Become a Creator today!Start creating today - Share your story with the world!
Start for free
00:00:00
00:00:01
THE TRAP OF ALWAYS TRYING TO BE BETTER!
82 Plays4 months ago
Lately, I’ve been thinking a lot about self-improvement — and how easy it is to get caught in the cycle of constantly doing more. I used to be stuck in that life: track everything, optimize every hour, stay “on” all the time. And if I missed something? I’d beat myself up. I was obsessed with being perfect, and the pressure I put on myself was unreal. In this episode, I’m unpacking that mindset and sharing why I finally let go — and why you might want to, too
Recommended
Transcript
Introduction and Recap
00:00:00
Adam Pike
Hey guys, what's up? It's not Monday. It's Tuesday. And that means it's not Mental Monday. It's Unlocking with Adam Pike. Welcome to the podcast, guys. If you tuned into my last episode, you know that we talked about something real.
00:00:13
Adam Pike
I kept it a buck fifty with you guys, you know. the The idea that maybe life isn't always about changing. Maybe it's it's it's finally about feeling good, right? You remember that one? Like finally allowing yourself to to feel good without the guilt, like without feeling like you always need to earn it.
00:00:30
Adam Pike
You know, do you remember that
Questioning Self-Improvement
00:00:31
Adam Pike
one? So I want to build off of that because there's definitely something that... keeps coming up in conversations and podcasts on social media, right? And and we need to talk about this.
00:00:42
Adam Pike
It's the idea of constant self-improvement. Now I was stuck in this world. I was stuck in the self-help world of always trying to better myself.
00:00:54
Adam Pike
And the reason why I'm talking about this today is because I believe that I wasn't doing it in a healthy way. Now, We're always told, right, is we always got to be working on ourself, you know?
00:01:07
Adam Pike
We always got to be growing, being better, doing more, listening to more podcasts, read more books, meditate, eat cleaner, run faster, wake up earlier, push harder.
00:01:18
Adam Pike
That's what the world is constantly pushing in our face, right? ah Don't get me wrong. Growth is important. I believe in it. I chase it. But somewhere along the way, I think we've mistaken growth for self-worth.
00:01:32
Adam Pike
Like if we're not improving, then we feel like we're probably falling behind. And if you're content, that probably means that you're lazy. Now, what if I told you that maybe that's not even true?
Appreciating the Present Self
00:01:47
Adam Pike
what what like What if there's nothing wrong with just being you as you are right now? You know? but Like... What if not not trying to become this upgraded, you know, optimized version of yourself and actually just appreciating the version of you that exists right now?
00:02:08
Adam Pike
What if that was okay? think there's a lot of power in that. You know, maybe there's a lot of healing in that. And and I really want to just open up this conversation and and talk about that because...
00:02:20
Adam Pike
I was just so fixated on working on myself. And and don't don't get this twisted. All the work that I did on myself definitely helped me get to a point in my life where I am right now.
00:02:34
Adam Pike
one hundred percent when I really look back on it, okay, I even done podcasts about this. I've done videos about this, talking about how I, when I take my foot off the gas, I could feel my energy getting off.
00:02:48
Adam Pike
I could feel my anxiety coming back in. like like, this was things that I was online promoting and talking about, right? Now, trust me, like we all go through seasons in our life and I totally get it.
00:03:01
Adam Pike
And that's totally fine. But When I look back on that season of my life, I feel like it wasn't I wasn't doing it in a very healthy way. You know?
00:03:12
Adam Pike
So let's get real for a second. like Have you ever felt like you you weren't doing and you were you weren't doing enough?
Anxiety and Self-Worth
00:03:20
Adam Pike
You know? You thought you were doing everything right. The journaling, the morning routines, ice baths, gym, tracking your your food, the the mindset work. But whatever you did just never felt like enough.
00:03:32
Adam Pike
Trust me, I have been there. and I've been there. It's like the more tools that I pick up, the the more pressure that I really put on myself to just do everything perfectly. And like if I skipped one, if I skipped one, oh my God, if I slept in or I didn't meditate or ah ate some takeout, oh my gosh, I failed.
00:03:50
Adam Pike
I failed. How silly is that? You know, like that's not self-love. That's just freaking performance. What are we performing for? You know?
00:04:01
Adam Pike
God, like, I feel like somewhere along the way, like, self-improvement just became another way to just prove that we are good enough, right? That we're disciplined enough, we're focused enough, we're motivated enough. But, like, who in the hell are we trying to prove this to?
00:04:18
Adam Pike
For me, i feel like I was just trying to, I was just trying to, like, become this, like, better a person because, like, I wasn't better already.
00:04:28
Adam Pike
Right? Right. And like, i was just kind of following people online and then like, yeah you know, just trying to do the work. and And yes, I definitely had a lot of shit that I needed to work on.
00:04:38
Adam Pike
Note for sure. But like, I guess I was just trying to prove it to myself that I could be better person instead of just trying to, you know, just, just be who I am and just slightly tweak things along the way.
00:04:55
Adam Pike
Right. i was just, ah I was trying to like mold myself into this totally different person. Right?
Embracing Self-Love
00:05:01
Adam Pike
here's the truth that we got we got we got to listen to. Like, you don't need to earn your own love.
00:05:06
Adam Pike
You don't need to have a a milestone. You don't need to hit a milestone but to to to be proud of yourself. You are already enough. And self-improvement should be something that you that you choose, not something that you owe.
00:05:22
Adam Pike
You know what I mean? I felt like I just owed it. i owed my life to it. You know, it it's like, oh, um I made all these mistakes. Like, oh, my relationship's not going right. Oh, like i have anxiety. and And like, I just, I have to be self-love.
00:05:37
Adam Pike
Adam Pike, that I need to be self-improvement all the time, 24-7. And if I'm not doing it, that's not enough. And i' beat myself up about it. I fixate on little tiny things. And guys, that's not healthy. thing So let's unpack that a little bit.
00:05:53
Adam Pike
The self-help world, like, yeah. um' I'm a part of it, you know? And sometimes, you know, like, sometimes it it can it can make you feel like you're broken, you know?
00:06:05
Adam Pike
like Like you are something that needs to be fixed. But guys, you're not freaking, you're not broken. You're not some project. you yeah You're not some checklist of habits.
00:06:16
Adam Pike
ah Trust me. doing positive habits every single day you can definitely stack those habits in the and and uh improve your life but if you got a checklist of habits and you don't do it and and you beat yourself up about it and oh my god i never got this done today just i'm gonna have to do double the work tomorrow you know you know what i mean like that's that's not healthy you know you're you're you're a human brain human brain
00:06:43
Adam Pike
You're a human being, you know, you're like living and breathing. you're You're navigating through your own story. We all have our own story, right? We all have our own story. And if every part of your day is just filled with pressure to become a better human being, you're never going to feel like you're better. You're always going to feel like you're behind. You're always going to feel like you got to do more, right?
00:07:07
Adam Pike
and when And like, like when when is it ever going to be enough to do that you are more?
Shifting Focus to Contentment
00:07:12
Adam Pike
and And the reason why I'm talking about this is because there's definitely a lot of you guys that you also have done a lot of self-work.
00:07:21
Adam Pike
You know? You listen to to a lot of podcasts. You did a lot of meditating. yeah did You did some journaling. You know? You went to therapy. You did all these things. But, like, you just you're just putting so much pressure on yourself because you just...
00:07:36
Adam Pike
believe yeah you're you're broken and you tell yourself these stories in your head and you start to believe these stories and like you're, it's just, oh man, it's just so much fricking pressure.
00:07:49
Adam Pike
Ah, just take a breath with me. Cause we don't need to be doing that. So today, like i want I want to talk about something different. Like what if growth isn't about fixing you?
00:08:02
Adam Pike
What if it's about freeing you? right Because I was always so fixated on on fixing myself. right I needed to be fixed.
00:08:14
Adam Pike
I got so many problems and I need to fix them. Instead of just trying to become free. And I feel like that's where I am in my life right now is free.
00:08:26
Adam Pike
That's how I feel. I just feel content. feel happy with my life. you know deaf I'm definitely motivated and fixated on bettering my content and getting that better because I know if if I continue to work on my content get better, you guys are going to like watching it, which is going to grow my page, which which brands is going to want to work with me. It's it's just going to help in that area of my life. But when you are so fixated on...
00:08:52
Adam Pike
bettering you, it's never going to be enough, you know, and you're never going to feel free because you're always going to be chasing something. And that was me. I was always chasing, becoming that person that I believed I should be.
00:09:09
Adam Pike
And don't like... Don't get this twisted. Like, I definitely believe in that. yeah you We should always all like want to grow and and become better and be better humans and stuff like that.
00:09:22
Adam Pike
But you can do it in a healthier way. That's all I'm saying. You can do it in a healthier way. And if you're if you're anything like me, I don't think I was doing it in a healthy way because, like I said, I was just very fixated on that.
00:09:38
Adam Pike
And i I couldn't ever become free because... yeah I was just so in it, you know? You know, we so we just need to, like, free ourself from the guilt. Free ourself from the shame.
00:09:51
Adam Pike
You know, free yourself from this lie that you you have to become someone else to to be worthy of peace and love and joy and happiness. You know what? Like, do you hear what I'm saying here, guys?
00:10:04
Adam Pike
I feel like I, honestly, I feel like I was a freaking robot. I wasn't like actually living my life. I was i literally just managing it and like, you know, like micromanaging my life and and making sure everything was just like perfectly aligned. I did this and this and this and this. And if I never did this, then, oh my God, like I'm going to go back to the way I was. And all the, you know, that's that is not the way to live.
Rest and Indulgence
00:10:30
Adam Pike
That's not the way to live. You know, like, well, i don't know how many times i got to say this, but like, if I never went for a freaking workout, one workout, I beat myself up about it.
00:10:42
Adam Pike
That's insane. That's insane.
00:10:48
Adam Pike
You know, if I never ate the right foods, I would beat myself up about it. If I had a lazy day just sitting around on the couch just watching shows, I could not be content because I thought that I should be doing more with my life.
00:11:00
Adam Pike
And I thought I could be making use of that time. But I realize now that eating those bad foods, enjoying food having ah ah of a lazy day sitting around just doing nothing, going on a vacation.
00:11:15
Adam Pike
All of these things is, is literally actually making you better because you need that in your life. Cause like I said, we're not freaking robots. We're not freaking robots,
00:11:30
Adam Pike
man. i hope I hope this is kind of making sense. I hope this is making sense to you guys. Um, You know, self-improvement should should not feel, ah self-improvement, it should feel like support, right?
00:11:42
Adam Pike
you shouldn't be You shouldn't feel like a slave to self-improvement. And honestly, like, sometimes, like, the most powerful thing that you can honestly do for yourself is say, like, I'm good.
00:11:56
Adam Pike
i don't need I don't need to do more today. I just need to just be, just enjoy me, my life. And ah I just need to chill, right? Now, guys, I'm not saying like you should just stop growing altogether. No, I love growth.
00:12:12
Adam Pike
I chase progress and and in many areas of my life, you know? But the why matters. Why? Why are you doing what you're doing? You know?
Relationship with Self-Improvement
00:12:22
Adam Pike
so So, like, when I'll go back to, like, when I was in in in the self-healing journey, right?
00:12:29
Adam Pike
Like, my why was just becoming a better person. My why was just fixing myself. I had all these stories in my head, right? Because ah that was my why. And, like, that what was wrong with the way I was, right? Why am i trying why am i pushing so hard to change who I am?
00:12:45
Adam Pike
Let me ask you a question. If you were in a relationship and and that person was always trying to change you, You would hate that. nobody Nobody likes being with somebody that's trying to change them. Because then you just feel pressure from them.
00:13:01
Adam Pike
And you're like, well, what the fuck is wrong with me why do i Why do I need to change to make you happy? So I was in a relationship with myself. Trying to change myself. Feeling that pressure. And that pressure to just constantly be working on yourself.
00:13:14
Adam Pike
And getting better. It's the same Right? It's the same thing. right the same thing So, like, if you if you're growing from a place of, like, love, curiosity, like, that's definitely healthy. But if if you're growing because you think you're not good enough, you got to fix yourself, that's just pressure.
00:13:39
Adam Pike
And pressure's not good. We don't like pressure, right? Pressure doesn't lead to a place of of peace. It's it's just going to have you burnt out and and and have anxiety.
00:13:50
Adam Pike
You're going to push yourself. going put so much pressure on yourself. youre just going explode one day. So ask yourself, am I doing this because I love myself or am my or or because I'm scared of who I will be if I stop?
Freedom from Pressure
00:14:04
Adam Pike
Now, if I asked myself this be back then, i would be afraid of who I'm going to be if I stop. Because like I said, anytime I feel like I would ah put like like take my foot off the gas, stop journaling, you know stop stop working out stop doing this, i would slow up my dad that bad energy would start to come back in.
00:14:23
Adam Pike
I really believe that. But why is it now that I don't do those things that like, I still do a lot of things for sure. But like, I'm not like, that's, that's not my main priority is like self healing and self love.
00:14:39
Adam Pike
Why am I, why why do I feel so free now all of a sudden? You know, but it's speak i just, honestly, i just, I really, my mindset now is just, I don't really give a shit about small things.
00:14:52
Adam Pike
And i don't really let anything get to me. Right. And yes, all I did a lot of work that definitely helped me become the person I am right now. But i'm I'm just not fixated on stupid things that really don't really make a difference. If you don't journal one day in your life, it's not going to make a difference.
00:15:10
Adam Pike
OK, if you're not going to sit down for 20 minutes of meditation, it's not going to really make a difference. You know, but like if if meditation is your daily practice and you're doing it all the time. Yeah.
00:15:21
Adam Pike
But like missing one day is not going to matter. You just jump back into it the next day. If I miss a workout, it's really not going to matter. If I miss a week of workouts, it's really not going to matter.
00:15:33
Adam Pike
You just jump back into it when you're ready. but But before, I was in the mindset where if I missed a workout, it was a problem, and I really was not okay with it. And I would beat myself up about it. And that is not healthy.
00:15:48
Adam Pike
You know?
Learning from Personal Seasons
00:15:49
Adam Pike
We all go through these seasons in our life, right? i don't know if you ever heard the the the poem, season, reason, or a lifetime. You know, like like people come into your life for a season or a reason or a lifetime. That's totally fine. But like we also have our own seasons of our own life with the relationship of ourself.
00:16:07
Adam Pike
You know, and like the person that we were um last year, that like that just might be there for a reason. And then, you know, you kind of just mold into somebody else. And it's just a recent season or a lifetime, right?
00:16:20
Adam Pike
You know, so we definitely have seasons of intensity, seasons ah of softness, seasons where like you're you're just constantly building on yourself, seasons where you're just peaceful, right? But like one isn't better than the other.
00:16:33
Adam Pike
they're all They're all necessary. Like every every single season of our life is just bringing us to a journey, right? we're just We're just on that journey of life. And every single season,
00:16:46
Adam Pike
is is is here for a reason. You know what I mean? So like you guys don't need to be on all of the time. You don't need to optimize every single moment of your life.
00:16:57
Adam Pike
Sometimes healing is just like letting go a little bit, you know? Sometimes progress means just put the phone down. the book down, take your headphones off and go for a walk.
00:17:11
Adam Pike
Cause sometimes like most times I listen to a podcast when I go to walk, but sometimes I just take, I just go outside, walk the dog out in nature and listen to the birds chirp. Like that's, that's good. Sometimes, you know, like I'm, I'm definitely on my phone all the time. Cause I do it for work. I got my phone in my hand 24 seven.
00:17:28
Adam Pike
Um, but sometimes you just need a little break from that. You know, sometimes self-help, it's not just about helping yourself for a day. It's just about, I don't even know what I'm saying.
00:17:40
Adam Pike
But you get it. You guys get it. Okay. So before I wrap this up, i want i want to leave want to leave something with you that honestly we should all be reminded of.
Deserving Rest and Self-Acceptance
00:17:52
Adam Pike
You, you don't need to become someone one else to to deserve rest and love and peace. You know, you can want more for your life while while still loving who you actually are in the process.
00:18:05
Adam Pike
You know, you can you can work. You can be a work in progress and and and be the masterpiece at the same time. So, guys, if you're listening to this right now and and you're you're you're feeling tired and you feel like you've been chasing something that literally never ends, maybe, just maybe, if you're listening right now, maybe it's just time that you just take a break and pause.
00:18:27
Adam Pike
Put everything on pause.
00:18:29
Adam Pike
Ask yourself, what what am I doing this for? You know?
00:18:35
Adam Pike
Don't just, like, I'm not saying quit. You know, don't don't give up. just just Just pause a little bit. like Give yourself permission to, like, really be proud of the version that's right here.
00:18:47
Adam Pike
That's you right now. Because you you have honestly made it through every single hard day in your life. You've done that. And you're doing better than than you might think. So just give yourself permission to just allow yourself to just be sometimes.
00:19:03
Adam Pike
So I want to thank you guys for being here today. If this hit home with you at all, I would really love to hear about it. um Message me, tag me, whatever you want. I'm here.
00:19:15
Adam Pike
And if you could rate this show, if you listen to it on Spotify, um there's a section where you can actually rate this show. I'd really appreciate that. um Listen, guys, you're not alone on this journey. umve I've been through many journeys of my life and I'm still learning.
00:19:29
Adam Pike
I'm still learning about myself. Nobody's perfect. Everybody's just figuring it out along the way. And I want to share this with you today because I feel like there's just a lot of stuck in that self-help world of always trying to fix ourself.
00:19:42
Adam Pike
And maybe sometimes we need to just step outside of that and ask us ask ourselves why. Why are we doing this? And are we doing it in a healthy way?
00:19:54
Adam Pike
Or are we not really that healthy in our own minds? You know? So, and until the next time, you guys, just keep being you.
00:20:06
Adam Pike
Keep real. And I'll see you soon. Peace.