i think post having jackson there was more more kind of from the outside world than before because before they were like this is great oh my gosh it's so inspiring i can't believe you're doing it and then strangers on the outside change the narrative a little after but Yeah. As it comes.
00:22:49
Speaker
That's so funny because you know, there's always this, um, there's always this chat between moms where it's like, oh my gosh, know, dad, dad's out on his own at the grocery store with baby.
00:23:00
Speaker
How is everything falling? yeah Literally, literally. And then mom's there and they're like, they're like rolling their eyes that the baby is crying. Yeah, exactly. Exactly. And so it's so funny that that is your experience.
00:23:14
Speaker
then you're having to be like, well, no, actually. And also everyone is like, why don't you just like say, just push them off. Say, oh, she's at I'm like, no, I don't want to. I want to like make a point like to some of these people. Like will engage in conversations like back and forth. i don't know if it's because i'm stubborn in Italian or what, but like these are complete strangers I will never see again. But I'm like, no, I want to hopefully.
00:23:38
Speaker
change their mindset or like get them thinking like oh maybe I shouldn't have questions like and to me it's not the biggest deal because I get it like if you don't know about it you're gonna do it but I'm like if I can just change one perspective then I'll change it so I pick and choose my battles but more often than not I can't keep my mouth shut so I just have to have to explain it no And I don't give the whole history of like what happened, but I'm just like no single dad doing it on my own. Like if they ask or like they try to normally it's not just a one and done. They want to like keep prompting like, oh, so like they want to keep talking to either me or Jackson. So it's like if you just went away, this would be a lot easier. But now I'll just educate you in just a little bit.
00:24:19
Speaker
Just a little bit. Yeah. but what it opportunity and also like it I mean it gives you practice right for like when Jackson is older and he's not eight months old and like you're having to refine what you say and how you say it in front of him and you know and there's so many even just even within like not my close circle, but like extended close circle. So like a friend's parent or like a friend's spouse or like different things like that, where they're like, oh, so that's the mom talking about the surrogate. I'm like, no, I'm trying to break down the process. I'm like, no, actually Jackson just has a dad who loves him very, like he doesn't have him. That's a very relational, like relationship kind of term. Like he has an egg donor, he has a surrogate. Like that's something I'm trying to like instill in like people's minds that yes, I get it.
00:25:05
Speaker
Biologically, we all know how a baby is made, but also, In this world like egg donor And surrogate and then I'm his dad like he doesn't It would be the same thing if ah um A straight couple adopted they wouldn't say Oh where's the mom that's the mom like Even though biologically that adopted parent Is not biologically, the mother, they that's a relationship term. So they would still be calling that person mom and I'm the mom.
00:25:31
Speaker
So I kind of see it the same way on my side. And I've gotten to many battles on the mom conversation just because people are like, no no, no, you don't understand. I'm like, I very much understand. I do understand my family. I i i literally watch them make the baby. Like, I understand how this works.
00:25:49
Speaker
um But yeah, just that kind of Educating people on just kind of that has been the biggest kind of pain point or kind of moving forward.
00:26:01
Speaker
Yeah. How do you I know you kind of already talked about like, you know, you just navigating and being very particular about, you know, certain terms and things like that.
00:26:12
Speaker
How, how are you navigating that now, just as far as like, maybe kind of what are some of your like go to phrases at this point? And how, like, as that evolves, especially with just celebrating Jackson and giving him, you know, words for his story? What, what is that kind of looking Yeah, I think um very much the like dad wanted to have a baby so bad that this is these are the people that help make it happen.
00:26:38
Speaker
um And I'm very close to both my egg donor and my surrogate. So like they will be like part of the journey moving forward and what that looks like. But I think also that like educating people like for back to school just started and a lot of there was a lot of push on social media that it said mom's name, dad's name. And then there's a family with two dads, but there's a family with two moms.
00:26:58
Speaker
Or um I remember in the hospital, there was all these points for mom's name, but then they never asked the dad's name. So my nurses and the doctors were literally just crossing out writing father's name because they're not going to put the surrogate's name on Jackson's paperwork. So like right all these different things that you don't really think about until you're in it of just it's apparent like it's a loving family and families look very different.
00:27:22
Speaker
And I think especially now more than ever um in our political climate and everything that's happening, like just teaching kids that families look different doesn't necessarily have to look one way or the other. You don't have to talk like that acceptance piece is key, I think. So just kind of relaying that message of there might be two moms or might be two dads. This person might be raised by their grandma. This might be a one dad. Like there's so many different families of what that looks like. And I think raising the future generation, that's like a key component for just acceptance is,
00:27:52
Speaker
Families look very different. It is not a traditional mom, dad, and that's it kind of scenario. For sure. Well, it's little things, right? Like it is changing paperwork to say parent versus mom or dad. Yeah, for sure. And it is using phrases in the classroom like you're grown up at home or, you know, just things like that just to, you know, again, be inclusive of how all of those families are different and, you know, how they grow and are amazing and beautiful and celebrating that.
00:28:21
Speaker
Yeah, for sure. I remember looking for books like pre-Jackson. I was big into like, okay, what books are going to go out? I was like very intentional about making sure that obviously majority of books, if there's a family in it, whether it's a family of animals or a family of humans, like are represented mom, dad, or things like that. So I wanted very much to find solid books that have like I as the pronoun instead of we or us because they're always showing the mom and dad. So I really was intentional about looking for books that showcase a dad in the story. Like,
00:28:56
Speaker
It doesn't have to be a single dad, but it's written from a point of view of that there's a dad and a child. the way Whether or not there's a mom somewhere, like you don't necessarily know. It's not necessarily pushing any agenda or things like that. But I wanted to really make sure that um there were books that we had that showcase our family as well, um because that's just not the norm when you see children's books or things like
Challenges and Community Support
00:29:18
Speaker
that.
00:29:18
Speaker
um So that was really something key that I was looking for is there's this whole group um just to showcase that there are families that look like us too. Yeah, well, and again, and celebrating that and being proud of that.
00:29:31
Speaker
And again, as Jackson grows up and seeing, you know, yeah, there are other families like me and, you know, just what what that looks like. What are, so obviously, you know, and don't want I don't want to use the word small, but, you know, detail things like children's books or What have been maybe some of the challenges that you've kind of had to face with you know just being single parent, single dad yeah throughout the journey and now the jacksons here Yeah. um Now that Jackson's here, it's actually much easier than I thought it would be, which is kind of ironic.
00:30:07
Speaker
um And my pediatrician kind of said it best. So um Jackson was born in Pittsburgh. That's where my surrogate lives. So I got to go to my childhood pediatrician for the first two weeks of his life um because it was right around Christmas and New Year. So I went to my childhood pediatrician.
00:30:21
Speaker
He is very like old school pediatrician. Like when you think of like a doctor in a movie, like that is very much him. And he was like, and love it So in love with this story of like, I called them. I was literally like, Hey, this is where I'm at. Cause I haven't talked to them in since I like high school. Maybe. yeah yeah the last i went to my pediatrician um But my neighbor actually was a intern there. So like, we still kind of stayed in touch and they were a family doctor forever. So um he was like, yes, we will gladly see him for his first two weeks until you go back to Florida um with him and things like that.
00:30:54
Speaker
And he was like, you're going to see, Everything is going to be easier because Jackson's going to get used to the way you hold him, the way you feed him, the way you talk to him. but He's going to be so used to one set of things instead of having two different, like, the way people hold him, the way they talk him to get used to. He's like, you're going to see that it's going to be, like, very easy for you. And I was like, okay, we'll see.
00:31:14
Speaker
And that has truly been, like... Jackson is vi like, I guess that's why, because he's very used to like the way I do things. There's not someone else doing things a different way or putting them down a different way or changing their diaper a different way or feeding him a different way. The way like positioning, um it's very much just been me. So as a dad post-birth, luckily Jackson is so great. Like he will literally, he's literally sitting right here staring at me through the window. Like he will sit on meetings and just like play, stare. Like, yeah, he knows we're talking about him though.
00:31:43
Speaker
um but he is i'm so grateful that that is i know that's not everyone's story and that's just like jackson's personality is so chill which i'm so grateful for and who knows how long it will last but i'm taking it as it is for now because it's been great um but pre-birth and just kind of the process those big decisions when you're like talking to the clinic talking to the agency finances obviously making those decisions so low Um, even just for something like PGT testing, or do you want to do this or the birth plan and making decisions for the birth plan.
00:32:16
Speaker
I have to make all the decisions on my own. So like, there's no one to really go back and forth on the pros and cons of different, like big decisions for the journey. Um, So that was a little intimidating at first, but just relying on my agency, my clinic to kind of walk me through it and ask questions as well as my attorney um who answered a lot of questions. But making those decisions in no matter the circumstance is always a big decision and big kind of next step um for the journey. So just doing that solo was probably the biggest factor of that.
00:32:46
Speaker
But I mean, it sounds like obviously, again, you kind of had your your industry professionals that you were yeah relying on. But also, you know, it you you had a community behind you that, you know, were like, hey, no, you should not be on a Netflix show yeah or, you know, things like that. So, I mean, who I guess so who was kind of part of that village for you when it came to just that aspect of things?
00:33:10
Speaker
Yeah, so my mom and dad are literally, if you ask anyone, like two of the best humans in the world. Like, we'll give anything for anyone. um and they were really my like solid support system. So they live in New York. So um my mom was actually in the room when Kayla, my surrogate, gave birth. Kayla was all for it, obviously.
00:33:29
Speaker
um And I knew that I wanted her to be a part of that moment for that. um And my dad's retired. So my mom's a preschool teacher. My dad's retired. So anytime I need... A babysitter like as a single dad now My dad will be like oh yeah I'll fly down for the like the week or whatever And stay because he's retired so it's like Amazing Always willing to help.
00:33:48
Speaker
um As well as my brother and sister-in-law, they have a, my three-year-old nephew and one-year-old niece. So they are very new to the parenting world.
00:33:59
Speaker
So I remember pre-birth, like asking my sister-in-law questions. Like even now as Jackson's starting to like eat, I'm texting her. So like, they're very much like support system of like raising Jackson. um So it's, it's really been great.
00:34:11
Speaker
Yeah. And again, just having that village and having those people around you. Yeah, no, it's perfect. That's exactly what you mean. What has day-to-day life with Jackson been like when it comes to, you know, again, just single dad, you're doing it on your own. Like you said, you, you've got meetings, he's hanging out. Like what, what, how has navigating all of that been Yeah, um it's been, I'm loving every second. People always check in, like, how are you doing? And I'm literally, like, in my head, like, I feel bad saying it, but, like, thriving would be, like, I love every second of it. And I know, like, the beginning newborn stages are not for everyone, and every baby acts very different.
00:34:50
Speaker
um But, like, I soaked up every... thing Like, i can't even believe he's eight months because it's gone so fast. um But just the figuring it out as we go and me figuring it out him figuring it out um and kind of pushing through has been really the biggest challenge there.
00:35:07
Speaker
The biggest thing with being a single parent is there's no like shifts or breaks. So like, sure. In the first few weeks of life, like, they're like okay, you're on the night shift. You're on that. That doesn't exist when you're a single parent. So it's like, no, you are every shift. And like, if the only time I can sleep is literally when Jackson's sleeping, like obviously there's no, like, there's no breaks, obviously.
00:35:25
Speaker
um So learning that kind of his schedule, my schedule and making that work um has been not a challenge, but just something that we've kind of worked through um sure as a team. But yeah.
00:35:39
Speaker
Was there anything that was harder than you expected? um Solid foods is proving to be harder than expected. Moving on from purees and trying to get him to, and baby led weaning, whatever that means. I'm still trying to figure it out. Like, I feel like I get it, but I'm like, also he's only eight months. So like, how is this, how is this even working? Like, right. Is he even eating anything? So like all the new things. And then my last pediatrician visit, she was literally like said the opposite of everything the internet says. And she's like, oh yeah, he can literally have anything if you want, like full on, give him what he wants. Like you're, he's ready for that. Like, but I'm like, okay. Like, so that's a whole nother layer of our life that we are currently navigating.
Unique Perspectives of a Single Dad
00:36:23
Speaker
Absolutely. yeah, we're taking it day by day. it love it has there been uh like a recent moment that just made you absolutely laugh out loud oh my gosh um jackson is his facial expressions are literally like he is definitely my son because what he's thinking is like on his face so like i love just his facial expressions every day i literally am just laughing and i'll call my mom to facetime her like look she's like what am i looking at i'm like you missed it like you made a face like It's just like as he's growing into his personality, like it is just so adorable and cute that his like reactions to things and the way he like laughs and responds a different situations. So um he's always literally making me laugh. Nothing insanely crazy, crazy that I like haven't been able to control yet, though.
00:37:06
Speaker
it's coming it's coming it's coming you've already alluded to just you know certain positivities about you know getting to be you know the the one and only in Jackson's life but yeah you like what are maybe some unique strengths or perspectives that you bring to parenthood as a single dad by choice yeah I think um yeah Like just the knowing of, I mean, obviously every parent knows their child very much, but yeah having to make every single decision and really know, like there's, there's nothing that I don't know. Like everything from pediatrician to this, to that, birth, I've been there for every part of the journey. So that has been really great. Just kind of being able to share that.
00:37:51
Speaker
um also i see so many parents and they're arguing about decisions for how to parent or what to say or what not to say or things with in-laws or like so many different things that come up in their relationship and it has to do with being a parent and that and i'm like i am so grateful that i don't have to deal with any of what i say is what we're doing like there's no like no i think we should do this no i think like There is no going back and forth. So that has been honestly a luxury that I didn't expect.
00:38:20
Speaker
um But I notice it more now as a parent where I'm like, I see a couple and they're arguing about something with a kid or a decision that one made for the kid or this or that. And I'm like, this is so great that I don't have to deal with that currently. And I'm the parent and what I say goes. So my decisions are all that matters. So with that's kind of a selfish, great way.
00:38:41
Speaker
um But yeah, there's, it's, Being a part of every second of the journey has really been um just incredible. Yeah. When it comes to, you know, just as Jackson grows up and how you celebrate and, you know, talk about his story, what do you hope he feels when he hears how, you know, he came into the world Yeah, so I actually journaled from um matching with my egg donor to his birth.
00:39:13
Speaker
So I have little stories of kind of like the process and things like that in like a little journal that says like, I don't know, it says the name on it and something like that. So it was kind of a for him of the process of the journey.
00:39:27
Speaker
um Like on transfer day, we had literally no less than 200 people um eating French fries as like a, like yeah owede to transfers and just kind of like lot. But literally no less than 200 people on social media, like strangers, family, friends, posting pictures, eating their French fries. Yeah.
00:39:45
Speaker
Um, as Kayla and I were doing the transfer and like, I saved all those pictures, um, made a video of it just to be like the process of this journey. Um, people have in their books, like written notes to Jackson, um, from like baby showers and things like that. Just the and support from the community has been like in absolutely incredible.
00:40:06
Speaker
Um, so just the love um, I felt going through it. I want to make sure that he knows how much he was wanted and how much he was loved um even before he was here.
00:40:17
Speaker
Yeah. If you could go back to just very beginning. Yeah. What would you tell yourself? Oh my gosh. um It's going to be even better than you had dreamed.
00:40:31
Speaker
um And just to trust the process, because there are a lot of roller coasters in the process and timelines don't exist. like you Like, it doesn't exist. Like, you can think there's a timeline and then all a sudden, like, okay...
00:40:45
Speaker
e It can be a printed timeline even. And then it then it suddenly is completely not that at all. um So don't fall in love with the timeline. um And
Financial Concerns and Community Building
00:40:56
Speaker
things like that. i Early in the process, like right before transfer, we're setting up things.
00:41:01
Speaker
I started like buying things for like Christmas outfits. Because i was like, oh, he's going to be born end of November, beginning of December. So let me get all the newborn Christmas outfits I could. So I literally probably had...
00:41:13
Speaker
I don't even know something crazy Whitney like 20 plus 20 plus like newborn Christmas outfits because I was like I don't I like this one better I'm gonna do this like the matching pajamas all these different things um Jackson was born in the 22nd of December so we had three days Three days. Sure. So you changed his clothes like the whole time. Two of them were in the hospital where I was like, just like figuring out like what to do because also that's something else as a single dad um in the hospital, the nurses somehow think like, oh, you're good to go because like you didn't give birth.
00:41:44
Speaker
So like the nurses like would rarely check in and they were incredible nurses, but they were like, oh, you got this. You're good. And like not come as often because they're not having to do kind of the post-birth things they would do with someone who gave Sure.
00:41:58
Speaker
um So like even things are like going to the bathroom I would like have to call the nurse because I'm like I'm not going to leave him Even though the bathroom is in the room I'm not leaving him in the room while I go like I need someone to like Either come like I need some figuring out Or like a snack I was like I haven't eaten in Who knows how long like the first night I was like Can you bring me like graham crackers and an apple juice Like I'm like calling the button I feel bad because I'm like There's so many other things to do But I'm like the new single dad sitting there with a newborn I'm like I need some, I need a snack. Like I need something. So I like literally lived off graham crackers and hospital apple juice for his first like 24 hours. But, um, practical note. Yeah.
00:42:36
Speaker
Your snacks.
00:42:41
Speaker
Oh my gosh. But yeah, but it's those little things like that for sure. Is there, is there anything that you wish maybe you had worried less about sitting in the seat that you're in now?
00:42:52
Speaker
Um, finances probably, which were always a huge thing. And granted, I didn't have a lot of unexpected costs come up in my journey. um So that was great. But that was always something that I was like, waiting for it, waiting for it.
00:43:08
Speaker
um Now on the other end of it, there are so many grants and resources that I wish I had known about pre that different people can look into to kind of make that happen. um And also,
00:43:21
Speaker
there's something that fits for you like there's an agency that fits for you there's a clinic that fits for you like there are different things that will work for your journey and what you're looking for um so just being not letting that i know so many couples or singles use that as a barrier and they're like i'll never be able to do it because of finances um and yes it is very expensive but finding ways to kind of make it happen because it'll be so beneficial in the end Yeah, for sure.
00:43:47
Speaker
Is there on, cause you already said, and it's true, this whole process is an absolute rollercoaster and there are really tough days. How did you get through those when it was just you?
00:43:59
Speaker
Yeah, I kind of set no... and Once the journey was started, i kind of eliminated expectations. Like, I was just like, I'm not going to have my heart set on this date or this timeline or, like, things like that. And it'll just happen when it happened. And when I stopped obsessing over it is when it kind of just started feeling like it was moving faster.
00:44:18
Speaker
It was when I was, like, really focused on, like, those details and, and like... hung to a timeline or I want this to happen like this way or things like that, that it bottles up and that's just not good for anyone about how that's happening.
00:44:31
Speaker
So just kind of letting the process happen as it is um was the biggest thing there. Jackson agrees. He's just shouting out. That's right. That's right, Jackson. he's like i come Yeah, exactly. He's like, I was
00:44:47
Speaker
i was like, if I ever have a second, they have to be born like sometime before to December so they can fit in all these 20 Christmas outfits that I don't have.
00:44:58
Speaker
What would you say to someone who is single dreaming about being a parent, but they're just really scared to take that first step? Yeah. um One, it's possible.
00:45:11
Speaker
um Two, rely on your community. But even if you don't have a soul community nearby, that's okay. My parents live in New York. I live in Florida. So they're not down the road that I can just like drop checks and all. Like it's, I don't, I don't have that.
00:45:26
Speaker
And sure I could move back, but that's not what I want to do right now. um So I don't necessarily have someone that's like right down the road that I can call them for support, um but build that community, learn as much as you can ahead of time.
00:45:40
Speaker
I feel like that was the biggest benefit to me that I knew what was happening throughout the process. um So I felt very comfortable in making decisions, what was happening um and steps along the way.
00:45:50
Speaker
So trust the process, learn about the process and then rely on your kind of close knit community. um And don't be scared to make it happen because it's very possible. Yes, absolutely.
00:46:01
Speaker
Okay, so here, Chris, now pretend that he's your Netflix. Don't sign on for don't sign on for a streaming network show. That's not a good idea. Okay, so pack hospital snacks and don't sign on to a reality show.
00:46:16
Speaker
Got it. Okay, perfect. definitely and The iron ironic thing is I made these like giant snack baskets for the nurses um on staff at my hospital. Like massive that like snack baskets. Like everything was blue. It said like thank you. It had all these like amazing candies, amazing snacks.
00:46:34
Speaker
Zero snacks for myself. Like literally... Brought nothing for myself. like Everything else I had, all of Jackson's outfits, I had everything we need. like no I did not bring snacks, so yeah, bring some snacks. Bring some snacks. Oh my god, I love it.
00:46:47
Speaker
Is there any just any final words of just encouragement or advice or maybe something, a small bit of nugget that like what you, just looking back now, that you wish you had had before, during and even now Yeah, um I would probably say first, like, it's never too early to start learning and to start kind of the process. And the more you know, I think the more, one, meaningful the journey is going to be because you're going to know the steps along the way. And then two, you'll just be more informed to make those decisions as they go.
00:47:24
Speaker
um That's one of the reasons I currently work with Families Out Loud, who I know you all are an incredible part Yes, we are. um Which we love having you all. And that was started by Mike and George, who are two very good friends of mine now that didn't have necessarily the same journey that I did. They had way more hiccups, way more things that weren't told to them, way more things going wrong. um And they wish they had more support throughout the way.
00:47:48
Speaker
um So they started this kind of community of Families Out Loud where we travel all throughou throughout the country offering resources to anyone who wants to start a family, whether you're a gay couple, struggling with infertility, single, anyone that wants to learn more.
00:48:00
Speaker
um And I wish I had something like that that I could have kind of learned from um in a not intimidating way but just really like one-to-one kind of environment so um really taking the time to learn finding communities like that um and yeah it's never too soon to start even even if it's not on your radar for right now start learning of what it could be start saving for what it could be um because it's not going to happen overnight so really planning out that is going to be key Yeah.
00:48:29
Speaker
Gosh, there's so many little things in there because you're so right. It's not going to happen overnight. No. You do have a right to change your mind throughout whenever you're learning things and, you know, maybe your vision goes in a different direction.
00:48:40
Speaker
And yes, having things like Families Out Loud and that community to be able, a reliable resource full of Yeah, reliable is key. Like experts, experts in it. Like there are so many, whether it's agencies, whether it's clinics, whether it's parents that have gone through it, that I would not, like, I'm so glad that I had reliable resources for me because that's what made it so successful.
00:49:06
Speaker
Anytime I hear a story of someone sharing that their maybe journey had so many hiccups, it always comes down to, one part of their journey was not as trustworthy or was not as um an expert in the field or reliable, or maybe they were trying to, another piece of advice, don't try to take a shortcut for something that's going to work in your benefit.
00:49:26
Speaker
I've heard so many stories from either friends or just people on social media where they tried to save this money here and it ended up costing three times as much here because it wasn't, it wasn't the best product that you could get um for the journey and for that experience. So really vet your sources, vet who you're working with um for that outcome.
Reflection and Gratitude
00:49:45
Speaker
Yeah, for sure. No, that's, you're, you're so correct. And yeah, Mike and George, um they, I was lucky enough to get to hear from them and their story. Yes, I watched their podcast to prepare for today's.
00:49:56
Speaker
oh ah yes Yeah. So if you guys want to hear Mike and George's story, go, go check it out. so um Oh my gosh. No, it is so good because yeah, it is a definite, just amazing. um It is their, their perspective of what could go wrong when you don't have a community like families out loud or, you know, like working with egg donor and surrogate solutions or, you know, just finding, know,
00:50:21
Speaker
it's so important to build that team and it's so important your team your team is like it has to be top-notch if you want the i know that my journey was so seamless really i mean really like compared to others like um have nothing that there are some hiccups and some things that happened throughout the way that i'm like oh that's like a big thing for me but in the grand scheme of things like there's so many other things that could have happened and that's because of the team that i kind of assembled and created Yeah. And again, that's so important, you know, whether you, whether you are single or whether you're married or, you know, whatever your circumstances that you're coming into, you know, just building your family in this way, having that team is so important in this and beyond.
00:51:02
Speaker
and yeah oh yeah yeah And yeah, absolutely. Okay. My last question for you, and it's fun one. You've seen me, I'm sipping my coffee this whole entire time. Also, I've been looking at the mug. That's the mug I gave to my egg donor on Translator. The same exact mug. So i was like, I was like, do I say something? But you brought it up. so Oh, gosh.
00:51:21
Speaker
Yay. Okay. So I got this mug from a set of intended periods that I was their coordinator for. Oh, I love that. Yes. Oh, my gosh. It made me so happy. So, yeah, it's one of my absolute favorites. so good one. If you're not watching, it says, um I make families. What's your superpowers?
00:51:38
Speaker
yeah so yeah Well, my superpowers come to me via caffeine. So I always love to ask the question, what filled your cup today? Literally or figuratively, what has been the thing that has filled your cup? Oh, I love that question. i thought you were going to be like, what's in your Stanley? I'm going to like, water. Because I'm trying to messy right now. Good for It's going to be the most boring answer possible.
00:52:03
Speaker
um Honestly, oh my gosh, today. What has happened today? i feel like it's gone so fast. um Talking to you, actually, right now and kind of reliving the journey, anytime I get to share out Jackson's story kind of relive the steps of it, I think life moves very fast, um especially with an infant in the house.
00:52:23
Speaker
um Time is, like, not a thing anymore, and now we're already on, like... eight months going on nine, um, which is insane. So, really just anytime I get to share the experience, the journey, um, and think back on like the incredible people that helped make it happen.
00:52:38
Speaker
Um, that definitely fills my cup. Yeah. Oh, I love that. It's so true. so easy to just get caught up in the day to day. And then whenever you do get to kind of take time and reflect and just look back on everything that brought you yeah because you don't do it like throughout the journey you're always thinking about every step um and then once he's here you're like okay now we're now we're thinking about what are we doing today like how are we getting from point a to point b um so really just looking back on that is like incredible i love it i love it so much well chris thank you so much and thank you jackson for your patience um yeah he's he's whining he's whining now a little bit so hopefully you don't hear him but if you do he's fine i'm staring at him so no one yeah i'm sure he's great he
00:53:22
Speaker
that's Yeah, exactly. i close. I have like a, there's like a glass door in my office and it's usually open and it's closed now because i didn't the sound. So he's probably like, open the door. like an animal in the zoo right now. Yeah, exactly. Yeah, no, that's perfect. That's perfect. Well, Chris, thank you so, so much. Thank you, Whitney. Yeah, no, I'm just so grateful that, um, for, to share your story and just to celebrate your story. that's Yes. Thank you. You're the best.