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32. DOES HAPPINESS COME WITHIN OR ARE YOU SEEKING HAPPINESS IN THE WRONG PLACES?
78 Plays2 years ago
We often look for happiness in all of the wrong places and since I have been on this healing wellness journey I have realized that the happiness comes within. When we focus more about what makes us happy and really work to fill up our own cups rather then others we will then reach a point in our life where we will just radiate such positive energy which in result will effect the people close to you in such a positive way. It will all come full circle! Hope you enjoyed this one....Love yall
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Transcript
Introduction and Theme Setting
00:00:00
Speaker
Welcome back to another episode. I want to thank you guys once again for coming by and listening to what I have to say. But I believe that this episode is going to make you think again because I'm here to ask you guys some questions.
00:00:16
Speaker
questions that not many people will probably ask you. I like making you guys think about your own life. You don't want to sit here and listen to me talk about myself all the time. These are questions that I kind of ask myself. So I'm like, all right, let's ask you guys these questions and
00:00:36
Speaker
Maybe it's going to make you think about your own life. Maybe it's going to make you want more out of your life. Maybe it's going to second guess what you're currently doing in life. That's the whole purpose of this. But if you do like this podcast, hit the subscribe button wherever you follow this podcast. Maybe it's on Spotify. So you will get an alert when I upload a new episode.
Journey to Self-Acceptance
00:00:59
Speaker
So the first question I want to ask you, take a second.
00:01:04
Speaker
Do you like who you are? Do you? Do you actually like who you are? Now, the reason why I'm saying this is because I remember, like, I don't know, maybe... I don't know how long it was ago, but I do have this memory of me, like, being by myself. I remember it was like a specific memory. I was standing in my bedroom looking out the window.
00:01:32
Speaker
And I was by myself and my brain was just spiraling. I was just overthinking and overthinking. And it would be like that every single time I'd be by myself. And I didn't like that. I did not like that. So I would always try to occupy my time by doing other things, whether that was playing guitar or watching TV or texting somebody. It's like I always had to be
00:02:00
Speaker
in conversation with somebody throughout the entire day, just texting, texting, texting, because I didn't want to be by myself. Now, at the time, I didn't realize that I didn't like myself. I didn't really understand what was going on. But now that I look back on it,
00:02:18
Speaker
That must've been terrible. And I didn't like who I was, so I was always trying to escape my mind and occupy myself and do other things. Do you get what I'm saying? Now, I'm at a point in my life right now where I can be by myself.
00:02:33
Speaker
I could sit in a 20-minute meditation and not even listen to a guided meditation. Just sit there. I'm very happy with myself. I have a lot of fun by myself. I'm not going to lie. There are some days that I could spend the entire day by myself and thrive and love it. And I believe that when you get to a point in your life like this and you are truly happy with who you are as a person,
00:03:00
Speaker
And then everything else is better. You're not seeking things. You're not, you're not, you're not going out and buying things to make you feel happy. You're not looking for happiness in other people. You like you. So you only, you know that you're going to bring your happiness no matter what.
00:03:15
Speaker
You're not relying on other people for happiness. And this is something that I used to do a lot is rely on other people for
Emotional Self-Sufficiency
00:03:24
Speaker
happiness. Like I remember being in relationships and if, you know, maybe we, we broke up or maybe I thought I was going to lose that person. It was like, it was like, you're taking your, you're taking away all my happiness. You know what I mean? And like, that's not good either when you're relying on other people for happiness.
00:03:44
Speaker
You shouldn't do that whatsoever. You should get to a point in your life where like, yes, I understand it's sad. It's totally fine to be sad when you break up with somebody. But like, if you feel like that person leaving your life, it's going to take away all of your happiness.
00:04:00
Speaker
then I think you need to start asking yourself, do you even like who you are? Cause I know, you know, I know in my personal life, I'm going to be fine whether I am by myself or I'm with somebody, but like nobody is going to take away from my happiness.
00:04:17
Speaker
only I can bring my own happiness. And when I'm truly happy with myself, I believe that's going to create a nice, stronger, healthier relationship because you're never really depending on that person. It's just like you're vibing and they're vibing and you guys just vibe together. You're not depending on anybody for anybody's happiness, right?
00:04:38
Speaker
You can contribute to that happiness for sure. But like the second you start depending, right? And I do believe that when people depend on other people for happiness, it's because you don't like who you are as a person yourself. Right? Does that make sense? So do you really like who you are? Think about that for a second. Think about your life when you're alone.
00:05:01
Speaker
in your own thoughts and your own mind and you're by yourself, do you like it? Do you have a good time with yourself? If not, then maybe you have to change some things. Next
Recharging and Personal Time
00:05:13
Speaker
question. Do you give yourself enough me time? Because we often are like for parents, for example, right? It's all about the kids all of the time, right? And if you're always give, give, give, give, give,
00:05:29
Speaker
and you're never taking a second for you and you're never filling up your own cup, then, you know,
00:05:38
Speaker
you need to, you need to give yourself some me time. And I just posted a video about this today about, I believe that you need some alone time in your life to like really be able to, to fill your own cup up, like do the things that you want to do in life. That's going to make you happy self care, whether that's like going to the gym,
00:06:03
Speaker
taking some time to go get a freaking massage. I don't know, but you need to take some time for you. Now, for me, I personally like listening to music. I like listening to a podcast and going for a run. That's me time. I like going to the gym, putting the music in, and just crushing on a crazy workout by myself. That is my time.
00:06:30
Speaker
if I don't have that and you're always around people, that could take away from your energy. So I find that having that me time really just kinda recharges yourself. So you can be that energy when you're around other people. But if you're around people all of the time and it's just sucking away from you, and I totally get it, if you have kids, you have a job, it's kinda hard to get away. But I really do think it is super important
00:06:58
Speaker
for you, even if it's an hour, to just get away and have some me time. Do something that you enjoy so it can fill up your cup. You know what I mean?
Impact of People-Pleasing
00:07:13
Speaker
Next question, are you a people pleaser? Are you always trying to please other people? Now the reason why I ask you this is because I used to be a people pleaser and I would always
00:07:27
Speaker
do whatever other people want it to just keep the peace and when you're just keeping the peace and you're always doing whatever everybody else wants you're not doing what you want most of the time now you know i i remember when i was in certain relationships how like i would always just
00:07:50
Speaker
make decisions based around what I thought that they wanted to do. Cause I knew it was going to make them happy. And in result, I stopped doing a lot of things that I personally wanted to do for myself. And over time that took away from my happiness. I didn't really know it at the time, but like I was, I was not doing a lot of things that used to make me happy just to try to make other people happy. So when you're people pleasing all the time,
00:08:21
Speaker
That's eventually going to take away from your happiness. I get it, you're a nice person. You want everybody to be happy. But like, I do believe in this world, you have to be selfish sometimes. And you have to learn how to say, no, I don't want to do that. No, I don't feel like doing that today. Especially when you're in a relationship, you can't just always be trying to please the other person to just keep the peace and make them happy.
00:08:47
Speaker
You have to compromise sometimes, right? Like if you don't want to do something, like you need to speak up and say that I know I don't want to, I don't feel like doing this tonight. Um, this is not going to make me happy. You know what I mean? But like, if you're stuck in this relationship, you're going to go, Oh, like I want to keep this person. Um, I'm just going to do whatever he, he or she wants just to make them happy. You know what I mean? Like that could be fucking exhausting.
00:09:11
Speaker
That could be exhausting. That could play a factor in your mental health that's going to take away from your energy. You're not going to be doing the things that you want to do, which in result is just going to make you not really happy over time. So like if you're always people pleasing, I think you need to like think about that. I mean, like, why, why the fuck am I trying to please everybody else? And I'm never making decisions to try to please myself.
00:09:37
Speaker
I think that's super important. The vibe I've been on lately is I make a lot of decisions based around myself. And I know that's fucking selfish, but when I do these things and I do the things that makes me happy, and I really focus on getting Adam to a point where he is really happy, truly, truly happy with himself, my energy is different.
00:10:03
Speaker
And then I'm more fun to be around. And then I can get, you know what I did get what I'm saying here. So like when I am a little bit more selfish, I could give a little bit more.
00:10:12
Speaker
But if I'm always people pleasing and I'm not doing anything that's going to make me happy and I just keep making decisions based on everybody else, then that's going to start taking away from my happiness, right? So you need to stop people pleasing all the time. You can do it sometimes, but like if you're always people pleasing and every single decision you make is based around somebody else, I don't know, man. You got to fix that shit up.
Cultivating Self-Awareness
00:10:41
Speaker
Because that ain't it. That ain't it. I've been there. And I wasn't happy. I looked back on my life when I was doing that. I was like, Jesus, Adam. Anyways, we don't need to dive too deep into that because I can talk about that all day. Next question. I think I already covered this, but do you do the things that fill up your cup enough? Think about this. This could be a variety of things.
00:11:09
Speaker
I have a really good friend of mine, Anthony, Anthony Douglas, probably my best friend. When I call this guy, he fills up my fucking cup. Cause I'm always laughing on the phone. I'm smiling. I leave the conversation feeling like I'm filled up. You know what I mean? You have other friends that kind of just sucks the energy out of you. People just want to take, take, take, but then they never give you anything. They're not filling up your cup, right? So like these types of people, you need to be around these people more.
00:11:40
Speaker
I find that listening to music time and time fills up my cup. I started to realize that I wasn't listening to music enough.
00:11:50
Speaker
The other morning, I was like, I never listened to music in the morning when I wake up. Why am I not doing this? So the other morning I turned on the music and I was just jamming out. I took a little micro dose. I was feeling good. I was like dancing in the kitchen by myself. I'm like, this is the fucking, this is the energy that I want to be on. You know what I mean? So like that, that fills up my cup, right? Going to the gym really fills up my cup, playing basketball, playing sports. Like, but if you're like, if you do something, have you ever been around like,
00:12:17
Speaker
I don't know. I don't know. You've been around the friend group like you guys like done something and like you just had the best fucking night and you're so happy and you were laughing like man. I don't remember the last time I laughed this much and and like you just left that night feeling so fucking good. Maybe it was a really great conversation and a really good conversation with somebody and you left conversation feels so good.
00:12:39
Speaker
But then you go a whole month, you know, do that again. Right. And then, then you're stuck talking about that. Oh man. You remember that night? Like that was so much fun. So like those type of things, I think you need to pay more attention to those types of situations, those conversations, those people, those things that you do that really gives you that light, that really gives you that energy. When, when, when you know that you're getting that energy, right? Just really take notice, notice to it and be like, man, I,
00:13:09
Speaker
I need to start doing this more and I get it. We all have our lives, but like we.
00:13:15
Speaker
get really comfortable sometimes. And those, you know, when we do hang out with our friends, we do make plans, we do do something that like really gives us energy, right? We don't make time for that enough. So imagine if you were doing that every single day, and like you were surrounded by people that like really filled you up, you were doing things that really pleased you every single day, like how good you would feel. You know what I mean? So like, you really need to take time
00:13:41
Speaker
to make sure you're doing the things that's going to fill up your cup. Do you take away from your own happiness to please others? I'm pretty sure I just covered that.
00:13:56
Speaker
I'll read it again. Do you take away from your own happiness to please others? I know I just dove into that, but like I definitely lived that life. You know, I would always just try to be pleasing other people. I would always be taken away from Adam's happiness.
00:14:14
Speaker
please other people. I don't want to dive too deep into that because I'm pretty sure I literally just answered that question for you guys.
Self-Reflection Questions
00:14:22
Speaker
But the whole point of me asking these questions to you is to really get you thinking about yourself because we often don't think about ourselves enough.
00:14:34
Speaker
And when we don't think about ourselves enough and we don't give ourselves the time that we need, we don't spend time alone, we don't do the self-care that we need to recharge our engines, then over time, this is going to start taking away from your own happiness, your own mental health, and it's just going to keep going down. You know what I mean? So we really got to be selfish sometimes in this world.
00:14:59
Speaker
and we gotta give ourselves some time for us. We gotta recharge our engines because when we are operating on a fucking high energy and we are really happy and things are flowing, we're just in that flow state and everything is just good in our life and that is when our other relationships are gonna thrive because our energy is gonna go off onto them. Whether that's your wife or your kids or your job, whatever it is, but like when your energy is vibing really, really high,
00:15:28
Speaker
That is when everything else in life is going to go. And that is just going to snowball. All that energy is going to snowball onto the next person, to your husband, to your kids. They're going to pick up on your energy and they're going to be on your vibe. And then it's just a snowball effect. And then their energy goes onto somebody else, right? But like, if you're just not making yourself happy,
00:15:50
Speaker
and you're not truly happy with who you are and you're seeking happiness from somebody else, then basically what you're doing is taking away from their happiness, right? Because you're depending on other people for happiness. And instead of just you being fucking deadly and being on this high wave of energy and you just
00:16:12
Speaker
you just show up in their lives and then you're just bringing the heat, right? You're not asking for nothing. You're not looking for nothing. You're just being you. You get what I'm saying? So, if you really spend a lot of time working on yourself to get you where you need to be in life, and I believe that we all need to get to this energy,
00:16:34
Speaker
Where we are just vibing high and we are happy. We're not looking for nothing We're just okay with who the fuck we are as people when we get there It's beautiful man. It is magic. So I'll ask these questions again. Do you like who you are? Do you give yourself enough me time? Are you always trying to people please? Do you think?
00:17:02
Speaker
No, do you do the things that fill up your cup enough? Do you take away from your own happiness to please others?
00:17:12
Speaker
So I'm gonna end this podcast on
Conclusion and Call to Action
00:17:14
Speaker
that. No, I really do hope that you took something away from this episode. Let me know what you think of this episode. If you think somebody needs to hear this episode, please share it with them. And again, please subscribe to whatever you're listening to this podcast on, whether that's Spotify or Apple, whatever it is. Share it on Instagram, tag me. I would love that. I really appreciate that as well. I hope you guys have a killer frickin' day.
00:17:41
Speaker
See you in the next one. Peace.