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The One Decision That Changed Everything
0 Playsin 5 hours
Heather shares the raw truth of her surrogacy journey—from saying “yes” to IVF, managing gestational diabetes, and giving birth during a hurricane. Discover the emotional highs, unexpected challenges, and the powerful connection between surrogate and intended parents.
Takeaways:
Why Heather chose surrogacy
IVF challenges and medical realities
The importance of advocacy and communication
Trust between surrogate and intended parents
Labor and delivery during unexpected crises
Postpartum recovery and emotional complexity
Links
Recommended
Transcript
Heather's Journey into Surrogacy
00:00:01
Speaker
Hi everyone, and welcome to Me, You, and Who. in today's episode, I'm thrilled to have Heather join me as we explore her incredible journey through surrogacy.
00:00:13
Speaker
Heather opens up about what inspired her to become a surrogate, the in-depth research she undertook, and the vital role of communication and support along every step of the way.
00:00:24
Speaker
From building meaningful relationships with intended parents to navigating the emotional rollercoaster of pregnancy and the unpredictable challenges of delivery, her story is one of advocacy and profound human connection.
00:00:38
Speaker
Get ready to dive into a conversation that celebrates transparency, trust, and the beautiful, sometimes chaotic process of building families.
Introduction by Whitney Hall
00:00:50
Speaker
Me, you, and who?
00:00:52
Speaker
Who knew it would take more than two people to have a baby? In a world where infertility is no longer a taboo topic, this podcast will take you through all of the different aspects of surrogacy and egg donation through the lens of many who walk this journey in different ways.
00:01:10
Speaker
My name is Whitney Hall, and I am a two-time surrogate now turned surrogacy coordinator for egg donor and surrogate solutions. the very agency I used when I chose to carry for two amazing families.
00:01:24
Speaker
With this podcast, it is our goal to help guide and support you as you learn about what it takes to grow a family in an alternative way, as well as hear inspiring and beautiful stories of how this path has changed lives forever. We can't wait for you to hear about just one more way happy families are created every day.
Interest in Surrogacy
00:01:45
Speaker
Okay, so before we even get into um just the the beauty and the fun and the amazingness that was your journey, how did surrogacy even like become a thing in your life? How did you hear about it? When were you like, oh yeah, this is what I wanna do?
00:02:02
Speaker
i I honestly, i don't remember exactly how I heard about it. It really kind of started for me. i had a friend when I lived in Germany, god 10 years ago. my My oldest wasn't even born yet.
00:02:16
Speaker
um And she really struggled with pregnancy. It was not easy for her She was one of those who was sick all the time. She was in and out of the hospital. ended up causing issues with her kidneys. Like, she had a terrible time.
00:02:30
Speaker
and i remember And I knew she wanted more than one. and my pregnancy with my first was like a breeze. So I was just like, hey,
00:02:42
Speaker
Granted, the first one can be misleading, but I was like, hey, yeah if you don't want to carry because you're too afraid to, I mean, she went through a lot of problems and had a lot of issues.
Considering Surrogacy Seriously
00:02:53
Speaker
um I kind of offered myself to her and I was like, hey, if you ever want to take me up on it. She never did. So that was fine. And then i moved back to Florida by my parents about four and a half years ago.
00:03:08
Speaker
and During before that, I had mentioned it to my ex-husband because we were done having children. We have four of our own and i did not need more. Full house. We're good.
00:03:20
Speaker
Correct. But pregnancy for me, i mean, granted, it wasn't always easy, but i didn't hate it but Yeah. So I was like, I don't want to have more of my own, but I think having one for someone else would be really cool.
00:03:35
Speaker
Yeah. And I had mentioned it to my ex-husband. He told me no. was not something he wanted to be a part of. He didn't want me to risk my life for anyone or for a stranger. i was like, okay, that's kind of fair. So then me and him separated, moved back to Florida.
00:03:51
Speaker
i had a friend who had a stillborn 36 Oh, gosh. you know At that point, you don't know kind of what went wrong. Was it something with her?
00:04:01
Speaker
It ended up being the baby had an infection. But, you know, and ah once again, I kind of threw myself at her feet and was like, hey, if you don't want to do this again, I know you still want a baby. Let me know. Let me know what the doctors say and we'll we'll take it from there.
00:04:15
Speaker
She ended up having a beautiful, healthy baby girl last year. So she didn't need me either, which is awesome. I'm so happy and so grateful for her yes um yeah that she was able to do that.
00:04:28
Speaker
um So, yeah, so once she, you know, she went through her doctors and they told her she was good to go, I was like, you know what? I brought it up to my now husband. And I was like, what do you think about this? Like, I was told no before, so I respected that. was like, but me and him, we have seven kids between the two of us. So we definitely don't need much.
00:04:49
Speaker
Fuller house. We really don't need more kids. And at that point, my youngest was four. So like, I had a good break. I mean, mind you, I had my four and five years. So my body hated me by the end of the fourth kid My body was like, woman, take a break.
00:05:07
Speaker
So i had a good, healthy four-year gap. I was like, I think I'm ready for this. I'm ready to commit. um Because it's a lot to kind of process and go through. know, your body had to go through it all over again. Now I'm in my 30s. Like, things are different when you're in your Yeah, for sure.
00:05:24
Speaker
From the time that you were first thinking about it to now, it's like we've lived a lot of lives. Yeah, from my early mid-20s to now in my 30s. Yeah, it's a little different. So, and when I brought it up to him, he's like, we ain't having kids. So if you want to do this,
00:05:37
Speaker
Let's go. So love it once he, he gave me the green light and it was full sail from there. Like we, there was no stopping us. Oh my gosh. I love it. Well, and I mean, it's amazing that you bring up, you know, I mean, it really is important to have that support system and you know, everybody for, you know, we, we respect all of the views on it and everything, but I mean, at the end of the day, you do, you have to have that, that support system. And so that's amazing that you had that in your husband.
Research and the Role of Agencies
00:06:04
Speaker
So once it was full sale from there, what, what did the process look like for you? Did you like, what kind of research did you do? Or you, were you like, what did that look like? Well, it's one thing to be like, hey, I'm ready to do this. And it's a whole other thing to really understand what goes into it.
00:06:22
Speaker
And I had no clue. I had no, I had no clue. The, even just the IVF process, like what the couples have to go through. Like, it's mind boggling because you know, my four, I didn't even have to think about. They just, boom.
00:06:37
Speaker
So it's like to be on the other end of that was very humbling. It was very eye-opening just how technical and how science-y, like it's it's amazing.
00:06:49
Speaker
So when I started, I'm not gonna lie, I Googled. Oh, yeah, sure. We got to start somewhere. Yeah. And mind you, honestly, i we all know Google is like 50 50 shot on whether you're going to get good information. But, you know, I had, you know, more or less kind of shopped around because I definitely did not want to do it.
00:07:10
Speaker
on my own, like I wanted to have that support. I wanted to make sure my bases were covered, but also an agency. They're going to think of things that I never would have dreamed of. And you guys did.
00:07:22
Speaker
You guys, i mean, you walked me through every single part. And then even some of the things that we went through, i was like,
00:07:31
Speaker
Like it was, it was, it was beautiful. Like it was just fantastic to have that companionship, you know, having Pashy with me every step, um having you guys to be able to answer all my questions. You guys were so transparent. Even your website. It's not like I had to go digging for anything. Like you had, you had everything available at the, at your fingertips, which I so appreciate. I don't always,
00:07:57
Speaker
love being like, oh, you have to call us to have any kind of answer to any question. And it's like, okay, i understand talking to a live person, 100% helpful, but sure it's also nice to have reference or to be able to be like, Hey, honey, come look at this real quick.
00:08:11
Speaker
So yeah, I really loved that about you guys, how transparent you are, how helpful you are. you guys were available at all times. Um, You were so thorough with not only like you know our consultation as far as like just starting just the whole the medical, the psychological, the legal, the everything was just thorough.
00:08:35
Speaker
And i I am someone I I thrive on steps like I need a plan. i need ah step by step. Action that I have to follow that just make my life so much more simple and it's easy for me to follow and it's easier for me to understand. So you guys provided that 100% and i was like like, can do this. Okay, cool.
00:08:54
Speaker
Oh, I love that. And I love that you that experience. And yes, shout out to Pesci. She is just, oh, she's so amazing. And yeah no, for sure. But it's so true. I mean, you know, to go from Google where, like you said, it's it's overwhelming. There's a 50-50 shot that it's even right.
00:09:10
Speaker
To get to, you know, the spot where you were, where it was like, This is such a big process. And I do need to know all of those things. And and not just the the fun and happy, but all of it. Like being transparent from the very beginning of like, you know, hey, this, we're going to take our time and checking, you know, all those boxes and dotting our I's and crossing those T's and, you know, everything.
Overcoming Industry Challenges
00:09:36
Speaker
So i am I'm so glad that that was your experience because that truly is something that is just so important to you.
00:09:41
Speaker
us as a whole and really is just so important to this industry and how it, you know, the experience that everyone should have when they're going through something. Yeah. Unfortunately, there's just too many shady people and too many.
00:09:55
Speaker
i mean, we all heard about the, the escrow debacle that happened last year. Like just, there's just, so much bad out there, it can be hard to weed out the good and it can be and it's sad for those who want to do it. It can be hard for them to find you guys.
00:10:11
Speaker
So I think it's so awesome how you guys kind of touch on every platform to be able to make yourself more accessible. And I think that's just I think that's awesome. Oh, I love that. I love that. And thank you. Yes. No. I mean, yes, I agree. it's a It's a vulnerable population. Like it is it is people desperate to to grow their family. And it's so unfortunate that um that can be taken advantage of in such a wrong way. And so i i love i love that for you.
00:10:39
Speaker
i love that you found us, first of all. I love, you know, again, thank you for all of your kind words because yes, that is such a passion, ah you know, of ours to to bring an ethical, clear, um and just good experience for everybody, um you know, as they're going through it. So i I'm so, so glad.
00:10:57
Speaker
Going back to the very beginning, um tell me about the matching process. How was that for you? I mean, we got through like you, you we did the all of the, okay, we've got to go through your medical records. We've got it, you know, all of the fun stuff. I mean, we got to even just make sure like we're good to go there.
00:11:16
Speaker
You finally got there. It's time for that matching process. What was that like for you? um I don't want to say it was overwhelming because, again, you guys laid it out very easy for me to kind of follow.
00:11:27
Speaker
But it is like nerve wracking. Like it is. for short What if someone doesn't like me? Because on one hand, I don't really care about people's opinions, but also like I'm doing this to help someone. I want them to like me. I want them. I want to connect with someone because this is not just a nine month to a year, year and a half journey, depending on, you know what the circumstances are. But like.
00:11:49
Speaker
This is hopefully a lifelong journey like this is hopefully something that we get to kind of grow together through. So like, I really wanted to make sure that one, we captured that too, that I was able to kind of resonate that with someone with another couple.
00:12:06
Speaker
um So yeah i was a little nervous um and I wanted, you know, I don't want to give too much information, but then it's also like, you know, someone could take one look at me and be like, oh, she's got tattoos and piercings. I don't want that. And that's totally fine.
00:12:20
Speaker
We all, you know, I don't care what anyone says. We all judge a book based on its cover. So like that, that probably was one of the scarier things for me just because It just was in my mind, but it was ay loved and appreciated the fact that I got to pick first, that it was kind of how what I was comfortable with first. It wasn't like, you know, you guys threw a bunch of surrogates at a couple and was like, hey, pick one.
00:12:50
Speaker
Like, I love how I kind of get to review profiles and I got to look at medical records and kind of take into account, you know, someone's circumstances, whether it be personal or medical. um And I really, i was actually honestly blown away by that. i was like,
00:13:08
Speaker
I get to pick. I get to pick. You get to pick. Yes. Wow. I thought that was like, I honestly, again, not something you really think of when you start this.
00:13:19
Speaker
So being told that and explain that. And then of course, filling out my own profile and making sure that, you know, I explain who I am as a person. Cause I don't want, there shouldn't be any surprises. Like I wanted to make sure I was transparent, but i also didn't want to scare anyone away.
00:13:34
Speaker
So like, it was just being able to kind of go through the profiles, being given all I mean, all the information I could ever want was comforting.
00:13:47
Speaker
Yeah, I think it was really cool. um I loved being given the option. i love that it was my pick first. I appreciate that so much. um and And within
Communication with Intended Parents
00:13:58
Speaker
that, it really worked.
00:14:00
Speaker
Yeah. And and yeah within that pick, it was your parameters too. Like there's, yeah you know, yeah what I was comfortable with, what um I was looking for in surrogates. Yes. It wasn't like I was handed, you know,
00:14:13
Speaker
Five random profiles. Yeah. Yeah. Like they, they resonated with me more for my, my situation. Yeah. Yeah, for sure.
00:14:24
Speaker
So as you're going through all of those profiles and you're looking through everything, how did you know that your, the intended parents that you were looking at, what were kind of the, how did you know that it was right for you?
00:14:38
Speaker
Oh, um,
00:14:42
Speaker
Proximity helped, honestly. Oh, sure. Yeah. Let's be realistic. That really helped that they were in the same state as me. I mean, seven kids.
00:14:52
Speaker
Yeah. So that helped. um But i I just, when I read through, like, how they got together, how they met, kind of how they found out that they weren't able to have their own, um kind of the the trials and tribulations she had to go through as far as even just getting eggs. Like, it just...
00:15:15
Speaker
That kind of stuck with me, but also I really appreciated. um I'm not religious, but I really appreciated how they were and how they kind of put their faith in something higher for them.
00:15:30
Speaker
um And I think that you kind of need it with something like this because not everyone gets a happy ending. And I think for going forward, I thought that was really important for them.
00:15:44
Speaker
um Because while we were very blessed and very, very lucky as far as um essentially, you know, one and done, like, you know, we did the one transfer and that was the baby we had. Like, that does not happen. Like i i whether that was a tribute to me or to them, i don't or just by the grace of God, like I just thought that was i thought that was really important and and it just kind of stuck with me. And i don't know, it was almost like I was just drawn to them and I just kind of read their profile. And granted, I read, i think, five at one time.
00:16:16
Speaker
um And they just they just stuck out the most and so that was they were my 1st choice and they chose me. Oh, I love that. love that.
00:16:27
Speaker
Well, and so it helps like you, you read that profile and you know, and it's so great. Everything can look great on paper. And then we, but we have that match meeting for a reason.
00:16:38
Speaker
And you know, you get to, and for those you don't that don't know, a match meeting is whenever everybody meets virtually um guided by our, ah you know, matching coordinator. And, and that's really whenever you guys kind of get to just get to know each other,
00:16:53
Speaker
It's like that ah really cute blind date, but everybody's talking about uterus. It's great icebreaker. ah Yeah. Yeah. It's a great icebreaker. um But yeah. And so, you know, you you can have that feeling whenever you're reading, you know, just a profile, but then but then you really get to get to kind of either kind of solidify those feelings, I feel like.
00:17:12
Speaker
Yes. Yes. Yeah. Yes, absolutely. Yeah. I think we were all so nervous and so excited too, though. Like, I mean, the four of us, we you know, it was obviously and my husband and then the intended parents.
00:17:26
Speaker
And just the four of us all getting together the first time, we were so excited. It was really funny because both of our husbands are Richard. So was just kind of funny how it was almost like we're meant to be. All right, cool.
00:17:39
Speaker
Awesome. It was just, it just, it clicked. And um we were kind of looking for the same things. um Once again, as far as communication and expectations and making sure We have the hard conversations because, again, it's not always something that people want to talk about.
00:17:59
Speaker
It's not always something that, you know, maybe some people don't even want to deal with it until they have to. And and that's not really smart going into something like this. So being able to have that safe space to have those hard conversations, to have um those conversations about expectations, you know,
00:18:16
Speaker
Whether it be what you know, my, me and my husband were looking for as far as afterbirth, like what, how do we, do we want a relationship? Do we want to keep in contact? You know, do I want to be able to get pictures of the baby or whatever the case may be, you know, social media do, do, are the intended parents okay with posting?
00:18:36
Speaker
Sure. You know, and then, of course, the really tough stuff, you know, what if something's wrong? What do we do? Yes. yeah So I think it was.
00:18:48
Speaker
I never not this may not be the most eloquent way of putting this, but I never not felt comfortable like I was always i felt like I was. I wasn't going to be judged and we were able to work through everything that we needed to, but still had complete understanding and complete respect for one another. And I thought that was very, very helpful as far as our process and and our relationship went, even just from the very beginning.
00:19:16
Speaker
Yeah. ah Yeah. Well, I mean, you're hitting on some really great things because, you know, at, like I think like you said from the beginning, right? Like you you kind of in your head are like, yeah, I love being pregnant. I'll go be pregnant. That's totally fine. And then all of a sudden, whenever you learn more and more, you're like, oh, wait, we we really have to think about, you know, do you have to think about what, i you know,
00:19:39
Speaker
termination views are or what we want post delivery and relationship and and those nitty gritties and and things like that and i think you know i um i love what you said as far as obviously faith is so important to so many people and i i really love that you all do not aren't necessarily aligned in the sense of you know just where you each but there's there's like you said there's this mutual respect of like, I can so appreciate it about that, about you or, you know, and and vice versa and still, you know, be able to hear one another and and get to know each other. And um I just think that's so beautiful because I know, especially in this process and having been in that education role, i you know, there's a lot of like little things that sometimes people, um you know, really, really hyper focus on. And at the end of the day, exactly like you're right, if there's trust, if there's communication,
00:20:37
Speaker
especially in that very beginning. I mean, that's why that magic process is so important. Yes, I agree. 100%. We'll get right back to the show. But I wanted to take a moment to let you know that for the past 18 years, we at Egg Donor and Surrogate Solutions have had the honor of walking alongside women who didn't just dream about making a difference.
00:20:57
Speaker
They said yes. Yes to helping someone else's dream come true. Yes to helping create a happy family by becoming a surrogate.
Agency Support and Resources
00:21:05
Speaker
Whether you're just curious about surrogacy or ready to take the next step, we'd love to support you.
00:21:11
Speaker
You can download our surrogate compensation guide or schedule a quick 15-minute call with our education team at createahappyfamily.com. Our agency's promise is to give you the autonomy to choose the family you help and set your compensation as you promise to give a parent the greatest gift one can give.
00:21:31
Speaker
a child of their own. It's okay to have questions. This is a big decision. But if you've ever wondered whether surrogacy might be a fit for you, this is our invitation to find out.
00:21:42
Speaker
All right, let's get back to the show. Well, we do know it was like we, I mean, the matching process obviously worked out beautifully and it was like magical.
00:21:52
Speaker
um And spoil yeah I mean, you did spoiler alert. It worked the first time. We absolutely loved that.
00:22:00
Speaker
But as you were getting there, you know, and there's so much, there's so much to the process before we even get to that fun part. As you were getting there, what was that like as you were building that relationship with the intended parents? Cause I know just that relationship factor was so important for you, for you guys.
00:22:17
Speaker
Yeah. ah I mean, throughout it, we, again, I feel like communication is just so important and not just in relationships, just in life, to be honest, like we should, you know,
00:22:29
Speaker
you know If I don't know what you're thinking or you don't know what I think and you have you know concerns or you're apprehensive about something, like, let me know. Because either I can i can help you through it or i can talk you through it. Like, i this is your first time.
00:22:45
Speaker
This is not my first time. Granted, this is my first time, you know, again, the IVF process, the shots, the pills, the patches, that was all new. yeah But pregnancy can be really scary, except for especially for someone who has been through so much,
00:23:04
Speaker
you know, challenge so many challenges and and probably some trauma. Like it's not, it it's so easy to say, Oh, put yourself in someone's shoes, but it's another thing to actually be going through it with someone.
00:23:14
Speaker
And while I may never have gone through what she gone through, I can do my best to assuade her fears and to just be like, Hey, There's only so much we can do, only so much we can control, and we're just going to worry about right now.
00:23:30
Speaker
And I tried my best to do that with her. I, you know, I told her, like I said, from the very beginning, we swapped numbers, we were texting, know, as far as, you know, traveling down to her for, you know, my medical evaluation.
00:23:45
Speaker
um for the transfer. you know we Every time I was in town, we would get to dinner. to We would get together and have dinner. yeah know We were meeting up. We were talking. Like i said, we're constantly texting. on So like I just, my biggest thing was I wanted to be ah really
00:24:04
Speaker
important support person for her, um because i think and this was just kind of my thought process is like surrogacy and the whole journey of it.
00:24:17
Speaker
Yes, it is beautiful, but it can also be very disconnecting because you're not she's not carrying her own child. Some a stranger is essentially doing it for her. So while yes, I was hours away from her and I was, you know,
00:24:32
Speaker
growing the baby, essentially, she's still the mom. And I still wanted to make sure that she was as much a part of the journey and the experience as I could possibly have her be without physically doing it.
00:24:46
Speaker
So that was, you know, something that I think that I tried my best at doing. um and she, you know, there was definitely points where she would get really nervous. She would get really anxious.
00:24:57
Speaker
Um, And, you know, especially with all the medical stuff, there was a lot more testing that we had to do this time around, not just pre, but also during. Yeah. And she didn't understand most of the jargon that goes on with it. So, yeah.
00:25:13
Speaker
yeah So like, well, know, we would FaceTime every appointment and I would have her on the phone and she would hear the doctor. And then literally after she'd be like, what did he say? Oh, sweet thing.
00:25:25
Speaker
I made sure I explained every single detail to her. Like, this is why we're doing this. This is what this means. This is you know, where the concern is this, or, or we're just keeping an eye on this.
00:25:36
Speaker
Like I made sure she understood. And if she still had questions, then I would bring the doctor back in and be like, Hey, you need a better explain this for her. And at the end of the day, i I made sure that she was aware that I, of course, was aware, because, again, I feel like this could also be another fear that isn't talked about a lot.
00:25:55
Speaker
It is their child. It is not mine. So I wanted to make sure she she knew and I heard her as far as like these choices are yours. Well, yes, it is my body. um These are this is your baby.
00:26:07
Speaker
So if you want another ultrasound. We will do it if you want another conversation with the doctor, I will call that doctor and we will get on the phone. Like, I wanted to make sure that.
00:26:20
Speaker
she felt seen and heard throughout the whole thing. And I did, but I tried my best at doing that for her. um Because again, I didn't want her to not feel comfortable throughout it all.
00:26:32
Speaker
So yeah, I think doing that from the very beginning was just something that I kept in mind. And I tried to carry throughout. And I think, I think we did
Managing Emotions and Expectations
00:26:42
Speaker
that pretty well. Cause I mean, we still talk.
00:26:45
Speaker
Oh, I love that. I love that. And it's, it's beautiful that, I mean, essentially you were an advocate for her. you know, like you, you, Once you get past, you know, like you said, like the the IVF process and kind of the unknown for you and, you know, and of course you had, um you know, you each were being a support to one another through that. And of course you had Pacey and your husband and, you know, I know the nurses and just everybody's there, and you know, hey, we're doing this step by step and, you know, all those things. she's just sitting home with her husband. Like there's, yeah, she doesn't have all that.
00:27:17
Speaker
Yeah. Right, right. And so it's beautiful that in those situations where it was like, yeah, no, let me call the doctor back in here. And and we're going to make sure that this is explained to you because I do want you to you don't know and and feel seen and heard exactly like you said. And, you know oh my gosh, that's, and again, just that mutual respect for one another.
00:27:40
Speaker
oh my gosh, that's gorgeous. Yes, because once, if you do I feel like if you don't have that from the beginning, it's hard to... you try to build it as you go. um Because, of course, it's going to grow. But if if you don't have that foundation set, you're kind of scrambling for it the whole time. And i I just wanted to make sure, again, I think clear expectations and just having that communication, having that honesty.
00:28:05
Speaker
granted i probably talk more than i should sometimes but i think it's really important to just kind of just get it all out there like don't hold back i mean there was a lot of times you know there was definitely times i called her crying like there was times where i was just emotionally drained and i was anxious or i was just you know being pregnant and just emotional so there was times where i called her and i was just having a meltdown and she's like We're going to be You've got this. And then are there are other times where I'm like, hey, you maybe didn't sound OK. Or maybe I'm getting like the vibes via text message because, of course, we've got to try to read between the lines.
00:28:45
Speaker
Sure. Sure. You seem like a little apprehensive. What's going on? What are you thinking? What's in your head? And she would be like, hey, I'm really nervous about this. And I'm like, OK, well, let's talk about it. So and we so we worked through ah a lot of that together. But I also was like, hey, if you're not sure, reach out to Pashi, reach out to your IVF doctor like there, you know, Google, if you're not sure, Google it like, you know, there's so much information out there.
00:29:10
Speaker
Granted, there's probably too much information out there. But, you know, utilize what you got. um You have that team for a reason. You build that team. for you if you need me, always.
00:29:21
Speaker
But I want to make sure, like, you're not just like, oh well, Heather said, you know. Yeah. Get what you need and don't be afraid to. Oh, I love that. I love that.
00:29:31
Speaker
mean, it really, again, that open communication that you all had with each other. and i mean, ultimately you guys were building just that gorgeous foundation of trust and, and knowing that you both just, even if it was something small at the end of the day, you still had each other's best interest in mind.
00:29:49
Speaker
yeah And that, I mean, that's important. That's what matters. It can be so easy in this process, I think, to get wrapped up in, in, um, I don't want to say small things because they feel big and they are big in the moment. They are big.
00:30:04
Speaker
But, but to not let those things dictate the overall, you know, and forgetting the the beginning and the reason why. And, and, you know, again, you guys just, you did such a great job of,
00:30:20
Speaker
like you said, um being so forthcoming in the beginning so that you could have that trust and that respect. And i mean, ultimately that gorgeous communication um that really just, I mean, it makes it, oh, it makes it.
00:30:36
Speaker
Yes, it really did. Oh, I love that. i love that. What would you, what would you say was maybe some of the, like, you're a big, a big surprise?
00:30:47
Speaker
Or if you, did you have any surprises about this journey as a whole?
Challenges During Pregnancy
00:30:52
Speaker
Not going lie, the IVF clinic, um when we were starting the process, threw us for some loops as far as, like, testing goes.
00:31:01
Speaker
um And even, you know, my intended parents were kind of like, they're driving us nuts. But Pasha did a really great job of making sure we got everything done that we needed to. wasn't the smoothest, but we got there. um And I still feel like we got there really quick. Like, I feel like for us, it was just...
00:31:20
Speaker
It was just meant to be like it was like dominoes, like we were just knocking things out left and right. Like it just went really smooth for us. And i I'm like, was talking about like, is it normally like this? I feel like this is a little crazy.
00:31:32
Speaker
And she's like, no, it's not. And I was like, OK, well, I'll take that as a positive and we'll just keep going. i mean, we just kind of rode the tide like we just rode. We were like, we're just, you know, we're kind of on a high and we're going to stay on a high and we're just going to keep going.
00:31:46
Speaker
I love it. But I love that you have patients there to like to keep things going and to follow up with and to be able to ask that question. Is this normal? You have that. Yeah. And I'm also, I'm the type of person who, if if something needs to be done, I'm going to make sure it gets done.
00:32:03
Speaker
like There is no waiting. i have no time for games. I have no time for the back and forth that some doctor's offices can try to play with you. like If we need a test done, if we need an ultrasound done, I will...
00:32:15
Speaker
Okay, cool. We got it done. Cool. Click. All right. I'm calling and I'm getting this figured out. Like I am not one to waste time. I just, I feel like that's just, you know, this is not a, Cheap endeavor for the couple.
00:32:30
Speaker
And so I tried to keep that in mind as far as time, because time is money. And so I, I, I was very, i tried to be very efficient as I could to just keep things moving, making sure we were, we were checking all the boxes.
00:32:43
Speaker
Yeah. The, the process itself, like I said, IVF clinic was, was a different debacle, but we got everything done. We needed to, um as far as the pregnancy goes,
00:32:55
Speaker
Through you. Yeah. Yeah. Oh, big thumbs up. Yes. And I'm also sarcastic. Like it did hit different.
00:33:06
Speaker
And again, i don't know if it's because I'm in my thirties now. So, you know, we all know everything hurts after you're 30. But and I was like, i don't know if it's because there's such a gap between my last. I don't know if if it was because of all the hormones that I was on. What or what exactly that all does to you and, you know internally.
00:33:27
Speaker
um But yeah, pregnancy hit different this time around. It was, you know, here I am talking to them and I'm like, oh yeah, this is what happened last time. And this happened. And then i'm like, yeah, I don't know anything.
00:33:40
Speaker
I don't know what I was talking about because this is not the same. Like my nausea lasted all the way up until 22 weeks. Whereas before I was like done at 12. So I was, i was just not feeling it.
00:33:55
Speaker
I got gestational diabetes this time around. Um, that, That was the one phone call that I made to her where I was just broken down because I i almost felt like my body was failing me um and it was it was hard. It was really hard to bury. And it's while I was able to maintain it 100% through diet, which I was very lucky in that respect.
00:34:19
Speaker
Yeah. um It was still a lot to juggle. um And it was something I never had to do before. So I had to learn. i did a lot of Googling, which, again, is very, i don't know if I'd recommend it for gestational diabetes, because there's so so much misinformation out there.
00:34:34
Speaker
But luckily, i had a coordinator who had also been through it. So Pashi was a really good resource for me. And she was a very good soundboard for me too, because I was able to be like, I'm so frustrated. I'm so hungry.
00:34:47
Speaker
ah he i bought pasta. Like, so, but it was also really cool while, that was different and while i had the gestational diabetes it was almost like my my body responded to keep me sane so like i wasn't having those cravings anymore i was losing weight which the doctors weren't mad about so like i i was able again to maintain i i was on my diet like you couldn't believe even to the point where my husband's like
00:35:22
Speaker
You can cheat. i'm like, no, I can't. No, no, no, not. but No, we are. This is what I'm eating. This is what we're doing that. We cannot go here anymore. can't smell this. Like, no. I was like, you know, we only got however, i think by that point, by the time I found out it was like 12 weeks.
00:35:42
Speaker
Sure, sure. so I can do this for 12 weeks. Yeah, we can do this for three months. Like, we'll just, we'll make it. um So, yeah. So, pregnancy really hit different. I've never been so tired in my life.
00:35:53
Speaker
Oh, sure. um Exhausted. i and I was just I would text the parents sometimes and I'm like, it's just that's the like 12 hours is not enough.
00:36:04
Speaker
Well, that was not enough. Like I was a zombie. ah Naps were my best friend. So it it definitely hit different. But. I also can't wait to do it again.
00:36:17
Speaker
Oh my gosh, I love that. I am that crazy person who is like, wow, this was rollercoaster of emotions and everything. was also amazing.
00:36:29
Speaker
And I really, I can't, I didn't not like it. So I feel like with how we were able to do it the first time, um My parents want to do a sibling.
00:36:40
Speaker
So my intended parents want to do a sibling. So, um so yeah, so we're going to do that at the end of the year Oh my gosh. I love that. I love that so much.
00:36:52
Speaker
But you know, I think it's, I want to go back to something that you said, you know, that you, you had that when you found out about the gestational diabetes and you, you were like, my body's failing me. yeah And i I mean, that feeling, i i know so many people can resonate with that.
00:37:12
Speaker
And then yet at the end of the day, i hope you kept in mind, like your body was doing something so amazing that, yeah I mean, is it possible for everyone?
00:37:24
Speaker
And, and so the, the fact that, you know, you, you were like, I can do this for 12 weeks. I'll have pasta later. And you were like, i mean, just on it. It was yeah like, I mean, you did, you grabbed the bull by the horns and you were like, this is new and different and we're going to go for it.
00:37:40
Speaker
And I love, again, i love the fact that you, um, that, that you did have Peishi. for, you know, just to be not only just to be a sounding board, but a resource and, you know, someone to guide you through the craziness of Google and not having to rely on that. And, you know, just things like that.
00:37:56
Speaker
Yeah, it's so easy to spiral with with, I mean, a diagnosis like that, essentially it is because now... Unfortunately, that is something that I have to keep in the back of my mind for essentially the rest of my life because I'm now at risk for type 2 diabetes as I get older.
00:38:13
Speaker
So it is definitely something that has forced me. Granted, it's not the worst thing to be healthier.
00:38:22
Speaker
not the worst thing it's not the worst thing but is it the most convenient no no yeah so like it was that was definitely my initial gut reaction was i felt like my body was failing me i felt like i had failed them because my mind immediately because mind you you know me and the intended mom We had been talking about second journey since before transfer.
00:38:47
Speaker
Oh, my gosh, I love that. Yeah. So like that is something that and I was like, oh, my God, is this going to stop me from being able to do this again? I was terrified. I was really afraid of the consequences, the implications like I was afraid. And then the the I was seeing a nurse practitioner for most of the pregnancy ah and she was telling me My second, my second kid was a C-section and then the two after that were VBACs.
00:39:14
Speaker
I had a vaginal birth after cesarean. So she was telling me because I had gestational diabetes that I wasn't going to be able to, i wasn't a candidate for VBAC anymore. I was going to have to have a C-section and my, i was not someone who had a good experience with a C-section. i Sure.
00:39:32
Speaker
I was dead set against having one. Obviously, if it is medically necessary me um for me and the baby, obviously i would do what I have to do. But of course, of course I would never volunteer for it.
00:39:44
Speaker
So or I was like, I was having a panic attack and I was freaking out. And I was like, but if I'm if I can control it, if I'm not on medicine, how does gestational diabetes equate to me not being able to have a vaginal delivery?
00:40:04
Speaker
Like, I don't. you feel like you were able to ask that question? So she told me one thing and then I met with the actual OB the next appointment and I talked to him and he looked at me like I was crazy. He's like, we've had two successful VBACs, why wouldn't we do a third? And I'm like, oh.
00:40:22
Speaker
oh hallelujah oh and i immediately felt such relief like you know i had to i had the whole chart i had a key i was pricking my finger four times a day i was tracking everything my meals like and my numbers were great yeah so he's like he's looking at my numbers and he's like yeah we don't unless there's like an emergency that happens we're not doing a c-section on you i'm like okay okay i'll take it thank you oh i love that the initial panic though was real it was real sure it's easy to spiral it's easy to spiral especially with something i mean i know you were so like i mean you you you were scared you
00:41:02
Speaker
I mean, you had had a experience and i I do appreciate you saying at the end of the day, you are going to do the thing that is safest. At the end of the day, i will do. maybe Right.
00:41:14
Speaker
At the end of the day, i will do whatever you tell me to. i will do what we have to, to have a healthy baby, like, and absolutely healthy. i will do whatever we need to. yeah, But it took me, you know, like you said, it it's, you know it's big in the moment because it it was it was big in the moment.
00:41:31
Speaker
But after a couple days, I was like,
00:41:35
Speaker
Yeah, we will do this. We got this. Yeah, that was just, that was just kind of it. That's great that you stayed curious, though. And you asked the question and you, you know, you were like, I'm, I'm, I know I'm going to, you again, that that trust that your intended experience had in you of I know she's going to do exactly what is correct and right for, you know, just the health of her and baby, just that alone and having that trust at the end of the day, but getting to still be curious and to say, you know,
00:42:05
Speaker
But wait, I really, really, really, really want things to go a certain way. Can we please have this conversation? That's so important. That's so important. Oh, 100% agree because again, i think, I think it can be easy to focus more on yourself And there's more than just me involved in this. And it's not just a journey. Like, it's just involved in this whole process. Like, there was more than just me.
00:42:29
Speaker
So, like, I wanted, while I was freaking out and like, hey, I really don't want a C-section. i You know I'm really hoping I don't have to be on medicine. I'm hoping I can control it with diet and I'll do everything I need to do.
00:42:42
Speaker
I made sure the whole time I was communicating all of those things, all of those feelings, whether they were a little overwhelming or not to them and to her, just so that one, if she had any, she could, you know, let me know so that we can kind of talk it together.
00:42:59
Speaker
But also like, I wanted her to know, and I wanted her to make sure she was still comfortable with me knowing that like, hey, I got this, like, I am not going to let you down. I'm not going to drop the ball. Like I, there is a lot of risk. Like there's there's not just me involved, there's a baby involved. Like, and and obviously the end game is to have a healthy baby that they get to go home with.
00:43:23
Speaker
So, you know, making sure that we talked about those things and that, hey, you know, i I will take care of this as much and as thorough as I can while still having all the conversations, of course, with the doctor and the dietitian and Pashi and everyone involved, you know, making sure that that we still, we did all of that.
00:43:46
Speaker
um That was just kind of something that I i tried to do um with them. Yeah, no, and I mean, again, that's it.
00:43:56
Speaker
You guys had built up such a great communication with each other. And the fact that you were comfortable enough, both of you were comfortable enough to be able to have those, you know, just raw and honest conversations and be able to, you know, express your feelings in that way, but in a safe, respectful, like, and Hey, thank God.
00:44:12
Speaker
Thank God we have a team with us who can help us and be supportive to us as we're figuring this out. So no, it's beautiful. It's, I mean, again, like those are the things that they make a journey. They make a journey and, and, you know, they build just that connection and it's, it's so worth it at the end, whenever you have that.
00:44:30
Speaker
So for sure. yeah Okay. Tell me about delivery day, my favorite day.
Delivery Day Challenges
00:44:35
Speaker
Okay. Well, first of all, we had the hurricanes. Oh, bless. Let's throw in a natural disaster into it.
00:44:41
Speaker
Yeah. Two back-to-back hurricanes. Oh. So the first, God, what was I, 32 weeks? When the first one hit.
00:44:52
Speaker
And I had, because I was gestational diabetes, I had to do the stress tests every week. yeah They were monitoring, she was measuring bigger. So they were trying to keep track of that to make sure like she didn't get too big or if she was getting too big that we had a plan in place as far as how we were gonna handle that.
00:45:08
Speaker
um and Of course, that would that would mean I would need a C-section if she obviously got too big. So we were having those conversations. We were doing, you dotting all the T, well, dotting all the I's and crossing all the T's.
00:45:19
Speaker
We were doing all the things. And so the the first hurricane hit and my OB b closed and I had a stress test and an ultrasound. And I was like, you can't close on me because I need these things done. I need to make sure baby's good.
00:45:33
Speaker
So i ma I called the OB b and I coordinated with them and they sent me to the hospital for testing. So we did all that. Okay. That was at 32 weeks. Then 34 weeks hit and another hurricane came through And the pressure of the storm and i want to say it was a full freaking moon too I was having such labor pains at 34 weeks. Oh no, no, no. And was like, this is not, i do not accept this.
00:46:10
Speaker
This is not how this is going to happen. like, I do not accept this. We are not having this in the 34 weeks. We are not doing this right now. so i Like they were, they were getting intense. They were getting close. And I'm like, I'm not going to message her and freak her out because I refuse to believe this.
00:46:32
Speaker
So I, I took some Tylenol and I went to sleep. I was like, we're not doing this. We're going to sleep through this. So luckily I woke up and there was no problems. It went away.
00:46:43
Speaker
i had talked to the OB about it. Like I had another appointment, like just two days later. Sure. And she's like, I can't tell you how many people came in, in labor. During the storm.
00:46:54
Speaker
During the storm. Oh, I'm sure. I was not going to be one of those. i was like, I was very close to coming in. I was like, but I refused. And I, I told her, I told the baby, no, we're not doing this.
00:47:06
Speaker
And so, yeah, so we had that happening. And then 36 weeks, um I was already starting to, i was feeling so much pressure. Like she was low.
00:47:24
Speaker
Like I was waddling bad. um ah Yeah, it was a little, it was a little funny to look at, by ah So i I had gone into the doctor and I I know typically at 36 weeks they don't want to check you. But I did ask the nurse practitioner. I'm like, look, I feel like she is I feel like she is there. Like, yeah can you just make sure we've still got time because.
00:47:50
Speaker
know, she still has a couple of weeks to cook. I mean, yeah technically, I know they she would be OK if she came out now, but I'd rather her not. So they checked me. i was already at two centimeters and they could touch her head.
00:48:04
Speaker
Oh, So she's like, don't walk. Don't go on walks anymore. Don't. Let's just relax. Let's just chill on the couch. And OK, she's like, let's just get to you to like thirty seven, thirty eight weeks.
00:48:18
Speaker
I was doing all the things I was supposed to be doing. And then like right at like 37 weeks, I hadn't progressed any further, which was good. And she kind of went back up. So that was good. yeah um And then but like between that 37 to 38 week range, like the Braxton Hicks were getting bad.
00:48:35
Speaker
and it was I it got to the point where i like hadn't slept in two days. And we were like right at that 38 week cusp where she's technically full term.
00:48:47
Speaker
I'm like, I was miserable. I was tired. I just wanted to sleep and I couldn't sleep. And I, you know, I was all the things I was getting cranky. My husband was like, can we just have a baby so you can um mom because you're being a little crazy.
00:49:02
Speaker
you know i couldn't. I was that like, you know, when you're right at the end of something and you know, you're you're you're so close, you can taste it. Yes. But I all of a sudden was like, I need a bagel.
00:49:13
Speaker
I need pasta. I need all the bad things. It was like everything hit at once. So I was going a little psycho. um But yeah, so i went I did end up going into the hospital because it was getting, the contractions were not going away. You were like, this I don't think this is Rexton Hicks anymore. yeah, yeah. Right.
00:49:32
Speaker
So we went in they did an ultrasound. She was measuring two weeks ahead. so she was... technically measuring it. Like, yeah, she was measuring at 39, 40 weeks. So they're like, she could come and she would be fine.
00:49:45
Speaker
So they had me, um, you know, they did a stress test. They had me walking in the halls because i hadn't progressed any further. I was still like at a two, but my blood pressure was going all over the place and I hadn't had any blood pressure issues.
00:50:01
Speaker
The blood work came back and they're like, I was by this point, I was already at the hospital, like four or five hours. Just chilling. And they're like, you're on the cusp of preeclampsia.
00:50:13
Speaker
They're like, you're we don't right that word on the border. So we're going to keep you and you're having a baby.
00:50:19
Speaker
Well, the preeclampsia part sucks. I'm okay with that. Like, like I'm fine. Like, we'll do some... We loved hearing, but we're going to stay. Yes, it yes, yes, yes, yes. I loved hearing that you were admitting me. So I, of course, got on the phone with them, and I'm like, hey, mind you, of course, the entire time at the hospital, I'm texting them, telling them what's happening every time. Sure, they know what's going on. The nurse was in, the doctor was in, like, I was giving her updates, and when they gave me the green light, I was like, you need to get up here, because it was a six and a half hour drive for them.
00:50:50
Speaker
Oh gosh. So I was like, you guys need to leave. And the grateful thing about it, like what I was grateful about was that she was already like, well, I already showered. I already packed my bag just in case. Cause I had a feeling she's like, so we're leaving.
00:51:06
Speaker
So I made sure to communicate with my OB like, Hey, Granted, of course, they knew the whole time that I was a surrogate and that there were parents who lived south of us and bla bla blah, blah, blah.
00:51:21
Speaker
And so I told them, I said, hey, they're on their way. They won't be here till 8 o'clock tonight. So we can't do anything that pops this baby out before 8. There you go.
00:51:33
Speaker
So he's like, okay. So what we'll do is we won't start your Pintosin till 8 o'clock. He's like, well, just if you want to keep walking, keep walking. He's like, but we're going to keep you here to monitor you, obviously.
00:51:44
Speaker
um He's like, but we won't start anything until later. I was like, OK, I was OK with that. Yeah. The part where I went wrong. got the epidural too early.
00:51:56
Speaker
oh they kept coming in and asking me. And I was like, I was uncomfortable, but it wasn't bad. And then we were like two hours away from them getting there. I like, well, if we start it now, you know, then we can just start the Pitocin and hopefully things get a move in because that's kind of what I did with all my other kids. Like I wasn't like crazy.
00:52:19
Speaker
i was like four, five centimeters dilated, of course, for them to admit me. But like once I got the Pitocin, like it went pretty quickly after that. I got you. Once I got the epidural, they put me on a little bit Pitocin to keep the contractions going. Cause obviously, as you know, once you get an epidural, sometimes it can slow things down.
00:52:35
Speaker
Right. Um, So i was like, okay, well, that's fine. I don't know why I thought I could still compare this pregnancy to my past pregnancies, but I made that choice.
00:52:49
Speaker
i was disillusioned and I made that choice and I got the epidural. So I got the epidural, the parents arrived, they started the Pitocin and it was like a trickle.
00:53:01
Speaker
And he's like, we're going to start this and we're going to start slow. I'm like, why we starting slow? Why? I've already been here like 10 hours. Yeah, let's go.
00:53:12
Speaker
Yeah. He's like, well, because of the C-section, but I'm like... is like eight years old it's not gonna rip if it hasn't ripped yet it's not going to like what are we doing here so I was i was getting a little frustrated but I also was like I could use some sleep so I wasn't totally upset about it so we were all you know fighting for chairs and my my poor husband fell asleep at the table like this like a dead person i felt bad but he was such a trooper and he slept and they took the couch he let them he gave them the couch and uh you know we all crammed in and slept and it wasn't until the morning when he started upping it and we were doing all the positions and she just like the baby said no
00:54:03
Speaker
Baby was like, yeah, no, I don't want to. She did not want to cooperate. So, like, I, again, i was in all the positions you could possibly be in with an epidural.
00:54:14
Speaker
With an epidural. So I had the peanut ball. i I, like, I was, ah by that point, I think any mom can understand.
00:54:25
Speaker
You just don't care anymore. As far as like being exposed. Yeah. that way and now go That was gone. And it's funny because her husband was still kind of like, what do I do? Yeah.
00:54:40
Speaker
Yeah. I'm not gonna lie. I was like, yeah ah so yeah oh i'm not gonna i out kind it's like just kind of chuckling, just trying to find the humor and things at that point.
00:54:51
Speaker
Oh, for sure. Yeah, he was becoming very familiar with the ceiling tiles and the floor. Yeah, for sure. He was very invested in his laptop. Which I was like, hey, dude, like hey dude I don't care.
00:55:02
Speaker
I really don't. I love it. Fifth journey. Like fifth baby. I could give two craps. I could appreciate his side of it. Absolutely. Yes.
00:55:12
Speaker
No, thank you. it Yeah, for sure. So it was, he kept upping it, but it still just wasn't enough. And by like six o'clock at night, you know, by this point, honestly, the parents were like, they were like getting antsy almost. Like they couldn't sit still. Sure. So like they went out, they had lunch. I think they got a hotel room and slept a couple hours.
00:55:35
Speaker
um And we were kind of sitting there and it was like five o'clock. And I'm like, hey, you guys should probably just start heading back. I think by that point I was like six or seven centimeters. I was like, just head back, play it safe. Like, come on back.
00:55:48
Speaker
And um the doctor came in and he's like, well, you're at like, I don't remember the dosage, but he's like, let's say you're at you're at six now. We're going to bump you up to 10.
00:56:02
Speaker
I'm like, you've been upping me like one every four hours and now you wanna take me up? Oh, all right, whatever, go for it. So he broke my water, upped me to 10.
00:56:14
Speaker
It went really quick from there.
00:56:18
Speaker
It went really quick from there, cause then he upped me and then the nurse came in and she's like, hey, do you wanna try another position? and at this point, Thank God for this OB. He let me eat the entire time.
00:56:35
Speaker
Any of my other babies, I was never allowed to eat in labor ever. Yeah. This doctor, I, and I made sure to ask because I was like, look, I have to, obviously, you know, I have gestational diabetes.
00:56:48
Speaker
Can I eat like food or do I have to still do the protein. He's like, no, you can, you can eat what you want. I on oh i had a, I smashed a burger from Culver's. Like I was, i was eating all the foods. So I was so thankful because I was, if I wouldn't have been able to eat, I don't know if I would have had the energy to push.
00:57:14
Speaker
Like I took so much longer than any of us anticipated. Yeah. So we, so the nurse comes in after he upped my Pitocin.
00:57:26
Speaker
Granted, this is like already at 830 at night. And she's like, hey, do you want to try a new position? And I'm like, yeah, let's go ahead and put me on my side with the peanut between my legs. Because that is the one position I remember with my last two kids.
00:57:40
Speaker
It was very quick after that. ah Like, I remember them almost like... Like just. Sure. right i so yeah I was like, yeah, put me on my side. We'll do this.
00:57:51
Speaker
And at this point, um, the dad, he was sitting on the couch. He was doing, I think some work and the intended mom, she's like, I'm going to go for a walk. And, you know, we're still kind of waiting. Cause at this point we were all just waiting around.
00:58:03
Speaker
Sure. Whatever. Probably 30 minutes later, i am breathing heavily. i am breathing through contractions. I am feeling everything.
00:58:14
Speaker
and My husband yelled at me after the fact, but he's like, you gave us no warning. Like you gave us zero. I was like, I was just trying to breathe. Like I was trying to focus on what my, like I couldn't talk.
00:58:29
Speaker
um like, you should have known if once I start making noises, like it's serious. If I had, I was literally sleeping on and off the entire time I was on that girl. So like all of a sudden now I'm like breathing. They were,
00:58:43
Speaker
back to back. Oh my gosh. And I literally was like, she's in my butt. So I literally looked at my husband. I was like,
00:58:58
Speaker
richard go get the nurse rich get your wife back here right now like yeah yeah so he's like he's like what what was like call her and so he's on the phone he's like you need to come up here now my husband ran out into the hallway grabbed the nurse the nurse came in she didn't even have to check me the baby's head was there oh my gosh i really waited Oh, my God. they're like, oh, so they're all so she's flipping me onto my back.
00:59:26
Speaker
Oh, sure. It's now just chaos. Right. So now all the nurses are coming in They're trying to call the doctor. He was not on the floor.
00:59:38
Speaker
And the. the doctor on rotation, she's not even an OB, I think she was like an ER ah doctor, was on rotation for OB b and she was there, she was coming in and she's like, you know the nurse is like, oh, let's do some practice pushes. I'm like, no, these are gonna be real pushes.
00:59:56
Speaker
Like, I remember how to push. I know what it feels like. So she, but she was very insistent. So was like, I'll give you some practice pushes. I gave her one practice push and she yelled at me. Oh, no.
01:00:08
Speaker
Because the baby's head started coming out. and i was like oh no, no, no. don't know what you – but at this point, like, there was just so much pressure. I was not sobbing, but, like, I was – tears were just streaming down my face. and but Sure. There's just a lot. Yeah, there's a lot going on. had never had that reaction before, though, so I was almost, like, mad at myself, like, trying to – Oh, Heather.
01:00:32
Speaker
We're focused because I think it really also started to hit me like this is about to be over. Yeah. And. Mind you, there're there, there is a lot of mental prep that goes into something like this, but at the same time, it it's, it's, it's still a journey. It's still, you know, carrying a baby. It's still all the things. So I think it started also to kind of hit me like, oh my God, this is happening. Oh my God. She's about to be here.
01:00:57
Speaker
Like I was having all the feels all at once mid delivery, not the greatest timing. So yeah. so the doctor yelled at me to not push they're still trying to call the ob he's like i'll be there in a minute and she's like no you need to come now the baby's right now they're yelling at me not to push and i was like i'm i'm sure you've heard of fetal ejection like it she was coming whether anyone wanted her to right like you you can't there's nothing you can do so And they realized that. So they're like, okay, well, let's try to control this because, and mind you, they're still like the, the mom came in, they were gowning her up because she was originally supposed to catch the baby.
01:01:40
Speaker
um So they were gowning her up. My husband was up by my head, trying to calm me down and trying to, you know, be there for me. And the dad was hiding.
01:01:51
Speaker
Yeah. Oh, he was hiding. He ran to go get a drink. And I was like, we don't have time for this. What are you doing? like Yeah. But by that point, there's just, there's no, like, yeah there's no reasoning. yeah ah did He's like, did I miss it?
01:02:07
Speaker
I'm like, like it it was chaos. It was not organized chaos. chaos And so they told me to push. And I started pushing and then they yelled at me to stop because and her head was halfway out.
Reflections on Delivery and Family Creation
01:02:25
Speaker
I'm like, I literally, they let go of my legs and they told me to stop because I think it was all happening so fast. They were trying to keep me from tearing and I grabbed my legs and I was like, I can't, this is, there is no stopping. Like we can't stop.
01:02:41
Speaker
I literally grabbed my legs and I pushed her head out. And So the doctor, again, not the OB, b literally jumped in there to catch her head and to make sure like the cord wasn't wrapped around. And then yeah literally they told me to do the last push. The OB walked in the room.
01:03:02
Speaker
Awesome. Awesome. Just in touch. He walked in the room. I pushed her. She came out. Um, And she was a little she was like grayish blue a little bit, but they put her on. Of course, they she still attached me. So they had to put her on me as they were cleaning her off and rubbing her and sure she was all good.
01:03:19
Speaker
um But yeah, then the doctor kind of took over and it was. it was a little bit of an out of body experience only because. It did happen so, like, the pushing aspect happened so fast. I didn't, like, it was like my mind didn't have time to process.
01:03:37
Speaker
And also it was like, oh, she's here. and i a part of me was like, baby, but then also, like, she has to go to them. So, like, you know, she, they they put the baby in her arms and, you know, she tried to walk away with the baby and my placenta still wasn't out.
01:03:56
Speaker
So... So like, no, no, no, stay here, stay here. Yeah. She almost like stay on top of me. And they're like yelling at her to stay. And it was, it was just so, yeah it was, ah it was an out of body experience. Like I just, I didn't know how to process it. And then as they were taking care of me, of course, then, you know, they took the baby and made sure she was all good. Yeah.
01:04:22
Speaker
And I tried to focus during, while all that was going on, you know, you're, I, there's just an instinct that kicks in and you kind of want to focus on where's the baby is she okay what's going on and i try to keep my focus on me and the doctor and my husband because he was still so focused on just me making sure i was okay ok because i also had the shakes super bad i do get the shakes so like i was like uncontrollably teeth chattering, all the, all the things, um, hormones were not nice to me.
01:04:57
Speaker
so i so yeah, so it was just, I, when I kind of like came back into myself, I looked at the doctor and I'm like, you missed it. my God.
01:05:09
Speaker
He's like, I was going pee. I'm like, don't you know, you're not allowed to do that at work. Like what? Come on now. What are we doing? He's like, you couldn't have waited. i said, nope.
01:05:23
Speaker
buddy. It was funny because we called him out on it. But no, the baby was perfect. She was perfectly healthy. All her blood sugars came back. Amazing.
01:05:33
Speaker
um it was, it was, it just, I don't know. I don't even know how to explain it. Like it just was, it was, was, it was, it was a lot. And it was a lot. i mean, it's beautiful. Yeah. It's a lot of process.
01:05:48
Speaker
It is. But you know, I, I, I think it's,
01:05:52
Speaker
It's interesting that you say, you know, kind of you had this instinct to be like, where's baby? Is baby okay? And then, but like for you to be able to look and be like, baby's exactly where she's supposed to be. She's with mama.
01:06:04
Speaker
And like, and again, i mean, to see that, to experience that and to be like, look at that family. did that. It it is. I, I, and i I don't know if this makes me a little whatever, but there is a very real sense of pride in that, knowing that...
01:06:24
Speaker
Like I was able to do that for someone and I, you know, together we created this beautiful, healthy baby girl and she was perfect. And just there, there was a very overwhelming sense of pride and accomplishment.
01:06:39
Speaker
And like, you know, we crossed the finish line and we were all, it all ended very well. um So yeah, it was, it was very humbling experience.
01:06:54
Speaker
Yeah.
Closure and New Beginnings
01:06:55
Speaker
Well, it's really, mean, I love ah you You said it so beautifully, you you know, getting to have the opportunity to, to go back to the hospital and kind of have that closure. ay Yeah. getting target word closure yes yeah is You got to hold her. You got to, you got to see her with her parents and you guys kind of got to have that moment together as that, you know, yeah, absolutely. And then, you know,
01:07:18
Speaker
absolutely and you know you, yeah, you go home and life kind of keeps moving forward. And you know, you, you said, uh, you know, you're in labor and it's all hitting you and you're like, oh my gosh, this is ending.
01:07:32
Speaker
And yes, this chapter of it is coming to an end. And now there's this new chapter. Whether you're you're pumping or not, there's still this new chapter of, you know, you guys, again, had built such a beautiful relationship that you are seeing those pictures and you're getting those videos of the giggles and, you know, all of those things. And it's this this it's this new part of yes the journey that is so beautiful and just so, I mean, something to...
01:08:01
Speaker
to just celebrate. Absolutely. Oh, I love that. I love that. Well, I have, um, I have questions. My final two questions for you. but Reflecting on just everything.
01:08:14
Speaker
What is ah piece of advice that you would give to any woman who is thinking about doing this journey?
Advice for Future Surrogates
01:08:24
Speaker
Ask all the questions.
01:08:26
Speaker
not hold back. Um, I can't stress communication, not just between your IPs, not just between your independent parents, but with the agency as well.
01:08:39
Speaker
the lawyer, the psychologist, the doctors, like ask all the questions that you could possibly have, because there are some weird things that can pop up. You know, there yeah there's a lot of there's a lot of rules when you're even just going through you know the shots and the pills and the all the hormones to get to transfer day.
01:08:58
Speaker
Like there is a lot of things that the doctor will be like, oh, you can't do this, can't do that. And you're like, sure. like being sure i can't do things let's find out why yeah exactly so let's find out why you know i would put questions in my little notepad on my phone all the time like ask all the questions ah any any and everything even if you think it is there's no dumb questions there's no dumb question yeah i agree like you need to ask those questions because it will eventually come up later
01:09:31
Speaker
and you you you will probably be like man i should have asked this when i had the chance and now i'm in the thick of it and i mean it's relevant to everything sure you don't know what you don't know so let's find out yeah and there is so much that you don't know until until you know until you are in it and now you're like oh wow i didn't i didn't know i didn't think Prime example, you're four kids later and you're like, yep, nope, we're we're learning and doing new things. So yeah absolutely.
01:10:01
Speaker
Yes. Oh, I love that. No, for sure. Be curious. And like, it's good to be curious. Absolutely. Definitely. Don't afraid to Google. Don't believe everything, but don't be afraid to Google. Google is a good start and then make sure you're going to the good resource. Yes, absolutely. But also your best resource is going to be your doctors and your points of contact because they, they are the end of the day, the ones who are going to be, know, guiding patients.
01:10:28
Speaker
your medical journey, they're going to be guiding your pregnancy. They're going to be, know, they're going to be the ones who are helping you with all the the bumps and the tests. um yeah So yeah, definitely while you can start online, make sure you end with with the people that actually are a part of your team.
01:10:48
Speaker
Yeah, absolutely. No, I couldn't have said it better myself. I love that. Okay. My final question for anyone who knows me, they know that I have a very codependent relationship on coffee.
01:10:59
Speaker
And so coffee and i are best friends. Um, but I always love to ask what was the thing that filled your cup today, literally or figuratively, how was your cup filled today?
Reflecting on Support Systems
01:11:14
Speaker
It's a great question. I am not a coffee drinker. I am a tea drinker all the way. i can respect that. love love me some tea and that was also another bonding thing that we I got to do with my my intended mommy.
01:11:30
Speaker
um She's the big tea drinker too, so we were. Oh, I love it. We were. But um oh gosh for today.
01:11:39
Speaker
oh I think my husband, he's just, been he's just so supportive and he's going through his own little trials and tribulations right now. And just being able to support him, how he has supported me.
01:11:52
Speaker
think that's, love that we can kind of just be that for each other. That's beautiful. No, I love that. i love that. i mean, just overall, like shout out to the partners and the, and just all of those support people because you can't do this without it.
01:12:10
Speaker
No. yeah, It's I don't want to knock anything, but when you are going through the application process and they ask you, who is your support system? Does your spouse or your significant other support your decisions? Like in the moment you're like, what does it really matter if I want to do this? I want to do this. No, it matters. Like having him as my constant, as my rock, going to appointments with me, like how he handled being in the hospital with me.
01:12:36
Speaker
I've never seen that side of my husband before. So like it. I feel like it brought us so much closer together. Again, this isn't our baby. So it's not like we were bonding over the baby, but we we we were able to bond over the pregnancy and then the postpartum. Like it just, it showed us a different side of each other that we hadn't seen before because we don't have kids together.
01:12:57
Speaker
and And for us, I think that was... dont one of the more rewarding things for mine and his relationship for it through all this. Because it really was like, I was so, i just was like looking at him in hospital like and you're just, you're my perfect.
01:13:15
Speaker
Like, I just loved it. was just, I can't praise him enough. He was just, he was my rock. I love that. i love that. Shout out to you Richard.
01:13:26
Speaker
Oh my gosh. That's amazing. yeah So I think, yeah, now being able to be there for him through what you know, his, he's switched jobs. So being able to help him through that, I think has been, it's like, I got you now.
01:13:40
Speaker
I love that. I love that. That's beautiful.
Gratitude and Future Interactions
01:13:43
Speaker
Heather, thank you so much for just sharing your story and being vulnerable with us. And i mean, talking about just all of the things. And um I just, I'm so grateful for you. I love that you and I get to have kind of this full circle moment together. um Yes. And i and hopefully again, oh my gosh. Yes. I cannot wait. I love it. I love it.
01:14:06
Speaker
Thank you. No, thank you.