Become a Creator today!Start creating today - Share your story with the world!
Start for free
00:00:00
00:00:01
Too Hot to be Straight with RJ Aguiar
4.5k Plays2 years ago
We're back with part two of our interview with content creator, activist, and all-around bi-con RJ Aguiar! In this episode we chatted about using sex appeal as a marketing tool (for example, the title of this episode...), RJ's modeling work and how it's affected his own body image, how RJ blends sexuality and mental health with other pop culture and political topics on his show "Quick Question", RJ's bisexual activism with the LA Bi+ Task Force and other organizations, why his hair is a different color every summer, and much more! Do you think RJ should return as one of the two bi guys more often? Let us know!
Follow RJ on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/damnitrj
Follow RJ on Twitter: https://twitter.com/DamnItRJ
Follow RJ on TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@damnitrj
"Quick Question" hosted by RJ on TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@gotaquickquestion
"Quick Question on Snapchat: https://story.snapchat.com/p/bd17b093-426b-4a13-9d9f-a36dfe8c9231/192565335373824?sender_web_id=ccdf3237-e350-4aa8-9fad-f3ed9dd93d8b&device_type=desktop&is_copy_url=true
"TheNotAdam", RJ's YouTube channel: https://www.youtube.com/user/thenotadam
LA Bi+ Task Force: labitaskforce.org
Two Bi Guys is produced and edited by Rob Cohen
Created by Rob Cohen and Alex Boyd
Logo art by Kaitlin Weinman
Music by Ross Mintzer
We are supported by The Gotham
Made on Zencastr #MadeOnZencastr
Interested in group travel with the bisexual community? Take this survey! https://my.trovatrip.com/public/l/survey/rob-cohen
Get $5 off a variety pack of Magic Spoon cereal!
http://magicspoon.com/twobiguys CODE: TWOBIGUYS
You can get 30% off Zencastr for 3 months with promo code: twobiguys -- or just click this link: https://zencastr.com/pricing?coupon=twobiguys&fpr=ex42o. Start recording your own podcast or meetings today!
Recommended
Transcript
00:00:00
Speaker
Thanks for
Introduction and RJ Aguirre's Journey
00:00:12
Speaker
Hello everyone, welcome to Two Bye Guys. I'm your host, Rob Cohen. Hope your summers are winding down nicely. We have another great episode for you today. It's part two of my interview with BiCon and influencer RJ Aguirre. In part one, our season premiere, we talked a lot about
00:00:27
Speaker
watching!
00:00:30
Speaker
his bisexual journey and his identity and how it intersected with his content creation. In this episode, we talk a bit more about his content, his show, Quick Question. We also talk about some of his modeling work and some body image issues. And then we also talked about some activism, his work with the Los Angeles Bi Plus Task Force, among other groups, his participation in the Bisexual Summit at the White House.
00:00:56
Speaker
and some other great stuff. I think you'll enjoy it. Stay tuned.
Community Travel and Health Promotions
00:01:00
Speaker
Before we get to that, I have one other exciting thing to discuss. I was recently approached by a company called Trova Trip. They specialize in group travel around communities like this one. So what they do is they reach out to hosts and influencers who have built a community and they organize travel for that community. So the idea would be I would host a trip of bisexual people
00:01:24
Speaker
and we would go somewhere in the US or somewhere around the world and go on a guided trip. I don't plan the trip. They plan the trip. I'm just there as a host and friend. Personally, I don't feel like the draw of this trip should be wanting to go on a trip with me as the host, although of course I'm happy to. But I think that, you know, I always talk about building by community and meeting other by people in real life and making real world connections. And
00:01:52
Speaker
I live in New York and L.A. I'm lucky enough I have some bi communities in those places, but not everyone does. Not everyone lives in a place where they have that. And so this, I think, is actually kind of a cool idea for people from anywhere to meet up and build bi community and go on a fun trip with each other.
00:02:11
Speaker
So we're going to explore if this is a possibility. If you look on our social media, at to buy guys on Twitter and Instagram, starting when this episode comes out, I'm going to release a survey. So if you're at all interested in this, please take the survey. It'll ask you about when you're available, where you might like to go, what your budget is. And from the results of this survey, we'll see if this is a real possibility. And if we can actually go on a trip. So even if you're not sure, you can definitely make it. If you're at all interested in this idea,
00:02:40
Speaker
Go check our social media, I will be posting it throughout the week, and take the survey. Alright, now a word from one of our sponsors, and then we will continue with my interview with RJ Aguirre. Enjoy!
00:02:58
Speaker
I have always loved cereal. It's such a fun snack. I used to eat it all the time growing up, but lately I've kind of had to cut back on it because I'm trying to cut out sugar and carbs and all that kind of junk you shouldn't eat. But now you can eat cereal without all that stuff. Healthy breakfast doesn't have to be boring because Magic Spoon has the amazing flavors you love without all the bad stuff.
00:03:18
Speaker
So Magic Spoon sent me this variety pack. It has four flavors, cocoa, fruity, frosted, and peanut butter. They're all great. I love them. I tried them all. This pack has zero grams of sugar, 13 to 14 grams of protein, only four net grams of carbs, and only 140 calories per serving.
00:03:37
Speaker
It's keto-friendly, gluten-free, grain-free, soy-free, and low-carb. I don't know how they do all that, but it still tastes like cereal, and it's great. It's crunchy, it melts in your mouth. I liked the cocoa and the peanut butter ones, and when you mix them together it kind of tastes like a peanut butter cup. That was nice. And it's healthier than most cereals.
00:03:55
Speaker
So go to Magicspoon.com slash to buy guys to grab a variety pack and try it today. Be sure to use the promo code to buy guys at checkout to save $5 off your first order. Magic spoon is so confident in their product. It's backed with a 100% happiness guarantee.
00:04:12
Speaker
So if you don't like it for any reason, they will refund your money, no questions asked. Remember, get your next delicious bowl of guilt-free cereal at magicspoon.com slash to buy guys and use the code to buy guys to save $5. And thank you magic spoon for sponsoring this episode of to buy guys.
Exploring Media Literacy and Mental Health
00:04:40
Speaker
Okay, I want to ask you about Quick Question, which is the show you're currently working on. It's a daily show, right? It's daily, basically.
00:04:49
Speaker
Yeah, so so we it's like a we do topics by week and so we've got like sort of tentpole episodes Which live on snapchat and then they're also posted on tick-tock in little bits But then there's also kind of bonus content. That's tick-tock exclusive cool Although like we're eventually gonna be trying to work to expand across, you know All the differences are social platforms, but we want to do it in a in a way that is, you know sustainable
00:05:15
Speaker
cool. So the topics on there, I watched some of it. It's a big range. It's like mental health, wealth inequality, Downton Abbey, whether or not we live in a simulation. And there is some buy stuff, although it's certainly not like
00:05:32
Speaker
by focus. It's everything. So I have two questions. How did it come about and how do you decide what to talk about with such a broad range of topics? But then also I did notice there does seem to be a theme of mental health stuff. There's a lot of that. And so how did you decide to go there? Why is that an important topic for you?
00:05:56
Speaker
I mean, the genesis of that original pitch was sort of twofold. One is, hey, can we like do an informational programming that doesn't treat Gen Z like they're a bunch of idiots?
00:06:11
Speaker
that would be great. Gen Z is actually really smart. They're some of the most open-minded and well-read or well-versed people on so many different topics. Can we create something that
00:06:28
Speaker
you know, help sort of speak to like younger voices and also like combat the issue we have of just like, okay, reliable information and how, you know, how do you not only disseminate information that's reliable, but also help educate people on the critical thinking process. And so, you know, the thing with Quick Question is,
00:06:56
Speaker
we start at that sort of point of entry of just like, yeah, why are stupid people so confident? Why do we have inflation? Like, why is this a thing? And then, you know, hopefully, by, you know, the way that we sort of play it out, especially over the course of a week on TikTok, where we can kind of really go like point by point, and be like, okay, well,
00:07:20
Speaker
Why do we have inflation? Well, you have to know how money works. So how does money work? Okay, so then when you now that we've established that and it's like, hopefully by yeah, by breaking it down, not just through, you know, by answer, but by thought process.
00:07:36
Speaker
there's the sort of dual effect of educating, but then also empowering those people to really follow that same sort of process of healthy skepticism. Because a lot of what I see a lot happening nowadays, especially, is this sort of cynical skepticism where people just don't want to accept anything that they're told.
00:08:04
Speaker
And it's like, okay no, you should definitely question everything that you're told, but then...
00:08:10
Speaker
You got to do the work. You got to go in and vet information and know how to vet information and know how to separate info from a bias and all of that. And this is one of the biggest things I've noticed in, as social media has infected more and more of daily life, is we're all in this episode of Rashomon or Vantage Point
00:08:36
Speaker
pick pick whatever story you want wherever all the characters have different perspectives so we're still learning how to navigate information in this kind of postmodern world where every source is potentially biased and flawed but that doesn't mean that you can't
00:08:54
Speaker
rely on information from them, you just have to know how to parse it out. Right. Right. I agree. There's a lot of media illiteracy and like people don't want to believe anything. But like, we have to believe, right? We have to believe something and there are ways to kind of narrow it down of who's more reliable and trustworthy and who is not.
00:09:15
Speaker
For sure, for sure. And that's hopefully, you know, this whole notion that like, oh, you have to you have to respect everybody's opinion. And it's like, no, you don't know you can acknowledge everybody's opinion. But, you know, there's a reason that when I'm sick, I ask a doctor what's wrong with me and not, you know,
00:09:37
Speaker
Joe Schmo up the street, because, you know, the doctor, yes, there are incompetent doctors, but still, you know, they went through this entire, you know, Kafka as process to be able to put the MD by their name, and that should at least count for something. Yeah, yeah. And how does the mental health stuff on quick question resonate with your audience compared to inflation or other things?
00:10:06
Speaker
I mean, I think that just speaks to the moment we're in. I think so many crises we face are underneath mental health crises. I think a perfect example of this is the conspiracy theories episode. We go into why do people buy into conspiracy theories? And it's because they're scared and looking for an easy,
00:10:34
Speaker
or maybe not but like they're looking for an explanation that clicks that makes sense and it's literally if you go down to brain science like once your your amygdala turns off like your um your hippocampus goes into analytical overdrive and it needs to fill this gap in understanding so that it can explain the threat and that part of your brain was evolved
00:11:00
Speaker
in the early days of primitive humans of like, oh, tiger, bad. It's gonna eat me. But then when you deal with more abstract threats, like the violation of our bodily autonomy, of staggering wealth inequality, these are hard, really complex, tricky things for our brains to try to wrap themselves around.
00:11:28
Speaker
And so there's a tendency to just reach for an explanation that kind of closes that gap quickly. And, you know, we like that.
00:11:42
Speaker
It makes sense, especially in an era where we are not only is the news itself just terrifying, but we're also connecting on platforms that are quite literally monetizing our attention and therefore trying to stress us out so that they can continue to monetize that attention. So yeah, I would say this is how, you know,
00:12:07
Speaker
Capitalism plus, you know, mental health issues equals, you know, an issue that now quite literally leads to violence in real life. And so, yeah, like we could if we treat if we well, I would even say like if we treated mental health the same way we treat physical health and if in America we treated physical health the way that other developed nations treat those things,
00:12:36
Speaker
There would be so many like downwind sort of benefits for us as a society. But yeah, the focus on mental health really is, it was just kind of, I guess a happy accident because yeah, it's a lot of times when you probe certain issues deeper, that's just something that pops up over and over and over again.
00:12:59
Speaker
Yeah it's really interesting because when I asked you the question I was looking at the page and it's like there's these kind of videos and then there's mental health kind of videos they're like you know in my head it's like different categories but actually hearing you talk it makes so much sense that like
00:13:15
Speaker
our mental health is tied up in so many of these issues, especially political things and politics because how we react to these things and how we vote and how we look at all these issues is totally related to our mental health.
Activism and Community Engagement
00:13:30
Speaker
It affects our mental health, our mental health affects how we then go vote and so on.
00:13:35
Speaker
It's all tied together. Yeah. Yeah. And and it's so funny because like action sport. Well, it's not a spoiler by the time this episode comes out, but like one of the episodes I'm working on right now is how do I convince? How do I get through to someone who doesn't want to listen to me? And, you know, another episode we also touched on was stupid confidence and the fact that like everybody likes to think they form their worldview based off of logic and facts and reason. And it's like that's
00:14:02
Speaker
not the case for 90% of the shit we believe. We don't dig our heels in that often on what we know. We dig our heels in based off of what we believe. And belief is certainty beyond the bounds of fact. Because if you look at actual research,
00:14:32
Speaker
It's very, very seldomly clear cut, just like sexuality. It's like, even stuff that is supposedly cut and dry on TV, like a DNA test, even then it's like, oh, there's a 80% chance that this is an 80% DNA match, not, oh, it's this person, you are not the father. It's this fundamental
00:14:58
Speaker
This fundamental uncertainty that we have with existence doesn't feel good, it doesn't feel great. It goes back to why we actually like to simplify things as binary and as much as possible, and one binary is right and wrong.
00:15:21
Speaker
that certainty feels good to us. And the fact that we live in such uncertain times is why we see all of these different things emerge.
00:15:32
Speaker
Right, exactly. And I do think there's a segment of the population that like we try to get through to them with facts and that's just, it's not going to work because of what's going on in people's heads and this desire for certainty and this cognitive dissonance and desire to be right about stuff and like
00:15:53
Speaker
And I think that we have to talk about mental health more as it relates to politics because we're only going to get through to some people with feelings. Even if the facts are on our side, it's not going to penetrate in the right way if people are coming to these conclusions based on stuff that's up with their mental health.
00:16:15
Speaker
Yep. And there's, I mean, there's a there's a line in an upcoming era that this soon to be released episode like all persuasion is self persuasion. And so like, that's kind of how you have to approach it that and just, you know, I think the two, two ways we need to invest more in society that will, you know,
00:16:35
Speaker
benefit us tenfold is, you know, mental health and education. But that's, again, we're just touching on all these potential pods. Like, we should just make our own. We could do a whole series. I was like, wait, are you taking applications for a second coat? Maybe. It's called Two Buy Guys. Yeah. Yeah, Alex. Alex comes back occasionally. But yeah, maybe. I'm sorry, Alex. This episode is kind of a blueprint for a whole season.
00:17:05
Speaker
I'm saying we're making magic here, man. Yeah.
00:17:12
Speaker
Once again, I would like to thank our sponsor, Zencaster. Zencaster is also the podcasting platform I use to record this show and distribute this show. Podcasting can be challenging and can seem daunting, but it really doesn't have to be, and it's not with Zencaster. Their all-in-one, web-based solution makes the process quick and painless the way it should be. I chose Zencaster before they recruited me to the Creator Network
00:17:38
Speaker
The Creator Network is great. If you build a following, you can get connected to their advertising revenue and other ways to connect with your audience. But regardless of that, they are by far, in my opinion, the best podcasting tool to use. It's so easy to record with people. It's so easy to meet my guests. They do automatic post-production. They record video and make nice videos for me to share on social media. Zancaster records both sides locally, so we get really clear audio without any internet static.
00:18:07
Speaker
The videos are HD. There's so many features. I don't even use them all. I just really have been happy since I switched to Zencaster and I can't recommend it enough. I want you to have the same easy experience as I do for all my podcasting and content needs. So if you go to zencaster.com slash pricing and enter promo code to buy guys, you will get 30% off your first three months.
00:18:30
Speaker
some serious savings. That's Z-E-N-C-A-S-T-R dot com slash pricing promo code to buy guys. What have you been waiting for? It is time to share your story with Zencaster.
00:18:55
Speaker
I want to talk about your activist work. And speaking of Alex and the Trevor Project, you've worked with the Trevor Project. You've also worked with HRC, GLAAD, Planned Parenthood, the Obama White House. So like, I'm curious as it relates to the social media and content creation work, I guess you kind of said that came first and then you kind of got pulled into this activism world. But
00:19:20
Speaker
what's that been like for you or yeah is that is that accurate what's it been like uh any like highlights or memories of this work that is was particularly meaningful for you oh my god well okay so i mean i've always like even before social media like when i knew i wanted to work in media and when i wanted to tell stories like the question was always
00:19:45
Speaker
how does this make the world better? What is the impact of every message that I put out there? And even in my just purely creative work and writing, it's always been about what is the message and why does it matter? And so activism was just
00:20:09
Speaker
a natural, like, addition to that from the from the get go, like I said, in addition to, again, just being a queer person of color existing publicly, and that being a rebellious act in and of itself. So they've always just gone hand in hand. I mean, it's in it's just been, you know, what
00:20:31
Speaker
What good have I had the ability to do or what positive impact have I been able to have just based off of what's available to me? And fortunately, the more my platform grew, the more I did manage to try to make a difference for different causes and find where all these causes intersect. I think one great example was healthcare advocacy and getting it...
00:20:59
Speaker
When I went to the White House the first time like I'm the whole time I'm just like what the why why me why me even even queuing up at security and expecting them to turn me away and be like you got scammed kid like get out of here and just seeing cuz it was all just like you like middle-aged dudes and suits and whatever.
00:21:19
Speaker
But then getting there and realizing, no, I'm here because I check boxes. I'm millennial, I'm queer, I'm Hispanic. And then speaking truth whenever I could has always just been something that's been really, really revolutionary and has helped in a lot of ways, hasn't always been supported. I would say,
00:21:46
Speaker
Because when I was at that White House meeting, they were talking about underrepresented demographics, which were men, which were men of color, which were young men, which were queer young men. That is one of the ways, and you see how it all feeds into one another. There's a barrier of messaging because there's a lack of representation in the room. It's all these boomers being like, young men think they're invincible and they don't,
00:22:13
Speaker
uh you know need health care and i'm the one in the room being like hi um we don't have a clue how health care works no one taught us imagine if you're going to a used car lot because you know a car is something that you need but you don't know how it works and the only person who's going to explain it to you is the salesman
00:22:34
Speaker
And then like what we have educational resources i don't know that no one i know and that was you know like those sort of dialogues were really really revolutionary i would say resist march was also a huge huge aha moment to because it was one of the first.
00:22:54
Speaker
times I felt like we were really able to solve how can you be, you know, intersectional without feeling like people can only really check one box in terms of why they're there and what they represent. And also, like, how do you how do you attempt to, you know, advocate and communicate
00:23:17
Speaker
when it seems like the alphabet is expanding every single day. And I think that was one of the great case studies of an approach I still use to this day, where I always say, swing for the fences. Picture the most marginalized person you can, someone who is, black, genderqueer, trans, disabled, whatever.
00:23:41
Speaker
start with that person and work backwards from there and it's like that that is how you the rising tide truly lifts all boats is that you. Are always trying to to reach out to like them some the person kind of most on the outskirts yeah and then.
00:24:01
Speaker
Recently, like there I had an epiphany like joining the task force and hopefully this segways into the next topic. Yeah, um, you know, the pandemic was such a another sort of wake up call.
00:24:19
Speaker
Because, you know, I had focused so long on, you know, online activism and, you know, thinking that, you know, visibility was going to be the thing that helped kind of dismantle all the disparities sort of faced by our community. And then I got approached by Dr. Mimi to join the board and I saw that, like, oh, wow, like, like,
00:24:45
Speaker
like all of these different queer organizations that weren't like the big ones were really like the pandemic hit these organizations so hard. And, you know, as it stands, like we still don't have like have that much like by programming or by representation or by specific funding at any of these larger organizations. Yeah.
00:25:10
Speaker
The the the disparities have gotten worse, you know as a result
00:25:15
Speaker
And worse yet, the companies or sorry, the companies, the organizations rather that are that are actually in trying to get out in the trenches and do the work are also like hurting or have been impacted the most. Yeah. And it was this sort of this this aha moment of like, oh, I can't take community for granted the way that I did before. Like when I first
00:25:44
Speaker
you know, started making my contact like there was there was a community there to support me and to educate me and to make sure that you know, I was I was getting the right messaging out there that I was that I was you know, not inadvertently doing harm.
00:25:59
Speaker
and that community was disappearing and I had to step up and I had to actually not just see what I could do in the confines of my bedroom with my camera or my phone or whatever, you gotta get out there. And especially given the general state of things, just in general, not just for queer people, but just writ large. I think there's,
00:26:30
Speaker
Too many people are age and younger that subscribe to this mindset of armchair activism and not realize that so much of, yeah, our politics has been nationalized, but activism and the most impact you can sort of make is usually local and in your community. And yes, because social media
00:26:56
Speaker
Community can mean a lot more and can stretch it can be a lot bigger than You know than before but at the end of the day like community is who shows up. Yeah. Yeah, and And and you don't necessarily have to have Qualifications or whatever because that was the other thing is like I didn't think I was qualified initially like join a board or anything And it's like you you don't like you just got to show up and
00:27:24
Speaker
And the whole point is you figure it out together.
00:27:28
Speaker
And I mean, you want to know, you know, one of the huge reasons we're in this mess right now is because the right has figured this out. They are, you know, flooding school board meetings. They're, you know, running for for election, local election supervisors and county commissioners and all of that. Like they understood way earlier than we did that when you compound local impact, it becomes national impact. And
00:27:58
Speaker
That is actually why I even made it a point like no, I want to be on the board of like an LA specific organization. A, because like this is my community and I want to be a part of that community and I want to help build the community that I see and think needs to exist. And luckily, because we have social media,
00:28:22
Speaker
then that doesn't have to happen in a vacuum because if we can successfully, you know, make progress on all of our, you know, on some of our goals, then we can also be a beacon for other people and a blueprint for other people to be like, hey, here's how to achieve the same result or a similar result where you are. Yeah. And so, yeah, it becomes a marriage. It becomes a marriage of the two eventually.
00:28:45
Speaker
Yeah, I think it's great when you can marry the two, but it is important to recognize there can be a disconnect between the social media online world and the real world. And a lot of times, we see a lot of bi-activism, a lot of spy stuff going viral online, and lots of big numbers. But that doesn't always translate into the real world. It's still hard to get
00:29:10
Speaker
people at a bi event.
Social Media vs Real-World Activism
00:29:13
Speaker
And it's so important. The online stuff kind of awakened me and was really helpful for me in understanding and recognizing my own sexuality. But being in person with other bi people, doing something at a rally, at the Pride March, going to dinner, at a discussion group,
00:29:33
Speaker
those things I felt in my body in a different way and energized me in a different way. And you're not as detached as you are in front of a screen. You're actually in it. And so I think even when the numbers are not as high as they are online,
00:29:55
Speaker
it's vital, it's important. And it is, as you said, something the right has figured out. And it's how laws get written and change gets made and protests get noticed is by people being there. So on that note, so tell us a little more about the LA by Task Force, what you guys do and what you've been up to since you joined the board.
00:30:18
Speaker
So we've had, I mean, what's been so great is how open, you know, the group has been just to like, you know, input up for me for terms of like strategy and stuff. Like, I definitely showed up to my first board meeting thinking I was just gonna sit and learn and they're much like, no, no, no, like,
00:30:35
Speaker
What do you think? And so yeah, so this year has actually been such a coming out party of sorts. I mean, we, we actually changed our name. We're now the buy plus task force. Yeah. Because like one of my first things that I wanted to make it a point to really champion was like, Hey, we're like, again, we're trying, we're not trying to close the door on anybody. We want like more
00:30:58
Speaker
more representation, more affirmation, like, let's bring the pan and the fluid and everybody else, you know, especially because there were there have been other by orgs that are that are been trying to dismiss, you know, people who are pan identified and so on and so forth.
00:31:13
Speaker
So that was, you know, we've refocused that, and then we've really tried to rally around our sort of, our motto, which is sort of three-fold, was to cultivate, educate, and uplift. So we have three teams. We have advocacy, we have, we're calling like, tentative visibility, and then we have education. So the goal being it's three teams whose work kind of
00:31:41
Speaker
funnels into one another. You have education, which is all about not just training people, but then also like formulating and conducting more research and always sort of updating and deepening our knowledge and understanding of our community. There's advocacy, which is geared more towards
00:32:03
Speaker
you know, championing greater access, greater funding, you know, locally, and then you've got visibility, which is now about like, how does media and social media support both of those missions? And so yeah, I mean, we're in this very sort of early phases of this sort of new model. And so, you know, we're, we're
00:32:26
Speaker
you know obviously have making it a point to have presents at pride festivals we are you know organizing you know action various actions especially during the election year and then you know online of course we have our we have our brand new by blog written by mike samansky who is
00:32:43
Speaker
a fucking phenom. He's a machine. He's amazing. He's great. And then we do like, we also do like, biologues and we do dropping by like, which which luckily because we're and you're, you know, gonna be on one of our digital panels, all about like,
00:33:01
Speaker
And being able to have that dialogue about, okay, what is biculture? Because that's, I ask you to picture a straight culture. I ask you to picture gay culture. There's images that come pretty easily to mind. What's biculture? And you're like, I don't know, we'll see. Puns, I think puns. A bunch of people sitting in their chair awkwardly in a circle.
00:33:27
Speaker
Apparently like now if you go on reddit frogs frogs are you know because they breathe in water and in air They do both I'd say just generally being awkward and anxious and nervous is pretty by culture Witchiness, I would say like witchy things is very by yeah, it's yeah like luckily yeah, like like there's a
00:33:52
Speaker
we want to create a bit of a hybrid as far as being able to affect change on the local level, but then also spark conversations on a broader scale. And so that's the goal, but the challenge, as I've learned, is very much about just, you can't, you devour the whale one bite at a time. If you look at the whole issue, the whole problem,
00:34:22
Speaker
it becomes so daunting that you just kind of get overwhelmed. And it's just like, no, no, no, no. You show up. You do your best. You do what you can. And you get up the next morning and you do it again. Yep. Yep. You got to start somewhere. You got to start small. And it's like, if everyone is doing this at their local level and building some bi community, that's going to have a trickle up effect to everyone.
00:34:46
Speaker
And I want to even try to do that more on a quick question, to be honest, too. Just like, hey, you think shit's fucked up? Do something. Pick one thing that resonates with you and just do something. No one's going to solve it all. But just do something. Just do something. Actually, shout out to one of my good friends who started an advocacy group called Do Something. Literally, that's what it's called. And the idea is two hours a month,
00:35:14
Speaker
to do something, whether it's something political, like writing some letters, making some phone calls, and also donating somewhere once a month. Even if it's just two hours, just do something. You don't have to make it your whole life, but we can't do nothing. If we all do nothing, then nothing happens.
00:35:35
Speaker
And I've considered that the price of entry for complaining about shit. I feel like you see somebody complaining about shit and it's like, okay, well, what are you doing?
00:35:51
Speaker
Right, I like that. I also think they shouldn't listen if they're not doing anything. Yeah, no, literally. Like, what are you doing? Okay, so what are you doing? Yeah. If not, then, no, shut up. Go do your thing and then come back. Yeah. And then we can complain about how everything's messed up. Yeah, exactly.
00:36:13
Speaker
If you listen to Two Bye Guys, you probably enjoy listening to conversations about relationships and intimacy. That's why I know you'll love Date in a Blink, a podcast that lets you listen in on first dates between strangers.
Identity and Personal Expression
00:36:27
Speaker
The conversations range from goofy and hilarious to deep and vulnerable to sweet and awkward AF.
00:36:33
Speaker
which means as fuck. And if you love the intimacy of going on real-time phone dates, you can go on them yourself through the Blink Date app built by the hosts of the Date in a Blink podcast. Sign up for their waitlist at www.theblinkdate.com. That's www.theblinkdate.com and check out their podcast, Date in a Blink.
00:37:02
Speaker
Okay, so I want to talk a little about your modeling work, if you don't mind. But like more than that. Well, you know, there's this stereotype that bi people are always really hot and fit and sexy. And how do you feel about personally perpetuating that stereotype? And like, do you worry that you're fueling this myth that we're all as hot as you?
00:37:28
Speaker
I would love to think that. I would love for that to be the case. Are you kidding? No. No, but seriously, you are very open with, at least from my perspective, very open with sharing your body. Was it always that way? I know it gets you numbers, but is it difficult? Oh, no, it's definitely not been. It's definitely been something I've come into more and more and more.
00:37:55
Speaker
Ugh, God, like, I mean, I do say, like, it is a marketing tool. Yeah. Like, in a sort of weird way, but it's fun, you know, like, it's, it's, I definitely don't, like, I make little to no money doing it. So it's, it's, you know, if at all, it's really just about fun. And actually, I mean,
00:38:21
Speaker
especially when it comes to model work and who I try to work with photographer-wise too. I like that it's an opportunity to co-create with people, especially because usually in my day-to-day, I'm the one holding the camera, I'm the one editing, I'm the one doing this.
00:38:45
Speaker
It's great to just be able to sort of show up to a shoot or whatever and to be like, I'm your clay, mold me. But also, I have thoughts. But generally speaking, especially because I have a background in production and stuff, it becomes a genuine collaboration and that's just fun. In terms of stereotypes, I mean,
00:39:09
Speaker
There's it goes back to to the like just because I'm by doesn't mean I'm a raging slut I am but not because I'm by exactly so and and I mean like like I Try to be as as self-aware about it as I can and and sort of recognize that like yeah No, not everybody looks like this
00:39:31
Speaker
Part of how I'm able to maintain this is because I got certified as a personal trainer and worked in that job for a couple of years. My base of knowledge is just a bit more informed.
00:39:48
Speaker
I also though in my online presence and even just in my personal life, I definitely don't gravitate towards more than just one type of body. And that is actually what I love about the culture of only fans is that more and more people are, of all different body types, skin colors, gender identities or whatever, are not
00:40:18
Speaker
waiting for permission or waiting for a studio to like want to make content with them like they're just doing it. Yeah. And there has just been this wealth of new spank material for me and it's just awesome. And I yeah and you know, I know for me like life's too short to have a type.
00:40:40
Speaker
Same. And I've found stuff on OnlyFans lately, often through alt Twitter, of people with body types that I don't see when I go to Pornhub or whatever. That when I search stuff, it's not coming up and I don't seek it out. But then I see it on OnlyFans and it's pretty hot.
00:41:00
Speaker
And I guess, yeah, now that you mention it, I guess I could make it a point and probably should make it a point to more often just be like, hey, this isn't the only type of body that's worthwhile. And I mean, I have had a think piece brewing that I've been meaning to sit down and write for a while called the InstaThoughts Guide to Body Image. Because I mean, my relationship with my body has definitely had to evolve.
00:41:27
Speaker
as a result of of me putting it on display because I like I remember one of the first times I did like an honest to God like dirty bulk after you know my you know cementing my status as an insta thought and I just remember like even being home alone and
00:41:48
Speaker
you know, looking at myself in the mirror and like being tempted to suck in my gut because I didn't see abs anymore. And I was just like, wait, why? Why? Wait, no, why am I? Why am I doing this to myself? Actually, can I ask you about that? Because like, I do that all the time. I look in the mirror and I want abs. I've wanted abs since I was like in fifth grade. And I I never really thought it was connected to my sexuality. But I think in some weird way it is. And like,
00:42:17
Speaker
Oh, it's always. There's always, like, when you have any kind of same-sex attraction, there is always, or maybe not always, but more often than not, there's gonna be an intersection between, I wanna fuck you and I wanna look like you. It's just what you find appealing. Exactly. It's like, yeah, you wanna be this and you also wanna have sex with this. Yes. And, you know, it's just like, I'm happy with the way I look and I like it, but I also have
00:42:43
Speaker
moments in the same day that I'm happy with it, that I'm like, I should work out more. And I did see you wrote a Facebook post in 2017 that was part of a MeUndies campaign. But you talked about body image. Oh my gosh. Do you mind if I read it and you can see if it applies or if it was- Go for it. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
00:43:01
Speaker
You wrote, for so long I've looked in the mirror and hated what I saw. I was too skinny, too fat, too feminine, too weak. I was never good enough as I was, never comfortable in my skin. That's why pride is so important. It's about embracing and loving yourself and celebrating who you are in all your human imperfect glory. That's why I'm so thrilled to join me on these pride campaigns. It was one of those memes before the meme was a meme.
00:43:27
Speaker
Yeah, yeah, exactly. That's so funny. Are you in a different place than in 2017? Do those thoughts happen still?
00:43:41
Speaker
100%, they're always gonna be there. I think for me, I mean, there is a, gosh, yeah, this has been a whole evolution because the, I mean, just the general state of your body period is an average of choices you've made over the course of a very, very long period of time.
00:44:09
Speaker
And actually, getting certified as a personal trainer was actually such a huge turning point in all of that. A, just because I learned how to parse bro science from actual science, and also learning about, okay, what is
00:44:29
Speaker
health versus what is you know trying to fit a certain body type that I feel like I have to fit and I mean that 2017 post was
00:44:41
Speaker
part of like this initial awakening of mind where I was like, oh, this like body type that I've always wanted was kind of within reach. Like it was, it was within the confines of what was biologically possible for my, you know, genome, you know, being an ectomorph that you know, I was able to, but like,
00:45:08
Speaker
It's always, even now, what you see on camera now is not how I am all the time. And that I will always sort of cop to. And even, it wasn't just my own journey, it was also talking to clients and being like, okay, what are your goals? And it was almost always, I wanna look this way, I wanna whatever. And I'm like, okay, well, we can do that. But then beyond that,
00:45:37
Speaker
What do you wanna do? How is your body going to be a vessel to enhance joy in your life? Looking good naked is one of those ways, sure. Doesn't hurt. But it's also why you see me now on Insta trying to hit a four foot box jump because it was one of those moments where I'm like, why am I here?
00:46:03
Speaker
Yes, I'm here because I want to look good naked. Yes, also working out does wonders for my mental health. And that's another thing where people always ask me, why are you so into fitness? I'm like, my mental health is always hanging by a thread. And if I don't work out, my sleep goes to shit. And if my sleep goes to shit, my depression starts getting out of control. But also, it's just like, no, trying to run faster, jump higher, do more shit.
00:46:31
Speaker
was such an aha moment for me because then the motivation kind of took care of itself. It was like, oh, I like like I still to this day fucking hate doing squats and I hate deadlifting. But when I hit that four foot box jump, I felt like a goddamn Avenger, you know. And so, you know, it was
00:46:55
Speaker
It was like I guess that's how my understanding of it has evolved over the years where. There's so many great ways to look good naked. Only fans again sort of proves that and I think one of the best ways you can like help enrich your relationship with your body and also like shut that voice up that feels inadequate is to
00:47:22
Speaker
work towards those goals that make you feel less restricted by your body.
00:47:33
Speaker
A question that I really learned to ask prospective clients is, do you feel like your body's getting in the way of anything you want to be able to do? And how do we sort of remove those barriers? And then once you feel capable and that you're not held back by your body or whatever, then everything else is just kind of gravy. And then even then, in terms of physique and the appearance, I always say,
00:48:03
Speaker
Like, like what you see in front of cameras is not sustainable. It's just biologically not sustainable. So I would say like, just be two weeks out, you know, where maintain a level of fitness where given two weeks notice your camera ready. But have the cheeseburger. Fuck it, you know? Interesting. Okay, we have to do a whole other episode on this because I'm I am very curious. I
00:48:30
Speaker
Love like like my favorite cheat meal like burger fries beer like ice cream afterwards like give it all to me
00:48:48
Speaker
Okay, last question. Your hair is quite colorful. Today it's green. I know it's not always green. How do you decide on the color? And like, is this sort of a by dentifier for you? Or do people see it and make assumptions about you based on your hair color? Well, it's funny, you should mention that. And I love how like every question turns into this whole like 10 minute thing. I'm good at asking like three or four questions at once. You are excellent.
00:49:18
Speaker
You are excellent at questions. Let me just say this. All right, thank you. No, I mean, it started, ironically, I first did it at, because I was a main stage panelist at VidCon. And I knew I was just there as the token bee. And I knew, I always kind of wanted to bleach and dye the hair. And this was a great why today, because I'm like, ooh, it's something that can make me very easily recognizable.
00:49:47
Speaker
um but then it was just fun like it's just a fun thing you know and especially like i i normally have like pretty thick and dark like mediterranean hair and the bleaching it just changes the texture and the consistency of it uh and so especially in like the summer months it's it's lighter and and you know i'm someone who
00:50:10
Speaker
generally speaking, my axes of oppression are invisible. Most people don't look at me normally, especially when I have natural hair color, and think queer person of color. Very light skinned, white passing. You can't tell by looking at me necessarily that I'm queer or that I'm neurodivergent, that I'm any of those things. And so, yeah, especially,
00:50:37
Speaker
over the, you know, especially since becoming, you know, more of like a figure on social media, like, I have really sort of wanted to try to find ways to make it clear immediately to people like, Oh, queer bow, like,
00:50:55
Speaker
Faggot and and you know and and it was it's the hair it's me you know doing nail polish it's me you know. If I get an opportunity to walk a carpet it's me dressing you know way more sort of off the wall and flamboyant and weird and quirky and fun and doing makeup and yeah all of that like it's a.
00:51:17
Speaker
It's a way for me to actually have my outside reflect my inside because, and I'm sure this is something that resonates with many people that listen,
00:51:29
Speaker
it's hard sometimes when people look at you and they don't necessarily like know what's going on with you or have any sort of idea what your experience is. And so that's, yeah, it's just been a fun way to, like I said, push the boundaries of masculinity. And then in terms of color selection, I really, I like just being able to color code my summers. Cause I always usually do it in June for pride and usually also VidCon's around that time.
00:51:57
Speaker
So yeah, I like color code my summer. It was like the silver summer, the purple summer, the pink summer, the blue summer. Now we're on green. Cool. We'll see what's next.
00:52:09
Speaker
I like that. Very cool. I identify with so much of that. I mean, I could talk about it forever, but so far, I'm mostly just up to nails, and some kinds of interesting fetish wear sometimes, but I haven't been on that many red carpets yet. If I ever get back to the red carpet, I'll have to purchase some. Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes. Don't worry.
00:52:31
Speaker
I mean, it was also like the first time I got to walk like a real, real, real carpet. And it was it was John Wick 3, which like, you know, like I know. And I had purple hair. And the fact that like Keanu like walked by and was like, oh, nice. And I'm like, amazing.
00:52:49
Speaker
Amazing. That was it. Amazing. That's hilarious. Cool. Well, awesome. This has been lovely chatting with you, RJ, finally. Dude. You can follow RJ on Twitter, Instagram, and TikTok at
00:53:06
Speaker
Damn it, RJ. D-A-M-N-I-T-R-J. You can check out Quick Question on TikTok at Got a Quick Question or on Snapchat at... Is it just called Quick Question? Yeah, just search Quick Question.
00:53:21
Speaker
Cool. And you can also visit RJ's website, rjagiar.com. Anything else? The link of that is in the bio of all my social. I mean,
Conclusion and Acknowledgements
00:53:31
Speaker
yeah. And we'll put links for everything in our show notes as well. Anything else to plug?
00:53:38
Speaker
No, other than this has all been an audition to be a regular guest co-host. We can discuss. The whole thing has been. We can make it happen because I feel like we could expand today's conversation into a full season about all these different topics.
00:53:58
Speaker
Remember when I said I was going to try to keep this to 45 minutes? What time? And I said, nope! You were right. I was wrong. Well, thank you. It's nice to kick this conversation off is how I will leave this and nice to finally meet you and chat. Hell yes. Thank you. Thank you so much. It's been an absolute joy.
00:54:26
Speaker
2 by Guys is produced and edited by me, Rob Cohen, and it was created by me and Alex Boyd. Our logo art is by Caitlin Weinman, our music is by Ross Mincer, we are supported by the Gotham, and we are part of the Zencaster Creator Network. Use promo code 2 by Guys to get 30% off your first three months of Zencaster. Thanks for listening to 2 by Guys.