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The #1 Reason You Can’t Relax: Polyvagal Theory Made Simple
80 Plays2 days ago
Feeling anxious, tense, or shut down for no reason?In this episode of The Men’s Collective Podcast, therapist and Mind + Body coach Travis Goodman, LMFT breaks down Polyvagal Theory in simple, practical language so you can finally understand your stress responses — and stop fighting your own body.
Developed by Dr. Stephen Porges, Polyvagal Theory explains how your nervous system constantly scans for cues of safety or threat and shifts between three primary states:
- Ventral Vagal: calm, connected, grounded
- Sympathetic: fight / flight / mobilized energy
- Dorsal Vagal: shutdown, numbness, disconnection
Travis explores how these automatic shifts shape your mood, focus, relationships, and resilience — and why men often mistake these states for weakness, anger, or burnout instead of recognizing them as survival responses.
You’ll learn: ✅ What Polyvagal Theory is — in real-world terms ✅ How to identify your current nervous-system state ✅ Why awareness is the first step toward regulation ✅ How to work with your body, not against it ✅ A simple reflection practice to regain calm & connection
This episode is for men who want to feel more grounded, adaptable, and emotionally aware, and for anyone curious about the link between nervous system health and mental health.
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Transcript
Introduction to Nervous System and Polyvagal Theory
00:00:00
Speaker
you ever notice how one moment you might be calm and clear and then the next may be anxious or tense or shut down? See that shift is not random, but that is a hardwired survival mechanism based in the nervous system.
00:00:14
Speaker
And that is what polyvagal theory helps us to understand. everybody, welcome back to the Men's Collective Podcast. I'm your host, Travis Goodman. I'm a licensed therapist and a mind-body coach. And today we're going to dive a bit deeper into what polyvagal theory is See, polyvagal theory was developed by Dr.
Explaining Polyvagal Theory and Three States
00:00:30
Speaker
Stephen Porges, and it this explains how our body is scanning for cues of safety, for cues of threat within our environment, between and within relationships, and within our own body.
00:00:43
Speaker
And it's doing so in order to protect us, to survive, to navigate in the shift states when needed. And the three primary states is ventral, which is the ventral vagal state. And this is the state of connection and safety, the state where you feel grounded, clear, present.
00:01:00
Speaker
This is a state also known as health, growth, and restoration. The second state is our sympathetic state, also known as the fight-flight state. And this is the first line defense. This is that first stage in which our nervous system is picking a threat, and it's a state of mobilization.
00:01:18
Speaker
It's a state where we get tense, we're ready for action, we're ready to move toward a threat or to get away. In the third state, the last line of defense for our nervous system to survive is a state of immobilization. It's This is also known as the dorsal vagal state.
00:01:35
Speaker
This is a state of shutdown. This is a state where you might feel numb or disconnected, maybe even hopeless. And explain it to my clients like this. When I think of the dorsal state, I think of what does a possum do? Well, it plays dead, right? A possum will lie still. Its breathing and heartbeat will drop.
00:01:55
Speaker
almost to be undetected by the predator, by the threat. And we do the same thing. And these three primary states is how we navigate the world, how we see the world, how we see ourself.
Impact of Polyvagal States on Daily Life for Men
00:02:08
Speaker
And we're moving in and out of these states throughout our day, throughout our weeks, months, years. And the shift happens often within milliseconds, long before we are consciously aware of the of the shift. For a lot of the men that I work with, this matters because often as men, we can label certain responses as being weak or as having anger issues or as burnout, when in reality, it's our nervous system's survival strategy to keep us going.
00:02:41
Speaker
So i want you to imagine being stuck in fight mode all day long. Maybe you're pushing, you're driving, you're trying to perform, and then wondering why you can't connect with your spouse or partner or kids at night. And and part of this is is because your nervous system most likely is still stuck in a sympathetic activation situation.
00:03:02
Speaker
And the same might go on the on the flip if you're more of a shutdown from a long, st stressful day and you're feeling kind of already overwhelmed and you're like, ugh, I can't think or process anymore and you're kind of just a little checked out and you come home again trying to connect and and you just feel just kind of quiet and calm and um no energy.
Navigating Nervous System States
00:03:19
Speaker
Same idea that depending on the nervous state we're in is going to, again, dictate often how we relate to the world and those around us. And so we want to understand first and foremost that our responses are often a survival strategy. And we want to understand this as well to help us from fighting our body, from fighting our autonomic responses of survival, and begin to understand to work with them. Just a quick little example.
00:03:47
Speaker
When I think of this, and and a lot of the men and and people that i work with here in my practice, is I give the example of like the ocean waves. When you go in the ocean, You can't necessarily stop those waves from coming.
00:03:59
Speaker
ah You can't stop the water from moving or the under, like the the rip current, right, or the undertow. This is all happening. It's kind of like this is our nervous system. We can't stop a feeling of stress or anxiety or anger or stop, necessarily stop a shutdown for survival.
00:04:16
Speaker
But what we can begin to do is with this awareness, knowing what these states do for us, we can begin to tune in. and begin to assess, and how do I navigate this wave coming? How do I navigate this set coming? Or to put it plain, this emotional state or mental state or this autonomic nervous system state. And we begin to understand its primary job is for so survival.
00:04:39
Speaker
We begin to look at it differently. And we begin to ask the question, how do I effectively navigate this wave? How do I effectively navigate this state? And I want you to ask yourself right now, what state do I find myself in?
00:04:53
Speaker
Am I calm? Am I grounded? Am I kind of tense, tight, anxious, angry? Or would I feel somewhat numb, shut down, disconnected? Because that awareness is the very first step into moving toward connection, moving toward navigating the nervous system. And as a caveat, there is no bad state. There's no wrong state.
00:05:14
Speaker
Again, our nervous system is doing its job. But as we learn to tune into the state we're in, we can begin to practice discernment and ask, is this the needed state to be in? Is this the most effective place to operate out of?
Conclusion and Further Resources
00:05:29
Speaker
Or is there a state that's more effective for me in this moment? So if you're looking to learn more, go ahead and go to travisgoodmanlft.com. if you want to dive more deeply into the work I'm doing, you can reach out to me there.
00:05:45
Speaker
And you're going to want to pay attention to this next episode coming up where we go a little deeper into the organizing principles of what is polyvagal theory. you have any other questions, go ahead and shoot me a comment down below.
00:05:59
Speaker
Reach out via email. more than happy to talk to you. Until next time, see you later.