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Ep 182: Cool As Ice REDUX - 3rd Anniversary
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This supersized episode, celebrating our 3rd anniversary, revisits our second-ever episode as we discuss Cool as Ice! It follows Johnny, a mysteriously chill biker played by Vanilla Ice, whose strangely cinephile-related wardrobe alone could cause seizures. When his crew gets stranded in a small town, Johnny zeroes in on honor-student Kathy, whose life is about as rebellious as vanilla ice cream. Chaos, romance, and a lot of early-’90s fashion choices ensue as Johnny tries to win her over and help her family out of trouble, proving that sometimes the coolest thing you can do is show up, perform a guerrilla-style rap show, and say “lose the zero and get with the hero” with complete sincerity. We go way off the rails, but hey, it's a party, folks!
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Transcript
Opening Banter and Podcast Reflections
00:00:00
Speaker
Look, I'm just going to tell you right now, if I woke up with a girl that I didn't know was in my house, wake me up with a joint and a plate of lemons, getting a fucking key copy made. That is wife material, dude. Waking up with a joint and plate of lemons when you didn't know she was there. You wipe that up.
00:00:17
Speaker
We all have time to find a wife soon, Jack, because this is the season finale of season three oh my Bad Movies, Worst People. We've been doing this for three fucking years, guys? Yeah. Derek has. That's fucking insane. You guys join shortly after. And as we always do, we're going back to the well of the original episodes that I didn't know what I was doing. And this week, when a girl has a heart of stone, there's only one way to melt it.
00:00:42
Speaker
Just add ice. I'm Derek. I'm Whitney. I'm confused about that tagline, Jack.
Special Acknowledgments and Anniversaries
00:00:48
Speaker
So am I. and This is Bad Movies. Worst these People.
00:01:23
Speaker
and we got We got some good friends making us some just banging-ass theme songs. Yeah. Whether it's this, our fucking Patreon, Han Took Shots. like just We got some fucking great music that we didn't have to pay for.
00:01:35
Speaker
so Not at all. That's awesome. so But we give them shout-outs. Yeah, go check those guys out. We're going to do it up front. Evasion. Grapes. Grapes. I don't have an Evasion logo loaded up because I'm a piece of shit, but I do just getting somewhere in here.
00:01:52
Speaker
Have gripes? Nope, that's over on the Han Took Shots first studio. Sorry, well, I now have gripes with you, so. That's okay, I'll just edit it in later. Fix it in post? Yep.
Nostalgic Dive into 'Cool as Ice'
00:02:06
Speaker
Yes, we are here for our third anniversary. We're starting just as professionally as ever. Yes, absolutely. Well, wasn't there on the first time we did this, so I wanted to bring my certain air of professionalism.
00:02:17
Speaker
I also wasn't there on the recording I it. So you're bringing your professionality. Yes. Yes. This is, in fact, my third watch of this movie. We're going all the way back to... to Because it's our third anniversary.
00:02:34
Speaker
We're going all the way back to episode two of Bad Movies, Worst People that aired back in December of 2022. We're talking... Cool as ice. oh So well start I think we should start with Derek because we know his answer. But like, can you give us a brief history of this movie? Your your history with this movie?
00:02:54
Speaker
um I saw this movie when I was young. When I was young. I don't remember how old I was. was probably like eight or nine. I think I saw it. Was it theatrical when you saw it or no? Okay, good. It did go theatrical, but no, I did not see it theatrically. I think I watched it because I turned on the TV and I was like, hey, there's that guy that did that song from Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2, Secret of U's. Go Ninja Which is where my name comes from today. Yo, it's the green machine. Gonna rock the town without being seen.
00:03:25
Speaker
Carry on. Have you ever seen the turtle get down? I'm just gonna stop him there. Whitney, your history with this movie because you gave us a brief rundown of it. i remember this from the 90s. don't think I ever actually watched it.
00:03:40
Speaker
e Okay. But I have i've seen it. This is not my third time. Third time. Okay. Derek is holding up for people that are just listening. His Blu-ray copy of Cool as Ice is why she's watched it three times. She's making sure that her husband gets his money's worth. Sorry, their money's worth. um This is my first time watching.
00:04:03
Speaker
i I have never I knew of this movie, but it was before that I enjoyed bad movies. So i was like, I'm too good for this Vanilla Ice movie. couldn't be more wrong.
00:04:14
Speaker
I remember what the old co-host said about this movie.
Spotlight on 'Cool as Ice' Filmmakers
00:04:18
Speaker
Oh, yeah. Remind us on that. i He hated it. He thought it was a piece of shit. I think it was the first time.
00:04:26
Speaker
So for Timmy and the T-Rex, he was like, yeah, whatever. It was fine. I think on that one he was like, I had to watch it. So, yeah, you should, too. Yeah. As his recommendation. Like, fuck you guys for making me watch this. I don't think he understands bad movies the way that we do. No.
00:04:41
Speaker
Oh, no. But this is Cool as Ice from 1991, directed by David Kellogg, which is a name that I know... i'm i'm almost positive you both have seen his only other theatrical movie. i remember the name.
00:04:56
Speaker
Inspector Gadget. Oh, with... a Matthew Brodick. With Godzilla. With Godzilla. Inspector Gadget starring Godzilla. ah With Matthew Brodzilla.
00:05:09
Speaker
ah He also he did. Specteropolis. He directed one tv TV movie. It claims on IMDb called Lusty Liaisons 2. I think I've seen that. It was on Spice. And then like he mostly. sleeping I'm almost positive. I don't think anybody thought you were kidding.
00:05:28
Speaker
um't I don't think one person thought you were kidding. He had hundreds of directing credits, though, but it was a lot of commercials. like And they had the commercials on IMDb. like His agent was like, we're getting these on there. Please tell me he did the fucking Dunkaroos cartoon or a commercial i bo up or the Honeycomb. I only scrolled through, but the things that stuck out to me were Lipton, Amex, Foster's, Australian Fabia, squit, squit. Little Caesars, Pepsi, Bud Light, Heineken. He also did music videos for Michael Jackson and Lionel Richie. Those two track.
00:06:02
Speaker
And then he's credited as doing a music video for Vanilla Ice, but it's the coolest ice music video, which is in this movie. Beginning and ending of this movie. No, the ending is a different song. I don't remember what it was, but it was a different song.
Humorous Plot and Character Analysis
00:06:15
Speaker
Right, but he wasn't. Thank you for letting me be myself. No, that's in the middle.
00:06:20
Speaker
Thank you. No, that's not it. It was written by a guy named David Sten, who didn't write anything. He wrote some TV, like a little bit of TV, but it was only a handful of episodes. He wrote this little butte?
00:06:31
Speaker
of He did like Hill Street Blues, 21 Jump Street, 90210, some stuff like that. But now the exciting part, the part that I didn't want to spoil for you guys while were watching. know you've said it. Give us the budget. No, no, no. There's probably a listener out there that is going to know this name because Derek has talked about it.
00:06:48
Speaker
I just didn't want to spend too much brain effort to try and remember what this person has done. But Derek has been very excited about this fucking dude. So the cinematographer on this movie is one Mr. Janusz Kaminski.
00:07:01
Speaker
which would probably not sound familiar unless you watch the credits when the movies are starting. But he did most or or almost every Steven Spielberg movie from Schindler's List up to Fableman's.
00:07:15
Speaker
Wow. Okay. So the Jack was like, I know that name. I'm like, yeah, because you've seen Saving Private Ryan too many times. Too many times. What's too many times? Once a month? Still have never seen it.
00:07:26
Speaker
Working my way up to that, Jack. Working my way ready for some fucking trauma. think I have it. Bet you do, Panama Red. How many times you think your wife's going to cry during Schindler's List, by the way?
00:07:38
Speaker
Saving Private Ryan? No, no. Schindler's List. talking about Schindler's List. She's seen that. I've seen that. How many times did you cry? I mean, I was a 13-year-old at a Jewish Thanksgiving. We'll watch it now. What a wild thing to say. Yeah. That's why the mom, she's like, you know what? This is what you get to watch on Thanksgiving.
00:08:00
Speaker
You made out during Schindler's.
00:08:04
Speaker
But yeah, so he shot a lot of really, really good looking movies. And you know what? Anybody can say what they will about the quality of this movie. I think it looks pretty fucking good. and Oh, I have a lot of things to say about this movie.
00:08:15
Speaker
You're about to hear a lot of them. All right. Do we need a point of order?
00:08:24
Speaker
It's our third anniversary and Whitney has decided she's going to introduce a fucking morning radio DJ honka honka horn. It was an amazing gift to me. it's By somebody that doesn't understand podcasting.
00:08:37
Speaker
yeah It's an analog soundboard. So I do have a box office game. Yay! Okay, give us the budget. So the budget of Cool as Ice was $6 million. $1 million of which went to Mr. Ice himself. rob Well deserved. Well deserved. The wardrobe alone. $1.1 million went to Naomi.
00:09:00
Speaker
No way. She was top billed. Yeah, she's nobody still though. On IMDb. I actually laughed about it to myself while we were watching the movie because the opening credits were rolling. She was like eighth build. No, she was number one. No, on IMDb she is. On IMDb she is. On scroll, I watched it, it said Naomi was number one. When the movie came up though and was doing the title cards. Title card, correct. She was aided. But right. I'm talking about the opening titles. That's what I was talking about. I was talking about she was like six or eight in there and it was halfway through the song that she was singing. So maybe IMDb just took it from the credits. Yeah, it just went.
00:09:40
Speaker
There we go. They did the order of appearance. I'm going to say this made seven. Hundred thousand dollars. Jack.
00:09:52
Speaker
Thrown off by that answer. ah This movie made money, just not six million. This movie made 4.2 million. This movie made 290 million. and I'm just kidding. 1.19 million.
00:10:08
Speaker
yeah Damn. They just paid vanilla ice off. ah am They paid for vanilla ice and Burt Gummer. And I did not know that because that was not a game that they played in the beginning.
00:10:22
Speaker
No, I did not know these numbers. I didn't think you knew. I wouldn't cheat. i earn I cheated a game that has like no prizes. I earned just pride, just pride. We don't have that here.
00:10:37
Speaker
but We start with a vanilla ice music video for the song Cool as Ice featuring Naomi Campbell. He's got this. Do i have a picture? i don't think i have a great picture of his hair. Here we go. Here's one. Yeah, he's got the bricks on one side. Okay, so he's got the bricks. Yeah, and then the other side you have the lightning checkerboard. Here's the thing. It's a cool-looking hairstyle.
00:10:59
Speaker
You got to go every other day to a barber to keep that shit up or else it gets just sloppy. I think that's what Jazz's job in the group is. Oh, okay. The one whose motorcycle breaks down. Because everybody's always just shit. I guess you don't shit-talk your barber.
00:11:16
Speaker
Maybe it's he's a DJ, right? probably Princess Princess. maybe oh she yeah She's a dancer, though. So it's the other guy because when you could do other stuff, you can do two things. ah what's What's the other guy's name? His hype man. Something D. Dieters, Dizzy D or something. I get confused because the guy the guy who played jazz is named Deezer D in real life. But in the movie, the other guy's name was something D. It was like Dizzy D or something very similar. de ah But that guy must be the barber because When Jazz is DJing and Princess is dancing, he's just standing next to de that Jazz, just just hyping. No, he's hype. He's got a mic also. Yeah, but that's what saying. His job in the group.
00:11:57
Speaker
He's the barber. He's the barber. Don't fight this. Or maybe he robs the liquor stores so that they can keep their nomadic lifestyle going. i don't know. There we go. Somebody's rich dad died. i think we all know who we're talking about.
00:12:09
Speaker
Princess? Vanilla ice. Vanilla. Oh. You know. He's a trust fund, baby. he is. His parents died and he's like, yo, i had to scrap for everything I ever fucking wanted.
Character Dynamics and Interactions
00:12:20
Speaker
Look at this hat. i had to fucking steal it off a bigger guy. See this jacket? It used to be made out of two jackets. Yeah. I'm missing most my eyebrow.
00:12:33
Speaker
I'd like you to reflect back onto house guest. ST3? The boyfriend. Yeah. ST3? I? ST3. I? You know what I'm saying? Peeps be tripping, yo. I gotta put salt my dish and gravy on my shoes.
00:12:48
Speaker
Thank you. That doesn't mean anything, ST3.
00:12:53
Speaker
but As the music video ends, he gets a nummy. He gets gets a nummy from this girl, Monique. And I'm only mentioning it because it comes up later. sticking with nummies? Yeah. okay Okay. Yo, girl, let me get them nummies.
00:13:08
Speaker
Better than let me get them digits. You know what? Either of those could be sexual, though, because let me get them digits is can you come finger my ass and let me get them nummies is either kisses or penis kisses. yeah yeah the digits are You can use digits for other things besides just blasting ass.
00:13:27
Speaker
Well, not you're a dude saying give me them digits to a lady. You're asking her to put your fingers in your butt. You could be asking for a hand job. All right, that's fair. You went right to butt. I did. It's because I saw vanilla ice. and All right. When he asked for your digits, he's asking for an ass blasting. Look at that necklace.
00:13:44
Speaker
did He's a handsome boy, though. He is a handsome person, man. I love his little crooked nose. I just want to write it. He's a handsome person, man. Half person, half man. He person man. Person man. He has 850 credit. He has valid driver's license. He has valid passport. He person man.
00:14:08
Speaker
Person man. He drives a Honda Civic. He's getting called by Commissioner Dre by the people signal. Can you help us? I can. I'll just do what every person man can and I'll vote.
00:14:23
Speaker
you'll get my ah You'll get my results in six to eight months. Look at the sky, the people signal. Let me call the police. I saw my police. I saw my person signal. I need to tell you about a crime that somebody else told me about. I'm person man.
00:14:38
Speaker
So, yeah, he's got his his crew with him. I didn't get... So I think Princess is the girl from... it is the sister. Coming to America. Coming to America. She is. It is. Because you said that, and I was like, no, wait. And I'm remembering back three years, which is...
00:14:55
Speaker
Anybody who's listened to the podcast knows that's not an easy thing for me to do. And I'm like, pretty sure that we said that. So that makes sense. Yeah. Yeah. and i looked her I looked it up because I just I recognized her and I was like, that's only one thing it might be from.
00:15:08
Speaker
Times three plus 12. Carry the one. It was episode two and this episode 182. So it was 180 episodes ago. Not including Han took shots first and Lashki vids. My God.
00:15:24
Speaker
So 250 episodes ago. But yes, the other guy didn't really do much. And then Deezer D, who plays Jazz, who's kind of the one with the most lines of his crew. Or Jazz. Yes. Sorry. Deezer D plays Jazz. He was on yeah ER r for like 190 episodes. He was like a nurse, but he must have been. I know exactly what nurse he is. He's the one who looks just like him.
00:15:46
Speaker
Yeah. Looks just like that guy.
00:15:52
Speaker
I know who he is. He looks just like him, doesn't he? um if He's a person, man. If he's the one I'm thinking of, I think he gets... a No. it Did he look like this guy?
00:16:04
Speaker
Girl, you're talking like 30 years ago for me. Not wrong. Real quick, before we get any further into the story, let's talk about how I introduced the show because I just looked down and saw it again. What with this tagline?
00:16:17
Speaker
What with this tagline? When a girl has a heart of stone... There is only one way to melt it. Just add ice. Yeah, because ice is so cold it burns. And it melts it. Stone doesn't melt. I know.
00:16:33
Speaker
You know what you could This is such a stupid like fucking geology thing. When water gets inside of a rock and then freezes, it cracks that rock and it breaks it open. yeah But that doesn't sound cool. So whoever started putting that in it was like, when you got a girl with fucking heart of stone, you got to put water in her heart and get it as cool as ice. That's not good.
00:16:53
Speaker
We got to try something else. And they never landed on anything better. It reminds me of the, I believe it was a South Park episode where they go to the they go to like Hawaii or something, and they're like, we have to melt his cool heart with a hot island song. And it's like, what? No, you freeze his warm heart with a cool island song. they're just going back and forth with that.
00:17:13
Speaker
Yeah, it's the same writing. um So they're there're they they perform in this warehouse and then they just leave and they're like, i mentioned earlier their nomadic lifestyle. They're just traveling from town to town on like crotch rocket bikes without any kind of luggage. These don't have a place where you're keeping anything.
00:17:35
Speaker
And they are... going to various empty venues and performing for free, and that's how they maintain their lifestyle. They're doing guerrilla style musical setups.
00:17:49
Speaker
No one booked them. No one asked them to be there, but my God, they are going to rock the crowd. And then they leave when they can't get paid. it's It's absurd. It's it's fantastic. because like Who are we seeing and tonight? I don't know, dude. like My buddy just told me to come to this empty warehouse. You got a problem? Yo, well, solve it. Oh, that's fucking dope. We should buy some of his merch. Oh, he's gone. Oh, he's down the road.
00:18:11
Speaker
He didn't bring merch or anything? Okay, so how do i how do I give him my money? Is there like a Zelle? Well, he doesn't know what town he's going to. Should we guess?
00:18:21
Speaker
We'll go Yuma. They'll break down eventually. listen Somebody will. That might be tripping. just Listen for that sick beat dude Sorry, so that's what happens is they leave and this guy's bike starts breaking down and He's like man. My bike is tripping Please anytime you go to your mechanic tell him. i don't know what's happening man. My car's just tripping I Will and I'll record it for you when Right before his his bike be tripping is when they meet Kathy
00:18:52
Speaker
oh I forgot about the Kathy meet. Yeah, because Vanilla Ice and his buddies are just zooming down this highway. And right alongside this highway is this um horse stable area. It's Top Gun. if it er I'm sorry.
00:19:06
Speaker
Hot Shots. If anybody hasn't seen Hot Shots in a while, it's the scene where Charlie Sheen's on a he's on like an enduro, I think. But he's on a motorcycle racing that beautiful a girl on her horse. It's the same fucking road. It's the same scene. Difference is he jumps over and puts her life in peril.
00:19:24
Speaker
What came out first? Look at this. I'm not sure. But this guy does. Probably this. I think Hot Shots did. I don't know. But Vanilla Ice jumps over this fucking fence. And we're all just like. Miraculously. I'm sure we had this question the first time. How did he jump? Because there's clearly no ramp.
00:19:43
Speaker
I solved it. He's vanilla ice, right? like Ice man. He has ice powers. So we didn't see because the budget wasn't there. He shot an ice ramp in front of himself, jumped over and he lands in front of her. Her horse throws her off and she's paralyzed for the rest of her life. The end of the movie.
00:19:59
Speaker
You know, as you're saying, I'm looking at his glasses on the bottom of our screen. That all tracks. That looks like a guy that would be a villainous Iceman. Yeah. Both sets. I really dig the steampunk glasses in this first scene, though.
00:20:12
Speaker
all All of them, except for jazz. His outfits, whoever did the wardrobe deserves a fucking Oscar on their own. Because he is looking just a very specific 90s the entire time. And Vanilla Ice is like, i get an Oscar? Awesome. ah Sorry, I didn't finish you're talking. You get an Oscar Mayer Wiener hot dog. Just one, though.
00:20:35
Speaker
But yes, Jazz's bike do be tripping. So, oh, and then there's an angry cartoon character behind them because they are broken down in the middle the road and they're just kind of sitting there. But there's this guy just leaning out the window of his car, not saying words, just literally like. He's doing fucking Joe Pesci has some fresh and fresh and fresh and he's doing the AI fucking be angry. Yeah, I sent these guys a video of someone doing fake auditions with an AI actor. And it was like, the first one was like, be angry. And the guy just looks at the camera and goes. Does he pull a gun at one point? He does end up pulling a gun, yes. Without being prompted
00:21:19
Speaker
Without being prompted to, which means AI is trying to kill us. Oh, absolutely. Why wouldn't it? I've seen Terminator. He's going to learn by the things that imprint on him, and we as a society and people decide to abuse and enslave and destroy the things that we deem lesser than us, so why wouldn't it do that for us?
00:21:37
Speaker
That's fair. Anyway... So anyway, they're pulling in through this ah obvious this neighborhood that obviously has an HOA. But they find this fucking Danny Elfman nightmare house right in the middle of this whole thing. love this house. The HOA like this. It's like grandfathered in where it's like they settled this land. Everything else built around them. Like you want to join the HOA?
00:21:58
Speaker
Fuck you. You know what i want? I want globes running my front yard. it Just globes that I have lights inside of. Yes. And that's going to be my front yard because fuck you.
00:22:09
Speaker
Well, this guy, this is Sydney Lassik, who was it's all educational too Roscoe famous for most famous, I think for one flew the cuckoo's nest, but, uh,
00:22:21
Speaker
He's like an old settler type. And they came and they were like, can we buy this land from you? We're going build a neighborhood. And he's like, my grandfather's been living here for 30 years. or That's not a long time. My grandfather lived here for a hundred years, whatever happens.
00:22:35
Speaker
And so Oh, no, it was his parents they did it to. And then he got old enough and took over. And then he turned it into this fucking Danny Elfman nightmare house. But he can't have children. It was actually just a really nice ranch. He can't have children, so they um they have like a ray that sabotages motorcycles when they come into town, so they have to get them fixed. And then they see the old lady, and she tries to have a baby because he can't have one. Kevin Costner did not write this.
00:23:04
Speaker
Oh, God, he wishes. I go from town to town. They're always after my seed. Hit me with that fucking dope-ass beat, by the way. Waterworld, Waterworld, Waterworld, Waterworld.
00:23:16
Speaker
This movie is a tight 91 minutes. it was and Kevin Costner was nowhere near this thing. It's 91 91, baby. It's minutes If you subtract the three music videos, it's about minutes. Yeah.
00:23:29
Speaker
Yeah. Not a complaint because I do like music videos. We'll probably see us Roscoe, Sydney Lassick again because he's in ah Don't Tell Mom the Babysitter's Dead as well as in the ah mostly unaired David Lynch HBO show On the Air. Okay. Which I ended up finding. Nobody does. I think they made 13, 10 or 13 episodes and three of them aired and it was taken off the air.
00:23:54
Speaker
And I ended up finding a bootleg on ebay So, i come and there are a couple episodes available on the internet archive. So he might be in, he's in a couple episodes of that. So he might be back for latchkey vids. We'll see. um Also, I would like to put in, don't tell mom that babysitter is dead for August of next year.
00:24:13
Speaker
Patreon.
Food Humor and Absurdities
00:24:14
Speaker
e yeah Patreon. Our patrons vote. We'll just let them settle any arguments we have. And then his wife. All 12 of you unite.
00:24:29
Speaker
There are 17 of them. All 17 of you. There are almost dozens of them. And we love them. We do. We do love them. Thank you. um And his wife is May played by Dottie Goodman, who was in Grease and Splash. I'm assuming she was one of the girls like the the greaser girls. in greece She was in Grease Splash.
00:24:50
Speaker
always why He asked us about Grease and Splash. yes Grease Splash is a porn that they made in Grease, by the way. it's It's a Greek porn about girls that can squirt. But when they put it on Disney Plus, they airbrushed the butt crack out. Mama Mia. just watched The Outsiders last night.
00:25:08
Speaker
Now I'm all greasers. What? Well, the greasers in Greece, I think she's one of the women greasers because she's Blanche. That sounds like a lady greaser. And then in Splash, she pays plays Mrs. Stimler.
00:25:22
Speaker
i don't know who that is. I know that landlord. i know that. What's her name is in that? What? Daryl Hannah. Daryl Hannah. I was like the lady from Kill Bill.
00:25:34
Speaker
Tom Hanks. Yes, Tom Hanks is in there too. John Candy. m Maybe I should watch Splash. Yeah. I've seen it. It's been a long time. Yeah, it's worth watching, especially um after you watch the John Candy documentary, I Like Me.
00:25:53
Speaker
Okay. Niagara Falls. Falls. Their wacky house also happens to be a motorcycle garage, apparently. cause Just a garage, period. Well, Roscoe comes out and he's just like, what are you bringing me this piece of garbage for? You're late. done andda And Vanilla Ice is like, I don't know what you're talking about.
00:26:10
Speaker
I'm not selling my bike. I told you $500. This isn't worth nothing. The lady comes out. She's like, this bike is worth more than our house. Oh. well Not before you added all the garbage it was Your house was actually worth a lot more Now your house is worth about a grand don't know I love this house dude The fucking roof is a world map I love, and there's poetry all over the walls. It's just written all over the walls. These blue eggs.
00:26:36
Speaker
We'll get to it. Well, that's right now because we have princess trying to eat blue eggs with this salt shaker that's the size of like a five or six. But it looks like forced perspective. Yes. When you see her trying to shake it out, she's like, shh, shh. But I'm saying like when she's sitting at table, it looked like they were just, you know, at the forefront of the shot. And then she grabs them and it's this giant fucking thing. Another another really cool shot. but then that's probably And then probably Jack's favorite part of the movie.
00:27:06
Speaker
Oh, this sandwich. Okay. Jazz making this sandwich. I'm to tell you what it is. Crunchy peanut butter one slice. And then. Well, you don't want to do too peanut butter on this sandwich, girl. Four spears of pickles. Yep, I'm assuming bread and butter.
00:27:21
Speaker
ah Two sardines. Yeah. And some, it kind of looked like Dijon mustard. No, was just yellow mustard. I don't think the mustard type is what we should be focusing on. And then he he traces each of the sardines with the mustard.
00:27:40
Speaker
but And then does he put anything else on it? Oh, there's one one more thing. Big fat slice of canned pineapple. canned pineapple yep there you go so that's what happened i have a new idea oh i hate it already if it's stemming from what she just said gonna hate this idea go on we're going out for our anniversary dinner okay we're gonna get we're gonna get drinks that are screwball and rumplements okay and we're going to order our meals that are peanut butter pickle sardine mustard pineapple sandwiches Nope. Oh, no. Jack doesn't like mustard. OK, no, no mustard on his.
00:28:16
Speaker
Nope. i dead dead Nope. I would rather have a fucking hot dog off of Dan Aykroyd's condiment train. Dude, these are sardines, too. I mean, I guess I'm not that familiar with sardines, but like these cans are like the size of like an ammo can. These sardines are like fucking. four or five inches long. I'm like, aren't they supposed to be little tiny guys that go on anchovies? that Maybe I'm thinking of anchovies. I think you're thinking anchovies. They're both salty fish. You know, I don't actually have a lot of experience putting um canned fish on a sandwich. So maybe I'm out of my depth, you know, ah tuna.
00:28:53
Speaker
I, like I said, Oh, yeah, you wouldn't eat tunes tuna fish sandwich because it's got mayonnaise. It doesn't have have mayonnaise in it. It does. It's tuna fish. I'm going to let everybody else have that one. Like, what are you go to do? Just eat tuna without putting any... man It's it just dry tuna hork. Some relish?
00:29:14
Speaker
Yeah. So we we meet Kathy's boyfriend, Nick, after Jazz enjoys his, I guess it's supposed to be like a stoner sandwich. I don't know what the joke was there. the I think the joke is that he's a poor black nomadic biker, not bicyclist, less intimidating.
00:29:34
Speaker
But I think that's the joke is like he just takes a free meal when he can. And look, what do we got here? What do we got here? What do we got here? Smack him together. And what do we got? pro Diarrhea.
00:29:46
Speaker
Roscoe and May live off these things because there's like a stack of eight or nine cans of these sardines on They don't combine all these ingredients. They have peanut butter and bread. They have sardines and pineapples. They have mustard and pickles.
00:30:02
Speaker
and They don't do it all together like mad men. ah They're like, well, we're we're vegetarian, but like or a pescatarian, right? Is that what it's called? Yeah, pescatarian, only fish. so But the only fish we really like is is sardines. So I'm in the mood for a hot dog. I'll just put this pickle spear on a bun and put some mustard on it. ah You cracked the code. eat that, honestly. That's actually probably not that bad, honestly. I've eaten worse things. But we meet Nick, who is Kathy's boyfriend, played by John Newton, who didn't do a whole lot. He was in most ah most of the episodes of the last season of Melrose Place.
00:30:43
Speaker
that's no That's not where you want to be. He looks like... No, that's that's that's where you go to die. He looks like a poor man's Frank Stallone. It's Melrose Place that aired in a year that started with two.
00:30:54
Speaker
Oof. not bad That's bad Melrosing. Yeah. But yes, he does kind of look like if Frank Stallone was Xeroxed. Mm-hmm. Then one more time. One more copy of Frank Stallone. Do we know he's to the Sox? You know what? Two more times.
00:31:08
Speaker
His name's John Newton. He's the... He's related to Olivia Newton John. We've all seen... who we've all You're Olivia Newton wrong. He is the... We've all seen Multiplicity.
00:31:20
Speaker
He's the copy of the copy of the copy. Okay. She touched my peppy, Steve. Oh, so as they copy him, his voice gets more clear, but he just gets a little bit less and interesting.
00:31:32
Speaker
Yeah. All right. Pretty much. He's really articulate, but I don't want to hear him talk. It's a strange thing. Like, it's great because he's well, he's talking. He's talking to Kathy and he's obviously a piece of shit boyfriend. Right off the bat, they're setting it up well. Yeah. And he's she says she goes inside. She goes to go inside and he says, I love you. And then out of the out of nowhere, fucking vanilla ice coming up. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. You're my butterfly. Sugar, baby.
Comparative Analysis with Other Films
00:32:03
Speaker
And I just he's telling her like, hey, we're over here, whatever. The boyfriend's like, do you guys know each other? She's like, not really. He's like, well, I almost killed you. But like, I love his thing. He's like, check it out.
00:32:14
Speaker
Check it out, though. You need me. I'll be right over there. And I'm the house is supposed to be across the street. It's clearly not because we never see it. So when he says check it, yo, three houses down, you do see it in one scene. OK. Because when he says check it, yo, I'll be right over there. I'm just like, so you're just going to sleep on your motorcycle in front of her house.
00:32:31
Speaker
Yeah, which he kind of does. We saw bike riders. Yeah, that's what a sexy Butler did. Yeah, but you could sleep on a Harley. That's true. You ain't sleeping on this thing. Vanilla Ice ain't sleeping, man. Why need to call him Ice?
00:32:44
Speaker
He's not deporting people. Oh, look at this thing. can't sleep on that. Oh, you can sleep on that. We're not talking about Kristen Minter. We're talking about. Oh, sorry. You could find a way. i was OK with everything in that picture. oh would Life ah finds a way to fall asleep.
00:33:01
Speaker
I don't know if I mentioned when we started talking about when he tried to murder her. But Kristen Minter is the one of the older sister from Home Alone. oh yeah. Right. And she did some ER as well. Yeah, she was also in like 70 some odd episodes of ER. That's barely a season. And then fucking John Newton also did some ER. One episode. Loser. Barely there. He's barely there. Oh, I should have found out if him and Deezer D and Kristen Minter were all in the same episode. Oh, they had to be. they met up and they were like, you remember that great time we had making Cool as Ice. Oh my God. You're talking about them meeting up like er-ception? Sorry, ER-ception? They all met up and they were like... They were like, you guys, you know how close we were to working with Steven Spielberg?
00:33:45
Speaker
It was like three years later, Janusz Kaminski made Schindler's List with him. The fucking Vanilla Ice. Yo, what could I gotten for one more fucking pen? I'm saying, how many jewels could have saved with this fucking clock? Huh, I'm going to come at Hitler with my Glock. Oh wait, it's not that kind of movie? Fuck.
00:34:07
Speaker
You got it for me. Derek sucks. I was trying to see where we were. Nowhere good. I'm i'm doing an impersonation of Vanilla Ice as as Liam Neeson in Schindler's List. We're not in a good place. Liam Neeson's is List? He's the titular Schindler. He has the titular list. He is the Schindler. Okay, I haven't seen it since I was in seventh grade. So you do the math. There's another movie where he just hangs out on top of the ceiling. It's Schindler. It's not good. There's another one where he works on people's roofs. It's Schindler's List. high There's one where he comes back and he gets revenge called Schindler's Pist.
00:34:45
Speaker
There's one where he arm wrestles um ah Stallone with his hat backwards and it's called Schindler's Fist. Oh, I was about to do that one, but going make it a porn, so I'm glad you went.
00:34:57
Speaker
Okay, there's one where a bunch of girls squirt on and it's called Schindler's Mist. I'll be the bad guy. i'll be the i'll be the bad guy
00:35:10
Speaker
Do you think any of the fish that show up later in this movie were in a movie called Fendler's List? Oh, my God. That's another one for the fucking fishbowl name. Oh, yeah. but All right, Paul. So I think it's time we, you know, made a trailer.
00:35:23
Speaker
Do we have to? like yeah People keep asking. So we're going to deliver. well What are we supposed to do in this damn trailer? You know, we're just going to talk about shit we do here. see them our months, right? Like, what are we... I mean, I know we've done stuff like musicals and animation months and creature features, all sorts of stuff. But is that what you're talking about? Yeah, it's something kind of like that. Then I'm probably going to sit there and tell people, you know, we're on all social medias. We're on the Facebook, Instagram, Twitter and TikTok.
00:35:50
Speaker
And it's all under Flicks and Friends podcast. Yeah, I guess so. If they're not tired of hearing that by now. Yeah. So but yeah, that'll work. Should we press record? Yeah, let's let's press record right now.
00:36:02
Speaker
Hey, mister, I got an extra $3. I was wondering if there's any way you know I can spend it. Have you heard of Patreon? Never heard of it. how What is it? You go to patreon.com slash worstpeople, give me your $3, and you can listen to a bunch of stuff that's way too inappropriate for your age. Oh, but I'm actually out pretty old. I just let sound like this. It's like a Benjamin Button thing. But anyway, I was going to ask you, what if I got my mom to give me a couple more bucks and I could get you don't give you more money? Oh, that's even better. You can get ad free $5. $5? You also can get access to Latchkey Vids, our TV recap show of forgotten 90s garbage. Oh my God. I don't even know what that is, but i'm excited for it. You should be. So $5 is all I need. Then I get no more of these commercials. No more commercial no more commercials. more commercials. boy. You get to hear us talk about a singing cop show and more. Well, golly gee willikers, Mr. and Miss. Thanks for all the information. I'm going to go see if I can find a mom to give me $5. Let's go beat that kid up and take his $5.
00:36:59
Speaker
Right before ice leaves, he's like, hey, yeah words of wisdom. Right before Ice left. Words of wisdom. weren' it Drop that zero. Get with the hero.
00:37:10
Speaker
Hey, oh, and the most flat delivery. What the fuck did you just say? well and I love his curse, obviously. I didn't mention it, but when when ice walks up, fucking ah boyfriend, John, Nick, Nick is like, well, I got a name. What is he goes? What is that? He doesn't say who is that? Because he's wearing the orange, like just super zippered up jacket.
00:37:36
Speaker
Look at that thing. Look it. You can see three zippers in this shot. How many zippers do you think you can't see? A lot. Four. Dude, that is a hoodie under a jacket Under another jacket? No, it's just a double fluff jacket. Oh, it's just a double like ski jacket. double fluff. Yeah. It's double breasted. Are we not talking about this hat though? He would have been. That's a demolition man hat slash Janet Jackson. What have you done for me lately? Rhythm Nation. Yeah.
00:38:02
Speaker
A little Rhythm Nation. Thank you, Whitney. this He would be so at home. He would be so at home. Nobody can see you counting down. I know the pictures up. dun done and and and and and and done and But he would be so at home with the Gen Z kids right now because he's wearing a hoodie under a jacket.
00:38:20
Speaker
With shorts, by the way. They just walk around in hoodies. It's 118 degrees outside. You're round. Get the fuck out of here. I'm all about style. like I don't want to be that guy that's like, back in my day, you used to do this. no, no. Times change. Your fucking time is gone. The the young kids are going to fucking take over, so get with their shit.
00:38:38
Speaker
I cannot abide by wearing summer sweaters in Tucson. Yeah. It's 115, my friend, and you're wearing a hoodie. No one's having a good time. If you're outside working in a yard, you've got to have some long sleeves, but they've got to be tight at the end. The whole point is to keep in the fucking moisture. Right.
00:38:56
Speaker
I went did yard work the other day in Hawaiian shirt, and I was like, this is why they don't do that. Our daughter's 18 now and she doesn't do that anymore. Yeah. our Ours is? The podcast daughter?
00:39:08
Speaker
Our daughter? Bad movies, worse parents? Just kidding. guys a great I don't know. Well, you're not worse. Okay, you know what? We're not. He goes back to Danny Elfman's house and all his buddies are like, hey, where you been? It's nothing seen. just have to mention it because of his line. Edward Scissorhands lives here. That's the haircut. Edward Scissorhands lives here.
00:39:29
Speaker
He's like, I've been chilling with Kat. They're like, who? The chick that drives a horse. A horse. Yo, the chick that drives a fucking horse. Boom. Get her to ride that.
00:39:41
Speaker
It's fucking such a stupid, awesome line. He does say it like Rodney Dangerfield. The chick that drives a horse. Oh. Hey, why the long face? Are you single?
00:39:52
Speaker
want to put a saddle on you and ride you home. Hey, why do have the sugar cube in my pocket? I'm trying to meet someone. If I was to brush your hair and tell you a good girl, what would you do? Oh.
00:40:03
Speaker
we we meet me Looks like I want you to ride me hard and put me away wet. i'll brush i'll brush I'll brush your hair and feed you carrots. It'll be fine. That's how I've met a lot of my girls. Earmuffs. They're mostly horses.
00:40:17
Speaker
I said earmuffs. I know, but am going to Earmuffs would make it louder. He's got head earbuds in. I just need to fucking pull this shit like a ripcord. Just drop the earbuds.
00:40:28
Speaker
Cut the line. Cut away. Cut away. Cut of away, bitch. Yeah, that's your ah static line. Oh, you guys talk about mustard?
00:40:39
Speaker
Ranch dressing. Yeah, we're talking about name when you say ranch dressing, I think of cowboy boots, blue jeans and a little lamb fur on the collar. I've seen you. OK, um Alfredo. I know that guy. He taught me how to speak Spanish. Isn't he the one isn't he the one that betrayed everybody?
00:41:01
Speaker
i know it was you. And it was you, Fredo. I'm smart. I'm smart. No, you're not, Fredo. You're not smart at all. But so we meet Kat's family in this, like, fucking, i this looks like a ah whacked out, like, video game, like Nintendo commercial or something from the 90s. Like, it's like, it's it's the brother, the mom, the dad and running around the house, but everything is, like, super sped up, and they're just doing all kinds of crazy shit. It it literally, it reminds me of a commercial from Nickelodeon as a kid. That's why I mentioned the honeycombs.
00:41:32
Speaker
Yes. It's like that hyper kinetic shit. It's a sugar fucking rush. It's the fast paced like ah the high speed shit. You know how everything's in slow speed. or Yeah. I was just like high speed. Yeah. Look, we've all seen it. We've all seen house guests. Anytime Sinbad is doing something hilarious, it's in twice the speed. Oh, there we go. Yeah.
00:41:52
Speaker
But we have the dad, who is a huge welcome back. We've had on the show couple times. Michael Gross. oh I wanted a drum roll. Go ahead. So, rewind.
00:42:04
Speaker
yeah Burt Gummer. Michael Gross. Burt Gummer from the Tremors movies.
00:42:16
Speaker
I hate this so much. I love it so much. There's her little brother, Tommy, played by Victor DiMattea. Which Jack immediately, I was right behind him. Not immediately. It took guys about 30 minutes. Yeah, but not immediately at all. Jack called it And he was like, Sandlot. And I said, yes. No, no, no. We got there organically because I said, like, I see him playing baseball. And we both, like, looked at each other. We're like, because he's the older brother of the two brothers on the Sandlot team.
00:42:48
Speaker
So it was it was fun to not look it up and like get that spoiled because you know we do look stuff up a lot. It's a cultural thing now. It's a sign of the times. I miss the old days of being in my 20s at a bar where my movie knowledge was a reason people would ask me questions. Now people are like, Bruce Willis wasn't in Star Wars. Told you. i'm like, what I could have told you that.
00:43:12
Speaker
Right? Yeah. I mean, early days, I didn't look up actors and stuff, but it ended up being a lot of episode of being like, wait, was it this? No, hold on. There's certain ones I'm going to look up, but when bleeps come over, especially female bleeps, she's like, don't look it up.
00:43:25
Speaker
She's like, let me, let me work it out. And I know that there are times I know I'm like, I don't, I can't track this person. So I'm going to look it up and not tell the answer until you give up. And more often than not, man, somebody pulls it and it's fun. Keep that, keep that brain working folks.
00:43:41
Speaker
Speaking of looking stuff up, though, I did want to look up the mom. As you were monologuing, I looked up something. Well, I want to look up the mom because nobody called that, ah you know. So Candy Clark is her name playing Grace. She was in American Graffiti. ah She's in The Man Who Fell to Earth with David Bowie. Oh, she's in Zodiac. All right, cool. Okay, don't really think I've seen any of these.
00:44:04
Speaker
Oh, well, you should. Oh, she's also in Twin Peaks The Return. But while I was looking her up. I know her from that. While I was looking her up, I did want to give credit to the other guy that we we mentioned in the group. It was Sir D, by the way. Yes. Sir D. And he's played by a guy named Kevin Hicks, who wasn't in much. I did see that he was in a couple episodes of Goosebumps from the Okay.
00:44:26
Speaker
okay
00:44:28
Speaker
But I just wanted to give I wanted to mention the mom because I didn't have that written down here. But yeah, we have a little Tommy Tommy from the Sandlot where he was Timmy Timmons. Yeah, he's Timmy, Timmy, Timmy, Tommy. Timmy, Tommy, today timy Tommy. timid And I also discovered and this is the good thing about looking people up that he was in Dennis the Menace Dinosaur Hunter from like 1987. That's thing.
00:44:51
Speaker
Apparently 87 or 97 87. It's before the little kid. Yeah. And he plays the titular menace. Is it a TV show? It was probably a TV movie, but it was a movie.
00:45:06
Speaker
Yeah. ah But they're all getting together to watch this. right now guys It looks like the girl from ah Napoleon Dynamite. ah Yeah, I know. do Do you drink skim milk because you think you're you're too big? Because you can drink whole milk.
00:45:24
Speaker
You know, the only the only culture that has a ah genetic immunity towards um lactose intolerance is the English. Fuck them. I am English. That's why I'm not lactose tolerant. We also don't really drink much milk. We use it to make things. I drink chocolate milk every once in a while. Oh, God. What are you? Fucking five? I'm a hot cocoa.
00:45:44
Speaker
Yeah? I do a hot cocoa with a milk. You do hot cocoa? I do the hot cocoa with a milk. Unless... Oh, my mom showed me this. Boil the water, do it with the water, and then add a heaping scoop of mallow.
00:45:59
Speaker
No, thank you. I think he's more disgusted just by the idea of hot cocoa. ah Sweet and hot drink. and ah Hot drink that's not coffee. Already upset. I'm sorry, Jack. What is my coffee?
00:46:13
Speaker
It's basically hot cocoa. It's a mocha latte. I've never bought you coffee. You've always bought me coffee. I know. You buy me gin. buy you coffee. You buy me gin. I like it the way i like my president. It's hot, strong, and black. I buy you coffee. You buy me gin. I give you. You give me.
00:46:31
Speaker
But they're getting together as a family to watch this news report about Kathy because she's just it's basically just like a news report that's like, hey, this town doesn't have anything going on. You know what's cool? This girl is really smart and she's going to be very successful. Fox News today. White people are doing really well. I want to show you how well white people are doing. This young lady says that you can be whatever you want follow your dreams as long as you have two very rich white parents. I can't specify enough how white they need to be.
00:46:59
Speaker
Can you talk like her dad, babe? So she's like, why don't you ask my dad why I'm so good? And then dad gets on. that's a Dude, look at this fucking kid up front has had way too much cocaine today.
00:47:12
Speaker
Yeah. Like he's got that Drew Barrymore diet. This is right after the the fucking honeycomb scene. Yeah, is. He's crashing out hard. And they're eating carrots and ranch.
00:47:23
Speaker
ah Just so you know. Oh, and there's their fucking boyfriend, Nick. Look, they got little feet on the table to the left of our. ah um they do have little feet Is that a hot monster?
00:47:35
Speaker
That might be Slimer from Ghostbusters, the board game that might not exist. I just wanted to. Also, can I just point out this is a ah family that plays together like they got puzzles and oh, that's where that feeder from. That's it. It's a board game thing. They don't just have feet on their table like weirdos.
00:47:53
Speaker
While Jack's Googling where to buy tiny feet. I already have my own tiny feet. Thank bet you do. you put them on your fingers? You don't start with a foot fetish and not have tiny feet in your fucking linen closet. He puts them on his fingers while he's rubbing it out. kick myself in the balls.
00:48:14
Speaker
But while she's getting interviewed, her dad is there and they ask her something and she's like, I don't know. Why don't you ask my dad? Or are your parents proud or something? Why don't you ask my dad? And so there's Burt Gummer on the TV. Yeah. Covering his face like, oh, yeah, she's she's really great. She's like the best daughter we've ever had. Just don't it. Just don't do the interview. Don't be there.
00:48:37
Speaker
i'll do your I'll do your interview. Oh, my God. I'm going to shit myself. do Do you want me to crap on camera? I'm about to shit myself. I have to go. I'm sorry. This was, I really want to do the interview, but poop, but toilet, you know what? He Bobby lead it. You know what? You guys can go ahead and interview me, but I'm going to need that like backlight voice distortion thing.
00:48:55
Speaker
Oh yeah. I think my daughter's pretty smart. Uh, I was never afraid of shit myself before, but that I had some really questionable street meat. And, yeah, I ended up worrying about my the know the health of my underwear, really.
00:49:11
Speaker
The health of my underwear. Yeah. But we go to these. You don't worry about that. We cut to a bar time in like Chicago or something. Chicago.
00:49:21
Speaker
And this guy is there. Clark played by a guy named Jack McGee. Oh, who was about Jack. You're guy. Jack. My guy. Jack. Any fucking guy. See. We'll definitely have him on the show a few times because he was in jury duty. He's in show girls. He's in jungle to jungle. He's in drive angry. And he was also in something I discovered looking through his IMDB. That's a potential future latch key vids called space Rangers. It had six episodes. Yeah. oh Oh, I know this one. It's either him or another guy's at Mark Boone jr. In that one. But this guy has like a fake robot hand and a fake heart. Cause it's whole thing where you can be pure a heart to go through this thing. And he goes through, like, i don't have a heart. I got an Android art spoilers for space Rangers. Yeah.
00:50:10
Speaker
um I don't know who else is in it, but he plays Doc. That's all I got from the IMDb. But I'm going to pull up Space Rangers right now because I'm curious. He's the heavier set guy in this, right? He's the welcome back.
00:50:21
Speaker
Yeah. Yeah. What is he a welcome back from? I didn't find a welcome back on his death. I'm sure he is. Oh, that's right. You said that. I i stopped scrolling because I got tired of scrolling. He's also, i show I will always remember him from Scrooged because when Bill Murray's like, you can hardly see those nipples or no, he says it. You can hardly see those nipples. And Bill Murray's like, and he's really looking.
00:50:43
Speaker
Dude, this show, this show, even if we're not, we're not doing all six episodes. But I'm watching all six episodes. I mean, there's only six episodes. I watched all six. I watched all six.
00:50:55
Speaker
Because as I'm scrolling through, a lot of these are one episode people. But there is a Pat Morita. There is Art LaFleur. um We've got. Welcome back.
00:51:06
Speaker
Buddy Hackett. Wings Houser. um And then at the top, so the people who are in all six episodes, there's Clint Howard, Jack McGee, ah Carrie Hiroyuki Tagawa. That's right. I know exactly who that is, too. Shang Tsung.
00:51:24
Speaker
Yeah. Right? Yeah. Phantom. Oh, yes, that's right. He was in Phantom. And then, of course, the captain. So this might have been why you thought Mark Boone. The captain is named Captain John Boone.
00:51:34
Speaker
OK, I don't know this. Well, also his last name is cocky. His name is Jeff cocky. we're I know we're so far off a fucking tangent, but like also it's our anniversary. Let's fucking party. We're part of it's anniversary. We only get one of these every year. she Clancy Brown is in one. I think it's called Earth Two.
00:51:55
Speaker
Yes. Earth two is one I definitely have on the list. So those are, those are two movies or shows that I grew up watching and just being like bummed. They only had x amount of episodes and they got canceled. And that's where the, the, before my dad left, that's where my abandonment started.
00:52:09
Speaker
Oh, TV. It might've been the same time.
00:52:15
Speaker
um i do have in In fact, it was the same day that episode came out. That's why I remember it so fucking well. Oh, Space Rangers. That's what my dad left for milk. My dad has just never found those cigarettes ever since Space Rangers came out. oh that no that no It was definitely milk. That's why you hate creamy, milky things. Yeah. It all fucking checks, Jack. my God. You would love ranch dressing if your dad hadn't left. Tastes like abandonment.
00:52:42
Speaker
This ranch dressing tastes like lonely Christmases. That would be wild. Oh, it's so sad. Let's laugh about it. It's not sad. I have great Christmases now. But I do want to mention that while that while they're all hanging out, like they watch this news report and then this kid's like, fuck you guys. And he just immediately turns on his Super Nintendo because you can. er Yes.
00:53:05
Speaker
Uh, Nintendo. Original Nintendo. Yeah, NES. Because you can hear Super Mario Bros. 3 in the background, and me and Jack are just sitting there like, oh he's on the map. um for dumb he's He's on the map screen for World 1. Somebody used a warp whistle.
00:53:18
Speaker
Oh, now he's in a castle. You can hear it when he's doing the fucking little fortress thing that they did. Like, that's that's childhood right there, dude. Yeah, especially that that music from that first map, because even if you're jumping through or if you're playing the whole game, you heard the music from that first map every time. Yeah. Yeah.
00:53:35
Speaker
Every time. For a day. But the kid, Tommy, he's talking to Nick. He's like, hey, take me for a ride in your sweet-ass car. And Nick's like, yeah, I'll take you later. And he's like, you always say later. And I'm only mentioning it because when he walks away, he's like, dick. I'm like, yeah, a little kid calling Nick a dick.
00:53:52
Speaker
I mean, Derek loves a kid cursing. Yeah. And this kid does even better later. Especially when they're not trying to hide it because he's just walking along. He's like, dick. like He's like, fuck you. He even do like a fake cough. He was like, dick.
00:54:03
Speaker
If this movie wasn't PG, he would have been like, fuck you. We didn't mention that, by the way. We do get a finger. We didn't mention that, though. This movie is PG. It's not 13? Some of these sound effects make it that way. Oh, my God. when there's fighting or like a scene that a scene that might be otherwise badass, it's all honka, honka. It's the three stooges just beatboxing.
00:54:35
Speaker
All right, I'm back then.
00:54:40
Speaker
Pretty much that was a fight scene. Ooh. Dude, wait, for our anniversary, we get music now? Dude, I love this. Well, happy anniversary to me. Now look away. Now look back at it. Would you mind saluting the penis about... out
00:55:02
Speaker
Thank you. But so she realizes that her her organizer planner, whatever is missing. Why don't you just retrace your fucking steps, you dumb cunt? Yeah. The kid is so good. He's like, so retrace your steps. She's like, OK, so I was at school and then I went to Nick's. I didn't touch it at Nick's house. Oh, the kid just yeah that's me. She's like, shut the fuck up.
00:55:25
Speaker
ah She goes through. Let me guess. You asked him if you wanted if he wanted to go for a ride and he said later. he tells me the same thing all the time. ah But she realizes she knows who who has her her planner.
00:55:40
Speaker
He's okay. So she's just assuming that he went into the car and stole it from him. Well, I mean, if you look at Vanilla Ice, look at the way this motherfucker's dressed.
00:55:50
Speaker
He's stealing from you. at his knees. He has sex just written on his sleeve. Sex. Sex me. Says sex me. um He's not the good guy. He's not a good guy.
00:56:02
Speaker
He's our good guy, but he's not a good guy. guy oh He is. He fucking steals the ah organizer. He fucking breaks in and puts things in her mouth while she's sleeping. He breaks in again. Yes, to leave a ring, but breaks in He's picking up mail. That's a felony offense. Don't touch people's mail. He's not a good guy. He's our good guy. I did enjoy when we were watching this that we we all watched together. And in this movie, anytime anyone rang the doorbell, Candy ran to my door and barked at it to protect us. It was very adorable. it's the exact same doorbell we have.
00:56:39
Speaker
It was pretty fucking cute. Normally I'm like, shut the fuck up. Don't bark at that. I'm like, all right. let her let her dog it up a little bit the uh the thugs show up they're looking for michael gross um baby so like i said thug if clark and then we have the other one is morrissey and i didn't hear him sing a single sad song so i'm not 100 sure where they got that name from but he's played by a guy named sa griffin not great initials not great initials these days oh They call me sexual assault. Also, I don't think you should have two letters and a last name unless you are a billionaire and also a really bad person or or just ah that's three letters oh or just like a writer or anybody from like the eighteen hundreds. Yeah, but they do they typically DB Sweeney DB Sweeney HG Wells. I mean like EBDB BNB. I don't like when I have that initials in the last name. I think you're a bad guy already. As soon as I hear it, I'm judging you. I mean, D.B. Sweeney was a bad guy.
00:57:41
Speaker
The only other thing I recognize from his credit, D.B. Sweeney is usually a bad guy. That's what I said. But yeah, the only other thing I recognize from this guy's credits was Nightmare at Noon. You guys remember that movie? I remember you talking about Nightmare at Noon. You were on it. Oh, that has Wings Houser. Wings Houser, George Kennedy. But he plays, he plays. And the albino guy. Yeah, he plays one of the albinos henchmen, Brian James. Brian James, there it is. Yeah. Never trust three first names.
00:58:09
Speaker
that' forty true Well, Brian Arnold James. His initials are badge badge. Yes. I was about to say bag and I was like James and start with G. badge I don't know. Brian Morrissey is the one who threw this whole movie like right here. they're They're sitting on the side of the road talking about looking for Burt Gummer and they're like and he's just like man I want get some hot wings. And later on when they're outside of his house he's just got a bag full of food. He's eating burgers and like he's spitting shit out on the ground like he's the one through the whole movie. He's Brad Pitting.
00:58:43
Speaker
He is. He's also the worst actor in the movie, which is kind of saying something. He's not a great actor, but he's a crazy person. And I feel like that works. Like he's the one when they kidnap the kid later. He's like, the kid is screaming, help me. And he's like, help me, help me. Yeah.
00:59:02
Speaker
That, that, okay. That part works. But anytime he's delivering an actual line where he's like, we'll be back to come ask you a question. Fella. You have 24.
00:59:14
Speaker
What time it? He's trying be intimidating. He's like, what time is your clock? Say, okay, well, whatever time that says, 24 hours from that, pal. We'll be back. Doesn't even wait for the answer.
00:59:25
Speaker
Right. So Ice is hanging out with his crew and the two old people, who I guess are now part of the crew. Yeah. they that We have had a dance montage with him. I was going to say, we see him dance. there at least There's at least two dance montages. There's one where I'm pretty sure they're just smoking big, fat bong rips. They're now his grandson. Well, they're engineers, dude. They put a fucking giant bowl on a leaf blower and this fucking guy rigged it up where it's just like, just stay on there. You're about to get more ripped than you've ever been your entire fucking life.
00:59:53
Speaker
Oh, we haven't gotten to that scene yet. i just remembered where we were No, that's fine. but But Ice is like... It's in the montages. Yeah, there's a lot of montages. Because this director mostly directed commercials and music videos. Yeah.
01:00:05
Speaker
I love mont montages, are montages. Is it wrong that I like montages? No, not at all. Never never get shamed. You got to have a montage. got to have a montage. Show lots of things happening at once. Remind everybody what's going on.
01:00:18
Speaker
Yeah. Score eric scored by Kenny Loggins if you have the money. But um a cro no, this score, though, unfortunately, is not by Kenny Loggins. It's more like this. Montage.
01:00:31
Speaker
I broke it.
01:00:34
Speaker
It was scored by the same guy that did George in the jungle. Honka? Honka? Um... Wow. huga on the fair owner wow
01:00:45
Speaker
Pretty much. But he's like, he's telling his friends, he's like, all I'm out of here. They're like, where are going? He's like, across the street to Schlinger Schlong. What? Which is, this is the first time I've actually caught that line. I think because usually anytime it cuts to their house, I'm like, but what is that? And I'm talking. But I just, this is the first time I've ever heard him say, I have to go Schlinger Schlong.
01:01:06
Speaker
Unless I said it in the first episode, anybody who's heard it, it's in our archive for our patrons out there. Let me know if i cock talked about it last time. If I talked about it, let me know if I talked about it. You're so right, buddy. Let me know if I talked about ISIS schlong.
01:01:20
Speaker
Let know if I talked to that. Everybody gets over there and the mom answers the door and he's like, yo, what's up,
Misunderstandings and Character Judgments
01:01:26
Speaker
ma'am? He just, a lot of this movie could be solved if he didn't act the way that he acts. Because he doesn't knock on the door like, life like, bump, bump, bump. He does one single boom.
01:01:38
Speaker
And then when you answer, he's like, yo, girl, what's up? I'm seeing if your daughter's here. I'm trying to sling a schlong. Instead of, hello, ma'am, I was seeing if your daughter's available for me to take her out for a lovely little picnic.
01:01:49
Speaker
Just, you know, tone it down, man. Well, and it's ah it's funny because she's like, he starts with like, and I'm here for cat. She's like, there is no cat here.
01:02:00
Speaker
like you mean my sister tommy's of course no he goes kathy but then mom is like she's like looking at him like disgusted and she's like well she's at the sugar shack goodbye don't tell the weird guy that you don't want to be around your daughter where your daughter is she's hoping that uh nick will beat him up or maybe she's just like he's still better than or he yeah he's better than nick She's like, well, least he'll get some. My daughter at least gets some sweet, sweet D like I never got. She gets some of that iced D. You say iced tea?
01:02:33
Speaker
Sure. Yeah, that's what I'm talking about.
01:02:38
Speaker
um But Clark and Morrissey are waiting outside as Vanilla Ice leaves to go find her. And he so they start talking. And Michael Gross, of course, looks out the window, sees them talking, assumes that he is with them because they showed up at the same time.
01:02:53
Speaker
And I guess he he you know he looks like a thug. I told you guys, you assume this guy steals from you because of all the words on his jacket. and Look at the hat he's wearing. and look at the one Look at those pants. It's not the color of his skin.
01:03:05
Speaker
And the color of his pants. anybody is watching dance Anybody watching anybody watching not listening. The scene I have up right now is it's these multicolored pants. And then this is how he's dressed when he's asking, yo, where your daughter at?
01:03:18
Speaker
Yeah. Also, I have to mention real quick for any buddy out there who's like a film geek like me, the back. So there's words all over his jacket, like sex me up and just like the I don't know. There's just words all over the thing. I'm pretty sure it says bomb somewhere. But but the back, there's the center of the back of his jacket just says down by law, which is a really good Jim Jarmusch movie. And I'm like,
01:03:44
Speaker
Are they implying that Vanilla Ice is a Jim Jarmusch fan? Because I don't know. Somebody unsaid is. i was like, I don't see Vanilla Ice sitting down and watching movies where people just like talk and smoke cigarettes. Yo, I watched that Ghost Dog movie. It was tight until he started reading books and I was out. I liked it when he was killing people, but then he stopped doing that and he started having ice cream with a French dude.
01:04:08
Speaker
Yo, know I saw Dead Man. That Johnny Depp, he's going to be somebody. ah He's just a fucking less racist Marky Mark, which is not saying a lot. I mean, that's just, you know, better people still not. It's still just a piece of shit though. Yeah. But just like not, not in a racial way.
01:04:27
Speaker
Yeah. but I don't know if he's shitty. Is he? i don't know. No. Well, he did have his, um, home renovation TV show. And I don't remember if it was him or people on his set. It was people on his set. He got arrested. very upset about it. Yeah, he got arrested because shit was getting stolen from houses next door to the houses that they were, like, renovating.
01:04:49
Speaker
Ah. And he got arrested, and I think he got convicted, but... It wasn't because it was supposedly it was not him. it was. I remember hearing about it. I heard about it while I was working on a home renovation TV show. So everybody was talking about it.
01:05:04
Speaker
I think because I don't like I'm going to go steal that guy's boat. They're like, don't do that. Ask for the ice. was like, what? Also, I'm not stealing a boat. We're in fucking Alabama. What am I gonna do with it? Take it to Yuma. Yeah.
01:05:16
Speaker
They'll never look for it there. So they go to the sugar shack. We have the worst house band on earth that has these two twins playing guitars and Fred Armisen Tomax and Zaymont and this fake Fred Armisen that's doing like a Mike Patton impersonation as a singer. No, you nailed it It's Mike Patton, but I don't want to learn how to fucking be talented.
01:05:40
Speaker
It's Mike Patton with zero training, just weirdness. Oh, my God. Do you know how old he was right here in this movie? 32. Vaginalize? Yeah. Was he 32? Yes. Holy shit. He was born in 67. So, hold He have been 34. Damn. No, he was 24. Not 8.
01:05:54
Speaker
No. 67. 77, 87 to 91. That's 25. 25. no he was twenty four eight twenty no sixty seven seventy seven eighty seven to ninety one that's twenty twenty five twenty five Yeah.
01:06:06
Speaker
That makes more sense. I just looks a lot better. Jerk. I said 32 because I'm an asshole. He doesn't look that different right now. honest no you You know why you said 32 is because at the end of this movie, he's wearing a a Power Rangers movie or a shirt. So when you see somebody wearing a Power Rangers shirt, you assume they're 32 in high school.
01:06:24
Speaker
Yeah. Yeah, that's fair. So it's not your fault. Contact today. He's still worth 20 million. Because of all the shit he stole off the fucking show. This band with this fake Mike Patton singer. Instead of Faith No More, it's just no more. You know how Google does like frequently ask questions and it's usually about like the topic you're on? It's like, who makes more money? Snoop or Ice-T? It's because you had the word ice in your Google. It's got to be Snoop. Or Ice Cube. It said Snoop or Ice Cube. It's got to be Snoop.
01:06:56
Speaker
Is it? Because of those movies. Are we done yet? Yeah. He had kids, dude. Snoop's got kids. Mr. Bunghole. That's another Snoop's never put his kids in movies. Mr. Bunghole's good. Instead of Mr. Bungle.
01:07:08
Speaker
Yeah. um Mohawk instead of Tomahawk. i don't I know too many Mike Patton bands. like you do, because I'm done after Mr. Bungle. I don't know who you're talking about. Lead singer Faith No More.
01:07:21
Speaker
Yeah, he's got about 40 bands. Yeah, so they're good they go to the... ah They go to the sugar shack. There's the shitty band. Nick is there. It's all plugged into one big ah like there was a split on a split on a split because he unplugs one thing and there went 12 different chords. Yeah. Well, it showed that everything was just put onto the one... But also you can usually just plug all your amplifiers into one household extension. Should fine. Do she? Nick is like, oh, my God, this band's like totally awesome. He wants some alcohol. Yeah, he's drinking Jim Beam because this looks like a roadhouse bar, except for apparently they don't serve alcohol. It looks like it belongs in Letterkenny.
01:08:09
Speaker
Yeah, I can see that. I was waiting for Patrick Swayze and Sam... ah Elliot. Elliot. Yep, I kept wanting say Neil, and I was like, that's not it. I'd watch that. I was waiting for Patrick Swayze and Sam Elliot to start beating dudes have to fucking curse so much, dude. You're a pretty fucking cool fella. You have to fucking curse so much. Sometimes you eat the beer, and sometimes the fucking beer eats you. I need a sarsaparilla. That's so silly. That's a good one.
01:08:35
Speaker
Sam Neill is a New Zealander. I know. He's a Kiwi. Just making sure. okay but Wait, is that... is that wrong? Jurassic Park. Is that wrong of me to say? Kiwi? we It might be offensive. I don't know if it No, I don't think so. don't think so. I'm like, yeah, he's a white guy.
01:08:49
Speaker
Yeah, he's a Kiwi. Let us know. Maybe because... let Do guys remember the... you you You guys do remember the Tasmanian devil, of course. Do you remember that there was a Super Nintendo game called Tasmania?
01:08:59
Speaker
Yeah. Yeah. So it was like the it was like the driving thing where you have the the road that curves and you have to steer the Tasmanian devil and you would eat stuff. One of the things you would eat was the little kiwi birds.
01:09:11
Speaker
they look like They look like little eggplants and it would give you like extra time or something or maybe speed you up. I don't remember. I always wondered once I found out that New Zealand and Australia right by each other and that Australians are called kiwis if that was like a dig at them. Like, oh, I'm going to eat this kiwi. I'm going to eat this kiwi and get more power. I'm going to call them putaki-taki's now.
01:09:30
Speaker
It's probably because kiwis were only found on that island. I mean... i don't know. I just figured Australians are always What's his name? ah Darwin ate a bunch of them. That's why they don't exist anymore. that why they Is that why dodos don't exist anymore? Because Darwin ate them all?
01:09:45
Speaker
They were a product of evolution and isolation where they didn't need to fly until man was introduced. Correct. Much like panda bears. Which should get wings.
01:09:56
Speaker
Panda bears get wings. I want pandas to have wings. We're working on it. don't. That's terrifying. Oh god. I want a panda. Dude, a fucking panda bear just swooping over your car and taking a shit? Nope. How'd you get that dent in your hood? bamboo shits. Winging pandas. Pandas pandas are just as lazy as koalas, dude.
01:10:15
Speaker
Yeah, not if they have wings. I mean, koalas are high because eucalyptus makes them high. Not only at the end, I'm just starting to brace it down. No, it makes them high and that's why they eat it. That's can't give them syphilis medication. Right.
01:10:28
Speaker
That's a true thing. And it's syphilis, it's chlamydia. Yeah, if it's a true thing. They can't take that. that's It's stupid. But so while they're at the sugar shack, Kathy spots vanilla ice as he walks in with his friends there. How do you not spot them?
01:10:42
Speaker
This entire town are judgmental nerds. Normally, the people that walk into a bar or a club that get ostracized are the people that are dressed like these towns should have been a record skip. Like they're all they get the fucking hornroom glasses with a tape in the middle. And then this thing walks in. What is that?
01:10:58
Speaker
What is that? What is that? It should have been a record skip. It should have been, but there's not a record. I know. That's I'm saying. Like, if it was. Well, the thing is, you know what might have happened? guitarist might have actually accidentally fucked up been like, bang, but we didn't notice. I was going to say, Whitney's got a little, like, bass.
01:11:18
Speaker
I like that. that would That would require any of these musicians to be musicians. True, true. But she spots him and they're they are straight up. I fucking across the room and like they really so she's wearing it's OK. She has protection. She has contacts on. I have a picture here. Kind of there. She's wearing this loose fitting like 80s white shirt with the shoulder down and stuff. OK. As soon as he walks up. Yes. Her nipples are fucking perky. She's like, hello. She is getting horned up for some ice. here Ice cold.
01:11:48
Speaker
And I posit to you folks. Yes, because he is ice cold. She was fine. He walked in and she was like, pho it's getting chilly in here. He's got a superpower. man before He's Iceman.
01:11:59
Speaker
Oh, so it wasn't actually just like a ah response to how sexy he is or anything. He came in and he was like. And like, oh, you know, some ice power. yeah across that nose This is a very early MCU. We're like they'rere trying to establish Iceman before they establish the X-Men.
01:12:19
Speaker
Our daughter has the knack of walking out at just the precise moment. How was she? Walked out right when husband said when I was saying he was blowing ice at her nipples or whatever. She just walked out and gave us a look like the fuck are you talking about?
01:12:34
Speaker
Let her know we get paid for this. Don't let her know how much, though. It's not a lot. Yeah, we get paid to talk about nipples. It's fine. Is this show about getting paid for nipples? Because I'm in. Yeah.
01:12:46
Speaker
So yeah, she's got perky ass fucking nipples as he walks in. She's not even wearing, you guys I love that you guys said it's an eighty s shirt. This is a fucking Ebenezer Scrooge sleeping shirt. Like this thing goes down past her kneecaps. Sure. Over the shoulder, little strappy thing showing that sexy. What you're not seeing, though, is that she's about to get haunted by three different ghosts. Also, what the fuck is that necklace? There's like shells. I love that. And like there's a lock at the bottom of it. No, some Native American person got her on the side of the road in Albuquerque. They're like, look at this white girl white guilt. It's her chastity necklace. that's It's a legit lock. There's a lock hanging on the end of that thing.
01:13:27
Speaker
She's Chase. Do you know what Chase is? That's what the ring was. She gave him the ring and the ring has the key inside of it. Fuck, that makes all the sense. It does not.
01:13:38
Speaker
But, of course, Vanilla Ice has to perform. That's why he's here. they They unplug all the other instruments. He grabs the mic. He says, drop it. And this waitress just drops a fucking pitcher all over the floor. No, it was ah it was one of the nerdy guys has like a fruity virgin drink. Oh, is that what it was? the customer's always right.
01:13:58
Speaker
Okay, true. So drop it. And then he performs The People's Choice, which is i'm the not a good song. No. Doesn't it have the same hook as thank you for letting me be myself? It starts that way. It's like, thank you for letting me. And I'm doing it horribly because that's how they do it. Yeah. No, there's no inflection.
01:14:19
Speaker
I know you have the clip. He dry fucks her. Oh, yeah. On the floor right here. I have this one. That's what he's lowering her down. So that's that's part of it. But then he lays her on the floor and he's over the top of her. does the ride my pony dance on her.
01:14:37
Speaker
Yeah. It is some confidence that I don't have, my friend. He's getting low, except for there happens to be a woman underneath him while he's doing it. Whose boyfriend is standing across the room watching. Yeah, but he's got whiskey dick. He's had like a half a flask of Jim Beam. Yeah. For him, that would be whiskey. I guess that's all it takes for some fucking losers. For someone doesn't drink a lot of whiskey.
01:15:01
Speaker
Exactly. As I drink gin. Yeah, it's because you're out of whiskey. Just kidding. He's never out. he's not
01:15:10
Speaker
It's kind of... but i got my recording I got my recording scotch over here. There's some editing rum right behind me. I've got some pregame gin. We're functioning alcoholics, okay?
01:15:21
Speaker
Um, high functioning, but like, so they're, they're talking afterwards and ah you know, they're flirting and she's like, you have 24 hours to return my portfolio to me. The way I got it. I don't want any of those semen stains. I know you were jacking off over my schedule, especially in I wrote like, i don't know why I wrote it, but it says time to wash my underwear. You're going be semen on that time to wash my vagina.
01:15:45
Speaker
Time to masturbate. Oh, now he knows what time I'm doing that. She schedules everything. Yeah. She's like, finger finger blast, 7.15 a.m. Shower, 7.17 a.m.
01:15:57
Speaker
To wake her up with an ice cube That's how he knew how to wake her with an ice cube dripping. Because she was like, 7.17, suck on ice cubes. Like, fuck yo, I'll be there, girl. Suck on my dick, right? It just said finger blast at 717. So then he came in and he's like dripping ice. He's like, so you're horny, right? Because if you planned it.
01:16:14
Speaker
I call this a McFlurry. ah hope nobody else takes that. But on the way, Nick drags her out to the car. They're trying to leave. He's trying to leave. And he sexually assaults her a little bit. Also, she got mad at him. A lot it. you're driving, and now you're drunk. I'm not getting in the car with you. Yeah. She's grabbing her and kissing her. Because she did this thing where he was like, you want a drink? And she's like, sure, Diet Coke. He's like, I'm in like a real drink. And that's when he starts knocking back on the flask. And it's like, dude, you're driving, man. He's like, yeah. I'm also a big boy, thirsty big boy starts drinking. Like, mean, that's what my mommy calls me every time she breastfeeds me. Mommy wants me drunk. Who's my big thirsty boy?
01:16:59
Speaker
if you were out on a date with a girl and she was not comfortable with you drinking while out, if you're driving, would you continue to drink?
01:17:10
Speaker
ah If I wanted to do that, I'd get an Uber. Otherwise, i'm with this. It sounds like if I'm with this girl, probably go to a coffee shop because I can be sober. Yeah. Like, go a fucking coffee. But this guy's just, he's not me. These all fucking waspy fucking. But that's what I'm saying. Like, he's just being a douche. He's being a waspy douche. Well, she's used to waspy shit, which is like...
01:17:28
Speaker
you know keep your decorum in public and be all fucking be but be whatever and he's drinking alcohol but i'm not i'm not discounting her by saying that i just the fact that she's mad that he's drinking is stupid the fact that she's mad that he's drinking and then he's like get in my car we're driving home not stupid 100
01:17:51
Speaker
Well, I never understood that thing where people were like, I'm going to drive home. I haven't been drinking. That's fine. I'll still drive home. Dude, anybody wants to drive my fucking car ever. Please do. I don't like driving. It's fine.
01:18:04
Speaker
Hey, that's why we offer to pick you up. I never understand like NFL fucking athletes getting DUIs. I'm like, you don't have a buddy that can pick you up. It's got to be a chauvinistic thing. It's a power thing. One of your buddies can be the DD. You have fucking $180 million dollars that you made for playing 12 games because you injured halfway through. du If i had $180 million, dollars all of i would I would employ a fucking personal driver friend.
01:18:30
Speaker
Thank you. of my friends that doesn't like drinking. For those who didn't hear, Whitney said you can own a driver. said you can own an Uber driver.
01:18:41
Speaker
But yeah, you could just employ. Welcome to Trump's America. Thanks a lot, Biden. ah but she's So she's like, Nick, you really are a dick. And she fucking storms off. Hey, yo, that rhymes.
01:18:53
Speaker
Oh, and Jack walks out of the room at this point. This is where like she's walking. yeah because you were making something. um She's walking down the road and she's all alone. It's this dark road. And then this no I saw this street sprayer.
01:19:08
Speaker
is coming up on her and then stops and passes her and she stops walking and as soon as he's like five feet in front of her fucking sprays again. least he stopped. Well now I'm at least in your midst. It's 1991. This dude would have had every right in the year 1991 in a movie not in real life. Correct. To just keep spraying because he's like look at this sexy lady wearing a white shirt spray. Got her. Spree.
01:19:38
Speaker
Sploosh, sploosh. Why does it sound like cooter to me? Scooter. Scooter. Scooter. Well, you say that way. I say cooter and not cooter. I got home my scooter.
01:19:49
Speaker
But meanwhile, while all this is going on, uh, fucking.
Vanilla Ice's Career and Personal Ventures
01:19:54
Speaker
What's his name? McBain and Morrissey. i don't remember. Jackie Onassis and Philip Morrissey yeah show up at the house and they ring Michael Gross's doorbell. and They're like, oh, hey, Officer Jim looking great. Oh, hey, we did you a favor. You do us a favor. Boom, bing, bang. Hey, you got any gravy for these noodles?
01:20:17
Speaker
And we need some of that money. You did pretty fucking well. So this is what this is the whole you've got 24 hours thing going on. But the balls of this guy to be like, i just could imagine somebody ring my door, but like Jack and me going, no, you've got the wrong guy.
01:20:33
Speaker
I'm Tim I mean it's I said it while we were watching it's history of violence You know when fucking Ed Harris shows up to Viggo Mortensen I don't remember the name of Jimmy I think And he's like hey or that's this one It might be that too But he's like hey fucking Jimmy And he's like, no, I don't. I don't know who you're about. And he sticks to it until he has to murder everybody. But then even after he murders the whole diner full of people, when they show up at his house, he's like, I still don't know what you talk. In that movie, it's like it's like a probably 100 minute, 120 minute or 110 minute movie. Maybe it's like 80 minutes before he's like, all right, I'm fucking Jimmy. You got me. You got me. I killed everybody. And I'm Jimmy.
01:21:18
Speaker
are we watching that today? Oh yeah, that's not an episode. got it on 4K. You've never seen it? No, when would ever watch that? That's not an episode, that's just a fun fucking movie.
01:21:28
Speaker
Never seen it. I have it on 4K. What is it called again? A History of Violence. Happy anniversary, Derek. Sorry your party sucks. That's crazy to me. God. Everybody's seen A History of Violence. been with you 11 years and you have not had me watch that movie. Well, I didn't own it until just recently. Criterion just put it on 4K. That's on you. last or knock He got it for free. He didn't spend any money on it.
01:21:49
Speaker
Yeah, I got it. Well, i got it for 50% off, so it doesn't sound too bad. That's better. I know where his money goes I got for 50% off. It was only 140 bucks. In all honesty, he's buying movies. He's not going to a strip club. Not that I would mind. Just take me to the strip club with you.
01:22:03
Speaker
I'm not mad that you went to the strip club. I'm mad you went to the strip club without me. that's why youre saying That's why I don't go to the strip club. You know how expensive it would be for two people? One of them being this boob hound?
01:22:16
Speaker
Yeah. I can save so much money at a strip club. I spent so much less than her. A normal podcast, first of all, we talk about the movie they're supposed to be doing, but they would definitely have the guys be the ones that spend more at a strip club. Not these guys.
01:22:30
Speaker
I'd be the most frugal, and that's not ever been anything I've ever said about myself. Speaking of a strip club, you know when you would probably hear Vanilla Ice at a strip club? Anytime. From his metal phase. You know about this, Jack? Oh, yeah. You seen this? Oh, yeah. You hear about this? I got that thing you sent me. Oh, yeah, with those dreads. That was Vanilla Ice doing nu metal. Mind blown.
01:22:54
Speaker
Knock off corn style nu metal. And you better believe he did a nu metal version of Ice Ice Baby. I've heard of the nu version Why wouldn't you? You've got one pony. And out of the three people in this podcast, who do you think owned that CD?
01:23:09
Speaker
It wasn't me. It wasn't Whitney. Rhymes with Schmerich. It was Derek. It was Derek. It was the green machine. you look I got to rock the town without being seen. Have you ever seen a turtle get down? so I have. So while she's walking down the street, the thugs show up to try to kidnap her.
01:23:34
Speaker
um it's It's the ninja, ninja rap. All right. Why did you get all Woody fucking Allen? It's it's it's the ninja rap. I'm saying like, it's a go ninja, go ninja. the ninja, ninja rap. I'm saying you should have that April O'Neil adopt one of these turtles and then she can sleep with it is what I would do if I was writing this movie. the April O'Neil is not 16. I don't know why they find her attractive. what is That's the flaw in the movie I find. Yeah. That is the one flaw in the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2, Secret of the Ooze.
01:24:06
Speaker
Secret of the Ooze. That's what I heard. Secret of the Ooze. But yeah, so she's walking home still. The thugs like start speeding. It's very confusing scene because it's the thug's car speeding toward her to try to kidnap her. Vanilla Ice comes out of nowhere, cuts them off, and saves her.
01:24:26
Speaker
But one, there's no introduction to the scene, so we don't know it's the thugs. which's just It's just a car. Two, how does the ice know? well But it looks like when you first just get dropped into the... Is this like mid them speeding up to get her? There's not even like a lead He knew because it's exactly what he was going to do.
01:24:43
Speaker
He was just going to abduct her and he saw this other car going like, I'm going to fucking come up behind her. I'm gonna fucking scare her with my motorcycle. and i'm gonna du Oh no, who's this other car coming behind her and scaring her? Oh shit.
01:24:54
Speaker
So he like he speeds in and like cuts them off. And I think she thinks he's going to try to hit her. And she's like, he didn't break my neck earlier. So he's giving it a shot again. She's moistened by danger. Who's not?
01:25:07
Speaker
I see how it did not raise my mother. charsa You don't know what Mother Teresa did on her days off. She do. You see point. You've seen the remake of Point Break. She was trying to get all eight ordeals of whatever. OK, I don't like A.I. at all. But if somebody knew Mother Teresa jumping out of a plane skydiving, I'll be much happier.
01:25:27
Speaker
i can do that for you. Look, we only got to burn like three acres of rainforest to generate that video. I think we can do it. Oh, God. I had to go cry. Hey, movie fans. Are you interested in professional boxing? If so, you should check out the Mixed Company podcast, a show co-hosted by sports better Jameson Welsh and me, boxing superfan Luis Montemayor.
01:25:47
Speaker
Even if you're not a sports fan, don't worry, because we keep the show accessible to newbies. We don't just talk about current matches. We discuss fighters throughout history and why their legacy is important today. We tackle issues of racism in the sport and fandom.
01:25:58
Speaker
We even have a recurring pop culture segment where we discuss movies and TV shows about
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01:26:02
Speaker
boxing. Check us out on Apple, Spotify, iHeartRadio, Amazon Music, and YouTube. That's the Mixed Company Podcast, a 19 Media Group production.
01:26:10
Speaker
But i love like he takes her home and drops her off and he's just like, so what's up with tomorrow? And this is when Jack pointed out her mocking him. She's been doing it the whole time. But here she's like, I don't know so what is up with tomorrow.
01:26:23
Speaker
But so Vanilla Ice goes back to the sugar shack again. Nick and his friends are there trashing his other buddy's bike. And I think it's his. Why would you think it's his? He pulls up a bike. rolls up on his own fucking bike. Yeah, they're like, we're fucking up your bike. He's like, that's not my bike. That's my boy's bike. The bike that I rode his mind. It's baseball practice.
01:26:44
Speaker
Oh, he says it's my homies. Because that's when Nick is like, oh, yeah, well, how about this, homie? And he attacks him. and They said they're having baseball practice. There's a fight between Vanilla Ice and Nick's waspy friends. Dance cottage.
01:26:58
Speaker
And... The Sochers get their ass kicked. Meanwhile, i have to mention, and I probably mentioned it the first time, but I don't remember because it was three years ago. These two old people that are just standing on the front porch of the sugar shack. Yes. What you call them? they look like they're out of lynch They look like they're out of a David Lynch movie. It's just these two weird old people not reacting. What else did we do where there was two old people? Wizard.
01:27:21
Speaker
Wizard. When they're when the fucking having a car demolition during there's just an old couple sitting there like, yep. And I think I even said, like, i aspire to be that couple.
01:27:32
Speaker
That looks fucking awesome. Just watching a car fight in middle your road. Dope. This old lady is sitting in a rocking chair and the old man is just standing there. Not only are they not, like, reacting, they're not turning their heads. They're not doing anything. They're just standing completely. what is One is standing, one is sitting, right? Yeah. Yeah. But they're just sitting there completely stoically. They're not moving their head to follow the action. They're not reacting to the fight. They are just, like... They're just...
01:27:58
Speaker
terrifying Staring at the camera. um I loved it. This is great. This just became an October episode. I wasn't expecting a lot of stunts or anything from this movie, you know, because you showed the budget and I knew what this movie was. This fight scene is not terrible. I've seen worse fight scenes. They were breakdance fighting.
01:28:19
Speaker
Yeah, absolutely. Yeah, he was doing some Capybara or whatever that stuff's called. Scott Capybara. No, the Brazilian one. Capoeira. Capoeira. I was so close. you were so close.
01:28:32
Speaker
But ah no, it's it's good. you know And also, I think we't we haven't mentioned yet, he he is doing at least the majority of his motorcycle stunts, if not all. Yeah, he's the bike most of the time. He doing all.
01:28:45
Speaker
And she's on with him. He's probably not doing the jumps, the jump, the two jumps, obviously. Okay, okay. And then he's probably not doing the super speed salt flats one later. don't know. It could have been him. If it's not him, they got a really good stunt person.
01:29:00
Speaker
oh Yeah, it was Marky Mark. Oh, ah bro, I got thick thighs too. I swear to God, we got Marky Mark in this. what oh the lame fucking. Hey, I'm the one in the fucking band. mark It's Marky Mark. That's a funky bunch. i was like, fuck you guys. I'm going solo. I don't need you. Turns out I did.
01:29:16
Speaker
It was the straight-laced funky bunch. Marky Mark in the straight-laced bunch. This was before Eric Roberts discovered Lifetime and his career was on a downturn, so he was like, I'll do stunts for Vanilla Ice. Okay, I'm going to do a movie called The Okayest of the Okayest because i already did the best of the best, but now my new band is called The Okayest of the Okayest.
01:29:36
Speaker
Oh my God. Oh, such a beautiful, beautiful. You need that shirt, man. i mean, shut up. I wanted that movie to be better. I wanted it to be better. I think off podcast, we need to watch you watch the one that I watched. You're going to watch me watch it? That's weird. Yeah. You're going watch, I'm going watch you watch all five of them.
01:29:55
Speaker
No. Just staring at me. He's not laughing enough. Isn't that funny, Jack? ah Wait, wait, Derek, look at him with me. The twist is coming. Stare at him.
01:30:09
Speaker
So he beats the shit out of Nick and all of his friends. All of them. apparently Apparently puts Nick in the hospital, which hilarious. he has the move that Nick Cage does in Con Air that gets him put in jail where he shoves that dude's fucking nose to his brain. Oh, I thought he did like the...
01:30:24
Speaker
No, it's like a flat palm to the nose. like i this This guy is dead. It's why Nick Cage went to Con Air. On any other day, that would be a weird thing. I actually spent time in Mississippi to study this accent. don't know if people know that about Con Air, but I spent time trying to figure out how to do a flawless accent. I think I did pretty good. People bitch about his accent on it. I fucking love it. I love the way he talks in it. I love the movie. I like the way does it. puts the bunny back in the basket or else it gets the hose again. It's what a military guy from Memphis would sound like.
01:31:02
Speaker
Maybe. Maybe. i don't know, man. I just don't give a shit. It's like the same people who complained about Superman's parents. Like, that's not a Kansas accent. I'm like, bitch, you've never been to Kansas. Derek Dillard, I don't give a shit. I like the movie. but know kansas ah you know what You know what movie I love?
01:31:17
Speaker
Blown Away with Tommy Lee Jones and Jeff Bridges. Is Tommy Lee Jones doing some sort of fucking Irish accent? They're both doing Irish accents. oh that fuck nice I'm Tommy. ons It's horrible. And I love that movie. I'm trying to marry. I'm trying to do Tommy Lee Jones doing an Irish accent. I can't quite nail it. I can't quite nail it. Damn boy.
01:31:37
Speaker
Oh, he's doing a full on like sure. It'd be going like he's fucking gone, dude. I'll blow that shit up when my shit smells. It tastes like Rambo. I'm tired. tarty, tarty, tarty. That's most of his dialogue. yeah It was actually 80 yard by Warwick Davis.
01:31:53
Speaker
ah But so we go back to, it's the morning, Kathy's in bed and she's awoken. By a water dripping in her mouth and these fingers lower into the screen and just shove an ice cube in her mouth. He's not consensual.
01:32:11
Speaker
Much like YK Kim in Miami Connection with his grapes. Feeding grapes to people. She did not say no. But all I'm saying is if you're going to shove something in my mouth, make it grapes, not ice cubes. She didn't say no.
01:32:25
Speaker
Also... Whitney's right. She didn't say no, but she also didn't say yes. maybe She also didn't say get out of my bed. Maybe he triggered some sort of fucking ah panic mode for her where she could just sit there and went into a paralyzed mode because that's where she was when she was a child when this happened to her. I now want husband to wake me up by dripping water in my throat like that. That's great. We have it on recording. You want consent.
01:32:47
Speaker
It won't be water. be The crazy thing about it. It's going to be frozen whiskey, by the way. The crazy thing about it, though, is like he does it and she doesn't wake up like, oh, but oh it's you. And then she's accepting of it. She wakes up and she's like,
01:33:03
Speaker
Oh, it's the sexiest way you can wake up. yeah like She knew it was there the whole time and she just wanted to be sexy when she looked at him. wanted her like scratching her pubes, just being all rotten. Just like, oh, oh, oh oh shit. Somebody's here. Oh my God. We don't do that. this, this,
01:33:20
Speaker
This bedroom specifically, along with ah the Danny Elfman house, shows you that this director does music videos, though, because her bedroom is just white on white on white on white on with the white. With bowl of lemons. And she's wearing a white fucking night shirt. But yes, then there is a blue plate covered with lemons. Three lemons. For question mark reasons. I think because somebody watched it, like the the dailies, and was like, dude, it's too white.
01:33:45
Speaker
It's saturated. One does want a hint of color. Well, if she wasn't so porcelain, this wouldn't be so bad. But her flesh matches the sheets and her shirt and the walls. You know what would be great? What did you just say? She's a virgin. She's a virgin. She's chased. It'd be great if every scene, more lemons came She's not a virgin because...
01:34:07
Speaker
Nick says something. It's when he's trying to sexually assault her. And she's like, I just don't feel like it right now. he's like, that's all I'm hearing lately is not right now. He says lately. So he's done it before. Yeah, because she doesn't want to make out with him. but I'm telling you, she is here. My point is, it would be really great if every scene they added another piece of color, another lemon, an orange, an apple. because They brought fish in the next scene. The fish are here, too. There's can of sardines next to her bed. No, no. She's got this...
01:34:35
Speaker
glass fish bowl that's like the size of a basketball with like 42 fish in it 20 and uh jack and i were we're going back and forth because these are movie fish right what are these fish yeah what we got we got uh cliff clay finn cliff clay finn diesel hans grouper hans grouper is one of my favorites there's a really easy one that we missed Finn Wolfhard. The kid from fucking straight. It's right there. It's already his name. Mark and Mark are Sharky Shark in the Funky Bunch.
01:35:06
Speaker
Yeah. I know that. one So that covers 10 of them. Don't forget about my fucking fish. ah you guys Fat, fat albacore. Oh, Tiny Tuna. Tiny Tuna? No, Tina Turner. a Tuna Turner. Tuna Turner. then I said Tiny Tuna or Tuna Tim. You said Tuna Tim. Tiny Tuna. Tiny Tuna.
01:35:27
Speaker
Tiny Timmy Tuna. Oh, my God. She's stuck on a loop, guys. but I just need you to know I'm looking straight at a Van Diesel shirt. you remember the dogfish that was in the movies? Ren Fin Fin?
01:35:40
Speaker
Van Diesel. Van Damme shirt. Jean-Claude Fendam. I like that. i like that That's good. Arnold Sharknade.
01:35:54
Speaker
Sharknager? We are the Sharknator. It doesn't... It a it has problems. Sylvester Salmon Lone. literally was trying to think of Sylvester Salmon Lone. Shamblana Fin Fon?
01:36:11
Speaker
um
01:36:15
Speaker
Bruce Willis Well Bruce is the shark in Jaws so Yeah that's what I was going with Bruce is also the name of the shark in Finding Nemo because Probably because of Jaws Did they really name him in Jaws? Whitney, the character of Jaws was never named. The robot that is Jaws is Bruce.
01:36:37
Speaker
Yeah, they called it Bruce. yeah In the movie, they never say Bruce. but it yeah yeah that's not so That's some behind-the-scenes shit. guarantee you there's people listening that don't know that as well. Steven Spielberg?
01:36:49
Speaker
Yep. Yep. Steve Finn. Steve Finn Spielberg. Love that. Steve Finn Iceberg. Steve Finn Siegel. Cold Stone Finn Austin. oh Hey, I'm going to go down there. going to grab me a fish. When I come up with it, going to cook it. Ask the captain.
01:37:07
Speaker
A Fisher Rashad. Okay. Omar Depp's. Oh, just i its just it's really down there. i No, I'm going to go super down. a Fish Called Wanda.
01:37:18
Speaker
Yeah, one of the fishes just... Wanda. She just calls the fish Wanda and she laughs every time. because Salmon Rusty. All
01:37:31
Speaker
right. Okay, that's a good one to end on. That's enough until Jack interjects with another one in about three minutes. And then I'll put my horn button.
01:37:41
Speaker
It's right here. But it turns out that she also had his wallet with his ID and stuff. She knows stuff about him. yeah. She pocketed his shit. Yeah. and And then Tommy comes bursting in and he's just like, oh, shit, it's that fucking cool guy. Swim Roth. Are you my boyfriend?
01:37:57
Speaker
Swim Roth. Sorry. Swim Curry. Swim Curry. Damn it. There's so many now.
01:38:09
Speaker
um But yeah, Tommy's like, are you her new boyfriend? Because he finds them together in bed. like Well, he just stop that he he stops a fucking. Because they're like running. She's in her underwear with a like a night shirt on. She's wearing a button up. and he's But he's chasing her around and they're just like, hee hee hee hee. And I'm like, do this he hee hee hee is about to lead to a ho ho hoing. Ho ho ho ho ho.
01:38:35
Speaker
But Tommy is like obsessed with this dude ever since he saw him at the front door. is. So he's like, is that your bike outside? Are you my new dad? Like he's just. Can I run away with you? If I jumped on the back of your motorcycle right now, how much did we, how far did we even get? Can we get far away from here?
01:38:51
Speaker
Wait, hold on. Before I go on your bike, what's your last name? Van Winkle. Oh, it's not Epstein. Let's do it. ah Robert Matthew Van Winkle. You have an island?
01:39:02
Speaker
You don't have an island. All right, cool. No, but I've got this under construction house. Whoa. Oh, oh But then he sneaks out her window and gets sprayed by the sprinklers, which is very funny, I guess. It's a shower for him. It's a cold shower to calm his fucking horniness. He's a nomadic biker. He needs this spray down, dude. Come on.
01:39:23
Speaker
So he sneaks out the window to get, I guess, because he doesn't want to go out the front door because he goes out the window, but then she comes out and meets him. Yeah. And they get on his bike and they ride off to this like sexy montage.
01:39:35
Speaker
I mean, the montage itself isn't that sexy, but the song is definitely a sex you up type song. and she, She's wearing a sundress, which is gorgeous, but it's like, man, this is not going to go well in a motorcycle. She's wearing what we now know as Spanx or yoga shorts. White ones. Which, thank God, because otherwise, it's just cheeks, dude. it be It would just be cheeks for days. We spandex in the 90s because I wore them under my baby doll dresses. well i was disappointed. You know who i didn't was her fish, Whoopi Goldfish.
01:40:03
Speaker
But you know who did? Blossom. Whoopi Goldfish. And Six. I was disappointed. I got like 10 more name. I was disappointed as they rode away, though, ah because her dress starts fluttering up and you see the white shorts. And I was like, oh, I was hoping for cheeks. Yeah. I i honestly wasn't hoping for cheeks. I was like, dude, those bikes get gross. Also, though, if you saw cheeks, that means that she is like bare vagina on this like leather seat. And that's yeah probably not super comfortable. Monique was there, too.
01:40:30
Speaker
Yeah, you don't want to get Monique's juice on you. Monique was never the lake. At the bottom of this fish tank that we know of, at the bottom of this fish tank, um they have actually a little mollusk named Clam Adams.
01:40:43
Speaker
Adam Diver. Clamule L. Jacksfin. Adam Diver's good, by the way. Clam Elliott. He's the one with the little mustache.
01:40:56
Speaker
Do you have to breathe so much, dude? Wait, so is that who ah Jemaine Clement was playing in Moana? Was ah Clam Neal? Clam Neal. Yep. Absolutely.
01:41:10
Speaker
I'm shiny. This is like an 18-hour episode. I know. We've only gotten to 10 minutes of the movie. So he shows up on his bike. It's our anniversary. That's what we're here for. Jesus. escalated quickly. um And a swim-very.
01:41:28
Speaker
They drive off to this fucking... Well, first she talks to him a little bit. Oh, no, no. They go to the construction site. Yeah. And i think were questioning. We were questioning this like. so it's like a Jack and form. It's like a tamping thing. It like presses the dirt down. Jack's former roommate would let us know that it is what would compact the dirt so you could properly lay your foundation.
01:41:52
Speaker
But it's just pounding down on a piece of metal, which is one just sounds cooler, I guess. Who is But also, i'm I just thought about this and we didn't talk about we were watching. That's just the metaphor. This is PG. This is PG. Oh, it's Town. That's the metaphor for he took her to Pound Town. Yeah. and then the rest of this is their post-coital conversation. oh Oh, OK. Just like, boom, boom, which makes it weirder when that's how they find the kid. But I know that. Hey, you got moaning in the background? But they're talking in these half-built under-construction houses. And she's just like, so where you from? He's like, around.
01:42:29
Speaker
Everywhere. okay it doesn't That doesn't help at all. like People are from a place. You're not around here. I'm from a place of wherever I am. His license plate on his motorcycle says state of mind. So I'm pretty sure this is all just purgatory.
01:42:44
Speaker
Oh, yeah. This is Jacob's Ladder situation. This is them in the house, by the way. But yeah, houses lose term, Derek. Well, it will be a house. It's it's but it's a pre house. He is in that first coolest ice music video. He actually died doing one of his crazy little dance moves. He like broke his neck. And the rest of this is just his state of mind. It's all a fantasy. And that's why it's all so weird.
01:43:11
Speaker
ah Jazz 100% vegetarian Would not eat sardines That's why in his fantasy Jazz is like Sardine pickle sandwich um Then the other guy Has those like Night vision goggles Because he's scared of the dark And then princess Is dancing Because she doesn't Actually have legs Oh my god That's amazing I love that He's got a really nice Afterlife Or in between life.
01:43:36
Speaker
But they do this whole thing running around these empty houses where it's like a fucking it's it's I couldn't nail it down. It's a commercial cuts a commercial from the ninety s Yeah, it's like Noxzema or it's fucking Levi or it's Garnier Fructis.
01:43:50
Speaker
Yeah, it's a shampoo. It's a shampoo commercial because these two are running around in slow motion, just frolicking. And she's in her little sundress. His hair is flopping down like it's they're running around. They're giggling and they're laughing. If it's not that, it's Stussy. Dude, this fucking show is this movie is littered with shit that I grew up with. Like, I'm really shocked we didn't see a No Fear shirt or Mossimo.
01:44:16
Speaker
But it was Stussy, Gautier, and there was another big one, Fila. Oh, we did get Fila. Did you guys also notice the Barbara Walters filter on this scene? Barbara Walters.
01:44:28
Speaker
It gets all soft and shit. Talking Ice Cube right here. pretty sure i'm related i'm vanilla ice i don't think you are i i think we booked the wrong show so mr cube what did you think about doing the movie barbershop i always wonder why barbershop didn't have baba walters i think that would have good pull for everyone to watch i actually just call the workshop behind my house my barbershop
01:44:55
Speaker
I have a shed outside where I do most of my work. It's the bubble shop. Some people call it the she shed. I call it my bubble shop. And then one day I had Steve Carell over and he said, that's what she shed.
01:45:09
Speaker
um But during the the montage, there's there's the the playing tag or whatever the fuck they're doing there in slow motion. There's a montage of teaching him to ride a horse. Dude, it's he jumps on like this motorcycle's not doing what I say.
01:45:26
Speaker
Dude, the first time he jumps up, he jumps up backwards. I'm like, that's not even a a legitimate mistake. do You know where the head is. But there's something that I did learn from. Why is this horse puking up poop? Go ahead. From our our friend Robin. Our friend Robin, who works with horses, taught me that the English. She works with horses because they they'd have horses that work next to her, like on the desk.
01:45:51
Speaker
like she She jumps horses. Bojack Horseman. She does all the horse stuff. she jumps horses like she comes in hot. and fucking Yo, we're going to jump that horse. I'm just being an asshole. She actually, she's got medals and shit. Like, I'm super proud of her friend, Robin. yo You think that horse has any leather?
01:46:10
Speaker
Maybe some lace. um But she taught me like English style riding does not have the the saddle horn.
01:46:21
Speaker
Only like ranch style riding has the cowboy style. Ranch style. Like Yellowstone. well Cooler ranch style. Cowboy. The cool ice people. no But yeah, like the ranch style like the cowboy style has the horn. The ones that are trying to like get the cattle because you like hook them and then you use the horn to help with the... I knew that part. you're doing like the jumping, the little things shit, don't have a horn. Yeah, when like jumping over fences and stuff. don't have cattle in England. We are riding for purely pleasure. Exactly. won't need a horn. But that's how she's riding. She's proper...
01:46:59
Speaker
Proper ride, and not sure no work ride. but He's having a lot of trouble with riding this horse. yeah Hey, this analog horse ain't revving up the way I want it. Yo, why can't I provide where to put the key on this horse? How am I supposed to drive it? He's also very terrified of this horse. There's a part where he's trying to feed it carrot and he like lets the horse take a bite and he's like, yeah ah! put a key i real serious I put a key in this motorcycle's ass. It didn't start. Absolutely terrified. I shoved the nozzle of gas up his ass. Sorry, he just turned into Death Wish.
01:47:28
Speaker
Yeah. Boom. But it's like, where are they? Because they're at this beat and I'll revolve it. Where are they? Because they're at this construction site. puratory and and then they're at her And then they're at her like her horse.
01:47:40
Speaker
Sacramento. Stadium. Stable. stables That's the word I'm looking for. yeah Horse stadium. And then they go, they're in like some salt flats. They're in like a grassy field. And then the construction site. Where the fuck are you? You're all over the place.
01:47:58
Speaker
And then like he brings her home at night. I'm like, weren't you just like 20 minutes away from her house when you took to the stables? morning. So they literally had been gone 12 hours. So. That's fair.
01:48:10
Speaker
I mean, like maybe they did go to all these different areas and that's why he couldn't. Why did I know that sound? All right. Yeah, it took him a while because they went so many places. So they went to four different places. It's one of the places took me. And he pounded her each one. It sounds like pound town.
01:48:25
Speaker
We'll get there short shortly. But she gives him- Not the way we're going. They get home. She gives him a ring. And they start kissing. And Michael Gross comes out. He's like, the fuck you doing kissing my daughter?
01:48:37
Speaker
Come on now. He is me. I'm assuming he was a Chicago cop and that was the best Chicago I got in me right now. I mean, that was good. so i said That was good. Chicago. Sausage. Get you a fucking dog. yeah What you doing kissing my daughter?
01:48:53
Speaker
Get you a Chicago. Give me some pizza. Deep dish. Deep dish. Not the thin crust. The bears. The bears. Oh, it's the bears. But he's like, yo, he yo, that's sorry, this is Michael Gross, nothing to lie. Yo, I'm Michael Gross. I was in fucking trimmers. Even the fucking elephant gun wouldn't get penetration.
01:49:16
Speaker
Oh, yo, I penetrated Reba McIntyre in tremors. Not in real life, though. penetrated her in entire on that shit. Boom. Chicago, right? I gave her entire Mac.
01:49:28
Speaker
i I'm pretty sure he's New York. New York, york New York. City so nice. They named it twice. um and But he's like, I saw him. I met him with his. I met his two friends. He's talking about the mobsters. But Vanilla Ice is sitting there like.
01:49:46
Speaker
You talk about my black friends like it's ah it's a whole like i met his friends. I know he's trouble. And he's like, what? There's a bunch of mistaken dialogues here. Like if you took a time to understand it, it wouldn't be a problem. But what he says is I met his friends like, oh, the black guys. okay And that's why he's like vanilla ice is like, that's why your dad sounds disgusted because my friends are black.
01:50:10
Speaker
Like, yeah, there's this whole like miscommunication or misunderstanding between her father and ah Van Winkle. Mr. Van Winkle. Mr. Van Winkle was his dad.
01:50:23
Speaker
Her father thinks that vanilla ice is part of these two mobsters that are from his past. have you guys ever heard the Bloodhound Gang song with Rob Van Winkle?
01:50:35
Speaker
I don't know. Oh, yeah. oh yeah. That's a good one. That's actually where I learned his name was Rob Van Winkle. It's a good Same. Michael Gross Daddy. Daddy. Gross Daddy. Daddy.
01:50:47
Speaker
is very annoying that she is coming home with this this hoodlum. B-b-b-b-biker. This man that is part of these other people that she has no idea about.
01:50:59
Speaker
You know what? Honestly, as a father, he's right. Because this guy is nomadic. He's got three haircuts on one head. He's got another haircut on one eyebrow. he's looking He's got more metal on his hat than most people have in their vehicles. Yeah. if zo walked in with a guy looking like that oh wait she has so uh ah but so michael gross kicks him out of there and he ends up telling kathy about his his true story kind of by the way they're all in a very dark room there's no lights in this room zero yeah they have to pretend they're not home so the mobsters don't see him
01:51:37
Speaker
But he's like, my his real name was ah Jim Hackett. He was a policeman. His partner was crooked. He says, I did the right thing, which I'm assuming means he testified against him. They got wit-sacked. Yeah, he ended up getting taken to witness protection, which is not how that works. You do you you testify against a a fellow police officer, you just get murdered. They don't bother putting you in wit-sacked. No, they do. Well, and these guys these guys have a weird thing. like theyre Like, you benefited. We just want what's ours. What does that mean?
01:52:03
Speaker
Like, yeah, I don't really understand it. I feel like he's not being truthful to her where he did do something. I don't know. it just doesn't make sense when he's like, because the shorter guy, Jack McGee,
01:52:15
Speaker
Yeah. Yeah. He's like, what worked out really well for you. We just want what's coming to us. We want we want our piece. Well, and I don't even think these are mobsters. I think these might be some of the cops he testified against. Huh? They're just mad because he's got a better setup because like he says when he got put into witness protection, like he got.
01:52:35
Speaker
You know, they they gave him college degrees and all this stuff. And now he's an insurance salesman. And they're like, we just need some of your money because you cost us our money. OK. Because they do never say that they're a mafia or anything. They do call some vague boss that we never hear from. Could be a fucking chief.
01:52:51
Speaker
His partner. Yeah, it could be his partner. And then these other two are because he says it was his partner and two other cops. so Could be them. All right, well done. Doing some work.
01:53:01
Speaker
You did. Fucking David Kellogg, do your goddamn job. You had one job. It's hard, but you had one. You didn't write the script. It was like, i saw I saw your buddy Vanilla Ice out there hanging out with those fucking goons, and it's like this, all of a sudden, Jack had mentioned earlier how the score was like... but but butter but butter butter but but but All it's just like...
01:53:25
Speaker
It's this fucking Dune-Hans Zimmer score. i love that we all just did our own like...
01:53:38
Speaker
That was beautiful. Welcome to Square Fest. But it's like this super dramatic scene. It's in front of you. It's the super dramatic scene.
01:53:50
Speaker
Oh, my God. It's a dramatic scene. all We failed you guys this day.
01:54:02
Speaker
And it's just very out of place, but it's it's fine. It's the part of the movie where it needs to be. It's the end of the second act. Yeah. So so he's like stay away from Johnny or whatever the fuck his name is. Vanilla Ice, for all of our sakes. Me, or not just you, for your mother, your brother, and me. Guiltrip.
01:54:21
Speaker
Guiltrip. Guiltrip. Like, fuck you, Dad. Each one of those. you like Just because you don't trust him doesn't mean I can't trust And I love his thing. It's just like, you you know, you need to trust me. And she's like, I literally just learned that my entire life is a lie. Your name is Jimmy Wackett.
01:54:35
Speaker
Okay? I just learned out. I just found out right now. Your name is Buddy Wackett. And you are apparently sort of... Do you hangs out with one of the... She was apparently one of the little rascals. Little rascals?
01:54:48
Speaker
No? another Tommy boy. All right. My favorite spanky.
01:54:57
Speaker
dollar hey She's doing the thinking more. It's like a more fat guy. i know, but you said little rascals. I went, I got a dollar. um But so she goes out in the morning. She's like, all right, I'll stay away from him. And of course, he's right outside. And she's like, no, I don't need a ride. She starts walking.
01:55:15
Speaker
dude She's like, I've already had a ride. I already had a ride. she's like She says I have a ride, but you're right. I've already had a ride. Well, we just discovered. Pound town. Pound town.
01:55:26
Speaker
We had sex six times yesterday. I'm good. i don't think I can have it again today. I'm a little sore. but he is He doesn't even get off the bike to try to like follow her and talk to her. He just like walks it backwards. He's like, yeah yo, where you going? This bike is a part of my life. It's who am. She does have a legitimate...
01:55:47
Speaker
like argument to him though because he's like you just listening to your daddy and she's like no how do I know I'm just not not just another Monique because she had found the phone number you make me feel special how do I know you're not making everybody special feel special how do i know this isn't your dad telling me that next town this town the other town yeah you're a playboy you're a fucking nomadic bike man nomadic bike man I'm also next to people person But what she doesn't know is he never attempted to even try and call Monique. She gave him this number without him asking.
01:56:24
Speaker
Yeah, but I don't think it matters much. Like she's a little concerned because he lives the life of like a traveling Italian and performer, like in a picture yeah pre-war Italy. I'm just playing devil's advocate. Where it's like we just we just roll around joining random circuses. I'm on Van Linkle's side, sir. Oh, yeah. No, no. I think i did you don't be mad at me when I got a phone number before I fucking knew you.
01:56:47
Speaker
Yeah, that's a weird thing. I also get her concern, though. He has a sad writing montage where he goes out to the Salt Flats, which must be very close to this lush neighborhood they live in. Yeah, it's right next to the construction site. And it's like this Michael Bay fucking 360 shot while he's sitting on his motorcycle moping. It's very funny.
01:57:08
Speaker
But hey, that's that Janusz Kaminski. There's some good Janusz this entire movie. You've been Janusz'd. You just got Janusz'd. You just got used. And we find out that Kathy's friends are all pieces of shit. Oh, oh my God. I fucking yeah fuck those friends.
01:57:23
Speaker
Fuck them all. I'm sorry. Any girl who has three girlfriends being like, how could you let him go like that? Like, he was the best. Like, no, your three girlfriends would be like, Fuck that guy. Nick shouldn't have tried to sexually assault you. Maybe they don't have a whole story. Nick a piece shit. It doesn't matter. It's because Nick is fucking all of them. They see how he acts.
01:57:44
Speaker
like Nobody was around when he like was groping her and shit. But just on a day-to-day basis. He's a piece of shit. And they're just like, you haven't even visited him in the i guess they are just waspy ass chicks. Why are you visiting his boyfriend, her boyfriend in the hospital? they're they Why are you? They're basically just like, what are you going to do? You're almost 18. You need a husband. Why are you visiting my boyfriend in the hospital? You're almost 18. It is time to settle down.
01:58:08
Speaker
Vanilla Ice is hanging out on the couch outside of Danny Elfman's fake house. And Tommy shows up with his wannabe vanilla ice haircut. Fucking Twommie. He puts his little hair in a ponytail. Like butchers the sides of this thing. No, it's just a ponytail. No, he he shaved the sides of it to look like the floppy hair version.
01:58:28
Speaker
Except for he doesn't have the lines in there. But he shaved the sides of it. I mean, but he's like, he shows up and he's... Vanilla Ice is like, yo, did you cut your hair yourself? He's like, yeah. Or do you wear a sweet haircut? He's like, I did it myself. I can tell. Yep. You sure did, buddy. I got that shows. And then he's like, well, Kathy thinks I'm at Little League. I thought maybe you could take me for a ride on your bike. I'm not.
01:58:52
Speaker
I'm busy. I'm busy. I walked up on you day sleeping. How busy could you possibly be? You're having an an outdoor nap. I'm pretty sure he heard Nick fuck tell him i'm busy and not give him a ride.
01:59:11
Speaker
Maybe because well he he tells him I'm busy and then Tommy just does like the sad boy face. And then he's like, I'm just kidding. Let's go for a ride. Little buddy. Yeah, he does. this Like fella. Funny little like gotcha. And then they go on a bike ride. Yeah. So they go for a motorcycle ride. They hey see Nick.
01:59:28
Speaker
They see Nick. Yep. Fucking little tiny little kid finger. Just giving Tommy the finger as he rides Because they drive by fingering.
01:59:40
Speaker
um the The crazy old people finish up the bike. while this is all going on. And so ah while ice is dropping Tommy off, he's like, yo, so you know, I'm out of here, right? First time ice dropped off a kid.
01:59:53
Speaker
oh He's like, you know, I'm out of here for good. And the kid's like, for real, for real. Like yesterday, just like yesterday. Yeah, because yesterday's gone and you're never going to get it back.
02:00:05
Speaker
Unless you have a time machine. That's your like poetic interpretation. i just took it as vanilla. That might have been how the writer intended it. There we go. Vanilla Ice, when he read that line, was like, yeah, because I wasn't here yesterday. I just fucking got here. No, I'm gone. Boom. I'm never coming back. you Your sister doesn't like me, so I'm gone like yesterday. i don't know why Vanilla Ice is suddenly from the Bronx, but we're going to stick with it. But it works. Yo, I'm out of here like a fucking used condom.
02:00:33
Speaker
It's full of goo. oh That's what gets you? I don't know why. That's what he drops off Tommy and then he proceeds to break into Kathy's bedroom. toling pack but Just give it to Tommy to take it. He didn't know that she had it. I don't want to burn anybody else with my problems. Exactly. So he goes in there and he drops it in with, you know, all those people we said, Finn Diesel. so Say all your Finn guys. That was like 11 minutes. We can't finish Jones.
02:01:08
Speaker
There we go. There was another one. Vincent D'Onofrio. Oh, oh. My cousin Finny. Oh.
02:01:20
Speaker
Okay, and? I can't think any. No, I'm saying and. Maui Moak. Jumps back out the window. Well, now I'm trying to think of more types of fish so I can get more names. You guys got plenty. Oh, the guy that directed your favorite movie, Welcome to the Dollhouse, Cod Solins. All Angelfish Houston. Cod Solins.
02:01:44
Speaker
Ooh, I should have gotten anglerfish Houston. Oh, there you go. like that one better. It's a J instead of G. No, that's Angelica Houston. Angelica.
02:01:54
Speaker
Oh, I thought we were going with finger. It's spelled with a J, and that's why I was saying anglerfish gets a J instead of a G. oh Starfish Jones.
02:02:04
Speaker
I'll accept that one. Yeah, she looks weird ever since she got that surgery, though. Okay, hold on. hold just Lawrence Fishburne. ah ah So I do Finn Wolfhard and you groan, but you do Lauren's Fishburne and it's fine. You left.
02:02:22
Speaker
right sure All right. We love Lauren's Fishburne. ah How about Larry Fish? yes Larry Fish. Larry Fish. But so he leaves the ring behind. So Tommy hears these goons breaking into his house. Todd Berry Puda.
02:02:41
Speaker
They start chasing him down. You were so mad that he did not flip over the Nintendo thing. Yes, he's playing ninten he's playing Tech Mobile and he doesn't close the fucking little hatch on the Nintendo. The lid. If you leave it from the lid open, dust, smoke, because this house is filled with smoke. It's funny enough you say that because once Derek complained, ah you know in my head I'm like, you could leave it open for a little bit. Dude, it pans to the rest of this house, which is the most smoke and dust filled house I've ever seen that wasn't in a Cheech and Chong movie.
02:03:10
Speaker
Like somebody was hot boxing in this house before this kid got home and did a poor job of airing it out. This is more music video shit. Go ahead. 1991, the director was smoking on set. Everybody was. Everybody was smoking on set. The cameraman's just cheap in a way, dude. Everybody's fucking puffing a mar, bro. Those memes people made about Stranger Things where it was like the poster of Stranger Things and every single character had a cigarette because so many people were smoking because it's the 80s. 91's just the 80s.
02:03:39
Speaker
it's still It still is. 91 is still the 80s. It was start of the American spirit. Tommy just put out a cigarette before they called action. oh Oh, God. He was chiefing a fucking cigarette while playing Tecmo Bowl. I mean, Tommy, i so in 91, I was 10 years old. diet i ah I turned 11 shortly after, that's when I started smoking, was 11 years old.
02:04:04
Speaker
You think Timmy Timerson smoked cigarettes? if his If he was born in 81, but bubble gum car prior to November, fuck yeah Bubblegum, see guys. But so he ends up calling the cops and he's like screaming because they're going after him. He's like, the cops keep records of these calls. I saw it on America's Most Wanted. That's one of Morrissey's good lines because he's just like, did you see the one I was on? And he yanks the fucking cord out of the wall. It is a good line for him.
02:04:28
Speaker
How many times have you called 911 and it's rang three times? I don't think I've ever called 911. they had ah They kidnapped Tommy. And that's what i was talking about earlier, where he just keeps giving help. And Morrissey is following him around like, help me, help me. Shine his light in his face like it's some sort of lightsaber. Because he keeps going like, zoom, zoom, zoom, zoom. He's fucking with him. That's fun.
02:04:50
Speaker
He is. He is totally fucking with him. He's just bad when he delivers lines. And then Kathy gets home and she's like, where's Tommy? i don't know. I don't give a fuck. He's just a young child. And then goes upstairs and finds the ring in the fish tank. So there's another sad montage. Thank you, Finn Stiller. Finn Reitman.
02:05:10
Speaker
But then her parents get home. Yes. And they're like, hey, where's Tommy? the She's like, i oh don't fucking know. Weren't you supposed to pick him up from Little League? Wasn't there. I tried to.
02:05:20
Speaker
Did you check his room? No. Why would I? I'm sitting on the couch being a Mopey teenager. I'm doing my best goal impersonation right now where I'm kind just fingering this ring in my palm because it's my precious. Okay. Every time I slide it on my finger, I don't turn invisible. It's really pissing me off. I'm very upset.
02:05:38
Speaker
There can be only one. So while they're like freaking out because they're looking for Tommy, Vanilla Ice shows up. There's this envelope on the porch. He picks it up, goes to the door. You know, I got to talk to Kat. She's not here. Just don't pick it up, man.
02:05:54
Speaker
It's funny because he's like, Michael Gross, I got to talk to Kat. She's not here. She's standing right behind you. That's not her. No, that's his boat. That's his go to when someone's like, are you him? He's like, nope.
02:06:05
Speaker
Is that your daughter? No, that's ah Sally. Nope. I know it looks like cat. It's not cat. But then he's just like, fine, fuck it. He's like, oh, by the way, this is for you and gives him the envelope.
02:06:18
Speaker
Why didn't you just say found this on your porch? I don't think he's going to believe him either way, but it is the most heavily worded statement of like, hey, this is for you from my mob boss.
02:06:30
Speaker
Just to make it like more, this is why we shouldn't trust him. Yeah. And more...
02:06:38
Speaker
more What's the word I'm looking for? Poignant. Yes. For the more poignant scene next, dad gross, daddy gross. Gross daddy.
02:06:52
Speaker
Gross daddy. is this i do get more valley the more drunk I could get. um Gross Daddy is like, I told you, he's working with them. and dudada She's like, I don't believe you. Pops out the tape that they played. Well, yeah, we haven't even talked about the tape yet. Oh, yeah. The tape is what's in the envelope. Yeah, so in the envelope is a tape of Tommy like, well, I'm making this tape because I'm perfectly happy with my kidnappers. being treated really well.
02:07:20
Speaker
and like And Michael Gross is a shit dad because he's like, so this fucking kid brought this tape to us because you know he's working for them. And she's like, no, he was coming to see me. And he's like, do you really think he was coming to see you?
02:07:31
Speaker
Have you seen you in a sudden? This whole thing? Ew, gross. Look how incredibly not sexy you are. You can't even enjoy an ice cube correctly. Oh, my God. Never mind. not say it.
02:07:46
Speaker
Oh, and also in there, Nick shows up and he's just like, hey, somebody kidnap a kid around here or
02:07:54
Speaker
Oh, hey, take your son. Oh, they already did. I would believe that the shithole boyfriend Nick was involved in it. That would and that would imply some intelligence, though. And he doesn't have it. You're not wrong.
02:08:08
Speaker
but this This is what he was talking about. Kathy takes the tape. She runs to Vanilla Ice. She's like, I don't believe you yeah they listen to the tape and he does like uh john travolta and blowout where he's like keeps going back over and over and he's like do you hear that owl except for in this case not an owl it's the pound town machine i think is that the sound of me fucking in the past It sounds like the sound of me fucking you. Well, we fucked so hard that the sound was actually left behind. It's still echoing in that canyon they were building those houses He's like, it's that sound from that one place that I took you to. Where was that place? There was that one place. Don't fuck down that road. construction site. You're pooned.
02:08:46
Speaker
If you fuck down that road, you're pooned. You're pooned. So, yeah, they do figure out that's where it is, the construction site. So they head off there. And I just love she they get there. It's the middle of the fucking night. They get there and she's like, well, this isn't the right place. I don't hear because I don't hear the construction machine.
02:09:02
Speaker
OK, OK. It's midnight. They don't work at midnight. So, you know, come down. So Cruz going right now. you You mean they don't just leave the tamping machine going all night long? It's just some bulldozer running all night with nobody in it. Let's hope we get back in time for work tomorrow to turn that off.
02:09:21
Speaker
The guy gets out. He's just like, I'll just turn the wheel slightly to the left. It'll just bulldoze in circles. It'll be fine. Is that what we want? is that It's better than what they want us to do. They want to turn the machines off and then... go home they take off on their bikes the mobster or the goons are watching them and they're like oh there they go they didn't see us so they're leaving but they apparently they saw they said they're flashing their flashlights all yeah over the place you have to assume that they see the flashlights flashing around but like they're sitting there and like all of a sudden it's the short fat one who's like do you hear that noise no fuck was that
02:09:59
Speaker
What floor are they on? They're on the second floor of this under construction home. And through the wall, the second floor wall of this home flies multiple motorcycles.
02:10:11
Speaker
Because Vanilla Ice and Princess and Jazz and Sir D come flying in on their fucking motorcycles through the second story window. You know what? We already explained it.
02:10:22
Speaker
He makes ice rams. I don't get what you don't understand, though. Even without the ice magic, they they all duct taped Coke bottles to their exhaust pipes. That's how we make silencers. And they went up the stairs of another house, which is really close to this one. Then they drove through the drywall. Not a problem. Well, they're new constructions. That makes perfect sense. Yeah. at Those houses that are only like two feet apart. That's a cheap-ass ducco.
02:10:45
Speaker
It's not even that far in. It was just the drywall of a bedroom, not the excavating wall. Exterior. Exterior wall. Excavating wall is terrifying. They're not digging this wall. wall that digs? Terrifying.
02:10:57
Speaker
It's not the exterior wall. But yeah, the bikes fly through. There's a fight scene, kind of. um Vanilla Ice and these guys pretty quick pretty quickly dispatch these two. Well, we saw Vanilla Ice take on, what, six dudes at baseball bats? These two guys are done.
02:11:13
Speaker
I did appreciate, though, and this is another me giving Janusz Kaminski some credit because this whole scene is shot with like there's some light streaming in from the windows outside and the rest of it's just these two dudes flashlights. So it's just these flashlights moving around and it just like moves right into place where you you just see like pop and some guy getting punched. Uh-huh. That's pretty cool looking.
02:11:36
Speaker
Agreed. And so like we cut back to ah Danny Elfman's house and it's the May, the wife, who's just talking to the cops and she's like, we don't know where they are. Our grandson already left. And we also didn't say they've been working on this dude's car or motorcycle the entire fucking movie.
02:11:54
Speaker
That's like why they haven't have had to stay. yeah They've had it in pieces, it's been montage. we we We talked about different montages. The motorcycle's always getting stripped.
02:12:06
Speaker
It's been half naked this whole fucking time. There's one point where they have all of the parts off, ah yeah all the bolts and nuts and everything off of it and organized. So beautifully placed. Anybody who has ever worked on ah um any type of machine, like from hairdryer to a motorcycle, When you take something apart and you set it down in the exact pattern it needs to be in You know a lot of people that take a apart of hair dryers?
02:12:33
Speaker
I do. Weird. They have everything laid out. They have everything laid out like that dude take apart to figure it out. That's meth talk. That's why I dissect people. You take it apart to figure it out. It's not working out.
02:12:47
Speaker
She's like, our grandson already left. And it's like he had to go back to school for his finals. Oh, yeah. What's he going to school for? And it's ah ah Roscoe, the old man. He's like, oh, is he majors in chemistry with a minor in modern dance. and he starts doing a little dance. It's a fun moment. I'm sorry. My screen just freeze-framed on both of you doing that. It just made me so fucking happy.
02:13:15
Speaker
Vanilla Ice and his crew roll up in the the goon mobile with both of the goons just rope tied to the front of this fucking, the hood of this car. It's the worst way to transport a prisoner, but it's my favorite way to transport a prisoner. How is it the worst way? Tell me. Because you have limited visibility.
02:13:33
Speaker
Fucking princess is looking through. They haven't pushed over to the passenger side. Okay, so she still has limited visibility. She know he could see everything. It was just a couple houses down. It's such a quick, a high risk low reward. It's such a quick flip for Burt Gummer, though, because they roll up with these guys on the hood and he's just like, well, Vanilla Ice, you're pretty fucking cool.
02:13:59
Speaker
And like, ah because i I didn't even think about it. Look at me not attending my puns like a coward. Vanilla Ice is like, hey, that's cool, man. We got to get out of here. Let's geo like they go to take off. Nick is rolling up and he's like he's yelling at her and she's like, you know, I'm with him now. And fucking Nick, I hope you like being a biker chick because you won't see my car ever again. lot of things wrong with this one. Not a biker chick.
02:14:29
Speaker
Just because she's on a motorcycle to she will see your car if she's in this town because this town is like three streets wide. She'll see you again, buddy. OK.
02:14:40
Speaker
But like Vanilla Ice's response is just imagine that. And they fucking drive off almost into the sunset. Wait a minute. I forgot something. Hold on. He fucking flips a bitch around and he drives to Nick's car. Everybody's watching him and he apparently creates another ice ramp because yes, Nick's car is slanted. It's a core is slanted, but it doesn't touch the ground. No, no, no, no, no. This would end with him hitting his bike and both of them flying over the fucking car and dying.
02:15:14
Speaker
And then they got to get skin grafts and shit to get their flesh back. And they'd be dead. Jumps off Nick's car, ramps over it. And then we cut to credits. Nope. Nope. One more music video.
02:15:26
Speaker
And this is where Vanilla Ice and his Morris Day in the Time dancers. I guess just the time. So it's Vanilla Ice in the Time dancing. And like wearing suit knew with the flat tops with the little pony in the back. And it was like a not mullet. Go, go Power Rangers. Yeah, they are because they have they have yeah suit jackets on. But the shirts underneath have the diamond pattern of the Power Rangers.
02:15:52
Speaker
And I can't remember what this song was because it's this song that's ending a movie. So in my head, I just keep thinking, go ninja, go ninja, go, go ninja, go. yeah go That's better. That's better than what we got. not But it's so it's a whole dancing thing. It's the last music video.
02:16:11
Speaker
Kathy's out in the audience all like sexed up now. I mean, all they did really was put her hair up and put a little bit of eyeliner on her. But that's sexed up. Surprised you didn't start this movie with her having glasses. She no longer has a cherry. Oh, he pounded that out back in Poundtown. Poundtown.
02:16:25
Speaker
I heard in the recording. It was a time cook. And that's the end of the movie. So we'll go around the horn for recommendations 12 years later. First time watching it. Oh, dude, fucking full recommend. This episode went long because i had a fucking blast watching it. um The cinematography is great, but like just, I don't know, his maybe it's because I've been doing this too long. His bad acting is not that fucking bad.
02:16:53
Speaker
We've had worse. The stunts, we've had worse. The fucking ah background people, we've had worse. This is a good fucking time if you can find, is it streaming anywhere? Did we talk about that?
02:17:05
Speaker
um I said something last week. I don't remember. let me see if I can find it. Because if this is if this is free, that's an easy recommendation. If it's not an exuberant amount of money, it's still a good recommendation.
02:17:17
Speaker
I am along the lines of Jack. Dude, ah again, this is my third time watching it. I have enjoyed it every fucking time. But I also know what podcast I'm on. And I also now know what kind of movies I have fun watching. But I also had Husband and Jack and drinks. Caveat. With some fucking special foods. um Yes, obviously I recommend it. I recommended it the first time I recommended it now.
02:17:43
Speaker
It's actually when I first started like buying all my campy movies, like when I got back into like collecting movies because I had gotten away for a while. This is one of the first ones I found. Kino Lorber put out the Blu-ray. So generally their stuff is fairly cheap so you can get it on Blu-ray, but it is streaming on something called Cineverse, which says it has ads. So I'm assuming it's a free thing. It's also on ah an Amazon or like a prime channel that you can subscribe to called midnight pulp, which is seven day free trial for 99 a month after. So it might be something worth checking out to see what else is on there. Yeah.
02:18:20
Speaker
Or if you want, you can rent it for $3.79 or buy it for $9.99 on Amazon. But I would just, if you're going $3.79 to rent it, just get your free trial to Midnight Pulp, it sounds like, and check that out. u-hu There might be a couple of things on there you like. hu Yeah, I mean, Midnight Pulp sounds like a cool streaming service. It's something I'm going look into because i don't know anything about it. Right.
02:18:43
Speaker
um But that's it for this episode. That's it for season three. Happy brilliant hell anniversary, everybody. I am. Yeah. Golf clap. Oh, I was doing a full. I was cheersing, but I forgot Jack doesn't like to cheers more than once.
02:19:00
Speaker
and so it's It's like the look ready. Happy anniversary.
02:19:08
Speaker
See that they're taking out. They're taking jobs away from us already.
02:19:16
Speaker
I hate this. And we're going out with a bang. I'm leaving. i don't have a door one here. This is Jack leaving. Look.
02:19:31
Speaker
That's Jack after last month. ah But we do have...
02:19:37
Speaker
the most pathetic ones sorry so that's the end of season three however we will still have content every week next week we don't have ah a new episode if you're a patron but we do have a new episode for all of our regular listeners we will be unlocking patreon exclusive episode so you can check that out and we will be talking about was it 2021's violent night sounds right look at that starring uh god David Harbour. Harbour. David Harbour. Thank you. I kept thinking Jim Harbour. Jim Harbour. It's because he's Jim in Stranger Things.
02:20:14
Speaker
Jim Hopper. Hopper. I know, but Jim was... right i'm I'm saying it's close, though. He's also... Yeah. and And for those who are up on, like, up movies he's the thunderbolts oh yeah he was in thunderbolts he was in ah the the newer hellboy that nobody watched I never saw it I saw it I won't I did i saw it he's good that story is fucking shit But this episode is from last December on our Patreon. So you'll be able to listen to that one. It's available to watch right now on stars or Peacock, or you can rent it on Amazon and Apple for four bucks, buy it for 15. It's also on Blu-ray and now 4k. They just put out a 4k this year. Fuck. Yeah.
02:20:58
Speaker
So and and it's worth watching. It's a fun fucking. Oh, yeah. Jack jack doesn't even like like the kind of irreverent boost. Yeah, I was gonna say spoofy like anti holiday, but irreverent holiday. Yeah, like whatever. And he loves it. So because it is a Christmas miracle with blood, guts and ass.
02:21:15
Speaker
I love it. It's my favorite. I mean, we've asked is not the technical term sphincter. So that'll be available next week. We've also still got ah some hunting shots first left before this the season of that wraps up.
02:21:30
Speaker
And this week's episode, because I looked this up before we got on for the first time in a long time, is the Book of Boba Fett, Chapter Six. Boba Fett is a stone called killer.
02:21:40
Speaker
Comes a stranger. Take away the spice trade.
02:21:48
Speaker
Speaking of Patreon, you can get us on two different levels. Yes, you go to patreon.com slash worst people. And just because it's the end of the season and we're taking a short break doesn't mean there's not new content there. If you're a member at Patreon at the $3 level where you get your mental health episodes, you'll be able to hear us talking about gremlins this holiday season.
02:22:11
Speaker
So we'll be talking about that. That's super exciting. Gremlins is available right now on HBO Max. It's also on Amazon and Apple for $4 to rent, $15 to buy. But why don't you already own it? I surprisingly have it on Blu-ray.
02:22:24
Speaker
so do we And then also at our $5 level on Patreon, the under the gun tier. So we have finished up Cop Rock. We wrapped that up in November. It's very sad, but it was a momentous occasion because now we can go into other things. And it's the holiday season. Holiday season. So we're going to be talking about. have to say. I don't know if Jack realized that this was a Lifetime movie when he agreed to doing it. boom boom yeah We were talking about 2012's Mary in-laws. I did. i mean it's ah of Some of his cheers people. George Wendt and Shelley Long.
02:23:01
Speaker
Yes. That's exactly that And i from what I remember from seeing this moons ago one time, because I watched it because i saw George Wendt, is girl shows up with boyfriend.
02:23:13
Speaker
George Wynn is Santa Claus. Shelly Long is Mrs. Claus. Yeah, that's in the trailer. New boyfriend has to be new Santa Claus. Yep. Got it. Yep. So that'll be it for this week. Thank you guys for this season. for this Thank you fucking season. Thanks for sticking with us.
02:23:28
Speaker
Thank you, everybody. Thank Gorilla Morilla. McGillagorilla. Thank you and evasion. And thank you for listening to our 37 hour episode about nineteen ninety one s cool as ice happy Subscribe to the zero and listen to a hero. happy I've been Derek.
02:23:48
Speaker
I'm married to him. I'm Jack. ah Yo, kick it.
02:24:21
Speaker
Look at that guy, dude. He's Simon Yuma. He's not Simon Phoenix. He's fucking Simon Yuma. Iceman Phoenix.
02:24:32
Speaker
We're going to have to put you on ice. Yeah, that's the way I like it. On ice. Because that's who I am. ah Thaw out the hero and I'll kill the zero.
02:24:43
Speaker
She's like the fucking Enola Gay of oral sex.
02:24:47
Speaker
It's not Hiroshima. It's them-o-shima. All right.
02:24:56
Speaker
Well, have a good night, folks.
02:25:01
Speaker
That's the end of this experiment.