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Episode 2: Bad Habits Die Hard
46 Plays4 months ago
This episode, we discuss habits - both good and bad, including addictions. And for our QUIRKY CLOSEOUT: Super Bowl Predictions!
Good Morning, Gents! This is a podcast hosted by four Marine Corps veterans with the goal of uplifting men to be the best version of ourselves. In an age of high rates of suicide and depression, especially in the male population, we are taking a stand. This is a place that will cover all of the challenges and realities that we face in the current world, and how we can break down barriers to betterment for ourselves, our families, and the world.
A tragic suicide of our friend sparked an idea and experiment for us as we rekindled our friendship: A group text where we say "Good Morning" to each other every single day, and continue the conversation about what is going on in our lives, be there for one another, and spread positivity and reassurance. Men bear so much weight of responsibility in society that it is hard for men to have an outlet to express themselves. This has attributed to the vast number of suicides in the male population. We aim to cut those numbers down with this podcast. Between the discussions our hosts will talk about, and the guests we bring onto the show, we invite you to join us on this journey towards self-betterment for all.
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Transcript
Introduction and Theme: Habits
00:00:07
Speaker
good morning gents hey good morning gents welcome back to our podcast we're glad you could join us hope you enjoyed episode one i know it's a bit of a struggle to get through but we're glad you listened to it and we're happy you're back Today on the topic of discussion that we've come up with amongst many, many shared topics to build on the first episode of New Year, New Me. We've decided we want to discuss habits, good, bad habits that we all share, that we all have, that are common amongst each other. Habits that we'd like to break, habits we'd like to grow, habits we've heard other people have. We hope you can join us, stay with us.
00:00:53
Speaker
and ah Hopefully it helps you in a way if it doesn't. We'll see you in episode three and hopefully we find ah something common amongst everybody.
Morning Routines and Personal Habits
00:01:05
Speaker
So we'll kick it off. I'll let all the other guys wish you a good morning and we'll get rolling here in our conversation. Morning, morning, Mrs. Caleb sipping our coffee. Morning, it's Brandon. My coffee's really cold because my basement's cold.
00:01:25
Speaker
And I'm Tyler and my coffee's cold cause it's iced coffee. The only one, the only one because Tyler doesn't understand what makes a good morning. He would rather just wake up in a pit of hell to start his day there, then start with some nice refreshing hot coffee, like a real man.
00:01:45
Speaker
I mean, that's a pretty good first habit. If you ask me coffee, is everybody a morning coffee person? I hope so. Cause it's part of our podcast name. and all Did I, my morning habit has, hasn't changed in years. Literally like I wake up. I drink whatever waters, what left of my water bottle from the night before.
00:02:12
Speaker
And then my coffee's brewing. The dog sits up. He stares at me like I gotta go pee, boss. We go outside, come up with that coffee but coffee cup is ready to go.
00:02:25
Speaker
See, I started a while back with my morning ritual or my morning habit is I like to grind my own coffee. So I do my whole beans. So and it kind of gives me like something to look forward to in the morning. Like I go through the process of making my coffee. and Kind of gets my day started pretty quick. I like that. Yeah. If this is workout morning, straight pre-workout to the dome, let's go. We're nuts. I just use a standard coffee machine. Make that shit every morning. And we're going to be on the drinks hot coffee, but um we get quickly ice
Origins and Emotional Basis of Habits
00:03:05
Speaker
coffee. She's awesome. I bring my thing to the firehouse. Usually she'll leave a little oak sit note on it.
00:03:13
Speaker
Oh, that's cute. Message to the other firefighters make fun of you for 100%. No, they make fun of me for whatever note I get written on it. That's all right. Take it. Yeah, but sometimes she'll fuck with them and she'll write some like crazy sexual note and they'll read be like, oh Jesus Christ. No, let them read it. Let them or read it. Give them the win for the day.
00:03:35
Speaker
You know, that's, that's an awfully sweet habit that she's formed to, you know, like just to show that she loves you every little time you go to work. It's something to look forward to, you know. Right. And your day. I like it. I'm going to start writing myself notes. I'm going to drop you a text messages, sweet nothings. Oh, that's sweet. Yes. I can't wait. Remember I'm at the gym by five on some morning, so I better be early. Yes, sir. I have to wake up and start getting kids rolling downstairs. Coffee pot's normally already ready. It's one of those programmables. I make the youngest lunch while Tara cooks or makes breakfast for the girls and then she's logging in for work and I'm taking the youngest of school for to school and then she takes the oldest to school um about an hour after I leave. And it's it's our morning routine is ah is is pretty
00:04:31
Speaker
the the by definition according to google because i didn't read webster's dictionary ah have it as a regular or repeated behavior that can be different difficult to break so with that in mind where do you guys think some of your habits come from? What do you think is, what do you think is a grown ass man right now? what's What's building your habits? Why do you keep some and why do you get rid of some? I think a lot of the ones, so I'll speak specifically to like that habits, that habits are formed out of comfort, at least in my personal perspective.
00:05:13
Speaker
they're therere they're ah habits are comfort and ease right like it's easy to when you get home just kick your shoes off instead of putting them away or it's easy to lery dishes on the side of the steak instead of like rins and mountain low bit straight to the dishwasher so bad habits come from
00:05:40
Speaker
Not necessarily said triggering for like, I don't have any, I would have to say i' have no habits that are addiction addiction based, which.
00:05:53
Speaker
I think it's good. Look, a form of like an instant gratification. I got like bad habits of like showing my temper quickly. It's like that easy emotional fix of just getting pissed off and then then it's dealt with. Right. Instead of like sitting down and going, OK, how do I work through this? That maybe it'll solve the problem in the long run. I just get mad right then and there and that solves nothing because now everyone's pissed.
00:06:20
Speaker
And you get nowhere with it and you got that instant gratification of it. Oh, I feel like I did something, but I didn't really do anything. Right. I think that's me too. I'm very emotional based and, uh, you know, if something gets me going, I and just instantly blow up instead of like.
00:06:38
Speaker
working through it. It takes me a while to like calm down and get to the point where I could just rationally talk it out. And where does that come from? like i have no like I just don't know. It's got to be a learned habit, but who did I learn it from? Or how did I get there?
00:06:53
Speaker
I feel like it's an honest suppression of emotion. That way you don't feel any sadness, weakness or anything like that. you just It's easier to be angry than it is to feel the emotion at the time. Like if you're hurt or if you're sad or if you're confused or does that make sense? Yeah, completely. I like that. That's kind of what I learned going through my own therapy with one of my guys at the VA.
00:07:22
Speaker
And he's like, we're taught our whole lives to suppress those emotions that we're supposed to demand. We're supposed to sit and go out.
Alcohol and Professional Influence on Habits
00:07:29
Speaker
I mean, this we're not talking about emotions here, but that habit of just having that instant anger, that instant quick reaction. It's like instantly dealt with. And then five minutes later, you're like, shit, should not have done that. Oh, for sure. It's like instant gratification, instant regret. And that's yeah and and that's kind of going off what that John Caleb was talking about there um with with bad habits. It's where, when I was an alcoholic, and I'll say this with my own struggle here, I had that after work, I had to have a drink. Didn't matter if it was two beers a day, three beers a day, an entire case, a bottle, whatever. But I formed this habit and I also formed this persona of myself that I didn't like. And alcohol took that away. How much do you think,
00:08:22
Speaker
Like that ah negative reaction style habit is environmentally based. like and Everybody hears like how you're raised or what is the saying? Nature versus nurture. Yeah, nature versus nurture. I mean i remember growing up, my dad was with pretty short-fused.
00:08:44
Speaker
you know, I've noticed I've picked up habits that he had as a parent, right, like a snap of a finger. And he's like, Hey, like I want you to do this right now. Like, look at me, give me your attention. Like, I need you to do this instantly. And then go into like, military service, like we went to a four of us, right? Like we went to the most disciplined branch that it expects, right? Like,
00:09:10
Speaker
You know, you scream the data and bootcamp discipline is instant willingness, obedience to all orders, right? And it's, it's instant. I find that struggle as like a parent of like letting that habit of how I grew up, how I spent 10 years professionally, right? Like being my, my go-to, so like softening my, my reaction is, is, is hard. Um, you know, sometimes I expect too much of the kids like,
00:09:40
Speaker
want you build to listen now I didn't ask you to listen in 10 minutes I asked you to listen now so I don't know I think there's I think it's a a deflection but I also think there's a there's a ah ground basis as to where we we emulate things that are that we've been surrounded with for a long time I 100% agree with that. I mean, I was raised, me and you were probably raised a very similar style households. And that comes with parents that instant when they told you to do something, you did it. There were strong repercussions for when you didn't listen to it. And then getting older and going into the careers I've selected for my life. There are moments during those careers where you give an order or you give a command.
00:10:26
Speaker
You expect a instant reaction or a reaction at least from whoever you are giving that order command to and I think you build that strong basis and when it's When you're raised in it and then you take it professionally. It is extremely hard to balance that at home too That is a that is a struggle for I think a lot of men I think it's a struggle for men that have jobs where they lead other men. Because men in a general are hard-headed. We like to do things our way. um But I think leading men, you have to be strong-willed and strong-minded. And that leads to its own struggles where you may be successful at work, but at home, that's ah just another fight. all of this ah All of this is just learned behaviors.
00:11:22
Speaker
and not knowing how to process them and trying to just figure out the best way to move forward. um
00:11:33
Speaker
Habits can be good or bad and I think ah so much of it comes from like how we were raised or oh you know just upbringing in general and we don't even notice a lot of it.
Anxiety, Nicotine, and Societal Trends
00:11:47
Speaker
um I think it takes a very conscious effort to figure out all of your behaviors and tendencies. A lot of mine I would say are anxiety driven. At least a lot of the negative ones but also some of the positive ones too. You know making sure all my ducks are in a row like I'm pretty yeah careful about things because I have a anxious tendency so I try to
00:12:15
Speaker
you know, make sure that things don't go wrong by just, you know, double checking how everything is set up to make sure that, you know, there's no mistakes or anything that's going to happen. Sounds like a control aspect in a sense. Yeah, there is. You started picking up on like you dropped something. on a go I do think it's pretty,
00:12:42
Speaker
unique societal habits are you still nicotine free right now yep it's been what this is the fifth day yep i still yeah i quit i quit nicotine i used to vape um i used to smoke cigarettes back in the day and then switch to the vape and it's been an on and off struggle trying to you know, get off of it, especially being in a stressful job. Like I, I always look for some kind of stress relief and that's kind of been it. Um, but since the first, my, one of my main resolutions was to quit smoking and I'm now five days in and, uh, I, I honestly, the biggest thing that I've noticed is like, I'm angry. Like, yeah, it's, it's cool me to be just very frustrated.
00:13:35
Speaker
So this first time i qui the first time I quit chewing, it was gnarly, like angry, felt like I had to flu for a few days. It was gnarly. And then I started chewing again, and my body like just instantly rejected it. like Within like a couple weeks, I just started puking every time I throw a little bit. My body was like, nah, bro, you're good. But what I wanted to get at was like societal habits, right? Cigarettes were a thing when our parents were our age. And then when we were younger, now it's the robo cocks, vapes for all those out there. I call them robo cocks. Like, yeah, but like you see all these you see everybody, everybody getting a vape because it's, it's cool. And really, like, there's a gap in there where nicotine use kind of went blank for a little bit. At least nothing
00:14:29
Speaker
nothing was cool about it there for a while until they started exploding into the scene, right? Like, people started shying away from cigarettes and then it kind of like got quiet. But then you see dudes like blowing clouds and like, like ah it's it's like a cool thing to do. There's all these colors. So like a societal based habit is right now like vapes and I don't know if I necessarily have besides Second Amendment style society.
00:14:58
Speaker
ah buts but any other societal habit i don't necessarily know that you were very careful on how you said that yeah yeah not also in the the the the the
00:15:13
Speaker
he yeah we all do yeah there a so where you yeahmmies or ahead so these habits, the the anger, the explosion, the fixing the nicotine, these the healthier habit on that, getting rid of that.
00:15:34
Speaker
um
00:15:37
Speaker
Who are we trying to affect when we when we correct these habits? Are we trying to fix it for ourselves? Are we fixing it for others? Who who are we trying to help when we do these? mean I think it's a combination. There are certain habits that you're fixing the bulk of them for yourself. I'll say that, but like there's certain habits, right? Like, like quick to anger habit, if I were to be able to reverse that, like that, that not only benefits myself, but it benefits my children's coworkers, my spouse, right? And again, the people on the interstate as I'm driving home, you know, they get a lot less of the one finger salutes or, you know, aggressive driving. Like it's, it's,
00:16:24
Speaker
That one, you know, certain wands are double hitters. I don't think there's a single habit that I would fix that exclusively benefits somebody else and not me as well. Do you think there's anything that like your wife complains about that you do that you don't feel is like a problem? Oh yeah, girl. I take my socks off everywhere in the house. Me too. Everywhere. Dirty clothes belong in the dirty clothes hamper.
00:16:53
Speaker
throw them at my kid every now and then too. right yeah um've got I've got socks that are like, and were like where where this even comes from? lady That's a ki off great example. But in that had enough sense, you don't see that that as a problem, but she does. So that would be a habit to break for her because you don't really see it as an issue.
00:17:18
Speaker
Uh, I do see it as an issue because then I've got to pick them up and get them to the dirty clothes.
Benefits of Breaking Habits
00:17:24
Speaker
It's a, it's a habit. a break I just don't see it as like, uh, like yeah I'm not going to over the benefits, right? It's not a toxic habit. be I do it because I want to do it. It feels good. I know, I know many times in the past when I, when I would attempt to quit drinking or something like that. It was either because of a big fight between my wife and I, or between maybe even a friend of mine, or maybe even you guys, because I know some of you guys have seen me in some pretty low points with alcohol and even some high points, you know.
00:18:02
Speaker
And until I realized that I had to do it to save my life, to to get myself in check, then I knew that the pieces of my family and my friendships would fall back into place. Yeah, absolutely. like One second here. Let's celebrate those little milestones. Tyler, you're five days nicotine free. Brandon, how many days alcohol? Two years as of January 7th. That's awesome.
00:18:31
Speaker
mac Uh September 5th of 2023 was the last time I had a drink. Well, congratulations to all of you guys for breaking those habits too. That's amazing. That was the greatest habit I ever broke. I sleep so even when you're not drinking, right? It still affects your body because alcohol affects your body for me. I'm no **** doctor or expert, but it affects your body for a long period of time. So I sleep so much better and with my
00:19:03
Speaker
newfound little addictions of getting sleep, getting sunlight, getting all these things that have emotionally and mentally helped me, that not having that is so much better. oh I'm slow to fly off the handle. I still have that terrible habit of flying off the handle at times, but I'm slower to it now. um I sleep better. ah I can eat.
00:19:31
Speaker
um alcohol slows down your metabolism so much and Dude, I when I tell you I feel like I can eat whatever I want now My inner guts have almost really, it feels like they've realigned, refixed themselves, whatever it is. I can finally actually eat a variety of food now. And I might still have some issues with it, but ever since I got off alcohol, I can eat what I want and not have to worry about crazy repercussions. um I don't bloat as bad. I don't.
00:20:02
Speaker
so many benefits have come to it. And it was hard. I mean, it was really fucking hard to do. Luckily, at the time when I quit, I had strong motivation um for myself and for my kids. And then I got a lot of help along the way. um There are a handful of people in my life at that time that ah there was no pressure to drink. There was no pressure to be one of the, everybody everybody else just supported it. Hey, I'm not, I'm not having a beer. I'm not drinking. Okay. People that knew me and had gone for beers with me a lot before, once I made that switch, they were like, okay, cool. Um, so I never faced pressure and it was more support people from, met me for the very first time during that time period. Um, no pressure. Uh,
00:20:53
Speaker
no deep questions asked why. um They just knew it was something I wasn't doing. So they yeah they let it happen. And it was after six months. I mean, there were no cravings. I don't think I've had a... During the summertime, there were some cravings for a cold beer, but it wasn't like ah a necessity. It was more like, hey, I'm sitting in a pool. It's 100 degrees outside. High school beer does ah taste good. Not a, I need one to hang out.
00:21:24
Speaker
you know, go into that, that social like shift that Kayla was talking about there. I've noticed a high rise in a lot of non-alcoholic drink, like making like they've got whiskey, rum, ah but lots. Oh yeah. Really? I didn't know that. I knew about beers, but They got lots of beers now that are non-alcoholic because like during the summertime, yeah, you're mowing the yard out there and your short jean shorts getting cash all, you know, you got to have that nice ice cold non-alcoholic old duels. The old duels, the infamous old duels from deployment. Man, I haven't even gone to a non-alcoholic beer. I just cut cold turkey.
00:22:05
Speaker
yeah first well you know that's something i i like to think about and i think it's a good topic to bring up like cold turkey versus weaning off and finding ways so like what i when i just started anyway but yeah exactly when i just started quitting weeping I started to like try to reason with myself and I was like, oh well, what if I get one of those like non nicotine ones just to like puff on it so that I'm like still used to, you know, picking up the device and like, you know, inhaling it just so that like, as the nicotine weans off, I'm still doing the action of, you know, vaping, so that it's a little easier. But then I was just like, you know what, no, like, I'm just gonna torture myself.
00:22:44
Speaker
harry yeah You know, see how much willpower I have. Last last year, i did I did the same thing last year. And I lasted about two and a half months and then I picked it back up. um it's It's just a struggle, man, like with stress and everything else going on. And, ah you know, my partner also vapes. It's like, it's it's hard to be around something and then like have, you know, the stresses of life to not pick the habit back up. But I think every Every try is a ah lesson learned and like, I'm, I'm really trying to kick the habit. Um, I got an aunt with stage four cancer, like, um, that there's signs around me that like, I just want to live a healthier lifestyle. So I'm just making the change now. I think 2025 is like my, you know, I hate thinking like this, this year is going to be all about me, but like, I truly want to make better changes for my life.
00:23:42
Speaker
Man, I, I prefer the cold turkey way. Like I prefer doing things the hard way my whole life. Like if you wanted me to change or if I want to change out of myself, like I got to beat my head through a brick wall. Take failure after failure until finally it's at the point where it's like, Hey dumbass, you feel like shit all the time and you keep failing. What's the common denominator you are amongst you.
00:24:07
Speaker
What are you doing? That's the con. And then dude, I like at that point, I probably lost or failed 15,000 times and fucked up more than I want to. But at that point, it's I'm always at the point where it's like, all right, culture, it is like it gets changed
Porn Addiction and Self-Worth Issues
00:24:21
Speaker
now. This gets fixed. And here we go. And I don't.
00:24:26
Speaker
I like that challenge in it. I like that going, all right, here it is. It's gonna suck, but let's fight it out. It's me versus me, and I like to win, so here we go. Yeah. Let me ask a real honest question for everybody. How many of us are addicted to porn? I was. I was. I struggled with it. Yep.
00:24:56
Speaker
Yeah. Nope. Same. You wouldn't. You don't watch it? No. Not anymore. It is a dude. It's never really. Probably back in college, I can remember, but really, like, no, not since. Not a big deal to me. And then Caleb, you said you quit watching it. Mm hmm. Yeah. Yeah, I was.
00:25:24
Speaker
brand i yeah Let Caleb finish real quick. Yeah, cold turkey is my method. I was just going to expand upon that. Cold turkey is my method. I think think anything else for me, I'm going to say for me, is just kicking the can down the road. ah you know I've never struggled with hardcore drug addiction or anything like that. So I can't really speak to something that has crazy withdrawals. I did do the chewing tobacco thing.
00:25:53
Speaker
and I went cold turkey, it was aggressive and it sucked, but like, ah you know, I've seen people, uh, switch mechanisms from shoe to Zen, ah whatever it may be. And it just, it prolongs and it never stops. So and up breaking heart then yeah, I think, I think, I think that bad habits best dealt with ripping the band-aid, but go for it. Sorry. Oh no, you're good, dude. I agree. Like.
00:26:25
Speaker
I don't know if anybody knows but this, but there's this thing in places in life where my life is going right now. But big thing that I've been working on is you can't serve two masters. You know, you can't say you're you're you're breaking a habit that's bad and continue in that habit and somewhere else in life. So like with with pornography, yeah, I struggled with it for years, you know, and recently about three months ago, four months ago, I kicked have it, you know, but it wasn't just kicking the act of seeing the nudity. It was models on social media was is everything like it was what I put into my mind and see in my brain that would either get me to that point or cause me to go further. So it wasn't just it wasn't just cutting one thing out. It was cutting a lot of things that were that is the
00:27:20
Speaker
That is one of the biggest struggles for a modern man. Everything's at our fingertips now, whether it's porn or even things that aren't meant to be law school, like social media. Not that it's not meant to be, but like when Facebook first originated and MySpace, right, it was a place for community and to talk. And that's involved into this giant merchandise and advertisements scheme and yeah everybody's, everybody's marketing themselves and what better way to market some product than, you know, a bikini or maybe he just't right in a bikini ready or ah girl marketing her only fans, whatever it'd be. It's, it's, it surrounds the modern man. And, uh, I will say that's probably the greatest challenge and it's, uh, you know,
00:28:13
Speaker
Kicking that habit doesn't just help yourself. Some people could probably expand upon this more than others, but like the porn industry and the online fans industry exploits and takes advantage of, you know, at risk. Everyone. Yeah. At risk individuals. Well, you know, I don't even think it's only porn, right? You know, porn industry is a very specific thing, but just look at society itself. Modern American society, especially.
00:28:43
Speaker
It is ah over and hyper-sexualization of almost everything. um I like it. I have this whole thing where I blame the Kardashians for a lot of it.
00:29:16
Speaker
Everything is for sale and we we hear it in our music. We we see it online. um Women themselves, a lot of them have turned their life and their body into a business. And you know I'm not gonna judge people for making easy money. There's a girl I know who used to be in the Marine Corps. She was married, got an OnlyFans. She made $50,000 in a single month.
00:29:46
Speaker
It's like, man, that's more than I'm making 90% of the year. Money talks, bro. Money talks. It's crazy, but you know I think it's a personal journey for everybody, like fighting off those addictions and those temptations to delve further into it.
00:30:06
Speaker
um I think there's gotta be personal limits to like, you got, you have to make your own limits to how much you're willing to take and what's negatively impacting your life. Yeah. You gotta, you just gotta to personally take your own inventory and what, what are the benefits and what are the negatives to it? And if it's something you're comfortable with, dude, if I can do it, I don't care. Do whatever you want to do with your life. It's your life. Um, we all have our own choices and our own things we want to do. Um,
00:30:36
Speaker
I don't I'm I'm honestly like somebody wants to do only fans do it. I don't give a shit go for it. Make money like it is an easy way to make money. um support your family support your dreams. I don't give a shit. I probably do a job that there's a lot of people out there that don't agree with how my job gets things done. um But it it doesn't matter. We all so we all have to do things.
00:31:03
Speaker
um that we like, that we enjoy, that we're okay with doing. So if you if it's a habit to smoke or watch pornography or drink or fucking go for a run until your body completely breaks down, that's you. um if If you struggle with it being a bad habit that you know you need to break, you don't know how to break it,
00:31:33
Speaker
that's that's That's a fight. You got to fight. That's a, that's a fight you can, we'll talk about on here, but if it's just something you do to do, I don't know. I have a hard time judging people for their, their life choices.
Replacing Bad Habits with Positive Ones
00:31:51
Speaker
If the habit is causing a ah turmoil in your life or in the lives of the ones closest to you, which is obviously going to affect your life, then
00:32:04
Speaker
that's when it should be evaluated. If it's something that, I mean, I can't speak for everybody and their own path in life and everything like that, but I think that's where Max getting to is, is that if it's creating turmoil in your personal life or the lives of those closest to you or the people that you care about, that's when the evaluation and the self reflection needs to happen. That's exactly right. That's the better way to say it. Don't listen to me.
00:32:33
Speaker
Well, that's like kind of bringing it back to the anger thing. i um Before I started my journey, there's there's I did a little reading and like the stoics and stuff like that. I forget what one it was, but with it, it says two ears, one mouth. And there's also a passage of scripture that I've been reading and it says be quick to hear, slow to speak, slow to wrath or anger. you know They kind of mirror each other in in what I was trying to do in my own life with that anger.
00:33:02
Speaker
and that quick short fuse that I had as well. um But just kind of food for thought, you know, we need, we need to listen more and maybe even not just listening to what's around us, but also listening to what's going on in our own heads. It's like, how am I going to navigate this situation? How am I going to react to this one? Or what am I feeling at this moment? I think so much of it too is decisions we make that are all about how much we value ourselves. um I think like a modern example, at least in my opinion, of like current news topic that's going on. You hear about this, ah
00:33:44
Speaker
this porn star, Lily Phillips, who did a hundred guys in a single day, and now she's going for a thousand. it's like There's a documentary of her on on YouTube, I watched, it's very interesting, some guy like made a documentary about it, and she says that she's doing it for you know her own enjoyment, and she's like enjoying this part of her life.
00:34:03
Speaker
But as you watch the documentary and you see her, like I don't think she realizes her traumas and how much she doesn't value herself as a person. it It's really like sad to watch her because like she doesn't realize like what she's doing to herself. and like You can just tell she doesn't care about herself as a person and she's doing this as like...
00:34:24
Speaker
a kind of like self-depreciation kind of thing, and she's just not picking up the pieces, and I think she's gonna really regret it in a couple years when she realizes it, but a lot of these these negative things that we do, I think ah we do them because we're like, ah, you know I don't care if I do this to myself. In a lot of ways, ah we do them because we don't value ourselves enough to do better.
00:34:50
Speaker
So I don't, I don't know moving conversation forward. How did you guys, what good habits did you replace bad habits with? now I was about to go there. We've talked so much about negative habits. I was like, let's, before we move on, any other bad negative habits that you think you share that a lot of people share. I would say cursing. Yeah. Cursing is mine, but you know what? At 35 years old, I can do better, but I don't know. They, I don't know that one. I could do better. I could do better. I think another, another societal and modern habit that almost everybody shares is like doom scrolling and not being present, right? Like a cell phone technology, whatever your, your media is, but that, that addiction to YouTube, Instagram, Facebook, Twitter, Reddit. I mean, there's a thousand different, that's a big one.
00:35:51
Speaker
I got a different mechanisms, but there's, you know, that's, if you walk through a mall, you know, someone's, something they're snapping, you know, I started watching my, my little brother just recently moved up here and me i got him hired on my company.
00:36:07
Speaker
you know we were driving in month he would just like take a picture on a floorboard i sit out so like fifty people and like what are you doing he's said god just that's how we're talking like but you didn't get pretty words off like what what are you actually talking about you're're swapping pictures the bullshit i'm like yeah like why would we do why are we doing this put the phone down about me you talk like what do you do the things but that's the woman that but even when i find myself guilty of like you know, going and getting on Facebook and scrolling and I find a woodworking video and find a gun video and then, you know, 45 minutes later, I'm going to do what I just do and why did I do that? yeah yeah that A lot of people struggle with this addition of technology and just. being And you can also isolate into yourself, right? Like, yeah, there's, there's not being present. world yeahp that's That's always kind of been a, a bad,
00:37:04
Speaker
status with myself is isolation. Like I can, if I'm getting stressed, if there's something like, I don't talk about my issues, um, which is weird podcasts talking about, ah but He talked to anybody that's known me longer than the last six months, and isolation is where I ah live, right? um I mean, when ah we first separated from my ex-wife, when I first separated, dude, I don't even think my parents knew for the first couple months. Like, I had one friend that knew. That was it. And that's because I was living in his house. And so that not communicating well
00:37:47
Speaker
Um, and I've paid the piper for that and I've learned it and I've seen it and that's part of this and I can talk in with you guys and getting away from the phone where I can isolate myself or just getting away from not expressing how I feel or how who I am. Um, that, that this is forcing that and it's why it's important to me to keep showing up to this every week.
Technology, Isolation, and Positive Habits
00:38:11
Speaker
That's why it's tattooed on my wrist.
00:38:13
Speaker
you guys can see that not the show but the words. It's upside down. I don't see it. Um it just a show up and it's it's a reminder to myself to be present um in all aspects of life and deal with the situation that's it's right there. That's right in front of me. Why don't ignore it anymore. Just you can't ignore it and move on. There's no moving on until it's fixed.
00:38:39
Speaker
One of the biggest reasons, and I'm glad you brought it up, Caleb, because that's ah that's a big problem in modern society, um and I struggle with it a lot, just you know not being present and ah being you know glued to the phone and the internet. and I remember Afghan and you know the Mu,
00:39:01
Speaker
like once that technology aspect is like removed was like was like a very angering like frustrating thing at first because like you want to like look at it, but you just can't. there's the The option is not there. that you know We didn't have internet at all. You're just fucked. So you're just put in a situation where you have to interact with people and you can't just be like pulling out your phone every two seconds. And it felt good after like you got over the addiction for you know whatever however long it took. But like I felt free once yeah that whole aspect of society was removed from my life. like I felt so much better.
00:39:43
Speaker
Yeah, I have I try to explain deploying to some people sometimes and like, like sure, like there's no work aspect of deploying, but the the the removal from the life or like stressors of life and drama of life and whether or not that's your actual life or just what you see out on social media, you know, this cousin going through a struggle, these people broke up, whatever, it maybe even right like all those little things are like,
00:40:13
Speaker
death by 1000 paper cuts, whether or not you say you care about them, there's still events and things that are your in taking and digesting and your brains having the process you're trying to emotionally deal with them, whether or not they're they're significant or not, right, but it it occupies space in your brain, like there's that there's a pretty cool video of like a college professor puts golf balls inside of a mason jar and then he asks the classroom is this full right and then he puts gravel then he puts sand and then he puts water right each layer expands on there so like when you're scrolling through Facebook and all these social medias you
00:40:53
Speaker
And that one's that one that that analogy is very specific to like make sure you have the important things in your life front and center. But like it even applies to like how your brain processes information. So when you're when you're scrolling through this massive massive like information database that is social media, you're you're filling your brain. And it's taking up bandwidth that you used to process your own shit.
00:41:22
Speaker
You know what I mean? Like, you can't, if you were able to dump all that, you know how smooth we operate? Like, man, when we're, when we're overseas, that's a reason why we we, we do things well over there is because we don't have, our bandwidth is only eaten up by, where's my rippet? Where's my chew and tobacco? Where's my next meal? And there's one, yeah, there's one, where's my pass? Right. So it's, I think there's a, there's a big,
00:41:50
Speaker
there There's a big thing to say about like removing some of the distraction in your life, setting timers on your social media apps, or even just having dedicated dark hours, right? From this time to this time, the phone's dark. Regardless of what's happening in the world, it's just dark.
00:42:11
Speaker
Well, that we're rolling here, and you're starting to get into building good habits. So what are what are some good habits that everyone's got that we can kind of close this thing out here soon on a positive note? So one i one habit that I i started trying and to get into, and it may not be a habit, it may just be a betterment in my life, but it is forgiveness.
00:42:39
Speaker
Um, forgiving myself, forgiving others. Um, even though like, you know, some of these bad habits we picked up either through pain or suffering or, or something like that. But I think that's helped me a lot. And to get to a point in my life where I've i've been able to truly forgive myself has been honestly an amazing feeling. Like it's, I've been smiling a lot more and happiness has been just finding true happiness in life again has been an amazing habit.
00:43:12
Speaker
Self-forgiveness is hard, man. um You guys know my story, so it's we won't get into it here, but not yet, at least not yet. We don't want to scare people away on the second episode. But self-forgiveness is definitely a hard hard thing to do. um one One big part of that journey, very similar to yours, Brandon, is I did turn to the faith as a Christian. So a good habit I do every morning and I uh I dropped my daughter off and uh after I dropped my daughter off the radio in the car goes silent and I say my morning prayer and then from there the radio turns back on I'll listen to the podcast whatever it may be um I was listening to a morning show but I found myself like just getting sucked into some of the like social like uh celebrity drama that was going on so I just kind of went with
00:44:08
Speaker
I started listening to podcasts in the last couple of months, but like I feel like my morning like morninging is the healthiest part of my day. um So I'd like to like replicate those hot morning habits throughout the day, and I don't know what that looks like, but probably involves some social media timers. It probably involves some self-reflection time, cleaner cleaner dietary habits, and then probably some fitness.
00:44:39
Speaker
that whole pizza in my living. Tyler, you know, I'm dealing with kid stuff right now. Okay. um Yeah, I think that's awesome to, you know, have that little routine. And as Brandon, you were saying, being able to forgive yourself, I think another part of that is be able to love yourself too. um I think a huge struggle for me is loving myself.
00:45:06
Speaker
which i I fight that battle every day. um I think a lot of people probably relate to that and you have to love yourself. You have to be at a place where you can accept your flaws and recognize them and work to better yourself, um but you have to be able to forgive and love yourself.
00:45:28
Speaker
otherwise nothing else is gonna get better. And it gets you to a place where you're able to move on and become a better person if you're able to forgive yourself and say like, I have these flaws and I'm willing to work against them, but I still love myself. In the habit of positively affirming yourself. Yeah.
00:45:53
Speaker
All right. I haven't solved the kid issue yet, but question she's looking for it. Um, my habits, I wrote these down easy habits that I want to keep doing, want to keep building on. Hold on.
00:46:11
Speaker
I feel like we need to be awake. No, no. I told you guys once she's up, once she's up, I'm not alone anymore. Um, there is no more.
00:46:25
Speaker
my time. They're, they're having three kids and being by yourself is a huge struggle and it drives a lot of bad habits, drives a lot of good habits, but it is a, you are mentally exhausted. Um, not even by the end of the day. I mean, you're not even halfway through the day and you're like, holy shit, I want to quit some days. Um, it's a lot, but whatever. Um, I'll move on from that. And good habits that I want to keep working on the moving forward. Um,
00:46:55
Speaker
I like getting up at 4.30 and hitting the gym. I like getting heavy weights in early in the morning, every morning I can. um But also like it's the sleep habit. I've never been one for good sleep habits and I'm finally focusing on that. So that's one I gotta to keep. So getting to the gym and hitting heavy weights early, there's a strong balance and being able to get plenty of sleep, plenty of nights in a row um because you don't get physically better without good Rest or good sleep so that getting sunlight as the Sun's coming up or within the first couple hours I'm breaking that habit right now because the Sun's been up for 45 minutes. They've been outside yet when I took away now the dog It was still dark as soon as we get off here. I'll jump outside. We'll go for a quick 20-minute walk We'll get that morning walk and I'll get that sunlight ah My heating my eating habits are not gonna change
00:47:49
Speaker
um
00:47:52
Speaker
i ah Eat pretty healthy. So that's just not gonna change and I've really broken down the Easter run all the time if not daily one mile to six miles a minute I Have learned in the last couple months that walking has benefited me more than running ever did. Yeah, really I And maybe not health wise maybe not fitness wise or cardiovascular wise but mentally and emotionally I Running got your heart rate. I've got your blood rate. I don't know what it is. I'm not a scientist I'm not a doctor but going for an hour hour and a half walk and I don't even take headpo or Headphones all the time just going for those walks numerous times a week but usually at night when the Sun's down Has helped me so much more in a calmer state and that is a habit. I want to keep I
00:48:46
Speaker
You're walking inside. it Well, that me yeah that makes sense. Running puts your body into rest at fight or flight mode, whether or not you you're you're not adrenaline-ly running from or to a fight, right but your your body is under duress physically from the the exertion of ah to output. um So it makes sense that it's more calming to walk.
00:49:12
Speaker
would you Would you consider it a state of meditation almost? yeah thousand percent ah you know i never I never even thought about that. It's like the benefits of walking aside from getting exercise. I don't even take the dog. It's a place of clarity where you can just think.
00:49:32
Speaker
and you're moving, but you're not strenuously exerting yourself. I think in our society, and I'm learning this through my own experiences right now, um we're forgetting to sit down and think. Just think about the day, think about the issues we're having, or whatever, the the wins. Think about your wins, shit. Don't give yourself credit on dwelling all the time. Think about the good shit that happened in your life that day.
00:49:58
Speaker
Um, but when I go for these walks, I don't even take the dog A's old. So he doesn't make it that far. Um, so we do our morning walks, but man, and sometimes like, I just want to listen to a podcast or listen to a book without any other distractions. I just go walk for five miles. It'll take about an hour and a half. It is taking me almost two hours to do a six mile or before it's how slow it is some days, but I'm not there. I go in the rain. I'll go in the cold.
00:50:27
Speaker
Going to heat, it's it's not, those are no longer about fitness. It is about being a better person in all aspects. Yeah, I like that. You you remove yourself from your comfort comfortable environment, being your couch, here your chair, your desk, your basement, you know, man cave, whatever it may be. You remove yourself from that environment. You remove all distractions.
00:50:57
Speaker
Except for one that you want to focus on whether it's a podcast or a book or even just your own thoughts And you dedicate that time to that. Yeah, you're walking and moving but you're not putting your body into rest and you're you're really focused on The process so I like that and it's I mean You you guys knew me in the Marine Corps people have known me since like I've never Especially stopped drinking like I'm always done something for other people.
00:51:30
Speaker
um
00:51:33
Speaker
Family, life, girlfriend, whatever it is, my life is based on everybody else's lives and happiness and what they were doing um and how I just fit into those roles. Walking and doing these habits and being where I'm at in life I'm not worried about anybody's role. I'm not worried about my role. I do these things because I benefit from them. And I've recognized them and I wrote them down. And it's, ah man, I didn't think I would ever want to be able to sit down and continuously walk maybe here and there, but not one that enjoyed it. I like going fast. I like doing things hard and the
Conclusion and Super Bowl Predictions
00:52:17
Speaker
hard way. And ah damn, it's it's it's a game changer.
00:52:23
Speaker
Hell yeah. I think we've ah covered some great things here for people to consider. Absolutely. Now we're going to roll into our closing segment, which are are fun. ah Caleb hit it. I got to hear it from his voice. He's got the he's got the fun voice on that. What's our closeout? You're muted, buddy. All right. All right. I was muted there. So we didn't really agree upon this one, but we're going to roll with it because we're getting to that point in the football season pick your Super Bowl winners. This is, this is the quirky closeout. That was what I was waiting for, bro. You're so excited. working The quirky closeout. All right. Major hits on this on ah major hits. We got like 45 hits, but shit, it's more than three closeout is I want everybody to name their Super Bowl. Uh, they're Super Bowl pick.
00:53:22
Speaker
with with understanding that we still haven't solidified the playoffs that would be done probably this weekend, maybe next. But and I'll go first. I'll go first. I'm taking Buffalo. Josh Allen's getting his green this year.
00:53:39
Speaker
I would say. So my best case scenario, like teams in the Super Bowl and then the winner Um, God, best case scenario, I think, would be... Bills and Lions. Just keep the fucking Chiefs out of it. Sorry, Mick, but I... God, I can't stand them. I fucking hate them. So godammit. The last thing I want is another Taylor Swift.
00:54:08
Speaker
freaking super bowl where the nfl is just raking in the money and just laughing along the way like i'm sick of it i want i want to change i want teams who have never won a super bowl to get it uh the lions deserve it i'm hoping the lions win it you've opened this up just so much attack you went after the cartoons you went after lily the the only fans lily i'm not i'm not judging your tailors left bro you're gonna get us canceled here You're getting picked off the fucking pallet cast with a mouth like that. We're doomed. I'm thinking, i you know, Bills, and I'm not much of a sports guy. I don't watch much TV at all, period. um So I'm going to say the Bills, but I wouldn't mind seeing the Vikings or the Lions. I kind of like the streak the Lions got, but I've never been a Lions fan, and I'm from Michigan, so. The Vikings do have a crazy good team this year.
00:55:06
Speaker
Are you ready for me to go off? Are you ready for me to go off? Go ahead. We all know who Matt was. Alright, you bitches. You know who I'm taking. I'm taking the boys in red. The ones led by the greatest coach in NFL history. I don't give a **** Bill Belichick.
00:55:22
Speaker
Andy Reed is the greatest fucking coach in NFL history. The quarterback that cannot be stopped. You can hurt him, you can break him, you can take away his receivers, and the man goes into the playoffs and still dominates. I don't give a shit if Lamar Jackson's the MVP. I don't care if your quarterback is six, six, 260 pounds and runs like a damn linebacker. He is the greatest quarterback. He's the showstopper. You got it, he's led by the coach. He sounds like Kermit the frog and he walks like a fairy. It doesn't matter. It doesn't matter.
00:55:53
Speaker
who gives a **** what his voice sounds like. He's winning. You all know that man goes in. Oh, you just snubbed him. You just took him out of the Pro Bowl. He's got something to prove. He just put the NFL on watch. Y'all gotta keep up. I don't even give a **** from the NFC. Bro, who plays? You guys got knock if their fs yeah the The ****
00:56:17
Speaker
The Chiefs are winning. It doesn't matter. They probably will win because you guys have the refs helping you along the the whole way. Everybody's got refs. You guys are just mad that we keep winning. um we can We can go on this banter of Chiefs beating them versus the refs. Do I want to see the Chiefs? For the next 45 minutes. Do I want to see the Chiefs play the Lions. Absolutely. Who doesn't love Dan Campbell? The man is just gnarly at what he does. He's the best coach. He is. He's awesome. He has every player's respect. That guy is from what I can see. I don't know. I'm not a fucking player, but Dan Campbell is awesome. What the Lions have done the last few years. I've been a fan. I've been watching. I love it, but I will not go against my beloved Kansas City Chiefs.
00:57:06
Speaker
Hey, my teammate is at playoffs. I'm good with that. Rub it in, why don't you? Yeah. So for for the care little for the listeners out there,
00:57:19
Speaker
Tyler and I are Saints fans. So wait it's been a rough year. you That's one way to put it. Man, we used to go to Hooters and watch the Saints games when it was like Prime, Drew Brees, you know, Jimmy Graham.
00:57:37
Speaker
Oh, God, just take me back. you want to know what You want to know why I don't like the cheese smack? Because we weren't from being terrible. Then we got moderate with Alex Smith, who I loved watching Alex Smith. But we never got past the first round. No, no. It was it was with you. It was with you. We went to a cheese game. Oh, yeah. It was cheese for Saints. I wore a Jimmy Graham jersey. yeah And this was after he went to Seattle.
00:58:07
Speaker
Right. um'm I'm work you know, I'm, I'm not making very much money. So authentic jerseys are expensive. So this is the only jersey I have is a Jimmy Graham here. And the fucking cheese fans are like, he's not even on the team anymore. So at that point, I hate the cheese. Man, that's messed up.
00:58:30
Speaker
man but that's anywhere you go right home field fans are people wear jerseys of players who aren't on the team anymore you know bro i went to a chief's raiders game this year and um there were pittsburgh fans there like who cares like they're there to watch the game i hate when people heckle other people like if it's fun it's fun if you know the person it's fun but like when it drags on Shut the hell up. Mind your own business and watch the game. People spend a lot of money to be there. Yeah. but Watch the damn game. Oh, boy. All right. We're going to go off on a tangent. We better close this thing. I got to get rolling. Yeah. Well, I hope you guys have a great day. The listeners, if you guys got any comments, questions, concerns, bring them up. Let us know what your good habits are, your bad habits are. And we'll see you next time. See you guys. Enjoy the day.
00:59:30
Speaker
Good morning, Jess!