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The Beauty of Boundaries- Learning to Say No and Protecting Your Peace Without Guilt
82 Plays29 days ago
In this episode, we’re diving into a topic that so many of us struggle with — boundaries. If you’ve ever felt stretched too thin, said “yes” when you really wanted to say “no,” or found yourself drained from constantly trying to be everything for everyone… this one’s for you.
We’ll chat about why boundaries aren’t about shutting people out — they’re about letting the right things in. You’ll hear about the sneaky guilt that shows up when you start saying no, and how to quiet that inner voice that tells you you’re being “selfish.” (Spoiler alert: you’re not. ) In fact, setting boundaries is one of the most loving things you can do — for yourself and for the people around you.
But we’re not stopping there. I’ll walk you through different types of boundaries — like protecting your time , creating emotional space , and even setting digital boundaries (yes, you’re allowed to log off). Plus, I’ll share some go-to phrases for those tough conversations when you need to hold your ground but aren’t sure what to say.
And because life isn’t always sunshine and rainbows, we’ll also dig into what happens after you set a boundary. Some people won’t like it… and that’s okay. We’ll talk about standing firm, handling pushback, and embracing the peace that comes when you finally start prioritizing yourself.
By the end of this episode, you’ll not only understand the beauty of boundaries — you’ll feel empowered to start setting them in your own life, guilt-free. So grab a cup of coffee (or tea … or wine — no judgment here), and let’s have an honest conversation about protecting your peace. You deserve it.
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Transcript
Introduction to Boundary Setting
00:00:04
Speaker
Welcome to Exhausted Sparrows Unite. I am Krista Jones along with my co-host, Chantel Schaefer. Let me ask you something. When was the last time that you said and didn't feel guilty about it?
00:00:21
Speaker
If you're struggling to come up with an answer, then trust me, you are not only not alone, but this podcast is going to be for you. Because for a lot of us, saying yes is, I don't know, it's it's practically reflex.
00:00:34
Speaker
Somebody needs a favor? Sure. asks you to stay late again? not a problem. I've been there. I know what's going on. And today we're going to talk about boundaries, not the scary build a wall boundaries, but the kind of boundaries that are going to protect your peace, Chantel Schaefer.
Importance of Boundaries in Life
00:00:55
Speaker
It's a really good day to be talking about boundaries with my little Chantel Schaefer. This episode is really, I think, for all of us. So we got to just dive right in Buckle up.
00:01:07
Speaker
Buckle up, buddy. Because, you know, when we do these episodes, I notice like common themes like over and over and words that you and I are saying. And, you know, I'm like almost every episode we are discussing boundaries.
00:01:21
Speaker
So we need a whole episode on these boundaries and why they're so important. Yeah. And there needs to be boundaries in all areas of your life. All areas of your life. A lot of people think it's just work, but you're right. Your personal life, like like everything that you're doing.
00:01:39
Speaker
And I think that we have to define really what a boundary is because, you know, I think people think that means build a
Charity Work and the Need for Boundaries
00:01:45
Speaker
wall. And that's not what we're saying. We're not telling you to build a wall. We're telling you that you need to do certain things in order to protect your peace.
00:01:56
Speaker
Well, yeah, because if you don't have a healthy boundary, you can be considered a doormat and people will just walk all over you and take advantage of that. And they will wipe their dirty feet on you.
00:02:07
Speaker
and then you got to find the time to wash off. So I'm digressing. I'm digressing. All right. Why do we need boundaries? Let's talk about that. So one of the reasons that we need boundaries is I feel, at least for me, is that when I have boundaries, it helps me to preserve and to protect my energy because we here at Sparrows Nest work very long days,
00:02:30
Speaker
um We don't shut a lot of stuff off because cancer doesn't shut off. So we don't shut off. For those of you that are like, what is Sparrow's Nest? We're a charity here in New York, in the Hudson Valley, and we cook meals for individuals and for families throughout a cancer diagnosis.
00:02:48
Speaker
Most cancer diagnosis is anywhere from 10 months to somewhere around 14 months. So it's a very long time that families and individuals depend on us and need us for nourishment. So for us, we have to have a lot of energy going into it, but we can't have energy all the time if we don't put these boundaries in place.
00:03:08
Speaker
We're not able to like preserve it. And to keep going. Yeah. And I'll say it again, technology and cell phones have made it harder and harder to put those boundaries in place because we are always accessible.
Technology and the Challenge of Boundaries
00:03:23
Speaker
Yes. and And not only for work, but like you're saying, right? Because we have these cell phones, even if we're like, oh, I'm not doing anything work with them. We're still on them. We're still scrolling. We're still, so we're still using this energy. It's like a, it's, it's It's like a bank account, right?
00:03:40
Speaker
If you're saying yes to something, you're withdrawing from your energy. So it's kind of like, where are you saying yes and where are you saying no? And are you saying no at all, Krista Jones? Yeah. And, you know, just like a bank account, it runs out and then you start running on credit.
00:03:57
Speaker
And then you got to pay it back. And when do you find time for that? when you're always withdrawing. I don't know, Chantel, but you're looking at me with these very piercing eyes. So I'm starting to itch.
00:04:09
Speaker
It's true. It is true. When do you say no and where do you say no? like Like when you're done with this podcast, I want you to get a piece of paper and I want you to say, i do say no to these things. And like, if you're not writing anything down in your no list, you're running it on credit.
00:04:26
Speaker
You're running on credit. empowering yourself.
Maintaining Personal Control with Boundaries
00:04:29
Speaker
Boundaries are also about taking control of your life. You know, earlier you mentioned the word doormat and that's kind of what it is.
00:04:39
Speaker
If, you know, I think I'm a people pleaser, i know I'm a people pleaser, and I feel when I say no to someone, have disappointed them and then they may not like me. And then I go down this, like this whole rabbit hole of things Because it's hard for me to realize that a boundary is not a bad thing. It's me taking quote control of my life. Like there's no one else living my life but me.
00:05:06
Speaker
And for me to worry about other people that are upset because I'm giving them a no, that's a challenge for me. It is, but you're the only one suffering the consequences of that. they're They're taking your no when they're going out about their life and they'll find the next person to ask, but you're kicking yourself about it.
00:05:26
Speaker
You're also looking at me again with piercing eyes. This episode is really just for Krista Jones. No, I'm just kidding. know It's for a lot of people, but I just want to be vulnerable with this because um this is an area that I struggle in quite a bit.
00:05:41
Speaker
And what i notice is that by me rarely saying no, I'm taking away everything. People, that should really be my priority, like my family.
00:05:53
Speaker
A lot of times my family suffers for my yeses. Well, yeah, and you're also teaching your kids that that boundary isn't there and that they shouldn't say no.
00:06:05
Speaker
And you don't want to create that in your kids either. You know, and you don't want to put the needs or wants of others in front of your family. you know, so it is important.
Teaching Children About Boundaries
00:06:15
Speaker
I even set boundaries with my own kids.
00:06:17
Speaker
You know, like sometimes and it's something as silly as will you fill my water? And I'm no, you can fill your water. You know, I just sat down. I just cooked dinner. ah You know, So we need to start instilling that in our kids even at an early age, I feel like, so that they learn that there is a healthy way to say no.
00:06:34
Speaker
Mm-hmm. And that they don't become, that we don't, it's a generational thing. We don't instill that in them for future generations. Sure. And by having those boundaries, it actually improves relationships, I think, because people will either respect you for those decisions or they'll walk out of your life. And honestly, you don't want the kind of person in your life that cannot respect your peace.
00:07:03
Speaker
A hundred percent. A hundred percent. and And if that person walks out of your life, it wasn't a healthy relationship in the first place. And you'll feel lighter and you'll feel more respected in the relationships that do hang on through those boundaries.
00:07:19
Speaker
And it also, you know, speaking of, you know, feeling lighter, i think it releases some stress, right? When you're able to start making no ah part of your vocabulary, a part of your language, a healthy part of your language, and you are able to weed out those that are not respectful, it physically, I feel, helps you as well because it reduces all of this stress you carry with with burnout and anxiety and all of this stuff that having no boundaries creates and it lets you be a healthier version of you, which really is what this podcast is all about.
00:08:00
Speaker
Yeah. You know, we talk about being authentic on the podcast. We started it. If you're just turning into this tuning into this episode and you've never heard any other episodes, we kind of laid the foundation at the very beginning that we're living in a world where so many people don't show us their authentic self.
00:08:17
Speaker
And part of that is being a people pleaser and pretending that you have it all together and and doing all the things in the Martha Stewart's of the world that make these amazing mermaid cakes for their children's birthdays when I'm crying, just trying to get together a simple cookie.
00:08:33
Speaker
And um this podcast is really about us letting go of all of that anxiety and stress. And I guess first
Focus and Quality Over Multitasking
00:08:43
Speaker
admitting we cannot do it all, which is why these boundaries have to be set.
00:08:49
Speaker
Well, yeah, when you try to do it all, things start to fall through the cracks and you're not doing it all well. I say that all the time. You can't do it all well. You're really, your brain functions on doing one or two things according to studies and doing them well. Once you start really throwing in a few different things, you've now, you know, your attention is, it's it's scattered and nothing gets your full attention.
00:09:13
Speaker
And you send your kids to school on spring picture day dressed like hobos. Yep. Yeah. That was a good story if you'd like to share it with the audience. yeah Well, you know, uh, I took on a whole lot over the weekend and totally forgot that spring picture day was on Monday.
00:09:28
Speaker
And my daughter went to school with a giant oogie boogie hood on her head for spring picture day. And I think that almost every female that is a mom in this room, even dads, can relate to that because we have all done it.
00:09:43
Speaker
And what is the worst thing? That might be the most joyful picture that you ever get out of three years in the elementary and middle schools. That that might be the best picture ever. It sure certainly might.
00:09:55
Speaker
and But because you weren't setting boundaries over the weekend, you were all over the place, It's, it's something that, you know, you forgot. Yep. Where the ball, where we give ourselves grace. Cause we've, we've talked about that too, but we kind of have to understand, you know, we say it's important, um, and why we need these boundaries, but then we sort of have to talk about the guilt trap that we're all
Cultural Influences on Boundary Setting
00:10:18
Speaker
really in. Like, let's be honest.
00:10:20
Speaker
We say, oh yeah. And you just got to say no. And you just got to do this. It is not that easy. We are not living in a society that that that makes that easy to us.
00:10:31
Speaker
You know, we have all grown up, most of us have grown up being told you need to be nice. You need to be helpful. You need to do things for other people.
00:10:42
Speaker
So I think at least my mom, you know, she didn't have these tools. She didn't realize what that meant as she was saying it. So I'm like, oh, I have to be nice. And I have to help every person that's out there. And I have to do all these things because that's really just, that's what my mom said.
00:10:58
Speaker
My mom didn't say being nice means you don't need to be a doormat. And being nice means there are times, you know, that you you have to say no. So some of this is what's programmed in us from a young age. So when you say we need to teach our children at a young age, you're absolutely right.
00:11:15
Speaker
We have to differentiate between guilt and like wrongdoing. Like we we have to be able to show our kids that That saying no doesn't mean that we're being malicious or we're hurting other people.
00:11:35
Speaker
Yeah. It's like you said, protecting our own peace. I grew up in a house and anybody who's listening who knows my dad knows that he is a saint and i don't such a nice man I don't use that word lightly.
00:11:46
Speaker
um he would do anything for anyone. And I watched it burn him out. You know, I watched him go, I know, you know, I need to get here and I need to do this for this person and this for this person. And I'm like, at what time does it become too much? And that, you know, you're losing time with your grandkids or your own kids because you're trying to do and do and do and do for everybody else, you know? And, and I think as he's gotten older, he has realized that and he has stopped doing it as much, but you know, he,
00:12:15
Speaker
And he didn't have that capability of saying no, because he just wanted to help however he could. And he still does. And, you know, he was programmed kind of that way. You can't just undo 50, 60 years of, you know, what you've been taught and what you've lived out.
00:12:35
Speaker
But, you know, you have to realize that. Saying no doesn't mean that you disrespect somebody. It means that you respect yourself. Yeah, that you don't have the time right now.
00:12:47
Speaker
You don't have the time right now. There's only so many hours in a day. And i try to do that even with work now. I try to turn myself off and say, there's only so many hours and if I can't get it done, it's going to have to wait until the next day. So sometimes that means prioritizing.
00:13:07
Speaker
And letting that you know low-hanging fruit just kind of hang there because at the end of the day, it's not making a difference whether you get it done right away or not. So prioriti prioritizing it might help you to go, all right, ah here's my list and I'm going to spend three hours on it. And whenever I don't get done, it's got to go on the next list. We we have that here.
00:13:31
Speaker
We do. And so, oh my goodness. Lists and lists. Yeah. And then sometimes we're like, oh, that's two weeks old. Let's go ahead and get to that. But, but, but it is good to have that. And we do know, and we see that there. And there are things that you and I will say, we can let that hang. We know it's got to get done eventually, but this can kind of hang out for a while.
00:13:51
Speaker
Right? Yeah. And sometimes it hangs out for a long while. Yeah. But that's okay. If it's not critical, if it's not affecting your life or your children, or your household or your job, then set that boundary and and get to it when you can.
00:14:07
Speaker
And, you know, we talk about work, but I think it's important because we were talking about this a little bit off air that boundaries are, there's like all different types of
Emotional Boundaries for Empaths
00:14:18
Speaker
boundaries. There's a time boundary. That's, you know, kind of what we're talking about now. Like, you know, don't overpack your day, you know, protect your personal time. We talk about this on almost every episode too, like in that day too, your time You have to take breaks for yourself.
00:14:36
Speaker
You know, we talked to Stephen Whalen, who is our architect, about taking breaks, you know, showing your staff it's important to take them and your kids. But there's there's things like emotional boundaries that I really want to talk about because, you know, as I was starting to get this podcast together, that really stuck out to me because I'm an empath.
00:15:00
Speaker
And so for me, i take on other people's feelings, right? As my responsibility. I do it all the time. So, you know, if you're and if you're empathetic, you might think, what does that have to do with boundaries?
00:15:16
Speaker
It has a lot to do with it because, you know, a lot of times we try to absorb other people's feelings or situations and and how we can control all of this and take it on ourself.
00:15:29
Speaker
And those boundaries like need to be set because that is also exhausting to have those emotional boundaries. It will bring you down a very dark place if you don't keep it in check.
00:15:43
Speaker
Yeah, because you cannot control other people's stuff, first of all. So already you're at a disadvantage. It's not your stuff. You can't control it. You don't know how that person is going to walk something out anyways.
00:15:59
Speaker
So all these scenarios in your head, you know, there's multiple scenarios in your head because you can't even control what they're doing emotionally. But when somebody is also venting versus dumping,
00:16:12
Speaker
their emotional baggage on you too. Like those are things you got to have some boundaries with. We all have that family member. We all have that friend that we're like, Oh goodness.
00:16:24
Speaker
And you know, we all have had to make decisions to maybe hide what they're posting on social media or or walk away from conversations with them after a certain amount of time, or not pick up the phone all the time because it's a person that, as we've said in other episodes, are negative Nellies.
00:16:47
Speaker
Yeah. And I mean, sometimes there's even those people that they're just going through a lot and you happen to be their person. um I've the past year has been a lot in my personal life and I've had some people who have been that person and I don't hold any ill will towards them. I love them dearly, but I had to stop picking up the phone every time it rang because it was causing me to feel a lot of negative things. So I had to put up a boundary and I set limits like I will pick up once a week or twice a week, not every time, because I needed to protect my peace so that it wasn't coming out at my family.
00:17:26
Speaker
It wasn't their burden to carry. It's not my burden to carry. hmm. It's true. And, you know, we have seasons, right? Like I, you know, we have friends that are, you know, stuck in difficult marriages or there's, um you know, a sickness.
00:17:42
Speaker
I mean, there are things and, you know, i mean, you know, they may need you for, you know, three straight months, but, you know, you have to analyze your friendships as well. and figure out, wow, are we just going over and over and over this?
00:17:57
Speaker
Like, you know, like I'm a, I'm a gerbil in that wheel and we're, you know, we're not getting any resolutions because all of that sucks your time too. And, and we need those boundaries, like you said, because it really does fester and it shows up in everywhere of our life.
00:18:15
Speaker
It shows a better work. It shows better kids. It shows up everywhere because we're just being tapped out emotionally. So emotional boundaries are something that I never really thought about and still until I started really diving into this because I was like, man, and I have to do an episode on this.
00:18:33
Speaker
Yeah, it's big. And you don't realize sometimes that that boundary has to go up like with family members, you know, because you you figure it's family. You should be as open as possible. And and sometimes those are the strongest boundaries you need.
00:18:47
Speaker
and A hundred percent, you know, in the political arena of life, right in in and you have to see your family. So it's not as if, you know, you can get away without seeing your family.
00:19:01
Speaker
So you need to set boundaries that, okay, I have to see my family, but maybe I'm only spending this amount of time with them or I have to see my family. Maybe i am not going to bring up these subjects.
00:19:18
Speaker
Yeah. Yeah, there is a lot. to unpack there. Um, because we all have that family member or two or a couple. Um, I, you know, I'm not going to lie. I have hid multiple people on Facebook for those reasons because I can't,
00:19:37
Speaker
I can't keep seeing the same negative, angry, you know, it's when I open Facebook, I want to see cat memes and people in silly costumes doing ridiculous things. Yeah. I don't, I don't need hate and anger and vitriol.
00:19:54
Speaker
I, you know, to me, Facebook is a reprieve. It's like watching a sitcom at the end of the day. So I've hid people.
Digital Boundaries in the Age of Social Media
00:20:02
Speaker
I don't unfriend them. They're family. They're there forever. But I've hid their feeds for me. 100%. You can snooze them for 30 days.
00:20:10
Speaker
You can hide them. And you need boundaries with digital, right? With your social media, which, you know, limiting your screen time. We talk about that on so many different episodes. We had a bunch of middle schoolers in here that were talking about the effects of social media on them. And, you know, I know we talk about in almost every episode.
00:20:30
Speaker
But, you know, it has to be spoken. It is just in our face. So boundaries on our screen time, not only for us, but for our children, our family, things that we control is important as well. Because, you know, as you were kind of alluding to, and we say in so many episodes,
00:20:52
Speaker
it gets you sucked into comparison and and anxiety and negative people and hatred. You know, there's, there's, there's a lot going on there that, I mean, I'd rather it be a dog meme, but you know, I understand your cat meme post. Like,
00:21:09
Speaker
I'd like to see cute furry little doggies. um Or donkeys. We do both love donkeys. And we are going to get emotional support donkeys and cows here at some point. I'm just putting it out in the universe so that it really happens.
00:21:24
Speaker
I'm there for that. I know, but digital boundaries are important. Setting, you know, I told you, i tried to set six o'clock is when I try to set my phone. I have my staff that can come through and I have certain family members, but at six o'clock, if you call my phone, I won't hear it unless you call it a second time because it'll go through the second time. there's not a lot I can do with that, but that means there could be an emergency.
00:21:47
Speaker
But I like that because then I don't really know you've called. And if it's that important, you're going to have to call me back. But let's also talk about the friends that don't understand those boundaries and then you don't answer and then they text you and then you don't answer that and then they Facebook message you like, please don't do that.
00:22:04
Speaker
Yeah, that is overwhelming. A hundred percent. A hundred percent. There's some of you that are going to listen to this and you're going to know you do that to me. I don't like that. Hi, it's me. I'm the problem. It's me. But you know, that that also makes it hard for somebody like me that has a hard time saying no to ignore it because now you've texted me and you've called me and I get that because i didn't maybe answer the phone. So you texted, but then now you can see my little green light that I'm on Facebook And then you start messaging me on Facebook, stop.
00:22:37
Speaker
Maybe I am ignoring you. Just let me ignore you. Yeah, and again, that's that we are tied to this technology that makes us accessible 24 hours a day. It is always at our fingertips.
00:22:49
Speaker
And
Historical vs. Modern Boundaries
00:22:51
Speaker
it's become dangerous. And it it does make it even harder to say no and set boundaries. i I've said this before, you know, probably in one or two podcasts, but um people write and they know when you're on social media. My dad, your dad, they were able to just leave work, go home.
00:23:08
Speaker
If somebody, my dad worked for a newspaper company, mafia, we're not really sure. But anyways, he would go home and if the phone rang, we just might not answer it.
00:23:21
Speaker
We were in the middle of dinner. We were, nobody knew where my dad was. Yeah. My dad was literally off the clock until he went in the next day. He didn't have a pager. Pagers weren't around. He didn't have a cell phone. They were not around.
00:23:32
Speaker
Like literally whenever my dad got home until the next day, unless he physically made a call on his phone, he was not working. How amazing that must've been. Yeah.
00:23:43
Speaker
You just went home and you were home. Yeah. And i I, you know, I look at him now and, you know, I'll i'll say, oh, and I'm so stressed or, you know, whatever. And, you know, he doesn't get it because he did not live that life.
00:23:56
Speaker
And so he's just like, i don't understand. You don't have to be until tomorrow morning. And I'm like, dad, the world doesn't work that way anymore. You know? And he's like, well, just don't answer the phone. I'm like, Yeah, just don't answer the phone.
00:24:08
Speaker
And he's right. He's right. um But it's just crazy to think of ah really how wonderful we thought this technology was going to be and how in some areas it's just damaging the American household.
00:24:23
Speaker
A hundred percent. A hundred percent. There's no freedom anymore. There's no sense of self without your phone in your hand. Right. And so, all right.
Various Types of Boundaries for Well-being
00:24:33
Speaker
So then we, we have to talk because every episode we talk about this doomsday stuff, like we have no boundaries and we've got to set these boundaries, um, in emotional and time boundaries and digital boundaries, physical boundaries, right? Like, um,
00:24:49
Speaker
giving ourselves the time work out, sit and be alone and read a book. We need all these different kind of boundaries. But now what kind of tools can we put in place so that we can do it? Because each episode, you and I like try to take the world...
00:25:08
Speaker
And in 30 minutes, kind of tell everybody like, oh my gosh, there's so much going on. So I think the theme that Chantel and I, right, that we're always saying is this isn't going to change overnight because Rome was not built in a day.
00:25:23
Speaker
We know that. So there's really, really small things that you can do. And it could be something like for me, um and you might hear my alarm clock go off. My alarm clock goes off every single day.
00:25:34
Speaker
And for 15 minutes, I just stop everything that I'm doing here. I do. And I listen to music because I like music. And when I'm listening to music, I notice my mind does not wander.
00:25:46
Speaker
So what I do is I have just started taking 15 minutes and I set an alarm clock and when it goes off, you guys probably think it's time for me to take my medication because I'm 50, but it is not.
00:25:58
Speaker
It is time for Krista to I just listen to music. I just take 15 minutes. So even if you do something for 15 minutes so that you can recharge and that you can refocus, that's a great idea. And here's something else that is very- She's pointing at me No, it's very helpful for me.
00:26:17
Speaker
I have to script how am going to say no. Listen, I know you're laughing, but if it is not scripted, And if I go out there and I tell you no, and I have not kind of put that in writing somewhere how I'm going to say it, you will pause and then I need to fill in the space and eventually i end up saying yes.
Strategies for Saying No Effectively
00:26:42
Speaker
Me too. Okay, good. So I don't usually script it, but I just usually wind up saying yes. I usually get talked into. Okay, so here's what you can do, Chantel. I'm glad that I can give you some tools. You can literally script something like, um, thank you so much for thinking of me, but I just can't do it at this time.
00:27:00
Speaker
Now, here's the weird thing. You have to not say why. Like you can't go, i can't do it this time. You know, I'm kind of busy and I got to bring the kids somewhere because then somebody goes, oh, well, maybe I could bring the kids if you can do like, no, that is what I've learned.
00:27:15
Speaker
You have to just make it a final. So thank you for thinking of me. have to pass at this time or i can't take this on right now, but I appreciate that you asked or I'd love to help, but I have other commitments. i have to prioritize.
00:27:31
Speaker
And then you don't say what they are. You have to end the sentence. Don't, don't, don't. So I shouldn't say it's because i have to paint my cat's nails. and Never say that. Okay.
00:27:44
Speaker
Because i am going to get you therapy. I'm going to be like, we need to get some Chantel therapy for the cat. But that is something else. We then have to tell you why we can't do it.
00:27:56
Speaker
So I have started to script out like a sentence or two and I do not say another word and it kills me, but I don't say anything until you respond.
00:28:07
Speaker
And I'm like this,
00:28:10
Speaker
It's so bad because I'm like, all right, maybe I'll just go ahead and say yes. But if you do that, I'm telling you, if you're like me and you don't ever like saying no, that's really, really important because you should not and you do not need to over explain That is where Krista Jones goes wrong so many times. is preaching over here.
00:28:36
Speaker
i am because it's true. You need to give somebody eye contact because you need to know there is no reason to feel guilty, right? You need to give them eye contact.
00:28:48
Speaker
Your body language needs to be, you know, you shouldn't be rigid or nervous. You should be, this is your self-respect. This is you taking over what you can and can't do. There is nothing wrong with that.
00:29:00
Speaker
Let go of the guilt, say the sentence, and just do not say anymore. I'm writing this down. I did write it down for us so that we can do that because that's really important.
00:29:13
Speaker
Sometimes I have phone calls I have to do it with. Sometimes I have meetings I have to say it in. And so like I just have a couple sentences and I practice it before the meetings and then I put it into place.
00:29:27
Speaker
I like it. Thank you.
Practicing Boundary Setting in Safe Spaces
00:29:30
Speaker
And last but not least, you have to have safe spaces, right? Small little boundaries with people that you love, that you know won't judge you. Maybe it's not that family member that Chantel talked about.
00:29:43
Speaker
Maybe you don't start it there. Maybe you started with your best friend. And you say, I would love to take your kids today, but I just can't. Pause. Don't say another word.
00:29:55
Speaker
Are you sure you don't want my kids today? No, no. Stop it. They're really cute. I'm sorry, Chantel. I have other priorities I really have to take care of today.
00:30:06
Speaker
But i really need the time to paint my cat's nails. I'll give you the number for therapy. So see, you start with people that you love that you don't have to feel guilty around.
00:30:18
Speaker
And then you can get to harder conversations with, you know, family members and and friends that, you know, are a little bit tougher. But you can do this 100%. hundred How do you feel now that we've talked about this today? Do you feel, Chantal Schaefer, that you could do this?
00:30:32
Speaker
I feel empowered. Yeah. Which is why we we do this podcast. Because honestly, at the end of the day, we are just two women that don't have anything together. We don't have all of the answers.
00:30:45
Speaker
A lot of times we are doing these episodes because we're struggling ourselves so we're We're looking at some of the best practices that work for us. And then we're like, yes, this can work for you.
Boundaries for Protecting Personal Peace
00:30:56
Speaker
And here's the thing about boundaries, right? It's not about keeping people out. It's about making sure that the right people and the right energy and the right priorities stay in.
00:31:08
Speaker
Protecting your peace isn't just a gift to yourself. It's a ripple effect, like Chantal said. It's when you're taking care of yourself, you are taking care of others. You're showing others that they need a respect to themselves and they should do exactly what you're doing. So just let this be a sign to start saying no without guilt and just say yes to the things that matter the most.
00:31:29
Speaker
Until next time, I want you to go to all of our other podcasts. If you haven't done it, listen to other episodes. Go to our website. Find out how you can protect your peace by getting involved with Sparrows Nest at sparrowsnestcherry.org.
00:31:45
Speaker
We want to make sure that you take care of yourself so that you can take care of others. Until next time, ladies and gentlemen, be kind to yourself.