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I Met My Best Friends Forever at Bi F*** Fest
932 Plays1 day ago
This year marked the 25th year of BFF – and while many people do meet their best friends forever at the bi-annual event, that's not where the acronym comes from ;) The Bi F*** Fest is a twice-a-year takeover of a resort in Palm Springs by over 250 Bi+ people, and while there IS a lot of fun, sexy playtime, it's the community, openness, and acceptance that keep people coming back. This year marked my second summer BFF, so I conducted a series of short interviews with attendees. They are fascinating. I love this episode. Enjoy!
00:00 – Intro and my experience
07:50 – Charles
11:30 – Steve
15:40 – Josh and Mark
30:00 – Jenni
44:00 – I describe the physical space
49:20 – Don
57:20 – Laura
1:07:00 – B.A.
1:16:15 – Peter
Though there's no video of my interviewees on Patreon for this episode, there is a slideshow of photos I took at BFF that plays along with the episode, so you can get a feel for the space and vibe. Your subscription also helps support this podcast and gets you early access and full video episodes for most other episodes: https://www.patreon.com/c/robertbrookscohen
Sign up "Fluid Conversation", an ongoing series of guided talks and topic-based discussions: https://calendly.com/robertbrookscohen/fluid-conversations
Sign up for a free intro call with Rob re: individual coaching: https://calendly.com/robertbrookscohen/25-minute-free-intro-call
Visit Rob's Website: https://www.robertbrookscohen.com/
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Transcript
Introduction and BFF Event Overview
00:00:12
Speaker
Hello everybody, welcome back to 2 Bye Guys. have a really fun episode for you today. It's one that I conceived of over a year ago, but I wasn't able to carry out until now.
00:00:25
Speaker
It's about an event called BFF. But briefly, very briefly before we get there, i want to plug my Fluid Conversation series, which has been really fun and going so well. We did five topic-based discussions through Pride Month, and I decided to continue them on an ongoing basis.
00:00:42
Speaker
And I couldn't decide if I should do it once a month or once a week. So like a good bisexual, I split the difference and we are doing it bi-monthly or bi-weekly.
Fluid Conversation Series and Coaching Plans
00:00:52
Speaker
don't really know what bi means in that context.
00:00:55
Speaker
We're doing it every other week or twice a month. So check the link in my social media bios or the link in the show notes on this podcast for the Fluid Discussion series. It's free to attend.
00:01:05
Speaker
And I'm also going to be transitioning that into some group coaching experiences where we can really start to get to know each other and build community on an ongoing basis. But I've just got so much going on this summer, and I'm sure you all do too. So I'm going to start that in the fall.
00:01:21
Speaker
So if you might be interested in that, check out Fluid Discussions for a little bite-sized version. And as always, I'm doing one-on-one coaching. I do have a few spots available. You can always schedule a free 25-minute intro call with me at any time. There's links in the show notes and on my website, robertbrookscohen.com. And of course, if you've been listening to this podcast, I am looking to integrate psychedelics into my coaching. I do not serve medicine, but I am learning a lot about preparation and integration. So if you're thinking of going on your own plant medicine journey and you want to chat about preparation and integration, which to me are just as important as the medicine journey itself, if not more important, schedule that free intro call and let's talk about it. I can help point you in the right direction as I learn about this space
BFF Event Details and Personal Experiences
00:02:09
Speaker
as well. So today we are going to be talking about BFF.
00:02:13
Speaker
A biannual event in Palm Springs twice a year. Biannual maybe. And though many people do meet their best friends forever at BFF, that is not why it's called BFF.
00:02:25
Speaker
Obviously BFF stands for Bi-Fuckfest. And now this episode already gets the explicit tag just a few minutes in. But BiFugFest is a biannual takeover of a resort in Palm Springs, currently hosted at Exotic Dreams Resort, although in the past this event was in Las Vegas. I believe it's moved a few times. It's about 250 bi people, men, women, couples, hanging out by the pool, partying, and, you know, doing other things.
00:02:55
Speaker
I think the name kind of speaks for itself, doesn't it? ah So I went to my first BFF last summer in 2024, and I went to my second one this summer at the end of June.
00:03:08
Speaker
There's also a winter BFF every January, same location. And this was the 25th year of It's been run by different people over time. It's been passed down. It's moved around. And it's evolved into its current incarnation, which I thoroughly enjoyed.
00:03:25
Speaker
um Met a lot of great people. Lots of amazing, crazy, pleasurable things happening there. Lots of firsts, as you'll hear. Lots of exploration of new things, even for people who thought they had tried a lot of everything. But as much sex as there was, which was definitely fun, I also found this BFF to be very healing, both for me and also collectively for bi people and non-conforming people in general. So at BFF, all the men there are bi. The event centers bi men. If you're a guy, you have to be bi to attend this event.
00:04:02
Speaker
And the reason for that is because much of the swinger community does not center by men. And BFF is similar to a swingers event. It's sort of part of that lifestyle world. Many people who go to BFF are in the lifestyle.
00:04:18
Speaker
Although I would argue it's a bit broader than that. It's not just a lifestyle event since it does bring in other people too, like me. I would not necessarily consider myself...
00:04:29
Speaker
in the lifestyle, although I'm certainly lifestyle adjacent. And because this is such a bi-forward, bi-focused event, it does attract others outside the lifestyle. Pretty much all the women are bi as well.
00:04:43
Speaker
Not 100%, it's not required, but most are. And some of them do identify as straight. Usually they're accompanying their bi husbands and they're in the lifestyle.
00:04:53
Speaker
And so even those women who do identify a straight are super accepting. And there's often some fluidity within their straight identities as well. And because most people there are bi and bi men are centered, there is just so much acceptance and validation at this
BFF's Inclusive and Healing Environment
00:05:10
Speaker
event. Like many guys are out in their normal lives like me, but many are not.
00:05:15
Speaker
And they might live in a place where they can't be. And so they come to BFF every year or twice a year. And it's one of the only places where they're not just known and accepted as bi, but actually celebrated as bi.
00:05:28
Speaker
Like the women at BFF, they don't just put up with sex between men. They love it. They are turned on by it. They are encouraging it. So it's truly an environment whereby people...
00:05:40
Speaker
don't have to pick a side or feel any shame about their desires because everyone is in the same boat and everyone is exploring sexually out in the open. You really can't be on the down low at BFF and you wouldn't want to be. Though you can have sex behind closed doors if you want to at BFF, there are rooms, hotel rooms people go into,
00:06:02
Speaker
Very few people do that. And even if the door is closed, that's usually to keep the AC in and the windows are wide open. It's sort of like a nice metaphor of just how open everyone is there, both when they're having sex and when they're not. And what I realized this year is that because of that acceptance and validation, like because of this safe container where everyone is walking around naked and being so upfront about themselves and their desires,
00:06:30
Speaker
It fosters this amazing sense of friendship and community. You really just get to the core of people and i have a real emotional intimacy with them right away.
00:06:41
Speaker
And so in the interviews I've compiled here, I did a handful of interviews, you will hear that theme about friendship and community over and over. So last year, I got the idea to do some interviews at BFF, but by the time I started, it was too late.
00:06:56
Speaker
Things were wrapping up. So this year, I started interviewing people on day three out of four days. It's four nights, technically five days, but everyone leaves on the fifth day. I have nine interviews to share with you today. Some are just a few minutes, some are a bit longer. And I tried to get a range of different types of people and experiences so that you can get a bit of a window into BFF. And if you ever do want to attend, the event is open to anyone, but it's not advertised much outside of Swinger web websites.
00:07:26
Speaker
So feel free to DM me and I can put you in touch with the organizers. I'll describe BFF a little bit more after the first set of interviews, but let's get right into it. First up is a short interview with a guy i met named Charles. I started every interview by asking each person to tell me a bit about themselves, however much they wanted to share, and why they were at BFF. So here is Charles.
00:07:58
Speaker
So I'm Charles, I'm 57. This is my second time at BFF. This is the first time I've stayed all weekend. And it has been eye-opening experience after another, meeting great people, amazing people. And the best part is I keep telling everyone it's judgment-free, it's fantastic, it's a sexual freedom, and it's just a lot of fun.
00:08:27
Speaker
And there's a lot of ah positivity everywhere. Everyone's just in a good mood. Everyone's happy. Yeah. So that's my favorite part about this whole weekend is just being with a bunch of happy people.
00:08:40
Speaker
Yeah. but so that There's an abundance of happiness. Wait, then how many BFFs did you say you've been This is my second. Last summer was first? Last summer was first. How did you hear about it in the first place?
00:08:51
Speaker
My friend, Mike, who is a regular, he lives here in the Palm Springs area. He told me about it. I met him on Instagram, of course, and we've met up in person and so forth. And he told me about it, I don't know, early last year.
00:09:09
Speaker
Gave me Brad's email and bam. And what's the most like surprising thing that you've encountered here?
00:09:19
Speaker
The, I mean, how much can I really say without it going to X-rated? um The openness of everyone. The that literally, and I say openness, and I mean openness.
00:09:31
Speaker
I mean, yeah. Say more. Yeah. I mean, it is also surprising how flexible I've seen some older people be here.
00:09:42
Speaker
like, wow, you do your stretches in the morning.
00:09:46
Speaker
Literally flexible. Yes, literally. I did not think that woman could get her legs that high up in the air, and she did. yeah I thought you were going with heteroflexible, homoflexible, which which is is here too.
00:09:59
Speaker
Well, that too. Literally flexible. Yes, that too. So flexibility is key at BFF. Absolutely. and just enjoying it. Cool. What's your favorite part?
00:10:11
Speaker
Watching. Ah. And being watched. What's the culture of watching here like? accepted which is the good part and that seems to be a um an overall consensus of watching is okay and having to know when to join and when not to join there seems to be a good balance of that you go to different um sexual events and sometimes that consensus is not there whereas here there's a
00:10:45
Speaker
That's what I'm looking for. A um respect. Yeah. There's a respect for everyone here. Yeah. there's that It feels like there's a good balance of of like people being forward and asking for what they want and also not pushing.
00:11:02
Speaker
Exactly. Too hard. Yes. Cool. Anything else you want to share? I can't wait to come back. And I've already shared with some friends and they can't wait to join.
00:11:14
Speaker
yeah. Cool. Cool. Thank you, Charles. You're welcome.
Interview with Mark and Josh: Exploring Bisexuality
00:11:23
Speaker
That was Charles. was also sitting in that playroom with a guy named Steve. So here is a bit with Steve.
00:11:36
Speaker
I'm Steve and I'm here because it's a fun place to be.
00:11:45
Speaker
Easy, succinct answer. That makes sense. And how many of these have you been to? This is my fourth one. Cool. All summer? ah Three summers. My first winter was January.
00:11:56
Speaker
Cool. And how did you get involved here? I went through a divorce, and in finding myself post-divorce, I kind of found myself on Cassidy and found BFF.
00:12:12
Speaker
Nice. Cool. What's your favorite part? more so and Do you want to just describe where we are right So we are in one of the playrooms at BFF. There are three of them here on site.
00:12:24
Speaker
And I'm in a room with three king beds and a sling right in the center as a two gentlemen and a very lovely lady walk in.
00:12:36
Speaker
And we're seeking shelter from the heat. Yes. It's what we're doing all here. Laura. More and more people are coming in as we record this podcast, and and and I don't know if we're preventing them from having sex.
00:12:50
Speaker
So feel free and if you want to. Okay, what's your favorite things about BFF? ah How easy it is to have sex better than porn.
00:13:02
Speaker
It's, I mean, it starts with a hey, I think we should fool around, and before you know it, you're surrounded by 10 people also.
00:13:14
Speaker
fooling around with you. Yeah. Yeah. There, there have been a few times I've walked past something or been part of something that I've looked up and gone, this is the hottest porn I've ever seen. Like, let me take a mental picture of this. Cause, cause you can't find this. And yet it's like everywhere around here. What else do you want to share about BFF?
00:13:34
Speaker
What's, what's unique about it? Uh, the acceptance, uh, there is a lot of, I believe, work that has been done with a lot of the queer men here.
00:13:47
Speaker
So everyone is very welcoming, regardless of where you are in that journey. There are people who just kind of found out they were bi or accepting they were There are people who've known their entire lives.
00:14:02
Speaker
And everyone here is very welcoming about, like, you know, like, let's go at your level. Let's go at your pace. um But there is definitely something here for everyone. Cool.
00:14:12
Speaker
Awesome. Anything else you want to share? ah No, actually. Cool. Wonderful. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you, Hot Rob. I'm a Hot Rob. That's my nickname here.
00:14:24
Speaker
Okay. Bye.
00:14:33
Speaker
Okay, so yeah, my nickname, this BFF, was Hot Rob. i can't say I'm ashamed of that nickname. How it came about is I walked into BFF on Thursday. i was a i thought I was early, but apparently getting there at 3 p.m. was a little late.
00:14:49
Speaker
There were already a ton of people in the pool by the time I got there. So as I was walking past the pool to my room, I heard a guy in the pool go, guy's hot.
00:15:00
Speaker
And I immediately looked over. We made eye contact, smiled, and I kept walking. But then I just decided, you know what? Everyone's in the pool. I'm here. Why not? So I put down all my stuff on the side of the pool. I took off all my clothes and I walked into the pool right up to the guy who said that. And we met and we talked and somehow that guy made it a thing.
00:15:22
Speaker
Well, that guy's name is Mark. And over the next few days, I connected a bunch with he and his partner, Josh. And I asked them if they'd be open to an interview. So here is a really fascinating interview that I love with a married couple, Mark and Josh.
00:15:43
Speaker
My name is Josh. This is my husband, Mark. uh say hi mark oh hi hello um we are here um me and my husband are i'd say gay in the traditional sense um we both did have wives in the past um and but i think deep down like both realized we were gay we weren't suppressing anything uh just we had our our reasons and then um
00:16:23
Speaker
Came out and our living our lives. We've been together for 16 years. We have a 17-year-old child together. Cool. And we are here.
00:16:36
Speaker
We love sex. We met at a gay sex party club. um and i identify as bi. And Josh, I would say, is situationally bi, but primarily gay.
00:16:50
Speaker
Yeah, I'd say that's accurate. So that was a couple people like perceive you as a gay couple? Yeah, for sure. yeah And I mean, we've done these kind of parties with all men, but never anything where there were any women around.
00:17:04
Speaker
We met a play partner in Phoenix, who we got to talking to you and I told him was by and then he told us about this event. So he referred us and here we are.
00:17:17
Speaker
We had a lot of firsts this weekend. We did not know there were a lot of firsts to be had still. Yes, even every day you i've heard about new firsts that we didn't think were possible.
00:17:31
Speaker
ah Any of those you would like to share? I mean, for me, seeing Josh ah make a girl squirt has been exhilarating. a Yeah, it's been fantastic watching him with women.
00:17:47
Speaker
I've seen him with other guys, which turns me on, but like seeing him with the women has been incredibly hot. Yeah, you were telling me before you got here, you were unsure if you, Josh, were going to be interested in that, or you haven't done that as much as you. Tell me about your experience and then leading before this and then ah reality of it. There has been two women ah that I basically had a threesome with, one one with my husband And, uh, old times these have happened in Maui and we say, uh, something that we kind of say is Maui makes us bi. And, uh, yeah.
00:18:25
Speaker
And one of them was a coworker and she came on to us and said that she'd always had a crush on me and asked, uh, if me and my husband would fuck her and she's married and her and her husband been are into hot wiving.
00:18:43
Speaker
So he likes watching her get fucked and, i We had had some drinks and I really wanted to make sure that that was okay. So i was like, hey, like I just want to make sure you're in the right headspace. And basically she showed me texts that said that, yes, he would love for her to get fucked by us.
00:18:58
Speaker
She had asked him permission to hit on us before we all went out that night. Wow. Yeah. It was incredibly hot. a Yeah, so that was Maui 1.
00:19:11
Speaker
And then Maui 2, Josh just wanted to see a hot guy's dick, so he facilitated a growing guy hooking up so that he could be there while it happened. And I joined in on their making out session, and neither of them stopped me. And it escalated, and I blew him and ate her out and guided him her.
00:19:31
Speaker
And then we both were in front and back of her and vaginally DP'd her until we both finished and made out at the end of that. And it was intense and hot.
00:19:44
Speaker
Yeah. In 16 years, Josh has touched two vaginas. So those those were the two in those years. Three. okay My wife. Yeah. right Oh, since we met. Yes. ah to and then And then what? Now it's like 12.
00:19:58
Speaker
Like since Thursday. and its Three days ago. yeah There's, I guess like in my head, I'm like, women are not ah sexually charged as men. There is a different dynamic, I'd say. I think that women need more of a connection. Like a guy could go for a hookup and not.
00:20:15
Speaker
have any words with the other guy and women. I don't think ah a very small amount of women get in that sort of headspace and play. I think they need, they need a more physical, like mental connection with the person.
00:20:30
Speaker
Um, but that's been kind of fun. Cause like we've met women here who are kinkier and into like crazy stuff that I would never expect a woman to be into.
00:20:41
Speaker
And, um, They like being touched and i a am a people pleaser. I like making people feel good. and And Josh is a talker too. So the connection part, I knew he would love about like smear lifestyle. Cause it's more, it's more of a connection than just like a random glory hole blowjob or, you know, the typical gay male hookups.
00:21:03
Speaker
So I knew I always joke that he could talk to an Eskimo about ice for five hours. So he would love an event like this. I knew, i knew he would like, the connection part, I didn't think the sex would be as amazing and intense.
00:21:19
Speaker
Yeah. And for you identifying as bi coming in how how has this been for you? Oh, incredible. ah ah Yeah, like I said, i I didn't think I had a lot of firsts left to have.
00:21:31
Speaker
But also I'm on kind of a new journey. I just started bottoming like three months ago and been able to facilitate some things that I never thought were going to be possible.
00:21:42
Speaker
Cool. Cool. What's like surprised you the most being here? um I think, ah not think, I know the most surprising thing. And I'd say probably one of the biggest turn-ons is the women, there's women here whose husband's,
00:21:59
Speaker
the husbands ah came out as bi maybe even gay and one supportive they brought them here so they can experience have some experiences but there's other ones who you can see they don't just allow it like it is a turn-on for their wives to see them living these fantasies and without i like i don't see fear that they're gonna run off and leave and just be with some guy, um they're in full support and it you can tell it's a turn-on to them.
00:22:31
Speaker
um And I think that level of connection is sexy. Cool. yeah I think being open and that level of trust that, like, the guys that are married to women have to have with their female partners, like, they have to have so much trust to come out as bi because, you know, most people think bi doesn't exist, that it's a gateway to gay.
00:22:55
Speaker
um But, like, I'm married to a guy and i always, I have this joke at bars, I say, I will fuck a girl to see her husband's dick in a minute. um But I'm definitely bi, you know,
00:23:08
Speaker
primarily live life as a gay man yeah i've for me i've kind of noticed like there's so many gay spaces where sex is like so easy and ready readily available but then it can make you kind of think like this is because it's men but actually it's the energy and environment that is just so open and sexy and then you come here and it's like oh you can recreate that with women too if they're into it that's kind of what's rewired for me does that trend yeah Yeah, I would agree with that for sure.
00:23:40
Speaker
Because even walking around the city of Palm Springs, like, this whole freaking city is like so sexually charged. Very sexually charged. I had somebody drive by me four times yesterday while I went for a walk. And on the fourth time, asked if I needed a ride. i was like, wow, I don't need one today. Well, your name is Hot Rob.
00:24:01
Speaker
ah so Yes. He could just tell that by driving by. yeah he knew. He's like, oh, that's Hot Rob. ah um Are you learning anything about yourself in the last three days being here? Yeah.
00:24:18
Speaker
Yeah, that there's like more to discover about ourselves, our relationship, my own relationship with my body, and yeah, like kind of my mental capacity to take on these new experiences and embrace them.
00:24:37
Speaker
Oh, how has that shifted? Yeah, um yeah, I... and I am more open-minded after coming to this event. In two days. And you coming at this event. How many times?
00:24:50
Speaker
yeah know I think like six or seven. I'm up to seven in three days. yeah you're You were up to eight in one day. Yeah, I'm at like 13 or 14. He's a back-to-back multi-comer a lot of times.
00:25:06
Speaker
Nice. It's not fair. thats right and And are you learning anything about yourself here? um Just it's more like reinforcement of what i already kind of knew and thought, like, why actually exists.
00:25:20
Speaker
Like, the guys that are married to girls are not just gay and hiding it. yeah um And that I think that all people are probably... this sexual, it just takes so much trust and communication to be able to express it that most people are afraid of it.
00:25:36
Speaker
And accept it on your own. And even for yourself. So my husband, Mark, being new to bottoming, he got emotional. The first, and the first after the like, after he got ah kind of hard for the first time ever, because he had only bottomed for me three or four times ever.
00:25:55
Speaker
And it was not planned and it did not last long because I did not last long. um Because it was ah it was a turn on It was like something very unexpected.
00:26:07
Speaker
and yeah, it just got me off really quickly every time. and um But him discovering that like he can now relax and want that feeling and it's a different feeling he'd never experienced even from me fucking him it was intense but it was just different he'd never let himself go um yeah we have like ah the top sexes of our life like one morning just randomly and like i i was like crying after it was so intense and so like understanding that that was possible and he like he told me i don't know like if i know myself like
00:26:47
Speaker
He knew he was a top, and all of a sudden he's not, and he's liking this so much. and i mean My whole sexual identity is changing, and it's like, wait, what if i have I been doing? right Oh, I think that's so fascinating and beautiful, because it's like, I think most people, we find something we like, or we are pushed into a box of, like, you should like this, and then we like think that's it. And people just don't explore...
00:27:17
Speaker
beyond it, especially when they're married and to come somewhere like this or just open up to some new sexual experiences like that, that expands your sexuality is so beautiful. And it reminds you like there's always more to explore. yeah There's always a new first.
00:27:34
Speaker
ah Right. I didn't think there were, but I also like credit him with that because I've never in my life felt this safe and comfortable and like psychological safety, emotional safety. Like I don't i don't worry.
00:27:49
Speaker
could go fuck 30 people right now and and I would be like, oh, don't forget lettuce on the way home. Like it's just comfortable, but I don't take it for granted for one second. Cool. Yeah, this PFF is like if you it can bring a lot out of you and confront a lot of things in you, but also if you've done a lot of work before you get here, then you can really enjoy it fully. I already feel like our relationship is elevated because of this experience. Yeah, amazing.
00:28:16
Speaker
So ah thank you guys so much. This is great. i would love to continue, but there is a gangbang in the maze 345 and 348. So I think we should go there. um Is there any final thoughts you want to share No, just don't be afraid to talk to your partner if you have one or just explore.
00:28:39
Speaker
Yeah, you you really, as much as it's said, you only live once and you should be able to enjoy your entire body, explore your body and be honest with the person that you love, of things that you like.
00:28:55
Speaker
Beautiful, lovely. Let's go to the gangbang. Yes.
00:29:08
Speaker
Okay, that was Mark and Josh.
Interview with Jenny: Fantasies and Personal Growth
00:29:10
Speaker
I love some of the insights they had in there. Really fascinating. So you heard about the gangbang, and the next day I ended up meeting the woman at the center of the gangbang. I didn't even realize it was her at first, and we talk about how we met in this interview about halfway in. so This interview I conducted at night between sex where ah group of people just ended up sitting by the pool chatting. We were listening to a guy named Peter talk about opening the second hole when he's being penetrated. You'll hear from Peter at the end of this episode.
00:29:43
Speaker
And there's a little bit of bonus content of that conversation that I happened record with permission on Patreon. So a little bit of just random chatter if you want to get a feel for BFF on Patreon.
00:29:56
Speaker
But eventually I did start interviewing Jenny during this. So here is Jenny.
00:30:09
Speaker
So my name is Jenny and I, um I've been in the lifestyle since 2012 with my husband.
00:30:23
Speaker
And then it's been kind of weird cause i'm used to I've just been around the people. And I love the people. I love the environment. It's nonjudgmental. You can walk around and do whatever. Wherever and as long as you're hurting anybody, nobody's judgmental and I feel like it's safe place to go. um what that new people Going through a separation with my husband, I got out of it for a while and this is the first time I've came to a big event like this. This is your first BFF? This is my first BFF. I date Peter. he is in a relationship with, I call his wife, with Rhonda. They've been together 15 years, but we're all poly. Rhonda and I don't do anything, but him and I do.
00:31:02
Speaker
and i And I date other guys. wow Anyway, it's in the purple shaker bottle. And so Rhonda... Oh, I told her I need to here.
00:31:19
Speaker
So... Anyways, Rhonda normally comes out here with him. And she tapped me in this time. In her place. And she usually doesn't participate in...
00:31:31
Speaker
the other festivities, but this time I did. Cool. And so, and it's fun. Tell us about, uh, your, your fantasy that manifested today and how that came about.
00:31:46
Speaker
um, my fantasy today, ever since I found out what a female chick glory hole was, which I watched on a porn one time, um, um um what is does it have a name doesn't it avalla you call rory holy holyho i don't know but I've always had like this fantasy about a stranger doing me and that i i don't know but I needed to be in a safe environment biggest thing is safety and It never happened with my husband.
00:32:17
Speaker
But I came here last year and didn't I didn't get to do it. But with him, with Peter, I trust him completely. And so my thing was I went to him before he came up here and asked him, hey, would you organize this? Which I ended up organizing it. But he – well, no, actually, he did great.
00:32:34
Speaker
Word got around. I heard about it. And we hadn't met. It was on the it was on the fly. And I was like, hey, I want to do this because – Everyone's fixing to leave. And so that was about three o'clock. And ah asked Brad Warren if he would go help me cut the misters on.
00:32:49
Speaker
And then we moved some pillows over there. ah came in here, came back in here like at 311 and we' pulled him to the side of the pool and said, hey, I want you to make an announcement that they're going to run a train on me.
00:33:02
Speaker
oh And you I said, I want you to just make an announcement that it will be, you know, right now. goes, they're going to have to get ready. I said, okay, then do 345. So we announced it it's going to happen a three forty five at 345. And I told him, I said, at 340, they need to line up on the wall.
00:33:17
Speaker
And then you take them back there. In the meantime, I went back there. And I did not want to know who it was. So I put blindfolds. I had blindfolds on. Made it where I couldn't see what was going on. Got everything ready.
00:33:29
Speaker
He was back there. We had a conversation. He stayed with me at all times. He organized, made sure like I was staying safe. We did have a video of it. just We videoed it. I wanted to watch it later.
00:33:41
Speaker
And he was in control of it. And i was like, I will, I've opened a whatever position, whatever they want to do to me, if I need to go up, up higher, down lower, whatever, I don't care. join And so, um, it started and it lasted for an hour, for an hour and 10 minutes. yeah Wow. And it was amazing.
00:34:01
Speaker
He kept me lubed up the whole time. And was amazing. it was one of the most exhilarating experiences of my life really tell me more why that i was so turned on i've never squirted way i squirted today like but i squirted so hard because i was so excited and so turned on it bounced off of the mail and bounced back on me and i thought they blew their load and i thought it landed on me and dripped down
00:34:33
Speaker
And there was a girl putting ice in my mouth. And it hydrated me. She's like, he just blew his load. And it landed and dripped down. She's like, no, honey. That's all you, girl. And I was like, what? She's like, it went.
00:34:46
Speaker
Like ping pong ball. I actually saw that happen. I was there for that moment. Are you serious? Yes. Oh, my gosh. That was the weirdest sensation. That was like the weirdest. don't Did you hear? She squirted so hard she thought it was someone else's cum.
00:35:01
Speaker
Oh, yeah. It, like, bounced off the guy and back onto her. I have never. Yes. and Yeah. We bounce squirt. She's like, oh, gosh. The guy just, like, came all over me. And we were like, no, that was. Yeah. She's like, no, honey, that was all you. And I was like, oh, my I have never in my life.
00:35:23
Speaker
Ha, ha. I'm getting goosebumps down my back. What about the not knowing who it was? Why do you think that turned you on so much? I don't know. I don't know where that stems from. I don't know where it came from. I just know i didn't want to know who it was, but I needed somebody there with me that was able to make sure i was safe.
00:35:45
Speaker
yeah but I wouldn't have ever done it by myself. I needed to have someone there that I trusted that made sure I was safe and that would be in control and I just don't know I just did not want to know who it was and one point I got real hot and took the I had a t-shirt of my face took it off and I kept my eyes closed but at one point I opened them and I saw people above my head watching they yeah watching and I'm like close your eyes close your eyes close your eyes you don't um you don't know if they're in there
00:36:16
Speaker
And it turns out those people were not in there. They really were just watching. And then going back and watching the video and watching, I had no idea there were so many people. Ever since, i didn't like this afternoon in the pool early, they said, you know, you're the BFF queen. I'm like, what?
00:36:31
Speaker
But I was like, there were so many people. This one guy goes, was in line to get to you, but my wife had your overflow. They were running a train on her in a different area because you had yeah's such a long line to get to you.
00:36:44
Speaker
That was true. is long at three eleven And had one. Word spread. Word spread. I heard about it at about 3.30, somewhere over there. And we were like, we'll be there. And I've never met you. And we never met. never met. And then, in fact, we didn't even meet then. Then I just sat down here about 15 minutes ago. You were watching the video, and you said, look, there's you. Fucking mate.
00:37:09
Speaker
And that's how we met. i Hi, I'm Rob. Nice to meet you. Nice to shake your hand, finally. Yes, yes. um Yeah, it was nice for on the other side of it too to have to have him there, your partner, no Peter.
00:37:25
Speaker
Like that made it safe for both sides of it because like, i could ask him questions about what your boundaries were yeah and we knew and i completely like i didn't even really have to cover anything with him yeah he just knew and i completely like i just completely trusted him and trusted the situation there was another glory hole next to me that two women and two men got in that i outlasted them You did? Yes. One girl got in it, and I was, at one point, I look over, and was watching her get railed, and that was really hot. And then she looked at me, and she's like, I have to get out because my Uber's here. She had to get out of her Uber.
00:38:08
Speaker
Amazing. and i' Ordering an Uber while inside her glory. Yes, she did. And then she's like, I got to get out. got to get of Uber. Amazing. And then there's another girl that went, and then two guys,
00:38:20
Speaker
And they're like how are you still going? I'm like, which is great I'm not used to having multiple partners. Um, this is just, it's just been on my bucket list for, I don't know. It was just, I'm so excited. i was worried. I was going feel bad about it.
00:38:34
Speaker
I do not. I am hot and bothered right now. Thank you. I love that. This is a, we're manifesting our fantasies. I absolutely i love that. I'm not judged.
00:38:46
Speaker
You could not do this anywhere else. Yeah. and And like nobody was getting hurt. It was completely safe. It was my choice. My body, I was completely sober and it was just something i wanted do. And everybody, i mean I had a great support system. I'll say that.
00:39:03
Speaker
That's so empowering. I love it. I love it. Cool. Anything else you want to share? No, I mean, I'm just, I think everybody should try that once. It was amazing. What's your favorite thing about BFF overall this weekend? I did not know a soul here.
00:39:16
Speaker
And I came here ya i came in here and i was just I really just haven't done anything on lifestyle since my husband and I split up.
00:39:27
Speaker
And it has been absolutely amazing. I have completely felt safe. I have felt welcomed. I have felt comfortable doing anything and everything. and I love seeing how everyone is comfortable with everyone. And I don't think, I have not heard anybody differ all weekend. And I have not heard any judgmental anything.
00:39:46
Speaker
Is that different from other lifestyle things you've been doing? not really. Most most like most people in the lifestyle, I know where I'm from, in East Texas, and... you don't You don't body shame. you don't It's like Fight Club. You don't talk about Fight Club. You keep it keep it private. You don't discuss people's business.
00:40:03
Speaker
If you're caught just being in disrespectful know or body shaming or doing something inappropriate, you are blackballed. The word gets around. It's about respect. you know Everybody through stuff.
00:40:17
Speaker
But in the real world, like, out, you know, not in the lifestyle world, people are, like, I felt they're a lot more judgmental about things. But here, like, we're all crazy. I don't know. We all we all have a different mindset, but I'm very open to, I want to, right now, want to try everything in life at least once.
00:40:35
Speaker
And anything sexually, I want to try at least once with an open mindset and say, Hey, I tried it. Exactly. exactly How do you know until you try? Exactly. And was yeah he's bisexual. and I've learned so much from being with him. He is very smart, very intelligent.
00:40:52
Speaker
And I've never in my life thought I would be with anybody bisexual. Because my mindset, I was raised in a Christian home where you don't do people. you keep I mean, you you don't do that. You associate that with getting AIDS. I mean, it's just how my mindset was for a long time. And now I'm like,
00:41:09
Speaker
My God, I've missed out for so long. So much more. There's so a whole nother thing. And so many more scenarios. yeah I've had so many scenarios haven't stopped in here. Like... I got it.
00:41:20
Speaker
Oh my gosh. I could go on and on and on, but it's, I just, I love it. I love the people here, the experiences. It's been nostalgic. I love it. That's beautiful that you ended up with a bi guy and like changed your feelings about it. Cause I know that's so common. It's like people judging male bisexuality. Yes. And I absolutely was And,
00:41:41
Speaker
and It's beautiful to see that transformation. Right. And I did not ever expect to be dating him. We were friends. We used to do holding routines at a place in Palace in Purple Peacock. And he just invited me to come hang out with him at his house with my RV.
00:42:00
Speaker
And that was in like the first of the year. And pretty much have been there ever since back and forth. But we've just grown closer and closer and closer. And then his wife or partner, whatever, Rhonda. Like, I don't know.
00:42:13
Speaker
I've grown to love flight ross road way up here his lifestyle. and somewhere and i love, he went to Walmart with these bright silver pants and bright silver shoes and little shoes.
00:42:27
Speaker
thingy hanging out with a rainbow shirt and I would have never went with anybody like that in the past. And now he goes, are you embarrassed to go to Walmart with me? I'm like, You're to end peopleofwalmart.com but I absolutely want you to be you and I support you 100%. Let's go.
00:42:43
Speaker
And I thought I was so proud to walk with him in that crazy ass freaking outfit. Amazing. But yeah, anyway. you like That's so awesome. Beautiful. Well, thank you. We love to hear that. My podcast is about bi men and like male bisexuality and yeah related topics. And so there's so many guys. So that's beautiful to hear. Thanks for sharing your fantasy with us today. I think you you had a fantasy fulfilled and so did like a bunch of guys.
00:43:08
Speaker
Really? Because a lot of us were like, oh, gangbang in the glory hole in the maze. Yeah. That's something yeah i would want to do this weekend. Well, one thing, he didn't know the difference. was He like, what's the difference between a gangbang and train?
00:43:19
Speaker
Yeah. and What is the difference? I don't actually ah again So a gangbang is if if it was me right here and all of y'all on me, like as a team at once. All around, yeah. Train is literally like you're on the tracks. Like one you're in line, one in front of the other, and you're one-on-one with the person, but you got another one lined up and they follow behind. Yeah.
00:43:39
Speaker
Like you're a train on track. So that's what we did today. Y'all ran a train on me. Cool. Yes. That was fun. yes Thank you. Thanks for letting us run the train. And thanks for being on the pack. Of course.
00:43:59
Speaker
That was
BFF Resort Layout and Social Dynamics
00:44:00
Speaker
Jenny. What a fun interview. We'll hear from her partner Peter in a little bit. We'll get back to more interviews in just a moment. But first, let me describe the physical space at BFF just so you can kind of get a idea in your mind.
00:44:14
Speaker
And also, just so you know, on Patreon, i usually have video of all my interviews. That does not exist for this episode. I did not shoot video, I only took audio. But for my Patreon subscribers, I have included some photos of BFF that play along with this episode. So even though you can't see my interview subjects on video, you can get a sense of what BFF was like, what it looks like, what it might feel like.
00:44:42
Speaker
to be there. Most of the photos don't have people in it. I didn't take photos of any sex acts or any people. That is not the vibe. ah Cell phones are put away for the most part, but I did take some photos of the space of some posters that are hanging up that create an atmosphere of bi-inclusivity and joy. i took photos of the playrooms, the play maze, the pool. So if you want to see what it looks like,
00:45:07
Speaker
Subscribe on Patreon and you also get full video episodes of every other episode, early access, bonus content, and you help support this podcast. So thank you. Patreon.com slash Robert Brooks Cohen.
00:45:19
Speaker
But I do want to just describe BFF briefly so that you have a mental image as you listen to the next set of interviews. So basically it's a swingers resort. It's all one story. It's ah it's like a rectangular complex with interior courtyards and rooms on the outside.
00:45:37
Speaker
So you walk in there's one big courtyard in the front with a pool. There's often music there. There were dance parties at night. There's lots of pool lounge chairs. There are a handful of beds around the pool for play and lounge chairs, which are not for play, but just sitting. When you walk in, a majority of people are naked.
00:45:57
Speaker
ah That's how it is there. And you really do get used to it after the first few minutes. I went back to my normal life, wondering why I had to wear so much clothing all the time. And those who are not naked are in very little clothing, both men and women.
00:46:11
Speaker
And like it's kind of funny if you see someone wearing a full outfit, like shoes and pants and a shirt, you know that they're either on their way in or out of the premises. but Nobody wears clothes for very long once they enter the premises. Everyone has a little necklace on that has their name on it and colored beads to denote position. i think it's red beads for top, blue for bottom, purple for verse.
00:46:37
Speaker
And then there's gold and silver and other beads for full swap or oral swap only, or i don't really know. um I had the beads that said everything and anything. Yeah.
00:46:48
Speaker
And then off of the main interior courtyard, there are three or four smaller interior courtyards with more rooms, smaller pools to hang out in, hot tubs.
00:46:59
Speaker
And then in the middle of that, there's an outdoor play maze, which you kind of can walk through. And there's little alcoves and corners and glory holes and beds and benches and lots of outdoor space to play. There are probably over 100 guest rooms on site and then about half the people are staying in the guest rooms and half the people are staying off site at other nearby hotels or Airbnbs.
00:47:24
Speaker
And in addition to those guest rooms, there are three indoor play rooms. One of them is like a normal guest room with one king bed. The other two are a bit bigger. One of them is the one I just recorded those two interviews you heard.
00:47:37
Speaker
And another one is even bigger. It's got lots of beds. It's got slings, benches, showers, and lots of open windows for people to see what's going on before they decide to enter. The staff at the hotel, God bless them, they are constantly changing the sheets in all the playrooms and the outdoor beds. Probably every half hour they're changing the sheets when things are active. And during the day at BFF, most people are kind of hanging out by the pool.
00:48:05
Speaker
or going off into downtown Palm Springs to escape or go to lunch. And some people go to the playrooms during the day, but it's usually a little less active. And then at night, play is happening all over. The playrooms usually have a lot of people in them and a lot of turnover people going in and out.
00:48:21
Speaker
There's a lot of people playing on the beds by the pool. And as much action as there is at night, because you're kind of just there and that's the whole night, there's also a lot of downtime in between. i mean, nobody is having sex for five hours straight. And so you end up chatting with people all over the place in different rooms, in various states of sex and undress. And that creates this interesting kind of intimacy of just like having people all around And it leads to a lot of sexual activity where the goal is not climax or and people don't climax, but they just play.
00:48:55
Speaker
And it can last for a few minutes and you stop and you move on. And you do have to pace yourself because it's four nights long. By the fourth night, I was exhausted. Anyway, that's kind of.
00:49:06
Speaker
what it looks like there. i conducted the next series of interviews on the same night, so there's a bit of background noise
Interview with Don: Embracing Bisexuality
00:49:14
Speaker
in there. Here is an interview with first-timer at BFF, Don.
00:49:19
Speaker
Enjoy.
00:49:29
Speaker
My name is Don. I'm from Northern California. um i am six months into exploring my sexual my bisexuality after a long-term marriage.
00:49:41
Speaker
It has separated now. And yeah, this has exactly been six months. I'm here sorry celebrating that, I guess. Interesting date it coincidence. Yeah, yeah, definitely. It was...
00:49:55
Speaker
Yeah, i had all of the so what I've done six months exploring my bisexuality for the first time in middle age um and and just really enjoying that.
00:50:09
Speaker
tell Tell us about that exploration and what you've learned about yourself from it And I know it's like continuing here, but it's been before this weekend, too. Yeah, this been something that has been, I've ah been aware in myself for years, but had never been able to explore.
00:50:26
Speaker
And as soon as I was free to explore, I've just gone ahead at first and really had fun. and And finding out about this event was a big thing. I've been looking forward to it for months.
00:50:43
Speaker
And it's been... four days of, uh, uh, you know, hedonistic exploration and, um, new, you know, new, yeah new experiences.
00:50:54
Speaker
Yeah. Yeah. Was it, was it what you expected or different or what was, what was what you expected or what was different? want to say I don't, I, I don't, think I put a lot of expectation to it. i just wasn't sure. I didn't want to like overthink it. right I just kind of went in blind. and and or yeah know i' read followed the different conversations about it.
00:51:19
Speaker
It seemed like it was a good place. What I can say is everybody's really cool. We don't know what that's going to be like going in. Just the level of sexiness And, you know, and an attraction and chemistry here is just really cool. um I find that.
00:51:41
Speaker
It's just like, yeah, I'm really into it. How do you, like, find partners or find this? but How do you get involved in the action?
00:51:52
Speaker
How did you navigate that? Yeah, you know, being fairly new at this but and also being a single guy in a place where ah more couples than singles and more families,
00:52:04
Speaker
It's a little different of a challenge, but I kind of go, ah I'm kind of extroverted, but I kind of go like in a zen mode and just not try too hard and just to hang out and be and let conversations happen and see where they go.
00:52:21
Speaker
and Some of those are just nice conversations and some of those, you know, turn out to be something else later on in the day or the next day. That's really cool. and so i don't try i that My approach has been to not try too hard. right and Also, I'm talking about with people. like No matter how much fun you get to have, you always want more.
00:52:42
Speaker
i was memor quite an yeah That's funny because I'm like i'm like kind of done. but i know i know that later when things eat up again ah ah I won't be done.
00:52:54
Speaker
But I'm like, four days of this is a lot. It's a lot. Like one night of it was it was a lot. Yeah, it's pretty magical. It is. It is like ah an abundance of like kind of everything. But that also gives you time to just kick back and relax and chat with people. It's not like you're not going all the time and people you know people head out together for lunch or dinner and come back and it ebbs and flows. Yeah. because sometimes it's quiet because everyone else is taking a break right right i found the fact that it's a four days and ebbs and flows like you you can just kind of relax and let things happen there's less of this energy of like we have to make something happen right now and it just kind of is more laid back and nice yeah there's a lot of time and is there's a laid backness to it yeah so what's your favorite thing about this
00:53:47
Speaker
Well, I think yeah I'd have to give you explicit descriptions of experiences I had. Yes. If you want to. yeah Well, okay. I will say that take I've had fun with couples. I've had fun in groups. I've had one-on-one with some guys.
00:54:06
Speaker
But I was sort of this fourth day, I was coming in here going, I really, I had a goal. that I wanted a bottom and I wanted to do it i'm one of the mattresses next to the pool. I'm kind of been an exhibitionist and most of the play I'd done was in rooms.
00:54:21
Speaker
Not that we're empty, there are people that are empty. But anyway, you literally, I didn't see you this morning, said something manifest that. I told you to manifest that. And I'm, well, that paid off twice.
00:54:32
Speaker
Like, literally two different ah encounters on mattresses by the pool. And what I never expected to be was, like, literally... such a slut.
00:54:44
Speaker
Literally, i i just stopped, started chatting with them, not expecting it to go anywhere. so literally, we just met and then did that. just like i'm Just like, yeah, we went at it.
00:55:00
Speaker
I got fucked right there at the edge of the pool. And then the same thing happened like three hours later where there's someone totally different in the same sort of thing. Just kind of make eye contact, like, hi. amazing i'm so happy for you that is there is like a thing here where there's a low barrier between like whatever's happening and play could happen at any moment yeah and people are pretty like they they have boundaries you know not everyone wants to do everything but they're like if you ask most people will be like yeah let's go i was on the dance floor last night and saw this older woman like small woman with
00:55:35
Speaker
a glow in the dark green dildo. And I whispered to, and I don't bottom that much, but I whispered to my friend, like, I think I want to get fucked by her. and then I didn't go talk to her.
00:55:46
Speaker
And three minutes later, she was dancing behind me, sticking that oh dildo into like pressing it up against me. And then we started talking and I was like, I think I want you to use that on me.
00:55:59
Speaker
And then she did right by the pool while a bunch of people watch. So I manifested that. That's awesome, man. That's how I knew it would work. I'm sorry I missed that. Oh yeah, you weren't there? Yeah, that was that was fun.
00:56:12
Speaker
Okay, anything else you want to share about BFF for your journey here? Yeah, just i'm definitely coming back. um I've got friends back home who will be coming for their first time next year because of what I've shared with them. We're going to plan with about six or eight people, get a Winnebago and have a nine-hour orgy down from home down to Palm Springs, trading, driving.
00:56:43
Speaker
Wow, have an orgy on the way to the orgy. Amazing. Just can't get it up. I love it. Cool. Well, thank you. Thank you for sharing your perspective.
00:56:56
Speaker
Definitely. Thank you very much.
Interview with Laura: Community and Advocacy
00:57:04
Speaker
That First Timer Don. And now here's an interview with a veteran of BFF who had been to many of them. You'll hear a lot about how BFF builds community and friendships in this interview. Here is Laura.
00:57:23
Speaker
So my name is Laura. I am 64 years old. I've been known that I was bisexual since I was 19. in... but didn't um over here later But in the eighties, you had to pick a side.
00:57:38
Speaker
And so i was an out lesbian for a while, and then I was married to a straight man. and then I was a lesbian again. and then 12 years ago, i thought this is crazy. I keep ruining my life, other people's lives.
00:57:52
Speaker
I had a therapist tell me that I had a problem with my sexual identity, that it's the rest of the world that had a problem. So I'm now really out and loud.
00:58:04
Speaker
about being bi. and i And when I came out in 1980, I was out and loud about being a lesbian. Cool.
00:58:15
Speaker
Amazing. how and like How did you come to that understanding of bisexuality? like um Well, i i i it was very concrete thinking that was actually problematic.
00:58:30
Speaker
I was 19, I fell in love with a woman, so I must be a lesbian. no Makes sense at 19. Yeah. So, and um I'm here at BFF with my partner, and we met in the vanil in the swinging lifestyle, and we knew all along that we were both bi.
00:58:52
Speaker
and Our first day, it was this is the most affirming thing that's ever happened to me. On our first day, the next morning, we laid in bed together we and repeated the bullshit messages that we got.
00:59:12
Speaker
You're sitting on the fence. You're just confused. You need to make up your mind. That's what my therapist told me. Wow. Yeah. I mean, and all of those things, or as ah as a bi woman, i am not performatively by I am a bi woman.
00:59:28
Speaker
I can have a relationship with a woman, a relationship with a man. yeah And so then you you then you get, as a woman, I get objectified.
00:59:40
Speaker
Oh, so you're bisexual. Can I watch you and your girlfriend? Can I watch you eat your girlfriend? and That stuff drives me nuts. Yeah, yeah. yeah All the fetishization, yes.
00:59:51
Speaker
Which doesn't happen at BFF, even though lots of sexy things happen. So tell us, like, how did you find BFF? How many of these have you been to? What's your experience? This is my 13th BFF. Wow.
01:00:07
Speaker
And my 10th summer BFF. Cool. And my partner... Your partner's a man? Yes, sorry. My male partner, he had gone to a couple before and told me about it. And we had been dating a year when I came to my first one.
01:00:27
Speaker
And now it's really our bi community. Because where we live, we live in a rural part of the country. And it's very red. And this is our community.
01:00:41
Speaker
Cool. What do you love the most? You've been coming 13 times. What do you love about it? I'm a chick. I'm a chick. I like the community and the friendships that we've built. And the sex is secondary for me. Yeah.
01:00:56
Speaker
Interesting. You were, i mean, yeah, for some people, like you come here, all you see and you look around is sex. Right before we were talking, you were telling me like, yes, some people just maybe find one person and go off and they're not having sex all day and play rooms with orgies. So like, what do you like to do when you're here?
01:01:13
Speaker
When I'm here, i you know, I like to hang out. I like to, um, I don't day drink anymore, but you know, it used to have a little bit of cannabis, just decompress, unwind. I like to go to the playroom and play with my male partner or without.
01:01:32
Speaker
and and i And I have specific people that I really, really like to play with who were my like regular playmates when I come to BFF. And I formed some really deep friendships as a result.
01:01:48
Speaker
like so Beautiful. Even my second time here, I feel like I know people in a different way already. exactly Exactly. You're bonding over this shared thing that can be difficult when we're not in this space.
01:02:02
Speaker
and And we don't, and we, okay, believe me, we do not have to be as hypervigilant. as I was 40 years ago. i didn't have to I don't have to worry about, I really don't have to worry about my job because I came out.
01:02:21
Speaker
we We rebranded our belonging inclusive DEI into DEI. Anyway, and so we did a big pride event.
01:02:32
Speaker
and and i And we did the alphabet. If I say the name of it, people will know where I work. We did that we did the alphabet, and and I represented the B and the Q. Because I've always called myself queer queer and for political reasons.
01:02:51
Speaker
Yeah, why? Tell us. well I'm a registered nurse and I became a nurse and I'm out lesbian, became a nurse in the early days of the AIDS epidemic and took care of some of the first AIDS patients in Dallas, Texas, and then in Lubbock, Texas.
01:03:14
Speaker
and i helped our community in Lubbock by then the mid 80s with safe, with we called it safe sex, now it's safer sex, but with safe sex techniques.
01:03:28
Speaker
And no one was interested in this epidemic. and the And so i i was politicized is what it amounts to.
01:03:43
Speaker
And so I really believe in that. big umbrella of here And I do understand it's a problem for many people who had that hurled at them in hateful, ugly ways.
01:03:55
Speaker
Yes, I understand that too, but i totally I totally agree that this broad term that includes like all of us who are marginalized based on gender or sexuality is unimportant.
01:04:06
Speaker
Or even relationship construct, like polyamory. A lot of polyamory people get mad if you call them queer. But anyway, I've had people mad at me. It's like, we're not queer. It's like, he yeah, yeah.
01:04:21
Speaker
um Interesting. But they are, I mean, it it is works a similar way in society where you have to keep it hidden. It's misunderstood. It's different. yeah yeah Anything else you want to share about BFF? No, it's just, um boy, parts of Palm Springs are home away from home.
01:04:40
Speaker
I love that for you it's about this community, like, you know, because I think people here buy Fuckfest, it's like sex, and that's sort of, you're looking at it a lot, yeah but but the reason you're back is for the community, which is so hard to create by a community.
01:04:55
Speaker
Right, and and it's it a lot, for a lot of people, it's also not just a buy Fuckfest, but it's best friends forever. Indeed, yeah, well I think i've what I've learned is there's a lot of people here who are not as out in their home lives. No, they're not. And this is a place where you don't even have to say anything. You are just out when you're walking through the door and totally accepted by everyone. Yeah. and And I forget that when I see people who are just like enamored and kind of over the top. And I forget the dis-ease that they may have as they go through their lives.
01:05:36
Speaker
Yeah. And... the dis-ease of coming to terms with, oh wait, I'm bisexual. Because I already did that and I and i i have to offer people grace. everyone It doesn't happen often, but it's like every once in a while, it's like, wait a minute.
01:05:56
Speaker
these These, I cannot imagine what it's like to live where they live. I mean, it's weird where I do, but then I'm a white cis woman in a pet looking relationship and we are deeply closeted where we live. Yeah.
01:06:13
Speaker
right Right. even Even for you guys, yeah yeah it's a struggle. yeah So this is just like this place allows people. yeah But if we drive 70 miles to the nearest big city.
01:06:26
Speaker
so oh yeah. yeah Well, shout out to those out there who need to drive to the city. You can always come to BFF.
01:06:38
Speaker
Okay. Thank you so much. You're welcome.
01:06:47
Speaker
That was Laura.
Interview with BA: Bisexuality in Swinger Communities
01:06:48
Speaker
After talking to her, I met B.A., who is not out at home in his home life, so wanted to use an acronym instead of his real name. And I just love talking to him.
01:07:00
Speaker
Here is B.A. Okay, so... I've never done this, I've never... Okay, and I've had a lot of news interviews, but they're real funny.
01:07:13
Speaker
Whatever you want to share, whatever you don't is fine. So I'm here with BA. Tell us a little about yourself, whatever you're comfortable sharing and what brings you here. 60 something by rancher is how I describe myself on some of the lifestyle websites, which is an interesting combo.
01:07:32
Speaker
That's unique. A little bit. yes From Colorado. Okay. And how did you find yeah yeah I had friends in the swinger lifestyle that came to the event when it was in Vegas years ago, like a dozen or more years ago, 15 years ago.
01:07:51
Speaker
Cool. And I had work in Vegas, got done early, and spent a couple days at that weekend, and I've been coming ever since. Cool. And tell me a little about like, how did you come to realize you were by and like when and where, in what spaces are you out or not? Yeah. So realized it pretty late in life. I mean, I was probably looking at pictures of guys when I was, you know, 16 or in my teens, but never embraced it or never understood it.
01:08:21
Speaker
Same. Looked at it. Gosh, back when there were list serves, you know, um I remember looking at pictures of guys and I was way more interested in that than women, but still didn't even realize what it meant. until And then I decided to join the lifestyle to explore having sex with men, not knowing that there was still a stigma in the swinger community against bi men.
01:08:46
Speaker
Tell us about that stigma and how how you encountered it. I started in the swinger community as a single guy, and there's already a stigma against single guys. And I very naively thought, well, you know, I'll just call myself bisexual and then I'll be able to explore this.
01:09:03
Speaker
And I got really lucky because the first few couples that I met were bi. and And so they kind of, if it hadn't been for them, I never would have survived the swinger community.
01:09:15
Speaker
community, let alone being bisexual in that community. yeah um And the I really enjoy the the difference in interacting with men in the gay community and the bi-swinger community is very different.
01:09:29
Speaker
So they each have their sort of you know strengths and different twists to put it that way. Wait, say that again? i The difference between? Between men who have sex with men in the gay community oh and in the swinger or bi what's what's the What's the difference?
01:09:47
Speaker
Well, there's a whole different set of rules, you know, lifestyle rules and bathhouse rules are completely different. um Gay men are a lot more straightforward when you're just hooking up. i mean, it's um it's easier.
01:10:02
Speaker
um There's also the one thing I find sort of interesting is... um If you go to like so a gay party, you're somebody's type there. No matter what you are like, you're somebody's type.
01:10:18
Speaker
And I have to say, in the swinger community, there's still a tendency towards you know abs and ripped guys and super fit people.
01:10:29
Speaker
And the gay community's not. It is like that. In fact, I'm ah showing my naivete probably because in certain areas, it's very much like that. yeah But in other areas, it's not at all.
01:10:40
Speaker
I feel like I've seen it both where, yes, in certain spaces, everyone's the muscly six-pack. But then, like, you're right. When you come to Palm Springs, you didn't like that. Yeah. if you're in L.A. or San Francisco or...
01:10:52
Speaker
It apparently is like that. yeah But yeah, the gay community does that a little bit more of like someone's into everyone. And Denver's kind of in the middle, I think, where that's that's my my closest big city. Interesting.
01:11:05
Speaker
So how does BFF compare to like a non-bi swinger event? um It's a community. Like everybody here who's been for several years thinks of themselves as community. And And so the rules are kind of the same. Consent is the most important thing, informed consent.
01:11:26
Speaker
People are very careful about that. But, you know, there's a lot more sex, frankly, and there's a lot more public sex um at this event. um and And you'll see and do things you won't experience that much in the swing or communities, at least not in the open, maybe behind closed doors, things like pegging and that sort of thing.
01:11:48
Speaker
You're not going to see that in most lifestyle events. Oh, interesting. interesting Certainly not in public. I don't think. I mean, the ones I'm trying to do. It would be unusual. ah but the The buy acceptance in the swimming community is growing by leaps and bounds every year.
01:12:03
Speaker
I mean, just click on just look on a website like Cassidy, um how many people list as buy. used to be you did a ah search on on buying men and you'd come up with In Northern Colorado you'd come up with half a dozen, probably come up with 20, 30. There's a lot more people identify that way.
01:12:23
Speaker
That's amazing to hear. and and and how how does this BFF compare to like a gay party? um That's interesting because I've been to this very resort when it was gay and stayed here when it was you know no women allowed for sure.
01:12:43
Speaker
um again, ah better so for me, a better sense of community. i mean, people are there's people here that I've known for 10 years. I've never had sex with them. I consider them good friends.
01:12:55
Speaker
um We look out for each other. We have fun together. We laugh. We goof around. um But it's not sexual, necessarily. And then there's other people here I've had sex with two or three times, and I barely remember their name and They barely know mine or maybe they do cause it's more memorable, but that's just the way it is. and it's, you know, they're okay with it. I'm okay with it. Cool.
01:13:19
Speaker
I love it. What's your favorite part about BFF? Favorite part of BFF? Um, gosh, my favorite part of BFF. I have friends here I've known for ah dozen years and I introduced them to BFF. I met them on a cruise.
01:13:36
Speaker
Um, some of them in a playroom, you know, they were by, we started talking. I told them about BFF. Now they've been coming for, you know, 10 years. So that's, that's probably my favorite part is the community. The sex is good too. I mean, a lot of shit goes on.
01:13:53
Speaker
Cool. Lovely. Thank you. Anything else on your mind you want to share? Cool. I'm glad you're here. I'm glad you're, you know, talking about it. think, The more people talk about it in in current spaces, yeah the better off we all are.
01:14:07
Speaker
How much do you share about this? I wish I had known about this 40 years ago. yeah yeah what Yeah. What have you learned about yourself by by being in spaces like this? oh So I grew up super conservative, you know, and I'm still, until the last...
01:14:23
Speaker
six, eight years, I was still pretty conservative. And you're not out about much of this stuff and at home? Within the swinger community, I am. But outside that, not hardly at all. I have two or three friends outside the swinger community that know I'm by.
01:14:40
Speaker
um But... Yeah, I mean, I just, the community, the sense of community is great. This event is very unique in that way.
01:14:51
Speaker
um It used to be a much smaller event. I mean, it's three times the size of what it used to be. So if you can imagine in the beginning, in the early days, they kept it secret. They didn't even announce publicly when it was and where it was. You had to know somebody to get invited because they were afraid of people being outed or people not being safe or whatever.
01:15:12
Speaker
And now, you know, that's changed quite a bit. Cool. Sounds like BFF is leading the way and more and more swingers are opening up to buy. Similar to it.
01:15:22
Speaker
I mean, there's one coming up here in Palm Springs. It's going to be twice a year. Yeah. um People keep telling me about all these interconnected events that yeah the same people are going to and it's growing and growing. Florida that hosts a bunch of buy events there.
01:15:37
Speaker
There's some in Vegas that host buy events. you got to do is look around and you'll find them. Bye takeover. We're taking over. Cool. Thank you. Thank you.
01:15:52
Speaker
That was BA, and now finally you will hear from Peter, Jenny's partner from earlier, and there's also a little bit of bonus content with Peter explaining to a group of people how to open your second hole on Patreon.
Interview with Peter: Kinks and Unique Experiences
01:16:08
Speaker
And there's a little bit of that in here too, so enjoy this interview with Peter.
01:16:19
Speaker
What do you want? I mean, you you know this place better than I do, and you've been in this world. like what What do you want people to know about BFF? What do you like about it? BFF is so friendly.
01:16:30
Speaker
um That's the best thing about BFF is the people and their lack of caring about gender. what the Y'all have seen the shirts, the the te the tank tops that say,
01:16:45
Speaker
The best thing about it is you've reached out and whatever genitals you get, it you're okay with it. I love that. Okay. And tell me a little about you and like, when did you realize you're bi and like, how did you come here in the first place or get involved with this kind of lifestyle?
01:17:00
Speaker
um I met Brad and Tracy on a cruise in l a and she, we're talking about pegging. And so she said she wanted to peg me. And so we ended up working that out. we went to a room.
01:17:13
Speaker
And then she brought in this little toy and I was like, no, no, no. I like big toys. so So I wanted her to fist me. And anyway, then they started saying, well, you're a ton of fun. You need to come to BFF. And that was their first year that they took it over.
01:17:26
Speaker
And so I've been here every, yeah everything ever since. How long ago? How long ago was that? 13 years ago, 13 BFFs ago. Okay. And tell me about a little about you. Like when did you realize you're buy or how out are you? Like,
01:17:42
Speaker
How open are you about me out? I've been out most, most of my life, but the first time I had sex, probably not a great experience, but really young, like six, eight years old was with men.
01:17:55
Speaker
And so then I had sex with men long before women. And then first time I had sex with women was three girls in the back of the church bus. And, uh, um,
01:18:09
Speaker
Anyways, just so I've always figured I'm bi. I've always been a little bit kinky and it's all down here from there. yeah Tell us about the kink and like when I met you a few days ago, i was learning a lot about how much you can fit up there.
01:18:27
Speaker
Is that a kink of yours or like what else? I love large toys, fisting. I do one, two, three fists. I was thinking about doing four fists on this party, but instead I did the show that you, did you see the show? i did I heard about it. I was out to lunch. I'm so sad I missed it.
01:18:43
Speaker
Oh yeah. So what and we did is we had a fist up inside me and then somebody fucking me at the same time. And then they took the hand inside me and jacked off the person inside my, inside of me.
01:18:57
Speaker
Right. And, and then I sat on the really big toy that was for the dildo challenge um that I said, I brought, if anybody could take the dildo, they could have it. And nobody could.
01:19:10
Speaker
But you did. Yeah. So then I sat on it and played a little bit and then prolapsed for the audience. but does that What does that mean? Prolapse. That's where you take your prostate pull it outside your body and show it and then put it back in. Make like what they call rosebud.
01:19:28
Speaker
I can't believe I missed it why What do you like about ah very large things up there? Well, like the ah feeling of being full. Like it fills you up.
01:19:39
Speaker
And then there's all kinds of graduations over the time of getting bigger and bigger. You know, you you you get... the difference between ejaculation and ah orgasm.
01:19:52
Speaker
Everybody thinks it's the same and it's obviously not. get this full body chills, full body orgasm um and then there's ejaculation and they're different. and Sometimes you'll ejaculate but you won't come. Other times you'll come and you won't ejaculate.
01:20:07
Speaker
and so then As you learn your body and learn between the first sphincter and the second hole, um the opening different openings and things like that, It's just – it kind of is an educational getting bigger and bigger, how your body takes it.
01:20:24
Speaker
And then as it fills you up, that full feeling. Anyway, you just seem like just want to keep going bigger and bigger. And you want to sit on it and it's like, okay, that's tight. That really feel fills is feel full.
01:20:39
Speaker
Well, the next time it's like a little looser, a little looser, a little looser. So then it's like, going get little bigger toy. Yeah. Only I'm pretty soon you're doing stuff like I'm doing. wow Fill it with more and more. and That makes so much sense about the orgasm and ejaculation. because when um I don't get fucked often, but when I do and I come, I've often said the orgasm feels different.
01:20:58
Speaker
But actually, that it might be what you're saying. No, that's okay. we chi chat much No, more play. I know. Yep, have to get together. Are you guys going to the...
01:21:12
Speaker
Her one? Yeah. Okay, we'll see we'll see you there. Okay. yeah I'll be sharing a room with Brad and Saloon. okay. you there all right see there See you there.
01:21:25
Speaker
Bye. Bye. Yeah, that makes so much sense that it actually might be the difference between ejaculation and orgasm and that those are actually not the same thing. That's interesting. yeah It's exactly like on a girl. When you're with a girl, you get her to come or you can get her to like totally go into a full body orgasm where they start shaking and convulsing and all that.
01:21:48
Speaker
Men do exactly the same thing. And they, men can roll into multiple orgasms, just like a girl where they, the orgasm, orgasm, you know, they orgasm once, then they're, it's super sensitive. It's hard to keep going. And then you give it a little bit of time. Then you do it again.
01:22:03
Speaker
And those times get closer and closer together. And pretty soon you're rolling into multiple orgasms. Guys do exactly the same thing as a girl. Interesting. Yeah. I've noticed that here with like waves of people, like men sort of having waves of orgasms, but not necessarily coming like, and actually men and women might not be that different if we allowed ourselves to feel this, the flow.
01:22:27
Speaker
I agree. I think that the genitalia is different, but I mean, they originally, I think when we were eggs, you know, we're all the same. And as, it as we grow,
01:22:39
Speaker
all the feelings are there. Okay. Last. Yeah. Is it just like playing with nipples? Guys love playing with nipples. Girls love playing with nipples. People are like, Oh, well, girls have nice tips, but guys, it doesn't matter.
01:22:52
Speaker
Yes, it does. Lots of nipple play here at BFF. What last question?
Future BFF Events and Listener Engagement
01:22:58
Speaker
What's like some of the most fun or crazy or memorable things you've ever seen at BFF?
01:23:05
Speaker
um Or been part of. I got to say the stuff that I do probably or the shows are probably the edge of the limit here. But getting fucked with a foot is what stands out.
01:23:19
Speaker
had an oriental girl and she fucked me with foot until I came. And that was pretty unusual. but Some of the shows where we have multiple guys with multiple big toys playing with each other, getting each other to play, those those shows are fun.
01:23:38
Speaker
I love how these beds are right by the pool and you just can kind of start playing on one and people watch and it's fun. Absolutely. Cool. Thanks for, thanks for sharing. Thanks for being on the podcast, Peter.
01:23:51
Speaker
You bet. Thank you.
01:23:58
Speaker
Okay, that is everything i recorded at BFF this year. i hope you enjoyed and I hope it gave you a little window into the world of the Bi Fuckfest. Again, if you're interested in attending, feel free to DM me. I can put you in touch. And speaking of, i was thinking about interviewing the organizers on this podcast in the future.
01:24:18
Speaker
i couldn't catch them during the event. They were quite busy. ah but I would love to catch up with them virtually. If you guys are interested in this, let me know if you want to learn more about this, especially if you have particular questions or other things we didn't get to today that you want to know about BFF, send me a message, let me know. But that's it for now. So hope you enjoyed and thanks for listening to 2xGuys.
01:24:49
Speaker
Two Bye Guys by One Bye Guy is produced and edited by me, Robert Brooks Cohen, and it was created by me and Alex Boyd. Our new logo art is by Caitlin Weinman. Our music is by Ross Mincer. To help support this podcast, visit patreon.com slash robertbrookscohen. You'll get full video episodes, early access, and bonus content. Visit robertbrookscohen.com to learn more about my coaching, my book, and my stand-up comedy. And thanks for listening to Two Bye Guys by One Bye Guy.
01:25:17
Speaker
Bye.