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Healing Rhythms: Simple Ways God’s Love Mends Us!
14 Plays2 months ago
Looking for a game-changer in your parenting routine? Discover how simple, heartfelt rituals can build family bonds and soothe the mind. Learn why ending the day with gratitude can transform your child's well-being and yours. Find out the best evening questions to ask! Tune in for insights you won't want to miss.
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Transcript
Introduction and Hosts' Background
00:00:02
Speaker
We all have a story, and at times we feel we're walking it out alone. Let's pause and think. Join us for honest
00:00:24
Speaker
Hello from Guatemala City. We're here Jackie Darby and Aisha De Lopez to have honest conversations about adoption and family life and how beautiful and hard it is and You know, we try to clarify each time we can that we're not professionals. I'm not a teacher psychologist or anything sort of the specialist we are ah daughter and a mom, of course I'm a daughter too, but... You represent the moms and I represent the kids. And she represents the kids. And so we have tried to have conversations that involve both voices.
The Role of Routine in Family Stability
00:01:10
Speaker
And today we're gonna try to reassure you guys about how God uses simple rhythms to heal.
00:01:20
Speaker
and healing homes don't necessarily have two parents that are specialists and you know just know all the topics. It's super good. I'm i'm involved in training and I've received training myself. I love reading and and learning about the brain and development and and trauma and how it impacts and the resilience that we are built it that the Lord built into us It's all fascinating and good and we encourage you to seek resources and this is why we're here Well, we want to encourage you and tell you that healing homes require safe adults that are
00:02:06
Speaker
predictable and that are a source of stability. Exactly. So let's dig in. yeah and You know, when I'm sure when the Lord put it in your heart to adopt, you didn't have all the answers. You weren't an expert. And, you know, parenting is hard. Parenting is just hard across the board. But as Christian parents, parents who are seeking God and are wanting the best for our kids, um we're we're including him in the equation. And a lot of times, you know,
00:02:44
Speaker
It's just the simple, stable things that matter the most. And like you said, we're not experts, but we're here just to encourage today. We're here to just reassure you um just about the simple things in life. And stability is so important just to have a stable home life, just routine things yes that include the child, yeah that make them feel part
Incorporating Children in Daily Activities
00:03:14
Speaker
of the family. And being part of the family is't ah isn't just, oh, let's go out for ice cream and let's buy them a gift. It's about doing the daily chores. It's about doing life and things that the whole family is involved in. And sometimes that's not the exciting stuff, yeah but it makes them feel
00:03:35
Speaker
part of the family. Yeah. And I am just continually just mesmerized by how the Lord is so faithful in using what he already built into daily life. And if you see how he does things in nature,
00:03:51
Speaker
And the Bible uses ah you know ah ah agriculture all the time to to teach about how the Lord does things. There's a rhythm, there's you know different seasons in the year and you can predict and people who farm know what to do in each season because the Lord has afforded us a way to foresee what's coming. And so life will throw very wild stuff at us, definitely, because this is a broken world. but
00:04:29
Speaker
A healthy family will have somewhat of a of a repetitive pattern. Not so much the clock. that We're not saying to be a clock Nazi. we' not not I'm not at all about that. But yes, to have a little, little ceremonies. And even if it's not planned, you have a little ceremony to get up.
Predictability Supporting Creativity
00:04:51
Speaker
My mom used to come into the the my room and she has a sing song.
00:04:58
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in her voice. And I remember every morning of my childhood, she would come into the door and say, good morning to you. Good morning to you. Good morning. Good morning. Good morning to you. That was every morning. Wow. Every morning.
00:05:15
Speaker
I know and then I knew that the breakfast would be different than what I had yesterday because she planned it. It's like she loves food and so she would love to plan meals and she was a working mom but she made sure that we have that and I knew that we would never arrive late to school.
00:05:37
Speaker
That was predictable, that was soothing to me. yeah And I knew that I was gonna arrive on time and my tummy would be filled and my lunchbox would be carrying good stuff as well and that I would get home and even if my mom wasn't there, the person that took care of us in the afternoons would have a meal for me.
00:05:57
Speaker
So it was very predictable. It was very stable. It created a very stable home life. And I'm not saying like, it is super far, far from perfect. Like my parents, you know, are, ah you know, ah a number. I love them. They know I love them. And yeah even they got separated when I got married, the year I got married. So you know I wasn't ah in a very ideal um home in many ways, but that predictability that my mom made sure we had, I'm sure it was a very good like standing for me. It gave me a grounding. It gave me
00:06:43
Speaker
you know a rhythm that I could flourish in. And I'm a creative person. I i illustrated, who am I, our book. and so And I think that structure that she made possible at home made possible my creativity. I don't think that in a chaotic chaotic How do you pronounce it? Chaotic. Yes. Chaotic. that the English is my second language. But you're doing great. You are great. I don't think that if I had that a crazy home, I would have had room to be creative because a child that is raised in a you know chaotic yeah ah environment
00:07:28
Speaker
is always worried. it it On the contrary, because barrie you know there's wingers and there's personalities and everything, and some people have a mentality that you need to leave leave the children to be children, be but wild and free. And there's a space for that. But on the contrary, when a child doesn't feel looked after, doesn't feel safe. It cannot flourish. That's a good point. The brain is always on the lookout, especially for our children from hard places.
Adopted Children and Routine
00:08:01
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We come from fear.
00:08:04
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And so it's a very primitive thing with the brain, and rhythm is soothing. Yes, and the that insecurity that chaos brings, um what we're trying to say is that routine brings stability.
00:08:23
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and we understand because life is a little crazy sometimes so we understand not every day you're going to have you know you're all going to be sitting around the table at dinnertime we understand that we understand in the in especially in the u.s there's sports there's so many school activities there's things that are happening but for the most part we're encouraging routine stability and structure that brings security in the child's life. Because sometimes as adopted kids, we have those insecurities, those hidden insecurities that sometimes we're not expressing or showing. It might be coming out in behavioral oh most issues. But I think what we're saying is
00:09:10
Speaker
creating that stable, that routine environment in the home brings security and just reassurance to that child that you're part of our family and you know the daily day-to-day things. And going back to what we started talking about, ah just the seasons and being farmers. I was raised on the farm. I was raised on a farm.
00:09:37
Speaker
And my parents totally included us in the family chores. And we, my dad had a chicken house. we Well, I'm not sure I'd say fun. This is a sitting girl speaking here. But we had a chicken house with 10,000 chickens. 10,000 chickens. So saying fun, when I was younger, I did not see it as fun. Oh my goodness. But every day, rain or shine, snowstorm or 90 degrees, my siblings and I, we had to gather eggs.
00:10:16
Speaker
We had to gather eggs that was part of the family chores. And honestly, I'm not a big bird fan now. I've never been a big bird fan because I was fearful of those chickens, even though they're all caged, but we had to gather eggs. And that was a daily routine that was structured. I knew no matter where I was yeah at three o'clock in the afternoon, I had to be home to to gather eggs and to help. That was helping to put food on the table,
00:10:51
Speaker
because that was part of of my parents' livelihood, the farm and what that farm generated. And those chickens generated food on the table for us to be able to eat. So it wasn't just about my dad going off to a job and providing every day. And I know there are some families that that happens, and that's that's great because that's how you know God provides. But for us, for me growing up, we were part of that.
Creating Lasting Family Memories
00:11:17
Speaker
And so it just brought a daily routine like we were talking about. And one thing my mom did at night which I'm very grateful. And again, it was just a given. My mom always read to us at night. Oh, I love that. She read to us whether they were Bible stories, you know, those, ah they were blue Bible story books, or just regular stories, children's books. And so we really did look forward to that time at night, just that short little window
00:11:53
Speaker
where every night before my mom prayed with us and we went to sleep, she did take time to read with us. yeah So just taking time for those simple things, yes um that quality time, yes you're not having a hard conversation, you're reading a story, um I think really creates a healthy atmosphere and security and stability. Yes, definitely.
00:12:18
Speaker
um And I'm thinking you know about seasons and it's really good and healthy and fun. Having fun is really important for bonding and for connection. because yeah So structure is important. Having fun is as important. It's not extra. It's not fundamental for child development.
00:12:39
Speaker
And I really encourage you to make up your own little traditions around holidays, around birthdays, around, because that is really what marks a life. And it doesn't have to be expensive or elaborate. It needs to be constant. So for example, my kids are always, you know, every Christmas we put up the Christmas tree and they know we're gonna have peppermint uh canes the candy canes for the tree and so they have to be there and it's just a joy to have it's just so little
00:13:19
Speaker
and we put them on the tree, and then when kids come, they get to pick one from the tree, and they pick one from the tree every now and then, and it ends up being empty of candy canes, but it's just little traditions like that that make life sweet, even in times of trial, because we've had 10 Christmases with our adopted daughters, and some of them have not been easy.
00:13:48
Speaker
Mm hmm. I'm sure but they have we've been constant in having those little moments in spite of it because what you communicate is your mind your family and this is gonna happen whether we feel like it or not because We're a family, and this is what we do. And it creates belonging, even though it might have been a hard Christmas. yes When it's all said and done, when they're older, they're going to remember those candy canes, I can assure you, because there's things I remember now. The hard times, yes, there was definitely hard times, storms that I went walk through.
00:14:28
Speaker
But when I look back now on my childhood and the constant things that my parents did, just like you said, fun doesn't mean spending a lot of money. yeah Like one thing I remember that my mom um used to do is for our birthdays, we never had elaborate birthday parties at all. But my mom always made a homemade cake.
00:14:52
Speaker
oh and depending upon what we wanted, what cake we wanted, we could tell her, I always liked a German chocolate ah cake. I don't know, I've never been a big huge sweets fan, but on my birthday, I always liked the German chocolate cake because it had walnuts and and and coconut and stuff in it. So I remember she would always make me a German chocolate cake. And that, I mean, that was a big deal for my mom to make a cake, a homemade cake instead of just going and buying one. But that's something that I always remember, that homemade cake. We didn't have decorations and all that, but our cake was decorated with little little candles and stuff like that. So it was just a special memory, a special memory that I have now. And it was consistent. It was a consistent memory. And you know like we said, it's not about it's not about spending a lot of money.
00:15:51
Speaker
um But it's just about taking time that quality time and those little rituals like that happen every night are important ah ah Have a safe Way to wake up your child have a safe way to end the day in spite of everything.
Ending the Day with Gratitude and Prayer
00:16:10
Speaker
I Can encourage you to have like a gratitude little ritual For some years, I did a ah ah gratitude journal and had like prompts. like Who was the best hugger today? like What's the best hug you got? What's a the the funniest thing you're thankful for? You what you know, just... and Ways to create conversation. And and it's scientifically proven that your brain settles when you end the day
00:16:45
Speaker
in gratitude. So encourage that ritual um and end the day with thanking the Lord about everything, even the ah hard things. um And may daily life for you be dependent on the Lord and keeping your eyes out for the goodness that's already there because it is Yes. And I would just like to add that, you know, those daily rituals, those daily routine things that we might not see as important, that just, again, reassures stability. And ending the day on a positive note, my mom and dad, um it wasn't they weren't together in it always. Sometimes it was my dad, sometimes it was my mom. They would always pray with us before we went to sleep.
00:17:34
Speaker
they We would thank the Lord for another day, um just short and sweet, ah acknowledging God in our lives, acknowledging our Heavenly Father and thanking Him and praying and praying that we have a good night's rest and just acknowledging that the Lord is with us. so Just want to encourage you and ah just encourage you with our real conversations, our honest conversations, as simple as it might be. But we hope that it ministers to your heart.