Become a Creator today!Start creating today - Share your story with the world!
Start for free
00:00:00
00:00:01
Ep 173: Tremors 3: Back to Perfection w 3CEUS - Hallo3n Horrorfest
0 Playsin 1 day
For the third entry in this long-running franchise we bring back our friend and Tremors virgin 3CEUS. This one finds survivalist Burt Gummer taking center stage as he battles the familiar Graboids, the two-legged Shriekers, and a brand-new evolution: the winged “Ass-Blasters,” which propel themselves with explosive farts (yes, really). The townsfolk try to turn their monster problem into a tourist attraction, but of course, chaos and carnage ensue. It’s equal parts goofy creature feature and loving nod to the original, with Burt cementing himself as the franchise’s unstoppable, gun-toting hero.
Find our exclusive merch in our new webstore at shop.badmoviesworsepeople.com
Recommended
Transcript
Introduction and Tremors 3 Overview
00:00:00
Speaker
Welcome back, everybody. This is a production of Bad Movies, Worst People. Today we're talking about Tremors 3, because it's Halothrene, and we have Thresius, and we didn't put that together last year.
00:00:12
Speaker
and We did not. Yeah. um And this year, i still have not watched any of the previous ah films in this franchise. so We never actually did an intro.
00:00:24
Speaker
No. That's fine. Well, that that's how the episode started. I'm Whitney. I'm Derek. I'm Jack. I'm Thereseus. Is your head up your ass for warmth? Cue the music.
00:01:13
Speaker
Loosey goosey ass episode dude We're not used to being all peopley I know I've only done one of these so it's not on me For not having this right Oh no it's always on us it's me We've only done 170 odd including the hunt took shots first we need 10,000 hours to be good at something Yeah and we're only at like A thousand sure wish I can't do this that much longer Don't have it in me So welcome back, Thresius. Well, thank you. How do you feel being on an episode again?
00:01:45
Speaker
I feel fantastic. Y'all are some of my favorite people. And I'm glad to be back here watching a you know a a movie and a series that I haven't seen any of the other ones in. Dude, next year we've got to have you for another three yeah where you haven't seen any of the franchise. And it'll be like ah your third time with a third movie of your... oh it's It's like Seventh Son of a Seventh Son. but um We're doing threes. Yeah, perfect. Without Jeff Bridges.
00:02:12
Speaker
Yeah. But yeah, like Jack said, last time we had you on was for Halloween three season of the witch. Right. Night of the witch. Season of the witch. Fantastic movie.
00:02:23
Speaker
You know, where the snakes and everything were in Ireland. One more day to Halloween. Halloween. Halloween. Long two days to. how Oh, wait, it is. How many days to Halloween? Thirty seven days to Halloween. No way. When this when this airs.
00:02:38
Speaker
There's no way of knowing that day that is. It's like 14 more days to Halloween. coming up. Roughly. 16-ish. I don't know. What day is it? The 24th. But yes, we had you on for Halloween 3.
00:02:50
Speaker
We never even mentioned that 3CS was on Halloween 3, which is a stupid thing on our part. But this year, we're doing Hallow 3, which would have been a good time to do Halloween 3, by the way. Yeah.
00:03:02
Speaker
I was just ahead of the eight ball you there. Yeah,
Tremors 3 Details and Budget Game
00:03:04
Speaker
you were. So we have 3CS back for Hallow 3 to talk about Tremors 3, Back to Perfection from 2001 to 2001. The longest Tremors movie.
00:03:14
Speaker
Oh, one okay. 104 minutes. 104? Yeah. Wow. it It did feel a bit long. A little bit. I'm glad I watched this with you guys whilst drinking and having other things. Otherwise, this would have been just a shit boring movie to watch by yourself. Could you feel where the commercial breaks were?
00:03:30
Speaker
No. Neither could i Yeah, i um I heard you mention while we were watching that it was um like a made-for-TV movie. At first, I thought it was a joke. Then I saw the acting.
00:03:43
Speaker
And it might be it might be straight to video and then aired on TV. That might why we didn't feel commercial breaks. But it definitely did not come out in theaters. Or it it was straight to ah tv but they didn't know. like It wasn't filmed for that. They're like, we're going to get a theatrical release.
00:03:58
Speaker
And it's like, we're going to get a DVD release. We can get it on TV, guys. That's the best we can do We're going to get a VHS release. It's 2001. Yep. they We signed a deal with Betamax.
00:04:10
Speaker
and They feel like making a comeback. But this one directed by a name that might sound familiar, but it won't. Brent Maddock. You know why it might sound familiar? Doesn't sound he is one of the writers of the original Tremors.
00:04:23
Speaker
And Tremors 2. Something I don't pay attention Along with his partner with the unfortunate name in 2025 Wilson. mean I just think it's a ship, you know? It's like the SS Minnow.
00:04:34
Speaker
I think we made that joke last two times, but don't This is the boat that Tom Hanks gets his friend from. Wilson? The Castaway. Wilson. It's a boat that strictly carries Wilson Volleyballs to and fro. um But you don't remember that a in Castaway, it was specifically opened ah from a UPS.
00:04:54
Speaker
FedEx. Sorry, FedEx. a FedEx package. Yeah, because they didn't know about the SS Wilson. They were like, well, how do I get a volleyball from heather to feather? Well, FedEx it.
00:05:06
Speaker
but No, you ask the SS Wilson. that And he has an SS delivery service too. Super speedy. Yes. So they were shipping it inflated? Yes. Yeah. It's weird.
00:05:16
Speaker
Ready to use, dude. It's in a box and everything. I've never seen it. you've never You've never seen soccer balls already inflated and volleyballs already inflated? never seen Castaway. But you have seen a volleyball before. You've never seen No.
00:05:28
Speaker
But you've seen, you've been to Target. Yeah, yeah so you buy them at the store that way. You ship it in the mail that way. It's a big box. What do you think that they have their ah minimum wage paid ah you know ah workers who are surviving off of- um you know Three cents a day.
00:05:43
Speaker
Yeah, exactly. non Inflating them in the back of the- ah No, you ship it flat, and then the person who bought the fucking ball inflates it. That's not how it works on the SS Wilson.
00:05:54
Speaker
That's stupid. Yeah, it makes for really terrible shipping logistics, but for a bunch of happy customers. All right. And that's all that's important. Capitalism. Yeah. We have two other writers here, by the way.
00:06:06
Speaker
So Brent Maddock, SS Wilson, and Nancy Roberts are all credited for writing the story. And then John Welpley was credited with the teleplay.
00:06:18
Speaker
So Nancy I'm sorry, what's a teleplay? It's a script, but for television. You couldn't sound more like a wienery British dude. Tom Welpley here. Well, so Nancy Roberts. Mama, they beat me up and took me lunch money. All of my fathings. I can't get any blood pudding now.
00:06:32
Speaker
I'm going to be ever so bothered. I'll go cry in the WC. They threw away my teleplay. They threw away my teleplay, mommy. So Nancy Roberts also wrote Tremors 4, and she was the showrunner for the Tremors television show. So good for her. They like their people.
00:06:47
Speaker
And then John Welpley well release dead wrote this, Tremors 5 and 6, and he wrote john bunch of TV, a lot of single episodes, but he wrote of quite a few more episodes of 90210 and MacGyver, which is important to mention. Yeah, it Because it's brought up in this movie.
00:07:04
Speaker
It's really important because, boom, I'm going to tell you, it comes into play in a big way. ah wait, this all comes full circle. Who wants to be an ass blaster here? i was I was actually surprised watching this movie.
00:07:16
Speaker
Well, that's not part of the movie, so that doesn't count. But there was a few things that were like set up and came back. We've watched plenty of movies where it's like, where'd that come from or why did this set it up and never happen? Because Thresius pointed one out very early with the ultrasonic super watch. Whitney got one with the potatoes.
00:07:34
Speaker
No, that was also Thresius. So we have Chekhov's watch and Chekhov's potatoes in this one. I would eat Chekhov's potatoes. I bet they taste good. There was something else, too, but I can't think of right now. They're Idaho potatoes. You always burp up Chekhov's potatoes, though, because you always come back.
00:07:50
Speaker
That's right. It's not until the third act, though. So the second act, when you're out at the bar, you're Chekhov's potatoes. You go drink, and you go home, like, oh, oh, oh, more potato. Yeah, exactly. Before we get into the plot line, I would like to say that the um DVD um like landing screen reminded me so much of Turok 64. It doesn't it? He's not fucking wrong. He so yeah he said it and he's like, oh, flooded with memories.
00:08:13
Speaker
My god. Well, it's the underground part of the Tremors like poster, except for they didn't have enough of it, so I feel like they just took it and tiled it, which would be why it would remind you of like a Nintendo 64 game.
00:08:24
Speaker
Let's stretch it. Can we stretch it? Obviously we don't have a box office game, but I do have a budget. If anybody wants to try to guess the budget. What was the budget of cutaway?
00:08:35
Speaker
oh God. i don't a million dollars. And are we doing prices right rules? Okay. Four million dollars. We are doing prices right rules. So I, the I want to say it was $4 million dollars for cutaway because it was a very low number. Single digit number. This is $6 million. dollars Okay. You say six. What do you say, sir?
00:08:52
Speaker
$5 million, $900,999. Dick. I'm going $3 million, sir.
00:08:57
Speaker
dear um i'm goingnna say
Unrelated Discussions and Personal Anecdotes
00:09:04
Speaker
three million dollars sir and Jack wins the showcase because it's exactly $6 million. dollars Suck it! Estimated, but yes.
00:09:12
Speaker
Purple square for Jack. And by the Cutaway budgets was $9 million. I was close. I said single digits. That would have changed my answer, though, because i thought Cutaway was like $5 million. I'm like, it's a little bit more than that.
00:09:23
Speaker
Cutaway cost $3 million dollars more than this. but That's because you're throwing people out of planes. It was mostly insurance. Oh, yeah. This cost a little bit more than like some other movies because they blew a bunch of shit up Well, and I think Stephen Baldwin's Bible budget, since he hands them out everywhere he goes, like he needs a stockpile of Bibles to hand out on every scene. See, the thing he is, he doesn't see it at see this as stealing. Every hotel he goes to when he's shooting movies, he steals the Bibles out of the side table. Oh, the yeah, the Gideon's Bible?
00:09:46
Speaker
Yeah. then he hands those out to people on the streets. Yeah, Gideon and Wayne now. Baldwin? Yeah. He's super easy. We talked about him. Ever since he worked with Pauly Shore, he's like, I gotta go find Jesus, man. Oh, that's right.
00:09:58
Speaker
Well, I mean, it's a it's nice that we're having this conversation the day after the rapture. So I heard all about this rapture that I did not. they can Oh, we died in 2012. This pretty great. Whitney said something last night when that it was like, apparently the rapture happened. I was like, funny, all those people are still out there.
00:10:17
Speaker
I see Charlie Kirk's wife. I see Donald Trump. I see J.D. Vance. Weird. Well, they tried to get Donald Trump up there, but they didn't have enough angels to lift his fat ass. I don't body shame you except for him. He only weighs 187 pounds.
00:10:30
Speaker
My God. But he is He looks amazing. he could be He could be playing linebacker. This was all on his physical. yeah Yeah. I'm 6'2", and I generally weigh around 180, 170 pounds. Yeah.
00:10:43
Speaker
eighty hundred seventy pounds yeah You look fantastic. Yeah, so you and Donald Trump look almost the same. Almost the same in physique. Only difference is the hair. How's the non-binary guy wearing less makeup than the president? Exactly. All binary. Catch me on a different day. binary, sorry. Catch me on a different day, and that'll be different. Yeah, but I bet you know how to blend yours.
00:11:05
Speaker
You should see him in some phenomenal, or sorry, three CS in ah phenomenal red heels. o Oh my goodness. Oh. and also, all pronouns are fine.
00:11:17
Speaker
That's completely fine. But I think if you're making an effort, you're making an effort. Just don't look at those guys like, don't know what call anybody no more.
Canceled Video Game and Missing Characters
00:11:25
Speaker
It's because you've gone to hell in a handbasket. You got guys wearing girls dressing. Everybody's calling them. they they Give me an armadillo like a hat.
00:11:30
Speaker
It matters to me. It affects my life. Speaking of affecting your life, Jack, there was almost a video game of Tremors in 2003. Oh, my God. It was supposed to come out in December of 2003. Were you going to get to play as the Tremor?
00:11:41
Speaker
I think it was in it was said it was an a third-person action survival game. Okay. you're trying to kill the Tremors. 2001, it would have been PlayStation 4. I don't know what was out at that point. It was on 2001. Like Turok? Wasn't GameCube out by 2001? Oh, that's what I meant. GameCube.
00:11:59
Speaker
It was PS2, I'm pretty sure. Probably PS2, but apparently it it was supposed to come out. Sega! It was supposed to come out in December of 2023. And apparently Michael Gross, Frank Welker,
00:12:10
Speaker
Keith David and Sean Christian, who is Cactus Jack, Desert Jack in this movie. Cactus Jack a whole different bird. Had already recorded a bunch of voiceover stuff for it. Dude. But then it got quietly scrapped because of non-interest from the fan base. That is this movie is missing.
00:12:26
Speaker
Keith David? Yes. And Frank Welker. Frank Welker. He might have been. and we He might have been doing the didn't see him with the credits, but he might have been like. Yeah. He's Frank Welker. I mean, he's he's voiced a door. Like, quite literally. just been like.
00:12:39
Speaker
a know another one? Nope, that was perfect. All right. If anybody has not seen this, and I know that you have, go on YouTube and look up Frank Welker Lion Sounds for Lion King.
00:12:52
Speaker
Oh, look up? It's him screaming into a fucking trash can with a microphone. It sounds amazing. Also look up the video of him and what's the Optimus Prime? Peter Cullen.
00:13:02
Speaker
Peter Cullen. Look at the video of them at like some Comic-Con talking to each other on stage in their Megatron and Optimus Prime voices. It's pretty awesome. I bet. That sounds fantastic.
00:13:14
Speaker
um And this movie did win an award at the 2001 Video Premiere Awards. Razzie. No, no. Video Premiere Awards. You've heard of them. Have I? No. I don't know anything about the VPA. They actually just glue a VHS to ah like a stand and give it to people. It's your VHS.
00:13:32
Speaker
But Michael Gross won Best Actor at the 2001 Video Premiere Awards. I mean, he arrived. Do you think he showed up? he There was I didn't write it down, but the trivia had his speech. He is acting in this.
00:13:43
Speaker
I mean, like, he's not the bad part. He is not. How much do you think the ah four year consideration campaign was um to get that? um Probably not much. 2001. It wasn't a lot of straight to video.
00:13:57
Speaker
Not like today. It's easy to put straight to video because all you got to do is upload it to a server. Not like the 80s either. Yeah. Well, that was different too because we had people were like, let's fill them via this video store shelves.
00:14:08
Speaker
Yeah. We need transmorphers. Oh, transmorphers. That's a real one? Yeah. Okay. I was just trying to make a fun Transformers knockoff. Right next to Transformers at the blockbuster shelf was Transmorphers, and right next to Snakes on a Plane was Snakes on a Train.
00:14:24
Speaker
Right next to Money Train was Money Plane. With Kelsey Grammer. Oh, wow. Yeah, they traveled back in time 30 years and stuck it up there. Yeah, you want to know who? I think he's the bad guy. You know who the good guy is? Who?
00:14:35
Speaker
The wrestler Edge. Okay, I have to watch
Character Details and Movie Trivia
00:14:38
Speaker
this movie now. e Yeah, I know Edge. He was in the WWF when it had an And I know I shouldn't be throwing this stone right now, but some people look ridiculous with a man bun.
00:14:50
Speaker
I have it on good authority that you look pretty amazing with a man bun. Oh, is the authority your eyeballs? ah Well, yes, mine. just And um a couple other girls that know that we're friends.
00:15:02
Speaker
No, what they were saying is they like his man buns. a I could have been that. They're both red and hairy. I was going to say, Jack's pretty caked up. He's got juicy cakes.
00:15:12
Speaker
So, this movie starts... say This movie starts after we started making a bunch of Nazi jokes right at the beginning. Oh, God. In Argentina, funny and enough. because of Because SS Wilson came up and we were like, all right, let's make some Nazi jokes real quick before this movie gets underway. And then, yeah, back to perfection, Argentina.
00:15:32
Speaker
Luckily, there was no fucking blonde hair, blue eyed scientist pretending to be an Argentinian native. Argentina makes sense, though, because the last one, Tremors 2 Aftershocks, was in Mexico. They were in Guadalajara. Yeah, so they just kept traveling south.
00:15:45
Speaker
yeah You know, it makes sense. They're trying to get away from this crazy redneck with his fucking guns. i mean, every time we take a vacation in Nevada, one of our family members gets blowed up. This fucking redneck. I just wanted to go to a casino. we know My wife has been exploded. i was trying to try to listen to Wayne Newton.
00:16:01
Speaker
We were just trying to get the natural delicacy. What is the word? The ethnic? Not ethnic. Indigenous. Indigenous delicacy. Yeah. Yeah. I heard the sheep here. When in Rome. We tried to take a vacation to Las Vegas, and this bacon man threw my wife off a cliff and said, can you fly? started screaming, can you fly, sucker?
00:16:20
Speaker
And guess what? We had to make some rule changes. I still have no frame of reference for that. You will. You will be.
00:16:31
Speaker
So, yes, we meet Burt Gummer, Michael Gross again. For those who don't know or didn't listen to those other episodes, he's in one and two and four, five, six, seven and the TV show. But he's also from Family Ties. Did we actually did we do episodes?
00:16:44
Speaker
Yeah, we did one and two. Did Oh yeah. was a Patreon for one. Two is not. That's right. That years Did you recognize him though from Family Ties? Oh, definitely. Yes. Okay. okay But also he was driving with his lights on with night vision goggles on.
00:17:00
Speaker
Yep. That's just who Bert Gummer is. That seems very inefficient. yeah Well, he yes. Because he's seeing farther than his car and his lights were only on so the people that he was meeting could find him.
00:17:14
Speaker
It would have looked a lot cooler if he pulled up his headlights off. Like, damn. Farther away. Damn, Bert. But he's there kill a bunch of shriekers. Perfect movie. Five stars. For sure. He's there to kill a bunch of shriekers.
00:17:28
Speaker
um The news is there and he's just giving them the speech about like um Well, don't know. It's a whole speech. But he has this gun, and I found found something interesting that I thought Jack would find interesting.
00:17:39
Speaker
So most of the IMDb trivia of of this is just listing off the guns that Burt Gummer and various characters use throughout the movie. Wow. What kind of gun did he have? the the one that he has it looks like a little or it probably is like a little grenade launcher thing oh yeah i don't i didn't write down the name i believe it's an m twenty but it's featured in cliffhanger and another movie that they talked about they're like but this is the only time you've ever seen it on screen actually shooting flares which is its actual function not like explosive not uh projectiles like yeah
00:18:10
Speaker
I mean, a flare would be a projectile. Ordinance. Ordinance. Yeah. I love that. Thank you. I don't have, I didn't copy and paste IVV trivia. Did they use it in Cliffhanger to make an avalanche? And Brayden is not a good.
00:18:23
Speaker
Is there a cliffhanger in Cliffhanger and they never completed it? No, it's one. It's actually, it's called Cliffhanger because the movie ends right in the middle. John Lithgow. Yeah, that's what I'm saying. yeah know You want to know what I want? Credits.
00:18:34
Speaker
Exactly. What's he want? Fucking meta. um But yeah, he uses the flares to draw in all these shriekers, jumps in this big anti-aircraft gun from Waterworld.
00:18:44
Speaker
Waterworld, yeah. And just mows these things down. What's that brother's name there? Bert. And he just mows them all down. He doesn't get covered in soot like the guy from Waterworld because this one
Nostalgic References and Fake Tourist Trap
00:18:55
Speaker
still works properly. Well, you know Bert Gummer is going to go home and clean this and crank one out that's why he was a little late for meeting with the news people, actually. He was, like, polishing it with a toothbrush. Oh, yeah. Yeah.
00:19:05
Speaker
I guarantee you this guy doesn't have a speck of dust on his firearms. So there were supposed to be a lot more practical effects in this movie. um They they retrieved. They have a bunch of the the Graboid stuff from number one.
00:19:19
Speaker
They have some of the Shrieker stuff for number two, but it basically just came down to functionality, time and budget. Yeah. So they ended up using a lot of CG. Cause there are, there are puppets here. Like you see them.
00:19:31
Speaker
Yeah. And these are the only, this is the only time we actually see shriekers alive in this movie, even though they're mentioned later, they never see them. Um, they couldn't, get they couldn't use the Shrieker models from number two because it was like a software incompatibility so this new team which is not led by Phil Tippett who did the ones from number two famously did yeah this number two not this one o tippi did it but he did design the Shriekers but like they couldn't reuse them so this company basically took those and then tried to make them themselves and that might be why they're only in this one scene well let me just also say so two tie-ins here
00:20:07
Speaker
First, I think that the CGI in this reminds me a lot of Stargate level, like SG-1 level CGI. Yeah, I can see the series if people don't know.
00:20:20
Speaker
tying back into MacGyver. Oh, yeah. Stars MacGyver. Oh, yes. What's name? Richard? mcgver richard dean i sorry Richard Dean Anderson. Richard Dean MacGyver. Richard MacGyver.
00:20:32
Speaker
the ah dick The other thing is Phil Tippett the practical effects for Jurassic Park. Oh, yeah. um And that'll come into play. Starship Troopers.
00:20:43
Speaker
We talked about that on number when we did number two. it But the the Jurassic Park ah references drip out of this movie. Yeah. 100%. So they've seen Jurassic Park at this point. right They've seen three of them at this point.
00:20:56
Speaker
um Yep, that's the fun neighbor with his stupid fucking subwoofers. Hopefully that's not on here. If you're hearing that, it's just a fucking really rude 19 year old asshole. Yeah, it's a kid who likes to work on his car at two in the morning. It's fun.
00:21:10
Speaker
But yeah, there's all kinds of Jurassic Park references, including the inclusion, including the inclusion of Mindy. Yeah. From Tremors 1. Welcome back.
00:21:21
Speaker
Welcome But she was also in Jurassic Park and The Lost World. She was. And now she paints. And don't go too far because we will be watching her in Spaced Invaders. ah childhood favorite of mine that I'm finding out most people have never even heard of.
00:21:35
Speaker
no I've heard of it not like before you said anything about it, but i'd never seen it. I don't even know anything about it. It's one that my family watched so much that I think that's Space Invaders. That's just Space Invaders. You had a D to it, now it's a boob comedy.
00:21:49
Speaker
It's not a boob comedy, they're children. It's a dick comedy for grabbing the D. It felt like a boob comedy. Spaced Invaders sounds like a early 2000s stoner film.
00:21:59
Speaker
Well, one of the aliens sounds like Jack Nicholson the whole fucking time, man. I do remember that. The minor descriptions you've given me, I just assumed it was something along the lines of Earth Girls Are Easy.
00:22:12
Speaker
You would think so, except for these aliens are short so they can dress up like children during Halloween. Oh, like E.T. Oh, and you know what you know who ah the the main girl is? Mindy. She dresses like a xenomorph.
00:22:23
Speaker
Wait, how many days till ah Halloween? 14 days till Halloween. Halloween. Halloween. 14 days till Halloween. So we go back to Perfection, Nevada. I said it.
00:22:36
Speaker
Said it back back Nobody in the movie said it, but I said it. Hey, that's the name. Oh, my God. And we meet Tony Gennaro, who was in the first one. And we've also seen him before in Cop Rock, episode seven, Copophiliac. Copophiliac. That's right.
00:22:51
Speaker
Matt, we'll talk about Cop Rock after we do this episode. you're You're a patron. Go check it out. I actually should. Oh, yeah. Oh, my God, that's right. You are a patron. Do you often wish that Law & Order would bust out into song and dance? Always. Then you need to watch Cop Rock.
00:23:04
Speaker
We have it on. Is that exactly what it is? He has it on Blu-ray. Did I ever tell you that I i saw a Dick Wolf's ah yacht? Really? I was in ah was in Santa Barbara trying having a drink at like this place over next to the marina, and the bartender um pointed out, it's like, yeah, you see that yacht right there? It's like that's Dick Wolf's.
00:23:25
Speaker
And then you flipped it off. That's Trapper Wolf's yacht. so That's a joke for Jack and the people who listen to Hunt took shots first. um No, but it's really fun. And Dave Filoni.
00:23:37
Speaker
Hell yeah. Dave Filoni. Dave Filoni. But yes, Miguel is there. He's talking to Bert. ah There's this real estate company trying to come in and build Perfection Valley ranchettes.
00:23:47
Speaker
Because why wouldn't they? There used to be a bunch of murder here. You want to set up a different version of Poltergeist? Build a fucking bunch track homes. It's been 11 years, dude. They say it like 12 times. Build track homes right over them dead bodies.
00:23:58
Speaker
If there's any um Tremors executives that are listening to this episode, God, I hope so. Please make Tremors 8 a Tremors poltergeist movie. Yeah. I would pay real money to have that. What the hell kind of evolution are going to do now Their spirits? Oh, no.
00:24:17
Speaker
Well, we built the houses on the graveyards of the graboids, but we moved the tombstones. We didn't move the bodies. I can see it now. Craig T. Nelson, if you're bored.
00:24:27
Speaker
I didn't write it down when it happens. i I noticed it. I think it's one of the tourist kids says something about like taking a picture with the tremor. Because everybody always calls them tremors, but they're grab boys. It's a grab boy. It's that fun little like throwback thing. It's like this is because I think in 2001 by then they know because it's been 10 years, 11 years. 11 years. 11 years.
00:24:46
Speaker
um They know people just call them tremors. So there's some kid that's like, I want to get a picture with the tremor. Shut up, you stupid shit bird. So at at this point, I figure I should ah also interject that um on the schoolyard as a kid, we used to play this a game that was called Tremors.
00:25:04
Speaker
I hadn't seen Tremors, but it was basically the floor is lava. And now I understand why we why it was called Tremors. I understand why I was out all the time. You're a precocious little seven-year-old that's like, guys, this is more like Dune. Yeah. exactly ah Matt's out. No, I was doing a worm walk. Yeah, exactly. I'm not out.
00:25:23
Speaker
No, I was doing an arrhythmic shuffle walk. i don't know what you're talking about. Yeah, you have to, so ah you know, step without rhythm. Uh-huh. Which is not a problem for me. I was gonna say, I'm a Midwestern white so it's very, you know, not a problem. I without rhythm and step without rhyme.
00:25:37
Speaker
I do like dancing. You have all the rhythm. There's no way you can take four steps without, like, having a pattern. Let me finish this whiskey and I could. That's the secret to surviving- You in percussion. That's the secret to surviving Dune though, just be fucking shithouse the whole time. Wyrm's never gonna find me walking like this.
00:25:55
Speaker
That's why ah the Graboids have never successfully invaded the Midwest. Well, that's why they're drunk the suits they wear are called still suits. they're not It's not recycling their moisture. It's making whiskey, and they're just... There we go.
00:26:10
Speaker
Oh, that'd be real nice. How you survived so long? You see this nose breather? Whiskey. Hurts like shit for the first year. get a callus inside your nose. I just vaporize it. But so we meet... Oh, go ahead. I was going to say you and I have that problem.
00:26:22
Speaker
Not a problem. It's a pretty awesome ability to just make music out of anything. Oh, yeah. And you would just we would just immediately like...
00:26:32
Speaker
and The worms be down theyre like I hear him humming. ah Just ah c start. um Is he is he moonwalking? Just a hum in jazz. Freeform scatting. Freeform scatting. It's all about what's in between the notes or something. Yeah, I can't handle that. Play the right notes. You never stop playing jazz.
00:26:51
Speaker
So we mean. Jazz stops playing you. We meet Jodi Chang, who is the daughter, i think, of Walter Chang. Yes. Victor Wong from the first movie. She the granddaughter. I don't know. Who knows?
00:27:03
Speaker
he's ah he's He's a ah non-specific age. ah She
Acting Quality and Character Critique
00:27:08
Speaker
was in the second one as well, though, right? No. They were in Mexico. Oh, he died in the second? oh Oh. She wasn't. There was no back to perfection.
00:27:15
Speaker
and So she's played by a woman named Susan Chuang. I want to say it right. But C.H.U. A.N.G. So it's much like her name in the movie. But with a. Yeah. OK. She's very pretty TV like character actress. ah I wrote down a bunch of shows because they're all shows Whitney watches.
00:27:32
Speaker
Oh, so she's been in at least one or more episodes of charmed Buffy friends, nip, tuck bones, Grey's Anatomy, shameless, the rookie. And she was also in Miss Congeniality. She's literally been in everything I've watched.
00:27:44
Speaker
To Congeniality to the weaker of two of them. I didn't watch. She's in all. A lot of these people are in every show you've ever watched, by the way. They're TV. that why Is that like, I know that person. You're like, this guy's familiar. I'm like, yeah, probably for that one episode of Angel or something.
00:28:00
Speaker
Uh-huh. ah She runs the grocery store now. It's still Walter Chang's Market. Coldest beer in town. Coldest beer in town. It's 85 degrees, but it's the coldest in town. Well, because it's the only beer in town.
00:28:11
Speaker
Good luck. Find a colder one, asshole. Also, she's decorating the ah store like it's a ah like fourth grade science fair. Yes. Well, lots of paper mache. All the graboids everywhere. She has all the graboid stuff, and Bert comes in, and first of all, he's freaked out by all her her fancy technology, like the barcode scanner, but...
00:28:30
Speaker
He's like, we try and turn this into ah an amusement park. And she says, well, it worked for your friends Earl and Grady, because if you guys remember in the first one they were talking about opening a Graboid amusement park or no, it was the second one. I think Earl was talking about they had plans to open it.
00:28:43
Speaker
It may be in both. But apparently that's what they decided to do. And that's why they're not here. Yeah. They went and open a Graboid theme park. She's like, I can do it right here in perfection. Keep my dad's shop or my grandpa's shop. and My person's shop.
00:28:55
Speaker
My ancestor. Oh, um the fourth grade science fair thing? Yeah. Mache. Paper Mache. Paper Mache. Papier. We just did i Nightmare on Elm Street, Paper Mache House. Brought the two together.
00:29:09
Speaker
Same universe. Dream Warrior. Because Paper Mache exists. Yep. Same universe. Dude, if you can if you can combine flour and water, you're in the same universe. Yeah. this That is our Patreon episode for this month.
00:29:20
Speaker
It'll be fun. it's We just recorded yesterday. It's very fun. That's why it's very in my brain. But also by that ah you know by that logic, any um like movie that has bread in it is in the same universe? Yes. You bet.
00:29:34
Speaker
And they all involve Jesus. No pushback. Everything is a shared universe. It's everything, everywhere. all all like All at once. All at once. You know, finger hands. Except for the sound of freedom. Hot dog fingers everywhere. Finger hands is normal hands. was going to say, like, that's... Oh my gosh, she has finger hands. So do I.
00:29:54
Speaker
Share the universe. What did I call it? Like fingers everywhere all at once. All the fingers everywhere all at once. Sounds like a Tuesday night. yeah I did mention before, but I mentioned again, Bert has this watch that he got from the Gauchos, he says, that syncs with the cesium clock in Colorado by ultrasonic frequencies. Yep.
00:30:17
Speaker
I almost said ultraviolet frequencies. Which we can't hear, but dogs can hear. But dogs can hear them. And immediately everybody in the room is like, Oh, the Graboids can hear it. Dogs, you say. 3CS hasn't seen any of the other ones, and he was like, this is coming back, right? Yeah. The guy that has the least understanding of Graboids is like, well.
00:30:36
Speaker
And we meet Desert Jack, which makes our our ah co-host here, Jack, very happy. He loves it when movies have people named Jack
Graboid Attack and Character Interactions
00:30:43
Speaker
Yeah, i love it. I wish that Desert Jack referred to getting a fucking handjob in a fucking hot, dry climate.
00:30:50
Speaker
I would much more prefer that. that's where he got his name from. Why did they call you Desert Jack? Hold on. He's like, i don't no lube. Dry them hands. Let's get going. ohm Actually, i was going to be Desert Jack, but they changed my name. Also, so they misspelled it. This scene is where the Schrodinger's potatoes come in, too.
00:31:07
Speaker
Yes, because there's a bunch of potatoes in the that's all that's in the produce section of yeah ah potatoes and bananas. if i Oh, there are. Yeah. But you always have bananas. Are there bananas? If I can get a banana later, I can ferment it now and drink it later. Two things you can ferment and drink for potatoes and bananas. There you go. but You can also use a fucking potato as a pillow if you're tired and sleeping.
00:31:29
Speaker
um Desert Jack, Desert Jack played by Sean Christian. Again, wife. i Charmed. Yeah. 90210. Friends, the rookie. I've mentioned in the past, I kind of stopped mentioning it because a lot of these people in our show the Beast.
00:31:43
Speaker
No, are in soap operas. This guy was in Days of Our Lives, but I'm going to mention it because he was in it for over a thousand episodes. Oh, wow. That's at least a year. That's but's like three years. It is at least a year.
00:31:56
Speaker
But we we've mentioned people before, and it's like, oh, well, they were in 40 episodes, they weren't really in it. Yeah. They were in, like, two months. Rookie of the Year does come back. Oh, definitely it does.
00:32:08
Speaker
But I have a fun fun thing for you, wife. um Listening. Desert Jack was played by Sean Christian, but you know who lost the role to him? Somebody from one of your shows. John Catholic. Tell me a show. An actor named Brian Krause.
00:32:21
Speaker
Does that name that sound familiar? Yes. Leo Wyatt? From like 145 episodes of Charmed? Charmed, yeah. He could have been Desert Jack. he is You would have been shitting your pants the whole time. He's the like you know he's the white lighter.
00:32:35
Speaker
Where I did shit the whole time. The white He's the white lighter. His name's Leo Wyatt. That's why I was. Yeah. Yeah, that's why I figured. I was like, he's that guy that was on that show she was watching. He's drunk somewhere America right now yelling Wyatt Power. And his wife's like, that's not funny. Stop fucking saying that.
00:32:50
Speaker
She's like, it was funny 10 years ago. Nowadays, it's in this climate, this is why i don't have you working with that S.S. Wilson anymore. Keep yelling Wyatt Power around s s Wilson. He's got a shirt that says Wyatt Power on it. You hated Leo.
00:33:04
Speaker
You hated him so much. You're like, God, why does he ruin every scene in the show?
Government Agents and Bert's Tension
00:33:08
Speaker
I didn't watch it, but every time I would walk in, he was doing something annoying. So this guy's doing Graboid tours, and it's this fake-out fucking... How does Mindy call it? Scooby-Doo shit.
00:33:18
Speaker
And it's actually... I kind of appreciated it because these fucking stupid-ass tourists are buying into it. It's a tourist trap. I love it. That's it is. great because he takes them out. He's got like a cassette or ah a VHS that he plays that puts some shit up on the screen that looks like there's a graboid coming.
00:33:33
Speaker
it's It's almost the same tracker we've seen in the other movies except for instead of a red yellow or a red dot, it's actually got like a little animated worm crawling along. Yep. The other thing is that... um Everyone who's in that Jeep basically does the worst Star Trek um impression of them moving as far as like they're just all bumping up and down, but at different rates and in different directions. think they're good job, just different timing.
00:33:59
Speaker
They're all doing a great job. They just didn't one, two, three, go. Yeah. Dude, what if instead of that VHS, it was just the fucking Nokia game Snake? oh Oh, my God. He's getting bigger. Wait, if he runs into his own tail, I think we'll be okay.
00:34:11
Speaker
Yeah. But he's got that. He's got um fucking shitty Aaron Paul running around in the desert shooting a fucking fire extinguisher in the air. Paul is the least desert dressed person that's ever dwelled in a desert. Yes, he is. That's not true. You live in Tucson, Arizona.
00:34:27
Speaker
His steel toes are on the outside. Yeah, that's that's the thing I want to bring up, though. His steel toes are on the outside. He needs you to like see how ready he is for you to drop something on his foot. Yeah. yeah But you've seen this guy. This guy hangs out at the 7-Eleven right by work. At least that's a city. This is 14 people. Who are you dressing up for?
00:34:45
Speaker
go back to a Go back to that music video for your unbelievable. I was thinking more like maybe when, what's his, Shifty, whatever the fuck his name is, died, he could take over for him. Oh, Shifty Shellshock. Shifty McVeigh or.
00:34:59
Speaker
Shifty Shell, from Crazy Town? Shifty, yeah. Shifty Shellshock. Shifty Shellshock. He could take over for him when he died and a few years ago. ah He's dressed like Stephen Baldwin from Cutaway Undercover.
00:35:10
Speaker
Yeah. Yes. Yes. He is Stephen Baldwin from Cutaway when he's undercover. Except for he never changes clothes. um And the thing I appreciate the most of their little gags they had going on, they do the fire extinguisher thing. So it's like, oh, here it comes. It's dust.
00:35:26
Speaker
The thing I appreciate the most is this wired up thing to pull the fucking fence post down. How does he remember the color code? Well, because... G. Biv. Yeah, they have it in order. It's Roy G. Biv. He's like, Roy. Roy. It's really cool because, i mean, obviously these people, none of these people would know about that. I guess unless maybe ah Kevin Bacon wrote it in his book that he wrote about this or whatever, his tell-all.
00:35:53
Speaker
My book called What the Hell's Going On. I mean, what the hell's going on? But as a viewer, it's fun to just be like, oh, it's that thing where the pulls, because that was the big thing. from the Of course, in the first one I don't think they just fell over. I think they got sucked into ground.
00:36:06
Speaker
But he's just pulling them over, and thought it was fun. Oh, no, cool. It's kind of a little peek behind the curtain for us layman. If you're touristy enough, you fell for it, man. That's your fault. Speaking of touristy, this tour definitely reminded me a lot of going down to Tombstone and taking that stagecoach tour around. And everyone's, you know, the the driver's the one who's giving you all of the information.
00:36:31
Speaker
And you're not quite sure if everything that they're saying is true. Oh, correct. Because this guy is definitely, like, pulling shit out of his ass. Oh, of course. Oh, it's like ah huckster it's a leprechaun 2...
00:36:42
Speaker
two Where the kid is giving like leprick boogaloo. Oh, though think the kid is giving. me um Am I talking to people who've never seen Leprechaun to forget about it?
00:36:53
Speaker
The kids giving tours through Las Vegas or something. I don't remember. Yeah, but he's doing the same thing. He's driving around. He's like, this was Houdini's house and he died doing what we all know. Houdini died because he can't take a punch.
00:37:06
Speaker
He got punched in the stomach and it I think it ruptured his appendix or one of those useless organs. sheine's pretty It's useless until it bleeds inside your body. Yeah. His spleen is not useful except for killing you.
00:37:24
Speaker
Or is it the, is the spleen the useless one? The appendix is useless. The appendix is useless at this point. I don't think there's any way of knowing what the spleen does for you. Let's take it all out and find out. All right. um Next time on Bad Movies, Worst People. So that's when we get the video on you'll operate on me.
00:37:40
Speaker
Yes, and you're alive. You're the skinniest one. It would be the easiest to get in there. Exactly. It's like we're going to give you a cesarean, so we're just going to numb you from the neck down. Sounds good. And we'll have a mirror situation so you can see everything.
00:37:53
Speaker
And also just please make sure that you put the organs back. No, I was going to say put a xenomorph, you know, an egg inside of me. Yes, I can do that for you.
00:38:05
Speaker
Can you? All I have are chicken eggs, but we yeah I mean, it'll probably have the same effect. Put a Canadian. go Put a Canadian goose in there. this air Oh, yeah. long Way more scared of those. yeah i zemorph We find out who's still in town. We have Nancy and Mindy.
00:38:21
Speaker
Nancy and Mindy played by the same people from number one. Mindy had to come back because you had to drop out of school because they can't afford it. Yes. Nancy is played by Charlotte Stewart, who was in the first one. She's also in Eraserhead and Twin Peaks.
00:38:33
Speaker
Hell yes. And Mindy, Ariana Richards. We mentioned Jurassic Park. They're hanging out at the fucking grocery store because where else you hang out in town other than your house? Yeah, dude. I would dig a giant series of tunnels like Rambo.
00:38:46
Speaker
Or Jason. You think tunnels would be useful in a Graboid area? Graboids have been dead for 11 years. Okay. They think the Graboids are gone. I would definitely have a killer-ass basement.
00:38:58
Speaker
We do find out that the Graboids might have been running around all this time, but Bert gave everybody these, ah was it the seismometers? He keeps calling them. Geophone. And they all just kind of let them fall into disrepair because they're like, what? It's been 11 years. And he's like, bruh.
00:39:12
Speaker
This is, it's a just-in-case situation. We're in just-in-case right now. It might say para ah a perfection, but this town should be called just in case.
Bert's Bunker and Graboid Encounter
00:39:21
Speaker
They call me a prepper. That means be prepared.
00:39:24
Speaker
Oh, we're sorry. We thought they were calling you pepper. That's because you're so spicy. I thought Marky got with Sharon. Sharon got Sharice. Sharon was Sharon. Well, funny enough, these government agents that we here. She was Sharon Sharon's outlet on the topic of disease, bro.
00:39:39
Speaker
These government agents that we meet coming up here ah and just a moment. Some fucking TLA. One of them played Sergeant Pepper in Dances with Wolves. Oh. If that means anything to you. It doesn't.
00:39:51
Speaker
you You're the Dances with Wolves guy. I know. i just it's probably the phrase It's probably the main guy because he seems the most actual actor. i just couldn't tell you who Sergeant Pepper is. Well, he's got a Lonely Hearts Club band.
00:40:01
Speaker
Sergeant Pepper, isn't that a Beatles song? That was the reference. It's an album. That's what just said. got a Lonely Hearts Club band. Oh, I'm not Beatles It's one of the only things I know about the Beatles. Derek's not. He knew that.
00:40:13
Speaker
they They got Sergeant Sergeant Sergeant's Band and then they've got the yellow submarine, yellow submarine. And that's the song for forty half minutes four and a half minutes. Yep. Forty and a half minutes.
00:40:24
Speaker
Well, I've been drinking while you've been talking. Sorry. He put ah he put it on repeat and didn't know it. He's like, this fucking song going be over. I when I worked at the grocery store, you know, they play the same music on a loop every day. they played that every day for about a year and a half.
00:40:38
Speaker
When I came in at 2 p.m., that song was on. So my theme song to walking back to clock in for eight hours, eight of the worst hours of my life was we all live in a yellow submarine. i was just like mercy. Kill me.
00:40:53
Speaker
Yeah. yeah Stick me in the fucking walk in. Put a lock on it. i'll Call it a day. You can call it a walk in because you can walk away. While everyone's kind of convening around the grocery store, we do get a ah bit of the worst ADR that I've ever seen in a movie.
00:41:11
Speaker
from From Buford? Yes. that's a tall That's a tall statement with this podcast. Okay, fair. um It's really bad. I think it was, a oh, what's the- They're still outside. Beautiful. The fake aon help Aaron Paul. Yeah. So he was, ah you know, being, you know, he was peering into ah someone hanging up- Mandy.
00:41:36
Speaker
Yeah, Mandy. Mindy. mindy Mindy hanging up the washing and like- the, again, I did not write down any person's names in this. Yeah, that's okay, because this guy's about of here.
00:41:50
Speaker
yeah So ah the the other guy, the guy who- Jack. jack Yeah, Jack. um He ah does a, like, basically reprimands the guy for it. Quit your drooling.
00:42:00
Speaker
Yeah, something like that. and It is the worst. Like, they must have had something worse. That's what I think. Yeah. Because he said something. is Quit your jacking. She's old enough to bleed, enough to breathe. And like, we can't put that in there. No, exactly. can't put that in there.
00:42:14
Speaker
so Well, if there's no grass, you know what? Never mind. yeah But is, Midy is like years old. She came back she went from college. so she's, yeah, she's at least Cause she was not a fucking Doogie Howser type.
00:42:30
Speaker
Yeah. So she was probably 20. She graduated at 19 after her second senior year, yeah which is the easiest year. Well, she went to school and fucking Nestor's trailer and he got eaten by a Graboid. So it delayed her education. There's a weird transfer of credits thing.
00:42:48
Speaker
um But yes, Buford, our friendly meth addict, does get eaten by a Graboid that finally, we finally see a Graboid. Thank God. A lot of this Graboid footage is reused from the original.
00:43:00
Speaker
They did have some of the props. They cleaned them up. They did some of them. But a lot of this footage is just from number one. Okay. Thank God he's out of here because and in a movie with bad acting, he's the fucking most insufferable.
00:43:12
Speaker
You know what? This must have been Nestor's kill because he was sitting on a tire and Nestor was on a tire. And this was, I think the kill is not reused. It's just when you see a graboid come out and like do the big rare up roar.
00:43:24
Speaker
That's from the OG. I think a lot of that is reused because they had the puppets and they they could operate. Cause they put this guy in a puppet. Yeah. Like he was, he was, his feet was sticking out like war, like
Character Interactions and Real-life Parallels
00:43:35
Speaker
war.
00:43:36
Speaker
Sorry, we have to kill you, Mark. So if we're talking about the acting in this movie, definitely like community theater rendition of Tremors is what I'm getting. Yeah, I can see that. This is your local community comedy troupe. would watch community theater version of Tremors because they're going to in songs and stuff.
00:43:52
Speaker
What the hell is going on? I mean, what the hell is going on? They're taking songs from West Side Story. Mr. Graboid's going to... Grab you. ah So I might be wrong, but I believe um there's this... um You can believe whatever you want. There's this theater troupe that started in, I think, Ann Arbor, Michigan, um called ah Team Star Kid.
00:44:14
Speaker
I think now they're in L.A., but I believe they did a Tremors one. I could be wrong. love this stupid fucking series. They're the ones who did... a very Potter musical. Oh, OK. They did a holy musical Batman, which is one of my favorite things. ever So it's like a traveling version of our local Gaslight Theater.
00:44:32
Speaker
Hey, movie fans, are you interested in professional boxing? If so, you should check out the Mixed Company podcast, a show co-hosted by sports better Jameson Welsh and me, boxing superfan Luis Montemayor.
00:44:42
Speaker
Even if you're not a sports fan, don't worry, because we keep the show accessible to newbies. We don't just talk about current matches. We discuss fighters throughout history and why their legacy is important today. We tackle issues of racism in the sport and fandom.
00:44:54
Speaker
We even have a recurring pop culture segment where we discuss movies and TV shows about boxing. Check us out on Apple, Spotify, iHeartRadio, Amazon Music, and YouTube. That's the Mixed Company Podcast, a 19 Media Group production.
00:45:07
Speaker
Hey, mister, I extra $3. I was wondering if there's any way you know I can spend it. Have you heard of Patreon? Never heard of it. What is it? You go to patreon.com slash worst people, give me your $3, and you can listen to a bunch of stuff that's way too inappropriate for your age.
00:45:21
Speaker
Oh, but I'm actually pretty old. I just sound like this. It's like a Benjamin Button thing. But anyway, I was going to ask you, what if I got my mom to give me a couple more bucks and I could give you more money? Oh, that's even better. You can get ad free $5. $5?
00:45:36
Speaker
You also can get access to Latchkey Vids, our TV recap show of forgotten 90s garbage. Oh my God. I don't even know what that is, but I'm excited for it. You should be. So $5 is all I need. Then I get no more of these commercials.
00:45:48
Speaker
no more commercial No more commercials. more commercials. boy. You get to hear us talk about a singing cop show and more. Well, golly gee willikers, Mr. and Miss. Thanks for all the information. I'm going to go see if I can find a mom to give me $5. Let's go beat that kid up and take his $5.
00:46:05
Speaker
So yeah, he gets eaten. There's another tour going on and the the fucking graboid pops out and it's just the legs dangling out of the mouth. All these people are watching fake. Tom Arnold is trying to take pictures of it and everything.
00:46:16
Speaker
And then, of course, there's a real graboid. So desert Jack, i was going say cactus Jack. Desert Jack. That's fine. he He gets it. i what I grew up watching WWE. I know. I already mentioned this. So, Cactus Jack puts a sock on his hand and shoves it down the grab boy's mouth. That's mankind. Exactly. I know who it is. um Let's get our Mick Foley, like,
00:46:37
Speaker
You know, personas. He's not doing the little knee dance thing. He takes off the cactus jack outfit. He puts on a Santa Claus outfit. They get stuck on this rock. So they're like, okay, everybody throw all your shit and we'll get out of here. So the guy throws his camera. And then so soon as they get back, he's like, you took us into a dangerous situation. I'm like, you didn't even have a real gun for this. Yeah.
00:46:56
Speaker
You paid for it. this is yeah This is exactly what you wanted. But exactly it was the gun situation because it was a rubber gun. and Yeah, it was a fake gun from a movie. You brought us in a life and death situation and you didn't even have a real fucking gun. wasn't life and death earlier. Okay, so also, we all live in the desert. In the yellow submarine.
00:47:14
Speaker
So we all live in the desert. um a latex-based gun strapped in the back of this old Jeep. How long do you think that would actually last?
00:47:24
Speaker
Two weeks. Oh, the paint is gone in a week. hundred percent 100%. That paint is all roached out. It's gonna start fucking cracking. It's also exposed to all the elements. Yeah. Well, every night when he takes so and makess his Jeep back to his trailer, he puts it in the refrigerator. i sit with my cold beard. It's the coldest gun in town.
00:47:41
Speaker
But also Nevada, Arizona, New Mexico, easiest place to buy firearms ever. Like, period. Yeah, you don't have to keep it loaded. Just put a fucking gun on you. He got this one from ah a free from a movie guy.
00:47:57
Speaker
Oh, yeah, yeah. Bert probably has one at his house that doesn't work. No. he will give He won't give it to you. doesn't like you. He'll give you a working one. Wait, if we're talking latex and strap-ons. I love when... Speaking my language. No, Bert knows. He's like, look, you said you wanted a fake one, but it's only been 11 years. I'm going to give you a real one.
00:48:16
Speaker
Just in case. I love when Jack tells Bert like, oh, it killed Buford. and And he just looks at him like, I don't know who that is and I don't care. Like, he's just staring. He's not responding to
Government Plot and Property Disputes
00:48:26
Speaker
him. But then and finally he's like, did you see it? It's a real. I saw the real thing. It's like the size of a whale. And Bert just slings this fucking automatic rifle over his shoulder. He's like, yeah, I've seen him.
00:48:36
Speaker
Bert sets off a siren because he sees the thing come in. Nobody believes him that it's real. So headquarters at Chang's Market. They all go there. Isn't ah the proprietor ah like on the phone with a distributor of the Graboid figures, saying that they only have three arms instead of four. They have four instead three. Four instead three. They look ridiculous. They look ridiculous, but they also They're not shot off.
00:49:01
Speaker
They look so much like dildos that you'd get from like baddragon.com. Yeah. Yeah, they're bad dragon Anything's dildo you're horny enough. Like there's like there's a not only a flared base, but there's, you know, where...
00:49:16
Speaker
the the testicles would be. Well, that's where the later part of this movie comes in. is We haven't gotten to the ass blasters yet, but the new evolution, for those who've listened to our two two previous episodes, they evolved from graboids to shriekers.
00:49:28
Speaker
And this one, they evolved from shriekers to ass blasters because Jodi Chang is not as creative as her grandfather, Walter Chang. Well, he didn't have to deal with these flying, farting things. He had the easy ones. They come out of the ground, they grab you, they go down.
00:49:41
Speaker
Graboids. But that's where the ass blaster comes in, is that these graboid dildos can also be marketed as ass blasters. They don't look like the ass blasters, but hey, you can use them for what you want. We're not here to tell you what to do.
00:49:55
Speaker
I do like Bert's line where he's talking about like, she's ah the mom lady whose name was Nancy. Yeah. It's like, we should call the authorities, whatever. And he's like, yeah, well, we can't just sit around waiting for the authorities to bumble into this.
00:50:08
Speaker
We are the authorities. It's not like last time. We aren't disconnected from the world. I am the law. Yeah, because last time the road was closed. yeah And actually, one of the dudes who was killed by the road closure is playing one of the federal agents in this one. That's awesome. So he must be deep undercover.
00:50:28
Speaker
Yeah. As deep as an ass blaster. couldn't tell you which actor was which, but there's agent. The dildo or the... yeah Agent Charlie Rusk and Agent Frank Statler. So Charlie Rusk is played by a guy named John Pappas.
00:50:42
Speaker
And the only thing I really recognized from his was that he played the road worker in Tremors. Pappas? Did you say Pappas? Yeah. John Pappas. Pappas. Well, it's got two P's. Two P's.
00:50:54
Speaker
Two P's. Two P's. Yeah, he's the smaller one that's like, ah, if he, there's no, he's he's pulling our chain. It's just fucking rednecks having fun. There's no murder out here. I'm going assume that the the gray-haired guy that seems like he has authority is Frank Statler. He's played by a a guy named Tom Everett, who is not credited even.
00:51:13
Speaker
But that guy's been in a bunch of stuff, but he is in previous episodes of The Island. That's he didn't want to credited. Yeah. He's in previous episode The Island. If you want to be credited in The Island, you might as well be credited in Tremors 3. Island was on the ah theatrical release. Yeah, and it made $14 probably. i don't remember. That was two years or three years ago.
00:51:31
Speaker
um But he played the president in The Island. So he was only on video screen, but he was there. He's a bunch of shit. Best of the best. Death Wish for mentioned Dances with Wolves. best Air Force One, which we just watched.
00:51:43
Speaker
um mean Oh, yeah. he plays in my play The cabinet members. Yeah. He's the and NSA advisor. Yeah. And apparently he's going to be in Horizons Chapter Two. If we ever see it one day. If you're in the island, do you also get um the ah residuals from the first Transformers? Because they reused a lot of the ah explosion scenes from that.
00:52:05
Speaker
I didn't know that, but you should. That makes perfect sense why they would. Michael Bay, right? Movie's trash. That was one of the ones that almost broke me when we did a month of Michael Bay. Yeah. Oh, no. That's the reason we decided we'll never do that again. We do one Michael Bay a year.
00:52:18
Speaker
It's going to be Bay. And eventually, we'll run out, luckily. We're only doing one in a year, so we've got about eight years left. Eventually, we'll run out. We will.
00:52:30
Speaker
But they're there to tell them about like, you can't kill. ground Eventually we'll run out of the room. Yeah. Like we'll just leave. It's usually what I do. No, the room is a ah different movie. I'll run into that too. Which one Brie Larson or Tommy Wiseau?
00:52:43
Speaker
I mean, I was thinking the Tommy was oh, hey, Jack, don't run out of the room. i did not hit her. I did not. OK, bye. and did not hit play.
00:52:55
Speaker
I still think of the dude from Barry when you guys do that voice. cause It's the same. He stole it. From Tommy Wiseau. The government agents are there to tell him they can't kill the Graboids because they're an endangered species. There's an Act 14C something. Who cares?
00:53:08
Speaker
But they're going to eminent domain these dudes out of here, which Burt Gummer mentioned in the first movie. He's like, they're going to come through and eminent domain us. And he says it here. He's like, eminent domain. Eminent fucking domain. Everybody said I was paranoid. And Desert Jack's like...
00:53:22
Speaker
I didn't say you were paranoid. so You weren't there. Miguel was like, I did, but i agree with you now. Shit. As somebody that always has like that impending sense of doom, I love when something like this happens. Like, fuck, I told you.
00:53:33
Speaker
Told each fucking every one of you. Look, I'm in a domain. Burt Gummer. is a person who, if he was real right now, would probably really be making me mad if we were like Facebook friends. Yeah.
00:53:44
Speaker
But in these movies, he fucking rules. I would like to think of him as more of an anarchist. But there's a lot of, there's a lot of movies that. Oh, 100%. There's a lot that like. mean, at least libertarian. Well, there's a lot of movies that we like that are basically like hard right wing fascist fantasies, but they are fun movies. Well, we talk about lethal weapon.
00:54:02
Speaker
Lethal weapon. Like anything with a cop, basically. Yeah. See, uh, Stone Cold. ah Starship Troopers don't starship well Starship Troopers though is It's more National Socialist but Starship Troopers is more of a commentary on The fascism and what not Versus like movies like Cobra and stuff Where you're like yeah Stallone kill those fucking dudes It's like okay I'm watching the movie that's cool In real life I don't need that dude doing that That renegade cop just went out there and took shit into his own hands Fuck yeah then you read anything near that in the news you're like well fuck that cop Yeah exactly We don't need real vigilantes I like Batman
00:54:37
Speaker
um don't need a billionaire murdering people because he doesn't like them. We already have billionaires murdering people because they don't know them. We'll stick with that for now. Is that the best we're going to get for now? Once if they put their personal feelings into it, it's a whole nother level.
00:54:52
Speaker
We do see Bert's new bunker slash house. His whole house is a bunker. So yeah. he's got undergra He's got an underground shooting range, which Jack got very excited about. you fucking kidding me? I mean, talk about a fucking a brand new thing to do at night.
00:55:06
Speaker
My God, dude. Or during the day in the summer in Arizona. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. You got that shit air conditioned down there. mean, you might even need to if you dig deep enough. Also, just a basement in Arizona rightce we pretty decent.
00:55:20
Speaker
A basement Arizona, let alone a shooting range in said basement. But alarm goes off. He goes out to the perimeter of his house and there's the big white graboid. we end up calling El Blanco because it's an albino graboid.
00:55:35
Speaker
Well, shit. and call But he's like, ishmeel this is right after they told him you can't kill these things. And he's like, step over my property line. We'll call it self-defense. Come on, motherfucker. And it's just sitting there. He knows the letter the law, dude. Yeah.
00:55:49
Speaker
This grab boy understands law as well, though. it's like Oh, my God. Well, this grab boy knows that he has he has enforced the entire perimeter of his property with like foot foot feet thick feet of many many. It's a I remember it was ah two feet thick and um steel rebar ah reinforced. Yeah, because he's seen him run into a wall and die. A number one. Yeah, my boss is Bert.
00:56:17
Speaker
Probably. So we would still love him today. i don't I just don't know where Bird's politics would fall. I think he's little more. he's I think he might have been at January 6th is all i'm saying.
00:56:29
Speaker
I don't know. That's a lot of people. no ah Bert was probably Q. No, want to say, I want to give Bert the...
00:56:42
Speaker
It's Q-Bert, dude. i want to I want to believe that Bert, because he's like, I don't care what you do with your life. It doesn't bother me. You're not affecting me. Go be gay. Go do whatever you want.
00:56:53
Speaker
Go do whatever you want. As long as it's hurting other people or me. i don't care. Well, he has no problem with Walter or Jody. He has no problem with Miguel. My boss. It's not that kind of guy. he just, I guess he just really loves his guns, which is. I think he just wants to be left alone.
00:57:07
Speaker
It's Jack. Yeah. He's a guy. He's like, leave me alone. Give me my guns. Be whoever you are. oh I'm sorry. I'm shooting my gun in my basement. and Did it bother you? At some point here, the government guys come in and look at all Haggard.
00:57:21
Speaker
ah Because they were out trying to chase Graboids. Oh, yeah. Somebody's like, your body language, I think, says it all. Does my body language say I need a beer? well your mouth did, so I'll get you one. Miller
Bartender Experiences and Business Concerns
00:57:31
Speaker
Lite. They're basically like... that's...
00:57:33
Speaker
Every day for me as a fucking bartender. which We're all bartenders. I was going to say, this is all bartenders. You might think you're being cute and clever. We've heard it or a variation of it 13 times before you got there. Exactly. Just tell me what you want. And you're our first customer of the day, which even weirder. Just fucking tell me what you want, what you really, really want.
00:57:52
Speaker
I'll tell you what you what I want, what I really, really want. i want to I want a white cloth. If you want to be my lover, you can't watch Friends. agreed I love friends.
00:58:03
Speaker
I do too. I'm just being a shithead. But basically their thing is like Jody asks them, are you really going kick us out of here? And they're like, if we can catch one, then we don't have to because we can take it back and do whatever because it's endangered. Who cares?
00:58:15
Speaker
Jack has a great idea. Desert Jack knows. He's like, look, dude, if they stay in the eminent domain, there goes my business. This cool dude, Bert, that's going to help me survive World War III. There goes him.
00:58:25
Speaker
And this hot chick, she's the hottest chick in town. like I mean, you know, she's the third chicken town, but she's the hottest chicken town, and I would love to sleep with her. And most age-appropriate. Let's have Bert catch a fucking graboid so we can keep the government out of our place.
00:58:42
Speaker
And we cut to Bert talking to him on the walkie-talkies like, they're government agents. They aren't your friends. Then he gets he pulls up. They're still talking on walkies, he's in the car, and they're right next to each other. He gets out, he's like, is your head just up your ass for warmth?
00:58:53
Speaker
ah like The best saying I've heard in a long time. Oh, 100%. Also, they're government agents. They're not your friends. This is official advice.
00:59:05
Speaker
Yeah, yeah, yeah. Take that to a heart. Bert's got some shit right. It's fucked up because um i'm all of a sudden agreeing with Alex Jones. Oh, shit. Oh, yeah. ah They're government agents. They're not your friends. Sorry, let me bring in this ah you know deeper voice for the rest of this podcast. They're deep state.
00:59:24
Speaker
They're lizard people that are under our cities. They're not ruling them. They're going bury them.
00:59:30
Speaker
But the government's plan is to use these tranquilizer darts, which aren't getting through the dirt. Surprise, surprise. And Bert's like, dude, you guys are fucking idiots. Even if they got through the dirt, by the way, we've seen the elephant gun couldn't even get penetration. So, i mean, like, it's not going to get through its skin anyway. Turns out a chainsaw can, though.
DIY Solutions and Government Ineffectiveness
00:59:45
Speaker
But you know what can? and The Graboid Dildos. Available at, ah you know, Chains Market. Chainsmarket.com.
00:59:57
Speaker
But Bert's like, this is, of course, you're going to use our taxpayer, the taxpayer's money to do something. Yeah, because we're going get titanium needles or whatever. And Bert's got the, he's like, we'll just make this into this.
01:00:09
Speaker
And he points to an RC. We'll $49.95. $49.95. Go ahead, get a titanium, yada, yada, yada. On the little trucks from ah Tremors 2 that they were using for the bombs. Little RC things.
01:00:20
Speaker
And then ah he they're like, the agents are like, what do you what do you want us to do? He's like, do what you do best. Make simple things fucking complicated. Well, he doesn't use the F word. but i'm Yeah, they should have. this i I don't disagree with him. I don't know why they made this PG.
01:00:36
Speaker
Did we say that already? that's p yeah It is PG. he's not pg thirteen It's Because 13, you could use one. It's because it's... I want it... i want I'm sorry. i want it rated R. I don't need tits. I don't need dicks. I need fucking blood. You get plenty of dicks in this.
01:00:49
Speaker
Human dicks. Sorry. I think they've all been PG-13. But this one was technically made for TV. If anybody. OK, I think that's the thing is, like I said at the beginning, it might have just been direct to video.
01:01:02
Speaker
But I think they were thinking, like, let's get it on TV. They
Tremors Reboot and Casting Suggestions
01:01:05
Speaker
didn't have a ah company like either sci fi or HBO or whoever USA Network, whoever. So they were like, let's make it as innocuous as possible.
01:01:13
Speaker
So if. If CBS is like, yo, we need that Saturday afternoon movie, we're like, here you go. Something Therese has said earlier, if anybody, if any executive from Tremors is listening, when you reboot this, hard R. 100%. There is supposedly- Make it a boob comedy.
01:01:28
Speaker
Like, make it a boobie slasher thriller with curse words and Kevin Bacon's dong. Well, yeah I don't think Michael Gross cusses. And also the- Holder grabs. Yeah, exactly.
01:01:39
Speaker
uh polter grabs uh yeah yeah i don't think michael grows cresses he didn't even call him as blasters he called him butt busters wow yeah i've i mean i've only ever seen him in family ties or tremor butt blaster or sorry butt busters also available at uh change market Need an attachment for your ass blaster?
01:02:00
Speaker
There is. Try the butt bust. There's been talk for a long time of a reboot. And then there was a recent thing. Hashtag reboot drummers. But there is a recent, there is recent movement on that.
01:02:11
Speaker
But it I mean, it's like, it would be like the Scream 6. I'm pretty sure Bacon said he's down on it. Which I'm actually pitching don't do that. Well, Kevin Bacon said he would be involved. If you're going you're going to recall, not reboot, but like re cool like I said, like the Scream 6 thing where it's like Just don't put Janet Ortega in it.
01:02:31
Speaker
Oh, she'll be in it. It's a recall. ah ah What about Timothy Chalamet? Jenna Ortega, Timothy Chalamet. He's already dealt with sandworms. You know who's playing the Graboid,
Perfection Valley Development Conflict
01:02:40
Speaker
though? Glenn Powell.
01:02:41
Speaker
Frank Welker. glenn Glenn Powell's going to play him, and Frank Welker's going a voice him. Glenn Powell, because the Graboids are now going to look like capybarras. Oh, my God. Capybarras coming out of the ground, breaching. Terrifying.
01:02:52
Speaker
But we do we we do meet another character from the original movie here. Melvin. played by Bobby Jacoby, who was in the original Tremors. He was the little fucking annoying shit kid in that movie that unfortunately made it to the end.
01:03:03
Speaker
Again. He's here and he makes it the end of this one, too. and He's the one who's the owner of the Perfection Valley Ranchette's home development. Yeah, you grew up here. He's like, yeah, exactly. I wouldn't wish this on anybody else.
01:03:16
Speaker
No, no, like he he means like, I wouldn't wish this, me growing up with 13 people here, I wouldn't wish that anybody else. Let's make it a fucking city. Oh, okay. That's what he's Bird's one of the only people here that wants to stay as as docile or as a decimate.
01:03:30
Speaker
desolate as it is. Everybody else like, I wouldn't mind some amenities. Mert's like, nope. I want nobody here except for the coldest beer in town, a nice crisp 85. That's all I want, and that way I can be here forever alone. Reba left me, so I don't have much else
Humorous Discussions and Graboids
01:03:45
Speaker
to do but make love to my guns.
01:03:46
Speaker
She took the elephant gun. But also, ah when ah yeah when Desert Jack was restocking, he left the beer cooler open, so we can now assume that the coldest beer in town is probably about a good 86.
01:04:00
Speaker
Yeah, well, that that motor's going to give out, so we can shoot that up to the 90s here any minute now. You leave a fucking fridge door open in Tucson, buddy. Exactly. My God. We didn't say what time of year it was, though. Doesn't matter. It's Nevada.
01:04:12
Speaker
Could be nice... So we're saying it's wintertime? All I'm saying is... Sorry, the beer's 84. Okay, okay. It looks hot. Except for people's attire. it It gets cold at night, though. It's like people doing landscaping here in town. You've got to wear long sleeves and shit to keep yourself from getting dehydrated. That's true. like The way that 3C's is dressed right now is how I would dress if I was going out into the heat, but that's also how I would die. Malibu Barbie?
01:04:34
Speaker
Yeah. For the listeners at home, I'm wearing a yeah Barbie tank top and shorts that are short enough to show off my nine cocks.
01:04:45
Speaker
ah You do have a coctopus. so And a new cock. Yeah, exactly. So I have nine cocks hanging out right now. Fuck yeah. Below your knee. But does the the Graboid shows up and Melvin is like, what the fuck's going on? His pager goes off. I love it. The back and forth. He's like, shut up. He's like, what do you mean? like, does the Graboids back. Shut up.
01:05:05
Speaker
They're back. Shut up. What do you mean they're back? Shut the fuck up. I'd let him die. I'm like, all right, Cactus Jack, we're getting away from this kid because he's going to get eaten right now. Yeah, let him talk. Quietly get in your truck and put it neutral. Let it roll down the hill.
01:05:18
Speaker
You know what gets rid of the Perfection Valley ranchettes? When Melvin gets eaten by a Graboid. Yeah. Oh, look at that. The grab boy didn't eat us and it did eat him. We call that a double. His pager goes off and Bert's like, throw it. So he throws it directly on the ground. He's like, what the fuck is wrong with you? right at Bert's feet. He's like, the you trying to kill me?
01:05:35
Speaker
Yeah, I think he was. I think he's just that dumb. The grab boy pops up and goes straight for Bert and he jumps inside of a barrel to hide and so it starts eating the barrel and then Bert is eaten and we're like...
01:05:47
Speaker
Oh no, Bert. If we didn't know that there were four more movies in a television series starring Michael Gross. There's a couple times in this where I'm just like, oh, Bert's dead. But we know he's not. Yeah. I believe the seventh movie has something to say about him not being dead.
01:06:03
Speaker
Tremors 8. We're going to get Bert an Iron Man style suit. oh Yeah, he built it in a bunker out of scraps. His bunker. He has a bunker. And it's full of gun scraps. From the junkyard. There we go.
01:06:18
Speaker
Shaquille O'Neal taught him how to make a suit out of garbage.
01:06:22
Speaker
But like he tells Desert Jack to lead the the Tremor to his house, drive it through the gates. So he does. he's like, what am supposed do when it gets there? But when I get there, but Bert is out of air.
01:06:33
Speaker
So he drives through the gates. Thing comes up, crashes into these two and a half foot concrete steel reinforced walls and dies. Desert Jack cuts him out and pulls him out of it. Jody is there and he's like...
01:06:44
Speaker
Do me a favor. Never mention this to anybody. I would tell everybody. i think it's just a. You survived a fucking grab I think I think we're smoothing over to the fact cut him open, cut some out with a chainsaw.
01:06:58
Speaker
Yeah. Even though an elephant gun can't get penetration. so It was already a damage. It was already oozing into the dirt. Once it dies, there the flesh gets softer. I thought he was going to go full Dave Bautista in Guardians 2. Yeah, so did I. They're fucking easier to cut open from the inside.
01:07:16
Speaker
I would tell, I mean, at a bar, like, what'd you do last Saturday? yeah Kind a cool story. I was inside of a graboid being dragged along under the dirt at miles an hour. And then cut my way out with a chainsaw like Ian Ziering in Sharknado.
01:07:32
Speaker
it was um I thought of the song, Cut My Life Into Pizzas. See, I was thinking, ah ah use a chainsaw, get your ass raw. but but Get your ass blaster raw. Because
Director Speculations and Pizza Joke
01:07:45
Speaker
he puts his glasses on like a fucking boss, but it would have been great like it's just one of those days.
01:07:51
Speaker
ah oh I'm sorry. So I'm laughing because my next note, sometimes they've we've we addressed the feds. They went off chasing a graboid. they but They got killed off camera.
01:08:03
Speaker
The third fed, which is a bummer. The Weasley guy with the glasses shows up. I said he shows up covered in jizz. Yes, what we all saw. Yeah. My phone auto corrected it to third fed shows up covered in pizza.
01:08:16
Speaker
I was hoping you'd say jazz. Like he just came over. I typed jizz and my phone changed it to pizza. Well, if it was jazz, it wouldn't have been rhythmic enough for the Graboids to. Well, that's how he got back here. Quick, cover yourselves in jazz. They won't be able to track your movements.
01:08:33
Speaker
Titus Welliver would be great here. Give me some Gillespie. I know if you guys ever watched Bosch, but he loves jazz. He'd be fine. Never seen it. It's good. I know it is. I just, I have so many things I need to watch. I feel like ah David Lynch should have directed this as well.
01:08:48
Speaker
Who? David Lynch. Oh. Oh, you give David Lynch a Tremors movie. My God. David would be the most bizarre and awful, awesome thing I've ever seen. of a sudden, there's a fucking like existential crisis between the Graboids.
01:09:03
Speaker
instead Instead of, what the hell is going on? It's David Bacon like, David Bacon? Wow. Kevin Bacon. Like, Graboid wants to fuck.
01:09:13
Speaker
What's going on? Oh, I'm grabby. There's enough, or I guess with the phallus-like tendencies, maybe maybe Cronenberg. I mean, dude, that's another fucking great one. Cronenberg doing fucking Graboids?
01:09:27
Speaker
That's the r that we need. There we go. Yes. ah We need this to happen, you know, probably 10 years ago. if kronome Yeah, because then they'd be alive. Well, Cronenberg's still alive, but if Cronenberg did it, then Kevin Bacon would start turning into a Graboid. Penis first. Yep. We've seen that hog. He takes his pants off and it's like... It's one other it's one of the tongues that's like out searching. it's one I know I've said this before, but what the hell is going on? What the hell is going on?
01:09:56
Speaker
Much better movie. he' He doesn't know what's happening and he's fucking his lady and then she's just like ah screaming in pain. and it'll make I'm good, right? I'm good, right? I'm good, right? Look, this version would make a lot less sense, but it would be way cooler. yeah I don't want it to make sense if this is what we get.
01:10:13
Speaker
And ass blasters can keep their name. Yeah. He might lean into that. Jazz
Shrieker Attack and Avoidance Strategies
01:10:20
Speaker
Blasters. Well, new band name. So Jizz Face, or Pizza Face, survives long enough to say, to recap everything that just happened, and then dies because he's been stabbed from a guy. Well, he's all tuckered up. He got on his knees and eight guys covered him in pizza.
01:10:43
Speaker
He was boopizzed. think it was bo it' called a bro cocky.
01:10:48
Speaker
You want some Zaw? But the government agents were killed by shriekers, which haven't been in the Valley before. no So Bert's like, well, shit. They go off looking for him. El Blanco attacks them. This is when Miguel gives him the name El Blanco. One of the last things he does.
01:11:02
Speaker
They killed Jack's truck. And the walkie talkies are in and the truck and on the hood. They're all stuck on a rock. So they're like, well, shit. So they're stuck up there for a while. It's exposition time. We learn a lot about Jody. We learn a lot about Jack.
01:11:15
Speaker
Who could possibly care? He's a Zen master and she's a fucking businesswoman trying to make her own way. There's the sum it. She's neurotic. and It's me and Derek. Well, she has an MBA and she could have been in San Francisco making six figures, but she came to run her grandpa's shitty little market instead. Yeah. said She, if, you know, she was, if that character, you know, were around today, probably is, you know, in the storyline, she would be like selling crypto and NFTs. She would make her own ass blast coin.
01:11:43
Speaker
ah Because you already, but our our buddy bleep trades and there's like all kinds of, there's Jew coin, there's ass coin. There are like the names of these cryptocurrencies are ridiculous. Of course. Of course. The fucking Trump coin, all that. So she would be good enough to be like, ass bastard, ass blaster coin.
01:11:58
Speaker
Yeah, of course. ah The other thing in the same scene, we get a red tail hawk screech yeah flying over the desert. And Bert is using the worst possible binoculars for like surveilling an area because they're probably only like eight by 35 or something like that. I'm not going have a wide field of view. I'm not going to great magnification. don't know anything about being outdoors, so I take your word for it. I birdwatch. No, no, no. It's just funny that Thereseus knows so much about bird facts, and because of this franchise, Derek knows so much about bird facts.
01:12:31
Speaker
Yes, exactly. Perfect. It's actually not bad. You birdwatching. I do birdwatching. So he's going to redo the movie with ah that did have Michael Keaton, but it's going to be called Burtman. instead of Birdman. It's just Michael Gross dressed up like burt Burt Gummer and he's just like, I don't want to do this anymore. He's also going to voice that cartoon Harvey Burtman, Attorney at Law. yeah Exactly. Did you get that Graboid I sent you?
01:12:54
Speaker
You get that thing I sent you? Get that ass blaster I sent you? No. Well, we see what 3C has talked about because El Blanco is following Bert around this rock. He keeps popping up. How does he always know where I'm at? Yeah, keeps popping up his little fucking dick mouth tentacles following him.
01:13:13
Speaker
But they they use they have Mindy play music over the walkie-talkie to describe the grabboy. Do they get away? Or to... distract the Graboid. They get away and they down. We gotta talk about the getaway though because we all, well at least me and Thereseus had a bit of an issue with the plan.
01:13:28
Speaker
They put the truck in drive and just launched it. Yep. Well you said drive it away. The whole point is the truck draws the Graboid that direction. But you can drive the truck fast enough to get to a better place to hop. But they were going vi they were going after the Shriekers. That was their whole They wanted to get to the canyon to go for the Shriekers.
01:13:47
Speaker
So they can go that way. But the Graboid follows you to the canyon. Yeah, it's fine. Yeah, but it's all rock, so they can't get through it Hear me out. Yeah, I could be wrong about it. put the walkie-talkie in one of those RC cars, drive it in the other direction. There we go.
01:14:02
Speaker
Thank you. then you drive. It's making as much noise as the truck. The truck is touching the ground and making the vr-vr-vr. so wheel the rc car Here we go. You put it's the RC car tires are not making it as much noise. the butt rock playing over the walkie talkie. You put Chang in the truck to drive it somewhere while the three guys go and shoot all the shriekers that aren't fucking there.
01:14:30
Speaker
Well, they don't know the Shrieker aren't there. Yeah, but that's why they get the truck to go away because they're trying to go for the Shrieker. I take it back. There's no plot holes in this movie. No, it makes perfect sense. Not at Kind of. So they get to the canyon. SS knew what he was doing.
Introduction of Ass Blasters
01:14:40
Speaker
Hey, you might want to rephrase that.
01:14:44
Speaker
They get to the canyon. Burt pulls out his pipe bomb, tosses it over at the Shriekers. They run around. They're like, where the fuck are the Shriekers? All we have is like a snakeskin shedding thing. of a shrieker. Maybe they disintegrated.
01:14:56
Speaker
Nope, that's not how they've ever worked. How do you know? I've blown them up before. I have blown up more of these than you've ever fucking seen. It's a great line from Bert. Like, I've blown them up before. Not I've killed them before. i have blown them up before.
01:15:09
Speaker
Yeah. I could actually list the amount of ways I've killed these things. It's like a Swiss army knife of murder comes to your umbrellas. Don't forget the entire montage from Tremors 2 of just blowing graboids up with trucks. Hence Whitney's comment just now, don't forget your umbrellas. Which they do forget. But I would have loved if he would have just put, because he's got a tack vest on, the tack little belt and pants. I would have loved if he pulled out just a little umbrella and was just like, always be prepared.
01:15:37
Speaker
Yeah. Would have been great. It's into his vest. It's not even a separate umbrella. Oh, he presses a button instead of a parachute. It's an umbrella that comes I was just going to say it's double team. It's a basketball. It just goes over him.
01:15:49
Speaker
a This is also where um Desert Jack. Is he related to Cactus Jack? God damn it. i Where he displays very poor trigger discipline through the entire time. It also flags everyone. So besides trigger discipline, it's also muzzle awareness. where Yeah, exactly. This is a video, but like he's like, you there pointing the gun barrel. You go with him, with her, to my house.
01:16:17
Speaker
It has the finger on the trigger the entire goddamn time. Jack and the internet praised Burt Gummer in the first movie for muscle awareness, trigger discipline, all of that stuff.
01:16:30
Speaker
But this isn't Burt. This is some fucking doofus who's probably never handled a gun that wasn't out of latex before. He had rubber gun, for goodness sake. When you do get to watch number one, and I say get, because that is an actual movie, check out Burt.
01:16:43
Speaker
Burt is just... he is or the actor Michael Gross Michael Gross Michael Gross at least has a little bit of fucking training with his firearms oh and I will because again I have watched since Halloween 1 and 2 what's your favorite I actually really like one.
01:17:00
Speaker
Yeah. um I really like Carpenter's director. ah Sorry, direction with it. And score. Yeah, exactly. Because you're a fucking synth head. No, um I absolutely love it. And I will go back and watch um one and two for Tremors. I'm excited for you to watch one.
01:17:15
Speaker
yeah You already watched this, so two's not going to be nearly as bad. Yeah, fair. what But we meet the new creature, which is Shrieker-esque. Except for now, it has like these little wings. Glider wings. sensor And then they see...
01:17:28
Speaker
that it can ignite its own butt gases and fly. You say it so normally, but yeah, that's what's happening because are you saying it can, Jack, are you saying it blasts its own ass?
01:17:41
Speaker
Yeah, it does. It's the end of big daddy. I blast my own ass. I know. I know. But there there is a real beetle that has these basically it has two glands in its body that have two different types of chemical whatever inside of them.
01:17:58
Speaker
One of them sounded an awful lot like Derek. Can you ask blast me? Yeah. Yes. Yes, I can. One of them sounded an awful lot like the thing that Donald Trump was telling people to inject themselves with during covid hydroclining or whatever. Oh, you said it way better than he could ever.
01:18:11
Speaker
No, injecting was bleach. um ah Hydroxychloroquine. It sounded like that, but it wasn't quite that. But as soon as I read it, I was like, whoa, Trump saw this movie. Cinnamon. Cinnamon. Cinnamon. Is that good?
01:18:27
Speaker
But this real beetle has these two chemicals. They mix in another chamber in its body when it's in danger with water. And then it shoots like i projectile of gas basically out of its asshole. It's also very like Starship Trooper. So it can get away from its predators.
01:18:44
Speaker
This thing does the same thing, which we see because they fly. They shoot one down. It does kill Miguel. R.I.P. Miguel. Yeah. R.I.P. But when they go over and check it out, the two goos are leaking out of this dead ass blaster.
01:18:57
Speaker
And then and as soon as they touch, they ignite. So S.S. Wilson and Brent Maddock or whatever his name was, They did some work. They were fucking yacked out of their minds and they watched a Discovery Channel and they saw a special about this beetle and they were like, that's a great idea for the next tremor.
01:19:16
Speaker
I have a great fucking idea. you Here we go. Here we go. We got to do. it's like beetles with ass blasting. In private, by the way, they do call them tremors even though in the movie they're graboids. Like, I have a good idea for the next tremor. They talk about the movies. Yeah, they're talking about movies. They're production guys.
01:19:31
Speaker
But so it is real-ish. Science. It is. Now, those little beetles don't have wings. And when they shoot stuff out of their ass, they don't start flying. It just launches them quickly away from their predator.
01:19:42
Speaker
but oh So, I mean, you you scale it up. It also adds a little bit of gliding wings. Yes. Scale it up. Add some wings. Butt rockets. Done. Easy peasy lemon squeezy.
01:19:54
Speaker
so and Butt rockets with a great 80s glam band name. Mindy and her mom are on the roof. They get the call that these things track by heat and they can fly. So then they are like, well, we have hide. You're safe on the fucking roof. We have to hide our body heat. Stay hide in a cardboard box, which everybody was making fun of. But I'm just like, well, she dropped out of college. She doesn't have a lot of knowledge. Hey, that rhymes. I dropped out of college. I don't have knowledge.
01:20:19
Speaker
I lost it. I live in a cottage. It kind of slits. It's like an M&M ride. Almost like ah trying to ah get in one of the cabinets to hide from velociraptors.
01:20:30
Speaker
I was waiting for that. But she kind of does. They get into a freezer. It makes sense that a college dropout had to live in a box in America. Yeah. Or a college student or college graduate or college graduate. or I have five years of student loans. I'm living in this box until I pay them off. How old will you be?
01:20:47
Speaker
Fifty three dead like Jurassic Park when they're hiding in the box. This ass blaster comes out and Whitney pointed it out. It starts smashing into this box and pushing it over this ledge.
01:20:59
Speaker
much like Mindy, what whatever her name was. i Mindy is the character. I remember her name. We'll go with Mindy. Hiding in the Jeep as the fucking T-Rex is just nosing it away. The unfortunate part is he left us.
01:21:12
Speaker
He left us. No lawyers. That's not what I'm going to do. if If anybody, if I was, if I ever just hear so anyone across the bar say he left us, I'm like, that's my where where's my friend at? That's somebody I want to be friends with.
01:21:25
Speaker
um They do distract this one with ham from the market. The nine second ham. yes The world's most powerful microwave. It's a great microwave. It's before we had government restrictions. Wait a minute. Can I pitch something else, too?
01:21:39
Speaker
This is a Nevada
Creative Hiding and Naming Humor
01:21:40
Speaker
room temperature ham. So it's already sitting in ninety s Oh, it's already at that 90 degree mark. So it's microwaving up to be a little bit hotter, a little higher than 98.3 or whatever we're supposed to be. but also like the amount. So, I mean, well, it should be held at at least 140 degrees um or 141 degrees. These things have great digestion. They turn it into ask blasting gas.
01:22:04
Speaker
But I'm saying, like, if if we're talking about how it's going to be held for people's consumption. Oh, 160. Yeah. So 140 to 145 is what should be held at. Should be cooked up to 160. But if you think that Nevada's um ah health department is checking this, you have not had a buffet in Las Vegas.
01:22:24
Speaker
If you think that Perfection Nevada is on Nevada's health department's website. like route hey i'm sorry that i have a uh you know yeah i mean i'm on your fucking side why do you think they are a vegetarian because they refuse to eat meat you can be on his side all you want all i'm saying is nevada hopes these 14 people die of food poisoning so they don't have to eminent don't eat it vegas buffet once never eats meat again ah yeah exactly yes but no uh i'm sorry that i have a um you know food handlers manager certification same
01:22:55
Speaker
We do get right after that as Jody, Bert and Desert Jack going through the desert. And they're like, well, we got to get DJ. We've got to hide from these ass blasters and they detect heat.
01:23:07
Speaker
So they hold a cum stained mattress over their heads. One can only assume it's blood and semen. Yeah. Minimum semen. You're hoping it's semen. Yeah. There's a bunch of sailors on that. I just always think of the office when they do the black light and Dwight's like, it's either blood, vomit or semen. And Michael Scott's like, God, I hope it's semen.
01:23:29
Speaker
But yeah, they're going through. This is when Jody gives them the name Ass Blasters. but Got it. Like her grandfather, she gets to name him. but And it's kind of dumb because she's like, ah Butt Blasters? No, Ass Blasters. And I'm like, well, the same name. Hemorrhoid Rockets.
01:23:43
Speaker
Okay, here we go. I'm thinking Rockets from the Butt. I'm thinking Butt Blasters. Nope, that's not edgy enough. Well, hemorrhoid Hiroshima is hemorrhoishima. Yeah, they do. they get away. They get to Bert's bunker and he's like, don't worry, it's completely graboid proof. But Jody is an ass blaster proof.
01:24:03
Speaker
And it's just this, oh fuck. From the ceiling, which they're supposed to be underground, right? Why is this the office? like Remember counting the holes in the tile, ceiling tile? Oh yeah. That's what this is There should be ah floor. And look, i know that when we I know we watched it. Derek said like, oh, he made it graboid proof. I think a man of Bert's caliber would also make it a little bit somewhat death from above proof. I think maybe when he contracted these people, it was like, OK, your quote is forty two million dollars. And he was like, what if we make the roof week because grab boys don't fly? And they were like 38.
01:24:36
Speaker
And he's like, I'll take it because this bunker wasn't cheap. No way. So the government gives him money for the because they buy his prototypes. But it's like, how would you build it So he went for, like, the ass blaster went through the top of his actual house, through the bottom of his house, to the top of the bunker, which is just the tiles. They took
Bunker's Attack and Explosive Escape
01:25:00
Speaker
a dumbwaiter down, because, like, any real gun enthusiast, he gets hungry, and there's a dumbwaiter that brings him sandwiches. He's got MREs, baby. Which I'm sure that they would have had, like, a concrete subfloor on the main level. Exactly. That's what I'm saying. Yeah.
01:25:12
Speaker
There is a plot i think the upper floor is... um a distraction. Yeah. it's ah It's a it's a trap for anybody who tries to break up. a trap. What have done They that floor and they're like, there's nothing here.
01:25:25
Speaker
There's nothing here. He actually lives because we've never seen him outside of the underground bunker. what he's got he's got a down so He's got a basement shooting range. Why wouldn't you live downstairs forever and ever? And we don't even see the basement shooting range here, but we see the basement.
01:25:38
Speaker
We see the extra super basement and we see the escape hatch from the basement. Super secret extra basement tunnel. Which is the world's worst Chuck E. Cheese. I don't know it's the world's worst.
01:25:52
Speaker
Guarantee don't get SARS coming out of this thing. I was like, that Chuck E. Cheese slide has the least amount of feces on it. Yeah. But they go, this thing bursts through the roof. They go into the next bunker down. That's where he's got all his MREs stored.
01:26:05
Speaker
It starts trying to melt the door. And he's like, if it gets in here and it eats the shit, it's going to propagate like the shriekers. Yeah, we've seen it before. So they go out the Chuck E. Cheese slide. He sets up an explosive.
01:26:16
Speaker
It blows up. And this is what I appreciate. Sure, the graboids and the shriekers and the ass blasters are all CG, which is very disappointing. Other than when it's like right in the people's face. Yeah. A puppet.
01:26:27
Speaker
It's terrible CG, but it's still fun. But these are and it's I can watch the movie and keep the year 2001 in my head. Yes. So it's OK. It's not good.
01:26:38
Speaker
But these are real explosions. I appreciate the most is that they were like, well, let's fucking light some shit on fire in the desert. Is that what you appreciate about it? why I appreciate it. You're in the desert, man. What are you gonna Catch all the brush on fire? Let's go.
01:26:51
Speaker
i love the first one explodes, bada boom. And he's like, well, and the fire should be releasing, reaching my reloading powder about, um, now and then even bigger bada boom reloading powder is just black powder i mean like it literally is yes it's not good it's not gonna be going well for anybody they're standing around watching it like no duck and cover these are this is bullets and ordinance coming at you let's dig in yeah i love it cause there's just there's garbage raining down and then you hear because they added in the fully of i'm only happy when it rains oh sorry different garbage raining down no licensed soundtracks in this
01:27:28
Speaker
But it's just like you hear the bullets like ping, ping, ping, ping. and Have we talked about the soundtrack? Not yet. No, not yet. It's quite banging. So it's a mixture of like electro orchestral and country that is really interesting with a ah a heavy influence by the Roland 303, which like...
01:27:48
Speaker
which is like colloquially uh sorry it's pronounced colloquially yeah it's most known as the acid box so a lot of like the acid house you get like those thumpy and woobby i remember the 1990s like those tones but for those who don't remember our friend these theseus three cs fuck Had a lot of whiskey.
01:28:11
Speaker
Start over. For those who don't remember, our friend Thresius is a like synth musician. Yeah. So he's got the history for us here.
Soundtrack and Plot Holes
01:28:20
Speaker
Yeah. This is, by the way, anybody listening, he didn't look that up.
01:28:23
Speaker
We were sitting here and he's like, you know what that is And just fucking rattled off all the specs. Like... We're going to take his word for it. We also did not plan on this. it just No, I mean, I'm going to overanalyze any type of synthesizer in soundtrack.
01:28:37
Speaker
Well, because it turns out I didn't remember the soundtrack from this movie, so I didn't know that this was going to be the soundtrack. Well, and i want to bring it up because we're we're coming off a movie, a month of movies that had really bad soundtracks, like generic.
01:28:49
Speaker
Fucking Cutaway is a made-for-TV movie, USA Network, that had the worst soundtrack I think we've heard of that. Oh, it was the new metal that never was. Right. It was somebody covering new metal that didn't need to get signed.
01:29:02
Speaker
This though, on a $6 million dollar budget has the better soundtrack. And what I was hearing throughout was basically like, you know how in the 80s and 90s we would take- Not even soundtrack, score. Score. Score is better. We would take a successful movie and turn it into a TV show that no one remembers existed. Yeah.
01:29:21
Speaker
This is the soundtrack from a hacker's TV show that never happened. Yeah. Oh, 100%. Which, by the way, I'd watch that. There's a point later on where there's like a more like kind of mellow, but like, it's like mellow with energy version song.
01:29:33
Speaker
And I was like, Dude, this is ah Johnny Miller fucking tippy-tapping away trying to hack a Gibson right now. Yeah. That's all it is. About to see Angelina Jolie's nerfs, dude. Oh!
01:29:44
Speaker
Woo! But yes, he blows up the whole place because he's worried about them eating the MREs. Because he's dealing with the, he's working with the information he had the last movie. Which he got screwed over in the last movie from that. Therese would know this. But when they eat, they reproduce. That's it. They're hemaphrodittal.
01:30:01
Speaker
And so like they if they eat these MREs, exponentially getting more of these fucking things. It's a carried over theme, which I like because they didn't. necessarily spoon feed it to you. Yeah.
01:30:13
Speaker
In the last one, he does the thing where he leads it into that um bunker or that yeah shed. He doesn't know that they reproduce with food. It happens to be the shed with all the food stores for the oil field. they They definitely hint at it in the Argentina scene with the, you know, chickens.
01:30:32
Speaker
yeah Yeah. That's why they reproduce. Yeah. Because, yeah. Because he said there was eight chickens, eight chickens, 300 chickens. Yeah. Like, Or, yeah, a whole whatever. There was a whole truck of chicken. don't think I have enough herbs and spices for that many chickens.
01:30:48
Speaker
But, yeah, that last one blows up. Now they're stuck in the desert. They don't have food. They don't have anything. The radio goes off. It's Mindy's mom calling and she's like, hey, so we fed this thing a ham and it fell asleep.
01:31:02
Speaker
So just feed them all your MREs and they'll go away. feed me ham and I'm falling asleep. I've been eating this ham too. This is one of the funnier things from Bert, if you know Bert as a character, because he's just like, what?
01:31:15
Speaker
hu and they're like yeah feed him your MREs and and they'll go to sleep and he's like just silent she's like Bert are you there? a higher power would allow this kind of irony Bert's not available at this moment that's when Bert became a nihilist yeah right you watched it in his eyes um I believe in nothing now but of course ah big fire yeah you have what is how's jack Cactus Jack put it?
01:31:42
Speaker
heat seeking meat eaters desert Jack DJ. You know what? Jack. Jack. I wasn't going to just say Jack because Jack is here. And now every time I say it, his ears are going perk up like a dog. But Jack says like, he's seeking meat eaters. What's going to draw them faster than a huge fireball? They're all on their way. So here comes a bunch of them.
01:32:08
Speaker
One of the things that fell down from Bert's house was a boat. yeah And it happened to land correctly. So they jump in the boat, cover themselves with tarp because the tarp will stop heat.
01:32:20
Speaker
mean, it's not the Predator. It's a blue tarp, so yeah. Well, blue tarps specifically. No, that that's so that the green screen um that they've been using for the rest of the movie um would would not affect the tarp.
01:32:33
Speaker
Are you saying green screen monsters can't see through a blue tarp? Yes. All right, that's science. But I'm just saying blue is already a cooler color, so it's going to drop the temperature. We all know black is the coolest color.
01:32:45
Speaker
Black is the hottest color. That's why we all wear That's why we have to bet on it. and Always bet on black. They jump in the boat. They put the tarp over him, roll down the hill. ah Jack steers it with an oar, which is very realistic and not plot breaking all.
01:33:00
Speaker
I hate it. It was why'd you do it? Because you told me to. It was really bad. And they get to the junkyard. couldn't steer this thing. it's just not how steering works.
01:33:11
Speaker
It's science. It's science. He's on the side with the wheels, so it kind of makes sense. Science is the force. It would more make sense if he nudged the winch over by the wheel or whatever actually turn that. Instead digging into the ground. Well, this kind of trailer doesn't even have wheels that turn. It's hooked on the back your truck, and while you're driving, this thing is going straight. If you go this way, it just goes like I'm sorry, have you driven a boat trailer before? Yes. My parents have this exact kind of trailer, but for motorcycles.
01:33:39
Speaker
There's usually a little bit of a pivot on um the front wheel. You don't see the wheel until they're actually in that. It did seem like just a hitch. so How are we going to do this? Just add a fucking wheel. It's fine.
01:33:52
Speaker
Add wheel. Science. But they ride it. They ride this rogue boat down to a junkyard. Rogue, rogue, rogue, your boat. Which is where the climax of the movie takes place.
01:34:05
Speaker
There's one that's hunting them and they crush it with an oven, which is pretty cool. Desert Jack is like, there's one behind us. And Jody is like, yeah, it's literally right there. And he's like, I'm going to check and grabs, as 3C has said, the brave little toaster. bravest little toaster.
01:34:18
Speaker
And puts it around the corner. And this thing is like a quarter of an inch away from this toaster. And he comes back. He's like, it's right there. And Jody's like, that's what I said. And he's like, huh? Can't hear you. You're a woman. Sorry, your opinion fell on deaf ears because I was looking at your booths. Turningpointusa.com.
01:34:37
Speaker
Anyway. It's a Fox News property, dude. You'd have no opinion. We're about to get canceled by ABC. Good. Oh, good. That means we have ABC money. That'd be cool. Fuck yeah. Cancel me. I'll retire. I already got paid.
01:34:51
Speaker
So they do that. There's more of them coming. They hide in a porta potty, which immediately I was like, that's not a great idea. All your body heat. And then Bert points out, he's like, all of our body. He's going turn this thing into a fucking beacon. Pretty lighthouse.
01:35:04
Speaker
Quick, shouldn't this list? style Let's get in the poop. He says, we're going to have to hide our body heat. And Jody looks down and she's the one standing over the open toilet. I was like, they're going jump in the poop, are they? Think about it.
01:35:15
Speaker
I'd rather die. This is a porta potty. They call that an outhouse. way But it's so it's one of them blue plastic porta potties. It's a porta potty. It's in the middle of the Nevada desert. It's been in this junkyard for a question mark amount of time.
01:35:27
Speaker
It's full of shit. I guarantee you ain't nobody coming around and emptying that. management is not No, that was doing it is Kevin Bacon. He's gone. So you've probably all been in a bad smelling port-a-potty at like a festival. Have you ever been in a good one? so But imagine it in the Nevada desert with poop that's been in there for 11 years. yes yeah After some time, it doesn't.
01:35:48
Speaker
i will also say, um i the other thing that i thought was going to be a um a Chekhov's blank was somewhere earlier on in the movie, around um when they were first introducing the general store,
01:36:03
Speaker
someone mentions like the quality of the clay out there. And the only reference that I had was like predator, especially when I saw like all this heat seeking stuff.
01:36:14
Speaker
So I was expecting at some point someone to cover themselves in this clay. It was in the script, but they were like, we've already done Jurassic park. We've got a little bit of aliens in here.
01:36:25
Speaker
We've definitely got some MacGyver in here. We cannot reference everything. They also wanted to have a scene where ah ah Bert was going to hold the Graboid up over the front of the boat.
01:36:36
Speaker
Oh, of course. the Graboid's to let its little things out yeah I'm king of the world.
Final Battle and Creative Escape
01:36:40
Speaker
No more Titanic. You were doing Titanic. I was doing Lion King. Same thing. Same thing. Honestly. Either way, my heart will go on. Same scene, except for the Pride Rock didn't have a railing on it.
01:36:51
Speaker
um Empire built it. Yeah. It was built by Geonosians. Geonosians, dude. I was so close. Fucking corrupting everybody. but They decide. They're like, okay, the plan is we're going to use the the chemicals inside of it that explode by putting in fire fire inside these things. How do we get fire inside of them?
01:37:09
Speaker
Potato gun. Desert Jack finally has a good idea. he yells potato, but all he does is yell potato gun, and Burt Gummer is like, kid need check-off potato. What kind of Irish shit is that? that's what they do.
01:37:21
Speaker
They go out, they get a bunch of shit, they build what looks like... You might say they MacGyver a potato gun. It looks like a home-built flamethrower, which I guess is kind of what it is. It is. It kind of, yeah...
01:37:33
Speaker
They literally say that they MacGyver the potato gun. Oh, they did actually say that? Well, no, no. Sorry, that was earlier. I was going to I know they say it for the hook, but... That's my bad. But we know what they're doing. They're MacGyvering a potato gun.
01:37:45
Speaker
But at one point, Jodi starts getting chased around by one of these things. She goes in through this... I wrote shed, but then it turns out it's a shipping container that also has a window. Yeah, it's- Which guess is a shed. For child trafficking. It's one of the portable, remember the porta units from schools?
01:38:00
Speaker
No, this had like the shipping container, like sliding latch lock on it. It's a mobile man, it's got the little pineapple locks. That's what they end up in later. It's huffing hut. on, they end up in like a prefab like portable thing. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But this has like gasoline in it. And she has it in there. Again, the huffing hut.
01:38:17
Speaker
Yeah, what do you think ah Buford or whatever his name was doing in between fucking tours? that's why every That's why every time Desert Jack was like, we sure are in danger in Graboid country. I had to say it twice yeah because fucking Buford's over there just high off his ass fucking huffing gasoline. That's some good pay thinner. What's the vintage on that?
01:38:37
Speaker
God, 97? oooh I should become a paint thinner sommelier. They just make that this morning? It's strong. With the bowl of meth that you have there, sir, may I recommend something in the turpentine family.
01:38:51
Speaker
That's actually a great skit for a comedy show. I think that ah maybe ether might be right up your alley. Or um if you're looking for something a little bit lighter, um there's some ah rubber cement.
01:39:02
Speaker
Nothing more desperate than the vision of an ass blaster on the depths of an ether bench. But yeah, the thing goes in there. She spills some gas, locks it in. It tries to do the same thing it did earlier. Burn through the metal doors and blows itself up, which is blast. It's own blast. Your own ass.
01:39:17
Speaker
Terrible line. But just her saying, so I believe it was pretty good. Blasted your own damn ass. Cause I did write it down. I believe it's close to, you stupid ass blaster, you blasted your own ass. That's what was going to say. She starts by calling it an ass blaster. So it's like, you ass blaster, you blasted your own ass. It's stupid line that I really loved at this point the movie. Yes.
01:39:37
Speaker
Oh, and I do like the the practical like crispy puppet that's left behind. She goes and opens the door, and this thing is still standing, and it's just like... ah Yeah, and you just see stuff crumble off of it.
01:39:48
Speaker
I would eat one. I mean, probably like shrimp. You want to talk about indigestion? These two chemicals mixed in your body? well It's like ah ah the blowfish thing where they have to cut the same thing with the the ass blasters. If you get them while they're still grab boys, you could eat all that. Have fun with that, dude. I want to stand like fucking 200 yards away and have Bert launch a potato in my mouth.
01:40:09
Speaker
Potato gun me. I would eat Graboid. I might not eat Ass Blaster because they don't look as meaty. So it's just very like. What about a Shrieker? Oh, yeah. That's like a giant nerd. Shrieker is more like a crock pot thing, right? Yeah. Shrieker, you put in a crock pot because it's got a little extra fat on there. well' You cowards. You opened flame spit roast that bitch.
01:40:27
Speaker
You use the ass blaster to open flame, spit roast your shrieker. You shove a shrieker into a graboid. You open flame roast the graboid with ass blaster juice.
01:40:40
Speaker
It's our... Grishik Blaster, like Turducken, you know. Grishik Blast. Sounds gross. It's like ah in Star Wars when she's cooking. It's blasted Shriekoid. It's a but you're using own ass blasters asshole i like my medium rare please it's a blasted streco I need it.
01:41:02
Speaker
Have a nibble. It might have. I might have a bad night, but I'll never know if I don't eat it. So might die. I'm OK with that. You won't know if you have a bad day. I've eaten plenty of things to give me the ass blasts.
01:41:13
Speaker
they're all Same. I've had Taco Bell. So they it cuts to night suddenly. I guess maybe it was easier because there's a little more CG here. So if we put it in the dark, it's a little easier to do.
01:41:24
Speaker
But like. We cut tonight. They're hiding inside this prefab home slash portable from school. They build the potato gun. And I just love Jody is like, does anyone have a lighter after they build it Because the idea is you have to light the what did he call it?
01:41:40
Speaker
The contact hole. Yeah. Oh, so yeah. that ah what What was it? You were grossed out by it. Something like times touch touch roll touch. Yes. Touch. Ignite the touch hole is what and doesn't jacket Jack is like. Bert does. And Bert looks at him.
01:41:55
Speaker
How do you know that? Because you're Bert. And then he pulled up later. That's right. I am damn right. I am you're fucking right. I am. So they're making flaming arrows out of these like ah things that you would use to build a fence around a school because they're just like the the metal square like ah yeah a spear rectangles. yeah they have a little triangle on top.
01:42:15
Speaker
i don't know what they're called. I don't build stuff. I make podcasts.
01:42:21
Speaker
So they shoot the first one, explodes, and then splat all over them. Splat. is They didn't know they were in the splash zone because there was no blue seats. We like to insert Gallagher wherever we can. So it's just Gallagher like, I see a little bit of ass blaster over there. I'm going to put some fiery stick.
01:42:38
Speaker
I'll help you with this ass blaster. Let me pull out my hammer. Splat. Light my hammer on fire. I'm splat him. but of bull And then another one is coming up through the ceiling. So Jack says spread your legs to Jody. Jack does say spread your legs, but this is desert Jack.
01:42:56
Speaker
Say it too with consent. yeah Always consent. Well, you're you're saying it. If they don't do it, then they don't do it. Yeah. Spread your legs, please. um I'm recovering Catholic. I say please.
01:43:07
Speaker
And she's like, oh, I understand what you're trying to say. Don't get mad at me. This is my first time doing this. Yes, everybody's first time. what I say. He picks her up on his shoulders. They've had a little bit of romantic tension, like during the exposition scene and stuff. It's really not handled well in the script. but like Oh, that's where the cuck room comes in. Yeah, he picks her but he picks her up on his shoulders, and I was was waiting for her him to be like, hold on I can get you better if I turn around and lift.
01:43:30
Speaker
absolutely ah So his face would just be right in her crotch. Hold on, your your pants are itching my ears. Take them off. ah You know what? it' be I could get a better grip. My skin will stick to your skin better than it will to these jeans.
01:43:43
Speaker
So let me just grab your bare ass and lift you right in front face. There we There we go. Nice T-bar. It's a good thing these are crutchless panties. ah For me. For you, it's very uncomfortable right now. She shoots the one off the roof and it blows a hole in the wall, which is funny because like it falls outside and blows up and takes out the entire outer wall.
01:44:02
Speaker
This other one, Bert sticks a spear in it and then they hide behind an inner wall, which stops the explosion. Come on. You're all dead. No wall in a prefab home is stopping any of these explosions. It doesn't stop domestic abuse.
01:44:15
Speaker
like right The wives go right through those things. and so kyle You got your fucking stepson in the next room. He's hearing every mean thing. where i play but This is where I play that sad clown song. Yeah. Yeah. From the beginning of the view askew movies. But also this is not only a prefab. It's a derelict prefab in a junkyard. It's been in this junkyard for presumably at least in the Nevada sun.
01:44:36
Speaker
Because if this is Nestor's for 11 years. Well, Nestor was just a little trailer. This is like a prefab. Oh, okay. in That trailer is where they got the whiskey to fuel the potato gun. yeah which I still maintain is just ever clear of brown food coloring.
01:44:49
Speaker
Yeah. Well, he put the brown food coloring in it. people thought he was drinking whiskey because it made him feel like he was in the old West. It's just pure ethanol. If you're just pure ethanol, let's go over to your whiskey collection and see how many of those are flammable.
01:45:03
Speaker
um Actually quite a few. anything one Most of my stuff is barrel proof. So that means so you can light one on one on fire. Wild Turkey. Oh, yeah. So and anything over anything over 50 percent. And that's most of that.
01:45:14
Speaker
There are some times where I will ah light the bar on fire with ah one 51. Yeah. Just as a little trick to wake up people who are falling asleep at the bar. Yeah, exactly. Yeah. Or deal with problem customers.
01:45:29
Speaker
But this movie is a little bit of a premonition or a little bit little bit prescient here because they kill the third one with the spear. Burt Gummer stands up and says, mission completed.
01:45:41
Speaker
i was like, if he had said mission accomplished, this would have been about what? Four to five years right before famous famous mission and mission accomplished mission accomplished. We got that stuck sucker. tim bin laden grabboard and But after the mission is supposedly completed, El Blanco shows up.
01:45:59
Speaker
They try to escape. When Burt falls out the window, he lands on this mattress. That's just springs at this point. It catches his vest. The thing's coming for him somewhere in there.
01:46:09
Speaker
Desert Jack, of all people, figures out that the watch is what's drawing him because of i think Bert figured it out. And that's when he fell. And then Desert Jack was like, fuck it. Grab like you told me ah because he's a dumbo.
01:46:21
Speaker
Besides the flaming spear potato launcher, he's a dumbo. So he's like, I got this, dude. You mean the dumb guy came up with a potato gun? Not surprised. Yeah. I had a kid that was like fucking eight years old shooting it through his neighbor's window. That's an idea for a gun.
01:46:34
Speaker
What if I went to potato, but 200 fucking yards away? Ask the question. How do we solve that? but Potato gun. How do you think the potato fucking famine happened? We were shooting at British soldiers.
01:46:45
Speaker
Take that potato. But call that mashed potato. Jack cuts the watch or takes the watch. Potato is all rotten. Finds tape on his pants. Jody is trying to get Bert off the mattress. He's stuck because of his vest.
01:46:59
Speaker
The thing's coming. Jack wraps the duct tape from his pants onto the watch. throws We've all been there. Throws it at the ass blaster. Quick, hand me your pants duct tape. Hey, hand me your pant tape. Sorry, let me take this off right now. i don't want to talk to the guy from the Hot Topic Temple. He might actually have pant tape.
01:47:17
Speaker
A tape wallet. Oh, yeah. I had a tape hat in high school. I had a tape deck. He throws the watch at the the ass blaster that's coming up to attack these guys.
01:47:28
Speaker
El Blanco goes up, manches down on this thing, and then we get a real puppet again for a moment of like the graboid with the shrieker legs or the ass blaster popping out his mouth. You mean the Tyrannosaurus eating the Velociraptor? Yeah.
01:47:42
Speaker
Or for Jurassic World, the Tyrannosaurus Rex fighting the Spinosaur. Gigantosaur, whatever the fuck they call that horse shit. Same thing, though, because that I was... I think it's called the Plotosaur. Much How Force Awakens was just episode four. Jurassic World was just Jurassic Park.
01:47:59
Speaker
It worked before. Same thing. It eats the thing, then it goes away. And that's basically the end. We have the wrap-up part. So we've got the one ass blaster that was sleeping from eating ham.
01:48:10
Speaker
Thanksgiving ass blaster. Yes. Is now in a cage. want to try that. People come and look take pictures of it while it farts gas. It's very funny. Stay behind the ropes. Well, you got to stay behind the ropes. That thing has a longer mouth than those shriekers. Ass blaster. No, she says it to the kids. Stay behind the ropes because I know your ass.
01:48:26
Speaker
Well, also, the it has ropes on the front because it has the long like I say, let the kids touch it. Yeah. World has too many kids called evolution. um I really love the mom Mindy's mom on the phone trying to negotiate to sell this thing to somebody.
01:48:40
Speaker
Just hearing this old lady say this is the world's only living ass blaster. Very funny. It's a line that she saw right here. Said I can read that that. In Nevada. Desert Jack. Sorry, i almost said again.
01:48:56
Speaker
Desert Jack decides he's staying. He's flirting with Jody. They go off to look at the clouds or some shit. Bert is just out in the desert playing with his new pet, which is El Blanco.
01:49:06
Speaker
Yeah, like it. He's just having a good time. I think he's waiting for Melvin to show up because he's leading this thing in a little circle. And when and Melvin shows up and he's like, come on, we have to build houses. You have to help me, whatever.
01:49:19
Speaker
He's like, nope. As long as one of these is alive, this whole area is protected. That means no houses, no condos, and no ranchettes. yeah And he leaves Melvin on rock. What about casitas? Can I do casitas?
01:49:31
Speaker
He leaves Melvin on this rock and just leaves him in the desert. So we didn't see Melvin die, but presumably that motherfucker. He does have like four of these watches attached to this RC. And that's the end of the movie.
01:49:42
Speaker
Other than this hacker's song that plays through the credits. Good. I actually really liked the way they actually the beginning of the credit beginning the credits, because Melvin is yelling at Bert. He's like, you fucking right wing, psychotic gun, toning redneck. And it fades out to black as the credits start rolling. He's like, don't leave me here.
01:49:59
Speaker
Why am I still out? Like the credits are rolling and he's still screaming. And I was I know no memory of watching this before other than I knew about the ass blasters. yeah I was really hoping it was just Melvin screaming the whole entire credit sequence.
01:50:12
Speaker
That would be incredible. Yes. Get the fuck back here. You you fucking red hat wearing mother. You fucking QAnon fake moon landing motherfucker.
01:50:23
Speaker
The earth isn't hollow. Come get me. Well, if there're if the Earth isn't hollow, how do the Graboids... They burrow, dude. They make it hollow. The Graboids are making it hollow, but there's not enough of them to hollow the whole thing out.
01:50:37
Speaker
yeah There used to be, though. You're going to say something ridiculous about Hitler going to Hollow Earth when everyone knows he's antarct he's in Antarctica. No, I was to Argentina. he No, he moved to Antarctica because it slows the aging process.
01:50:49
Speaker
Look, I know the Hollow Earth is real. seen all five of these Godzilla and Kong movies. Oh yeah. yeah There's a whole, there's two whole movies that take place in the hollow earth. You mean documentaries?
01:51:01
Speaker
Yes. Documentaries about giant monkeys fighting giant lizards. actually used to have a roommate who 100% believed in the hollow earth. Hey, you know what?
01:51:12
Speaker
It's a harmless theory. It's not like the flatter theory or eugenics or any of that stuff. It's a harmless theory. Eugenics. Did say it's a hollow theory?
01:51:24
Speaker
It's hollow. pronounced hallowed. It's a hallowed theory. we'll go around the horn for recommendations. We'll start with our guest 3CS. Would you recommend this movie to a poor unsuspecting victim? No.
01:51:36
Speaker
it's It's bad. Again, community theater production, given a $6 million budget. um Yeah. I'm going to say $4.5 million of that went to these seven explosions.
01:51:51
Speaker
Yeah. Exactly. And Bert. um I can barely recommend it because you have to be of this... style of movie anyway and be in the mood for it it is the softest limpest of recommendations but it is there here's an issue you don't want to turn the mute turn the sound off and put my music to it because it has a banging soundtrack it does this needs to be a commentary movie for you and your friends put it on make fun of it don't pay attention to the plot and enjoy look go up to a space station hang out with some robots yeah and watch all the cheesiest movies yeah
01:52:26
Speaker
I'm going to write on Centaur Jack over here and just be like, yeah, if it's one that you have to have people with you to watch, you need to drink or any of your qualifications. Do your caveats. Yes. um And it's just fun to be like, what the fuck is happening? I had fun watching with the three of you guys two years ago when we did this. I had fun watching all three of them.
01:52:49
Speaker
It just it helps to have the present company together. yeah And have ah do you It's a stupid, stupid movie. But I had fun. So, yeah, i'm I'm with Jack, too. it's It's a soft recommend only because if you like Tremors movies, it's fun to watch.
01:53:04
Speaker
However, it's not. It's barely a movie. and And I think three is nailed it with community theater. I mean, it's community theater with the explosion budget. Yeah, I'm the kind of person who could watch this alone.
01:53:16
Speaker
But I think I'm the only person in this room. Like, I'm going to watch the rest of these movies because I do own them. I will just haven't got around to it. i just won't be alone. but I can definitely agree with that.
01:53:28
Speaker
Yeah. I might watch them alone and with people. I just, that's me though. That's not a normal human. Most people listening are probably somewhat normal. So I would say, get some friends, check it out.
01:53:39
Speaker
Just in life. Don't try to sit and watch it. Like it's a movie. Talk to your friends and pay attention when stuff's going. Uh-huh. Uh-huh. Now three CS, do you have any stuff that you would like to plug for the folks at home?
01:53:52
Speaker
Right now, actually, no um Catching bartending at Music Box? Yeah. Oh, yes. Sorry. I bartend over at Music Box Lounge here in Tucson, Arizona. Also, right now, I'm just trying to plan a wedding. That's right. That's kind where- Oh, because you and your now fiance got engaged at the Twin Peaks- hotel Yeah, so the Salish Lodge that was used to film the external shots or exterior shots um for the Great Northern in Twin Peaks.
01:54:22
Speaker
um I popped the questions there. i popped the question there. That's a fan. We had some, ah you know, dinner over at the ah Double R Diner. that's so awesome did you have cherry pie oh yes ok all coffee yeah exactly two coffees coffee cherry pie you're good to go next week hollow three and horror fest continues we'll be talking about jaws 3 or jaws 3d it's got my cocaine oh wait no it doesn't that's four that's four yes as dennis quite yes um it's a movie who gots it jr
01:54:57
Speaker
Yeah. Is he in four? He's in three. three He's in three. He runs the park. I don't know. It's been so long since I've seen this one. It hasn't been that long for me. I don't think I've ever seen it.
01:55:08
Speaker
yeah I can't wait. Oh, no, I didn't buy it. A friend of ours, a regular at the bar, got a box set at your Christmas party, christmas party your Blu-ray exchange. And I was very upset that Whitney didn't end up with it because I was at work during it.
01:55:22
Speaker
And he ended up giving it to me. Nice. Nice. Jaws 3 is available streaming right now as of recording on Netflix and it's on Amazon and Apple to rent for $4, buy for $15, both on 4K.
01:55:34
Speaker
If you don't have Netflix, i I would go for the rent if you want to watch it. Yeah. Oh, yeah. no without Without spoiling recommendations. I own it, but that doesn't mean you want to own it. And then, of course,
01:55:45
Speaker
You guys, we have our Patreon at patreon.com slash worst people. We have two tiers at the $3 tier. You get a newsletter. You get Han took shots. First episodes early ad free uncut, and you get a mental health episode. This month's mental health episode for hollow three and horror fest is a nightmare on Elm street. Three dream warriors.
01:56:07
Speaker
Which as of today, when I looked it up is now available and I, we're recording a little early, but it's available on AMC plus on prime, but it's also, you can rent it for four, buy it for 15 now on Amazon and Apple.
01:56:24
Speaker
Okay. I still, If you don't want to go by the physical disc, you know, it's a mental health movie, so it's not a spoiler recommendation. 15 might be worth it.
01:56:35
Speaker
It's really fun. We just recorded that episode yesterday. And of course, we have our latchkey vids. We're wrapping it up. We're at the penultimate episode, episode 10 of Cop Rock. No noose is good news.
01:56:48
Speaker
I'm very excited. We haven't even watched or recorded that yet. no we have so We have no idea what's going on there.
Merchandise Announcement and Sign Off
01:56:54
Speaker
And we have our shop where you can buy T-shirts, hats, phone cases, stickers, and apparently shorts now.
01:57:02
Speaker
Shop.badmoviesworstpeople.com Exactly. And we want to thank Thereseus for being here. Golf clap for Thereseus. Well, thank you. I'm also a ah patron.
01:57:15
Speaker
He is. You are. And I'm going to call my shot. We're going to watch Barbarella at some point. He definitely commented on at least one Patreon post about that. We'll get there. We'll get there. Yeah. and Like I say to Derek, make me.
01:57:27
Speaker
I would like to thank Evasion for our opening and closing Yes. Thank you guys for providing our music for free because they are an awesome band. You should check them out. Evasion. They're on all your music streaming services where you can go to band camp where they can actually make money from you.
01:57:41
Speaker
Go to band camp. That's not how streaming services work. You don't. Artists don't make money. So thank you guys for tuning in. I've been Derek. I'm still married to him. I'm Jack. And I'm Thereseus.
01:57:52
Speaker
No graboids, shriekers or their mutations were harmed in this production.
01:58:35
Speaker
My head is up my ass for warmth.