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May We Heal with Gabby Kealoha Holt
0 Playsin 2 hours
My guest this week is Gabby Kealoha Holt, a queer, native Hawaiian singer/songwriter with a new beautiful song out May 30 titled “May We Heal”. We chatted about her queerness and sexual fluidity growing up, how that intersected with her passion for music (as well as her passion for skateboarding), how her life and career have been affected by meditation and newfound spirituality, and then we got into her new song, how it came about, and how music can help us all heal. Stay tuned to hear the song at the end of the podcast – or go listen now at the links below!
10 minutes of bonus content with Gabby on Patreon (plus early access and full video episodes): https://www.patreon.com/robertbrookscohen
“May We Heal” on Spotify: https://open.spotify.com/album/7LnmPfCvwv26OVQSAkxj3M?si=Q3tk8OT0SFuLWICM6kkP_g
“May We Heal” on all platforms: https://distrokid.com/hyperfollow/gabbykealohaholt/may-we-heal-feat-erin-adkisson--the-sacred-sunday-song-circle-shortened-version?fbclid=PAZXh0bgNhZW0CMTEAAacYZvVTYHUqunXG6s_7BdugIRhONvhOLh9ktnWpxRZ5yeyETsU1O9NMp7n0eA_aem_EV94hrBXiskns6DhTwICwA
Gabby’s Website: https://www.gabbyholt.com/
Support Gabby’s work on GoFundMe: https://www.gofundme.com/f/help-gabby-kealoha-holt-bring-medicine-album-to-life
Follow Gabby on IG: https://www.instagram.com/gabbyholt/
Follow Gabby on TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@gabbyholtmusic
Sign up "Fluid Conversation", a series of guided talks and topic-based discussions: https://calendly.com/robertbrookscohen/fluid-conversations
Rob's Website: https://www.robertbrookscohen.com/
Sign up for a free intro call with Rob re: individual coaching: https://calendly.com/robertbrookscohen/25-minute-free-intro-call
Recommended
Transcript
Introduction and Upcoming Events
00:00:00
Speaker
Hello everyone, welcome to 2 Bye Guys. We're gonna get right into it. I just wanted to let you know that there are still three sessions left in my Fluid Conversations series, June 14th, June 22nd, and June 25th. There's a link to sign up in the show notes or the link in my social media bio. And the first two went so well, they were really awesome. I'm definitely gonna continue this after June.
00:00:22
Speaker
It probably won't be once a week, but maybe once a month. So if you're listening to this episode after June, you can still check that link or my social media bio for more fluid conversations.
00:00:32
Speaker
And now I hope you enjoy this episode with Gabby
Guest Introduction: Gabby Holt
00:00:35
Speaker
Holt. I met her through Clark, who is just in the last two episodes, and she has an amazing new song to share, which is at the end of the episode. Feel free to skip ahead to listen to the song first. I first heard it in one of the song circles. with Clark. So this is definitely a companion episode to the last one.
00:00:52
Speaker
You will certainly hear similar themes of spirituality and music and how that's related to queerness. So enjoy.
New Song Release and Cultural Influences
00:01:11
Speaker
Hello, everybody. Welcome to another episode of 2 Bye Guys. I'm here today with a so native Hawaiian singer songwriter, Gabby Kealoha Holt, my friend through Clark, who was just on the last couple episodes.
00:01:26
Speaker
And Gabby has an amazing new song that was part of one of the circles I was in with Clark. ah And it's coming out either right before right after this episode. It comes out on Friday, May 30th. So either so mark your calendars or go listen to it right now.
00:01:44
Speaker
But for now, welcome to Two Bye Guys. Gabby K. Aloha. Aloha. Aloha indeed. And mahalo for being here. Yeah, absolutely.
00:01:55
Speaker
Thank you so much. Mahalo for having me. Great brother. we We say a lot of mahalas in the song circles. There's some Hawaiian culture infused into those meditations somehow through Clark.
00:02:06
Speaker
Totally. Some Quechua Sul Paiki's and some gracias as well. Yeah. Yes. Lots of Sul Paiki's. Do you want to share what does Sul Paiki mean? I think I know, but... Oh, man. i As far as i'm like as I know, like in my heart, it's it just a great big gratitude. And I'm sure there's a better way to represent it with the Quechua language as far as the in-depths of it.
00:02:29
Speaker
Va supaki, supaki, supaki. yeah you know and yeah In my head, I just hear mahalo supaiki together. And yes, I was told it's something like with ah greatest thankfulness or like abundant thanks or something like that. I'm sure. Like the Quechua language, I've been learning this new song lately, Intiliay Kiliayay.
00:02:51
Speaker
Oh, yeah. Yeah. And that one's like the sun and the moon. and but And what I'm learning from it, like when I first... Heard it My whole body was the biggest yes I'd ever felt ever. and i was like, oh my goodness, this song.
00:03:06
Speaker
And then we were in a, you know, a song circle meditation and i was told what it actually meant. And it was just like, it's so poetic. And so I can do my best to try to what it is, which is like, you know, you got the sun and the moon and the contrast of those two. And and the singer, ah person is going through this like darkness. He's seeing darkness like in the homes and there's this darkness there.
Exploring Language and Spirituality
00:03:29
Speaker
So that that becomes a sort of this prayer, this longing for family and our ancestors. And so like one of the lines is like, and I can sing it for you guys, but the line that says, Manachu, Manachu, like, is that you? Is that you, grandmother, in the metallic gold of the hummingbird's wings?
00:03:46
Speaker
Is that you, grandfather, in the horizon line of the mountains and the sunsets? Like, it's just like, it's really poetic and it's really cool to, uh, you know, that these original languages, how much more it was like this feeling and this grasp, like this just sort of experience, experiential language, it feels like to me.
00:04:06
Speaker
And that seems pretty similar with O Lele Hawaii, that these, you know, I have this book where there's all about all the different kinds of reigns, you know, because, you know, these original languages, it like colonization hadn't happened yet. like All these buildings haven't happened yet. People were living with the elements.
00:04:24
Speaker
And so of like you can only imagine what this language is going to be encapsulating. So when I say, like sufi key I'm like, oh gosh, I bet it means a lot more than thank you. Yeah.
00:04:35
Speaker
yeah That
Journey of Self-Discovery and Identity
00:04:37
Speaker
makes sense. Actually, the what that song with the hummingbird, and that that's the one that Clark taught recently on a Zoom last month. So he went through that whole song and taught us.
00:04:47
Speaker
And it is amazing how some of those songs, like you kind of feel what they mean even without knowing what they mean. and like And then sometimes like I'll learn what the words actually mean. and it's like, okay, interesting as a metaphor, but like the feeling of this song is still...
00:05:04
Speaker
like it you can just feel it in there and and the words are like oh that's interesting that it's a metaphor about ah a hummingbird or like a its summoning this vision i don't know there's just something in those songs that you can feel even if you don't know what the words are so good yeah and then the end part that was told to me was that it's like you know, that longing for grandmother.
00:05:30
Speaker
And then it's like, and then your grandparents, your ancestors are walking you home. And I was just like, oh. And, the you know, and the song's like, In
00:05:47
Speaker
in tili ai. che It's just like, ah you know, you can keep going and singing, but it's just like that tune. It's just like, oh, I love this song so much.
00:06:00
Speaker
Yes. Especially when the first time I hear some of these songs is in a meditation circle, then it really like goes inside you in a certain way. And then every time I hear them again, it like brings me back to that connection. So And that's, that's, we'll get to your song in a moment because that's what happened with your song. I heard your song in a meditation circle before we met.
00:06:25
Speaker
And then I think we met like a week later and i was like, oh, that's who did that song. So I loved hearing that song and now it's even more fleshed out and different. Okay. We'll get there in a minute, but let's backtrack a moment.
00:06:38
Speaker
Tell us, ah tell us why you're here on this podcast and how this resonates for you. Like, how do you identify in this queer world somewhere? I i i have heard.
00:06:51
Speaker
And like, tell us about the journey to that identity and then we'll get into the music. Yeah, totally. Totally. Yeah. The, the, it was so funny. Two bi guys.
00:07:02
Speaker
Yeah. Two bi guys and a bi gal. Exactly. Yeah. One bi guy and one bi girl. One bi guy and bi guys. Yeah. Yeah. ah Oh, man. How did that begin?
00:07:14
Speaker
Well, I mean, it's quite the long-haul journey of it. And where I'm at today is, you know, I feel really lucky that we've had people like Ellen and Melissa Etheridge who have, like, paved the way to where it's, like, for me now, I feel lucky that I just get to exist and, like,
00:07:32
Speaker
love who I want to love and I love women and I love men and I love people. And it's really just like whoever it, you know, happens to be with, you know, and the journey getting there for me was actually kind of like interesting because, you know, i grew up skateboarding with brothers and, um,
00:07:50
Speaker
And everyone always like thought I was gay just because I was a big big tom tomboy. and And especially at one point I shaved my head. And then that's when like people were actually coming up to me, women, and would be like, hey, i just this is a little bit personal, but I just want to check in. um are you Are you gay? Are you queer? Are you you know are you lesbian? or And I'd look at them and go, oh, thank you so much. I'm not. you know like at the time I hadn't...
00:08:17
Speaker
had any feelings for women before. And everyone was telling me i was gay. And I was like, you're crazy. No, I'm not. na No, no, And um you know I look back now as to women that I highly admired.
00:08:30
Speaker
And I'm like, oh, dude, I totally had a huge crush on them. But it just wasn't, you know yes, Ellen and people, you know just to use these names like Ellen and Melissa paved the way, I'm now reaping the benefits later as I've come into my own journey of not feeling like I need to hide it or anything. um And at the same time, it was interesting because, you know, I went to school and I graduated in 2007.
00:08:53
Speaker
It still wasn't cool to be a lesbian, you know, like there there were, it wasn't a cool thing. It was actually like, ah you know, like there'd people, people were still making fun of lesbians. You know, I remember there was maybe two that were out, you know, like people, you know, and yeah it wasn't, it wasn't ideal, you know, that wasn't the ideal thing.
00:09:12
Speaker
um People are still making fun of lesbians everywhere I look, except it is kind of cool now. It's like both cool and and making fun. I think it's cool now. Now, now like kids are like, I'm gay. And are they really gay? I don't know.
00:09:26
Speaker
You know, but true it's like straightness. Straightness is the weird one. Now, if you're straight, you're kind of a loser. Totally. totally But like, it just wasn't really an option, you know? So like I grew up, yeah I also grew up in a church, um,
00:09:40
Speaker
And then removed from the church. but so there's the you know I'm sure there's like the deep childhood seeds you know to where it's like I just didn't really know that many gay people. you know So anyways, I remember I had a crush on somebody the very first time.
00:09:56
Speaker
And this was like I'm in my early 20s. And it freaked me out. It totally just...
00:10:04
Speaker
freaked me out because, you know, she was a regular. I worked at this um coffee shop and she was a regular and um we enjoyed having, um what's it called?
00:10:16
Speaker
You know, like my lunches and stuff together. And like we talk and exchange music and things like that. And then anyways, this was going on as just like sweet friends for, I don't know how long. And then one day I get like these tinglys in my genitals and I'm like,
00:10:31
Speaker
what's going on? Yeah. Freaked me out, you know? So anyways, it was a whole thing. and i was like, oh my gosh, like, okay, I can have sexual desire for the same sex. And, and that was ah quite the journey to get through. you know, I think i I handled it with grace and my mom handled it with grace, so you know, and she was raised Presbyterian. And so it definitely was not an easy thing for her to kind of understand or wrap her brain around. And, you know, we got through it.
00:10:59
Speaker
We got through it. And we're here today and, I love women. I love men. Amanda. i mean's Yeah, I know. But it definitely, it freaked me out at first. I was like, what's going on? Everyone thought I was. And I honestly thought that I wasn't for the longest time, you know?
00:11:13
Speaker
Yeah. that How old were you at that point when you were telling your mom or real like the first woman, Well, so think the first time, I think I was 20. Yeah, was 20. Okay. Yeah. Cool.
00:11:25
Speaker
Did you see yourself as like bi then? like what were like Or how did you see it then? And did that shift? Is bi the right word for you? Yeah. I think for me, I never really felt, from my experience, having to, like the identity, needing to claim an identity was never really something that was...
00:11:45
Speaker
um
Creative Growth and Mentorship
00:11:47
Speaker
important to me. And so this for me is like why I'm thanking people like Ellen and Melissa. And I'm sure there's plenty more who did lots of groundwork before us. But for me, um'm it's not necessarily the identity of who am I. It was more like, who am I loving? And um and is this love going to work out? you know and so you know And so healing the wounds with inside of me my deep wounds with attachment and the things that I've been healing and core wounds and stuff like that. And, you know, love's a big one for me in that way arena.
00:12:17
Speaker
And so my focus and my intention more more I would say on the connection with the individual person versus what does this make me, you know? Yeah. Interesting.
00:12:27
Speaker
I, I, I kind of love that. Cause like, and you know, i we I talked with Clark actually, and many guests about how like, you know, the label helps you find connection and makes you feel you're not alone and you're normal. Right.
00:12:40
Speaker
But then, then there's like the next level, which is, breaking free of any boxes and any labels. And that's, that's interesting to hear you say it's, it's more about just like, how do you love each person?
00:12:53
Speaker
And like, how can you make that work and learn more about your attachment and and what's going on between you and another person you love? Cause like, we often boil everything down to gender and then that's the label, but like,
00:13:06
Speaker
your attachment style is an important factor. The other person's attachment, like, and then all these other factors too of just like how to live out ah daily practice of like loving is about so much more than gender.
00:13:20
Speaker
so that's cool that you were like able to sort of focus on that, it sounds like from a younger age, because many of us get kind of caught up in like, oh, it's a woman and I'm a woman and therefore I'm not straight. And what does that mean? And sounds like maybe there was maybe it was difficult, but like you then got to a point where you're like, just focused on how to love and not the gender.
00:13:44
Speaker
Yeah, and just like playing music, you know, it's always, you know, I think at this time I was really focused on the band that I had at the moment and I grew up skateboarding and I think that really helped me a lot.
00:13:56
Speaker
Like skateboarding, we just don't really identify with anything. We're just here to skate and shred and have fun, you know? So like, I think being held and as, you know, ah grew up in skateboarding in Lincoln City, Oregon, which is like a really small coastal town and It was th Thrasher Magazine's gnarliest skate park in America. And so it attracted a lot of skateboarders and, you know, heshers and just like gnarly people, like people that like most moms wouldn't want their children to be hanging around, but they were all there to protect me. And so I just grew up, you know, at skate parks and focus on, so you know, skateboarding and snowboarding and.
00:14:40
Speaker
Cool. music and less and I think like maybe because maybe I just processed all of that internal identity stuff through just skateboarding and you know. Interesting.
00:14:53
Speaker
Yeah, I don't know. It wasn't really like a huge, and it's always been like, you know, and it's interesting too because I felt like the only reason that I needed to come up with something was just to make other people feel comfortable because they wanted to know what to call me.
00:15:06
Speaker
Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like, are you gay? Are you, I don't want to offend you.
00:15:11
Speaker
works great you know gay works great
00:15:24
Speaker
Thanks for listening to 2 Bye Guys with Gabby Holt. There is a little bit of extra content with Gabby on Patreon. It's from this point right in the middle of the episode. I asked her whether or not skateboarding culture is queer. She kind of suggested that it's not inherently queer, but that it did help her get into her body and just feel what was good and what was right and trust her body.
00:15:47
Speaker
And then I asked her about how she got started playing music and how that's led up to where she is now. She got started at a very young age before she could talk. She was playing toy guitars.
00:15:58
Speaker
She got her first real guitar at seven. She played music in her church. She was in multiple different bands. It's all very interesting and fascinating. If you're interested to learn more about Gabby and support 2BuyGuys, you can listen to it all and watch it all on Patreon.
00:16:12
Speaker
Otherwise, we'll pick it up in the middle. Gabby's talking about one of the bands she was in and what she's learned on the journey. So here's more with Gabby. Kealoha Holt.
00:16:30
Speaker
We met this guy, Daniel Riddle of King Black Acid. and King Black Acid was a you know a known band in Portland from the 90s. And they did a lot of really incredible work.
00:16:41
Speaker
um Their stuff was on you know CSI and Buffy's Vampire Slayer, things like that. and But I got to learn how to record from Daniel. Daniel taught me how to record. And he's a really amazing musical mentor.
00:16:54
Speaker
And i I got to be in his band, too. And that was like musical boot
Music as a Gift and Healing Inspiration
00:16:58
Speaker
camp. Because... If you F up in his band, oh, watch out. It's going explode on you. But the band was tight and it was cool. I got i learned i really learned how to, you know, not get attached to my ego and my ideas of songs, you know.
00:17:13
Speaker
One thing he told me that I thought was really cool, he's like, Gabby, if you come into the studio and you, you know, 50 ideas and 10 of them gets used, like you're doing really good.
00:17:24
Speaker
You know, he's like, he's like, if you do like a hundred and maybe one of them gets used, okay, maybe you need some help or something, you know, but he goes, think of yourself as like a well of infinite ideas and possibilities.
00:17:36
Speaker
And so it was really cool. And then once I started playing in the live band, we're writing songs together and, you know I'd be writing all these things and he's changing lyrics, he's changing all this stuff. And so i wass like this big ultimate test of like detachment.
00:17:47
Speaker
you know like And it was really cool. It was really kind of freed me It freed me up to be able to just create, you know, in that way. So that was cool. and then That's cool. that's Can I just jump in for one sec? That's a really interesting, like, I love that because I remember I had a teacher in a joke writing class in grad school. he He kind of said, your goal is not to be 100% and have all your...
00:18:12
Speaker
pitches get taken every time you want to try to, it's like, it's like ah hitting baseball. Like if you're batting two 50 or above, you're doing amazing. Like you're a professional.
00:18:24
Speaker
And if you're getting one in a hundred, then maybe you should rethink it. But like you said, what, 10 out of 50, like, Yeah. If you're 20% of what you're putting out there is really working, you're, that's amazing. Like you're professional at it. You don't have to be, not everything you do is ah hundred percent perfect. That would, it would be too easy.
00:18:45
Speaker
Totally. Yeah. And I'm glad that you like stopped and re like emphasize that because that was huge for me. That was so is oh big. Like, you know, it it was so big to just be like, okay, cool. I'm just that I didn't work next. What else we got?
00:18:57
Speaker
You know? And so it's like this whole, like, just like, okay, cool. There's an infinite well of creativity that's just coming out and I can just boomed an idea. Oh, you liked a part of that day? Awesome. Let's keep that. Let's keep we working the other parts, you know? like Right, right. And without, you know, because it's so easy. Attachment. Attachment. Without attachment, yeah.
00:19:16
Speaker
And then having it go into self-worth and like all of these things. Like I'm not good. You know, all these stories we can create that are just not true. They're stories. Right. And, ah but so that was really cool. It was really cool.
00:19:29
Speaker
And, um you know, and we started off working together in the studio. So I, you know, i helped write a bunch of songs and we're sang a bunch on of his records. And um and then when I got to go into the live band, it was like, you know, in the studio with him, super fun.
00:19:46
Speaker
ah One thing he said too, he's like, Gabby, I'm pretty OCD. So ah I'm going to say everything that I do in Pro Tools out loud.
00:19:56
Speaker
And so for eight years, I got free Pro Tools lessons from him. like And so it was I just soaked up everything that we were doing when we were collaborating. So i was like, you know, so this song, May We Heal, I recorded it, you know, 90% myself. and Cool.
00:20:10
Speaker
Yeah. So that was cool. Amazing. Well, perfect segue. I want to hear about this song. I've heard it. i love it. It's already very special to me. And and i the new you know I had heard ah preliminary version, so now it's much more full.
00:20:28
Speaker
um Tell us about the song, wherever you want to start. How how did this song come about? Yeah. Okay. So, boom, boom, boom. Yeah. ah This song, well...
00:20:41
Speaker
I started meditating. I started doing these song circles in meditation. and How long ago was that? Three years ago. Okay, cool. Almost. Yeah. Almost three years ago.
00:20:53
Speaker
And... um It was pretty cool. you know Just to wrap up my Portland Time music stuff, after yeah Daniel's band, I ended up getting my own band and and putting that together and using all the skills I learned from his band to like i do my own thing and you know progressed even more. and With that, it just like music became – it was like my worth and my identity before I started meditating.
00:21:15
Speaker
It was like if if I sell this show out with all these skills I've accumulated – then I'll be good enough. you know If I write this song, then she'll come back to me. you know like I'm going to promote myself all over the town so that you can break up with me, but you're not going to stop seeing me, you know like that type of thing. And it was like this really this came from this unhealed um abandonment wound.
00:21:39
Speaker
And um so when I was in this deep meditation, um I was thinking about gifts and the idea when someone gives you a gift, they're really thinking about this moment in time.
00:21:54
Speaker
and um And they think like, you know, this is something for you that that you can utilize. And so when someone gives you something, it's like, this is for you and this is for you particularly because you have this thing that's going to utilize it well, right?
00:22:08
Speaker
I was thinking about someone that gave me a gift and um we actually broke up and I took that gift and I threw it into the biggest fucking rapid I could find. And like, like I like, get it of here. I have nothing to do with you.
00:22:20
Speaker
Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. And I was thinking about that gift, you know, and it was it was a God box. it was It was like something that was special. It was special to me on my journey. It was special because like I was opening up to creating relationship with my ancestors.
00:22:33
Speaker
I was opening up deeper into prayer and like being able to connect with a loved one about prayer with versus it was kind of just like my own thing I would do. And it wasn't cool. It wasn't the rock and roll thing to do in Portland. So I wasn't really open about my spirituality, you know.
00:22:49
Speaker
And so to have... a friend give me this beautiful thing that meant so much to me. it was actually a very special gift that I just took and jumped and got rid of it. Yeah, because we broke up and I was heartbroken, you know?
00:23:00
Speaker
And like, sometimes you got to throw things in a river. You got to do it. So ah I was thinking about that gift and I was thinking about how I was marking this special time in my journey where I was opening up the prayer and it was special to me. And so then I was just thinking about gifts.
00:23:16
Speaker
And then in this meditation, it kind of just shifted from this relationship that was deeply healing for me. And then it just shifted into music. And I was told, like, Gabby, music is a gift.
00:23:33
Speaker
And the only thing you have to do, only thing, the only thing you have to do, Gabby, is receive it. and like ah like all this weight just started to melt off of me.
00:23:50
Speaker
like That's all I have to do. It's not my worth, my identity, who I am, what makes me love, what makes me lovable. you know When I play this song, people cheer and tell me how much they love me, like none of that.
00:24:05
Speaker
It's the only thing I had to do is receive it. And like, oh, what a weight. like such a weight just came off of me and i and when i heard that it was so true so was like i knew that was true you you know i'm i moved i heard this call from my ancestors to move to hawaii because i was in portland and my band was doing well and we were actually about ready to go tour and like it just made this record and you know my band was the tightest it ever been i'd been working on this creating this band for the last three years and it was like
00:24:39
Speaker
really tight. The members were incredible. Great people. And when I heard this call, this is like and I'm backing up after the, you know, before the meditation, you know, my ancestors were just speaking loudly and all this magic that happens over in Hawaii. Like there's so much, you know, people call it, you know, synchronicities, but it's just like the way of life. It's like, it just happens fast and it happens like so much magic happens over here.
00:25:03
Speaker
Um, and,
00:25:08
Speaker
So that was happening.
00:25:12
Speaker
And so when I quit, I was like, am I moving to Hawaii? Holy shit, I moved to Hawaii. So like I dropped my band, you know, and that was that was a big decision to make, you know, and i so i sold $16,000 worth of musical equipment. i was like, all I need is myself, a badass four-wheel drive, and my acoustic guitar, you know.
00:25:29
Speaker
So I sold everything and I just like followed the call and I was like, okay, we're just going to like something magical is happening here. I hear this. I trust it. Let's go. So I moved. I started meditating. Okay. Now I'm back in this meditation where I'm hearing it's true that all i need to do is receive it.
00:25:44
Speaker
And I'm like, oh, think kind of just like this moment of like, I knew that was the case. and and Not that I knew that that was the case, but I just knew something big was happening. And and let me tell you, something big did happen because then all these songs started pouring through me after that. like And all these, you know, the songs I was writing before, like they were catchy and they were fun. And I'm really proud of like the production work that we did on them and I did on them. and um But they were pretty topical to me in the sense that I'm just writing about like relationship stuff. like you know This didn't work out. I'm going to write about these inner dynamics of that and turn it into catchy and say some things that make me feel empowered to my ego, you know to make me feel better about the situation. and you know This song, May We Heal, in particular,
00:26:30
Speaker
um You know, I was experiencing, you know, some things that were tugging at my heartstrings. um Part of it was a little bit interpersonal, and then some of it was just like the things that I was witnessing you know, in the community.
00:26:46
Speaker
and and it was just so cool for me.
Ancestral Influence and Cultural Restoration
00:26:48
Speaker
This is like one of the first songs I wrote that instead of writing about that directly, i felt like for me, it was just like getting down to the truth of it. You know, like when it comes down to it, we're all, ah we're all like healing and anything that happens out in the world, you know, what however it's manifesting in this way, that's going to upset us or, you know, we could try to make someone right or wrong or anything.
00:27:13
Speaker
It's like when it comes down to it, it's like, let's lets just heal, you know? And then, you know, the words came through with you know the the ancestors and, you know, and the brother and the sisters and the father. i've You know, a lot of in my meditations, I've been, I've had a couple where it's all related. One of them is like where I just imagined my whole family in a womb.
00:27:34
Speaker
And like, I got to see the health of all of us, like in this like womb environment. And this was right before, because I had surgery for my, I had a fibroid in my uterus. And I was looking at my little like womb sack that I was in and it was like, it wasn't healthy, you know?
00:27:51
Speaker
And I was like, oh, Gab, babe, we got to focus on you for a moment, you know? And like allowing myself to just like tenderly love myself and
00:28:06
Speaker
So yeah, this song came through. It just kind of came through in a cool way. And ah you know sometimes I'm like, wow, people ask me if I wrote it and I go, yeah, i guess I did. Well, it's funny that I was actually going to say that just to like clarify for the audience, because like i I think I know what you mean. Tell me if I'm correct. But it's but it's an interesting way to phrase it, because like you could look at it from the outside is like you wrote these songs, you thought of them and you wrote them and and you wrote this song and it's out there.
00:28:36
Speaker
But you said, you know, you felt this. and magical thing happening where you were told to receive the music and then you described it as flowing through you. And so actually you wrote the song is, is what's really happening from your point of view is like, you're receiving it from somewhere. It's flowing through you.
00:28:56
Speaker
And then you're, you're putting it out there and sending it forth. Is that kind of, am I getting that correctly? Yeah, totally. And you bring up a whole nother point too, because I'm like, okay, now I got to share it because i yeah like I'm like, all I've been doing is receiving it and I have these songs, you know, and now I'm like, we can't just sit here and listen to music all day. we got to, yeah. What's next? Well, now it's like, okay, so you know that's what's been kind of going through in meditation too. It's like, okay, now it's time to share the songs. you know And so it's been a journey, you know? Like, who'd have thought, you know here I am like putting in all this effort and love into this band in Portland. And then I'm like, okay,
00:29:36
Speaker
I'm moving to Hawaii now. Like, like, that's just like, logically, that doesn't make sense. You know, it's like, if you work, work, work, work. work work work Okay. You got your dream band. The band is tight as can be. And sounds like a freight train, you know, ah you know, and I was doing rock and roll and I loved it and you know, like, okay, cool. So God, my ancestors just told me I got to go move to Hawaii. So see you later, you know, but what's so fun of it.
00:30:01
Speaker
And I've been thinking about it now. I'm just feeling so happy that I did that. you know i'm feeling so happy that I listened because it doesn't seem like the logical thing to do.
00:30:13
Speaker
It's hard to sometimes sort out the true insights from the crazy ideas that we sometimes have some, you know, but like through the meditation practice and these songs and the getting quiet, then you can start to sift through like what really feels like you're calling and what is not quite true to you, but just something that comes up.
00:30:35
Speaker
The quieter you get, the more you can feel that in your body, I think. So that's that you did that. And it's so cool too, because like, you know, I came here before I started doing the song circles and meditating in this way. And, um you know, it's, it's my ancestral homeland, you know, like I am Kanaka Maoli, I am native Hawaiian in my blood and I was raised in Portland, Oregon. So it's, you know, my grandpa was raised over in Waimea, Kauai and my, my dad spent some time growing up there and Oahu as well. And a I, I,
00:31:10
Speaker
I just feel lucky that I was able to go home to my ancestral homelands because, and that they happened to be Hawa'ine, you know, Moku Oke'ave, which is the big island. And like, it's, because it's so magical here, like I was able, and stillness and the skies are so big and that I was able to hear that, you know there was some magic that was happening there. and Cool.
00:31:34
Speaker
It was so cool, I ended up in Maui and um I was swimming in Oluwalu every morning watching the sunrise and like this overwhelming sense of like home like I'd never felt before.
00:31:46
Speaker
And it tripped me out. I remember feeling that and that was part of me like, holy crap, am I moving to Hawaii? and Anyways, I've been doing all this like family research, learning about my lineage and things. and um Six months after I moved here, I found out that my, I think it's my double grade or maybe triple grade grandmother was born at Oluwalu Maui. Here I am feeling this huge sense. that It's like that's where my- No wonder.
00:32:13
Speaker
Yeah, no wonder. so It was cool that- yeah You're talking about the stillness of like you know being able to listen. ah feel lucky that you know, even before I was able to deepen into my practice of stillness and quieting the mind, I just feel held by my ancestors, this whole journey that like, yeah, I was able to hear them.
00:32:35
Speaker
So I feel great. Gratitude for that. I do. and That's awesome. i I do think there is something magical about Hawaii. it's It's maybe my favorite place that ever. There was something magic in the air every time I go there. And, uh,
00:32:49
Speaker
it and it Do you play the ukulele? Because it i my trip to Hawaii convinced me to take up ukulele because it's easier, slightly easier than guitar. So I'm better at that than guitar. Do you do ukulele also? Not as well as my uncle Manny. Manny Fernandez, he's a really good ukulele player.
00:33:08
Speaker
He passed away last year. um But I have a charango, which is... ah it's like an ukulele but it's different and it's from South America but uh I can I can play the ukulele but I like I'm sure like I can't I can't if you can play the guitar you can probably totally totally yeah
00:33:37
Speaker
Okay, so before we share the song with everyone, which will be at the end of this episode, and then there'll be links in the show notes so you can listen and support it wherever else you listen to music, um what's your what's your goal with this song?
00:33:52
Speaker
And like does that tie into a larger sort of mission with your music?
00:33:59
Speaker
If you have one. Yeah. Yeah. I think it's bigger than I am, the the music goals and dreams, you know? A lot of it, i mean i mean, big.
00:34:12
Speaker
Getting the land back to Hawai'i, it's huge, you know? It was, a you know, Hawai'i was illegally occupied and then stolen, you know?
00:34:24
Speaker
And so there's... um There's this aspect of that, of of how to honor, you know, when I say the magic of Hawaii, I really do feel like Hawaii is like what's going to heal the world. So there's this like this aloha that's here. But yeah, healing that in a big way. and I think that's bigger than I am. So that's sort of this part that I have. It's like, okay.
00:34:51
Speaker
Let's bring this back into pono, like making it into right relationship. Like how do we how do we do that? And do I know the answers? No, but my heart feels it, you know? And so I have this curiosity and i have this prayer is like, how do we make right on this, you know?
00:35:06
Speaker
And it's so big, you know, like, you know, the Hawaiian language, leila Hawaii was banned in schools until 1986. That wasn't lifted until 1986. And like speaking of earlier,
00:35:18
Speaker
and like i was speaking of earlier the language, like that's where all like these like frequencies and codes and like where the healing is, it's speaking it. And so actually just joined a halal and I'm starting to learn olis and chants. And so I'm starting to get the olelo in my body and that feels really good. And I'm still learning.
00:35:39
Speaker
So on a big, big, on a big stream, that's there. And like my heart in such a huge way.
Timing and Readiness for Song Release
00:35:45
Speaker
And, um, My goals and intentions with getting the song out is just letting it get out. you know I think there's parts of myself that's like, what's the best way to do it? I want it to reach all the people. And I think it's just releasing it. you know Like, okay, let's just get this out in a good way and it's going to go where it needs to go.
00:36:04
Speaker
you know i've when i When I play this song live, um
00:36:10
Speaker
it's it's powerful. I feel really... i feel really I'm just happy that I was able to get the song out. So I'm just like, okay, I'm ready to release it now.
00:36:22
Speaker
And it just feels like it's time for, it's like, okay. Yeah. Go, go, go, a little one, run free, you know? Yeah. Little big one, go get your thing. And, you know. Yeah. think we met almost a year ago. So maybe less than that, but it's been, yeah, it's been in the works for a while. So it's exciting that it's going to fly out now and go where it goes. Yeah.
00:36:46
Speaker
And I think a lot of it too is like, you know, I've been doing a lot of my own healing, right? And so it's like, was it ready to get, it was done a year ago. it was finished. Like it's been finished, you know, but, and so I'm like, well, and it's just like being gentle and kind with myself and really honoring like my womb cycles and as a woman and what does that mean? And And just who I am as a human being, like needing to honor where I'm at and just the healing journey that I happen to be on. And it feels now like good. I'm like, okay, I'm ready to share. I'm ready to like to do this. And so i feel stoked that it wasn't like this rushed thing, like just because it's finished, it needs to come out now, you know, and then
00:37:32
Speaker
yeah And then my brain, you know, what's the best way, you know, the brain gets involved. I'm like, oh, well, if we're going to release it it, it better be done with. bob And I'm like, what is that? It just needs to get out, you know.
00:37:43
Speaker
Well, everything worked out perfectly because obviously the best thing to do for a singer songwriter is come on 2BuyGuys and share it here first. So we're doing we're doing it exactly as it's meant to happen. Totally.
00:37:54
Speaker
That's how I feel. I know. And I'm like, oh my God, I feel so stoked that we're going to do this podcast and have it be out on here in this way. No, i'm but I'm literally glad it worked out this way. And we get to share this, especially right after the episode with Clark, who like, this is where I first heard this song. And it feels very related to...
00:38:12
Speaker
the kind of coaching work I'm doing and healing work that he's doing. Like it's, ah you know, there's so many different paths to this kind of healing that, that is what this podcast is about at the, you know, it was about male bisexuality at at first, that was what I, you know, where I needed to start to heal myself.
00:38:32
Speaker
But, Wherever you start, that's like the key that kind of unlocks one thing after another. And so whether you get there through spirituality and religion or God, or whether you get there through music or meditation or like any combination of all of those things,
00:38:48
Speaker
It's all the same kind of work. So, you know, I'm being sarcastic, like we don't often debut songs on this podcast, but it's it's a song about what this podcast is about.
00:38:58
Speaker
And you'll hear that in a moment. so So thank you for sharing it with us. Totally. And I think I'm really glad you bring that up too, because that's the thing with this, like, you know, what's my goal with this music thing? It's not the same as it was before, you know?
00:39:13
Speaker
And one thing, you know, taking a break from actively promoting shows and gigging and making records and things like that. i mean, I guess I've been recording, but like, um...
00:39:27
Speaker
is that I, you know, it was one thing I was like saying I was like, you know i was thinking about being, because i was on stages all the time and I was like, what a weird thing to do. was like, it's this little box and there's lights and there's like one person sometimes up to eight with a band or more or whatever.
00:39:40
Speaker
And then there's like hundreds of people just watching them. Like, that is so strange. Like, what a, like, that's so weird. Like, it made me think of like, like a performing gesture for like, you know, like a court, you know, like, like a joker, like someone that's like performing in that way. And But I remember my brain was kind of like tripping out on that for a while and so much so that I just removed myself completely because I was just recalibrating. I've been recalibrating my relationship with music and what does that mean to share? And so, you know, coming on to Two Bye Guys podcast, you guys usually don't debut stuff, songs.
00:40:13
Speaker
Yeah. I'm stoked because it like that feels in alignment with Clark and you and the song, everything you said. And I'm like, yeah, like... I'm open to all the different ways that this music wants to get out. And if it's untraditional ways, I've been you know leading song circles the past three years. And well, the first year I didn't lead it. I just went to it. I was a participant.
00:40:31
Speaker
And then I started leading it. So I guess the past two years I've been leading song circles and like singing together. Like, like I love that, you know, and now I'm ready. I'm like, okay, I could get on a stage again.
00:40:42
Speaker
We actually have a show on the 30th at Sundari. It's going to be on a stage and I'm inviting people to like, you know, a show and I'm excited to play a set, you know, and Hope Medford is going to play drums.
00:40:54
Speaker
ah She's also a midwife. She's done over 500 births. And so it feels really cool to have this awesome drummer who's going to be midwifing my baby into the world. hu I love it. I love it. Nice.
00:41:07
Speaker
Nice. yeah And it resonates with me what you said too about like, you know, I'm not a musician per se, although I'm incorporating some music into my standup lately. But like in terms of my writing and art in general, like this meditation work hasn't stopped me from any of that. I'm still pursuing all that, but my motivation and mindset has definitely shifted and it's definitely taken a lot of the ego out of it. And like, I don't want to succeed for myself anymore. I want to, you know, succeed in that the the message gets out there, the the love gets out there, the understanding and connection gets out there and helps people um connect to this stuff that I've felt. And I, you know, care like care less about like me being successful or famous. it's It's not about me anymore like it used to be.
00:42:00
Speaker
Totally. Absolutely. It's bringing up in me like, you know, getting it out there in the way it needs to. Like it's, you know, thinking about the song, it's like it tends to open people's hearts, you know, and elicit, you know, it's common for this song to elicit an emotional reaction from folks.
00:42:20
Speaker
And what I love about that, it's like, you know, operating from our ego and succeeding in these ways. It's like this, this, this, is this. But I think, you know, for me, it's like, oh, if we can just soften a bit for me, like what is healing, right? Like, what does that even mean? Like, may we heal? I was thinking about that. was like, huh. Like just now i' was thinking about that. like But the fact that people, it's like, well, if we can just soften for me, like, oh.
00:42:48
Speaker
trying to these different parts of myself showing up, wanting to protect or or do. but a big i hope we know In the past, was like, what can I do?
Embracing Grief and Healing
00:42:56
Speaker
One of my best friends, Sam Will, he died in 2020. And that like really cracked me open in a big way. i don't know if you've experienced grief with someone who's really close to you, but it's definitely like a rite of passage in many ways. and yeah It F me up in a big way. and I remember because i was like, what can I do?
00:43:17
Speaker
was always like, I'm a doer, I'm an action. that you know It's like, okay, well, let's do something about this. You can't do it anything when somebody dies. You can't do jack shit. and so It's like, well, can I?
00:43:29
Speaker
I can soften. For me, it's like just such a gift to be able to see you know, through my own softening to be able to receive the song that it's like, oh, it's like letting people soften as they're able to hear it, you know?
00:43:44
Speaker
And yeah if that happens to be their experience with it, you know? Cool. I love that softening. and I'm reading a book right now that they just, I just read a chapter that was like, you know, sometimes there are things you can't control and there's nothing you can do. And You know what you should do then?
00:44:01
Speaker
Nothing. Sometimes you can't do anything. And then so you do nothing. And like once you kind of accept that, there's a softening that can happen, that there's this like sometimes this need to do something. And sometimes you just can't. And that's how it is. And like that radical acceptance, that's that can be the beginning of the road.
Conclusion and Song Premiere
00:44:23
Speaker
to healing. um So you just, I mean, you just kind of set it up perfectly, ah but we're going to play the song now. So stick around. You can hear the song and then also check in the show notes. You can follow Gabby. You can find the song on different platforms in the show notes.
00:44:40
Speaker
um Is there any, any final words or final thoughts you have that you want to lead people into the song with? I mean, what you just said is, is a great intro, but anything else?
00:44:52
Speaker
I would just say thank you so much for sticking around to the part of the episode that you're still here and you're still listening. So that's awesome. And i yeah, thank you for hearing the song if you choose to stay and be with it.
00:45:06
Speaker
And so mahalo, big blessings to you. And and thank you. Thank you so much. Mahalo, Sulpaki, for you being here and for you putting the song into the world.
00:45:18
Speaker
ah Thanks for coming on the podcast. And yeah, enjoy. May we heal. Here we go. Mahalo.
00:45:50
Speaker
Do you ever
00:46:05
Speaker
right below the skin? Sometimes I get scared.
00:46:26
Speaker
But he he he
00:46:55
Speaker
In the eyes of our ancestors, may we heal, may we heal, may we heal.
00:47:18
Speaker
in the heart of our
00:47:20
Speaker
In the heart of our sisters,
00:48:23
Speaker
Ooh, in the eyes of our ancestors, may we heal, may we heal.
00:48:52
Speaker
of our sisters
00:49:20
Speaker
Mama Pacha Mama heat heat my core Mama Pacha Mama heat heat my core
00:49:47
Speaker
ancestors. May we heal, may we heal, may we heal.
00:50:12
Speaker
of our sisters.
00:50:28
Speaker
In the gentle hands of our fathers May we heal I proclaim I am here I am here
00:51:19
Speaker
In the hands, in the gentle hands of mine.
00:51:34
Speaker
healed. May we heal, may we heal, may we heal.
00:52:00
Speaker
Thanks for listening, everyone. Hope you enjoyed this song. I'll be back with more episodes soon.
00:52:09
Speaker
Two Bye Guys by One Bye Guy is produced and edited by me, Robert Brooks Cohen, and it was created by me and Alex Boyd. Our new logo art is by Caitlin Weinman. Our music is by Ross Minzer. To help support this podcast, visit patreon.com slash robertbrookscohen. You'll get full video episodes, early access, and bonus content. Visit robertbrookscohen.com to learn more about my coaching, my book, and my stand-up comedy. And thanks for listening to Two Bye Guys by One Bye Guy.
00:52:37
Speaker
you