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Episode 8: Are You Well-Equipped For Life?
34 Plays3 months ago
On this episode, the guys discuss what it takes to being a well-equipped man (not below the belt!)
Good Morning, Gents! This is a podcast hosted by four Marine Corps veterans with the goal of uplifting men to be the best version of ourselves. In an age of high rates of suicide and depression, especially in the male population, we are taking a stand. This is a place that will cover all of the challenges and realities that we face in the current world, and how we can break down barriers to betterment for ourselves, our families, and the world.
A tragic suicide of our friend sparked an idea and experiment for us as we rekindled our friendship: A group text where we say "Good Morning" to each other every single day, and continue the conversation about what is going on in our lives, be there for one another, and spread positivity and reassurance. Men bear so much weight of responsibility in society that it is hard for men to have an outlet to express themselves. This has attributed to the vast number of suicides in the male population. We aim to cut those numbers down with this podcast. Between the discussions our hosts will talk about, and the guests we bring onto the show, we invite you to join us on this journey towards self-betterment for all.
Email: Goodmorninggentspd@gmail.com
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Transcript
Introduction and Tyler's Absence
00:00:07
Speaker
Good morning, gents.
00:00:13
Speaker
All right, all right. Good morning, gents. How are we doing this morning? Mac, and Brandon, everybody. What up, brothers? Doing great. Good morning.
00:00:24
Speaker
Yep, yep. Listeners, i I think you noticed I didn't say Tyler or Littlefoot. He's MIA today. he's He's burning the midnight oil. they're ah They got him working a little overtime. So we're going to this episode without him, and he's going to still edit for us.
00:00:41
Speaker
So he's going to be here in spirit.
Recap of Previous Episode and Uneventful Weeks
00:00:43
Speaker
um before we roll into this week's topic i just want to talk about a little bit what we talked about last week and and remind our listeners that episode seven was on happiness so if you're just tuning in for the first time go ahead and uh back up an episode and kind of get a little happiness in your life that was a fun episode that was good it really was it was how was your week mac oh man i don't know i think about it. I don't know. I think it was pretty even keel.
00:01:13
Speaker
I think nothing extraordinary happened. Nothing devastating happened, that's for sure. But it was just kind of a it was an even keel week. Nothing too new, nothing too crazy.
00:01:25
Speaker
Status quo, like kind of in the middle of a rut, like nothing new forming at the moment, and but nothing going in the south end. So I'll take that.
00:01:36
Speaker
Absolutely. Absolutely. It's great, man. Sometimes you have those weeks where they just kind of zoom by, nothing crazy happened, and there's nothing too memorable about it either. And like, it just like, where'd the week go?
00:01:49
Speaker
so yeah but That's not always a bad thing. It it kind of feels like a period of rest when that happens. I'd rather have that than – because I kind of thinking this morning in the gym. It's like, man, I feel like I'm in a rut. But I'd rather be in a rut of status quo than a rut of negativity.
00:02:03
Speaker
Absolutely. Absolutely. like Brando, how was your week?
Weather Talk and Climate Preferences
00:02:09
Speaker
Dude, I can't complain. I mean, it wasn't bad. I can almost say it's same as Mac, dude, been just maintaining homeostasis here in the homes.
00:02:17
Speaker
Yeah. getting a little Getting a little ah little snow up here, but nothing too bad. I'm ready for some warmer weather. It's been negatives way too much.
00:02:28
Speaker
Yeah. How much ice you got on the lakes? When you drill a hole, how much ice you drilling through right now? ah Depends on the depth of the lake, but the one I've got my pop-up out on right now, I'd say there's about 24 inches.
00:02:41
Speaker
I love that. I love that. And a good winter here in Omaha. we'llll We'll hit that 20-inch mark, but... I think this year we we may be maxed out about nine inches worth of ice, which is still fishable, but it it deteriorates way too quickly when you're when it's that thin.
00:02:58
Speaker
oh yeah Oh, man. im I'm jealous. It looks like rolling cities out there, man. you People will be plowing with diesels. and yeah we got our I want to move farther south.
00:03:09
Speaker
Fuck the ice. I'm a beach whore. Oh, you need to get out on some hard water. There's nothing like sitting in hut just just talking and BSing and fishing and eating snacks. can do that on a beach with the ocean and the heat. like I'd go back and have a margarita do that. That's where you're wrong, dude.
00:03:31
Speaker
You got sand on the beach. i can I can get my hut to 85 degrees. I'll let you, you can wear a Speedo in my hut and you would be just fine. Now we're talking. Now we're talking. All right.
00:03:43
Speaker
um I might be okay with, I'm going to bring some Crocs.
00:03:47
Speaker
I got the pads down. I got the pads down on the floor, dude. Your feet won't get wet, too. See? Hell yeah. Now we're talking. Yeah. Hey, ice so ice
What Makes a Man Well-Equipped?
00:03:56
Speaker
fishers don't like being cold, my man. They they they they warm it up.
00:04:01
Speaker
Dude, when I went deer hunting with my dad this year, ah course, like climate change, I go up north, seven, eight hours, and it's fucking like 25 degrees a daily basis.
00:04:14
Speaker
I'm like on that brink of being fucking cold the whole time. He's over there taking layers off. Dude, when my little brother came down from the great white north, he had lost a shitload of weight.
00:04:24
Speaker
He just gave all his stuff to my dad, so it's all rated like negative 30, and he's just chilling out there. like I'm like, what... the hell man how are you warm i got hand warmers in my pockets and he's just chilling like shit i gotta get some of that it's wild i'm gonna upgrade it's wild how quickly you you lose kind of that uh climatization to where to what you're used to speaking of cold we got our first snow in omaha this week uh wednesday i think it was and then again today so uh
00:04:58
Speaker
That's interesting. All my family down south they all got snow before we did here in Omaha. But I'm with you guys. It was another just... It was a good week. Nothing bad or crazy happened.
00:05:09
Speaker
Nothing that was like over the over the moon, like needed to celebrate. It was just one of those good just... It went smooth kind of weeks.
00:05:21
Speaker
All right. So to this week's topic... well-equipped men. And before you guys laugh and chuckle, we're not talking about, you know, what's below the belt here. Yeah, we're not talking about what's below the belt here. We're talking about you know, a man's skill set as a father, a man's skill set as a leader, as a husband, just as a protector, what's what's What's in your toolbox?
00:05:50
Speaker
That's right. that That positive skill set that makes you a good man, right? A proficient man. Because there are some individuals that are just not good at it.
00:06:01
Speaker
So
00:06:04
Speaker
who's got the definition keyed up? whos Who wants to do that this week? i think I think we talked before Brandon found it, but Mac, you got it written down. Yeah, I got it written down. Thank you to Brandon for hitting this up. I didn't have time. I had time this morning. I just forgot to do it. I'll be honest. too yeah I got all three. i got all three kids here, i bro. up My mind is like, what needs to go without burning the house down? All right. Well equipped to be equipped is to be able to supply with the necessary items with a particular purpose.
00:06:37
Speaker
Did I write that down correctly? Yes, that's what I'm looking at for real Google. Nice. All
Emotional Intelligence in Fatherhood
00:06:46
Speaker
right. i think who I think this will be a good topic. I think this is going to lead us onto multiple conversations.
00:06:53
Speaker
Yeah, I think so, too. I think we're going to probably we're going to do some of the things in here a disjustice by not going too far in depth on them today. But I think this is a very good intro to further on topics.
00:07:08
Speaker
um We're going to talk through. the generics today. And I think maybe with some listener feedback and some contributions from um some of the individuals we have listening and reaching out to us, maybe we'll dial in on some topics more specifically and more granular.
00:07:27
Speaker
So I think, Brandon, let's let's let's start it off. well what What do you think it means? I mean, let's let's start in the the fatherhood box first. what it What are some things that we believe is...
00:07:39
Speaker
That defines a well-equipped father. Well-equipped father. Yeah. You know, in my mind, got to, you got to have a lot of facets in life in order. You know, if you have, I mean, we've, we've touched on a few previous episodes, like talking on like habits, good or bad, you know.
00:07:57
Speaker
um Your happiness, things like that. Some of those things got to be in check. But the ways that we can have those in check and be productive fathers and in our own households is being good leaders, um having that mental capacity to kind of disassociate from our own emotions to help take care of a problem in the home.
00:08:17
Speaker
not lead with emotion, but lead with logic, you know, utilize, utilize that headspace for something better than just a hat holder. Um, you know, and sorry, got little bit of a cold.
00:08:31
Speaker
Uh, I also know like having like empathy, a little bit of compassion. we We can, I got a daughter, so, you know, it's not rough and tough like I would be with a son, but, you know, I got to have play, play tea party when they're young, you know, teach them how to teach them what,
00:08:46
Speaker
they would want in a man when they grow older show them love tell them they're beautiful you know let your let you be i'm trying to figure the words here i don't know if you guys got an idea but and show them that uh you can be sensitive it's it's wide range man wide range yeah i think i think we i like i said and kind of mac leaned in on here we're I think we're going to do kind of a disservice on some of these, some of these topics, but I do think this is a good entry post because you, you're, you're spot on. It's, it's, it is a wide range of things you need to be equipped as a father. And it varies from having a son and a daughter, you know, Mac, Mac, you've, you've got one of each at least. Right.
00:09:31
Speaker
So like you, you can, you can speak to the the variety that that takes better than probably Brandon and I, you know, I've got two daughters and Brandon, one daughter, But, you know, I didn't have to teach a kid to stand up and pee.
00:09:43
Speaker
So, like I don't know what that's like. You know what I mean? I don't know what those those struggles are. But I think for me, one one big piece of being equipped as a father is definitely that. um That empathy, um I think to be empathy is is huge.
00:10:02
Speaker
um As adults, we've we've built walls, we've built shelter mechanisms, we've built coping mechanisms that we deal with struggle and adversity um through age and through experience. That's something a child doesn't have. so So it's very easy to kind of get short and be like, oh, just suck it up.
00:10:20
Speaker
Hey, move on. Hey, you know, we... It doesn't matter that your cartoon ended. It's life. Right. um But understanding like that their perspective is so much younger than ours is is one place that empathy plays in. And then the other thing, another big equipment point for me for being a father is patience.
00:10:43
Speaker
I think that's one that a lot of people struggle with. I think that's one that our community being military struggles with the most as parents is patience. Our young adult lives and our first experience in professional world and you know actual job outside of high school is being the military
Mac's Insights on Fatherhood
00:11:04
Speaker
patience.
00:11:06
Speaker
Being the Marine Corps, we expect things done immediately. When I say it, how I say it, right? That struggle as a parent for me has been huge. So like learning to be a patient person um has been my greatest challenge and one of the tools that I've worked on the most to be more equipped as a father.
00:11:26
Speaker
You know, you say fatherhood too. And I know not all of us are still married and having a marriage too, but being a married father, you know, I still got to have that, that romance and that, that comedy and that pizzazz to keep my, my, my relationship and marriage afloat too. Cause you get, you hit stale and stagnant ruts sometimes with that as well.
00:11:48
Speaker
And also setting the example for our children as fathers, you know, and showing them that we can, we can put ourselves aside to, to take care of the needs at hand of all the others in the household. Absolutely. Mack, what you got, you got the most kids on here.
00:12:00
Speaker
but you got I do. Man, I'm going be honest. this this This topic is hard for me because when we talk about well-equipped, right? Like I've faced a lot of failures um in marriage. I've faced a lot of failures in relationship. I've faced a lot of failures as a father.
00:12:17
Speaker
And I'm one of those. I'm an overthinker. I think we've we've gone through that before. i've I've said that. I own that. I know that. I'm aware of that. And so when we we come upon a topic like what's it take to be a well-equipped, successful father? For me, it's hard to.
00:12:31
Speaker
to get into that and think, all right, what do I do good? man it's It's that, what do I do bad? a And that's where my brain automatically goes. I'm sure that I'm not the only one out there that goes like that.
00:12:42
Speaker
Where have I failed? What have I done wrong? How am I well-equipped? Am I well-equipped? You start questioning yourself, right? am i am i Can i provide all these things? And I think the key to that is you may not be able to provide all of it on one day.
00:12:58
Speaker
and that's okay yeah're you're you're not able to be the best version of that person every day but what you have to do is remind yourself that it's one day it's two days you can come back from you you have to constantly be aware of where your faults are because if you're aware of them you're gonna subconsciously just work through them and i think that's a big part of being a well-equipped father is knowing that you're not every day gonna be the best dad you can be you can try but if you're a dad and you're a good dad um and i'm not saying every man's the good dad i'm gonna be honest with you i will be blunt with you i have met men who have used divorce as an excuse to not be dads i get my kids every other weekend go fuck you
00:13:48
Speaker
um I have a huge issue with men that don't want their kids at least 50 50 and aren't willing to fucking fight for it. Um, I don't have my kids right now square 50 50, but it's a fight I'm willing to have. And I'm trying to have, um,
00:14:05
Speaker
I think as a father, you shouldn't use a divorce as a chance to run away from them. And if that's what you're doing, then this isn't the show for you. going to be honest because I don't fucking care. You should be fighting for your kids.
00:14:17
Speaker
as well as crack I think that's the first thing um as a well-equipped dad is that is to provide and to protect. um you need to be able to provide a life for your children you need to fight and struggle and push for being able to provide a life your children will remember when they're 30 40 50 years old and they're still able to talk about things they did as a kid and vacations they took or experiences they had or things they did with their dad, learning how to change a tire, learning how to change the oil, dad teaching me how to mow a yard.
00:14:55
Speaker
These are things that as a dad, you need to be able to do and show your kids. You guys have already hit on the empathy, the emotional side of it. So I'm not gonna deep dive into that.
00:15:06
Speaker
um I can tell you not what to do, how not to handle a bad relationship in front of your kids. um Those are regrets that you have to live with. when you when you and your partner that you've had the children with do not handle that scenario as well as you should have. um Emotions get involved.
00:15:26
Speaker
Things get involved and sometimes you expose your kids to things they shouldn't have been exposed to. But again, you can't sit on that. That's the past. You can't change the past. So well-equipped dad has to educate himself. He has to be able to know how to grow as a dad and accept his failures and say, I'm not doing that again.
00:15:43
Speaker
I've done it. They've been exposed to it. How do I help them through it? What do I need to expose them to now? what do I need to provide for them now to, and that could be as easy as like, I need to take my kids to therapy because i can't do that.
00:15:58
Speaker
I don't have the skillset to do it. And I understand my weakness there. Maybe you need to reach out and get your kids into some kind of therapy if they have been exposed to anything like that. But that's the protective side too, right?
00:16:11
Speaker
Now you you're protecting your child emotionally and you are recognizing Future problems for them. You're anticipating their next steps. You've been there. You've done it Your job is to make their life better now and in the long run and as a dad I think You are trying to make your life better and provide for yourself But it's not about you anymore and all good dads I think recognize that and all our paths look different all our parenting looks different but every good dad I know
00:16:46
Speaker
looks is not only looking out for themselves and their partner but is what is the 20 year 30 year whatever example i'm setting now or providing now for my kids then what is happening right now that is going to make their life so much better down the road and i think that is as a well-equipped that is that is something that we all deal with and we're all equipped with It is the ones that ignore that.
00:17:14
Speaker
And you're what is here now for me. And yeah, sorry, you're not a well-equipped dad. You are selfish. um And I think to be a good dad, you don't always have to get it right, like I said.
00:17:27
Speaker
And you're you're allowed to fumble the ball, but you got to fight to pick it back up. And you you naturally will be a good father if that is your goal.
00:17:38
Speaker
If your goal is to provide and protect yourself, in all aspects, that the emotional side, the physical security.
Continuous Growth as a Father
00:17:46
Speaker
Man, I'm telling you what, when I'm out in a busy area with my kids, I mean, I get the comments like, hey man, you look like an asshole.
00:17:54
Speaker
Yeah, and I might be having the time of my life. But my alertness is at top tier because I got three other souls right now that are innocent and I need to keep their innocence.
00:18:06
Speaker
And they don't need to be thinking about the guy that's looking at them, trying to pick them up as they walk down the street. They don't need to be thinking, Hey, we're in a crowd of 2000 people. What happens if somebody fucking decides to yell, whatever they want to yell and pull a gun or drive a fucking car through a crowd?
00:18:23
Speaker
It's something we've seen a lot of. Physical presence is one of those things that I think is a is something you need to be equipped with. You need to be thinking about those and you need to be able to protect your kids in those scenarios.
00:18:37
Speaker
And if you're not... if Let's be honest, if you can't pick up two of your children and sprint 200 meters, you're probably not physically equipped enough to do what you need to do to protect them. And that's that's that is me. That's my opinion. So if you don't like it, I'm sorry.
00:18:55
Speaker
um Take it for what it's worth. But that's to me, that's being well equipped on top of the things you guys have already discussed. Yeah, no, I think you're right on the um ah physical protection. i just, don't want to off-put some listeners here, but not everybody's not everybody's physical protection looks the same, right? No, it does not.
00:19:17
Speaker
You're going to have alpha personalities that will move towards the threat. You'll have other personalities that get their family off the X. I will say that... um your personality fits whatever your physical protection is. And you have to understand what that means. if If you are the person that doesn't stand up for a fight, a physical fight, right? Like that's okay. There's nothing wrong with that. There is absolutely nothing wrong with that.
00:19:48
Speaker
But understanding that your job is to remove your kids from ah situation that is dangerous to them, then that's your role. For sure. as As a protector, right? So that's, yeah, I don't wanna, Mac is 100% correct here. and And that is a equipping feature of being a father is being able to protect your children.
00:20:10
Speaker
um But I don't want everybody to take that protection means, you know, you're in the gym 14 days out of the week. You guys see what I did there 14 days out of the week. Right.
00:20:24
Speaker
And just so you can physically fight somebody. Right. Protection isn't always that face to face interaction. Um, A lot of times protection is getting away from the situation. So I just want you need to be comfortable with your role.
00:20:41
Speaker
Yeah, I think you're sure you define what what your methodology is and and you be good at that. that That's right. Yeah, that's exactly right. What what are you comfortable with? Because that's how you're going to protect them the best.
00:20:56
Speaker
That's how you're going. Whatever you're naturally equipped with. Take that. and perfect that. Don't try to be something else because if it's not natural to you, it ain't gonna work the way it needs to work in the moments that it needs to work.
00:21:12
Speaker
So you'll learn failure at the wrong time. yeah Exactly. So if, you if, dude, if you're not somebody that's into altercations, okay, that's fine.
00:21:23
Speaker
Don't get in that altercations. Just grab your kids and run, get the fucking other way. um Emotionally, man, if you're not able to emotionally connect with your kids, because not all of us are, dude.
00:21:35
Speaker
um All three of us sitting here are probably at three different levels of being able to emotionally connect with our kids. ah And that's just the truth. it There's and so much other on your shoulders.
00:21:46
Speaker
It varies. It varies. It varies. kiy yeah it's got I've got two kids with opposite personalities. so yeah Yeah, all three of mine are different. And you may be able to connect with one, two kids.
00:21:58
Speaker
And you there's another one that you just can't like, whatever it is your guys' personalities are, you're not able to get there. And that's okay. You're trying. But also be able to find what how else. Maybe their mother is or their other father. I don't care what way you swing.
00:22:16
Speaker
The other partner that is involved in that kid's life. Maybe they are the ones that can help you connect. um Maybe professionally, maybe that's where you need to go. Maybe a grandparent, um as long as you're trying.
00:22:31
Speaker
I think that's the, in trying in a way that is natural fit, because if you're faking it, your kids are going to see it and you can't fake it. Now, even now, and I'm, I'm not trying to make it all about fatherhood here too, because this where we're talking about being a well-equipped man.
00:22:47
Speaker
you know Even for you guys that are just dating, you know your girlfriend, your significant other, boyfriend, whatever. um you know this this This level of protection goes goes to that as well. you know this that's That's where you learn to enforce this throughout your entire family. How are you going to react to the situation? So don't take it just as...
00:23:08
Speaker
It has to be with your children. and Learn it at that stage. Learn it it at that step with your little brother, your siblings. your Yeah, dude. Before we get too deep on protection, we're going to move on. We can split that off in another topic. That's another episode. We already kind of talked about this. There's going to be a lot of topics in here that we could probably do long episodes on. So I'm going to keep this moving along.
00:23:35
Speaker
Good catch. Good catch.
Being an Equipped Partner in Relationships
00:23:36
Speaker
Let's let's take the children out of the mix here and let's let's talk about what it means to be an equipped partner, a male partner. Right. We kind of led into that. i mean, we did a pretty good job there with protection. But what what else does it take to be a partner in a relationship as a man?
00:23:54
Speaker
in vulnerability and solidarity there you go vulnerability oh i suck at it i like that's why i know it's something you need because i'm fucking terrible at it um and it has ruined two relationships um that's not the only thing that ruins those relationships but it has a big play in it um I can't speak for the other parties of that relationship, but I can speak for my end and what I did wrong and not being as vulnerable as I needed to as a good partner is some major failure on my part where those relationships went.
00:24:31
Speaker
One was better than the other. ah had grown a little bit in one. but um but it was still an issue with with me. So it is something I've tremendously worked on.
00:24:44
Speaker
um Shit doing this show works on it because this isn't something that I would have, na this isn't something naturally I do. um So this me being on the show is me working on that vulnerability side of it and being able to have those hard open discussions without being afraid of what I say, how somebody reacts to it.
00:25:05
Speaker
um just saying what I need to say, saying what needs to be emotionally let out of my whatever cabinet I've locked it into. So from not being a super vulnerable person in relationships and watching how destructive that can be to a good relationship, um I can tell you that it's something that you need to get comfortable with with if you want to have successful long-term relationships.
00:25:35
Speaker
If you're not, dude, I don't care how good a relationship is. I don't care how good the sex is. If you can't connect with somebody on an emotional, vulnerable side, it ain't going to last. And that sucks because you're going to lose good women or a good men, whatever you go to.
00:25:50
Speaker
Vulnerability is a big one. I definitely, that's, that's a place that I've struggled in the past and I've worked on quite a bit. um Especially from the place of being vulnerable and asking for things or and asking for help.
00:26:02
Speaker
Um, we as men try and take on the burdens and we you know we try and shoulder the the weight as a man being able to humble yourself and be vulnerable and ask your partner hey i need some help i'm i'm drowning here i'm floundering um that's that's that's a big tool to put in your toolbox that will do so much For sure. And I think vulnerability can also kind of coincide with empathy, too, because once you can see how that other person's emotions or or reactions to you, that that empathy you have towards your partner or your significant other would will definitely help that vulnerability because you're going to be able to put yourself on how they're feeling and how you're projecting at them. Like, OK, they're closed off because I'm closed off.
00:26:50
Speaker
Where's the where's the issue lie? What about communication? I think communication is a huge one in in a relationship, um being able to communicate. Right. It compounds off of vulnerability. But I mean, communicate your feelings, communicate the stress in your life, communicate your grievances.
00:27:07
Speaker
That's that's a big one that I struggled with. That's a big one that, you know, kind of. is part of my story, um, is didn't communicate grievances, allowed resentment to build up. Right. And things broke. Yes.
00:27:20
Speaker
Um, so I mean, communication is a massive, a massive part and it's not just sitting down for dinner and talking about your day. Communication is so much more profound than that.
00:27:31
Speaker
It is, it is talking about your feelings, not being afraid. ah So many times I've seen men are willing to have difficult conversations in the workplace. They're willing to have a difficult conversation with the person that cut them off for a parking spot at Walmart.
00:27:48
Speaker
Right. You're willing to go and meet that guy in the parking spot and call him an idiot. But you're not willing to tell your spouse when they've wronged you or oh felt wrong by them.
00:27:59
Speaker
Right. yeah We just sit idly back in our relationships and we don't communicate that we are chickens when it comes to communication in a relationship. The fear wins. The fear wins. The fear of maybe making your partner uncomfortable or having that moment where it's like, if I really express how I feel, what is the outcome? And then you do that.
00:28:25
Speaker
Is it worth the argument? Is it worth the heartbreak? Is this going to to... split when the truth is if that's a healthy good relationship it's not going to cause you to split you might get angry at each other for a little bit and you might go so like it might go silent for a little bit and you're going to to deal with that but the truth is and i've learned this the hard way so like this isn't me talking out of success ah um because i again with that vulnerability terrible at communication and i ruined
00:28:57
Speaker
a very long-term relationship and I ruined a short-term good relationship, very good relationship because communication wasn't there it wasn't anything else i was doing um and i've been told this what it was is my fear of not expressing how i was feeling or what made me uncomfortable or whatever and just going you know what i can accept it i wasn't being me i wasn't being true to myself and that's not the other your partner if they really love you and they really want to be with you want you to be true to yourself they can accept
00:29:32
Speaker
what you have to say and if you don't say it out of fear of that argument or fear of being maybe put down by your partner like it shouldn't be cut it'll be an argument but it's not an argument out of hate it's an argument and out of out of understanding you guys aren't communicating the same way and you might be saying the same things which is really aggravating you might be but you two are you're not talking the same way you're you're you're talking about the same thing but you're speaking two different languages and and that gets frustrating and i think as men we go man it ain't even worth it like
00:30:15
Speaker
I'm just gonna tell her, yes, I'm gonna try to understand it and get it right. and And guess what? We don't get it right. We don't fucking get it right because we don't express our end or we express it out of anger because we haven't communicated well.
00:30:28
Speaker
And now we haven't communicated well. So now we're frustrated. We have all this resentment built up and it just fucking comes off wrong. And then we destroy it, man. Like we do it. And i mean we can't speak from a woman's side, right? Women probably do things that self-sabotage relationships as well.
00:30:45
Speaker
And maybe communication is one of but the majority of men. Our biggest issue with relationships is we fucking suck at communication. But yet we can sit in the garage after five beers and have the hardest conversation in the fucking world with each other.
00:31:02
Speaker
yeah And we'll go aside and your significant other will be like, hey, what'd you and the boys talk about? What's the answer? What is always the answer? Not much. Just bullshit. Just bullshit. Yes.
00:31:13
Speaker
Every time you may have just fucking been on the edge of tears and your ass goes in your significant other. She or he wants to know what that conversation was because they know at some point you were brutally honest out there and they just want to feel a part of it. They just want to be a part of it.
00:31:31
Speaker
You know, I think feel like going to lose like a sense of control when we open up that door. Like we're going to lose your manhood. You know, and I think 38 Special said it perfectly, you know, hold on loosely.
00:31:46
Speaker
You know, if you if you just let that wall down, be vulnerable with that person, you know, I think you'll you won't lose control. You realize on the other end. Yeah. and like we said last week man if you're gonna do that it is up to your partner to to realize what you're doing and not have that fee like they have to accept it and bring it in because if they shut us down or use it against us we will never go if you shut us down, if you don't provide that safety, if you take what I just told you and you tell somebody else, whatever, or if you use it against me in an argument, you will never get that back from me again because that it is no longer safe to be open with you or vulnerable with you. Yep.
00:32:37
Speaker
Another one, another one that I've added to my toolbox in more recent history, um, and has really helped in, in our marriage is validating the ability to validate your partner's feelings, um, without trying to fix them.
00:32:57
Speaker
Validation is, um, you know, Brandon, Brandon tells me he's sad because I didn't compliment his hair. Right. And I tell him, you know what I see? I see.
00:33:08
Speaker
I understand you're sad. I didn't compliment your hair. It's glorious. Um, But I didn't mean anything by it. You were wearing a hat. You know what I mean? i like it it's It's one of those things that we overlook as men because we are, again, men don't get insulted, but we are surface deep, dude.
00:33:27
Speaker
We are surface deep. Our emotions aren't so aren't deeply tied to the way we think. We think on a logical sense. We're not we're not emotional thinkers. So... validation for us is a struggle. We apply logic and instantly jump to a fix versus just sitting and listening and validating feelings.
00:33:48
Speaker
So I think as ah as a spouse, as ah as a partner, if you can equip yourself to be able to validate early on in a relationship, you will set yourself up for success.
00:34:01
Speaker
Do you think we remain surface level and most of our validation and most of our communication, because if we are out of fear of open vulnerability, open communication, that once your partner really gets into the depths of who you are, because men are emotional creatures, we are emotional creatures, we have a lot of shit.
00:34:30
Speaker
in our hearts and our brains going on is there fear that if they got in there they would leave do we fear that if they really knew where we were at which isn't true right if they truly love you and they truly want to stick around once they get into that they will if they leave, they leave, like let them walk because they don't care for you.
00:34:52
Speaker
But do you think we do that? Because yet we recognize that we have a good thing going and we have a fear of losing that. If we really let them see the deep emotional side of us.
00:35:05
Speaker
I think that's a, I think that's the simplified reason, right? Like, we We fear losing them, but I think we fear losing them because we think they will think that we're less of a man.
00:35:18
Speaker
We're not as alpha as what we self-project. We're not as manly as we self-project, right? we We're not... who they should have as a husband, right? We put all these self-deprecating thoughts in our head about if we become vulnerable, that they will think a certain way about us at this point.
00:35:41
Speaker
And then ultimately they'll think of that certain way of thinking about us will lead to them looking for somebody who isn't like us. Right. So I think to simplify it, sure. Yeah. It's, it's, it's the fear of losing them, but it's more so it's We put onto ourselves who we think we should be as a man.
00:36:04
Speaker
And by releasing those feelings to your spouse, you think that they're going to think less of you. I'm not going to really, really caveat off of that, but I think you guys did a very good job at explaining it I'm going to keep it moving just a
Qualities of a Teachable and Resilient Man
00:36:18
Speaker
little bit here.
00:36:18
Speaker
There we go. can get deep diving in that another episode. Something that I wrote down. i've been I've just been kind of making a list of like what pops into my head right now as we're doing this. I have nothing wrote down, by the way, so it's blank paper. Just get nank.
00:36:33
Speaker
One thing I think a man should be is teachable. Absolutely. That's a good pivot. Education. i like it. Let's let's pivot away from fatherhood and a relationship. Let's just look at the man as the man.
00:36:47
Speaker
Right. The man is the man. And I think you're right. ah To be teachable is such a great skill. um There's so many times you walk into whatever it is and there's a person that knows it all.
00:37:02
Speaker
And then somebody comes out from the back row and shows them how to do it better. And it destroys their identity in that moment, right? If it's like a mechanic or a welder or a carpenter or you know tattoo artist, guitarist, it doesn't matter.
00:37:19
Speaker
Somebody who thinks they they are that person. And then you have somebody else that steps up and does it better or in a more proficient manner. It destroys their identity.
00:37:31
Speaker
Now, a teachable man, a teachable man says, hey, how'd you do that? A teachable man understands what just happened and adapts and becomes like that other person.
00:37:45
Speaker
Right. um So that's a very good one. I think beyond teachable is desire for self-care.
00:37:57
Speaker
that's it's ah That's a widespread one there. You know, for Mac, it's fitness. It's... ah clean hygiene. It's self-care. I think as, as a man, like, right, like you have to put into yourself.
00:38:11
Speaker
Because if you don't care about the body that you have, and I'm not saying obesity or skinny, I'm just, or skinny. I'm saying if you don't care about the body and your clothes, um it it shows a lack of drive and a lack of like ability to step up. I think we've talked about this in a few past episodes.
00:38:30
Speaker
um But like you have to, appreciate what you have and put into it it it is it is not you know compounding interest savings account like it takes work and you've got to invest so i think uh self-care is a big one another one you said too right there was drive you gotta have drive in life man like if we don't have drive we've lost yeah i think back to education man i think you need to recognize you don't know it all and you never will. And you're, if you're the, what's the quote, if you're the smartest man in the room, you're in the wrong room.
00:39:06
Speaker
You need to take interest in those people that are smarter than you surround your people with that are intelligent. And I, I'm around people 24 seven, maybe not 24 seven, but I'm around people 40 hours a week at minimum that are way smarter than I am.
00:39:22
Speaker
And dude, I can sit in a room and I am the least educated and It's let me hear it. Like, what do you got? What was your opinion? What's your knowledge? What are you reading?
00:39:33
Speaker
um If somebody sends me an article and they're like this, is really interesting. You should read it. Most likely I'm going read it. um because they're smarter than me. And I recognize they're smarter than Most people are smarter than me. um And I'm okay with that.
00:39:45
Speaker
I am completely okay with being in a state, constant state of learning. um Dude, it's simple as this. been working out for a long time. have found a lot of ways to make fitness work for me. I know a fucking lot about fitness and your body and your health.
00:40:04
Speaker
And guess what? When I'm at the gym or, Or I meet somebody that knows more about natural ingredients. Like, dude, I didn't know the power of ginger until last year. Holy shit. Like things i that other people know that I don't know. I never really looked into the power of having ginger in your everyday or something with your guts because I had terrible gut health or different...
00:40:28
Speaker
workout exercises or different benefits of different types of exercises. Dude, none of it, like I am always open to learn what I'm passionate about and then what I'm not passionate about. um It's you got to be able to listen to people and hear what they're telling you because you'll pick something up daily.
00:40:49
Speaker
And if you're not, if you if you have the confidence that your way is the best way and you're the smartest, you're not going to grow as a dad. You're not going to grow as a partner and you're not going to grow as a human.
00:41:01
Speaker
um Always be willing. to learn something and my daughter's in the room giggling right now i was gonna say i was gonna say ah with you guys like when you said that about fitness mac it's and and you too johnson freaking you guys helped me out so much if i wasn't teachable when we started working out i would have been hurt i probably would never even went to the gym And then I got a good friend of mine now. He's more knowledgeable that I do go to the gym with than I am.
00:41:34
Speaker
But without you guys actually teaching me right the first time and me actually listening to you guys, I will i would have never been where I'm at today with working out or even then when we were working out.
00:41:47
Speaker
So thanks for that, guys. it's Just a little add-up voice for you. I think going to toss out a couple things here. Yeah. and Everybody jump in on what what you want to jump in.
00:42:01
Speaker
I think there's a few characteristics of of being a man that are very important. The ability to problem solve. You've got a leaky pipe in the house. Either you figure out how to fix it or you you figure out how to call a plumber.
00:42:13
Speaker
Right. That's a problem solve. Just letting it leak. That's not that's not a that's not it. that's That's not about being a man. Right. Like that's not a ah manly quality. um Resilience.
00:42:24
Speaker
How well do you bounce bounce back from a blow? how How well do you. I didn't get that promotion. Do you let that just sour the next six months to a year? Or do you say back to the grindstone, I'll get the next one?
00:42:38
Speaker
Discipline, right? Discipline's huge in the household. We as men and leaders of the household, we have to know that you know garbage goes out on Tuesday. I can't sit here and watch this Monday night football game all night.
00:42:51
Speaker
but and and Negate the getting the garbage out to the road. Right. So discipline vision with a man. i mean, that goes back to drive like being able to and Mac, you touched on an earlier, being able to look five, 10, 15, 20 years out and having the vision of what you want for your household, for yourself, for your spouse, for your kids.
00:43:16
Speaker
They may not like what you have to do now to get there. You might have to make the hard decision now and go, everybody's going to hate me for the next six months. Everybody's going to question me for the next 12 months.
00:43:29
Speaker
But you've got to have that vision to go, When I get there, not if I get there, if is, that's like saying, if this works out, you're already giving up. If you're saying, if this works out, you're already throwing a foot.
00:43:41
Speaker
Like you're already climbing out. Like you're already giving yourself enough. If, if I hate fucking if, if you say if like, fuck that you've already given up. So if you're going to have vision, it's when I get there in five years, when I am where I want to be,
00:43:58
Speaker
My family will then thank me. My family will then go, okay, but they may hate me right now, but you got to burden that because you got to carry the vision and they got to trust that, you know, they may hate you, but they probably trust that you you know what you're doing.
00:44:14
Speaker
Sorry. I went on off a side. No, no, no, no. but no no yeah I tossed that out there for everybody to kind of jump on different pieces. I mean, What are some other, give me some more one line zingers here. Like what what else we got?
00:44:29
Speaker
ah You just got to be decisive, man. I think decisiveness is a big one as ah as as a leader of a household. um I think if it's not a word you should fucking have, it's I'm going to treat this as it's going to work.
00:44:44
Speaker
And then guess what? It's probably going to work. I'm not going to lie with you. Sometimes I do struggle with just sticking to the decision at hand. like And I don't know where that comes from in me. It'll be like, oh, I see this way or I see that way or I'll do this way or I'll see that.
00:44:59
Speaker
It's like if i if another option enters my field of vision, going to look at it. And then it's like I forget about the main path to going forward sometimes. It's a struggle. Absolutely. no nope like I'm not going lie about it.
00:45:11
Speaker
but Keeping... There you go. like Integrity, Brandon. Keeping your word, too. If you're like, hey, I can do do that. I can do that. and It is not like something that you can immediately do in the next couple days. and It has to be something that is prolonged over a long period of time.
00:45:29
Speaker
Being able to hold true to that becomes so fucking difficult dude like i'm i i'm very i'm bad at it if i'm like hey i can work on this over the next six months or i can i i'm telling you i can put effort and work yeah i will and i can But there are times where I fall so fucking short and it is not, and it's a fault of my own, right? Like if it comes out of my mouth and I say, I can do it, I should be able to do it. I should stick to it.
00:45:56
Speaker
But I'm someone who has easily in the past let other factors of life influence life. me staying on that path, uh, three kids and being on my own when I have them, like, it's really easy to step off the fucking tracks and be like, let me take care of the forest fire. That's right here.
00:46:19
Speaker
Get that out and then go, I'm exhausted and not get back on the tracks. not get back on that path of where you said you were going to go because you're tired now and you sit down and you're like, all right, I'm comfortable.
00:46:32
Speaker
Comfort kills. And I am, i am vulnerable to sitting in the comfort. And i know that about myself. And again, knowing your weaknesses helps you prevent from giving into them.
00:46:47
Speaker
It's funny that you said stick into your word because my buddy always quotes Scarface. It's like a man only has two things in this life, his balls and his word, and I don't break them for nobody. Yeah, yeah. Absolutely. And I think all of us try our very best to keep our word. I think i think it is something we all try to do.
00:47:05
Speaker
And they're there are just times where it you've come up short. And it's okay to come up short. Like, don't don't beat yourself up if you come up short. Just recognize, okay, why did I come up short that time? Why did I not not do that?
00:47:20
Speaker
Recognize the issue. Take the lickings. and just learn next time I say I can do that, like before I agree to something, how how how realistic or hey, I would love to work on that, but I got XYZ rest the alphabet going on.
00:47:39
Speaker
I can't promise right now I can get to that. I can't make those changes. I can't do that right now. If some stuff clears up and I have some capacity to get there, I will get there.
Mansplaining and Mutual Growth in Relationships
00:47:52
Speaker
but and You got to be true before you can give your word to someone else. You got to be true to yourself. And that's where Caleb said our our resiliency would come into place right there. Yes.
00:48:03
Speaker
Yep. A hundred percent. I feel like we've said a lot. yeah we've we've We've mansplained being a man. but Oh, absolutely. You know what? Somebody told me the other day what man said the word mansplaining. I'm like, I don't even know what you're talking about.
00:48:21
Speaker
I'm like, I'm just speaking. it's I feel like I get woman splained then all the time. I feel like when women talk to me, I'm like, especially at work. I'm like, I'm not an idiot. You don't have to break it down so much for me. So it goes both fucking ways. So the whole bullshit with people like stop mansplaining, stop woman splaining to me.
00:48:42
Speaker
you know i did A lot of these a lot of these these characteristics or traits or equipped traits that we've talked about today, or they go both ways. Women should also be teachable. you got to be They're more empathetic than we are. some things And that's why we complete each other. you know like That's why it's a partnership.
00:49:01
Speaker
That's why it's a teammate. It's not a ah coexistence or cohabitation person. it's You guys complete each other. but yeah and i mean But I won't ever speak of a woman. I won't i won't speak for the other side in anything. because oh no. I have no idea. have zero. ah I can't make the miracle of building a human inside of me, so I don't have any fucking right to pretend I have any idea what is happening in woman's
00:49:33
Speaker
Brain or how it operates or how their emotions tie to anything because you know what? I've never experienced it and selfishly I'm happy. I haven't I like being a man. I thoroughly enjoy being a man I don't want to be anything fucking else God made me this way and this is who I am pleased to be well You kind of leaned in there and I'll toss my my one piece of faith-based Per episode in here It's biblical to be ah a shepherd of the family, and that is a man's role.
Biblical Perspective on Manhood
00:50:05
Speaker
It's discipleship of your your your wife. It's discipleship of your of your of your children. um There is a lot of things in the Bible that defines the man's role within the relationship and the household.
00:50:20
Speaker
um No, I had a verse pulled up right now. like Yeah. i yeah just but So I just finished reading the book called Family Shepherds, and it's it's it's very, very good. So if if you if you are a person of faith, I highly recommend it as it it speaks to and being being that male leader yeah from a faith-based perspective.
00:50:45
Speaker
um it It too, like this episode is a bit topical, um but it gives you a ton of points and a ton of places to dig in. So, all right.
00:50:56
Speaker
All right. QC? Not yet. Not QC yet. So today we talked about an and what we think it means to be a man. um And we touched a ton of topics, a ton of topics.
00:51:14
Speaker
So you've got a lot of deep dives on other episodes now. Absolutely. And that's where, that's where I'm kind of leaning to right now is we need you guys as listeners to contribute off of this episode.
00:51:29
Speaker
yeah I'm going to say an email, but we're also going to post it in the description of this episode. Email us specific topics you want us to dig in on as men, as average people,
00:51:42
Speaker
Normal men. We are not doctors. We are not professionals. We are. This is a peer review. We are amongst everyday people.
Community Engagement and Listener Feedback
00:51:52
Speaker
So if you've got something you're struggling with or you've heard of maybe lightly talk on something and you say and you want to know our opinion on it.
00:52:01
Speaker
email it to us. So the email just helps you talk through it. Like if you're driving in the car and you're having the conversation, like talking through shit, just help sit us. We'll talk about it. And fucking you can talk along with us in your car. Let's do it.
00:52:16
Speaker
yeah I got to tell you guys that my buddy was doing that. He told me, he's like, dude, I talked to you guys. like He was talking to me while we were talking in the background. He's like, dude, I'm listening to you guys. I'm hearing you. And and he's like going off on his tangents. i'm like I'm like, dude, it's helping. It's doing what we want it to do. This is why we're all taking this open stance on this and this mental health fucking stand, finally.
00:52:41
Speaker
This is why we're doing it. No, you're good. yeah we this oh lost Fuck you, Caleb. This is all good stuff. So you guys have heard it. I'm so happy it's working. You guys have heard it. There's other men doing this. There's other men listening. There's women getting insights into our our our brains.
00:52:59
Speaker
So if you have a topic or you want us to expand upon something that was in a previous episode, again, the email address is going to be in the bio, but I'm going read it off to you. It's goodmorninggentspd.com.
00:53:12
Speaker
podcast pd at gmail so good morning gents pd at gmail all right quirky closeout time quirky closeout time hit me with it hit me with it what do you got i'm actually ill prepared i didn't have a good one this week So yeah we're we're we're we're we're going back to we're going to keep it along the men line.
Light-Hearted Underwear Discussion
00:53:45
Speaker
All right. We're going to keep it along the men line. What kind of underwear do we wear? Boxers, briefs, whitey tighty style cuts. What what is it? i'm hi I'm a briefs guy.
00:54:02
Speaker
Got to go briefs, dog. I don't wear and or own underwear. Boom. There it is. i would say I would be right there with you, but you know how uncomfortable it is to wear it in the belt holster and not have anything to protect the skin. Like I appendix carry.
00:54:21
Speaker
I got have some fabric in between and And pride and joy. Yeah, i'm um'm I'm with Mac on that as I appendix carry. And some days i wear a T-shirt under a shirt so that I can have even extra layers in there because yeah it starts rubbing raw.
00:54:39
Speaker
Yeah, and so, like, i' I'm i'm with i'm with slamming over that, dude. I would go free ball all day. It's my favorite way to sleep. It's my favorite way to sleep.
00:54:49
Speaker
i don't even wear clothes when I sleep, please. And I have just found the power of joggers. Thank you. Yeah, dude. Oh, my. like I was about to. If I got sweatpants or athletic pants on, I ain't got no shorts on underneath. I am telling you, it is free game.
00:55:05
Speaker
But with jeans or any type of like fucking jeans style pants, if I've got my gun on, I've got boxer or I've got briefs on. All right. To my listeners, I will do better next week with a quirky closeout. I was really excited about this topic, and I kind of did more more deep dive note-taking this week than I've done in the past. Hell yeah. I neglected the quirky, but I promise to not let that happen again.
00:55:31
Speaker
Mac, any big things happening this week? Fuck, I don't know. Find out Tuesday when I go back to work. Brandon? ah Nothing too big for me, no. Good.
00:55:43
Speaker
All right. Same here. You guys have a wonderful week. Love y'all. i Love y'all. Later. i Love you guys.