Transcript
Speaker: Good morning, gents. Good morning, good morning, good morning. this morning This is Caleb, finally back after a little hiatus due to a change in job.
Speaker: It's been 84 years.
Speaker: How is everybody gotten gray hairs.
Speaker: Oh man, i see has everybody seen Grandma's Boy? Of course. It's been a long time. Old Greybush. Oh
Speaker: oh man. So Tyler and Brandon held it down consistently for the last couple weeks. Me and Mac have played the game of tag and missed out on a couple weeks.
Speaker: Tyler, Brandon. Amazing job on last week's episode. dude What a great episode. What what a purpose-driven episode. I've heard nothing but great paye praise back for So thank you guys for representing the podcast in that manner and hosting guests.
Speaker: a Just an absolutely great episode. I can't take any of the credit there. That was all them. there was absolutely family absolutely sharing their stories yeah all right so how was everybody's week top tyler you're you're you're down and out i'm i'm hurting and i am poison ivy you are ass kicked matt how's the marathon training going don't it like i was in shape starting this shit and then i they there are days where i'm like this this
Speaker: we're We're pushing limits here. Like I'm trying to hold, my issue is I won't commit straight to the running. like I'm still trying to push the heavy weight because I'm such a fucking little person that if I commit to the running, like I'm going to shrink even more than I naturally sit. and Hold on, Mac. I got a question. Go for it.
Speaker: You're training for the Marine Corps Marathon, right? Yeah. So what do you mean that you're not really committing to the running? Isn't that the whole thing? The whole problem. Most people commit to... like The guys that want to run a marathon, my goal...
Speaker: It's going to be a pretty quick marathon, relatively speaking, right? But most people that do that, they don't want to carry any extra weight. So they give up, like, the heavy lifting. And they go down to, like, three lifts a week. And it's like they try to hit so many body parts at once.
Speaker: Dude, if I do that, I'll be in the 150s. Like, I will be small. And I'm not – like, I struggle to hold my weight as is So, like, I have to keep hitting five, six days a week of weights, and then I got to throw runs on top of that.
Speaker: And then I got to eat to sustain both. So, yeah, dude. I give you credit, man. That's wild. where But where it runs over 10 miles. So, we're on pace to be where I need to be to cruise in at the time I want to cruise in at.
Speaker: I got – hold on. Let me check it. I got my my my timer going to see how many days I have until I can stop this bullshit. And we are at 174 days left.
Speaker: oh i go say your mad dog Then I'm done. It's not a lot when I got 16 more miles to train and for at the pace I can run 10 at right now. doesn't see It's not a lot then.
Speaker: Yeah. All right. That sounds like a suffer fest. Brandon, are you staying hydrated out there in the desert? Honestly, no. I just feel in the day.
Speaker: I normally don't drink water when I travel. That's dumb. I'll drink i'll drink over a pe um drink the day before, but then the day of traveling, I don't. But I'm down here in New Mexico.
Speaker: That's because Brandon likes the window seat, and he doesn't want to be rude and climb over people when he's got a pee-pee. Actually, I think people try to get around me.
Speaker: If paying yourself is cool. Instead of being Miles
Speaker: All right. So last week we wrapped up a pretty heavy series. This week, we're keeping with the the pattern of, you know, serious topic, lighthearted topic. And this week we're going super lighthearted. and We are going to take a- Classic Tricky Game style.
Speaker: Yeah, we're going to kick 40 to an hour long session of would you rather for you guys. And it's going to be ad hoc, terrible off the cuff, probably profuse, probably perverse. and we're just going to let it go. well The fact that we decided on this about two minutes ago, let's see happens.
Speaker: I'm going to see how long I can stay here. My phone's at 29%. Rounds down range, boys. So some questions will be very veteran specific. Some questions will be power culture references.
Speaker: Other questions would just be manly style. Would you rather's and then whatever anybody wants to jump in with jump in. So let's start it off with a manly style would you rather.
Speaker: Keeping with the theme of a thousand men versus one gorilla. It's a hundred men. Would you... It's a hundred. ah ah Fucker. ah Would you rather fight John Wick or have Liam Neeson come after you with his particular set of skills? Oh, fuck.
Speaker: Yeah. ah Liam Neeson. Yeah, I think i'm I'm more survivable in the Liam Neeson. John Wick makes shots that are just not... I can run like a bitch forever.
Speaker: Honestly... loto hide see Honestly, I'd rather fight John Wick than Liam Neeson, bro. Why? Do you want a quick death? Yeah, like what is what is your reasoning, good sir?
Speaker: You don't fuck with Liam Neeson, man. That old fuck beat up how many goddamn Albanians to get his daughter back. Plus, he's a motherfucking... Plus, he's a motherfucking Jedi master. all no He can't be a Jedi in this. He has to be the old man chasing Fiat people. The old CIA retired He's a one-man fuck. I mean, I know John Wick's a one-man army, too. But Liam Neeson's older, and he's still doing that shit, so...
Speaker: I told you earlier, I'm little. I can hide in a cabinet if I have to. Williams is burning the fucking building down. this is Well, they killed his dog. They deserve it. They stole the other one's daughter.
Speaker: And sold her into sex slavery, so... He did all that and then over that major topic. John Wick, they killed his dog. He was like, ah burn the world. Fuck it. I mean, i would i would I would destroy the world. the and I'd destroy the world if they killed my dog.
Speaker: Brandon, you're going Liam? You're high you're playing hide and seek with us? I'm playing hide and seek with Liam. I think I've watched enough with predator movies to know how to evade. You're going to cover yourself with mud?
Speaker: You're going to cover yourself with mud and come out of the bog? yeah yeah Here's the follow-on question. Out of the three of us that decided the international game of hide-and-seek sounds way better and survivable than fucking taking on John Wick, which one of us three lives the longest?
Speaker: Against them? Against Liam. Yeah. Oh, I'm betting on myself. I'm going to be arrogant as fuck right here. I'm betting on myself. why do Why?
Speaker: Why? Yeah, why would you survive longer than else? Because I hunt and fish. My ass is fucking hitting the tundra. going to have to track me over land for a months. You got to remember, wasn't he that wasn't he the one, wasn't the movie Grey?
Speaker: When he was up there with the wolves. Doesn't count. Different movie. Different character. Different universe. this is this is This is not the Avengers. We're not multiverse in shit. My money is on Brandon.
Speaker: That's who my money is on. Because I think he would just be so chill and laid back that he would not consider him a threat and just let him go. like but still I Brandon would more or less like move to the Appalachians where even Liam Neeson couldn't like penetrate those fucking backwoods crazies.
Speaker: You know, my my best skill, and I have a unique set of skills, is I can even make friends with almost anybody. Brandon's chilling with Sasquatch. Brandon's just going to change his name and like become friends with Liam Neeson.
Speaker: And he won't even know that's who he's chasing. He won't even know. I'm the guy you're after. 30 years later. He stabs him in his throat when he's asleep.
Speaker: Alright, we're gonna go pop culture again. but This one's good one's good. Oh boy. So do you go from like for the court you remember the quirky closeout where we said what superhero you would like to Okay.
Speaker: Alright. Would you rather join the Avengers or roll with the Fast and the Furious family? Ooh. Ooh.
Speaker: Wait, if i if I join the Avengers, do I get to be a superhero or am I just like Joe Schmo? You're like probably Scarlett Johansson where your your powers are just that you're you're a decent fighter and very intelligent.
Speaker: You know You said enough. Scarlett's there. I'm going Avengers. Do I get to be with Scarlett Johansson? Doesn't matter. I'm going. love me I'll sit far away. Dude, i'm ah I'm a Jordana Brewster guy. I'm going to have to go with the Fast and the Furious, bro. I'm with Brandon, bro. I'm going going Fast and the Furious. You're going Jordana?
Speaker: I don't got friends. I got family. I got family. That and I'm a gearhead, so I want the cars. Yeah, that'd be cool. Yeah, but the Fast and the Furious people basically became the fucking Avengers.
Speaker: Yeah, launching cars out of space. It's so outlandish and ridiculous now. like I love the first movie. It was fucking kind of realistic.
Speaker: The first three. Yeah, the first three. first The one we watched in Spain, Caleb, when he ramped the fucking tank? ah And then fires and moves himself sideways. We watched that in the tent while we were waiting to come home.
Speaker: Yeah. When I caught that hedgehog that we had running around. We had a pet hedgehog. Which one was that? Fast Five? I think so. Yeah. yeah Yeah. When they steal the fucking it's like the big heist with the the safe in Rio de Janeiro.
Speaker: No. No. No. Dude, I don't know. I don't know. There's like 15 of them now. Yeah. yeah After the first three, I've only seen the other ones like once each.
Speaker: Yeah. Oh. All right. This one, this one's going veteran. Would you rather, would you rather eat nothing but MREs for a month? Oh. Or run a PFT every day for two weeks.
Speaker: PFT. Well, Mac is already doing it. Yeah, I'm eating the MRIs, dude. I'm getting fat and stuffed up. I can't. won't shit for months.
Speaker: Yeah, I'm i with Mac on this one, man. i cannot let my stomach get that backed up. Bro, I'm eating MREs all day. No, God, no, dude.
Speaker: Wait, wait, wait. would No, I'll run the PFT in North Carolina on the to T. Is it is it one MRE a day or is it three fucking meals a day? is he your're You're pushing like 4,000 calories.
Speaker: It's whatever you need to ingest to be happy. One MRE cracker. I didn't starve yourself for two weeks. God, your asshole would just hate you.
Speaker: I would rather run and just run very slowly. Nope, I'm running the motherfucker. I'll run it for time. I'd run it fucking time. You gotta get a first class BFT. You have to get a first class BFT. I don't care.
Speaker: Game. and In the North Carolina heat. Make it fucking hard. only you said If you substitute PFT for CFT, t I'll do it. I'll do the combat fitness test all day.
Speaker: i f I refuse to run three miles. That's not the name of the game. It's Would You Rather. Yes, I know. You said PFT. You didn't say CFT.
Speaker: I'm doing the MREs, baby. I'm with you, Brandon. I'm eating. I'm running that bitch. They've got new flavors. Quit being dramatic. I'm hitting 285 every time. but two All right. two twenty 220. In the greens. I'll wear the pickle suit while I do it. I'll wear the pickle PT uniform.
Speaker: Oh, dude, that thing made me sweat so bad. It did the sexy ass legs showing in those shorty shorts. Yeah. Hoochie Daddy shorts. Oh, man, I'm wearing Hoochie Daddy shorts right now. I mowed the grass in Hoochies.
Speaker: Dude, I mowed the grass in Hoochies. If I wasn't wearing compression shorts, i would have Wang out while I mowed. Yeah. Yeah. All right, all right. fact but Back. All right.
Speaker: all right Would you rather explain acronyms to civilians every day or hear thank you for your service 10 times a day from strangers? Oh, fuck.
Speaker: Acronyms all day, dude. Dude, this is like my social anxiety hell. Yeah. Oh. I'm getting like anxiety thinking about it Fuck you. Acronym.
Speaker: i Dude, I hate them both. Problem is, i can't I can't describe what half the acronyms are. like I forgot what the actual fucking meanings of most of them are. I just know that's what it goes by.
Speaker: um Begin the lie. Arrange the alibi. I'm in... yeah like Oh, man. um i guess the thank you for my service, even though by day two, don't want to jam my fucking head through a concrete wall 10 feet deep.
Speaker: I put number twos in my ears. God sucks. Start my pistol. Prison pens made by prisoners for veterans. Oh, dude, like how miserable like that.
Speaker: If anybody that wasn't serving the military is listening to this, like this is the quintessential definition of just like our nightmare. this one this this next one's This next one's interesting because I know my answer, but I don't know everybody else's.
Speaker: All right. Would you rather go back to active duty for one year? Here's the kicker. with your original unit or take a dream civilian job with coworkers who hate veterans. Oh, God. Ooh. Ooh. Goddamn.
Speaker: I'd rather go back to my old unit, bro. Fuck yeah. That's that's what I'm saying. I'm going back to the unit. I'm repping CLB4, dude. but yeah We had the original unit together. We go back. We're just hanging out every day. but that's That's what I'm saying. I'll go back to the new. I'm going to the new. What's the point of doing my dream job if I'm around a bunch of schmucks who hate vets? do want another Unfortunately, my dream job was the Marine Corps.
Speaker: That's true. so's Go to the Marine Corps with a bunch of brains that hate themselves. That's it that's like every in infantry unit. so i mean You look like an idiot in that uniform. That's this new age where they're all just on TikTok. I hate being in the Marine Corps.
Speaker: My first unit was the boat school, so i mean I'd go play on Zodiac all day. Yeah. yeah i'm go Colonel Christmas leading the charge across the fucking Mediterranean. Let's roll. That's what I'm saying, dude. One day we're not deployed. 30 days later, everybody's all the way across the fucking world. Like, i sure, let's do it again. Yeah.
Speaker: I'm going to the I'm going back. I'm going back. All right. All right. Last one related to service here. and maybe we'll circle back. But would you rather do a 20-mile hike with full pack or sit through eight hours of mandatory PowerPoint training?
Speaker: I'm doing lot. I'm gonna pump it out, bro. Dude, wrecking it all day. like I am pumping that motherfucking out. That's the longest I've pumped it forever. There's nothing worse than fucking death by PowerPoint.
Speaker: There's nothing worse than falling asleep on a serious subject like sexual assault and like getting blasted for it, dude. Oh my gosh, dude. Put me in a hike. I just got to keep up. like it But I'm not doing it. Let's start that bitch at and let's just go. First few years after, we're waiting for it. We're in the ring of gore.
Speaker: Dude, it's funny you say that, like falling asleep during the sexual harassment course. I remember my first one in the Marine Corps, and we had the base EO from main side Lejeune shows up. Staff Sergeant Nungesser walks in. Sergeant Milky walks in. Staff Sergeant Nungesser goes, man, Milky, you smell like a French fucking whore.
Speaker: <unk> Just right in front of the base EO. Yes. Oh, no. Oh, no. Sorry, i had to say that for context. but yeah I don't know if you can get laid with it anymore.
Speaker: I don't know if you can talk like that inside the Marine Corps to other Marines anymore. he exactly the The EO turned right around. He's like, that's exactly what I ever do in these meetings. I can't get it.
Speaker: I mean, let's if we were realistic right now, all of us right now, if we would have stayed in, would probably be E7s or higher. i'd be Lance Corporal. 10 plus years in.
Speaker: Everybody with 10, 15 years in. ka Caleb and Mac, my fucking, all my Lance Corporals and people who were Lance Corporals when I was a sergeant are like gunnies and master sergeants right now. Yeah.
Speaker: that's what i'm saying. That's in insane. That's fucking insane. I would have went to OCS eventually. I'd be a staff sergeant because my MLS didn't pick up at all. It makes me really jealous. i wish i I wish I stayed in for that fact.
Speaker: A bunch of my peer groups are LBO majors or mass sergeants. Yeah. It's nuts. But I'm just like think about like, if you think about it, like you talk about like we very few generations after R, after that, i mean the new rules started getting implemented.
Speaker: And like the way we treated each other, like They already said our generation was weaker than the generation 10 years before them. so like, it was just getting softer. And I'm not by, I don't think by personality driven going into the Marine Corps, but by outside influential policy,
Speaker: Because people that don't serve think they have the right to tell the service how to act, which is fucking stupid. How to serve? Yeah. If you ain't got the balls to raise your hand, then fucking shut your mouth and just say thank you.
Speaker: Yeah. Yeah. A bunch of people I went to the schoolhouse hit Gunny before 8. Oh, dude. That would never happen in Motor T. Nah. Calm down. Dude, I was i was at 8 and just picked up Sergeant.
Speaker: So, I mean... Yeah, was at five when got out of corporal. All right. I think I was seven years old. He's a peep. we're about to get into that We're about to get into the masculinity ones.
Speaker: the The how manly do you think you are ones. Do it. all right Would you rather win a state grilling contest or an axe throwing tournament? Grilling.
Speaker: on grill I want to see the smile on people's face when they bite that burger and that juice just runs down the chinny chin chin. I'm going grilling because I enjoy it already. I don't really find use for the axes. I like grilling, but axe throwing in a tournament kind of sounds fun.
Speaker: Have you guys say you guys seen the the medieval fighting that some dudes do? Yeah. I've buddy here in Omaha that just beats the shit out of people in full armor, and I'm like, what are you doing? want to do that shit. It's like the octagon, but fucking medieval fighting. They're using axes and clubs and swords and shit. I want to do that shit, dude.
Speaker: now No, man, i want to grow
Speaker: I want to get shirtless in my blue jean cutoffs, wearing my fucking new balances flip flops. My bunny ears will be showing out of the cutoffs. Fucking throwing a wink at all the single moms walking by as i grill to the burgers. Girl daddy.
Speaker: Yeah. Got that stained white beard, little belly button. No shirtless, bro. We summertime. I can't get the sun on. I can't have no tan lines. I'm a little fatter than you are, buddy.
Speaker: That's okay. It's okay. Don't be ashamed. Wear it with pride. You run the grill. It's called the dad bod for a reason. All right. this This one, this one, Mac's going to fucking scoff at, but you guys ready?
Speaker: <unk>
Speaker: would you rather Would you rather bench 315 again or sleep or sleep through the night without back pain? Oh, sleep the night. Sleep through the night, bro.
Speaker: ah Bro. I want that 315 again. no I'm going to be honest. um I never even hit 315. The most I did was 305. I'm not going to say. One time. I've got a video. ah Yeah, you did.
Speaker: i was there. i was spot it I did it and did it once. and and i did it wants to I remember doing it with y'all. No fucking way, Brandon. You did not hit 315.
Speaker: He lifted with us more than you, bro. If Brandon could hit 315, I could definitely hit 315.
Speaker: You also gotta think, Brando and I were cycling on and off of the old p SARMs there for a little bit. I gave myself a boost. Yo, my bench drawing my bench my bench coming off of deployment was meh.
Speaker: About 45 days into Cyclops Arms, I started dating. That December, everybody was fucking walking around massive. That was probably the heaviest I've ever been.
Speaker: That December. It just started raining. What were you waiting, Caleb? Oh, 220? No, it was 218. You were fucking huge. Holy shit.
Speaker: That was the big sign. Dude, I was only 185. sure We were telling her. What was the dead list? We were the mid-400s. No, we were, yeah, like 465. never tried 5. That was what I was trying to hit, I never hit 5. I never got 5. If I did, I don't remember it.
Speaker: i never tried to find i was that was what i was trying to hit and i never have matt i never had five if i did i don't remember I don't think I ever thought. We were trying. Here's another one.
Speaker: Here's another one. We're going to speak to people's manliness. And this one's actually conflicting to me. Really fucking conflicting. tomorrow Would you rather build your own cabin in the woods or restore a classic muscle car every nut and bolt?
Speaker: I've already built haveered a muscle car. Is there a view with the cabin? you if If you say there's view, I'll give you that freedom. Okay. Yeah, I'm building a cabin. Yeah, I agree. I think I'm going to build a cabin, but man, like that one. Yeah, like what muscle car? Is it our choice a muscle car?
Speaker: Yeah, dude, any muscle car. That's what I'm saying. Like like it like all original, like 69 Camaro Yanko with a 396. I don't even want a muscle car. i was like an original Scout.
Speaker: Oh, yeah, dude. I have like very vague memories of my dad had having a burnt orange one, like very vague. and he's always talked so highly of it i'm like i've always wanted like an original scout i don't need a muscle car with the top off cruising around of my fucking burnt orange scout but cabin Hey, I looked up some raunchy ones.
Speaker: Wait, we woo wait, wait. Let's close out with raunchies. I'm going to go to the fun and ridiculous, and then we'll close out for raunchies. Depending on the level of raunchies, Caleb's mom needs some warning.
Speaker: Yeah, wellll we'll we'll give the listeners a little warning. All right, we'll give the listeners a little warning. Let's give them some more to listen to before. Poor mom, dude.
Speaker: No, your stepdad's going to stay put. He's going listen to shit through and through. Hell yeah. Sorry, Caleb's mom. And he's going to listen, and then he's going to text me, and he's going to text me that I'm talking about him texting me. It's like fucking Inception on a podcast.
Speaker: All right. Oh, fuck. all right so fuck Would you rather have a mullet for life or a handlebar mustache that you could never shave?
Speaker: Mullet. Mullet all day, bro. I'm going mullet, dude. All day. Mullet. Dude, so so many people make the mullet look cool. like Yeah. Pat Mahomes, Morgan Whalen. Fuck it. Mullet.
Speaker: Handlebar mustache, baby. Of course you would. I'd do it. I can't. Yeah, I can't do it. The mustache is like the part of my beard that I trim the most. Just another part of me being like the least firefighting firefighter. i hate having a mustache, dude.
Speaker: November is coming up quickly, sir. I'm not doing it again. I did No Shave November last year. I'm not doing it again. Let's be honest, though. If you're good at mustache rides, it's a gift you can always give. yeah yeah yeah It's like a real Christmas trend of your nose.
Speaker: You just got to know work it. You got to tickle and lick. ah All right. oh All right. Okay. Settle down. Maybe I do want a mustache now.
Speaker: foot's like are you maybe i do want a mustache now Would you rather fight one horsearseized duck or one hundred duck-sized horses duck-sized horses bro Oh, shit.
Speaker: One duck-sized horse because I think they'd be very uncoordinated. Or one horse-sized duck. Yeah, I don't know. who I'm going with a massive duck. I'm going with the horses.
Speaker: I'm kicking all the little fucking mini horses, dude. Here's my thing. You get, like, a couple good kicks on you, and, like, all of a sudden, like, your ankles are gone. get that out of your knees like you're fucked.
Speaker: You ever been bit by a goose or duck? a duck Could you imagine that? a I'm gonna risk it um' risking it against the fucking massive duck, bro. Well, see, I would i would treat it like the like that like that scene in Star Wars where you just throw some lion around his legs and trip it.
Speaker: Fucking tame that thing and ride it like an ostrich. All right, this one's so cringy. Are you ready? Oh, God. Yeah. we throw Would you rather have to yell, ooh-rah, before every meal, or sing the national anthem before using the bathroom?
Speaker: I would rather sing the national anthem before using the bathroom. Could you imagine being at a concert or a football game and you just start singing the national anthem at the urinal?
Speaker: Oh, shit. Before you use the bathroom. but Before. So, like, you're standing on a foot off the urinal singing it before you piss. Hooray, baby. um I'm screaming, hooray, double dog, yut, yut.
Speaker: I'm going OORA. yeah i'm I'm going OORA. That shit would be funny as hell. Being in five-star restaurant, to start eating. Everybody's like... everybody
Speaker: Don't worry, the VA compensated me for that.
Speaker: All right. for for For the parents out there, would you rather have your ringtone be Barbie Girl or Let It Go and you can never mute it? Let it go,
Speaker: Let it go. what What part of Aqua's Barbie Girl would that be? The most annoying fucking part. Because every time your phone calls off, it's, let it go, let it go. Yeah, no.
Speaker: Both would just drive you absolutely fucking. Oh, yeah. I'd have to go Barbie Girl because it would drive my kids nuts, too. Can't give her so much. Let it go. know would your best Let it go. is If you were fighting with your significant other and that bitch went off in the background.
Speaker: For listeners out there, that's going to be an episode. Just let it go. like it. all right Would you rather always have glitter in your beard or walk around with squeaky boots and shoes?
Speaker: How did I get the glitter? Stripper glitter, baby. That's such a good one, dude. Glitter in the face. Glitter in the face. Yeah, but it's always there, Mac. bro I'm just thinking of that SpongeBob episode when he had this squeaky move.
Speaker: Walking on the beach. Dude, glitter. Glitter. Fucking hate glitter, though. and But I absolutely can't stand squeaky shoes.
Speaker: I throw them away when they start to squeak. I'd probably the squeaky shoes and just piss everybody else off. I couldn't do it. i had ah I had a squeaky boop. I had a nail in it and it was like air traffic.
Speaker: Nope. The end of those boots for me. I'd rather do the glitter. That means I can grow a beard. Glitter, bro. umcha Can I change the color of the glitter too, depending on my mood? I guess so. It's activated by body temperature.
Speaker: Yeah, that was talking about good glitter. All right ChatGPT, for all those listening, is coming up with some random-ass shit. So here we go. Would you rather have... Would you rather win a million dollars, but you can only spend it at Dollar General, or have unlimited tacos and no hot sauce?
Speaker: Tacos! Tacos! You don't want a million dollars? Dollar General. Dollar General's shit? Tacos, bro. There's some good shit in Dollar General. don't give a shit on tacos.
Speaker: It's also unlimited tacos, man. I think I could eat a million dollars worth of tacos. want that fucking fire sauce, dude. Dude, I could make a million dollars worth of tacos from a Dollar General. I'm going with Dollar General. Tacos.
Speaker: But I am losing battery, gentlemen, so have to let y'all go early. Please carry the torch without me. All right, Brando. Have a good one, bud. I miss you. Until next time. Enjoy the desert. Bye, bud.
Speaker: Will do. Love you, boys. All right. and It's sad because because he would have enjoyed the raunch. Yeah, dude. There's some good ones. All right. Here we go. Let's do two more of these, and then we'll move into raunchies. All right. Would you rather have a beer belly you can't lose or permanently sore knees?
Speaker: I already have sore knees, so. got both.
Speaker: I already got sore knees especially and I'm trying to lose the the belly weight. So I'm gonna say the knees. I've got arthritis in my knees. so Yeah, my knees are fucked.
Speaker: don't know it gets any worse. Oh, this one's hard because I would do both. for For the listeners out there. That's weird. I didn't know you were that way. man not now really Not really.
Speaker: Would you rather get a tattoo designed by your drunk buddy or choose or chosen randomly by your mom? um I would do both. I would do both in a heart at the same time. Drunken friend.
Speaker: You don't trust your mom on a tattoo choice? she would choose some dumbass shit. yeah Really? You can't trust my mom. you got i mean You have a very different relationship with your mom than I have with my mom. I love my mom, but I'm not letting her choose a tattoo for me.
Speaker: Oh, would. My mom's listening. Ange, you can choose a tattoo. Let's do this. Well, she could choose some fucking moto tat and you're good. Yeah, that's true. I think she'd choose something fucking hysterical.
Speaker: My mom's got a sense of humor. I think I'd end up with something fucking awesome. Alright, alright. Here's first world meets third world problems. You ready? um gee this will be this This will be our wrap up one until we get into the raunchiness.
Speaker: Would you rather live in a tent forever but have blazing fast Wi-Fi or live in a mansion with dial-up? LAUGHTER tent, baby.
Speaker: I don't need a big house. I don't need a house. i just If there's a pool in the mansion, fucking dial me up. Dial me up. If I got a pool, dial me up.
Speaker: Yeah, I'm going dial up, man. I don't need the internet. I don't need the internet. All right. All right. Listeners, beware. This is your 30 seconds out warning.
Speaker: Go ahead and say goodbye. Tune in next week. We love you guys. It's going to get weird. General quarters. General quarters. Nobody's just skipping out on the rest of this because they won't hear They won't hear it. forgot about general quarters. I just thought about that when you were like, you got 30 seconds to get out. Don't even mention that. I don't want to think Dude, that was miserable.
Speaker: Yeah. It's the worst part about the Navy on top of like a billion other fucking things. But dude, get woke up at two o'clock in the morning be like, get to your damn safe space. Like fuck.
Speaker: yeah Just because some trash fell overboard. All right. Are we ready for the raunch? They've been warned. All right. First one. Would you rather have sex with the lights all the way on in front of a mirror or in complete pitch black, but with your parents in the next room?
Speaker: Oh, God. Lights all the way on in front of a mirror. That's easy. Yeah. What's wrong with the mirror? That's not that raunchy. Hell yeah. Some people don't like to see themselves, I guess. Fucking, I'm sorry, you're boring.
Speaker: Would you rather have a one-night stand with somebody who won't stop talking about astrology or someone who insists on calling you daddy in a baby's voice? Astrology.
Speaker: Oh, I hate both so much. Why are you doing this to me? Astrology. God, let's talk about the stars and your fucking whatever. yeah I'm like an atharagous, so like... I don't care. i don't.
Speaker: I'll be like, cool. Just don't talk in a child's voice, you fucking weirdo. Daddy. No, God. That's you create murderer. Yeah, I'd probably rather the astrology.
Speaker: ah just ignore it. You tell me you're an Aquarius and then tell me everything that means. Yeah. All right. Would you rather only be able to finish if Nickelback is playing or only while making direct eye contact with yourself in a mirror?
Speaker: With yourself? but Nickelback, bro. Dude, Nickelback all day. Nickelback. Look at this photograph. Oh. oh ah ah o Man, so what happens if you're in the room that has all the mirrors and the lights on? Like, are you just automatically getting off?
Speaker: know I'm going with eye contact just to be weird. Oh man, I gotta go back all day. yeah Would you rather have your browser history to your entire family or have your nudes leaked to your entire friend group?
Speaker: Dude, send my nudes. don't give a shit. Yeah, I'm actually gonna have a good laugh. You already send us half-naked photos that I have to, like, hide because other people are gonna, like, see over my shoulder. Because know when you're at the gym and I'm like, here, here's a dick pic. Yeah, I'm like, I don't want to see your fucking...
Speaker: ab everyone at the gym thinks tyler's fucking gay
Speaker: and to save then i sit in the heart with it just so like to say to save my friend group from having to see my nudes my browser history shit's clean yeah shit's clean i probably i probably just send the nudes bro oh god you vile creature you're the one who has to suffer not buts the I mean, you can have my but you can have my browser history, but that's going to be boring as shit. my the cost of running shoes is what you're going to be finding.
Speaker: You're just going to see a ton of gun parts and like how to fix shit videos. Dick pics are to way more fun for everybody. You're welcome.
Speaker: Would you rather got your partner dirty talk using military lingo such as engage the target or political terms filibuster me daddy? Oh my god, bro. What is fucking up with daddy?
Speaker: can't. my god. Imagine your wife using fucking military lingo. are you're gonna put to duty You're going to come in this vagina now. Good to go, devil dog? Oh, stop, dude. Stop. I'm done with this.
Speaker: okay He's got a bone. It has to be like Sergeant Major's safety. Bro, i'm going I'm going with political terms because I don't know him. was going to say, I don't understand.
Speaker: I would rather hear Phil Besser and think it's something actually erotic than have to fucking hear, like, are you at a kitchen for me? Like, oh my God.
Speaker: yeah Why'd you do that? Sorry, bud. That was a hard one. It's gross. Would you rather go down on someone who just finished leg day and skipped the shower or have someone go down on you after you skipped wiping for a day?
Speaker: Oh, bro. Bro, that's gross. I'm a people pleaser and I'm gonna... Oh, there it is.
Speaker: The fact that I don't want to think about not wiping for a day, like, I'm going down. I'm going down. Yeah. Yeah. I would rather have to deal with the five minutes of that than the itchy ass of it.
Speaker: Cover your nose. And just do something like that. You're just going to dive into it. No, something like that. You're going dive into it and accept it. Enjoy the stuff. Dude, I hope we don't lose listeners over this one.
Speaker: We warned them. That's true. They didn't have to stick around. this is This is our session. Come on, Throw some more. What you got? Would you rather only be able to orgasm to cartoon porn or have to explain your kinks to your grandma before every hookup?
Speaker: Bro, I would explain it to my grandma. My grandma was cool as shit. She would be smoking on that long ass cigarette probably telling me that I was doing it wrong. fucking Oh, man.
Speaker: Cartoon porn. I'm not talking to my grandma. That is it. My grandma died when I was like 12, so I didn't get to reach that like maturity age to be able to talk about this kind of shit with her, but I'm sure she'd be pretty chill about it.
Speaker: I always say that like because, and it's only one specific grandma, when I was in college, our football team went to the national championship game all four years I was there. And a buddy of mine used to go, my grandma lived in the city where the Division II national championships played.
Speaker: And so we would stay with my grandma and my aunt. And We went drinking one night after the game, which we did like pat three nights we were there. And I wake up at like 4.30, 5 o'clock in the fucking morning.
Speaker: And my buddy Gary, if this ever gets to Gary, man, I love hanging up Gary it was so much fun. But Gary, everyone's drunk. And I smell cigarette burning.
Speaker: And I walk into the kitchen and my grandma, maybe late 60s at the time, is sitting at the kitchen table just smoking a cigarette. Gary's sitting across from her hammered, hammered, smoking a cigarette, eating the puppy chow my grandma had made, and then having an in-depth conversation. hit like I'm fucking like,
Speaker: I'm past like the drunk part, like going into that hangover state. and like I just looked at them. both Both, dude. there The ashtray was full of cigarettes. don't know how long my grandma had been there.
Speaker: and I just was like, I'm going back to bed. That's why I choose grandma.
Speaker: Yo, Chachi PT. is fucking putting out some crazy shit. Like, i did not i did not prompt this whatsoever, and it's saying some crazy stuff.
Speaker: Here's one. Would you rather have a sex tape that includes you dressed as Shrek or one where you're being pegged and yell, this is my swamp? Dude, the fucking... I'll dress as Shrek.
Speaker: I'll dress as Shrek. That was too easy. That's too easy, dude. Would you rather have to explain a foot fetish group of nuns or participate in a wet t-shirt contest judged by a childhood dentist?
Speaker: How does it come up with this shit? I'm a man, so how am I going to... You want me to participate in a wet t-shirt? Fine. I'm doing the wet t-shirt contest. I don't like feet, so I got to do the wet t-shirt contest.
Speaker: Would you rather hook up with someone who cries after or someone who gives you a high five and says Semper Fi? Would you rather what? Someone who cries after? Hook up with someone always cries after or someone who gives you a high five and says Semper Fi.
Speaker: I'm taking the high five. Dude, hell yeah. How great would that be? Like, theyve done like good job. Woohoo. High five. I high five myself sometimes. so Oh, man.
Speaker: Would you rather sleep with someone who roleplays as a crying baby or someone who insists on only using pirate slang the entire time?
Speaker: Pirates, chat GPT is like a fucking pedophile. Right? No more kid questions. yeah That's fucking terrible. Fucking chat GPT. That's terrible. I'm also reading these without like reviewing them.
Speaker: Yeah, bizarre review. I'm just going for it. Yeah. It's like cars against some nails. Would you rather take a lie detector test about your kinks on live TV or let your grandma pick the category for your next porn star? I'll take the kink.
Speaker: I'll take the kink one. Yeah, let's go kink. Grandma's kink. Yeah, let's go kinky. What if grandma's got some kinks that you didn't know about? grandma link grandma one grandma's got some kinks that you didn't know about And you don't lie.
Speaker: All of sudden, you're stuck watching something you don't want to not look at anymore. Would you rather have your next orgasm announced by Morgan Freeman or have Samuel L. Jackson narrating your sex while roasting you?
Speaker: Oh, dude, Morgan Freeman all day. yeah And so he exploded the hot, white, steamy liquid all over the wall. yeah morgan freeman think cheer real jack would you rather Would you rather have a micro penis but unlimited stamina or be hung like a horse but finish the second you make eye contact?
Speaker: Well, they make drugs to keep it hard after you finish, so you might as well just fucking be hung like a horse.
Speaker: Just take the drugs. Oh, man. Chat GPT is weird, dude. Yeah, these are weird. These are strange. Like, I didn't prompt this at all. I had more fun with, like, the fucking... Give me raunchy would-you-rathers, and that's what it should have. Would you rather fight a silverback gorilla or a grizzly bear?
Speaker: Those are way more fun. Alright, so you make some up. Off the top of my head? No. nothing I just gave you one. That's all I got. that's why That's what I gave you. um Grizzly bear.
Speaker: Grizzly bear? Yep. Swamp oak? Grizzly bear. Grizzly bear? Yeah. Would you rather have sex in front of people you trusted, they could just they're just watching, or it recorded, but for...
Speaker: out there on internet. um You guys are going to watch me. You guys are going to it. Motherfuckers. Yeah, that's right. i'm like yeah I think on that one, the trust thing. Same.
Speaker: ah Oh, here's an easy one. This is the debate amongst police officers everywhere. Would you rather, because most cops have been through both, be tased or pepper sprayed?
Speaker: Tased. Tased. Why? It's over with faster. From what I've heard, I mean, I haven't been either, but from what I've heard, tasing is not as bad as pepper Pepper spray me.
Speaker: Really? Yep. Why? Why? uh well one if you have low body fat percentage tasing fucking sucks being fat is the only time tasing is like like being fat that's the only time it works in your favor is fucking getting tased uh and pepper spray like i mean it's it sucks but i don't know i you can't fight through a tasing my biggest fear would was always If you get tased, you can't get to your gun.
Speaker: Like, you got fucking fight like hell to get to your gun. Pepper spray me, I can still get to my fucking gun. Yeah. Now, I might have to go hand it. you might have to be directly on top of me before I pull the fucking trigger.
Speaker: But, I don't know. I just always thought there was still an element of fight left in you with pepper spray. With a tased, like, it's a hell of a fight. um don't really have any other good ones.
Speaker: When he gets back, we're going to do quirky closeout, Caleb. We've been on about an hour. Yeah, yeah, let's do that. It's been about an hour. It's getting late. Quirky closeout. All right. I hope the listeners had fun. It got a little weird there with chat GPT. Don't blame me. It's all fucking chat Yeah. You know what it reminded me of is when I was in college at a the fucking chat roulette.
Speaker: Oh, yeah. Yeah, we used get drunk as shit at the bar and then come home and do the chat roulette as like a group of people. Yeah, that was fucking weird. That's what chat GPT just reminded me of. to What's our quirky?
Speaker: All right. Quirky closeout. What? It's not really. eh. What was your favorite childhood toy? And I'm not talking like teenager. I'm talking like something you remember as a kid. What was your, what's that OG favorite toy?
Speaker: and god Hot Wheels, bro. Hot Wheels all day for me. Yeah. So it doesn't it it doesn't have to be like a singular item. It could just. group of Yeah. Yeah. Like if you if you collected Beyblades or Hot Wheels or K'nex Legos, right? Not a not a not a fucking Furby specifically, but like, dude, as we have I had a Furby.
Speaker: I had a Furby. Did you guys ever have Furby? yeah. i had Furby. didn't have Furby. Mac was older. He's older than us. That was our thing. as a kid man legos hot wheels i had power rangers i fucking love power rangers yeah dude i love power rangers too oh yeah so there were i had the three foot tall life-size one i used to fuck up bro nice i had had i remember this dude this is towns ago i mean i can't even count many moves i've had between
Speaker: But my parents got me like one of those farm sets from Orschlund's and I would play farm ranch all the fucking time.
Speaker: ah love that. I don't know what that is. yeah Yeah, it's like a farm set. you ever have one Caleb? Uh-uh. I had like semi trucks and tractors to go with it. And then you got like the herds of cattle and horses. I loved it.
Speaker: Sick. ah For me, I would say like the Kenner Star Wars toys. um The little action figure. Legos also. and pokemon cards i collected pokemon cards too yeah never got into it i still have my original collection same same my parents still have that farm set my kids play with it i do dude like my dad like turned their basement in like this awesome like bar slash family hangout area and yeah we get the i go set up the play i set up the farm at least like once a year
Speaker: Look at this. I still have my original baby fucking stuffed animal. yeahll I had a Simba too. fuck yeah. I had a Simba. Still got him. Look how used he is, man. That's crazy. This was my baby fucking stuffed animal from when I was an infant that my grandma got me.
Speaker: I've got mine right here. Hold on. Let me get it. It's in my daughter's room. Yeah. I've got... I don't actually know if you can see it when I got this guy, but I remember living...
Speaker: Yeah, dude, I remember when my dad was first stationed having him already. So I don't know if he I got him there or if I got him in the town before that, but that would have been 92 when I like first was born.
Speaker: Yeah, that's how old he is, and he's chilling in my oldest room. Hux, the other day, my son, had a Chiefs shirt on, sweatshirt that I had when I was his age that think it was Derek Thomas that signed it.
Speaker: I like one of those Walmart signing things. It was cool. Yeah. You can't see the signature anymore, but yeah, still got the sweatshirt. I'm like, dude, that thing's never going away. That thing's awesome. That's a good little quirky.
Speaker: Yeah, it was. A little memory lane. That was fun. I love that. That was a good one. Well, all right, guys. That was fun. That was a fun one. That was it just entertaining. We'll get a little bit more next week. I appreciate everyone hanging in with us for the hour, if you made it the whole hour.
Speaker: right. apologize for any weird questions we were not expecting or did we pre-read any of these yeah we did not as we did not pre-read these the just blame chat cheap yeah we are off the cuff every episode is designed to be raw and from the heart and off the cuff and as normal is you and i and everybody else that's out there in the world so maybe you learned something that we are a little fucking weird and a little sideways but we did join the marine corps so it ain't fully our fault ah All right, guys. i can See you next time.
Speaker: Later, or later. Yut. Later, dudes. Good morning, Jens.
