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EP190: Paul Bauer – A Man Without A Purpose Is Just Spending Time
20 Playsin 8 hours
“When you say I am anything, you’re basically tying something in with your identity. It’s who you are as a person.”
Many men today are drifting—busy but aimless, productive yet unfulfilled. This conversation explores the idea that without a mission, a man is merely passing time. A man’s sense of identity must be tied to something deeper than just his job or routine; it must be anchored in purpose. When a man claims his mission and fuses it with his identity, he no longer lives for weekends or approval. He lives for something that lights him up and draws others to him. Purpose, not comfort, is the compass.
Paul Bauer speaks candidly about rebuilding his life after hardship and channeling that transformation into a platform to help other men. He emphasizes the need for men to seek meaningful discomfort, reconnect to their hunger, and create a brand that stems from real conviction. His story illustrates how aligning your brand, purpose, and passion can make you magnetic and fulfilled—even if it means sticking your knee in a bucket of ice every morning.
Paul Bauer is a certified life coach and NLP practitioner best known as the host of the Come On Man podcast. Specializing in attraction dynamics and masculine self-improvement, Paul guides men through the chaos of modern relationships and back into leadership roles within their lives.
Learn more & connect:
Come On Man Podcast – Hosted by Paul Bauer
No More Mr. Nice Guy by Dr. Robert Glover: https://www.drglover.com/no-more-mr-nice-guy.html
Bob Proctor – A mentor known for purpose and success.
https://www.proctorgallagherinstitute.com/programs/you-were-born-rich
Choice Theory by William Glasser
https://www.amazon.com/Choice-Theory-Psychology-Personal-Freedom/dp/0060930144
You’re invited to come to a Sovereign Circle meeting to experience it for yourself. To learn more, go to https://www.sovereignman.ca/. While you’re there, check out the Battle Ready program and check out the store for Sovereign Man t-shirts, hats, and books.
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Transcript
Introduction and Alignment of Passion
00:00:00
Speaker
If you can tie your passion with your with your brand, with your identity, you'll be more motivated and have that discipline to to follow through on because it's it's a part of who you are.
00:00:11
Speaker
And when we identify with something, I mean we'll fight tooth and nail to protect it. You're a man living in the modern world in a time when men and manhood are not what they once were. You live life on your own terms.
00:00:26
Speaker
You're self-sufficient. You think for yourself and you march to the beat of your own drum. When life knocks you down, you get back up because in your gut, you know that's what men do. You're a badass and a warrior. And on the days when you forget, we are here to remind you you really are.
Welcome to the Podcast with Nicky Ballou and Paul Bauer
00:00:48
Speaker
Welcome to Sovereign Man Podcast, where we aim to make men masculine again. i'm your man, Nicky Ballou, and we're here with ah one of our favorite guests, Paul Bauer of the Come On Man Podcast.
00:01:01
Speaker
How you doing, bro? Nicky, it's getting to the point where we're to have to change the name of the show to the Nicky and Paul Show. You know what? No question.
Creating Personal Brands for Men
00:01:11
Speaker
So, Paul, um this whole conversation of um helping a man stand out, create a brand for himself is something you and I have been talking about for some time. um And I know that um part of what you do ah is you help men and you've got a very particular brand you created all around that.
00:01:46
Speaker
Folks who listen to this show know a little bit about you because you've been on quite a few times in the last little while. But I'd like you to think about what made you decide to create your brand in this space as an expert in attraction dynamics between men and women.
00:02:07
Speaker
And why do you think it's important for men to pay attention to their own personal brand, as it were? Oh, that's a really good question,
Bauer's Podcasting Journey
00:02:18
Speaker
Nicky. Yeah, I mean, it's funny because this isn't this isn't my first rodeo ah with podcasting and stuff. i I've always wanted to to do some kind of podcasting, and years and years ago, you can you can still find it on on YouTube. i I had a show called Tech Chop, and it was all about IT and technology and hacking and systems and stuff like that.
00:02:43
Speaker
Hacking? You were nephew, dude? Yeah. Yeah. I would have never thought figured that out about you, bro. Yeah. Yeah. I've done a lot of network security and I used to go to hacker conventions all the time and stuff like that.
00:02:56
Speaker
no But I originally started that more as a hobby though. And so it started off like it was just a once a month thing. I could put it together. at that time, I didn't have all the tools I have now. So editing it became a real chore.
00:03:13
Speaker
And then i got I got involved with a podcast network. ah I can't remember what it was called, the the Tech Podcast Network. And they were bringing on sponsorships and they were requiring me to do at least one episode a week when I was originally doing it as a hobby.
00:03:29
Speaker
And they started paying pretty good, but it became such a chore that I just didn't love it anymore.
The Role of Purpose in Men's Lives
00:03:34
Speaker
you know And so eventually it just became too much work I also have had a day job at the time. I had a you know wife and two kids. It was just too much. And so I finally gave up on that.
00:03:46
Speaker
And then a couple of years later, i tried, um i got in my head, I was going to do a politics podcast. you know And so I started doing an audio only politics podcast. And politics to me is just, ah it's such a mental drain. It can be. And so that was a rabbit hole, bro. It's a total rabbit hole.
00:04:06
Speaker
It is. It is. And so i wasn't passionate about that either. So that didn't go anywhere. But when I found this space, was it it was because i had gone through ah you know some breakups. I had gone through some adversity in my life.
00:04:23
Speaker
I had to... build myself again, you know, from from the ground up. And i i really found a passion in it. And so when I got the idea to start my podcast, it wasn't necessarily to get into coaching and to become ah ah you know certified life coach and NLP practitioner, any of that stuff. It was really just to, for myself to level up and get better with women, to constantly have this on the forefront. So I'm always studying it and then just connect with other men and and start working with other men.
00:04:58
Speaker
Because one of the things I learned from ah one of my mentors, Dr. Robert Glover, was how important it is for men to connect with other like-minded men in the space. And so, I was like, man, i could I could do a podcast about it. I've done it before. i know what doesn't work. I know what makes me hate it. So how can I make this so that it's something I'd love to do?
00:05:19
Speaker
And that's how the podcast was started. I made it so i it wasn't a lot of editing involved and it was just more free flowing and it just became a lot more effortless. It's still work, but it's work that I enjoy doing. you know And then...
00:05:35
Speaker
Yeah, so that's how I ended up doing the podcast portion. But then it it really just started clicking when I would see some of the advice I'd put out on social media, guys that were tuning in the podcast, they were taking what I was saying and running with it and applying it in their own lives. And then coming back to me months or years later going, man, you fixed my marriage.
00:05:57
Speaker
Man, I'm loving dating again, man. like you know all this All these types of things where I'm seeing... other men ah report back their results that they're getting. And it just became really rewarding. And I was like, man, this ah this can be this could be something.
00:06:13
Speaker
you know And one of the things that I harp on when it comes to men is how important it is for men to have a mission, to have a purpose in life. And I realized, and man, this is...
00:06:24
Speaker
a worthwhile purpose in life to help men ah get better with women because most men don't know they don't have a clue when it comes to women i certainly was that guy you know 10 15 years ago and i was like man there's so many guys out here that just don't get it they they just don't get it they're and they're frustrated because they don't get it and i can help those guys yeah you know um the founder of the Sterling Men's Weekend, Justin Sterling, who just passed away a few days ago, actually, very, yeah very sad, um said, and I quote verbatim, a man without a purpose is just spending time.
Turning Passion into Profit
00:07:06
Speaker
A man without a purpose is just spending time. So I want you to Paul, talk about the blending of a purpose together with creating a thought leader brand, a personal brand?
00:07:20
Speaker
Because you're doing that. You're in the process of doing that. And in fact, I would argue you've gone a lot further than most men ever do with this.
00:07:31
Speaker
And you've even turned it into you know money. You've monetized it. Why do you think it matters to a man to do this? Well, for me, it's It's funny. I didn't set out to do that.
00:07:44
Speaker
I know you didn't. I know. It's like I fell on it by accident. But um it's important for ah for a guy to have something that he's passionate about. that's Something that he wakes up in the morning and looks forward to. it doesn't have to be...
00:07:59
Speaker
you know running a podcast or a you know personal brand, but it it it has to be something that gives your life meaning. there's One of my other mentors in the space, Bob Proctor, always said that ah so many guys are tiptoeing through life, hoping that they make it safely to death.
00:08:16
Speaker
like right away to That's no way to live. And that's the way I was for a long time. Nikki, i I think that contributed to the end of my my marriage. I think a part of that was what contributed to ah the end of my relationship with Red Pill Chick.
00:08:32
Speaker
It was that I was just a guy who was existing. i didn't have something that I was truly passionate about that drove me in the you know in the morning. and And what I realized on this whole journey, this whole process, ah which really started out just being, you know, leveling up and getting better with women.
00:08:53
Speaker
And one of the the quotes or the mottos I have for my podcast is that when you level up to get better with women, it tends to make you better in all areas your life. And it also makes life worth living. There's a lot of things that I started doing I never would have done. I started riding a motorcycle ah several years ago being Just because i was like, I i need to get out and do something. I need something that's exhilarating, something that um makes me, you know gives me something to look forward to, something that's fun and a little bit of dangerous adds a little bit of excitement to my life. You know, I do i do stuff like that. I travel so much more now.
00:09:29
Speaker
um I go on extended trips with with my my my girlfriend, Nurse Chick. You know, we go on all sorts of adventures around the world and stuff like that. And it's because I realized, man, this this world is so miraculous and so big. And if I'm just sitting around letting life happen to me, I i don't get to experience any of that stuff. And so that's what drove me to do this kind of thing. And I think if a guy finds that kind of purpose in his life,
00:09:57
Speaker
um no matter what it is, if it's a building a brand or or whatever, it can give him that sort of experience in life where he can, he can actually experience it. You know what I mean?
00:10:08
Speaker
So i I totally understand that. And your story is pretty inspiring. And honestly, Paul, I've i've said this to you before. ah i think the world needs you to become a globally renowned thought leader helping hundreds and thousands of men.
00:10:25
Speaker
And then you're going to need to train other men to do what you do because there's not enough of you helping men do this, man. I mean, this whole issue of men in long-term marriages having their sex life go in the toilet, in my opinion, is the single biggest contributor to family breakdown.
00:10:43
Speaker
And I know you understand and agree with me. And that's why what you're doing There's no room for complacency for
Complacency and Personal Growth
00:10:49
Speaker
you, bro. You can't get comfortable. You got to get, you got to light a fire under your ass every day and go, who the hell needs to speak to me today?
00:10:57
Speaker
Who's suffering that I need to save? And your brand is a bit of that, you know, ah it may be, you may not like this, but I'm just going to say, cause this is truly how I see it.
00:11:09
Speaker
You're a bit of a savior dude to these dudes. You know what I'm saying? Um, You've your purpose and your brand are melding together. Why do you think men need to look at that for themselves?
00:11:22
Speaker
And I know this is a bit of a heavy lift question, but give it a shot. Yeah. So why do men need to marry their, their passion with.
00:11:33
Speaker
Yeah. Their purpose with their brand, with who they put themselves out in the world to be. Okay. Yeah. And that are we talking about strictly like building business and stuff? doesn't have to be about a businessman. It's just, you know what I mean? Not, not every, not every ah purpose is about making money.
00:11:49
Speaker
Right. or But every purpose is about who you are in the world. I would argue. Yeah, that makes sense. Yeah, because there's a lot of times where on my show, i'll I'll tell guys that, you know, a lot of people equate their purpose with their career.
00:12:03
Speaker
And it doesn't necessarily have to be. Same thing, no. Right, it doesn't have to be. I had a ah friend of mine years ago ah when I was working as a ah systems engineer for, i can't remember the name of the company.
00:12:17
Speaker
But this guy was so cool. he was, he was, and I, he and I had worked at a previous company together. And when he and I would chat, ah we got in this conversation one day about what we tell people we do for a living.
00:12:29
Speaker
Right. And what he tells people is I'm a drummer in a band. And i was like, you tell people you're a drummer in a band. And he goes, yeah, because he's like, ah that's my passion. I love music. I've been a musician my whole life.
00:12:43
Speaker
And when I, you know, I have, he's, he wasn't a band. And so he would go around on the weekends and around San Diego and and play at different clubs and stuff like that. He, he couldn't make a living off of it, but it was something that he was passionate about.
00:12:56
Speaker
So when people asked him, what do you do for a living? He's like, I'm a musician. I play in a band. And I go, you don't tell people you're in IT? I'm like, you actually make pretty good money in IT. That's not something you tell. He goes, no, no, IT just pays the bills. That's just a job.
00:13:08
Speaker
This is my career. Like, this is my passion. This what I love. So if you look at it from that standpoint, um you I mean, it's that passion, it tends to just automatically...
00:13:22
Speaker
blend in with your identity a little bit, I think. I think people, when they're really passionate about stuff, they can't wait to tell other people about it. In fact, some people won't shut up about it. That's my problem. i When I'm around good company, i have to always remind myself that you can't red pill other people. you have They have to sort of want it, right? Red pill is sort of triage.
00:13:44
Speaker
So I can't just go around all the time telling people intersexual dynamic stuff. They don't want to hear it. but But yeah, I mean, for my brand, when it comes to like being on social media and talking about that kind of stuff, it's it's important to at least be so passionate about it that I can talk about it off the cuff without having to go look in a manual or or anything like that. i don't I don't know if I'm answering the question.
00:14:08
Speaker
You are, you are. i think the the um the story of your friend who said he's a drummer in a band illustrates that beautifully. beautiful You know, because IT just pays the bills.
00:14:21
Speaker
And I look at myself, right? You know what I do for a living. I help entrepreneurs, ah you know, sell more, make more money, build their brand. But when you said that ah quote from your friend that I'm a drummer in a band, I go, you know what?
00:14:40
Speaker
I help men level up and win. That's really what I do. Now, I got a business where I... I pay the bills and then some doing what I do, but nothing lights me up more than having a ah meeting with a group of men, either over Zoom or in person and and and just getting deep into it.
00:14:59
Speaker
So i I totally understand that. that's That's very powerful, actually. That's very powerful. I'm a drummer in a band. I might make that quote the title of this episode. I'm a drummer in a band. There you go. I'm a drummer in a band.
00:15:11
Speaker
you but Are you a drummer in a band or are you just some dude who's so who's paying the bills? Because that's powerful. That's very powerful.
00:15:22
Speaker
um like I'm looking at you know March 2025 right now. there's there's a There's a feeling of complacency, if I may say so, out there. um And I've fallen victim to it myself.
00:15:38
Speaker
Like Paul, I had a very good year last year, you know, financially, business-wise, was excellent. And this year started off pretty decently as well. um But i I found myself getting a little complacent because I've i've done so well. I don't have to push as hard right now. You know what I mean?
00:15:54
Speaker
And I got some amazing clients from me. you're You're one of my clients. You know the you know the drill. yeah But there's a lot of people who need me, man. I'm really good at what I do. i help people get... really great results. And there's a lot of people that are suffering. And i i i i'm there was a time where I'd just say, no, man, going to get those people. I'm going to help them. I'm going get them going.
00:16:12
Speaker
Right now, I'm like, okay if they want to do it, they do If they want to do it, they don't want to do it. And I'm like, that's comfort. And comfort is like a drug, right? And it's it's fed by complacency. But i I would argue that this feeling of complacency is something in North America, at least, that has happened ever since President Trump won the election.
00:16:33
Speaker
Because, i mean, last year when Biden was in there, we were all fighting, man. We have to defeat the evil Democrats. We got to get these guys who want to take their freedom. um Out of here. You know what? They're going to destroy the economy. So we we pushed hard. and We went out there. We got sales.
00:16:46
Speaker
Well, Trump won, man. And look at him. He's the greatest damn president.
Urgency in Life and Business
00:16:50
Speaker
Like in two months, he's done more than most people do in two terms, right? Look at everything he's accomplished. So I feel like there's a lot of people that are like, okay, well, Trump's in charge. i don't have to worry you so much.
00:17:01
Speaker
I can take my foot off the gas. I think that's dangerous. think that's very, very dangerous because complacency can lead to defeat. And I look at this and I go there is at least a thousand men that need to know about me helping men level up inside my world and you with your beer clubs, same, same, same.
00:17:20
Speaker
And inside my business, There's at least 50, 100 entrepreneurs that need Nikki Blue, like kicking their ass and helping them get objections done and all that stuff.
00:17:33
Speaker
And even the guys that are in our course right now, man, there's a lot of people who are a little bit complacent right now. That feeling of complacency is permeated throughout everybody. so we're going to light the fire under everybody's ass. Like I'm back from my vacation with a renewed bit of purpose.
00:17:46
Speaker
ah to make that happen. And I'm wondering what your comments are. Do you agree with my ah perception of what society is like right now in terms of complacency? What are your thoughts?
00:17:58
Speaker
Well, i mean, my clientele, a lot of those guys, the reason why they're at where they're at is because they're complacent. you know they've They've reached a level of comfort in in their relationships, in their marriage. they They think that they don't have to try anymore.
00:18:13
Speaker
And so that's why they're therere they are where they are. And so that's that's been a ah struggle of mine since I started working with guys in dead bedrooms is trying to snap them out that complacency to get them ah motivated enough to want to do something about it. Because a vast majority of the guys out there, i put I put out videos all the time on social media that I estimate only 3% of guys are willing to do the work and take some action necessary to fix their marriages.
00:18:41
Speaker
And the other 97% are content to just see how things play out. And then... wonder why 80% of divorces are filed by women. you know And I have a friend who ah he he does sort of divorce recovery type work. And his major clientele is women.
00:19:03
Speaker
and And these women will come to him saying, I've been... trying to get my husband to snap out of complacency for years. I've been wanting him to set the tone and lead. I've been wanting him to be more ambitious. I've been wanting him to be more decisive and assertive and all the stuff, but he just won't do it. And I'm i'm at my wits end and I've tried so much. And a lot of these women have checked out mentally years before they go and actually pull the trigger.
00:19:29
Speaker
But these guys who are in that 97%, They don't want to do anything. They're just like, oh, well, if it happens, it happens. Then they're like, then they end up in my comment section complaining about women and divorce and, you know, it's all women's fault or whatever.
00:19:43
Speaker
let Let me, ah let me ask you a question, Nikki, um when it comes to that, because i don't know about you, but when I, when I'm talking to a guy and I can hear the pain,
00:19:54
Speaker
in his voice on a, on a, on one of these breakthrough calls and I know I can help him and I know he's just not motivated enough. And like, you know, I go through everything I can do to help him.
00:20:09
Speaker
And then he, it's just objection, objection, objection. And eventually it gets to a point where it's like, okay, this, yeahside i okay he's not enough pain. Right. He's not, and that's the, that's the bottom line.
00:20:22
Speaker
He's not in enough pain. but Because but well I'll tell you this right now, okay? Yeah. like You and I were talking about somebody, and and you know for reasons of confidentiality, I'm not going to get into who it is or why or any of that stuff.
00:20:34
Speaker
You and I were talking about somebody off camera, and we both know a little a thing or two about his situation. um I can tell you that the level of pain this man is in, in reality, is a 10 out of 10.
00:20:50
Speaker
What he's allowing himself to feel is a 4 or a 5. Right. Okay. You understand what I'm saying? Your job in the call is to make him feel a fucking 10. if i If you are not clear in that call that you've taken him to a 10, don't make him an offer.
00:21:04
Speaker
Don't make him an offer. he's gotta be He's got to be twisted up in knots. Like you should physically feel uncomfortable with how and how much pain he's feeling on that call.
00:21:16
Speaker
If it's all up here, oh yeah, this really sucks. He's not feeling it. He's not feeling it. It's like a guy with a broken arm who's checked out on morphine so he doesn't feel the pain of the broken arm, but it's there.
00:21:28
Speaker
So he doesn't want to fix his broken arm. You're telling him your arm's fucking broke, the asshole. Fix your damn arm. And you have to treat it like that. You're the doctor. you got to push on it and go, does this hurt?
00:21:41
Speaker
Until he goes, stop pushing on it. Right, right, right. No, I get that. What I where i was going with that was, that ah have you ever gotten to a place where a guy is in so much pain, but they still won't move forward? Like, do you...
00:21:56
Speaker
Do you like, after those types of calls, do you think about that? but Like, man, I i could have helped. I didn't put him in enough pain on the call. I fucked up. That's where I go. ah now you got That's the truth.
00:22:09
Speaker
He doesn't feel enough pain. Look, I've been off of our weekly calls. I don't know if you've been on the last couple with Mark Von Muser, but if you speak to Mark, Mark will tell you again and again that if ah if a guy has a need for you and he's not buying, it's because you didn't do your job to put him in enough pain.
00:22:27
Speaker
fair You got to salt his ass, man. That wound's open. You got to be pouring salt in it. Don't go to to solution yet until you're clear. this guy feeling it? He's not feeling it. Let me salt it some more.
00:22:39
Speaker
So when was the last time you had sex with your wife?
Coaching Men to Confront Discomfort
00:22:42
Speaker
Oh, you know, it was oh it was only it was only three weeks ago, but it's not that bad. You know, I'm jerking off to porn or whatever the hell it is. That's what guys do, yeah.
00:22:52
Speaker
Yeah. If you had a guy ever tell you that, I just made that up. I don't if the guy will actually tell you that. Guys tell me that shit. Yeah. Right. So what's it like? ah What's it like jerking off in your hand and in a tissue rather than having sex with a live woman who's excited about having sex with you who happens to love you versus Yeah. What was the last time you had sex with your wife and she was enthusiastic about having sex with you rather than just lying there like a dead starfish?
00:23:19
Speaker
What's it like for you? How's that make you feel? Make that son of a bitch go there. And if you won't go there, say, listen, you got to help me out here. We're not going to solve your problem if you're not willing to go there. Until you're clear on the consequences, you can tell them what you're doing.
00:23:31
Speaker
Until you're clear on the – if he tells you I'm clear on the consequences, just say, with all due respect, sir, that's like a patient going into a doctor's office with a broken arm and saying, I think my bone's set, and the doctor's saying, no, there's shards sticking out, and he's arguing with the doctor.
00:23:45
Speaker
Just say, I'm the doctor over here. You're the patient. Let me do my job. Got it, yeah. And if he's not willing to let you do your job, respectfully kick him off the call. Tell him, I'm sorry, I can't work with people who refuse to take instruction.
00:23:58
Speaker
The way that this is this is this is a test for both you and me. The test for you is, the test for me is, you know, am I treating you with the respect to help you understand your situation and that to prove to you that I know what I'm doing?
00:24:14
Speaker
And the test for you is, are you willing to listen? Are you willing to let me guide you? Because if you're not willing to even let me guide you on this call, I don't think I can help you. And that's how I would, I would handle that.
00:24:27
Speaker
So if you're, I want you to spend a ton more time getting him in pain. In fact, I want you to feel uncomfortable about asking you more questions and still going there. You know what I mean? It's going make you hurt.
00:24:38
Speaker
Like, You're going to know when a guy's at that when a guy's feeling the pain so much, he's going to say, i got nothing more to say to you. Because if it if it becomes about signing up for your program, that's not where you want him there.
00:24:53
Speaker
the program's just got to be the bridge to get him out of pain. It's got to be about, is he feeling the pain? Is he feeling the pain? And here's the truth. Here's the truth, Paul. I think people are feeling a lot of complacency right now.
00:25:06
Speaker
I know it because I've been feeling complacent. So I would suggest to you, you know, if you're attracting complacency from someone who's refusing to look at himself, look at yourself, areas of your life. Cause obviously you got this area handled up the yin yang, right?
00:25:20
Speaker
But, You don't have every area handled just like I don't have every area handled. I'm being honest. That's why I have a coach. That's why I want vacation, by the way. My coach, Mark, said to me, dude, you're burnt out.
00:25:34
Speaker
You don't really give a shit anymore because you don't have the capacity to give a shit anymore. you're you're you're You're burnt out. Get out of here. Get out of here. Recharge. I'm recharged.
00:25:44
Speaker
He was right. I feel good. Right? yeah. where Where have I been complacent? So when I was in Cartagena, I went walking everywhere. I didn't have a car while I was there.
00:25:56
Speaker
The gym was a 15-minute walk. The grocery store was right under the gym, a 15-minute walk. um We took a taxi downtown to ah the the old town of Cartagena, which, by the way, is freaking gorgeous. You should go if you've never gone. It's stunning. UNESCO heritage site. It's incredible.
00:26:13
Speaker
So we took a cab and then my buddy said, well, let's walk a little further. We walked all the way to ah to to ah the old town, Paul, and it was a good 40, 45 minute walk.
00:26:25
Speaker
I walked an hour and a half a day. And you want to know something, man? I'm like, okay, you know what? I've gotten lazy. out I don't walk enough places. I i just let take the car everywhere because that's how roll.
00:26:36
Speaker
That's complacency. So I'm going to. It gets kind of cold in Toronto. It's not, you know, Carnahania. It's like 80 degrees, 75, 80 degrees. It's little bit more of a pleasant walk.
00:26:48
Speaker
Toronto at the moment is 30 degrees. like it' so It's a little less pleasant, but I can still walk for a little bit. um So here's my question for you. Where where right now are you being complacent?
00:27:01
Speaker
Answer it for me, if you will. Yeah, where I know I'm being pretty complacent when it comes to, at least when it comes to ah wanting to do breakout calls or um breakthrough calls. And we talked a little bit about on our our our group session or whatever, but I've gotten to a place where I'm almost like dreading and having these calls, you know, because like, I don't want to do it. It's a inconvenient time or whatever. That's just sort of what's going through my head.
00:27:32
Speaker
You know, I'm like, Oh, I got to do this. we do this yeah Cause I, cause I also have a day job. Right. So I have to schedule these types of things at like or really early in the morning or or late in the evening and stuff like that. So it cuts into like family time and,
Maintaining Motivation and Energy
00:27:47
Speaker
whatever. And so when it gets to a, when I see a call on my calendar, it's almost like i'm mentally like, ah, you know, I gotta, i gotta to take time out of my, out of my evening for this ah way for my family and stuff to go, go do this. And, and so I almost like, I've been really complacent about that lately for sure.
00:28:09
Speaker
Well, um, let me ask you a question. Um, do you think that you know And this is a leading question. Do you think people are picking up on the fact that you're not as fully excited as you were?
00:28:19
Speaker
ah they probably are. Yeah, they probably are. So you know either don't do the calls or shift your attitude about it into, man, I get to help a man in pain.
00:28:31
Speaker
Yeah. Well, that, and that's what I've been working on you know, doing some of the the exercises that that Mark taught me early in the beginning. I really went hard on on doing a lot of those types of things. So I've been trying to work on that.
00:28:44
Speaker
So um this is what I'm talking about. Ever since Trump got elected, right, this this whole complacency attitude, i think is everywhere. Because before he got elected, there was an urgency to all of us. First of all, we were really pulling for him to win.
00:29:01
Speaker
because we thought the republics and freedom itself was at stake and we thought business would be better under him. um and And secondly, it was not a sure thing that he was gonna win.
00:29:12
Speaker
It was not a sure thing. It was a lot of us who are thinking, oh shit, what if he loses, right? What'll happen to us then? but my my My conspiracy hat went on and I was like, oh, they're gonna they're going to do some kind of deep thing.
00:29:24
Speaker
I had buddies of mine saying that. Now, I felt pretty good about him winning, but I was very vested. I was checking things out every day, blah, blah, blah. But now he's won, and he's kicking the crap out of the opposition. i mean, it's it's almost unfair. I almost feel bad for them. Not really, but almost. i like it's So, you know, I'm like, I'm emotionally relaxed. I'm not as vested.
00:29:44
Speaker
And the economy is starting to do better and all that good stuff. you know And I'm hopeful that in Canada, the same thing will happen. But you know we do ah we do the majority of our business in the in the States. So for us, you know either the way, it's not that that big a deal. But ah the complacency comes from thinking, okay, things aren't so bad. i can i can relax.
00:30:06
Speaker
But the truth of the matter is, man, Paul, the reason you started doing what you're doing in the first place is because you wanted to help men avoid going through the same pain you went through.
00:30:19
Speaker
Right. And imagine before you get on that call, take a minute, right. Do a little visualization of that man and imagine that he's a man just like you, that he's married, he's got kids and imagine the future timeline of what'll happen if he doesn't get your help.
00:30:37
Speaker
Imagine a year down the road, his wife having an affair, him finding out how that feels. Imagine his kids finding out his wife's having an affair, how that impacts them. And imagine two years down the road, divorce process.
00:30:50
Speaker
Imagine the nastiness of that. Imagine the cost of that. And imagine you were the guy who could have saved that. And you didn't because you didn't feel like it. you know And then just snap out of it and go, fuck it, man.
00:31:03
Speaker
This is a fellow human being. This is a brother. This a man. This is why I do what I do. you You got to reconnect to your purpose. You're not connected to your purpose, I think, at the moment um in the same way that you were.
00:31:15
Speaker
And maybe because you've had so much success. and That's the same problem I had. Yeah. It also could suck if you're not careful. Yeah. i had a I had a huge explosion there, like right when we first started working. And then all of a sudden it's just like, nah, it's like, it's good. It's definitely gone downhill. Yeah.
00:31:33
Speaker
Well, you've you've got to you got to get hungry again. You're not hungry. i You got to get hungry again. You're not hungry. So um add this into your your your daily morning ah rituals where you script things out that you're excited to help men. you you're Each man is a brother that you're helping.
00:31:55
Speaker
And that until you know until you're in a position to fully, fully, fully um <unk> replace all the sources of income that you have, you're going to create this artificial hunger for yourself.
00:32:12
Speaker
I think that's what you need to do because you don't have actual cho hunger. You need artificial hunger. Yeah. Yeah, that's true. Yeah. So um anyways, that's that's that's my take on it because you're a victim of your own success, brother. Yeah, it's ah it's it's it's an interesting dynamic. Yeah, for sure.
00:32:34
Speaker
are you willing to do something about it? Are you willing to like snap out of this? Oh yeah, ah definitely. i've I've been working on it. Okay, great. So what's going to, you got to create some actual, uh, uncomfortableness in your day-to-day life. So what could do that for you?
00:32:53
Speaker
What can I do to create uncomfortableness? Yeah.
Daily Practices for Breaking Complacency
00:32:57
Speaker
Cause that's, it on I don't know. What do you mean by that? Um, Well, remember you used to run and do those gratitudes when you ran? Yeah. i i I messed up my knee.
00:33:10
Speaker
Oh, no, man. That sucks. Yeah. yeah And that's that's probably a part of it too because I haven't been running. i um i i messed up my – you walk? ah Barely.
00:33:21
Speaker
I could barely walk. i got I messed up my meniscus. Yeah. And then I'm waiting on insurance to approve an MRI scan. So that's been going it's been going on for like couple weeks now.
00:33:32
Speaker
Okay. All right. you um You're doing all the you know icing and elevating and all that jazz and yeah, I do all that and i'm I'm still lifting weights, upper body exercises and stuff when I, you know, as much as I can, but you got a new brace on or anything like that.
00:33:51
Speaker
Yeah. Yeah. I've got a, like a, and one of those ACE braces, but, um, but yeah, I'm just waiting on, on, uh, nevermind the running. and Okay. then Um, all right.
00:34:04
Speaker
Um, how do you feel about like cold plunges? I don't like them. I hate them myself. i did I did one once a couple of years ago. I went to a men's retreat and we we sat in an ice bucket for, I can't remember how long it was.
00:34:20
Speaker
It felt like an eternity though. yeah
00:34:25
Speaker
So, okay. I'm going to challenge you, bro. Okay. do some do some Do some daily either cold plunge or cold showers or something to get you out of you since you can't do your runs.
00:34:38
Speaker
too bad. um Might even be good for your knee. ah stick your Stick your leg in cold water for 30 seconds or a minute. You know what? that's That's actually a good point that you brought up because I i was doing my my running gratitudes.
00:34:52
Speaker
um In the days I i didn't ah do the gratitude while was running, I still went running, but I would sit on my back patio and and do a gratitude video. But I stopped doing that because I do the gratitude scripting in the morning. so So do both. and do both Do both. Your success at the beginning was you did everything. You didn't pick and choose. You just did it all and then yeah there's there's There's power in that, right? Like your your brand is very strong right now and you get you get good traction and engagement, but people got to work with you. they They need to feel your certainty.
00:35:29
Speaker
If you're like, eh, like I was there. And the reason I was there was I've had a lot of success. I'm tired and burnout. So in my head, it was screw you off.
00:35:40
Speaker
You know what i mean? I didn't say those words, but that was the vibe. It was like, yeah like I didn't want to do breakthrough calls and I love breakthrough calls. And when I started to notice that I did not want to go on a call to help somebody, I'm like, whoa, something's wrong here, man.
00:35:54
Speaker
This is not good. is not who I want to be and the world, right? Be complacent and cavalier about a person's life. you you you know um So that's my that's my advice. So try to try to try to plunge at least at least in your leg just past the knee.
00:36:10
Speaker
Try that for a minute a day. It'll be uncomfortable. Try it for a week. Let's see if that'll get you and then do your gratitudes. That's my, that's my advice. Okay. All right. I can do those. Yeah.
00:36:20
Speaker
Yeah. Yeah. And every day ask this question, write this question down.
The Fulfillment of Aligning Passion with Identity
00:36:25
Speaker
What can I do today to get out of my comfort zone and take action on one thing? What can I do today to get out of my comfort zone?
00:36:32
Speaker
Yeah. Yeah. All right. So, so Paul, um, Let's circle back and wrap up this conversation with um the importance of tying your purpose to your personal thought leader brand, irrespective of whether it's about business or money, why that as a man will make you feel more fulfilled and better about life.
00:37:00
Speaker
So give me your final thoughts on why that's important to you and why it ought to be important to the men listening today. You know, i now that I think about it and thinking about my friend who says I'm a drummer, right? When you say i i am anything, you're basically tying something in with your identity. It's who you are as a person.
00:37:21
Speaker
And so if you can tie your passion in with your with your brand, with your identity, It's something that's something that's you'll be more motivated and have that discipline to to follow through on because it's, it's a part of who you are, you know? And when we identify with something, i mean, we'll fight tooth and nail to protect it.
00:37:43
Speaker
And that's, and that's a feature. That's not a bug. So I think if you can, if you can get to that place where you're, you develop this as your identity,
00:37:55
Speaker
you'll be that much more successful. So, you know, in the world of marketing, they speak about a brand identity, right? i think that your identity and your purpose um really should be symbiotically interconnected.
00:38:15
Speaker
And as a man, that will make you feel most authentically you. This has been a great conversation. Went in a different direction than I thought it would, but I- Yeah, it turned into a coaching call. It did.
00:38:28
Speaker
I actually think that would be valuable for men, but- No, it would be good, yeah. You know, um Glasser choice theory says that if there's something you need to learn yourself, the best way to learn it is to teach it to another.
00:38:42
Speaker
yeah You know, um it's far more impactful- to teach it to another than it is to read about it. And i I'm a big believer in reading, as you know. I mean, I got a ton out of reading your books.
00:38:56
Speaker
um But if you bring this to a man, what he needs to do is create his own identity, his own brand identity, and tie that into his purpose.
00:39:12
Speaker
Because if who you who you are and what you stand for are the same, you're gonna live a fulfilled life. If they're not, you're not. So your friend who said, I'm a drummer and what I do for a living is, you know, just pays the bills, that guy gets it.
00:39:29
Speaker
That guy gets it. um I'm actually very impressed with him. And I think it's powerful that you remembered that and you shared that with us because that made the whole episode as far as I'm concerned. Well, yeah. I mean, when he said that to me, it was it it was something that ah I had never heard anyone else say before.
00:39:47
Speaker
you know Almost everybody attributes who they are and what they do with what they do for a living. And sure I mean, he he made some side gig money with it, but that's not what he did for a living. It's what his passion was though. And so – Yeah, it always stuck with me.
00:40:02
Speaker
Paul Bowerman, you are a great guest. And each of our episodes has been valuable in a different way in its own right. And this was obviously no exception.
00:40:13
Speaker
And I honestly believe that we should have ah similar conversation on my Thought Leader podcast about purpose, brand, ah and how We'll talk about how to monetize that over there because that's what that show's about.
00:40:29
Speaker
But it's a very interesting conversation, don't you think? And it really made it made me think. I don't know if it made you think to the same extent that it made me think, but it really made me think. No, it really made me think because I've never had a discussion about this type of thing before with anybody. So when you were like, this is what we're talking about today, I was like, okay, like ah I'll give it a shot. I don't know um know what will come out of my mouth, but we'll see.
00:40:54
Speaker
Look, we can talk about attraction dynamics to the cows come home. I find it to be a fascinating subject. and I'll probably have you back on to talk about that. You're the best in the world at it, ah in my opinion, because you cut to the heart of the matter.
00:41:07
Speaker
But you've also done something pretty unique with your own brand and with your purpose. And I wanted to mind your thinking around that because I learned as much from you as you learned from me.
00:41:21
Speaker
You know, you you said this turned into a coaching session for you. That's true. But in a way, it was a coaching session for me, too, because what you said about your friend who said, I'm a drummer, but, you know, IT is just how I pay the bills.
00:41:36
Speaker
That was very powerful for me. That was a good learning. And I'm very glad that I heard that from you. I learned something that I'm going to apply ah to the coaching I do with all my clients. So you're probably going to hear me talk about this in an upcoming meeting. Right.
00:41:51
Speaker
Good. All right. Yeah, I i think so. You you know, and i'm I'm thinking about a couple of the folks in our group, right? Like um ah the Renaissance man, Michael Osterlink, who does all those different things. And I i want to run this by him and and I want him to go, okay, so what do you do, Michael?
00:42:11
Speaker
What do you do? Let's see if he can answer that. That'd be good because he does a lot of different things. He sure as hell does. And he's really smart. He's one of the smartest people I've ever met in my life. And I've met a lot of very smart people.
00:42:24
Speaker
Yeah. i mean I think this sort of thing is good because it makes everybody think. Now, we have exercises we do inside the thought leader work that we do to help people ah get clear on their positioning in the marketplace, professionally speaking.
00:42:40
Speaker
But I think what your friend was talking about, I'm a drummer, is it is about way more than his professional experience. persona in the marketplace.
00:42:52
Speaker
It's about what is is at the core of a soul. and I'll tell you, if you can have something that's at the core of your soul and you can turn that into your day-to-day profession, I think you're one of the wealthiest men on the planet.
00:43:07
Speaker
Yeah. It's so what they say. If you do what you you love to do, then you're you're not working, right? it's you You don't work a day in your life or whatever the actual phrase is. Yeah. Yeah.
00:43:18
Speaker
Yeah. It's very good It's very very good. Anyways, like i said, I learned a ton. Thanks for coming on the show. Let's do this again on the other podcast. And God bless you, brother. Yeah, thanks, Nicky. I appreciate it.
00:43:30
Speaker
Yeah, you bet.
00:43:33
Speaker
Thank you for listening to the Sovereign Man podcast. If you're ready to take charge of your life and become the man you've always wanted to be, we invite you to join the movement at sovereignman.ca.