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The Healing Power of Community in Adoption
14 Plays23 days ago
Join Jackie Darby and Aixa de Lopez as they navigate the often complicated, deeply emotional world of adoption. In this episode, they share candid conversations about the highs and lows, the challenges and triumphs, and how their faith guides them through it all. Don’t miss this heartfelt discussion!
Discover how one mother's journey through adoption was transformed by a supportive community and the importance of seeking professional help. Tune in for heartfelt conversations on parenting, faith, and finding hope.
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Transcript
Introduction to Personal Stories and Adoption
00:00:02
Speaker
We all have a story, and at times we feel we're walking it out alone. Let's pause and think. Join us for honest
00:00:25
Speaker
Hey there, welcome to Pause and Think, our podcast about honest conversations regarding adoption. So my name is Jackie
Mission of 'Pause and Think' Podcast
00:00:35
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Darby. I'm here with my good friend and sister in Christ, Aisha Ze Lopez, and we are here to encourage you to just talk Honestly, about adoption and all of that entails, sometimes there's very complicated subjects, complicated um conversations ah that are hard, but we just want to touch on the good, the bad, the feelings, the storms, ah what God's doing in our lives and what we've been experiencing. Amen. I'm sorry. We're going to dive into
00:01:17
Speaker
Therapy, professional help, counseling. Where does it fit in a Christian home and in a Christian adoption story? um Because I think we feel uncomfortable in certain scenarios.
00:01:36
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Or we overre overly rely on that resource and forget that the Lord and the gospel is powerful and absolutely fundamental in the healing process. So we're going to talk a lot about that ah this episode and we hope that it's helpful.
Jackie's Adoption Journey and Mental Health
00:01:56
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So maybe we start with our own little stories and how um I think for me, the Lord brought me to salvation and in the process of my sanctification and him showing me his character in the Word, I got called to adoption. I feel like in understanding my own adoption of Christ, I got called to adopt.
00:02:24
Speaker
And then you know from that came a very palpable need of saying, you know what, I need help. And the Lord has been so faithful in providing the help for me, my issues, because motherhood has a very excellent way of pushing buttons that we didn't know we had. And so that happens biologically or through adoption or foster care, whatever. And so sure enough, the Lord started unveiling things in my heart, in my mind, in my
00:02:59
Speaker
own upbringing that needed healing and attention and that had nothing to do with my girls. It was all about the work that I need to do with the Lord and with my story. And so it was a combination of provision in the form of the body of Christ and also professional saints that came alongside to teach me about how all that intertwines in my mothering adopted children and my other two biological children.
Community Support in Adoption
00:03:35
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But so, you know, the form of help in the body of Christ
00:03:41
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You're certainly part of that like big time. um The fact that you ah have ah ah such an open heart to love everyone, but especially children that were adopted, because you understand so much, ha has had an impact that is beyond you know whatever I can even say.
00:04:04
Speaker
um and that desperation is a gift because it's like, okay, I don't know what we're doing. And I think that acknowledging that I don't get it, stuff about my kids' stories and feelings and mind, I will never get, even if I tried. And to allow you to come into my kids' lives and have a space without me ah was very healing.
00:04:32
Speaker
And also the families that have never encountered adoption but that loved us and in embraced my kids. And, you know, were there for us and celebrated the milestones and wept with me. And, you know, they scratched their heads with me like, oh, we don't know what's happening. I don't know either. But they stuck with us. And that love was so healing. And still,
00:05:01
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I did need therapy myself. I did need a professional you know mental health professional to walk with me. And so I think it has a place. each Each has its place and it's important to just put it out there and say, it's okay.
00:05:23
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Yes, Christians, I think that psychology, psychiatric therapy sometimes gets a bad rap.
Faith and Professional Help in Healing
00:05:33
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um Because as Christians, we go to the Lord and we pray and we believe God's going to bring healing to all of our lives, you know, whether it's emotional healing or physical healing. And so we do and we are we totally believe and the power of prayer, but also there is a place, there is a place for professional help. And sometimes as Christians, we push away because we feel like we're lacking faith or we're ah we're not doing our part, why we don't have the answers that we want ah for our children, for ourselves, like you were talking about.
00:06:20
Speaker
recognizing that that I need help. And so for sure we go to the Lord, but I believe just like if somebody breaks their arm, if somebody breaks their arm, we don't say, oh, let's just pray and it'll be better.
00:06:39
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Of course the Lord could, if He would. And He could do a miraculous healing like He has in the Bible. But He also has provided doctors who have wisdom, who study, who are specialists.
00:06:54
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and You go to the doctor. They take an x-ray.
Aisha's Story of Abandonment and Healing
00:06:57
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They see that that bones broken and they put a cast on and Within months that bone heals But if you don't go to the doctor you can have years a lifetime of pain and issues if you don't get it taken care of correctly and so we believe that there's a time for professional help as well. that's For sure we go to the Lord, but also we are encouraging yeah and and saying that there is a time and a place for professional help. And so talking about our stories,
00:07:38
Speaker
um I was raised in a Christian home. ah My parents were very faithful about making sure we were in church, teaching us about Jesus, making sure that we were in Sunday school and got to go to vacation Bible school and just the different activities that church brings. But because of the way I felt emotionally and understanding that I was left to die in a garbage dump.
00:08:10
Speaker
whether my parents abandoned me there or some family member, I don't have the answers to those questions. But I do know that that played That played a part perhaps in my psychological my you know area of my brain of being abandoned, being, as I would tell myself, thrown away. And I really suffered, Aisha, from serious low self-esteem, from ah rejection and wondering
00:08:48
Speaker
about my worth, um my worth in life, my worth as a family member to know that that I was discarded as a piece of garbage, very much played with my mind. And even though I don't remember the trauma, ah being separated from your biological mom,
00:09:12
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whatever way it happens is not the way God intended. God intended us when we birth our babies to keep our babies and to raise our babies. But when there's a physical separation and an emotional separation to be separated physically and to be the child to understand that there is a traumatic separation of whether being left in a garbage dump or being put in an institution.
00:09:46
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I believe there is a psychological trauma that happens to that child. yes And we as Christian parents, we pray, we believe, we do our part to create a stable home life, routine, do everything we can as parents. But sometimes I know there's parents yeah and children that are fighting that psychological trauma and don't know where to turn.
00:10:15
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And i believe fully I fully wholeheartedly believe that's why God has given the professionals the wisdom, um the understanding, they've studied all of that um that can help us, that can come alongside of us. And I got to a place in my life that I was so desperate. I hated myself. I hated life. I took that out on those who loved me, my friends, my my parents. um I acted and reacted in a very ugly way. I was looking for love and acceptance in all the wrong places.
00:10:59
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But I did get to the place in my life that I cried out to God. I cried out. I tested him. I was like, God, if you're real, if you're real, like my parents taught me my whole life, I need you. I finally cried out and said, I need you, God.
00:11:20
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And he did come into my heart. I know that's the day, that was the day of my salvation that I cried out to him. I said, I can't do this anymore. I've been trying, but I've made a mess of my life. And he came in and he was so faithful. He did come in, but later down the road, I also came to another place in my life that I needed more.
00:11:46
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And I believe wholeheartedly that God provided professional help for me to be able to go to counseling and seek out, along with my youth pastor, who he and his wife were such a strength.
Balancing Gospel and Mental Health Support
00:12:02
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They helped in that healing process. So the Lord, the church, and professional help.
00:12:13
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three very important areas. yeah And it's a mistake to think that if you have one, you will never meet the other.
00:12:24
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It's a beautiful tapestry that combines everything because the Lord is our provider in every way. And so different stages and different relationships require different kind of but approach and help. And of course, the Lord is going to be steadfast. He's going to be the foundation over, you know, everything. So yes, so professional help comes and goes throughout our stories, but the Lord is the constant and and hopefully the church body and brothers and sisters in Christ, they're embracing you and walking with you throughout. And so I would say that the basis is the gospel and thinking that the Lord is for you and that He has healed you in Jesus and that He covers you in His justice and that you are His and you're His kid.
00:13:17
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And you're fine. And he you will have a place in heaven. And that is what envelops everything else. um And there's a very important aspect here that I would like to mention. It's the fact that sometimes we we see the kid's behavior and we as Christians assume that it's sin. And the tricky part is it may be a mixture.
00:13:46
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because we always have like a fallen nature in us. So it's, yeah we have a tendency to sin. So it may be that the trauma is what launches our kids into a sinful behavior, into a sinful pattern. But the root may be that trauma that you're talking about. And in the body is very much a part of that. And we cannot ignore it. We cannot just wish it away or pray it away. Some of the stuff needs to be looked at by people that know the brain and know the body and know how to approach it. And I believe the Lord is you know just raising up a generation of professionals that fear the Lord and are knowledgeable and
00:14:38
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you know, just know how to handle stuff from a therapeutic standpoint, but with the faith in mind. I would recommend
Addressing Neurological Challenges in Children
00:14:47
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Kurt Thompson's books. He is one of those professionals that just, whoop, mixes the the the two in a very beautiful way. And come to think about it, everything that really works and heals ah a family and a child is science-based.
00:15:09
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Because science actually backs up, science proves that the Lord is absolutely true. It does not contradict. It comes and says, this is like it a little mirror into what the reality is, which the gospel has said all along. So connection and healing and everything else happens because you have a way of design. So we're designed by God in a way that requires certain repair, and and it includes all those, all those that you mentioned, and sometimes it's it's a sin, and then we need the gospel.
00:15:57
Speaker
But sometimes it's a broken, even Jackie, I would say some of our children have neurological challenges that require a psychiatrist. Yes. And so, you know, we we go about it with wisdom and humble and a humble heart and a curiosity that is just coded in prayer.
00:16:20
Speaker
ah Yes, we for sure want to encourage you to pray. We wholeheartedly believe that the Lord will guide you and direct you. The Bible says if we lack wisdom, ask for wisdom and God will give you wisdom. We know that He has a plan.
00:16:39
Speaker
The Bible says that we're fearfully and wonderfully made. God created your child. Each one of us were individually made. He created us. But he also, like you were talking about the science, he we believe that he's given wisdom and knowledge to those doctors who have studied in depth the neurological system and how our emotions affect our bodies. Absolutely. and We can't negate that. We can't ignore that. And so many times it's very intricately woven together. And so we're simply trying to encourage you that we don't negate the psychological side. We don't want to say, oh, there's not a place for that.
00:17:26
Speaker
There is a place for it. There's a place for prayer. That's the first and foremost important, but we wholeheartedly believe in the help of counselors, of psychiatrists, psychologists, the professional help that can come alongside of you, just like pastoral
Integrating Faith and Professional Resources
00:17:44
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help. We're believing that churches as um groups like CAFO and Asiachi here in Latin America,
00:17:52
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Guatemala will help give resources um both faith-based and based in um the professional arena that can come together and bring um a more um complete picture, amen combining both sides because we believe that healing can happen through both areas, working together for our children to minister life, to bring healing. I know God has used our youth pastors, my youth pastor, the church, um friends, my family,
00:18:37
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and professional help to bring healing to my heart and to my mind. Amen. Amen. We're not an island. and it's a blessing to be cared for. So um just have an open heart for that. And we're so happy that you're here. Browse the website and leave us a comment. We have a contact page and if you surf the web around our page, you will find a contact form and you can leave us a comment, a story, ah your testimony. We will gladly read it and hopefully we
Engaging with the Podcast and Sharing Stories
00:19:15
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contact you if that's what the Lord will. So keep in contact and we're here to serve and so blessed, so blessed to pause and think together.