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Married to a Surrogate: Real Talk with 5 Husbands
58 Plays14 days ago
What’s it really like when your wife decides to become a surrogate? In this unique and candid episode, Whitney sits down with five husbands whose wives are not only surrogates but also team members at Egg Donor & Surrogate Solutions. These dads and partners pull back the curtain to share what the surrogacy journey looks like from their point of view.
They talk about everything from their first reactions to the idea of surrogacy, how they came to understand and support the process, and the incredible moments of meeting intended parents and witnessing the births of babies their families helped bring into the world.
You’ll hear honest reflections on how surrogacy impacted their marriages, family life, and kids, along with their advice for other partners who might be unsure about saying “yes” to this journey. If you're a spouse, partner, or just curious about how surrogacy affects the whole family, this episode is full of insight, laughter, and powerful perspective.
Takeaways
-Surrogacy is a profound journey that impacts the entire family.
-Initial reactions to the idea of surrogacy can vary widely among partners.
-Understanding the surrogacy process is crucial for both the surrogate and her partner.
-Meeting the intended parents can make the surrogacy journey feel real and meaningful.
-Family dynamics play a significant role in the surrogacy experience.
-The emotional journey of surrogacy is filled with highs and lows.
-Delivery day is a pivotal moment that solidifies the purpose of surrogacy.
-Support during the pregnancy is essential for the surrogate and her family.
-Reflections on the journey highlight the lasting bonds formed between families.
-Advice for potential surrogates and their partners emphasizes communication and education.
Links
Recommended
Transcript
Introduction to Special Episode on Surrogacy
00:00:00
Speaker
Hi everyone. Today's episode is such a special one and one I've been so excited to share. I'm joined by five incredible guys who each bring a unique and honest perspective to the surrogacy journey.
00:00:15
Speaker
Blake, Greg, Isaiah, Shane, and my own husband, Josh are all married to women who have been surrogates and not just any surrogates, but also amazing team members here at egg donor and surrogate solutions.
Dads Share Surrogacy Experiences
00:00:29
Speaker
These five dads open up about what it was like when their wives first brought up the idea of becoming surrogate and how they processed and supported that decision and what it felt like to walk alongside their partners every step of the way.
00:00:46
Speaker
From meeting the intended parents to being part of the delivery day experience. we talk about how surrogacy has shaped their marriages, impacted their kids, and changed their perspective on what it really means to serve and to help create a family.
Honest and Touching Surrogacy Journeys
00:01:05
Speaker
Whether you are a partner supporting someone through this journey, or just curious about what goes on behind the scenes, this conversation is full of honesty, laughs, and some really touching
Whitney Hall's Surrogacy Story
00:01:20
Speaker
moments.
00:01:20
Speaker
i am so grateful to Blake, Greg, Isaiah, Josh, and Shane for sharing their stories. And i know you are going to love hearing from them too. Enjoy. Me, you, and who?
00:01:34
Speaker
Who knew it would take more than two people to have a baby? In a world where infertility is no longer a taboo topic, this podcast will take you through all of the different aspects of surrogacy and egg donation through the lens of many who walk this journey in different ways.
Guiding Listeners on Family-Building
00:01:52
Speaker
My name is Whitney Hall, and I am a two-time surrogate now turned surrogacy coordinator for egg donor and surrogate solutions. the very agency I used when I chose to carry for two amazing families.
00:02:05
Speaker
With this podcast, it is our goal to help guide and support you as you learn about what it takes to grow a family in an alternative way, as well as hear inspiring and beautiful stories of how this path has changed lives forever.
Initial Reactions to Surrogacy Interest
00:02:20
Speaker
We can't wait for you to hear about just one more way happy families are created every day.
00:02:28
Speaker
Thank you so, so much for doing this. I'm so excited. It's really fun just to get everybody in the same room together. But to just to get started, I know, okay, Isaiah, you just did this, but the rest of you guys, you're going to have to like go back into, you know, just the depths. But do you guys remember kind of what you first thought when your wife came to you and was like, hi, I think I want to be a surrogate?
00:02:57
Speaker
I think I was pretty afraid pretty quick. You know, why why are we getting pregnant again? Not we. you But, you know, it just, know, caught me a little off guard. You know, our pregnancies were pretty good, but, you know, still a concern for me on the health side. You know, I just...
00:03:18
Speaker
always have a little bit of worry about that. And so I think that was what caught me off guard at first. But, you know, I knew that you had been thinking about it too. So it wasn't a complete surprise, I would say. Sure, sure.
00:03:29
Speaker
What about everybody else? um For me, you know, when we first met, Shannon and ii she had mentioned that she always had the intention to carry a baby for another family. So it wasn't really surprising. But I did need to do a little bit of research because I didn't really understand the process sure all of how IVF yeah worked or any of that. So ah for me, that was like the scary part of it.
00:03:52
Speaker
How does it actually work? What do you do? What happens after? So yeah, for me, that's pretty much it when it comes to it. ah Just finding out information about it and getting myself into it because I was ignorant at the time.
00:04:06
Speaker
had no idea about it at all. I feel like that's really common, actually. Just how does this even happen? the medical side of it, that kind of thing. What about you, Greg? Yeah, it was more of a slow build.
00:04:18
Speaker
Okay. Because we had some struggles at first with our first two. Right. And that idea starts to come into your mind that this is real, this happens, people struggle to build a family. Yeah. So that that led into one thing that led into another thing. So for me, it was kind of a slow build. So when she first introduced the idea, it wasn't it didn't seem and completely crazy. It just seemed kind of like, why would we do that? Again, mean, understand why, but but again, why would we do that the same time?
Coming to Terms with Surrogacy
00:04:48
Speaker
Sure, sure. So then it took some convincing and some research and education afterwards as well.
00:04:54
Speaker
Yeah, absolutely. Shane, I feel like this was kind of similar to y'all's story as well. Yeah, definitely. We had gone through secondary infertility, so we're familiar with the IVF process and and all that. And for me, it was pretty straightforward. i know Megan, I know her heart, and she's like, hey, I think I want to carry a baby for someone. I'm like, okay, let's go.
00:05:11
Speaker
I mean was just a matter of fact, like, this is the next step. Let's let's roll with it. Sure. Naturally. Yeah. It was pretty straightforward. Yeah. No, for sure. I think I um ah interviewed Meg a while back and I think one of the most hilarious things she said was and in her mind, she thought that if you were to be a surrogate, like you paid for everything.
00:05:29
Speaker
And I think you were like, okay, we just have to budget it, Meg. Like we just, yeah.
00:05:36
Speaker
It's going to be a good, expensive lesson. No, but we can it.
00:05:40
Speaker
yeah I didn't know how the details worked, but I knew if that's what she felt ah felt led to do, then well I'll be there to support her with it. That speaks a lot to to your heart as well, and that's awesome. Yeah, no. And I feel like Katie was very similar to Shannon of just, it was just always going to happen. Well, it was it wasn't from the start for us because she was in a whole different industry when we met.
00:06:02
Speaker
She was in high school when we met um in the industry of of learning. But um she was on the egg donor side. Right. She started that business. Gail was the the matriarch of the surrogate side. And they kind of partnered their businesses together a little bit. But I knew everything there was to know.
00:06:19
Speaker
as a husband about the egg donor side. um But I remember it vividly. I was at home with the three kids. She was at TJ Maxx. And had just gotten off the phone with Gail. Good thought to come from TJ Maxx. Yeah, that's right. She just got off the phone with Gail and she called me from TJ Maxx and said, I think I want to be a surrogate.
00:06:38
Speaker
And I said, ah okay, I don't know what that means, but let's, you know. Sure. Let's do it. Um, so yeah, it was, I mean, and it was obviously just an incredible blessing for, for our family as well. Yeah, for sure.
00:06:52
Speaker
When did it from going from like this random idea and we're kind of doing research and you know, things like that, when did it click for you guys that like, Oh no, this is really happening.
00:07:04
Speaker
I don't know that I had a singular moment that can pick out. And again, maybe just because it's been fuzzy. Cause it's been a while. but you know, it was, again, as I mentioned earlier, the slow build, the slow build continued throughout. Okay. She brought information to me because I was very like, okay, let's, we got to look into this. We got to look into that. How's it going to affect this? How's it going to affect that? I wanted all the information.
00:07:28
Speaker
She did most of the research and brought that to me. Like love it was a meeting of sorts almost. Yeah. And again, it was just kind of like, okay. And then it just continued and it didn't stop. So it was just like, we're in agreeance, we're in agreeance, we're in agreeance. And we never disagreed. We we were in step the whole way through. So yeah again, there wasn't it wasn't a singular moment that I could pick out. Just that slow build, just continuing that slow build.
00:07:51
Speaker
yeah Yeah. What about y'all? Is that kind of similar? um For me, I think it was when I first met the intended parents. Okay. So my wife, she tends to play a lot of things.
00:08:02
Speaker
Shannon's a doer. I want to do this. want to do this. I want to do And I'm like, sure, you know, I'll support you, whatever you want to do. But, you know, and then one day she tells me, oh, we got to get ready because um this day we're going to meet with these intended parents for the journey. I'm like, yeah.
00:08:20
Speaker
Okay. Oh, yeah. So during that meeting, we met them and it was, we instantly clicked with them. So I was like, oh, it's getting real now, you know, yeah you know, didn't promise, you know, but we make a commitment with this family that we'll do our best to help you. So that's for me, at least when kind of like everything came together and then obviously all the appointments and that, that came after.
00:08:44
Speaker
yeah. Yeah. Mine was the same. I say it was it was but kind of the match meeting we had. are our We live up in the Dallas area, and our IPs are from Houston.
00:08:55
Speaker
And they came up, and we met. And we were about to go to Disney World, like, as a family. And she shows up to this match meeting with, like... just all kind of swag for our kids for Disney World. Yes, if I remember right. The most ridiculous, big, like cartoonish, cartoonishly big lollipops. Uh-huh, so much candy. Mickey Mouse. And then a sweet, like, picture frame Disney themed and all that. But, like, it was incredible meeting. They the most awesome people.
00:09:24
Speaker
And that's when it was like, yeah, okay, this is, I can understand why we're doing this. And it got very real in that moment. I think it puts the humanity, you know, it's not just scientific of what's going on. When you meet did the the parents, were like you see their need and their want and their heart, and you really fall in love with them.
00:09:44
Speaker
I mean, 12 years later, we're still in contact with the first family. I'll i'll text Jeff, hey, how's it going? How's the school year going? And that's when it got real. I agree.
Handling Societal Perceptions of Surrogacy
00:09:53
Speaker
of Wow, this is...
00:09:56
Speaker
This is deep. This is, this is fantastic. Yeah. as Yeah. To make a family. I think you're right. Cause I mean, you go back to like all of those decisions that you're making and you're kind of having to be very methodical. It's a meeting it's, you know, okay. And I have to fill out this application and we've had to get medical records and we have to, I mean, there's so many kind of check boxes and to do is that it can be so easy to get caught up into that. And then whenever you have those moments and,
00:10:18
Speaker
people are showing up with big lollipops or, you know, you're meeting the people for the first time and you're seeing that want and desire. You're so right, Shane. It really does just kind of bring... bring it back to that original why.
00:10:30
Speaker
yeah for sure ah think i kind of had like two moments of where it got real in very different ways that definitely the match meeting with the intended parents um we got lucky we're in houston also and our first set of intended parents that we worked with live five miles away from us and so just knowing that hey we're right here in the community we're going to be able to see each other pretty easily um you know we're going go to the hospital right by their house like it's really really made it very real for me quickly.
00:11:01
Speaker
um But I think the other one for me was um we were driving back from Florida from a vacation and we had some time to burn. So we did our phone call for our legal contract.
00:11:14
Speaker
And we spent about two and a half hours on the phone as the lawyer went through every last step of what this all entails. And I think my eyes just got bigger and bigger and bigger. Kids in the backseat. No, no kids, fortunately. Yeah, they didn't have to hear all that. yeah I think just realizing everything that went into it um and all the different things that, you know, coming from the outside in, you would never think about that just have to be ironed out. And it's all good stuff for sure. It just, you know, thinking about all the different ways that we have to make sure our bases are covered going into this for everybody to be in a good situation.
00:11:53
Speaker
Yeah. Yeah, for sure. So speaking of that, as, as you know, you were being approached with this idea, the idea becomes a reality. How did you guys kind of navigate some of those either concerns or just questions like, okay, how's this going to affect our kids? And you know, we all love the joke. My wife is pregnant, but it's not mine. Like, how are we going to talk about, you know, with work? I used that joke at work. Oh yeah. It was the best.
00:12:19
Speaker
It was a great mic drop. Yeah. don't worry. I know him. He's a great guy. I'm like, oh, that's so great. it wasn' the i Wait, what was your best one? What was your mom? We were like, that was it.
00:12:37
Speaker
That was the one we were at a, it was ah a staff meeting. So a conference room and I'm going to be out next week. My wife's pregnant. Oh, congratulations. I'm like, don't worry. It's not mine. And they're like, like great guy, love the family. I mean, it was fantastic. Like the mic drop, the room is silent. Yeah, it was wonderful.
00:12:56
Speaker
It was wonderful. For me, it was it was my my youngest, would like just in the grocery store. oh yeah You know, just tell random strangers that mommy's having a baby, but it's not ours.
00:13:06
Speaker
They're like, what does that even mean? you're just Yeah, you're in produce and now you're starting to like explain surrogacy. Exactly right. it It does open up some interesting conversations you have with your kids. And I think the kids were, like, it's completely normal to them. Like, they're like, okay, that makes sense. yeah Maybe parents or older generations, it's a little bit harder to navigate.
00:13:26
Speaker
um Parents and grandparents of like, they don't understand why we're doing this. So that was a different different path, um like, with with Meg's parents to to explain that, or to my mom. But the kids were great.
00:13:37
Speaker
They thought it was neat. And i think it puts them, man, it gives your kids a little sensitive heart to that. yeah and and opens them up to a a world that they understand a little bit better, a little bit deeper.
00:13:50
Speaker
We had we had a similar thing with you know with our kids. we We used the kangaroo book. Yes, kangaroo book. Solid book. This mommy's pouch isn't working well, so we're going use mommy's pouch, and but we're going to help them you know build a family. But um the the older generation of our family was very concerned. What if something happens to you during your pregnancy?
00:14:13
Speaker
And Katie's answer to them was, What if this was a my baby? yeah you know Would you have the same questions? like If you're concerned for my kids about you know what if what if something happens to me, my answer that is what better example can I give of serving and loving others then you know than to to do something like this? yeah's It was...
00:14:35
Speaker
I could understand a little bit their concern, but at the same time, like that's you know that's that's not in our hands. all All we can do is try to be you know the best examples to our children of servants and and loving others.
00:14:48
Speaker
and it was you know It was an easy answer. I
Emotional Delivery Day Experiences
00:14:50
Speaker
agree with that. i'll For me, the same thing explaining to my parents. um They're not even from here, so it's it's a process that is not known back in the Dominican Republic. Sure.
00:15:00
Speaker
wait, what is happening? it want Like a lot of them thought that Shana would be with another man to have the kids. Right. Sure. We had to like go like talk biology.
00:15:11
Speaker
Yeah. It was like biology classes and everything to explain these people how it works. And then it came to like, but isn't she going to be a attached like emotionally to it? And all that was like, well, she knows what she's signing for, you know, and explaining everything to them. And, you know,
00:15:27
Speaker
Her willingness just to help others and just to what's right to help a family that kind of have their own kids. It was very difficult. But when it comes to my kids, on the first journey, Julian wasn't born yet. Right. like um Well, he was born.
00:15:41
Speaker
He was just little just too little. So, um, Maya, on the other hand, she just welcomed the idea with open arms and she, I remember her first, um, school year, she went to school and telling my mom's having a baby for another family, everybody.
00:15:56
Speaker
And it's a Catholic school. So we thought it was gonna be a whole different like response from school. Sure. Um, when it comes to Shannon, but they loved her for that. So it was a very welcoming idea for them that we were doing this for another family.
00:16:10
Speaker
Yeah. Yeah. And for Maya, like that's cousin. That's yeah. Yeah. It's so sweet. Yeah. Now coming back to the work thing, I still laugh about it today the the best one for me was when you tell somebody and if you can just let it sit there, like I would see how long I could go sometimes just to, just, just to get the pure entertainment value out of it. It was so fantastic. Oh yeah.
00:16:39
Speaker
Oh, 100%. Their face is just like, what? They're processing. You can see them processing it. And it's just, just let it sit. Like watch their face change from like delight to confusion to concern. How do I react to this?
00:16:52
Speaker
Oh my gosh, what do I do now? Rocket science. It's just, it was the best. But then the they coming back to the children as well, it was that was the easiest part. You know, the kids were very normalized by it, it seemed like. yeah it was not It was just another day, you know, from what I recall.
00:17:10
Speaker
so And then you know coming back to the you know the older generation, if you will, ah and explaining it to them, the the the medical piece of it being the biggest concern, or what if something happens to you? for us, you know ultimately, that's why Allie did not...
00:17:26
Speaker
do an additional journey because there was plenty of medical advice given and checkups and all that. And so you do that at the beginning too, when you you, know, you, you have all of the things that anybody would have and you are either able to move forward with it or, or you're not.
00:17:41
Speaker
And you you get all that information and you're able to make an informed decision. And that's how we kind of always approached it and explained it to anyone that was concerned. And yes, typically it was an older generation would. Yeah.
00:17:53
Speaker
Yeah, for sure. For sure. Yeah, I remember um that attachment piece that I feel like was always a concern that we had to navigate. And yeah, and I just remember always saying, you know, you guys, I know what the finish line is. I'm not sitting here thinking about a name. I'm not sitting here planning a nursery. Like, I know what the finish line is. And it's not giving up. It's giving back.
Joy of Creating Families
00:18:15
Speaker
Like, that's just what it is. Yeah. Yeah, totally agree. it was never and It was never a concern because it was never my baby. It was always you know Jeff and Natalie's or Kurt's baby or whatever. It was always someone else's and we were just, we were the oven you know we to to take care of it. So it was never, I know like on social media, that's a big thing of like, oh, that separation.
00:18:37
Speaker
It's not there. who It's not because it's never yours. And I think even if it were for whatever reason, if it was kind of brewing, man, like just being in that delivery room and seeing the reaction of the i It's like the best. Anything that was brewing there would vanish. Just being able to witness. like that was the We were at a ah new hospital, and it was the first like surrogacy delivery in this hospital. So, I mean, it was it was like a spectator sport. I mean, every doctor, every nurse wanted to be in there. And and and so they were, don't know about it for for you, but for us, the nurses were like, man, we want to be a part of this. yeah Exactly. great Not a dry eye in the room. like It was awesome. We was a a good friend there was a photographer, and she's like, can I be there?
00:19:29
Speaker
And so we were able to get some very intimate black and white photos. And as Blake said, to see, and I'll say especially the dad, just tears coming down his eyes. And just sit back and like, we helped make a family. This is why we did this.
00:19:43
Speaker
We helped make a family. Yeah. And like on Mother's Day, he sent us a card and he's like, this is, you made ah dad, ah mom, a grandmother, ah grandfather. who Y'all made all that.
00:19:55
Speaker
it It's not just one. um And the impact of the dad is what got me, you know, of just to see them. And the mom, of course, to sit there and weep, but... Yeah, I agree. that That delivery room is the best place to like, here's your your daughter. Yeah. Meg's journey was twins. So like, here's your twins. I mean, it was.
00:20:16
Speaker
That's awesome. Yeah. I think you're right, Shane. i feel like there's got to be something, you know, in. in I would say probably in you know ah ah a heterosexual relationship, something about a dad seeing that happen, because for so long you're watching your wife go through whatever it was that led you to where you are now, where surrogacy is how you're making your family. And I'm sure as a dad, you're kind of you're just sitting there and there's only so much you can do. And then to all of a sudden be in that position where that's your baby there, that's got to be...
00:20:49
Speaker
Phenomenal. Yeah. i didn't I didn't plan to do this, but i what you said made made me think of a post that our intended mother put on Facebook yeah on Mother's Day while Katie was pregnant with their baby.
00:21:04
Speaker
And she's she is brilliant. She is ah beautiful woman, and she is quite a wordsmith as well. Uh-huh, she is. So going read It's not terribly long, but i want to because i i mean I was a blubbering mess when I read this. And I'll probably tear up reading it now, honestly.
00:21:18
Speaker
Yeah. her post says happy mother's day to my mama who has been the most influential person in my life i know i'm so lucky to have mom be so ah synonymous with best friend happy mother's day to those that are mothers in their hearts but who don't have their baby to hold yet their precious soul is meant meant just for you is waiting his or her turn happy mother's day to those who have lost a child and anxiously ah are anxiously awaiting the day they get to celebrate with their child again Happy Mother's Day to the moms who have gone before us and whose children are missing you today especially.
00:21:52
Speaker
And happy Mother's Day to the once stranger who has become a best friend, whose love is so great for her own children, she decided to give us the gift give the gift of motherhood to me.
00:22:04
Speaker
Thinking of all the mamas today, happy day to each of you. like I mean, that was early on in our journey as well. like It was, again, like just more reinforcement of... We're doing the right thing. Like, this is why we're doing this.
00:22:17
Speaker
And it's, it it really is. It's just an absolutely beautiful experience. One, what we say, the best thing that we've ever done as a family. And Whitney, you kind of alluded to it, but what this is the the end and you get to give.
00:22:32
Speaker
That's not an easy journey for them. like This has a've been a very... It has taxed their finances and their family and their emotions and it you know and the the weight that the mom has gone through and the dad.
00:22:43
Speaker
um This is not... And to see the culmination of if not a journey they probably planned on. Right. But a result of, man, this is even more than we could have ever imagined. Mm-hmm. It just, there's nothing like it. It's fantastic
Challenges and Support During Surrogacy
00:22:58
Speaker
to be able to give that gift to them.
00:23:00
Speaker
agree. It takes your breath away the when you are there in the delivery room. So for us, Shannon delivered a little bit after COVID. So the there were restrictions at the hospital.
00:23:14
Speaker
So they took me in a closet. At that time. And then the parents were in the room with her. They asked me if I wanted to be there with her. And they're like, okay, they're coming to be two additional people. Like, I'm not going to take that moment away from them. yeah At all. um But then the nurse, she kind of pulled me in and she said, you know what?
00:23:32
Speaker
Come in and be there for her. um But... They wanted to be very much present in the moment and I offered hey, do you want me to take a picture or the videos and everything and I have this video of them when they held that baby for the first time i just couldn't stop crying at the moment and That's if there is any attachment during that time. That's when you know, as you mentioned, like that's when you know in that you did the right thing It was such like um I would never forget it being possible. I'll take that with me for the rest of my life
00:24:06
Speaker
Yeah. Yeah. What does it make you think? I mean, you already, already know that like your wife is just a rock star. Yeah. But then kind of in that moment, what are kind of your thoughts, if you had any hesitation prior, as you're going through all of those questions, as you're thinking about all of the check boxes for you guys, obviously you saw that beautiful moment with parents seeing baby.
00:24:28
Speaker
What do you remember what your wife looks like when it was all happening?
00:24:35
Speaker
um Obviously, delivering a baby is very difficult. Sure. So she looked very beat. And even when you can tell that she was in pain, she couldn't stop looking at them.
00:24:47
Speaker
Like having that moment. And you can just, by looking at her, you know that she's like, wow. it was all worth it at the end of the day. You know, all the shots I, you know, had to give ah all.
00:24:58
Speaker
I lost count of how many shots.
00:25:03
Speaker
And we also got pretty close to the family where I had the opportunity to talk to them about what the whole journey has been for them. And, um, Kevin, he had talked to me about um how you know how many shots he had to give to his wife to go through the whole process and all many failures, all many failed attempts.
00:25:24
Speaker
And I'm just thinking there, oh my gosh, it's a lot. It puts a lot of stress on them. And that's why when we went into the journey, Shana and I also wanted to just be as flexible as possible to make sure that they are comfortable with everything that they need. Because if we are stressed about it,
00:25:44
Speaker
we would say that there are a hundred times more stress. sure. sure Yeah. Um, it's, it's just amazing. Hey, you we'll get right back to the show, but I wanted to take a moment to let you know that for the past 18 years, we at egg donor and surrogate solutions have had the honor of walking alongside women who didn't just dream about making a difference.
00:26:06
Speaker
They said, yes, yes to helping someone else's dream come true. Yes. To helping create a happy family by becoming a surrogate. Whether you're just curious about surrogacy or ready to take the next step, we'd love to support you.
00:26:20
Speaker
You can download our surrogate compensation guide or schedule a quick 15-minute call with our education team at createahappyfamily.com. Our agency's promise is to give you the autonomy to choose the family you help and set your compensation as you promise to give a parent the greatest gift one can give.
00:26:40
Speaker
a child of their own. It's okay to have questions. This is a big decision. But if you've ever wondered whether surrogacy might be a fit for you, this is our invitation to find out.
00:26:51
Speaker
All right, let's get back to the show. So going back to those shots, what did kind of that those early days of of support look like? Because I feel like you kind of, at some point you get to go the the pregnancy part and it's like, oh, we've been there. We know you know we know what this is and you know all of that. But what are those early days of support look like for you guys?
00:27:10
Speaker
everybody figgly I mean, for me, and i had never given anyone a shot prior to that. sure. So now you have a new skill. There was a level of, you know again, uncomfortable with that whole process for sure. you know What if I do this wrong? What am I going to mess up? Sure. All those things. you know How do we know if we did it right?
00:27:31
Speaker
you know That was a true concern. you know like ah you know The whole, how far do you pull back out? what you know Is there blood there? Is there not? Is there all these things going through your head? and it's just kind of like, wow. And at the end of the day, it was actually quite easy.
00:27:47
Speaker
Quite frankly, it was more fear built up in my own mind, of course, than anything else. But after the first few, was like, all right, let's get this out of the way. You know, here we go. Yeah, sure. Absolutely. But then the worst part for me was just seeing her go through the pain when, you know, swelling in certain areas. And, you know, wait, we we've poked you in so many areas. There's no soft area here.
00:28:07
Speaker
You can find a soft area. So that was difficult. But but in the end, you know looking back, it's not even something that I even think about before DOE even brought it up today. yeah Just a distant memory, barely.
00:28:19
Speaker
Yeah, I think it's a funny memory for me at this point. But at the time, I think I kind of treated it a little more scientific, if you will, of... how fast do I need to jab and what's the right spot to go to to leave the least bruising and soreness for the next day because I mean we definitely missed a few times and had some big bruises for a week or so and I felt really bad when everything happened. I wouldn't want to do that to anybody but yeah I think definitely
00:28:52
Speaker
The shots were where very interesting. Watching all this medicine come in boxes just nonstop for a couple months was crazy. It's like, you know, way better than Amazon, I guess. But, you know, I ah thought it was really cool to kind of see the process of...
00:29:13
Speaker
Um, you know just how much work has to go into this for everybody involved. Um, and how much science goes behind it, honestly. Sure. Um, just, it's incredible what, um, what these doctors have narrowed it down to works best and, uh, how much that still is, to get the process going.
00:29:33
Speaker
Yeah. Yeah, for sure. I would say, um, to your credit, you, so we, my second journey was during COVID. So, you know, it's little close quarters and, and things like that. And Josh did a great job of, oh, kids, it's time for a walk. We're leaving now. And I just got to lay there and just like, that was good support. That was real good support. So yeah, gold star for you. yeah Yeah. Eight miles later, they're all complaining and sweating. Yeah. When I think about like the support side of you know being the husband of a surrogate, um and our journey so we we just had one journey, similar situation where we had all three of our children C-section, and then Katie's surrogate baby was C-section as well, and the answer from the...
00:30:25
Speaker
OB-GYN was like, you're done. you're done yeah Katie was even like, to go a step farther, she was like, what if I wanted to have my own baby? Would the answer still be the same? She was like, yes, you're yes you're you're all the way done. yeah No matter whose baby it is, your body's done having babies.
00:30:39
Speaker
um But to complicate matters with our journey, um ah most of us being from Texas will probably remember When Bluebell had a problem with Listeria. Yes.
00:30:51
Speaker
um Katie decided to dip into my Bluebell, um which I told her like that's what she gets because it was my Bluebell. Because it was my Bluebell. She ended up with Listeria, which was not a problem for really most anybody except...
00:31:06
Speaker
you know pregnant women. yeah And it was obviously a a very big scary, very stressful for our and parents. And I give her a hard time about it. Like it was, you know, there was a whole like social media thing about, you know, oh I don't care. I still want my bluebell. And she's like, this is affecting people's lives. Yeah, sure. Super sure. It was.
00:31:26
Speaker
And she still gives me a hard time about the fact that I still eat bluebell, like despite all the you know trouble because Katie had to be hospitalized and everything ended up fine. Um, But it's scary in the moment. very scary. Yeah. And so she was she was hospitalized and had to get um like a port put in for you know additional medication ongoing just to make sure.
00:31:47
Speaker
But but like that was obviously... You know you don't plan on mid-pregnancy being hospitalized for a matter of you know ah a week or so. And for her, she just got a whole lot more work done being like...
00:32:00
Speaker
being like That sounds right. In a hospital. Yeah, that's terrific. But you know I was at home with the three kids and trying to work as well. But we had family support and all of that seems so like, you laugh about it now. it seems But even in hindsight, it seems so minor. Like it's just such a small, simple price to pay you know for the the joy of being able to to witness what we got to witness.
00:32:25
Speaker
But that's that's so...
Reflections and Lessons from Surrogacy
00:32:27
Speaker
I mean, but stuff like that is so important. And I think that's why being in the in the seat that you guys sit in, being in that role of, you know, you get to drop the joke at work of, you know, it's not my baby and all of that. But at the end of the day, you are still... You're still there. You're supporting in the daily life. And it is...
00:32:44
Speaker
My wife's hospitalized. i got to take the kid or my wife desperately needs a nap. They are going on an eight mile walk and I will take the whining. It's totally fine. And, you know, it's figuring out what delivery day looks like and navigating all of that. And, you know, the late night runs to whatever we're craving or, you know, all of that jazz. It's still that support.
00:33:02
Speaker
yeah Oh, I remember those. Yeah. Your wife is still pregnant. And so she's going to still go through all of the that cravings or nausea or um I'm tired. emotions. Pregnant brain. Yeah, so you're still navigating that because um you know Meg went through two different journeys. And so we had you know three kids the first time. I think four the second. I think we had Addie. But...
00:33:25
Speaker
but to but you still support, right? that you're you're having and and But now you're giving shots. And so sure we laugh about it now because we have a really funny video of doing the first shot
00:33:38
Speaker
where she was a little panicked and the kids were laughing. um such support. But, you know, as, as the, the husband of, of, you know, the surrogate, uh, mom, you know, yeah, you still support her in different ways.
00:33:54
Speaker
And, but that's what you do. Cause you kind of, you're, you still remember your why, um, of man, we're going to, going to do this. We're going to, this temporary inconvenience, um, or temporary life change, but your kids get to see that example of, of this is what service looks like. and This is what giving looks like. Um,
00:34:15
Speaker
Because they also get to see the end. you know of you know We get to go and we were end up going to a baseball game with the family, and you see you know five years later, here's our kids and their kids, and it's just a beautiful picture.
00:34:29
Speaker
And they get to see that. like Okay, yeah, now it makes sense. yeah That's pretty incredible. We still go to the the birthday parties for the twins for Whitney's first journey. And yeah know we're seeing them grow every year. And our twins just love playing with them.
00:34:43
Speaker
yeah And Emma loves you know getting to kind of run around and boss them all around. existence And it's it's awesome to see that they just have this...
00:34:55
Speaker
easy, innate connection of just knowing where each other came from. Yeah. And,
00:35:03
Speaker
it's just built-in friends automatically. yeah And I think we're we're really lucky again with how close we were to them physically because it's given us a lot of opportunities to just go see them kind of random whim. And it's made it a lot of fun to just see the kids, how quickly they react to that and how how much they love just going to see these guys.
00:35:25
Speaker
And for your kids, it has opened up Something that's very normal. yeah I remember i was so I was teaching and I mentioned what Meg did and one of the students is like, I'm a surrogate baby.
00:35:37
Speaker
Oh, wow. And i mean, he's like, I haven't been able to share that because no one gets it. But he's like, but you understand. And it was really neat. and like And my kids are the same way. So if they find someone who is like that. So your kids have that experience of like, yeah, that's that's normal. I get it. I understand.
00:35:53
Speaker
I've walked that. So... Um, yeah, it's neat. It's, it's so deep. Um, the, the ripple effects that, that, uh, we get to be participating in and also learn. Yeah, for sure.
00:36:04
Speaker
For sure. Is there looking back on the journey or journeys, is there just a moment that I know delivery day, that's the big one, but is there a moment that just really just stands out for you? That's always just like, if I think about this, this is the thing that pops in my head.
00:36:23
Speaker
I think our second journey, the intended mom had been struggling with fertility and going through the process for about 10 years. like Just a lot of you know perceived failure and you know emotional baggage coming along with that and just we hit a point like what a month in two months in somewhere along the line after you know we did the transfer where that's where her knowledge of the process stopped and seeing her go from
00:37:00
Speaker
I've done this a bunch. I know how this goes. I know how poorly this goes to, oh, going to be okay. We're here. And just not having all the answers all of a sudden and watching her husband support her through that, um, was, was a spot for me that I just, that, that caught me a lot.
00:37:23
Speaker
Um, seeing that, you know, their story was completely changing around you know having kids and having a family. And I think that that was the moment for me more than anything else that I'll never forget.
00:37:37
Speaker
Just watching their mentality around it change in an instant. And suddenly, you know we're on this really, really positive journey. and obviously it turned out fantastic we were during covet as well so we camped out with them in the hospital for three days uh you know they brought a cooler with them with some some lunch for us and a couple beers for those i was gonna say yeah and beers it was the greatest like everybody reverted back to college like the the nurse walked in and both of them like put the beers behind their back
00:38:14
Speaker
just Just to get to experience that with them and you know just watch their family blossom since then has been so cool.
00:38:26
Speaker
What about y'all? I remember, if this is actually like post-delivery, but something that sticks out to me, it's funny, but it's also like kind of special too. Around the time, Pace is Katie's surrogate baby's name, and he's not a baby anymore. He's about to be nine.
00:38:41
Speaker
But... but we would still you know keep up with them and go visit for birthdays and things like that. They're a few hours away. um But around the time he was getting to that stage, I don't know, around one and a half, two, where you can kind of, they're learning things and meeting people and remembering people and who's who.
00:39:02
Speaker
you know the The first time we'd visited during that, like told you know they told Pace, this is Katie, like this is whose belly you lived in you know before you came to us.
00:39:13
Speaker
And then the next time we came down there, like he threw fit. He would not go, she soon as we walked in, like he started bawling, would not go anywhere near her.
00:39:24
Speaker
And it turned out it was because like he was afraid he was gonna have to go back into her belly. She's back, and if she's here, that means... yeah i like it out here yeah It was really funny, but it was just like, it has become such a special bond. And they've they've actually had two other children since then, kind of miraculously, a similar story really, where she had had so many miscarriages before you know the surrogate journey.
00:39:51
Speaker
And then we were going to try another journey. And that's when, you know, Katie's doctor said, no, you're done. And she like, we got a call from Kendall, her intended mom, where she was crying yeah saying she was pregnant.
00:40:06
Speaker
Like, and for her, she knew what that meant. Same scenario. Like this is going to be another like painful miscarriage and another, you know, additional heartbreak. And miraculously, like she kind of got to that point, like, whoa, i've I haven't been to this step yet. And she had, that baby and and another one even since.
00:40:22
Speaker
um So Pace has two little brothers that, again, kind of miraculously, mom was able to carry herself. So she eventually got to experience you know both sides of it. But um yeah, it's it's for me, it's just kind of more watching our relationship as families grow and and the special bond that we have With you know with pace and with his little brothers like we're kind of like aunts and uncles to to both of you know all three of them um And then just obviously the relationship that we have with with Kendall and will yeah um And the gratitude like it's funny because you probably have experienced it as well like they want to buy your meal when you're out, you know and they're like you have to tell them just straight up like you can never like
00:41:06
Speaker
you can't ever pay us, you know, or buy us enough things to thank us for what we've done. Like you're never going to get there. Stop trying. It's good. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like, just know, like, love you. You're welcome. That's it. We're just friends now. Like there's no more trying to pay us back for it. Like it's said and done. We're just friends now. Yeah.
00:41:24
Speaker
I think I have two moments. um The first one, um they invited us over. ah We went down to Florida and we stayed with them for a couple days. And Shannon had this, I don't even know the name, it's for to check on the heartbeat of the baby. Oh, a Doppler.
00:41:41
Speaker
A Doppler. So um at that time, the whole family was there. All the parents, grandparents. So Shannon offered, hey, you want to hear the heartbeat?
00:41:53
Speaker
And when she did it, i had never seen this man, he was 60ish, maybe 70 years old. He started crying when he heard heartbeat. It was, I don't know, I could see the tears. It was such an emotional moment for them to be able to hear that.
00:42:11
Speaker
And it it definitely... got me too a little bit so yeah um the other one i would say was after delivery that they asked us to be the godparents of the baby so it was you know a very emotional moment too and it meant a lot to us Yeah, yeah. Well, and again, right? Like it's, you know, Happy Mother's Day, you've made a mom, you've made a dad, you know, you've made two moms, you've made two dads, or, and it's, but you've made grandparents, you've made aunts, you've made uncles, you've made cousins, like it's just, it's more than, family you've made a family. Yeah, yeah.
00:42:44
Speaker
yeah for For me, I don't think it's one particular moment. There's a lot of different moments that stand out. bit Kind of dovetailing about what y'all said. One is you helped to create that happy ending that they never had. So for for Meg's first journey, um the then tin and the the mom had a some internal health issues.
00:43:03
Speaker
So we actually had to use eggs as well. so Yeah, donor eggs. Donor eggs in the surrogate. And I think the whole journey is what I remember. like Even now, I see those, you know at one years old, see those babies, at five years old, see them, and they look just like, the egg donor process is amazing. They look just like the parents. Yes.
00:43:26
Speaker
Beautiful. And the especially, I resonate well with the dad. Jeff loves these girls with his very breath. And, you know, when he sends me pictures of volleyball tryouts or whatever, I'm like, this is incredible.
00:43:41
Speaker
Yeah. Like, 12 years, like, they're going in, I think, eighth grade and, like, Wow, that is incredible. like we The joy keeps going. The journey keeps going. that we got It's not just a delivery.
00:43:53
Speaker
That's the start yeah for us. And and to see that that journey and to see them just have the fullness and the richness of being a parent and being a family and get to experience all the you know the drama of the teenagers and see that happen.
00:44:09
Speaker
um is is absolutely incredible. yeah that For me, that's what stands out. It's not just one moment, but a bunch of little moments that string together into a beautiful, beautiful journey.
00:44:20
Speaker
For sure. For sure. For anyone who's maybe listening to this, who maybe is just hesitating or has fears about their wife wanting to do wanting to be a surrogate, wanting to do this. What is maybe some advice, words of wisdom, little nuggets, or maybe what would you say to, you know, yourself whenever your wife first approached you with this, you know, idea?
00:44:48
Speaker
I'll come back to, i don't know if this is going to words of advice by any means or wisdom for that. But, you know, I kind of talked about it toward the beginning as far as the process and learning along the way and just being educated about it Yeah. Obviously was, was paramount.
00:45:04
Speaker
Um, but yeah, Doing just that and knowing that there are so many people along the way, they're going to either be there to support you and or help you and or direct you by way of whether it be spiritual leaders, whether it be medical professionals, whether it be friends and family, whether it be other couples that are going through the same thing.
00:45:21
Speaker
They're all there. They're all there. And if you utilize those resources to the best of your ability, you're going to know whether it's the right decision to do or not. and And that process is going to help you determine whether you move forward or you don't. yeah and And there's going to be plenty of key factors along the way that are going to help clue you into that.
00:45:40
Speaker
Yeah.
00:45:43
Speaker
I said it before, but my answer would just be like, it's, it it's, I guess not for everyone, but for us, it was, it's the best thing we've ever done as a family. I mean, we've had great experiences along the way so far and good vacations and awesome moments, but I truly believe it was, it's the coolest thing, the best thing we've ever done as a family.
00:46:05
Speaker
I love that you keep saying as a family. Yeah. Because I think, I mean, everyone's involved. yeah Everyone's involved. Yes. Everyone's involved. For sure. and And also remember that you're not just, as you mentioned before, it's not only parents that you're creating, it's also grandparents, uncles, aunts, cousins, you name it, brothers, siblings, it doesn't matter. You're helping so many people.
00:46:30
Speaker
And I think, at least for me, as you mentioned, it's just one of the best best things that we've done as a family. And I wouldn't do it any other any other way, so just do it.
00:46:42
Speaker
Yeah. No regrets. And yeah, no regrets at And you'll have support. It's not you're going to be into it alone. There is now, I don't know how it was like years ago, but now there is a lot of information about the process out there. And there is support. There's a community out there that will help you out.
00:46:57
Speaker
What you said, a medical professionals, whatever the case may be, you're going to have support. Yeah. And it's worth it. Yeah. I mean, we're talking about nine months of of inconvenience.
00:47:10
Speaker
That's a blink. that That's really, really small. Like you do scroll that away. i'm Sure, sure. to to give a To change their lives forever, um no it's worth it i think that's the the best
Supportive Surrogacy Community
00:47:24
Speaker
advice. And this is going to be kind of a shameless plug, but I mean, here at Circus Solutions, the employees really care about you. Like they want your best. like We all know them personally.
00:47:36
Speaker
Yeah.
00:47:39
Speaker
they pour their heart and soul in this and they are here to guide you and you know husband and and and wife through this process I think and and I know that's yeah I don't want to be a shameless plug but you couldn't go with the better because they truly love what they do and they love you and they want to walk you through this and so you will have support to do it yeah know the why and do it and you will be supported and encouraged and cheered on to the end so Yeah, I think my advice would be to be very vocal and show your buy-in. Yeah. Set the tone.
00:48:14
Speaker
Because I think if you come in to go tell your wife's parents that, you know, she's doing surrogacy and you're waffling, that sets her up for a lot of issues with, you know, just having to tell people and have them question everything. Yeah.
00:48:30
Speaker
I think showing your commitment to the process is early sets the tone for your kids, for your family, but also for everyone because the questions are going to come up. yeah They always do.
00:48:42
Speaker
I love that because that builds a depth in you and your spouse um even more. So you're closer at the end of this process because you were her her bodyguard and you carry that weight for her. Yeah, this is something our family is doing.
00:48:55
Speaker
Yeah. Not, she wants to do it. Exactly. Right. Yeah. I love that. That's great. Yeah. No, for sure. For sure. Okay. Well, my last question, and it's a fun one. Um, ah and I don't have it with me right now cause I was trying to not get the coffee jitters, but for anyone who knows me, they know that, um, I generally, um, I essentially really just need an IV of coffee with me at all times. Um, ah but I always love to ask the question, what filled your cup today, literally or figuratively, what has filled your cup and we're early morning. So I'll, I'll, I'll let you guys, you know, you guys can have like the last 24 hours. Yeah. yeah
00:49:34
Speaker
I'm going to say for me, so to pull the curtain back a tiny bit, um we are all here at my house. Yes, we are. think we're expecting 70 people.
00:49:47
Speaker
And it's families. It's... The team of Egg Donor and Surrogate Solutions and their families. um And i I get to be a family and a team member, actually.
00:49:57
Speaker
um And it's a huge blessing to me. But just... You asked earlier about like you know the emotions you experienced. Yeah. you know, when, what what you went through. yeah Yeah. During delivery and things like that. And it's, and it's just pride, right?
00:50:13
Speaker
And, and my wife and, and the woman that she is, the leader of, you know, of people that she is, but to just see all these families coming together,
00:50:24
Speaker
they all have this kind of one, one common purpose, you know, that, yeah that drives, you know, what they do, you know, for a living. Um, and the kids and i'm watching the kids talk and play. And I mean, it's, it's been, we got, had awesome team event last night as well, um, with some clients and, um,
00:50:42
Speaker
Yeah, it's been it's been really fun and and also, yeah, a great measure of of pride, you know, for for my wife and her team and just what they do every day and the families that they help create.
00:50:56
Speaker
Yeah, totally agree. I think seeing all the different Families that are in this company and working together for the same common goals of just changing people's lives It's so cool to see a the different ways we've gotten here, but also just how United a front Everyone has out here of wanting to make the world a better place And just change people's lives in a big way and so that's definitely Brought me a lot of joy over the last 48
00:51:28
Speaker
forty eight I agree. I think it's been interesting to just see how like our family our extended families, man, they have just, they're one. like You just met them and now they're your best friend. Sure. But also, at the start of the recording, I'm looking down, I'm like, man,
00:51:48
Speaker
i Knowing what these gentlemen have been through, that's all I need to know. like This is the best type of men that you could ever find. Of how they love their wives, they love their family, and they they love and serve others.
00:52:01
Speaker
I'm like, man, this is... this is top notch. Yeah. Who I'm with today. And I really do feel that like, this awesome. No, for sure. You guys are in a good club. Yeah. Great. Great group of men. And, and, you know, except for Blake, I just met these guys. I'm like, noh I'm good.
00:52:17
Speaker
they're They're good men. Yeah. So that's what, that's what has filled me is to see this. Yeah, I agree. Seeing everything, how the company is.
00:52:28
Speaker
I work for a big company, you know, for the state and it's like, it's so different. Sure. The mission compared to you guys is like, okay. It's I mean, it's not a lot of employees, right? I think it's 20 something. I ask Shannon all the time. It's like, but you make such a huge difference in people's life.
00:52:45
Speaker
that I don't think there is an amount of money you can just put into it. It's just, oh my gosh, the the difference that these people make to others is just amazing and something to be very proud of.
Closing Remarks and Gratitude
00:52:58
Speaker
Well, I think you just filled my cup a little bit. Way to go, Shane. Very well. Well done, well said.
00:53:09
Speaker
You know, I... I know at the end of the day, this is still a company yeah is our organization. Um, and all organizations say family first and you know what they want, what's best for you and yada, yada, yada. And I think we all know that that is for the most part bullshit.
00:53:31
Speaker
I don't, yeah I don't, I've never felt that way with my wife working for egg donor surrogate solutions. Yeah. The the inclusivity ah to have all these families come in for this event.
00:53:43
Speaker
And I'm not saying it it's something that has to take place all the time or every year or anything whatsoever. The fact that they even did it this once and they included everybody. is significant. That probably filled my cup because I believe it's a company that does want the best for its employees and supports its families just as it builds families as well. So that was that was fantastic. No, it feels good. It feels good. Yeah.
00:54:06
Speaker
Well, thank you guys so much. Thank you for um just all of the stories, the wisdom, going back in time. um And, you know, I agree, Shane, this is a great club to be a part of. And so there's something special. Come join us.
00:54:22
Speaker
Yeah, come on. It's good. It's good stuff. It's good stuff. Yeah, yeah. Well, yeah. But seriously, thank you guys so, so, so much. Thank you. Thank you. like Pleasure.