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Ep 171: Double Team - SKYtember Schlock & Load!
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In our Schlock & Load segment of SKYtember, counter-terrorist agent Jack Quinn (Jean-Claude Van Damme) gets pulled out of retirement to take down international arms dealer and long-time rival, Stavros (Mickey Rourke). When the mission goes sideways, the movie takes a break, and Quinn is sent to a secret high-tech prison for “retired” operatives, but he escapes and teams up with flamboyant weapons dealer Yaz (Dennis Rodman). Together, they tear through Europe in a barrage of explosions, quips, and gravity-defying stunts to rescue Quinn’s kidnapped wife and child. Part spy thriller, part basketball joke machine, all chaos.
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Transcript
Introduction and Sky Timber Finale
00:00:00
Speaker
Do you know the jokes are always the funniest when you have to explain them, right? i Trust me, I know. All the time, i'm like, you're not laughing, so you don't get it. The only reason you're not laughing is because you don't understand the joke. See, mansplaining is short for man explaining.
00:00:15
Speaker
That's why you're not laughing when I told you how to cook. Is that right? Well, you guys know what else isn't funny. What's not funny? This is the end of Sky Timber. That's not funny. This is the very last episode of Sky Timber.
00:00:29
Speaker
Quite possibly the best month we've ever had in this podcast. Yeah. And we're going to end it this week. Oops. Quite possibly. Airball. Airball.
Meet the Hosts of Bad Movies
00:00:42
Speaker
I'm Derek. I'm Whitney. I'm Jack. And this is Bad Movies. Worsy people.
Discussing 'Double Team' and Tsui Hark's Debut
00:01:28
Speaker
This motherfucker right here. Which motherfucker? That one. This one indeed. Yes, we are back and we are talking about Dublety.
00:01:39
Speaker
it couldn' late t More like a robot. We are back and we are talking about human things. Ah, ah, ah. Human. Oh, my. Look at them sunglasses. Get a good look at them sunglasses because the glasses game in this movie is absurd.
00:01:57
Speaker
And the glass breaking game. Yeah. Glasses and glass are people featured. People break glass by just brushing against it. It's mad.
00:02:08
Speaker
Wasn't there? I'm okay So spoiler alert. We watched last night and hung out and drank. You didn't watch this morning. but I had to work today. You didn't watch that your work this morning. I'm just kidding.
00:02:22
Speaker
No, I could have. I was fucking by myself for three hours. Yeah. Guys, go keep Whitney company at Harbottle. That's a terrible way to be fucking, by the way. I'm there from 12 to 9, Thursday, Friday, Saturday.
00:02:36
Speaker
That's a terrible way. was fucking by myself.
Plot and Screenwriting Insights of Double Team
00:02:40
Speaker
But yes, we are talking about 1997's Double Team, directed by Sui Hark. who is, this is his American debut movie.
00:02:50
Speaker
Okay. Jean-Claude likes to do that. He also likes to hire these people and then be like, now let me tell you how to do everything. I was head. And not have any of your personal style. That's what i was thinking. Like in my head, he's like, he likes these Hong Kong guys because he can get away with anything.
00:03:06
Speaker
Yeah. Yeah. I don't know. I have a better way to do this one. This guy directed some really good movies. Um, obviously in Hong Kong, Peking opera blues, a once upon a time in China, one through three and five. Now, so which star gently.
00:03:23
Speaker
Yeah. skipped the fourth one. And then after this, he directed another Van Damme movie knockoff.
00:03:30
Speaker
I don't know if I know that one. What year is that? Um, 1990 something. 90 something. I should know it. That's in my era. I loved 90 somethings.
00:03:43
Speaker
1998, the very next year. ah should know it. Knock route? What did you say? Knock a route? Knock off. There is no substitute.
00:03:54
Speaker
Huh. Is that a Ferris wheel in the background? No, it's like metal plating around him. It looks like a submarine window. is happening with her? I don't know. I've never seen it either. Written by...
00:04:08
Speaker
Written by Stephen E. D'Souza, who we've talked about before, but he wrote Die Hard, amongst other things.
Jean-Claude Van Damme's Film Anecdotes
00:04:16
Speaker
Okay. I don't remember what we talked about him for, but he wrote some stuff.
00:04:20
Speaker
um Probably Die Hard. Oh, we didn't talk about Die Hard. I mean, he wrote one not at least one movie. and But I mean, he wrote something we actually like discussed upon television or podcast movie show.
00:04:35
Speaker
Dude, when did you get replaced by a fucking pod person? and don't mean a podcaster. I mean like fucking Donald Tuttle and pod person. Oh, I took my inspiration from ah Dennis Rodman's acting in this movie. To fair fucking retort.
00:04:49
Speaker
My God, look at it. The best acting he does is right there. Go back real quick. He's acting like he fits on that motorcycle. That's the best acting that he fucking has ever done. You are talking to probably the biggest Dennis Rodman fan. Like he was my favorite basketball player.
00:05:04
Speaker
I've owned this on multiple mediums of media and I've owned his other movie. The Simon says he is so bad. And I, that's, I think my love for him is why Derek was able to talk me into doing this podcast in the first
Script Changes and Multiple Plot Lines
00:05:20
Speaker
place. Yeah.
00:05:22
Speaker
So this was written kind of, I mean, it was written by two people, two credited people, Don Jacoby and Paul Monez. I want to say, okay. Um, it could just be moans, Paul moans, Paul moans, dude.
00:05:36
Speaker
I'm pretty sure that Don Jacoby just wrote the original script, which was incredibly changed, uh, entitled, The original one was called The Colony, and it's set on an island off the coast of Greece that serves as a safe haven for CIA agents whose covers been blown and a man escapes the island in order to seek revenge on his arch enemy.
00:05:57
Speaker
So much like this. But the reason they changed it, though, Whitney, is because that plot is 10 to 20 minutes of this movie. Yeah, that's movie number two.
00:06:08
Speaker
Yeah. Yeah. There's what, three of us There's at least three movies in this movie. When we did watch last night, Derek was kind of calling it out. He's like, and that's the ah intermission for movie two.
00:06:19
Speaker
We'll get back to movie two a little bit later when movie three wraps up. This is only 93 minutes and we've got three movies. Yeah. Yeah. I all three of them. Don Jacoby also wrote Arachnophobia, Vampires, and Death Wish 3. So he's got some stuff that enjoy. Not Carpenter's Vampires?
00:06:36
Speaker
Yeah, John Carpenter's Vampires. Oh, love that. Good job, buddy. No, no. But then Paul Monez, or Paul Mones, I think, wrote the script that ended up being shot. And he also wrote The Quest, which is a not good Jean-Claude Van Derne movie that I also like watching.
Humor on Dennis Rodman and Romance
00:06:52
Speaker
It's not bad. It's just like, you know what it is, dude? It's watered down blood sport. It's blood sport light. That's it. Cause it's the same thing. It's like, here's a, here's a, huh?
00:07:05
Speaker
I don't know if I've seen it. You haven't watched it with me because I haven't watched it since we've been together. I have seen it, though. You might have watched it with me in the bleeps. I do own it digitally. Basically, he just kind of cons his way into a fighting ring and he needs to beat the bad guy that's beating up everybody.
00:07:23
Speaker
Okay. So, very blood sport. But with James Remar and... Oh, who's the... I know that, James. I can't picture him. James Remar is Dexter's dad. Okay. Okay.
00:07:35
Speaker
Oh yeah, Roger Moore slumming it in the quest. Like, Pink Floyd? Like Bond. No, no. He's also in, ah or is he the one that's in Hot Fuzz?
00:07:52
Speaker
No. that's Dalton. Yeah, that's Timothy Dalton. Timothy Dalton. Yeah. So I do have box office numbers. I was having one buzz. We will talk about that here in a minute. yes will I only have one box office number.
00:08:06
Speaker
So you want to budget budget always. Our budget is $30 million. dollars So one million of that went to the cocaine. A tenth of that is cocaine, Whitney. At least three million. We the same idea. Oh, yeah, because Rodman also. So, yeah, you're right. Three million. Yes.
Box Office and Budget Jokes
00:08:25
Speaker
Okay. Four million. And it had theatrical. So we get one number. One number. So I'm betting this didn't go international.
00:08:36
Speaker
Okay. i mean not um and not to and Feel free to cut this, Derek. But like the Chinese market does not like an African-American actor. And if you don't believe me, go look up the difference between episode seven, Force Awakens, American poster and Chinese market poster.
00:08:52
Speaker
Oh, yeah. Yeah. paul John Boyega is not in that poster, dude. I'm going to say seen say 16. And also, oh you can adjust if you want to. I'm pretty sure this was the last Van Damme that was theatrically released, like wide theatrical.
00:09:15
Speaker
Some of them were released in other countries and whatnot, but i still want to say 16. I think he's telling to go lower. Especially back to the Chinese market. It's not just a black actor. It's a sexually fluid, very flamboyant.
00:09:28
Speaker
um What's the word I'm looking for? You're not wrong. Like effeminate kind of guy. yeah um So I'm going to say we're going to go like 9.8, dude. It didn't break 10, sadly. And I gave it money.
00:09:40
Speaker
It did break 10. Okay. But Jack is closest without going over because it only barely did. 11.4 million. Wow. Yikes. oh Oh, we're getting a hair change.
00:09:51
Speaker
Very Dennis Rodman of you. This number two. And I did read somewhere else. I got those numbers from the numbers dot com, which is like box office mojo. They they have like officially published box office numbers. I read somewhere else that it cost thirty five and domestically it made eighteen.
Box Office Data Confirmation
00:10:09
Speaker
But worldwide it made sixty.
00:10:11
Speaker
But on on the numbers and on box office mojo, it said. 30 and 11.4. So I'm going to believe those. i don't know where that other person got their numbers from. They were fudged.
00:10:24
Speaker
I just like that I'm right for once. There was supposed to be another Van Damme movie right after this. um Triple team.
00:10:35
Speaker
We ended up getting knockoff. You get there was one. It's it's Jean-Claude Van Damme, Dennis Rodman and fucking Mork Norris from ah Miami Connection. We're doing triple team airball.
00:10:49
Speaker
No, but it was supposed to be another theatrical Van Damme, but Universal canceled it because his movies were not doing well anymore. And I only want to mention it because it's fun. It has nothing to do with this, really, other than this was also Universal.
00:11:00
Speaker
um So it was an action horror movie called Abominable, which was described as a Predator in the Snow. It's a really fun word to say when you're high. Which
Canceled Project: Abominable
00:11:11
Speaker
ah I would never know.
00:11:13
Speaker
In which a group of characters would have, are in which Van Damme's character would have to save a group of people lost in the snowy mountains from an abominable snowman. And there were people attached to direct it at different times, one of whom was Rennie Harlan. So that would have been an interesting watch.
00:11:30
Speaker
Well, he he declined it because like, wait, they're trapped in a mountain where there's no landmarks. I can't blow that up. No, no. Rennie Harlan. i do it every time. Yeah. Rennie Harlan is Cutthroat Island. Gina Davis is.
00:11:42
Speaker
Yeah. deep Gina Davis is ex now. Thank God. Because you're thinking of the other guy. Independent. Every time. Whose name can't. Every fucking time. So it's funny that you said it's Predator in the snow. People have probably heard us talk about it before. But Jean-Claude Van Damme was the original Predator.
Van Damme as Predator: A Missed Opportunity
00:11:59
Speaker
But a cast has never never did it. Oh, like in the costume. Yeah, we did talk about that before. Yeah, because he thought he was going to be showcased more. Then you finally got look at the costume. He's like, what do you mean? I'm going to be in a fucking suit. No one's goingnna see my no one's going to my sexiness and my suck underwears. so I can't do cocaine in this costume.
00:12:18
Speaker
Get out here, son of a bitch.
00:12:21
Speaker
It's Roland Emmerich, by the way. Roland Emmerich. They're not even close. I don't know why I get them so confused, dude. yeah They both start with an R. They're both foreigners. Both cuck. One's tearing down landmarks. One's tearing down the woman I love.
Character Yaz: Flamboyance and Jokes
00:12:37
Speaker
And I have one alternate actor that was considered for Yaz, which is Dennis Rodman's character. ah do Same wardrobe, too. Same fucking Danny DeVito with the same fucking wardrobe. Don't you dare change a thing.
00:12:52
Speaker
Put him in those glasses. Give him mesh tank top. Ooh, Shaq's a good guess. I was going to say Karl Malone. Danny DeVito in that metal fucking vest or whatever the fuck that is. The cameras are going have to do some adjusting.
00:13:03
Speaker
We're going to have to jib down or something. Yeah. He's got the belly button ring and everything. ah Did you pull the pin on that earring? Oh, no. Everyone down. Fire in the hole.
00:13:15
Speaker
Do you have any guesses, Jack? I have a few guesses. Car Malone is who i was thinking. I'm just going athlete. um Not another athlete. oh Guess another African-American actor.
00:13:25
Speaker
Carl Weathers. He had a better movie that came out the next year. Carl Weathers would have been cool. but Carl Weathers would have been great. he He gets the assignment. Ernie Hudson would have been great. Oh, never mind. he had a he had You know who would do it today?
00:13:40
Speaker
Childish Gambino. Oh, yeah. Or Idris Elba. who Idris Elba would do your movie. oh But would he be fluid like that? I think so. yeah like Here's what you do. you just don't get it Right now you get moa Give me some fucking Jason Momoa. He has no problem with a belly button ring.
00:13:59
Speaker
And with if if someone thinks that that guy's a gay guy, I don't think he gives a shit. Yeah, he he would wear mesh tank tops. Yes. He shows up on set with it. He's like, oh, well, that's convenient.
00:14:12
Speaker
Oh, I mean, I guarantee you that fucking Rodman brought his, fuck, most of his wardrobe to set. Oh, a thousand percent. you me to get to wardrobe? No? No. No? Perfect. Wesley Snipes. Oh, man.
00:14:26
Speaker
Oh, yes. Now, what I read was that he was considered, so does that mean that they actually offered him? Does that mean that he thought about it or does that just mean that the director or one of the writers or Van Damme himself was like, we wanted Wesley Snipes, but he told me to go fuck myself. can't be better than me.
00:14:42
Speaker
Van Damme would not have let him be in this movie, I don't think. No, because Snipes is way better than Van Damme. And Snipes, I don't know if, I know he has an ego. I don't know if he had a big enough ego to not want to be, it's tough to be in that fucking two ass kicking hero movie.
00:14:59
Speaker
You know what I mean? Someone else has to swallow their fucking pride a little bit. that doesn't exist anymore. Like you're not going to have Vin Diesel and, uh, the rock do this because first of all, neither of them going to have a fucking belly button ring.
00:15:14
Speaker
Also, they're too busy making Fast and Furious 14. This could be a Fast and Furious movie, by the way. It's nonsensical. People have
Explosive Action and Production Elements
00:15:24
Speaker
inexplicit superpowers. Family. It starts out like a Fast and Furious movie because we have a old boy Van Damme playing Jack Quinn, who's... And by the way, of course, you guys know we've talked about Van Damme before. Hard Target, our one hundredth episode.
00:15:39
Speaker
Lionheart. We did an episode. It was lost for a while, but now it's available on Patreon because I found it. We'll revisit that Lionheart, though. Street Fighter. Oh, Street Fighter. I forgot about Street Fighter. Good call. I pay attention, guys. I was writing down. i was like, what movies did we do with Van Damme? And I was like, must just be those two. I blocked out Street Fighter, I think.
00:16:00
Speaker
That was a great episode. Go back and listen to it. Oh, great episode. Hey, I'm coming for you. Charlie! Charlie has my cocaine. We got to find them.
00:16:11
Speaker
While we were watching this, we were literally doing son of a bitch bison jokes. And I forgot about Street Fighter.
00:16:19
Speaker
But man you put Ralph Julia in this movie, like without the cancer and shit, fucking rest in pictures. You put Ralph Julia in this movie as anybody like the head the colony. Oh, yeah yeah. I like Paul Freeman. I like Paul Freeman, but I mean, fucking Ralph Julia.
00:16:36
Speaker
So I had asked Jack last night if he thought that Dennis and JC were frenemies, friends, liked working with each other. i went back and forth a little. Second after I asked, there was a scene that we both were like, definitely like loved each other very, very much. Not only do they love each other, I almost put money down these two tag team somebody. Thousand percent. They spit roasted already. Was that the scene where Van Damme was crawling on Rodman like a spider monkey? Yes. Okay. Dude, he used Dennis Rodman as a stripper pole. Yes, he did. Like spun her around him, dude. It was insane.
00:17:18
Speaker
I hope you can get that clip. Sign me up. That clip is awesome. um But yeah, he's got to get this plutonium that was stolen by Stavros, which doesn't really matter other than it introduces Stavros is the villain. Stavros played by Mickey Rourke. A very fit Mickey Rourke, dude. Yeah, looking like a treat.
00:17:36
Speaker
I think like he's just after his boxing days. Oh, okay. i oh That makes sense. Because he has a little punchiness going. But, like, I think he's always looked good, right?
00:17:49
Speaker
this He is fucking swole for this. And much later the movie, when he's shirtless for the last 15, 20 minutes of this movie. The tiger. Yeah. Oh, man. I mean, look at those gum gutters.
00:18:01
Speaker
Jesus Christ. I mean, Whitney was making audible noises, and I'm looking over. was like, if I woke up looking like that, life sounds good. Yeah. That's how you know you guys out there that are like, you know, I don't see sexuality.
00:18:14
Speaker
Imagine you looking like that. You're having a good day. Metro Metro is that what you're trying the words you're trying to think of and no homophobic
00:18:24
Speaker
Like the homophobic guys are so was like, oh, I don't see sexy. Sorry, dude talking about talking about Rodman every placement getting somebody. Oh, no, a feminine I guess Metro is a good word, too But it's more than that because Metro is like a pretty guy Rodman always went out of the way to look. That's a fucking great look, by the way For both them. Look at this homeless guy. That's more metro, though.
00:18:48
Speaker
yeah Rodman went out of his way to wear female clothing and do the fingernail polish. He liked to push limits. And I love that about him. I think he married himself. He did a wedding dress on and stuff. like I do remember that. So it's it's it's a bit more than Metro, if that makes sense.
00:19:07
Speaker
It started like a Fast and Furious movie because we don't really get much about this plutonium other than Van Damme just romping this big weird ass truck right through a fucking wall, like out the side of this building and jumping over a bunch of cars and smashing through stuff. got to keep it quiet. So I'm going to go out that wall.
00:19:24
Speaker
I still don't understand the purpose of it. It carries plutonium. He snuck into a facility that had the plutonium stolen by Stavros. I'm assuming he's Greek.
00:19:35
Speaker
um He doesn't look Greek to me. But ah he he snuck in and grabbed that. This vehicle exists to transport things at apparently an indestructible high-speed chase kind of thing. Because he rips out of this wall.
00:19:48
Speaker
He rips through... everything. We see some jump. He rips through a train. a tra A moving train. This is as close to a speedboat going through a speedboat and face off as we're going to get on the land.
00:20:01
Speaker
Also, face off with Dennis Rodman and Jean-Claude Van Damme. Oh, fuck. I love right when he, though... Oops, airball. ah Right before he jumps the train, he like makes a bunch of shit explode.
00:20:15
Speaker
And they just have these flaming stuntmen. One of them you see fall off of a motorcycle. The other one just comes skidding out of the fire. Presumably from a motor um motorcycle. But they're both on fire and they're both skidding across the ground. And I was just like, all right, cool.
00:20:29
Speaker
i I don't remember a lot about this movie, but that I was like, sign me the fuck up for the rest of this. We are definitely going to be talking some shit about this movie because it deserves it. But we're also going to be kind of S in its deal because it deserves it. I will emotionally SSD all day. Yes.
00:20:46
Speaker
All day. Because the big bad of booms are here. Like you Derek's point out a fucking guy sliding by on fire out of a fire on fire. That's a good time. And like we find out that Van Damme, so he retires because he thinks he killed Stavros or defeated him or whatever.
The Colony: Purpose and Deterrents
00:21:02
Speaker
And his wife is pregnant. Catherine, who's played by some French woman. All these people are just French actors. I wanted to bring that up because Derek said it last night. He's like, besides our main four five yeah people aside from work, Mickey Rourke, Van Damme, Rodman, and ah Paul Freeman.
00:21:22
Speaker
They're all like French actors who've done a lot of work, just not anything that i I'm also not convinced. Paul Freeman is not French, but then, so you say like this French girl, man, if you needed to show what French people look like in a stereotype to an alien, you show a picture of this girl.
00:21:38
Speaker
Yeah. Like, look, you'll know they're French because they look like this. And it's like, yep. Okay. And that's not us talking shit. She's gorgeous. He's retired with her. She's pregnant. They're having a happy life.
00:21:49
Speaker
And much like commando, here comes the boss out of nowhere to tell Jack Quinn Van Damme that he has to come back. um Quinn. Because Stavros is back. So he goes in to get to get rid of Stavros. We meet him, him played by Mickey Work. Like I said, previous episode, Harley Davidson and the Marlboro Man yeah from our Patreon.
00:22:10
Speaker
And he'll be back. Yeah, which you can listen to that episode if you go to patreon.com slash worst people and subscribe at the $3 level. That episode is worth the $3 alone. But you might as well just subscribe for the $5 level. Do you know why?
00:22:23
Speaker
Because then you get our wonderful sideshow, Latchkey Vids. Latchkey Vids. And you also get ad-free episodes. Ow! I'm really happy that was unrehearsed. Count it. Like, that just happened. it did have But like this the boss leaves this. So this movie is so disjointed because the boss is at Van Damme's house, which is like a mountaintop estate somewhere.
00:22:47
Speaker
You know, it's got a great view and all this stuff. They're doing the pregnant swim, you know. But then the boss is in his car, which is in the middle of a city, which is clearly not anywhere near where Van Damme lives. He gets in the car and Stavros is in the backseat.
00:23:01
Speaker
And he's like, hey, you did your job. You got Quinn back in the game. By the way, I left you a present. There's a bomb under this dude's seat that says like one minute. Yep. And it gets to like 52 and then just goes zero and bada boom. Which have think. thing goes up, which is the scene I have in this picture here.
00:23:16
Speaker
I have to think it's Stavros' character or being like, I'm going to give him hope. I'm going to show the timer at one minute, but either I have a trigger or I just have it set to 10 seconds or whatever. Well, the the timer's underneath the guy's seat, so he can't even see it. I think it was like, I'm going to set this for a minute in case I decide to taunt him a little longer.
00:23:37
Speaker
But I want to have enough time to get away. thought he was trying to grab it. The guy was reaching under trying to grab it, but it was underneath his seat. He couldn't see the tower. wouldn't just get the fuck out? um yes Because we need him we need him to bada boom.
00:23:52
Speaker
Bada boom. Because Stavros is a bad guy. This is an example. He's not just a bad guy. He's a bad guy. He's not. Yeah, he's a bad guy. He's a ah bad bad guy. So then we cut too mad daddy do du we cut to Antwerp, which is in Netherlands, right?
00:24:12
Speaker
Yeah, that sounds right. I think so. so And it's Dennis Rodman's sex club. And we meet Dennis Rodman playing Yaz, who we just talked about last week on Cutaway. So it's our double team, double feature. Yeah. It's a damn shame that Wesley Snipes wasn't in this movie because that would have done our whole major league. Like, i know we already had him on our Dennis Haysbert. You put Dennis Haysbert in this outfit. could just be great But the thing is, herbal you've got to have Rodman or a basketball player because then all the basketball jokes don't make any sense. if you You don't put them in.
00:24:49
Speaker
If you don't have Rodman, you don't put those jokes in. What is happening? Basketball jokes already don't make any sense because Dennis Rodman's character is not a basketball player. They only make sense in our world. It's so meta, though. It's for the tiki-tiks on the IMDb, which I guarantee you has like 90 entries about this shit. Oh, there was almost nothing in the IMDb trivia.
00:25:11
Speaker
What? Oh, because nerds don't watch sports. The only thing I found was the the thing I told you guys about the Abominable Snowman movie. Yeah. And ah when he says right here when he's selling guns to Van Damme in the back of his sex club, because all that makes sense, he says... ah and was like Oh, you're one of the bad before that he says you're one of the bad boys and he goes, I don't play for the bad boys anymore. And like cocks a gun. and that was where I read the thing I talked to you about. About the Pistons. Yeah, the Detroit Pistons were known as the bad boys.
00:25:46
Speaker
And he was the baddest of them. I wouldn't have gotten that joke without that IMDb trivia. So thank you, random user. hey I mean, I knew he played for the Pistons because I watched... ah That Michael Jordan documentary? Yeah, The Last Dance, and they talked about Rodman a lot.
00:26:00
Speaker
I'm surprised that nobody tiki-tapped up the fact that like ah somewhere in this sex club gun scene, which, by the way, signed me up for a membership... um Fucking Van Damme says, like, offense gets all the glory.
00:26:14
Speaker
And Robin's like, defense wins the games. He was a defense-only player. Like, that guy, you know what a triple-double is, right? When you have three stats yeah that are in double digits or even a double-double.
00:26:26
Speaker
Dennis Rodman's, like, probably the only person I can think of that when he had a double-double was not about points. Like, well he yeah that guy did not score. At all. I think he didn't shoot. I think the line there is, though, that he says something about Van Damme says something about like, I know you you like to play defense. And then Rodman says sometimes the best defense is a good offense because he pulls out the guns and the grenades. But like they say you play defense or something like that.
00:26:54
Speaker
So, yeah, just I'm surprised there's no ticky tap about that. You can do a big part of his personality was to this guy's defense and rebounds were he was the best in the game and probably would still be in at this time.
00:27:06
Speaker
and And we know we've watched a lot of Van Damme movies between the three of us. Yes. um Van Damme's not a great actor. Some of his deliveries in this movie, though, are some of the work. Like this is going back. Like this is like he didn't even do blood sport yet. This is his level of acting sometimes like this line he has to Rodman. where He's like, who did your hair? Siegfried or Roy?
00:27:27
Speaker
i put way more inflection on it than he did. you did He's just like, who did your hair? Siegfried or Roy? Yeah. Does somebody want to wind him up? Get the little key on his back and turn that.
00:27:38
Speaker
i think he didn't have enough cocaine, man. Get a key in front of him. Maybe he was laying off the cocaine and that's why he couldn't it. Bullshit. You know what this is? Because you we we talked about it last night. There's like five different European city locations, right?
00:27:52
Speaker
Uh, Something like that. Give or take. Yeah. These motherfuckers are partying, dude. What we are seeing is a hangover that's trying to get off set as quick as possible to get some of that fucking air of the dog right up your nose.
00:28:07
Speaker
Yeah. and um Do you think he snorted cocaine off of Rodman's dick? No. Just his butt. He's not gay. Do you think Rodman snorted it off his butt?
00:28:17
Speaker
Yeah. Well, you have to do cocaine off Van Damme's butt.
00:28:23
Speaker
Van Damme's like, let me grab the let me grab this bag and just did the splits. Whoop.
00:28:30
Speaker
um But ah it's Rodman Talk about your banana split Van Damme doesn't seem as bad once Rodman's more in this movie Because Rodman is so bad But like la's like after that hair thing He's like ah hey the last guy that insulted my hair still pulling his head out of his ass And Van Damme's got a good comeback Don't need to hear about your sex life exactly Say it again Don't need to hear about your sex life He's even put more on it
00:28:56
Speaker
But yeah, it's the the gun room. Don't hear about your sex life. I'm in your sex life. He's got the gun room. He's got all these gadgets. He's the Q of the movie because he's got like an exploding earring that Van Damme accidentally sets off and all this stuff.
00:29:12
Speaker
But he's just there to get weapons for this assault on Stavros, who is supposed to be showing up at this amusement park, which Van Damme, when he's talking to his team, has a really dumb line. was like, he's like a snake.
00:29:24
Speaker
You look him in the eyes, he gets you in the back. That doesn't make sense to me. no snakes do that. Did not no snakes do that. If it has two heads, one on each You're being ridiculous.
00:29:36
Speaker
He's talking about the snake from Robin Hood, the animated movie that hypnotizes you. Oh, same one from Jungle Book, obviously. Car. Car. was to say, wasn't that Jungle Book? But I guess it was both. huh It's both. I just went with Robin Hood because that made Miriam as hot. Yes. it makes it Turns out I wanted to frick a fox when was younger. She was a fox, man.
00:29:57
Speaker
She was foxy. ah they do That's the only way that line works out. Otherwise, like what? If you look him in the eyes, it'll get you in the back. this is like a fun house of mirrors yeah he's not a velociraptor with other velociraptors around him oh clever girl i mean even stab you in the back would make more sense because like what if he had the tail and he was just like you looking him in his tail just goes this is this is somebody you' like that's a cool line and somebody else like doesn't make sense doesn't matter it's fucking cool
00:30:28
Speaker
But see, the thing is, if it doesn't make sense, it's okay, because we'll move on really quick to the shooting and the explosions. You ever dance to the devil in the pale moonlight? What does that mean? I don't know. It just sounds cool. But yeah, so they go to get Stavros at this amusement park. He's meeting a woman who's bringing him his son.
00:30:45
Speaker
We don't know that. No, no. I mean, it's pretty obvious. They're following the wrong guy. oh yes like oh yeah. It's not Stavros. Stavros is a lefty.
00:30:56
Speaker
The next 10 minutes, Mickey Rourke is using his right hand for everything until that gun finally dies. And now he's doing the left hand. He's an ambissextrous, dude. yeah Much like Dennis Rodman. I have a gun in my left hand, going to throw the grenade with my right hand because I'm that kind of guy.
00:31:13
Speaker
No, i just, the reason I bring it up that we don't know is because they don't know. So it's this whole thing where Van Dam hesitates and ends up getting, I think, everybody killed. Yeah, well, that's what they get for being named Delta 2 through 8. They don't even have names. You don't get a chance to miss them if they don't have names.
00:31:30
Speaker
yes But yeah, the the woman gets killed. Stavros tries to save the kid. ah Coca-Cola happens. for the first time in this movie because it's this actor again. trivia, product Coca-Cola can- The The
00:32:07
Speaker
I would think so, but
Coca-Cola Product Placement Trivia
00:32:09
Speaker
let's see here. Anybody listening that knows of a fucking example to prove this wrong, please let us know because I can't think of one. It's just my brain would have thought there's no way that's a right fact. so But I trust Derek.
00:32:22
Speaker
Ah, see, no, it's not right. Although I don't think the other one is technically um product placement. I think it just happened to be there ah because I just Googled it.
00:32:33
Speaker
Quick cursory Google and it's... ah che It's feet. There's a Coca-Cola machine in Dr. Strangelove, the 1964 Stanley Kubrick movie. Okay, but not a promotion.
00:32:45
Speaker
I very much remember that scene. ah Peter Sellers is talking to the crazy general guy, and he's trying to get his soda out of the machine. But I don't know if that's product placement or if it was just there.
00:32:59
Speaker
Because also think there's one in Spies Like Us. Yeah, it might be. Like I said, it was an IMDb trivia, and that's why they're dumb. Yeah, there's a thing here that Jack pointed out where it's probably like a cut storyline where they're like maybe old Universal Soldier Android type guys because there's like this night vision targeting camera thing.
00:33:18
Speaker
That you see from a few people's point of view. Stavros and Jean-Claude both have it. Stavros and Quinn are the only ones that we see with it. Where it's something's happening. Like someone throws a Molotov cocktail.
00:33:32
Speaker
Or and and in Quinn's case, he's tracking Stavros. And it's like tunnel visions on just him. So it's like a spidey sense. But with like mass amounts cocaine.
00:33:44
Speaker
The tiger talks to Rourke. Well, if you haven't talked to a tiger, my friend, you haven't lived. I haven't. You haven't drank tiger blood. Hashtag winning.
00:33:56
Speaker
Don't think I have. But the kid gets killed. Stavros flips out. Van Damme ends up chasing him into a hospital. And I feel like Van Damme saw like just recently saw Hard Boiled, which I just told Jack about the other day. He hasn't seen it, but he pulled up the poster for it.
00:34:11
Speaker
And it's Chow Yun-Fat on the cover holding a baby. Because the entire climax of that movie happens in a maternity ward. They're trying to save babies from a burning hospital. He's not doing the poster justice.
00:34:23
Speaker
It's Chow Young Fat holding a baby and a shotgun while wearing a tattered, burnt, sliced up uniform. That's... Yeah. Punch it up, babe. But like, it's not... This is though the...
00:34:37
Speaker
the light version of that because I feel like Van Damme saw that and was like let's do a scene in the maternity ward I did that movie with John Woo and he fucked it all up let's do his movie again Derek also showed me in the same fucking breath a ah clip from a Hong Kong movie where it's a stunt but it's not like a CG stunt somebody is holding a little girl I would say five years old out of a car window by her hair and they're driving at speeds I would say over 40 50 miles an hour Yeah.
00:35:08
Speaker
It's a stunt, but it's not a stunt. It's someone just filming that happening. It's from a movie called Fatal Termination. We need to get that. I have it. Did the kid survive?
00:35:19
Speaker
Probably. don't know. We don't watch Milo and Otis anymore in my house. I have that movie. I got it from a really small boutique label called Error 4444.
00:35:30
Speaker
Is it weird that I'm more okay with this little kid dying? like I'm not okay with her dying, but I'm more okay with her dying than like all the cats they threw off the cliff in Milo and Otis? Yes. it's not weird.
00:35:41
Speaker
You're going to lose one kid. I'm saying it's okay. It's like 16 cats. Okay. But yeah, they they have this fight in this maternity ward and Stavros goes in between calling him Quinn and calling him Mr. And this is where we find out that it was his son because he's like, my little boy was six years old, Mr. That makes this personal, Mr. Hey, mister, this makes it personal. You went after my son, mister.
00:36:09
Speaker
ah was wondering, have you seen any of my ah my goons around, mister? I think you shot them all. I shot yours, mister. Eye for an eye. Eye for a guy. Eye for a thigh. Let's trade wings.
00:36:22
Speaker
and This...
00:36:25
Speaker
But Stavros throws a fucking grenade into one of these little um tram baby it's not tram carrying devices. It's baby cultivator.
00:36:36
Speaker
Stroller? No, it's the things you put the babies in at the hospital. bassinet. It's like a bassinet, but it's not a bassinet on wheels. order Plastic bed on wheels. I can't be more clear. It's a portable bassinet.
00:36:50
Speaker
But yeah, he throws a grenade in there with a baby in it pushes it over to Van Damme. like an incubator. So he has to toss a grenade into an elevator. Stink it, Bader. Biggest explosion of grenades ever caused. Yeah, that big amount of bullets. The first time in this movie, because there's other times where this normal fragmentation grenade like Taker Tom, we've we've talked before, knows how grenades work.
00:37:12
Speaker
They don't make this big a about a boom. They send out pieces of metal to like shred you. This is fire and incendiary. put plutonium in it. so Terrifying grenade all of sudden, by the way.
00:37:25
Speaker
Terrifying grenade. Alright, if I pull the pin and throw this grenade, I can destroy at least three cities. Exactly. But Van Damme saves the baby, gets a back full of shrapnel,
00:37:37
Speaker
Passes out, wakes up at the
Arrival and Exploration of the Colony
00:37:39
Speaker
colony. So new movie number two is now started. Yep. The colony featuring Jean-Claude Van Damme and French people. And it's ah basically it's a it's a it's a colony where people go because they failed their missions, but they're they're too dangerous or they're too useful to kill and too dangerous to let Rome free. Yeah. Something along those lines.
00:38:03
Speaker
But they have to check in This is the retirement. Yeah. Yeah. It's this or death. It's important, though, because they have to check in in their rooms every so often to prove that they're there. Otherwise, this nerve gas is released. that Let's talk about that deterrent real quick.
00:38:18
Speaker
If you don't put your thumb on the screen, the first course of action is to release, release nerve gas in your room. Very clearly. I'm not there. Yeah, that's what i I was like. That doesn't make any sense. That doesn't make any sense. Like the nerve gas being there makes sense because you can kill me at any time. But it's like, all right. What if you're pooping?
00:38:37
Speaker
Dude, I got some fucking some. I've had some days where I'm like, I can't reach that. You just shit your pants. You just shit your pants all the way over to the TV and you just call for fucking special services. you're like, hey, dude, whatever the spy equivalent of a janitor is like to clean up people that couldn't be left alive either.
00:38:54
Speaker
come I just I left a snail trail from the bathroom to the TV, and I think you know why. Yeah, that makes me shit myself. He calls Paul Freeman and he's like, um I'm going to need a cleanup. And they send Harvey Keitel from Pulp Fiction. He's like, oh, I don't do that kind of cleanup, dude.
00:39:11
Speaker
That is not the wolf's specialty. If I am curt with you, it's because I need to get this done. Oh, no. I have left a a trail of poop all the way from my bathroom to my something.
00:39:24
Speaker
Can you put the something in my bathroom? i put my coffee machine in there. Same. But we do meet Paul Freeman, who's playing Sly. I the toaster oven from my bathroom? um Playing Gold Smythe, Paul Freeman we've talked about at least twice before. Mighty Morphin Power Rangers, he was Ivan Ooze. Only person in that movie doing anything. Anything. Remotely close to acting.
00:39:49
Speaker
yeah And on Hot Fuzz, which was on our Patreon, he was he's the reverend in Hot Fuzz. Stop this mindless violence, that guy. And of course, he's in Indiana Jones, which is, I think, the big thing that most people, most Americans at least, would know him from. Yeah.
00:40:05
Speaker
I know him from Power Rangers. ah it's Spoken like your husband's wife.
00:40:12
Speaker
And he kind of introduces Van Damme to the island. He's like, these are all people that were supposedly killed. He introduces us to security system, too. thank Because this guy is and also known as
Colony's Think Tank Role
00:40:23
Speaker
the tax man. And Van Damme's like, you died six years ago. And he's like, I'm doing pretty good, huh? Has it been six years? Bloody hell.
00:40:30
Speaker
Time flies when you're just drinking coconuts. And we meet this guy, Stahl, who doesn't like Van Damme. Because Van Damme thought he killed him.
00:40:42
Speaker
I thought I killed him in Barcelona or whatever said. Apparently not enough, sir. Because look at that. He's quite alive. And he punched you right in the mouth. But their whole job in this movie is you have all these secret agents and terrorists and whatever on this island to...
00:41:00
Speaker
Basically analyze global terrorist events and then try to solve them very quickly. they It's a think tank of geniuses that also like guns. So you said think tank and then you said geniuses and I was with you and then you lost me.
00:41:13
Speaker
Because I don't think they're like, yes, it's supposed to be geniuses, but like... this This guy Stahl, he doesn't look genius. He just looks like a fucking big bruiser. He just looks like somebody that could kill you really, really well. But he'd be like, this is what I would do in this scenario.
00:41:27
Speaker
So he still has i guess so so the information to say. Well, that's the part of the reason it doesn't make sense. That's why last night I was confused when we were watching it because it was... they're there to do this like analysis of the, the attacks or whatever. Like they do this one on this plane and they've, you know, was it wasn't the North Koreans, whatever.
00:41:44
Speaker
But like, not all these people are analysts. Like the tax man might be an analyst and right some of these other fucking nerds are. Jean-Claude was only an analyst when it came to Stavros. That's it. Yeah. He's he im sure a tactician maybe, but he's not one of these guys. Like I can see that the bomb came from the inside. Yeah.
00:42:02
Speaker
Yeah, and I mean, he he's the one who kind of cracks the thing, so it's like, let's show how smart he is, how good of a secret agent he is, because he's used to tracking global terrorists. But I mean, that's the whole conceit behind that movie.
00:42:14
Speaker
um Paul Freeman does tell him, too, that only one man has ever escaped. ah He only lived for 48 hours, and that was before they installed the laser grid, which will be very stupidly important later on.
00:42:27
Speaker
Stupidly important? That part's great! A man explodes. Yeah. Because of lasers. f Freaking lasers. But he only he only lasted 48 hours because his guardian took care of him. Everybody has a guardian.
00:42:42
Speaker
And if they escape the island, nobody knows who the guardian is. Mine's Kevin Costner. If they escape the island, then the guardian is activated, who has to hunt them down, and they get you. They're going to get you good. They're going to get you.
00:42:57
Speaker
So ah there's a quick thing that didn't seem important until later when we realize why it's going on.
Villain's Ploy and Kidnapping Plot
00:43:04
Speaker
But his wife does these sculptures. Like there's this one that she said is a swan and he yeah he thought it was a cow.
00:43:10
Speaker
um And this this doctor lady, something calls him to say, like, hey, we want to sell your sculptures, whatever. The whole thing with that is that it's Mickey Rourke. Yep. secretly. That's his way of kidnapping her without her knowing that she's being kidnapped. I've got your little butterfly.
00:43:28
Speaker
He's French.
00:43:32
Speaker
No. Yeah. Whatever. Just do gruff voice.
Escape Plan and Training Montage
00:43:36
Speaker
That's it. I got your brain to fly. was talking about the literal writing on the wall. What do you mean? Like metaphorically the writing on the wall? What is what he's trying to say here? She's diving really deep into this movie. No, no, no. The writing on the wall. was deep in it last night.
00:43:54
Speaker
if you... If you want to do a really good Mickey Rourke, just think of Kiefer Sutherland in Young Guns when he took peyote. She's my butterfly. I'm her flower.
00:44:07
Speaker
floor like We see Van Damme formulating his escape plan, and it's like they get these supply drops, so when the supply drops come, the grid gets the laser grid gets deactivated.
00:44:18
Speaker
Thankfully, there's an and unlimited supply of cigarettes because you're going to train timing and measuring yourself with cigarettes. Yeah, it's a whole getting ready montage because he's using a crutch. Yeah, he's not letting anybody know that he's healing. Yeah, as I say, he needs it at first. But when we see him in his room, because even I think Derek or one of you last night was like, why wouldn't he just like get workout equipment?
00:44:44
Speaker
Because then we see the next scene. He's limping around in front of everybody on a crutch or a cane. And yeah, he doesn't need it. He just needs him to think that. we now know how JCVD fucks because he fucked the bathtub.
00:44:58
Speaker
punishes this bathtub. I mean, like, I guess when they hit roll, he's like, I'm going to show you how I like to fuck. ah ah That moisture is nothing compared to what's going to happen when it's me and you.
00:45:11
Speaker
Because he's doing like he's putting buckets full of rocks on his shoulders and like having to lift that and thrust his hips. I don't know how. That's the bathtub. that he The bucket was kicking and he was doing the leg stretches with the bucket. Well, he's doing the but bathtub.
00:45:24
Speaker
No, he has sex with both. He has sex with the bucket of rocks and the bathtub. Yeah, when he's fucking the bathtub, he's got a rope over his shoulders and he's got two buckets full of rocks either side. I thought was the tub on. I thought that was holding the tub.
00:45:36
Speaker
No, no. He's lifting it with it. He's lifting that and then like thrusting to like make his bone and muscles. Well, no, because he does it with no. He's like doing the bathtub. It's a rope around his neck that's holding it. So it's all to strengthen his back and his shoulders. That's why I thought it was holding the bathtub. Oh, no.
00:45:53
Speaker
I think he's holding rocks in there. It doesn't really matter. I think he does two separate. i say I'm telling you, he does both. It's two separate scenes. My favorite. Well, it's a whole montage of bullshit. And there's another montage in a little bit. That's all kind of the same montage, though.
00:46:05
Speaker
But my favorite part is when he's... trying to become flexible again big question mark because he immediately drops this cane and puts his foot into the top right corner of this door frame like he is now twice as tall as he used to be your banana split like dude it is like here's my dick shoved against these tiny little gym shorts i don't know who jim is but i took a shorts i like it it's amazing And the music playing the whole time is just this straight up like fart guitar, Skinamax fucking music. I couldn't tell you anything about the soundtrack, honestly. Sticking with the theme.
00:46:42
Speaker
Farty soundtrack. Like the fartiest. It's literally just like 30 million, guys. 30 million. it Wasn't spent on music. and Nope. they could mean and They could have got Limp Bizkit for less than 30 million. There was definitely a Limp Bizkit.
00:47:04
Speaker
Sharks of the corn? Virus shark? Cocaine shark? Sharktopus? Yeah, those are all real movies. Join me, Steve Coates, as each week I take a comedic look at the bizarre world of shark exploitation cinema on Bucket of Chum, the shark movie podcast.
00:47:27
Speaker
If you really enjoy listening to Bad Movies, Worst People, just so you know, we do have Patreon. We have two different tiers. That's right. Patreon.com slash worst people. We have a $3 tier. We get early access to Han Took Shots First, our Star Wars podcast. You get a monthly newsletter.
00:47:42
Speaker
You get archived episodes that are no longer available on the main feed. Plus, you get our monthly mental health episode. Which we need. And do. We do. And there's also $5 tier where you get all of that content.
00:47:53
Speaker
Plus you get ad free episodes from the main feed and you get access to latch key vids, which is our recap show about forgotten or never known television shows from the nineties like cop rock.
00:48:05
Speaker
too soon man it was just too early it's a beautiful thing it is a beautiful thing so check out patreon.com slash worst people help support this crazy endeavor thank you thank you um but there's another terrorist attack everybody thinks it's stavros this when we see what whitney was talking about spray painted on the wall is this butterfly because uh floor Frenchie wife has a butterfly tattoo.
00:48:28
Speaker
And yeah, it specifically says Q. So Quinn, I have your butterfly. He's the only one who notices. He doesn't tell anybody. He's like, no, wasn't Stavros. It's somebody else. Yeah, it's a copycat. Yeah, it is a copycat.
00:48:42
Speaker
But then there's more training. This is the buckets of rocks tied to his leg and all that. This is the ah pack of cigarettes as an airplane. and Yeah, using a pack of cigarettes to like simulate the airplane flying, and then he drops the cigarette into an ashtray, and it's like, sure, that tells you, question mark.
00:48:57
Speaker
He just wanted to smoke a bunch of cigarettes. He also builds one of those little like dipping birds that likes to go down, you know the things that go into the water. It likes to go down. it likes to go down. You've seen them. They go walk.
00:49:08
Speaker
Think of the Simpsons. You've seen them. Think of the Simpsons episode where Homer's trying to get so gain so much weight that he could work from home, and he gets the little bird that just clicks yes all the time.
00:49:21
Speaker
Yes, exactly that. Exactly that. The hand that you've used to dial is too fat. Please match the keypad now to order a dialing wand.
00:49:31
Speaker
But he he makes this out of a Coca-Cola can and a bunch of like the what were those toys called where you could build shit ah not an erector set but like connects because it was like the wooden version yeah and that's what it looks like he's got like the little wooden joints and stuff I'm like there's no kids on this island why do you have connects I asked for the game ah mousetrap to be sent to my room so I could use it to build this kind of Rube Goldberg thing I mean so I can play mousetrap But like he doesn't even test like he tests that the little tippy can thing works.
00:50:05
Speaker
But then he like slices off his fingerprint, puts it on the the this eraser that's attached to this thing and then just goes about his plan. Yeah. Not knowing if this is actually going to work because we'll be there. So the way that he jumps in.
00:50:19
Speaker
Well, no, because if this doesn't work, I guess the grid's going to go off anyway. Yeah. if But if this doesn't work, all going to do is release nerve gas in his room. Yeah, but I guess it alerts them slightly earlier. He bought himself 20 or 30 minutes. Yeah. No, they put the grid back on the water is right there.
00:50:37
Speaker
Well, stall doesn't get to report back because stall is in. So he dives off the cliff into the water as soon as the grid turns off. Yeah. And he's going to hitch a ride on this boat. But there's a guy in scuba gear who we end up finding out is stall when he rips off the mask.
00:50:51
Speaker
But like he has a little underwater fight. Oh he's trying to stall me. How did he know that he was in the water? he just like... I think that's his job. is That's why he's there. He's not an analyst. He hangs out in the water when grid goes off. okay We made the connection.
00:51:08
Speaker
Look at that. But like, work guys but he doesn't have time to report back because Van Dam grabs onto this, these supplies they're sending out. Big question mark that the plane comes by and does like a skyhook thing. And he grabs a ride on that much like how stall is like the bodyguard. Some of these guys are fucking engineers and they're building shit to send back to other countries to sell.
00:51:29
Speaker
Oh, OK. Here's a new fucking here's a new earring bomb to send to fucking Yaz. Yep. But like he lost the one we have, the other one we gave him. As soon as the lasers come back on, Stahl is hit with lasers and explodes as if he was filled with C4. Yeah.
00:51:46
Speaker
We're talking about bad guys who explode from freaking lasers to the head. Can we get bad guy to laser the freaking head? Is that too much to ask, Van Damme? You know what? That's what they needed. They don't need a guy in a scuba suit with a knife.
00:51:58
Speaker
They don't need a laser grid. They just need sharks with lasers. Sharks with freaking lasers. I'm so glad you said because I thought you were going Mike Myers. I'm like, where's he going to put Mike Myers in this movie? Knowing Mike Myers, he liked to be all of them.
00:52:09
Speaker
Yeah.
Humor on Character Portrayal and Security Measures
00:52:10
Speaker
Okay, so I'll play Jean-Claude Van Damme. I'll be the effeminate black guy. And, you know, if I can be Stavros. Look at my cum gutters. I can be Stavros. Cum gutters is what I call my cheeks, you know.
00:52:24
Speaker
But, like, so Stahl doesn't have a chance to report. So when... I mean, they cut almost immediately to ah Gold Smythe and the other guys going into his room and finding the thumbprint. They all die from nerve gas? Oh, no. But I feel like it was...
00:52:38
Speaker
Supposed to be a little bit later, like the thing reported like um his thumbprint is still his thumb is still on the thumbprint reader kind of thing, because once it tilted, it doesn't go back. um Yeah, you can take your thumbprint off.
00:52:49
Speaker
Please yeah take your thumbprint off. I have things to do today. Excuse you. You think this is the only TV I run? I run this whole colony. Please take your thumb off the fucking screen. I need to.
00:53:01
Speaker
Why won't you listen to me? We have our 20 minutes of Sky Timber because it starts with this part and then right after there's another one. But like he gets up on this plane and the dudes see him climbing up there, you know, and you have a parachute. I do like it. He's like, do you have a parachute? the guy's like, yeah. And he's like, cool. And flips this motherfucker off the plane. You can catch that in our opening credit.
00:53:25
Speaker
Yeah. Yeah. And they do show you see the guy in the background parachuting away. Yes. To make sure that was a real sky prank, guys. But also, you know, that Van Dam threw a dude out of a plane.
00:53:36
Speaker
Fuck yeah. I like that. Or maybe that guy, maybe that guy actually died and they had a second plane there like ah terminal vertical terminology. I'm glad you almost said it wrong.
00:53:48
Speaker
think Charlie Sheen would have done a movie with Dennis Rodman. No. Let me ask you a better question. You think Dennis Rodman would have survived doing a movie with Charlie Sheen? No. ah No, on both. Gotcha. Moving it on.
00:54:00
Speaker
ah But Gold Smythe gets activated as Van Damme's guardian. Big surprise because he's the only person on the island who had lines besides Stahl. And he's now exploded. Which one of us here can do like a non-French accent?
00:54:12
Speaker
The guy is not from France. Okay. He's the one. He's the guardian. with the pretty eyes Van Damme gets back to Antwerp so they must not be too far from there big question mark on that that's when he runs into Dennis Rodman leaving the sex club on this tiny motorcycle yeah it's not a tiny motorcycle it's just a tiny motorcycle for Dennis Rodman I think it's a Buell I don't know it's a normal size Ducati you can see it on the gas tank I can't oh white and yellow terrible can't see those colors
00:54:44
Speaker
But I love Van Damme comes up behind him as he's getting on the bike, and he just goes, boo. Oh, my God. Because he he's holding the tail. so Oh, yeah. He picks up the fucking... There's some sort of French ghost behind me.
00:55:00
Speaker
Turns around... Oh, it's a Belgian ghost. so Oh, shit. The ghost with the most. The muscle from Brussels. But he gets them to go in, give them some weapons. He's like, can I pay you later?
00:55:12
Speaker
Can I pay you to Tuesday for some missiles today? i would gladly pay you Tuesday for a handgun today. And Rodman's like, yeah, dead men don't get credit. So he knows that Van Damme is supposed to be dead. yep But something about the action codes.
00:55:29
Speaker
Yeah, there's codes that are for bank accounts that the colony had that are supposed to be where Brodman's going to get his money. This is movie 2.8.
00:55:39
Speaker
Yeah, I mean, because it's barely a thing. Freeman running around ah who we see like for maybe three more minutes of this movie in like two or three scenes um is the conclusion of movie number two.
00:55:51
Speaker
that's happening throughout. We're back to movie number one for now. Yes. We're back to Quinn versus Davros. That's kind of our thing. But we have movie two has no movie two's colony. Yaz is kind of all over.
00:56:06
Speaker
Yeah, movie three is Cyber Monks, which we'll get to It's a it's a short film, but it could be a full feature length motion
Basketball Airbag and Survival
00:56:13
Speaker
picture. I would watch it. But this is the next part of Sky Timber because they go up in an airplane.
00:56:20
Speaker
Rodman's there with him. It's better than a parachute, I promise you. Yeah, Van Damme's like, I have no parachute. And he's like, my creation's better than a parachute. If you die, I'll give you a full refund. So you've tested this, though? You've tested this.
00:56:32
Speaker
I don't have to test No, because he even says before he goes up with Van Damme, he's like, my ass is staying on the ground. But Van Damme makes him go up with him. so What could happen?
00:56:42
Speaker
He shoves Rodman out of the plane, dives after him, grabs him, activates this better-than-a-parachute device, which is... A basketball. A basketball airbag.
00:56:54
Speaker
How is this better than a parachute? It's not because you're still you reach terminal velocity, dude.
00:57:02
Speaker
So is the idea that like when you hit it just takes the brunt of that? Yes. It's going to absorb all it. But I'm like. When they cut out of it after they land, it's just like a sphere.
00:57:15
Speaker
Yeah. It's not like a sphere that has like a smaller sphere inside of it where you're cushioned. it's just So you're just bouncing around inside. All the ah hardened air molecules. It's a rock in a tsunami.
00:57:26
Speaker
Centripetal rock in a tsunami. Oh, your honor, I would like to start the case of rock versus tsunami. Okay. Accepted. ah right accept it ah Well, we get to the Rodman when they land and he's like, that's what I call hang time.
00:57:41
Speaker
Ugh. Dude. Like, Rodman really wanted a one-liner and he got a lot of them and none worked. And you know what? One more time. because he can't do more than one line. But he can't. He can't even do these, man. They're so flat. Oh, you see those nostrils? He can do two lines. for he get Well, those aren't lines, man. Those are fucking parking curbs.
00:58:05
Speaker
Two orange parking cones of cocaine. I've never seen it. He puts the cone down. He fills it with cocaine. He lifts it slowly so it leaves a pyramid behind. And then he just... ah God, your lines look with the fucking Adirondacks. Yeah.
00:58:22
Speaker
Like Van Damme goes to his house and there's a lady there with a baby. So he goes in to get his baby. No, he goes to Stavros's house. where Yeah, wherever wherever she knows that Stavros has his butterfly. OK, I thought it was his house because it's got the pool and it's yeah another generic rich guy house.
00:58:41
Speaker
yeah I didn't think about that. Maybe it is his house. Is it same pool? It doesn't matter cause it's about to be out of this movie. Yeah, very out of this movie because the baby's not a baby. It's supposed to be out of this um world.
00:58:54
Speaker
And there is two seconds left on this bomb when he finds it. And he almost gets to the door before this house explodes. I mean, they blew up this. They blew up this villa.
00:59:05
Speaker
And like, it's a big explosion. And then he gets outside and there's another huge explosion, much like what was it? The Punisher. There was like this explosion followed by explosion to make sure this building no longer exists. yeah And then like while he's doing this gunfight, which, by the way, he's the.
00:59:23
Speaker
only person that's ever looked cool on an inflatable raft because he jumps back, you know, and does like the falling back shooting thing, but he's drifting in a raft. Like I want James Gunn to score this and just like, if you like pina coladas, pop, pop. But then we get the yeah the nurse. This actually reminded me of Hot Fuzz. Maybe because it's like a nurse doing murders. I don't know.
00:59:48
Speaker
She's got the gun. She's got the grenade. like It's very greater good townspeople. Krusty jugglers. But she pulls the pin and he fucking shoots her. And now we get the second world's most giant grenade explosion.
01:00:04
Speaker
Yeah. Dude, this pool is exploded. Like, and I know that a grenade will blow up in the water. That's fine. Yeah. But like, this was like the scene from, um, blue deep blue sea under blue sea.
01:00:19
Speaker
Oh, when he puts the spear on the shark? No, when they open the door and then the water just goes. yeah. Oh, when it shoots up out Yeah. Yeah. But like, it's crazy. That's closer to what would happen. explode and you would have the water shoot out, which we see.
01:00:33
Speaker
But then there's a secondary explosion again and the pool is engulfed in fire. I'm like, yeah what did they pack these grenades with? Plutonium. What we didn't know.
Dramatic Explosion and Chaos in Rome
01:00:42
Speaker
That's just a big pit of gasoline.
01:00:45
Speaker
That's not a swimming pool, dude. This is Stavros where all the goons fucking gas up. Yeah. Someone one threw a grenade in the fucking pool of gasoline like, oh no.
01:00:56
Speaker
This is not going to go well for us. But in another weird turn of like, where is anything happening? He was just at this villa, whether it be his or Stavros's. It was not in a neighborhood.
01:01:10
Speaker
And then cut to he's in like ah fucking Laurie Strode's neighborhood from Halloween. All of a sudden he's in like some suburban neighborhood. Yes. And there's a broken down car in the middle of the street with a tape for that Stavros made that's just playing on a loop.
01:01:26
Speaker
It never rewinds, so he must have just said the same thing over and over. like right right It's just like we edit this. No, we need you to just fucking talk for the three hours of tape. This is recorded on both sides of the tape. It'll keep flipping to the other side. We got one of those clear cassettes with like the neon writing from the 90s. So we're going to be all right.
01:01:48
Speaker
God, those are my favorite. But basically it's like, you know, don't take this car, but you might want to get to the Hotel Navona in Rome because I'm going to kill your family or something. Change.
01:02:01
Speaker
um Yeah, make like a Mandalorian, do good to Beskar. And Rodman shows up. Big question mark. He's on the boom. He's just following the explosions. He's at the top of the mountain. He's like, and there.
01:02:14
Speaker
Okay, he's over there. So if I go over there, I can cut the explosions off, I think. So they leave what looks like this small town neighborhood and end up in Italy.
01:02:26
Speaker
Yep. I don't know how he's traveling. He literally Rodman literally told he told Rodman that he didn't have any money and that it was in these accounts. Yet he is just jet setting across the fucking all of Europe.
01:02:38
Speaker
ah Trying to figure out how they could do that. Maybe Robin has a bunch of like dirty connections. Maybe. ok That's why Rodman won't leave. He just keeps racking up a bill because he's I don't mean like dirty in the sense like he's got blackmail on people.
01:02:55
Speaker
It's okay movie 4.3 that they actually didn't film. It was written. But yeah, he's blackmailing everybody. Remember that that dick gun I got you, Tom Savini?
01:03:06
Speaker
I need to help yeah get you. Get me across Italy, please. I forgot to pull up this picture, but Rodman in his ah skydiving suit is just wonderful. Looks like Darth Condom.
01:03:20
Speaker
um But rod Dennis Rodman steals a Fiat so we can get the house guest joke of I'm glad you said house guest. yeah Black guy in a little car. But it is a convertible so he can pop his head out. Oh, yeah. He's driving with his head sticking out the top. And and Van Damme is like looking over the steering wheel trying to see what's going on. Hey, mister. Their height difference is insane.
01:03:45
Speaker
But it is Rodman fine tells him like, hey, so those bank account numbers didn't work. And Van Damme was like, yeah, those colony bank accounts are all fronts. Sorry, I'll pay you eventually. Maybe probably. ah What?
01:03:57
Speaker
But then he drops his sonogram and Rodman's like, oh, you have a baby and Stavros is threatening him. So now I'll help you for free because I'm a criminal with a heart of gold. Yes. It's some forced honor thing.
01:04:10
Speaker
Yeah. he He literally goes from like, I'll kill you for not paying me to all right. I'll help you for free in 1.2 seconds. Is this a podcast first where it's a a forced bromance?
01:04:24
Speaker
We've had forced romance. This is a forced bromance. All the other ones, Harley-Davidson and the Marlboro Man, they were longtime friends. Yes. Any of the other like buddy kind of things like Shakedown, longtime friends.
01:04:39
Speaker
This is a forced bromance because they- he's saying forced as in Star Wars? No, forced. Oh. like the movie is forcing it on us like it's like very like all the forced romances we have where i get that stroke of hey like hey it's been 15 minutes i love you well now it's dennis rodman and fucking jean-claude van damme where it's like okay oh there's a picture your sonogram we'll all die for you ah fucking love you there you go that's what it is because there isn't a romance movie here for the most part like sure his wife that he's trying to save she's not in this movie though
01:05:12
Speaker
Now, you can't have French people in this French movie directed by a guy from Hong Kong. Get the Frenchies out of here. um We're in France. It's going to be tough.
01:05:24
Speaker
But, you guys, it's time to get off the bench and go undercover. Another basketball reference because he was often known as being a six man early on in his career. But I love for those watching on video, you can see it for those not look at our posts because this will be in our post for this episode. Sunglasses.
01:05:44
Speaker
This undercover outfit that fucking Van Damme is in with this fucking rat's nest wig, the hair, the rings, the the the nose hoop, the homeless clothes.
01:05:56
Speaker
Is this supposed be a normal look? I think he's just supposed to be. In France, He's blending in. Well, they're in Italy. in Prague. Well, no, they're in Rome now because that's where the hotel is.
01:06:06
Speaker
but like Oh, and Nicole's him. He's a street artist, so he just looks like a street artist, I guess. It's the best he's ever looked outside of Hard Target with a mullet.
01:06:17
Speaker
Oof. And this is so fucking confusing. Like none of us could follow who any of these people were because I'm pretty sure the CIA is there watching. but i know the Mossad. Mossad. Mossad.
01:06:29
Speaker
Stavros has some of his people doing some fucking shit. Stavros people are there. There's ah ah the Italian police are there. cia yeah i think the Italian police are the ones that are Stavros' people because they're escalating it.
01:06:41
Speaker
This dude on horseback just pulls out a fucking automatic weapon out of nowhere and just starts firing. And then you have agents with pistols firing. And it's chopped up in a way that you can't tell who's shooting at who.
01:06:55
Speaker
It is a fucking firefight full of pandemonium. I don't know if the Italian police are on Stavros' payroll or if it's just like this guy is running around in this like Napoleon outfit riding a horse. I think he just felt fucking cool, man.
01:07:07
Speaker
i Italian you police don't have guns like this. They have nightsticks like a fucking British guy. Maybe he was in the, I won't remember what it was called, but the Italian police that showed up in ah Point Break 2015 that were like the the SWAT military equivalent.
01:07:25
Speaker
No, did this guy, not dressed like this. Well, we you know, the 90s, they gave him fucking Napoleon outfits. It was cold. Oh, great. Here comes here comes fucking ah here here comes Antonio dressed up like fucking Napoleon again. great oh is he pulling a gun? Oh, my God.
01:07:41
Speaker
oh he's going full out this time. This is an escalation. He's never done this. Okay, he's not a policeman. He's a postal worker. I'm not policeman. I'm a princess. During the shootout, ah you see the wife in a car.
01:07:56
Speaker
The guy's just honking the horn to get Van Damme's attention. And he starts chasing after her. and No, do that's what they want. Don't go. It's the old pick and roll.
01:08:08
Speaker
This is that classic, like... um It's happened in so many movies and I can't, there's one specifically that's in my head right now that I can't think of, but it's like, you're looking for somebody, there's a big crowd of people.
01:08:21
Speaker
chaos ensues and as you're running through that person is waiting for you and as you like break through the crowd they turn around and they're like hello that's what Stavros does right yeah it is that's exactly what I'm looking for as you glad I'm glad you're singing to me but like Stavros does that he talks to Van Damme a little bit but then they start there there's more of a shootout um Rodman beats the shit out of this dude in the back of a cab, which is hilarious because like I commented while watching it, like you could not, even if Rodman has no fighting skills, which we see in this movie, he does not.
01:08:56
Speaker
Right. You could not defeat him in the back of a small European taxi cab. No, because you are in this backseat with a likeke giant of a man. So all your, this dude is like just flailing and Rodman, all he has to do is just like move his arms and just fucking clonk this dude out. Like, You have nowhere to go. You are drowning in Rodman.
01:09:18
Speaker
Drowning in Rodman. I'd die that way. That's the name of his sex tape, by the way, dude. Just drowning in Rodman. He's not going to bust for like three weeks just so he can shoot drowning in Rodman. He's going to have some friends over and do a bull cocky.
01:09:34
Speaker
Chicago bull cocky.
01:09:39
Speaker
So who we got there? Michael Jordan. Yeah. Scotty Pippen. Yeah. Dennis Rodman. Yeah. Horace Grant. I think I'm out of players. Horace Grant for sure. yeah Okay. That's a name I know because of the last dance.
01:09:53
Speaker
think I'm definitely out of players now, though. Yeah. I'm sure they had a white guy. They occurred some point.
01:10:02
Speaker
Steve Kerr. I know that name. Yeah, you should. Anyway. Tucson fucking treasure. Oh, that's why I know it. and He played for the Wildcats. All right. Bear down. Well, now he's coaching for Golden State Warriors, just fucking winning titles. So he's a very talented.
01:10:20
Speaker
He's basketball smart. And he was smart enough to not be in a movie, man. what did Steve Kerr with fucking Wesley Snipes doing this exact movie would be a whole different bird. I think I'd want to watch it less. I'd still watch it.
01:10:35
Speaker
But during the shootout, there was a sniper. Van Damme chases this dude down. And he's got, like, again, Van Damme watched, just watched Desperado or
Martial Arts and Cyber Monks
01:10:45
Speaker
something.
01:10:45
Speaker
Because this dude's got his case that his sniper rifle is in. But the case itself is also a machine gun. Yeah. Yeah. Oh, dude. Great. And he, like, scales down the fucking building. Yeah.
01:10:58
Speaker
Yeah. And then the scene that we referenced probably 150 episodes ago or something, but we never we couldn't figure out what it was. oh Jack had brought up. I don't remember what movie we were talking about it on, but this he gets into this hotel room. He starts fighting this Asian dude who is holding a knife between his toes. It was that part stuck with me, but it it wasn't from this. It didn't stick with me. It was this movie.
01:11:23
Speaker
So we watched something. We're like, dude, what movie did we see recently? And it turns out it wasn't even together. Right. This is the first time we ever watched this together. But I had it in my head that we watched it together. But yeah, I was like, a guy's got a fucking switchblade between his toes.
01:11:39
Speaker
In this scene. And it's so unneeded. It's so ridiculous. It's so unneeded. It's so ridiculous. And it's so fucking awesome. He did it for Tarantino. It's awesome.
01:11:52
Speaker
Well, and this is the best fight in the movie. like Yeah. Because this guy is a martial artist. Yeah. Van Damme knows martial arts. I mean, ah Mickey Rourke, I read, I think on Wikipedia or something, did a bunch of martial arts training because he knew he was going to fight Van Damme, but they don't fight one on one a lot. There's short bursts of fighting. Right. But like this, this fight is really cool.
01:12:15
Speaker
There's the toe knife thing, but there's like toe knife, you know, slamming people through fucking. um like dividers in rooms and all this. It's fucking crazy. It's pretty cool. I'll tell you how you make this better. Not that you need to Jean Claude, pick up a knife with your foot.
01:12:32
Speaker
Yeah. Like this, the fight needs to spill out into the hallway of this hotel. And he sees like a fucking ribeye and he picks up the fucking knife. Then he picks up the first, he picks up the fork and eats a piece of the ribeye with his foot. Then he picks up the knife and he's like, that's not enough. This is a knife.
01:12:50
Speaker
And then they duel.
01:12:52
Speaker
its fucking great um and then we go and meet who Dennis Rodman calls his brother who is you have a brother who is a brother as in he's a monk these fucking underground hacker cyber monks cyber monks is exactly what I want to call him too and this is movie number three because where did this come from and where did it go co one will ever know Cotton Eye Joe cyber monk Joe
01:13:23
Speaker
Where did you come from? Where did you go? why are you watching porn, Cybermonk Joe? Internet. Belgian Waffle Joe.
01:13:33
Speaker
But like, yeah, there's it's just it's a place to put somebody thought Internet Cybermonks were cool. And then you can make Internet porn jokes because like they're down there trying to help him track down Stavros using the CCTVs or whatever.
01:13:48
Speaker
And one of the monks is looking at porn and the guy's just like Internet. like I think like one the, what happens is they're in the middle of looking and then a pop-up happens. Oh, is that what it is? Yeah. Okay. We were, you know what? It's better. It's better than what the other priests are doing.
01:14:07
Speaker
Yeah. Just saying. He's just looking at weird internet It's just internet porn. That's fine, dude. Go watch you some fucking, he ones this old dude wants to watch some fucking big titties on a, what do they call that? The boob drop. Big booty.
01:14:19
Speaker
It's called Meat Clackers. Meat Clackers. He wants to see... What's that what's the thing where it's like Newton's fucking Jacob's balls or something? Yeah. ah ah Jacob's Ladder? newton Jacob's Ladder? It's Newton's something. Newton's Cradle. Newton's Cradle. He wants to see three girls, so six tits, just doing Newton's Cradle. Just clack-a-clack.
01:14:42
Speaker
Clack-a-clack. Clack-a-clack. Clack-a-clack. They're all just leaning off of a countertop or something so their boobs are hanging and you just grab one let it go. I'm going to make this happen. This is how I show you what physics Have you ever heard of inertia and kinetic energy?
01:15:04
Speaker
The best part is it's not going to do the clack cutck clack clack because they're not metal. It's just going to be like this weird... Some of us have metal in our boobs. but But that's not the part that's going to be hitting. It's going doing this weird soft... We can make it. Just this...
01:15:16
Speaker
i can't I can't even like... It's not like hands clapping. It's not like spanking. just gonna be like... It's the equivalent... We've all been there. If if people are having a duel where they have to take like 10 paces, but instead of a gun, they're throwing wet pizza dough at each other, and they meet in midair, that's the sound.
01:15:32
Speaker
We've all been there. It's like balls bouncing off of an asshole while you're fucking. It's just that slap, slap, slap. Now you're being ridiculous.
01:15:42
Speaker
But... ah That's why I love Doug and Zio. but Rodman does reveal... that what appreciate about it? ah Rodman does reveal his little Semtex coin that he has, which they mention it and then it disappears. It's his lucky coin with his lucky ah wires and his lucky striking match and his lucky tinfoil. It comes back.
01:16:05
Speaker
it comes It comes back. I guess he uses one here and then he's got another one for later, right? Yeah. Well, you get more than one lucky coin. Yeah. No, he doesn't use a lucky coin right there. Oh, well, he said they set something up to explode. Yeah, because he's he pulls out these wires. He's talking about how he's always prepared, but then the wires aren't long enough.
01:16:22
Speaker
So he's throwing a skull at these wires to make them touch. i can Yeah, all I can think of because Derek asked when we were watching, he's like, is he trying to make a spark? was like, no, I think he's trying to hit the wires so they fucking touch.
01:16:37
Speaker
That's not a good way to do it. i guess because if it was longer wires, they could have hidden around the corner where they hid and he could have just been like zip. Exactly. But here's where we get the fucking flattest line of probably the... o Probably this month. Oops.
01:16:52
Speaker
Airball. You did a great impersonation of it last night and that will live forever in my brain. Thank you. Oh, when I came out of the bathroom? Because that's what I'm going to saying when I come out of the bedroom. Oops. Airball.
01:17:06
Speaker
Don't follow it with the next line, which is i never miss twice.
Coliseum Showdown and Final Explosion
01:17:11
Speaker
That's exactly what fallen off with. ah And you know what? Tiki Tap IMDB, he often missed twice. This guy was a record holder, bad shooter. Like, he's a Hall of Fame, dude, because of his defensive rebounds.
01:17:24
Speaker
Terrible offensive player as far as shoe stings. So there's some goons in the hallways of this Coliseum that they're sneaking through. And Rodman fights some and knocks one guy out.
01:17:36
Speaker
It's a hospital. That's right. Another hospital. Because these other dudes down know where we in this entire movie. I don't know. It's so confusing. Geographically, I don't know where we are. But Rodman uses one of these dudes as like a scarecrow dummy, like holds up a knocked out dude.
01:17:52
Speaker
And these other two dudes come running down the hallway. And he just hucks a dude at another dude and says, this is a hospital. No running. running. And then he knocks another and he's like, shh, be quiet.
01:18:06
Speaker
It's so fucking stupid. I might be a dummy, but you're the one with my hand up your ass. Hey, that's not very cool, dude. Oh, this is a hospital because this is when Van Damme finds his wife and she's all bloody because yeah she gave birth and Stavros took the baby and left her and the the doctor lady behind. Saved her life. Like ah one of the goons was going to kill her.
01:18:26
Speaker
And the doctor out of nowhere like pulled a gun. Is she an agent? Is there another movie here we didn't elaborate on? It's just the trailer for movie four that we aren't going to There you go. I'm not trying complain because I want this movie to be short. I want it to be 93, you said?
01:18:43
Speaker
Yeah. That's great. With with credits. 93 is exactly where this should be with or without credits. That's terrible. But like there are some things here that we talked about the dropped superpower plot. Obviously, the cyber monks are in and out.
01:18:58
Speaker
This chick is somebody, but we don't care. She has a first and last name, but for no reason, like we don't hear it except for when she calls the wife. It's Dr. Maria Traffoli.
01:19:12
Speaker
It's Traffoli.
01:19:15
Speaker
But yeah, it's Twiffiny. Oh, he took the he took the kids. So he's got to go find him. ah Stavros being the first he and Van Damme being the second he. So he goes to the Coliseum because where else would Stavros go? I don't think there's a reason.
01:19:31
Speaker
No, because he planted mines in the Coliseum. But I mean, and there's a tiger. And he's got to beat the tiger to get the baby. and That's what i mean. How did Van Damme know that he was at the Coliseum? He told him. Nobody was there. Oh, I guess maybe the girl, the doctor told him.
01:19:46
Speaker
Something like that. When he went into the elevator, he's like, all right, I'll go start looking for Stavros. Instead of Muzak, it was Stavros. I'm at the Coliseum. I'm at the Coliseum. I'm at the Coliseum. For just like the entire 32 floors down, I'm at the Coliseum. Good God, dude, stop it. I know where you are. I'm on my way. Dennis Rodman's going to give me a fucking giant piggyback ride.
01:20:06
Speaker
Shut up in the Coliseum. Oh, we didn't even talk about the pole dancing scene, but that's fine. We'll talk about it right now. At some point in this little sneak around thing, Jean-Claude gets surprised by Rodman gets surprised by Jean-Claude. Yes, because he's hiding and he hears Van Damme and he's like, just another fucking white dude.
01:20:30
Speaker
And then Van Damme's like, it's me. It's me. And then finally gets in the light. And then Rodman goes. he spins him around much like a giant college cheerleader does Yeah.
01:20:42
Speaker
Houston swing dance. like you Exactly. Jumping job. I saw the outfit. Yeah. Toot suit riot. I love that, by the way, that the outfit when Van Damme's wearing the crazy wig and shit, the outfit Rodman's wearing is definitely a detective outfit. Like, it's like, we're going to undercover. He's like, I'm just going to be a detective. They're double team.
01:21:02
Speaker
This is juxtaposition. To blend in, Rodman dresses normal. To blend in, the normal guy dresses weird. other team and they're learning from each other there's a drop plot here where he's like man you gotta learn to be like me and cut loose and get wild try this stupid spaghetti wig but do me a favor and put this pasta on your head
01:21:27
Speaker
you're an impasta they were in Italy so he's just trying to he's ah he's like I'm not a man I'm just a plate of spaghetti just yeah well that checks out and The cops walking by. Nothing to see there. Oh, wait. No, no. We are not French. We are Italian. Spicy meat of all.
01:21:48
Speaker
Oh, look at that tap pasta. It's speaking Belgian or French. show that Is Belgian a language? I don't know. Italy. It's just a pasta with some sunglasses. Look at the sunglasses. They're nice. We have some friends that are just went to Italy or on their way to Italy. And I was like, I was like, hey, bring me back. up ah And I just paused and one of them stared at me and he's like, what? And i was like, meatball.
01:22:11
Speaker
What does one bring home from Italy? Wine. Can you bring me home one meatball? Olive oil? i don't want to put you out.
01:22:22
Speaker
i don't want to put you out. so I thought of olive oil afterward, but I was like, i already said meatball. Can't go back now.
01:22:30
Speaker
If they up with meatball, I'm going to be excited. You're dreaming too small, You're not getting a meatball. Next time you have someone that's going to Italy, I know it's a bad time to be in America, but just like, hey, bring me home a grandma that makes meatballs.
01:22:42
Speaker
Oh, a nono. ah Get you a nona. That's what we need. Nona and a nono. That's what America needs right now. Let's just fucking remind people that immigrants make the best food. Right?
01:22:55
Speaker
America's not eating enough. yeah No, we're eating too much crap. We need the nonas to make us real fucking food. Exactly. we need fucking And not plastic at a drive-thru. Wait, you mean that spaghetti, marinara, meatballs, all that isn't supposed to have high fructose corn syrup in it?
01:23:10
Speaker
No. did Shockingly, no. I think you're wrong. I think every food is supposed to have high fructose corn syrup in it. We're all good, Berne. I grew up in America. That's why I'm fat.
01:23:23
Speaker
oh Well, joke's on you. I never grew up. But when I want chicky-chicky-nug-nugs, I make it scratch.
01:23:31
Speaker
ah I want chicky-nug-nugs. I haven't eaten. I'm hungry. Let's go. but So Van Damme and Stavros face off at the Coliseum. Stavros has a tiger. Yes.
01:23:43
Speaker
um I recommend everybody look this up. Go ahead. I was saying it's the same tiger from the beginning, right? He's always like, oh tiger comes with me. Yeah, there was a tiger at the the amusement park. and Also, production wise, you're not paying for a second tiger.
01:23:58
Speaker
you get You get one that didn't kill anybody. You get that one back. I saw a video recently that everyone should look up where a tiger lost its fucking big ass fang. So they put it to sleep like death.
01:24:11
Speaker
death but they put it under and replaced it with a gold one. And dude, when this thing snarls, it's the most G-ass shit you've ever seen. It's a tiger with just a giant gold saber tooth. I love that.
01:24:24
Speaker
Oh my God, I love that. Too bad it was too late for Charlie Sheen to put that on a shirt. No. That's not too late for us. But dude, that's, uh, uh, did you see tiger blood? Sorry, but it's somebody spelling blood out with their fingers.
01:24:39
Speaker
Did you see Godzilla X Kong, the new empire or whatever the fuck it was called? The most recent one. It's pretty fun, but there is a part where fucking pink power glove, dude. I'm all right.
01:24:49
Speaker
It's pretty, it's pretty sweet. Pink Godzilla rules, but there's a part where, uh, uh, Dan Stevens, I think, puts um King Kong under and has to replace his tooth with like a giant like cyborg tooth. That's right.
01:25:06
Speaker
It's pretty fucking crazy. Nice. That's a cool that's a cool thing. It just reminded me of what you said. and Should have made it gold. um But Van Damme roundhouse kicks this tiger because it tries to attack the baby. He's not trying to attack the baby. He's just trying to take the baby.
01:25:26
Speaker
i It's Khan from fucking Jungle Book. jungle book Or Tailspin. He's trying to you did did dooo do do do do dodoo do we oh we get it If you win it, can you spin it?
01:25:41
Speaker
I didn't know I needed to see somebody roundhouse kick a tiger, but my God. Now I want to see like, man, if we were like real dystopian, just like Jean-Claude Van Damme versus an elephant.
01:25:52
Speaker
And just how many kicks does it take for knocking an elephant out? One, two, three. elephant knocks him out. Probably. trunk That trunk hits his in the jewels. and What if he pretends to be a mouse?
01:26:06
Speaker
Then they're scared. oh if they had taught me and if they had If they had done Wesley Snipes instead of Rodman, he could have been hit with a trunk in this one, too. Woo! Yeah. It's better than a parachute.
01:26:17
Speaker
What that? It's my static line. My God.
01:26:22
Speaker
it's my e static line my god if you pull it, we live. And we cursorily mentioned that the Colosseum is full of these little metal crosses, which are there to indicate where mines are, which I understand why Stavros would do it for himself. But if he's trying to get Van Damme on these mines, why would he mark them?
01:26:42
Speaker
When you said that, I put a bunch of French people in makeup that don't speak under there. I misunderstood. you Those are all mine's. Those are all spots where mimes are buried. I put land mimes in there. I buried i killed i killed mimes because I hate them, and I buried them right there.
01:26:58
Speaker
And if you step on the spot they are, they pop up and they go.
01:27:02
Speaker
That's not good for the audio part because they're mimes. but Hogan comes out and he's like, brother, you're trapped in a box again. I'll get you out. ah Oh, Jesus. But Rodman shows up on a dirt bike because why not?
01:27:18
Speaker
The tiger chases Van Damme through the Coliseum, and then he comes back around and has to fight Mickey Rourke. This is where Whitney was, and I'm not trying to shame Whitney or anything, because he's a good looking, Whitney was making some audible ah thirst noises. Well, I mean, Jesus fucking Christ, dude.
01:27:37
Speaker
You know what he needs? That image needs one thing. A better belt buckle. Like that guy was a big. He needs an actual belt buckle yeah in amber or something like that.
01:27:49
Speaker
That has a bottle that Mickey Rourke from Once Upon a Time in Mexico. It's got the little chihua dreams. It's got the little Chihuahua, the tattered hat and the big belt buckle. That's why I didn't say the cowboy hat or the Chihuahua. I'm going to on my nose.
01:28:06
Speaker
um He needs a belt buckle in the shape of Arizona, please. And thank you. Because that's where he learned to shoot on a Ruger Super Blackhawk. Yes, sir. Movie two remembers that needs to complete. So Gold Smythe arrives at the Coliseum.
01:28:22
Speaker
um He grabs the baby. There's a whole thing where Van Damme and Mickey Rourke are fighting and Rodman comes in to help him and steps on a mine. But he's, you know, i wouldnney he's got fucking, he's got size 29 shoes.
01:28:36
Speaker
He steps on three mines. Well, fuck. I can disarm one of these. He's the tech guy, so he's able to disarm it or put the pin back in or do whatever's happening with the mines.
01:28:48
Speaker
No, think you nailed it. he puts a He knows he's like, all I got to do is fucking fill ah not let this thing go up hold a little fuse. Like, if I just put this little... It's probably one of piercings. Magnets.
01:29:00
Speaker
It's one of his piercings. I would have loved that. If it actually showed him like taking nose or nipple ring out and be like, told you these would come in useful and then fucking stop it from popping up. Perfect.
01:29:11
Speaker
Maybe he even did. I don't know where he got thing from. It shows something getting clipped on there, though. Yeah. Because they do show him putting a piece of metal in there, but don't remember. But like when ah Mickey Rourke and Van Damme were fighting, they had left the main part of the arena.
01:29:23
Speaker
So they come back in, and they both end up stepping on mines. Like... Van Damme does and Mickey Rourke starts talking shit and then he steps on one and that's when Rodman's like oh by the way I moved some of your little crosses so Van Damme's not standing on mine an exponential amount of time while you guys were fighting the hallways i mean at least at least they didn't say he dug up the mine and moved it he moved the cross that was marking the mine that would have it much but that was made him muchdge worse like gotta dig these up oh shit they're right there they're coming back oh no oh I have time to move one I can move one
01:29:57
Speaker
This might be Rodman's best line just because he's used to taunting people on the court because he's like, I moved some of your crosses. Sorry. And like kind of waves it. And it's it works. It's it works. all He's done.
01:30:13
Speaker
Yes. This, in fact, was not an air ball.
01:30:17
Speaker
they take off They take off Van Damme tries to get the baby But the baby's gone Gold Smythe is there he's like don't worry I've got your fucking baby The tiger goes for Mickey Rourke And he's like well not getting eaten by a tiger i would I still stand by what I say i would hug the tiger I want to pet the tiger i want to pet the dog It will be the last thing you do Presumably he got to pet the tiger at some point He's owned this thing for at least one movie However much time this takes place over. He'd let the tiger just hug you. The tiger was just trying to play, by the way. Exactly. Oh my God, there's my person.
01:30:55
Speaker
going to go give him a giant hug. i think Mickey Rourke may not have been treating this tiger the best. So it was like, I'm eat this dude. But like, hey i mean, your his two options at this point are feel a tiger's teeth or claws rip into your flesh and then explode. Yeah. Or just explode.
01:31:13
Speaker
Maybe I want the pain. Maybe I choose neither. i take a rock and when the mind jumps up, I throw the rock at it like it's a tsunami and knocks the bomb out of the Coliseum.
01:31:26
Speaker
And the tiger is so impressed with what I do that we get married. Oh, and now I've got a tiger wife. turn You try and fuck with me. I got a tiger wife, dude. You're dead. If these were the kind of mines that like shoot up and like explode, that's what Van Damme could have done. See, he would have stood. He would have stepped off the mine and then it would have been a slow motion roundhouse and he would have kicked it.
01:31:46
Speaker
Right into space. I want that. Oh, not no way yeah you went too far, but yeah. Dude, imagine how cool that would look if it's like, if you step off that mine, it's going to launch a cluster bomb in your face and you have point whatever seconds.
01:32:00
Speaker
That's just long enough for Jean-Claude Van Damme to kick it into somebody else. Kick it into the tiger. Boom. Tiger blood. Take it into work. Well, these mines are made from at least seven of those grenades because he steps off this one mine and the entire Coliseum is engulfed in flames. Well, I guess yeah when um and all of them go off. But still, that's i think I think it's like a nuclear weapon, though. It's got to be armed and they weren't armed or a grenade.
01:32:25
Speaker
If you don't take the pin out, it's not going to explode like that. They've all got plutonium. Yeah. Plutonium. Every one of them. The vibrations. kick the plate and so the vibration attracted tremors.
01:32:40
Speaker
The tremors had just come from Burt's house. So they were full of explosives. Yeah. But luckily, Timothee Chalamet was there to ride the tremor out of the movie.
01:32:53
Speaker
And everyone live happily ever after. and then Michael Keaton jumped on it with him and he wrote off like, we're going for their daughters, Chuck.
01:33:03
Speaker
Sandworms. You hate them, right? Getting all the sandworms going. look at that We shop at the same store. But don't worry, guys, they aren't gonna die from the entire Coliseum exploding while they're inside it because Dennis Rodman grabs one of the 49 Coca-Cola machines lining this thing and holds it in front of him because Coca-Cola machines are fire and explosion resistant. Yep. It's because they misunderstood when Van Damme's like, you gotta to put it in the script that Coke saves the day, okay?
01:33:32
Speaker
Like, i i was going to blow up, but I was saved by a Coke machine, which is me on the Coke machine. You don't understand what I'm putting in the script. Everyone hides behind the Coke machine, but it's me going, ah.
01:33:43
Speaker
Exactly. rope Exactly.
01:33:48
Speaker
Rodman read, grabs he has to grab a Coke machine and put it in front of him. And so he grabbed one of the Coke dispensers, not Van Damme. Maybe there was something lost in translation.
01:34:04
Speaker
um I am a machine. So yeah, they survive the explosion via Coke machine. ah Gold Smythe pulls a gun on him, but then is like Rodman pulls out another one of those Semtex coins and he's like, you're going to love this or whatever. And he flips at it at Freeman and it explodes.
01:34:22
Speaker
But Paul Freeman's fine. It's a smoke bomb. Yeah. Because guess who's gone? Yeah, Van Damme jumps in the car and hightails it with his kid. But to that, though... So did Mom die?
01:34:35
Speaker
Did Butterfly die? no Did I miss the Butterfly die? No, she's in the hospital. They'll presumably live happily ever after, even though it's going to be tough to come back from the dead, I imagine.
01:34:46
Speaker
Well, until he goes into the future by accident and then has to bring back Ron Silver. That's the time. whatever
01:34:54
Speaker
Director's cut. No time cut. But so it's it's kind of stupid, though, because like they were he was done. The guy was going to cut his hair off like he was going to give the hair back to the colony and be like, look, I got him.
01:35:07
Speaker
Now the colony is going looking for him again. Is that what we get? Yeah. Exactly. They got to set up double team to triple team. Triple team. Dana. No, it's gold. Smite. Muggsy. Brodman.
01:35:22
Speaker
And Tom. Are we just I was like, are we just doing Space Jam right now? What's what's happening? Oh, yeah, that's right. I forgot. Dan Evito is in Space Jam.
01:35:33
Speaker
This is Space Jam just like the rated R version. It's called Face Jam. That's what I call it every night after rapping. you know Face Jam is what's coming out of his face after all that cocaine. I cannot tell whose silk underwears are whose.
01:35:49
Speaker
He's wearing silk underwears. She's wearing silk underwears. I'm wearing silk underwears. Dennis Rodman is made of silk underwears. But yeah, Van Damme gets out of there.
01:36:01
Speaker
Gold Smythe is like, OK, well, see you later. And jumps in the car and leaves. Rodman's like, it's my time to disappear. That's the end of the movie with a song by an artist named Crystal Waters. Bold of you to call it a song.
01:36:16
Speaker
Featuring Dennis Rodman called Just a Freak. It's a song. It's it's a barely a song. It's something I dance to at a rave. I was say, if you were at a rave in the 90s or at like any kind of electronic music club where you're on so many so many drugs, you don't care what's on as long as it goes, then you heard this song. I feel like his voice would bug you because he's just like, yeah, getting it on.
01:36:42
Speaker
as good for while you're in ah It's good for the guys that are in a K-hole. they're like My family jewels. Alright. Alright, around the board. This movie's good for someone in a K-hole.
01:36:55
Speaker
So yes, we'll do recommendations. We'll start with wife. So i had a blast last night. I had all of Jack's caveats. um And it definitely did it for me. So if you ever get a chance to call up Jack and be like, yo,
01:37:11
Speaker
Let's fucking watch Double Team. Hold ah Don't call me. Text me, please. So you're saying this is oh you only recommend this movie if you can watch it with Jack? and And caveats. Jack and weed.
01:37:23
Speaker
And alcohol. And you, obviously. And pork loin. And pork loin. Oh, my God. That was the best fucking pork loin. Not your other friends or anything. Only Jack. Yeah. Fuck your friends, dude. Come over. I'll cook your pork loin, apparently.
01:37:37
Speaker
It was so good. It was all right. It was delicious last night, sir. Thank you. Mister? Mister, it was good. It's pretty good, mister. have pork loins pretty. I only got one choice, mister. Eat this pork loin or don't, mister.
01:37:52
Speaker
I'll go next because I think Jack is the is our Van Damme expert. um he is a damn expert pretty van damn good he's a damn van expert you've seen the ones he's seen the ones i haven't seen so i'm gonna go next so we save him for last um i recommend it i did so when i watched this a year or so ago um i i gave it three and a half stars on letterboxd because i had a lot of fun with it even though it's not good this time i gave it two and a half stars because i was like this movie now i'm trying to watch it with an analytic mind and trying to make sense of the storyline. And i was like, I can't understand. I don't know where they are. I don't know who's who. I don't know who's firing. and I was following really well last night.
01:38:32
Speaker
That movie we watched afterwards, Shoot Fighter, Fight to the Death, made more sense than this movie. We watched a movie called Shoot Fighter. But Will Young was a good guy.
01:38:43
Speaker
but yeah But how stupid the movie is and how little it makes sense. It's still a lot of fun. There's a lot of explosions. There's some cool stunts. There's some really bad acting. There's Mickey Rourke looking sexy as fuck.
01:38:54
Speaker
So um I recommend it. But as people listening know, I'm a Van Damme fan. I'm a big Van Damme fan of Van Damme. Yeah. So that's I'm almost always going to recommend movies from 1998 or earlier that he did.
01:39:09
Speaker
um I like Van Damme. I drive a van. I like the same damn all around. i just I think you're you're overdoing it with the analytics. That's the only problem. You're trying to understand this movie and you shouldn't. Whitney got it right.
01:39:25
Speaker
You watch this with your friends. doesn't have to be me, by the way. You watch this with your friends. Turn your brain off and get ready for some like truly bad acting um from the two main stars and everybody else is kind of fine.
01:39:39
Speaker
But yeah I love this movie. There are big explosions that don't need to exist. There are a couple of decent fight scenes. There's a sexy Mickey Rourke. There's a guy that puts a switchblade between his toes and kicks at Jean-Claude Van Damme.
01:39:54
Speaker
That's awesome. So, yeah, I understand that it should be like a probably one and a half to two and a half star movie with a little heart next to it, though. Oh, yeah. It got two and a half with a little heart for sure. I love it. Just don't try and understand it because it doesn't make sense. It is a hodgepodge of three to nine different movies just wrapped in. And I love it.
01:40:17
Speaker
But... I also, this is like, this movie is one of the types of things that ah types of movies that I wanted to be on this podcast for in the first place because I grew up watching this long before podcasts even existed. i was at home watching this movie going, yeah, I don't, I get it. It sucks, but I'm watching it because I like it.
01:40:37
Speaker
Yeah. Well, you guys, this is the end of Sky Timber. Oh man. No more Sky Pranks that we have planned. I mean, Sky Pranks pop up a lot.
01:40:50
Speaker
But this is the end of Sky Timber. We are going to have to do it next year based on the fact that you actually worked pretty well hard on that intro and and it slaps. It does. Yeah, but I'll have to new one for the new movies. We will have to...
01:41:04
Speaker
All right. The new Evasion song. We can. I will see. him I like the song. The song works really well for Skypikes. Oh, they do. They have they have like five or six albums, I think. yeah So people people watching and listening, please, please check out Evasion.
01:41:21
Speaker
Yes. If you ever get a chance to go see them, they are fantastic to watch. um Next week, we kick off another theme month. It's our third year of this is our third season. This is our third year of doing Halloween.
01:41:37
Speaker
The first year we did do treat Williams. We did fire treat Williams. I forgot October was coming up. i was like, what do we doing? Brovember. Forgot all about October. I did. um We are doing Howlothreen Horror Fest instead of Halloween Horror Fest.
01:41:51
Speaker
For our third year, we are doing all number threes from various horror franchises across here and Patreon. So the first movie we will be talking about, I'm very excited.
01:42:03
Speaker
And these guys have no idea what's in store. It is going to be The Howling Three colon marsupials, which is not on the poster. but And you love when it's a colon.
01:42:16
Speaker
It is a howling movie that was filmed in Australia. It has where kangaroos. It has a woman giving birth to a kangaroo out of her pouch because she's a where kangaroo. Does it have drop bears?
01:42:30
Speaker
I don't know. i don't. I don't. It's it's such a fever dream to watch. Like I watched it for the first time recently and I was just like, When it ended, I was like, I don't know what the fuck just happened. But i was having i was having a great time with it.
01:42:45
Speaker
It's stupid and it's bad and it was definitely direct to video. I think he's describing sex with me. No, it's good. It's bad. When I was done, I didn't know what was happening, but I had a good time.
01:42:56
Speaker
it was direct to video. I don't know if I want to do it again. It didn't even get a theatrical release in Australia, which is where it was made. Neither did die hide And then also, don't forget to check out our Patreon, which we mentioned earlier, at patreon.com slash worstpeople.
01:43:15
Speaker
At the $3 level, you get a newsletter, you get bonus like archived episodes, you get all kinds of stuff, but you also get your monthly mental health episode. And the episode for this month for Sky Timber is 1991's classic Point Break. It's also episode 100 and...
01:43:33
Speaker
69, baby. It sure is. Sexy episode. It's a sex-isode. So at the $3 level, you can get that. And you get all of our Patreon content when you subscribe. You don't just get this month. You don't get the month you're subscribing, whatever.
01:43:47
Speaker
We have like almost 50 hours of content just in the mental health episodes. You will have access to people that are... There there are episodes behind paywalls, older archived ones that if you're Patreon member, you have access to those.
01:44:00
Speaker
Yeah, and not even including those, just the just the mental health episodes, there's nearly 50 hours of content already. So there you go. $3 a month ain't nothing. But, oh, and you also get Han Took Shots First early and ad-free at the $3 level.
01:44:13
Speaker
But what do you do if I have $5? For the $5 level, you get, first of all, you get all all of our main feed episodes completely ad-free. there's no There's no ads for our friends' podcasts. There's no ads for...
01:44:28
Speaker
shoe inserts or whatever the fuck the service is automatically adding. I don't know what they add for the ads. We are in control by the Sometimes it's a different language. They just programmatically add them. It depends on where you are all kinds of stuff. I wanted to listen to one of our episodes on Spotify. It was like this fucking religious church thing.
01:44:47
Speaker
ad. They don't i know who they're... I can't remember what episode it was, but it was raunchy. It's probably P.S. I was like, they are not paying attention to what... Because they they would not pick our podcast to advertise that.
01:45:00
Speaker
Or you need Jesus. I'm glad that church paid for it. Do you like Bad Movies, Worse People? Try Christ and Redemption. Don't go to hell Subscribe to Bad Movies, Worse People and repent.
01:45:14
Speaker
But also at the $5 level, you get our sideshow, Latchkey Vids, where we talk about forgotten or never known television shows from the 90s. And we're winding down to the end of Cop Rock. Sad news.
01:45:27
Speaker
Episode 9 of 11, Marital Blitz, is the episode you get this month. There's after that, people. And you know what? You're going to want to fucking be subscribed because it's about to get real. i will get emotional about this.
01:45:40
Speaker
And you're actually wearing a shirt. Oh, yes. Go to shop.badmoviesworstpeople.com and you can get some sweet merch like this Latchkey Vids shirt that I'm wearing right now. When Derek's editing, he's like, why did I put my shirt in front of my face? Now I've to turn my mic up.
01:45:56
Speaker
Nah, it'll be just fine. But yeah, go to shop.badmoviesworstpeople.com. We have a bunch of cool merchandise. We have some Han Took Shots first stuff like our adorable t-shirt. You can get Jack's Caveats. You can get latchkey vids. You can get Bad Movies Worst People. You can get I have it on Blu-ray. Of course you do.
01:46:14
Speaker
We have all kinds of stuff. And they have shorts now, which is really weird. And I'm going to keep mentioning it because it makes me happy. I think we should get you some shorts. I might get some, dude. Oh, get some for truck.
01:46:25
Speaker
I'll put some scoops of vanilla in my back pockets. They look like um basketball shorts from the 70s. They're not long. i didn't get I didn't want them to be.
01:46:36
Speaker
Get them for truck, man. But that's it for this week. So thank you guys for tuning in for all of Sky Timber. We'll see you again. Well, we won't see you, but you know what mean. next week.
01:46:47
Speaker
I'll see you. I've been Derek. I'm married to him. I'm Yaz, Queen. Yeah, you are. Now it's my time to disappear.