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3N Method: Calm Your Nervous System Fast
108 Plays9 days ago
When stress hits, your nervous system runs the show. In this episode of The Men’s Collective Podcast, Travis Goodman, LMFT & Mind-Body coach, teaches the 3N practice, adapted from Dr. Les Aria’s work: Notice, Name, Nourish. This is a practical polyvagal-informed tool to help men shift out of fight-or-flight (sympathetic activation) or shutdown (dorsal vagal) and move toward calm, connection, and clarity (ventral vagal).
You’ll learn how to:
Use body-based awareness to catch your state in real time
Label what’s happening to reduce overwhelm and regain perspective
Choose simple “nourish” actions that help your nervous system reset (long exhale breathing, orienting, pressure through palms, sensory temperature shifts, movement, and co-regulation)
Use this before hard conversations, after a stressful workday, during workouts when self-criticism spikes, or at night when your mind won’t shut off. This is not about “thinking positive.” It’s about building reps that create real emotional regulation, better relationships, and more grounded leadership as a man and father.
If you liked the previous episodes on polyvagal theory, neuroception, hierarchy, and co-regulation, this is the next step. Subscribe for nervous system tools that fit real life.
If you want deeper coaching or therapy, visit travisgoodmanlmft.com.
For more men’s mental health tools and community, check out The Men’s Collective Podcast. [Life in Silico] by Scott Buckley – released under CC-BY 4.0. www.scottbuckley.com.au
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Transcript
Introduction to the 3N Practice
00:00:00
Speaker
When stress hits, your nervous system runs the show, not your calendar and definitely not your to-do list. In the next few minutes, I'm gonna teach you the 3N practice, which is adapted from Dr. Les Arya's work. This will help you shift from a reactive state to a more responsive, grounded state.
00:00:21
Speaker
If you enjoyed the previous videos on what polyvagal theory is, as well as these kind of three nervous system drills, you're to enjoy this one as well. So stick around as we jump in. Welcome back to this week's episode of the podcast. I'm your host. My name is Travis Goodman. I'm a licensed marriage and family therapist and a mind-body coach. And if you haven't watched the previous episodes or listen to them, go back and check them out.
Understanding Nervous System States
00:00:47
Speaker
But for a quick recap, your nervous system is consistently and constantly scanning for cues of safety and threat, which is based on this concept of neuroception, which is our internal radar. And essentially it's helping us shift into one of the primary nervous system states. That is either ventral, which we are more calm, grounded, feeling safe enough to be connected, or it's going to shift us into our kind of first line of defense, which is the sympathetic, the fight or flight, that mobilized state of action, or it'll downshift us into this kind of dorsal shutdown state of immobilization.
00:01:25
Speaker
The primary purpose, again, is of survival. What is the best, most needed state to be in to navigate the context I find myself in? Now, part of this is we can't always necessarily think out of a survival state because when we're in a more overwhelmed state or sympathetic state, part of our kind of brain, so to speak, to keep it simple, is kind of not fully activated. It's there, it's present, but what's really taking kind of control of our of our of our ship, so to speak, our body, is our nervous system, which often will react before it thinks.
00:02:03
Speaker
And so while we need our logical part of our brain, we need to be able think through and problem solve, but we also need other practices to help us get there first.
Step 1: Noticing Your State
00:02:11
Speaker
And that is where the 3N practice will give you the steps that you can practice to begin to kind of integrate into your daily life to help you the next time you find yourself stuck in a more survival state.
00:02:26
Speaker
So the first N is to notice. And the goal of this is really to catch the state, to to kind of notice where you are. Not so much the story, but where you are.
00:02:38
Speaker
We first want to pause. We first want to orient ourselves to time and space. That might look like noticing your feet on the floor. It might look like having your eyes scan around the room. ah It might be, hey, three neutral objects that you can see. So for example, I got ah a lamp, I got a plant and a coffee mug right here. Well, there's tea in it from earlier.
00:03:06
Speaker
um And that's one way that we begin to kind of notice in our room, just noticing without, not naming, just kind of noticing it first, seeing it. It might also look like Something in your mind quietly saying something to effect of, I am noticing blank.
00:03:25
Speaker
um Then name a body signal too. Like what's what's a body signal or an urge you might notice? So for example, you might notice maybe a tight jaw. You might notice your chest feels tight or heavy or hot. You might notice maybe your stomach is feeling kind of like queasy or hollow or painful, or you might notice your head feeling foggy. Or you might notice some thoughts or urges having you wanting to do something different.
Step 2: Naming Your Feelings
00:03:51
Speaker
Some common pitfalls or errors when we're kind of in this noticing phase of this process is self-judgment or self-criticism or maybe kind of internal argument with self or maybe even skipping body sensation entirely. Right? And this brings us to the second end which that is we want to name. And you'll notice that these three N practices, they kind of flow together. So first we begin by noticing things around us or inside within our body, then we want to name. So we want to label the state. We want to put words to articulate what it is that we're experiencing or noticing. And one little thing
00:04:33
Speaker
piece of this and why it's effective is because labeling can it can lower kind of our limbic system noise. It can kind of drop that down a bit so it's not so overwhelming.
00:04:44
Speaker
And so you can say this out loud yourself, you can name internally in your head, It could be something like, this feels like sympathetic activation in the chest. Like, I'm noticing tension in my chest and it feels like this activation or mobilization.
00:04:59
Speaker
Or, ah this feels like kind of a dorsal shut down, kind of weighted blanket over my body that I just want to kind of lay down. If long descriptions or names are too long, keeping it simple. um Maybe an emotion word like angry or anxious or ashamed or numb. or guilt, maybe even naming one need like space, contact, food, movement, breath. And and why this works when we name is naming can reduce threat signals. Naming engages, begins to kind of engage our prefrontal cortex and control, and it can essentially communicate to our nervous system, I see what is happening.
Step 3: Nourishing Your State
00:05:41
Speaker
So it's it's it's slowly shifting us out of, again, a shutdown state or a highly activated state.
00:05:48
Speaker
with naming, with using words or images or signals that helps shift the state. So the third N is nourish. And if you follow Dr. Les Ari's work, he's also used the term nurture.
00:06:03
Speaker
And the goal of this is really to engage in a practical step to help shift our states, to help begin to take steps moving out of ah ah but of a particular state.
00:06:15
Speaker
Sometimes this happens naturally. Sometimes bodies and nervous systems begin to kind of do this on their own, um and sometimes we have to kind of intentionally shift it with purpose. If you're stuck more of in a sympathetic state, more of a fight or flight, more of a activated, mobilized, hypervigilant state, here are some practices, some nourishing, nurturing practices that you can engage with to begin to shift. So one of my favorites is a long exhale.
00:06:44
Speaker
So if you're breathing in the nose for four seconds, You want to exhale for about eight, kind of doubling with intention, doubling that exhale, and do that for three to five rounds, kind of just breathing in with intention and slowly exhaling. And why that's important is because it's kind of as you exhale, that long exhale, is kind of the vibration and breath is going across the vagus nerve, kind of kind of in the kind of in the throat here. which is kind of communicating a signal to kind of rest and digest to kind of slow things down. Another good nourishing practice if you're stuck and sympathetic is kind of an orienting practice with your head and your eyes. So it's kind of shifting your head left to right slowly and kind of following the eye gaze with the head, kind of just kind of really being intentional with purpose.
00:07:32
Speaker
ah scanning left to right and doing that for about a minute, just kind of noticing what happens as you do this with intention. and the Another one I really like is you kind of take the palms of your hands like so, kind of pressing them together and kind the press them together for 10 seconds, holding that tension.
00:07:49
Speaker
You can even pair this with the breath, so breathing in and kind of holding that. And as you exhale, kind of releasing that tension slowly and do that fur for a few rounds.
00:08:00
Speaker
Now on the other side, if you're stuck more in kind of a shut down dorsal where you're feeling kind of flat and numb and weighted, we want to do a couple different practices, almost to kind of wake the body up, versus slowing it down, we kind of want to activate it a bit to move. One thing could be with changing sensory input. So a quick one would be going to the bathroom or the kitchen or the freezer and getting something cold. So cold water on the face in the bathroom, cold towels, a cold compress, going to the freezer, grabbing some ice packs or kind of frozen peas or corn, and kind of getting the sensation um just to kind of feel that activation.
00:08:38
Speaker
Another one would be getting your body mobilized. So if you feel this kind of weight, don't want to do anything, well, get up and go walk. briskly for a minute or two, kind of getting that blood flowing, move around, and even better if you can get outside, and even better if there's green space around you, around trees. In fact, there's some studies done recently found just being amongst trees and in green spaces actually really helps the nervous system among other things.
00:09:05
Speaker
Another one would be talking or texting a safe person. So sending a message on your phone, um just letting know how you're doing, saying hi. um whether on the phone or in person, going out for a cup of coffee or something, meeting someone, having eye contact, even if you don't feel it, but getting the body getting the body mobilized to engage, which is also kind of engaging the co-regulation aspect of polyvagal theory, which can also help, again, shift nervous system states.
Guided Practice Session
00:09:32
Speaker
Whether you're stuck in that sympathetic activation or more of a dorsal shutdown, these are some simple nourishing practices to help shift states. And one thing you do, kind of a little check in the mind, is you can ask yourself, like, what is one effective next step?
00:09:46
Speaker
Keeping it small, whatever that might be. And that might be sending one email or one sentence to my partner or having that glass of water or having a five-minute walk. But keeping it simple, one step that you can do right now,
00:10:01
Speaker
in the current context you find yourself in. So let me guide you now through a quick practice. So I invite you, if it feels comfortable, to close your eyes. if it feels more comfortable, keep them open.
00:10:12
Speaker
Whatever feels natural, depending on the context you find yourself. And we're going to start with noticing first. So first, just notice your feet on the floor.
00:10:22
Speaker
Notice the environment you're in.
00:10:26
Speaker
Allow your eyes to scan if that feels right.
00:10:30
Speaker
taking in what you notice without judgment, without rush, but just noticing.
00:10:40
Speaker
And now naming, naming what you notice. So for example, I am noticing my chest feels tight and I'm feeling anxious or frustrated, or maybe it's, I'm noticing my stomach feels heavy and I'm feeling overwhelmed.
00:10:59
Speaker
I'm feeling lost and confused.
00:11:03
Speaker
Whatever you notice, just simply name. And maybe some of us are noticing judgment. I can't do this. Or something like, you suck at this.
00:11:16
Speaker
Or something else. And even notice and name that as it is. And if we can move to nourish, it might look like let's just slow that mobilized energy down by breathing in the nose for four seconds.
00:11:32
Speaker
And then exhaling for eight.
00:11:40
Speaker
Do that again in the nose.
00:11:46
Speaker
And exhale for eight.
00:11:54
Speaker
Just ask yourself, what's one effective next step? Maybe I go for a walk. Maybe I reschedule that text or that meeting. Maybe I go get a glass of water or something else.
Overcoming Challenges and When to Use 3N
00:12:10
Speaker
So what was that practice like for you? I'd love to hear below. So sometimes where men can often get stuck is maybe chasing that insight, maybe trying to get it perfect, but it's not about perfection. It's about practice. It's about doing the reps.
00:12:25
Speaker
It's not about perfect analysis, but it's getting that repetition in, that memory in where it feels more natural and more comfortable. Another way that often men can get stuck in doing this practice, if we go too big, like go big or go home, that idea is like,
00:12:41
Speaker
hey, you know what? Maybe we don't need to go all the way. What's just one step to get there? Let's just do one thing and then finish it versus I got to do all these a thousand steps. What's just the next step? What's just the next decision? Focus on that.
00:12:54
Speaker
Do one natural step. Another one is when we just try to do it alone. um You could definitely take this practice and do it with a trusted person. Ask them.
00:13:04
Speaker
Get feedback. So you don't have to do this alone. You could definitely do this with other people. In fact, I encourage you. It's a great practice to do together. um In fact, I've done this with my kids many, many times, and it's it's kind of helpful for all us to practice this together. Just like, what do you notice in the body?
00:13:19
Speaker
Wow, what's that like to notice that? And just teaching them skills now at a young age. So this becomes kind of normalized and not weird and taboo, but giving them the strength and essentially language of the body, which I'm
Encouragement and Upcoming Topics
00:13:34
Speaker
all for. And I know it's going to help them as they get older in life.
00:13:38
Speaker
So some ideas of when to use this practice will really kind any time. So one to some examples that here often is before a hard conversation with a spouse or ah an employee or or a boss or a family member. Another one would be maybe after you kind of get activated at work or triggered at work on your way home. And you don't want to bring that energy into your house, but taking a few beats just to kind of slow things down from a really stressed workday.
00:14:03
Speaker
Another one might be kind of mid-workout. If you're feeling yourself kind of moving into being overly competitive or feeling bad or kind of criticizing yourself for not doing as good of a workout that you did last week, that might be a great place to kind of do a simple short practice of this for 20 or 30 seconds. Another great time to do this is at bedtime when you're trying to fall asleep and you find your mind just kind of ruminating over and over and over again.
00:14:26
Speaker
Be a great time to slow down and do this practice just to kind of notice and name what's happening and begin to kind of see if that shifts states. Really, we can do this practice anywhere for however long we need to.
00:14:38
Speaker
in many different scenarios. And this practice, again, helps shift us from being kind of stuck and reactive and helping shift gears to get into more responsive states.
00:14:50
Speaker
Really, this practice could be done anywhere. And my encouragement to you is to use this practice, that this practice helps move us out of a reactionary state, an overly sympathetic or shut down immobilized state,
00:15:06
Speaker
And as we do that, it helps us engage to be more responsive, to be more aware and in control of our beings, of our bodies, of our nervous systems.
00:15:18
Speaker
So my encouragement to you this week is to take the 3-in practice and put it into practice. Do this two to three times for the next few weeks. Make it automatic. Make it familiar to your nervous system.
00:15:32
Speaker
And if you missed the previous episodes, go and check that out. The kind of overview of what polyvagal theory is, as well as some kind of the organizing principles, which again goes a little bit more of a deep dive into polyvagal theory. You're gonna wanna watch those. And stick around for the next video where I'm gonna go over some other breathwork patterns that can really help reset the nervous system. And if you found this helpful, save it. Also, share it with someone that you think might benefit from this, someone who might need a simple reset. And go ahead and subscribe if you want to learn more about kind of nervous system tools that actually fit your life. And until next time, have a great day.