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Finding Peace Without Roots: An Adoptee's Spiritual Journey
26 Plays25 days ago
Discover the profound journey of an adult adoptee finding healing in faith when biological roots remain elusive. Through the love of our Heavenly Father, explore how peace and joy prevail beyond traditional family ties.
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Transcript
Introduction and Previous Episode Recap
00:00:01
Speaker
We all have a story, and at times we feel we're walking it out alone. Let's pause and think. Join us for honest
Suzette's Family and Adoption Story
00:00:23
Speaker
Hi there, my name is Jackie Darby, and I am the host of our podcast Pause and Think. And if you were with us last episode, which I really highly recommend that you listen to if you haven't, but we had a special guest, her name is Suzette Warren, and her and her husband are from St. Augustine, Florida, been married for 42 years, been missionary since 1991, have pastored,
00:00:51
Speaker
have been all over the world ministering leaders that randal and i highly respect but the reason susette is with us today is because they have a very special adoption story that she is sharing and today we're here for episode two Because we are going to continue with the story of adoption, and we are to the part that her daughter, Ladina, expressed that she would like to find her biological mom.
00:01:26
Speaker
and asked and expressed if they would be able to help her find her mom. So I don't want to sit here talking. I want to give the time to Suzette to be able to greet you and get right into the story because there are so many amazing things about the story that I want you to hear. So Suzette, welcome.
Search for Biological Mother
00:01:50
Speaker
Thank you, Jackie. I appreciate that.
00:01:52
Speaker
Thank you listeners for coming back for part two. This is the exciting part. This is what you want to hang in for. ah For graduation, our daughter asked that we find her biological mother. She wanted her to come to the graduation. And so we were more than happy to do that. Of course, that we had met both her mom and dad before Ladina was born.
00:02:14
Speaker
and they chose us to be her parents. And so at this point, we had already met them and so we kind of knew the background story. and But we wasn't we weren't sure where they were now. This is 18 years later. And so my husband went online and he put in their names and um you did a search. And that really didn't turn up a whole lot. and We went to do some other avenues trying to find certain we knew the last name and the first name and so we got a search for those names and he began to call and We didn't know what to do. We were trying to help our daughter and so he would call and say my name is Ronnie My wife and I adopted a daughter in 1987. She's graduating high school and wants Her mom to be there. Did you give a baby up in 1987? So he I got a lot of different answers. No, I don't know who this is. Who did you say this was? I mean, just a lot of different answers. So that didn't pan out. He called maybe six or eight people. It just didn't work out. One of the right ones. And so finally, we came across a website that we could go on the website in Texas and
00:03:29
Speaker
enter Ladina's information in, and if the biological mom or dad entered their information in, there would be a match. But they didn't. But you couldn't do it until you're 18. So we had to wait until Ladina turned 18 in February of that year.
Connecting with Biological Mother
00:03:45
Speaker
and So she sent off the paperwork to be able to do that, her email address, contact everything she knew about her biological family. It came back and said there was not a match only because the biological family had not entered in their particular website.
00:04:01
Speaker
But they had a group of lawyers who dedicate their time, volunteer their time to help adoptees find parents and vice versa. But they have to be on that line. So when she turned 18, she filled out all that information. And then she went on a senior trip because she was getting ready to graduate. And so ah she when they went to Costa Rica, I believe was the country they were in, they could have one hour a day of screen time.
00:04:28
Speaker
And so one particular day I get this email in bold red letters, mom, do you think this is my biological mom? or information and so I read it and I said, I don't know it it will call the numbers it it told when um You know her home phone number cell phone number, you know They lawyers were able to get that kind of information investigators. I guess they were Able to get that information. So we said, you know, we'll call the numbers and we'll let you know so my husband called that afternoon and he talked to um
00:05:03
Speaker
a lady that we believed was Ladina's biological mom. And so she said, he told her, you know, this is Ronnie, our daughter's graduating. And did you give a baby up in 1987? And she said, no. And we felt 95% sure we had the right person. And so she said, could I go to another place? I'm a nurse and I, you know, I need to get to a private place and call you right back. And and I said, sure.
00:05:30
Speaker
So she called back and she said, now tell me again who you are. And, you know, so went through the whole story again. And she said, yes, I did. I gave a baby up for adoption in 1987. So, of course, the big question for us was, why did you say no?
Invitation to Graduation and Emotional Journey
00:05:45
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But that was for another time. You know, we found her.
00:05:48
Speaker
And so she then said um her dad and I are divorced. He lives in another state. And I'm remarried. My husband doesn't know. My kids don't know. My parents don't know that I had a baby because she didn't live. She lived about an hour from her parents. Ladina was born in February, the November before chris the Thanksgiving, the November before.
00:06:11
Speaker
um She is tall and carried herself well, wore big loose clothes. Nobody even knew she was pregnant. So they knew they were going to give the baby up, but they didn't want family to know and try to intervene and all of that. So we respected their decision. And um so she said, now that I'm remarried, um I personally would like to come to the graduation, but I haven't told my husband. So I need the weekend to tell my parents and my husband and my children. So she had a big weekend ahead of her. We understood that. And we just told her that it was Ladina's heart's desire to find her and family members. And we are willing to help you get here and um hotel and everything. We were going to do a party, graduation party, of course. And so she
Emotions and Support in Finding Ladina's Biological Mom
00:07:01
Speaker
agreed to us. She called back on Monday and she said, my husband,
00:07:04
Speaker
of course is excited and said yes. And so she came. Wow. Oh my goodness. i I've heard your story before, but every time I hear it, I feel like I'm hearing it for the first time. I just can't even imagine. I have so many questions for you, Suzette. But I think the question that sticks out the most in my mind as you sit and tell your story,
00:07:32
Speaker
um Just hearing so many other adoption stories, I think the point that sticks out so much to me is your security in helping, being so willing to help your daughter find her biological mom. I am not an adoptive mom.
00:07:58
Speaker
but I can't help but wonder what those emotions were like, you know, of saying, yeah, I'm gonna help you find your biological mom. Just the security of knowing who you were and saying, if it if it means helping my daughter to have all these unanswered questions answered, I'm willing to to lay down maybe the way I'm feeling.
00:08:24
Speaker
to help her.
Identity and Healing through Reunion
00:08:25
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And so my question to you, like explain, you know, there might be other parents listening right now. Um, what was going through your mind? I know you were, went through the process. You guys both went through that process, but, but did you have any of those questions or doubts or what were your feelings? Well, certainly when Ladina sent the email from another country and said, could this possibly be my biological biological mom and dad? Um,
00:08:53
Speaker
ah I was surprised that we had phone numbers and everything. But again, because of what I grew up knowing what my mother went through, um I'm like any parent, my husband and I are normal people and we'll do anything for ourselves. And so you that's what you do. I don't even think I thought about it in those terms that, ah you know, all of the emotion, it was just excitement that we were able to give her this gift.
00:09:21
Speaker
and she's in another country and we can do something about it and help her heal that part of her heart that is longing for her identity. One of the things that her, when we connected, I asked my logical mom if she would send me a picture of herself. So when we got to the airport, we would know who to look for.
00:09:44
Speaker
When I opened the photo, Ladina was behind me as I was on the computer. And when it popped up, she gasped and she said, Oh mom, she looks just like me. Well, being all of your life being raised with dark headed parents and you're the only redhead in the group. Uh, when she found that identity in her biological mom who has red hair, she looked like my daughter 25 years down the road.
00:10:14
Speaker
And so for my daughter, I realized she was searching for that identity, all that anger. She wasn't able to process or even understand. It was about who am I really? Where did I really come from? Why did they give me up for adoption? And so she's beginning to get questions answered, but the one I didn't realize was about the identity. I just didn't realize that that was, she's heard all of her life. You know, she's our gift from God.
00:10:41
Speaker
ah when we were asked, you know, where'd she get the red hair? So it wasn't something that we planned. It just happened that way. And I realized that that was a need in her heart to be to identify with another person.
Advice for Adoptive Parents
00:10:56
Speaker
And so i was we were thrilled for her. We really were getting ready for her biological mom to come to the graduation.
00:11:04
Speaker
Um, I guess maybe I was a little nervous if I have to say honestly that she would think we did a good job. Um, I don't know. You know, I'm i'm not sure. I think that that was probably part of it that we gave her a good life that they may not could have given her.
00:11:21
Speaker
um That was their reasoning in the beginning, you know, we know we can't give her a good life. So I guess maybe I was looking for approval from the mob from the biological You know, I didn't even realize it until that time but it really has become a beautiful um Thing for Ladina to have that piece of her life Standing right before her And I love, once again, I love how you see that it was so important to Ladina to understand her identity and seeing that her mom had red hair
00:12:03
Speaker
she could identify, she could see that that's where that came from. And that was a huge part in her identity, her identity crisis as she was questioning and having those anger issues. It answered a lot of questions. And I,
Graduation Day and Emotional Reunion
00:12:22
Speaker
again, I admire you, Suzette, so much for, in your and your husband too, for going above and beyond for the health, the emotional health of your daughter. And I know a lot of a lot of adopted kids don't have this gift of being able to even look. They don't have that information. It's like finding a needle in the haystack. I know in my story, I will never find my my birth parents unless the Lord makes it happen.
00:12:54
Speaker
um But the fact that once again, you guys were secure in your relationship with Ladina and wanted to do whatever it took to help answer those questions for her, for her to get that missing piece of the puzzle to understand her identity. And I just, ah I just love hearing that part of the story.
00:13:21
Speaker
i It just touches my heart so much. I can't even imagine the day that she flew in. So could you tell us, take a few minutes, a couple of minutes and tell us what it was like waiting at that airport um for her mom? Yeah, it was a big day. No doubt about it. Lydia has a group of about six or eight friends. We had family come in for the graduation.
00:13:46
Speaker
And there was probably about eight cars that caravan to the airport. And I thought later, this poor woman, you know, she comes and there's 30 people standing in front of her, you know, ah what a shock that might have been. But, um you know, to first of all, we didn't need a picture ah when she came into the airport.
00:14:04
Speaker
Everyone instantly knew which one she was because it looked like the Dean had coming towards you a few years later I mean it just you know and I was You know as an adoptive parent. I just want to encourage those parents um Look at it as a gift to your child that they desperately need don't Don't think that they're going to discard you and your relationship and all you've done for them. That probably won't happen because the older they get and once they have children, they realize what a gift.
00:14:35
Speaker
that that is for them, you to be able to help them find their biological family. And so she came to the airport. Immediately, Ladina hugged her and then we all hugged her and you know, there were tears around because it was such a great day. ah None of us had experienced anything like that.
00:14:56
Speaker
And of course at the high school graduation, everybody knew the Dean's biological mom was going to be there. So she probably felt like a spectacle because I'm sure people were looking at her. It's a small Christian school. And so I'm sure she probably felt like she had the spotlight put on her, but she was.
00:15:13
Speaker
You know, the night before the graduation, we decorated the the room at the hotel where we were going to do the party. And we were laughing and talking with, ah you know, my brother-in-law and sister and brother. And, ah you know, we were all there decorating the room. Of course, Ladina wasn't there. It was a surprise to her. But, um you know, just laughing and telling stories. And it was wonderful. It was a wonderful experience for us. And she really confirmed that we did the right thing by helping our daughter.
00:15:42
Speaker
find that missing piece. It's just so important for their mental health, for their emotions, for their identity, ah to be able to understand that this is what was missing. And now I feel whole, whether they have a relationship in the future is is between them. Our part was done at that point to get that and graduation gift to
Faith, Family, and Healing
00:16:08
Speaker
her. And we were able to do that. So we were thrilled. We were just thrilled.
00:16:13
Speaker
yeah And I remember during that time, because you posted pictures on Facebook, When I seen those pictures, I just cried. Cried for so many reasons. It was so touching. I felt like I was there. I could feel Ladina's emotions. i It was just such a beautiful um chapter in Ladina's healing process in your story, your adoption story as parents.
00:16:44
Speaker
And so again, I have nothing but deep respect and honor, you know, respect you guys, admire you guys and honor you as leaders, as pastors for how you have um just walked with your daughter.
00:17:01
Speaker
um through this healing process. And we know, Suzette, that healing is a long, lengthy process. It's not like, oh, boom, she met her mom and everything is done and over with. Healing is a process. Ladina's life goes on and God will keep writing each chapter.
00:17:20
Speaker
But I just wanted to thank you for sharing this part of the story. And I want to encourage our viewers, you know, if you're an adult adoptee and you're watching this, you might be like me, who I can't find my parents because of the the situation of my story. But that doesn't mean that I don't have peace and joy in my life.
00:17:47
Speaker
I was not able to find my adopt or my biological parents, my mom like Ladina was, but I still have healing because of our Heavenly Father. And that's the key. We can still experience joy and peace and healing.
00:18:04
Speaker
at a deep level in our heart and mind because of our Heavenly Father.
Episode Closure and Future Teaser
00:18:09
Speaker
I know who I am in Christ. I know even though that maybe missing part of the puzzle ah is not there of meeting my biological mom or father, but I know that God, our Heavenly Father, is my my Father, that Jesus is in my heart, and that he truly has giving me an earthly family, but I also have a family in him. And because of that, I'm sitting here today on this podcast, Pause and Think. We're here to have real honest conversations with people like Suzette, sharing our stories to encourage you in your journey. So I just pray that as you heard their amazing story, that you leave feeling hope
00:18:58
Speaker
and peace and joy that there is life beyond of even meeting your biological mom. um If God doesn't permit that, that you can come to know Him as your Heavenly Father. So thank you so much for joining us today. And I just want to let you know, in the future, Ladina is going to also be on for a third episode telling her side of the story. So don't miss that with Ladina sharing a third podcast, a third episode of this part of the story. So thank you for joining us today and God bless you.