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The Graduation Gift: A Search for Roots
20 Plays1 month ago
In this episode, we dive into a heartfelt journey as a high school junior asks for the ultimate graduation gift—finding her biological family. A touching exploration of identity, longing, and the innate connection to one's roots. Join us as we discover the emotional layers and universal truths of adoption and belonging.
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Transcript
Introduction to the Podcast
00:00:01
Speaker
We all have a story, and at times we feel we're walking it out alone. Let's pause and think. Join us for honest
00:00:23
Speaker
Well, hello there. Welcome to Pause and Think podcast. My name is Jackie Darby, and I am your host today. And today we have a very special guest.
Meet Suzette Warren, Missionary and Adoptive Mother
00:00:35
Speaker
um We are connected to Suzette Warren, who is in St. Augustine, Florida. I am here in Guatemala. I'm a missionary here serving.
00:00:47
Speaker
And we are just going to have a great conversation regarding adoption, our identity and worth in Christ, and talk about their wonderful, beautiful, amazing story of adoption. So I want to say hi to Suzette Warren. Suzette is a missionary, ah has been a missionary since 1991 with her husband, Ronnie.
00:01:12
Speaker
of 42 years. So wow, 42 years. um Suzette and Ronnie were our leaders on the field when they served. um They've served all over. They've also pastored and they're still missionaries today. And Suzette is very active in the Ministry of Act for the Nations, which they serve in, let me get this right,
00:01:38
Speaker
Latin America, Asia, Nepal, Thailand, and South Africa. So Suzette has been so many places. I so look up to you Suzette, and I am so honored that you are taking the time today to be on our podcast Pause and Think. So welcome Suzette. Thank you, Jackie. It's such a privilege to be here and share our story with your listeners.
00:02:03
Speaker
ah Well, thank you. I know that you and your husband, ronnie Dr. Ronnie
The Adoption Journey Begins
00:02:09
Speaker
Warren, you guys have an amazing adoption story. It has touched my heart in so many different ways. And that is why I wanted you to be on our podcast ah today. So I would like for you just to go ahead, take time, take the liberty to share with our viewers, our listeners, your adoption story.
00:02:31
Speaker
But Jackie, when my husband and I married, we knew that I could not have children due to a kidney disease. So we knew adoption was probably going to be in our future, but we weren't in really a hurry until we started trying to get on ah adoption agency lists to become parents. That didn't happen right away. It took us six years before ah we were able to connect ah with our daughter's birth parents. We didn't know them. It was through an agency.
00:03:01
Speaker
We were fortunate enough to meet them, which was wonderful, and hear their story. Unfortunately, they were getting a divorce, and so um they were not able to you know have another child child, care for another child. And so it was because of their very difficult decision that Ronnie and I became parents. And
A Baby Girl Joins the Warren Family
00:03:22
Speaker
we know it was all in God's timing and how that it all worked out. We were very blessed and fortunate.
00:03:28
Speaker
Wow, so six years. So even an adoption process can be a very long and I'm sure emotional and painful wait. But um after six years, God provided a baby girl for you and and Ronnie. And so tell us tell us when you brought her home and when she became part of your family.
00:03:55
Speaker
Well, when we went to the hospital to get her, ah the nurse was so enamored. She had red hair, but they had it covered up in a little and little head cover. And she said, as you see have you seen her hair? And I said, no. And she yanked the little cap off and red hair went everywhere. And of course, we were excited. I just wanted a healthy baby. ah Ronnie wanted a little girl.
00:04:20
Speaker
I didn't care. But so she has beautiful red hair. So ah that became the story of her life. Where did you get your red hair? Oh my goodness. So the Lord gave you the desire of your hearts. Ronnie got his little baby girl. And this is a domestic adoption, which is different because you clearly could have, you know, brought her home from the hospital as if you birthed her.
00:04:49
Speaker
and hid the story from her. But because of her red hair, as you said, you guys were not redheads. um There was something that was different about Ladina. So tell us, Suzette, I am very um curious. And I would like for you to share your story about why you felt it was important to tell LaDina the truth about her adoption. And you know so not only do I want you to explain like why it was important to you to talk to her, but at what age did you even begin, did you guys begin talking to her about her story?
00:05:33
Speaker
Well, you know,
Discussing Adoption with Ladina
00:05:34
Speaker
when you're young and you've not done something before, it's kind of trial and error. And because she had the red hair running, I had dark hair, um we get the question just about every day. In the grocery store, at church, people who didn't know us, complete strangers in airports ah would approach us and say, where does she get that beautiful red hair? And so we would say from day one, she's our gift from God, she's adopted.
00:05:59
Speaker
And then they, you know, so that that sets, you know, help them understand the difference. But she grew up from day one hearing the word adoption. Now, as far as telling her the story, um we didn't really do that. We were in Latin America at the time when she was six years old. ah Teams were coming in and one particular girl who had red hair, who was adopted from Texas, ah just befriended Ladina, our daughter's name is Ladina. And she said, isn't it wonderful that God gave us parents to love us and raise us?
00:06:35
Speaker
And well, Nadina was about probably maybe a little before that, maybe five years old. She was watching a little movie and but she was the movie was based on a little girl in an orphanage who had red hair. And so the the the little girl, Penny, in the story is praying and asking God to give her parents to take care of her and love her.
00:06:57
Speaker
And so when they got to that part, Ronnie was sitting beside her. She said, like me, hi, Daddy. And he said, young baby, like you, do you understand what adoption means? And she goes, uh-huh. She said, adoption means when you don't have parents and God gives you parents to love you and take care of you.
00:07:12
Speaker
So that was really all of our first introduction that she understood that she was adopted. And then weeks later, she would be driving in the car and she would ask me, did it hurt when you had me, mommy? And I said, well, remember, you didn't grow in mommy's tummy. You grew in your birth mother's tummy.
00:07:30
Speaker
And so that survived for a few years. She really didn't say much more than that. And then she began asking about brothers and sisters, you know. And we listened to a wonderful man on Focus on the Family, Dr. James Dobson, talking about adoption.
00:07:46
Speaker
And one of the key things that he encouraged adoptive parents to do is answer only the questions they ask because she was really young at the time. And so we didn't want to go into her whole story that day. And so we just answered, yes, you have a brother and you have a sister. And she was thrilled about that. And she went on playing and it was just like, you know, no big deal at the moment.
00:08:11
Speaker
And so you know that's really how she found out that she was adopted. It was not anything like a sit down and have to tell her. um We never even thought about that at the time. 1987 was when she was born. That was not real common, at least in our world, ah for adoptive children to to be adopted. But um that was our story and that's the way we approached her about it.
00:08:38
Speaker
and let her know she was loved and wanted for many years, you know. Wow. So what I'm hearing, Suzette, you said that you've always used the word adoption. That wasn't anything that you or your husband ever hid from her. That was just a common word. It was part of your vocabulary and little by little as she asked her questions, especially when she was five and watching that movie, um,
00:09:09
Speaker
That's when Ronnie talked to her a little more in depth as she was asking questions and and made sure she understood what the word adoption meant. And so I love that. I think it brings out the very important part that Communication is key. Communication is key. you You clearly were listening to... You had other resources. You were listening to Dr. Dobson who you know talks about all those family issues and adoption is so much part of a family.
00:09:45
Speaker
a lot of families today. And so you were getting good advice in that area. Okay, so which would bring me you guys are the are the parents. And just like any child, I'm sure you know, you had your moments in child raising.
00:10:03
Speaker
But were there ever any um was there any any specific time in raising Ladina that you felt like you guys were really walking through some struggles that might have been connected to um to her adoption? Or
Junior High Challenges: Anger and Adoption
00:10:22
Speaker
did she ah show any signs like that you guys were just facing some things regarding adoption, um that she might have been struggling or that you were struck, you guys were struggling as parents. Yes, and absolutely. we We live in a real world. And so this is what happened. And this was
00:10:42
Speaker
ah The course that she took is for it not realizing it I don't think One good thing was that when we would tell people she's adopted they were excited So she never got a really negative feel about adoption until about junior high and when she entered junior high something I don't know um Happened and she began to just get angry like a real short fuse and i don't think it was just the red hair everybody kind of put that on redheads that they just have a temper she didn't up until junior high and it was she she just didn't and she would tell me we would talk about it she said i don't know why i'm angry i'm just mad.
00:11:19
Speaker
And so after a while, we began to realize that it was probably the sense of loss that she felt, because you know when what I understand is when the baby's in the womb, they hear their mother's voice, ah singing to them, whatever you know whatever's going on, maybe screaming and yelling. If their parents are getting a divorce, you know I wasn't there, I don't know. But certainly, she felt something was different, and but she couldn't communicate it at junior high. She didn't really realize what it was. And so we saw counseling. Unfortunately, it wasn't a positive experience for her. So she never wanted to go back. But ah through the year she's understood high school, ah she began to understand that she was blessed to travel. I would hear her talk to other people.
00:12:09
Speaker
She'd say, you know, we've traveled all over Latin America and I know Spanish and she was real proud of that and ah It was a positive thing for her, but certainly the anger Probably I would say a good three maybe four years that we don't and Because Ronnie and I don't have that. We're not angry people, or we don't um really exhibit that frustration, yes. But I mean, the type of anger she was feeling was on the inside, and she knew it. And we would pray about it. I would just counsel her to just, you know let me hear you speak to me, talk it out with me. And so we had many hours of talking it through. And sometimes it was rough.
00:12:50
Speaker
because she there's tears. She didn't understand. I didn't really understand at the time. This is our first adoption, of course, and so I wasn't prepared for that, but we learned, just listening to her and hearing her out and acknowledging that she felt anger over whatever. you know And that is such an important important point, Suzette, that you validated her emotions. yeah yeah You validated her anger. And even though it was really rough on you guys as parents, um you you spent lots of time communicating and not avoiding those really hard conversations. And I think i think that's so important for the parent to understand that
00:13:42
Speaker
It's not easy. Raising even biological kids, there's it's not easy. And there are emotions and situations you face. And ah in Ladina's case, she was having these anger issues. And you were trying to figure out how to how to work through them with her. But what I'm hearing is that you took time. You didn't shy away from it. You hit it head on. You communicated with your daughter.
00:14:11
Speaker
And you know it it was helpful to her even though maybe she wasn't able to express it and maybe you didn't understand because you know this was your your one and only daughter. and so But you didn't you didn't ignore it. You didn't sweep it under the rug. You faced it. Which brings me to the point in your story that There came a point in time that she brought up a subject about her biological mom.
The Search for the Biological Mother
00:14:42
Speaker
And can you tell the listeners, the viewers about that time and what that led into? ah Just about her asking about her biological mom.
00:14:54
Speaker
Yeah, she when she was in high school. She was probably about a year from graduating. She was probably a junior in high school. And she came to us and she said, I really would like a special gift for my graduation, my high school graduation. And we're parents, whatever you want. It's your graduation. We'll get you whatever you want. And the answer was she wanted to find her biological mother.
00:15:21
Speaker
Also family, brothers and sisters, she wanted to know them. So that was a surprise, ah you know, and I said, we'll do whatever we can to help you find them. Because another thing that I learned from Dr. James Dobson is that inside every adoptive child, there is a place in their heart for their biological family. They won't understand it until they get a little older, but they they know something is different. And it was her desire to be able to find her mother and have her there at her graduation.
00:15:55
Speaker
so Wow. And Suzette, I know that there is another interesting, um I don't want to say twist, but another very interesting chapter.
00:16:11
Speaker
of your life personally, of why you understood a little better her yearning, her desire to know who her biological mom was. Can you tell us about that? um Maybe I would say we're going to back up them a little bit and tell that part of your story about your personal family.
Connecting Past and Present Adoption Stories
00:16:36
Speaker
Sure. Well, ah when I was born, I have a an older sister and our mother ah passed away at the age of 29. I was only eight years old, so I didn't understand everything. Later I found out that she was adopted. And through some unfortunate situation, her mother had to give her up for adoption. She had two older brothers.
00:17:03
Speaker
And she found the older brother, but there was one brother that she did not find. And my dad said she searched every town in Texas where we lived. She thought she knew the last name, which she didn't. a That was her older brother's name, but her younger brother had also been adopted. And so she searched and searched to find her brother and did not.
00:17:28
Speaker
um So when she passed away, um that was not fulfilled for her. And as a child growing up with that story, I did not want Ladina to have to go through searching for years and years and maybe never finding her biological family.
00:17:45
Speaker
ah Back then when my mother was adopted, it's called a closed adoption, so you couldn't get very much information at all. Now we have the internet and it's a little bit easier. but um So having my mom go through that and realizing that the brother she never found only lived six miles from us.
00:18:04
Speaker
found out later, but she didn't know. And so that was my driving force behind Ladina, finding her family and filling that that hole in her heart or that pain in her heart of why was I adopted out and the you kept the other two.
00:18:24
Speaker
the brother and the sister so we didn't want her to have to go through that so we decided that we would do what we could as any parent when your child's hurting you'll do whatever you can to ease the pain and we're no different just because we're not her biological family and so that's what we did our decision we made.
00:18:42
Speaker
Wow. Yeah. So not only are you an adoptive parent, but you were raised by an adopted mom. Right. And so you have had it from both angles. And I love your story. I love Just your heart, your security, and knowing who you are in Christ. You and Ronnie have such pastoral hearts. um it's It's all about, how can we minister? How can we help our daughter?
00:19:17
Speaker
And that that has just spoke louder than words to me as I've followed your story, um as I've walked through my healing process, and I've watched you guys walk through your adoption story. I so appreciate it. And so i um we're we're coming to a close. Unfortunately, our time is running out already, but I want to give you a few minutes suzette or a minute to What encouragement can could you give an adoptive parent that might be walking through right now that really difficult time, like that frustrating time of three or four years, like you were saying that you walked through with your daughter. ah What kind of encouragement or hope could you give to those parents who who are looking for oh advice from another adoptive parent to another adoptive parent? yeah Well, I would say the most important thing is don't give up on them.
00:20:15
Speaker
You can't give up on them. They're going to have emotions. They're going to be angry. They're going to be sad. You're going to cry. They're going to cry. But you cannot give up on them because it's a need they have. It's just like any other person that you would meet that you want to help. You go to the Instagree to help heal their hurt. And so that's what we did. But you have to listen to them. And like Jackie said, you do have to validate their feelings. I may not be feeling that, but that's what she was feeling at the time. And so you have to.
00:20:44
Speaker
ah have clear communication and be honest as much as you can, age appropriate, be honest with them about the facts and the details of their story. But that's what she wanted. You know, she wanted the details at an appropriate time and in high school it was an appropriate time first to begin to learn the details for herself.
00:21:06
Speaker
Wow, thank you. And I know you and I are women of faith.
Faith and Hope in Adoption Stories
00:21:11
Speaker
if If it wasn't for the Lord and what He has done in our lives, our Heavenly Father, we would not be sitting here today. we would I wouldn't have been on the mission field. um Randall and I would not be here. But because of our faith, um we know how God has met us and our stories.
00:21:30
Speaker
And today, I hope our listeners and viewers have heard practical ways how they can also help their child ah walk through their difficult times. But I would like to close by saying we are going to have Suzette back again because she and her husband not only searched to help their daughter find their biological mom. But there is a another whole story. And it's we're that's why we're having her back for another episode because they indeed found her. And I want Suzette to tell that part of the story, which is another amazing chapter of their lives and to just
00:22:19
Speaker
just give hope and encouragement and just life advice from their standpoint as a parent, as parents, their perspective, because I'm talking from the child standpoint, they're talking from the parent's standpoint, and we just want to give a good balanced view from both sides. So please join us again for another episode having Suzette Warren back on to tell that part of the story of how they found their daughter's biological parent or mom and how they connected with her. So thank you for joining us, joining our podcast Pause and Think, and we look forward to another episode.