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Episode 11: Dating 101
29 Plays2 months ago
In this episode, the guys discuss all things dating, from experiences being single to being married with kids. How important is it, and what are the best ways to date?
Good Morning, Gents! This is a podcast hosted by four Marine Corps veterans with the goal of uplifting men to be the best version of ourselves. In an age of high rates of suicide and depression, especially in the male population, we are taking a stand. This is a place that will cover all of the challenges and realities that we face in the current world, and how we can break down barriers to betterment for ourselves, our families, and the world.
A tragic suicide of our friend sparked an idea and experiment for us as we rekindled our friendship: A group text where we say "Good Morning" to each other every single day, and continue the conversation about what is going on in our lives, be there for one another, and spread positivity and reassurance. Men bear so much weight of responsibility in society that it is hard for men to have an outlet to express themselves. This has attributed to the vast number of suicides in the male population. We aim to cut those numbers down with this podcast. Between the discussions our hosts will talk about, and the guests we bring onto the show, we invite you to join us on this journey towards self-betterment for all.
Email: Goodmorninggentspd@gmail.com
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Transcript
Introduction and Weekly Catch-up
00:00:07
Speaker
Good morning, gents.
00:00:13
Speaker
all alright back another week week ten wow we made it through the eleven dumb you're supposed to say good morning gents first shit well it has i'm just surprised look we we we recorded week ten last week this is week eleven one hundred percent but we made it so last week we talked about memories if you remember if youer And this week we're going to talk about dating.
00:00:37
Speaker
Whether that's dating your spouse, dating your soon-to-be spouse, casual dating, exclusive dating, bro dates, all the dates. The dates of dates of dates.
00:00:48
Speaker
Before we do that, let's go around the room. How was everybody's week? was good. Oh man, you guys got to pick it up. That's it, buddy? It's just is good. That's all you got. What do you want me to say, man? I got three kids. We got soccer. I got all this other bullshit I deal with. It's good.
00:01:04
Speaker
like i didn't kill me anybody and i didn't die so it's good there we go Well, that's that's amazing, man. You know, this week was actually not that great in in the fact that I was just in a lot of pain because we got a lot of snow up here.
00:01:19
Speaker
A lot of snow, like in a day. You chose to live next to Santa Claus. This is true. And I love that jelly man. But other than that, dude, it was it was a great is a great week. You had two days off from work because you couldn't drive anywhere. You couldn't see anything. there's Just a lot of snow.
00:01:36
Speaker
But it's all gone now. It's 50 degrees outside, sunshine and birds chirping. Can't complain. You live in my hell.
Dating Experiences and Strategies
00:01:44
Speaker
All right, Lil Foot, how was the It was pretty good.
00:01:48
Speaker
Got off of work this morning, and worked 24. Over the AMBA lamps. Over the AMBA lamps. Good times. Some crazy. Did you get to do the wee woos?
00:01:58
Speaker
Yeah, did the wee woos. It was good time. Is it true you guys cannot drive over the speed limit even with the wee woos on? I will neither confirm nor deny that. disease If you disconnect the beeper box, yes.
00:02:14
Speaker
guys I used hate getting stuck behind you guys. I'm like, you can go faster. i let Let me put it this way. Let me put it this way. When I first started, ah we were riding threes because I was just like a trainee in the back.
00:02:30
Speaker
And we went to an accident for a ah pedestrian struck by a vehicle. It was pitch black, and I was in the back, and we were going probably 90 miles an hour to get there.
00:02:42
Speaker
And I was like, well, this is it. This is how going to die. You almost did it. I maxed out one of our Explorers. And then i granted, they were like the greatest ones. And the one I chose to drive was always hold as shit.
00:02:54
Speaker
That fucker was shaking going down the highway. ah I was like, well, I either die going to the call or I make it. We'll see what happens. Like, you your brakes would get so hot and warped that the whole car would shake when you had tapped the brakes. like, oh, I'm going to die. This is great. I love this city.
00:03:13
Speaker
Yeah. we We try to do the speed limit, but if you're going to something serious like – You're going to speed. You're going to speed, man. You got lights and sirens for a reason. You stop at every light before continuing.
00:03:25
Speaker
No, you slow down and make sure the intersection is clear. Stopping is unauthorized.
00:03:33
Speaker
All right. All right. My week was good. I've got some things. Nobody asked. No one asked. I don't give a shit. I'm orchestrating the direction.
00:03:43
Speaker
All right. ah Caleb, how was your week? Thanks, Brando. Thanks. My week was good, man. I've got some things in the works set at work that will change the trajectory of my career. So, you know, little extra prayers on that and how that works out. But, um...
Impact of Social Media on Dating
00:04:00
Speaker
Yeah, it was good. Wrapped up the week. As you guys know from them savory pictures I sent you, cooked steak and shrimp for dinner. Just a good day. Good weather.
00:04:11
Speaker
All right. You guys ready? Where do we want to start? What do we want to start? we want to start that I thought you were orchestrating this bitch. You tell us what topic to start. Okay. All right. Well,
00:04:22
Speaker
Let's dive in on The last time Lamon was single. Oh, man. but Lamon, when was the last time you went on a casual date?
00:04:32
Speaker
Casual date. That wasn't your wife. That wasn't my wife? Well, let's see. I've been with my wife since I was a junior in high school. So... Never. 2006? I think it was the last time I went on a casual date.
00:04:52
Speaker
And think it was a movie. And she got mad at me that I didn't kiss her or make out with her or do anything with her because I was into the movie. And the movie was doomed.
00:05:03
Speaker
Oh my god. That's awesome. Terrible movie, but I liked it at the time. That's hysterical. So what is a date? What do we call it a date?
00:05:14
Speaker
as a date um I mean, I kind of wrote down the example from the dictionary. Yeah. Wow, you're on it. it's not um I'm trying to be productive and helpful to this merry band of gentlemen. I do have it.
00:05:31
Speaker
Oh, yeah. what do What do you got? I got a date. it Is a social or romantic appointment or engagement? i got involves two people regularly engaging in activities together, often with the intention of evaluating each other's suitability as romantic.
00:05:48
Speaker
Unless you're bro dating. I mean, unless you're into that. Fuck it. All right this is fun. And this this is a ah dating lineup or a dating resume for those single lady voters out there.
00:06:00
Speaker
Listeners, Mac, what is your ideal date? the Depends, man. Ideal date, dude. and It's... You got to test it, right? man, he's stressing. He took it off the hat. He's getting I'm going backwards,
Maintaining Relationships with Spouses
00:06:19
Speaker
bro. you want me to dive into this on something I love? I love first dates. I think first dates are fun as shit. Well, that's what that's what I'm saying. you're You're single, bro, so I want to hear it from from the person with no the most recent experience on first dates. I love first dates.
00:06:34
Speaker
I think what makes a great first date is you got to do an activity and you got to do dinner afterwards. And the reason I say this is activity breaks the ice, right?
00:06:45
Speaker
um Kayaking, painting, something where you're going to get a little dirty so nobody dresses up because dressing up like fucking adds a whole new stress. Like you're just wearing blue jeans and and yoga pants and you're doing something that is activity that breaks the ice that's fun maybe something neither one of you have done and then you go wearing what you're in And you go straight to dinner and you sit down and now you have that one thing in common and that leads to more conversation. I think that's i think that's a great way to have a first date.
00:07:17
Speaker
But in this day and age, at the age we're at now, because none of us are college or fucking dating, everybody's got kids, everybody's got social life. And it's like, dude, do I really want to give my Saturday night to this person for six hours if I am going to have that ideal first date?
00:07:34
Speaker
You got to meet the person for like coffee first. ah Unless you've already known each other through like a gym, work, don't date your coworkers, but like something like that, like unless you already know each other, if you've never met, because the apps are huge, you got to meet them.
00:07:49
Speaker
I would suggest coffee. That way you're only out like four bucks if they're weird as shit. And then maybe lunch. Grab lunch before you go on the first date. That gives you 30 minutes to an hour, a little bit of food, you're out some tacos, and boom. And then like that's when you're like, this person's cool enough, I'll spend the Saturday night with them.
00:08:08
Speaker
Because, i don't know, ah to me, you got to build up especially this day and age, our age, everyone's a professional, everyone's got kids. Dude, don't waste your Saturday. if it like Don't go book like some fun-ass activity if halfway through that activity, that person's a whiner or a crier or annoying as shit. like You'll get that from dinner or coffee.
00:08:30
Speaker
like That's what lunch and coffee is for. You got to make that assessment. And then you're like, this person's cool. I think I could really have some fun with them. And then you go do an activity and you get some dinner.
00:08:40
Speaker
Now that doesn't always work that way. Sometimes you just got to like meet when you can. And the cool thing about that is if you meet when you can, that shows the flexibility of the other person.
00:08:51
Speaker
Are they willing to work with you? Especially if everyone's got kids, like, You got a date around your kid's schedule. And sometimes that only only leaves maybe three, four hours open on a weekend afternoon or like a Monday evening. Like, is the person flexible? Are they going to be?
00:09:07
Speaker
And that shows what if they're like, no, fuck it. I can't like, that's my only night open. Oh, they're not even willing to meet you once or whatever. Right. Like, so to answer the question, there's a lot of variables that go into the ideal date.
00:09:20
Speaker
And I've only done this once and it was one of the best dates of my life, but kayaking and then dinner. And it was awesome. Kayak at sunset that broke the ice. We went with a group. We didn't know anybody in the group.
00:09:34
Speaker
We had, we had, done lunch before we had done coffee
Teaching Kids About Relationships
00:09:37
Speaker
but it was uh it was fucking fun as shit we were at last place we were going down the river and du it took us 30 minutes longer to get the fucking route done than anybody else i don't probably because i wasn't paddling very well but whatever it's not i was in the back i was supposed to steer not paddle and uh then dinner And like by the time we got to dinner, like we were still wearing the same clothes.
00:10:00
Speaker
And by the time we got to dinner, the waitress had no idea it was the first date. She thought we'd been together for a minute because we were just like in a conversation. And so I think that helps break the ice that when you can sit down and now you guys are going to wait on whatever you're waiting on.
00:10:17
Speaker
The ice is broken. Now you're deep in the conversation. You've had a shared experience. And i mean, unless it gets really weird, like that's, And I'm old school. Don't sleep with her on the first fucking date, please. We'll get to that. We'll get to that.
00:10:32
Speaker
Let's break. Oh, let's break. Got a little early. It happens. Okay. All right. Let's let's back up a little bit here with the the modern dating scene.
00:10:45
Speaker
When I was dating, the apps weren't a thing. So let's touch on the apps for a little bit here. Who has experience on the apps? Me. Apps went around.
00:10:57
Speaker
Yeah. Bro, cell phones were fucking around. Yeah. Yeah. Do you guys think that you can meet an actual, like, candidate to be a long-term, if not lifelong spouse or significant other via the apps?
00:11:15
Speaker
100%. Yeah. I agree with that. Came close. i've got a I've got a family member who married off of the apps, so. Last girl I dated, i I met her on the app. Same.
00:11:26
Speaker
There you go. have to in this day and age. like Everybody works a fuck ton. everybody has it ain't like it ain't Everybody's involved in their own world.
00:11:37
Speaker
and like especially if you've got kids like you the time to go out to bars and especially in your 30s and 40s like you want to go out to fucking bars all the time to meet 20 year olds like not even just that mac but people don't like to be approached anymore yeah dude yeah the whole culture of like yes sort of thing has evolved that's a big trick but i love what i love is people like i was no barney's on how i met your mother out there anymore huh yeah barney's not out there The fact that people are like, i wish somebody would just approach me and just have the balls to ask me out.
00:12:11
Speaker
The minute somebody does that. they're Yeah, you give them the shittiest fucking look and you're like, I'm trying to work out. or I come here every day to get coffee and now you're fucking going to mess it up. Like, what?
00:12:24
Speaker
and Fuck off. ah Oh, man. Oh, goodness. All right. We're going to pivot a little bit. Mac, you've got the most recent single life dating experience, but we're going pivot to the married folks here a little bit.
00:12:38
Speaker
Do you guys still date your wife? Do you still take her out on dates? You have to. Oh, yeah, for sure. I don't say that just because she's forcing me to, but it's important. I see that blue steel. Believe once if you need rescued. She's not holding a gun to my head right No, it's super important.
00:12:56
Speaker
um it's She's in the doorway with it it is it. is a struggle to maintain that. like You really have to deliberately focus on making it a priority in your life and your...
00:13:08
Speaker
your day to day, like having a plan of when you're going to do it, because you, you let things get in the way. And then that sort of falls on the wayside. And it will start to have a negative influence on your relationship.
00:13:22
Speaker
You guys need that time together, whether you have kids, or even if you don't have kids, whether you just have a a life and a job and you know all this stuff gets in the way like you guys got to have time for each other and you have to keep the relationship fresh and exciting and find ways to just give like dedicate time to the other person I really like that you said you got to schedule it at times. Like I think people still, the they like, you know, you still, again, I was married for 11 years. So I was in that game too.
00:13:55
Speaker
You, I think it's important. And when you were both busy and you're both fucking tired and you've got kids, I think you need to schedule it. I think you need both need to sit down and go Saturday night on the 19th, three weeks from now, the kids are going here and we're going out.
00:14:11
Speaker
Dude, I don't even have kids and i I have to schedule it. Because if you don't, you'll never go out. It just falls by the wayside. You've got to schedule it. Because what happens when you're tired? You and her go home, you put some sweatpants on, you click on a movie, and it ain't even like high school anymore, but by the end of the movie, you're both fucking naked. No, you're both snoring by the of the goddamn movie.
00:14:31
Speaker
This is true. Exactly. This is true. and i so I love the fact that you said you have to schedule it. I think that's fucking important because we never did. During the winter, we tend to hit a little bit of a lull in our dates just because we don't want to get out. And then babysitter availability shrinks a little bit.
00:14:48
Speaker
but During the spring, fall and summer, Tara and I get out at least once, if not twice a month with scheduled dates, two of us. it's ah It's something you have to do. The moment you stop doing that, you start becoming more attached to other things and you lose focus on what what's in front of you.
00:15:06
Speaker
um You know, you quit dating your wife and you end up dating your TV. You end up dating a video game. You end up dating whatever it may be. You can insert a thousand different things. But then, you know, she ends up dating...
00:15:18
Speaker
whatever her hobby may be. And that now you're, you're two strangers kind of bouncing around. You might do everything together, but you're not really actually sharing like that passion with each other or that one-on-one attention.
00:15:30
Speaker
So I definitely think dating your spouse is, uh, is valid. is den It's something that has to happen. I'm not much of a scheduler guy. I'm very, uh, much of a spontaneous, spontaneous, like live in the moment kind of dude. I've always been that way though. Our own resident, big Lebowski.
00:15:46
Speaker
Yeah, you know, but but like, I don't know, my my daughter, once once your kids get to a certain age, too, it's a little easier to to kind of pick up and have that that spontaneity again in your relationship. My daughter, she takes care of herself. We go out for a couple hours. like And I feel pretty lacking in that department, too. Maybe I should schedule more dates, like have it planned out like, hey, we're doing this. You don't have a choice.
00:16:10
Speaker
Get your nap in before we leave, you know, kind of thing. Yeah. and that That brings another topic. Who do you think in a relationship? if If you guys have agreed that two dates a month, like you're both, you got kids, you're busy, whatever, or you're working 24 hour shifts and she's working a lot.
00:16:27
Speaker
Who at that point picks the dates? Like, do you split it? watch people These are our dates. Or do you come to agreement? Hey, do you want to eat here Or do you take one date and give it to one person and one date and give it to the other person?
00:16:40
Speaker
and each person gets a date Each person gets a date. I like Otherwise, you end up with the same type of food, the same type of adventure, and one partner tends to feel less seen because you're always eating sushi and they're not a sushi person kind of thing, right?
00:16:59
Speaker
I look at it the other way too. If you're the one that always has to plan it, like that just sucks. like you know yeah Even if you're a guy, like sometimes you want to be like, you want her to be like, hey, I got this place. I want to take you. I'm taking you. And you're like, okay, yeah, this is fun. Let's go. you know My wife did that not that long ago. There's there's a chop house up here. And she's like I was like, hey, I just called her up and I was like, we're going on a date tonight.
00:17:23
Speaker
You pick. I don't care where we go. she's like, all right, most expensive place in town. Sure.
00:17:30
Speaker
So be careful on No, but that's good though. Like I think both partners should be able to pick at least, you know, just bounce back between each other of like what you're going to do, where you're going to do it.
00:17:42
Speaker
I, I struggle a lot with like coming up with like fresh ideas. Like it's, you got to do some research a lot of times. like even Even shit in the fucking nearby area, I struggle with like trying to like think of good, new, exciting ideas. But you know you could still keep it. That's an issue.
00:17:59
Speaker
It's an issue when it comes to like small metropolitans. If you're looking for a lot to do, there won't always be a lot to do. so even like i mean Where i live, hiking dates. Dude, if you go hike for one afternoon and then go to dinner, an early dinner after that, or go to the brewery and get a couple beers after that. That's a date.
00:18:18
Speaker
Yeah. You go, that's a date.
Planning Unique Dates
00:18:20
Speaker
And even if you do it three or four times over the warm months, like that's fine. If you both really enjoy those types of dates, then,
00:18:29
Speaker
There it is. Well, that's the other thing, too. You can keep dates cheap. like They don't have to be expensive. They could still be like exciting or you know a great time together without like breaking the bank.
00:18:41
Speaker
You can do an activity or you can even just go to the fucking diner. like You don't have to drop hundreds of dollars. Yeah. Dude, up here, breakfast date much there's so much like nature. like You've got so many different waterfalls you can hike. You've got canyons you can go to. You've got Lake Superior shoreline. like I just try to keep it in nature, man. We both love hiking. We like walk going for walks together. so But it's free time. Yeah.
00:19:08
Speaker
Yeah. And I think the important part of the day is not the money you spend on it or what you like do something you guys enjoy, but make sure it's just you two. I hate going on a date where unless they're contact, like unless they're checking on their kid, they're, they're on their phone. They're doing other shit. Like I don't,
00:19:25
Speaker
I hate being like, if I have my kids, my phone will sit up, screen up at a way of like, you can see it, but works calling. oh If it's not like if my kids are with my ex wife, boom, phone down. Like I don't,
00:19:42
Speaker
If it even comes out of my pocket, it probably comes out of my pocket because I hate shit my pockets, but I'll put it on the chair next to me or I'll put it face down on the table or it it is it is non-existent because if I'm on a date with somebody, it's me and that person.
00:19:57
Speaker
I don't want, and it annoys the fucking hell out of me if they're like, oh, I'm telling my best friend about this or I got to do this. You know, like it's like we're supposed to be dating. I don't want to date six other people right now.
00:20:09
Speaker
Or Snapchat, yeah. No. yeah They can wait for your fucking what your picture or your food weight until they get done. I struggle with that when it comes to, like, work notifications just because I always feel like you're on the clock, which is unfortunate. But, like, I try to always be aware of what's going on in the area. so like But she's got she's very adamant about, like, being present in the moment, which I appreciate.
00:20:33
Speaker
And it really keeps me in check.
Advice for Singles
00:20:36
Speaker
Just one of you take your cell phone because when I was on when i was on duty with that and on a volunteer fire department duty, I'd leave my phone at home. That way she was the only one with a phone. like If we had an emergency or something, at least one of us had one.
00:20:47
Speaker
Yeah, but she doesn't even check her phone, so it's got to be big. I don't take my work phone with me. If they need to fucking get a hold of me, at least a handful of people I work with have my personal phone.
00:20:59
Speaker
And it if the date gets up and goes to the bathroom, I will look quickly. Okay, nothing's going on. Put that bitch back down yeah and let my farts out. but But like that's that's it. like if i pick up my fucking If she goes to the bathroom and I pick up my phone and I've got like six mixed missed calls from the guy guys i work with, I'm like, oh, fuck. that I got a call. like that's That's just the nature of my business. But besides that, like I'm not taking two fucking cell phones. So, uh, what about you guys with kids?
00:21:32
Speaker
What if, um, do you ever take, like, your whole family on a date? or when you work Um, we have... I don't do a ah family date, but I take each daughter on a date every couple months. Why is your hat sideways right now? You look like a goddamn fool.
00:21:47
Speaker
He looks like Fred Durst from fucking Limp Bizkit. Malibu's most wanted. But no, I like... I take, uh...
00:21:58
Speaker
I'll take the girls on a date and same with Tara. She'll take the girls on a date. um The youngest is still a little wild in restaurants and stuff. So her hers are not really like go eat, but like the oldest loves red lobster. So like she'll, she'll bring me to bread lobster and you know, I fork over a hundred dollar bill so she can eat,
00:22:16
Speaker
Crab legs and shrimp all night and then she loves it. But I definitely think there's a there's a ah parenting lesson there. And that's that you have to, especially if you have girls, you have to show them what it looks like to to like have a good date. Right. Like you have to set that example. Obviously, I'm not taking my children on fucking romantic dates.
00:22:34
Speaker
But I'm taking on dates. I'm i'm treating them like we're using we're using napkins. We're not just like picking up and eating sloppy burgers at home, right? Like we're we're we're doing things in a more sophisticated manner so they know that like, hey, this is how you should be treated going on dates. And it's special because it's just one-on-one time with your kid.
00:22:53
Speaker
I like to do that. like to do that. yeah I don't plan those out um because it's just me when I have all three kids. But like if one's got a medical, like a doctor's appointment at 9 a.m., we'll drop the other two off at school, and I'll take that one to breakfast, and it's a breakfast date or something like that.
00:23:13
Speaker
It's hard to do it when I have all three kids, but like the daddy-daughter dances. I can usually find... something with the other two, take one. Things like that.
00:23:24
Speaker
Yeah, absolutely. i think it's like I think it's an important part of parenting. you just Absolutely. yeah hat for sure it's It's part of that development, right? But it's also setting the expectation as to what the what the child should expect as they get older.
00:23:37
Speaker
I think even though I don't have a boy, i don't have a son, I think it's equally as important to bring the son out for something, ah similar experience. That way he would know, right? Like this is how I should behave in situations.
00:23:50
Speaker
Very much. What would you, all right, so we kind of touched on like relationship dates, family dates, child date, that kind of stuff. For single listener, what would your advice be in this current day and age of dating? And like, how do you, how do you initiate this kind of stuff? I feel like it could be kind of difficult.
00:24:09
Speaker
Especially navigating the apps. I mean, i think so I think staying bold, right? Staying confident, staying a little encouraged. I'm sure that it is severely discouraging with all the fucking Instagram models and whatever they want to call them, in influencers, right? to To take your shot. But I mean...
00:24:30
Speaker
You never know until you take your shot. And that that's kind of like, that's one of those things is as you mature, you accept rejection a little bit better. And I think you just have to kind of really swallow that, that there's going to be a ton of rejection and and don't lose hope.
00:24:45
Speaker
Unfortunately, right, that's a that's a ah current societal issue is that men are losing hope in the dating scene. Therefore, they're not taking their shots. Therefore, we have less population like we have less procreation equaling population like our our numbers are not growing as Americans in in as rapid a succession as they were in the past.
00:25:07
Speaker
And it's because ah lot of studies have shown it's because men don't want to be like publicly embarrassed on social medias by girls outing them and just being absolutely nasty when they ask them out.
00:25:19
Speaker
Just be confident in yourself too. that's ah That's a big thing. like I don't know. i think a lot I think you hit it there though. like it's I think for a lot of younger men, um the older guys don't seem to care so much.
00:25:33
Speaker
oh I think for a lot of younger men, it's the confidence in how cruel the social media is. And I think that's it. It's like, is my peace? It's the same reason a lot of older men who have been divorced maybe have one or two serious relationships that haven't worked out. Like eventually like those guys stop dating.
00:25:53
Speaker
They do like they're, if it comes along, it comes along, but they stop putting effort into dating because it becomes, is my peace and sense of self-worth worth risking putting into somebody else?
00:26:08
Speaker
and Because your self-worth, if you, if you take that chance and you go on that date and and you develop that relationship, You run the risk in putting time in effort and effort in month and month and month and month.
00:26:23
Speaker
And then you run the risk. he You constantly run that risk of that ending, whether slowly by both of you or just train wreck one day done. And when that happens, like everybody here has probably been through heartbreak. Everybody except for Lamont, because last heartbreak he had was...
00:26:40
Speaker
part you are last swear I don't know. But like everybody's been through heartbreak. Everybody has been through that relationship they thought was going to last. And then it didn't.
00:26:51
Speaker
um And I think if that happens enough as an older guy, you like you're like, it ain't fucking worth it anymore. like I'm not going to waste my time. like I'm happy with who I am.
00:27:02
Speaker
I've got my confidence back. I i feel good at who I am. i don't I don't need somebody to live my life. And I think younger guys are just getting there sooner because I think social media has made it so vicious that now 21, 22-year-olds, when we were in college, like Dude, fucking you you get embarrassed at the bar.
00:27:23
Speaker
What do you do? You just go home, come back the next Saturday. did it a fucking game. Like you didn't give a shit because it wasn't going anywhere. It was there at the bar between you and your boys and everybody was getting fucking made fun of.
00:27:34
Speaker
But now I get another drink. Yeah, but now, like, somebody's filming it. Somebody's like, oh, look at this fool. He thinks he can hook up with my friend. He's not trying to hook up. He's just trying to say, hi, I'm so-and-so. It's nice to meet you.
00:27:48
Speaker
And it the viciousness of social media, I think, has pushed younger men now. to go, it ain't worth it It is not worth my peace and my self-worth or my privacy or anything like that.
00:28:03
Speaker
I'm a good dude. I'm a strong dude. And I don't like, I just, I just think that's it. I think as men, we, as we get to a point where it's not worth the risk.
00:28:14
Speaker
Well, even just look at this whole shit with the fucking OnlyFans and like people just selling their bodies online like constantly, whether it's even through paid services or just like revealing themselves in just extremely kind of inappropriate ways. And it's like, yeah, you do you. But when it comes to dating and like trying to find, you know, a worthy candidate, like it just completely throws it out the window.
00:28:37
Speaker
Well, that's what Taylor said, too. We got to set the example as fathers to our daughters, too, that they're like, hey, look, these people, you're going to talk to people. People are going to talk to you. You know, look, teach we got to teach them how to be approachable as well.
00:28:50
Speaker
I would think, you know, as I think social media. I think social media too leaves, and think it's weird, right? Because before social media was big and granted like social media came around when I was in high school.
00:29:03
Speaker
So, but before that, like an ex was an ex, no more contact, no way to look them up, no way to know what they're doing, no way to blah, blah, blah. Dude, social media now, if you're talking to a girl,
00:29:17
Speaker
She may very well be like, oh, I've got John and I've got Jake and I have Steve and here's Nick and here's so on and so forth. And you're like, how many dudes are you talking to? She's not the one. It's just your turn.
00:29:30
Speaker
Yeah, it's like, oh, the we're just friends. And then, like, two months into the relationship, find out, like, her and Jake had dated for a while, and then she dated this. And they're like, hey, how about... Hey, you should meet my friend Aaron. And like, who the fuck is Aaron? Like, oh, we tried to date a couple times.
00:29:45
Speaker
We just weren't good together. It's like, how... You're still having conversations with these guys? like I think in the past, that probably wasn't such a thing. Unless you were in a tiny ass town, I got that. But now, like its it's any girl you're going to go date is probably still in contact with one or two exes or has a handful of dude friends. And let's be honest, if a chick you know has a bunch of dude friends, at least one or two dudes in there, know how many no matter how cool they act towards her, are thinking, and how do I fuck her? 110%.
00:30:14
Speaker
hundred and ten percent It's how dudes are. It's just dudes are. like and nothing like I'm not mad at them. It's not their fault. They're a fucking man. She's keeping that relationship open.
00:30:25
Speaker
I think that happens. in Guys are the same way. Guys keep fucking chicks on the line too. she doesn't She doesn't even have to be thinking that way. She might be completely innocent. and the guys might be the the guys The guys are thinking that way.
00:30:40
Speaker
whether they i Dude, and I say all this as a guy's perspective on the guy's side. I know on the women's side,
Fostering Friendships with 'Bro Dates'
00:30:47
Speaker
dating, it's just as hard. Dudes are dirtbags. We fucking are.
00:30:51
Speaker
Guys will hold six girls and be sleeping with every one of them and none of will know about each other. Like dudes are just as fucking shady and shitty as sometimes women can be.
00:31:04
Speaker
Yeah. And I blame fucking social media. Yeah, and I blame... Scary fucking world out there. Yeah, social media makes it 100 times worse. And easier to do. ye So now that we've covered like a lot of the dating topics here, what about like ah dates with your bros, even?
00:31:19
Speaker
Hell yeah, dude. Hold on, Swamp hasn't talked to me. This is a bro date. Every week, it's my is a bro date. This is date. This is my favorite bro date. I love this shit.
00:31:30
Speaker
I look forward to these dates. I can't wait until we jump out of an airplane together. My activity and then I'm paying for Mendelsohn's dinner. Keep fucking waiting, bitch. Listen, I will pay for your dinner.
00:31:42
Speaker
like You're going to have to pay for way more to get me out of a fucking airplane. Activity and then dinner. but Bro days are broate dates are important. so So are girl dates, whatever you want to call them. Bro, sis date, it doesn't matter.
00:31:55
Speaker
that It's important. and And the reason being is not from a romantic standpoint, but just from a relationship fostering standpoint. If you don't have that intentional time with somebody that you call your friend.
00:32:06
Speaker
Then are they your friend or are they just an acquaintance? Right. It's anybody that you just have topical passing conversation with and text with every once in a while.
00:32:16
Speaker
It's not necessarily a friend. It's you know, that's just a that's a person. It's a person that exists in your world. Have an intentional time, whether it's out shooting, out hiking, out, out you know.
00:32:27
Speaker
Hey, bro, come help me hang up a shelf. I need some help with that. That's a bro date in my book. Let's do some man shit. So I think counting season. Oh, man. i I think there's there's a need for individuals to spend time with other individuals with intentionality.
00:32:43
Speaker
And that's that's to me what it is. Dude, I love going hunting my dad and my brother. like that's those Those are, i mean, you can call them dates, but those are fucking, every 12 months I look forward to that shit. Getting out in the woods.
00:32:55
Speaker
take my I took my son this year. like That shit, that that's awesome. Oh, yeah. yeah That's like I got my my buddy here. Him and I, we're hunting buddies, you know? Bird season, fishing season. we're That's what we do together.
00:33:08
Speaker
We may not see each other all the time, but we intentionally carve out time for each other. I go to coffee with a guy from work and multiple times a week. i would Not every day, but multiple times a week. And that 30 minutes we get coffee is like our chance to bitch and fucking discuss what's going on at the office and kind of help each other navigate through like what the next couple days might look like. And it's just, hey, call it a day, call it whatever you want to call it, but it's ah it's a chance to...
00:33:37
Speaker
lean on a friend and they help you and you help them. It's a way to vent with people who are either in the same boat or understand what you're going through and just getting that other dude's perspective, you know, like sometimes you need advice. Sometimes you just want to fucking bitch about what's going on and like,
00:33:56
Speaker
it's It's having somebody there for you. And for me, it's like a couple of my friends from back home, we just go out to a local bar that's basically our r bar. And we know the bartender and the owner. And we just go there and shoot the shit and talk about everything going on. And that's like rejuvenating
Exploring Different Types of Dates
00:34:13
Speaker
for me. Like I need that shit.
00:34:15
Speaker
It's almost like you save space, man. It is. Absolutely. humans Humans aren't meant to be isolated or walled off. We are we are social nature. Communal. Yeah, dude. It's how we survived.
00:34:27
Speaker
like You had to have your pack. yeah So your your heart and and your being seeks out companionship whether that's romantic companionship or just companionship in general so like the the the need to have those intentional dates it's uh it's it's primeval right it's it's it's part of part of us so oh yeah that's like even with you guys like this intentional date every week you know whether it be a friday night or a sunday night man always look forward to it you guys are pain in the ass to plan it with though bro it's it's hard to get four guys
00:35:03
Speaker
either kids or wives or fucking whatever going on Different time zones. Yeah, different time zones to make something work every week. can already tell you next Sunday.
00:35:14
Speaker
Next Sunday will be out for me, so we can't do it next Sunday. Oh, boy. well I got a birthday party that I've been planning that I got to throw. Actually, I have a 24 next Sunday anyway. All right. All right. All right. We're not going schedule here. We're not going to schedule here. The listeners don't want to hear that.
00:35:31
Speaker
All right. So we've covered. Date with your spouse, dating with the intention to find a lover. um Self-date. Bro dates.
00:35:43
Speaker
Hold on. Sure, let's... I got a question. How come I was the only one that answered the question on ideal date? The three of you fucking have ideal dates, too. I'm the only one that answered the fucking question. It's because you rambled for like 30 minutes, and then we couldn't even get word in. Fuck off. Fuck off.
00:36:01
Speaker
All right. I'll do an ideal date. I'm with you. um I want to do some activity first and then food after. um i don't know specifically what the activity would be. um Tara and I have done some pretty cool dates in the last couple of years.
00:36:15
Speaker
We've got a pumpkin patch right by our house that's called Vala's and it's like huge. It's just massive. And that's been kind of our go-to like comfortable date. And I've really gone, I've really started liking it. Like they've got,
00:36:28
Speaker
Different food vendors, different cider different cidider stations. There's all sorts of shit to do. So, like, if we can just, like, we buy a season passes because the kids love it, and then we go just on our dates.
00:36:40
Speaker
And since we moved houses, we're, like, super close to it now. Yeah, that's that's my ideal date is just a cool night at Valas. For me, that's cool especially when I was single back in the day, it was, uh... It was, like, four years ago.
00:36:56
Speaker
it was It was usually inact activity beforehand. Sometimes it's okay to just do dinner. I don't like to only do an activity where, like, you can't get words in. Like, if you just go to the movies, like, you can't have a conversation or get to know the person. So you've got to have that time to just sit down. Yeah, you've got to have that time to just...
00:37:15
Speaker
be alone together and be able to talk to each other about whatever's going on and get to know each other. But doing an activity beforehand is cool. i I liked doing things like hiking. There's a lot of hiking spots in my area.
00:37:27
Speaker
um Just something outdoorsy is cool. and you know it's It could be easy. It's just simple. Go on a walk like and then go get some food.
00:37:38
Speaker
you know Ideal date for me late as of late. like back in Build an igloo. Back when we were like in the Marine Corps, I mean, it was whenever. Because my wife is also a Marine. And when we were together in the Marine Corps, it would be just whatever we felt like doing. We'd go to the Outer Banks or something. You guys used to go to Toby's.
00:37:56
Speaker
Oh, no. No. We went to the cave. um Those are strip clubs near Jacksonville, North Carolina, for those who don't know.
00:38:06
Speaker
We're going spend the night in the triangle.
00:38:10
Speaker
But no, like... Hey, there's some strippers there. Find answers. We like going for rides. Like, we just get in the car, go check out someplace new. We love going on adventures. you know and I like doing it now on the motorcycle. We go on an adventure. and We find somewhere. We plan out a restaurant we've never eaten at or anything like that. but you know just we we like We like going out on an adventure. like Someplace new, someplace different.
00:38:35
Speaker
and It could be in a car. We get time to talk. we can The kid sleeps normally. so but Do you guys count a long weekend away as like an extended date? Yes. yeah yes If it's just me and her. If it's just me and her.
00:38:49
Speaker
Yes, if it's me, her, and a kid, it's more like a small vacation. Yeah, yeah we're going to we're taking an extended date to the Big Apple in December. You better hit me up, dude. It's a date. We've already gone over this. You can't have a third party on a date. it's no longer a date.
00:39:07
Speaker
It could be a double date. It'll be a double date. Yeah, we could do a double date. You'll meet us in the city. Yeah, absolutely. I'm like two hours a away by train.
00:39:17
Speaker
You're more than welcome to. I would have come. Yes. all All of you are more than welcome to come. Take the train. Fifth wheel it and then find me a date there. Easily. Like right now, my wife's playing in one hour. She wants to take a train over to Montana for me.
00:39:31
Speaker
That's where I want to move to. It's like, it's like, it's not that bad for three people. I think it's less than a thousand dollars for round trips. So, I mean, butre we're kind of save up, entertain it maybe. All right. Dates, states dates, dates.
00:39:44
Speaker
what are some What are some takeaways? Dating in the modern world as a young man is probably scarier than it's ever been. Fuck that. Do a lunch date because it sets time limits. There you go.
00:39:55
Speaker
yeah Coffee's cheap. Dating We'll go and make this bold statement, but dating your spouse is a requirement to stay in a healthy relationship. 100%. Oh, yeah. Bro dates have to be had to keep you sane.
00:40:10
Speaker
what what other What other direct takeaways do we have from this? No, you got to keep it fresh too. Don't be a douchebag. Put effort in. Chivalry should not be dead.
00:40:23
Speaker
You should still be a gentleman. Yes, but expect effort on their part as well. or did i take and There we go, Tyler. There we go. All right. I was i was all kind of don hair away i was i was kind of pulling us into the one-liner takeaways kind of bring us home, but I want to touch on something that you you brought up there, and it ties back to social media.
00:40:46
Speaker
How many times have you seen the social media post of like, this guy only brought me to Olive Garden and it was, he expects to keep me as a woman. Like, have you guys seen those posts?
00:40:58
Speaker
Oh yeah. It's wild. Yeah. who's a bagger i Coffee, then lunch. Coffee, then lunch. That tests that fucking water. if If they're expecting like some sort of extravagant thing, like on a first date, you fuck, you fucking dump a and you dump a fest.
00:41:15
Speaker
yes but She better unlock the door for you. That's right. We're talking about a Bronx tale. um Listen, if we're going on a date, I'm giving you my time.
00:41:28
Speaker
I'm paying for the dinner. i'm i'm opening I'm probably opening the door for you. I'm probably getting your car door. And you know what? If I like you, I've probably brought you some flowers. I'm hitting shivery in multiple points.
00:41:41
Speaker
The least thing you could do and just give a little back. Engage in a conversation. Fucking... Be thankful. Be thankful. Don't be fucking expecting the world. Like...
00:41:52
Speaker
And I don't need you to bitch to me about your life on our first date. I just want to get to know you. I don't want to hear shit. I don't want to hear about your issues on our first date. I don't want to hear no pussy footin' around.
00:42:04
Speaker
that's not it. like I don't want to hear about how much your ex is. David Goggins over here. Yeah. yeah Don't unload the story. If I was Goggins, our first date would be a fucking 26-mile run.
00:42:16
Speaker
You want an activity? Let's fucking see how tough you are. Keep up! My nose is hot!
00:42:25
Speaker
You know my dumb ass can do that too. Oh yeah. Dating's important. We've got to do it. At all times, once you hit that age, dating's going always be present.
00:42:37
Speaker
Whether you're dating to find love, you're dating to keep your friends close, you're dating your wife to retain love and keep the the passion alive. You're taking your kids on dates to help grow them into the human beings that they're they they should be, not delinquent shits.
00:42:54
Speaker
Regardless of what ask what what what point you're on life, dating is about. And I think that's the the big takeaway here is it's going to be part of your life. We never brought up one thing that you said we were going to talk about.
00:43:05
Speaker
Uh-oh. Fucking on the first date. Exactly. max said he Max said it. You're like, we'll get to that. But we never got to it. Yeah, you did. What's your question? Do you do it or do you not do it? Oh, man.
00:43:16
Speaker
Oh, I don't like got you in mind. What kind of gentleman are you? I don't think there's a set rule for it. No? Dude, if you rock star that first date and absolutely crush it with with the romance, with the chivalry, and she is an...
00:43:33
Speaker
yeah in the moment and is like, yeah, like we're going to do this. Obviously don't go 50 shades of gray, but like if you guys
00:43:42
Speaker
like It's going to happen. now That's what I'm saying. like there's so there's There's sex on the first date and then there's like fucking on the first date. right like If y'all are fucking on the first date, you're not getting the third date, big guy. It's probably not going to with yeah If it was i just got it was an amazing date, like yeah. It very well could. like you did You guys just have stupid passion and stupid attraction for each other and you guys just have good...
00:44:11
Speaker
yeah After date sex, it is what it is. yeah I'm not going to say that's dooming the relationship. But no if you go home and you break out the bag of toys and you guys do some kinky shit, like that's probably not good.
00:44:23
Speaker
And don't expect it, though. If you like her and you break her and it's the first date and you fucking pull out all the bells and whistles, don't expect it. You can try for it, but don't fucking expect it. Dude, I don't even kiss on the first date, really.
00:44:38
Speaker
Nope. I know guys that will go for it on the first date, and, dude, I don't even go for it. kiss on the first date. So, funny you say that about kissing on the first date. I had my wife thinking for a long time when we were in high school i was allergic to chapstick.
00:44:53
Speaker
Are you serious? Because I don't like how feels on my lips. It's a really strange thing to know about you now. All right. I've gotten over it over the years. lobby or eleven but He likes them. Why don't you use like the flavor chapstick from here on out? Maybe a little cherry.
00:45:15
Speaker
little vanilla. Oh my god, that's funny. I think if you pull out all the bells and whistles, you should not expect to get laid on the first date.
00:45:26
Speaker
And if you're fucking after the first date, it's probably you you guys aren't in it for the fucking relationship. I mean, maybe you guys will, maybe you'll be friends with benefits for a while, like a situation ship or if I'm even in the realm there, but like, yeah, if it's a great first day and you guys have been talking and it's great chemistry and blah, blah, blah, and clothes come off and so be it.
00:45:47
Speaker
Yeah, I'd say i'd say you're onto something there, Mac. Like third date, maybe. if you're not let's like Like Caleb said, too, though, if you hit it out of the park and it's like 100% chemistry and you guys are like, boom, I see that, too. Don't say no.
00:46:02
Speaker
Blurred lines. you know it's blurred lines yeah It's all about chemistry and expectations together and however you feel is right. You should not expect it, especially if you think they might be worth something.
00:46:15
Speaker
yeah You should never expect it. never yeah We're not those type of guys. There are a lot of those guys, though. Yes, there are. they anno the and Ladies, don't take that BS from them.
00:46:29
Speaker
Okay, and what's the next segment? so um next segment. I think that's it, dude. I think we did a pretty good job on this one. It was fun. and wait I enjoyed my date. had a lovely candles.
00:46:43
Speaker
You lit candles. Good for you. I threw the cat out. right, quirky closeout time. Quirky closeout. love it I love it. I love it. I love it. I love it. I love I love it. Hit me with it. All right.
00:46:54
Speaker
Next day that go on, I'm closing it with a quirky closeout. What is happening right now? What time of the year are we in? Well, let me tell you. When you walk out of most grocery stores, there's some little children and selling cookies.
00:47:08
Speaker
Girl Scout cookies. Favorite flavors and go then min oh I like the Samoas, man.
00:47:20
Speaker
I don't think that's what they're called anymore, but I like the Samoas. No, buddy, they're not well it's not. It's not PC. They're called Caramel Delights, and they're my number two favorite to the toast yeas, which is a new cookie only a couple years old.
00:47:33
Speaker
Hold on. I got to look up the flavors. That's how long it's been had a Girl Scout cookie. You are fucking hazing yourself. What is wrong with you? I'm worried about it. Listen, I ran seven miles today in 46 minutes. Yeah, hazed myself. I enjoyed it.
00:47:46
Speaker
Don't fucking judge me. You should have ended it with a fucking Samoa and a glass of milk. you Don't judge me. what's They had like a peanut butter. do i do like I do like, oh, you're talking about the do-si-dos. I'm looking at the list. I do love the do-si-dos.
00:48:00
Speaker
Yeah. um ah I'll go with the Dosey Dose. Those ones are delicious. Yeah, Dosey Dose and Samoas. All right, so we've got nice we've got three Samoa fans, one Thin Mint fan, I'm a Toastier, and then two Dosey Dose fans.
00:48:15
Speaker
Okay? Give me them Thin Mints, throw them in the freezer. You kinky bastard, you. I know what you do with those. Oh, yeah. That's a third date if you want to know.
00:48:32
Speaker
Tara's got a KitchenAid mixer. One last thing before we go. Tara's got this KitchenAid mixer and you take like whole Twix bars or whole Snickers and you put some villain ice cream in there turn that bitch on. I'm going to do that with Thin Mints.
00:48:44
Speaker
It's a blizzard. It makes a fucking blizzard for Dairy Queen. That's sick. My wife, thought I love ice cream. I do that. um but I fucking love ice cream. It's been good.
00:48:54
Speaker
It's been real. It's been fun. and real fun I laughed a lot. If this was a first date, was a good first date. We're aware. That's why this would have turned into a situationship with you. Alright, love you guys.
00:49:06
Speaker
Love you. such right love you guys love his always love
00:49:24
Speaker
Good morning, Jeff.