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Dating After Loss: Finding Love Again with Donna Meador
26 Plays6 hours ago
DonnA Meador is a women's dating coach, author, and speaker who helps smart, soulful women over 50 find love again without repeating old patterns or sacrificing who they are. At 66, DonnA has walked the path of love, loss, and rediscovery. She became a widow at 57 when her late husband, Pietro, passed away suddenly just 15 days after his 70th birthday.
As a self-proclaimed "dating intuitive," DonnA combines her strong intuition with lived experience to see beneath the surface, sense the energy behind choices, and guide women to trust their inner knowing. Her own journey of navigating "grief brain" and learning to open her heart to love a second time—she is now happily remarried to her husband, Jeff—gives her a unique and compassionate perspective on dating after loss.
DonnA is the author of the book "Dating, It's Not Personal," which she began writing in 2004 and published in 2014 as a love story dedicated to Pietro. She is also the creator of the YouTube channel Smart Dating Divas, where she and her husband Jeff share dating advice and a man's perspective.
Her core mission is to help women understand and embrace their immense value in relationships, reminding them to "look for love where it is and not where it isn't". Through her coaching, book, and online presence, DonnA empowers women to reconnect with their feminine wisdom, reclaim joy, and attract love that meets them soul-to-soul.
https://smartdatingdivas.com/ https://www.facebook.com/donna.s.meador
https://www.linkedin.com/in/dbsmeador/ https://www.instagram.com/smartdatingdivas/
Interview Highlights
• Sudden Loss & a Love Story: Donna shares her ten-year love story with her late husband, Pietro, who passed away suddenly from a heart attack and stroke while receiving cancer treatment.
• The Power of Declaration: Pietro had often declared he'd be happy to make it to 70 and didn't want to suffer. He passed away 15 days after his 70th birthday, getting everything he had declared, departing with hope in his heart.
• Receiving Support: A key piece of advice for the grieving: "allow people to love you the way they know how." Donna's community showed up with food and practical help because she was open to receiving it, even when she was too overwhelmed to ask.
• Navigating "Grief Brain": For nearly two years, Donna experienced "grief brain," which made her unable to perform simple tasks like reading a menu.
• Finding Love a Second Time: Donna discusses the challenge of opening her heart again, wondering, "How could I possibly fall in love when I'm already in love?". She explains that the heart simply grows to make room for more love and is now happily married to Jeff.
• A Continued Spiritual Connection: Donna shares that she still communicates with Pietro in his non-physical form and that he has even appeared to her now-husband, Jeff, as a spirit guide, offering his blessing and support.
• Donna's Core Message: Her passion is to help women understand their immense value in relationships. Her biggest tip is to "look for love where it is and not where it isn't".
Contact Kendra Rinaldi to be a guest on the podcast.
To book a coaching discovery call email griefgratitudepodcast@gmail.com
Recommended
Transcript
Introduction to the Podcast
00:00:01
Speaker
When you allow people to love you the way they know how, magic It's magical because I had no strength.
00:00:13
Speaker
If somebody asked me a question like, um, Hey, we want to set up a food train. What kind of food do you like? I just ignored the email. I couldn't answer. i had made so many decisions in such rapid fire time that when I went down,
00:00:31
Speaker
I was done. i was finished. So I couldn't answer questions. So people showed up and I just allowed ah
00:00:46
Speaker
Welcome to Grief, Gratitude and the Gray in Between podcast. I'm your host, Kendra Rinaldi. This is a space to explore the full spectrum of grief, from the kind that comes with death to the kind that shows up in life's many transitions. Through stories and conversations, we remind each other that we're not alone.
00:01:08
Speaker
Your journey matters, and here we're figuring it out together. Let's dive right in to today's episode.
Introducing Donna Medder
00:01:25
Speaker
You guys are in for a treat today. We have Donna Medder. She is a woman's dating coach. She herself has been through love, through loss, and rediscovering herself.
00:01:40
Speaker
And she is here to share her own journey of how it is she started Smart Dating Divas on YouTube and how she became the author ah of the book Dating.
00:01:54
Speaker
It's not personal. So we will learn more about you, Donna. Welcome.
Coaching Women in Later Life
00:02:00
Speaker
Thank you so much. And I love what you're doing, Kendra. Thank you for sharing your wisdom with the world.
00:02:08
Speaker
Well, thank you for also reaching out and wanting to be here and being able to share this because it is so important to be able to have these conversations about how it is to start life again, pretty much the real or not life again, but dating life again in your 50s, 60s, 70s and beyond, which is what you do and who you focus really on coaching.
00:02:32
Speaker
And I cannot wait to hear more about your story. And the reason I said that the listeners are in for a tweet is because you have this very exuberant, loving and energetic, ah ah you know, energy but to not to be redundant here about yourself. And so I can't wait to learn more about you and for the listeners to learn more about you as well.
00:02:55
Speaker
Thank
Grief and Positivity
00:02:56
Speaker
you. what What's super exciting for me and connecting with you, Kendra, is we talk often about grief. and how it put us in a position of making a decision, didn't it?
00:03:09
Speaker
It sort of catapulted us going, do we want to stay in this place of such heartache? Or do we want to pivot and look for the jewels and the gold and the
Intuition in Dating Coaching
00:03:20
Speaker
the rainbow? you know And for me, now I recently, my mom just recently transitioned.
00:03:28
Speaker
And since you don't know me that well, I'm a dating intuitive. So your audience is in for a treat for sure, because I'm a dating intuitive. Who's a dating intuitive? I am. What does that mean? Yeah. well Yes. Let's let's. dive OK, i well, you can say that, but then I want to dive into more of your past. So tell me, tell us what a dayative dating intuitive is.
00:03:50
Speaker
And then I'm going to just go start asking some questions here about you. Thank you. ah i just recently allowed myself to acknowledge the fact that I have strong intuitions.
00:04:03
Speaker
You know, we often talk about how we play small and we don't want to, we want to be humble and we don't want to be conceited. You know what? Let's just wash the board. And when I stepped into to the understanding that I was truly an intuitive and I'm a woman's dating coach,
00:04:21
Speaker
the two came together like magic and I'm like stepping into it. I'm like, yeah, because I have given women advice that after it comes out of my mouth, I say to myself, where did that come from? so that is where I sit.
Loss and Love: Donna's Journey
00:04:36
Speaker
Now, when we back up into the grief for your audience who doesn't know, i became a widow at 57 and my book dating, it's not personal was actually born from my journey going out dating in my early to mid 40s and all that I went through, okay all the limbs of the trees that I've fallen off ah of, all the stuff that people go through now up until I married met and married my late husband.
00:05:07
Speaker
So this is now a love story. He passed away in 2016.
00:05:11
Speaker
But I've had this book now sits in homes in Japan, in Italy, in Germany. um Somebody just recently got it. They're in Vienna. And I'm like, and they're saying to me, Donna, you're helping me straighten my crown.
00:05:27
Speaker
I reminded them who they are. And my whole passion, once my my Pietro departed, was I wanted women to understand their value when it came to relationships. We talk so much about business.
00:05:40
Speaker
We talk so much about being successful. How about being a really in a really great relationship? And what does that look like? And why did we play small there?
00:05:52
Speaker
I can go on a tangent. Love it. No, no. And we will, we'll definitely talk more about that.
Embracing Spiritual Gifts
00:05:58
Speaker
What you said about embracing your gifts and being really proud of saying, I am a dative dating intuitive.
00:06:07
Speaker
It's like my, I call myself, you know, ah intuitive grief coach. And really being able to honor those gifts that we have is so important because when we carry ourselves in that way of the knowing of who we are, then the people that we are going to attract into our lives are really going to also be attracted to that energy ah and we're going to attract the right people. I say we, I'm not, I'm i'm with, i I could say we in terms of even friendships and commune because i I'm married, but I'm saying in general, we want to be able that the to have the people in our lives have the matching energy
00:06:50
Speaker
that we are also ah exuding, right? So in taking ownership of who we are, in embracing all these gifts, it's not proud. It's not like being proudful or arrogant. It's about really being humble that we were given. I'm very much into the spiritual component. We're given everybody has these gifts. If you do not acknowledge them and take, like you said, and put that crown on of who you are it's as if you're not acknowledging your creator's you know capacity of know of gifting gifting you these gifts so thank you for for for saying that yes what would you have to i know you're doing all these and people my my normally i just put little clips for people to see of the video they don't see the whole video so tell me what what about what i was saying was resonating with what message it is that you give
00:07:41
Speaker
Yeah, thank you. but You know, I bited the chomp here because um we all come from our experiences. Every one of us is living the story of that, of our environment, of what we lived.
00:07:58
Speaker
And the intuitive part is about me embracing the fact that it's okay that I have evolved and grown different. Different is my magic word for everybody out there. When i met and married my second husband, my, my now husband, I call him my now husband because I have a late one and a now one and they're, they both exist.
00:08:20
Speaker
When I met him, it was hard for me to understand how could I possibly fall in love when I'm already in love? So when we go through these experiences, we don't realize the gifts that are popping up.
00:08:35
Speaker
And you don't have to go through grief to go through this, but we tend not to embrace it. And it took me a couple of years to go, yeah, like, it's not just me. Like I have this intuition.
00:08:50
Speaker
I'm hugely spiritual. And the fun part about my relationship with my now husband, Jeff, is that he's religious, right? He's a born again Christian. He read the Bible 20 times. He did all those things in his growing up experiences.
00:09:04
Speaker
And I was brought up Catholic. And when I got to be in my, i don't know, thirties or forties, I started going into spirituality. I was always into the palm readers and the psychics back in the seventies and eighties. And I just found it intriguing. I had no idea that I could actually hone the skill.
00:09:22
Speaker
The knowledge didn't come to me until January of 2025. I'd always been doing it, but I wasn't able to verbalize, oh you mean i can actually hone it and sharpen it and get better at it?
00:09:35
Speaker
Oh yeah, I am in. And so it's been a true fun ride with my now husband, Jeff, who says, you know, life is not boring with you, honey. ah Never boring. I love that. and And I love that you are sharing that part that you said. It's like, how can I be in love with someone if I'm already in love? And being a mother, I know that sometimes even ah parents, when they're about to become parents for the second time, they fear. And I know this fear is like, hi how am I going to love another being like I loved my first? And all it is is that your heart heart just grows. You just keep on it. There's room, there's room for all this. So the fact that you can still love your late husband, Petro, at is that correct?
00:10:21
Speaker
but Pietro? yeahtro yeah Pietro. And love your husband, Jeff, your now husband, like you call him, Jeff is is beautiful. So let's back up into your journey of when you became a widow and how was it for you?
00:10:42
Speaker
ah well was it a sudden widowhood? yeah Was it something? Okay. Share that story, please, with us.
Challenges and Choices in Illness
00:10:48
Speaker
Yeah, happy to share that because grief is part of most of our lives in one way, form or another.
00:10:55
Speaker
I was ah with my husband for 10 years total. It was pretty traditional. We meant networking, by the way, for all those people who are out there networking, just FYI. Sometimes it's not a dating app.
00:11:07
Speaker
We met networking and I never saw him coming. Pietro was 12 years older than me. He was an off-the-boat Italian. had just taken up cigar smoking at the time. I met him in a members-only cigar lounge in New York City, complete with those big old brown leather chairs and a beautiful view of the New York City skyline.
00:11:27
Speaker
i yeah I didn't pay him much attention. We were networking and he was like he was a ah furniture installer. ah for corporate and I was a business development for GC for contracting. So naturally he was going to chase me. I'm putting quotes in the airs here.
00:11:44
Speaker
And so yeah i just allowed that to happen. Meanwhile, I'm out there dating, you know, at that time I was in my early to mid forties. I'm dating 30 year olds and 40 year olds and 50 year olds. I never saw this six year old coming.
00:11:56
Speaker
So two months into it, we meet ah for a drink a to network and There's a shift that's starting to happen and I can feel it and I don't quite understand it, but I've learned enough. And if anybody wants to read about those details, they can read it my book. It's a lot of fun stories in there about real life dating experiences.
00:12:17
Speaker
But um I would know Pietro for two months before I realized I was in love with him. And we it was, it was, um, typical timing, right? So like one year of courtship, one year of engagement, one and then we got married, we were together 10 years.
00:12:35
Speaker
And in August of 2016, he called, he called me and he said, I spit up blood and I was just getting out of a networking event. And I ran, we went in high gear, as you can imagine.
00:12:48
Speaker
And When you go through something like this, you are in high drive, fight or flight, move everything out of the way, climb over the mountains, run through them, whatever you have to do.
00:13:00
Speaker
And we started the journey. The medical community takes longer than you want them to, right? You can do a test and they let you know a week later and you do a test. Oh my goodness. Yeah. It's so frustrating. yeah Yeah. It is. You really have to sit and, um,
00:13:15
Speaker
faith and you have to sort of stay grounded as best you can. And friends of ours said, you know, what would you like, Pietro? Would you like ah to go traditional or would you like to know what your options are in Mexico at that time? we want it, you know, so or you can and do immunotherapy for those of you who are more health conscious or of mind where you have ways to cure cancer differently than we, up until at that time, allowed here in the States. So I like him make- Was it lung diagnosis? Was it a lung cancer diagnosis or what type of cancer?
00:13:50
Speaker
It was ah cancer diagnosis. diagnosis there There was clearly cancer in his lungs. And because I didn't want to, i I shouldn't say I didn't, it wasn't me. I gave everything to- je ah your p yeah oh I'm getting my husband's confused. I wanted him to make the decision, right? This is his life. But as his wife, I was going to everything in my power to make it happen.
00:14:16
Speaker
So we start the journey. There's lung cancer, but there's more, there's more, right? But I said to him, do you want to go traditional chemotherapy or do you want to go immunotherapy? Okay.
00:14:31
Speaker
We actually went to Mexico and had a meeting with the doctor there. He actually went to the hospital and had a meeting with the doctor there. He made the decision. We made it happen. and We had to do go fund me because everything is cash for Mexico. I'm blessed to say that we got the money together. I think at that time was $7,000 a week.
00:14:50
Speaker
We got two weeks worth within days. So we got him off to Mexico. i went with him. Um, they do things very differently there and everything was improving.
00:15:00
Speaker
And the reason I'm kind of not avoiding your question, but the fact is i in my heart, didn't want him to go for any kind of biopsy because I knew that once the air hits the cancer, we now have a garden, a garden of weeds and flowers and and I didn't want it to grow.
00:15:20
Speaker
And Mexico does it different. They say, no, we're going, we don't care where your cancer is. We are going to do our treatments, which is like basically took, I don't know, so many vials of blood.
00:15:31
Speaker
They do something with the blood and they put it back into your body. So your own body was fighting the cancer. Big difference in what we what chemo is.
00:15:43
Speaker
Pietro's wishes, for everybody listening, again, I'm very spiritual. Now, Pietro would not have agreed with this in his physical form, but I will tell you now, we have communicated with him in his non-physical form, and it's it's kind of a big joke, right? But at that time,
00:16:00
Speaker
He um didn't understand ah what was being done, but he knew he wanted to go the natural way. But here's what he told me when I met him. He was 60. I was 48. And we were having a conversation. And he said to me, and know I do this all the time. It's not making fun of it just the way I am.
00:16:18
Speaker
Baby, I'll be happy if I make it to 70. That's what he sounded like. And um remember looking at him going, what's wrong with 80 or 90? Like, why 70? Like, that's that's only 10 years of away, I'm thinking, right?
00:16:31
Speaker
So he declared what his, right, what his path was. Did I know it at the time? No. He also declared he didn't want anybody to see him sick.
00:16:44
Speaker
He didn't want to dwindle in front of people. And he didn't want, did not want to have pain. Those are his declarations as we started this journey. So he laid out his heart's mission.
00:17:01
Speaker
Now, did I deliberately go, okay, check it off? it No. But when in hindsight, I look back, he got everything he declared. I always say that Pietro and the big man upstairs were in cahoots.
00:17:12
Speaker
Everything he wanted, he got. So in Mexico, while we were getting ready for him to come home for our celebratory Thanksgiving feast, because he was improving greatly. How long were you there? How long were you there?
00:17:25
Speaker
We were there for three weeks. He was there for three weeks. I went back and forth about three times. Um, He went in, right? So in August is when he spit out blood.
00:17:36
Speaker
Now we're heading into November because it took us a month to get it all together. The money and the schedule, the whole thing. um And now we're in Mexico for three weeks. We're getting ready for him to come home.
00:17:49
Speaker
And we're so excited because he is improving. There's no more ah tumors in his head. His cancer is diminishing. the his No more cancer in the brain. Like he had it all over.
00:18:02
Speaker
And then on ah November 10th at 7 10 PM Pacific time, I get a phone call. Pietro had ah simultaneously had a heart attack and a stroke and was gone.
00:18:19
Speaker
So when he went down, I certainly did.
00:18:26
Speaker
so it was quick. Which is what he, want he he had wanted, he had wanted something without pain and. Right. Wow. He declared, he declared.
00:18:39
Speaker
And the greatest gift I took away from that, um, as time went on, because it is a punch in the gut.
Support and Community in Grief
00:18:48
Speaker
He, we had hope. he departed with hope in his heart. Can you ask for more than that? And my sister who had widowed a couple of years before me, called me up the day before that happened.
00:19:01
Speaker
And this was the biggest gift that i couldn't see at the moment, but I saw after she said, you know, my husband never had hope.
00:19:11
Speaker
Piotr has hope. And that was the biggest gift. It's true. He he set sail with hope in his wings. And he got everything he requested, he desired, he he laid out.
00:19:26
Speaker
And it all happened 10 days after 15 days after his 70th birthday. Just like he had also declared that 70th. Yes.
00:19:37
Speaker
And I got to be there with him. The power of of words or there's like a knowing or something on that we, there's a knowing. I'm going to interject like a bit to share a little bit of my story here with you. But my my sister and died at 18 in a car accident. But she used to be like, um so she was, I guess, reading her poem, like you trying to do the whole life story.
00:20:05
Speaker
Lifeline things. And then she said something like, I know I'm going to die young to somebody else, not to me, but to somebody else that she had said, i know I'm going to die young. It's not that I'm afraid of dying. It's just, I'm afraid haven't done like enough.
00:20:19
Speaker
That was her thing. But, but it was, i had not, I did not know that till after she passed that she had said that, but it was, it was just looking at her lifeline and her saying this at 18, like who would say, i i know I'm going to die, you know?
00:20:35
Speaker
So yeah, some of these things that it's like a interesting how the soul just knows and then we verbalize it somehow. Yeah. yeah So you become, the you he transitions, and I'm using that word since you also use that for your mom.
00:20:53
Speaker
um You become a widow, quote unquote. um And then you had your sister then who had been through that. So that was part of your support system. And what else made part of your support system?
00:21:09
Speaker
And what other tools did you use at the beginning of your grief journey?
00:21:15
Speaker
It's interesting. um My sister and I, my sister could not be a support system for me, even though she wanted to, because we went two different routes. Her husband went chemotherapy and i just couldn't attach to that in my heart.
00:21:33
Speaker
So it wasn't for her lack of trying her trying. It was just, I couldn't resonate with it. um My support system was fat Oh, this is so good. I'm so glad you said this.
00:21:47
Speaker
For the listeners hearing this, my support system came to me because I had the energy that was open to allow it. This is super important. Okay. Because i had been out networking um in many different women's groups and And when this took place, everybody was aware of it because I wasn't showing up for meetings, obviously. And when Pietro passed and I went down and by the way, it was friends and family and networkers and anybody who stepped into my world, I just received them. And another great lesson I learned, and I'd love your listeners to embrace this is ah when you allow people to love you the way they know how magic,
00:22:33
Speaker
It's magical because I had no strength. If somebody asked me a question like, hey, we want to set up a food train. What kind of food you like? I just ignored the email. I couldn't answer.
00:22:47
Speaker
i had made so many decisions in such rapid fire time that ah when I went down, I was done. i was finished. So I couldn't answer questions. So people showed up and I just allowed them. Sometimes I got a text and said, I want to come over.
00:23:08
Speaker
And I say, okay, I have nothing. you the door's open. I got nothing. I don't, I can't even talk to you. Like I, they didn't care. They came, they brought food, they brought flowers. I had a cousin come and rearrange my house a little bit to help me shift the energy to help me see things differently.
00:23:26
Speaker
um I had a friend that came one day a month for four months to go around my house and pick up the mail that I was not opening and And to make sure bills were being paid and she would just put, where's your checkbook? I handed to her, she'd fill it out, sign it.
00:23:42
Speaker
I couldn't think I couldn't do, i was done making decisions. I, my, my, some of my siblings showed up to walk me through the first couple of through Thanksgiving, by the way, through Thanksgiving, right? Cause that was November 10th. I'm getting chills all along this. So I'm feeling like Pietro's here and he's, he's right here with me.
00:24:01
Speaker
um Chills is my sign too. Chills is my sign when I'm connected or when I've hit something too. Like, that's so funny that yours is also chills. Oh yeah. Yeah. And sometimes it goes right to my head, but yeah, he he's here. Um, you know, if you want a funny story later, I'll tell you a funny story.
00:24:20
Speaker
But anyway, um, when you, they're all helping you through Thanksgiving, everybody being there, your sibling. Yeah. I love what you're saying. Yeah. Allowing people to help you in the way you know how, but what is key there too is that you were open, that they know how, but it's also the fact that you were open to receiving it is what allowed them to also be
Supporting Others in Grief
00:24:43
Speaker
themselves. Because a lot of times too, when we're not, and we are like judging the way that people are supporting us, then people may start supporting us because we're also judging the way that they are supporting us. Yeah, we we don't need to. We can just step back and go go, have at it. I mean, I woke up one morning, there was a pot of soup at my front door.
00:25:04
Speaker
It was amazing. And the reason I bring this up is because i Interestingly enough, but not surprisingly, widows come to me and they want to know what now, what next. Right. So, but if it's a fresh, if it's widowship is really new, i can sense the energy going back to the intuition again. i can feel that they are resistance for help.
00:25:32
Speaker
And sometimes it just means holding the space for somebody. But I had a very recent experience where, I wanted to go be a support, had no idea how.
00:25:45
Speaker
I knew if I asked her, she'd say she wouldn't need it. So I just went and I went to Sprouts and I picked up up a couple of roasted chickens and a couple of side dishes. I didn't call her and tell her I was coming because she would have resisted.
00:25:58
Speaker
i showed up, she wasn't home. I sat on her front porch, by the way, in the summer um in Arizona for an hour before she showed up. And it was so sweet because about a week ago, she called me and said, I want you to know.
00:26:11
Speaker
that I'm weird right now, which is perfect. Right. And i know what kind of courage it took for you to show up, not only because I'm weird right now, but also because you've been through it.
00:26:24
Speaker
And I said, yes. And thank you for acknowledging that, but it didn't matter. i wasn't there to i was just there to hold the space.
00:26:37
Speaker
Hi, I just had to come on and just kind of interrupt right now this episode that you're hearing. Thank you so much. I'm so grateful that you guys are listening to this conversation. And every single time i hear a guest, there's something new that I learn and something else that ends up showing up within me that I realize I still have to work on.
00:26:57
Speaker
And if by chance, as you're listening to this conversation, you're feeling the same, that there's parts of you that are being stirred up and you are navigating a life transition right now that feels just heavy and stressful and just layered with grief.
00:27:11
Speaker
I want you to know that you do not have to do it alone. I invite you to connect with me for a free 15 minute discovery call and we'll explore what's coming up for you and see if working together feels like the right fit. Just check the show notes below for my email and reach out for details.
00:27:31
Speaker
I'd really love to support you in integrating these transitions with more ease and clarity. Can't wait to hear back from you. Okay, let's keep on listening to the episode.
Dating After Loss
00:27:49
Speaker
did make decisions, Kendra, for a little, or almost two years, um when I went on my first date with my now husband. And I have a lot of funny stories to tell about that. I was dating multiple men. I was not interested. Okay. I was in my protective bubble.
00:28:06
Speaker
i was not interested in love and marriage where I'm just looking for companionship, everybody. Okay. I'm a woman. It took me eight months for my body to wake up again. i wanted to fulfill that. Okay. This what I talked to widows about as well.
00:28:22
Speaker
And so I'm very honest. And I say to my now husband on our first date, i don't think you understand, like we're not on the same page. You know, so you don't have to take me to dinner.
00:28:32
Speaker
you know, this is on the phone call prior to the date. ah We met on a dating app and he said, no, no, don't. I want to take you to dinner. I go, okay, but it's your dime. Cause I'm not looking for love and marriage. You are, but okay. Like I'm okay with a drink, whatever, you know, maybe some good old fashioned, you know, funny or eat fun.
00:28:51
Speaker
um I don't know PG or have to stay on this call, but you know, you'd be you, you be you, you be you. Yeah. i was looking for some good loving gang without attachment. Okay. And I was very clear about it.
00:29:04
Speaker
And the men I was with were happy and very clear about where they were at. It was all perfect. I, my point of you telling of me telling you the story is that I couldn't make decisions. So when I went on this date with Mr. Jeff, I said, Oh, by the way, I don't read menus.
00:29:22
Speaker
Reading a menu was gonna, it was going to be the straw that broke the camel's back for me. It's like stepping into an airport. There's a lot of stimulants. like There's a lot of things to look at.
00:29:35
Speaker
I don't read menus. He goes, so okay. Well, we were in the steakhouse. What would you like? Filet mignon. What kind of side dish? What are my choices? Okay. I'll take broccoli. You know what? I like i wouldn't even look at the menu.
00:29:46
Speaker
That is crazy. It's so interesting that even, yeah, though this is this is with the grief brain or this is always. Yes. This is the grief brain. Okay. Okay. is This is the grief brain. deal Yeah. Okay.
00:29:59
Speaker
Yeah, I was down and out. Decision making was it took effort. um I didn't even want men. If we went on a date, which the men I went with, we went out.
00:30:10
Speaker
They paid for dinner. What's available, what I got. I didn't, you know. Um, don't call me. Don't set, don't ask me what I'm doing next week. Just send me a text when you want to connect again. That was it.
00:30:23
Speaker
So here's Jeff going, okay, what kind of wine do you like? Red? Um, well what, what, what, blah, blah, blah. I go dry. i don't like sweet. You know, I'm telling these, he's ordering.
00:30:34
Speaker
He's doing a great job by the way. Um, but the, the store, the, The message for this story is, and I love that you called it grief brain because I had not looked at it that way, but it absolutely was.
00:30:46
Speaker
So I met Jeff one and a half years after Pietro passed and almost six months later, five or six months later, we're going, we're now a thing. i declared my love. he He knew on his second date, he was going to spend the rest of his life with me.
00:31:01
Speaker
He was smart to not tell me. Um, it took me another five days. I'm not going lie. i never saw anybody else again. Once I met Mr. Jeffrey and about five months, we're at, uh, we went, we go to lunch, a beautiful little place in Phoenix. And, uh, we're sitting there in this, and this brings tears in my eyes to ah get choked about it.
00:31:24
Speaker
Um, and I pick up the menu and I look at it and I start reading it.
00:31:35
Speaker
And I put the menu down and I tell them, oh, such and such looks good. And we both stopped and we just stared at each other. And across the table, we just held hands with the buzz of the, you know, the the um the waitresses and the waiters buzzing around us and the people in this cute little cafe.
00:31:52
Speaker
and we both knew i was healing. It was such a moment. Yeah. That's so beautiful. Yeah. The simple, well the simplest little thing, but the fact that he knew exactly what that meant as well, because he had already had to order everything for you on the first date. And so five months later, the fact that you were, that is ah so moving. Thank you for sharing that story.
00:32:16
Speaker
Thank you. And that journey. So at what point then did you say, okay, I know you said you acknowledge that you're an intuitive dater is January, but that you've been doing it. But when did you really start kind of putting things together and start giving people advice in their dating life and and especially, you know, focusing it on women?
00:32:42
Speaker
This is going to be fun because ah let's let's go back to the book for a second because I've got to give you a little history on this. I started to write this book in 2004. Think about that. 20 years ago. think about that twenty years ago Now, dating never changes. The apps do.
00:32:58
Speaker
So the fun information in this book still relevant today, right? But 2004 was a time, Kendra, remember, you couldn't just publish a book.
00:33:09
Speaker
You needed a good $60,000 to publish a book unless you had a literary agent. So 10 years later, i was able to find somebody who did private publishing, and I...
00:33:22
Speaker
revised the book because it had been 10 years since I'd looked at it cleaned it up and all. Brought it more up to date just on my own experiences. And I was able to publish it in 2014. Oh, two years before Pietro did that. Okay. Right.
00:33:37
Speaker
Good job. I actually dedicated the book. ah Well, because you're connecting the dots. You're absolutely right. Yes, this is before began. Yes. Okay. Okay.
00:33:48
Speaker
Right. So in 2004, I go out dating. I read all the books, by the way. I've done all the homework. i I'm reading Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus, The Rules. I'm doing the work.
00:34:00
Speaker
I'm putting it into practice and there's something missing for me. So I start to write the book. I have no insight. I never know that 20 years from now, I'm going to be on Kindra's podcast talking about my book.
00:34:12
Speaker
I don't even think about how i'm going to publish it. All I know is I'm writing a book. 10 years later, i get to publish it. It's dedicated to Pietro and I wouldn't let him read. He didn't want to read it actually until it was published.
00:34:24
Speaker
And it's all my dating escapades up until I meet and marry him. so there's a lot of good tips in here that are not dated, which is really wonderful. And, um, and then he passes away and it dawns on me.
00:34:40
Speaker
My book is a love story.
00:34:43
Speaker
His kids, grandkids, great grands, those who aren't even born yet are going to know about his love story with me if they read this book.
00:34:55
Speaker
This is my journey up until how I met him. Then I stopped writing the book. I stopped doing the research. So it's now, we're now 2014 and now 2024, decide, and by the way, my message is and has always been, and it's on the back of this book.
00:35:14
Speaker
I actually had been saying it for so long, I didn't even realize I wrote it on the back of this book, is my heart, my obsession is helping women understand their value when it comes to relationships as they go out dating later in life.
00:35:27
Speaker
Whatever that is, 40, 50, 60, 70, 80, I don't care. We have value and we undermine our own value. Kendra, I stepped into my brilliance, something, by the way, I never admitted.
00:35:42
Speaker
Because why? I was an average C student in high school. And that's how I saw myself my and almost my entire life. But now I go out there I'm obsessed and I start talking about my book.
00:35:55
Speaker
I don't see the value in it yet. I'm not selling it. I'm actually giving it away. i actually I actually don't even, as a... as a I did a behavioral test and I am an engager and I'm 92% relationship driven, which means the other end of that stick is 8% results.
00:36:14
Speaker
So I pay little attention to results up until my understanding. So you can imagine I'm just going out there talking and I'm helping strangers in coffee lines.
Empowerment and Personal Branding
00:36:24
Speaker
And if I'm at a conference, I,
00:36:26
Speaker
You know, I'm just helping people as I go. and i'm always And I got emails and testimonies from people along the way. Still not embracing and receiving that which I'm handing out.
00:36:39
Speaker
Okay? Not until Jeffrey steps into my life.
00:36:45
Speaker
He saw in me the thing that didn't allow myself to see. And his brilliance, he didn't just tell me why I was amazing.
00:37:03
Speaker
He always tells me why. Do you realize who you are, honey? I don't think you do. I see you in front of millions. Your message, you're going to help millions of women.
00:37:16
Speaker
You are thoughtful. You have clarity. you i mean, he he I don't get just you're beautiful, although he thinks I am, even in the morning when I have no makeup on and my hair is looking like a bird's nest.
00:37:28
Speaker
um He thinks I'm gorgeous. I'm okay with that.
00:37:32
Speaker
And he has lit he has blown wind under my wings all along my path. And now i say, you're right. am beautiful. effing brilliant.
00:37:43
Speaker
Holy mackerel. And so now once I embrace that, I now hear the messages going to these women and I go, thank you. Thank you, angel. Thank you, spirit guides.
00:37:55
Speaker
Thank you, A-team for assisting me with helping these women understand their value. It's not about me, Kendra. I'm a vessel and I love it. I'm obsessed.
00:38:07
Speaker
I love all this story. Thank you again for sharing. And I did not know the timeline then of the book. I thought it was a recent book. And now knowing that originally it was 2014, that you started 2004, 2014 you launched, and then you relaunched it again in 2024. So two thousand and fourteen you launch and then you re relaunched it base again in twenty twenty four so that's That's amazing. And the fact what you're saying of of us embracing the the part of being a vessel and being able to be of service in the way that we best know how and is what you do now, stepping into not only something that you yourself have lived,
00:38:47
Speaker
through, right? But then you've also, you can relate in that way, but you've also just embraced all these gifts and it can be so empowering for somebody that is going through something to be able to see someone embracing their own gifts and power, right? Because it gives hope for someone else.
00:39:06
Speaker
So who you said that the majority of the women that reach out are widows, who divorcees, it's the people that have never been married, like, tell us a little bit of the clientele that reaches out to you.
00:39:21
Speaker
Yeah, it's really been a fun journey. um I've been on Facebook since 2015 and 16. I started that journey um as a dare.
00:39:33
Speaker
ah Facebook Live was really new at the time. And as soon as I went on camera, I was hooked. And so I started this thing called Daily Dosa Donna, which was just giving some dating tips out of my heart.
00:39:45
Speaker
um And so it created my brand. and um And during this process of doing this, that's when Pietro spit up but blood and got sick. So now I'm continuing this five minute dating tip thing, but people are also witnessing the journey of what Pietro is going through.
00:40:02
Speaker
And I don't stop doing this. So people around the world who are start following, I create a I'm following and I don't even know it. So I'm just sharing the story. We're in Mexico. Here we are.
00:40:14
Speaker
Don't forget. And I'm giving tips on dating and relationships and how to stay in your positive space, which I called setting your dial to joy. And I did not know i was creating a thing, Kendra. I was just doing it. Right.
00:40:29
Speaker
And so what does that mean? Well, when Pietro departed, i stopped doing it. prior to that people were couldn't figure out why I was still doing it. They're like, what is this a reality show? Like this is a mission. yeah i consider this your calling. Like there was amazing feedback I got after he departed.
00:40:51
Speaker
stopped. I got on an the airplane and went to mom and dad's for a month with my little doggy, uh, to heal and be cradled. And About a month after that, somebody sends me a message through Messenger. i wish I wish I could figure out who they were, but it's too long ago now. And they said to me, how are you doing?
00:41:14
Speaker
And I said the same thing I always say, every day a little better. And they said, oh, good. We were wondering what you were going to do. And I said, about what?
00:41:29
Speaker
And they said, well, we were wondering when you were going to come back. And I said, back to what? I didn't have any clue. People were waiting for me. So with that nudge, I got together myself and I did a silent video with papers, you know, the kind you, and I'm telling the story. It's about five minutes long.
00:41:52
Speaker
I think it got over a thousand views in a day. Like I posted it on, it was on Facebook and yeah. So then I started to collect all my stuff. And I think the biggest,
00:42:04
Speaker
I started to look at this as not just fulfilling for millions, but how can I turn it into a, a ah business without it feeling like a business?
00:42:16
Speaker
So I want it. and And when, once we start talking techie, remember I'm 92% relationship driven. Now we're talking software and all the components. oh So that has been the,
00:42:29
Speaker
the biggest challenge, but everything is figureoutable. And so now I have a YouTube channel with, I think as of date, over 500 subscribers. It's called Smart Dating Divas.
00:42:40
Speaker
ah It works. It's just beautiful. like We get out and tell our story. And what's really fun is Jeff does it with me. So I'm still a woman's dating coach, but we get the man's perspective, which is just super fun because he's a hoot and a half.
00:42:54
Speaker
And we also have a podcast called The Couple Effect, on that channel that we had created 13 episodes and loaded up on YouTube.
00:43:04
Speaker
It was originally supposed to be on a TV ah platform that didn't come to fruition. And I said, well, we own the we own the episodes. Let's put them on. And it's about relationships and retaining and encouraging intimacy.
00:43:18
Speaker
and the value of that in relationship and how your partner can be part of the mission. And then your mission makes your relationships better. I mean, it just, it just works. So been the journey.
00:43:30
Speaker
That's been, well, wow. Yeah, that is quite the journey. Yes, a lot of lot of different years. And the fact that Jeff is part, well, both of your husbands were part of really that support for you. And that also helped you step into yourself even more to have them back backing you up.
00:43:50
Speaker
So that is fabulous. Yes, I love that. Thank you. I also have a membership, smartdatingdivas.com. And if they want to forward slash ABC, it's a freebie for the three pillars that I literally use to meet and marry two incredible men in a row. So when people say to me, there's no good man out there. I go, honey, if you're not having fun dating, you are doing it wrong.
00:44:14
Speaker
Grab my freebie, a you know, smartdatingdivas.com forward slash ABC. And look at what I literally did. to meet and marry these two amazing men.
00:44:25
Speaker
yeah Perfect. So yeah, this is like, you're not just like saying stuff. There's sometimes I see these shows and it's like dating advice, but the person's not even married. And then you're like, well, how are they sharing information about it if they haven't even found, you know, a lot of times like, like you kind of, it doesn't, yeah I'm like, oh, I don't know. How do I apply that if it hasn't worked for you?
00:44:48
Speaker
But you have, you have, you have, You have a success. ah You you've have had success with two marriages. So that is that shows it it works.
00:44:59
Speaker
So all these things will be in the show notes. Now, one thing I wanted to ask that I forgot. So Donna, ah when I received um your email, it said Donna, and it had this A on it. I'm like, it must be a typo. The A was up, up, upper, ah how you, what is it called? The capital A. So it's D-O-N-N.
00:45:20
Speaker
capital a attack i'm like it must be a typo i wrote about so how what made you choose to have the donna donna afterwards what was that choice and was it a choice or is it just how yeah tell us that creative choice of that is so fun i'm like i'm just curious be I'll bring it, I'll bring you right to the punch. I, when we went on into COVID and everybody went online, I wanted to set myself apart from the other Donnas. I mean, Don is a common name.
00:45:54
Speaker
It's common, right? So I, you know, listen, my parents didn't even give us a middle name. i mean, my my maiden name Broncaccio. It's like 10 letters long. So how do I set myself apart?
00:46:05
Speaker
And that just seemed like, oh, well that's easy. especially since I was married to an off-the-boat Italian. Everything sounded like a this, ah you see? dawn no dawn Yeah, yeah, daily dose a Donna, not a. So there was, they would get it just flowed and I realized it doesn't make sense to a lot of people, but you know what? People are used to seeing it now.
00:46:25
Speaker
And if you're on a Zoom call and you're looking at comments and you see that, you know it's me. You don't even have to think about, look at the picture. What's that last name? you don't even need a last name. You know, it's me if you if I'm on a zoom call and it's the same reason I'm going to share with you why I have red in my hair. This is not just a design. This was and experience I had. And I know a lot of people who are, who've gone through the grieving process.
00:46:52
Speaker
It does change you, Kendra, you have stated that. And um i went for my, hair Hair to get done. i went to get my hair cut about three weeks after Pietro departed.
00:47:05
Speaker
And as she's cutting my hair, I'm staring in the mirror. I don't know who I am. You look the same, but you're not the same. And so to the end of the session, I say to her, I need a little bit of red, of which she says we have no time. And I said, great, I'm going to go home and do it myself. In which case, she said, all right, I'll put a little bit in Well, over the years, I started doing it myself and I got to be a little bit more, but it also became my brand.
00:47:30
Speaker
This is my logo. Where's my camera? So and now I have, we have two heads, Jeff and uh, with our, as our, as our logo, but that's my logo. It's like, it became, and I'm a changed woman and this, I needed an outward visual to show that I'm not now I'm now different.
00:47:52
Speaker
And another thing happened now, losing a parent, for me was different than losing a spouse. Now remember, I lost my spouse first, then my dad departed four months later after Jeff and I got married, or actually four months before Jeff and I got married.
00:48:07
Speaker
um So Pietro passed, right? Okay, I'm getting my husband's confused. So um I couldn't feel my dad. Like I couldn't feel it because the the pain the the the cut deepest for a spouse And a child, those griefs are deeper, I'm told. it I've not lost a child.
00:48:31
Speaker
and don't I've never had born children to me. So when my dad passed and I kind of couldn't feel it I just took it to mean that, well, he was my dad and he was in his upper 80s. And it's a little bit more expected, right?
00:48:44
Speaker
um But it's also because of my belief system. And I will tell you, i have this most amazing picture of my mom when she was getting ready to transition.
00:48:54
Speaker
She was so happy. have a picture of her. She's so happy grabbing my face to kiss me. She was excited about the next step. She was excited about meeting her two little babies that she never got to meet because they were born.
00:49:08
Speaker
so preemie that they took them away and then they passed like a couple of hours later. So she was, I'm getting to know my brother and sister who I never got to meet because I'm now tuning into not only my intuition, but studying my mediumship and channeling abilities and wanting to connect with the people beyond the veil because they're not dead.
Connection with the Spiritual World
00:49:29
Speaker
Dead for me does not exist. So it's, that's how I work with grief and understanding. Do I miss my mother? Oh yeah. But then I talk to her every single day and I do, I will tell you, Pietro shows up and he recently spoke to Jeff, which was so much funny.
00:49:45
Speaker
He came to Jeff in a session. we We do a lot of energy work and he was, we were doing cranial sacral work and with this amazing man in ah carefree Arizona. But On the table, Pietro joined Jeff.
00:50:00
Speaker
And this was like, he's like, oh my gosh, Jeff is here. ah You know, Pietro's here. And they had a conversation and Pietro wanted to thank Jeff for treating me as well as he does.
00:50:13
Speaker
And Pietro also told Jeff, I'm your spirit guide. And Jeff said, I don't believe in spirit guides. All I need is the Holy Spirit. And Pietro said, that's okay.
00:50:26
Speaker
I'm still going to help you. so And with his Italian accent as well. Oh my gosh. I love it. I love it. So when we were open to those magical moments, Kendra, oh my God. is why Yeah, it changes everything.
00:50:41
Speaker
I tell people like, it's like, it doesn't matter what other people believe. It matters what you believe and what it is that helps you in your grief journey. And if your spiritual convictions...
00:50:53
Speaker
help you and make you feel better about your grief experience, follow that. If your non-spiritual beliefs make you feel better in your grief, if you don't believe in something else and that still makes you feel better, then hold on to that.
00:51:10
Speaker
hold on to whatever brings you comfort, I feel is the best. And, and, and for a lot of us, it is holding on to the, the truths that we have already experienced ourselves in that, in that knowing. So ah
Understanding Value in Relationships
00:51:25
Speaker
thank you. Thank you so much, Donna, Donna, as we're wrapping up, okay, we will, we've you've said how people can reach you and the smart dating divas.com on the website, on the YouTube channel. And we'll have those links below.
00:51:39
Speaker
Now, ah is there something I have not asked you that you want to make sure that you share with the audience as we wrap up? any Any last minute words that you want to share?
00:51:56
Speaker
just reaching into my spirit to see the message that always is prevalent for me. is for the women to understand their value.
00:52:09
Speaker
So when you go out to look for love, the biggest tip I will give you is look for love where it is and not where it isn't.
00:52:22
Speaker
And if you grab the freebie, you'll see how those pillars align with that.
00:52:29
Speaker
Thank you for asking. Thank you so much. Again, this was Donna Medder. And I'm honored that you were on the podcast sharing your joy, sharing your purpose, and yeah, just sharing your story.
00:52:44
Speaker
Thank you, Donna. Thank you.
Podcast Closing
00:52:52
Speaker
Thank you again so much for choosing to listen today. I hope that you can take away a few nuggets from today's episode that can bring you comfort in your times of grief.
00:53:05
Speaker
If so, it would mean so much to me if you would rate and comment on this episode. And if you feel inspired in some way to share it with someone who may need to hear this, please do so.
00:53:21
Speaker
Also, if you or someone you know has a story of grief and gratitude that should be shared so that others can be inspired as well, please reach out to me.
00:53:34
Speaker
And thanks once again for tuning in Grief, Gratitude, and the Gray In Between podcast. Have a beautiful day.