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The Power of Parallel Paths: Navigating Radical Loss, Uncertainty, and Resilience with Rebecca Faye Smith Galli
9 Plays1 hour ago
Rebecca (Becky) Faye Smith Galli is an author, columnist, and advocate who writes about love,
loss and healing. Surviving significant losses—her seventeen-year-old brother’s death; her son’s
degenerative disease and subsequent death; her daughter’s autism; her divorce; and nine days later, her paralysis from transverse myelitis, a rare spinal cord inflammation that affects one in a million—has fostered an unexpected but prolific writing career. Her website (BeckyGalli.com) houses over 400 published columns. Her books, Rethinking Possible – A Memoir of Resilience (2017) and Morning Fuel – Daily Inspirations to Stretch Your Mind Before Starting Your Day(2024) reflect what she believes: “Life can be good—no matter what.” She continues to write Thoughtful Thursdays—Lessons from a Resilient Heart, a column for her subscriber family that shares what’s inspired her to stay positive.
Contact Rebecca Faye Smith Galli https://rebeccafayesmithgalli.com/
List of Topics:
• Author Introduction: Rebecca Faye Smith Gali (Becky) is introduced as an author, columnist, and advocate who writes about love, loss, and healing. Discussion includes her books: Rethinking Possible, a Memoir of Resilience and Morning Fuel, Daily Inspiration.
• Early Loss and Resilience: Discussing the death of her 17-year-old brother, Forrest, in a water skiing accident when Rebecca was 20, and observing the vastly different ways her parents grieved (one public, one private).
• The Power of Structure: How structure (like college classes) and avoiding isolation helped her move through initial grief, noting that resilience is a muscle that requires work and mindfulness.
• The Parallel Paths Concept: Learning about the powerful concept of pursuing parallel paths (e.g., hoping her son would outgrow seizures while also preparing for the reality that he might not) to manage the "immobility of uncertainty".
• Navigating Complex Family Dynamics: Discussing her son Matthew's epilepsy and subsequent death at age 15, raising her daughter Madison with autism, and consciously deciding to pursue an "amazing divorce" after three years of intensive counseling.
• Sudden Illness and Acceptance: Being paralyzed from the waist down by transverse myelitis and using the parallel paths concept in her health journey. She recounts her "big toe moment," realizing acceptance meant reinvesting the energy spent on hope into "living fully in the life I had".
• Three Tools for Navigating Grief: The essential strategies Rebecca uses: being honest about feelings (including anger and chronic disappointment), seeking resources (professional help, nature, support), and keeping moving by finding one small thing to be grateful for.
• The Importance of Perspective: The reminder that "life can be good no matter what".
• Avoiding Comparison: Using the analogy of the Dalmatian and the Chihuahua in the mud to illustrate that everyone's grief journey is different, and comparison should be avoided.
Contact Kendra Rinaldi for coaching or to be a guest on the podcast https://www.griefgratitudeandthegrayinbetween.com/
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Transcript
Introduction to the Podcast
00:00:05
Speaker
Welcome to Grief, Gratitude, and the Gray in Between podcast. I'm your host, Kendra Rinaldi. This is a space to explore the full spectrum of grief, from the kind that comes with death to the kind that shows up in life's many transitions. Through stories and conversations, we remind each other that we're not alone.
00:00:27
Speaker
Your journey matters, and here we're figuring it out together. Let's dive right in to today's episode.
00:00:47
Speaker
Let's start with a quick disclaimer.
Purpose and Content of the Podcast
00:00:49
Speaker
This podcast includes personal stories and perspectives on topics like grief, health, and mental wellness. The views expressed by guests are their own and may reflect individual experiences that are not meant as medical advice.
00:01:05
Speaker
As the host, I hold space for diverse voices, but that does not mean I endorse every viewpoint shared. Please listen with care and take what resonates with you.
00:01:16
Speaker
Welcome to today's episode.
Meet Rebecca: Author and Life Experiences
00:01:20
Speaker
Today I am chatting with Rebecca. Rebecca Faye Smith Gali. Am I saying all of the last names properly, Rebecca? The tricky one is Gali. Okay. Gali.
00:01:35
Speaker
Okay, Galai. Okay, Galai. Rebecca Smith Galai. She is an author, a columnist, and an advocate. And she writes about love, loss, and healing. And she has had significant losses in her life, which we will be talking about that.
00:01:53
Speaker
Her ah two books that she's written, one is Rethinking Possible, A Memoir of Resilience. And then her most recent book, Morning Fuel, Daily Inspiration,
00:02:05
Speaker
to stretch your mind before starting your day. And yeah we we want to we want to know everything there is to know about you, Rebecca.
00:02:17
Speaker
So first off, welcome again. Happy to have you here. Thanks so much for having me. Appreciate it. Thank you for being here and sharing your story and for being so resilient. like Resilience is definitely something that we acquire, I think, in our lives based on the different experiences that we go through. And I know you've been through a lot.
00:02:44
Speaker
in your adult life. But take us back to your childhood. Were there any things in your childhood that built up this resilience within you?
Family Grief Dynamics
00:02:54
Speaker
And then we'll talk more of the present. Tell us your childhood.
00:02:59
Speaker
Yeah, you know, ah I was very fortunate and I didn't really realize this until later in life, but I, our, our family was close by design.
00:03:11
Speaker
um I had um, ah really positive childhood and my parents were fun and active, um, created purposeful, um, sit down suppers and,
00:03:25
Speaker
um yeah I say sit down breakfast and six o'clock suppers. And but we really had a lot of family time was kind of orchestrated for that. There were five of us.
00:03:37
Speaker
um And the first time I really had to to deal with significant loss was when my 17 year old brother was killed in a um ah water skiing accident.
00:03:49
Speaker
and and And that's when I think we really, we got to see what we were made ah out of because life had been great. I was 20 years old, I had college of my dreams. I was um on the track that I wanted to be on and my younger brother Forrest was 17.
00:04:12
Speaker
And he had great plans to go Wake Forest and become a lawyer, career in politics. He was that kid, president, student body, and you know musician, athlete, active in church, community, real leader, and just,
00:04:29
Speaker
You know, he had the accident nine days that later he was he was gone. So i I think in many ways, i got a front row seat to watching my parents go through one of the most tragic losses you can imagine, the loss of a child, their only son.
Impact of Grieving Parents on Rebecca
00:04:51
Speaker
And we all grieved very differently. And I didn't realize that until I was rewriting, rethinking possible what I learned from that. you know My father was very public. He was ah minister and was able to take his lessons and talk about them publicly, write about them, became a noted lecturer on grief.
00:05:13
Speaker
My mother was very private, joined support groups. I was with my college buddies and they helped me move through my grief and my sister wanted to be with him, which was an alarming situation. And she had to, you know, we had to get support for her in very different ways.
00:05:33
Speaker
How was your sister? She was 16. So they were only 17 months apart and were both in high school at the same time. And so in many ways, they had a, she had a community loss she had to deal with. Everybody was grieving. And i was in a totally different environment with people that knew my brother, but not in the same way.
00:05:54
Speaker
Wow. Yeah, what you said about having that front row seat and seeing your parents, how they navigated that grief informed you per se of how it is a parent might grieve and the differences because you then later experienced your own trauma.
00:06:14
Speaker
i your own grief as a parent as well later on, which we will talk about as well. But in this dynamic, so when you were 20 then, your college was not in the same town?
00:06:25
Speaker
Was your college out of town? Were you living on your own at that moment when your brother died? Yes, in in many ways, i said it as our family shattered kind of emotionally and how we handled things, but also physically, because at that point we we lived in Hickory, North Carolina, and I was two and a half hours away in college, University of North Carolina at Chapel Hill.
00:06:52
Speaker
And then right after that, my father ah had got a new pastorate in Huntington, West Virginia. So he moved physically there while my sister was finishing up her junior year in high school. So um dad was in one state and then I was two and a half hours away from Rachel and my sister and my mom.
00:07:15
Speaker
So we were physically not even in the same area. So ah that was another ah factor in and how we moved through this.
00:07:27
Speaker
And yeah as a college, I can relate to that part of being alone. And your my sister died while I was in college, too. And she was 18. And so and I was in college at the time. My parents were in Colombia and I was in California. So I also I mean, I did go and spend time with my family in Colombia, you know, during my after my sister died. But the same in college with people around you that do not know the.
00:07:51
Speaker
what you've been through either. And that a lot of your peers might have not gone through something like that either. So finding that relatability right within this other circle. And if people didn't know, some of some of the people I knew where I was going to school actually had met my sister. So like I had that, which was helpful.
00:08:13
Speaker
But yeah, like when you don't, it is yeah very isolated. It could be very isolating. Yes. And um in in many ways, they kept me moving, though, because there was the structure of classes, the structure of getting going out with them.
00:08:31
Speaker
and And they, you know, after I wrote Rethinking Possible and I was very open about how I was feeling about that, my friends were like, oh, I'm so sorry. I wasn't there for you more.
00:08:41
Speaker
was like, yes, in a way you were that I needed. i needed structure. And I think that's one of the key things in not getting stuck in your grief is having structure ah and and not isolating those two things, structure and avoiding isolation.
00:08:59
Speaker
And they wouldn't let me isolate. you know They would try to nudge me out. And sometimes you need that nudge. just just to stop getting, you know, to get too self-absorbed with it. I mean, you need you need those.
00:09:13
Speaker
it's It's a balance, really. yeah yeah Time alone to absorb and process and not ignore the grief because that's another danger. It's like this pendulum swing of you can, you know, ignore it or then you can get stuck in it. You've got to kind of swing back and forth and realize that's really natural.
00:09:33
Speaker
ah for that kind of swing to happen. I love that description of the pendulum, because yes, it's not that you are not going to feel these feelings. You should. It's just don't get stuck in them. It's like being in the, what is that? that What is that?
00:09:51
Speaker
When you to get that stuck in the mud, that the the mud that sucks you in with that mud. Oh my God. Yeah. Quicksand stuff. like sad Yeah, quicksand. It's like, tot don't go on the quicksand. But don't be afraid to about those feelings either. But also, don't say no to some of these other things like invitations of maybe going out or things like that too that can also help you kind of navigate that.
00:10:18
Speaker
the the emotions in a different and know ah different
Rebecca's Family and Health Challenges
00:10:22
Speaker
way. So having some sense of normalcy for you because people around you were living their normal lives when you were college helped you in your in your grief as well.
00:10:33
Speaker
So this was then when you were 20. Then take us into then you're then get married, you have children your your children talk about your children and and the subsequent grief of navigating illness and and death as well yeah so um my firstborn uh was uh we're all about one of the mantras that my father taught us that we live by was what's planned as possible.
00:11:10
Speaker
And so it was all about plans. And, um, so, uh, things were going according to plan once, you know, got, uh, after my brother's death, I resumed college.
00:11:24
Speaker
married the man of my dreams. We wanted to have our first child before I was 29 years old. He wanted to get his MBA. And she was born right after his graduation for an MBA. And and then I had, um I was 29.
00:11:41
Speaker
So, but but after that, our next son had epilepsy. He, at three months of AIDS, presented with seizures. um At the time we were told that it was kind of a fluke, ah that it wasn't anything genetic ah about that. So, ah but and we we were also told that he could perhaps grow out of these seizures.
00:12:06
Speaker
So I had my first, ah episode with grief in in moving through uncertain times because there was a good chance that he could outgrow the seizures.
00:12:19
Speaker
um At that time, I learned about a very powerful concept that I continue to ah use and in dealing with uncertainty.
00:12:29
Speaker
When I went to see the psychiatrist, the psychologist at the ah the hospital where he was, for some time. said, what do you do? I don't know where how to hope.
00:12:41
Speaker
um Where do I, how do I manage this hope for the, you know, because I keep getting disappointed. One day he looks, you know, he's babbling and alert and the next day he's w racked with seizures and I don't know which way life is going to go. And she said, well, why don't you pursue parallel paths?
00:12:59
Speaker
And I had never heard that term before. And she said, you know, I'm on the hope path. You you hope that he's going to to grow out of this. But on kind of the fear path or what could be the reality path, he doesn't.
00:13:16
Speaker
And envision life both ways and journey actively on both paths so that whichever way it goes, you've you've been prepared and you're not stuck in this uncertainty, ah you know, this this immobility of uncertainty.
00:13:33
Speaker
And that was really helpful to me. It just kind of was a calming mist, like, okay, I can plan in two directions and on the hopeful path, I can envision life with that and I can make preparations for that. And on the reality path, through the fearful path, which turned out to be the reality, he does not, in fact, declines and later dies at age 15.
00:13:57
Speaker
fifteen So, but that concept of parallel paths I used with my daughter who was my next born and she was diagnosed with autism and there was the same uncertainty. What's life going to be like for her? And so she,
00:14:16
Speaker
so she I moved through that and and she um did not get better. You know, we, she was able to learn scripted vocabulary, but she can't read or write or ever be left alone at this point in her life. She's 33.
00:14:36
Speaker
But I've found good care for her. And a lot of that came from journeying on these two different, two different paths. Um, and those ah took a a toll on our marriage, those ah dealing with these these children who had special needs.
Life Changes and Coping Strategies
00:14:56
Speaker
And and ah when we started having trouble, I went into the therapist and I said, you know, we need to try to figure this out. But one thing for sure, I either want an amazing marriage or I want an amazing divorce.
00:15:12
Speaker
but you need to help us learn how to communicate through this in the best interest of our children and ourselves, how to navigate this. And after three years of intensive counseling, we decided to have an amazing divorce and we did and we do, and he's still and involved in in my life.
00:15:35
Speaker
ah We vacationed together and he's amazingly supportive of ah the children. still and his I've welcomed his wife and their son and it's um been kind of crazy but good situation but it takes a lot of work and love and generosity on both accounts for that kind of thing to work.
00:16:02
Speaker
So, but nine days after my divorce was final I woke up with some shooting pains in my legs And it turns out that it was a rare inflammation of the spinal cord called transverse myelitis that affects one in a million.
00:16:20
Speaker
And ah six in six hours, I was paralyzed from the waist down. So my kids at the time were three, four, seven, and nine.
00:16:31
Speaker
And it was a lot. yeah
00:16:35
Speaker
Three, four, seven. Oh, yeah so you have four you have four kids. Yes. So tell us, please, would you are you good with sharing their names? Oh, sure. Brittany was my oldest.
00:16:46
Speaker
Brittany is your oldest. Okay. Matthew is was my son that had epilepsy and I've died at age 15. Madison is my daughter with autism. And then my youngest son, Peter, ah he also had some problems at his birth. He had ah a blood disorder called alloimmune thrombocinopenia. Oh, my goodness. That's a mouthful. I would not be able to read. I'm glad you said it. If i had to read that out, I would not even be able to.
00:17:17
Speaker
So, but... That one he grew out of. He he it was ah he was in the NICU for 13 days with that.
00:17:28
Speaker
and um so But he was speech delayed. And so at one point I had Madison and Peter in speech therapist. hey He did outgrow his speech situation. Madison did not.
00:17:42
Speaker
And so he went on to go to Stanford and a stellar student and athlete too. um but yeah i had the four at the time and the four under seven the four kids under nine under yeah nine years old and you then end up being paralyzed and then on your own because you had just divorced so what What did you, who was your community? Who helped you then? Because here you are as a single mom at that moment with four kids, two with ah special needs.
00:18:21
Speaker
And now you are in special needs as well, like needing support. How did Who helped you? it it was crazy. Well, at the time this was 1997. And so i was able to have AIDS for a while to help me manage my body until I could figure out how to do it on my own. So I had some support.
00:18:46
Speaker
And then ah Joe, you know, my ex-husband at the time was incredibly supportive financially with and ah helping me hire people to manage their help me manage their lives. So I had, ah you know, different caregivers come in and help get them to school, help get them to activities, help get me places.
00:19:11
Speaker
And I had a wonderful community at church that pitched in neighbors that pitched in with meals for a long time, just to keep us going on until I could figure out what my life was going to be like because i had great hope too.
00:19:28
Speaker
I was just going to ask if you also did the hope and fear paths in your own
Living with Physical Limitations
00:19:33
Speaker
health journey. And yeah, I was you robbed me from my thought. of Go ahead.
00:19:40
Speaker
So yeah, transverse myelitis, third of people recover fully, a third recover partially and a third have no recovery at all.
00:19:51
Speaker
And I thought, you know, maybe this is my time to have a complete recovery, but that wasn't to be. ah So I did have great hope for that. And on the the hopeful path, you know, i was going to therapy three times a week, trying to doing all the nutritional supplements, acupuncture, you name every kind of therapy you could imagine.
00:20:17
Speaker
And it just didn't work. And so after about 19 months, ah the the last thing I wiggled was my left big toe. And every day that was kind of like my mental energy. I was like, let me see if I can wiggle that toe. Let me see.
00:20:33
Speaker
So it got to the point after 19 months and I realized, you know Becky, I think you're just going to have to accept this. i and so I call it a big toe moment where I decided to stop wiggling that or trying to even wiggle that that big toe. and and I let go of a lot of things I was doing on that hopeful path like three times a week being at therapy instead of being at dinner with my kids. and I reinvested that energy spent in hope.
00:21:06
Speaker
in living fully in the life I had. And I think that that is is really the goal, probably all of our goals as we age, as our families,
00:21:19
Speaker
you know, expand and contract is to live fully in the life that you have. And once you accept that and let go of that angst of, am I, am I
Support for Listeners in Grief
00:21:30
Speaker
not, you know, it's really freeing to have the extra energy that you used in one part of your life that you can redirect into another. And it's like, it's, it's, it's opportunity.
00:21:46
Speaker
It's possibility.
00:21:57
Speaker
Hi, I just had to come on and just kind of interrupt right now this episode that you're hearing. Thank you so much. I'm so grateful that you guys are listening to this conversation. And every single time i hear a guest, there's something new that I learn and something else that ends up showing up within me that I realize I still have to work on.
00:22:18
Speaker
And if by chance, as you're listening to this conversation, you're feeling the same, that there's parts of you that are being stirred up and you are navigating a life transition right now that feels just heavy and stressful and just layered with grief.
00:22:32
Speaker
I want you to know that you do not have to do it alone. I invite you to connect with me for a free 15 minute discovery call and we'll explore what's coming up for you and see if working together feels like the right fit.
00:22:46
Speaker
Just check the show notes below for my email and reach out for details. I'd really love to support you in integrating these transitions with more ease and clarity.
00:22:59
Speaker
Can't wait to hear back from you. Okay, let's keep on listening to the episode.
00:23:10
Speaker
love i love that because it's it's an accept it comes from this acceptance and then also just being present with what is and not what could be, could have, when you're just present with what is and making the best choice.
00:23:27
Speaker
of what is in your scenario.
Tools for Managing Grief
00:23:30
Speaker
That is so inspiring, Rebecca. Thank you for sharing that journey. And I'm curious then, with that was this happened prior to then Matthew's death of you,
00:23:45
Speaker
to going through the grief of divorce, going through the grief of your own illness, and then you had to experience in the grief as a mother of his passing.
00:23:57
Speaker
And what are the tools that helped you or have been the tools, aside from writing, because that's definitely one, it that have helped you navigate the grief of losing a child, ah having a child die?
00:24:16
Speaker
You know, i I think what I learned in there's some commonality in all of them, which is, first of all, to be very honest about how you feel about the situation. and because there's there's sadness, but sometimes there's anger.
00:24:33
Speaker
And sometimes there's this ah chronic disappointment of the things that you no longer have with that child as anniversaries come.
00:24:44
Speaker
as moments come that put you right back into it. I say, you know grief is a strange companion. It comes and it taps you on the shoulder, whether it be a smell or a sight or even a turn of phrase, and you're right back in it.
00:24:59
Speaker
And I've had to learn to be honest about, oh, I'm in it. And to kind of welcome this this this, not a friend, it's a companion. no I guess like again ah love that.
00:25:14
Speaker
Yes. and And to say, okay, I'm cherishing your visit here, but you're not going to stay. you know You're going to have your moment and then leave. But this honesty about the feelings. And then there's another honesty about what's my capacity to deal with this?
00:25:32
Speaker
ah Can I manage this on my own? Do I need help? Do I need resources? What can I do to help manage this? Whether it be writing or whether it be talking and or whether it be you know doing.
00:25:46
Speaker
there's ah There's many ways to address this. And then this the second thing after this honesty is what who are your resources? you know Who can be in the boat with you as you navigate this bout with grief?
00:26:05
Speaker
grief um And it might be a professional. It might just be a good friend. It might be a tool that you have. It's exercise or being with nature, yeah doing something creative or doing something for someone else. Because sometimes I feel like to get me unstuck, if I can figure out something I can do for someone else, it kind of it makes me feel good about that. And it releases me from dwelling and getting so so self-absorbed.
00:26:37
Speaker
And then the third thing I do is just to try to keep moving, you know, try to accomplish one thing um that i ah that makes life a little better.
Gratitude and Resilience
00:26:47
Speaker
Sometimes I have a gratitude list and sometimes that's even too heavy. And so if I can look at the day and say, all right, how is today better in just one way, just one small thing, then then that gets me looking around for the things that are still good in life.
00:27:07
Speaker
because i you know but they one time a writing professor said to us, you know if you're going to write, you need to know why you write. and And so when I drilled down on that, I thought the reason I write is because what of what I believe. Life can be good no matter what, and I have had a lot of what.
00:27:28
Speaker
So write to remind myself that life can be good, which puts me into looking mode. You know, what is that better thing, that thing that I can be grateful for?
00:27:41
Speaker
And I think that helps. And so if I have to remind myself, I have to look for it. when That's what I like to do in my writing. I love what you're saying because it is it's just like when you, i an example, when you're going to go buy a car and you you're like, oh, going to buy this car, this model, and all of a sudden that's what you start seeing, right? Because that's what you're focusing on. use like Oh, I didn't even know that that model was out there and people were driving the same color that I'm about to buy.
00:28:13
Speaker
And the same with here, when you really do try to focus on the gratitude, focus on what is good and joyful in your life, you do see more and feel more of that.
00:28:26
Speaker
And it doesn't take away from the fact that you still feel sadness, you still feel grief, you still know and validate what your life is now, but you're still able to include these little moments of of joy within it. Again, it's like you mentioned the parallel lives of the hope you know hope and fear in that same way. It's the grief, the gratitude, the grief, the joy. it that They could be parallel. they dirt they don't They're not one or. They can be lived at the same time and you are definitely proof and example of that.
00:29:09
Speaker
Well, thank you. it's It's the other part of that statement is it can be good. It isn't it isn't is good it's can and can implies work and so it you know that's one of the things that's not particularly fun to hear but you know resilience is work you know it's not something that comes particularly naturally you have to if it's a muscle you've got to exercise it and be mindful about it um
00:29:41
Speaker
wish it were easier, but but you know, after a while it becomes kind of a habit if you can, you know, how to kind of crank yourself up, you know what you have to do and is say, here we go again.
00:29:51
Speaker
on the edge of that pity pit. If I don't do something about it, I'm going to be in there. So, you know, get outside, you know, have your coffee, play your funky music, whatever it is that you know is your jump starts to know. It's a choice.
00:30:08
Speaker
Yeah, it's a choice. It's a choice because we can choose to stay in bed and wall you know wallow wallow in art in our and in our grief. And that is that is a choice and that is okay. But we can also choose to get up and brush our teeth and then get up, brush our teeth and make ourselves breakfast or get up, brush our teeth, outside for a walk, what you know, get go go outside and be with nature.
00:30:38
Speaker
We have ah choice in certain aspects within our life and in our grief. And those little choices are what can make you're or your life feel more joyful and full.
00:30:55
Speaker
if you make those little choices that, right? Every day, make those choices. Yes, absolutely. Thank you. Rebecca, tell us more about your two books and the process of writing these books and what what ah the readers could expect from them and and who would these books be for?
00:31:23
Speaker
Yes, so it it's it was really kind of backed into writing. i was in sales and marketing with IBM for years, but after my paralysis in 1997, you know, it was a very different life. i couldn't, did not go back to work. i tried it, didn't work out. So I got an email from, ah and this is back when email was just beginning,
00:31:49
Speaker
um that from a fellow I hadn't seen since high school and he'd read it. My dad had written a column about my paralysis and he wrote an email to me and said, Becky, is the take the subject was, is that you?
00:32:05
Speaker
and at the time I didn't know, was I gonna be Becky in the wheelchair or Becky walking again? And I hadn't seen him in so long. So I updated him on my marriage and my children and their special needs and our divorce and my paralysis. and And he was very quick to respond. And I started telling him stories about think adjustments to life in the wheelchair. And one of them was playing soccer with my youngest, Peter, who at that time was four.
00:32:35
Speaker
and um So I you know was wheeling back and forth in the driveway at the time i was in a manual wheelchair, ah so guarding the garage doors and he would try to shoot and I'd try to block it and we just had a grand old time and I had told him about the story and he shared it with his friends and and I shared it with my friends and this is before social media or any of that stuff. so He said, I think you could write a column about this for the paper. And the Baltimore Sun wound publishing that op-ed piece and a few more, which led to a from where I sit column I did for a locally weekly and a looking homework column I did with my dad's paper and
00:33:20
Speaker
ah Tuesdays with Madison, I did with an autism organization later. So, and that led to the the first book, which was Rethinking Possible, which I really think, it wasn't my title, but I think that's a real good definition of resilience is to rethink what's still possible, right?
00:33:41
Speaker
So, and that's really the story my crazy life and the lessons I learned, the the the lens I used to write that book, ah which is what the editor suggested, you know, what's the but's the one theme that you want to be the through the thread is the power of love over loss.
00:34:01
Speaker
And so it's, it can be a very sad story, but there's a lot of love in it and overcoming some pretty tough things, but still managing to to survive it and and actually kind of live fully through it.
00:34:18
Speaker
And then after that book, i I talked about that a lot and people would ask me, you know, what are your practices? What are the things that you do um to kind of keep you up? And one of them is the daily reader.
00:34:31
Speaker
I have about six different readers that I choose from every morning and just kind of quick start. I have my lemon water and my coffee and my reading time and my writing time in the morning and that's the really my best me is when I start. Your ritual. it's yeah Yeah, you have your ritual and you have, yeah, that's so great.
00:34:53
Speaker
So that was my second book, Morning Fuel. The way I start the fuel up in the morning is a collection of 366 little stories and or quotes and Some of them are only a few paragraphs and some of them are a couple pages and then some reflective questions to kind of jumpstart your day.
00:35:14
Speaker
I love that. I love that because it's coming from what what you've used. This has been your your fuel and what's been for 26, 27 years? years, with others and what you've been able to use as your tool and b it joyful being and share your story with others and keep moving keep moving keep moving so again those three things that was honesty resources and keep moving those three things were the things that helped you in your life and then having one of these resources being your your rich your kind of your ritual within your day of how you started your day it set it up for the rest of of the how you were going to feel the rest of the day yes
00:36:12
Speaker
Yes. but and And my sister and I, we we talk almost every morning. she She lives 800 miles away from me too. I mean, it it connections are important and writing helps that. and And i I also still do a Thoughtful Thursday email column where I connect with folks just about what's inspired me to be positive for the week.
00:36:36
Speaker
And that helps with with the connection. so So it's a ah a eight a practice that I have. ah There's some ah some little sound bites that I use sometimes to keep me this, ah call try to be possibility driven. And that is even though and except the circumstance that you don't really want, I can still And so that puts you into a possibility mode when you think of even though I'm paralyzed, I can still write.
00:37:11
Speaker
You know, even though my kids still play soccer with your, when you were, when your kid was four years old, that is, that teared me up. See, just imagining you in the driveway being the goalie there. That is just awesome.
00:37:26
Speaker
Yeah. So sorry to interrupt. Yes, go ahead. No, it was actually, i I got one of the best workouts I ever had. And I talk at that time, you you know wheeling the wheels back and forth. I had some, had tire prints on my thumbs. It was really funny.
00:37:43
Speaker
we We had a good time with that. But yeah, so I have some like little mind tricks that use to try to ah accept the circumstance because acceptance brings headspace too. And I think ah that decision process, I don't realize how much space that uncertainty can take up in your head.
00:38:07
Speaker
you know but once you have clarity about okay i don't like this choice but i made it and it's what i'm making at the time and i can make a different choice later if if i need to but right now this is how it's like okay then you can keep moving and not be spinning so i try to make sure that um i have enough space ahead of me to make decisions good decisions about what's next.
00:38:36
Speaker
And that's ah it's always a big thing. That whole planning thing helps me. I probably do too much of that. But, it you know, whatever works for you. Some people can really wing it a lot better. I don't wing it really well.
00:38:49
Speaker
and Yeah, planning helps you and that's yeah that that's good. Having something that you can kind of look forward to. Okay, this is what i'm going to do now. that's And that's fine. I'm more of a wing it.
00:39:01
Speaker
I'm a wing it within certain parameters. Like I still have like certain structure and then I wing it in between. ah Yes, I just have witnessed that this morning. You're amazing.
00:39:13
Speaker
Oh, yeah. and What she's referring to is we weren't able to record where we normally do because it was not working. So we did have to wing it. And it's the first time we're using Google Meet to record this podcast. so So we will wing it. We'll see what comes of it.
00:39:28
Speaker
But there's a lot of A lot of freedom that comes also from that winging it and also to write it. So that's also acceptance because you're accepting what is OK. Now, what do we do right with what is and in life? It is that way. You can have a certain idea of what your life is going to look like. And it's OK to have those hopes and and and dreams. But sometimes it doesn't go.
00:39:52
Speaker
that way. And then what do you do with that? And being present, accepting what is like you said, and then just seeing where you go from, from that now, where, what's your story going to look like now?
Rebecca's Reflections and Reach Out
00:40:08
Speaker
And you've definitely,
00:40:10
Speaker
shown that with your own story every every little path has led you to who you are now and the impact that you're having now on others with your writing and with just your who you who you are i'm sure everybody that encounters you ends up leaving with a little hope in their own lives as well when they see you Well, that would be an honor, but thank you. Yes, because you are.
00:40:38
Speaker
Now, Rebecca, I like to ask my guests if there is something I have not asked you that you want to make sure that you share with the audience. You know, I think there is. i think one of the other learnings that I had is that we all travel through grief differently.
00:41:00
Speaker
And to compare your journey with someone else's ah is ah sometimes can can be a hard thing.
00:41:11
Speaker
And and ah there's a ah graphic that I like that shows this Dalmatian and then a little tiny Chihuahua and they're both in mud.
00:41:23
Speaker
And the question is how deep is the mud? And it depends on who you ask. because for the little chihuahua it's up to his chest for the big Dalmatian it barely covers his feet and I think that's a really good illustration of how some people seem to get through things very easily and others really struggle and it's not right or wrong it's just different and I think that um
00:41:55
Speaker
Sometimes what we expect will help us doesn't. For example, when my sister and I were were very close, but we realized when we lost mom and dad ah in each of those grief situations, we really couldn't help each other because we were in our own grief.
00:42:18
Speaker
And we almost kind of made a pact that we had to reach outside ourselves to people that weren't directly affected. So i think to just be mindful of who you are and who is helping you and to avoid comparison and to accept your year you uniqueness as you move through tough times.
00:42:45
Speaker
as you move through that mud you don't know if you have chihuahua legs or if you have dalmatian legs so do not compare your own journey with that of of another if the like with these stories is not with comparison when we bring guests like yourself is just a it gives people just that aspect of that possibility and of that hope in case they're the ones with the little chihuahua legs in the mud right it's like i yeah that the dalmatian got out it's not that i don't have those legs but i know that there's still ah possibility for me to
00:43:27
Speaker
traverse these grief ah grief this grief mud in in in some shape or form that's going to help me get out of here. So thank you again for the beautiful analogies and sharing your story.
00:43:42
Speaker
And now let's share how people can reach you and how they can get your books. oh i would love to so they can reach me it's a very simple
00:43:59
Speaker
and you can sign up for my thoughtful thursday there my books are available wherever you can purchase books amazon barnes and noble think they even have some at Target and Walmart, but also on your independent bookstores. Please go visit them. They're great places to not only buy books, but to meet people and and do a whole lot other things. They've turned into like gift salons these days. so ah But yes, both of them are available there. And my Rethinking Possible, there's an audio book for that as well.
00:44:34
Speaker
And of course, the others both are in e-book forms. And I would love to hear from you. It's um easy to access. eckygaup Becky at BeckyGalli.com if you want to email me.
00:44:47
Speaker
um But thank you so much for for having me and fur for what you do. Thank you, Rebecca. Thank you for sharing your story and for going on this journey of this conversation and what we were able to birth from the two of us connecting. So thank you.
00:45:08
Speaker
You're welcome. Great to be here.
00:45:17
Speaker
Thank you again so much for choosing to listen today. I hope that you can take away a few nuggets from today's episode that can bring you comfort in your times of grief.
00:45:30
Speaker
If so, it would mean so much to me if you would rate and comment on this episode. And if you feel inspired in some way to share it with someone who may need to hear this, please do so.
00:45:46
Speaker
Also, if you or someone you know has a story of grief and gratitude that should be shared so that others can be inspired as well, please reach out to me.
00:45:59
Speaker
And thanks once again for tuning in to Grief, Gratitude, and the Gray In Between podcast. Have a beautiful day.