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ALONE, NOT LONELY (THERE'S A DIFFERENCE)
132 Plays2 months ago
There was a time in my life when being alone made me feel anxious, uncomfortable even panicked. I needed constant distraction, someone to talk to, something to do… anything to avoid being in my own head.
But now? Alone time is one of the best parts of my day.
In this episode, I’m talking about how I went from feeling lonely in my own company to actually enjoying it. And if you’ve ever struggled to sit with yourself, this one’s for you.
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Transcript
Introduction and Spontaneous Recording
00:00:00
Speaker
Welcome back guys. It's Monday morning. Okay, grab your coffee. Just just one sec
00:00:06
Speaker
Grab your coffee, get comfortable, and let's less's dive into this podcast because ah I want to talk about something that I feel like today was just a perfect time to do it. you know It's been a couple of weeks since i's done a podcast, but I woke up this morning with nothing to do.
00:00:21
Speaker
And I'm like, yo, let's do a podcast.
Difference Between Being Alone and Being Lonely
00:00:24
Speaker
But I want to talk about something that I think some of us, definitely me, struggled with. The difference between being alone And being lonely.
00:00:37
Speaker
I know they sound like completely the same, but the feel, the feel of, of, of both is completely different. Right. And honestly, i I, didn't even know the difference of, of either.
00:00:49
Speaker
You know, there was definitely time in my life where being alone just made me feel very uncomfortable, like genuinely uneasy. Right. i'd I'd wake up and like the second, the second I woke up, my mind was just racing.
00:01:06
Speaker
I had to be, I had to call someone. I had to text someone. i needed to be so I had to be talking, like texting all day, every day. i could never... not be talking to somebody because my mind like just couldn't handle the quiet, you know?
Struggles with Overthinking and Insecurity
00:01:21
Speaker
Like if I wasn't talking to someone or, or, or distracting myself or or doing something, my brain would just be overthinking, creating stories, worrying about things that are not even happening.
00:01:33
Speaker
You know, like creating these like false narratives to just like create chaos in my life. And it was, yo, this sounds like stress even like even talking about this. Oh my god, like I'd always be trying to like convince myself that like people didn't care. Like the even the people that were close to me didn't care about me. Especially when I was in a relationship.
00:01:55
Speaker
I was always trying to convince myself they didn't care or or questioning that if if I was enough.
00:02:03
Speaker
Yo, I know I'm laughing but like it's just wild to me that that I used to live like that for a long time. just is It's so wild, you know?
Internal Realizations in Social Settings
00:02:15
Speaker
And like in those moments, like, you know, even even if I had like a million people around me, even like if i was at a party, like I still felt secluded and like alone in my own mind, if if that makes any sense, you know?
00:02:31
Speaker
And like, that's the thing. Like yeah you can surround yourself and still feel completely alone, right? But it's it's not about who who you surround yourself with. It's about how you feel about yourself, you know, especially when there's no one else in the room.
00:02:49
Speaker
And I feel like back then I never felt very good about myself. And it was just chaos in my mind, and it just caused a lot of problems. And I think a lot of us run from, you know, being alone of...
Avoidance of Self-Reflection Through Social Activities
00:03:03
Speaker
I feel like a lot of us run from being alone because we' we're <unk>re scared of what we'll actually hear when when there's nobody around and there's no one talking. And what we we don't want to hear those things in our mind.
00:03:17
Speaker
But like most of those things that we're thinking, so some of those things might be might be like a tad bit true. And we we try to avoid it because we don't want to deal with it. You know what I'm saying?
00:03:30
Speaker
I don't know, man. like I used use people and plans and parties and drinking and social media and after parties and and all these things to just drown out my own thoughts.
00:03:42
Speaker
you know And I feel like it's not it's not always conscious. it's it's It's like a form of ah avoidance. you know We're like avoiding reflection, avoiding healing ourself, avoiding that voice in in our head that's it's like really trying to tell us something real.
Embracing Solitude and Personal Growth
00:03:59
Speaker
Because you know stillness forces you to confront who you actually are when nobody's watching. And like that is just un-freaking-comfortable. And if you don't really know who that person is, if if you haven't really worked on that relationship with yourself, then yeah, like being alone feels awful.
00:04:20
Speaker
Because it's just you. like It's just yourself, right? like Shouldn't you have the best relationship with yourself? And all that stuff that like you haven't been dealing with, shouldn't you be dealing with those things?
00:04:34
Speaker
like I avoided dealing with my issues for years and years and years and years. And I always acted like I never had issues. And it took a really long time. took a really long time for me to like actually accept that I was the problem and I was the issue. And, you know, I i always go back to I always reflect back to relationships that I was in because like, I just caused a lot of problems for those relationships, you know?
00:05:03
Speaker
And, um, you know, I feel like the reason why, I'm happy right now is because I've kind of worked on myself and I'm not causing these, these issues and I'm very content and peaceful with me.
00:05:20
Speaker
And, you know, in result, that's just bringing more normalness and, and, and happiness to the relationship. I've definitely, I've definitely a little bit hard to deal with for sure, but I've definitely got a lot better. You know what I mean? So like,
Joy and Contentment in Solitude
00:05:37
Speaker
Here's the shift. like it took me a really long time to realize that being alone is not a punishment. could be peaceful. it could be very peaceful it can be a fucking gift. Let's be honest. Like I, I love being alone now.
00:05:54
Speaker
Alone time is like where you actually like meet yourself. You know, it's, it's where, it's where you learn like what you actually enjoy, what, what makes you feel grounded, what, what helps you reset, you know, like,
00:06:09
Speaker
Now I just, I do so much on my own. You know, I i drive to these random towns by myself, go to these like restaurants by myself in the past.
00:06:19
Speaker
You couldn't catch me. You couldn't catch me going out somewhere by myself. Going, going, sitting at a restaurant, eating by myself. You couldn't catch me doing it.
00:06:31
Speaker
I always had to be going with somebody or like making sure that that person at that a meeting is going to be there on time because I could not show up alone. Like that, that, that was me. it It's crazy to, to really even think about that stuff, man. It's, it's so wild.
00:06:48
Speaker
Like now I just, I don't need that background noise. I don't need that constant distraction. And it's wild because like i really used to be the opposite. Always like reaching and always searching for someone to text back. You know, always needing that next hit of attention or connection to to really like feel okay. You know, i always need like validation or something.
00:07:10
Speaker
But now like I could actually just be quiet, ah present, content. And let me tell you. It's nice. It's freaking nice. And um i like i just want I'm talking about this because like...
00:07:24
Speaker
You know, maybe some of you guys are dealing with this right now. And and maybe you don't even realize it. And like that like like that's why i'm I'm sparking this conversation because I used to be like that.
00:07:36
Speaker
and And I didn't realize it. And even if i i wouldn't like I... wouldn't even listen to these type of podcasts. I'm like, ah, I'm perfect. ah I don't need any help. You know? and like Especially if i was in relationship and like someone was like, you need to work on yourself. No, I don't.
00:07:53
Speaker
I don't need to know it's you. It's always like I just bounce it back off onto them, you know. But now I can actually just be quiet, present, and just content. Like, not because ah not because i fixed everything.
00:08:05
Speaker
It's because I, like, finally stopped frigging running from myself, and I just started dealing with my own shit. And, like, how does dealing with your own shit, like, what does that look like, Adam?
00:08:19
Speaker
Listen, man, I did lots of journaling and, you know, I, I, I did microdosing.
Magic Mushrooms as a Tool for Self-Reflection
00:08:27
Speaker
Um, believe it or not, I did a lot of, uh, larger mushroom trips where, and I know like some people might be listening to this and be like, Oh, what the hell is he talking about?
00:08:39
Speaker
Um, But I used to microdose magic mushrooms for a very long time. um it it it helped me it helped me a lot, like just calm my mind and kind of go like inward on myself. And the more I got into it, I started doing like these larger trips um or journeys as as as you you would call it. And it really like, it really made me just sit with my shit and deal with it head on.
00:09:06
Speaker
Because ah like like I said, i've I always used to run from it. And when I would do these these larger doses, man, like I would be crying and like just really accepting myself and and the shit that that I was, you know, going through and the stuff that was in my mind and the trauma that that I've dealt with. Like it just really propelled me forward into a better person and and becoming that better person just really looks like
00:09:40
Speaker
going inward and dealing with everything that's going on that you're trying to avoid, you know?
Understanding Loneliness vs. Being Alone
00:09:46
Speaker
So here's how we see the difference between being lonely and, um, being alone. Like lonely just feels empty and it's, it's almost like you're, you're craving connection that feels literally impossible to satisfy.
00:10:03
Speaker
and being alone It's kind of like being full, like even when nobody else is around, you know, lonely is like when you, you don't really feel seen, but alone is when you really see yourself, if that makes any sense, you know, and that shift, like it it it did not happen overnight, did not happen overnight.
00:10:26
Speaker
It really came from just like choosing myself, you know, choosing myself so many times that eventually ah just started to like trust myself to really be enough.
00:10:38
Speaker
And i so I started, but like when I started doing that, I started gaining a lot of confidence in myself and I was very sure of myself. So guys, like if if you're listening this right now and you're thinking like, okay,
00:10:50
Speaker
But I'm still there. Like I still feel lonely all the time. Listen guys, I get it. I have been there. But you got to start somewhere. You got to start small.
00:11:02
Speaker
Even like try like just 15 minutes. No phone. Journal. Just pick up a pen and paper and just write down how you're feeling. And if you don't like doing that, go for a solo walk.
Practices for Self-Improvement
00:11:15
Speaker
without like Leave your phone at home. Just go for a little walk. You know, cook yourself a meal but without without background noise. Like, you got to feel, man, and another thing I used to do, which is so wild. It's so wild to even think about.
00:11:32
Speaker
So I used to hate any second it was quiet, mind would be racing. And then I started meditating. like I don't do it currently right now, but like I was really into it. And I mean sitting down for like sometimes an hour and a half.
00:11:50
Speaker
An hour and a half sitting there meditating. What the hell? It's so nuts that I used to do this, right? But I was like, I just did a lot of work on myself, like a lot.
00:12:02
Speaker
And I really got, ah I feel like the meditating and the reading and, you know, the journaling and, you know, sitting in the sauna for 30 minutes, just kind of doing my breath work. I did a lot of breath work. Sitting in the cold plunge, it really just made me deal with myself, right?
00:12:20
Speaker
And, um, quiet, quiet all that, that noise that was in my mind that was really just not bringing me a lot of joy and happiness.
00:12:30
Speaker
You know, I know it's going to feel weird at first, like when you, when you try to like quiet this voice in your mind. Um, but like over time that noise just starts to feel more like,
00:12:45
Speaker
more like a conversation than than kind of like a battle, you know? Like, I'm constantly having conversations with myself. You start to hear what you really want, not what other people, like, tell you you should want.
00:13:00
Speaker
do you get what I'm saying? And, like, that's where it starts. Like, you you know, you you really need to, like, rebuild that connection with yourself. You really need to dive deep and, like, just...
00:13:11
Speaker
build a solid relationship with yourself, you know, and until, like, one day, you're just gonna look around, and, like, realize that you're not lonely anymore, you're just alone, and that's freaking wonderful,
00:13:29
Speaker
I love being alone now. I love my
Rebuilding Connection with Oneself
00:13:31
Speaker
alone time. And like when you come to peace with that, it's so nice. It's so nice. So yeah, like that' that's where I'm at today. i just want I just wanted to talk about this because, you know, I know that some of you guys probably deal with this.
00:13:44
Speaker
And especially like in the summer when everybody's posting and highlighting the reels and, you know, it feels like everyone else is just doing stuff and you're just sitting there. Oh my God, like the FOMO I used to get.
00:13:57
Speaker
The FOMO I used to get for not doing everything. And now it's just like, nah, ain't doing that. T.O., put me on the couch with some snacks watching Netflix.
00:14:10
Speaker
Well, Netflix is distracting, but you get what I'm saying. Like, I just, I don't get FOMO anymore. I say no a lot. I say no a lot. It's like, nah, I can't do that. No. No, I'm okay by myself.
00:14:25
Speaker
Listen, guys, trust me. Being alone isn't a flaw. it's just it's It's not a sign that something is wrong. Sometimes it's it's it's the clear sign that you are finally learning how to take care of you. So if you're listening to this, you know, on your own, walking, driving, maybe you're just sitting with yourself.
00:14:46
Speaker
I hope you know that you're not broken. You're just becoming the version of yourself that no longer needs noise to feel okay. So thank you for listening.
00:14:58
Speaker
Thank you for having a sip of coffee with me. Cheers.
Conclusion and Encouragement to Share
00:15:04
Speaker
If this hit home, if you if you like this podcast or... Just message me. Let me know how how how you like this podcast. And if if you know somebody similar to to to what I was explaining in this podcast, send it to them.
00:15:21
Speaker
Be like, hey, listen to this. and I know that you may not want to listen to it, but I think i think that you really should because I care about you. You know? So, anyways, thank you.
00:15:34
Speaker
You guys know that I appreciate you. And um I'll catch you guys in the next one. Peace.