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I’m Fine: The One Statement We All Use (and How That Backfires)
33 Plays1 day ago
“I’m fine.”
Translation: I’m spiraling internally while smiling like a pageant contestant.
Sound familiar? In this episode, we’re pulling the mask off the mask. Why do we pretend we’re okay when we’re absolutely not? Why do we default to “polite and pleasant” when what we really need is honest and messy? And how does this emotional censorship slowly eat away at our relationships, our health, and our sense of self?
This week, we’re talking:
- The psychology of emotional masking
- What happens when we chronically suppress what we really feel
- How the “I’m fine” script is a trauma response dressed in manners
- Why saying what you actually feel isn’t “too much,” it’s necessary
- Tools to express your truth without burning bridges or imploding
This isn’t about yelling your feelings at strangers. It’s about reconnecting to your real self—and giving others the roadmap to do the same.
If you’ve ever: ✔️ Said “no worries” while grinding your teeth
✔️ Laughed off a serious hurt to keep the peace
✔️ Felt invisible in your own relationships
This one’s for you.
Let’s Stay Connected:
Love this episode? Share it with a friend who’s one “I’m fine” away from a meltdown.
And hey—leave a review if you’re feeling generous. It helps more real ones find us.
Recommended
Transcript
Introduction and Emotional Masks
00:00:05
Speaker
Welcome, ladies and gentlemen, to Exhausted Sparrows Unite. I am Krista Jones with my co-host, Chantel Schaefer. And so excited, as I always am, to dig into these episodes because I'm like, ah I have a good one. Let's be honest. When was the last time that someone said to you, hey How are you? And you said, fine.
00:00:26
Speaker
While you're really mentally rage texting your therapist, or maybe you were smiling through your clenched teeth and you were nodding. And then i don't know, you went into your car and you started crying. Then they're done that sisters and brothers.
00:00:39
Speaker
I bought the emotional t-shirt actually that says it. And Chantelle knows I got it in three different colors. Today we are talking about the mask that we wear. I'm not talking about the Halloween mask.
00:00:50
Speaker
I'm talking about the smile that you mask, the actual hurt that you're feeling, the no worries when you're ready to flip a table. I'm talking about the I am tired and I am spiraling and why today is a great day for us to dive into this podcast. Welcome.
00:01:08
Speaker
Hello. if it is your first podcast, what a great way to come in. And if it is not, you're probably feeling right now like, wow, we've reached a boiling point today. It's fine. It's fine. Everything is fine. It's all fine. You know, this is the podcast that really wants you to embrace your true, authentic self.
00:01:30
Speaker
And through doing it, I am catching myself so much like, I'm I'm supposed to rethink my thinking, stinking, thinking and like all the time. And so I really go through things that I struggle with.
Maintaining Facades in Leadership
00:01:42
Speaker
mean, I know it's a little bit selfish, but you know, in talking about this one to Chantel, as we go through our week and what we're going to talk about in the podcast, she was like, oh this is a good one because I feel we all relate So this nonsense.
00:02:01
Speaker
And if you don't, you're lying. You are lying. You are not a truth teller. You are a little liar. And we don't like little liars. Nope. So we're here to delve in and to really get you to dig deep and just say to yourself,
00:02:16
Speaker
There are absolutely times in your life where you are faking it. You are not being honest about how you're really feeling. And I want to talk about that today because that is probably um my weakest link.
00:02:31
Speaker
That is probably a trait about myself that is... What would you say, Chantal? It is a very strong trait. It is a it is a hard trait for me. It is a hard habit to break.
00:02:47
Speaker
It is. And I think your position and your role as the executive director of a charity, like you. Sparrows Nest of the Hudson Valley. Find us at sparrowsnestcharity.org.
00:03:00
Speaker
But I think with your position, like you probably feel the need to put on this this face and this mask and that you always have to have a front that everything is fine. Yeah, no, I think that's definitely part of it.
00:03:13
Speaker
um I think because it is a charity as well. And there are people that are sick. For those of you tuning in, never tuned in before, this ah is all a spinoff of our charity, which is called Sparrows Nest of the Hudson Valley in the Hudson Valley, New York City.
00:03:32
Speaker
four different counties and um we see people that have a cancer diagnosis. And so, yes, there is absolutely some of that because compared to what we see, i am fine.
00:03:44
Speaker
yeah Right. Like i I am physically fine. And, you know, my bad days are definitely not comparable to some other people's bad days. And um I don't think anybody wants the executive director of a charity that's out there cooking meals and trying to help people, you know, to be out there complaining or
Childhood Influence on Emotional Expression
00:04:05
Speaker
falling apart at the seams. be And, you know, because I think if you see me falling apart, you're like, uh-oh.
00:04:10
Speaker
but The ship is going down. It's going down fast. So um I do think that that's part of it. But, you know, I really was diving into this because when I started thinking about this topic and stuff and reading a little bit on it, I was like, um where does this all come from? Like, let's really I like to dig down to the root of it because this really is the surface. Like what we're doing here now is the surface because this doesn't start in the here and now.
00:04:36
Speaker
This starts in childhood. right? This starts in the moment that, um, thank goodness my mom and dad never listened to this podcast because they don't know how. Well, my dad does. Hi dad. Hi dad.
00:04:50
Speaker
But your dad, you know, he he will maybe chuckle at this. Maybe he won't, but you know, I grew up in a family that did not show emotions at all. Like I grew up in a family where like my dad would be like, stop crying.
00:05:03
Speaker
And like I, as I was like trying to process this and figure out like why I'm fine, it's fine, it's all fine. Yeah, the executive director charity thing, you know, lays another layer on it. Thank you so much, Jesus. But...
00:05:17
Speaker
It starts from a young age, like, you know, ah use your inside voice. I was told that all the time because, you know, I'm loud and I'm, you know, vivacious and like I'm perky when I wake up at 6 a.m. And like people tell me that all the time, like, can't you be quiet or, oh my gosh, it's 6 a.m. Why are you so happy?
00:05:38
Speaker
So like, there's a lot of things I think, you know, you hear or, you know, if you've got a smirk on your face, go to your room. Don't come out until you can be a better person. Like whatever it is. I mean, my parents didn't tell me that.
00:05:52
Speaker
But like, you know what I'm saying? There are things that you are told in your childhood, things that you were told in your schools when you were a kid in school. And, you know, ah well, go and make up with the girl that just punched you.
00:06:07
Speaker
Like, It's all fine. um And I think that then, you know, carries out into the really messed up ah emotionally human being that some of us are today.
Consequences of Emotional Suppression
00:06:20
Speaker
Yeah, it gets ingrained in there. Right. And I think it wires our our brains in into thinking that expressions...
00:06:33
Speaker
are not good. We're supposed to just guard our expressions and we're always supposed to just have this happy ah face on. And we've talked about in another podcast and just living authentically and the real you.
00:06:46
Speaker
But if we think about it, um I was just counting how many times, you know, like staff was saying, I'm fine. I'm fine. Like in a day, it's a lot of times. It is a lot of times. so It is. But like you said, you know, we're, we're in ah an environment where,
00:07:00
Speaker
the people around us, their lives aren't fine. And what we're experiencing here is so trivial. I grew up with a with a sister who's disabled. She is in a wheelchair, cerebral palsy. um So anything I ever experienced in life was kind of pushed to the side because how do you compare, you know, ow, my legs hurt from running the mile to o I'm sitting in a wheelchair.
00:07:23
Speaker
You know, so I i get that. And I think the answer is you don't compare them, but you shouldn't need to. Right. Because every human being needs and deserves attention. And, you know, when something's going on and I, ah you know, when I say things like, you know, i don't want to complain because people have it worse than me.
00:07:41
Speaker
I think you also have to give yourself grace and say, you You know, I do want to sit in it for a minute. We've talked about that in other podcasts too. and don't want people to think like they should push things aside because there's always somebody that has it worse, of course.
00:07:55
Speaker
And there's always somebody that has it better. And so this is not like, you know, it's just these crazy emotions. And, you know, you realize that once you start pushing these emotions down,
00:08:08
Speaker
it's really awkward to be honest with them and let them go. Like, I really think if I ever said to you, I'm completely falling apart and I'm spiraling. And if I don't leave, like I'm going to quit. Like, I think you'd be like, what?
00:08:23
Speaker
Because when you don't deal with them, then it makes it really hard and awkward to to I think, to release them at all. In 2022, was reading this, I i had wrote this down.
00:08:35
Speaker
ah There was a study that was published in a magazine called Emotion that found that people that suppress emotions habitually experience 85% higher rates of anxiety, depression, chronic stress.
00:08:55
Speaker
It is linked to higher blood pressure, poor immune response, and 15 shorter life expectancy. Oh, shorter life expectancy oh Watch out. i Tomorrow I'm saying it all.
00:09:13
Speaker
Saying it all. Just going to throw it all out. Maybe we need like a corner of the office where it could just be the venting corner. You can just let it all out. ah You know, so i guess we really need to talk about that because, you know...
00:09:27
Speaker
When you say things like, you know, you're trying to be low maintenance, right? Like, you know, when you were saying with your sister and everything, because there were other needs in the household that had to be met, you're actually emotionally constipated.
00:09:42
Speaker
So how do we deal with that? Is there emotional ex-lax?
00:09:48
Speaker
Well, there will be tomorrow because now that we're dealing it with, we're just going to, we're just going to spew it all out tomorrow. But the kicker of everything is that most of us aren't repressing one emotion, right? So we were saying that like year after year after year and day after day after day, like if you just keep throwing it all down, you've got like this whole cocktail of feelings that you're not,
00:10:13
Speaker
dealing with. And so for me, this is going to shock you. It will sometimes come out as passive aggressiveness. Yeah, I'm fine. I'll just go in and do the dishes. i only work 12 hours. Yes.
00:10:29
Speaker
Are you watching my household? Well, that's my household. So I feel like I should bring it up first. And passive aggressiveness is not good. It absolutely confuses people. It really does. We, Chantal and I, without naming any names, we do have a person in our life that is in our life some. Now all of you are going to see if it's you.
00:10:48
Speaker
I know. All are going to be like, wait, I know both of you. ah But, you know, we we do have someone in our life that, you know, we deal with from time to time that will, you know, put these zingers out there and we're both like, is that funny?
00:11:03
Speaker
Or is that like a backhanded, like, you're just expecting too much from me? Like, it's really interesting, but it leads to that. And then you put people in these situations that they're like,
00:11:15
Speaker
i don't I don't even know what to to do with that. And with me, I apologize a lot to my staff because I think when I continue saying I'm fine, i'm fine, i'm fine, and I'm not really fine, you can feel it in the air. you ah You feel it in my energy. My energy is completely off. I suck everything out of the room.
00:11:36
Speaker
I'm irritable. And I'm like, everything's fine. And everybody's like, but it's not fine. Like you're completely lying to our faces. Nothing is fine because, you know, you don't know how to deal with it.
00:11:47
Speaker
And then there's just, you know, the full on breakdowns, which is happening today with Krista Jones, where the littlest thing can completely set you off. And honestly, it it completely derails your entire day.
00:12:01
Speaker
I have sat here for most of the day with like 28 things to do. And Chantel has come in here quite a bit. Thank you, Chantel. And she's like, all right, So what do we have to do? And I go, I can't even write the list.
00:12:13
Speaker
Like I can't even give you the list of what needs to be done because there's just so much going on.
The Challenge of Emotional Honesty
00:12:22
Speaker
And I'm just going to give you a fun brain fact. Are you ready for it? I can't even say this word.
00:12:26
Speaker
It's called the Amy. I'm probably going to say this wrong. The Amy Degala. It is our brain sphere center. Amygdala. Dang it, I wasn't even close. Thanks, biology class.
00:12:36
Speaker
Amygdala. The amygdala, which is the brain's fear center, lights up even more when our emotions are suppressed. So we should be glowing as human beings.
00:12:52
Speaker
But that's how i I think I deal with the I'm fine movement. I really do have a t-shirt. I said that in the introduction. I have it in a couple of colors. It's very soft. I love it. And I do wear it sometimes just as this this this crazy, you know, spinoff so that everybody will laugh.
00:13:07
Speaker
But the I'm fine movement is anything but. So we kind of know it was instilled in us, right? And I think it's great that we know now what we should not say to our kids because we've all even said this probably to our kids.
00:13:24
Speaker
Like, oh, suck it up or my dad. Oh, my poor dad. he'll you know You know, what are you, a crybaby? I'm like, oh my gosh, I'm four. And I'm a girl and I'm very sensitive. I'm Sagittarius. I don't know.
00:13:39
Speaker
Like, yes, I am a crybaby. I'm four. i'm four. i just want to go back and give four-year-old Krista a hug. But um it is something that is challenging for many of us, if not all of us, at at least one season in their life.
00:13:55
Speaker
And you said you do that a lot at home. I really do. Like, I get very annoyed when things don't get done to my standards. You know, like, I don't like to go home to dishes in the sink. And, you know, I'm not shaming my husband. He's the one who gets the kids ready in the morning and puts them on the bus. So, like,
00:14:12
Speaker
I shouldn't get so bothered by it, but I usually don't say anything, but then it happens and more and more and more and more. And then it builds up and then I just, why and I lose it.
00:14:23
Speaker
Right. And he's like, where is this coming from? I'm like, well, this day there was a sock here and there was a dish this day. And he's like, why didn't you tell me that day? and like, because I was trying not to be a jerk. Oh, I'm so glad you mentioned that. And that is true.
00:14:37
Speaker
You're trying not to be a jerk. And then I'm a really big jerk. Right. Because you're not really forgetting about the sock from two weeks ago, which by the way, your husband forgot about because you didn't bring it up. He didn't even know it was there.
00:14:48
Speaker
He didn't even know it was there. But what it is, is it's this whole culmination of all this stuff that is going on. And we're just not being honest. And that, if I'm being honest, is something I fear the most.
00:14:59
Speaker
I am going to look like a jerk. I am going to look like a nitpicker. yeah And I really don't say a lot because my husband, who will also listen to this, I hope you do, Christian Jones. Like he'll say that. He'll be like, oh my gosh, stop nagging me about every little thing.
00:15:15
Speaker
So then I won't say anything. And then three weeks later, like I'm not speaking to him and he has no idea why, because I am not fine. i am not fine.
00:15:28
Speaker
But I don't want to look like a jerk. You can't have it both ways. You're either a nitpicker or you're exploding. Right. I'd rather be a nitpicker. I think I want to be a nitpicker with you. i think I'm going to start today. Because like I feel like those are just tiny little things, tiny little blips, as opposed to like that giant mountain of explosion. Right.
00:15:47
Speaker
Which honestly then makes you look irrational. Yes. Right? And you're not irrational, but you're not expressing what is going on, when it's going on. So when this mountain happens, the person that you are just throwing up on is like...
00:16:02
Speaker
You are out of your mind crazy. 100%. And you're not. But you just have not dealt with what is going on because I think we fear that honesty is going to lead to conflict.
00:16:14
Speaker
But if we withhold it for us, I think it leads to resentment. Yes. I couldn't have said that better. Well, then I'm glad I said it for you, friend. Thank you for your knowledge.
00:16:26
Speaker
But what are we going to do about it? Like saying how we actually feel. i mean, we know that it doesn't make us mean, but for me, I need to be liked and I need to be liked by every single group in society.
00:16:42
Speaker
Right. I ride the fence on almost everything that I do. I ride the fence because I can see things politically from all sides of the aisle. i ride the fence because I'm an empath.
00:16:55
Speaker
So now i I feel that like I'm in the middle of whatever you have going on. So I'm, you know what I mean? And I think that I'm really afraid of you not liking me.
Tools for Emotional Awareness
00:17:11
Speaker
I understand that. But I've started to come to this point in my life where I don't care. And I love that for you. But I don't know that we all are there. i don't think so either. And I think that's great because I don't think that i don't think that means that you're callous and you're cold hearted.
00:17:29
Speaker
I think that means that, you know, as we are talking about in all these podcasts, you're protecting, you know, your peace, your you're you're protecting what you you truly believe and you are just expressing your feelings. But I don't know that we've all arrived. i have not arrived there yet. I've gotten better.
00:17:46
Speaker
But I am still really worried that what I am saying to you... is potentially going to make you not like me anymore. So for me to say I'm fine, it really just alleviates all of that.
00:18:02
Speaker
But, you know, this whole podcast is based on the premise of living authentically. 100%. you're really, you know, for me, it's if you don't like who I am and the authentic real me, then, you know, bye.
00:18:14
Speaker
Right. And for me, I'm thinking, you don't really want me to bog you down with, you know, my child and her text all night and, You know, nobody really wants to hear like I internalize that. And I think nobody really wants to hear about that.
00:18:30
Speaker
And to a certain extent, that is true. We all know people in our lives that do nothing but complain. But then I think there's those of us on the absolute opposite side of that, that, you know, do nothing but, you know, try to paint a picture that isn't, you know, even realistic.
00:18:46
Speaker
So I think when I'm saying I'm fine, I'm like, you know, my staff has enough going on. my friends have enough going on. Nobody really wants to hear that, you know, I didn't sleep last night because they didn't sleep last night. So I think there's a lot of that. And, you know, I don't want to be a jerk.
00:19:01
Speaker
Yeah, but it's also healthy to to let it out. And you might find that you can commiserate with somebody. And maybe somebody needs you to open that door. That, you know, if you start talking about not being fine and I'm having issues with this, they might say, oh, my gosh, me too.
00:19:15
Speaker
You know? A hundred percent. Listen, I agree with everything you're saying. That's why we're doing the podcast. So I'm telling all of you listening, I am working on my authenticity and it is not easy. Clear is kind.
00:19:29
Speaker
Unclear is unkind. Dr. Brainy Brown. So being clear with somebody is actually being kind. It's not hurting their feelings. When you are unclear and you leave this gray area, which I will do, right?
00:19:42
Speaker
Like if I'm trying not to be a control freak in the kitchen, but I know it's not going to work well the way that you want to do something, right? I will try to just... be a little bit unclear, like, well, yeah, you can do it that way.
00:19:56
Speaker
Right. And that's not kind of me because then you're going to do it the way that you think is right. Because I haven't expressed what really needs to be done. and then now i I'm getting resentment because you're not doing it the way I know you should be doing it.
00:20:12
Speaker
And so, right. I think a lot of us struggle with all of this stuff, which all boils down to, you're supposed to let everybody think that you're fine all the time and the social media and all that going on.
00:20:23
Speaker
It boils down to you're supposed to be a nice person. So by saying you're fine or not being honest with your true feelings, you're burdening others or you're not being nice to them. But I thought that was a really interesting sentence.
00:20:36
Speaker
Two sentences. Clear is kind and unclear is being unkind. Yeah. Because people then don't really know what's going on with you. Yeah. And somebody could see that as being deceitful or um i don't I don't know what the word I'm looking for is.
00:20:52
Speaker
But, you know, I'd rather you be blunt with me and be honest with me and say, you know what, Chantel, having a really terrible day and I'm going go home. I'd rather you say that than sit here and stew in whatever it is you're feeling or experiencing. And, you know.
00:21:06
Speaker
hundred percent You know, and like, I think what I've tried to do now is I'm saying I'm feeling a little overwhelmed. i think you heard that from me a few times today. Like, like, I i need an hour and you were like, okay.
00:21:18
Speaker
Like, so it's to me, I was like, I need an hour. I need to reframe it. And then of course, 17 people walked in. So I haven't reframed it yet, Chantal, but I'm still working on that one more hour and then. Yeah. But, you know, I think sometimes we just have to say, and no, you know what, I'm a little overwhelmed. I'm okay. But, you know, just, I just need some time.
00:21:36
Speaker
Like, we don't necessarily need to also throw it all up to people if we don't want to. But sometimes it's okay to say, I'm little overwhelmed. I'm a little bit off today. I'm going to be okay. But, you know, I'm just a little bit off because you're also giving somebody like a heads up.
00:21:52
Speaker
Yeah. That like if you're feeling an energy from me, which if you're anywhere in the Krista Jones realm, you will know if that energy like is off. You'll out absolutely know it. It's thick. Thick as thieves. It's really thick.
00:22:04
Speaker
So I'm trying to like now not even give that energy.
Breaking Societal Norms in Emotional Expression
00:22:07
Speaker
I'm trying to say, I'm going to, you know, go over here for a minute and then it's all going to be good. And then it's really like, okay, so how do we start giving ourselves, right, the emotional vocabulary that we need so that, you know, it's not awkward.
00:22:27
Speaker
So maybe like instead of saying I'm fine, like, you know, we're saying I'm a little bit stretched thin today. yeah. but I'm here. I'm going to figure it out. Or instead of saying like, um, whatever, right? Like if a, if somebody in the kitchen was like, Oh, I'd rather do it this way. I would never say whatever, but I would say something like, well, I mean, you know, whatever, if that's how you, you know, think it would go.
00:22:52
Speaker
Like maybe you could say, you know, that I don't think that that is the best option. And here's why.
00:23:04
Speaker
Right. Yeah. You know, from past experience, we found that this was the best route to go. Right. So there is this wheel that you can go to. um You can Google it.
00:23:16
Speaker
It is called the feelings. So it's with an S at the end of it. The feelings wheel. And if you Google it, like it comes right up. It's, uh, you can actually buy it.
00:23:28
Speaker
Um, and it's like, I don't know, 10 or $12 or something, but it gives you like all of this really interesting feedback on like what's going on with you and how you need to process it. I don't even know, Chantal, if I can like show you this thing.
00:23:44
Speaker
But, um, like it's huge. Like this is what it looks like. Oh, that is a lot of feelings. It's in all these beautiful categories. Right. And then it kind of like, if you say, um I'm feeling fearful, right?
00:24:03
Speaker
right? Like fearful has a million different categories. So if you're overwhelmed, if you're stressed, if you're worried, if you're weak, that's all under this fearful category. So what it does is I think it's like six, seven categories, um fearful, bad, surprised, happy, sad, angry, disgusted.
00:24:22
Speaker
But out of these six, seven categories, there's a million emotions in them. So what this wheel does is any of this you're feeling, it really gets down to the crux of it. And it says, well, you're actually feeling sad. You're actually fearing something, right? Like you're you're you're scared of something.
00:24:40
Speaker
So it's really like a cool thing. Like I was playing around with it the other night. I was like, oh my gosh, this is really good. Because if you can simplify it and say, all right, here are the emotions. Here is one of the six, seven things that I'm feeling.
00:24:51
Speaker
Then it kind of goes into, all right, here's what you can do to get yourself out of it, which I like. And it's saying you're really not fine, right? about 60 to 65% of the time.
00:25:04
Speaker
it' so It doesn't mean that you're bad, but meaning that you're not happy could mean that you're angry or it could mean that you're melancholy. Like it can mean like all these different things.
00:25:17
Speaker
It just means that you're not always fine, which I thought was also interesting. And then we have to talk about like our body talk too, because when we're not fine, people can see that, right? Your jaw is clenched.
00:25:31
Speaker
face does not lie. I have one of those faces. I do too. it Yes. You know, it's an open book. It is an open book. It's your body language.
00:25:41
Speaker
So if you are that open book, which we both know we are, then you probably shouldn't even lie. Like, now just don't even vocalize that you're okay because people can see you're really not okay.
00:25:52
Speaker
Yeah. You know, the the there's a meme or a reel that goes around and it's David Rose from the show Schitt's Creek. Yeah, yeah. My husband's like, that's your face. And you're trying to tell me you're okay. Like the David, ew, ew, like his ew face. He's like, you're not okay.
00:26:06
Speaker
You're David Rose-ing right now. Check Yeah. Check your face. Yes. Yes. And sometimes, you know, your body, like if you're, if you're feeling something in your body, like you should listen to that before. Cause sometimes you don't really even know it, but you're a little bit stressed out. You know, like I said, you're clenching, like what, whatever it is you're doing, your body's not going to lie to you. So if your body's having a reaction, if somebody's trying to talk to you and you're trying to convince them that you're fine, don't even say you're fine.
00:26:29
Speaker
You can be like, I, I'm really on edge right now. I need to walk away to my pity party corner. That's what I need to do. But I think it's important that we also um realize that you're not weak for having feelings.
00:26:46
Speaker
A lot of time, I think we should really talk about cultures, men. Like in a lot of different scenarios, you are meant to feel that you don't show your emotions because it makes you weak.
00:27:00
Speaker
Boys are always told, oh, suck it up, be a man. I mean, my dad did say that to me as a female, but... In most cases, that's that's kind of what, you know, you shouldn't cry. You know, you're a boy or, you know, culturally in different cultures, you know, you don't express emotions. You don't talk to anybody about your feelings. You don't do any of that.
00:27:18
Speaker
So there's a lot of cultural and gender barriers that we all need to break through to realize that
Fostering Emotional Honesty in Children
00:27:25
Speaker
we're all humans. And that's what... That's what we have in common. So we're all going to experience emotion and all of us should be able to healthfully get those emotions out.
00:27:37
Speaker
Yeah. It's so important to know that your feelings are valid. Yeah. And that you're not too much. No. Right? You're not too much when you express them and you're not broken just because you're expressing an emotion that doesn't go with today's society over and over again with us talking about our authentic self.
00:28:00
Speaker
We over and over again talk about social media and how on social media everything looks like it's amazing and it cannot be amazing all of the time.
00:28:11
Speaker
So now we're, you know, feeling this extra pressure in the social media world to make everybody think we're fine even when we're not. So it's not, you know, listen.
00:28:23
Speaker
Just don't post at all then. Don't post something that's not true. If you're having a cruddy day, then maybe don't post. You don't have to throw it all up on Facebook because another thing that I do not like are the cliffhangers when you're like, for those of you that have forsaken me today, what an awful day was the worst day of my life.
00:28:42
Speaker
I am unfriending all of you unless you say how you met me. I'm like, oh my gosh, please don't do that either. So you don't have to throw it up on social media, but you don't have to post something fake about how wonderful your day went if it didn't go wonderful. Yeah.
00:28:58
Speaker
Not every day is perfect. We're all human. 65% of them are not perfect. 65. It's a lot. It is a lot. And if you're a mom, I bet that number's even higher. Well, now that we're talking about moms, yes.
00:29:11
Speaker
And we have to really encourage our little ones To be honest. And, you know, we say it in almost every episode, us saying that we're okay when we're not okay. Our kids see that and they know we're not okay.
00:29:28
Speaker
And so they're now learning that burying the truth is, you know, what we're supposed to do. And, and it's not healthy and we shouldn't be doing it.
00:29:40
Speaker
No, no. And, you know, I feel like kids have been through a lot, you know, like these kids that have come through COVID and my little one is exceptionally sensitive and she's also very intuitive and she's very empathetic.
00:29:54
Speaker
And, you know, we work a lot on talking about our feelings because she gets really, really big feelings. Yeah. And so we spend a lot of time talking about that and letting her get them out. And you can see this weight off of her tiny shoulders when you just give her that time and say, what are you feeling right now? Instead of going, knock it off, it's bedtime.
00:30:16
Speaker
You know, what are you feeling? And why are you feeling that way? And sometimes her answer is, I don't know what I'm feeling. And I have to say, it's okay to not know what word what the word is for what you're feeling. Sure.
00:30:27
Speaker
But it's important that you let it out. You can tell me. I'm feeling all kinds of ways right now. And it's important for them to see us letting it out. Yeah. You know, it's important that they see what sad looks like and that it's okay to be that and mad and a million other emotions.
00:30:43
Speaker
And, you know, you shouldn't be embarrassed of any of those feelings um because they're, they're really, you know, our young generation is looking to us. They have had a lot going on in their little lives COVID, you were just starting school when all of that happened. Mine were just ending high school when all of that was happening.
00:31:02
Speaker
Like, you know, all of these things, um they're not fine and neither are we. So in order for us to expect our children to be as healthy as they can mentally.
00:31:16
Speaker
We also have to show them healthy ways to release it as well, which means I'm probably going to go home and burn the shirts.
00:31:26
Speaker
Don't burn them. right. But I won't wear them as often. Just wear them to CrossFit. Where you're really hoping you can just get through the class and everything's going to be fine. Here's the deal though. Listen, so you're allowed to be mad and you're allowed to feel things and feel them really deeply.
00:31:43
Speaker
And you're allowed and you should say, I'm not okay when you are not okay without having to do what Krista Jones does and follow it by a joke or giving somebody a casserole. Cause that's really how I handle it.
00:31:55
Speaker
The world doesn't need a polite version of you. They need the real version of you, which of course is messy and cries in parking lots sometimes, but it shows that you got a beautiful heart and a heart that is wide open and it makes people feel comfortable to let you know their struggles too.
Encouragement for Authenticity
00:32:12
Speaker
So the next time somebody asks you how you are, I just dare you to say one actual true thing, even if it's just a part of a thing that may not be going well, just say it.
00:32:25
Speaker
Go forth and unmask, my friend. And remember, we want you to be kind to yourself and to each other and to check us out. Ways that you can volunteer, ways that you can give and do so much more at sparrowsnestcharity.org.
00:32:41
Speaker
dot org