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00:00:01
IF YOU'RE NOT GROWING.....WHAT ARE YOU REALLY DOING?
46 Plays12 days ago
In this episode, I get real about how staying stuck almost cost me everything from my relationship to a better life. I share what happened when I started showing up differently, how growth changed the way I connect with people, and why evolving as a person opened doors in ways I never imagined. If you’ve ever felt like you’re stuck on repeat, this one’s for you.
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Transcript
Introduction and Focus on Women's Growth
00:00:00
Speaker
Welcome back to the podcast. This one, I think, is going to be especially for women, honestly. like men gonna Men might relate to it too, but they might listen to what I'm saying and probably be like, yeah, fuck that guy.
00:00:15
Speaker
Nah, probably not. But I feel like women is going to relate to this one a little bit more. um So, let me just let me just start by saying this. um If you're not growing, you're dying.
00:00:30
Speaker
Now, I listened to Ed Mila the other day. Ed Mila has his own podcast. I love him. I listen to him all the time. um And that was the what that's what the episode was about. And it really kind of like played on my mind a little bit and like made me reflect on me and, you know, the things that that I have gone through.
Reflection on Relationship Patterns
00:00:48
Speaker
And the things that like to have the person that i I used to be. And I started thinking about like what I'm doing in my life right now, like all the partnerships and the the brand deals and and working with different companies and collaborating. and And like I'm just so busy lately. And I'm like, yo, like what he said is so true.
00:01:09
Speaker
Because when i had a lot of when so when I had a lot of issues, right? um I spoke about this before on the podcast. So anyone who's new here, I definitely went through a lot of relationships. And I just went through all these, like, same cycles and patterns. I get into a new relationship. It's all fun, exciting. We start arguing. We're fighting.
00:01:26
Speaker
We break up. And then I go on to somebody else, right? And it's just I always would be like, oh, my God, they're nagging me. they're so annoying. Oh, why are you like this? Right?
00:01:36
Speaker
But, like, I never took any accountability to, like, maybe what I'm doing. Right. And I, I was just Mr. Perfect back then. Right. But then when I think and like, when I say back then, this was only like four, three, four years ago, maybe, um, you know, even two years ago, I've definitely got a lot a lot better ah during, you know, the last couple of years.
00:02:02
Speaker
But, uh, when I think back to that, Adam,
Taking Responsibility in Relationships
00:02:06
Speaker
That Adam never had a ton of partnerships, brand deals. I wasn't like as busy on social media. So I was still posting all the time, but like,
00:02:14
Speaker
I was just very different. And and I just think because i did so much work on myself and and so much realization of how I need to be different and, that you know, I i didn't stay dying and still.
00:02:29
Speaker
So, like, if you're not growing, you're dying. um And I feel like if I stayed there, ah would be dying because I'd just be, you know, going through shitty relationship after shitty relationship, nothing's happening on social media, stuck in a job that I just don't like and and literally just dying. Right. But I chose to level up.
00:02:50
Speaker
I chose to work on myself a year after year, trying to get better, whatever. And i got myself to where I am right now. Now, how did I do that? Okay. How did I figure, how did I get to where I am right now? How did I level up? How did I change?
00:03:07
Speaker
It just took a lot of accepting the issues that that I am bringing to my own life. Because if you really think about it, we are we're the creators of everything that happens in our life.
00:03:23
Speaker
A lot of people just go through their life and point the finger and they're never the problem. But when you actually just start to accept... And understand that you're you're creating all this bullshit.
00:03:33
Speaker
All those failed relationships. Most likely. Well I know now that I was the reason. You know. I had a lot of work to do. My relationship now. I understand. I finally understand. And a lot of men. This is why I said. Like I feel like women are going to.
00:03:50
Speaker
Relate to this podcast a little bit more. ah finally understand now. That I need to continue to show up in the relationship. to make it good.
00:04:03
Speaker
i need I need to just treat her like a queen all the time. you know i we ah We've seen this funny video on Instagram the other day. and It was like the guy had to like read out um um making her supper on a random Tuesday. It's like, is that the bare minimum or princess treatment? right and it's it's like If you answer wrong, she would like...
00:04:26
Speaker
ah ah like wet him with with the hose, right? but But anyways, I'm just, I'm relating to that. It's because all these little things, it's like, okay, like,
00:04:39
Speaker
If I can just make her life a little bit easier, if I can just show up for her a little bit more, if I can just give her like a little bit more attention than I do, if I can just be nice to her all the time and, you know, just accept when i I'm wrong, relationship probably going to be a lot better.
00:04:57
Speaker
And it has been a lot better. It's been great. It's been honestly great. I have nothing bad to say about the
Personal Growth and Professional Success
00:05:02
Speaker
relationship. And I just understand now if I can, you know, we're taking home groceries.
00:05:09
Speaker
You could just go inside. ah i'll I'll deal with it. I'll do it. You know, just, just, just, just doing those little tiny subtle things. I feel like just kind of makes the relationship.
00:05:20
Speaker
And now, you know, if I'm still working on it, I'm not, I'm not her so preaching that I'm perfect, but you know, if, if she kind of tells me something,
00:05:32
Speaker
before that I would think is like maybe nagging or bitching, it's most likely she's just telling me exactly what she wants in the relationship and that's all I got to do and it's really simple. But like us men, most most men, they hear it and they're like, my God, this again. like i gotta deal with oh They just don't want it they don't want to deal with it. And they'll just never actually...
00:05:57
Speaker
fully understand, and they'll never actually change and just show up and actually just be the men. Like, it's... Took me to now to to figure this out, but, like, there's still a lot of men and guys in relationships that are still stuck in that same mindset that, like, fuck this girl, she's nagging me, getting on my nerves, and that's not it.
00:06:20
Speaker
That is not the freaking vibe, right? So, where I'm going in this is... Because I feel like, ah you know, I'm more accepting and, you know, I'm trying to just, you know, make make make me just a better person. Just treat better the people better. um Not just like in in my relationship, just kind of everybody. Just be nice to everybody.
00:06:44
Speaker
um Because I'm like deciding to like level up, like... over the years, just how I am talking is different. How I present myself is a little different. And I'm still trying to learn and growing it better. But because of this, you know,
00:07:01
Speaker
I do feel like my presence on social media has gotten better, right? When I look back on old videos, it's cringe-worthy. Honestly, I'm like, yo, who is that dude? i just I just watched a video. I actually was looking for a video today, and it was a long time ago when I was working in oil fields, and I i heard this guy talking.
00:07:22
Speaker
I'm like, ew! that This is you? my gosh. Oh, my gosh. Right? But if I and if i never, if I stayed around the same sort of people and that that would that was on my level at that, at that I wouldn't say on my level. and'm I'm not... um not trying to be cocky here right now, but like back then the way I was talking and the way I presented myself and the people i was around. And if I just stayed there, i feel like I'd just be dying.
00:07:53
Speaker
Right. So I'm,
Mutual Growth in Relationships
00:07:56
Speaker
I'm really glad that I grew out of that person into the person I am today, just because i do feel like now that's why I am getting more partnerships and more brand deals. And I'm really busy on social media Um, or the relationships are better, you know, everything has just morphed into getting better.
00:08:17
Speaker
Right. So if you're not growing, you're dying. I really do believe in that. Um, because have I stayed stuck in that life?
00:08:28
Speaker
I feel like I would just be dying. i would just be going through the motions and like, It's just sad when, when, when I want to go back to the relationship thing, but it's sad when people are just so stuck in their ways and they, they'll never change and they'll never be open to two changing.
00:08:47
Speaker
And it's like, why, why are you so stuck in your shit? Like, why can't you accept that? Like you're, you're probably probably the problem. Holy crap. I just got really scared.
00:09:01
Speaker
Yo, cat. The door just came open, right? and not It was my cat. Oh, my God. My heart is racing. you're probably hear him.
00:09:12
Speaker
Jeez. You caught me off guard. Get out here. ah
00:09:18
Speaker
I'm not even editing, editing this out. Yeah, it's raw. I always, i always come on here and just do the raw talk. I like a lot of people edit their, their podcasts. I just, but I just sit down and talk and then I just upload it when I'm done.
00:09:31
Speaker
And that's, that's, that's that.
Men's Role in Relationship Quality
00:09:33
Speaker
um but yeah But yeah, back to the relationship thing. Like, I just want to say, like, for any men that is honestly listening right now, or maybe, like, women, that if you're listening, and your man is not, your relationship is not great, and maybe there's things that you think could be better, let them listen to this, okay?
00:09:53
Speaker
When I finally decided to put two of my feet into the relationship, when I finally decided to stop being, yes, I'll say it, a little bitch, Because when I was saying, oh my God, she's nagging me.
00:10:06
Speaker
yeah Then I run to my friends and bitch you about it. that Yo, you're being a little bitch. Okay. Now i feel like I ah respect the relationship more. I'm showing up more. I'm trying to do things that that that I know is just going to make the relationship better.
00:10:25
Speaker
You know, for example, like.
00:10:30
Speaker
Sometimes, like, I didn't know when to put my phone down. they' Like, I'd always be working, right? And I'd always be editing. And, like, if she comes home for lunch, I just, like, you know, I might throw all together a little lunch firm and then go over sit and couch. I'm editing. I'm so busy, right? It's like, am I really that busy?
00:10:46
Speaker
Or can I just put my phone down for 20 minutes while she's home for lunch? And I used to do that for a long time. And then and she mentioned to it to me a couple of times. I had my back up against the wall.
00:10:57
Speaker
And I'm like, what are you? I was just so busy. I got all the, I'm just like, I'm literally just wanting like a little baby. Right. But now I'm like, you know, just hold on for a minute. Let's put the phone down. Let's give her, you know, how's your day?
00:11:09
Speaker
What's up? How you doing? Give her hug. Give her kiss. See you later. Boom. Easy peasy. 15 minutes of my day. Those little tiny things, like, men and men and women are just so different.
00:11:22
Speaker
So different, right? Men don't really give a shit about those little things. You know, like, if to me, if I just kept, like, you know, on my phone whenever I'm working, like, I just, I i don't think it'd be a problem.
00:11:34
Speaker
And it wouldn't really bother me if she did it. But, like, the other way around, it's like, oh why are you not, like... Talking to me when I'm coming over for lunch. And spending time with me. You know what I mean? it's It's just those little tiny things. That really makes a difference in the relationship. So when I finally decided. To put my two feet in.
00:11:53
Speaker
And go all in with this. And really try to understand. What she needs to really. You know make this
Effort in Relationships and Embracing New Experiences
00:12:00
Speaker
relationship. Blossom. um That's when the relationship actually.
00:12:05
Speaker
Became better. And when I started to learn. To apologize. Especially when I'm wrong because before if there was like any sort of conflict I would always try to like deflect it or just try to brush it on the rug and not talk about it.
00:12:21
Speaker
um And that's not healthy. um But then when I just started to be like, you know, i was probably a little wrong there. Maybe I should apologize and just apologize right away. It's like boom like that that little effort.
00:12:33
Speaker
goes a long way in a relationship. So when you just, with like men or women, whoever's listening, um when you decide to show up and just take accountability and realize that you are the creator of everything in your life And if if you just continue to just put in effort and, you know, keep growing as a person and not can not just sit in that relationship and just die because ah that happens a lot too. Like people will fall in love with each other and then they just stop trying. And then that is basically you
00:13:08
Speaker
dying the relationship is dying if you're not if you're not growing you're dying so like you you got to continue to to to try and and put effort in and grow as a couple and keep doing things that that makes you guys happy otherwise your relationship's gonna die And then it's just going to get to the point where you guys are building resentment. You're going to start being annoyed with each other.
00:13:30
Speaker
And what happens? you guys just break out, right? So I didn't realize that I was going to be on here talking about relationships in this podcast. I kind of had an idea in my head and and like I thought it was going to lead into something else. But I feel like i've been talking about that for a long time.
00:13:44
Speaker
um But that's okay. um I do feel like people are going to get something from this. And if you do listen to this and you're like, damn, he's right. Shit, like my my husband, he needs some work, Adam.
00:14:00
Speaker
You tell him to reach out to me, ah i'd like I'd gladly have a conversation with him. But yeah, like where I was going with this is is just because because I decided to actually show up in my relationship, show up in my life.
00:14:13
Speaker
Try these new things, step outside of my comfort zone, put myself out there, you know, like the cooking thing, for example. I wasn't always doing that on social media. wasn't always doing that. I just made a cooking recipe.
00:14:26
Speaker
It blew up, and then i just started doing recipes online. Then restaurants are reaching out to me, but, but like, I get really nervous. Like, i honestly, one of my... Something about me is I hate standing up in front of public or in front of a group of people or or anybody and just talking.
00:14:43
Speaker
And it's
Overcoming Self-Consciousness
00:14:44
Speaker
it's, you'd be like, what? Because like i'm I'm online all the time, right? But like I get nervous, especially when I go into like have to film in public. Like I'm not as bad as what I used to be, but sometimes like literally sit in my car and just like, God, I don't want to do this. I'm like overthinking and I'm having anxiety. But then I go in, I start filming. It's all good, right?
00:15:04
Speaker
But, you know, I just kept putting myself out there. And because I'm, like, getting myself outside of my comfort zone, I'm just, um' I'm getting better at just filming in public now. And I don't care what other people are thinking, right?
00:15:18
Speaker
You know a lot of times before I'd be afraid to bust my tripod out in public because I'm like... i And I still have those thoughts. I'm like, oh, like, these guys are literally, like, staring at me, right? But, like, someone actually said to me the other day... um i know this is getting off topic, but... um I was like, yo, when I first walked in here, I had, like, the tripod set up, the light, the camera, like, I just felt all the eyes of me, and they were like, well, that's one way to look at it, but, like, they probably know, like, because we are in Newfoundland, it's a small spot, they probably know who you are and what you're doing, they're probably just curious about what you're doing and not judging you, you know I mean? I'm like, yo, that's a really good way of looking at it, and, like, ah feel like that goes for a lot of things, right, because, like, how many times we, like,
00:16:01
Speaker
I don't know, you're working out or you're at the gym or you're doing something silly in public. And like you, you think that people are looking at you and judging you, but like, that's probably not even the case. They're probably just looking at you and they're just curious, like what you're doing, you know?
00:16:16
Speaker
It's like, I don't know. It's like we, we get in our heads a lot and, uh, Yeah, it's not a good place to be. It's not a good place to be. So I don't really know where I'm ending this off. I hope you took something from this episode. um if you're not If you're not growing, you're dying, right? Do you agree with that?
00:16:32
Speaker
Do you guys agree with that? i don't know. i I agree with it. I really do. Because um i I'm so glad that I'm not the person that I used to be.
00:16:43
Speaker
I'm really glad that I am right now and ah the person that I am right now. And I know that I'm just going to keep evolving and growing and trying to get better, right? And I feel like that's what everybody should be doing because everybody has so much potential inside of them that they don't even know, right? They don't even know.
00:17:01
Speaker
um Have I not jumped into this content thing? I always used to film and shoot whatever, of a like it would it was just shit.
Finding Contentment and Internal Validation
00:17:09
Speaker
But like when I really dove into it and got into it and now I'm getting better at it, like, yeah, I can honestly say my videos, I love my videos now.
00:17:16
Speaker
Like I'm not a crazy, fancy editor, but like, um... my videos are good, and I'm just, I'm just continuing to get better, and better, and better, I'm always trying to learn, and figure things out, and, you know, I'm just evolving, and I feel like everybody should be evolving, because if you're not evolving, you're just remaining the same, you're stuck still, and you' you're just refusing to change, because you think you're Mr. Perfect, and when you think you're Mr. Perfect, and you don't do anything wrong, and You got it all figured out.
00:17:46
Speaker
Um, most likely you're just not taking accountability for anything that you do. And you're always pointing the finger and whatever. Anyways, I'm getting off. I'm talking way too much shit. Um, yeah.
00:18:01
Speaker
If you know somebody that like, that was, is is like the way I just described of myself, um, send this to him, honestly, send this to him because,
00:18:12
Speaker
Men can, I'll i'll end it with this. um i don't I don't even know if this is like a motivating podcast or a relationship talk. I don't know. Who cares? um Men, if, man, what was I going to say?
00:18:26
Speaker
Damn, it's gone. It's gone.
00:18:32
Speaker
Oh, this is what i was going to say. Men, if you just actually listen. actually listen. Because I used to say, I used to listen all time. If you actually listen to what they're saying and apply something into what they're saying, their relationship is going to be a lot happier.
00:18:54
Speaker
And when you accept, you know, who you are and you go a little bit deeper into yourself and, you know, understand yourself more as a man and, you know, try to be open and and more caring, compassionate and all these things. And you, you finally start to like figure life out a little bit.
00:19:15
Speaker
everything else in your life is just gonna blossom and this goes for women too but ah you get what do you get what i'm saying um everything in your life is just gonna be better you're gonna be much more happier it's it's life is just gonna be easier things are just gonna start to flow right but when you're just like very too self closed off you know back up against the wall um blaming everybody else you're not the problem like yeah you know you might be successful what like are you really happy are you really happy or are you just always seeking happiness you know what saying like right now in the point of my life i actually just i just feel happy i'm just you know i was like whistling the other day just going around hell's like whistling all this random shit and rick was like why you whistle so much i'm like i don't know man like my mom always just say like if you're you're walking around whistling just means you're happy
00:20:07
Speaker
And i'm not I'm never like seeking things for happiness. Like I'm just content and like just peaceful. And I feel like everybody could get to that point in her life where things just chill, normal, peace.
Breaking Negative Familial Cycles
00:20:23
Speaker
My life was definitely not chill, normal, peace ever. Right up until, geez, what am I down? 33? Last three years? Right up to 30. It was chaos.
00:20:34
Speaker
Yeah, I had fun. Yeah, was happy for sure. But like Jesus, I had ah i had so much inner work to do. and And have I not figured that out? Oh my gosh. Have I not been open to accepting myself and changing?
00:20:48
Speaker
I would still be like that boy that had a lot of trauma and shit they're just dealing with. Probably for the the for the rest of my life.
00:21:00
Speaker
You know? And i can't um i can't even imagine... Jesus, so I'm going in a rabbit hole here now. But I can't even imagine staying like that dude and having children. Because then all my shit is just getting passed right down to them.
00:21:16
Speaker
And that's... I like to say that i'm I feel like i am breaking the cycle. You know? Because... all this This has been a lot of divorces in my family for sure.
00:21:30
Speaker
um And I like to think that I'm breaking the cycle. you know If I ever have children, I want to be the best the best possible person I am. No issues, no mental health shit.
00:21:44
Speaker
Um, no relationship problems, no money problems, nothing. Just, just literally just give them the best life and, uh, raise them to, into a person that, that, that doesn't grow up with fucking childhood trauma and all this fucking bullshit. You know what I'm saying?
00:22:00
Speaker
So, you know, we're breaking the cycle and, um, I feel like everybody, should have that same mindset, especially if you're, you know, for you, especially like you want to be the best person for yourself. But, you know, if you're ever thinking about having children or anything like that, um, you should also think about that as well.
00:22:18
Speaker
You know, you don't want to be fucked up, bringing children into
Conclusion and Call to Action
00:22:22
Speaker
the world. do You know what I'm saying? Um, so anyways, so I really hope you took something from this episode. um I just want, honestly, I was, I wasn't doing anything today. was just rear.
00:22:33
Speaker
um I was just kind of chilling and i was like, yo, I guess, yeah, maybe we should do a podcast. And, uh, yeah, I like it. I like when I'm on here talking, talking shit.
00:22:44
Speaker
Um, so thank you very much for listening to this episode. Um, if you relate to it, if you want to reach out to me, let me know what you thought about it. Um, that'd be great. Um, if you know somebody that's kind of, you know, going through that cycles of shit in their life that i that I was kind of explaining, share this podcast with them.
00:23:01
Speaker
Okay. And, uh, if, you know, you want to go ahead and follow me or subscribe on Spotify or Apple podcast, uh, and give this show a rating. That would honestly mean the most. It helps, uh, push this podcast, uh, more people that kind of needs to hear it as well. So thank you very much for tuning in and I'll see you guys on the next one. Peace.