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Episode 21: Are You Emotionally Mature?
22 Plays14 days ago
Hey Gents! Today's episode covers emotional maturity, handling emotions, and what you can do to better process them.
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Transcript
Caleb returns to the podcast
00:00:08
Speaker
Good morning, gents.
00:00:13
Speaker
Good morning, gents. This is Caleb. I'm back from a moment of absence. I think I missed an episode or two here, guys.
Father's Day celebrations and fatherhood
00:00:24
Speaker
We've got Brando and Mac on with us. And Littlefoot is enjoying a good Father's Day dinner for Father's Day weekend. can Good for him. I know, I know.
00:00:37
Speaker
speak in of father's day Speaking of Father's Day, we're all three fathers. So happy Father's Day to you guys. Hey, happy Father's Day you, man. it has been a minute.
00:00:51
Speaker
It has been a minute. You guys get anything or do anything special? A honeydew list. I got one of those. Oh,
00:01:03
Speaker
No, the kids are still... The kids are still with their grandparents. I won't pick them up for a couple days. So I'm not getting nothing from them until I pick it up. But that's all right. They're having fun.
00:01:17
Speaker
got you Gotcha, gotcha.
Sports talk: College World Series excitement
00:01:19
Speaker
I got a set of cornhole boards. That's pretty cool. I got some of those a few years ago. and And I got pizza and wings for dinner.
00:01:30
Speaker
And get the watching LSU whip them Razorbacks. What? Are they? Yeah, buddy. CWS time here in Omaha.
00:01:42
Speaker
wait. wait if they Does that mean the Razorbacks won't get in if they lose? No, they're already here. they It's double elimination. Oh, that's right. I forgot it started already.
00:01:55
Speaker
Yep. Well, yesterday was opening day, opening ceremony. Today is the second day games. So there's two games yesterday and there's two games today.
00:02:06
Speaker
it's It's College World Series time here in Omaha. Greatest show on dirt, baby. been watching a lot of Indiana Ball. I've never been.
Entertaining sports and fashion: Savannah Bananas and suits
00:02:15
Speaker
ah Savannah Bananas?
00:02:17
Speaker
The Savannah Bananas, man. yeah Dude, I want to see them. I want to go see them. That looks fun. but I've never seen somebody sold out base and MLB stadiums in my life. No offense to the MLB, but... They're doing them football stadiums now.
00:02:33
Speaker
Looks like a party. Oh, dude. Yeah, I've heard some people go to them, and like they they just they rave about how much fun they are. I want to get... I like the firefighters.
00:02:45
Speaker
Their jersey it was pretty pretty slick. Was it? Yeah. I liked it, you know, be being a hose puller and all. Damn hose pullers.
00:02:58
Speaker
Damn hose pullers. but no I'm looking up suits while we talk. I'm doing man things right now while we talk and while we're bullshit. out got episode You got look dapper, man. I just bought a new suit coat and pants for all you guys saw for that ah but course graduation I was in.
00:03:18
Speaker
Yeah, I think we're going. I'm looking at the State and Liberty because they're for athletic fit. And like, you know me, like I like more athletic fitting clothes because I don't like shit looking baggy at all.
00:03:30
Speaker
i went to I went to Men's Warehouse and had them pull and cinch it all. side like it make Make it fit my body. Body positivity.
00:03:44
Speaker
Depending on the the cost here, I might have to go to Men's Warehouse. this is a but These are pretty expensive. I do not own a suit.
00:03:58
Speaker
I own a jacket and a pair of off-colored gray pants from Goodwill.
00:04:03
Speaker
We're going to get you in a suit, buddy. Sign us with help when y'all meet me in person. yeah Yeah, because we're we're having a suit night. what ah What if we jump out of airplanes in suits?
00:04:16
Speaker
I'm wearing an old suit. I won't drop out in a $500 suit. Yeah, it'd have to be a Goodwill suit. I don't want to hit a bug that's permanently stuck in it. Dude, we should go to Goodwill and try and find 80s suits with shoulder pads and squared shoulders and jump out of airplanes in 80s. I'm jumping out in silkies, bro. like Flannel shirt, nice pair of blue jeans...
00:04:44
Speaker
Nice pair of boots. That's always been like dressed up for me. Yeah, I hear you. like But I know that's not dressing up. Flannel shirts and blue jeans is just what I wear to work during the colder months.
00:04:58
Speaker
Now it's t-shirt and jeans.
00:05:03
Speaker
I need some boys. I'm lighting the light in the fires, man. I need some help.
00:05:12
Speaker
We'll dress you nice. We'll make you pretty.
00:05:17
Speaker
All right, here.
Life and work updates from Brando and Mac
00:05:18
Speaker
Wow. Brando, how was your week? My week was amazing, dude. We just we had camp meeting. So it was meeting a lot of new people and stuff like that.
00:05:29
Speaker
Great time for the kids. Great time for the wife. Just praising the Lord, dude. Having a great time. Learning lots. Lots of wisdom passed there.
00:05:41
Speaker
Heck yeah, heck yeah. Mack? Week? Busy. Busy, busy, busy. That's alright. That's alright.
00:05:53
Speaker
It's better busy than not busy. That's true it's true. Makes it go by. and It gives you a sense of accomplishment. Yes, sir.
00:06:05
Speaker
um weeks My week was pretty good. I got a three-day weekend because I'm burning into a 10-day work week. And it was nice. Got a lot of little honeydews knocked out. um Got to spend some time with the kids. And now I'm just on that work train. No pun intended. No pun intended with the old train reference.
00:06:35
Speaker
We like the points.
Emotional growth from youth to adulthood
00:06:38
Speaker
For listeners out there, this week's change or this week's topic is emotional change or emotional maturation, maturity, whatever we want to call it. But basically- Growth, regression. Yeah, from who you you know who you were at 18 emotionally, anger, sadness, happiness,
00:07:03
Speaker
What contentness, whatever it may be, how how you were, how you handled emotion then versus who you are and how you handle it now. What's changed and do you think it was a good change, bad change and why?
00:07:16
Speaker
Why did it change? So we can do this couple of different ways, fellas. We can run emotion by emotion. We can all kind of unload our personal thoughts and then spitball from there. What do you guys think?
00:07:31
Speaker
You will go emotion for emotion. Yeah, dude. Let's do it. Let's do it. i just I literally just Google because we do this show raw because that's the only way to do live.
00:07:41
Speaker
i cited my Google. ha um I just typed in a list of emotions. All right. Let's do it.
00:07:53
Speaker
All right. The first one is anger. Anger. give me One of you give me the 18, where were you at angry? How did you deal with anger at 18?
00:08:05
Speaker
um I popped off. I would punch things. Dude, I've got a broken hand that I broke twice because of anger. 18-year-old me was a hothead.
00:08:19
Speaker
I wasn't like a public hothead. I was more of like a hothead in my own time. like i could never I never did it publicly. i was always trying to make people happy. Instead of angry.
00:08:31
Speaker
But I would be like silent anger, like in my room and to have a whole line of posters. So, you know, like so I think angry 18 was like.
00:08:43
Speaker
I don't remember being out in public and being angry, but like definitely like if you were a close friend and saw me mad, like very verbal, very verbal. And I wear my emotions on my face. That's never changed.
00:08:56
Speaker
So like i was very verbally angry. I'd honestly have to say, too, i was in boot camp at 18. So, I mean. So, you were just scared shitless. 17, 18. I was just.
00:09:08
Speaker
There was no way to get anger out. You know what I mean? There were no emotions, really. Other than fear. Dude, I'm going to openly admit something here. is But being angry made me angrier when I was 18. Yes.
00:09:25
Speaker
yeah Yes. That is a good way to say it. 100%. I'm going to be honest, like I'm that dude that like gets so pissed off, like my eyes start to like water up and cry a little bit like when I was 18. So like that would embarrass me and I would get even more mad du because I was like, don't be a bitch.
00:09:42
Speaker
I was so obsessed with running when I was 18 that like I'd go fucking run like. If I was angry, like I remember like taking it out on myself. Not what made me angry.
00:09:55
Speaker
Not like the cause of the anger or why I was angry. i didn't even deal with it. I would just put on my running shoes and just go fucking kill myself on a run. And then afterwards still be angry but tired and didn't want to deal with it anymore.
00:10:09
Speaker
That actually sounds pretty pretty well handled for the age. That's a pretty mature action. No, I still i still fucking was verbal. I was still a verbal anger, but i mean, you can't be verbal forever. You gotta fucking go do something with your anger.
00:10:24
Speaker
but There goes Matt running down the road screaming and cursing. Punching the air. Motherfucking shit ass bitch.
00:10:36
Speaker
Oh, man. Oh, what's your difference now, though? So how has it evolved to what it is now? so I'd say like mid 20s.
00:10:50
Speaker
Mid to mid to late 20s is it's worse. And i'm I'm in my early thirty s now, so it's recently evolved. I'd say my mid 20s are really bad. Like just.
00:11:02
Speaker
if I don't know if the conversation wasn't going right, if I felt i don't know, wasn't going my way. you know what i mean it wouldn't matter what was around me it just i had money enough to fix something i'd break it i didn't care yeah yeah i i sympathize with that i think my issue it probably didn't get better until you're right honestly mine didn't get better until i had kids and that kind of forced me to get better um up until having kids like if something wasn't going right or
00:11:42
Speaker
didn't you know the outcome wasn't where i wanted it like things broke still right like i remember like i was routering something and i had forgot to tighten down the router bit and the router bit slipped a little bit and fucking ruined the whole project dude i hucked that 200 router across the across the garage like it explodes you know that's that's 26 that's 26 year old caleb you know wasting 200 because he was angry and like it at that point like
00:12:13
Speaker
anger became more expensive because i was wrecking my own shit instead of my parents' shit but
00:12:21
Speaker
shit. I failed myself, I think, in anger. not no I don't know if I failed myself. But I took jobs that were almost, and you guys know it, like angry in the Marine Corps pays off.
00:12:34
Speaker
Having that angry edge about you in the Marine Corps when you're an NCO, that shit pays dividends. Your ability to react and moot make shit happen when you are mad, like that shit pays dividends.
00:12:47
Speaker
Even when you're a cop, man. like no it ain't good to be a cop, an angry cop, but if you can control your anger and almost harness it to fuel your energy to work through that shift, like you can you can fucking move. And so...
00:13:04
Speaker
But I think I also, man i think I think, I honestly don't think I got better with my anger until I got away from those jobs and was forced by my jobs to sit down and deal with it, but I didn't know how to deal with it.
00:13:25
Speaker
And it was... because I didn't know how to deal with it. It caused a lot of issues out like never angry, never really caused me issues at work, caused me issues outside of work.
00:13:38
Speaker
And me not being able to emotionally deal with it is a big thing that led to divorce. And so I think like it wasn't until then that I was like, even like I saw a therapist before then,
00:13:54
Speaker
And I just didn't like I didn't it didn't register. and so it's kind of like having kids like something you're like the life had to happen to. Bring it up and be like, hey, dumbass.
Strategies for effective anger management
00:14:08
Speaker
Anger is not getting you anywhere. so I mean, you guys, you guys know me. So tell I'm going to tell you this. So before I left to go to the wing, this is just before I came to the Mew. I left my second unit swinging with the wing.
00:14:22
Speaker
And they told me yeah in a plaque, it said Corporal LeMond, fair winds, following the season, following season, you know, like the whole spiel. Then at the bottom, in quotations, it said, kill them with kindness.
00:14:36
Speaker
and Like, my sergeants always try to get me to be angry at people and get mad mad at people. I'm like, do what? They don't listen if I'm mad at them. They don't listen if I'm mad at them. So what's it matter? The plaque they gave me said, fuck this shit, I'm going to the gym. And that was it. i Yep, the CLC, buddy. It did. Mine said cock.
00:15:05
Speaker
so how Y'all know me. I wasn't scared to get angry. Y'all witnessed me go up on a staff NCO on the porch a couple times. so And you saw my relationship with my sergeants and officers. Yeah.
00:15:17
Speaker
Were you guys there when I started throwing Marine Corps order around? No, but but the the fact that you would, I've seen you do it, but I don't know a specific incident when you're not, but the fact that you memorized shit so that you could kind of dirtbag your way through things, I love you so much for it. Like, so much.
00:15:37
Speaker
Like... Brando, you memorized certain Rain Corridor orders. That way, you could push the envelope. It wasn't so that you could hold people accountable. It was so that you could push the envelope. And I would love it when you would cite it.
00:15:51
Speaker
Because Pfeiffer would fucking try and catch you on some reg and you'd be like, actually, I'm going to test it. but Shit bagger at his finest, ladies and gentlemen.
00:16:04
Speaker
You're going to have shrub skates. You better know what you can get away with. That's right, man. That's right. Killing it. so and that that Who was that staff sergeant you had?
00:16:16
Speaker
Tall guy. Olivier. The one that I ran the Mew for? You guys all left. And the whole regime change came through, And I was still going to the gym.
00:16:30
Speaker
And they started making me PT with them in the morning. and I'm like, well, everybody's got a PT. And then I started parking in parking spots. I was like, every quarter base order ball does this. I can park wherever I want to. Oh, dude, it was, before left that place, it was not good.
00:16:47
Speaker
So, so now back on, back on track. Now that we know how Slamman's Marine Corps life was back on track. Now that you've,
00:17:00
Speaker
life has hit you in the face or hit you in the gut or changed or whatever has happened. How do you deal with anger now?
00:17:09
Speaker
and ah take, I take a pause and inventory the situation versus just reacting, right? That's youthful, traversing of angry situations was just like immediate threat react, you know, not not actual physical threat, but like whatever is causing the anger and it's just like reaction with no filter.
00:17:31
Speaker
um Since having kids, I've noticed they emulate you. So like when my oldest was younger, she saw me get angry a few times and like slam something. And I watched her slam something. was like, okay, guess I'm not getting angry anymore. Right. Like, because like, I don't want her to do that.
00:17:49
Speaker
It's not acceptable for her to do it. So I need to set the example. It's not that I don't like, don't not like getting angry. Sometimes anger is useful, right? Like you're digging a hole. If you get mad, you dig a hole faster.
00:18:01
Speaker
Um, so thats good I agree with you. Um, I try to think while I'm while while i'm in like the moment. cause and I know my wife and I will sometimes have a little bit of a heated discussion now. I won't say it's more of an argument.
00:18:19
Speaker
but I even trying i like ah try to be more cognizant of even the words that I choose. even so It doesn't trigger her or it doesn't set her off. It doesn't set me off. I'm playing chess now with my emotion instead of playing checkers with it. and just Actually, I wouldn't even say that. I'd just be like throwing one of the pieces across the board.
00:18:43
Speaker
But yeah I just, I'm more cognizant. And like I said, I try not, honestly, throughout my entire like recent life, I'm actually trying not to even swear at all. Like in front of my children, in front of anybody, because and sometimes those words, like in my mind, they just can either like raise or lower the the tone of of an argument or or disagreement or something like that. So I try not
00:19:08
Speaker
And I've noticed that's helped a lot. My wife is like, I'm like, sorry. I love you. and Yeah.
00:19:20
Speaker
I think anger is probably the big one I still struggle with. oh I'm more cognizant of it. I'm very cognizant of it. And my anger is usually not get like, they like, oh it makes you the most angry is not getting things done in a timely fashion or just ignoring other people's not being kind to people, ignoring other people's time, wasting their time or just not getting things done when asked to do so. And it's, uh,
00:19:53
Speaker
my anger is more directed towards the task not being done or the disrespect towards the other person or to me. And so it is almost like the way I deal with it now where I used to just like ignore like the actual reason behind the anger and then like just take it out for no, and no one really knows how to help you. Right. Cause you're not addressing the problem. You're just fucking walking around mad.
00:20:15
Speaker
Yeah. And, How I think I've evolved here is I can – now I just go and address the problem directly now. So i don't stay angry. Like I don't get angry. du I'm still getting it like i'm still get angry. it's just i'm gonna I'm learning in my fucking – as I get older and have kids and change careers and shit, I'm an emotional human.
00:20:36
Speaker
I ignored my emotionals for a long time. I'm an emotional. I wear it on my sleeve. I wear it on my hot face. i am don't compartmentalize emotions. I'm actually at a very, it's a complete opposite of what I was in the Marine Corps.
00:20:49
Speaker
And I, uh, so, but I have noticed, like, I don't say angry anymore, but I have to address the problem. I can't ignore where the problem and walk around angry.
00:21:00
Speaker
If I take that anger, address the immediate problem, a minute later, I'm cool. I'm back down. I'm, Calm down. Now, during that, like I can still mishandle situations. I am man enough to admit I will still mishandle situations.
00:21:17
Speaker
But if i miss if I out of anger say or do something, especially if it's like in front of my kids, I'm very quick to apologize now and explain why did i lose my shit?
00:21:32
Speaker
Why did I get upset? Why am I angry towards you? Now at work, it's kind of different. I don't all at work. If I get angry at somebody for not accountability and I want, don't necessarily always explain why I'm pissed off at the moment.
00:21:51
Speaker
Um, because sometimes you have to leave people thinking that you're still fucking pissed off so they get the shit done. um And they're not getting away with it. But especially to my kids, if I pop off at my kids, like I have a teenager, we butt heads like motherfuckers.
00:22:07
Speaker
And I think it's natural for parents of teenagers to butt heads. But where 10 years ago, I wouldn't have apologized. have just been pissed off and ignored it.
00:22:18
Speaker
Now it's really important to me to apologize for that and explain why. why it got there because she's going to be elevated to like you said, Caleb, our kids and Emily. So if I get elevated out of anger out of whatever she's doing, she gets elevated out of anger and defense.
00:22:42
Speaker
And so I recognize that. So I think that's something I have evolved in is like, I still deal with the anger, but how I handle the 30 seconds after the anger is different.
00:22:53
Speaker
And I only think I get as mad as I used to. It's more calm and angry. It's just not but my every day. so it's just elevated emotion.
00:23:05
Speaker
I think you hit a good point there, though. Like we I'm quicker to be over it. Like as soon as it's done, it's done. like i'm I'm not. Doesn't control my day anymore. Yeah. So how many emotions do we have total?
00:23:20
Speaker
We'll just, we'll pick up. Yeah. One last point on this or one last question for this for you guys before we move on off of anger.
Evolving fears with age and experience
00:23:29
Speaker
Do you think part of anger in your youth comes from a fear of the situation or how to handle the situation?
00:23:38
Speaker
And do you think you fear less now with experience? Because I find that to be a thing, right? like At least in the workplace. Right. um In the workplace, sometimes I and get angry because like, I don't know my next move on how to recover this situation or this problem.
00:23:56
Speaker
But i have so much I have so much experience now and experience equals confidence. I'm like, eh, but I'll get, like, I'll figure it out. And like, like i'm not going to get angry because like i've been there done that kind of thing like i'm i'm not stressing this i know i'm gonna be fine you know what i mean like roll it into the next one the next one on the list i was gonna skip it but you hit it is fear anger like for your fear fear i don't i don't want to hit like fear of dying because it's something dangerous right like we've all done dangerous shit fuck we know we've all done dangerous shit but fear of like
00:24:32
Speaker
and you How do you deal with the fear of failure or the fear of unknown now? Yeah. Now that you've had a life of experience, and which is kind of what you were saying, Caleb. Yeah, let's let's roll into that. I like that. um So, I mean, I kind of top it, way top it there, but I'll get a little deeper. 18-year-old, you know, you only 150 bucks in your checking account, right? And you don't how going to get gas and get to work and all this other stuff. And you're like, blah.
00:25:01
Speaker
And you're you're on edge. You're easy to set off. You know what I mean? like yeah you're scared But it's it's from a place of being scared. Being fearful of the unknown. Fear runs you.
00:25:14
Speaker
Yeah. Now, well, let's just go around. Like, 18, fear was a very big driver of other emotions. And...
00:25:25
Speaker
and I definitely account that to just lack of experience. So yeah, what about you guys? For sure. What about you? 18 year old y'all.
00:25:38
Speaker
Again, 18 year old me was in a barracks room. I didn't have much to to worry about in the sense of life. You know what I mean? Like the Marine Corps was taking care of me pretty well at that time.
00:25:50
Speaker
Um, I mean, but there was there was that fear of like, you know, you graduate boot camp, you go to NCT, you go to your duty station. So, I mean, I had those just like minor, like how is this going to be assimilating to this new lifestyle?
00:26:03
Speaker
Even though it was literally the only one I knew in adulthood. If you'd consider an 18 year old an adult. No, but I think I'm with i'm with Caleb, man. Fear at 18 ran so many other emotions.
00:26:18
Speaker
it It's just... fear and It wasn't fear of death. It wasn't fear of not being – because I went to college 25 minutes from when my parents lived. I went to college with almost all my friends. I fucking roomed with my best friends growing up.
00:26:33
Speaker
So wasn't fear of, like, these making new people. Do you know what biggest fear at A.C.? I wasn't fear of, like, underage drinking. I wasn't fear of anything. I feared my dad if I ever got in trouble and fucked up.
00:26:46
Speaker
I feared his fucking hand coming down and beating my ass, which I think is a ah healthy fear at 18. You should have that. I feared girls because I was not smooth.
00:26:58
Speaker
I was not good. I feared failure. with I feared being embarrassed. I feared failure. Like, dude, those things that, like, Like an embarrassment at 18 to be embarrassed, like especially in front of 18 year old girls in college. Like, dude, that was a driving fucking factor in how your life goes at 18 when you're in college and you're freshman.
00:27:25
Speaker
And so it was just like I didn't and have real fears. if i had fears of like old like kids. eighteen year old like punk ass college kid fears. Like I didn't fear getting in trouble for drinking.
00:27:38
Speaker
I feared that really cute blonde girl over there that I might embarrass myself if I say the wrong fucking thing. Like that's the, those are the fears I dealt with there. I was such a hippie.
00:27:50
Speaker
just I just love life. I d oh Yeah. I had money. like I had gotten lucky and had some good college-age jobs that kept money in my pocket.
00:28:04
Speaker
And so like it is a time in my life where i can look back and be like, I didn't really have fear. was a weird feeling at 18. But fears have, it ran life.
00:28:14
Speaker
but those those fears i did have thats it ran my life like like fear of talking to her like a really cute girl because you're gonna fuck up like you look at that now and you're like who fucking cares like i don't give a shit it was stupid but that's that that was like i just had these stupid fears in 18 it wasn't until man it wasn't until my oldest was born that fear changed yeah
00:28:47
Speaker
And it was like, I joined the Marine Corps, like fucking deploy me. Let's fucking go. I don't give a shit. Like I'll go spend the next six years in fucking Afghanistan. I didn't give a shit, dude. When I signed up, I was like, fucking I'll live over in Afghanistan for this this duration. i don't care.
00:29:04
Speaker
And then my oldest was born and it was like, oh man, going to miss birthdays. I'm going to miss things. There are things I'm legit. And then it was like, what if so bad happens?
00:29:17
Speaker
what And that was probably the first time in my life. Fear of death took over. And it wasn't the pain of death. It wasn't it whatever of death. It was the fear of missing her life.
00:29:32
Speaker
And I think that, but I had kids young. had kids at 23. 20, yeah, twice 23. Richard was born. I just turned 23. So, yeah, that was younger me, fear. And then, so yeah that was younger mean fear and then I think as it evolved, got out of the Marine Corps, became a cop.
00:29:53
Speaker
You experience, you get used to dangerous shit. So you fear different kinds of calls and not the ones that you can get severely hurt on. It's the ones that you have to block out emotion and you almost have to go emotionless and become almost non-human on.
00:30:11
Speaker
And that takes something from you and not, at the time I was not emotionally intelligent enough to understand that when you deal with and you know that as a paramedic when you go on those calls and you deal with those calls you and you and don't have the emotional intelligence enough to know that you you should probably talk to somebody you should probably get help I think that's that that's what you roll into fear and then it wasn't the fear of getting hurt on the job you put that to the side you didn't think about that it was the fear
00:30:44
Speaker
dealing with some of the calls you went on. And then it was the fear of, i don't know, upsetting my wife, fear of doing wrong to my marriage. I mean, just all those other stress, not making payments, not being them provide for your kids.
00:31:04
Speaker
I think those, those fears that drove you to, they drove me to work and work and work and grind and grind. and grind. And I put so much emphasis emphasis on those fears.
00:31:16
Speaker
it took a lot of It took a lot of life out of me. took a lot i missed out on a lot of life. I missed out on in a lot of my kids' life because I was so fearful of not being able to provide.
00:31:30
Speaker
Yeah. my My fears were weird at 18. And i can I'm going to explain how this wraps up into fears now, but I moved around a lot as a kid.
00:31:45
Speaker
So like my biggest fear was like not fitting in. um So like every move I made was calculated to reduce risk as to like not embarrass myself to be liked. Right.
00:31:58
Speaker
When I joined the Marine Corps, that that kind of changed. I found a ah place where you guys were fucking stuck with me and you had to like me or not like me. regard Regardless, you you were there and you had to be there and you didn't have another option.
00:32:13
Speaker
But I was also good at what I did there. So like it, it, it translated into confidence and it didn't matter what other people's opinions thought of me. And then I left the Marine Corps and everybody's opinion started seeping back in Right.
00:32:27
Speaker
I don't, you know, I'm don't have a college degree. My house isn't as nice as the kids I went to high school with. I don't have kids yet. I don't drive this nice truck. Right. And it was a fear of like not fitting in, not being part of that group.
00:32:41
Speaker
Um, I left the the tribe and and tried to find another tribe and I didn't feel like I belonged. So the fear of like not fitting in haunted me even post Marine Corps and post that confidence that I found in the Marine Corps.
00:32:55
Speaker
Um, that fear really never went away. Um, until, and we're going get churchy here until I accepted Christ as my savior. And, you know, uh,
00:33:10
Speaker
kind of just poured into faith. and just just poured into my faith because like nobody else is here to judge me. Like my kids love me and i know Jesus loves me. and Like i'm I'm good with that at this point. So like it took a lot of like soul searching, a lot of breaking relationships, breaking myself, hitting rock bottom to like fear drove my worst times in life.
00:33:38
Speaker
So. Mm hmm.
00:33:41
Speaker
I'd say one fear I do have now, and since you said you were getting ah scriptural a on it, is not being a not living up to being a godly man for my family.
00:33:56
Speaker
Yeah. And being so early on in my faith. so And then doing it right.
00:34:04
Speaker
That's a big one. I would say now cause I'm not, you guys know me, I'm not a church man. I'm a believer. i pray every day, but I'm not a church man.
00:34:15
Speaker
I pray every day too, brother. I got a book of prayers, man. I write mine down every day. and ah But i would say, Caleb, I'm sure you can attest to this, and Brandon, you can too.
00:34:31
Speaker
When you've lost everything, when you've hit rock bottom, when you've truly, truly hit rock bottom, When you're fucking laying on the rocks and it's raining on you and you just like nothing, everything you work for is gone and you got to sit up and somehow go, i got to start over because giving up is not an option.
00:34:55
Speaker
And you start to rebuild your life on your own from nothing. I didn't, that divorce, bro.
00:35:05
Speaker
It wasn't a 50 50 split, man. It was like, you hear some stuff. And I was out. like When you start from the very bottom bottom, you've built up a life and that's gone and you got to start again.
00:35:28
Speaker
You kind of lose fear when you start rebuilding because you get that confidence. That's like, I'm going to whether you're with me or not. I'm going to build whether you're with, I'm going to build this my own. And then you start figuring out who your true friends are and your your circle gets a lot smaller and you start figuring out who's going to, what your support look like. And once you really learn what your support looks like, and once you really learn that like, cause all of us got married super young, right?
00:35:55
Speaker
So we always had a confidant. We always had a partner. Once you learn, you can do this life on your own. Start losing a lot of stupid fears. Yeah. I don't fear failure anymore. don't fear a mistake. I don't fear rejection.
00:36:11
Speaker
and don't fear. i would say and we'll get to this. i't I don't because I do have a smaller circle than I've ever had. I don't like saying goodbye to people. i I that hits harder now, but I don't fear people leaving.
00:36:26
Speaker
If you want to leave, leave. it it It hurts more when people leave now. like It hurts more because I have such a small group and I don't let myself. I don't open myself up to anybody anymore.
00:36:38
Speaker
But it leads me more into sadness than fear. Yeah. And it's just like I don't don't have fear anymore. Like I don't things don't scare me. The unknown doesn't scare me. The unknown from that from life now goes.
00:36:52
Speaker
All right. I don't know what's going to happen, but fuck it up. I'm not dead yet, so let's see let's see where this fucking goes. Bring it on. Yep, yep. Alright, let's get two more emotions in. So we've got fear. We had anger. Alright, let's go. more major emotions. Two more major.
Understanding love: From youth to maturity
00:37:13
Speaker
What about... can love.
00:37:15
Speaker
what about you can go love
00:37:23
Speaker
loneliness, disappointment, ah excitement, happiness, sadness, upbeat emotion. You want to do love, happiness?
00:37:40
Speaker
let's Let's do love. Let's do love first. Let's let's do this shit. Let's do love. Let's get real with it. 18-year-old me thought love was physical and tangible, like you bought me something, you know, we had intimacy. um We spent times together and had ah like a good time, right? Went on some sort of adventure, a good day, right?
00:38:05
Speaker
Like it was, it was fun basically is what I'm trying to say. Love to me as an 18 year old man, we were having fun in some sort of form or fashion.
00:38:18
Speaker
I'd be about the same for me too, man. My 18 year old me was like, I mean, she's my wife now, you know, but like sneaking off with her to the barracks or something like that, you know, or.
00:38:30
Speaker
Well, nooter. You know. All right. Lunchtime delight. All right. I got you. You know, we got we got married. We got we got married pretty early our in our and our Marine Corps career, you know.
00:38:44
Speaker
um So it was it was it was pretty nice after that. But yeah, 18 year old me, it was, shoot, man. I got use like 17 year old me because that's when I was yeah not in the Marine Corps. That's fine. Who the fuck have we ever been that specific?
00:39:03
Speaker
my My wife, my wife, like, my wife lived with us, you know, like in high school. Her mom had to move in with her boyfriend or her mom's boyfriend said, no, you're 17 years old. You can find a place that you graduate.
00:39:17
Speaker
So my wife moved in with us at a very young age. So, um, her and I, we lived together since
00:39:31
Speaker
Yeah, like, even before the Marine Corps, so, I mean, i've I've been with her, you know, so, like, her and I going for, like, cruising around in my truck that my my me and her cousin built or something like that, like, sneaking off, doing something, you know, going to this party at ah at a,
00:39:48
Speaker
at a trailer in a trailer park or something. You know, that was like one of those, i don't know, typical high school senior things. Man, I don't know what love was at 18.
00:40:02
Speaker
Oh, me either. I didn't have a clue. First of all, I had like a fear of being ah like a fear of embarrassing myself in front of girls. So like, I was so bad. Like,
00:40:16
Speaker
I don't know. I didn't know. I had friends and like, I knew those friends loved me in a friend way. And so like, I knew love in that regard, but like,
00:40:29
Speaker
I don't know what. Fucking intimacy was love. like I don't even know if I thought of it was that was love. like When we say intimacy, are we speaking physical intimacy? or just Physical, bro. Okay. Physical. I was 18. There was no there was no like in emotional intimacy. yeah like ah it was like i didn't even have a girlfriend. like I couldn't even like get the confidence to have a girlfriend. like Even if like things played out well, like it's not like I was like,
00:40:58
Speaker
oh yeah, I'm going to take her on a date. And I'm like, no, I wasn't doing that. like Such a fucking child. Just a dipshit. I get that, man. I had a girlfriend break up with me because I didn't make out with her at a movie theater.
00:41:12
Speaker
And I watched the movie instead. Yeah, like i was just a dipshit. and then I met him right after college. And man...
00:41:23
Speaker
mad She was the first girl I'd ever had any kind of relationship with that challenged me. Like I was such a dipshit that I met this beautiful woman and we were still kids, but I meet this beautiful woman and she, she challenged me, man. Like there was somebody that was on my level, of like bullheaded is full throttle, like go, go.
00:41:53
Speaker
To the point that she even like, there were times I was scared. I was like, oh man, she's kind of, she kind of scares me. I like this. This is fun. And so that like, and then we got pregnant and then she, i mean, she moved, she moved to North Carolina with me. She put up with the deployments.
00:42:14
Speaker
She put up with you assholes. Like, we grew a life together and i think through that our love then started to grow and that's when i really figured out all right that's what this feels like as far as with another human not like with your brothers or with your family but what real love feels like and of course then happens but and now it's
00:42:47
Speaker
Now, now when I think about love, it's like my youngest. Like, or when my son comes up and he just sits on my lap and cuddles up with me while I'm watching TV because he's tired.
00:43:01
Speaker
Like that, that safety net that you provide that they are their complete selves to you. Or like,
00:43:11
Speaker
And I mean, it's not like super deep love, but I've dated since the divorce in the last three years. And like, maybe it's not like deep, deep love, but somebody that has a hard time opening up to you.
00:43:24
Speaker
Finally, when you kind of have those moments of opening up to each other, like there's a, it's a, it's a, it's a layer of love. It may not be that deep forever shit, but it, It's a new layer that you don't go with.
00:43:37
Speaker
yeah You don't go to do with everybody. I could expound off that too, man. like I get that. The true... The love I have for my wife now is completely different from the love I had for my wife when I was 18, 17.
00:43:51
Speaker
seventeen Because i finally yielded myself to her. And everything. yeah as As transparent as glass with that and that really opened up a new plane and a new level to where her and I could actually grow to.
00:44:14
Speaker
Mr. Caleb? Yeah, I don't know. I think struggling through the divorce with Tara and then also having kids has changed how i look at love, right? Like love isn't just the fun stuff, but it's being able to survive the bad stuff.
00:44:34
Speaker
And then, yeah. And then with kids, um,
00:44:43
Speaker
you could be having your worst day and not being the best parent that you are. Yeah. You're still, your kid will still remind you that they love you. Like that's unconditional love. That's, that's, that's not what love is. Or you
00:44:57
Speaker
you could just be setting an example and your six year old recognizes that this is just a good moment and just drops up. I love you randomly. And it's like, yes, that's my favorite. That's my favorite.
00:45:09
Speaker
Or about how about like the choice. And i mean, you guys are married. I'm not, but like I said, I, and my ex wife, he said, this used to come out and it's come out with the girls I've dated. Like,
00:45:25
Speaker
there are times where they make a choice to be with you. Like it's a clear and obvious choice. There could be other things they go do, but they chose, they were making the choice to hang out with you and watch a movie with you. They're making a choice.
00:45:38
Speaker
And like the fact that someone chooses you, when there are so many other things they could be doing, because everyone's got a life. Like that is like this, like I look at it now as like, especially like, cause I spent the majority of my time alone. When somebody chooses you multiple times, you're like,
00:45:54
Speaker
again, it's not like a deep layer of love, but it is a, it is a show of affection towards love of like, I'm going to choose you to spend my time with. yeah Yeah. And like, I think it's, yeah. And I think in marriage, knowing this now, like looking back on having a failed marriage, you have to choose that, like for it to work between both of you, both partners have to choose that they you have to love. Doesn't just come naturally every day. Like,
00:46:23
Speaker
it has to be a choice. Some days it has to be a choice to choose that. You can't choose violence every day. is Then it won't work. Right. Like, and I think that just comes with maturing and relationships.
00:46:37
Speaker
Heck yeah. And all your other emotions. All of them. Yeah. What do you want to go to next? What's your next one? Pick a next one. We've got one more to go through.
00:46:51
Speaker
I got I got one. It doesn't have to be How about because we all live so far away and we're all nomadic by nature, except for Brandon, sounds like who just moves back to the fucking tundra of the Arctic.
00:47:06
Speaker
um And Caleb, you you may be able to attest to this because you moved so much as a kid. What is the difference in saying goodbye to people now than it was the people you care about, people you deeply care about or people you have a relationship with How does it affect you now versus when you were 18?
00:47:27
Speaker
Oh, man, I got a hot take for you. And this might be due to emotional trauma. Go for it. We're waiting. there go here Don't leave me hanging, brother.
00:47:39
Speaker
about popcor um The audience is listening in there. there cliff <unk>e Yeah. Goodbyes don't suck for me, except for Tara and the kids.
00:47:50
Speaker
Beyond that, goodbyes are fine.
00:47:54
Speaker
like And up until like the divorce, even Goodbye to Tara was easy. like um i mean, that's just the the real honest truth. like i don't I don't miss people. I don't know if that's due to moving every two to three years from the age two to you know age 26, 27, and twenty six twenty seven and not being in one place or having the same friend group or anything
Emotional responses to goodbyes and life changes
00:48:26
Speaker
like that, right? Like, I don't know. I've got some fucked up viewpoints on missing people, right? um Like like take take death, for instance, missing and mourning, right? you you could you could You could call mourning of a version of missing, not wanting that goodbye. my dad
00:48:47
Speaker
My dad passed unexpectedly. when I was 27. twenty seven i miss him here and there when I want to have a conversation with him. But like, there's people who were like, oh yeah, my dad used to like do this and like bring it up in a conversation or we're like, Oh, like, man, I really miss so and so or like, and people who try and like, memorialize their lost ones, lost loved ones. Like, that's not me. yeah like You will never you'll never ever hear me like,
00:49:17
Speaker
talk about like, oh, DJ used to do this. Like those moments, like I might have them in my head, but it's not like a constant occurrence. I know some individuals who wake up every morning missing their, their their ah you know, their past parent. It's just not, I'm not saying that that's wrong. That's just not outlying programmed.
00:49:36
Speaker
I just, goodbyes and missing is not something I do, man. I can't, it's not, it's just, I'm callous to it and I don't know if it's good or bad, but it's, it's just not in me.
00:49:48
Speaker
I have a feeling it has a lot to do with your. It has a lot do with the way you're brought up. Move. Yeah. Move, you know, like you knew you couldn't build that. And I mean, that'd be ah a different topic for a different day, but probably a lot of superficial friendships instead like deep meaning.
00:50:09
Speaker
and And I'm not saying that's true of now, you know what I mean? But. It's just hard to let go. I'm
00:50:20
Speaker
i'm a complete opposite, dude. 18, I think from 18 to 17, 18, and like moving away from a place where I was my whole life, is just we fell apart.
00:50:32
Speaker
we didn't like We just drifted away. It wasn't like a... you know cause I had my guys I'd see like when I'd go home on leave, but then like after a while, it just...
00:50:45
Speaker
they they would be there, they wouldn't be there, they'd be working, know, and they'd have kids, life got more intense than everybody's angles. So it wasn't like we were talking all the time. We just hang out when we saw each other.
00:50:58
Speaker
But I'd say like,
00:51:02
Speaker
it's easier for me now, if you go against my morals and or ethics to cut you out of my life, then it doesn't hurt me to say goodbye to you.
00:51:13
Speaker
But if it was, something like unexpected, you know, like, Hey, we're just no longer friends or it's like, things were going good. And this just happened. Like, sorry about your luck, but yeah, like, don't know. I can kind of just cut people out, but it hurts sometimes to have to do it.
00:51:33
Speaker
I would say 18 year old me. I mean, shit up until four years ago, three years ago, i was a lot like Caleb. man out bye later see you later like i moved on like i was so nomadic in life and moving so that like guys i like spent four years of college with it was like i graduated college and i keep tabs with one of them you know like
00:52:05
Speaker
and That's a relationship I started rebuilding. like After 10 years away, and I was like, man, I've got to get back with him. like That dude, was he's the shit. but it's just like There was a time in life where, all right, son, bye.
00:52:21
Speaker
Bye. not Later, dude. and it wasn't it It wasn't like I like ah loved you guys, but it was just like, all right, he's out. That it.
00:52:33
Speaker
that was it Oh, but I can. And and yeah we talked about it prior to the episode. And that's what made me think of this is like, since I got a divorce.
00:52:45
Speaker
That has changed.
00:52:49
Speaker
So much for me. One, I don't have superficial relationships anymore. I don't do it. I don't. If I'm going to be your friend, I'm going to be your friend. I'm going to emotionally invest in you.
00:53:03
Speaker
My family have supported me so much in the last three years and an emotional investment in them again has just like, it's a whole new relationship than it was when I was a kid.
00:53:14
Speaker
And now like dating too, like I don't date. I just don't, I don't, I don't find but run across a lot of women. I'm like, I want to take the time and emotionally invest in you. you You're entertaining me.
00:53:26
Speaker
But if I do like, and we see each other for numerous dates or start to develop a relationship, I'm emotionally investing in them. Something I don't do with everybody. um Partners at work.
00:53:39
Speaker
ah Most of my work people are acquaintances. I pick a like a handful of those have turned into more of a friendship that I'm lucky enough to work with my friend now.
00:53:50
Speaker
And I'm having to say bye to one of those guys. And it it is, I've noticed, especially with the events of the last week or so, and losing some of that is like, it's almost, it's harder now because my circle is smaller smaller and the only people I'm keeping constants in my life are people that I'm giving emotion to.
00:54:10
Speaker
And so when they leave or I leave or that relationship has is now suddenly ending, it's so like and It just hit me this week. I'm like, man, this is actually harder than it used to be.
00:54:23
Speaker
It used to be easy to say bye to friends. It used to be easy to break off relationships. It's now not. It's not anymore. it's like it's like you you and It's like you just gave away free money. But what you did is you you you did more than that. You gave them part of your you gave them a your time, which we all know with work and kids is extremely hard to do.
00:54:44
Speaker
My kids have been gone for three weeks with their grandparents. I'm missing the shit out of them like like Even though I know I'm getting them back in a few days, like I'm still like dealing with not having them.
00:54:57
Speaker
And I'm like, man, this it's weird. it's a new It's a new emotion for me. It's a new feeling. And it's ah maybe it's just new recognition of what it is. And it is just dealing with the the, and maybe it's not the final goodbye, but it's it's dealing with the goodbye.
00:55:13
Speaker
And it's like, I don't want to be that guy. It's like my circle that's already small is now smaller again.
00:55:21
Speaker
So I don't know. mine Mine has changed quite a bit.
00:55:27
Speaker
Maybe it'd be easier. It could have been easy. Like I look back and dude if it was 10 years ago, dude, that's easy. Life was easy, right? I didn't emotionally invest in people. But now I think as we get older, we emotionally invest in people and and it gets harder to say bye then.
00:55:42
Speaker
yeah.
00:55:45
Speaker
Yeah, man, it's emotions are weird. They're absolutely weird. How they change. They grow with you it's as you grow and experiences and what's also weird, right? Like we're, we're, we're all humans.
00:56:00
Speaker
Yeah.
The impact of emotional processing on relationships
00:56:01
Speaker
By, by design, we all have two arms, two legs, 10 toes, 10 fingers, two eyes. Slammin' has three legs. That's right.
00:56:11
Speaker
Well, tripod, ah but No two humans process emotion the same. We all walk relatively the same. We all talk relatively the same. It's the same physical functions and in and anatomy, but emotions, nobody fucking deals with them the same.
00:56:33
Speaker
I think that's what what what complicates relationships. I think that's what complicates life, progress, and whatever you want to put it in there. It's it's always going to be the biggest snafu is always going to be between people. It's going to be emotions differ. And I think i think as men it stresses us out on whether we're dealing with them correctly or not instead of they living in them but i'm accepting them i can't admit since i've been walking closer to god i have found joy and peace like no other before so it has made some of those emotions a lot easier i love it for you i love that's been a good talk
00:57:11
Speaker
I think it's its i think and this is something everybody deals with. Everyone deals with emotions. we didn't have We didn't hit every single one. We dealt with some major ones. But yeah, I think it was a good talk. I think it's it gets people thinking about how they deal with their own.
00:57:26
Speaker
Yes. i think it's ah I think that's a good challenge to the listeners out there. Take inventory of your emotions. See what you've changed and see if you think you're headed in the right direction. And maybe this is a time to pivot from where you're headed and And kind of say, hey, like, I want to address my anger or, hey, I want to address my isolationism or my depression, whatever it may be, the emotional that you think is capturing your your your your bandwidth at the moment.
00:57:52
Speaker
and And just take inventory of the of your emotions and it kind of, you know, put a plan in place to seek help.
Closing remarks and gratitude to listeners
00:57:58
Speaker
You know, that's that's through books, through therapy, whatever it may be. and All right, you guys ready for a... a a r baby Yeah.
00:58:07
Speaker
You guys ready for a quirky closeout? Yes, sir. Hit me, buddy. Well, first... God, it's been a minute. I'm running and dry. First, I've got to ask a couple questions before we fuck up and dox somebody.
00:58:20
Speaker
Okay. ah think back Think back to your first email address. Your first ever email address. If you said it on the podcast, will it reveal your idea your anything about you you don't want known?
00:58:37
Speaker
Yes. Fuck. Okay. Give me a second. We're going pivot. I'll tell you where where we're going to go was ah tell us all your first email address. And I was going to tell you, mine was GMC Vaulter because I drove a GMC and I pole vaulted.
00:58:52
Speaker
like it.
00:58:56
Speaker
ah like it All right. um I can't remember mine. I know it had 69 in it. Yeah, that's what I was expecting.
00:59:06
Speaker
Am I that predictable? ge Of course it did. right.
00:59:18
Speaker
We're pivoting. What is one item It has to be an item. It has to be an item. I understand we will never give up our families and our... And Brandon, I'm going to do this for us.
00:59:35
Speaker
The Bible's out for this. I want something more... more more um
00:59:43
Speaker
Not as deep. Just something superficial. A superficial item that you would not give up, that you can't live without, right? Like, like let's let's play the hypothetical ballpark here.
00:59:55
Speaker
Superficial item. Could that be food item? Yeah, dude. It can be a food item. Brother, it's hot sauce.
01:00:04
Speaker
I'm sorry. i'm sorry I can't give up hot sauce. I love hot sauce. I think...
01:00:12
Speaker
and running i think That's not an item. All right, I'll change it up a bit. You said running? Yeah, running's not, like, that doesn't count. I could not give that up.
01:00:23
Speaker
I might be able to give up weights. Dude, you like you can you can you you could run naked and barefooted. It's not an item. I have. it too I could not give up. like like you can say like You could say like, oh, my my specific hoodie, my hat, sunglasses, a Game Boy and want it back.
01:00:45
Speaker
Yeah,
01:00:50
Speaker
I gave up a hoodie. gave up some sweatpants.
01:00:55
Speaker
Mine's a fishing pole. Oh, dude. Man.
01:01:00
Speaker
ah yeah there and i've got I've got the watch my dad wore the whole time he worked the road. It needs a new battery, but I still the watch.
01:01:12
Speaker
I'd probably kill a motherfucker if they tried to take it.
01:01:17
Speaker
That's fair. That's fair. You guys had me pivot. i had ah i thought the I thought the email address one was going to be real fun and funny. o I'm boring human, my man. I'm a boring I can log into my MySpace, I can tell you.
01:01:31
Speaker
man. Oh, man. Hot take. We need to bring MySpace back. You can change the layouts. You can change the the song. You can add your top five. That way they know who they are.
01:01:43
Speaker
you know i know, right? and it's facebook i got not on mypace know my speech They got They got to know. They got to know.
01:01:52
Speaker
Tom is my number one friend. Yeah. dude i remember i remember combing the internet looking for myspace layouts and you had to drop it in there and it was like weird coding and i didn't really know what it meant and i was just like yeah copy and paste and then it'd pop up and it's like this cool background with like lime green outlines and like here's my song spot and i load my song in and oh man i loved my space i thought yours was the shit oh i geeked out i geeked out and it was always like Blink-182 or Rage Against the Machine. It was oh it was total pop-punk lifestyle. I love it.
01:02:30
Speaker
I love it. I'd always have to i' always have to like go to my friend's house. I remember my friend Katie, Ashley, and Amy, they'd all be at their house. My buddy Jeremy and jo Josh and I would we go to their house their house and we'd get on one computer. We'd just be back and forth with MySpace. That's funny.
01:02:50
Speaker
i don't think i ever had it I don't remember having MySpace. instead I stayed off. I didn't get a Facebook until my senior year. I had MySpace when I was in middle school. don't remember having MySpace. I think I stayed off. I don't think I had Facebook until like right before I went to college.
01:03:08
Speaker
I mean, granted, Facebook was still brand fucking new. I like started my senior year, the end of my senior year, so was still brand fucking new when I went to college. But yeah, i don't think i had social media until I went to college.
01:03:22
Speaker
It was still fucking brand new.
01:03:26
Speaker
but So fishbowl, hot sauce, and a watch. That's right. together Together can make it happen. when Together we can catch fish and live.
01:03:39
Speaker
And we do miss Littlefoot today. we can and We could use the the the watch and the pole to catch the fish and we'd have the sauce to fucking cook it with. I don't miss him.
01:03:50
Speaker
I don't miss him. I don't miss anybody. I don't miss him. I do miss him. and i yeah i hope his his evening went well and I hope he can join us next week.
01:04:06
Speaker
I do. let's let's Let's throw some appreciation to the listeners having some patience. Life is crazy right now. where We suck at getting them out on time. We're struggling to to stick to one a week. It might drop down to one every two weeks.
01:04:22
Speaker
And I know you guys don't care because you support us, but we just want to thank you for being good. Good listeners. Oh, so thankful. Yeah.
01:04:34
Speaker
I think it's been, has it been three weeks since we did an episode? Two. Two. Two? All right. Yeah. missed one. Man. If we run an episode a week, 52 episodes a year, that's that's a lot of content.
01:04:48
Speaker
These people are going to be tired of hearing us. so We're in the 20s. That's good. I'm already tired of hearing. We could probably stop recording right now. Bye, guys. See later dude
01:05:12
Speaker
Good morning, Gents